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forget-me-maybe · 5 days

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Get To Know Me Tag

Thank you @savriea for the tag <3

(I'm still too shy to tag anyone so I'll just sit here and smile politely)

Do you make your bed? No, I have like 3 blankets and 5 pillows, it'd be too much. Also one of them is a weighted blanket and my arms are weak. (These are excuses, I'm a grown woman, I should make my bed)

Favorite Number: 6! I have three 6's in my date of birth so either that's a sign or I'm the devil (or both).

What's your job? I'm a full time student at uni (Environmental Science).

If you could go back to school, would you? See the question above, but honestly, I love being a full time student. Don't get me wrong, I'm no good at it, but I love learning new things especially at uni where I get to learn things I'm interested in.

Can you parallel park/drive a manual car? Well, I do have a driver's license but the question is if I SHOULD have driver's license. Can drive manual but can definitely not parallel park.

Do you think aliens are real? Definitely! It'd be strange to think we're so special we're the only ones.

What's your guilty pleasure? Europop. I will be taking questions.

Tattoos? I have like 15??? but at least half of them are drunken stick n pokes. I have a bunch or motives planned but usually I just go whenever studios have drop in and get something spontaneously.

Favorite type of music: Indie rock, I'm still stuck in the 2000's/early 2010's in my music taste and I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING.

Do you like puzzles? I have the attention span of a short piece of string. I might enjoy it if I get into hyperfocus and then I won't eat until that damn puzzle is solved but mostly no. Don't try to explain rules to me, I will disassociate.

Any phobias? Yes, both rational (claustrophobia and fear of heights) and irrational (balloons and spiders).

Favorite childhood sport: I was quite a good swimmer.

Do you talk to yourself? Yeah, even when I don't do it out loud there's still an inner dialogue.

What movie(s) do you adore? Trainspotting is my favourite movie of all times.

Coffee or tea: Coffee!

First thing you wanted to be growing up? I wanted to be Steve Irwin but then I found out I was allergic to furballs to then I wanted to be a marine biologist.

Last song I listened to: Someone else is getting in - Drowners (I have this damn song on repeat)

Favorite color: To wear: Black. Generally: Purple - Blue - Green.

Current obsession: BG3 :-----)

Last thing I Googled: Scrying spell (is this for the third (maybe fourth?) WIP I'm currently working on? Maybe).

Favorite Season: Early summer! When it's light all day around but still not too hot to breathe.

Skill I'd like to learn: SO MANY! Drawing, crocheting, pottery. But I suffer from "If I'm not good at it right away I'll never be" and thus I never get good at anything.

Best advice: When my mum said "just take one day at the time" I was deep in a spiralling depression where I just panicked if I had anything planned and it kind of helped to just be more shortsighted.

Currently watching: Latest season of Drag Race All Stars (but I'm a three screen girlie, I don't really watch as much as I just have it there to not let any thoughts into my head).

Currently reading: I only read fanfics these days and currently it's 'Wild Winds Are Death To The Candle"

Relationship status: Single and ready to stay that way.

Sweet/Savory/Spicy: Savoury!

Lots of love!!!

#forget yaps #Spotify

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dannobfg · 4 years

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I need something to do. I've lost my passions. Apathy towards everything. Lately, I'll put my earphones in, turn the music up, and just scroll for hours, all the while feeling shitty inside. I lost myself, somewhere, somehow. And I don't know how to get back.

This past week I tried to do some sport. And I did. On Wednesday I did some exercise following an app, and on Thursday I went for a run first thing in the morning. And it felt great. I somehow had energy afterwards. But still nothing to do really. So it was wasted. And of course, the next day the muscle aches hit and you regret ever going out in the first place.

I'm always hungry because I'm bored. And I go to the kitchen and think, I want to eat, but I also want to loose the quarantine weight so I tell myself I shouldn't. But after the third visit to the kitchen, I give in. And then I feel bad about it. Plus this summer heat is killing me. So done with it tbh. But still a good two months more of it, basically. No seaside or pool, I might add.

I'm just finding it very hard to not be negative. But that seems to be my personality. A pessimist about everything and anything. Except maybe when I'm trying to cheer someone else up, or in those brief moments of positive thinking that last a few hours and then get crushed...

A mutual asked me on here recently what I meant by "mental mess" in my header. Well, friend, this is what I mean.

Add to the mix my current life stage and you have the cherry on the top. I failed to finish university this term, which means I have to pay more money to get those 6 credits I'm lacking in order to graduate. The actual graduation ceremony has been cancelled in the end because of coronavirus. I'm currently living at my parents house, which is never easy. And it's so stressful. It's never easy to move back home once you've become accustomed to your own way of doing things. There's also just so much tension in this house. It's exhausting.

