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roseamongroses · 5 years

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Antithesis: (1) “cracks knuckles its time to get educated fools”

Summary: For their Junior project, Roman is unceremoniously paired with Dmitri.

He's hardly interacted with the guy, a strange occurrence since Virgil has had a weird/unexplained hate-hate relationship with him since middle-school. But it isn't like he's complaining. Dmitri's cute, he compliments Roman, and damn can he paint.So Roman may or may not catch feelings, and he may not be wiling to uncatch them anytime soon.--Dmitri returns the sentiment.

[General Warnings:] Misgendering, Past Misgendering, Past Bullying, Mild Sexual Content, implied emotional abuse, Cursing [Tags/mood:] highschool au, project troupe, fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters] Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana)

(1) (2)

R: hey this is Roman[star] [crown] [star]

R: what do you have in mind for the project??

---

As simple as that text was, according to his very reliable memory, it took him exactly an entire decade to work up the nerve to send that. And he was not a coward mind you- reasonably afraid of sudden movements, sure, but no damn coward. He made sure to inherit the fight gene when he was in the womb with Virgil, around the same time he graciously decided not to absorb the little shit.

As if to further emphasis the magnitude of his fetal sacrifice, Virgil gulped down the rest of the milk. Straight from the pint. Just as Roman poured his cereal.

Virgil raised an eyebrow, “What’s got you all riled up prin-cy?” he tossed the pint. Even though Mom wasn’t there to rag on him for being an absolute heathen, she could still do so later if he left behind evidence.

“Nothing, nothing at all.” He ate his cereal dry, carefully avoiding Virgil’s scrutiny.

“Oh--” Virgil choked, “Oh shit, what did you do.”

“Excuse me,”Roman squawked, “I did nothing, you here? I am a good child.”

“Fuckface,”

“We have the same face,”

“Fuckface,” Virgil flicked his dyed purple, and regularly straightened hair for emphasis, “Last time you didn’t actively shout your problems, we found several stray cats in your room--and then there's the time you lit grandpa’s shed on fire with your self care candles and then there was the homecoming incident of fres-”

“--Ok,” Roman interrupted, “--wow Virgil, drag up my entire hero’s journey while you’re at it,” he pouted, “It’s no big deal, really.”

“When the hero’s journey could make a convincing argument in a court of law that you’re unreasonably fire-prone, then yes it's a big deal Ro, spill.”

“I’m just a little,” understatement, “Overwhelmed, by our junior project--” It's definitely not the project, definately definately, definitely not the project.

“That thing?” Virgil frowned, confused, “Me n’ L, going down to the space-station to do interviews, and a couple of presentations, what's going on in the art department?”

“Fuckin’ nerds,” Roman snorted, stabbing his cereal again, “Pat jus’ had to switch last minute to help the new kid out, so Dee and I got paired together and he--”Roman looked up,suddenly very aware of how Virgil’s normally slouched position became deathly straight, face calm, “Uh...Virge…?”

Roman feels like he forgot something important.

Virgil smiled, “What did that snake-fucker Dmitri do?”

Bingo, that’s what he forgot.

It wasn’t like Virgil’s thing with Dee was something that could be traced back to one particular incident, more like a culmination of the two being forced into being in each others general vicinity when they did not in fact want that company.

Roman avoided that drama, mainly because Virgil and him could hardly stand each other at the time either. So most of what he knows is second hand.

Though Virgil has explained it as, “When he opens his mouth, my flight or fight response is activated.” and as far as Roman knows Dmitri just returned the sentiment.

Roman shoved another spoonful of cereal in his mouth, “Chill, it’s Nothing, really, just, he said something that caught me off guard, that’s all.”

Virgil’s eyes narrowed, “If he does it again, tell me,” he said, “Logan says I can restart the prank war with probable cause.”

Roman shrugged,“-Kay” he said

He will most certainly not.

---

D:Sanders? from 3rd block?

R: ye who else would i be??? where is this other roman???

D:Who knows? How do I know you’re not Virgil w/ Roman’s phone?

R: //gasp// i am no fake.

D: Proof?

R:[Picture: Roman’s knees are pulled to his chest, him pouting at the camera.

His hair dyed aubrun and thrown into a messy bun, paint and freckles littering his brown skin]

[ThatOneGuyThatVirgilHates <3’s a picture]

D: Oh thank god you are the cute one

---

[out of the way fives]

Hotleg: so.

