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cherryc1nnam0n · 8 months

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Never let you go, baby | Dark!Ethan Landry x Afab!Reader

Due to many requests here it's part two of Before you go, baby. Enjoy ;)

Part 1

Summary: Your plans have been ruined due to your newfound pregnancy, so you come back to Ethan, just how he planned it

Cw: Dark themes, manipulative!Ethan, kidnapping, blackmailing, baby trapping, pregnancy symptoms, vomiting, pregnancy sickness, stalking, mentions of smut

It had been 3 months since you had left for college and now you had to come back, due to something you never expected or planned, a baby...

A baby of your best friend, who you had sex with before you left, without being on the pill and while being a virgin

You thought nothing would happen and that you would be okay, nobody gets pregnant on their first time, right?

Wrong

You were very pregnant, growing Ethan Landry's baby, you sometimes wondered how they would look like, would the baby have his nose?

You shook your head coming back into real life, you were close to your stop on the metro, back home after a long travel, your stomach was rumbling

"Y/n are you okay? You've been in there for a very long time" your friend from college asked from outside the stall you were locked in

"I'm okay, just... I think I ate something bad" you said holding your stomach, hunched down on the toilet

"Okay... I'll wait for you outside" she said going away

"Fuck..." You knew it wasn't food

Your stop was announced and you grabbed your bags and walked out, finally stepping home on the familiar place you knew, your stomach rumbled from hunger, all you had eaten was a sandwich and some tea, not very nutricious

"I know little one, we'll get food soon" you spoke to your tummy

You went past a pizza place, your favorite one from when you were in highschool, you were supposed to wait for Ethan so you went into the shop

"Y/n!" The attendant said coming over to the counter when he saw you "How's it been? Didn't you leave for college?" Small town things

"Uh yeah I did but uhm, I need to take back some stuff" you lied

"Oh okay, the usual?" You nodded

"Yes please"

Soon you were served your favorite flavor of pizza, and ate it like it was the best meal of your life, which you felt it was

"Hungry aye?" He asked you and you just giggled

"Had not eaten today"

"Poor thing, you enjoy that" he went to serve someone else

Your phone rang and you saw a text from Ethan

Where r u?

Tom's pizza

Not even 5 minutes later he came in to the shop, smiling at you as he sat down next to you

"Glad you're back" he said grabbing your hand

"Yeah..." You didn't feel so happy about it, but he seemed like it "Can we go home?" He nodded

You were about to grab your wallet when he stopped you

"I'll pay honey, it's okay" he said going to pay for you

"Thanks" you said while walking out

He threw his arm around you, your bag on his shoulder

"No need to thank me babe, that's what I'm here for"

You sighed, you couldn't get used to him calling you cute pet names

"Eth..." He hummed "You said- promised, that nothing would change between us but... It did... Right?"

He thought for a moment, or, acted like it, he had planned this whole thing beforehand and you didn't even know

"Well, yeah technically it does, we're gonna be a family now"

"Yeah I know..." You pouted, not ready for this yet "Did you let mom know that I'm here?"

He swallowed "Yeah, she knows, we'll be there soon, we just need to go to my house to pick something and we'll go to your house, okay?"

"Oh, okay" you said softly

Soon you reached his house and he opened the door for you

"Come in, I'll be right back"

You looked around as he left to who knows where, nothing had changed but it certainly felt different

"What the-" you said when you saw a crib mid built up, but suddenly you were grabbed from behind and you became very sleepy

"Shhhh, it'll be okay my love, I'm never letting you go"

Your eyes drooped until you finally fell asleep, darkness taking over...

Some hours later...

You woke up on a bed, a really comfy bed actually, but you were somewhere different

"Wha-?" You looked around to see if you could recognize something

"Good morning my love" Ethan said coming out of the shadows "Sleep good?"

"Ethan, what the fuck are you doing?!" You yelled at him

He just smiled

"Forming a family that's what I'm doing" he sat down on a chair in front of you "Oh you silly Y/n..." He chuckled making you shiver "You think I didn't know this would happen?"

You swallowed heavily "What would happen?"

"You getting pregnant of course" he said standing up "This was all part of my plan, I would get you pregnant and that way you would be mine, forever" he said in front of you, making you back away "Don't be afraid baby, I won't hurt you, I love you too much to do that, never when you're growing my baby" he said touching your tummy "So precious..."

"Ethan... It doesn't have to be this way, please don't lock me away"

"Oh it'll be temporary, until you get used to being my little housewife, only good for breeding and staying at home, being all pretty and full of my babies" he kissed your cheek "I know you'll be good for me baby"

You should be scared, you should be running away, smacking him away, fighting back but... All you did was give in, you loved Ethan and you had always been an outcast, no one had ever asked you out of even had a crush on you, and now this boy, this handsome boy is wanting to keep you all to himself? You couldn't say no to that, could you?

"I'll be good for you Eth..."

"Good girl..."

...........................................................

Requested by:

@ethanslaundry @angel-of-the-eon @yourslxttysurprise

#ethan landry ghostface #ethan landry x you #ethan landry x y/n #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry smut #ethan landry #dark!ethan landry

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g3z0 · 4 months

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Rich stupid Highschool Kids P12

P1 P2 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11

Summary: The Sturniolo‘s. Their kids are rich and spoiled, stupid brats. You hated them. But you hated Nicolas the most. The way he looks down on everybody and thinks he is better than everyone else just makes your blood boil. You’re a drug dealer - selling drugs to those rich dumb kids, trying to earn some money. Who would’ve thought this would be a love story?

Warnings: cursing, smoking, fighting

-g3z0

„You look so handsome..“ I hear my moms voice behind me.

My eyes dart to her reflection in the mirror. She’s standing in the door frame, her usual tired eyes looking at me.

I smile softly and turn to her „thank you, ma.“ I sigh placing a kiss on the top of her head.

She looks up at me and cups my cheeks with her small hands „exactly like your father..“ she whispers.

I smile a little and lean against her touch.

„Have fun, okay? And don’t be nervous.. I’m sure they‘re gonna love you. And Nick is gonna love your present..“ she reassures me as she strokes my hair out of my face.

„Ma.“ I smile and lean my head back, squeezing my eyes. „Yeah- yeah.“ she laughs a little. She smiles and walks out of the room.

I take a deep breathe and look at myself in the mirror again.

You can do this y/n.

My phone buzzes and I smile when I see nicks name on it. I answer and press the phone against my ear „yeah?“

„Hey.“ I hear his voice wich causes me to grin like a fucking idiot.

„Hey.“ I breathe, straightening my suit.

„You ready?“ he asks „mhm.“ I mumble, walking into my bathroom.

„Im leaving in 5 minutes.“ I say, grabbing the perfume that stands on the drawyer.

„Alright.“ nick says „see you.“ he says before he hangs up.

I spray the perfume on me and lay it back, before walking out of the bathroom. I grab my keys and the small box for Nick. „Mom! I’m leaving!“ I yell through the house as I walk past the living room.

I stop in my movements and stare at my mom and my big brother, both standing in the living room.

I frown, looking at him „what are you doing here?“ I ask.

He looks from my mother to me „I need to talk to you, y/n.“ he says, walking towards me.

I sigh and close my eyes for a second, shaking my head „Lucas, I don’t have time right now.“ I say as I take a step back.

He clenches his jaw the second that name left my mouth.

Butcher is just the name he gave himself. He gave the new him. Lucas is the name our mom gave him.

I don’t even dare to think about calling him butcher infront of our mom. It would be just disrespectful - calling him his fucking dealer name under the roof of my moms home.

„I don’t care.“ he says through gritted teeth.

„Lucas.“ my mom whispers, looking down and shaking her head.

He stops and looks back at her.

I don’t know what he was thinking. Stepping into this house after he broke my moms heart so many times.

„Let him.“ my mom says, looking back at him.

Lucas licks his lips and lets out a breathe, looking back at me „don’t fucking blame me later.“ he mumbles.

I clench my jaw and look back at my mom „you’re gonna be okay?“

She nods quickly „yeah- just go already y/n.“ she smiles weakly.

I have a uneasy feeling with leaving them both alone but I need to trust her. I nod a little and give my brother a look before I walk out of the house.

I get into my car and drive to nicks house.

After a few minutes I park a little away from his property. I don’t want his family to see my car.

I get out and walk the rest to Nicks villa.

I pull out my phone and take a deep breathe, texting him I’m almost there. My hands shake and my heart beats so fast, it feels like it might jump out of my chest.

I pull my phone away. Fuck - I wish I could smoke right now.

I frown when I see Max’s car parked on nicks property. I thought this was a family gathering?

„Y/n!“ I hear nicks voice as he walks up to me. I smile and let out a breathe I didn’t even realize I was holding. „Hey.“ I breathe.

He smiles and places a kiss on my lips, leaning back and looking up and down on me „you look so good.“ he mumbles.

I roll my eyes and laugh a little „no, you look good.“ I smile, kissing the side of his face softly.

„Shut up.“ he chuckles and takes my hand, pulling me towards his house with him.

„What is max doing here?“ I ask as I interlock our fingers. He freezes a little as I mention his name wich causes me to frown „his and my family are friends and buisness partners- I didn’t know he would come until like 10 minutes ago.“ he explains and looks at me.

I nod and let out a relieved sigh. I know Max’s family „that’s good.“

„Yeah.“ he breathes as he walks with me inside.

„So.“ he smiles at me „do you want to meet my creepy uncle first or my parents?“

I laugh a little „hmm..“ I say as I look down at him „parents sounds great.“

He nods and walks with me to his parents.

I‘ve tried the whole evening to get 5 minutes alone with Nick. But his family is so fucking big.

I can feel the small box in my pocket and my heart starts to beat faster again. The worst part isn’t even over yet. Fuck I’m so nervous.

I look at Nick who’s standing in the other corner of the room, talking to someone from his family.

I smile to myself and take a sip from my drink.

„Didnt think you would actually come.“ I hear Matt’s voice next to me.

I look at him for a second before I look back at Nick, while shrugging with my shoulders. „Here I am.“ I mumble, bringing the glass in my hand back to my lips.

„Here you are.“ he says, licking his lips. He follows my gaze and also looks at Nick.

„Do you like him?“ he asks, causing me to look back at him.

He looks me into my eyes and we stare at each other for a few seconds - both trying to read the others expression.

„im gonna ask him if he wants to be my boyfriend tonight.“ I mumble. He nods, looking away from me, back to Nick.

I sigh to myself and also look back at Nick.

„I know you hate me-" i start but he cuts me off „I don’t hate you. I dislike you.“ he says, taking a sip from his drink.

I roll my eyes and look back at him „I know you don’t like me.“ I correct myself. His eyes meeting mine again. „But I really like Nick. And I don’t have much but-" he cuts me off again.

Fuck, can’t he let me speak a full sentence once?

„I don’t care how much you have.“ he says, shaking his head „I care if you want a serious thing with him.“ He sighs, looking back at Nick „he won’t be able to do this shit a second time.“ he mumbles before he brings his drink back to his lips.

