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missukiyo · 2 months

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— ex-husband! gojo x reader

read part 2 here

cw: angst. just pure angst. co-parenting, brief mentions of miscommunication, fluff if you squint…

a/n: repost!! this post somehow got taken down last time. first ever ‘fic’ on here so i really appreciate any form of constructive criticism.

ex-husband! gojo who you are forced to see every fortnight due to the co-parenting arrangement set in place for your beloved 5-year-old daughter, sayuri.

ex-husband! gojo who would linger at your doorstep during drop-offs, almost as if searching for an unspoken invitation back into your life.

ex-husband! gojo who would intentionally leave a bunch of his belongings at your place, even if it was something minor like chewing gum, just to find a reason to pop by again.

ex-husband! gojo who would occasionally call you ‘princess’ or ‘baby’ out of habit, catching himself mid-sentence and playing it off casually.

ex-husband! gojo who would gently hold the hand of your precious daughter sayuri during his pickup, leading her to his car for the two weeks they’ll spend together. he would cast a glance back at you at least once, his heart beating rapidly when he caught your gaze. oh, how he wishes you could be a complete family.

ex-husband! gojo who would try to conceal the sadness in his eyes when sayuri innocently asks why mommy and daddy can’t live together. he struggles to find the right words that won’t break her little heart or reveal the depths of his own.

ex-husband! gojo who would still keep a family picture of you, him and sayuri as his wallpaper. a bittersweet reminder of what he once had before he threw it all away.

ex-husband! gojo who, during some of sayuri’s school events, finds himself involuntarily stealing glances at you.

ex-husband! gojo who clings onto the hope that one day you’ll look at him the way you used to, even if it was just for a fleeting moment, even though deep inside, he knew that the shattered fragments of your heart could never be mended

ex-husband! gojo who, on sayuri’s birthdays, buys her two gifts — one for her and one for you, unable to break the tradition of making you feel special, even if it’s just a little.

ex-husband! gojo who, on a particularly lonely night, contemplates sending you late-night text messages, only to delete them before hitting send. some bridges were just never meant to be rebuilt.

ex-husband! gojo who would endure restless hours, plagued by the thoughts of whether you would eventually move on and perhaps find a person that wasn’t him to claim as your lover. part of him yearned for you to choose him, and him only. that your heart will only have room for him and no one else. yet, despite the pain having a hold on his heart, he suppressed his selfish desires, opting for your happiness even if it lies beyond him. he hoped that, even if you decide to move on from him, that chosen person will bring you unparalleled happiness. whoever you decide to move onto would be the luckiest man, or woman ever — for satoru never judges. he hopes that he or she would hold you tenderly as you drifted to slumber, and shower your face with affectionate kisses the time the morning commenced. he wished for your heart to mend, even if it meant it would beat to a different rhythm. maybe, this was fate’s way of biting back at him.

ex-husband! gojo who wishes he would’ve treated you better during your marriage with him. he wished he would’ve listened to you more — the subtle nuances in your voice and the silent cries for understanding that went unnoticed till it was too late. he wanted to make you smile again, even if it was the last time he’d ever get the privilege to see your toothy grin.

ex-husband! gojo who dreams of a parallel universe where he had never let go. where he never signed those damned divorce papers in the first place. where the family portrait on the wall of his bedroom room tells a different story — one of enduring love.

ex-husband! gojo who is soon learns to be grateful that you two are civil towards each other, even if it was majorly due to the co-parenting arrangement. a life like this was better than a life without you at all.

and yet ex-husband! gojo would wish to restart everything if he could.

ex-husband! gojo who promises to love you properly in his next life. and the next. and the next.

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rotbtd-edits · 9 days

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The similiar struggles of Merida & Hiccup

Just my two cents because I love talking these movies. I find it interesting how both Merida and Hiccup share similiar conflicts/themes in their movies. They both feel pressured to become leader figures by their parents, while also stubbornly sticking to their own ideals. Merida is trained by her strict mom to become the perfect princess, and is also expected to carry out her duties through marriage. Hiccup in HTTYD2 is expected to become the next chief by his dad while Hiccup himself feels it's not for him and he can't meet the expectations. They both have other dreams and yearn to keep their freedoms. Merida wants to live her life like she wants to, and Hiccup wants to keep exploring and spreading his findings about dragons. They also have parents that at some point have refused to listen to them.

They also act in defiance to their families in order to maintain their own ideals and freedoms, wanting to do things their way instead of traditions. Merida argues against her mom, breaks the clan traditions by shooting for her own hand, and asks the witch for help to "change her mom" to agree to Merida's views. This ends up endangering her mother and the peace between the clans. Hiccup in turn refuses to listen to his parents about Drago, both who know him much better than Hiccup. Because Hiccup keeps believing anyone can change, that if he's just given the chance he can make it happen and everyone else is just hindering him in their warmongering blindness. Hiccup believes so strongly in his position as the pacifist peacemaker that he doesn't budge until it's too late. Neither Merida nor Hiccup really stops to think of the possible consiquences of their actions, they only see the positive outcomes. They feel like they're not being listened to, but they also don't listen to others either.

So they both try to escape the expectations and restrictions put on them by actively defying and being stubborn about it, that it ends up endangering everyone. The main difference is, that while Merida gets a second change and has everything fixed in the end, Hiccup ends up paying the heavy price for his mistakes.

Merida's actions get her mom turned into a bear and almost loses her completely. In the end when all seems lost Merida finally admits her fault aloud and to herself, owning up to her mistakes. Before that she also admits her careless actions against the clans and is ready to accept her duties as the princess. Merida finally sees the bigger picture outside her own point of view, that she's in a position where she simply can't think only about herself. She manages to reverse the spell and fix her relationship with her mom, who has also come to see the error in her own ways, thus ending things perfect.

Hiccup's mistakes sadly don't get as happy resolve as his stubborness ultimately ends up getting his dad killed. It's the cruel wake up call to Hiccup, how some people are simply beyond help and fighting them is the only way. It's what his dad had tried to tell him throughout the movie. Had he listened to his parents, things might have ended better, and he has to carry this guilt with him probably his whole life. Drago is the real villain and culprit, but Hiccup did play a part in how everything turned out. His part is more nuanced than Merida's, who is more clearly at fault in Brave along with her mom. After Stoick's death, Hiccup has no choice but to face the reality, own to his mistakes by stopping Drago and accept his duty as the chief. It was a harsh lesson for him, that sometimes you just can't force things to go your way, but maybe it was one he needed before becoming the leader for his tribe. Just like Merida needed to face hers to fix everything around her and correct her ways.

So yeah, like said I find it interesting how Merida and Hiccup's stories and their character growths follow similiar themes. I'm glad Merida got her happy ending, but damn now I really want to give Hiccup a hug! ;u;

#rotbtd #rotbtd edits #brave #httyd #merida #hiccup #random ramblings #analysis #just my thoughts lol feel free to disagree #reason i didnt use httyd1 is because #i feel in that one it's not really hiccup whose actions and views cause conflicts #but instead it's the people and world around him that are wrong and have to change

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zalrb · 1 year

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3 Nick and June 5x09 Thoughts

OK granted, I just skimmed this episode but I found their scene together to be rich with so much nuance so I’m going to do what I always do, break down my interpretation.

1. 5x09 Nick and June

were giving me Early Seasons Nick and June vibes.

In the first two seasons, I said that one aspect of Osblaine that I relished was their ‘in between’ moments because I found those moments to be where we really saw how much June loves Nick even though she wasn’t ready to verbalize that (from a previous response to an anon who said they didn’t think June loved Nick):

I think it’s clear that June loves Nick and the reason why I think it’s clear is because there are moments in almost every one of their scenes that show this.

I think we have the more direct moments:

and the more direct gestures/facial cues:

But what makes it clear for me, are the moments between that, because that’s when you see her struggle and attempt to reconcile all of her situations.

[...] in 2x07, as I already mentioned, she has the “what about you?” line and they have the passionate kiss

but it’s this that I find telling:

because she allowed herself to give in completely, lose herself completely, and be with Nick and this reaction is a culmination of things [...] but I also think it’s a self-admonishment because she allowed herself to just love Nick with that kiss.

And their scene and the dialogue around Nick this episode reminded me of this because June attempts to control her expressions. When Mark tells her he offered Nick a way to come to Canada, which is still on the table, she does her best not to smile

even when he mentions his name, she tries not to smile

which also happens when Mark says that he can set up a meeting between the two of them that very day

she does her best to react as if this is just business, this is just a means to an end

because she’s committed to her life in Canada now, she promised Luke that she would be “there.”

And when she sees Nick waiting for her,

like she’s seen him do many times before

(or appear to her like many times before)

she’s trying not to feel that pull, that jolt, that relief, that joy, she presses her lips together

to stop herself from doing this

but everything she’s trying to contain comes out anyway, and I think it’s important to note that it comes out when she realizes that Nick isn’t going to have a handmaid in his house because Rose is pregnant

like she’s shocked

but she’s also almost happy

because Nick will not participate in the Ceremony, Nick is still Nick, the same man she had to plead with so he would consummate his marriage with Eden.

