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golvio · 9 months

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Headcanon rambling ahoy, inspired by my thoughts from a Twitter thread that I had no room for, about a topic that people might not be interested in/care to hear contrasting headcanons about.

Again, this is a headcanon, not a theory or assertion I expect anyone to take as fact. These are my personal opinions on the matter, feel free to ignore them if you disagree with them.

Am I the only person who doesn’t really see Ganondorf as “dad” material? Besides the fact that he seems absolutely uninterested in procreation, much less marrying a queen or even having girlfriends. It feels like all the popular headcanons I’ve seen involve him having a gaggle of concubines and a million biokids, or he’s constantly adopting the younger iterations of Zelda & Link after being overwhelmed by paternal instinct, but…I just don’t see it. Like, I get that one scene with him tucking in an unconscious Tetra in Wind Waker resonated with a lot of people, but I feel like whatever sympathy he felt for Tetra was a very special case, given how he’s drawn to people he feels he has something in common with, particularly some sort of loss or denial of one’s ambitions or potential by The Gods/fate/Hylia herself/the royal family/whatever.

His aversion to/complete lack of interest in cishetero entanglements in every game he’s been in is to the point where, even if he’s not necessarily not attracted to women, I feel like there’s something about Gerudo culture that means marriage or even a totally informal romantic/sexual relationship with a woman would severely limit his personal and political autonomy as king. Also, the guy intends to live forever. He can’t really do that when he has a bunch of snotty, spoiled little blood descendants getting all uppity about their inheritance and trying to off him because he won’t get his ancient butt off that throne. Why on earth would a guy concerned with that carelessly spray his gametes around like some medieval European monarch?

The guy’s not even willing to marry a woman for political reasons! Not even for a land or cash grab from a rich and powerful family, or to stabilize relations with a warring kingdom, or to solidify his claim to a land he conquered, which was the only reason why nobles ever got married back then. He has kidnapped Zelda a million times, but has never once breathed a word about marrying her despite his whole schtick being the ultranationalist “Big Scary Foreigner Man Threatens Our Nation’s Fair, Nubile Women.”

I really do believe that one of the big reasons he keeps cutting ties with the Gerudo, beyond the political disagreements and murder and starting/continuing multiple wars, is that he cannot stand the pressure put on him as king to marry and make babies. He loves his culture. He loves his position. He loves his people (provided they respect him, keep their hands to themselves, and let him be in charge of everything). But he does not love the prospect of being passed off to someone like a prized breeding bull just because the elders of every tribe in the Gerudo region got together and decided she’d be the best candidate for queen.

And then there’s my general read on his personality. I can see him being the owner of many dangerous pets who he spoils rotten. I can see him tending a garden outside his castle full of brightly flowering ornamental plants (which are also very dangerous and would probably kill anyone who didn’t take the proper safety precautions). But I can’t see him raising a kid, whether from infancy or adopted at an older age. If he tried, he’d probably be really bad at it. The guy’s practically oozing generational trauma instead of sebum from the oil glands in his skin, getting it on everything he touches. He’s gotta sort his own business out before even considering taking on someone else’s. 😅

#loz thoughts #imo i also consider that in the games where he’s ‘won’ in the perfect castle he builds for himself he’s ALONE #no wife he took during the timeskip #no sexy scantily clad courtesans draped idly across his lap #in cadence he’s just got his big obnoxious pipe organ and ignores everything else #and in tears he has a throne big enough to fit a whole swinger party on top of that he occupies all by himself to meditate #he wants quiet and solitude for meditation or indulging in his personal obsessions #no toddlers running around #no spouse interrupting him with inlaw drama or reminding him of his Husbandly Duties hem hem #and that’s why i think that’s how he’s got his priorities set up #is he happy? absolutely not #but I don’t think he’d be any happier in an arranged marriage or with a baby dumped into his lap #any idea of ‘family’ he has comes from either his bioparents or his adoptive mothers #with him as the baby of the family and the only child and the center of attention #he would not handle being expected to play the june cleaver househusband or constantly self-sacrificing mom role well

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puppetmaster13u · 3 months

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Prompt 225

Klarion is EXCITED. He's absolutely DELIGHTED even, unable to sit still as he flits from place to place. His baby cousin! Is! Visiting! Which OBVIOUSLY means he, as the older one, must make sure the main places are still standing so he can show his itty bitty baby cousin EVERYTHING! After all, he's never gotten to be the older one! He's always been the youngest in the family! But now he has an itty bitty toddler cousin- form recently shifted to match- to teach the ways of Chaos to! He's so EXCITED!

The League and heroes on the other hand, are Very concerned about Why the Witch Boy has been spotted in practically every major city in the US in the last few days. What is he planning?!