I frown at him. „What do you mean?" I ask and he stops in his movements. He pulls the glass down and looks at me „don’t tell me you don’t know.“

I shake my head „know what?“. He lets out a laugh „oh, fuck.“ he mumbles as he shakes his head. He brings his hands up to the air „hey, I said nothing.“

I lick my lips „Matt, what do-" I start but get cut off again.

„Y/n!“ max yells at me as he walks towards me with a huge grin. He lays an arm around my shoulder and looks at Matt.

„Matthew.“ he nods at him. Matt clenches his jaw „Maxime.“ he mumbles as he looks disgusted at Max’s arm around me before he walks away.

I look back at max and he watches Matt leave. „Looking good tonight, huh?“ he looks back at me and grins.

I laugh a little and look down, shaking my head „I guess.“ I smile and look back up, seeing that Nick stares at us. I give Nick a smile but he looks away, avoiding my gaze.

I frown a little „so, what are you doing here?“ max asks, making me look back at him.

I smile and shrug a little with my shoulders „Nick bought me along.“

He bites his lip and nods a little while raising his eyebrows „nick?“ he smiles.

„Yeah.“ I breathe, looking back at Nick. „So you two are a thing, then?“ max asks me. I look at him and smile, nodding. „I guess.“ I sigh.

„That so fucking Great.“ he laughs as he pats my shoulder „fucking great.“ he mumbles, licking his lips. He nods and lets go off me „im gonna go back to my dad. Have fun, hm?“ he smirks as he takes a few steps back „and watch over yourself.“ he says before he walks away.

I nod and take a sip from my drink. One of nicks family members starts a conversation with me and distracts me for a few minutes.

I look around and look for Nick, wanting to finally give him the present.

I can feel how my phone buzzes in my pocket and I excuse myself in front of nicks family member.

I take a few steps away from him and pull my phone out.

Lucas texted me.

Fuck.

The messages won’t go through. No fucking signal in here.

Ironic isn’t it? They are rich but have no signal in their house.

I walk out of one of the balcony’s. I hide behind a corner and light myself a cigarette, taking a long drag.

I can feel how my body almost instantly relaxes the second the smoke fills my lungs.

I sigh and look down on my phone again.

Lucas

11:47 pm I told you. They eventually get bored of you.

I frown at the text. What the fuck?

The picture under the text isn’t loading yet and I hold my phone up, trying to get more signal.

I bring the cigarette back to my lips, taking a drag as the picture finally loads.

I tap on the picture and everything in me stops for a second.

My heart sinks into my stomach and I can’t breathe for a second. My heart starts beating really fast that it hurts.

I blink against my phone, zooming into the picture.

Max and Nick kissing.

I slowly exhale the smoke and everything in me goes numb. Like my emotions have a turn off button someone just pressed. Every other emotion is gone expect anger.

Anger towards myself. For being so dumb. For actually believing - he wouldn’t be like the others.

„But don’t crawl back to me when they get bored of you.“

„Because they will. They will rip you off - make you feel like you‘re one of them.“

„And after you get off your high, they throw you away like the trash they think you are.“

I remember the words of my brother.

I flick my cigarette away and make my way back inside.

I bump into people’s shoulder as I stare down at the ground, avoiding every gaze and eye contact.

I bump into someone and look up into those blue ocean eyes.

These fucking eyes.

„There you are.“ nick smiles at me. I lick my lips and bump extra hard into his shoulder, walking out of his villa.

How can he smile at me like that. After he fucking played his little game with me, fucking my best friend behind my back.

I close my eyes as I feel the anger boiling in me. I’m so fucking dumb.

I walk down the stairs in front of his house.

„Y/n!“ nick yells after me as he catches up to me „what’s wrong?“ he asks as he walks besides me.

I curl my hands into fists and take a deep breathe, clenching my jaw and looking away.

I can’t even look at him right now.

„Nick, fucking go away.“ I mumble as I feel myself getting closer and closer to just snap.

„Y/n, what?“ he frowns at me. I shake my head and take deep breathes, squeezing my eyes shut.

He grabs my arm „y/n-" he starts but he gets cut off as I shove him away from me as hard as I can.

He stumbles against the wall and looks at me with wide eyes.

„Was it fun?“ I snap at him, taking a few steps towards him.

„Y/n, what..“ he shakes his head as he stares at me.

„Did you have your fucking laugh? Hm?“ I spat at him as I push him against the wall. He licks his lips and stares up at me „I-"

„Did you?“ I yell at him, making him flinch. I clench my jaw, taking a few steps back from him, shaking my head.

„I don’t know what you’re talking about..“ he mumbles as he watches me.

I let out a sarcastic laugh „you’re fucking insane.“ I chuckle. He watches me as I paced back and forth.

„A psycho. Playing like that with my fucking head.“ I spat at him, taking a few steps closer to him.

He just stares up at me, his eyes filled with hurt. But I don’t care right now. I want to see him hurt. I want to see him break.

I shake my head and chuckle „do you always do it like this? Fucking two best friends behind each others backs?“ I scoff.

His eyes widen and he shakes his head quickly „y/n, no- no, let me explain.“ he says as he grabs my arm.

I press him against the wall „don’t fucking touch me.“ I spat harshly at him. „I bet it was fun, watching me follow you like a fucking dog?“ I shake my head.

He presses his lips together and closes his eyes.

„Because no one tells Nick no.“ I laugh „you can have whatever you want.“ I scoff. He shakes his head „y/n-" his voice breaks and he looks the side as he begins to cry.

„Now you‘re crying?“ I laugh „fuck you, that’s your fucking fault.“ I yell at him, taking a step back.

I take a deep breathe and shake my head „you never had any intentions of actually being with me“ I shake my head, licking my lips while I let out a laugh. „That’s so fucked up nick.“ my own voice breaks and I try to swallow the lump in my throat.

„You’re just like everyone else.“ I whisper, grabbing into my pocket and pulling out the little box. I throw it in front of his feet on the ground. „I bought this with my last money.“

He looks down at it and then back up at me, biting his lip.

I shake my head „overpriced bracelet for fucking 400$!“ I yell at him causing him to flinch again.

„And it means nothing for you.“ I take a step closer to him again, getting into his personal space. „But for me“ I chuckle „I don’t have money like you.“ I spat.

„I wanted to give you something special but wow!“ I laugh „guess it was for fucking nothing.“

He blinks up at me as tears run down his cheeks.

„You’re fucked up.“ I mumble as I look at him with disgust.

I shake my head „I never want to see you again.“ I spat at him before I turn around and walk away, towards my car.

I light myself another cigarette as I get into my car and start to drive away.

I can’t even concentrate on the road as I feel my vision getting blurry again and again.

I clench my jaw and try not to cry. I drive back to my house and park my car in front of it. I get into my house and walk into the living room, looking down at my mom.

She looks up at me and sighs as she sees my expression „oh, y/n..“ she whispers.

I shake my head and sits down next to her, laying my head onto her lap. Just like I did when I was a kid.

She strokes with her fingertips through my hair and I begin to sob quietly. „Shh..“ she whispers softly „Im so sorry..“

I squeeze my eyes shut and press my lips together.

Im so fucking dumb.

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #nick sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets x reader #nick sturniolo x you

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memyselfandmya · 25 days

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JWCT PROMPT COUNTDOWN

Jwct countdown May 16-17 -> post-nublar shenanigans:

So, I had so many ideas for this prompt, and ended up only doing two. I will be writing more of them and maybe I'll put some of them on tumblr but a lot of them are going to go towards my fanfictions. I'm not used to this multiple point of view thing with limited action and so many characters so the 1st part is a little wonky. I really love the 2nd one; it's shorter than I'd like it to be but I'll probably end up lengthening it later on. Enjoy!

“I mostly play with the dinosaur mods,” Darius says. “Can we add—”

The loud chorus of “No!”s is unmistakably noticeable especially with his headphones on. He has to lift them from his ears for a moment while the group settles down.

“No offense, D, but I’ve had enough dinosaurs for a lifetime,” Kenji tells him. “I’m gonna make the server.”

Brooklynn groans. “Don’t name it anything stupid, Kenji.”

“I don’t even know why you bother,” Yaz says, propping her bandaged ankle up on her desk chair leg rest.

“Too late,” comes Kenji’s response. “I just sent you guys the server invite.”

Groans are heard all throughout headphones when they see the server named “trauma-craft.”

“Really, Kenji?” Sammy questions. “That’s not even remotely funny.”

“Yeah, yeah, just join the server.”

“Hey, guys,” Ben says. “How do I join the server?”

Brooklynn sighs. “Oh my God, Ben really?”

“I’ve never played!”

Darius and Brooklynn give Ben the run-down while the others join the server.

“What I’m most surprised about is that Yaz, of all people, has already played minecraft,” Kenji teases. He’s loaded into the world but so far it’s just him.

“Shut the hell up, Kenji,” is what Yaz tells him. She’s next to load in and the first thing she does is punch Kenji.

Sammy giggles. “You have to admit, Yaz, you’re not the type of person you'd think plays minecraft.” Her character spawns right next to Yaz.

Yasmina scoffs. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, Darling. Don’t worry about it.”

“All right, I think I got the hang of it,” Ben says. He, Brooklynn, and Darius finally join the game.

“The gang’s all here,” Kenji says triumphantly. He makes his avatar run around in circles as he sips from a (non-carob) juice box.

“Well, I think it’s obvious what we do next,” says Sammy. They all respond at once.

“Go mining,” Yaz says.

“Build a house,” comes Darius’ response.

“Make weapons?” Is Ben’s suggestion.

“Explore the map, obvi,” Brooklynn says.

There’s a moment of silence. Then comes Kenji’s voice. “Guys, guys. I think it’s obvious what we do first: punch a tree.”

“What I was going to say was we should go looking for a cute biome to live in,” Sammy answers.

Hey guys, Ben texts the group chat one day when he’s visiting Yaz in South Carolina. Yaz and I are going to get our ears pierced together.

It was a completely random decision that they made. Ben’s mom just so happened to have some work in South Carolina to take care of so Ben tagged along to pay one of his closest friends a visit. They had been hanging out at Yasmina’s house all day, just chilling and playing games, when Ben says, “We should get our ears pierced.”

Yasmina looks up from the deck of cards she’s holding. “I already have my ears pierced, Dummy.”

“Okay, well yeah, but I’ve been thinking of getting mine done.”

“Sick,” Yaz says. “Do you think your mom’ll go for it?”

“I mean, yeah probably.” He flops down on Yaz’s bed and stares at the ceiling. “My mom has been crazy nice to me lately. I think she feels guilty about sending me to Nublar.”

“Sending your kids to their presumed death will do that to you,” Yaz hums. “But yeah, my mom feels guilty about it too but it’s not their fault. We should be blaming Wu and the maniacs who made that place.”

“Oh, believe me. If I ever see Wu’s face again, I’m jumping his ass.”

Yaz smiles. “Perfect, we can tag-team him together.” The two fist bump and Yaz sets down her set of cards. “Now that you mention it… I wouldn’t mind getting a second piercing and Mom would totally let me. Do you think Sammy would like it?”

