When I can't draw anything else I know I can always draw in the Betty Boop style 🥲 always there when I need her!

“Im drained...im unmotivated...im tired...im done. So many hurtful things have been said to me by the ones who were supposed to care for me...i still rememeber it, and some of it still goes on. Why do I remember the things that hurt me...?”

“Wear some makeup maybe that’ll make it better” -because i wouldnt smile for a picture i didnt wanna be in

“She’s a grown woman she knows what she’s doing”- my great grabdmother & mom when i got mad about my siblings (1-2 and 6-7 years old) being out without me and with my grandma who hasnt had a baby in over a decade

“You need to stop dressing that way”- my great grandma when i showed up to my her house in an oversized sweater

“Your too young”- my mom when i told her i wanted a binder and that i was a boy at 11-12 years old

“ive always wanted a boy”- my mom. Then she got what she wanted and started being ‘better’ as if she couldn’t do that with her 1st 2 kids

“Yeah mhm, or girl what?😒”-my mom, dismissing me whenever i try to tell her something im happy about

“You need to start talking to your grandparents”- my mom everytime i ask her for something, now im scared to ask since everything i ask for is “too much” even though she buys herself stuff everyday

“Ill talk to him”- my mom whenever me and my dad get into our fights...it never gets better and she never talks to him and always takes his side

“Shut the fuck up”- my dad whenever i try to explain something to him even if it’s not that serious(its never that serious)

“Stop being selfish”- my dad whenever i say no to my siblings using my stuff that is strictly MINE and that i dont have to share if i dont want to

“Watch your brother” my dad almost all the time everyday and they’ll just be lying around doing nothing with the excuse of ‘i work i need a break’ you dont need a break all damn week while i have to go to school and handle your wild 3 year old while your in your mid 30s

“Sounds like a personal problem” my mom whenever i tell her that I genuinely can't handle my siblings and am on the verge of snapping (violently)

“Maybe if you had a bedtime then yknow...i dont wanna have to say it”- my mom around her friend talking about my low grade in a class and thinking its bc of electronics when in reality my mental health is in hell and ive been crying more than usual and i dont have the motivation to keep pushing on anymore, but she thinks im up at 12:30 bc of a phone...

“Congratulations”- my mom when i show her my all As. But won’t be as nice and be a bit irritated that i got a low C in something she knows I struggle in

“I'm so proud of you”- my dad hugging me for the straight As. He doesnt hug me ever and he never says those words to me. Not even when its a minor accomplishment

“Has your father ever told you he loves you?” my mom years ago in a random parking lot that got me realizing last week that he never says he loves me willingly, he has to be forced

“I'm obligated to be there” my grandfather after getting married and never calling us to see how we are

“Your ___ eye is bigger than your ___” my friend. I always liked my eyes growing up...not anymore

“She ugly as hell” my 9th grade classmate he just says it whenever he can. I dont even have to be talking to him

It’s getting worse day by day...nothing i do is enough...im tired..

admin zjay

......sigh

Miyuki x reader who is a martial artist and has a problem about motivating herself? Like she wants to stop training and just live a life where she can just slack but he encourages her not to stop? thank youuu 😄

ah. ik those ones, maybe not with martial arts but with everything else. but as long as we all survive the day, i think that’s what matters the most. im so proud of you guys <3 anyways, here you go !

warnings: slight angst if you squint super hard

miyuki kazuya x reader

back on your feet, right by your side

you didn’t know what it was; fatigue? lack of motivation? just a bad day? you just weren’t feeling it lately with the sport you loved the most. you’ve already skipped multiple practices, making excuses every single time until you ran out, and now you’re dragging your feet to the door in a slump. when you opened your door, miyuki was already standing there, preparing to knock.

“what’s up with you?” he eyed, scanning your figure. “you look like a zombie.”

you scrunched your face at him and sighed, closing the door behind you. “i really don’t wanna go to practice.”

“but haven’t you skipped already?” he asked, “what’s wrong?”

you shrugged, dragging your feet across the pavement, as if you were forcing some life into your bones. “i just want to stay home and do absolutely nothing. i want to eat, watch my shows, sleep and repeat. i want to be a complete bum. i don’t have that motivation anymore.”

because although you really did love martial arts, your body has completely worn out.

miyuki chuckled softly at your complains, shaking his head. “don’t be silly, y/n. you can’t stop even if you tried.”

“but it’s true! i just want to laze around. i’m so tired, and it’s just getting harder and harder to even show up.” you frowned. you dropped your bags and fell into your hands, signing over and over again like a broken record player. “maybe i should just quit.”

in mere seconds, miyuki’s face came close to yours which made you take a step back out of surprise. his face was serious, his eyes dark and his expression in concentration. you stared at him for a bit, waiting for some sort of joke he was going to poke at you, but all that came was his pursed lips.

“is that really what you want to do?”

the air was tense; maybe telling your boyfriend how unmotivated you were was a mistake— your passion for martial arts could not live up to his passion for baseball, and so what if he thought you were pathetic? stupid? or childish?

deep down you knew you wanted to continue, you really did, but you just couldn’t push yourself. you avoided miyuki’s gaze and looked down, feeling ashamed. suddenly, a weight was placed on your head, ruffling your hair a bit too hard.

“kazuya, that hurts!” you hiss, grabbing his wrist. he smirked as you looked into his eyes, “finally got you to look.”

he continued, “take a couple days off, maybe even a couple months. but don’t you dare quit on it, unless you really don’t want to continue. i’ll support you in whatever you do, but i’m not letting you give up just because you’re ‘not feeling it.’” he pulled you into a hug, not caring who passed by and stared. “even when it’s hard to keep going, i promise i’ll stay by your side to help you.”

you softly teared up in his sweater, your body finally relaxing into his touch. you were just so thankful that he understood you the most. because the truth is, not only was he your life, but martial arts was something that meant a lot to you too. as long as he was beside you, you weren’t going to quit on anything.