While there’s also I think a bit of sadness and jealousy mixed in

But the moment he starts walking toward her, she’s grinning and flirtatious and familiar and knowing

because she can’t help it, the affection is there, the love is there, it’s very reminiscent of 2x12

which is especially evident in the way she says “I love you” which leads me to

2. When June says this

it definitely brought me back to 4x09

which then brought me back to 2x12

which then brought me back to 1x03

This idea of each other as their ... not even fantasy but as their peace, this idea that they would be happier and they would be content and they would be free if everything else went away and they remained or if everything else remained but they went away, that’s prevalent, and consistent with them and so beautiful especially since Nick’s response is saying the world can’t go away for a little bit because it’s going to be difficult for us to see each other

and June’s response is I don’t want to fuck up your life

but what really struck me about their entire exchange is the mutual sense of understanding and stubbornness about the “everything else” where they are both like, I have people I need to look out for and consider

I am coming to you as someone whose second nature is to ensure the safety of my family no matter the cost

June has seen what Nick will do for his family because he did it for her and Holly

and Nick has obviously seen what June will do for her family because of everything she has done and tried to do and is doing and will do for Hannah

but then after all of that is established, their obligations, their commitments, their charges, Nick tells her he loves her, thereby being like, you know even with Rose, even with my unborn child with Rose, I’m in love with you, and he says it in this matter-of-fact, my-feelings-haven’t-changed, I-will-always-be-in-love-with-you kind of simple, Nick way,

which he’s done in the past

and June is breathless and on the verge of tears because she can’t not say it back, not when she feels it this powerfully, not with everything they’ve been through and the way she lowers her head is one of those “in between” moments to me because she’s at conflict, because their lives are moving on without each other and yet they’re always present in each other’s lives, her love for him is always there so how can she still contain it?

3. Their physicality. I have also always said that Nick and June have a magnetic quality to their connection

ok, can we talk about...

The way Nick and June are so attuned to each other? I mentioned it in a previous post of mine, citing more the magnetic quality they have where you see them drawn toward each other [...] I’ve already spoken about 1x08, how June turns away at the last possible moment, the way her eyes close at his touch, the way he hovers near her, that magnetic pull and physical attune

and you see that in this scene, he leans forward a bit and she leans forward a bit too

and the urge to kiss is so strong, Nick is about to do it and June is about to let him, it’s what they both want, it’s what they both feel, it’s what they both need, but their messy world hasn’t gone away so he curbs such a natural impulse, particularly since June and Nick are physical outside of sex there’s always this urge to physically connect

and June is breathless with the nearness of it and the absence.

and OH MY GOD THE ANGST.

Thank you @splitscreen @skyshipper @pegscarters @give-me-a-thousandkisses @midniightsrains @resistancerising56 for all of the good gifs.

#osblaine #nick x june #june x nick #the handmaid's tale #nick blaine #june osborne #max minghella #elisabeth moss #tht

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sneezemonster15 · 2 years

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My biggest gripe with fics that show Naruto and Sasuke having willing intimate contact with their spouses, even if they end up getting together eventually, is the problem of narrative. Sasuke and Naruto are two gay men in heterosexual cages of a marriage. They went into it due to circumstances out of their control. Hinata and Sakura don't actually care about them, or how they feel. They don't really give a damn as long as they get to call them their husbands. Fics that show them as kind or understanding are basically lies that writers tell themselves but the truth is that Naruto and Sasuke suffer in their marriages. They are trophy husbands, make no mistake. Imagine being in a long term partnership where your spouse is so uncaring or uninterested in knowing or caring about your feelings, but would do literally anything to keep you chained to them because it uplifts their image in their own heads. What kind of a marriage is it? Not the kind where they would willingly kiss and hug and have intimate contact. What would it actually look like? It would be awash in the inherent feeling of helplessness, it would be stilted, forced. To keep appearances for their kids and the society at large. And that IS the case in Gaiden and Boruto the film, isn't it? Kishi showed it to us with certainly more emphasis than necessary. Because he understands the predicament of two gay men who love each other but are stuck in a het prison of a life, doing things that they don't want to, living a lie they are forced to.

Why the hell would I wanna read something that doesn't acknowledge it? Kishi understands. It's not a frivolous issue, it's serious. Closeted gay folks have to compromise on so much to be able to conform to a society that doesn't even fucking accept them as they are. And all they want is to love and be loved. For who they are. Sasuke and Naruto can't even be fucking themselves in a world they saved, putting their own lives on the line several times. Do Sakura and Hinata really know their hearts? Do they deserve to?

I don't care about any damn fic that doesn't acknowledge their struggle, their grief, their woes, their sacrifice, their bitterness for a world that doesn't understand them in the least.

So yeah, I don't wanna see them frolicking around with their wives as if their identities are just some dice in a box that writers can roll any which way they want.

It's a grave issue, I would like to see it treated with care and respect. It fucking breaks my heart that they are living their lives the way they are in canon, I just wish fic writers understood this issue better to give us the resolution we couldn't get in canon. But one will have to understand gay narratives first to be able to write about it in a meaningful, empathetic and compassionate manner. At the end of the day, a good story is one that rings true, that sounds convincing. And thing is, writers don't even have to look anywhere else than what Kishi himself wrote for inspiration. His version rings true, it's sincere and nuanced and realistic. Just follow the trail of blood. Be kind to gay narratives, be kind to their story. And to do that, one has to accept the problems with the shinobi world, an unjust, prejudiced world of which Hinata and Sakura are a part. Make them take accountability for things they did if you are gonna write divorce fics in canonverse Boruto era , but for that, you will have to write them in character first.

#sns #naruto #sasuke #sasunaru #narusasu #uchiha sasuke #uzumaki naruto #anti ss #anti nh

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gaylor-gremlin · 3 months

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taylor swift's first six albums as the wives of henry viii

taylor swift (debut) + catherine of aragon

taylor swift's self-titled debut album, released in 2006, explores a range of themes. through her music and lyrics, swift delves into the complexities of young love, the pain of heartbreak, the journey toward self-discovery and empowerment, and the bittersweet nostalgia associated with past relationships and experiences. her vulnerability and honesty in songwriting allow listeners to connect with her on a deeply personal level, making the album a relatable and emotionally resonant work.

catherine of aragon was the first wife of henry viii. their marriage was initially strong, but when henry sought an annulment to marry anne boleyn in his quest for a male heir, catherine steadfastly refused to accept the annulment, leading to a tumultuous relationship, the english reformation, and their eventual separation.

debut mirrors the early years of catherine of aragon's marriage to henry. just as swift's lyrics weave through the ups and downs of first loves and the ache of letting go, catherine's steadfast loyalty and eventual heartbreak in her marriage reflect similar emotional landscapes.

the album's tender vulnerability and raw honesty echo catherine's resilience and unyielding spirit in the face of henry's quest for a male heir and her refusal to accept the annulment. both the album and catherine's story embody a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and the complex tapestry of emotions tied to enduring love and inevitable loss.

swift's ability to articulate these universal experiences in her songwriting creates a poignant parallel to catherine's life, making the album a deeply resonant reflection of the tudor queen's enduring legacy.

fearless + anne boleyn

fearless, released in 2008, marks a bold evolution in her musical journey. this album delves into themes of fearless love, embracing change, and challenging the status quo.

swift's narratives in songs like love story and you belong with me showcase a young woman taking control of her narrative, much like anne boleyn's audacious step into the english monarchy.

anne, as henry's second wife, sparked a reformation and shifted traditional power dynamics, paralleling swift's departure from traditional country themes to a more pop-oriented sound.

the album's vibrant energy and willingness to break barriers resonate with anne's transformative influence on the english court, both characterized by a daring spirit that challenges and redefines established norms.

speak now + jane seymour

released in 2010, speak now represents a more introspective and narrative-driven chapter in swift's career.

this album explores themes of introspection, quiet strength, and the complexities of relationships, mirroring the life of jane seymour, henry's third wife.

known for her gentle nature and diplomacy, jane’s influence on henry was subtle yet significant, much like the nuanced storytelling in speak now.

songs like back to december and dear john reflect a deeper, more personal exploration of love and regret. jane's calming presence in the turbulent tudor court echoes through swift's tender melodies and thoughtful lyrics, underscoring a shared narrative of understated but powerful influence.

red + anne of cleves

red, released in 2012, is an album rich in emotion and complexity, exploring themes of heartbreak, identity, and the struggle to find one’s place. anne of cleves, henry's fourth wife, similarly navigated a complex and often misunderstood path.

their short-lived marriage, born out of political alliances and marred by misinterpretation, mirrors the poignant themes of misconnection and lost love in red.

songs like i knew you were trouble and all too well articulate the pain of mismatched expectations and the sorrow of what could have been.

both the album and anne's story speak to the universal experience of navigating relationships that are deeply felt but ultimately not meant to be.