Ben laughs at the question. “I think Sammy would like anything you do. You could shave all of your hair off and she’d still love you. Have you guys said it yet, anyways? The “L” word? And no, I don’t mean lesbian.”

Yaz clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Yep, we have.”

“Yaz!” Ben exclaims, gripping Yasmina by the shoulders and shaking her while she fights the smile growing on her face.

She ducks her head down to hide the blush creeping onto her cheeks. “Anyways, let’s go ask our moms about getting our ears pierced.”

And that’s how Yaz and Ben end up at a tattoo parlor (don’t go to Claire’s, kids) sitting next to each other as they wait to get their ears pierced.

WHAT!? OMG SEND PICS WHEN YOUR DONE, comes Brooklynn’s reply.

When Ben sets his phone down he begins tapping his finger against the seat’s armrest. “Is it bad I’m getting kind of scared,” he asks, watching the man prepare the needle.

Yasmina rolls her eyes and laughs. “Man up, Pincus. What happened to the Ben who defeated Toro?”

At that Ben’s face reddens. When he said it back on the island a kajillion times, it was like a badge of honor, but back home on the mainland, whenever he told anyone they looked at him like they would a person who just lost an arm in a war: with pity. “Yea, yea. You’re right,” he says.

Their parents are waiting up front so it’s just the two of them until the piercers come up to them, needles primed. “Are you guys ready?”

Ben looks at Yaz for a split second and then nods to them. “Hold my hand,” he says, stretching his arm out towards Yasmina. She groans but holds it anyway.

Ben takes it like a champ. He hardly even notices when the needle pierces through his skin and the earring he chose is placed in the new hole. The second ear goes just as smoothly.

Yasmina isn’t as lucky.

She’s gotten her ears pierced before, back when she was younger, so she’s relaxed up until the point the piercer disappears behind her head. She’s right by Yaz’s ear and on the very edge of her sight to the point where Yaz can’t even see her, but her presence is certainly there.

Deep down, she knows that she’s not on Nublar and the woman right next to her isn’t a dinosaur coming to sink its teeth into her neck but her mind is a sick little thing that loves to seize her with fear. Yasmina closes her eyes but the image of Nublar won’t disappear and she’s certain that Blue is approaching her, hunting her. She has to run—but she can’t.

Ben’s calm until he notices Yasmina’s hand tighten around his and he glances at her to find her eyes shut tight and her knuckles turning white from gripping the armrest. The woman finishes with her just as quickly as Ben had but even when she walks away, Yaz is still hunched over and what hair that’s not in her ponytail shades her face.

“Yaz,” he says, hesitantly. “You good?”

“Mhm,” she responds, but Ben can tell that she’s not really there. He doesn’t know why he bothered asking when the answer was so plain to see, however he does know that he has to help her in some way. He knows Yaz isn’t one for touch but when he tries to pull away, her grip tightens around his wrist. “It’s over, Yaz,” he says. “You’re okay, I’m here.”

It takes a moment but eventually Yaz’s grip loosens and she sits up a little straighter. She’s still staring at the floor, though, and avoiding his gaze.

“Do you want some water?” Ben asks, before digging through his fanny pack which he still makes a habit of wearing. He takes out a mini water bottle and hands it to Yasmina who accepts it gratefully and downs it all in one gulp. “Thanks,” she whispers once she’s done.

“Of course,” Ben tells her.

#jwct countdown #jwct #jwcc #jurassic world camp cretaceous #jurassic world chaos theory #sammy gutierrez #yasmina fadoula #brooklynn jwcc #ben pincus #kenji kon

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bittersweet-folder · 9 months

Text

~□♡ Tipsy under the moonlight 🌕

~ Wen Junhui x reader ~

~ little bit suggestive but overall fluff, friends to lovers, university au hence both Jun and reader are 18+

• Word count: 2394 words • Masterlist •

Song rec: falling for you by boywithuke// crush by Tessa Violet // fall in love alone by Stacey Ryan// bad ideas by Tessa Violet // i wanna be yours by Arctic monkeys

You were sitting on your bed quietly, going through the reading material your professor has recommended y'all in the class. Minghao came to your house, more like you dragged him to your house to help you out with any difficulties you might face with the reading material. He was sitting quietly beside your bed scrolling through his phone.

"You do realize that going to a damn housewarming party won't hurt you right? Just our friends would be there and no one else whom you don't know and you know how Soekmin prefers known people in his party so it would be more fun" Minghao's voice had a lingering sense of irritation after making you understand the umpteenth time that it was okay to take a break even if the semester exams were like two weeks after. But the problem was that your last semester paper didn't go well and part of you was way too anxious about what might happen next.

"Hao can't you go and meditate for a while? You sound very irritated and we have talked about this on our way back to my home. I ain't a baby, I'll see what I can do" You said shifting your gaze to face him.

"I ain't a baby my ass you need a break you nerd, you won't be any less of a nerd if you take a break" he mocked you.

"HEY! THAT'S VERY RUDE OF YOU TO SAY" you shouted and threw a pillow at him.

That's when your mom entered the room.

One, because you shouted and she hurried even more.

Two, because Jun came.

It was an awkward moment which turned you even more anxious because your mom was now glaring at you and Jun was staring at you trying to hold back his laughter.

" y/n, honey mind explaining to me what is going on" your mom had a fake smile plastered on her lips.

"Aunty it's alright and it's just some friendly banter nothing else" Minghao added "and we were talking about the fact that Seokmin has invited his friends to his housewarming party tomorrow. And few of y/n's friends would be there and our friends would be there too and most probably some of them would stay at his place at night as well". Minghao said.

"Ahh that's lovely you should go y/n/n"

"Mom not my nickname-"

"Anyways Jun told me you called him at your place so here he is"

"Hello!" Jun waved and flashed a smile towards you. And hell that smile made you feel so many things. But you didn't call him. What is he doing here?

"Hi" your voice was soft.

"Okay anyways I'm leaving" your mom announces as she leaves, with the door wide open, of course.

Jun comes up and plops himself beside you on the bed and looks at you.

"Well it was Hao who texted me to come to your place and save him from the horrors of teaching you because you dragged him to help you out with studies". Jun said nonchalantly staring straight into your eyes.

You blush in embarrassment. " Well yeah I did"

"And I think you should take a break as well, you know. I know you are stressed out but please don't be so hard on yourself" Jun sounded concerned.

You pondered for a minute while still staring at him. And most definitely cursing Minghao to invite someone who's literally your crush.

"Okay fine!" You stood up with your books in your hand to keep them back on the shelf. Jun followed you. You keep your books and turn back only to face him.

"Jun, what are you? A duckling?"

He giggled and leaned over. You felt your cheeks starting to burn up.

"Guys? Right in front of my tea? I'm still sitting here" Minghao said, petrified enough to witness his best friend leaning over a girl, probably to kiss her right in front of him. Jun turned around and you both looked at him.

"Dude you have no tea to start with you know-" you just said it out loud outta irritation because Jun was so close to you yet Hao third wheeled in. Jun started laughing.

"Wow okay I'll go and tell aunty to make some tea for me" And with that Minghao went outta your room. There was a moment of silence. Jun turned around and looked at you.

"So umm is it okay if I pick you up tomorrow from your house then we'll head to Seokmin's house together" Jun was calm yet there was a hint of nervousness in his voice.

You were taken back because this was the first time that the Wen Junhui, the one whom you have a crush on for months now, has asked you out? What should you call it though you don't know but you were both nervous and excited about it.

"Umm yeahh of course. There's no problem with that" you said with your gaze shifting down gradually.

He smiled. "Alright then I'm glad to hear that, I'll be here at 7 in the evening tomorrow"

"Okay!" you flashed a warm smile at him. And he'd be lying if that didn't melt his heart.

Next day:

"Fuck fuckkkkk I'll be late" You were pacing around in your room keeping things back and searching for your eyeliner.

"Mom! MOM where's my eyeliner!?" You shouted in your room. She didn't respond, and came to your room instead handing you her eyeliner.

"Calm down, will you?" She patted your head.

"Okay sorry" You pouted. You put on your eyeliner.

"Okayyyy I'm done!"

You looked at yourself in the mirror satisfied with your simple get up. The clock ticked 7pm and just then you both heard the doorbell ring.

"What a timing your lover boy has huh"

your mom said, smirking at you. She knew about your crush you had.

"Mom seriously!? Not now!" you whined. You went down stairs. Slid on your shoes and then opened the door.

Jun was there standing in a black polo shirt and wide legged jeans with black and white pattern and….a small bouquet of roses? He looked at you. His ears turned red on how pretty you looked. "Why do you have to look so pretty every damn time? Guess you don't even know how hard it is for me to not take my eyes away from you" He thought.

"You look really pretty in this floral dress and umm i don't know if I'm being too much but i bought some flowers for you" Jun held the bouquet in front of you. There were five red roses with baby's breath surrounding them, wrapped up with a pretty newspaper and black bow.

"That's so sweet of you Jun" You smiled and took the flowers.

Your mom cleared her throat and made you both know about her presence.

"Okay so enjoy the party two of you"

"We will" You both said in unison and looked at each other and giggled. And you went out. With the bouquet in your hand of course. Jun and you took the bus and then walked a short distance and reached Seokmin's house. You both chit chatted about various things on your way. You rang the doorbell and to your surprise it was Joshua who opened it.

"Hello there! Lovebirds" Joshua said with his usual sunshine radiant smile.

"JOSHUAA! we aren't dating-" You said being flustered with the sudden lovebird comment

"yet. Anyways come in"

"Seems like you are dating though Shua, you know the crush you have on Seokmin~ we all can clearly see that~ '' Jun said with a smirk and wiggled his eyebrows.

Joshua was blushing now. "Okay chill jesus christ-"

You were giggling.

"Spill the tea! why are you laughing y/n! " An energetic and curious Soonyoung popped out of the blue.

"Okay I'll spill the tea, let's go inside!"

"Yayyyyyyy!" Soonyoung definitely sounded eager.

"Y/N! JUN! WELCOME TO MY NEW HOUSE~~" Seokmin chirped. He wrapped both you and Jun into a big hug. You both hugged back.

"Seokminie's hugs are always so warm" You giggled as you looked up to Seokmin. What you didn't know was Jun taking a short glance at you while you said that. He was clearly jealous especially at the nickname.

"Okay so let's go to the drawing room. Also, all the drinks and food are in the kitchen. Suit yourself with any of them you like."

"Okay if we are drinking then some people have to be sober enough look after the drunk maniacs"

"Exactly and especially Soonyoung, Kwannie and Hao"

"You too you know"

Seokmin was definitely embarrassed because he has had created drunk disasters before partnering up with Soonyoung.

"Dokyeomyaa!! come here for a second please" It was Joshua.

"Gotta go!" and with that he went.

"So you wanna grab some drinks first?" Jun asked.

"Yesss let's go"

"Someone's excited" he said and then smirked.

"I mean of course it's been a while"

You and Jun headed towards the kitchen. You met Soonyoung and Liya (your close friend) in the kitchen.

"Liyaaaa! Hello!!"

Liya jumped off the kitchen counter and hugged you.