Also, I'm stressed because I hardly have any savings left, and I hate the idea of having to rely on my parents if I want to move out. I'm trying to get a TEFL qualification so I can teach English and hopefully get a job that allows me to live and work away from here. And that in itself says a lot. Because I'd always said teaching English would be the last thing I'd ever do. But I guess I've basically found myself with no other viable option right now. And who knows, maybe it won't be so bad. Idk. But anyway, I need to finish it before I can start sending CVs out. Besides, I have no place to go back to. I left my apartment when I moved back here. And the flatmates I had are also gone. So it's basically starting from zero. I'm just so sad that my university days are practically over and the real world sucks balls. Why does growing up have to be like this? Can we fast forward to when I have my life together and feel content with my surrounding circumstances? I'm not even asking to be fully happy. Just enough to be okay. Contentment is the only way to get through this hell. Happiness is an illusion. We can experience happy moments, but it's not possible to live 100% happy every second of everyday. Not in this world. At least, that's how I see it right now...

I'm both dreading and looking forward to a wedding I have in a few weeks. One of my best friends from uni is getting married to her longtime boyfriend. A super cute couple. I'm so jealous of her. She seems to have her life all figured out. Her boyfriend has a good job in Germany, and after the wedding they're both moving over there. She has a job waiting for her too. And they already have a cute little apartment. Give it a few years and they'll have their beautiful children, etc, etc.

The wedding is both a celebration, but also a goodbye. And not just of the happy couple. I know most of the other invitees. They're also good friends of mine. And this wedding is probably the last time I'm gonna see any of them for a long time. And that makes me so sad. But at the same time, I'm so excited to get out of here and celebrate with my friends for a few hours. For a few hours I can forget my worries and just live again. Plus, I plan on downloading some of this mental shit to them. Long overdue. It'll be interesting to hear their perspectives. And to be honest, I just want someone to empathize with how I feel. My parents don't get it. Neither does my brother. And that just adds to the whole mess.

On another note, I'm also kinda low-key worried about Covid-19 at the wedding. My friend has told me they're doing their very best to ensure the recommended distances are kept between people, chairs and tables at all time. Masks will be compulsory and there will be hand sanitizer everywhere. So it should be fine. But still, it does make me a little nervous to go out and be around so many people.

Anyway, enough ramblings for one day. Thanks for reading, if you made it all the way...

#me #mental mess #stress #wedding #future #Covid-19 #anxiety #apathy #bored #I wish I had a magic mirror to look at where I'll be in 5 years #happiness #contentment #writing #ramblings #selfie #stream of consciousness #also this photo is from before I moved out of my apartment. I think I was still in quarantine and living alone.#don't panic

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judgement-free-sideblog · 5 years

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Salt and vinegar

First of all, thanks to everyone who read my first attempt at the first person writing, I always struggled with that.

I must say I didn't plan to write a second part to Cakes and accidents because I am a sucker for one shots with open endings, but I actually had a clear idea in my head about how it should continue, and I found a spark of inspiration so here is the part II.

And thanks to @tholland96 @jillanaholland for commenting.

Also part of the inspiration came from this interview in case you want to check it out.

Tom Holland x reader

One shot

Warnings: Fluff, cursing, poor table manners.

The message was bright and clear in your cellphone screen, but still you had to look at ti three more times to make sure what it says, and once the idea had sink in your head you tossed the device away in the laundry basket you were supposed to do that night as if it had somehow offended you. That wasn't real, it was a cruel joke of destiny that Tom Holland, actually Stanley, said the voice in your head, invited you to have dinner with him.

And of course you didn't want to read much into it, you have been talking in an amicable way for the last three days and he was probably trying to be friendly with you. But if you had to sit next to that charming smile and those breathtaking eyes that make you smile like an idiot just by thinking about them, for more than 20 minutes you will end up making an awkward mess of yourself and he would probably feel uncomfortable and would run away scared.

You pick up the phone and ignore the text to call your sister, she may be younger but the list of broken hearts in her past made her the perfect person to give advice, and since it was almost 8 at night she may be free in her new home all those mile away.

"Well he clearly enjoys your company" The voice of your sister told you in the phone after you briefly summarize how you meet him "Y/N why are you doing this? This Holland guy is clearly interested in you, what the hell if he said is name is Stanley or Lucas or Wenceslaus" She made a pause to let you laugh, she always did that, even when she was angry, making jokes was a second nature for Y/S/N "If anything it only means he wants to have a more normal discret experience as a young adult, and trust me it that is hard to find, you should see the blokes out here, they feel like just because they have a couple thousands followers in IG I should be kissing the floor they walk on"

"I suppose you are right, but I haven't done this in so long what if I mess it up?" You said with a voice a little more desperate than you hoped for.

