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syndxlla · 3 years

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Part ten of the More To Love Series

Summary: The ball is tomorrow night and preparations are in full swing in the Mandalorian Palace. In desperate need of a break from all of the Masquerade planning, you get away from the palace for a few hours. This gives you a chance to reflect on your relationship with the Knight, learn more about his past, and grow closer with Koska.

Word Count: 10.9k, NO ‘Y/N’

Warnings: SMUT (handjob, grinding, this is like actually sort of gross if you over think it so just don’t over think it thanks <3), THIS IS EXPLICIT, 18+ CONTENT, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. Swearing. Mentions of: blood, scars, fighting, hand-to hand combat.

IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: insight of recent events surrounding my tumblr, I have added an additional in-text warning for the smut scenes. This will continue for future chapters for those who do not wish to read the explicit scenes of More to Love.

Author’s Note: HEY, it’s been a little while, huh? Happy to be back. THANK YOU FOR 1k FOLLOWERS HOLY CRAP!! You all mean so much to me and the support of this fic is unlike anything I could have ever asked for! Also... the smut in this gets,, nasty. Like not that bad it isn’t super kinky or needs lots of warnings it’s just... like gross if you think too hard about that so do me a favor and don’t overthink it haha. OKAY LOVE YOU ENJOY

Part Nine

“No, If you keep that elbow down it will throw off your balance.”

“Okay, what if I hold it like this.”

“No it will get more tired faster.”

“Well how long do I have to keep it up like this?”

“Until the song ends!” You sigh, your fingers coming up to hold your eyebrow out of frustration. You and the Knight have been in the library for nearly an hour trying to learn how to waltz together and if you didn’t know any better, you’d guess he had two left feet. He was starting to get the hang of it, though. Slowly but surely and through a lot of trial and error but you don’t have very much room to talk because an hour before this one, he was just as frustrated with you because you couldn’t swing at him with nearly enough power needed to make some damage on anyone. This is how you’ve spent your last two evenings with the knight. The two of you sarcastically bullying one another in learning the opposite’s art. It was already Friday, the ball was tomorrow and you weren’t sure if he was going to be able to pull it together in time. The worst part is that you haven’t had anytime privately with him to do your... usual antics. There was always someone with you, usually Korkie or Koska, or the dance and fighting practice took up too much time to really have any fun.

The palace has been bustling the last two days. Every servant has had a task they were always doing, there was no down time for them which meant lots of downtime for the Royals. If there was no one to set up tea, then there would be no tea, simple as that.

Because of the high workload put on the staff of the palace, each royal has been subject to dinner in their own rooms alone this week, which was a dream come true for you. Dinner was your least favorite time of the day because of how painful it was to get through socially. And it also meant you got to spend more time with your own thoughts. You still aren’t sure what to do about the marriage, especially since you’ve admitted to yourself that you think you are falling for the beskar-clad knight who stands watch outside your door.

Even Soniee has been spending less time inside your quarters pampering you (you could really use a bubble bath). At all hours of the day, there was either a team of butlers carrying large bouquets of flowers down ornate hallways, a chef interrupting your dress fitting with Soniee and Koska to have you try another flower-flavored mousse, or an immediate meeting with the Queen to learn about some of your guests who will be at the masquerade and how to properly greet them. One time yesterday, you were asked to review the lanterns they picked out for the garden decorations. You were so indifferent to the ones they picked that the servants actually sent you back inside out of frustration. Along with the controlled chaos of preparations, the mask making has still left you feeling guilty. Just this morning you caught a glimpse of Koska’s shaky hands that had clearly been pricked by one too many needles while sewing jewels into the Queen’s mask. You must have apologized too much because she eventually got snarky and asked you to quit saying sorry about it. As much as you would like to dance with your knight with others looking on, you weren’t sure if it was worth all the pain and labor others were putting themselves through for it.

Party planning was exhausting, and on top of all of it, you needed to teach the most uncoordinated man in the kingdom how to waltz. It genuinely baffled you how he was able to be so methodical and perfect in hand-to hand combat and in bed but can barely hold his own in situations such as these. There was something charming about that flaw, however.

Now, the golden sunlight of the aging day was pouring into the towering windows of the Mandalorian library. It had made the room warm, and showed just how valuable the knight’s dark skin was as his bare hands soaked in the rays. You caught yourself staring at them a few too many times, which to your dismay, he caught you doing.

“You’re staring again.” He says while the two of you are practicing the basic 1, 2, 3 waltz step. Your eyes jump back to the emotionless visor of the beskar helmet which looked down at your face. You didn’t even realize you were looking at your hand holding out to the right, studying the way his knuckles looked and how clean his fingernails were.

“Sorry… It’s just that dancing is usually an emotional thing, you’re supposed to play off of eachother I suppose.” You shrug, stopping the dance. You realized you had been searching for something to play off of, anything, even if it’s just the calloused fingers of a hard worker.

You wouldn’t think the two of you would be so far behind and underprepared but for a majority of these rehearsals you’ve been the one leading as he figures it out. You know how bad it would look if you were the one leading tomorrow, and you’re starting to lose hope that you’re going to pull this off. You had wished you started teaching him earlier, but knew that he would have never agreed before now.

“Princess, you do realize that you’re probably still not going to see my face if we dance tomorrow.” He drops your hands. You sigh, you did know it, you just didn’t want to admit it.

“I know… when do you take it off?” You couldn’t remember if you had asked this already. Maybe you were out of line for asking, but a piece of you didn’t care, you deserved to know.

He was quiet, he always was when you asked him something personal. Maybe he was hoping you would get the idea by now…

“When I eat, when I sleep… sometimes around my son. Sometimes around other guards.” He said as he walked towards one of the library windows. You followed him, a few footsteps behind. He stopped at the glass, his reflection disturbing the pristine scene outside. You could see the beach from this window, not as well as in other parts of the castle, but the horizon of the Mandalorian sea was still in view. Your reflection came up behind his. You could see the exhale of his lungs from the shift in armor weight.

“I understand if you never want to show me.” You said. You didn’t really believe that, but you did respect him, and because of that you had to accept the reality that he may never show you. Maybe you were just trying to convince yourself that. You walk a little further to him and stand up on your tippy-toes so that you may rest your chin on his shoulder, looking out at the world below. It was so peaceful from up here. You’ve only left palace grounds once in the last two weeks and you desperately want to again. Being cooped up inside an oil painting was getting exhausting. “I want to go somewhere.” You mutter, your arms wrapping around his waist to hug him from behind: a pure and innocent act of affection.

“What?” His helmet turns to the side just a little bit so that you might hear him better. “Like… the Garden? The Parlor?”

“No!” You chuckle against his pauldron, “Outside, I want to get out of the palace again.”

“Did you forget what happened last time we went out?” He asks meditatively. “We can’t risk anything happening to you before tomorrow, The Queen would be furious, and even worse, Koska would be too.”

“Of course I didn’t forget! I’ll have the scar to always remind me” You giggle at his remark. “And besides, I-I want to go to the water.” You step out from behind him to look out at and gesture to the gentle waves against the golden beach. “I’ve been on a sandy beach before.” You clear your throat.

“We… might be able to arrange that. How about we go on Sunday? After the ball?” He attempts to negotiate.

“Or we could go now? There’s no formal dinner tonight.” You suggest.