“fine, you win this time, kazuya.”

-

i hope this was okay for you love! if you ever feel in a slump, take some time off then get back on your feet! <3 at your own pace

*＊✿❀reblogs and likes are appreciated❀✿＊*

“ My Reiki and Yoga New Free Soul Brother - Once an abuser manipulative thieve , money driven leach “

Well thats a big tittle to describe one person entirely. So my ( midle ) brother across my kid years and then teenager developing to adult, my brother was an interesting person. For example, in school my brother would pretend he didnt know me , and if i even dared to aproach him he would shame me in front of everyone, even thought they already knew i was his sister, i was bullied a lot in school so at the start i tried a few times reaching out to him , specially because i didnt have any friends and id always be alone. This motherfucker who was already a teenager completly dismissed me , BUT would actually seek me out or talk to me when he needed lunch money because he already “ spent his”, funny enough hed get mine to eat coz he didnt wanna use his, and if i didnt gave him even though i hadnt eaten , he would guilty me badly , and being the kid that i was , my brother was everything to me , even tho he didnt gave a shit about me.

So in consequence i started drawing a distance line between me and him, at home id start to distance myself and ignore him. And he started getting like a really attention whore, hed always annoye me , and force me to hangout, and i didnt he would threaten me or do some shit at the house and blame me for it , because my mother at the tinniest shit at home would beat the crap out of me , so me being the little kid that i was tired of getting beatings for no random reason , id play along. My brother would literally antagonzie me and scare the shit out of me while so. Everytime my family went anywhere , for example the beach, id try to go to the water alone for some peace this motherfucker would sneak behind me and try to drown me as a joke , like every 5 minutes, id yell in panic and my mom wouldnt do shit, eventually id end up actually chocking on water and  hit my head on the sand and cry the rest of the time. So yeah FUN ! Did my mom do anything ? ofc no , “ hes just playing around “. I had BD collections that id buy with my lunch money that sometimes id save up, disney movie cassettes and so on. Sometimes id have snacks in my room to eat when studying or something. My brother, being a full grown ass teenager that he was , would steal everything without me even catching a glimpse of it. My brother would “ borrow “ things without asking then hide them because he wanted. I had two final fantasy collectible caracters that i spent my leftover bday money on, and my brother would take it as his own. Yes because whatever birthday money i got wether it be 50 euros or even 20 from my grandma or aunt, my mom would take it “ borrowed” for herself with no justification, shed always say “ Ah lend me i need it  / or / I always buy you clothes and everythings, i buy you food , you owe me this , thats the minimum you could do / “ or / she would just take it without me knowing , she would inspect my bday gifts and take it before hand , the problem is that my grandma or aunt would always after if i was gonna save it up and id ask what and they would question what i did with the money and i would ask what money and blah blah , you get where this is going.

OH and if i didnt give my money the money she would beat me up ! wich is funny asf. My brother literally sold all my things behind my back, my original BDS, MY FUCKING POISON IVY STORYLINE BD, my disney cassetes , my collectibles, and my snacks he would steal and eat. If i had saved up money hidden, first he would try to borrow it and guilty me with the “ im such a good brother to you , you cant even lend me money ? i will pay you back, trust me “ ... ofc he never payed me back , but every two weeks he woul do this shit. And if i by any chance didnt gave him , hed just steal, or sell my things, wich regardless of me lending him , he would do it anyway. Fast forward to my early teenage years, i had to start working , i quit school because we entered that internet deth with my moms company, wich my brother also contributed to but let the blame to me ofc, i was already the punch bag of the family what is one more thing. My brothers were always my moms “ babies “ even tho one was already a full grown ass man and the other was already on his way. My brother did nothing at home , didnt take the dog outside, didnt take out the trash, didnt make food, didnt wash the dishes, didnt clean the house, basicly sit on his ass all day playing video games and eating, and selling my shit for money. My brother was unemployed for 3/4 years in between those i studied and worked at the same time , and did all the house chores, even if i had to walk the dog as 2/3 am after work i would have to, even tho my brother was in bed all day. My mom would literally yell at me and make my life a living hell and threaten to hit me if i didnt do it or even dared to complain. I would get home trying to study , trying to recorver at school ,and she would yell non stop until i didn every house chore, wich i would only manage to finish at midnight or later, and then id be too tired and unmotivated to do anything so id just sleep, and id always get late to class thanks to that. When my brothers started working, it was at my dads wearehouse, where i was forced to work too. Id work 8 to 10 hours , sometimes more, because we got payed by publicity stock packs, each pack was worth 1 euro, wich also 1 pack took 1 hour and 15/20 minutes to make. So if i wanted to make the day worth anything i had to rush , no eating breaks or pee breakes. My hands at the end of the day would literally be filled with newspaper and printed paper ink and dirk, and tons of cuts and sores , that would be leeched in paper ink, wich make it hurt even more at the end of the day, and was really hard to take it out. My brother would take breaks every 30 minutes to smoke , be on his phone or even go to bathroom or eat randomly, i wouldnt stop the 8 hours straight, and when i actually had to go to the bathroom or eat something because id get sick, my brother literally stole packs from me, or try to “ negociate my help for X “, the thing about my brother is that hed always try to negociate something , ofc it was always entangled for his own benefit and not both.

