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itspileofgoodthings · 2 years

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A Jonathan Byers Meta

I’ve been thinking so much about Jonathan Byers and I have some thoughts (again). (Feel free to reblog if you want but please be nice if you do so!) Jonathan is a person whose core trait, one of them at least, is that he responds so strongly to context and specifically to the kind of context he understands and wants, a trait of many oldest siblings I think. And in that context he can be so many things he is not necessarily in every area of his life. So much of that forward moving momentum he has in the first couple episodes of the show where he’s doing so much so powerfully is caused by it being a context he understands and has chosen to embrace and live out to the fullest- the context of him being the most responsible/capable member of the family. He loves Joyce and Will; he hates Lonny and is going to keep him away from his family at all costs; he considers himself the one in charge. And there is a softness and strength to that that feels absolutely luminous, that feels like nothing can shake it. And so as the show goes on and the lens widens to include more characters and perspectives it feels like Jonathan loses power/feels a little lost/drifts out of the center of the story. And for a long time I considered that a failure of the writers. They paid attention to him at the beginning, I thought, but then dropped him and that wasn’t his fault. But I rewatched Stranger things (seasons 1 and 2) this past spring and actually the thing I saw that surprised me is it makes sense on a character level that he loses that central ground and power so to speak because he is put into a context he no longer really understands or just as importantly doesn’t really want to be in. And yeah I’m talking about his dynamic with Nancy. His dynamic with Nancy in those first few seasons confused me the most and for the longest time because it began so powerfully and then felt like it veered off course. I loved it so much, shipped it so completely, and then lost interest as the show goes. And again I blamed that on the writers (in a way I still kind of do because they’re clumsy but more on that in a minute.) But I think there’s more going on on a character level.

The first beats of Nancy and Jonathan’s story feel so powerful because it’s actually part of that same context of compelling power in which we first meet Jonathan (and if you’re me fall in love with him fast). Will is missing and Nancy steps in to not exactly his place in Jonathan’s family but the position he occupied--and that’s because a) she is trying to solve a problem that is connected with Will’s disappearance, b) she needs help while doing so. Jonathan responds to that context effortlessly and powerfully. He joins forces with her and without any question or hesitation takes care of her physically when she’s in danger. It’s surprising and it’s moving and it feels at first like just an extension of that quiet competence and force of personality we witnessed in the first couple episodes but this time in a romantic context. But actually, it still isn’t romantic with him. It isn’t for him for a long time. Basically until the writers force his hand. And that’s because ---and this SHOCKED me when I rewatched the first two seasons a month ago, almost to the point of anger and quitting the show forever--the show never actually succeeds in establishing that he likes Nancy as a person! It’s clear that the writers intend the audience to pick up on that subtext (or I think it’s clear that that’s what they want) but they bungle it badly if so. The actual basic cues that would tell us Jonathan has a crush on Nancy and have us buy it as a believable emotional experience are missing. There isn’t a scene or even a moment where in any way Jonathan expresses any kind of romantic interest in Nancy at the beginning of the show. It’s not part of the establishing his character. His reasons for taking pictures at the party are muddled from the perspective the show is trying to force and it doesn’t work because all Jonathan has done is be vaguely polite to Nancy at school, caught her eye (quite frankly ACCIDENTALLY that one time), and disappeared down the hallway at the speed of light every time she turns around. She was far more intrigued than he was. The show gives us that moment with tears in his eyes where we’re supposed to believe (I think?????) that he’s so upset she’s with Steve but it’s incongruous and feels so weird and jarring you kind of have to throw it out. Because the show hasn’t done any work of telling us why that would be the case at all. No pining gaze! No mention! No conversation! The conversation they have in the hallway doesn’t communicate longing on his part, only a desire to be away from the cool kids. There isn’t even a time where someone else teases him about his crush on Nancy, the easiest way to introduce the fact of one character liking another. It’s not much of a stretch to believe that he hasn’t really thought about Nancy romantically at all. In fact it’s honestly a stretch to think he does. And there other reasons for his being there that make more sense--though I do think it’s bungled from a writing perspective. He misses Will, he’s out looking for Will, photography is his passion (lol), he doesn’t like the cool kids, he stumbles on their party “eh might as well take a picture and be the cool outside observer that he is.”

