Since I think about clones like I’m getting paid for it, I've been rotating those alternate universe "what if Bart and Thad were actually raised together" scenarios in my brain, with Thad either post-redemption-arc or pre-villainy. Because adjusting Thad's character to fit an ally role while still keeping true to his core motives and personality is so so fascinating to me.

Like I think there's an immediate first instinct to slot Thad into a "bad" twin category: ie rebellious and prickly, doesn't get along with people, mean lil shit. And obviously it's not wrong bc we're outside the realm of canon, but the reading still feels a little left of center.

Because Thad is mean and prickly in canon. In the Impulse comics he belittles Bart and Bart’s friends/family constantly in his appearances. He loves to goad, and monologue about his own superiority and intelligence. He’s very Not Nice, and he causes many problems, and he even does it on purpose.

But, I think it’s important to consider the context. From the jump Thad knows very little about anything except which team he’s on and who he’s playing for. He gets his orders from an unseen authority and he carries out his tasks because success means his team wins.

For all his self-aggrandizing talk, everything he does is in service of an end goal that doesn't actually center him. He's trying to get revenge for grievances he's never personally suffered, retribution for actions never committed against him. Everything he does is on someone else's behalf.

Thad sees in black and white, us or them. Up until the final few issues of Mercury Falling, Bart and co. are Thad's enemies, of course he's not going to be nice.

So Thad's motivation seems pretty simple: Thawne Supremacy™.

But it’s in Mercury Falling where this starts to fall apart, and the real core of his motivation gets revealed. Thad pretends to be Bart and suddenly Helen is nice to him. Bart’s friends think he’s funny. Bart’s teachers are impressed with his grades. Max ruffles his hair and gives him hugs and tells him he’s done a good job.

If he was actually an inherently mean and standoffish character, if Thad actually had significant personal stake in the Thawne VS Allen conflict, the weight of such tiny acts of kindness wouldn’t completely break him the way that it does in canon.

Thad thinks his goal is superiority and revenge and Thawne Supremacy™, but he's chasing validation. Thad doesn’t have a personal stake in the Thawne VS Allen conflict. He wouldn't get much satisfaction if he actually destroyed Bart and his family. Thad's personal victory would be the recognition after the fact: the praise and attention from the other Thawnes (a group of people he has literally never met) for his success.

He wants validation. That's basically it. And the fact that he gets it so easily from Bart's family and friends doesn't align with how he's told himself things are supposed to work.

Actually tangentially, Bart and Thad’s respective relationships to authority is so diametrically opposed and tbh kind of subversive in a superhero narrative. Where the hero is the one carving his own path without regard to social or societal rules, no fucks to give what anybody thinks of it. And the villain is a chronic people-pleaser.

Just based on Thad’s reaction to simple praise and affection from Max I really think Thad’s motivation has more to do with the response he gets than whatever the details are of any given task. He has no actual personal convictions beyond getting positive attention, and whatever he did have crumbled as soon as Bart’s friends laughed at his joke one time. Which of course leads into the core of his whole conflict at the end of Mercury Falling. He cares too much about Bart’s friends and family now, he doesn’t want to kill them, but worse than that, he’s faced with the sudden realization that he’s on the wrong side.

The Allens gave Thad everything he actually wanted and needed, but his conception of himself is inexorably tied to the Thawnes: who gave him jack shit. These two facts are in opposition to each other, and he can’t reconcile the reality of it.

Anyway all this to say, in an AU where Bart and Thad are raised together or Thad gets an actual redemption arc etc etc, I think my personal take on Thad’s personality whether it be pre-or-post-villainy would be one that is extremely socially conscious. He is much more of a people-person than Bart. Whether he's actually accurate in assessing people's feelings and how to respond to them can be hit or miss, but he wants to behave in a way that gets people to like him.