“Your parents are coming in tonight, along with a number of other guests, not to mention Grand General Vizsla, all the Royal Guard is to be presented to him at nine.” He groans, but you were determined to convince him. You really needed a break from all of the planning, fittings and tastings.

“So? It’s barely five! We can just go for a little while!” You say as you look at the grandfather clock that sits nestled between two bookcases. You weren't feeling very optimistic, you doubted he would not budge, he’s always been so stubborn. “I can repay you…” You bite your lip. You were also incredibly horny and remember overhearing a maid back home talk about sex on the beach. It had always excited you.

He sighs again.

“Please? For me? I seriously deserve a break, so do you.” You reach out to stroke his hand. You knew that would probably work, it has before.

“Fine-“

“Really!?”

“Yes, but we have to tell Koska just so they don’t think we’re missing again.” He turns to walk out of the library. You silently congratulate yourself on getting the most unmovable and obedient man in the galaxy to go against his orders and do what you want. You happily skip behind him. “It takes a while to get all the way down to the beach so we should probably take a horse.” He says on the move. “Do you know how to ride?”

“I’m royalty, of course I do… do you?” You revising a teasing eyebrow.

He scoffs at your question, “There is much you do not know about me.”

“Well, you make it sort of hard for me to learn.” You roll your eyes playfully. He elbows you in the side, knocking you off your balance. You attempt to do the same to him, nudging him right back but not even getting the boy to budge and hurting your funny bone a little against the Beskar.

It takes you two a few minutes of complete silence and portrait-perfect stature to get all the way down the palace into the servants quarters. The only other time you had been in these narrow, stone hallways in the ground level of the Mandalorian Castle was earlier this week after Korkie begrudgingly led you back to your quarters in a wet peasant gown and a stinging bicep.

By the time the knight and yourself had made it down here, he was leading you through the maze of corridors, past helmetless knights who all nodded out of respect as they passed you, and into a wooden-arch. The room you had entered into must have been the servant’s common room, because it was about the size of the dining room. A candle-lit, wooden chandelier hung over four long tables, unlike the glass and oil-lamp chandeliers in the rest of the palace. A large fireplace burned on one wall, illuminating the room more and several small, gothic-arch windows towards the ceiling allowed warm light to pour into the cozy hall. Several handmaidens bejeweled masks at one table, twice as many sewed the bases of the coverings at another. One table showcased all of the finished designs, which depicted extravagant bird beaks, colorful fox and wolf snouts, towering cat and rabbit ears, ornate peacock tails, sharp antlers and horns on some and even incredible tusks on a few. They were all breathtaking, and while you felt guilty for making so many staff members work double-time, you appreciated their handy-work in making your dream come true.

The fourth and final table was mostly empty, a few elderly and child servants ate potato soup at it, and one maid cleaned her finger-nails at the opposite end. Everything was so simple and normal, it was such a display of controlled chaos that almost made you forget about the corruption in Mandalore… almost.

A sharp whistle rang through the room, and immediately, everyone dropped what they were doing, stood up swiftly from their seats on the long benches that paralleled each table, and turned to look at you before bowing deeply and diligently. They hadn’t even noticed you were there at first and interrupting their normalcy was not what you intended to do, but then you caught sight of who it was that sang the whistle. Koska Reeves was walking through the bowed, silent heads to you and the Knight. She looked exhausted, her hair was down and over her shoulders instead of pinned up in the intricate braids she usually wore them in when she was around royalty. The amount of fly-always was distracting but you couldn’t blame her, she would not disappoint the Queen with her work, even if that meant looking a little rough and disheveled.

“What’s the meaning of this? All royalty is supposed to be approved before coming in here.” She says to your knight chivalrously, then turns to you, “This is no sight for you, princess.” Something told you that she wasn’t only referring to the activities taking place in the common room. “I am sorry for our disorder.”

“No worries, Lady Reeves. There’s no need to apologize. I am most impressed by the work done on the masks for tomorrow.” You gesture to the table with the completed designs.

She sighs and smiles, “Thank you.” She nods before turning around, “Carry On!” She calls out to the room and everyone returns to normal as if nothing out of the ordinary happened, as if you weren’t even there. There was something you liked about that, something that reminded you that even though you have a lucky bloodline, you’re human too, and not all that different from the workers in this very room. Their daily routine was fascinating to you. “What do you two want?” She hushes her voice and drops her “right-hand woman to the queen”, first lady-in-waiting and head of the Mandalorian royal staff persona. She’s now the same brash friend you two shared.

“We want to go out for a while, it’ll just be a few hours but we knew we needed to tell someone in case anyone notices that we’re missing.” The Knight nods, explaining the situation. She raises a questionable eyebrow.

“Absolutely not, we cannot risk anything happening to her before tomorrow night.” Your heart drops.

“That’s what I said, but she’s incredibly convincing.” He shrugs, tilting his head just enough to show the extra bit of emotion. Koska looks between the two of you, her hands perched firmly on her hips. You caught sight of her hands again, which were now bandaged tightly with the same white gauze that she wrapped your cut arm with earlier this week. You wondered if that was done to dress bleeding wounds, keep the shakiness from over-working and late nights in control, or a dreadful mix of both. A terrible feeling told you it was the third.

“Vizsla is going to be here.” She raises an eyebrow, her intimidating demeanor hasn’t gone away even after she’s become aware of your little secret (well, actually massive, life-altering, “how-the-hell-am-I-gonna-fix-this?” secret). “If you aren’t here, that could result in a court-martial from the Queen herself.”

“Sounds tempting.” He replies.

“You and I both know what’s going to happen to you and your little boy if you step out of line, even once, which is why I’m guarding your scandle so close to my heart.” Her voice get’s real quiet when she says that, and he shifts his weight. Your heart drops, what in the world could she mean by that? “You know what could happen to you if I accidentally slip something, that’s why I won’t cover for you.”

“What the hell does that mean?” You whisper. She glances at you and then right back to him.

“Wow, you really haven’t told her much, have you?” Koska’s arms move from her hips into a fold over her chest. He doesn’t respond.

“Told me much about what?” You ask, worried about whatever was going on that you didn’t know about. Every day you’re reminded about how much of a stranger he really is to you.

“All she knows is that I had an old job, that’s all she needs to know.” He bites back, his voice equally hushed.

“If you’re fucking her, she deserves to know a lot more, but that’s just my opinion.” Koska chuckles once and you blush red hot. “I mean, at least tell her your name.”

“Why is this happening here? Now?” He gestures to the very crowded room. “Look, we just want to go down to the beach for an hour at the most. We’ll be back long before Vizsla gets here. You won’t have to cover for us, I swear.” He tries changing the subject but your mind is racing with the possibilities and confusion of the conversation you were just welcomed into.

Koska looks between the two of you a few times again, carefully considering what’s on the table and the risk. “Fine, one horse. I mean it, only one because if two are gone, someone will notice and then I’m gonna have to do exactly what I told you I wouldn’t do and what you said I won't have to: cover for your ass. Get out of here.” She beckons her head to a door that leads outside as a smile spreads across your cheeks. “Djarin! Don’t be late!” She calls out as you begin walking. That’s the second time you have heard that word, both times uttered from Koska’s mouth. Something wanted you to believe that might be his name but you were far too scared to find out for your own. You would try to remember it this time.