And because the writers didn’t give us a clear and unambiguous liking of Nancy from Jonathan as a starting point everything that comes after between them, even romantically or romantically-adjacent in that first season, hits differently once you watch it patiently and closely. It becomes clear that all of Jonathan’s care-taking of her is response not to her as a person he is romantically interested in, but response to context, to being the responsible one, the helper. He gets out her sleeping bag and puts it on the floor because he’s really not thinking with any part of his brain about how he’s in the room of the girl he likes. Because he’s not! He’s there as a larger part of the context the show established for him in the first couple episodes--his family, his role as caretaker. And of course that doesn’t mean that Jonathan couldn’t fall in love with her later just because the story never actually established that he liked her romantically when it thinks it does. Of course that could come later, come OUT of their interactions. but .... it doesn’t. It never really comes through. The most powerful part of their story together is the first part because it’s the only time in their relationship where Jonathan is moving with that characteristic firm decision making and competence. He’s very powerful when he’s saving her life. But everything else feels flat. And part of that is because he’s not a person who changes easily or very much at all. There are things about him that feel powerful and real and RIGHT and then there are things that just feel like him doing what the writers want him to do and those aren’t the same. Everything having to do with Nancy romantically feels like the second thing, like something the writers are making them do. The show even has to use Murray to get their romance actually jump-started because these aren’t really characters electrically drawn together. And so some of the stuff he says, the romantic stuff--it’s easy to handwave. And/or to find other reasons. And no this doesn’t have anything to do with shipping bias, though my shipping has been influenced by paying close attention to his behavior and actions. Because despite the power of Charlie Heaton in a gray sweater backlit by the red light of the darkroom with his hair falling over his face, nothing about it hits the way a Jonathan emotion should hit. And it should hit! The right stuff does! He’s brilliantly and truthfully acted and he’s layered and the right Jonathan moments SING. He’s not really a talker, not fundamentally, he doesn’t show his heart that way but in actions and only some of his actions with Nancy, the ones that really are just part of the context he’s comfortable with, really ring true. The point that I’m trying to get at is that when you look at those first few episodes really closely, emotionally there are only really three things that are actually--in character and in truth-- established about Jonathan’s heart.

They are. One- he loves Will. Will is his person, his world, the center. The one he’s always going to protect first, think about first. Will tells us he doesn’t have friends and Jonathan protests it but that probably came from somewhere. His favorite person in the WORLD is Will. The context of Will’s disappearance highlights that so clearly of course but I think we’d see it even without that. The second thing is that he loves Joyce but he doesn’t particularly trust her judgment, considering himself more of an authority on what this family needs than she does. This establishes a distinguishing quality in him, a pickiness and choosiness and prickliness that is essential. He won’t love blindly and he certainly won’t let just anyone in. (When he says he doesn’t like people we should maybe perhaps believe him and not pass him off as a secret softie.) Joyce is part of his inner circle (I love their relationship a lot actually) but he is not uncritical even of her. This is someone who likes to keep people out because this is someone who doesn’t have endless patience for people and the way they do things. He wants things HIS WAY. His way is domestic and so is the context- he’s frying an egg and it feels so homey and good you want to say he’s a softie and a cinnamon roll- but it comes out of a character who knows what he wants. And the third thing, hilariously enough, is that he hates Steve! Somehow the Duffer brothers DO establish this in a far more convincing way than they establish him liking Nancy. He tells Nancy “he doesn’t like most people” and this is true but Steve is a little bit of an exception in a worse way, as the leader of the popular kids. He’s the figurehead for all that Jonathan dislikes and despises and wants to keep out of his inner circle. The fight that Jonathan and Nancy have in the woods feels far more about his disdain for the cool kids than it does about him really liking her and wanting to rescue her from that. The nerd lecturing the girl who wants to be cool and telling her she’s better than that is a stupid trope and one far less romantic than it thinks it is but because the show has established, intentionally or not, that Jonathan doesn’t really care about Nancy romantically all that comes through in a truthful way is that he doesn’t like popular kids. That emotion, that dislike and almost disdain that lives at Jonathan’s core, is expressed far more authentically than any warmth towards Nancy and it’s so telling that it’s that dislike that collides with the other strongest feeling of his life, loving Will, and leads him to half-killing Steve in the street. The warmest Jonathan ever acts towards Nancy is the warmth of context and the warmth of Will (in his absence) and when those reasons fall away you’re left with something curiously cold. And Jonathan, when he loves, is not a cold person. He’s not a chill person. And so watching him do things like give Will Nancy’s gift to him (a hilarious moment), make Nancy leave out the window (actually very dark and strange considering that Joyce knows they’re sleeping together), literally forget Nancy exists when Will comes back and it’s him and Joyce and Will again, ---you can try to tell yourself that that’s just how he loves. But it isn’t. Because we know his warmth in his hatred and in his loves. And for Nancy it really is just kind of “ehhh.” It’s indifference.