Pretending to be Bart isn’t remarked upon as, like, a difficult task for Thad. In his internal monologue he’s literally bragging to himself about how easy it is. But what’s especially notable to me is where his act differs from Bart's typical MO. Everyone notices, and lots of people comment, and presumably if Thad didn’t have the excuse of Max’s illness to “motivate” Bart to do better he would’ve been found out immediately. And those things are, specifically: paying attention in class, doing his chores, staying on task, and being helpful around the house. The one thing about Bart he chooses not to emulate is Bart’s rebelliousness.

Thad wants to prove himself, constantly, to whatever authority he respects (probably Max in this scenario) and will do whatever it takes to make that happen. In contrast to Bart, who only listens to authority when the shit they're saying actually makes sense to him. It’s excessively difficult to convince him to go against his own interests. (And I think a key part of that is Bart’s security in knowing that no matter how much he fucks up or doesn’t listen, the people he loves will always love him back.)

Thad’s got the people-pleaser in him that has to deserve whatever he’s given. It’s why he’s happiest when he’s given a clear goal or objective to complete, because it gives him an opening to prove himself.

All this to say that if we are quantifying Bart and Thad as a "good" or "bad" twin, in the eyes of every authority: Bart is the bad twin. Bart is the bad twin, Bart is the bad twin. Bart is the one who doesn’t care about school and whose grades vary wildly depending on his personal interest. He’s the one who goes off to do dangerous shit for fun and gets in trouble constantly and doesn’t do his chores and is thoroughly unconvinced by any authority figure trying to sell him bullshit. 

Thad is the one who needs to know all the rules just so he can experience the joy of following them. Relentlessly obedient. He'll put all his effort into doing all the right things that’ll endear him to whoever he wants to impress - meaning he’s the asshole who reminds the teacher about the assigned homework. Bart might be the most popular boy in school, but Thad is a pleasure to have in class.

Like Thad can (and should) still be high-strung and short-tempered and sarcastic and edgy and mean, because he is. But he can’t be doing all that without rhyme or reason. Colouring every interaction has to be that one-zero binary of ally or enemy. He needs to have somebody he’s proving himself to: a team he’s on and a team he’s against. He’s not an inherently rebellious character. He can go up against The Enemy, whoever he deems as such, but it has to be in service of a hypothetical future in which somebody eventually tells him he did a great job.

And in the interest of continuing to beat a dead horse, it connects to their respective upbringings. Thad and Bart were both raised in VR, but Bart’s experience had the side effect of basically hard-wiring him against insecurity. His world was a playground tailor-made for him, and he was never made to feel bad or insufficient about any aspect of himself. His first interaction with a real human person was Iris moving heaven and earth to save him, without him knowing her, without her knowing him, with no reasoning for the act needed beyond Being Her Grandson. Which is probably a significant factor in why Bart moves through the world with frankly atomic levels of autistic swag.

Thad’s VR upbringing installed self-consciousness in his psyche before any other personality trait. As in: he is immediately made conscious of himself and his relationship with everyone he will ever encounter. He’s told two things: he’s a clone of someone else (inherently derivative, lesser) and that he was made to be superior (a status to achieve). Which is such an instant clarifier for Thad’s everything. Where superiority is a condition that everyone either has, or does not. It’s the one-zero binary again: are they better than me or am I better than them. Being above others is mandatory, and if his superiority is ever challenged by hard evidence or god forbid nuance Thad’s brain physically cannot take it. He needs to be better, to be worse is unthinkable, and there is no other way to be.

And this status of better or worse is, crucially, not up to Thad to decide. He needs The Authority to validate him. Bart never tries to prove himself because he has nothing to prove. Thad’s entire identity hinges on the self-worth he gets from doing a Good Job.

It is such an inherent part of his motives in the Impulse comics canon, which is why it always feels a little off when he’s interpreted as a jackass indiscriminately.

Like I don't think he needs everyone to like him. But I do think he has either one person or a set of very particular people that he needs to like him. Everyone else is either in that circle or outside of it.