The knight leads you out of the room, and you watch Koska over your shoulder as you follow, studying the way she stood still immediately after you walk away, taking a few deep, sharp breaths and then promptly returning to her work. You wondered if she was tired, remembering that not everyone who lives in the Mandalorian Palace has the same relaxing lifestyle that you have.

Despite the aging daylight, it was still deathly hot. The heat of summer bled onto your shoulders, which were still partially covered due to the scarring cut in your muscle. The clothing only added to the heat. The part of the Castle grounds you were were foreign to you. They weren’t the beautiful, lush and trimmed gardens or breezy courtyards you usually spend your afternoons in, no. It was dark, the tall height of the palace shading the courtyard where knights sparred and a pair of little servant girls chased one another. One wall that lined the courtyard was the horse stables, and another was a blacksmith. The golden light shone through the stables, and you were able to spot the four white horses that took you and Korkie to Keldabe earlier this week despite the beasts being backlit.

“You can ride, I’ll just walk.” He says as he guides you to a palomino, a tall horse with a Caramel body and pure white mane.

“Are you sure?” You ask, not wanting him to have to walk.

“Of course.” He says as he mindlessly bridles the horse, petting him on the nose a few times. “Do you prefer a saddle?” He asks. You nod, and he swings the seat over the back of the steed.

“Does this horse have a name?” You ask, reaching your hand out to pet his neck a few times. The horse nickers at your touch.

“He likes you.” The Knight chuckles. You smile at the statement, and continue to stroke the soft hair on the neck. “Clove.” He says, his voice velvet and full of caring. The knight knew this horse. They had a bond. “Here.” He holds his hand up for you to hoist yourself onto the saddle. You were in no way dressed for riding, and the saddle wasn’t even a side-riding seat, but you would make it work. You knew that on the palace grounds you would have to ride side-saddle, it’s customary, and how you learned. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t ride regularly. The horses back home in Corellia were massive beasts, animals suited for harsh winters and heavy amounts of snow, thick fur covers their ankles so that they can trudge through deep snow and pull sleighs. The Mandalorian horses were far more majestic, more like show horses than work horses. Clove was gentle, though, that was something that wasn’t common for the strong horses up north. He didn’t move a muscle or bat an eyelash as you heave yourself onto his back, adjusting yourself to sit properly, the knight’s hand holding yours tightly as you positioned yourself and then rearranging the heavy skirt of your dress to properly cover your legs. His plan grazes your shin as he does it, and your eyes immediately catch the visor of his beskar helmet. You liked to think he was looking at your eyes, too. The moment is so still, time freezing for half a second.

He starts to walk the horse out of the opposite side of the stable and into the field behind the palace. You could see the tree line of the garden from here. The bridle was tightly wrapped around his hand as he led the two of you out of the palace and into the hot, hot sun. This was the first time you’ve ridden a horse in a very long time, and you had almost forgotten how much you loved it. A cheesy smile was on your face, and your eyes cycled from the mane of the horse, the shoreline ahead, the back side of the ornate castle and the top of the helmet of the knight. The sun reflected off of the beskar, causing a bright illumination to shine on the bodice of your gown. He walked methodically and quietly, and you wanted to start a conversation with him but it didn’t feel right.

Comfortable silence is often overlooked, something taken for granted that is really only shared between two trusting people. You aren’t sure if you’ve ever experienced a genuine comfortable silence with anyone before. Being a royal has a lot of ��fine print”, one of which being that no one ever shut up. Korkie isn’t the only self-centered, talkative royal in this world. The thing that sets Korkie aside from the rest is the fact that you’ll have to deal with it intimately for the rest of your life.

There was something wildly attractive about the introvert by your side. Because he was few with words, it caused you to seek them out, and cherish what little you did get. He was warming up to you, opening up and every time you get a moment alone with him, he says a little more. Your conversations now are very different from that first night in the castle when he helped you untie your corset. All he said originally was “Goodnight, Princess”, and now he’s telling you about the stars and teaching you how to fight and defend yourself. The idea that it’s happened too fast has crossed your mind several times, but you considered that when you’re alone with someone almost all day, every day, you’re bound to get to know one another quicker than usual. However, you’ve also been afraid that you came off too harsh, maybe you jumped into it all too fast and overwhelmed him. What if he’s only complying to the relationship because he’s obligated to through his duty? You had to admit that there were a number of insecurities surrounding your friendship, you would be lying to yourself if you didn’t think that. Maybe you felt that way because you relied so heavily on him to get away from the other boy in your life who you can’t escape no matter how hard you try. Was it entirely possible that the knight feels about you the way you feel about Korkie? That very thought made you sick, your stomach twisting and preventing you from enjoying the beautiful landscape ahead.

“What’s wrong?” He asks. He noticed that you had tensed up. You silently curse yourself for not hiding it better.

“What?” Your look down at him, forcing a false smile. He was looking up at you now, his hand resting on your knee. Your eyes move from where he holds you and back up to the visor on his helmet. “Oh… nothing.” You hum.

“You are a fool if you think you can hide anything from me.” He tilts his head and your cheeks burn with blush. You sigh, knowing you should tell him. The chances are that expressing these concerns to him might give you a piece of mind… or they could do the exact opposite. You aren’t sure if you can take the emotional weight of resenting two men who you admire. You admire them for entirely different reasons, however. You admire Korkie for his dedication to his kingdom, and you admire that he’s genuinely trying his best. However, you admire the Knight for his kindness, his patience, his protection. You admire his velour voice, his plush lips, and the way he touches you. You admire that he’s a father, that he’s split his dedication between his duty to his kingdom and his duty to his son. You admire his deep chuckle, and the way he kisses you, the way you can see him laugh when you shoot him silly faces during dinner. You both admired and was frustrated by his obedience to his creed. He kept promises, no matter how life-altering they may be.

As you reflect on all the reasons he meant anything to you, you felt a sense of peace. It was better, the feeling in your stomach, that is. You decide it is right to tell him, you recall your governess explaining to you that all good relationships are built on enthusiastic communication, and you wanted your relationship with the Knight to be considered ‘good’. You sigh and then speak up, “I just…” You take a sharp, deep breath in the middle of your sentence before speaking up again, “just lots of insecurities, I suppose.” You shrug.

“Insecure- about what?” He asks.

“Everything, but especially us.” You didn’t really want to have this conversation, but you knew you had to.

“May I ask why?” His tone was sincere.

You aren’t sure how to reply at first. “Is it too fast? Am I too much?” You ask after careful consideration of what you were going to bring up first.

“What? No.” You think this was the first time he had ever replied immediately after you ask him something. “What makes you think that?”

“I don’t know-“

“Yes you do… tell me.” He reassures.

“Our personalities are different, you’re quiet and stoic…”

“Is that… bad?”

“No! No, not at all. Royals just aren’t that, and I worry if we’re compatible enough. And don’t mistake me, I admire that about you, but I fear I’m too much for you.” You sigh, shaking your head. Clove nickers again as if he’s listening in on your conversation and chiming in. He doesn’t respond right away which you’ve gotten used to, but if it was any other situation you wouldn’t be overthinking it. You can’t take the silence anymore and speak up, “And there’s the added factor that I’m totally cheating on Korkie with you-”

“-If I thought you were too much, do you think I would let you teach me how to dance?” He interrupts. The words halt in your mouth, and you look at him almost dumbfounded. “Or do you think I would be teaching you how to defend yourself? Fucking you on a royal sofa in an un-locked room? Risking my title to take you to the beach?” He almost sounded… angry? Had you offended him for thinking that? Your legs tensed up on the horse, and you regretted everything you had said. He did have a point, you hadn’t really thought of that.