Sipsipsippin: dammit roman.

Hotleg: i didnt even say anything how dare

Sipsipsippin:hon, i dated you, i know.

Hotleg: we made out like once

Sipsipsippin: i know.

Hotleg: it was like, eigth grade

Sipsipsipin: i k n o w

Hotleg: ok, ok wise and powerful, remington. Guess who it is, bitch.

Sipsipsippin: ill bite

Sipsipsippin: logan?

Hotleg:....

Hotleg: id say ew, but,,,im not entirely agnst that, ,,, i

Hotleg: nope no, it is not infact logan

Sipsipsippin: FUCK i owe pat a five

Hotleg:????betrayl??????in my sanctum????

Sipsipsippin: shh, i did not type that and you saw nothing

Sipsipsippin: gah give me a hint

Hotleg: hes,,,, good with his hands ;)

----

Remy slammed his hands down the table, “Roman you filthy animal tell me who it is.”

A few people nearby looked up, startled, but not entirely surprised. Patton still winced, pointedly looking at his book and pretending like he didn’t know these actual public disturbances but didn’t bother to move. Which is hard to do regardless, when one Roman has made your shoulder his home.

“Sorry can’t speak english,” Roman said, exaggerating his drawl. He picked off of the leftovers on Patton’s plate, avoiding the daggers being driven into him from behind Remy’s tinted frames.

“Patton, do you know?” Remy asked.

Patton frowned, “Know what?” He flipped a page.

“Our wittle Roman’s got a cwush.” Remy slid into a chair, grabbing a fry.

Patton tilted his head, giving Roman a smile, “A crush you say?”

“Shit.” Roman moved to scramble out of his seat, but Patton somehow managed to put down his book, and fit his arm snug around his waist, tugging him lightly back down.

“Pattonnnn,” He whined, “This is an abuse of my need for affection.”

“Poor baby boy,” Patton hummed, “So, about this crush.”

“C’mon Pat, it could just be a squish,”

“Ro, do you find all your squishies that attractive?” Remy said.

“I find all of my friends aesthetically pleasing, I love you all, lots. I would kill for all of you without hesitation.” Patton rested his chin on Roman’s head, “Did he talk about their hands?” he asked pointedly.

“He wrote poetry.”

“Not to romo,” Patton said, “but yeah it’s a Roman Crush™.”

“I just said how much I loved you guys and this is the betrayal I receive? I thought y’all were the Evagiline to my Ray- instead you’re the animation industry to my animators.”

“Bitch, you bugged me all last week about the same shit,” Remy shot back, lovingly, “Karma’s here, so tell me his name or I’m stealing your toenails and feeding them to your first born.” He sipped his drink, face victorious.

Mid gasp, Roman felt Patton’s grip around his waist tighten. He turned around curiously finding Patton’s attention no longer at the table.

Roman followed his line of sight, blinking, “Dmitri?”

“You have a crush on D--fuck,” Remy hissed, rubbing where Roman’s heel dug into his thigh.

“Sorry can’t hear you,” Roman gritted through his teeth, “--call again after the beep bi-Hi Dee!”

Patton leaned back in his chair, picking up his book again but had yet to remove his arm.

Dmitri shifted the tray in his hands, “Uh, hey,” he smiled, “Can I talk to you?” His hair was down today, the short bob barely falling past his shoulders, but his clothes were noticeably covered paint, yet frustratingly enough other than that, nothing seemed ruffled or half assed. All clean lines and angles.

“What about?” Roman’s brow furrowed.

“Yeah,” Remy chimed, waggling his eyebrows, “What abou-oW.”

Dmitri ignored that, “Can I talk to you,” He glanced at Patton, “Privately,” he emphasised, “I found some old art magazines and projects in the library storage room, Mrs. Ider said we can check it out.”

“Uh, okay,” Roman nodded dumbly. He hopped up, snagging a fry before he followed Dmitri.

Walking down the long stretch of hallway, Roman found himself checking his watch several times- something he hardly ever does. Yet, the uncomfortable silence lingered, with only Dmitri’s avoident gazes and the clicks of Roman’s boots to fill the silence.

Lucky for Roman, his tendency for avoidance was relatively short on supply.

“Did I do something wrong?” Roman forced himself not to wince at how needy he sounded.