So it was like this my brother came up to me all excited and say “ oh if you do this to help me , ill split the profit that way we will make more and will be less exausting “ stupid like i was id always give in, specially because if i didnt  hed steal anyway.... Hed always change his methods and works, and guilty me if i didnt do it, so id always have to do so. If i didnt hed just change the pack registration list either way, without me even seeing it, and fake my signature, i only found out we had to sign an official paper a few months later when my dad asked, before that my brother would always tell me to note them on my phone then send the numbers by the end of the week, and since he was the bosses son , every one backed up that story ofc.  Eventually when i started to get older , i cut ties with my brothers and dad. And my ( midle ) brother was constantly trying to reach out and play nice and shit , also he was still working at the wearhouse . Anyway , fast forward when i got unemployed after the 5 star hotel due to rape attent and shit like that, i was unemplyoyed for 4 moths?! My brother tried to reach out , and even came home before my mother to try and persuade me to enter one of his schemes, i explained to my brother that i didnt have any money and that i wouldnt believe anymore of his stupid schemes and blah blah. He swore he was only trying to make up to me , and the plan was , i would pretend to work at my dads  wearehouse, but i would just be there 2 times a week and he would give me a cut of the protfit, coz if he didnt want my dad to hire some random slow guy, so he set up to do a two persons work, and give me 30 % of the monthy rate and all i had to do is show up a few times for my dad to see i was there, and then go home. That motherfucker insisted for 3 days straight promissing it wasnt a scheme and that he was serious this time. OBVIOUSLY THAT DIDNT HAPPEN OBVIOUSLY- with the last 10 euros i had, i bought train tickers to the wearhouse, the first week he actually stick to his word, a few days later the shit started, he actualy forced me to deliver shit and stuff. Wich for me was really difficult because its when i started to develop hernias, and the pain was too overwhealming, and that fucker didnt care and still forced me to, eventually i told him i was out , and found out he still used my name in his shit plan  and pretended i was still working there to my dad for two whole months , and then begged me to lie to my dad on the phone, hed literally call me before my dad trying to get me to lie, and promissing the money, and hed ask my mom to pressure my to help him. What could i do??!! what happend after you may ask? did my brother gave me the money? OFC NO ! NO! He gave me 115 euros of the cut , and he made 996 euros to himself. And told me it was only for the days “ i actually worked “  NEVER IN MY LIFE  I VERBALLY EVER SAID TO ANYONE , FAMILY OR NOT  “ I hope you die, you are shit , you are nothing to me , seriously i hope you die “ and acually meant it and wished it. For the first time in my life i actually wished so hard for my brother to just die. I was done, i was officialy done , i had never been so done with someone. I was officialy done with my family. I blocked my dad on everything, i told my dad to fuck off. I told my older brother to fuck off. I told my middle brother to go die. And the last person was my dying grandma who was a snob ass piece of shit who only gave a shit about me when i was a little girl ( because its only cute when they r kids  ), to stop trying to call me and told her to just go and die. She literally sent me a voice message of 5 minutes crying beggin me to see her, and i just told her to go and die, its not because she is dying that is gonna erase the fact that she didnt gave a shit about me after i actually grown. And the fact that i did this apparently scared the shit out my dad and brothes, specially because i did it so naturally. AND TO THIS DAY I DONT REGRET WHAT I SAID AND I STILL DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HER. OH AND PLOT TWIST SHES NOT DEAD NOR WAS SHE DYING, LAST YEAR SHE TRIED TO SCHEME MONEY OUT OF MY MOM, AND BEFORE THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS TREAT MY MOM LIKE SHIT AN CALL HER NAMES, FUNNY ! Now they try to sneak into my life really AGAIN ... ffs Since the end of last year, apparently my brother turned into reiki and yoga and shit and is now driving a motivational fuck page for people who wanna “ grow spiritually and open the third eye “ and is trying to reconnect with me again, obviously i cut him off before he could even talk to me. So he spent 3 months or so , coming here and trying, and since he didnt get anything since january and february hes trying to manipulate me behind my mother, my mother is venting to my brother about me being closed off to them , and my brother is DIAGNOSING ME AS A PROBLEM, BECAUSE HE IS SO WISE AND ENLIGHTED... WTF??? diagnosing me??? ur not a fucking therapist you asshole ! The other day i heard him tell my mother in the living room , that “ SHE CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ITS VERY TOXIC FOR HER, SHE HAS TO TALK TO YOU AND BE A BETTER SISTER AND DAUGHTER SHE NEEDS TO BLAH BLAH YOU NEED TO KICK HER OUT IF SHE IS LIVING OFF YOU  “ WHAT THE FUCK?? im living off my mother?? the woman that forced me to give her more than half of my paycheck, thats doesnt give me privacy or respect and that literally threatned me if i ever tried to leave that she would chase me down???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR SEND ME TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL????!!!! ... My older brother is doing the same, keeps trying to get me to go visit his kid, and to meet his kid, keeps trying to get my mother to see pictures of the kid or to call them. They keep trying to guilty me “ oh you cant take it out on the kid, its not the kids fault , he needs to know his aunt, you are his family “ BITCH FAMILY?????? FAMILY??? family doesnt mean shit. Yesterday even sent photos of his kid trought a new number LOL. I actually did went to the kids birthday, first time a few months ago, and guess what , my brother still the NO ONE ASKED- OPINIONATED asshole he was about my whole life, he literally takes one glimpse of me and judges my whole life and starts yelling shit at me ...ofc thats not gonna happend again. People dont change. People. dont. change. PEOPLE DONT CHANGE ! BITCH ?? WHAT? WHO THE FCK?? HOW THE FUCK??? In conclusion my brother is still the same piece of shit he was , and now even more narcisistic, and manipulative, he cant get what he wants from me , so now hes resourting to my mother again. I NEED TO LEAVE THIS HOUSE, I NEED TO LEAVE THIS FAMILY OMFG. Funny enough he does this shit then tries to get me to go to his house to celebrate his birthday because he “ MISSES ME AND THE OLD DAYS” ???? OLD DAYS OF YOU MENTALY ABUSING ME ? NOT TO MENTION THAT YOU ALMOST BROKE MY ARM BECAUSE I WOULDNT LEND YOU MY COMPUTER 3 YEARS AGO????? my mom literally told him we were gonna go there without even asking me if i wanted or even if i was gonna go. LOL, shes trying to emotionally manipulate me with older pictures of me and him , and games we would play together LOL. OMFG PLEASE SOME ONE, I DONT EVEN KNOW I NEED TO DIE OMFG... I CANT TAKE THIS FAMILY ANYMORE.