"You look damn pretty y/n"

"You too honey"

"Wait a sec. roses?"

This was awkward because you took the roses with you just so your mom doesn't tease you later that you have Jun as your boyfriend when you don't.

"I gave it to her," Jun interrupted. You turned around. He was now seated on the dinner table's chair in a manspreading position. If that question didn't make your face flushed up, his answer did. Especially the way he sat. "Pretty nice thighs you have huh? makes me wanna sit on your lap but guess you don't even know how you make me feel about you" you thought to yourself. And to your horror, he did take notice of your flushed up face.

"Are you guys dating?" Liya asked bluntly while Soonyoung was munching on some chips intently watching whatever was happening in front of him.

"Uhhh- "

"No we aren't" you were interrupted by Jun.

"Ohhh" Soonyoung and Liya said in unison.

Your expression kinda dropped after hearing this. What was that bouquet for then? Why would he lean over like that? What about those notes slipped in those graphic novels which he borrowed from you?. Soonyoung and Liya left the kitchen after the music was turned on. Liya asked you if you wanna join but you turned that down. Your lips were pressed in a thin line. You looked at Jun and then went to the kitchen counter. The moon was up tonight, mesmerizing as always. You could see it from the glass window. The kitchen was dimly lit and the moonlight was visible from the window.

"Seokminie literally got hold of so many soju bottles for real. I just hope he doesn't get caught for this" You said to Jun with your back still facing him. You poured yourself some in a small paper cup. After five shots you felt someone was standing behind you.

"Don't drink too much or else I have to give you a piggyback ride to home" Jun let out a chuckle after saying this.

"Okay! Fine" You pouted.

"Can I hug you y/n?"

The question caught you off guard.

"Yeah you can.." you said softly.

He wrapped you up in a back hug with one hand around your neck and the other around your stomach with his chin resting on your shoulder. Blood rushed through your cheeks as you felt butterflies erupting on your stomach. Your shoulders tensed up.

"Are my hugs warm too?" Jun whispered beside your ear.

It suddenly clicks in on why he asked you this. You turned around and faced him, his hands now resting around your waist.

"Ain't no way you're jealous of Seokmin-"

"Yes I am and I am jealous of how he has a nickname given by you" Jun cut you off mid sentence. You looked away. Did the friend whom you have a liking on, just confessed that he's jealous over you complimenting one of your mutual friends? . Oh yes he did.

"Y/n?"

"Yeahh?" You looked at him and made an eye contact. Never in your life you thought Jun would be talking about all this outta the blue in your friend's housewarming party. But here you were pinned against the kitchen counter with hands around your waist looking at you with such softness in his eyes.

"I like you okay? Your smile makes my day. I love it when you recommend to me your favorite graphic novels. You're so cute when you get all confused while studying. Really love it when you listen to all my playlists and like them too. I don't know if you feel the same or if you're ready for a relationship. I'll respect any decision you take and.. I like you y/n I really mean it."

You hugged him burying your face on his chest. Jun's face was flushed because of that.

"Your hugs are warm, so is your presence. You're funny too. I really love your laughter" you smiled "really love those notes you slip through those novels, love your playlists and I like you too" You confessed and then you looked at him. It felt slightly dizzy, more like close to feeling tipsy this time your face eventually warming up.

Slowly Jun leaned in and got closer to your face.

"You're okay with kissing?" A hint of desire dripped from his words.

"Yes, I am"

With that you placed your lips on his. His lips were soft. They moved at a steady yet slow pace with your lips. There was a lingering taste of soju on his lips. He was pulling you closer,chest pressed against each other smiling into the kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck while one of your hands caressed his hair. One of his hands was around your waist while the other on your back. He was melting into the kiss. After a while you pulled away breathless.

"Can't believe I have such a pretty girlfriend now," Jun grinned.

"Wasn't Joshua soo right about predicting us dating Junnie" . His ears perked up with the given nickname.

"I like the new nickname and yeah he certainly was" he chirped as you let out a chuckle.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.●.・✫・。.

a/n: ik it's long but well I can't help it. Lol.

#seventeen #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fic #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #wen junhui #moon junhui #junhui x reader #jun x reader #joshua #joshua hong #dokyeom #lee seokmin #kwon soonyoung #hoshi #svt junhui #junhui #jun fluff #svt fanfic

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raining-tulips · 5 months

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hi! i just found your blog :) love your commonplace book scans! if you don’t mind me asking, could you give a more in-depth explanation of what commonplacing is exactly and what your process is? i’m intrigued and considering getting into it but i wouldn’t even know where to start! thanks a lot xx

Absolutely! So my commonplace is specifically all movies, qoutes, articles, tumblr/Instagram posts, book excerpts, etc. that either resonated with me or I think I'll want to reference later. That is the heart of what common placing is - saving things for later physically rather than digitally.

Some of these just pop up in my feed, and I'll hit the like or save button. If it's an article, it usually first pops up as a preview on my Instagram and I'll open the full article on my desktop than bookmark it in a specific folder for common placing.

Sometimes, when I want to actively find something out (say, about if perfume is really bad for the environment, or I want to look at author interviews because I just loved a book) I will go out and search for that information.

Then, usually once a week I compile everything I'd like to print - i print the sources bc my handwriting is messy - into a word document formatted for two columns. I try and hold off printing until i have a full page worth, or two full page worth.

For images, I have another word document (these are printed in color, and i usually have to jigsaw to fit as many images on the page as possible, so different word document). Same thing, I try and wait until I have a full page to print. Usually x2 a month. I sometimes will print with an HP sprocket but the quality is really bad and the pictures are thick so, it's for when I'm out of printer ink or I think a photo will look okay with a sorta...uneven look.

I use just a Staples brand journal, TruRed. Cheap and easy. I draw a line at the top so I can write the date, and in the future if I want to tag it with a colored sticker or something, I can. My layouts usually include divided space on either the left or right of a page. The article goes in the bigger open space, and then the source (always write your source!!) and any commentary goes in the smaller margins.

Commentary is usually why I wanted to print it, what it reminds me of or makes me think about, etc. What I think the argument was missing, etc. Can be as little or as much as you like. As emotional and deep or as plain-jane as you like. There are no rules!

I trim printed text and images with a 12 inch trimmer bc I've got wobbly hands, but some people just use a little (blanking on the name) exacto knife? Any 12 inch trimmer will do mine is expensive but I also scrapbook so I use it all the time.

I paste things in using a tape runner (again, because I scrapbook and found a tape runner and my mom sells scrapbook supplies they're very accessible to me). Some people use tape, washi tape, glue sticks (liquid glue I've never seen).

And yeah, then I just decorate and play around. It doesn't have to be pretty. It can be really pretty if you want - I'm motivated by aesthetics, so, I like mine to be a little pretty.

If you'd like to see how I actually put it together and why I print certain things, my YouTube channel is the place to go.

Some people tape in movie tickets, receipts from where they shopped or ate, pictures from daily life. Some people mix common-placing and journaling, so including diary entries about their day or about a topic they love, or their thoughts and feelings (I keep mine in a separate journal, explained in this video). Some people mix common-placing with bullet journal or planning. Some combine all three!

At the end I just use a printer scanner (HP Envy 5500, cheap) and post them online that way bc I love the look.

People who have other styles you might try and look at are @petite-gloom (an OG who inspired me and many others) @fakelavender , @teddybearsticker .

#answered #commonplace #commonplace book #commonplace journal #journaling #journaling community #stubyblr

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elhopper1sm · 29 days

Text

Trans FTM! Jess Mariano x Male Reader

Title: If This Gets Out

TW: Transphobia, mentions of outing, child neglect

Summary: Jess had been getting close with his beloved tutor. And he decided to come clean about the real reason he moved to Stars Hollow.

Jess Mariano was not usually fond of his tutors. He had a thing against everything about school. He hated being controlled. He loved learning but only if it was on his terms. He was failing his classes surprisingly enough English literature was on the list. Which made no sense because he was more than able to write perfectly fine and speak coherently. That's when the school requested he see a tutor. While you weren't the brightest student you had a way with relating to more difficult students like Jess. After you guy's first meeting in the library your cold approach of understanding why he doesn't want to learn and do things and reverse psychology methods of encouragement get to him and he speaks to you about what he cares about. He likes how you can keep a conversation and how you can discuss very high level ideas. You help give him the courage to branch out into things he's interested in. But he's still not fully comfortable. After your first official date with Jess you decide to ask him why he moved to Stars Hollow. After shoving mouthfuls of food in his face from Luke's Diner he opens up but not too much.

"My mom she had other priorities. Chasing some guy across New York. And my uncle Luke lives here and is far more equipped to handle me so I... Instead uh thought it would be best to come here and live with him" Jess tried to keep the conversation brief he hated talking about his past.

You smile and nod. But you're so curious you can't help but ask more. Your whole first date was filled with questions

"What do you miss about New York" You asked.

He smiled still mouth full of food stuffed to the brim.

"The many places you could just find one of a kind shops and pop ups surrounded by large chains. It was something else. Oh and the cheap street food".

After your first date you get the feeling he doesn't like talking about his life in New York. There's something he's hiding. And you don't know what it is but you're determined to figure it out.

After a few months into dating the conversation comes up of "what are we". He's even introduced you to Luke but with Jess' playboy past you decide it's good to have things official. Jess seems uncharacteristically nervous. He knows making it official means being honest about some things he's been hiding.

"We're hanging out" Jess replies with his arm around you.

You almost feel like crying. All this time you thought it was certain you both were dating and he hits you with the 'we're just handing out'. You swallow your pride and respond

"Yeah that sounds good. Just hanging out why not" You choke back some of the tears from your face you hated Jess seeing you like this. But you hated him more for doing that to you.

Over the next few weeks after that conversation you've grown distant. You stopped going to the library with him and only really spoke to him at Luke's. Jess suddenly can't take it anymore and he comes in through the window.

"Y/N what's going with you?. You won't respond to my calls or texts or anything. We barely speak. What's up?" He says. He was desperate for an answer.

"Jess you know what's wrong!" You scream at him.

He seems shocked you've never screamed at him before. Even when he was the difficult kid you were forced to tutor you never screamed at him.

"Y/N. Sweetie what's going on?"Jess says as he moves closer to you sensing that you're upset.

You wipe the tears from your face and look up at him.

"You said we were 'just hanging out'. You don't want to be seen with me is that it? You don't want Uncle Luke to think of you different if you're dating a guy right? That's what it is. So if you claim we were never official you don't have to right?. I should've known you'd never commit to anything"You said

You hold back from screaming you were crying silently and trying to do that for long makes your throat hurt.