1989 + catherine howard

the 2014 album 1989 marks a significant departure for swift, embracing a synth-pop sound and themes of independence and bold self-expression.

catherine howard, henry's fifth wife, with her youthful energy and defiance against convention, is a fitting parallel.

catherine’s story, defined by her youth and rebellion against the strictures of her time, resonates with the vibrant, experimental nature of 1989. songs like shake it off and blank space embody a sense of freedom and defiance, mirroring catherine howard’s challenge to the constraints of her role in the tudor court.

both the album and catherine’s life represent a break from tradition and a fearless embrace of a new, uncharted future.

reputation + catherine parr

reputation, released in 2017, represents a dramatic reinvention for swift, with themes of resilience, rebirth, and finding strength in adversity. catherine parr, henry's sixth and final wife, embodies these themes through her survival and significant influence post-henry.

known for her intellect and strength, catherine navigated the complexities of the tudor court with grace and resilience, much like swift’s journey through public scrutiny and personal trials.

songs like look what you made me do and new year’s day reflect a journey of transformation and renewed self-awareness. both reputation and catherine parr’s story tell of overcoming challenges, evolving through experience, and emerging stronger, wiser, and more empowered

#taylor swift #media analysis #henry viii #catherine of aragon #anne boleyn #jane seymour #anne of cleves #catherine howard #catherine parr #six wives of henry viii #fearless #speak now #red #1989 #reputation #taylor swift analysis

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natchla · 2 years

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ugh ok i just wanna get my thoughts out bc i literally feel like im about to explode.

one. no i didn’t read the book. no i didn’t watch the movie so idc about accuracy or retelling. i honestly don’t think those things are necessary to tell a good story. coming from a place of fandom and fanworks, some of the funnest adaptations are the ones that take a different route. like druck.

two. ima need them to break up. im struggling to grapple with how this relationship exists in a vampire context. like if they are spending eternity together does that mean that anything that can happen between them will happen? even if that includes love, abuse, marriage and separation. like how bad does bad have to get for them in order for us to actually classify it as bad. bc this is feeling pretty bad to me. but like a vampire fight where they know they’re both going to heal? is that still bad? i feel like yes.

three! louis stresses me out but we love an unreliable narrator so ONWARD. i feel so bad for him. i also feel like him being black adds so much interesting and fucked up nuance. i think that’s why it’s so jarring and fun to watch as a black person. like i keep thinking about claudia telling louis that they are lestat’s slaves????? he escaped one thinly veiled form of oppression to go into another one?!!! fuck man.... like he’s not just black he’s creole. his family owned a plantation. so he has this power that affords him many pleasures in life. he gets to hang around all those big time white guys and pretend he’s one of them. but at any moment if he steps out of line it can easily be taken away from him. as we saw the night of the riot. it was a reminder. a violent one. and now if we look at louis and lestat they are in love. like louis said “he has a way about him”. they live together and have a kid and dance and sing and.... but he has to pretend he’s the help when they go to the opera. even louis’ family calls him big daddy lestat or whatever the fuck. because louis is a pet. at any point he deigns to fall out of line. lestat comes back with a “i heard your hearts dancing” or a near death experience. and they too are violent reminders. “i’ve given you this position”. “i put you on this earth.” and both of these actions can be easily reversed.

so excited for the next episode tho! gen

#no im not taking constructive criticism #interview with the vampire

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blueeyephantom · 2 years

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Ka & Ankhesenamun: The real tragedy in TUT (2015)

As I rewatch “TUT” for the millionth time, I am again struck by how much emotion and weight is packed into the short (screen time-wise) relationship between Ankhesenamun and Ka. Tutankhamun and Suhad were an easy, light-hearted foil of the complicated, traumatic struggle that haunted the older couple.

Ankhesenamun and Ka have been pining for each other for TEN YEARS. There is nothing more obtuse in this show than when Tutankhamun tells Ankhesenamun Suhad was “All he had left in his heart”, as if Ankhesenamun hasn’t been running on fumes and vengeance since he killed the love of her life.

I believe that Ka may have been the only person to truly know Ankhesenamun as a person. And he was the only one she was able to let all of her walls down with. It wasn’t blind lust or a flash in the pan, it was devotion, yearning, and seeing each other through their lowest points from CHILDHOOD.

❀ ❀ ❀

Ankhesenamun probably met him when he was still mourning the loss of his father as a young boy (we assume his mother is also dead, since Ahkenaten had to adopt him) and they fell in love. For a brief time, they probably thought they may be able to marry, based on Ankhesenamun’s comment about how she had once believed marriage was about more than convenience.

Suddenly, her older family members, all in line for succession, start dying. Ankhesenamun can only watch helplessly as her idealized love match becomes less and less likely. By default, she is thrust into the position of royal wife of Tutankhamun, but her true affection never changed.

Her brother being still a child, forced Ankhesenamun to shoulder the burden of motherhood, sisterhood, and marriage to the same young boy, especially in the early years. She had to grow up and protect her dynasty.

Silently, she pushed her personal feelings aside and swallowed her fear every time Ka went out on a campaign with the army, knowing she could only say or express so much of it — in Part 1, she insinuates that Ay will “have [Ka’s] skin” for disobeying him. She has to protect not only her reputation, but also Ka from being physically harmed by the vindictive vizier, who we clearly see does not have any fondness for Ka.

On the other hand, Ka grew up with Tutankhamun too. He knew how much responsibility Ankhesenamun was carrying for her little brother. He would have known of her multiple pregnancies over the years. He watched her heart break every time she got her hopes up about an heir, only to miscarry and feel like she let the entire kingdom down. He had to fear for her safety and emotional state without being truly able to stand by her. Just watch from afar as she slowly grows more desperate.

I can imagine the frustration Ka felt, hearing Tutankhamun bemoan "not being given an heir", while he watches Ankhesenamun hemmorage physically and emotionally from the same experience.

❀ ❀ ❀

The amount of dialogue the two share is relatively small, but the word choice is very deliberate in explaining the nuanced nature of their relationship. Ka truly understands the complex, and, I would argue, traumatized, Ankhesenamun.

“Do you think something’s changed now, when it hasn’t in ten years?”

“It can change if you want it to.”

Right there, we see that Ka has put the ball firmly in Ankhesenamun’s court. This says everything we need to know about his intentions. Certainly, Ka is not insinuating that he would kill Tutankhamun, which means he is either offering her an affair, or to elope. Either way, he is making it known that he wants her — not her wealth or the power that comes with marrying her. Ka will take whatever Ankhesenamun is willing to give. Even if that would mean forefitting his wealth, lands, titles, etc. and having nothing except for her.

They are the foil of “Tuhad”, the antithesis of "King elevates poor peasant girl out of her dire circumstances." Ankhesenamun is living in a golden gilded cage. Ka sees her sacrifice her happiness and her health for the good of the kingdom and seeks to free her from that burden before it crushes her.

Considering her position, I would argue that he is the only man in her life that sees her without any concern for what she can give to him. On top of that, he never tries to force her into anything, even with his own mounting frustration regarding their situation. When she pulls away, he lets her go. After all this time, he wants nothing more than to help her realize that her feelings matter, her hopes and dreams matter.

The next time we see this deeper understanding Ka has for Ankhesenamun is when she calls for him before the battle.

“I couldn’t let you leave without knowing how much I...”

She trails off, seeming uncomfortably demure compared to the confident poised mask she wears as queen. This is a woman who is not used to having her personal feelings considered with any real weight, and so, while she wants to tell him how she feels, struggles to actually articulate it. Ka’s response is to kiss her.

He knows what she means, they have been together for years, and he doesn’t want her to feel uncomfortable or like she isn’t getting her point across to him. In return she takes his hand, proof again that she struggles to voice the emotions she has for Ka, and he doesn’t intend to make her say things out loud just to stroke his ego.

❀ ❀ ❀

“He wasn’t ready!”

“You’re wrong.”

This scene, right after the battle when Ka seeks Ankhesenamun out in her personal quarters is short and ends with them apart, but it speaks to how comfortable they are with one another.

She doesn’t show a lot of emotion to anyone outside of her inner circle, but is very blunt with him, very earnest. Her face is pleading because she expects him to understand the grief she is feeling and to sympathize with it.

Ka is equally as blunt in his response. I don’t think even Tutankhamun would ever have said “You’re wrong” to Ankhesenamun in such a way, and it certainly isn’t something she hears regularly. They are close enough as confidants for him to know that him disagreeing with her, even on something so important, isn’t going to affect their relationship. He then goes on to tell her what Horemheb was going to keep secret, that the battle strategy was Tutankhamun’s not his. He does not feel comfortable lying to her.

"This is our fate. I won't let it fall from us. I won't lose you to anyone else."