tl,dr; the show thinks that it’s telling a convincing love triangle for sure. But because they don’t establish liking Nancy as a person as part of his character early enough and because he isn’t a character whose fundamental traits change or change easily they don’t actually build a convincing enough romance. It’s because Jonathan is a person who responds to context, even the wrong one, and because Nancy has her own journey and insecurities to work through (a different meta) they stay together for a long time. But it isn’t satisfying and it doesn’t work because it doesn’t actually strike deep enough in Jonathan’s heart. It’s not a context he really wants at his core. If he falls in love it’ll have to be with someone he wants to allow right into the very center of his life and heart and right now he’s not interested in anyone being in that place except his family. And so because he’s kind of stuck in this situation (of his own choosing, I’m not absolving him of that) because Jonathan likes routine and to keep doing the same things and is not self-motivated in the most powerful way to be able to get out of this romance—-he drifts to the edges and stops really doing anything interesting at all. He starts doing pot, won’t go visit Nancy on her spring break etc. He’s not really the boyfriend he could be in any way because I think fundamentally he doesn’t want to be. And the show may put other words in his mouth about this, I kNOW that the show doesn’t completely agree with everything I’ve written here. But it seems to me the only true way to read him in light of what he actually does and how different it is when he’s acting with his whole heart and when he’s not.

#jonathan byers #stranger things #thanks for coming to my ted talk #don't know if i should tag this as j/ncy? don't want to clutter the tag #anyway i think charlie heaton knows this and is playing it that way #for reasons unknown #though i always kind of think one of the actors in a love triangle always knows when it isn't really them and withdraws their character #jonathan through charlie heaton's portrayal is not fighting for nancy #as emma said once he simply won't finish the emotional beats that would sell it #he could have had a pining gaze in the car at the end of season 1 but he didn't want to #he could have watched nancy and steve make out with jealous longing but actually he leaves at the speed of light #and it's not HURT that makes him do so. he's just gone #jonathan hates high school and also steve. is indifferent to nancy but will use her for his purposes. and loves will #i'm telling you it is the absolute a) funniest b) tRUEST reading of his character #anyway love triangle stuff always works like this. you simply can't keep three people in a romantic space and expect them all #to be equally invested #it's not going to happen. the magic of storytelling won't actually let it. there is no 'both sides' in love triangles #because romance is a two-way street #one of the three doesn't want to be there!#actually steve is the only one who genuinely loves here. nancy is on a girlboss journey and needs to UNCOVER her love for steve #which right now is just a liking that is very right but hasn't examined #anyway very funny that jonathan would hate steve #very right that steve actually has romance at his center and core #he has no family!!! no context!!!! not even really any friends!!!!!!!!#romance is the lifeline back to goodness for steve. family is that for jonathan but because it's his first context #it's easy to lose and take for granted which is what he HAS done which is why he hasn't really grown.#i love jonathan he needs to get his shit together in season 5. come save will idiot!!!! he needs you #ANYWAY THANKS FOR READING

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kiss-me-muchoo · 4 months

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𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐮𝐬 || 𝐄𝐧𝐳𝐨 𝐕𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐜 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲_ you are the girl who does the makeup effects for the society of the snow and you fall for el pendejo de Enzo (no te creas, papi tkm💋). But you start avoiding him because it’s not correct to fall in love with someone like him.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬_ AGE GAP (I’m turning 20 in March, let me live my fantasy), angst, fluff, Spanglish fic (I’m Mexican American, I know what I’m writing), reader is in denial and speaks Spanish, idk misunderstandings?, happy ending (irl Enzo nunca nos va a pelar)😭

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞_ I hate Spanglish but how can I keep both mi gente latino and my RAHHH🦅🇺🇸 people happy? With a Spanglish fic. I let go all my frustrations y lo ardida que estoy con cierto uruguayo.