zeen out of curiosity can u ship ur mutuals with sb?

hihi!!! omg i’ve always wanted to do this so im rlly happy someone finally asked🤧🤧💖 im gonna put this under ‘read more’ bc i have a lot to say!! pls enjoy :’)

((i want to apologize in advance bc i have the sweetest mutuals ever and im gonna be writing a lot for each of them bc i love all of you guys!! sm!!😚))

hyunsuk

firstly, im gonna ship hyunsuk with @forhyunsuk (courtney ilu💞)!!! when i think of the two of you, i think of really cute and spontaneous dates in the summer :’)) like getting ice cream and going to the beach!!! maybe burying him all the way in the sand and then running away jsdiojs. i also imagine you two doing this cute thing where you go to clothing stores and pick out the randomest, most CRINGEY items you can find LMAO, and then you make each other do little fashion shows???? long story short: u have him wearing a bright yellow romper and a trench coat…and he has u wearing weed socks with overalls and a sombrero??? WILD🤪🤪 but ya’ll are the cutest!!! and at the end u take rlly sweet selfies and cuddle at home :’)) sweet bbys!!!

i also wanna ship hyunsuk with my love, sim ( @hyunsukmyass ) !!! i feel like you guys would travel together uwu🤧💘??? i think of the sweetest domestic life, and there’s nothing more beautiful than exploring the world with the person you love?? i see you guys sitting together on planes and you always!! have your head on his shoulder, and he’s holding your hands, caressing it gently, and kissing it softly when you take off :’)) sometimes he’d just slump over into your seat and you’d wrap your arms around him!! he’s not asleep, he just wants a piece of you sim sdijsojf💖💖💖 he takes LOTS of photos of you while you’re sleeping omygod!!!! and they go all over instagram…. uwu u guys are the cutest couple ever!!! (w/ the best ig feeds ever DAMN) 

lastly i ship hyunsuk with lika, @moonxlika (world’s cutest person uwu😚)!! lika, you guys are so that adorable couple that joke around with each other like crazy, but when things are serious, u always have each other’s backs!!! if u come home after a long day, and ur upset or really tired, suk is ready to FIGHT SOMEONE FOR YOU😤😤💪 (bc he wants his baby to be happy always :’) but once u explain to him that it’s just a bad day, and there’s no one to fight, he immediately takes u into his arms and u guys eat every snack the convenience store has to offer, along with every cheesy movie u guys can find on netflix!! (maybe u guys are doing other things more than watching the movie but that’s none of my business🍵🍵🍵) also i mean kissing jiofsj nobody come for me pls im fragile

seunghun

@seunghunn my angel maddi !!!!💕💕💕 it’s no surprise that i ship you with seunghun!!! you guys are definitely the sweetest couple on this entire planet, and i think you guys would have the randomest, but MOST FUN, dates ever??? like seunghun would randomly pull up at ur house 2pm on a saturday (he didn’t even tell u tf??) he calls you, and when u look outside, he’s waving at you like crazy!!! and he’s smiling SO HARD!!! and ur just staring at him like ‘:ooo ????’  u kinda wanna go back home and change bc ur wearing sweats, but he looks so cYUTE and excited, you just jump into the car uwu❣️❣️❣️ and that’s when ur adventure begins :’))) he takes u to a finger painting place??? u guys promise ur going to draw each other omg; u decide to be a lil playful and paint him kinda funny looking, and long story short, he chases u around the place and threatens to rub his paint hands on ur face🤧 he gets somehow manages to get some on ur lips??? it’s ok bc he kisses it off uwu!!!! maybe call poison control???

next i ship seunghun with the lovely vale @seunghunies 💘💘💘 vale omg you and seunghun,,, literally the cutest concept ever :’)))) i feel like the two of you would love to venture out into town casually?? like he’d pick you up after school and you’d drive into the city!!! and believe me, the two of you look so in love, people would be staring in awe left and right🤧🤧 when hun sees the tip of your nose getting red, he takes his scarf off and wraps it tightly around u!!! and then he kisses ur nose for good measure uwu :’))) !!! when it gets darker, he’d drive a little bit toward the hills, and you would cuddle against each other and watch the stars… u guys would talk about everything!!! when u go off on lil rants abt ur day, he’s just staring at u like 😻😻😻 oh he’s so in love with u!!!!!!

and ofc i wanna ship seunghun with the beautiful @kimseunghoney 💛💛💛 christina when i think of you and seunghun, i think of adorable morning dates!!! i can see you and hun starting off ur days together at a cozy little breakfast place, and the whole time, he’s just giggling and staring at u with the fattest heart eyes!!! i think seunghun would buy u things spontaneously?? like ‘here’s a bouquet of flowers bby, i saw them and thought of you’ or ‘here’s a sweet treat for my sweet girl✨’!!!! uwu uwu uwu, you two are really just the cutest!!! sometimes, in the morning, if he has to leave before you, he’ll leave a sweet love note on the bathroom mirror. not that you’d ever forget how much he loves u, bc trust me, he says it everyday!!! but he just wants u to smile :’) he loves u sm💖

byounggon

@byoungggon ess, my angel, i obviously ship you with gon!!!💫💕 i see u guys as the adorable couple that literally everybody can’t help but fall in love with??? like you will wear gon’s oversized grey hoodies, and his camera roll will be filled to the brim with photos of you!!! anyone from miles away would be able to tell that u two are so in love with each other??? and if it isn’t obvious enough, this boy shows up to every single music performance u have, with a beautiful bouquet of red roses, the widest smile, and the LOUDEST WHISTLE IN THE WORLD!!!! hes always in the front, and he’s always cheering the loudest bc he’s so proud of his bby uwu🤧 u guys are the sweetest couple ever!!!