“I… suppose you’re right.” You mutter.

“I don’t have to be doing any of this,” He grabs your hand, holding it in his and uses his other hand to halt the horse. The three of you pause in the field between the beach and the castle. There had been a downgrade so you were mostly hidden but you could still the upper-towers of the palace. He looks up and you, and you find yourself wishing you could see his eyes again. “But I do because I’m… fond of you.” It sounds like he’s having a hard time getting the words out, but that isn’t very uncommon for him. Your heart flares up, this was the first time he had ever admitted anything like that.

“W-what?” You ask, sounding like a fool.

“I know, it’s crazy. How could a halfwit like myself deserve a Princess like you?” He chuckles under his breath. “Maybe the elf laid a spell on me, I don’t know. But I do know that ever since I was given the duty of protecting you, my life has been different.” You can’t believe what you’re hearing. “I’ve… I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I don’t know what it is but I-I-“ You smile fondly, and use his hand to hop off the horse. You bring your hands up to hold the back of his neck.

“It’s not a spell.” You whisper. “I feel it too.”

“Then it’s a spell on both of us.”

“Maybe.” You move your hands up to his helmet, desperately wanting to remove it, but you remember what you told yourself the other day. If he wishes to show you his face, it should be his choice, he deserves to be the one to take the beskar off. You would respect that. Instead, you just run your fingertips along the lip of the helmet, looking into the visor enchantingly. “Then it would be a wonderful spell.”

His hands find their way to your waist, hugging you to his chest. You rest or head on his shoulder and just close your eyes, feeling his chest plate move with each breath. It’s so still, the summer breeze softly runs through the tall grass. You can hear the waves gently hugging the beach, and the two of you just stand there like that. Completely alone, the only companionship being one another and a mindlessly-grazing horse. No one to interrupt. No doors to lock. No Princes to lie to. No thieves to fight. Just the two of you. If you could stay in that moment for the rest of your life, you would. In the earlier days of your relationship, you used to worry you wouldn’t like what his face looked like, worried that he might be unattractive to you. But every selfish desire you had about his physical appearance dissolved with the wind. No matter what he looked like, or what his past was, or what his name was, you didn’t care. You didn’t care because he cared for you, and you cared for him, too.

Before you can soak in the moment any longer, you’re swiftly grabbing his wrist, and tugging him towards the beach. The stillness of the moment is lost, but you’re quickly giggling as he’s chasing you down the small slope to the beach. You pull your skirt up as far as you can so you don’t trip on it, and find yourself being unable to slow down before the hill meets the shore. The soil slowly becomes more and more sandy, and your feet are bolting against uneven land towards teal, clear water. Before you can reach the ocean, however, strong hands are wrapping around your waist, pulling you flush against the Knight’s chest. You can hear the low rumble of chuckling in his throat, and you have the biggest, dorkiest smile of all time on your face. He spins the two of you around a few times before setting you back down on the beach.

You’re out of breath from running, and your hair is already untidy from the unexpected change of direction. The wind blows it just softly, letting it pull away from your face and neck. He tucks one rogue strand behind your ear, and then cups your face. You hadn’t even realized he’s been gloveless this entire time. You close your eyes and rest your cheek into him. You turn your head ever-so-slightly to kiss his palm, laying a sweet and innocent peck to his calloused skin.

You wonder if he’s hot with all that armor on. If you were too warm with a dress, only he knows what it’s like to have to spend summers so formally.

He’s the one to pull away, walking towards the water. You follow him, and the two of you stand against the tide. You kick your shoes off and pull your dress up again. Stepping into the water. You giggle at the tickle of the sand and smile at the feeling of the warm water against your ankles. He watches you fondly with his arms crossed. The water in Corellia is never this warm, and you throw your head back in bliss, breathing in the salty air. This was the happiest you had ever been since you arrived in Mandalore. The break from all the rules and customs was very needed, and you soaked in the sound of the waves, a distant call of a gull, and the wind keeping your hair out of your face. The best part was the fact that you were experiencing it with the Knight. There is no other person you would rather spend this memory with. You bite your lip and close your eyes and you never want to leave, you want to stay here forever. You hear the sound of metal clinking behind you, and something heavy hitting the sand. You turn to look at the Knight, who had discarded most of his armor. His boots have been carefully set next to one another, and beside them were his pauldrons, wrist guards, thigh plates and breastplate. The chainmail was the next thing to be removed, leaving him in only the dark-brown underclothes. His trousers were heavy duty, covered in various pockets and made out of thick material, but his tunic was a thin material, still long sleeved, but flowy, allowing the fresh, summer breeze to run through the fabric. The two items of clothing were held together by a pair of black suspenders, and the entire ensemble made him oh so… human.

You had only seen him with all his armor on before, and witnessing his shell being removed was both humbling and inspiring. The armor added quite a bit of bulk to his stature, it rounded out his shoulders, boosted his posture, and broadened him out. That was the first thing you noticed about him on the first day you arrived, he was ample in size and it made you feel so primal and safe. Despite his smaller stature without the armor, he wasn’t one bit less attractive to you. He was still the same guy who you were slowly falling for and didn’t even know it. But as he cuffed up his trousers and rolled back his shoulders, you felt so comfortable in his presence. He wasn’t just a mass of armor and creeds and rules, no, he was just a man. He was a single father, a guy who doesn’t know the first thing about dancing, and a boy born across the world in the Nevarro frontier. He was just a man.

You couldn’t stop the warm feeling in your chest that came with this thought. Everything about him was far more simple than you initially thought.

He walked towards you, and you held out your hand for him to take. He laces his fingers with yours as he steps into the shallow water with you. Your dress drops, dipping into the water and getting wet but you can’t even be mad about it. Your smile is big as his hand tightly grasped yours, the two of you looking out at the horizon.

“When I was a boy-” he begins, his voice quiet, “I wanted to live on the sea. Join a ship crew and travel the waters. There was always something so adventurous about that thought.” He shares. You turn to look at him as he speaks, studying the contour of the helmet with your eyes.

“What stopped you?” You ask, not entirely sure if he would share, but this time he was the one to start the conversation, and you felt like he might this time.

He sighs, you see it, he turns to look at you, the two of you staring at one another as the temperature slowly dropped with the sun on the horizon. “I was orphaned when I was only five.” He shrugs, your heart breaks. “It was one of the Mandalorian wars that caused it.”

You can’t imagine what it’s like having to serve a kingdom so intimately when they were responsible for the death of your family. You give his hand a reassuring squeeze, letting him know that you’re here for him. “I’m sorry.” You whisper.

“It’s not your fault, it was so long ago I don’t really remember it.” He looks down at the water.

“Thank you, for sharing that with me.” You smile apologetically. You really did appreciate that he felt comfortable enough to share something so serious with you. While you were grateful that he had begun to open up to you, it still didn’t answer any of the questions about Mandalore’s past, and what Koska was referring to a few days ago. It didn’t tell you what his past job was and why he’s serving the royal family now. However, you supposed it didn’t really matter, not right now, not today.