♪ ♫ 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝟒 𝐄𝐧𝐳𝐨 𝐕𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐜 ✰𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱

@kissmemucho on X // @_hannia.k on instagram

「 𝐃𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐚_ para todas mis Enzo-motomamis del grupo que ya las quiero un montón y para Juani, que el hijodesuputamadre nunca me ha likeado ni topado. Me volví el joker y ahora soy hater (igual tkm jUaNi) 」

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One day, you started hating going to work. It was half work, half practice for college. Still, you started hating it. From moving some months to Spain to work on the makeup team for a movie, to spending hours with each actor to do their makeup.

That wasn’t the issue though. It was just that… uh… gosh.

You had developed a crush for that man called Enzo. It was so cringe to admit. And it tore apart you because he was significantly older than you. He would never turn to look down at you. That was the most honest thing about the whole thing. Only that you were even depriving yourself from being his friend.

But god, his pretty nose and deep eyes. His soft hair and perfect smile. The way he was so kind to everyone and to you. Soon you learned he was single too. It was so damn much that it made you so mad. He was perfect. Gorgeous in every sense.

And that’s exactly why you now hate going to work.

Sometimes the aura around the team seemed to be heavy due to the context of the movie. You had seen how every actor started to lose weight and prepare for the role. Which was a little tough. Anyways, everyone in the cast believed you were a burst of sunshine at least. Who seemed to make the hours spent seated on a chair with makeup and prosthetics being placed a little more fair.

“¡HEY!…GUAPA, VENÍ PARA ACÁ!” You heard as soon as you entered the workplace. Once you spotted the little circle of boys, you rolled your eyes and giggled.

“¿Y ahora qué se te ofrece Juani?”

“Que confirmes si vienes a cenar con todos” you looked at the others. Matías and the others were exchanging looks, with none other than Enzo. You don’t even look at the man, you can only focus on the boy with annoying blue eyes.

“Cómo jodes, chico. Ya veré si voy o no, tengo mucho que hacer” that was true, you had a lot to do. But mostly, it was because you believed you had nothing amazing to share with them.

“Podemos esperarte.” Enzo said, which immediately made your stomach flutter and your chest to get congested. He was wearing some t-shirt and those damn Adidas joggers he liked to repeat on a daily basis.

The fact that he suggested waiting for you to go out and have dinner should’ve made you blush, but it only made you nervous, increasing your eagerness to run away from the little circle of men.

“No pasa nada, váyanse ustedes. Que se la pasen bien…” and poor Enzo, he watched how you disappeared through the hallways with your big bag full of makeup and brushes.

“Ya va a caer…”

“Pero ni me gusta” everyone giggled. Enzo knew you were younger, of age, but younger. He also knew you were from a little too far away from Uruguay, that you were bilingual, that you were passionate about writing and other arts, that your eyes were lighter than expected in the sun, that your hands were very soft and that you were so extroverted with everyone except with him.

“Sos idiota, si no te gustara no te hubieras quedado como mogólico viéndola irse”

“Pero es una niña…” he tried to reason.

“La veinteañera universitaria que trabaja aquí en producción y anda sola por la vida” everyone laughed again. You were certainly an adult. Yeah you still acquired toys, listened to silly music and watched Barbie or Bratz movies. But you were legally an adult.

Which led Enzo wondering if he could ever have a chance with you. You had seen a lot of people, with how many times you had travelled to Los Angeles, the heart of Hollywood and everything, sometimes he doubted you could be interested in him.

But no… he definitely hadn’t caught an eye on you.

…

It was a Friday. A week from the day you rejected dinner with your workmates. Nothing serious happened after that. Juani made fun and exposed you with random tweets like a bully. He was laughing his ass off of you, so shameless and stupid. However, you on the other hand… were dying out of embarrassment. Especially after seeing how many people started following him. Then gifting him with an army of girls starving for shitpost around the internet.