(Which is why Bart is such a great foil for Thad tbh. There is no set of words or behaviors that’ll change Bart’s opinion of Thad, because Bart is unaffected by obedience or charm. So ironically Bart is probably one of few people that Thad doesn’t bother to put on even a little bit of an act for.)

While Bart goes with his instincts, his personal beliefs and convictions at all times, Thad is hyper-conscious of big-picture goals. They balance each other out that way. Thad's keeping track of whatever expectations he has placed on him, and how his actions reflect on him and the team beyond short-sighted solutions. He's a team player. AND he's an asshole.

yea so the thing with steph's death is that i'm genuinely of two minds here actually:

on one hand it *does* fall under the traditional complaints of fridging being that it was a senseless, violent death of a female comics character whose death is used largely to cause bruce & tim pain ergo she was fridged

on the other hand, unlike a lot of female characters who have been fridged through the years (babs being the big one, shondra kinsolving being another huge one), steph's death and the lead up to it, despite dripping in misogyny, actually do lend her a ton of agency and personal narrative growth specific to *her* that other senseless female deaths and maiming aren't usually afforded. the fact that her death has an entire narrative arc leading up to her death (misogynistic as it may be) about her learning and deciding for *herself* what being a hero truly means to her, her fortitude despite black mask's torture and her pushing through to get herself to leslie's clinic to still try and help despite the horrors she just underwent is there to further *her specific* heroic narrative leading up to her death, not necessarily just to cause bruce pain. even her death--which has a lot of very problematic aspects to it, don't get me wrong--is focused on whether she finally achieved her goals of being a good hero, what she always wanted to be. it's horrific and misogynistic, but the entire event of war games leading to steph's death revolving and stemming from steph's mistakes -> steph's redemption->steph's death is fundamentally about her and her agency leading into her death. it's not until war crimes when it comes out she was actually killed specifically to character assassinate another female character in bruce's life & cause him anguish about leslie's betrayal that makes it more of a fridging than her actual death and the events leading up to it.

regardless of my opinions on how they handled claire and carmy i will say like...it is such valid "first relationship in your late twenties" representation. of course carmy is head over heels insane about her. she is the first good thing to happen to him and he has no way of knowing or believing it will ever happen to him again. of course he is dropping balls and isn't sure how to incorporate a relationship into his well-established life becuase he literally has no expirence doing that. he doesn't even know how to incorporate a FRIEND into his life that doesn't work with him or hasn't known him since birth. and of course carmen "self sabotage boy on fire ''you dug throwing up every day?'' knife tattoo "my family ruined everything that i enjoyed" berzatto is going to bail the second someone tells him he can't have it ?? like he already thinks that so of course he's going to take cicero's opinion to heart because here's this thing everyone else seems to know how to do that he doesn't and everyone is telling him that he's doing it wrong and don't fuck it up and but she's so nice like he's not nice?? idk i think he's being straight up stupid rn and i don't think the storyline was maybe written as well as i'd hope but also i don't think any of it was out of character as much as it was oddly handled to some extent

the greatest tragedy of the 2000s-era Batfam is the lost story potential that happened because Jason's villain era and the Evil Cass arc happened at the same time instead of when Cass was Batgirl

we really could have gotten Jason and Cass being narrative foils, ripping each other to shreds over their different morals and perceptions of Bruce, and stories exploring how they're basically each other's walking nightmare scenario and instead we just got Saturday Morning Cartoon Villain!Jason and Cass being character assassinated and then shipped off to Hong Kong

Every time I see a Nibelheim argument that boils down to "Sephiroth did the thing because his ego/pride was shattered" I want to rip my hair out.

one of the best things that ever happened in peaky blinders is tommy choosing not to go with grace at the end of s1 and staying because of his responsibility to his family

Jay's Prefered Study Method

First I read the material (obviously) and highlight what I deem important. I explain how in this post.