After a little minute of listening to the waves, he reaches down into the water, picking up a flat, thin rock. He runs his pointer finger along the edge, outlining the shape before hatching it into the space between his index finger and thumb, reeling back, and flicking it out so it hopped over the water’s surface seven or eight times before falling in. You looked at him enchanted, like he had just expressed a magic trick to a bright-eyed child.

“How did you do that?” You ask in awe.

“You’ve never seen anyone skip a rock?” He asks. You slowly shake your head. You’ve been cooped up inside a wintry castle your entire life, of course you haven’t.

“Teach me.” You say a little too forcefully. He chuckles and looks down at the sand, looking for a pebble that might work. He bends down eventually, and picks out a similar looking rock to the original.

“So, you want a rock that’s thin and flat, like this one.” He shows you the sediment. You reach your hand out, taking it and outlining the edge of the stone with your finger similar to how he did. He walks behind you, sloshing in the water but eventually gaining position. He wraps his left arm around your waist, and cups your right hand which holds the rock in his. “Now, don’t throw it quite yet, okay?”

“Alright.”

“You’re gonna flick your wrist like this,” he motions both of your hands at the same time, pulling back and then shooting forward quickly. He does it two or three times before speaking up again. “You’ll use your pointer finger to pull back like the trigger on a crossbow, it will give the rock enough spin that it stays on top of the water.” He makes you do the motion along with him a few times again. “Your shoulders will draw back almost like you’re pulling back an arrow on a bow.” Again, he does the motion with you, your back flush to his chest. You admired that he was able to relate everything to weaponry. He definitely knew his way around combat, that was apparent to you. “Then, you add all three motions together, aim for the horizon, and-“ he pulls back with you and before you know it, the rock is spiraling out of your hand and onto the surface of the ocean. It doesn’t skip, though, and instead plops right into the water.

You frown and look back at him. “What did I do wrong?” You ask, you knew he would know what needed to change.

“You didn’t flick your finger enough. Try again.” He pulls another stone out with a grunt, and holds you against his body to pull back and send another rock out. This one skips once before plopping into the water again. You sigh out, frustrated. “Here, try without me.” He says after handing you a third flat stone. You carefully practice the motion once, desperately wanting to impress him. You then pull back and give it everything you got, only for the stone to plop in without skipping at all again.

“Ugh, lemme try again.” You say angrily. You can hear him laughing at you, but you ignore it, ready to try again and determined to get it right this time.

You must have thrown four more rocks after that with no results. Each time he tried giving you just a little more advice about different things, “Follow through” or “You had too much spin that time”. You were starting to get really frustrated, having never had to really work for anything in your life before, and you knew he was starting to have a hard time finding flat rocks. You would not give up on this.

“Maybe we can try again next time-“

“No.” You say forcefully, “We do not leave this beach until I skip a damn rock, so if you want to be back in time for your evaluation with Vizsla, I suggest you find me another rock.” You raise an eyebrow as you pull out your diplomatic royal voice. He holds his hands back in defense and then tosses you the stone he already had waiting for you. You sigh when you catch it, taking a deep breath and remembering all your training. Don’t spin too much, follow through, add all three motions together, have faith.

You pull back the stone, praying that it will all go according to plan because you aren’t sure how much longer you can take failure. You pick out your target with your eyes before adding together all the advice given to you and sending it. You can hardly believe your eyes when you see it skip at least five times over the water. You cheer out in accomplishment and look over at the Knight, smiling big and triumphant. He runs through the water to you, shouting with you.

“I knew you could do it!” He grabs your waist, congratulating you. You giggle out of achievement. “See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” He asks.

You roll your eyes and playfully punch his arm (which luckily this time was not covered by pain-inflicting chainmail). “A lot easier than having to dodge your hits.” You admit.

“I’m proud of you.”

“It’s just a rock skip?” You wonder why he would be proud of you for that and ask yourself if you really are that pathetic.

“Yes but you put your mind to it and did it! I know some guys in the royal guard who would have given up on their third try, but you didn’t!”

“I was just trying to impress you.” You sheepishly chuckle.

“We’ll consider myself: Impressed.” He laughs and you blush.

“They don’t teach royals that.”

“Well of course not, I learned how to do that from the guy who took me in after my parents died. You picked it up much faster than I did.” He nods and you smile again.

The two of you catch your breath from the exuberant laughing, but you aren’t able to enjoy the still moment because all too quick it all comes crashing down quickly when he’s pushing you into the water. It isn’t very deep, but the unexpected soak makes you yelp out in surprise. Your initial reaction is to be frustrated, but you can hear him chuckling by your side and you can’t help but mischievously smiling in response. He’s standing, still dry with a hand over his stomach as he laughs at you. You roll your eyes before reaching up to pull him in with you, he yelps out stupefied as he’s splashing down into the tide next to you. You laugh out at him, sitting up in the water which is about waist deep. He wipes some water away from his visor and then splashes you, swatting a handful of the ocean at your face. Your laughing immediately halts from a mouthful of salt water. Your slight makeup washes off, and your hair is starting to get wet, too. You look over at him with a frown before copying his action and spraying him right back. He laughs at you, and you remember that you can’t win this. He has a helmet to keep his eyes clear from the water. You groan out of frustration, and wipe your eyes dry. He’s just looking at you, panting. His clothes were soaked now. You crawl to be closer to him in the water, which thank goodness it wasn’t too cold because you’d be rushing to get out, but the summer weather made it enjoyable to just sit there together.

[SMUT BEGINS HERE]

You’re next to him, running your fingers lightly up and down his right arm, looking at him fondly. He catches his breath, and brings his wet hand up to cup your face again. You close your eyes, hoping he takes the hint, which he does because a few seconds have your eyes are closed, his arm his pulling away from your touch against it and his lips are pressing into yours. You can tell he completely took the helmet off this time, which means he would take his time kissing you instead of a quick peck to shut you up.

The two of you sit in the water of the Mandalorian Ocean, both of his hands reaching up to hold you as he kisses each eyelid as if to say “keep ‘em closed”, before moving to your lips passionately. His left hand holding your cheek while his right hand finds its place on the back of your neck, pulling you into him. You breathe deeply as he practically devours you, his lips moving hungrily. Your hands find their way to his thighs in the water, running your palms up and down the strong muscle, making sure to take notice of the healing wound on his upper-thigh. Your hands eventually find their way to the waistband of his pants, running your fingers under them to pull out the tuck of the tunic. Fingernails come out of the water and up soft abs that flinch at the stroke. It’s hard to work around the suspenders, but you’re able to still run your hands over his torso, getting to know his body for the first and hopefully not the last) time. He has a few scars, you can feel the fresh tissue under your fingers and wonder what caused them. He’s still kissing you, his left hand moves down to hold your jaw and you keep your eyes tightly shut out of fear of this ending too quickly. The kissing noises are obscene, wet and needy amongst the sound of the waves. The Knight licks into your mouth, his tongue hot and forceful as it explores your mouth, you can taste the lust on his lips, and you happily welcome the sensation.

His right hand works around the way your gown has flared out in the water and eventually wraps itself around your ass, pulling you up onto his lap. You’re mostly out of the water now, just your shins being completely submerged. You’re slightly weighed down by the added weight of a wet skirt, but you sit comfortably on the guards lap, your hands coming up to wrap around his neck, kissing him from above now. The kiss is forced down, and this time you’re able to lick into his mouth, nibbling his lip and deepening the kiss further from the angle. You can’t help your hands from cupping his face now, pulling him into you.