Dmitri opened the door for him, blinking, “Of course--” his voice dropped to a a whisper as the entered, “Of course not, why do you say so?”

“You seem different?”

“We’ve hardly talked before, aside from text.” Dmitri reasoned, tone awfully similar to when Logan’s trying to justify consuming an entire jar of Crofters in one sitting.

“Dee,” Roman said, raising an eyebrow, “That’s true, but you’re hardly one to get… nervous,” he said, “I’ve heard enough stories from Virgil alone to know.”

Dee froze, neither smiling or frowning, “What… type of stories.” His cheeks were delightfully pinched pink. “Tell me what I did wrong and--” Roman switched on the light to the libraries storage room, hiding a wicked smile as he glanced back, “And I’ll tell you some of my favorites.”

“Just wonderful,” Dmitri muttered, stepping inside as well, “But truthfully you did nothing wrong, I just don’t quite know how to do apologies.”

“Same,” Roman said, “Where are the ‘zines?” he distractedly asked, dragging the step ladder from behind the door.

“Back, left shelf,” Dmitri replied. He steadied the step ladder as Roman climbed up searching the dusty shelves. “What were you trying to not apologize for?” Roman asked, dropping magazines to the floor beside him.

“The...flirting?”

“Oh just the flirting?” he paused, holding a magazine to his chest, “Oh.” he repeated, now breathless. Dmitri looked way, ”Yeah, it didn’t mean anything, sorry,” he said, “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend, I swear I’m usually only a little sleazy.”

“So,” Roman dropped the next magazine, ”It was a joke.” He said a bit quieter, the magazine slapped the ground with more force.

“So is everything cool or…?”

“Uh,” Roman breathed in, blinking rapidly, “Uh, yeah it's all-- Wait, did you say boyfriend?”

“Yes...Is he not?”

“Who, who would--Oh. Oh, No, Patton isn’t--” Roman’s shoulders sagged, “We’re just friends.”

Roman stepped down from the ladder and was met with Dmitri’s look of skepticism.

“Oh, then I meant every word.” Dmitri said, all too casually, “Are you always so touchy with your friends?” he questioned, voice softer.

“Only if they want to.” Roman shrugged, “What do you and your friends do?”

“I don’t have… that many,” Dmitri admitted with a shrug of his own, the two of them hefting up their own pile of magazines, “And the ones I do would probably punch me if I tried anything like that.”

“Do you want to be able to do that?” Roman questioned, tugging open the door with ease, holding it open for Dmitri with his back. Dmitri was quiet, the two settling the stacks onto a table.

“Hey you don’t have to answer it’s really no pressu--”

“No it's fine,” Dmitri said, hugging his arms, “I’d… think I would, but I doubt any of my friends would want to…” His nose curled, “They’d tell me to piss off and get a girlfriend,”

“Well,” Roman said, “I’m your friend, and I’m certainly not going to promote the heterosexual agenda, unless that’s your thing, so I guess the awful duty of cuddles befalls on me,” He winked.

Dmitri looked at him again, “...I guess it does.”

Ao3

#Roman Sanders #Deceit Sanders #Sanders Sides #Sanders Sides Fanfiction #Virgil Sanders #Remy Sanders #Patton Sanders #Deceit's name is Dmitri #Sympathetic Deceit #Roceit #Romantic Roceit #Multichaptered #Antithesis #Crossposted

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newmainolddead · 5 years

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oh did i tell you yet?

im so ridiculous

i've had the entire

wait, x is an actual thing people experience and feel and whatnot??? what does it feel like? what. i thought people made that up (/were exaggerating/only felt it if y).

uh, whoops?

fucking thrice

im such an idiot sometimes, first i thought sexual attraction wasn't an actual thing, then i realize, wait a minute, what do you mean only you feel your gender, when i ask, all i get in return is '??? what do you want from me now???', and then i realize i don't actually feel those romantic things people keep talking about either

best part is

a) im sex-repulsed, i just thought i was weird or prude or unnormal or antisocial or anything unnormal that makes people not want to have, no, that makes people loathe what humans are supposed to love

but i thought that was a joke too

b) im dysphoric. i just thought it was part of the above, since it's directed at my reproductive system. but i guess wanting to claw out my entire reproductive system and throw it away and sew the remains of what you can see of it outside shut and feeling that weird weird something concerning all of it isn't all too normal, even considering im repulsed. also, even if i will pretend to be cis, (there are no gender neutral pronouns in german, and 'then make some' doesn't work grammatically, and i don't think i'll change my nickname that can be used for male and female people, wouldn't know any exclusively agender names anyways) for simplicity, i am fairly sure im agender by now (do you see how much i feel the need to justify myself? can't you see what your doing to us?)