"Then at least you have had dinner with a handsome lad, and you will move on. Look you are not sure if this is a date right? Then take it that way just two friends eating, a normal conversation, maybe a beer and please big sister put on a bloody dress" she said before you start lecturing her on how little you cared for gender specific clothes and she talked some more about her new school. By the time you hung up it was 9:00 and you sent the answer to his text.

Sorry, busy doing laundry. Sure mate! 6 works for you?

"Oh Y/N why did you say mate?" You asked yourself outloud, you really were bad at this.

And here I am, being useless. You are such an adult. 6 works perfect, I'll pick you. Sweet dreams mate! 😉

His text came in within minutes and you let go a relief sigh, before start thinking about what you should wear, but Y/S/N was right, you had to take it as calm as you could, and he was in fact a charming friend, worst case scenario you still were going to have dinner with Tom Holland, that couldn't be bad, and with that in mind you finally went downstairs to do the bloody laundry.

"Looking good Bristol" he said once you open the door at exactly 6:00 pm the next day. "Good thing Tessa is not coming today, will be a shame to get grass and dirt on that dress" he add pointing down to the skirt of the flowy summer dress you finally picked, looking at you for one second to long. So maybe it is a date your mind said happy.

"Oh that's too bad, I actually got her something" You said picking out something from your purse "So she won't be out there chasing innocent british pastries" You said giving him a chocolate cake plush toy. And following him out to his car.

"This is adorable" He said again smiling with his whole body, and you wonder again how does he do that? "Sorry I forgot to tell you to don't posh up, I'm actually just coming out of the gym" Actually never mind. Your mind told you since he was wearing again a simple black tshirt and dark blue jeans, and then you could notice his hair was wet, he probably had just taken a shower ... don't go there. "And I'm actually starving, chips sound good?"

"Sure, I actually didn't like the ones in Bristol so it would be nice to eat them here." Yo said trying to shake your thoughts away from the danger zone and putting on the seatbelt "Isn't it late for being at the gym? I hope you are not an excercise addict"

"I don't think I am" he said with a little laugh "But what do you think is this too much" He said with an obvious pretend innocence flexing up his arms making the tshirt rise on his abs. That's obscene sir, sorry girl you are on your own. Said your inner voice shutting down all logical thinking

"No, you look quite... healthy" You said finally looking to the left, never finding a review mirror so interesting.

"Good I would hate to be too big" he said and you could hear the amusement in his voice, and somehow the fact that he was aware of your obvious crush on him make you confident enough to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

"Obviously, period pieces never look good on beefcakes and you can't be spiderman forever" you said casually and he turn at you a bit astonished.

"When did you knew?" He said and thankfully his tone was not anger nor embarrassment just genuine curiosity "And I would love to do a period piece, what about Heathcliff ?"

"Well I don't believe there is many Staffordshire bull terriers around named Tessa" You started "But I actually recognized you when I saw you" You finally confess, feeling the pressure lifting off your shoulders "But I thought since you were not comfortable giving out your own name it wasn't my place to say anything. And Heathcliff is overrated Linton on the other hand is more of a challenge"

"Oh don't be so harsh on yourself, I didn't mind giving my name or not, it just seemed something funny to do at the time, and Tom or Stanley I actually enjoyed talking to you" He said while he found a place to park. "Do you mind walking from here? Is a nice place but doesn't have and actual car park".

"Not at all, as long is not more than 5 blocks, I am getting hungry" you said with a smile while he maneuver to park his Audi.

"O'Neill's Kingston upon Thames" He said once you were both on the ground and he once again offered you his arm "Have you ever been there? Great food"

"I actually never been there, but sounds fine, let's go" you said gladly taking his arm and walking by his side and a couple blocks later you were finally at the Irish Pub.

"A pint of Guinness and cod and chips" He said returning the menu to the waiter.

"And the lady?" He asked while you struggle to not take forever to decide what you wanted, an old bad habit that your mother have tried to change constantly.

"The Bacon cheese chips and a pint for me as well" you said finally putting the menu away.

"My kind of girl" He said and winked at you, clearly not realizing that your legs will stop working because of it "So when do you go back to bristol?" He asked and that honest interest encouraged you to speak.

"By mid September, my mother is actually about to toss my train ticket in the trash since I didn't came back for spring vacations, but I had so much work that I couldn't."