Your noses rub into one another, and both of his arms lift you up from behind. Your back arches into him, and your breathing hitches, getting heavier and hotter. He starts to get hard, you feel it under your body, and a mixture of the kissing and the pressure beginning to press into your cunt is really starting to turn you on. You start to just softly grind against him, moaning a little bit at the feeling of his growing cock against your heat. His hands help you, making the humping motion more smooth and natural. The kissing becomes sloppy now, and the water from the wet bodice is making your nipples just that much harder.

Your hands are reaching down to slide the suspenders off his shoulders, and then you’re pulling his shirt up and unhooking the trousers. Your hand is reaching in and finding the base of his hardening, thick length. He groans at your touch, and you’re bending down to kiss his neck, sucking deep, purple hickeys into his golden skin. You’re needy, still grinding against him and trying not let the water slow you down. He’s sighing breathy moans and grunts in your ear as you start jerking him off. The water does make it hard, but there’s something about the added sensation of the flowing water that really made it unique. You swipe your thumb over the head a few times, getting drunk with the unexpected control you have. This was the first time the two of you have fooled around that you really got to have total dominance. You liked it… you really liked.

He did too.

Your clit is able to rut so slightly and deliciously into your fist and his cock, and you’re having a hard time not letting your eyes open and flutter in pleasure. The same shocks of ecstasy ran up and down your spine, and he held you closer to his body, using his strong hands to cup your ass and knead the soft skin. You’re panting, your free hand reaches down to rub your clit, both of your hands working in between your legs as you straddle the Knight. You’re going to cum already and can’t believe it’s happening so fast but choose not to hold it back. You’re moaning out loud when you cum against your fingers, graining against his lap fast and squeezing his cock a little harder.

“Fuck, did you just cum?” He asks deep in his voice, growling in your ear. You hum out in response against his neck pathetically, and all dominance you previously possessed dissolves as you keep jerking off your Knight. “Dirty girl, kiss me. Keep those pretty eyes closed.” His throat is dry, which you remember from last time that that means he’s close, too. You reach up to kiss him again, going in tongue first and breathing in his scent deeply. One of his hands reaches around to cup yours that is working his length, holding it and adding pressure and then making you go faster, you happily oblige and soon the pace is quick and he’s grunting against your lips. He cums in your hand, you feel the heat of it. He’s panting and sighing and it’s all so hot you think you could get turned on by it again.

He rests his head on your shoulder after cumming, catching his breath. You take your hand out of the water and you tangle your fingers through his hair, toying with the curls as he sighs against your wet skin. You open your eyes now, looking out at the horizon, lashes heavy with lust.

[SMUT ENDS HERE]

“Gross.” You chuckle.

“You liked it.” He hums against your collar bone. His hands are steadfast on your lower back, holding you there against his chest. He doesn’t have the cold breastplate separating the two of you, so your hearts were pressed against one another, beating in perfect synch. You could also finally feel how warm his body was, despite the wet clothes and gentle waves. In your peripheral, you can see some of the brown curls.

Your heart warms, this might be the happiest you have ever been. The two of you must have sat like that for a long time because your skin was starting to prune and your hair was slowly drying with the wind. His breathing had completely calmed, and he was so still and quiet that just for a moment you wondered if he had fallen asleep. The sun was almost down completely, only a little sliver of it peaking over the water. You watched it as it fell to its resting place in the ocean, the sky still blazing oranges and yellows but cooling with a soft, pale blue from the top down. It was so… serene, so peaceful. Nothing like the crashing waves of Corellia. This was the best part of Mandalore yet. It’s saving grace.

The crescent moon is on the horizon when he’s turning to kiss your ear one more time and asking you to close your eyes as he pulls the helmet back on.

“We should probably get back, I don’t want to be late for Vizsla and I’m afraid I’ve started to lose track of time.” He stands up and holds his hand out for you to take. You attempt to hoist yourself up out of the water, but the wet dress has added so much weight that you can’t lift your legs up. You grunt in effort, but there’s no budging. “Huh, looks like we need to take that thing off.”

“Again?” You look up at him, you knew he had a smug smirk under all that beskar. You reach behind you to undo the corset just enough for you to step out of it, water dripping from your undergarment as he yanks you up and out of the warm water. “I’m starting to think you just really like seeing me naked.” You mutter and don’t realize how close you were to him while saying that until after. You catch your tongue, holding your breath as he looks down at you.

“Yeah, something like that.” He mumbles in response and you believe you could faint and die right then and there. He doesn’t let the moment stew for nearly as long as you would have liked for it, however and he’s pulling the sopping wet dress out of the water and carrying it back on shore. He hands it to you when he gets to his armor, and you try ringing some of the liquid out from the fabric but it’s almost too heavy for you to even hold in your arms. He re-assembles his gear on top of the wet clothes and you know that can’t be comfortable. Sand clings to your bare, wet feet, and you're desperately trying to brush some of it off before slipping your shoes back on. He’s resituated too fast, he has dressing his armor down to a perfection and you’re sad to see your beach adventure come to a close so quickly.

Before you know it, he’s walking up the hill again with you by his side, making your ways to Clove who has been diligently and patiently chewing on the grass in the field this entire time.

“Ride with me.” You ask as he helps you onto the palomino. “Please.” You ask. “We’ll get to the palace faster and then maybe you can get out of those wet clothes before you have to go to the meeting.” You ask. He sighs but then nods with a shrug, hoisting himself onto the horse behind you. You were riding normally now, and situated yourself comfortably into his chest. The wet gown lay on the back of the horse and you wished you had thought about removing that before getting into the water.

As the two of you start a gentle gallop to the palace, you feel your hair get drier. At one moment he reaches his hand up to run bare fingers over your healing bicep.

“We should have kept this out of the water.” He says in your ear. You twist your head back to reply.

“It’s okay, really. It’s starting to feel a lot better.” You reassure.

“It looks better, but the salt water can only do bad things to it.” He explains. You shrug, unsure of how he expects you to respond.

The three of you arrive at the castle just as the sky begins to darken, both of you still damp from the ocean but your hearts still full and bodies still riding the orgasm high. The Knight helps you off the horse, and now that you aren’t alone, you feel very aware that you’re only in your undergarments and really anyone could see you. You pull the wet gown off the rump of Clove, which was so saturated that it made his fur wet. You hold it against your body, trying to cover yourself up as much as possible. The Knight removes the saddle of the horse, storing it away and removing the bit. He stretches the beast’s ears and then walks over to the far side of the stable to grab a carrot out of a bucket before handing it to Clove as a reward for his hard work. You watch him as he expertly takes care of the animal, like he’s done it a thousand times before.

Then, with no warning, the two of you hear the shrill voice of none other than Koska Reeves.

“I shouldn’t have let you go.” She’s crossing over the dirt courtyard to the stables. Her hair has been done now, put up into the customary braids they usually are in. She was now wearing the royal blue color reserved for the Queen’s court, a golden sash sitting on her hips. She held the dress above her feet and she hustled in your direction. You felt scared, you knew Koska meant business, and was not afraid to scold. She was intimidating, to say the least. “You’re soaking wet.” She gasps when she gets to the stable fence. “Come with me, Princess. We must get you changed before anyone sees you or the Queen will have my head.” She sighs, opening the gate for you to walk through. “As for you, Vizsla’s here early.”