If only read superficially, this seems almost arrogant in nature, but we have to remember that Ankhesenamun has been married twice before, and Ka could only watch on helplessly. Now, he is in a place of power with Horemheb's backing. He is able to promise her protection he couldn’t before — namely, she does not have to fear being traded to whomever maneuvers his way into power.

Their relationship extensively centers around a "We" dynamic. Unlike Tutankhamun and Suhad, who frame much of their language around how she will help him succeed, Ankhesenamun and Ka consistently use language that establishes a united, balanced front. This example included. Neither one of them has ever had the political leverage necessary to sanction their union, until now. And Ka plans to use it, trusting that Ankhesenamun will too.

❀ ❀ ❀

Of course, the final scene we get of them together before the throne room, I think speaks the very most to how well Ka knows the more damaged side of Ankhesenamun.

“Anubis has freed us to live our lives.”

“But do we deserve it?”

...

“Hey, it’s okay that you still mourn him.”

To me, this is everything. Ankhesenamun has been taught her whole life to play a role, to put her feelings aside because they do not matter. That her only purpose is to support the pharaoh, keep sweet, and pray. Here we have another moment of Ankhesenamun saying nothing at all. In fact she tears up at his comment about how they were free to be happy. She turns away from him, ashamed because she thinks that her emotions are not what he wants to see, because they are not attractive or alluring. Her darker emotions take up space, they require regard — things she has been taught are not acceptable.

Instead, Ka takes her face in his hands, he turns her back to face him and holds her arms reassuringly. He tells her with sincerity that her feelings are not something to hide. She can mourn and miss her brother as long as she needs to. And as someone who (historically) lost as many siblings, cousins, parents as she did, having someone tell her that she would not be judged for how she processed her grief was everything. Ka was where she was safe to be a woman, to just be vulnerable without fear that it would be held against her.

“We are with child.”

This reverberates to me in part because of how weighty it was for Ankhesenamun to become pregnant after so many failed attempts, but also because of how different this interaction was than the other pregnancy announcement in the show:

“You still have an heir, my love.”

Of course, we know that Tutankhamun loves Suhad, and they will love this child. But their happiness is still being framed around him, and how this will affect his political legacy. The wording almost excludes Suhad completely, treating her as simply the vessel for the pharaoh’s dynasty, and showing her that that is where her prominence will lay.

Ankhesenamun’s joy at telling Ka that “[They] are with child” is solely focused on the two of them, and the family she imagines they will have. It puts equal weight on both parties for the duration of the pregnancy, and asks Ka to be involved throughout, instead of only once the child is born. It echoes of a modern pregnancy, they are a team in this.

His response to her, which could be seen as nothing more than an excitement for his impending coronation, rings much differently based on this understanding of their relationship.

He kisses her cheek, hugging her tightly, and whispers:

“We will have a new dynasty that will last a thousand years.”

To me, this is the same verbiage as “We are pregnant”. Ka is inviting her to play a different role, a prominent role in the new era he plans to create.It is the “We” dynamic. Ankhesenamun will no longer be the “burden” trapping her poor brother into a loveless marriage. They will create a dynasty, together. One that serves them both equally.

Along with that, it’s an assurance. One that comes from he fact that he knows she has birthed two children (at least) who did not survive. It is a reasurance, one that modern day logic knows he cannot make, but that he is confident in: Everything will be alright. All at once, Ankhesenamun is frightened and hopeful for this baby, one born of love and passion, and she believes him. If they are together, everything is alright.

❀ ❀ ❀

TLDR but if you made it all the way down here, you'd probably enjoy my TUT fanfic "Lady of the Two Lands" on wattpad and Ao3!

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likeabxrdinflight · 1 year

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the problem with season five of the crown isn't that the writing is bad or the characters aren't still compelling. it's not, and they are. the problem with this season of the crown is that it had nothing new to say, and it didn't include much if any politics. that, I would argue, is the main thing taking the teeth out of this season.

regarding the main plot of season five- the charles and diana saga is a well worn story at this point. there is very little new to say about it. we all know the narrative and we all know the ways you can spin it- you can go with the pro diana/anti charles narrative, you can go with the "charles did bad things but the marriage was doomed from the start" narrative, you can go with a "diana was manipulative and flawed" narrative, you can try to find some nuance in it, hell, you can even spin it to be pro camilla if you really want to- but the point is, we know this story. the crown picked a fairly safe route, but the fact is that no matter how they'd told this story, there's just not much new to say about charles and diana in the 90s.

I think the one real exception is regarding the martin bashir interview, since it's only recently come to light just how deception bashir was in securing that interview, and that is why those two episodes were such stand outs from season five- the new information let an updated version of the story be told.

but if you look back on older seasons of the crown, by and large, what were the most compelling episodes? it was episodes about things we didn't really know or had never seen before. Liz and Phillip's early marriage was pretty untapped territory. So was Charles' life pre-Diana. And Margaret? I mean, was there any piece of media that had really told Margaret's story? So those episodes were interesting because the stories were new to most audiences.

But honestly, beyond the character work, what were the best parts of the crown?

It was Aberfan and the failures of the coal board and the royal response. It was Charles dealing with the struggle of Welsh desire for independence and the contradiction of his role. It was the Queen sparring with her prime ministers. It was every time Winston Churchill was on screen. It was Michael Fagan breaking into the palace to vent about Thatcherism sucking social resources dry.

Season five didn't have any of that to counterbalance the marriage drama. That is the real reason this season feels so toothless. It's not that it's bad or poorly written (tho some of the metaphors did get a bit heavy handed...) it just didn't really have anything to say beyond "divorce messy, also liz is old".

it's still an enjoyable show because the drama is fun to watch. but it really was missing the political sphere. I'd have found an episode about diana supporting HIV/AIDS and clashing with the royals over that much more interesting than tampongate, ya know. or in "annus horribilis", they could have focused more on the issue of taxpayers covering the cost of fixing windsor after the fire- there was an uproar about that, and it got so bad that not only did the royal family cover most of the repairs themselves, the queen also started paying income tax for the first time. like??? that was an easy political plot.

anyways that's my biggest complaint. otherwise it was still enjoyable albeit phillip and charles are horribly miscast. still, it was a step down from season four, there's no way around that.

#the 90s weren't the most interesting decade politically but it's not like there was nothing going on either

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vaishnavisingh01 · 3 months

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ear-worthy · 10 months

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Arielle Nissenblatt Says "It's Never Too Late To Celebrate Father's Day With Podcasts"

Did you know that Anna Jarvis, who was instrumental in having Mother's Day designated as an official holiday, ended up hating that day toward the end of her life? Why such disdain? Because Jarvis hated the crass commercialism that accompanied Mother's Day, and the sense that celebrating mothers was now only a one-day affair instead of a daily event.

Just a few weeks ago, we celebrated Father's Day. And in that same spirit of continual recognition for the role fathers play in our culture, Ear Worthy is publishing an essay from podcast consultant, podcaster (Trailer Park: The Podcast Trailer Podcast), and podcast influencer supreme Arielle Nissenblatt about podcasts that encapsulate the true spirit of celebrating fatherhood.

In Nissenblatt's wonderful essay, she recommends several podcasts related to fatherhood. As the creator of the consistently helpful and crowdsourced podcast recommendation website, EarBuds Podcast Collective, Arielle knows a thing or two about podcasts that can inspire, inform, or make us laugh and cry.

So here you are. From Arielle Nissenblatt:

****************************************************

It’s Father’s Day season! There are some podcasts that by dads, for dads. Some that are by dads, for others. Some that are by others, for dads. And then there are all the other podcasts out there that, when the season comes around, they bring us all the feels via dad content.

I love when a podcast breaks format to bring us holiday-specific episodes. And there’s something about Mother’s and Father's Day episodes that warms my heart. Maybe it’s knowing that the hosts that I admire and follow week after week on their podcasts also have loving, beautiful, complicated, tough, and otherwise completely human relationships with the people that brought them into the world or raised them. There’s something about Ira Glass co-hosting an episode of This American Life, isn’t there?

I know these holidays can be tough for folks – whether it’s because they have complicated relationships with their parents, they’re missing their parents, they’re struggling with their relationships with their own kids, and anything in between. But I hope these episodes shed some light on the nuanced relationships that can exist within the dad-verse.

Here are some of this year’s best dad-specific podcast episodes in honor of Father’s Day 2023:

Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso

A Father’s Day Special with Sarah Silverman

In this episode, host Sam Fragoso interviews comedian Sarah Silverman. They reflect on loss, caretaking, and her new special, which is called Sarah Silverman: Someone You Love. Silverman and Fragoso spend a good deal of this conversation sharing the legacy that her father left with her. We even get to hear a voice note that he left her, which will leave you both laughing out loud and crying.

The Heart

DAD: Forgive and Forget

Kaitlin and her Dad fought so much when she was a teenager that the family calls those years '“World War III.” She tells the story of what happened after she left home and decided to love him anyway. As she became an adult, therapists and friends urged her to examine what really happened in those years. When she tries to talk about it with the family, she knows she has a big decision to make.