Jess put his face in his hands. He didn't know what to say. But he needed to make things clear

"There's something I've been hiding. But it's not you it's me" He says before you cut him off

"oh don't give me that bullshit! Jess Mariano I think you know better than something so fucking cliche. This is pathetic just spit it out!" you were screaming now at him

"OK FINE! ALRIGHT FINE Y/N. YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I ACTUALLY LEFT NEW YORK! I'LL TELL YOU."He says

His tone loosens up and he relaxes his voice he's no longer screaming

"When I was ten my mom got out of a bad relationship and so we moved across the state of New York to New York City.I realized I could be someone else there. Someone different. I could be Jess. I started a new school and everything went super well. Until I got outed. Not as Jess but as Stephanie. Stephanie Mariano. I was outed as trans. I just could barely show my face at school. I skipped class all the time and my grades were slipping. Then my mom decided she wanted to send me here to check with my uncle Luke. She wanted to cause a new guy and thought I wouldn't make it on my own in New York. And it was my chance to leave. And no one here knows that I'm trans. And it's been nice ok. And I couldn't make it official with you because that would require opening up about it. I'm sorry ok! Are you happy? Are you happy now Y/N?" He says finally letting all that off his chest

You cup his face and hold him....

"I love you Jess Mariano. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Your secret is safe with me" You tell him as you smile. You finally had what you wanted honesty. You were beyond proud.

"Good because if this gets out...."He says before you interrupt him

"Let's not think about that. I won't tell a soul. What's said in this room between us is like confession. We don't talk about it. It stays between us. This room is like Vegas. What happens in here stays in here" You cut him off.

He feels relieved.

"So can I make things official now?" He asks

"Yes" you respond

"Will you Y/N Y/L/N be my boyfriend?" Jess finally said.

"Of course" I replied.

#gilmore girls #jess mariano #gilmore girls imagines #gilmore girls x reader #jess mariano x reader #jess mariano x you #jess mariano x y/n #jess mariano x male reader #trans positivity #transgender #mlm #bisexual jess mariano

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faillen · 1 year

Text

it’s way past midnight but i’ve still got a lot of hours of being conscious ahead of me (trying to not miss a redeye flight lol) so this is a great time to do a bit of picking my own brain apart via projecting onto a character lmao

anyway. i think Pran does fine in Singapore the first couple of months. he’s so busy with the new city and job and home away from home that he does fine. his friends are available for hours long video calls. there’re so many things for him to explore. he comes up with a very religious cleaning/errand schedule for himself. he holds himself to accepting an invitation to after-work drinks at least once every two weeks, if not more.

he might not have a lot of people he’s super close to in the city, but he doesn’t feel super disconnected from the folks he usually leans on for emotional support. Pat is always happy to call for hours and they keep up a steady texting chain. Ditto for Ink and Wai. there’re groupchats chock full of memes and complaints about the transition to post-grad life.

it’s not that he doesn’t get homesick--he does--but he doesn’t have the time to really ruminate on that. there is so much that is new and constantly asking for his attention that it really only pops up on a very quiet night where his apt feels a little too big, or when he sees pictures of everyone out and about online and it hits a little too hard, or when he tastes something that’s just to the left of his mom’s cooking.

it’s after he’s a few months in--when he feels relatively settled at work, and doesn’t have as much of a drive to explore Singapore, and his routine is basically set, that the loneliness starts to creep in. it’s when singapore feels less like a novel place that he’s in and more like the place he’s living that, funnily enough, he starts to feel a bit more unmoored.

and though he’s beginning to make friends at this point, the newness of those relationships--and all the anxieties and worries that come with trying to figure out the boundaries of a new friendship + taking the leap of trust that people enjoy spending time with him as much as he enjoys spending time with them (okay full disclosure yeah that last bit about people enjoying time with him might actually be about me but this is my post and my self-psychoanalysis via Pran Parakul Siridechawat so I can write what i want)--make the overall sense of isolation worse.

they leave him longing for the security of the long-term and comfortable relationships that he no longer has access to. the easy intimacy of laying around someone’s apartment for a few hours, or doing something without worrying about pretenses. on the flipside, the people back home who miss him are entering a period where that feeling is less sharp and while he’s glad that it’s all sort of mellowed out a bit, there’s also a lot of dissonance b/w how he’s feeling about being in a new country on his own, and how others are feeling about him not being where he used to always be.

#doot doot doot #maybe i'll go pack now that i've written this and gotten it out of my head lmao #bad buddy #if you read this and you're like this isn't pran *shakes fist*#then you're prolly right #and sike it's actually me #so just scroll away pretending you didn't see this

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x0filthymartini0x · 2 years

Text

rainchecks

Hi! This is my first fanfic ever. I’m starting with a slow burn I think, as I’m trying to get comfortable writing out scenarios and not taking myself too seriously or being too hard on myself. I’ve only really seen Eddie Munson fanfic so I wanted to write one about a female reader x Joseph. This is more of an intro to a series I’d like to continue with, so if you have any suggestions or constructive criticism please feel free to share it. Thanks! :)

You and Joseph have been friends since childhood, but feelings have been building up over time. He comes to your apartment to catch up for a few before your date night, but plans fall out and the two of you are left with some free time.

Contains: Very slow buildup to sensual themes, use of cuss words.

“Fuck.” You let out a big sigh as the text flashes across your phone screen that reads, “Hey, I won’t be able to make it tonight, I wish you the best though.” After countless nights throughout the summer having empty conversations with strangers on restaurant patios, you’ve come to the conclusion that you’ll be taking a much needed break from attempting to find your soulmate until further notice. You toss your phone down on your bed and head to the kitchen to grab a glass of wine.

It’s four o’clock on the dot, the sun peering in through your pale yellow curtains that Joseph has just barely closed so he can still see his laptop screen without a glare blocking his view. He’s slumped over at your kitchen high-top, the table just big enough for two.

He has his head down, but shifts his eyes up to glance at you rummaging through the cabinets for two glasses.

“You alright?” he asks.

You take a moment to gather your thoughts, staring at the array of glasses in front of you. “Yeah, totally fine. You want a glass of wine before you head out?” There they are! Your favorite wine glasses are hiding in the very back of the middle shelf of the cabinet, roomy enough to hold a full bottle of wine each. Perfect for the night alone you’re about to have while you rethink all the men you’ve had the displeasure of interacting with the past two months. You reach up to grab your glass and pour the entire bottle of a cheap Pinot Noir you snagged from the market.

“Y/N, do you play me for a fool?” Joseph giggles. Nothing ever gets past him. “I know that tone. What’s wrong, love?”

You whip your body around to see Joseph staring at you with his deep, coffee-colored doe eyes, his lips curling up into a cheeky grin. He’s worn the same smile since you two were kids, and though he has remained your best friend throughout his career endeavors, the last few years your feelings have taken a shift into a bit of a crush. How could they not? He’s flourished into such a charming man. Your mom always joked about the two of you growing up and falling in love, but you barely see him anymore. And you’re certain he’s never had such feelings to reciprocate with all the beautiful women he’s in the presence of on a daily basis, being a fucking heartthrob or whatever the magazines call him.

“Right,” you mutter. “Sorry, I’m just so exhausted of the same old ‘hey, I’m not really feeling this but you’re great, sorry to waste your time’ bullshit excuses from these lousy guys. I’ve lost count of how many dates I’ve gone on in the past few months. I’m raising my glass to loneliness tonight.”

Joseph’s eyes light up, but he leans back in his chair, crosses his arms and pulls his lips into a taunting pout. “Ah, so this means I have to deal with you all by myself this evening?”

You roll your eyes as you walk over to the high-top and climb yourself up into the excruciatingly tall chair, carefully placing your glass of wine down on the middle of the table. “I thought you had a meeting tonight?” You try to avoid making eye contact but you glance over and lock your eyes with his. He’s sporting his usual attire for a Tuesday afternoon with you when he’s in town. A crisp white linen button-down, the top three buttons undone so you can just barely see his tanned chest he acquired over the summer with two dainty gold chains dangling from his neck. His tan skinny jeans look a bit worn in as he’s been traveling all day before he settled in at your apartment. He’s got on his favorite pair of beaten up converse in crimson red, and you notice he’s let his curls grow out a bit. They fall loosely around his ears, one single lock falling over his right eyebrow. God, he’s beautiful.

“I think I can skip a meeting here and there for my best friend. I haven’t seen you in nearly a year, I miss hearing about the unfortunate male drama you tend to attract.”

“That’s so endearing, Joe.” He hates when you call him that.

He lets out a hearty laugh and reaches out his hand, palm facing up. “Let me see your phone.”

“Absolutely not!” you exclaim. “I don’t have it on me, anyway. It’s on my bed, and I’m not leaving this table until I finish this glass of wine.” The last time you let Joseph have your phone to mock the boys in your Instagram messages, he came across a text of you telling your friend about the night the two of you went out for drinks for the first time. Your text read, “Went out to grab drinks with Joe tonight, I’ve never heard someone utter the words filthy and martini the way he did. I wanted to open my legs right then and there. I see why the girls obsess over him lol.” You were absolutely mortified when he looked up from your phone, grinning while handing it back to you with the message wide open. You could only mutter out, “Oh, god. I met this guy named Joe and I think I’m just swooning over anyone that offers to buy me a drink, I’m so desperate.” All he could reply with was, “Oh, of course. I’m sure it was a fun night, huh?” He was typically naive to the flirtation that came from other women, and never paid much attention to the fans that constantly followed him and threw themselves at his feet, but this conversation was so painfully obvious that it was about him that he looked a little disappointed when you tried to cover up your own admiration for him. Ever since then, he loved teasing you about it when he had the opportunity to.

“What? Something in there you don’t want me to read, Y/N?”

“Shut up.” You’re too easy to get worked up, and he’s good at getting you there. He’s always known how to completely and utterly annoy you to your core.

You catch your face flushing and quickly look down at the wine glass. After you nearly chug a fourth of your glass in a few seconds, you put the glass back down and look back up at Joseph. He’s still got his arms folded over his chest, eyes locked on yours as if to make a point of something.

“Isn’t that your special glass? The one that holds an entire bottle of wine?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You asked me if I wanted a glass and didn’t think to share with me?”

“You didn’t answer me!” you giggle. “You’re more than welcome to share since apparently you don’t have anywhere to be now.”

Joseph reaches for the glass. “Thank you for your permission, that’s so kind of you to offer.” He grins and looks down at wine, swirls it around a little bit and takes a sip. “This is absolutely dreadful, where did you find this?”

You roll your eyes at him and snatch the glass from his hand. “Some of us enjoy cheap wine, you twat.” You take another sip, feeling the warmth of the wine going down your throat, tingling on your tongue as you swallow. “You’re right though, it’s actually not that good. But it gets the job done, you know?”

“Well,” he uncrosses his arms and props his elbows on the table, his face sitting in his hands about a foot away from yours, “it’s no filthy martini. But it’ll do for the hour.”

Your heart stops for a second, still staring into his soft eyes. He knows what he’s doing, and he confirms it by parting his lips just a little bit, biting the lower left of his pout while he flashes you a flirty wink. You can hear him chuckle under his breath, almost as if he’s trying to hide the fact that he’s fully aware he’s making you fidget in your seat.

“Go get dressed.” He demands, his soft look turning a bit sly.

“Get dressed?”

“Yes, you heard me.”

“I am dressed.” You’ve got on a pair of black jeans that cuff at the ankles, a plain olive colored v-neck neatly french-tucked into the front waistline that accentuates your cleavage perfectly with the push-up bra you put on for your original date plans, and a pair of black strappy heels that you wear with every date night outfit. If he has suddenly come up with something for the two of you to do, this should be fine to wear out.