“What.” You heard the drop in his voice from panic. “Why?”

“No one knew, he just arrived before we could do any regular welcoming. The evaluation is starting in ten minutes, I suggest you move your ass.” She shakes her head. You were incredibly thankful you had both rode Clove now. He wouldn’t have made it back in time if you hadn’t. You did feel a twinge of guilt, however. You shouldn’t have pushed for that so much and risked him missing his mandatory meeting. But an overwhelming part of you was more than happy that you got to experience those few hours alone with him. He swears under his breath before bowing to you, shrugging apologetically and then full sprinting towards the servant quarter’s entrance. “I would take that from you,” Koska says in reference to the wet dress, “But I’m already in my ceremonial dress. I can’t get it wet. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I can manage.” You nod. The two of you begin to walk back inside, and the night time breeze runs over your wet body, making you shudder ever-so-slightly. When you get back inside, the Knight is nowhere to be seen, and there’s only a fraction of the people as there were earlier. The masks had all been moved somewhere, which let you know they finished them. A mother sat on a chair by the fireplace, nursing a small baby and three young boys who couldn’t be any older than seventeen all sat around one table playing some type of card game and eating buttered bread. They were the stable boys. The three of them stared at you when you walked in, in awe of your unparalleled beauty and the fact that you were carrying a massive, heavy, wet dress.

Koska led you down a hall adjacent to the fireplace. You could see into a few sleeping quarters. The little ones were dozing off, and in one room was a couple laughing together. The small community that existed underneath the palace was something you deeply admired. You wouldn’t have had any idea any of this was here if you hadn’t pushed for today’s events, and you truly loved it. You loved how all these people found refuge and a home here.

You wished you could, too.

Koska stops at one door, taking the wet dress out of your hands and tossing it into the room before closing the wooden door shut and progressing back down the hallway. She eventually opens up a door to a small room with a single bed and large chest.

“Is this your room?” You ask, looking around and familiarizing yourself with it. A single embroidery hoop with a half-done pattern sat on the bed, on the windowsill was a melting candle whose wax had dried in a cascading pattern on the ancient stone, and at the foot of the bed was a small table with a wash basin and hairpins.

“No, It’s my sister’s. My room is closer to the Queen’s.” She nods. You had no clue Koska had a sister. She opens up the chest and pulls out a dry under-slip and simple but pretty purple dress. It wasn’t a ballgown and had long, bell sleeves in a similar fashion to Koska’s. There was some moon and star embroidery on the bodice.

“I didn’t know you had a sister.” You said, starting to shiver a little now.

“Her name is Alva, she works in the kitchen.” She nods as she crosses over to the table, opening up a little box to pull out a horse-hair comb.

“Will she mind us using her things?”

“Well, you’re the Princess, so I hope not.” She shrugs and crosses over the room again like a madwoman, pulling a wool blanket from the chest. “Here, strip and dry off.” You look at her, confused. “Alright… I’ll turn around then.” Koska rolls her eyes and turns to face the wall. You peel off the wet slip, and use the wool material to wipe your body dry. It wasn’t nearly as soft and luxurious as the cotton robes you have five floors up, but it will do for now. You have sand everywhere, and you mean everywhere. You brush it off as best you can, hoping it doesn’t make too much of a mess for anyone to have to clean. You then pull on the dry clothes, and clear your throat when you’re done and decent.

Koska turns around and smiles. “Sit, I’ll brush your hair for you and then escort you back upstairs to see your parents.”

You had completely forgotten that they would be arriving tonight. You get a twinge of adrenaline. You’ve been so homesick, and it will be nice to see some familiar faces after such an emotional two weeks. You sit at the stool in front of the table, and Koska carefully combs out your knotted but drying hair.

“So… It looks like you two had fun.” She says. You smile and blush.

“Yes, we did.” You chuckle.

“That’s good, it’s been so long since he’s had fun. He deserves it.” She hums in response and you immediately question how they know one another so well again.

“How do you know each other?” You ask, knowing there's no harm in that.

Koska sighs, “We… used to work together in a sense. He’s a good man, an even better father.” She shrugs. So that’s four people you can think of who know about his son, You, Koska, Peli and the woman from Isla’s bar… although that situation seemed different, magical almost.

“You two never…” You trail off, not really wanting to hear the answer but not stopping yourself before you ask it anyways.

Koska laughs out loud this time, stopping the combing motion, “Oh stars, no. Never. I have someone else… and he has you.”

Your heart warms at that phrase. “Who is this ‘someone else’ you speak of?” You ask, enjoying the casual girl talk the two of you are sharing.

She hums again, “You’ve met her, she’s shorter than me and far more serious, she has a fire burning, but she’s special to me.” You can hear the smile in Koska’s tone.

You wonder who she’s talking about.

—

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squarefriend · 3 years

Text

Mermay ended yesterday, but I’m sitting on the beach at this very moment so let’s fucking do this:

🌴🐬BEACH HEAD CANNONS!!!🐬🌴

Chara

❤️ They are actually rather neutral over the ocean. Far more of a skipping stones and playing in the lake kind of kid. Though, they do have a respect for the water’s raw power and changing tides. (Also seeing how much Undyne loves it made them want to appreciate the ocean more)

❤️ Thanks to being attached to Frisk’s soul, they kinda have to go to the beach all the time now. They like to go out as far as they can and walk along to the bottom, or float above Frisk and try to freak them out.

❤️ All that being said, they ADORE sharks. They nerd out every time they get to go to the aquarium. (Then get kinda embarrassed about it).

❤️ They have (on more than one occasion) convinced Frisk that because they’re a ghost they can see all the ghosts of everyone who’s drowned, and that yes, pirates ARE coming to get them...... It backfired at the notion that now Frisk WANTED to go meet the ghost pirates.

❤️ Had a brief period of wanting to be a mermaid, purely because A) Not a human and B) Typically man eaters. It suited their style

Frisk

❤️ They LOVE the ocean.... or rather, they love the beach. There’s one right at the edge of Ebbott City, so in the summer, they get to go up every weekend or so. And you can bet on that weekend, they have an absolute ball with whomever family/friend took them this time.

❤️ Their favorite part is exploring. They love to run around on the beach, looking for shells or any critters, as well as going out into as deep as the can in the ocean (usually only to be called back by their mom). Speak of the devil, Toriel bought them a snorkeling kit for their gotcha day and that thing has been used religiously ever since!

❤️ Every time they go the the car to go home, Frisk has to be checked by an adult (not either of the skelebros, they are WAY to lenient on this one) to make sure that they don’t have any stow away sea critters. One too many times of Frisk trying to keep a pet crab.

❤️ They take swimming lessons from Undyne! There were only a couple of misunderstandings over wether or not a humans could breathe underwater, but its all been sorted out! They’re doing really well!

❤️ They refuse to learn how to dive. Undyne has been trying to teach them for MONTHS now. It’s cannon ball or nothing, and they’re determined to keep it that way.

Flowey

❤️ Back when he was Asriel, he’d wanted to see the ocean. They don’t exactly have HUGE bodies of water in the underground like that, basically only the river. And no one swims in the river. Add in Chara’s talk of mermaids and their stories about lakes and skipping stones and all that.... It had been a big goal of his. Now that he’s there, and without the capabilities to swim or get in the water, and without the person who said they’d show him the surf.... it’s uh, it’s lost its appeal.