An Army of Normal Folks

Coach Bill Courtney: “I Was Miserable on Father’s Day, Until…"

Father’s Day can be a tough one for many. But what if you’re able to turn it around later in life? That’s Bill Courtney’s story. Listen in for a difficult yet redemptive tale of fatherly love.

DILF (Dad I’d Like To Friend)

When Mom Becomes Dad

This episode wasn’t made specifically for Father’s Day, but I wanted to include it here because it shows a different side to fatherhood and this holiday. In this episode, host Kevin Seldon interviews someone who began their parenthood journey…as a mom!

Modern Love

The Marriage Proposal That Wasn’t

Bob Morris could tell that something was changing with his elderly father: His car was clean, his manners had improved, and he had a shine in his eyes. He had a new “lady friend.” Her name was Arlene. Arlene loved Bob’s father, but she also set clear boundaries with him. She didn’t want to care for him when he got sick and — despite what Bob’s father led Bob to believe — she didn’t want to marry him. In this episode, Anna Martin talks to Bob about his father’s last love story. Then, she talks to Arlene herself about a misunderstood marriage proposal and the limits of love.

Wikilisten

Father Part 1 and 2

Each episode of this show is a deep dive into a Wikipedia page and then some commentary from hosts Victor and Rachel. In this two-episode series, we learn about the Wikipedia entry for Father’s Day. “Father” has many meetings, and this Wikipedia entry attempts to make sense of some of them.

The Moth

I Will Be Your Father Figure

In this episode of The Moth, a live storytelling show, we hear stories of fathers and fatherhood. Get ready to feel loved, excited, embarrassed, and everything in between.

Kelly Corrigan Wonders

Thanks For Being Here Amy's Dad Harold "Wes" Westlund

Amy Zuckerman shares a remembrance of her late father Harry “Wes” Westlund. Wes was a special man whose dream of becoming an Air Force fighter pilot was taken away just days before he was to receive his wings, due to a heart murmur. Amy says that although her dad lived his entire life under the threat of a heart defect, he had no issues at all with his capital “H” heart. He was a loving, caring and kind man who made all around him feel comfortable and welcome.

Here’s to the dads, the dad figures, the parents, the guardians, and everyone in between. And here’s to podcast listening, which brings these stories to our ears week after week. Happy listening!

#podcast #podcasting #family #father

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one-rad-maven · 1 year

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Journal Entry 10/10/2014

It has been a very long time since writing something. I have written in another journal but I am glad I didn't write what I did in here.

This has been a most crazy, stressful, yet epic year. I got married on Saturday September 6th, 2014 at just after 5pm. It was a very busy day that blurred by (everyone said it would). I tried my best to mentally memorize the details and feelings of that amazing day but thank goodness for picture evidence.

I don't want to focus on that day though because as important as it was I would rather discuss my feelings post wedding.

As of today it has been a little over a month since being married and I can say that it has been a struggle to get used to. Being 'single' for so long you become well acquainted with the selfish independence you have. Before you are married you know that there is an easy exit plan should anything happen. You just get to 'break up'. Marriage is scary because it is such a huge commitment to one person. You legally bind yourself/your life with another human being trusting that everything will turn out the way it should. I panicked after we got home. For weeks I questioned if what we did was right or stupid. I know I married for love but I started to worry that one of us would become a completely different person or something would happen (I have no idea what though). I worried that someday I would no longer make him happy and he would go be with someone else. I worried that I might do the same.

We were so stressed from the wedding and making sure that everything was perfect that it became the thing that we focused on instead of focusing on each other. Even as I write this I realize that even through I say "We" I really mean just me.

Marriage is not like a Disney fairytale. In fact I would put it in a dramedy category; some parts serious while others just funny and ridiculous.

I have had to really tune into all of K's quirks and nuances. Some of them drive me so crazy I wish I could just punch him in the face while yelling, "You are a grown man! Deal with the realities of life!"

I have also had to learn to let go and just do my own thing. There is nothing more frustrating in the world than trying to get someone to do something that they never wanted, or were even willing to do, in the first place.

The great part is that as long as you have and show love, attention, commitment, and determination your partner will be happy with whatever you choose to do on your own.

#toxic marriage #warning signs #covert narcissism #journal #journaling #journal entry #diary #my diary #diary entry #dear diary

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masterthespianduchovny · 3 years

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Ted Lasso’s reputation as a wholesome, nice, feel good show at times comes at its expense. This isn’t the fault of TL, but rather:

1. People who literally judge or write the show off based on these three descriptors. They think they know exactly what the show is about and how it’s going to play out and they don’t.

2. People who literally watch the show yet don’t understand it. These past weeks I’ve come to understand that some people who’ve watched the show either miss/don’t comprehend things OR fundamentally don’t understand the show.

I’m unsure if this is some type of media illiteracy for the second point, but I literally had to break down how the show works to someone who was shitting on it. Don’t get me wrong, people are allowed to dislike the show. That doesn’t bother me. However, when your criticisms either come from a lack of knowledge or the inability to understand how the show is structured, there needs to be an intervention.

In my honest opinion, I don’t think the foundation of the show is comedy nor is it drama, the genre of the show is influenced by Ted’s emotional state. It’s labeled as comedy for all intents and purposes, but observe how the tone/genre of the show largely matches Ted’s highs and lows. Some may say that’s normal, but I think there is a nuance here that’s missing.

A fan or fans pointed out that this season isn’t funny and that’s because Ted isn’t funny (again, the show is mimicking Ted’s emotional state); most of his jokes do not land. He’s trying way to hard and not at all at times, which is intentional.

He’s overdoing it and people are saying it’s bad writing when, in fact, it’s very good writing. We see more and more how Ted is missing things, behaving oddly around the therapist, internalizing shit, etc AND refusing help aka avoiding Rebecca presumably. Something is wrong and only one person notices this and Ted tried to pretend he was fine.

This show has noticeably become darker, which typically doesn’t happen to alleged feel good comedies. When it does, it’s like an episode or two, but in the case of TL, it’s steadily been doing this season the first episode of season 2. Furthermore, it introduced many of these themes and plot lines on season 1.

The show has also made us re-examine many “funny” moments and assess if there is a different context behind what we believed we knew and saw.

The show for the most part has been very internally consistent because it’s never been bound by it’s genre.

It’s quite ironic and sad that one of the most repeated and (at times inappropriately used) iconic lines “be curious not judgmental” is only applied to assholes and shit behavior rather than super nice/people pleasers, such as Ted.

It reminds me of the poem “Not Waving But Drowning”, which I’ll copy and paste at the end. The title is essentially “on the tin”, but basically it’s about someone drowning and people not going to help because they thought this person was happy go lucky and waving at them. The person didn’t have any help while they were in a crisis because people missed the signs. Which pretty accurately describes what’s going on with others see Ted MINUS Rebecca.

Lastly, the show is an examination and deconstruction of niceness for better and worse. What does it mean to be nice? What drives people in how they treat others? It’s not saying niceness is the cure for everything and that it will fix us, it’s saying we should start with kindness. We should try to understand what’s going on and be sympathetic.

Hell, I don’t even think it’s saying everyone can be redeemed (aka Rupert as of now). It’s saying that when we try to be better people, not immediately give up on someone, and understand that other people have different experiences, that is something that can help us connect and understand one another better.

But we are all flawed and it takes accountability and hard work to right out wrongs. Not all is forgiven just because we see the error of our ways. We have to actively towards forgiveness not matter how hard.

What’s interesting about Ted is that he’s the catalyst behind this change in AFC Richmond, however, he’s one of the fundamentally misunderstood people on the show, which is intentional on his end. He hides what’s really going on with him because not even he wants to see it. His kindness is driven by genuineness, but also trauma from his dad’s death and bullying. It’s gotten so bad to the point that it’s pathological for him to be nice to the detriment of himself as he suppresses his own traumas.

People (un) intentionally use him and don’t reciprocate most of the time. To be fair to them, Ted wants it that way. Except they also aren’t paying attention. Yes, everyone has their own problems, but how is no one curious about the man who is always “happy” that just got a divorce and is separated from his kid most of the time? Who flat out admitted to that he took a job across the ocean for a sport he knew nothing about to give his wife space? Or that he had a panic attack during a major game?

At this point, Ted isn’t hiding his struggles all that well, yet only Rebecca realizes that he isn’t well.

Ironically, some fans use Ted Lasso as their feel good show all while overlooking what the show is trying to say about certain behaviors and relationships.

Although it takes nothing to be nice, don’t make others responsible for your happiness whether you are the giver or the receiver. It does no one any good.

Ted thinks helping others and avoiding his own problems will make him happy and it doesn’t. Even when his marriage was good, it was a band aid for his problems. As a result, he started unraveling because he wasn’t fixing things or fixing enough things and people.