Joseph hops out of his chair and moves his eyes from yours, slowly down to your shoes. “I want you to go put on that dress I like.”

Immediately you feel your stomach drop into your knees. That dress. The one he complimented you on two years ago when you got dolled up for your birthday, he had come over to give you a bouquet of lilies, a bottle of champagne and a raincheck that read, “Redeemable the next time I’m in town for more than a day or two. Happy birthday Y/N, looking forward to celebrating you.” He wasn’t sure at the time when he’d be able to make it up to you, but before he dipped out of your birthday gathering to hop on a flight he told you this was his favorite outfit on you. He made you do a little turn, giving you a delicate slow clap before whispering in your ear, “This dress looks amazing on you, love. I’m sure the lucky guy will love it.” A little black dress that clung to your every curve and made you feel fucking hot. Except that night there was no lucky guy, just a night out spent dancing with your friends to ring in the next trip around the sun.

You snap from the memory and come back to the present moment.

“Oh?” You were left speechless, your palms glistening with sweat.

“Don’t tell me you got rid of it?” he asks, his face falling into a sulky, sultry look.

“No, no, actually. It’s still hanging up in my closet.”

“Perfect. You want me to find it for you?”

“Um, yeah. Yeah, have fun in there, it’s a mess.”

“It’s just like you!” he laughs. He walks a couple steps towards you, grabs your hand and leads you through the hallway to get to your bedroom.

What is he doing? It doesn’t matter. Don’t overthink this. You’ve waited to feel this sickening tension reciprocated for years, it’s nearly laughable.

Joseph walks you up to your closet, releases your hand and opens the closet door. “Jesus Christ, Y/N. You weren’t kidding.”

You weren’t. Your closet is an absolute wreck. The dress is in here somewhere, but you’re not even focused on finding the damn thing anymore.

You stand at the door way, looking out into your walk-in closet. Suddenly you feel his hand graze your lower back, his curly hair brushing against your ear. His lips lightly touch your earlobe as he mutters, “I want to see you put it on for me.” He raises his hand from your lower back up onto your shoulder, brushing the hair away from your face. “I’ve waited long enough, haven’t I?”

His voice is dripping with sensuality. You can feel yourself getting aroused, the butterflies in your stomach traveling down to your thighs.

This is what you’ve been waiting for.

#joseph quinn #joseph quinn fanfic #joseph quinn fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #new fanfic #joseph quinn x reader #fanfic #eddie fanfic #fanfiction #joseph quinn wonderland #joseph quinn fluff #eddie munson #eddie munson fluff #joseph quinn x you #josephquinnedit #eddie x reader #joseph quinn fandom

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libra-stellium · 4 months

Text

Pluto in Aquarius - 12H Transit

Reflecting on Friendships

The last time pluto was in aquarius was March 23 - June 11 2023 and during that time was when a friend of 8/9 years ghosted me in early March and I tried to mend things during that 3 month period and the last time we had a conversation was June 10 2023 lol (we did tell each other happy birthday and thank you in Sept and Nov after that but no actual conversation)

Then this year pluto goes into aqua again on Jan 20 2024 and I tell a couple friends about how my TikTok FYP gets sooo many of her reposts about fake friends and hating people who aren’t confrontational and how nobody knows how to communicate lol so I liked one of them and they stopped! Then like 2 weeks later there’s a repost about getting confronted about reposts and how you can’t take anything online seriously 😂 but there’s been 0 reposts since so I think it worked 🤷🏾‍♀️

Then on Jan 29 I had a dream that I was in a groupchat with her and other people who I used to be friends with in college but my friendship with them didn’t make it past that so I guess they ended like 5 years ago? We would sometimes do group things but it quickly died down. They’re all still friends tho I think. Anyway so in this dream one girl sent a longgggggg ass message about all the things she hated about me 💀 (my dreams are always dramatic lmfao) and that girl who ghosted me was hearting the messages within seconds like she was right there when it was written!! Lmao message received!! I don’t think they actually hate me to this extent irl but I’m a Pisces rising so my dreams don’t lie 🤷🏾‍♀️

And this entire week I’ve been thinking about what I actually want out of friendships and that friendship wasn’t bad but it also wasn’t completely what I wanted in a friendship and I think I was holding on for longer than necessary bc nothing had happened between us so why end a friendship you know? And towards the end right before I was like “she ghosted me” I remember thinking why do I feel like I’m begging ? Lmao bc I would type a message and erase it like I felt she wouldn’t care about what I had to say. Which is weird bc I wasn’t saying anything out of the ordinary 😭 and I should’ve listened to that feeling more lol

I definitely want friendships with more care involved. I have a few friends I can have deep conversations with and who didn’t mind listening to me vent to them about what my narc mom was doing to me that week and I let them vent too. But like…while I was going through that no one asked me if I needed anything or if I needed help with anything it was just like yeah that sucks 😕 and that’s it. I was sick recently and one of my friends I told I was sick never responded to my message and then I go on IG two days later to see she’s on vacation with her bf and then she calls me when she gets back a week later and not once asked me if I was feeling better but immediately started talking about a situation with her bf 🙃 like okayyyyyy

So I think that’s def going to be a major Pluto in aqua theme for me. I just need to actually sit down and figure out what I want my friendships to look like.

I feel like I already do for them what I’m looking for so I know I’m not asking for a lot! And I did think about my people pleaser tendencies and it wasn’t even about that like someone sharing an achievement and me going “we should go here to celebrate!” But me sharing an achievement and just getting the congrats text with confetti and if I want to celebrate I gotta say I want to go celebrate let’s go here like 😀 and even for my bday last year I was fresh off no contact with my mom obviously distressed and no one offered any options for my bday when it was less than a week before and I was saying I literally have no idea what to do I’m overwhelmed they just kept asking did you plan it yet? So I ended up just picking a random place for brunch lol but it felt like too much to be like “can someone plan my bday for me?” 💀 my take on it is very if they wanted to they would

It’s 4:44

I think it relates to my family too bc from the way their lives have turned out I have this fear of not having any friends bc they don’t have any friends in their 50s 60s and continuously tell me how lonely it is and to make sure that never happens to me and to make sure I keep all my friends lol no pressure! But tbh the reason they don’t have any friends is bc I don’t think they were friends with those people to begin with they were just in proximity and they did not actually care about each other.

I wonder what’s going to show up between Sept 1 - Nov 19 2024 when Pluto goes back into cap and reenters aqua for the next 20 years bc my bday happens in that gap and there’s always something surrounding my bday!!

#astrology #astro #astro tumblr #learn astrology #astro community #pisces rising #libra stellium #saturn in the 1st house #pluto in the 12th house #pluto in aquarius

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unnamable-lee · 1 year

Text

Yknow what, what the heck ill post it. ignore the bad character dialogue

Sudden Return

~~~

HFJONE -- Lee!Taylor Ler!Charise -- Does contain ship content -- WC: 1065

~~~

“At least here stuff… happens. Back home, it’s just more of the same. Wake up, go to school, go to work, go home and go to sleep. I–I just wish I–” The buzz of a run down AC system wisped past Taylor. Bright green grass was replaced with the deep blue of her apartment mattress. In shock, the magazine frantically looked around. Everything looked the same all the way down to the tears and scratch mark on the walls. Even her phone still lay on the ground. Missed call and text notifications covered her lock screen as Taylor picked her phone up to check the date. Two days had passed since she vanished onto the plane.

Taylor scrolled through her notifications. “Missed call, missed call, missed call, and so many texts from Charise and mom,” she mumbled to herself. She tapped one of the missed call notifications from Charise and waited. The ring of the phone made the tension swell by the second. Finally, her girlfriend had answered the phone.

“Alright who is this? This better not be some sick prank. You know how I feel about–”

“Charise! Charise it’s me, Taylor.”

“...No it’s not,” the stocking hesitated. Her skepticism was understandable. Two days of radio silence just to suddenly come back isn’t something that just happens. “There’s no way this is Taylor. C’mon. Who is it really?” she tried to hold back tears.

“Please Char, I’m being serious. It’s me. Come to my apartment and you can see me in the flesh.”