With the key information clear, I do conceptual maps about it. These maps are divided by specific topics.

I make questions, one or two for topic (usually they end up being somewhere between 9 and 20 questions). I make these practice tests through Uquiz. I found it really helpful because they are easy to make, can be re-taken multiple times and you can go see your own answers. (I use the free-text option instead of the scored test option). (I swear this isn't publicity for Uquiz).

I do this test two times (the first time with the help of my notes but trying to use them as little as possible and the second without the notes). I always say I am going to do it 3 or 4 times, but I'm a chronic procrastinator (in recovery though), so I don't have enough time for more. It isn't a problem for me because I have good memory, but still.

A few minutes before the test I re-read the notes to make sure everything is fresh.

my favourite thing about the always sunny podcast is listening to rcg all say something extremely neurodivergent and then agree amongst themselves and convince themselves its completely normal

thinking about writing a jmart fic inspired by my original story. would y'all read it or nah

"But then I realised that the things that interested me and brought me joy terrified and hurt everyone else."

I always wondered why Durin died in such a relatively good mood but Elynas' words make it make more sense. It's not that Venti's music kinda hypnotised him to make him stop attacking Mondstat; it's that he was just playing the whole time. Unfortunately, his idea of playing terrified and hurt the populace.

It's also interesting that Elynas has the potential to be brought back to life despite being an entire literal pile of bones. But it begs the question of what death is, if it is not a true death. What is it that makes his bones and his being remain, when all the small things we kill turn to dust? Why does Durin's heart still beat? Is Durin the mountain, now? Is the reason Dragonspine is so dangerous that, even now, he does not understand his own strength?

Tbh I think the main 4 of DGM represent the four loves (eros, philia, storge, agape) in different ways that frequently intersect.

Kanda is eros, romantic love, because of his motivation to find "that person", his lover from a previous life, who turns out to be Alma. As much as he doesn't want to admit it, he also experiences philia in regards to his bonds with Lenalee, Lavi and Allen.

Lenalee I'd say is storge due to the way her family is literally her world and what she will prioritize above all but like. Also philia, as she grants a similar importance to those she deems to be friends. She isn't agape because she lacks the love for mankind, as the Order literally beat it out of her thanks to the training and experimentation she was subjected to.

Allen is storge because of how defined he is by his relationships with his father figures but also agape with his firm love for humanity and akuma.

Lavi is philia and agape, as his most important bonds are his friendships with the other 3 and agape because of his position as a bookman. He is supposed to stay neutral and avoid friendships, which is what makes him closeness to the others all the more interesting.

These aren't set in stone as they all demonstrate philia, storge and agape in different ways, it's just that Kanda is the only one who seems to experience romantic love and have it as a key motivation in his arc.

Lenny summers isnt just a funny guy and he's not just a nerd. He's both. He's the funniest most heartfelt and hardworking guy in the gang and he was alone for three years it fucking Kills me that we don't know how he met Dutch and why Hosea didn't like him at first... He's everything to me okay. One of the first things you learn is that he's booksmart and he's so so eager to prove his worth

Do you know how crazy it is to me that one of the first things you do in rdr2 as an outlaw on a mission is save his life? In a quick time event? Do you know how crazy it makes me that his death seems like it will be the same but you can't save him that time?

I've never seen him discussed or revered in the way I've seen every and any other member of the gang be overanalyzed to hell and back but not him and I feel insane

narratively. in some weird way. lucifer and metatron want the same things. which is. huh.

i swear to god there’s like 2 people in the world that agree with me on the character astarion is on a fundamental level and i know both of them. and i feel like that should be evidence that i am wrong. and it probably is. i am insane. but i am free. and i would rather be insane than be rotating a boring character in my head 24/7

and the worst thing is that vergil DOES sucks. genuinely

Your honour, im bawling

I WANT TO DRAW LET ME SIT UP WITHOUT WANTING TO DIE PLEASE