The show is saying a lot and through subtext and nuance, which is being ignored because the show isn’t what people assumed it was. This show doesn’t exist to help people escape from their own problems and/or the pandemic. Like, it’s nice that it did for some, however, we have to allow the show to tell the story it wants to tell. They never misled anyone about the nature of the show.

On the other hand, the show has helped people who see parts of themselves in Ted and either want to get help or finally understand that some of their behavior are maladaptive and detrimental to themselves.

Some people are seeing what they want to see and projecting on the show (as they do many) and are criticizing TL for what it isn’t, rather than understanding what it is.

TL has many compelling things to say, but since it isn’t behaving how people want it to, they can’t engage meaningfully with the show, which is unfortunate.

——-

“Not waving but drowning”

Nobody heard him, the dead man,

But still he lay moaning:

I was much further out than you thought

And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking

And now he’s dead

It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,

They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always

(Still the dead one lay moaning)

I was much too far out all my life

And not waving but drowning.

#ted lasso #ted lasso discussion

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swanqueensalad · 3 years

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TRIGGERWARNING!

Without triggering anyone I wanna ask two things:

1) Was Cora ever physically abbussive towards Regina?

2) I know many ppl's head canon is that Leopold raped Regina again and again as his bride, but is that your headcanon too?

ok again TRIGGER WARNING for abuse & SA (and brief mention of suicide) for anyone reading/scrolling!

i'm going to just explain my personal interpretation of the show and these subjects, bc i find regina so interesting and heartbreaking. and i actually do think part of what makes regina so fascinating as a character is her relationship within the cycle of abuse and how yes, she was incredibly hurt and manipulated all her life, but she eventually managed to break free of it all and work to be better for her own child.

buckle up because i have a lot of feelings and this is probably going to be LONG

so, my thoughts on exactly what happened and why regina is as fucked up as she is:

so yeah, cora was a horrific parent. it's canon that she abused regina both emotionally and physically for practically all her life.

in practically her very first scene, we see cora using magic to hurt her eighteen year old daughter - to violently restrain her/drop her to the ground when she 'misbehaves' which pretty clearly says this is a woman who uses power and fear as a control tactic, and is not afraid of physically hurting regina.

and if this is what she was doing when regina is almost an adult, i think it's safe to assume she's been doing it since she was very young - regina's response 'please don't, i'll be good' is the conditioned response of a much younger child. everything about the way regina was written, her relationship with cora, and the way lana and the directors chose to play it screams abuse victim. she is hypervigilant - she jumps when people come close or make sudden noises. when she's choked with magic she immediately knows not to struggle or fight back. as a young girl, she is terrified of doing things wrong.

(also, when we get the flashback to actual 10 year old regina, cora says she can't help her because 'it needs to be someone who's magic has never hurt her')

while i think most of the time cora relied on magic to physically punish regina - knowing how much regina particularly hated it/was afraid of it - i think she was definitely not above slapping her for more minor infractions

beyond just physical abuse, cora was clearly emotionally distant and got regina to a place of being pretty touch-starved and desperate for affection. (lana and barbara play this so masterfully as well) we see her being constantly, nastily critical of everything her daughter does.

i think it's also implied in the regina rising book that cora was controlling/restrictive of regina's food to ensure she stayed thin/attractive which is just a whole other can of worms

as for leopold. please bear with me while i RANT:

nothing will ever make me more mad than the fact this man was never held accountable in the narrative for his role in regina's story and how absolutely fucking awful he was.

first of all, even before he meets regina, he is dodgy af. he supposedly genuinely loves cora, but throws her out immediately when he discovers her pregnancy without even asking her if it's true/discussing it. also, even in that flashback the man is visibly much older than cora and even more so than eva, who he actually does marry (although i do believe they came to truly love each other). so yeah he has a habit of Not Listening to women and not looking at women his own age

and then we get to regina. the eighteen year old daughter of his ex fiancee (younger even than the unborn child who cora carried when she was engaged to him)

yes i think he raped her. because powerful old men do not marry pretty eighteen year olds for the company. (also, if it was just so snow would have a mother figure, well, she already had her maid joanna. and if snow really wanted regina around that badly, leopold could have just brought her to court as a lady in waiting, a fitting role for a noblewoman, and more appropriate seeing as regina was only about eight years older than snow)

regina is visibly distressed by the proposal. she is panicked. she looks to her father to help. cora accepts the proposal for her. and leopold does not care. i think this tells u all u need to know about his views on consent

(also it all gets ickier when you remember leopold was attracted to cora, and regina is considered to look like cora did when she was younger)

leopold clearly had zero interest in regina as a person. he used her for arm candy for events, to make snow happy, and to keep his bed warm. (later, he invades her privacy so much regina counts on him reading her diary as a thoughtless and integral part of a plan, and locks her up for receiving a present from another man) and yet he is never treated as a villain or ever held accountable (besides regina killing him - good for her - but even then it's framed more as a way to villainise her for tricking sidney) and it makes me FURIOUS

i sometimes see the take that leopold might have stopped raping her towards the latter years of their marriage, but i disagree - i think maybe it did get fewer and farther between, but regina was still his wife who he only saw as serving a few purposes, and the way he is so possessive of her in 1x011 makes no sense otherwise, seeing as he was so uninterested in her in every other way

i do think a lot of regina's rage and vendetta against snow is because of this abuse too.

hear me out: in s1 especially, both snow and regina refer to snow as 'ruining her life'. because regina blamed her for everything that happened to her. not only did snow cause daniel's murder, it was her desire for regina as a mother that prompted leopold to marry her.

and this marriage was hell. and i think people don't realise how long it lasted either - snow went from a child to at least her late teens before regina killed leopold. regina was a traumatised young girl, grieving the love of her life, with no friends, no allies, nobody except the literal dark one who was grooming her for his own gain. (no wonder she clung to the brief sense of freedom and control his lessons offered. no wonder she nearly killed herself.)

and while regina suffered, she was forced to play with snow white every day, who was so spoiled, so loved, so happy, and had no idea of the life she had unwittingly trapped regina in.

so yeah, it's all pretty dark.

and it's for all these reasons i think ouat ended up shying away from many more regina backstory episodes centring on the time she was married/pre-evil queen years, because they were on abc after all, and i don't think they were really equipped to deal with the horrendousness of the story they'd created

but lana most certainly did her work becaue i think all of this nuance does show in her portrayal

and it all just makes regina's ending - the good queen, in her own name, safe and strong and loved, part of a true family, her bond with snow healed - so much more of a relief.

#tw abuse #tw rape #regina mills #regina mills meta #anti king leopold #anti cora

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a-froger-epic · 3 years

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Thank you for putting those psychotic Mary stans in their place. They are delusional. It’s mind boggling they keep insisting Freddie loved her above anyone else. Ummm, hello, the man confessed his sexuality to avoid being trapped in a marriage with her. I think he valued his own happiness more than he did hers, and I don’t fault him one bit for it. He could have carried on as a closeted bisexual man, but he chose to tell her “I DON’T LOVE YOU”. Love and affection are not the same thing. And what he felt for Mary was just affection. Tbh, I think she kind of manipulated him emotionally for leaving her and that’s why she stayed on as a friend and as an employee. Any woman that gets her heart broken like that breaks all contact and moves on. You learn to live without the person that caused you so much pain. It’s not like there were any children binding them together, she just couldn’t move on from the fairytale she wanted. Also, I am almost certain GL isn’t hers for life. I remember seeing a copy of his will somewhere and it states the house reverts back to his estate after 40 50? years. So it’s not like she can leave it to her children or anything. I’m trying to find a copy to verify.

I’m not really interested in putting anyone in their place. I have my own thoughts on the whole matter, is all.

I agree that it's pretty weird to insist Freddie loved Mary above everyone else. He had a lot of love for her, he did trust her, he also loved a lot of other people.

I don't, however, think it's as simple as "he confessed his sexuality to avoid being trapped in a marriage with her". First off, he had probably come to a point where he was forced to accept that he was gay. Yes, I'm aware he told her he was bisexual, but to me that really, really seems like him trying to spare her feelings and not make it seem as though their entire relationship had been a sham (because I don’t think it was, to either of them) or - we really can't know - perhaps even still hoping that it could be true. But I think it's the former, I think he was well aware that he was gay by then. He had, after all, been seeing a man behind her back for a year at that point.

And to his confession, Mary did not respond with shock or disbelief. She told him: Freddie, you're gay.

(This got really long, a lot of speculation and analysis under the cut.)

Mary knew, or as good as knew that he was gay. The confession was perhaps the final, definitive confirmation. And that leads me to think that, for one, their sexual relationship must have pretty much been non-existent for a long while at that point. This then begs the question, why didn’t she leave him? Now, anyone who hasn’t been in a long relationship might not be aware how common it is for two people, even without one person struggling with their sexuality, to end up in a sexless relationship. It’s actually really not uncommon. Sometimes, the physical attraction just fizzles out. I was in a relationship with a boy from when I was 16 to when I was 22, and in second half of that relationship we were pretty much down to being intimate every three to four months or so. He wasn’t gay, I was attracted to guys, we were just no longer really at all attracted to each other. But there are many other aspects to a relationship than just sex. I still felt that I was in love with him, I still had romantic feelings for him, even if the actual, sexual attraction was missing. I was the one to break up with him eventually and it broke my heart, too.