“Si no estuvieras por grabar una escena tan desgarradora, te ahorcaba en este preciso momento, Juani '' you wanted to kill him. He had posted online two videos of you dancing like the proudest stripper, a picture of you rolling your eyes that looked extremely silly and dorky. Two audios of you cursing in Spanish and saying how much you hated capitalism. And he even made his own stickers of you to pass around the group chat of the cast.

“Eso te pasa por ¡RIDÍCULA!” The tone he used, extremely mocking you was enough to make you laugh along with him and caught the attention of everyone surrounding you two.

“Pues nunca te conseguiré el follow de los ex-One Direction” he stopped laughing, knowing you had made him remember his humbling twitter posts.

“¡Qué boluda… y pesada!”

“Okay, pinche ardido” one of the design team members from the movie appeared and handed you a little paper. It was the list of your schedule. Juani snatched it and opened it before you could even blink.

“UYYY… te toca todo el día con Enzo” he started teasing you like a child. You rolled your eyes in annoyance.

“Pero la boluda y pesada soy yo”

“Pues si” you finally read the paper and yes… 3 hours with Enzo.

“Well… it could be worse” you admitted sighing, accepting that you would spend three hours swallowing your pride and pierced feelings.

“Dejáte querer…” you frowned confused at the boy beside you.

“What?” You asked laughing, but he only shrugged.

“Nothing, dear” once again, you rolled your eyes.

“De verdad eres medio insoportable” he batted his ears, acting innocent. Deep down, both of you were actually friends.

“Te quiero” he responded, making you laugh once again.

“Si, yo también. Mi pendejito favorito”

“No, ese debe ser Enzo” this time, you blushed.

“Como chingas con meterlo en nuestras conversaciones. ¿Te gusta o qué?” He laughed, helping you out with your heavy bag full of brushes and capes and everything.

“No. ¿Y a vos? ¿Gustas de Enzo?” You remained quiet, pretending you hadn’t heard him.

You opened the door of the little room, surprised to see Enzo already there. So you grabbed the bag from Juani and started closing the door.

“Adios, naco perdedor” and just like that, you closed the door on his face.

You sighed, closing your eyes, before staring at the plain door for some seconds.

“Hola…” you heard his deep and sweet voice. It was just… that you had to be a big girl and leave aside your foolishness for that grown ass man. He was just a crush… a simple mortal at the end.

“Hi…” you replied awkwardly. You had seen the following section of his instagram, the most pretty girls, very different from you. Which made you feel… like it was auto-sabotage. But before you could start feeling depressed again. You decided to keep working, the only reason why you were in that room in the first place.

He would think you kinda disliked him. Every time you entered to work on his makeup, he would be smiling and trying to talk to you. And while you were polite and smiley too, you remained very quiet, always avoiding his cute eyes.

“¿Cómo estás?” He would ask, looking at you through the mirror in the room.

“Pues muy bien, gracias.” You would reply, turning to open the boxes with prosthetics and other special effects makeup. And he sighed, already feeling a little disappointed.

“¿Me permites tus manos?” You ask him. He shows you the palm of his hands with another smile, which you reply quickly. Your heart started pounding as soon as he walked into the room.

“Perdón si estoy fría.” You admit with a blush, knowing the tips of your fingers were freezing.

“No pasa nada, linda” he had to be joking. He couldn’t call you “linda” just like that? However, you do your best to ignore it.

So you start making little lines of the paint samples you had taken. Until you noticed which one was identical to his skin.

“Okay, I got it.” You speak to yourself, out loud though. Sometimes Enzo questioned if you weren’t fluid in Spanish, but he had heard you talk and talk with other people in Spanish. Your accent was so clean, so different to the rest of the crew.

“¿Te molesta si pongo música?” You ask him, grabbing your phone.

“No, para nada.”

“Nomás no me vayas a juzgar” you giggle without looking at him, scrolling through your playlist.

It was the first time you attempted to joke with him. And he wouldn’t risk the opportunity.

“Jamás podría…” you only thank him before starting to play some music.

He was used to your touch now. You had small and soft hands compared to him. Every time you had to pick the right tone that matched his skin, brush his hair and work inches away from his face. It was insufferable for you. And to him… it only built more intrigue.

He listens to how you barely mumble some songs.

“¿Quién es ella?” He asks at the song.