@speckofglitter tiyi i would ship you with byounggon too!!!!💞💞💞u can’t tell me y’all wouldn’t be the chillest couple that hangs out at parties, and y’all look so sweet talking to each other, everyone’s kinda just gawking at u!!!! also, driving in the car and listening to music??? THAT’S KARAOKE TIME!!!! ppl driving past might look at you guys like 👀 but y’all don’t even care!!! you’re too busy screaming lyrics at the tops of your lungs and laughing together omg :’))) why are you two so cute omygod…

@hynusuk taryn we don’t talk that much but I know you and gon would be the best couple ever❣️❣️❣️ i can totally see him sending you lyrics to his next song late at night, and his heart is beating so fast because he just loves you so much!!! and you’re melting bc the lyrics are about you, and they’re the most beautiful things you’ve ever read :’))) I feel like he’d make you mixtapes!!! and whenever ur feeling down, you guys would take spontaneous trips around the city and maybe makeout a lil hehe😚😚!! cuties

yedam

@yeetdam dara my angel!!! i ship you the human emobident of sunshine, yedam😚✨✨because he’s such a smart bby, and so are you, I can see you guys studying together before a big exam :’))) perhaps ur a liiiiiittle unmotivated so yedam makes a deal with you 👉🏼👈🏼!!! if u study with him for a couple hours without any distractions, he will sing you to sleep for every question you get right :’)))) and bby!!! u get all those questions right, so you are SET❣️❣️❣️ the night before your exam, yedam cuddles you in his arms, and sings you the sweetest lullaby you’ve ever heart uwu!! and the next day, when your exam is finished, he gives u the sweetest kiss😭😭 and then u guys race to the nearest icecream shop and eat icecream until u drop!!!!

@yedarnit how could i not ship you with yedam???? that would be blasphemous jskssk🤧 you guys are SO that dreamy smart high school couple that everyone loves, not only because they’re incredibly ADORABLE, but also bc you two are so mature and down to earth???💕💕💕 i can see you and yedam cramming for tests at the school library, and you guys do that so often, perhaps the librarian is ur #1 fan??? she is the biggest micro and yedam supporter omygod💘💘💘 sometimes the two of you fall asleep, and you’ll rest your head on yedam‘s shoulder while he has his arm around you!!! and she is MELTING at the sight of y’all!!! ofc, she snaps a couple pics, and when u guys wake up, she shows them to guys!! tbh, y’all are kinda melting too???? damn cute!!!

doyoung

  @doyeongs j, you and doyoung are the most angelic couple ive ever seen???💗💗💗 i think you two are the resident sweethearts at your highschool, and literally everyone, including the teachers LOL, is in love with ur relationship!!! I can imagine doyoung making jokes under his breath in class to make you laugh, and you can’t help but burst out laughing every time!!! most of the time, ur teacher thinks u guys are so sweet, she doesn’t even get mad :’))) i also see doyoung walking you home❣️you guys basically just gush abt ur days, and talk abt how much u miss each other :’))) maybe when he notices you shivering, he hands you his jacket, and maybe when he sees the blush on ur cheeks, he leans in to kiss it uwu!!!!

@sonjuyeonnie lydia i ship you with doyoung too!!!💝💝💝 the purest couple ever :’))) i think you and doyoung would spend a lot of time together during school; and he’s always getting in trouble bc he does dumb things to make you laugh (all in good fun ofc!!! nothing bad). i can see doyoung teasing and playing with you!!! like sometimes he’ll just kneel down in front of you and be like “hop on😎”!!! and then he piggy backs you the whole way home and you’re just giggling the whole time :’))) cutest bbys!!!

junkyu

miss haejin @junkyuity …. u KNOW u and kyu are my one and only😞💝💝💝 me, you, kyu, and gon are richmond gang :’))) the strongest group out there uwu!!!! I could talk abt you and kyu for days BUT, one thing i rlly always think about is how u two go on the sweetest, most casual dates!!! like to a cute lil convenience store somewhere omg :’))) u two would share a strawberry milk with one straw, and maybe have some instant ramen if ur hungry, or other snacks!!! perhaps he’d steal a couple of ur snacks when u aren’t looking, but tbh, you aren’t that mad??? bc the second you raise an eyebrow at him, and ur like, ‘hmmm🤔🤔🤔… didn’t i have more pocky???”, he immediately bombards you with the sweetest kiss!!!!💕💕💕 and let’s just say,,, it’s so heart fluttering, u forget everything??? yeah… u guys are the cutest💘💘

tagged by @wormbebe thank you martha ily <3 

last:

drink: water!! gotta stay hydrated 

phone call: the twin 

text message: ‘what’ jhddsjhjhsh

song you listened to: newton!! im still in my mx honeymoon phase so im always listening to their albums on shuffle 

time you cried: during ss7 :(( my kings were like. right. in front of me so ofc i cried 

have you ever:

dated someone twice: “i havent even dated anyone once” meredith SAME 

been cheated on: not applicable lmao 

kissed someone and regretted it: NA!! 

lost someone special: no? i mean some people have drifted away or moved but. i havent lost them

been depressed: yes

been drunk and thrown up: no but yesterday i drank a whole bottle of cider and then fell asleep for 45 minutes so 

in the past year have you:

made a new friend: yeah!! aside from the wonderful people ive met on tumblr ive also had to make friends @ my new school so.  

fallen out of love: i was never really in love but. i think i got over someone who id been infatuated with for 4 years so. 