c) i want to be in a relationship.

i want it so hard, i just procrastinated figuring out my romantic orientation. i think deep down i knew. it was so similar to finding out im ace, actually, in how i thought 'it's the same towards everyone, maybe it's pan?', but it never quite fitting, the same meaning nothing yet again, all the same as just before i found out i was ace, everything. but i know just as much as i want a relationship, that i do not feel romantic attraction. i just had to know what romantic attraction feels like.

and even if i turn out 'just' a grey aro, maybe demi, i wouldn't know, then that's that.

and all that because people on pinterest commented that i maybe am ace

imagine i hadn't read those comments on pinterest on the 28th of may 2018

i would never have known any of this

i would never have realized im ace, or agender, or aro

none of it

i would still be questioning what the hell i could be

i would still think im just weird for being repulsed

i would still disregard that dysphoria

i would be in a bad fucking place

there is far too little information on anything concerning the aspectrum

there is literally no information unless you are actively looking for it and even then you sometimes don't find enough, or anything sometimes

how long did it take after all to find anything on what romantic attraction feels like, what gender feels like

hell, i knew of aces for so long, but didn't think i'd be one cause noone has ever explained what sexual attraction is to me (until the pinterest comments did)

everyone keeps expecting everyone to know and understand and get what sexual, or romantic attraction, or gender feel like, they never explain it, it's just a given

and those who don't get it are left in the dark, to find the light switch, trying to see what everyone else in illuminated rooms already saw so clearly

and every questioning person finds that light switch at some point

and those who don't get it are left to look for this light switch everyone keeps talking about, and the light switch just doesn't exist for some of us, or maybe we're just blind

and we will never see what is in this dark room we're in

no matter how much you keep talking about the room like we can all see it

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wyrmguardsecrets · 7 years

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I read a thing last night that reminded me of WRA. Figured I’d share.

Public Service Announcement:

If your friend abuses someone, and you know it, proclaiming to the victim that you ‘don’t want to choose a side’ IS choosing sides. You are choosing the abuser’s side.

If the abuser is your oldest and dearest friend, or a family member, and you think they’re working on their issues, or you don’t want to cut them off for whatever reason (you just like them better), that is your choice. You know what is also your choice? Whether you remain a constant low-level toxic presence in the life of their victim. Whether you try to get the victim to be an audience for your guilt or your exaggerated sense of “fairness” or “loyalty” or whatever.

Let me translate what “I’m really sorry that happened but I’m not going to choose sides” means.

• “I’m really sorry that happened, I am going to keep hanging out with your abuser, and I feel bad and weird about it, so, could you, like, absolve me of that in the name of fairness? I’d really like to keep seeing myself as a good person.”

• “I know your life is in ruins, but why should that change anything about my life? How is that fair?”

• “I know I’m supposed to say something supportive, but I don’t actually believe you about what happened.”

• “I believe you about what happened, but I liked my ignorance about what happened so much that I’d like your collusion in pretending that my friendship with your abuser can continue normally even though I now know that they abuse people.”

• “I feel guilty about not helping you enough before, and I feel guilty about not really wanting to make changes now, so here is this tired and generic phrase that allows us to pretend that this is about fairness.”

It’s self-serving bullshit, in other words. Saying that to a victim is you trying to justify your decision or make yourself feel better directly at the victim’s expense. Stop it. Make your choices, process all of the weird feelings that come up when you find out that your friend hurts other people on your own, without the abuse victim as your audience/feelingshelper. Don’t ask abuse victims for their blessing to keep your monthly “Abuser Bowling Night” going or do your processing of your feelings on their time. And if you don’t believe that the abuse happened, do everyone in the world a favor, and stop meeting the victim out for coffee or pretending to be their friend.

(Source: https://captainawkward.com/2014/11/10/643-the-stinking-pile-of-wordpoop-that-is-im-not-going-to-choose-a-side/ )

#submission #not a mod post

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