#my heart hurts why did i do this?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

valeriianz · 1 year

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You always push people away. I just thought you'd never do that to me.

Or

I never meant to hurt you.

(From Hit 'em where it hurts sentence prompts!)

human au. CW: infidelity. some spice.

EDIT: expanded on Ao3!

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“This needs to stop, Dream.”

Dream blinks as he looks down the bed at Hob, who’s sitting on the edge, fully dressed and far out of Dream’s reach.

“What?” Dream mumbles, sitting up against the headboard and rubbing the gunk from his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

Hob takes a long breath, holding it. Like he’s preparing himself for a fight. Dream blinks again and fully takes in Hob. The t-shirt that he had ripped off him last night. The leather belt holding up Hob’s jeans that they’d used once or twice, tying Dream to the headboard and Hob raveging his body while all Dream could do was pull at his restraints and make noises no other man had managed out of him.

His gaze travels down and Dream’s heart gives a painful lurch at the sight of Hob’s wedding ring on his left hand.

“What’s going on?” Dream dares to ask, his voice unrecognizable even in his own ears.

It’s agony that Hob doesn’t turn his head. Doesn’t even acknowledge Dream.

“You heard me. I’m–” Hob takes another rattling breath, his head dipping down towards his chest. “I’m leaving.”

Dream’s entire body goes cold but he yanks the duvet off him anyway, crawling up behind Hob.

“No.”

Hob gives a breathless laugh, disbelieving, bitter.

Dream gets a hand on Hob’s shoulder. “I won’t let you.”

Hob finally turns his head and the look he levels Dream with breaks his heart.

His eyes are pleading. They also shine, like Hob’s on the verge of tears. Dream swallows a lump in his throat, desperation clawing up through his chest and knotting itself there.

Hob was married.

It was never a problem for Dream. They’d met at a bar and it was so obvious Hob had just stormed out after a fight. Dream was happy to be his distraction. To be a toy that this handsome, sad stranger could use over and over again.

Only after the first time, it became an addiction for both of them.

Hob came back to that bar a week later, looking for Dream. And Dream had been so flattered, so fucking smug about it that he’d popped a boner right there, smirking in victory as Hob pushed him into the bathroom and railed him within an inch of his life. They’d almost snapped the sink off the wall of that establishment.

Dream never considered himself a “home-wrecker,” especially when it appeared Hob had no home to eviscerate. He never spoke of his unhappy marriage and Dream never asked, only offered up his body and his comfort and… over time, his home and his kisses and then coffee, dinner, and–

And then three months went by and Dream fell in love.

But Hob never left his wife.

Dream had hoped… selfishly, in the back of his head, that Hob would choose him. Would invite him back to his house, the home he’d shared with his wife, and remodel it with tales of their love. Of their passion and interests and early mornings lazing naked in bed, tea in their hands as Dream snuggled up to him and allowed himself the crazy concept of being in love and someone loving him in return.

Dream refused to believe that would never happen.

“It was never meant to go this far,” Hob finally speaks again, his voice thick, quiet.

A high pitched ringing filled Dream’s ears, deafening him

“I never meant to hurt you–”

“Stop.” Dream takes a breath and it rattles down his lungs. “Stop talking.”

Hob’s brows knit together, agony written all over his face and Dream has to look away. He can feel his ears getting hot, tears welling up in his own eyes.

After a painful stretch of silence, Dream finally swings his gaze back to Hob, swallowing and forcing himself to speak.

“What’s her name?”

Something cracks in Hob’s expression and he levels Dream with a serious look.

“Dream–”

“What’s her fucking name?”

“Eleanor.” Hob responds with just as much venom, his lips parted, breathing through them. “And I told her everything.”

Dream huffs out a sarcastic breath. “You love her?”

He’s glaring at Hob now, forcing anger into his voice, into his body. Pushing down the anguish and the desperation. The wild, pathetic need to beg and plead and scream his case. Stay with me. Stay with me. Don’t leave me.

But Hob was never his. And when he opens his mouth again, the truth slams into Dream like a nail in a coffin.