laughed until you cried: all the time!! but also i clearly remember sobbing while laughing bc my friend used the mcdonalds paper bag as tissue instead of the tissue inside the bag  

met someone who changed you: a girl i used to have a crush on? she really taught me to be a more polite and kinder person, i still adore her but we’re just really really really good friends now  

found out who your true friends are: i guess! not that serious though 

found out someone was talking about you: i think so? i think i confronted that person HUHEWUSDIUE im so sensitive 

general:

how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: like 3-4 including the twin  

do you have any pets?: nope, im terrified of animals?? but i used to have a hamster. also 12 cats. 

do you want to change your name?: i think im just still getting used to the name james,, i love it when people call me that snurehisns or any variation of it 

what time did you wake up this morning: 6.10 :-( fuck school tbh 

what were you doing last night: mentally preparing for the 2nd!!! round of orientation like wtf you only need one. 

name something you cannot wait for: getting into my new class for school? ill be with the class for 2 years so im excited!! also IM SUPER EXCITED TO MEET MX IN MARCH 

have you ever talked to a person named tom?: never

what’s getting on your nerves right now: nothing, im p chill right now 

blood type: bee positive!! 

nickname: some of my friends call me jam?? i cant say the rest of my nicknames bc they’re based off my deadname :(( 

relationship status: never dated :(

zodiac sign: pisces id list the whole chart but i m so lazy  

pronouns: he/him

favorite show: the good place?? 

college: im in junior college if that counts

hair color: black!! super black 

do you have a crush on someone: i did but i literally got over it like today so HAHAHA 

what do you like about yourself: im full of love and i put in effort into my relationships!! 

firsts:

first surgery: none

first piercing: none but hopefully soon  

first sport you joined: table tennis?  

first vacation: i think i went to either thailand or malaysia 

first pair of sneakers: idk anything abt shoes. i just put my feet into whatever i see and leave 

right now:

eating: nothing? i just finished lunch tho and its 5pm  

drinking: nothing

i’m about to: rest,, school is tiring  

listening to: nothing!! cant casually listen to things while i do nothing

want kids: nope too much responsibility 

get married: maybe!! 

career: i wanna be a journalist? i think 

which is better:

lips or eyes: BOTH definitely

hugs or kisses: i LOVE hugs the people are always taller than me and i just bury myself into them esp the people that have boobs so its like cushioning 

shorter or taller: this is not really an option theres basically no one shorter than me so taller!! also i had a crush on a boy for 2 seconds just bc he was 183 and towered over me 

older or younger: older or my age but def not younger!!  

romantic or spontaneous: idk if these 2 are mutually exclusive,, but i can rarely do things spontaneously 

sensitive or loud: what if im both!! im a loud sensitive asshole what u gonna do abt it 

hookup or relationship: relationship!! 

troublemaker or hesitant: somewhere in the middle HAHA depends on who else will get in trouble with me 

have you ever:

kissed a stranger: nope, never kissed anyone 

drank hard liquor: i dont think so HAHA i don tdrink that much  

lost contacts/glasses: nope i dont lose my glasses bc theyre always in my bag i literally never wear them and no one knows i have to  

sex on first date: no!!!!!!! 

broken someone’s heart: how could i HAHA  

been arrested: oh god no but ive had a bunch of nightamres abt being in jail

turned someone down: all the time HAHA but in a friend way ofc

fallen for a friend: thats like my entire crushing history,, the person i was infatuated w for 4 years was a friend,, 

do you believe:

in yourself: yes!! but im lazy and unmotivated but i could do it if i tried 

miracles: no 

love at first sight: no!!

i know im boring ;; thank u to anyone who read the whole way HAHA 

tagging @94-hw, @mongaygay and anyone else who wants to do it!! 

What would be a valid thing to submit as evidence for adhd? I feel like my teachers never noticed anything, all it ever says on my report is 'quiet', and im in the uk and you need school reports for diagnosis, and i feel like i wont be taken seriously cos they dont say 'bouncing off the walls' or something

I feel you, nonny. I wasn’t diagnosed until college because I was just “quiet.”

Odds are, if a lot of the symptoms add up enough to make you SUSPECT you have ADHD, you probably have it. But more research is always good!

So like many things, ADHD is a spectrum. The two ends of it are Inattentive to Hyperactive- and then you have people like me, in the middle, with the Combined version. Some people have more Inattentive than Hyperactive, some have more Hyperactive than Inattentive. Everyone who has ADHD experiences the symptoms a little differently.

You can find about six thousand symptoms lists online, but here I’ll tell you things that usually don’t end up on those lists that my therapist told me a lot of her patients ended up experiencing aside from listed symptoms.

(Note: Initially I tried to keep these short. Yeah, that didn’t work. I bolded the important parts.)

1. Insomnia, or at least a super screwy sleep schedule. No joke, this can be super detrimental and will only serve to exacerbate your symptoms. “Just set a sleep schedule!! You’ll feel better!” they all say- Thanks Barbara if I had any control over when my brain chooses to sleep at all I wouldn’t have this issue, ok?

-a solution to this is to, in all actuality, condition yourself. Start ONLY using your bed for sleep. Get a little chair or something in your room if you’re also a hermit like I was growing up (mushroom chairs are gr9) and once you get out of bed, don’t let yourself get back on it for more than a few minutes unless you’re going to sleep.

Some nights it’s not enough, but in general for me personally this has been an actual lifesaver- I can go from being not tired to exhausted at the drop of a hat in normal life anyway (another symptom they don’t usually tell you about) so it’s nice to be able to make it work for me for once- I get into bed, maybe spend 30 minutes restless and then I’m out.

2. On the subject of sleep. You kids ever heard of the sleep of the dead? Because guess what, I have ignored literal fire alarms in dorms because of it. About 1-2 hours into my sleep I enter a state akin to a bear hibernating. I have slept through wake-up alarms, slept through emergency alerts, slept through FIRE alarms, slept though friends and family attempting to wake me… you get the picture.