“Facetime me first. I’m not about to get killed tonight,” the girl’s voice was shaky. Taylor transferred over to a video call, giving the camera a soft grin before being met with an ended call. Hopefully Charise was just excited.

```

A cacophony of loud banging on the door and a desperate shout could be heard past Taylor’s apartment wall. This was sure to get a noise complaint. Taylor opened the door and was instantly slammed into the floor in a bear hug tighter than any hug she’d experienced before. Charise let faint sobs slip from her as she cuddled closer to her girlfriend. Returning the favor, Taylor wrapped her arms around the knitted stocking. A few minutes had passed before Charise managed to squeak words out, “Where the hell did you go? You vanished out of nowhere when we were talking on the phone, but now you’re suddenly back. Are you okay? Are you hurt at all?”

“Everything’s good, Char. I promise, but I don’t think you’d believe anything I’m about to tell you,” Charise lifted herself up to stare Taylor in the eyes.

“Why would that be? I mean, what happened was already unbelievable enough. It can’t get worse.”

“Oh but it sure can,” Taylor continued on to explain the honestly horrific story of where she went, yet she managed to keep it lighthearted with little sound effects and her usual slang. Whether it be watching someone watch a baby get impaled by a wood pole or flying off said pole, Taylor did her best not to make it too serious despite the darkness of what had happened. “That Bassy person still freaks me out a ton. It was so fucking creepy.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound fun at all. I do have to ask, are you sure you weren’t on anything?”

“Charise, you know I don’t dabble with those types of things.”

“I don’t know; that whole story felt like a whole trip, even to me!” The two laughed together as they got up and lay on the creaky, springboard mattress. Eventually, the room fell silent as the two objects lay next to each other to simply enjoy the other's presence. Charise would look over to Taylor every now and again before darting her eyes back to a different part of the small apartment when the magazine tried to look back.

“Do you need something, dear?” Taylor asked as the quick glances became more obvious.

“Oh I just– I was wondering if I could–” Charise cut herself off and placed her palms over her face, “I was wondering if I could do the thing,” she peeked through her hands to see a stupefied Taylor looking back. “Sorry, it’s okay if you don’t want to. You just came back. I just thought since it cheers both of us up that–” Taylor placed a finger on Charise’s mouth.

“Yes, Char. You can do the thing,” it would be nice. After spending two days on a weird mystery planet, doing something with Charise felt like the best way to forget about it all. “Just try not to wake anybody UP–” Taylor was abruptly cut off by nimble fingers bouncing around her pages.

“Ha! Tickle monster has got you now! God your smile is adorable,” the stocking teases as she continues to fiddle with Taylor’s sides. The poor girl was giggling like crazy; she didn’t want to wake any of the neighbors up.

“Chahahar you bihihtch!” Taylor cursed between frantic giggles. Charise gasped in offense.

“How dare you use that language around me! This calls for drastic measures.”

“Waihihit ChAAHHAR–” Charise’s hands had gone to where Taylor’s hips would be, softly kneading at the spot. Taylor couldn’t keep quiet anymore, so she’d apologize to her neighbors later. “HEHEY NOOHOHO FAIHIR!”

“Yes fair, Tay-tay. Say sorry, and then I’ll let you go,” teased Charise as she knew what the answer would be.

“NEHEHEVER!”

“Oh well. I guess I’ll have to pull out my secret weapon,” just as fast as she had declared, Charise began to scribble her fingers all over Taylor’s stomach. Of course, this resulted in Taylor snort laughing. “There it is! There’s the real laugh of my beautiful golden girl.”

“SHUUHUHUT OKAY I’M SOHORY,” Taylor shrieked between snorts and laughter. The stocking slowed down her pace before eventually stopping her attack. For now. As one final blow, Charise took in a deep breath and laid a raspberry in the middle of Taylor’s stomach. Letting out her last few laughs, Taylor hugged herself and rolled around the bed. Residue giggles escaped Taylor as Charise cuddled up next to the tuckered out girl.

“Never vanish out of thin air again, alright? You made me worried sick.”

“I won’t make any promises,” Taylor shook her fist in the dusty air seemingly directed at a certain someone. The couple giggled a final time before drifting off to sleep.

#new tag just dropped woahhh #unamed fics #tickle community #tword community #tword fic #tickle fic #object show tickles #hfjone tickles #one tickles #if yall like this then i might post my writing more #i swear ive gotten better

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mystifiedmess · 1 year

Note

hey ash xD

4, 8, 18 and 25 for the ask game

heyyy abiii

4. favourite dish specific for your country?

oh so okay, theres a lot of them tbh that i love- kheer, chole bhature, dosas, love all the chutneys (there are so many of em and each one more whack combos that somehow work -my mom recently made an amla/gooseberry/ and coconut that has now become my fav way to have amla) but my favourite dish specific to my country, and esp culture has to be

litti chokha- its this bihari dish thats made of two segments litti- doughballs with roasted chana(chickpea) filling aka sattu with a thousand other things added that i can never fully get, just know they taste delish

and chokha which is baigan ka bharta (brinjal bharta)

there are so many side pairings to it but the base is imo this and its pretty yum and unique on flavor pallet

8. do you get confused with other nationalities? if so, which ones and by whom?

i feel like, i’m not online enough to talk to people that they can imo even get the wrong nationality idea and despite my idk why in the middle of 2022 ways to text like a brit with babes, mate and all the xx. the most i’ll feel like i have seen is browns getting confused for each other countries. so many times i have seen something that i think is for indian and then realize its pakistani/bangladeshi/ nepali scene.

which makes all this hostility online so much more dumb when you think about it.

18. do you speak with a dialect of your native language?

ooof so like, my native language is sorta hindi, its complicated cos younger generation pretty much uses hindi 80% of the time and even my parents wil unless back in home state prefer speaking hindi, mom prefers it there also. but then there is this another language that dadi/ nani an all do speak that i can understand but not really speak i can try but it doesn’t feel good enough so maybe? idk is the answer. if we take hindi then yes but thats kinda cheating soo uhh i’ll let you be the judge

25. would you like to come from another place, be born in another country?

finally asking the hard hitting questions huh abi

the clusturfuck of emotions this country gives me is a case study in making or a visit to therapist couch whichever comes first

while you definitely know that india is not the best, you still feel for it like i want to it do better so i’m not dissapointed in it. like every indian mom even i’m like you better pick up after yourself india. i also still randomly play ae mere watan ke logo and get emo about it around 15 august

i’m also very weirdly nitpicky about other countries. like won’t find my fav street food level nitpicky but then job opprtunities is something i cant overlook so theres that

also 5 paragh’s in i realised that i read this q wrong so uhh like answer to that is actually no i would like to be born in a better india but this diversity, this crazyness is something that i love about this country so much.

coming from delhi, i love that to be the girl who swears like a sailor at anyone but then will see someone in need of help and be like yeah sure.

the catty gossip aunties who will show their nice side once every blue moon and you’ll remeber shit i can’t completely hate them

the paani pilana culture, food as love language and all the scoldingd that hold the love, the incredible culture that is just so rich that i don;,’t understand yours and you dont understand mine but thats okay cause the amul add is still universal.

its that india i cannt part with

#hello once again tp me an my incapability of writing a short answer #indian culture #i guess #ask game #love how no Indian is asking each other question 20 😭

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autopotion · 2 years

Note

I love seeing you guys final fantasy tactics-posting omg :,) glad to see that people still love this game

Anon I will be super honest I had no idea that I had anon questions even on at all so when I went into my inbox this was a huge surprise LMAO. A pleasant one though. I'm not really a BNF or anything, I kinda keep a low profile, so this is extremely sweet.

But yeah!! I'm not sure if you're new here (re: to my blog) but I'll give you the backstory anyway. FFT was a foundational game to me growing up. It also is among the games introduced me to video games as a whole; I actually grew up watching my mom and sister play it, and then my brother and I played together when we were a little older. All of us cite it as among our favorites, if not our very favorite. FFT is also one of the few media properties from my childhood that I haven't grown out of. In many ways I feel like I grew into it, as the text is quite dense for a video game and a lot of the finer points and politics flew over my head as a child (not the least because I was playing the PSX version, which I adore, but that translation is not exactly known for its clarity).

I got my spouse @officecyborg to play it when we first started dating, and she liked it all right then, but it wasn't until I replayed War of the Lions about a year and a half ago that she really latched onto it, which was delightful to me as a long time FFT lover with no real place to channel my interest (most of my close circle of nerdy friends haven't played it, and my siblings like it for different reasons than I do). We got really into Delita/Ovelia, which was a delight for the teenager in me who had been obsessed with them (and I guess I still am lol), and I maintain that Zoe has The Best And Most Correct Delita opinions. (Ovelia is my favorite. (: )

Over the course of April/May last year we also wrote in a feverish haze what we lovingly refer to as "the manifesto," AKA a series of interconnected Delita/Ovelia vignettes that frames their tumultuous relationship in a way that we feel reflects what we like most about them. I've yet to read a fic that really captures what I love about their dynamic, though a small handful come very close, so it's been an exciting project. We put it away for a while to focus on other things, but have since returned to it to clean it up, and plan to slowly post it to AO3. One of our favorite scenes from "the manifesto" is already up, actually, since we liked it enough to post on its own, and wanted to present it to the world just in case we abandon the project for other endeavors. You can read it here, if you want. (My spouse and I usually focus on writing our own original fiction that we hope to post as a mixed-media web serial, so "the manifesto" is an unusual side project that we happen to hold very dear.)

Also, if you like my spouse's funny and insightful FFT posts, please go through her #tactics blogging tag for more wonderful gems.

And if you're looking for more people who talk about FFT, I would be super surprised if you hadn't poked around @corpsebrigadier's blog, who is I think hands-down the most steadfastly encouraging FFT fan when it comes to reading, distributing, and creating FFT fan content. Also their cakes look amazing. @adalheidis has also created some of my favorite FFT fanart ever, though Lou is more chiefly a Tactics Ogre fanartist if you're into Tactics Ogre too, and also just creates really stunning art regularly, especially original stuff.

But yeah. My blog name is an FFT reference (the Chemist reaction ability) and so is my video game aesthetics blog, @zeltenniacastle (though unfortunately FFT shows up on that blog quite rarely, as not a lot of folks gif it or make edits of it). It's a very important game to me and probably my favorite game of all time. I used to replay it every summer, and started switching between the PSX version and War of the Lions as a comparison. I don't talk about it all the time, but it's always lying in wait, waiting for me to re-hyperfixate on it, lol.

#quiznaibus #oh yeah my ask tag is an fft reference too!#to the dancer ability 'wiznaibus' from the psx translation #in sum: final fantasy tactics (:#fft blogging #tactics blogging

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poppyseedgirly · 1 year

Text

sitting in the same eat n park

that holds so many memories

trying not to let the bad feelings

seep in, but i face it and it’s too late

eating my pot roast sandwich

till i feel to sick to finish

i’ve been eating better again

but i still feel so fragile

it’s raining here, and it makes me think

maybe i have been bringing the rain

my mom says it makes sense

i’ve felt very irritable

and i spent too much today

but poppet sits on my lap

and it’s an excuse not to move

it is her birthday

i wonder if you’ll even think about that

i feel sick i never responded back

back how could i

i held on so tight till i realized

what i was holding on to was letting go

so i let go too… and yet you still texted me

my skin burns and i roll my eyes

and i feel like screaming

and i want a thunder storm so loud

i had a breakdown last night

you can’t stop sobbing and you feel dizzy

and like nothing will stop it

a deep feeling

i think the ocean must feel like this

how can i miss you and wish you out of my mind

at the same time

i’m trying to let go and i do little by little

but this is a seeped stain

an open wound i don’t know how to close

am i crazy, i feel it sometimes

you feel like a hazy dream

i remind myself often of this new reality

my sibling says but you are starting over allison be easy on yourself

and i say yeah but but but

i know i am the only one who can get me out of this

i keep searching for something to fill this emptiness

i just want what i thought i had back

love

i’m trying to give it to myself

but it’s going to take a long time

and it’s scary

and all the things i have started to unpack

and see the truth

oh its scary

i will never be able to go back to the place i found home in, love in

i didn’t even get a chance to be angry

like i have so much deep stored anger

and processing everything

like i feel it going to come out

and i’m so scared

you used to say to me maybe we don’t always need to process things

and i find that so funny

you just didn’t want to dig deeper into your own feelings

i tried so hard to help

i lost myself in so much

i let so much slide by

now i write lists about what i love about myself because i’m trying to remember