"I totally get it, whenever I'm away my dad makes such a big deal about it" he said letting go a little laugh "I mean is not the same since I didn't go to college but is sweet"

"Oh but you cross the Atlantic, they have reasons to be worried. I'm just one train away" you said and a small spark of pride shine in his eyes, was he self conscious about you being in college? No that was ridiculous. "Anyway I actually needed this, my friends from uni are in their houses and my friends from high school are too happy with their boyfriends and girlfriends to hang out with me." There I'm a loser now we are even.

"And your sister is gone, been there. I have the feeling Harry is going to break up with me when he gets a real girlfriend" he said and make you laugh, a bit louder and more nasal than you wanted.

"That's some laugh" he said laughing too but instead of making you shut up or get embarrassed you laughed louder causing the waiter to look at both of you like you were crazy while holding your food.

"Yours is no better sunshine" Yo said finally and giving a I'm so sorry look at the guy that kept looking at you and he finally put your food on the table. "This looks delicious" You said taking out one of the chips making a cheese string to extend from the hot plate.

"That's like too much cheese" He said making a funny disgusted face, and then proceeded to add more vinegar and salt to his chips.

"And that's like too much vinegar" You teased back at him, and then taking a big sip of the Guinness.

"No darling, this is too much vinegar" He said taking one of the complementary pickled eggs on de table and giving it a big bite.

"That's actually fucking disgusting..." you started but ironically and unplanned you were betrayed mid sentence by the beer and a loud and horrifying burp came out of your mouth, and the shame and the look on other people faces made you want to be swollen by the floor "Oh shit, I'm so sorry, that was so awful, I'm so gross..." The apologies start bubbling in your mouth while your face turned red and you dare to look at him, and the serious look on his face could have broken your heart in the very moment because you could almost hearing him say how you should end the dinner for once.

"Oh you wanna get tough" He said instead and took a sip of his beer and let go an even bigger burp and then looked at you with the brightest smile yet and add "Beat that baby" and he raised his opened arms as if he had won. You only smiled and nodded and you kept talking about other nonsenses until two beers and a order of onion rings later he was waiting at the door for you to came out of the bathroom to walk back to his car.

"Sorry I take forever, I went back to give a bigger tip to the waiter, we were so awful" You said at him.

"You were awful, I was being completely charming" He said and this time he didn't offer his arm to you instead simply took your hand without saying a word and before you noticed you were already walking holding it tightly.

"Of course you were, the guy put two more picked eggs at the table for you and kept looking drooling" You said and he laughed.

"Sorry sweetheart I can't turn off this pretty face" He said pointing at him when you reached the car, you couldn't agree more.

"Well he must be in love, that's a lot of vinegar to want to kiss someone" You said, again before you could think better and stop your tongue, he stood still and you questioned yourself if you had offended him, since he didn't say anything you let go of his hand and try to walk to open the door, but before you could do it he grab you by the wrist, and you froze immediately.

"That's actually quite disappointing you know?" He started no smile, but no anger either, just an honest tone, he let go of your wrist but you remained in your place "But I have never think it's okay to try and kiss someone in the first date so I figured it would be okay"

Your feet were still on the ground but for a moment your head was miles and miles away in the sky screaming of happiness and incredulity, it was a simple four letter word yet it felt like the most beautiful poem in his lips, and at the same time your logical thinking brought you back to the ground in a millisecond, you needed to be certain of what he had said.

"Well I was not aware this was a date, otherwise I wouldn't have ordered the extra onion rings" you said and give him a timid smile.

"Then I must be terrible at this" he said opening the car door for you "Although I wouldn't mind, but as I said it's a first date so I just want to take you home safely.

"Well that's really sweet of you" you started and he start the car to get back to your home "And since apparently I'm incapable of behaving like a decent person in public when I'm with you next time you should come to my place".

"I like your indecency" He said "And I would love too, are you going to tell me that you can cook too? Because in that case you are officially annoyingly adult"

"Of course, my speciality is reheated pizza in the microwave" You said and he laughed, there was a narcissistic pleasure about being able to make him laugh.

As a perfect gentleman he walked you at your door, there was so much that you wanted to tell him, but the idea of going out with him again soon was so powerful that you almost didn't mind watching him leave.

"That was the funniest and more amazing date I ever have"

"Oh stop it" You said blushing again "I'm going to start believing you and it would get to my head"

"Believe me, I almost run to the drugstore to buy a toothbrush" He said and give you a devilish wink that make you thank your door for being behind you holding you still.