#prompts #dcxdp #dpxdc #klarion the witch boy #Danny fenton #Chaos & Clockwork are twin primordials #Danny might be stuck in this toddler form while he grows up again but this won't stop him #He is down for playing with his new cousin- aka causing mischief & exploring #Klarion is the realms equivalent of a 6 year old #Chaos has a very hands off approach to parenting while CW looks like he has a hands off approach #He is in fact a bit of a helicopter parent just via looking through mirrors #Danny is his first ghostling and look at all the danger he's gotten into at the fetus age of 3 #He has a right to worry!#DC world is the equivalent of a playground for primordial beings to let their kids run around in #At least that's how they see it #Ghosts fight for playing so that's what Klarion does with the league kid/teen teams lol #There has been many a miscommunication due to most entities avoiding Realms beings like the plagues #space core danny #DANNY IS NOT GHOST KING

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cerubean · 3 months

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the boys had a fun day at the beach

#i didnt know toddlers could play in the water omg ;-; they can also play wave tag?? but it kinda just looked like they were running around #ts4 gameplay #s4mm #the sims 4 #simblr #s #jofl #the mancusos

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bambiraptorx · 11 months

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It's been like a month since I made an update for the get babied saga so here ya go

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 (Part 5) Part 6

also, bonus:

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sincerely-sofie · 2 months

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Been slowly learning ASL over the years for my niece and I might still struggle to introduce myself or express basic emotions, but oh boy do I ever have the sign for every animal she's ever laid eyes on memorized better than my own name.

#there's no study partner quite like a toddler who loves playing pretend #I'll be watching a video where Bill Vicars is finger-spelling at the pace of molasses and I'll be completely lost #but with my niece though?#she'll sign “DINOSAUR!!!!” and I'll say “ON IT CHIEF” and bolt to pull up an animation i made of Twig + Kip that she's obsessed with #You haven't lived until you ask a small child what animal she's pretending to be while she's racing around the room #and she freezes in place #turns to you with the most solemn expression #and gravely puts up her chubby little hands to inform you that she's a monkey #then goes back to laughing her head off as she runs laps around the couch #american sign language #sign language #asl #sofie says stuff

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dirtytransmasc · 1 year

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I have this HC for spider that I need to get out of my skull.

he was a cuddly baby. like, you could hold him, snuggle, even nap with him all day without a single complaint. he soaked up any and all physical affection he could.

now this isn't to mistake him with a sleepy baby, no no, he was something much more dangerous; he was the type of baby that would trick you into holding him all day, basically hiding his energy,, until you go to put him to bed, and he's up and running loops around you for hours.

basically, he was the perfect cuddle buddy, but he was also a ticking time bomb, because its so hard to tell when he needed to be held and given down time/a nap (cause he was god awful if he was over tired), when he just going with being held, and when he just wanted to be held (against the better judgment of his sleep schedule).

#this just feels correct #like spider just has mushy clingy baby vibes #but also hyperactive adhd baby vibes #this is the middle ground #and I love it #avatar 2 #spider socorro #miles socorro #miles spider socorro #he definitely put norm through it #and in my mama neytiri au #he definitely had neytiri wrapped around his little finger #she just can't put him down #not when he cuddles up to her so contentedly #jake was put through the wringer was norm refused to stop handling the nightmare that was a hyperactive toddler spider #who refused to go to sleep #and was running around the lab screeching. getting into things. climbing things that shouldn't be climbed. etc.#live laugh love spider

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spikes-got-anger-issues · 3 months

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Why did Spike run like that 😭

#just running around and flailing his limbs around like a toddler #I can't imagine how fun it was for Billy to play Spike though #and the quality for this video is worse than the others so I think I'll find another way to record videos but for now this will do 👍#disney lab rats #lab rats #spike davenport #lab rats spike #lr clip

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lesbianlenas · 4 months

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adhd hitting hard rn. i feel like my head is one of those kids toys w the balls in them that rattle when you walk it around. hold on. ok this thing i feel like this is what my brain is

#michelle speaks #and there is a toddler running around the room w it…..

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sonknuxadow · 11 months

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i know that canonically shadow just popped out of the tube with the body and mind of a teenager but i still like to think that he was a little baby at some point i love the idea of maria and her fucked up little cat baby brother thing way too much sorry

#its just so funny like imagine youre some random scientist in the sonic universe living on the space colony ark #and theres a little toddler running around whos supposed to be the ultimate lifeform #imagine he has all the powers and strength he does now he just cant control them as well. little baby who could beat your ass #gun: that is a dangerous fucking weapon #the dangerous weapon: *is just a little guy*

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pillowspace · 1 year

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Fascinated by how many people are picking the Daycare Attendant on that poll, I would have been soo scared of Sun