“Yes.”

Hob stands and Dream lets his hand slide off him, landing onto the bed with finality.

“And we’re going to overcome this. We’re going to make it work.”

Dream couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“And you came over last night to– what? Get one last fuck in? From your side bitch?”

Hob flinches and he looks away. Good, thinks Dream. Clearly he was nothing more to Hob than that. Surely. After all this time…

“I came to tell you…” he takes a breath, eyes landing on Dream again.

Dream doesn’t miss the way Hob’s gaze rakes down his naked form, sitting in a tangle of his own legs on the bed, looking up at Hob with what he’s sure is wild hair made from Hob’s own fingers gripping and pulling it. If Dream were to close his eyes, he could probably still feel it; Hob’s strong hands, bigger than his own, yanking Dream’s head back as he latched his teeth onto his neck. One final claim that wasn’t Hob’s to give.

Unconsciously, Dream moved his hand to rub at the spot on his neck, hiding it.

“But then what?” Dream taunts, raising an eyebrow. “You got distracted?”

Hob shakes his head, closing his eyes and smiling derisively, self-deprecating.

Dream surges up, gets his hands on Hob’s shoulders and shoves. Hob lands against the wall opposite them with a surprised cough and Dream marches forward and takes Hob’s face in both his hands and pries his mouth open with his tongue.

Hob’s hands fly to Dream’s shoulders, up his neck, and into his hair as he kisses back just as ferociously. Jaw dropping and moaning as Dream slots his front against Hob’s, pushing him further into the wall as he punishingly consumes Hob from the inside out.

It’s all teeth and tongue and Dream chokes back on a sob at the desperate way Hob holds on to him, how he bites and snarls back, spinning them around and crowding Dream against the wall instead.

Dream whines as Hob bites his bottom lip and rolls his hips, his erection straining through his jeans rubbing against his own in delirious friction. And Dream hates it. He hates Hob.

“You’ll never be rid of me, Hob Gadling,” Dream purrs in his ear, biting it.

Hob goes very still in Dream’s hold and Dream almost laughs. He wishes he could. He’d laugh and laugh and laugh until he was screaming.

“No,” Hob agrees, breathless. He finally pulls back. He stares at Dream, pupils dilated, chest heaving. “You have a piece of my heart.”

He brings a hand up and presses his thumb against Dream’s bottom lip. Dream wants to bite it. Wants to push him off. Wants wants wants.

Hob takes a breath, finally, truly, stepping away from Dream. His hands drop to his sides.

“But you’ll never have all of it.

(thank you @seiya-starsniper for helping me figure this out) angst prompts

#dreamling #hob x dream #summary: Hob cheats on his partner with Dream #i love/hate this so much i might polish it up and post it on ao3 #mm hmm #my heart hurts why did i do this??#my writing #angst!

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 9 months

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thank you WH update for confirming that Wally breathes. i really thought he didnt <3

#but also fuck it for confirming that bc it sounds like hes in pain and it hurts my shriveled heart #(keep it up the pain is top tier <3 hurt him more. but also dont. but Do. i want the emotional agony attached)#but uhhhhh seriously tho i did Not expect breathing to be in his library of skills #absolutely unprompted #welcome home #'why is that' i hear one person passively wonder #well considering that he doesnt sleep. and he doesnt eat normally - one could argue that he Doesnt eat either.#and how he Knows hes a puppet.#i really thought he wouldnt feel an innate need to keep up a charade of 'breathing' like the others who are Unaware!#BUT IT TURNS OUT ITS NOT A CHARADE AHAHA #THEY KINDA NEED TO APPARENTLY! at least i can assume so #but i was Genuinely surprised to hear wally's labored breathing in his hidden record audios #i almost paused the first one i heard to go 'what??? he can breathe??'#i had convinced myself of it so Thoroughly that i need to edit some stuff in my brain #bc oh boy i had Thoughts completely centered on that #oh well! into the fire they go!!#im happy for him. puppet man gets to enjoy the annoyance that is breathing

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chrissy-kaos · 8 months

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We're just two wrong souls that met at the wrong time

So just go your way, and I'll go mine

You'll be alone with someone new until the day that you die

And I'll watch from afar to make sure you're alright..