i hate that i stopped listening to my gut

my intuition

i hate that i was so delusional

i have so many unanswered questions

i’m trying to find closure in finding my own closure

it’s easy to just say it’s over i’ll stop thinking about this now and move on

you kept saying you are changing and i’d say of course, that’s what people do, that’s okay

i’m going to change too

i never understood what you were trying to say to me

was that even wanting me was changing too

i always thought when you ask someone to marry you

you understand that means like going through everything together right

i think about the hospital a lot these days

i can’t remember exactly what we said at the airport

i remember what we talked about on the drive there

mostly you, and paint ball

i know there was love there though

i feel like breaking something,

i’m scared to drink too much

the nightmares have eased

but only a little

i just need something good to hold on to right now

trying to remind myself

#diary

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countessofravenclaw · 1 year

Text

The 2022 writing Advent calendar: Day 15

15. What is the best gift you remember getting as a kid?

“Yeah, two night at Otaniemi, and then we’ll fly to Rovaniemi,” Gastón recapped for Matteo, as they plus their wives were sitting in Gastón and Nina’s living room one late October evening. They had been talking about their trip to Europe for Flor and Oliver’s wedding on New year’s day and they were going to go to Finland for skiing straight afterward with Simon and Ambar.

“Ambar and Simon are meeting us at the airport when we fly to Lapland,” Nina explained, “We can go look around at the capital Helsinki while Gastón is giving that lecture at the Aalto University.”

“Well, you seem to have it all under control.” Matteo leaned back on the couch, “Remind me to travel with you more often.”

“I don’t know ho I can wait two months!” Luna exclaimed from the floor where she had been playing with Newton. “By the way, is Newton going to that doggy day care again for that? We will be gone for two weeks.”

“No,” Gastón answered, “Delfi and Pedro will be taking care of him, since they are not coming with us.”

“Delfi and Pedro?” Matteo questioned.

“Delfi has had dogs her whole life,” Nina explained, “She has sometimes gone with me to walk him when we have been talking about her producing that book trailer for me.”

“I do wonder if they are planning on getting a dog themselves since they have not offered it before,” Gastón pondered.

“Well that would be a bit odd,” Luna continued, “I mean, Ambar said that she swears that Delfi is pregnant so…”

“Really?” Nina questioned, “Huh, well that would actually make sense. She has seemed a bit tired.”

“They will probably tell us when it is time,” Matteo started speaking, “Not like we are on the godparents shorts list.”

“I think Jazmin has the dips on that,” Luna noted, “Ambar did say that she is willing to go to war about it.”

“Poor Delfi and Pedro. Maybe that's why they are not coming with us to ski.”

“I hope we get to know before I start Christmas shopping,” Luna said while scratching Newton behind his ear. “I can already come up with so many cute things to give them.”

“Luna, it is October.”

“Yeah, so I only have two months to do the shopping and wrapping,” Luna countered.

“Don’t even speak to me about Christmas shopping yet,” Nina sighed, “Year by year it gets harder. It feels like everyone already has everything, especially after all the wedding gifts. I don’t even know what to ask myself.”

“Probably something everyone has trouble with as we are supposed to be so-called adults now or something,” Matteo sighed too.

“Uuuuh! Let's play a game!” Luna said so excitedly that she scared Newton and made him jump from her lap onto the sofa and curl next to Nina while eyeing Luna judgmentally. “Uups, sorry.”

“Should we be scared?” Gastón joked.

“No,” Luna rolled her eyes. “What is the best gift you remember getting as a kid? Maybe that can give us some inspiration for gifts this year. Hold up a second, I’ll text that Simon and Ambar as well… you know what, I’ll just put that in the group chat and tell everyone to record a video about it so we can all know each other’s… oka that is done… So, who goes first?” Luna clicked her phone’s record button and started a video.

“Uhmmm, I can,” Matteo spoke hesitantly and Luna turned her phone towards him.

“Go ahead, it is already recording.”

“Uhm… okay,” Matteo started, “When I was nine, the last Christmas… before Mom died, I had just started piano lessons because dad wanted me to do that instead of playing the guitar. But they still gave me my first guitar as a Christmas present and mom asked me to sign it, and of course, she didn’t know, none of us did, but she still got to witness my first autograph ever. I think the guitar is somewhere in storage at Dad and Sofia’s place right now.”

“We need to go find it!” Luna exclaimed, “I wanna see it!”

“We can go do that but I do not know where it actually is.”

“No problem! Nothing is impossible to Luna Valente!” Luna stopped the recording and pointed the came towards Nina. “Nina you are next!”

“Okay.” Nina stared at the camera blackly for a second, “Uhm, so. Well, this will sound really cliche, but it was a book. It was Christmas right after Mon and Dad had finally gotten divorced… I remember it because that really was the first Christmas I remember having some peace and them not fighting, since they were not together, obviously. Mom and Dad both gave me the same book as a present, I didn’t tell them that, obviously because I didn’t want them to fight. But to me it just kind of symbolized that they were on some small level on the same page, by both knowing what I wanted, even if they did not know how to communicate and would not for many years.”

“What book was that?” Gastón asked and reached her hand. Newton had crawled on Nina’s lap and had dosed off quietly snoring.

“I don’t remember,” Nina answered. “It was a children’s book, and I definitely didn’t take it to Oxford. One of the copies is probably still at dads. I think the Mom’s copy got lost in some box when we moved to Mora’s. I can ask but it’s probably lost forever.”

“So your parents still don’t know about that?” Luna asked from behind the camera.

“No they don’t, and I don’t think I will ever tell them.” Nina said and fiddled with Newton’s ear, “Well that was that.”

“I’ll go last.” Luna started another video on her phone. “So Gastón, your turn.”

“Okay, mine also involves my parents. It was when they gave me my first camera.” Gastón started. “It was our first Christmas in the house they still live in. I didn’t know it at the time, I was nine or something since I was in third grade, but that was the time they really had started having money. They gave me this small digital camera, and I did not know how to use it and I thought it was stupid. Like I said: I was nine. Anyways, we actually went to Canada that year for new Year and that's where I actually learned to ski. There, dad took me out and actually taught me how to use the camera and told me that: even if I didn’t appreciate it then, it could bring a lot of things into my life. You all know how Mom and Dad met at the photography course at university, so that's what he obviously meant and now I know that he was right.” He scooted closer to Nina on the couch and wrapped his arm around her waist.

“Aww, that was cute,” Luna squealed, “Okay, Matteo take this.” she threw her phone to Matteo. “My turn.”

“Okay, it is recording,” Matteo said and directed the phone toward Luna who was still sitting on the floor.

“I don’t fully remember this, since I was five I think, but Mom and Dad told me that I was always drawn towards all kinds of sun and star things.” Luna started, “Well, now we know why, and but at the time they just thought it was cute. So for Christmas that years, they got me this huge sun-shaped pillow. And apparently, what I said when I got it was: but why is it the sun? I am the moon!! But the pillow was so cute and me and Simon had some much fun jumping on it.”

“What happened to it?” Matteo asked.

“Yeah…” Luna laughed, “We kind of broke it with Simon…”

I had so much fun with this. First of all I love the Gastina/Lutteo dynamic and I relly loved coming up with some sentimental stories about their childhood and what their parents got them. Secondly, I really love writing Gastón and Nina's dogs reactions to what ever they are doing. I also firmly believe that Pelfi are the first ones to have kids from the Roller Crew

#2022 Writing DCLA+ advent calendar #Soy Luna #Gastina #Lutteo #Childhood memories

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medicinemane · 2 years

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Man these days just kill me, and the fact my grandma just pissed me off one two many times kind of took a lot out of me too

Just... it sounds like nothing with any of these incidents in isolation, but the more I string together (knowing that I've straight up forgotten 99% of them over the years), the more it really shows a pattern

Like if you have to pick just two people to pin it on why I'm as messed up as I am, my mom and her mom (throw her dad in for 3rd place) and that's as far as you need to look. With my mom there's text book neglect, and with my grandma there's eternal belittling and the total refusal to respect boundaries, purposefully not listening at every turn

Cause I gotta ask, who literally bakes a cake just to trick a literal child because they're salty that the kid is "picky" cause they don't like bananas. You can't tell me that's a sane action, and you can't tell me that's anything but intentionally disregarding the simplest of boundaries

So yeah... not sure I have anything actionable to do with this info yet but there it is

Oh, and I never even in all of this brought up what a controlling person she is

Like she's one of those people who wields money and guilt like a cudgel. As a small child I understood the phrase and concept of "strings attached" cause I knew that was how everything from those grandparents came

My mom would basically trade time with me for money, her parents would constantly guilt her to keep her doing what they wanted. They would bitch that the phrase "guilt trip" was just psycho babble

Hell, my grandpa who at least I think liked me even if he wanted me to be totally different, the time as a little kid I was like "I don't want to talk about this, you're making me mad" was like "no one can make you mad" then acted shocked when I got pissed at him

Fucking constantly got stuck in car rides with him, which he basically used as a way to have a captive audience while he harangued me about whatever shit he was fixated on that day. Sometimes it was a nice ride, usually it was a lecture

Then one time when I'd actually started reading (but not a book he cared about) he insisted I do this history lesson with him, and I'm like... once I finish this chapter

No, now. He follows me through the trailer insisting all the way back to my room, and I go into the bathroom which was one of those open ones, and he's standing outside not letting up, and I'm slapping at and kicking the walls saying "leave me alone" and my foot goes through the flimsy innerwall of the trailer and he was shookth to the core in terror (for guilt, I mean he was a huge guy and I was 12, he wasn't scared of shit)

Anyway, that's off topic. On topic is that the real reason my grandma hated me getting the house is that it meant I cut off some of her control of my mom. She couldn't threaten to stop paying and make my mom move in with her like she'd constantly do (she never knew I'd moved out of the trailer, she thought she was threatening me too, but my dad was paying a sanity tithe for me in the form of rent money)

And petty too, my dad bought me a Thomas the Tank Engine board game, they decided they'd bought it for me. When my grandpa came over to help my mom clean up the trailer, he'd just throw out stuff he didn't care about, which is where my copy of Space Hulk and Green Things From Outerspace went (really cool game with really cool art... I should find another copy)

Anyway... like I said, maybe it just give some context as to why I don't really hold much opinion for myself, cause my whole childhood I was basically told what a fuck up I was and all the ways I needed to do shit different, and my whole teen years my grandpa had dementia from the stroke and then was gone, but my grandma keeps it up to this day

Just gets tiresome you know, and with my mom it's like, you feel duty, you fucking go. Why you drag me along? I don't like the lady, I don't think of her as family, still fucking using me as a sacrifice

(Did I mention the time my grandpa told me "sometimes we have to make sacrifices" cause I didn't want to do something around my grandma cause I knew she hated me? Looking back on it, old man no one in the family made more sacrifices then that kid, y'all were always asking him to sacrifice to me you happy, every last one of you. Dad's parents not so much, though they're not flawless, but mom's side wanted nothing but sacrifices)

(Then my grandma has the gall to say I'd have turned out right if they'd just been able to be the ones to raise me. Fuck nuts, you fucked up both your children, the fuck makes you think you'd do any better with me?)

Just tiresome, and she acts like I'm bad with money, like those grandparents aren't the two worst people with money I've ever known. I got a house in 2019, they got one in like the 70's, we're not the same. You couldn't get shit these days cause you're idiots

Grandpa once spent $1000 trying to get my dad's name off the trailer (which was only there cause my grandparents wouldn't cosign it so my dad had to). He was obsessed with it even though my dad didn't give a shit, and in 2020 when time came to get rid of it... my dad just signed the dotted line and got nothing (like me, cause despite all my work the trailer was worthless thanks to my mom destroying it, best we could do was get someone to take it as is for free, and my grandma bitched we'd been taken for a ride)

Just fuck that family, they're such shit, all of them. My uncle's alright, but still a fuckhead in various ways, my mom's way better than she used to be, but fucked me up too bad for me to ever be close or even able to tolerate her

I don't know... there's no such thing as closure talking about this. It's on going, it is what is, and I probably won't be free of it till they die, which I don't look forward to exactly but it's probably true

Probably can't break free, but at least I can not fuck anyone up the same way. Preferably just die myself already, but that seems like a hassle right now, so I'll go to bed soon instead

Just what a bunch of selfish assholes they all were, and are if they're here. Fuck it, I'm not really good enough, I'm not lovable and never will be, but at least I'm not a controlling asshole and try and make the people around me feel valuable instead of worthless

#mm tag so i can find things later

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