I think leaving Mary broke Freddie’s heart as much as it broke Mary’s heart, even though he was also in love with David. I think it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at a time, because that has happened to me - not for everyone, but I think that there are people who are more inclined toward feeling that way. I think Freddie was one of those people, which is evidenced by his insistence that he had enough love for more than person, he expressed so himself. At that point love becomes a conscious choice, because you’ll find few partners who are willing to share. You have to decide who you will and want to stay in love with and simply stay with. And that will be the relationship which is more viable. Clearly, when Freddie left Mary, his relationship with David had become more viable and being a sexual, sensual person, he was not fulfilled living in a partnership that had stopped being a sexual relationship. Whereas Mary, it seems to me, was someone who (and I’ve said this before) very readily brushed things under the carpet and just carried on. And likely would have carried on as long as Freddie was willing to. Yes, I think she loved him a lot, I also think that having been as young as she was when she met him, she couldn’t fathom not being with him anymore. But I think, in a way, Freddie felt the same.

I disagree with what you say about any woman who has her heart broken removing herself from the situation after and moving on. That has not been my experienced and it is something that is highly individual and varies from person to person, from relationship to relationship, from situation to situation. I personally know more than one woman who has an ex who turned out to be gay and who is still very good friends with them.

I don’t agree that Mary staying in Freddie’s life was all Mary’s emotional manipulation. I would go so far as to say that she probably wanted to remove herself from the situation more than Freddie let her. Again, there is much evidence of Freddie not wanting to let go of people in his life. He had horrendous abandonment issues. In many ways, Freddie was needy. I think he would have been crushed and very distressed if she had broken off all contact with him. He would have found that very, very difficult to deal with. I think, rather, that Mary stayed in his life both because she loved him a lot and because he expressed his need for her to not abandon him completely.

What comes to mind here is the relationship Kenny Everett had with his wife, which was by no means the same, but strikes some similar chords. So let me go there briefly. When Kenny proposed to his wife, who was a good few years older than him just by the way, she was aware that he was gay. She said she used to think of him as her little gay friend and was shocked at the proposal. However, they had apparently managed to have sex under the influence of LSD (yay, drugs? :/) and so Kenny had got it in his mind that he could marry and be in love with this woman, and that all the right feelings would come with ‘practice’, so he said, more or less. Now, from her perspective, she had already had a failed marriage and probably already understood that often sex is not all, and decided the companionship with somebody who cared about her so much, who she liked being with so much, was worth it. Here is the interesting thing. They went on to have what they both insisted later on was absolutely a real marriage, in their eyes. However, Kenny became depressed because of course he hadn’t ‘cured’ himself of homosexuality by getting married and eventually it was his wife who set him up with a waiter (during a night out to dinner with Freddie, no less, who was already with David at the time) and that waiter became Kenny’s first boyfriend.

But, the story of Kenny and his wife, Lee, does not end there. Lee ended up getting married again, and it was a bit of a shock to her when Kenny not only became quite upset that she would no longer wear his ring but also started popping over to her and her husband’s house for breakfast and such. Inserting himself into their relationship almost as a third wheel to some degree. Kenny did not want her back, he was very, very gay and ended up living with his two (!) gay lovers. But he also refused to let her go for a very long time. It had much to do with the fact that Lee really had mothered him a lot and clearly that was something he couldn’t quite get the same way anywhere else.

Now, Kenny is not Freddie and Lee is not Mary. But I think there was a part of Freddie which was very reluctant to let go of the aspects of Mary which his male partners couldn’t provide for him the same way. The practical care-taking aspect, the mothering, if you will. We are also talking about a certain generation here, please keep in mind, where men were not raised to be and not likely to be of a care-taking nature. I think Freddie solved that problem for himself the absolute best way he could, by keeping her close in a professional sense too and literally assigning her a business-related care-taking role. I’m nowhere near done speculating about all this, by the way. There are so many nuances here.

I do think that Mary felt she was owed something for having given so much of her time/life/energy to him, and I also do think that subconsciously she probably did express what a shame it was that they couldn’t have been right for each other, which fed into Freddie’s guilt and made him feel that he had to always provide for her because it was ‘his fault’ they could not be a happily married couple with children, etc. I have sympathy for both of them, to be honest.

So those are my thoughts on that. The ownership of GL and whether it runs out is not something I know a lot about, I’m afraid.

#ask response #Freddie Mercury #Mary Austin

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minaslittleone · 3 years

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Fission & Fusion (Part 2)

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Summary: How did the refined and proper Wilhemina Venable end up working for two coked-up tech bros out of the back of a van?

An origin story of sorts, dedicated to the amazing @lucyintheskywithxanax who has developed such a beautiful and nuanced depiction of Mina. This was inspired by her incredible story "And I failed to climb the mountain".

Word count: ~2700

The hours after that were fuzzy. After storming out of her parents house with little more than the bare essentials and no intention of returning Wilhemina didn't really have much of a plan. She had never fantasized about running away as a child, she hadn't even been brave enough to rebel vicariously and yet here she was, with no plan and no where to go. And terrified.

But Wilhemina was nothing if not practical so she sequestered all of those doubts and anxieties down into the deepest corners of her brain to be dealt with later, she told herself. Really to be dealt with never.

Practically speaking, money was her first concern. She knew that her mother's threat to cut her off had not been idle, but she also hoped that her mother would continue to underestimate her long enough that she would be able to clear the remaining funds out of her account before her mother froze it. Her pride raged against the idea of taking the idea of taking the money religiously placed into her "allowance" once a month by her father, hating how spoiled that made her sound and wanting to be free of any lingering ties to her parents. She would have gladly traded every last dime for any other monthly ritual with her father, for anything with him really. But she was a casualty of her parents' failing marriage, the only thing that they hated more than each other was the idea of acknowledging that their marriage had long since fallen apart. Her father avoided the house like the plague, and her by extension, throwing himself deeper and deeper into his professional life to mask the failure of his personal one. And so their relationship had become almost completely transactional, her father attempting to atone for his absence by providing her with everything she could ever dream of, save for the one thing she truly wanted - his affection. But as much as she hated the money and everything it represented, she really wasn't left with much of a choice.

That was how she found herself standing in front of a bank teller at 1:30pm on a Wednesday afternoon, lying through her teeth and praying that her voice wasn't shaking as much as her hands. Exactly how she had got there she wasn't sure - a bus? Surely she hadn't walked this far - she was completely focused on getting what money she could and getting out.

The process was certainly made easier by the fact that she had been coming to this branch since her father had opened the account on her sixteenth birthday. And maybe for once in her life her twisted frame would be an asset - it was difficult to forget a girl her age with flaming red hair and a cane.

So she lied. She told the teller that she was using the money to put towards a car but that her parents were unfortunately too busy to accompany her. That part wasn't even really a lie, her parents were always too busy. Either way the teller didn't seem to see anything unusual about depositing the entire $5000 balance into Wilhemina's hand, before politely wishing her a pleasant day.

She had thought she would feel safer with the money in hand, feel like she had more control over the situation. In fact all it did was make her realise how vulnerable she was. How she would never be able to defend herself if someone decided they wanted to take it from her. Maybe her mother had been right, maybe she really was too broken and useless to survive on her own.

She could feel her heart racing. She had to find somewhere to stay. Find somewhere that she could get off the street. Maybe then she would feel safer. Maybe.

Except she didn't know how long she would need to make that $5000 last. She had no job and had effectively forfeited her degree the minute she walked out her parents' front door. Any future prospects she had were tied to their connections anyway. Oh god, what was she going to do? She had no experience and no qualifications, and any jobs that would have been open to her without those were made impossible by her twisted spine. She wouldn't have been able to stand for long enough to finish a shift as a waitress, let alone carry much whilst also maneuvering her cane.

So she would have to make the money last. At least until she managed to come up with a better plan. Which is how she found herself unpacking her meagre possessions into a battered shell of a room in a run down hotel that offered rooms by the hour. As she eased herself down onto the bed, finally allowing her back some respite after hours on her feet, she reasoned that this was the best choice for now. And she would think of something, this was only temporary.

But it hurt. The adrenaline from her triumphant exit earlier that morning was long gone and now she was left with the painful reality of what life on her own would look like. At the moment it consisted of a sea of mismatched floral patterned fabrics, a green melamine kitchenette and far too many questionable stains.

She felt like she was suffocating, that the battered walls with their pealing wallpaper were steadily encroaching on her, squeezing the last ounces of calm and confidence out of her by force. She had to get out, had to keep moving, had to keep busy lest the reality of her situation catch up to her and drown her in its melancholy.