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annoyingboing · 3 months

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WHEN WILL I BE ABLE TO WATCH THIS PART OF THE SHOW AND LISTEN TO THIS SONG WITHOUT BAWLING LIKE A BABY

#THESE SCREENCAPS MAKE MY HEART HURT WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF #HE LOOKS SO FUCKING SAD IM GONNA EAT MY FLOORBOARDS #HE LOVES HER SOOOO FUCKING MUCH IM CLAWING AT MY WALLS #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel episode 5 spoilers #hazbin hotel dad beat dad #hazbin hotel more than anything #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel charlie

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cream-and-tea · 6 months

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[ID in alt]

pallas + giftgiving ❤️

#including not one but TWO instances of stealing stuff from calliope they’re so unserious #i didn’t even notice i’d done that twice until reading through to make this post but i think i should keep it that’s actually so funny 2 me #pallas why r you stealing shit from the person you’re obsessed with in a nemesis way to give to #the girl you’re obsessed with in a besties way what is WRONG with you #<— i bully but this post exists because i got overwhelmed with affection for them #bc like. they’re trying SO HARD they don’t know how to care in a way that isn’t destructive but they’re TRYING #and they do care they care so much they just don’t know how to express it and they don’t! want! to hurt her!#they believe that they will eventually but they don’t WANT to!!!!!#pallas outwardly: gives agnes a littol present #pallas inwardly: i would tear my heart still beating from my ribcage if it meant keeping you safe #they are NOT self aware about this though whenever they do something nice for agnes or anyone else their narration is just like #‘wow so weird that i did that moVING ON’ we don’t gain the ability to self reflect until book 2 #wip: ghost story #pallas #creme does a writing

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trobedistic · 1 month

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not community but it IS danny pudi!!!! I love u Brad Bakshi you make me feel sick (affectionately)

do u guys ever think abt how brad was established as a super manipulative heartless asshole but :3333 begged his brother to not kill mythic quest (taking away the only people he cares abouf) just like how he killed kate :33333 i think abt it a lot

#brad bakshi #mythic quest #danny pudi #YEOOOOUUUCCHHH!!!!#OUWWWWWNT HEART EVERUTHING HURTS #JUST FELL TO MY KNEES IN THE MIDDLE OF A WALMART #im the one who made this and im hurt by it why did i do this #sorry brad bakshi fans #hope u enjoy though

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thebirdandhersong · 19 days

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a pointless complaint: God, why did you make him THIS good, faithful, beautiful, kind, wise, discerning, virtuous, and delightful and let me SEE all of that and start loving him a little because he's the person he is, when I thought I was likely incapable of and unlikely to love anyone ever again after boy problem 1 (a dramatic thought, but I believed it devoutly for a moment), why did you then close that door, bolting it, padlocking it, and sealing it for all of time? Life would've literally been smooth sailing (sans the school stuff) this semester if it weren't for the butter knife that keeps twisting around and around in my heart. Like why and why now

#please don't be in love with someone else etc. etc. AGAIN. WHY AGAIN ???? this is somehow hilarious #it happened with the first boy TWICE and now it's happening with the second boy and im like. Why #i know it is not much help asking why and tbh it's not like i havent learned things through this either #but still im laying down my pointless complaint. why did my heart open and open specifically to this person #when he is SO explicitly and blatantly and vocally in love with his ex girlfriend whom he wants to get back together with and marry #like what in tarnation is this and why do i keep getting into Situations #it is SO CLEAR that this is Not It. and i know that and ive been TOLD this VERY EXPLICITLY #and shown very explicitly that i am a friend and nothing more and will never be anything more #another pointless question being: why does it still hurt lolllll

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chazarusdre · 5 months

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LITTLE SECRET LIFE SPOILERS KINDA???? I GUESS??