3. On the note of the hibernating bear. You constantly wake up angry (or at least disgruntled) at the universe and take a really, really long time to power on. No, I’m not talking “a case of the mornings.” I’m talking it takes me until noon some days to actually feel somewhat alert. I’m talking feeling nothing but seething rage at anyone who tries to engage you in higher brain function before you’re fully awake.-the seething rage is more personal to me, but, every single last one of my friends who’s ADHD has issues getting up in the morning. There’s hating mornings, and then there’s hating mornings.

4. About mornings. You’re constantly late to anything in the morning because you just couldn’t “get going.” i.e., you knew and 100% wanted to get up and get moving but your brain said “nah, let’s just sit here on tumblr mobile for a while k?”-it’s very difficult to describe this part of executive dysfunction with words, because it comes off as laziness to a lot of neurotypicals. It’s not laziness. It’s having the motivation and and will and the drive to do something and not forgetting about it and it still doesn’t get done.

“Why didn’t you do x?” they’ll ask. And you just sit there thinking shit, you meant to, really, honest to god meant to, it was on your brain to do and yet all you could actually do that day was sit around and watch terrible TV. And then you feel terrible because YOU think you’re lazy.It’s not laziness. It’s executive dysfunction.

5. Another not so well known EXDYF fact: Mental math or memorization for you will always be the literal bane of your existence. Teachers always told me I was a “smart kid” in school (I am, but not the point) and then they’d wonder why I couldn’t memorize a five line poem.

Or I’d start off with a 60 on a math test, until my teacher would comb through my work by hand (only useful math teacher I ever had in high school tbh) and I’d end up with a 92 because nearly all of my mistakes involved basic arithmetic errors. Even though I was able to use a calculator on the test.

(One time I decided 21-19=14. To this day 8 years later I still do not know from what abyss my brain pulled that info from.)

“You’re smart! Just focus!” I can’t choose what my brain decides to focus on that easily, Sharon, not without a lot of crying and panicking.

6. But wait! You say. I have really obscure information from a fandom that I can infodump on someone at a moment’s notice! Surely that means I’m just Lazy and Unmotivated, right? I guess I just can’t be bothered to memorize the important stuff.

*Loud buzzer noise* Stop right there. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

I will take you by the shoulders and look deep into your eyes and make you realize that guess what? If you have an ADHD brain, you have NO control over telling your brain what is important and what is not. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Your brain decides, and you usually get no say in the matter.

This sounds bad, I know. And in terms of school, birthdays, appointments, it’s terrible. But you’re not helpless. It sounds trite, but, get a good goddamn calendar app on your phone and use the hell out of it for appointments and birthdays. And for school? Find those fandoms and use mnemonics. No, seriously.

7. Also on school: You procrastinate the hell out of everything. And I’m not talking normal “haha I’ll do it later!” procrastination. I’m talking serious, problematic, REPEATED “why the fuck can’t I just do it on time like a normal person” procrastination where you start blaming yourself for not doing it sooner like a neurotypical.

Listen, buddy ol’ pal (or however that goes), you’re not neurotypical. But listen- there’s actually a medical reason why you do this.

So everyone’s brains have reward systems, right? Your brain gives you the feel good when you do something you think you should. And later, a brain remembers that it got the feel good for doing the thingy thing.

In a brain with ADHD, that reward system malfunctions. Sometimes critically. Your brain chucks so much stuff it deems “unnecessary” out the window it chucked out that feel good you got when you turned in that homework on time, or cleaned out your car, or did some pilates for 30 minutes.

8. You want to know what doesn’t help with number 7 there? Another thing that won’t show up on symptom lists but that virtually everyone I know with ADHD (quite a few, actually. Turns out we hang out in packs because we’re usually the only people who can understand each other) about ADHD is how daunting large tasks or projects seem to an ADHDer.

So listen, more medical talk here. Remember that EXDYF thing? Yeah, this is part of that.

EXDYF makes it very, very hard (almost impossible, sometimes) to break down large tasks into smaller, more feasible tasks. You get nervous the longer you put off that paper (“this isn’t something you can spit out overnight!”) You’ve been sitting in front of your computer for hours, and the only word you have written down is “The”.

Honestly, I’m not sure why it’s actually super hard to break down large undertakings into smaller tasks for the ADHD brain. But! Solution.

-if you’re having a problem breaking down ANY sort of task, I promise there’s someone else who’s done it online.

Need to write a paper? Use a template. Need to clean out your car? Find a checklist, or have a friend make you one (cause Lord knows I can’t make one on my own). Need to make a presentation? Find a sample one online. Hell, this even works for taxes. (Gasp!)

Do NOT be afraid to ask for help with even personal large undertakings. If your friends are actually your friends, then they’ll relish the chance. Especially when you can turn around and blaze through a quarter of the important project you two (or however many) have due next week in four hours because of hyperfocus.

9. So, your focus. Totally trash, right? That is, until you hyperfocus.

Hyperfocus, to a neurotypical, probably sounds great. Tune out all distractions and get shit done, right?

Sure, Linda, if you can call being able to ignore things like the need to sleep, eat, and use the bathroom “tuning out distractions.” Time becomes a literal illusion. And damn do you pay for it later by your brain not wanting to do anything at all.

On the flip side, this is why ADHD people make fantastic emergency workers like EMTs and firepeople. If you learn what to do with adrenaline when you start feeling it, you feel like you could punch Satan himself when you’re riding an adrenaline+hyperfocus high. Combine that with the fast-paced, unexpected nature of such jobs and and you have a happy ADHD brain because it’s never bored.

10. Because boredom feels like death. No, Cheryl, I’m not being overdramatic. Yes, Becky, I recognize everyone has to deal with boredom.

A neurotypical’s boredom and an ADHDer’s boredom are two very different levels of boredom. Ever heard the phrase “bored to tears”? Now imagine every time you get even a little bored, it’s like this.