“Nelly Furtado” you reply, concentrating on his hands, starting to draw the fake wounds. Promiscuous was a great song to feel empowered while trying to beat the feelings for the man who was extremely close to you.

Some minutes passed and then Madonna came with Dress You Up and Enzo barely got it right. You sing very low and he tries to hear you with precision.

“¿Y esta?” You ask him when gorgeous started.

and God, that damn song was like a curse and blessing at that very moment.

You're so cool, it makes me hate you so much

(I hate you so much)

You've ruined my life, by not being mine

You're so gorgeous

I can’t say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

That was you. That was how much you hated your feelings for him. Because he would never be yours.

And somehow, Enzo got the message. He wasn’t sure but he felt how you changed the way of singing and avoided his eyes.

“¿Y esa quién es?” He asked once again.

“Esa es Taylor Swift”

“No la conozco” you giggle, ignoring the song a little bit.

“¡Enzo, por Dios!. ¿En qué mundo vives?” You found it very hard to believe he didn’t know half of your musical taste.

“Pues en Uruguay…” for the first time, he makes you laugh and talks to you so fucking much that you have to stop spreading the fake dirt on his face.

You're gorgeous

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad

There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have

You are so gorgeous, it makes me so mad

You’re so gorgeous

“¿Por qué nunca sales con nosotros?” He asks suddenly, and it takes you aback. That you end up looking straight at his face.

“Tú tampoco sales, prefieres quedarte en el cerro” he laughs, feeling a little too comfortable under your touch on his cheeks and chin.

“He salido dos veces con ellos. ¿Y vos? Cero…”

“Estoy ocupada.” You simply reply.

“No es cierto. Por ahí me dijeron que te la pasas viendo películas y escribiendo fanfiction” you blush, but you keep working.

Actually, last Saturday was the first weekend you cried because of him. You couldn’t even stay at a local bar. You left your friends there to go home. New addition to your routine.

“Maybe… ¿pero a ti qué si no voy?” You ask giggling, hoping he would drop the issue. You pause the music and slip your phone inside your bag before returning to him. Scared of his possible answer.

“Pues… porque te quiero ver” your hands start shaking.

“¿A mí?”

“Si. A ti, linda” he senses how taken aback you are. And he realized, that he had adapted some of your slang words from all the time he spent with you.

“¿Por qué yo, Enzo?” He smiles, and you want to kill him. He made the gesture like you had been so oblivious for ages.

“Porque…” slowly, he grabbed your wrist, preventing you from keeping working on his face. He touches you with such gentleness that it makes you finally start shaking.

The way he looks at you. It must’ve been a dream, two pairs of eyes deeply connected. He was silently revealing he liked you. Once you get it, you shake your head, his eyes giving you some confirmation.

“No..” You brush away from him.

“Si… tal vez suene raro o no me creas… pero, vos me gustas. Por eso quiero verte y busco tus bonitos ojos cada vez que trabajas conmigo…” you sigh, dropping the brush and paint a little too violent.

“¿Y por qué yo entre tantas diosas que están a tus pies?” You are fighting against the tears already forming on your eyes. He remains quiet, and to you… that’s an answer.

He doesn’t like the way you are being too negative. But you don’t like having that conversation at all. You are shocked, and you don’t feel in love at that moment. You feel panic and stress.

“Fui al bar el sábado pasado y te vi con la chica rubia. Si te gusta alguien no dejas a la chica rubia hacer ni un movimiento. No te encuentras en redes a las chicas a las que les das reacciones” maybe you had no right to be so angered. But it had been two months, and everything had worsened. At that point, your eyes were already red and crystallized.

“Nada de eso significó algo”

“Si fue algo. Fue tu cuarteada en lo que buscabas la manera de acercarte a mí. Por si no te resultaba la cosa conmigo…” again, he remains quiet.

“This is bullshit. Mira Enzo, he estado aquí desde hace dos meses y nunca te acercaste. No te salió el amor por mí hoy” you spit with anger, grabbing your paint and makeup, hurrying to get out of there.

“Me has gustado desde la primera semana cuando te conocí. Pero tú no me quieres, y por eso te evado. Aparte del dilema de nuestra age gap, que podría ser un problema” you explain putting your coat on and grabbing the bag.