#HELP #I KEEP DOING THIS FOR EVVERYTHING #smajor1995 #geminitay #also why did gem have to hesitate fighting pearl for so long #my heart hurts I lvoe shiny duo #like. I know it was a stretch saying pearl'd do it too #but if the mounders were gone ort smth she would #hooray for me being kinda right

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peteypiessuperfamily · 4 months

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"You were never meant to be alone, Steve."

#i will never recover from that quote #ever #it breaks my heart over and over again #IF I REMEMBERED WHAT FIC IT CAME FROM ID TAG IT #tony what do you mean tony #why must you point out that there were more vials of the serum #why must you point out that steve was never meant to be the only one #why tony #why must you point out that any comfort steve mightve gotten from other super soldiers was ripped away from him #huh??#because atp i feel like you did it to hurt my feelings #and the never ending guilt that tony will never be enough for him because he cant give steve back everything he lost??#he cant comfort him not knowing all that hes been through??#the fear that no matter how hard tony tries he could never compare to what steve had to leave behind??#this is why i read fluff guys #i cant handle angst #it permanently changes me #stony #stevetony #tony stark #steve rogers #iron man #captain america #superhusbands #ao3 #fanfic #i deserve financial compensation

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kissporsche · 2 years

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I may physically be at work but spiritually I am playing every vegaspete scene on repeat in my head

#kp orig #kinnporsche #vegaspete #unless you want to share- looking for something?- so we’ll see each other in the next life- oh you got a tattoo?- I give up vegas-#when you suffer you’re so much more interesting- who’s a good boy- I’m not choosing I’m just not eating- hurt you so you remember-#you’re no fun- get up and laugh at me- you think it’s poison- why do you have to compete- they don’t beat us because we suck- nosy-#went out to buy it I guess- you’re in need of love-#everything I love leaves- if you’re sad it means it was important- but you like it- let it out-#do you know how sexy you are- you’re a fool- I’m a human I have feelings- let’s start all over again just you and me-#shoot me I don’t think you can and you know why-#could it be you who kills me what the hell does that mean I love you Pete #I can’t keep betraying my feelings like this- why did you follow me Pete- because I’m hungry #I’m your pet aren’t I- won’t you turn around to see me-#I don’t want to be your burden I just want to follow my heart

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buticanfixhernoreallyican · 4 months

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the grudge the song you are

#trust that you betrayed #confusion that still lingers #you took everything i loved and crushed it in between your fingers!!#and i doubt you ever think about the damage that you did #but i hold onto every detail like my life depends on it #it takes strength to forgive #but i don't feel strong #i fantasize about a time you're a little fuckin' sorry #i try to understand why you would do this all to me #you must be insecure #you must be so unhappy #AND I KNOW IN MYYY HEART HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLEEEE #and we both drew blood #those cuts were never equal #do you think i deserved it all!! your flowers filled with vitriol

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neo-shitty · 8 months

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finally catching up with bsd after one hell of a month (+ midterms) 🫠

#bsd spoilers #updates for ep 2 :3 #right off the bat all i can just say is fukuchi is such a well-written villain; while i can’t completely emphathize with his plan yet #i have to applaud him (uh and asagiri too) bc that’s quite a villain to fear—he’s already in a position of power that puts him in a major #advantage compared to the ada; it’s like he masterminded this whole thing to lead up to this but WHY (idk if i just forgot)#point and case: i hate him and im always terrified of his next move but damn he’s such a well-written antagonist i can’t even 🤐#ATSUSHI GET OFF THAT FUCKING BOAT RN WHY DID IT HAPPEN SO EARLY INTO THE SEASON IM CRY WAIT NO #fukuchi pointing out that ranpo is just jealous that he and fukuzawa way back is just so adorable made me forget what happens next haha #how come i dont remember these cute moments from the manga 😩#god im stalling so much :(( i hate it i hate it i hate it #the reveal was so… he should’ve deducted this shit sooner (objectively the build up was so nice hsjdhdj)#MY JAW DROPPED THEN AND IT STILL HAPPENED NOW :)))))#ok fukuchi in his complete villain mode is kinda 😗#watching this after being detached to bsd in general is so much better bc i can now appreciate the whole thing as is without much bias???#THE WAY HE JUST TURNED COLD ALL OF A SUDDEN AND I OOP— 😗😗😗😗😗#oh both canon and beast atsushi and their paralyzing fears :(( my heart actually hurts #ATSUSHI THINKING HE’S ALONE ANDDDDDD #OH MY GOD I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE MY SSKK #I CANT WATCH THE NEXT EPISODE #toff.txt