And of course, the ADHD hell brain remembers the bad feels of being bored but can’t recall how nice it was to remember all of the answers on a quiz that one time you paid attention in class.This is why I have the worst problems doing homework and housework, or in general anything with serious repetition (exercise, cooking, driving, tidying up etc.). I can do it for maybe 10-15 minutes, and then my brain’s like “k I’m good. Next source of input please?” like, brain, I’m only like 3 feet into washing the kitchen floor. P l s.

11. Speaking of tears. Has rejection by someone you value ever felt like you wanted to quit existing on the spot, or at the very least wanted to move to an ice cave in Greenland and cry for the rest of your life? Even if the rejection was just perceived rejection and your friend was just expressing grumpiness at something else?

Even if your logic says “they didn’t reject you calm down you’re overreacting?”

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It’s a newer term, but honestly, once I found out about my own ADHD and this bitch of a symptom a loooooooot of my weird habits started making a lot of sense in my head.

It doesn’t have to be actual “rejection”. It can get set off from stuff like awkwardness (hence my personal resistance to making Adult Phone Calls) to disbelief (a huge, huge reason so many people go undiagnosed), to personal judgment and/or criticisms (oh, ok… I guess I’ll never mention my love for X ever again) to even just indifference (no one noticed I mopped all the floors in the house… guess I’ll just go die!).

Basically, if you perceive that someone you care about has dismissed you in some fashion, you literally just want to quit existing. On the spot. Because the feeling of it makes you feel sick, your chest gets tight, you can feel it in your hands, and it makes the rest of your day miserable.This variant is more likely with people you care about, but can definitely 100% happen with strangers too.

Another variant is this: if you perceive that someone (whether you care about them or not) has dismissed you in some fashion, your first instinct is to attempt to disregard and discard them completely. It usually doesn’t work like you want it to.

I’m pretty sure this is another reason why ADHD people hang out in packs. We always have a line in our head we’re terrified to cross with our friends. It makes us seem like we’re emotionally unavailable- but in reality we’re just terrified of being dismissed by our friends for showing our true geeky, infodumping, hyperfixating selves.

(Listen. If a friend mocks you for your true self they weren’t your friend in the first place.)

12. But in terms of crossing that line… Social cues? What are social cues?

Normal people can infer a lot from body language. With a lot of ADHD people, we tend not to notice. Or we notice too much and overanalyze. There’s no in between.

On a side note, your best bet for flirting successfully with an ADHDer is to just come out and say it. (Talk like an elcor. “Flirtatiously: I want to hear more.” or whatever innocent phrase it is you’re using to flirt. If they’re into Mass Effect, this will make them laugh, which means bonus points for you in their eyes.)But seriously, unless you’re making obviously romantic overtures we’re usually pretty sure you’re just being nice.

Back on topic: lack of social ability is a massive, massive reason people with ADHD are usually bullied growing up. If there aren’t any other ADHD people around, it usually feels like no one “gets” you. I was bullied horribly enough during junior high and high school to the point where I still have to repress the urge to automatically assume someone being nice to me means they’re plotting something behind my back. (Didn’t help that my hs was basically the Korriban Sith academy without most of the death. Culty, religious, nepotism ran rampant.)

13. Woe betide thee who angers the ADHD. It's not a problem with everyone, but... We’re like volcanoes. Awe-inspiring to watch in action, but God help you if we explode in your direction. And if it’s righteous anger there is almost literally no stopping us.

Anger has its uses. Our problem is that, like a volcano, we always have a lot simmering under the surface. We tend to hold onto it for ridiculous amounts of time until one day, boom. Yeah, I know, Kathy, that happens with everyone. Delayed gratification and all. The difference with ADHDers is that we usually don’t wait.

ADHDers’ anger will come out initially, because we can’t suppress it. We’re impulsive as fuck. We don’t think before we leap (our brains probably wouldn’t let us anyway). And it will seem like we are flying off the handle for no reason whatsoever. But we also have a tendency to unhealthily hold onto it afterwards even once the initial burst has happened. It’s like a (bad!) positive feedback loop.

14. Gotta bounce the leg. Gotta rock. Gotta fidget. Shit, I’m sorry, were you talking?

So one time I made it through 40 minutes of a math class actively suppressing the urge to bounce my leg… and then my leg twitched of its own accord. Freaky as shit, 0/10 recommend.

Sitting still is physically impossible for me, and for a lot of ADHDers. Lack of impulse control + lack of social cue knowledge + lack of ability to decide what’s important to our brains = Fidget fidget. Fidget fidget. Twitch. Fiddle with paper. Hey, my backpack has a fun texture by the zipper. Oh my God, that lady on the TV is wearing the best shade of blue ever! I wonder where she got it. Shit, I need to go shopping. Wait, why did I need to go shopping again?

“Hey I asked you what you got for number 7.”

Fuck.

15. Depressive episodes. For me, these usually happen after a major hyperfocus where I taxed my brain for all it was worth, especially for long periods of time.

If it lasts for a long time or starts seriously affecting your life, get it checked out. If your doctor gives a damn they’ll be happy you came in to get it checked, even if it was the wrong diagnosis, because if it had been then at least they were there to help you. And they’ll always be happy to sit down and figure out what’s wrong. I know they have to watch out for hypochondriacs and whatnot. But if a doctor really cares about helping people they’ll listen when you say something’s wrong, because they know that you’re the one in your skin, not them. Which means if you really think something might be wrong, something probably is.

More evidence: justexecutivedysfunctionthings here on tumblr. Contains people’s experiences with EXDYF, which is a huge red flag for ADHD.

The Wikipedia article on the subject. There’s a nicely organized chart. (Or at least there was when I looked at it.) Remember, you don’t have to identify with all of the symptoms to be ADHD. Even if you only identify with a few, if they’re significant enough that they are seriously impacting your life and existence, it’s worth getting checked out.

I may add more to this later/change some stuff as my memory allows.