“Y eres una persona hermosa, Enzo. Sé que eres el amigo y novio perfecto. Pero mi intuición me dice que me vas a lastimar” he steps between you and the door. The proximity worsens everything, he wants to end it all for once with a kiss to make you feel the way he does.

It was already difficult for him. He had felt slightly depressed while filming, he felt weird, in company but alone at the same time. And he believed you were the right burst of sunshine to lighten his weird mood swings.

But you believed he was lying. He honestly felt hurt that you were mistaking him for some womaniser and asshole.

“No te vayas, por favor” he pleaded, shocked to see your teary eyes. So he started questioning what you said about being hurt.

“Ya acabamos, no te preocupes.” You manage to slip beside him, opening the door and leaving him alone.

The dramatic moment culminated in Enzo feeling more depressed and giving a sadder performance for the movie. For you, it gave you a reason to cry in the shower and stare at the balcony of your place for hours, contemplating the sky and feeling so damn weird.

…

You have flashbacks of seeing him laughing and letting the blonde girl at the bar whisper in his ear. His honest smile and how he admitted he liked you a day ago.

You wished for weeks, now months that he confessed his feelings for you. But the moment he does, it feels wrong. Like it wasn’t meant to happen. Because he’s older, he’s got more experience, he had a very extended long-term girlfriend once, he is too much unlike you.

Maybe it wasn’t meant to happen and this is how it was supposed to end.

With you bursting out in tears and anger. Him believing you were crazy, but you had a point.

He never made a move. Just trying to talk, but he never invited you to do anything with him, or just to stay with him during the free days. It seemed unreal that suddenly he liked you.

And maybe you’re just scared of falling in love, because he could unintentionally but potentially break your heart.

Nonetheless, on the second day you want to distract yourself, it’s Saturday again and you go out alone to jog, then to buy some new clothes and you are about to prepare your dinner when the pain in the ass of Juani asks you to go out for some tapas.

You agree because you really need to distract yourself from thinking about the whole cringy issue with Enzo.

Probably everyone in the production already knew. But you would shut your mouth just to let the rumours die.

You start your walk towards the restaurant when he sends you the location. It’s a few blocks away, and you frown when you see what type of restaurant it is.

“amiguito, pero creí que querías tapas. Este es un restaurante vegano” you send him a voice message. And he replies immediately.

“Ay pues para ser fitness un día nada más, chica. ¿Ya vas para allá?” You roll your eyes, not that you didn’t like vegan food but you wanted tapas.

“Si, morro meco. Ya estoy a un par de cuadras” you send back, putting on your EarPods and route.

You realise how much you like wearing sneakers, long dresses and coats with matching purses. Perfect for the weather and your silly thoughts of walking on the streets along some cool music playing in the background.

Until you arrive at the restaurant and you don’t spot Juani. But maybe he was on his way. So you order first, grilled tofu with vegetables and tangy sauce.

It’s a cute place, and by the time you find a table, it’s already dark. The restaurant has candles everywhere and quality music playing.

When you start closing your purse, you look up and you freeze. Because you see Enzo entering the place, with a tiny bouquet of flowers on his right hand and a water bottle on the other.

He was wearing jeans, a random buttoned shirt and dark sunglasses.

Oh, fuck him. Of course he knew he looked gorgeous.

Quickly you change from your seat, giving your back to him, hopefully becoming invisible.

Your fingers rush to find the contact of Juani and send him a violent voice message.

“Oye, ¿por qué carajo no has llegado? ¿Y por qué Enzo Vogrincic está viendo el menú ahora mismo?” You send and he starts writing.

“Es que él es vegano…” he writes in text, which boils your blood.

“¿Y eso a mí qué chingados me importa, Juani? Ven ya y sácame a escondidas o te juro que me voy a colgar del primer poste de luz que vea” you silently scream, lowering your voice.

“No puedo” that’s it, you’re going to die in a vegan restaurant while Enzo Vogrincic orders food.

You are about to stand up when he literally appears on your table.

Qué hijo de puta, y todavía te sonríe y todo.

“¿Y el Juani ya viene o no?” You ask, trying to sound confident.

“De hecho no va a venir” right, pinche Juani idiota, qué gran amigo y todo.

“That’s it. I’m leaving!” You mumble sighing, standing up from the table, when Enzo grabs your forearm and makes you sit again.