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blackcatanna · 8 months

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I remember being excited when Fire Emblem Awakening came out back in 2012 because, although I couldn't afford it and knew I wouldn't be able to for a while, I thought that the price would go down eventually and I had loved Radiant Dawn so much (after picking it up second hand at a game store) that I didn't mind waiting. FLASH FORWARD OVER TEN BLOODY YEARS AND THE PRICE STILL HASN'T DROPPED AND ALL THE OTHER GAMES ARE ALSO ABSURDLY EXPENSIVE (not that I even have a Switch, just my beloved 3DS). SIGH. At least I still have my Wii and copy of Radiant Dawn for when I need to get my Fire Emblem fix... I CERTAINLY CAN NEVER PLAY THE FIRST PART OF THE STORY (Path of Radiance) LEGITIMATELY THOUGH BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE NOW SELLING IT FOR £200 ON EBAY X_X Good for them, I guess XD Maybe it's time to finally try making an emulator work...

#complaining about the price of games these days #BACK IN MY DAY YOU COULD JUST GO TO A STORE AND RUMMAGE THROUGH A BARGAIN BIN TO PICK A GAME BASED ON HOW EDGY AND ANIME THE CHARACTERS LOO #this is why the last nintendo console I bought was my 3DS #I have wanted a Switch for ages but the games are so expensive X_X #and I still have other games calling out to me on other devices...#Fire Emblem hits differently though #Playing Baldur's Gate 3 made me want to play Radiant Dawn again #IT BREAKS MY HEART EVERY TIME SOMEONE DIES BECAUSE OF MY TACTICAL CHOICES AND I LOVE IT #IT HURTS SO GOOD #I play very conservatively XD #I appreciate what BG3 did so much but now after 200 hours of that I hunger for SQUAAAAAARES!#(and the threat of permadeath)#Maybe my friend will let me play Three Houses on her Sweetch (that's how I pronounce Switch because I think it's cuter)#But I play shit SLOWLY XD and obsessively so I'd feel bad going to someone's house to do it #WHEN I AM RICH I SHALL BUY A SWITCH AND PLAY MORE FE GAMES AND ALSO THE ONES ON 3DS #But for now I am very poor XD #Omg just looked on eBay and someone's selling Path of Radiance for £2000! Wtf XD #OMFG I FORGOT THEY MADE A FIRE EMBLEM WARRIORS GAME (as in DYNASTY WARRIORS STYLE) XD WHYYYYY?#HNNNNG MAYBE I WILL BUY AWAKENING FOR MY BIRTHDAY #I COULD BUY A DODGY LOOSE CARTRIDGE WITH GERMAN WRITING ON IT FROM EBAY FOR £10 BUT THEN I WILL SPEND THE WHOLE PLAYTHROUGH STRESSING #AND BLAMING MYSELF FOR BEING CHEAP IF ANYTHING IS BUGGY OR CORRUPTED #Gonna make sure my 3DS is still working properly first though...#It's been a while #I mostly only boot it up these days when I get a Samurai Warriors urge...#It's in my apartment somewhere (I haven't used it since I moved over a year ago)...#(my Wii is still at my Mum's house down South so I will have to wait until the end of October to play Radiant Dawn again #but my brother says he has no interest in our consoles except the PS4 so I will probably take it back to my lair after that 3:)#It can be reunited with the PS2 and my DS Lite and 3DS!#THIS HAS BEEN A GOOD 4AM RAMBLE #talking to myself and making IMPORTANT GAME DECISIONS