"You know how unfair this is when you look like that?" You said desperately looking at your feet "And for what is worth I have an amazing evening too, and if I'm honest I wouldn't have mind at all too" You said and dare to touch his arm softly before turning your back at him to get inside.

He suddenly grabbed you by your waist and turned back to him, planting a quick soft kiss on your cheek, and you could see the fun grin on his face, he was not being considered he was torturing you with anticipation, and you love it.

"Goodbye then" He said and with one last wink he walk away and got in his car.

You stood ther for solid five minutes touching your face where he had just kissed you and watching the street, then you finally get inside thinking about how happy and uneasy this force of nature of a man made you feel, he would be the end of you, but you wouldn't change it for the world.

#tom holland is adorable #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #first date #funny #fluff #tom holland fluff #London #fish and chips #beer #Guinness #tom holland interview #part two #romance #fanfiction

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lapeaudelamemoire · 5 years

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Tired of school. It is what I want - but not all I want.

I do care to study psych. I care about the counselling aspect of the job.

But it's not my passion. Or, it's not all of me.

It's not enough. It's taking up too much time; I can't balance it with the other things that make me feel alive.

I don't know if it's just that I'm no longer used to studying in an institution, or if I just don't care enough about it. If I had to rank the things that make me feel like me, it comes third. (I think.)

There's art - making art, in any way - the dressing up, the taking photographs, the everything else. There's literature. There's philosophy. And watching films. And what about the languages? And the travelling?

If I could have it all, I'd do a degree that let me do all of it - psych and literature, and maybe philosophy.

I read a quote recently that said don't rush through your life. Someone saying to me: Don't rush through studying; enjoy it.

But I'm stuck here till I'm done with this degree. I can't leave; attendance requirements have me bound. Can't go anywhere with three weeks of break between terms and six weeks of hols over summer squeezed in with Christmas and New Year's. I'm too far away to conveniently go anywhere, even to Asia; can no longer just take a weekend off.

This just isn't it. I'm left with so little time to do everything else; it's bogging me down, making me tired, like I keep leaving something off, waiting for later. 我好分心。

I just want to finish this darn degree as soon as I can, so I have time - time to go back to my books, time to go back to Europe.

I know this is it - this is the time to do all that studying; been leaving off work. But like I said - I'm stuck. This isn't like Norway, where I could just hop on a plane, or a train, and go for a weekend to a different country, city; Budapest, Greece, Sweden.

I do care - I just don't care enough. This isn't my whole life. I can't dedicate myself to it and nothing else. If I had it my way I'd be doing lit and this both; classes where I got to talk theory, culture, analyses.

I do want to study it. I do want to go to school for it. I do want this hands-on counselling practice. I do want this degree, and I do still want to have the option to be able to work in this field if I so wanted. Those things are still true. I do care for it; I do want that 'professional accreditation'.

But this is my day job. This is my plan B; my pragmatic practical thing. This is my sensible, 'stable' career route. This is the way to the thing that will pay the bills, put food on the table, for me to do everything else that I love. This is the pragmatic thing, that keeps me here in Australia, that allows me to stay. It's a reason and an excuse. It's a means, maybe only to an end.

I love it, but I don't love it enough. Not enough to want to do the work and the readings all week and want nothing more, not spend my free time or spare nights reading up on my own for fun.

There's this, and then there's everything else - the making something, the reading other things, the watching films, the wanting to go somewhere else, see something else. The working on myself. This is the time I'm giving to it already; and I won't lie - I only want to do the barest minimum. Put another way - yeah you might love your job, but you don't still want to be answering work-related things after you clock out.

It's not that I don't want it. But like everything else, it demands all of me, or close. And it's not all of me.

I guess it is true - when first going to uni, does make you realise what your priorities are.

But more than that, maybe - is just that I've got so much to work through, it's finally coming round, and I'm not the sort to work best spreading it out. I need all my focus on me, just now. Everything else just takes away.

I need to come back to myself, right now; can't keep putting it off. It's been years since I've felt like me - and I'll be better at school for it; it's been taking my focus away, keeping me from really being present, wholly there, open; keeping my head turning every free moment saying 'Look here, look here, look at me, look inside, look at yourself'. I'm struggling to keep abreast, keep waking up feeling needing mental health days.

I need a bit of time. A couple more weeks till school starts for everyone else but this uni. Three weeks. A month that I would have had if it didn't start a whole month earlier than everywhere else.

Elsewhere, because as I say - elsething -

Brakuje mi słow dla niego.

- it's the way he says 'say yes'. The way he says 'tell me'.

/ .

Maybe you don't 'make' space for someone. You just have it.

#personal

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