“No, vos te quedas. Mira, te traje estas” he hands you the flowers, yellow tulips.

“Yo nunca le he dicho a Juani… ni a Matías cuáles son mis flores favoritas” you frown confused, grabbing them.

They’re beautiful.

“Tuve que buscar por mi cuenta” he admits, and you frown deeper. Until you open your eyes in shock.

“¿Me zorreraste mi Instagram?” Enzo starts laughing, and you blush. He takes a seat and drops the receipt of his order on the table. You read it, chickpea pasta with arrabiata sauce and zucchini.

You read his order just to avoid looking at his eyes.

“Dejáme explicar todo…” slowly, you look at him. You are still on time to ask for the food to be to go, you can leave and just let this strange issue wash away.

But a waitress appears with your tofu and the pasta. You awkwardly smile and say thank you as well as Enzo.

“Pues ya que…” he smiles, thinking your eyeliner was so perfect. Your dress was cute and the coat made you look elegant and fine.

“Vos sabes quién te engañó. Le pedí que te hiciera venir a un lugar para encontrarme” your roll your eyes. Unbelievable how childish was the whole situation.

“Yo quería tapas”

“Dale, ahorita te llevo por tapas” Enzo says with a giggle. You simply mock him with a gesture and proceed to eat.

“Lamento no haberte dado señales desde el inicio. Creí que con hacerle plática cuando me maquillabas era suficiente.” He confesses.

“Con todos sos un amor. Y conmigo… siempre seria y pues… llegué a pesar que no te agradaba” you shrug, eyebrows rising and avoiding his eyes once again.

“Todo lo contrario…” you admit.

“Ya veo. Entonces hace unas semanas, los chicos empezaron a sacar el tema. Que debía invitarte a salir o hacerte venir con nosotros a comer para ahí verte”

“Y ayer me atreví. Pero temo que tu reacción no fue la que buscaba” he says with many pauses, not wanting to disturb you.

“Tú declaración tampoco fue lo que esperaba.” He nods, calming you.

“Ya lo sé, hubiera sido mejor esperar a estar en un lugar… como este”

“Quizá” you reason with him.

“Incluso desde antes de admitir que vos me gustas, no me he visto con nadie. Así que solo sos tú… nadie más” you nod, looking back at the tulips.

“Están preciosas, gracias” you say lifting the boquete. Enzo smiles. So you know it’s time, you sigh.

“Yo también lo siento por juzgarte sin saber. No tenía derecho de ponerme celosa, ni nada. Es solo que me da miedo dejar que esto, fluya…” you say, not wanting to repeat once again that your intuition said he would break your heart.

“No te voy a lastimar, nunca. Dejáme quererte, linda. Por favor….” he pleads, accepting he was nervous and desperate. He really longed for someone in the upside down moments of his days.

“Yo solo quiero sentir lealtad, confianza, pasión y seguridad. ¿Me puedes dar eso?”

“Te voy a dar todo, pero más lo que vos quieras. Y si lealtad, confianza, pasión y seguridad es lo que querés…. Así será, linda” you smile, finding his hand on top of the table, intertwining your fingers with him.

“Entonces todo bien, lindo” he smiles more, ending in a sweet laugh.

He helps you pick the rest of the food, both of you also order ice cream cones. Him with chocolate and you with pistachios. And soon both of you are walking together in the streets. Spring is near and it’s your favourite season. You feel happy feeling his warm touch outside of the job. And now being inches away from him feels like a new home.

“¿Si vamos a ir por las tapas?” He starts laughing again, and when he leans, you can feel what’s coming.

“Te voy a besar…” he warns before grabbing your cheeks and smashing his lips with yours.

“Te quiero” he spills, and you only smile on his lips, deepening the kiss. Feeling the silly butterflies in your stomach and intense tears of happiness. You almost drop your cone due to that.

“Yo también te quiero” you reply, swiftly bumping your forehead with him. He then takes your hand and suddenly you don’t feel wrong about it.

Now it feels perfect. Like destiny changed and finally it was meant to be.

#enzo vogrincic #la sociedad de la nieve #the society of the snow #perdón chingado #si no etiqueto la movie como hago que esto lo vean duh #enzo vogrincic x reader

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