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butchvoid · 6 months

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one of the big things that's been an issue for me wrt being an adult that was neglected as a child is that I was never taught food safety. I was taught a little bit about cross contamination, but that's it. I've gotten food poisoning multiple times because I didn't know how long meat or leftovers were safe to eat for. so many times. I'm trying so hard to learn food safety on my own as an adult, but it's fucking humiliating! I'm 25! my wife had to inform me somewhat recently that the black flecks floating in my brita water jug was mold. it had been there for months, maybe weeks, but growing up there were ALWAYS black flecks in the jug. I thought it was just. a thing that the filter did.

#apparently I am concerningly blase about mold and how dangerous it can be but idk. I grew up surrounded by it #and eating food that had the mold cut off and using the plastic dishes that had just been put in the dishwasher after being covered in it.#why didn't anyone teach me this? why do I have to keep finding these things out the hard way?#it hurts my heart :(#my parents expected a lot of me and put a lot of pressure on me to be an adult but refused or failed to teach me HOW to be an adult #I just had to figure it out on my own #why did they do that?

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dancing-with-stars · 9 months

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i am losing my mind

#god is testing me this is just a test this is just a cruel joke #vanus thoughts #i’m going to go insane #i seriously dont know what to do i’m so tired of all this #too much is happening at once and at the same time i feel like nothing is happening and i will stay in this place forever #i just want to live in a cottage far far away on a shore that has never been visited and is not on any map so no one from this life can find #me and i will never interact with another human being and i will be lonely but at least i will be free because what the fuck is this #i swear to god when i leave this place i will never come back they might haunt me but they wont hurt me any more than they have #i need a new fucking life new hair new clothes new body new people new love #i will go to a new place #where no one doubts my memory and makes me question myself and makes me stay quiet and no one will force me to act like an adult when i’m 16 #and i will rest and heal and work #but i don’t want to be here anymore #why did i pour my heart out into these tags no one will read them #this makes me a little sad

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thedevotionaltour · 20 days

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thinking about daredevil yellow again im not. going to make it Guys.

#static.soundz #crying screaming and hitting the ground. so good. it made me cry really bad #bc whenever i think about jack n matt it always makes me think of me n my dad for various reasons #when matt said i couldnt feel his heartbeat inside me anymore. no words.#i rambled about it on my main but dd is very much intwined in an interesting and special way with my own heavy grief about my dad #and matt was a very important character to me during that time of my life for the exact same reason.#it's why i take a lot of very heavy issue when things try to make it so his dad died in his childhood as opposed to college #bc a) think it takes away a lot of the important nature of their relationship and b) my own personal projection #bc all grief at any stage is highly personal and unique and particular #but it really does feel like. matt is really just starting to become an adult (depending whether he dies when matt's in under or post grad)#(bc i can never remember which) but he's not quite a mega established one. there's still that lingering of childhood #so even though he's grown. it just hurts in a very particular way. they saw you grow up. but they didnt really see you become an adult.#they did not see the person you're going to be. that you are. that you're becoming. it feels like such a bizarre unfair moment in time.#bc why now? why not when i was younger? why not when i was truly an adult adult who is expecting to lose you now?#why at this moment and no other time?#but thinking about matt going i wish i told my dad how much i loved him.#more than anything when he goes 'i love you dad. did you hear? i love you.'#it made me cry like a fucking bitch. honest to god tearing up when i type about it. it wrenches my heart it twists it and it makes me wanna #drop to my knees and just weep and weep and weep. they are everything to me.#i have intertwined a lot of matt's grief with mine in a way that makes him so so so important to me. because as stupid as it fucking sounds #that comic and him as a character are everything to me. so genuinely. they were a lifeline my freshman year #when i was so depressed all i could do was read comics. or listen to music #i could do nothing else. i did. clearly. i did work and assignments. but dd was everything to me alongside dm #im sorry i am being an actual like nutbag in my tags im sorry i just have a lot of feelings. this story is everything to me ever ok? ok.

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