She burst from the room, shaking fingers struggling clumsily against the lock. She had to get away, to be anywhere but here. Away from the stale smelling room with the pealing wallpaper. Away from the lumpy bed swathed in garish floral covers of questionable cleanliness. Away from the suffocating reminder of how alone she was.

It shouldn't have surprised her that she would end up back in the college library, it's where she spent most of her time any way, finding any excuse she could not to go home. It was quiet and it was safe. Between the warm, dim lighting and the earthy smell of the old wooden shelves and the books themselves Wilhemina finally began to calm. She could feel the tension to funnel out of her trembling fingers, feel heart finally stop racing and draw her first real breath in hours.

She didn't know how long she sat there, not really seeing or hearing the world around her, just being, adjusting. Letting her body and mind begin to come to terms with her situation. Start to reset her parameters and realise that she wasn't going home tonight, that there wasn't a home to go anymore. Perhaps there never had been, not in the ways that mattered.

She was drawn from her haze by the gentle but insistent whispering of her name that indicated that this wasn't the first time the owner had tried to rouse her. As her vision cleared she was met with the kind, if not slightly concerned countenance of her adviser, Professor Thompson.

"Is everything alright, Wilhemina?" She could only nod dumbly in response. "I missed you in class this morning" the older woman added. "I know you said had a specialist appointment and might be late, but I got worried when you never showed up. Did everything go ok?" Wilhemina couldn't find the words to answer, couldn't find a way to explain how her life had been pulled out from under her in the preceding few hours. Her mouth guppied in response, producing several sounds that could have been the start of ideas but nothing intelligible.

Professor Thompson's brow furrowed. Over the years that she had known Wilhemina Venable she had always been impressed by her tenacity. For all this young woman had endured, she had refused to let it define her. She was always the first present in class, sitting front and centre, attention never wavering, even on the days Professor Thompson could see the tell tale signs of pain breaking through her indifferent facade. The tension in her brow and jaw, the twitch of her lips and narrowing of her eyes at each spasm, the shifting in her seat in a desperate effort to find some level of comfort. There was a hardness, a determination in the eyes of that girl which said she refused to give up which was notably absent now, replaced by a glazed, foggy expression that made Professor Thompson's heart hurt.

"Wilhemina," she tried again, "would it be easier if we discussed this in my office?" The redhead's eyes rolled up to meet hers almost drunkenly, obviously still not entirely processing the world around her. She managed a small nod, vacant eyes focusing somewhere in the middle distance. "Here, let me take your bag" she offered, hands floating just beyond Wilhemina's shoulders as the redhead hoisted herself to her feet, swaying slightly as she found some semblance of equilibrium.

Professor Thompson couldn't help but bring a hand to gently cup Wilhemina's upper arm, causing the younger woman to finally meet her gaze. Oh and didn't it just break her heart, the pleading terrified desperation she found in those deep brown eyes. "Come on, dear" she coaxed, "this way."

Wilhemina felt herself start to come back into her own body as she sat in Professor Thompson's office, old worn leather chair beneath her and warm cup of sweetened tea pressed into her trembling hands.

Professor Thompson noticed the change as well. "Easy, dear" she cautioned, as Wilhemina's shaking hands tried to raise the warm mug to her lips. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes" Wilhemina managed to rasp.

Professor Thompson reached out her hand to rest on Wilhemina's knee, rubbing slow comforting circles. "Do you think you can me what happened? Was it something at your appointment? Do you need another surgery?"

"No" Wilhemina whispered, teeth worrying her bottom lip before lifting her eyes to the older woman, who's warm gaze encouraged her to continue. "The surgeon doesn't want to do anything, doesn't think it's necessary to do anything. My mother on the other hand is not satisfied and won't be until I look *normal*"

"I'm sure she just wants the best for you" the older woman tried.

"She wants me to stop being an embarrassment. She flat out told the surgeon she doesn't care about my pain, she only wants him to fix how hideous I look." It was happening again, Wilhemina realised, the years of repressed pain and frustration spewing out of her unbidden. "The surgeon stopped recommending procedures when I was eighteen because they weren't likely to help but my mother kept insisting because I looked so hideous she couldn't stand it. She put me through years of pain because I was so ugly and she was so ashamed of me." Her voiced cracked as the tears she had tried so hard contain broke free down her cheeks.

"She was trying to do it again" Wilhemina choked. "She was trying to convince him to operate again and I finally told her no."

"And how did she take that?" Professor Thompson asked, almost fearing the answer. Wilhemina let out a self-depricating laugh through her tears, rolling her eyes. "Wilhemina," she added urgently, gently squeezing her knee to get her attention, "she didn't hurt you, did she?"

Wilhemina stopped at that. "Not physically, no." A beat of understanding passed between the two women before Wilhemina continued. "She threw me out, cut me off, told me I was completely on my own unless I agree to have the surgery. Told me I can kiss my degree goodbye." The older woman gasped. "I told her she could have it, I was done with her controlling my life."

Professor Thompson reached out to take Wilhemina's hands, squeezing them in her own. "That was so incredibly brave." Wilhemina let out a wry chuckle "You don't think I'm completely mad?" Another warm squeeze of her hands. "Absolutely not. I think you are so strong."

Wilhemina raised her eyes again to meet those of her professor, searching them for the signs of a lie. Finding none she felt her chin begin to tremble as she fought against the tears.

She lost. The tears came bubbling out of her against her will. Tears for the years of pain she had endured, both physical and emotional, at her mother's hands. Tears for the little girl who spent years in pain trying to convince her parents that it wasn't all in her head. For her childhood that had been stolen from her. For the little girl alone in a hospital, who's parents were far too busy to visit, who was left to rely on nurses for comfort and support. For the twenty four year old woman who had just lost everything.

She curled in on herself as much as her twisted spine would allow, rocking rhythmically backwards and forwards, trying in vain to offer herself some comfort. She felt the chair next to her dip and then she was being cradled in her advisors arms - how embarassing. But try as she might she couldn't quiet the hysterical sobs.

Eventually pulled herself out of the older womans arms, trying to regain some level of dignity. Professor Thompson gave her hands one last squeeze as she let her go.

"We will find a solution to all of this" she assured "but for now all of that can wait. You need to eat and you need to sleep. You must be exhausted" Wilhemina nodded, still frantically pawing at her tear-stained cheeks. There was no point hiding anymore, not after her earlier display.

"Do you have somewhere to stay?" Professor Thompson asked. "You're welcome to my spare room if not"

"No it's fine" Wilhemina replied, glad to avoid imposing on her professor further. "I have a hotel room."

"Ok I'll drive you" Wilhemina tried valiantly to rebuff Professor Thompson's kindness, but the older woman would not be dissuaded. And once Wilhemina realised how dark it had gotten she was secretly grateful.

As the car came to a stop in front what currently passed for Wilhemina's lodgings, Professor Thompson took her hand once more. "After work tomorrow" she pressed "I am picking you up and you are having dinner with me. It will give us a chance to come up with a plan for what happens next. I refuse to see someone as smart and driven as you are, Wilhemina, be sabotaged by negligent parenting. We will figure this out."

Wilhemina couldn't even bring herself to try and rebuff such kindness, for how her heart ached for it. Instead all she could manage was a watery "okay" and tremulous smile. As she walked back to her room she felt lighter than she had all day, tension finally beginning to drain from her body like water trickling down her arms and plummeting from her fingertips.

Exhaustion quickly rose to fill vacancy making her limbs heavy and fingers clumsy. Almost there, she told herself as she struggled with foreign keychain, not much longer. Just inside the door and then you can rest. But try as she might her exhausted mind could not make sense of the lock nor could it co-ordinate her trembling fingers well enough to keep hold of the keys which fell limply to the concrete just beyond her door.

It was as if the universe was laughing at her, she thought, as she gingerly squatted down, bending her legs to compensate for her immobilised spine. After all the humiliation she had endured today she could not be allowed to rest without at least one more reminder of her inadequacy. So fucking useless, the voice in ear chided, so fucking stupid. Hurry up and pick up the god damn keys and open the door like a normal, functional human being. Can you manage that much at least?

And maybe she could have managed it had the hand she extended to reach for her keys not been firmly crushed into the concrete and pulled away from her by a steal-capped boot, upsetting her precarious equilibrium and sending her sprawling face first into the concrete.

"Now, what's a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this?"

A/N: Ok, so number one - I'm sorry (ducks). I promise I won't hurt her too much. This part wasn't even in my original plan but then the angsty little plot demons took over and here we are. Number two - for those of you who are interested I wrote Professor Thompson with Prof. Stromwell (Holland's character from legally blonde) in mind because I think she is exactly the type of tough but caring person that baby Mina would be drawn to. But also because I'm dying to see Sarah and Holland work on a project together, so this was my own vicarious little head cannon.

#sarah paulson #wilhemina venable #lucyintheskywithxanax #mina #baby mina

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