#i think sun would've liked me though which is a fun thought #i was always like the least chaotic to the point of always having to wrangle in the other kids my age #some of my earliest memories are... demanding a toddler my age to drop a sharp object #running after my friend who was ringing all the doorbells while i apologized to every person who answered their door #stopping a for-fun rock fight. twice at least #walking my friend home and comforting them after they got hurt #my mum also told me i've never thrown a temper tantrum in my entire life #oh telling my friends not to play by the fast river or frozen pond. yes i KNOW it's ice. it can BREAK. AND THE POND'S ON PRIVATE PROPERTY #[softly] why are you climbing so high up the tree #ohhh right yeah i forgot i also ended up having to help that kid get back down off the tree. just remembered #i was not the fuck around and find out kid. i wasn't about to let anyone else find out either #I COMPLETELY WENT OFF COURSE INTO NOSTALGIA. EXCUSE ME. my point WAS... i would have made it my goal to help with Sun's job #still wouldve been a little scared of him though

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hypocriticaltypwriter · 6 months

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IM GONNA BLOW UP ONE OF MY MANAGER AT WORK WITH MY MIND

These goober literally made had be working 6-12am, which hey, I didn't mind, it left me time to watch my MOVIE with my BESTIE Sky over here, before they literally just contacted me 20 minutes ago going "oh hey btw we decided to change your whole schedule and you're working till 4:30 without letting you know 🫡"

MY BOYS!!! THEY'RE DRAGGING ME AWAY FROM MY BOYS!!!!!

#cherry rambles #the lost boys #Oh woe is me having to work and keep a functional job/j/sarc #I DONT WANNA WORK ANYMORE #*runs away flailing my arms around like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum*

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thewizardthewitchandthewildone · 4 months

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also steel and sonder have a nine year old lil boi? i love suvi's siblings so much even before i meet them all

#steel is like being The Sword of the Citadel &#has a secretly witch husband & a bunch of kids plus her oldest running wild and a toddler running around lmao #worlds beyond number

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carry-on-my-wayward-butt · 11 months

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in my dream last night I was having a conversation with a 2 people I’d known for decades and one of them brought up how a third person looks like Joseph Gordon Levitt and I was like “no way!!! he does NOT look like JGL, JGL looks more like… like you actually! I’ve thought that since like middle school”

and the guy I was talking to was openly weeping because that was apparently the kindest thing anyone’s ever said to him in his entire life.

but I think I actually was just speaking to Joseph Gordon Levitt for real.

#op #the other girl was an actual cartoon #I think she was Susie from rugrats all grown up #also my toddler was running around naked #just toddlery things

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palebluerosary · 2 months

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This pregnancy has flown by so quickly I can’t believe it’s only two more months until my due date!! Can’t wait to meet our SON

#can’t wait to have my body back either #being highly pregnant with a toddler running around has been exhausting

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angelsaxis · 10 months

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Yes children should not be sexualized but there are some outfits that were designed exclusively with Sexy Adult Women in mind and putting something made entirely of strings and two pieces of actual fabric on a child is still Bad and idk why we can't have a conversation about this without people saying you're being the weird one for not liking outfits you'd expect on IG baddies to be on 3 year olds. Why are they sizing down IG baddie clothes. Before asking why an adult is rightly uncomfortable with the way some girls clothing looks ask yourself why these fashion companies are dead set on making girls clothes as small thin and revealing as possible (and why it's very clear they'd never dream of doing that with boys clothing)

#angel posts #idkkkk i cannot like.#wrap my head around the resistance #lile toddlers and tiaras weird as hell too #esp w swimwear cause like wow do we just not expect little girls to run around at all?#what about sun exposure the potential for cuts/scrapes like???

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britcision · 2 years

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ALRIGHT MY FRIENDS OF THE DP X DC VARIETY

Glowing green goo that fucks with death

It’s the trope, right?

We like it

You know who else has glowing green magic death goo?

KILLJOYS

I Can And Will Make Everything About Killjoys

They’ve got it ALL

Evil space lesbian queens

Magic green goo

Former assassins with a complicated relationship with murder

What do you mean “this is already a niche fandom do not pull even nicher fandoms into it”

(And yes that is Hannah John-Kamen in both gifs, no she is not playing the same character in each, she’s the main hero AND the main villain for half the series)

They even have one of THESE!

Honestly I dunno if I want Jason to have a conflicted stabby heart to heart more with Dutch or with Fancy. Or D’avin because Oh Yes We Also Have Mind Control

And like, most obviously of all

Killjoys is in space

Danny will Lose His Fucking Mind and go on immediate geek patrol, especially with Johnny and Lucy the sapient space ship

Give Fancy Lee (yes that’s the character name, yes he is exceedingly fancy) 10 seconds with ghost weapons

Also the three way showdown between Ra’s, Aneela (who yes does drink the green and gains magic powers) and Danny trying to explain that No You Need To Fucking Stop

Heck they even have clones

And best of all

I haven’t seen the final season of Killjoys yet either so it’d be 3/3 shows I haven’t finished

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