❤️ Frisk and Papyrus tried to get him to go out in one of those dog floaties. It looked pretty ridiculous and nearly tipped over a couple of times. Inevitably it was decided that it was just best to just keep him on the shore or in the shallows strapped to someone’s chest.

❤️ Usually he just sits on the shore with Paps, Frisk, or Toriel. He (begrudgingly) likes to make sand castles. He’s actually gotten quite good at them. Either that or eat nice cream.

❤️ Papyrus made him tiny sunglasses. He wears them every time they go to the beach.

❤️ When he does go into the water, he likes to stick his head under the serf and try to find fish. He actually managed to catch one in his mouth once, both impressive and terrifying.

Toriel

❤️ She is fond of the beach. Not so much the water, but she does enjoy the occasional swim with Frisk. Would probably like going out on a boat, though she has never tried it.

❤️ Usually while the rest of the family swims, she’s on the shore in her beach chair, reading a good book and keeping a watchful eye on her kids. She can usually get through half of the thing before its time to go home.

❤️ That being said, when she does go out in the water (usually to cool off or check on Frisk and/or Flowey) she is remarkably good at floating along. That, and she’s abit of a beast when it comes to X-treme monkey in the middle. That lady is huge and can use that height when she needs to. Also she has to shake off when she gets out of the water.

❤️ She ALWAYS has a beach bag on her, and in that beach bag is pretty much anything you’d ever hope to need. Pool toys, goggles, fresh water, extra sunscreen, at least three books, money, Your scocial security number, you name it.

❤️ Toriel’s usually the go to ‘hold tired swimmer gently’ person. And has done so for everyone in the main cast but Mettaton and Undyne. You could just fall asleep in those big ole’ arms.

Sans

❤️ He’s, as with most things, pretty nuetral about the ocean. Though, he adores the fact that it’s a day he can just slack off and relax in the sun (and sometimes water). He’s usually on the beach in a beach chair or sitting in a pool floaty, just drifting along. Sometimes he’s just latched onto Paps or Toriel, it’s kinda a wild card where he is at any given time.

❤️ He has never been sober ONCE while at the beach with the family. Mostly thanks to the fact that he somehow always has a martini in hand. No one knows where he gets it, let alone how it is almost always at least half way full. Needless to say, he’s at least buzzed by the end of the day.

❤️ Every time they go to the beach, he wears the most insane sunglasses. I’m talking Elton John style, but if they came from dollar tree. Normally it’s a pineapple pair, but they change on a whim. Once again, no ones entirely sure where they come from.

❤️ He briefly moved the illegal hotdog stand to beach, before the threat of getting fined was close enough to scadattle. This, the limited addition ‘Colddogs’ (now for 5g, wait he meant 50g, actually its 500-) became a thing. They were followed shortly by ‘Frozendogs’ (available in 50 flavors!)

❤️ The two never breathe a word of it, but every once in awhile Papyrus will rent a canoe and the two of them will go out on the water. They only do this at the dead of night, when the water is still and clear. Way out past the buoys, where it’s hard to see the shore, the moon and the stars bounce off the water in a shifting, funhouse esc reflection. Being out there, together, in practically silence..... It brings a lot of comfort to the two of them. It reminds Sans that yeah, this is real, and some things are worth remembering.

Papyrus

❤️ Paps is very fond of the shallows, but not a huge fan off big, open water. Unless he’s in the comfort of a canoe or boat. It’s just too big of a space. One can feel so... alone out there. But!! If he’s in chest or higher or with a group of close friends, he’s good!!

❤️ He bought special spandex gloves to wear in the water, ones that cover his fingers and palms without being skin (bone???) tight. They help him tread the water better, since he’s the opposite of buoyant. Which is definitely the only reason he bought them! No other reason in sight! Why would you even ask that?!

❤️ He, Undyne, and Frisk play ALOT of beach games, all far more extreme than their originals. The current turnomemt is over X-Treme volleyball, this time featuring antigravity magic and spears. Frisk is, somehow, winning.

❤️ A good portion of the time, he eats nice cream and makes sand castles with Flowey. Their creations are startlingly structurally sound and flourished. Though, they are also usually next to a life sized sand-Papyrus. No one knows where the sand came from.

❤️ He tried catch and realease shark fishing with Undyne once. It um, got interesting to say the least. Especially when they tried to use Papyrus as live bait. They only had to go to the ER twice!

Undyne (Aka my entire reason for writing this)

❤️ Undyne doesn’t love the ocean. She doesn’t even like the ocean. She ADORES the ocean. You can find her there almost every day after work, sun or storm. She never realized how much she would thrive in salt water until she was there, and now she can’t believe she lived without it. Its so raw and passionate and buetiful, and she’s just at home in the waves.

❤️ Her favorite time to be out is during a good storm, when the ocean is at her roughest. Undyne has learned how to boogie board and body surf since she got on the surface, and uses those huge waves to catch some air. She WANTS to learn how to surf, but has yet to find someone to teach her. Storms are also the best for letting the water roll over her and letting herself drift in the tides, both are pretty damn amazing feelings.

❤️ Because she can breathe and see under the water, she also likes to swim out really deep into the open ocean. No one in the family can follow, but it gives her a lot of time to think. Also, there are sometimes HUGE fish out there, which she greatly enjoys seeing and interacting with. She’s. she’s fought a tiger shark before. And probably other, larger and more dangerous things. (Also when she gets home, Alphys always talks about how her kisses taste like salt. Undyne loves it).

❤️ Before she became Asgore’s body gaurd, Undyne was pretty much out of work. Not a whole lot of people wanted a massive, sharp toothed, she-shark selling retail in their stores. But, being a fish and all, she got managed to get a job as a life gaurd over the summer! This ended in her actually giving swim lessons to a couple of kids (starting with Frisk)!! She is actually a pretty good trainer and still teaches a few kids every once in awhile over summer breaks.

❤️ Her and Asgore went on a fishing trip once! The boat nearly capsized, Undyne ended up going in to fish instead of using the pole, there were life lessons taught about patience, and Asgore got horrendously away sick. Needless to say, it was a good trip. They still have pictures on Asgore’s fridge!

Alphys

❤️ As much as her girlfriend loves it, she’s not actually a huge fan of the water. It’s overwhelming and dries out her scales, and when she’s in super deep it makes her really uncomfortable. She’s stared into oblivion before and, well, it’s not a good feeling. The deep sea reminds her of that.

❤️ That being said, she LOVES the beach itself. She could sun bathe for hours while Undyne is swimming. Just pop on her head phones, lay on the sand, and embrace her lizard heratage! Also, she likes to watch her hot girlfriend do hot things like catch fish in her teeth and throw skeletons, so it’s a win win.

❤️ Naturally, this means a lot of her and Undyne’s date end up at the beach one way or anouther. Every time they go now, Alphy makes a point of collecting a seashell. They all hang on a string over her bed, it’s her favorite part of the room.

❤️ More times than not, if the sand is particularly nice and warm, Alphys falls asleep on it. Like, hard core passed out asleep. She just loves the fluffy parts of the sand so much??? And it’s so comfortable??? And she’s gotten more than afew overheating from sleeping ALL day, but she can’t help herself. It’s just too cozy!

❤️ Her favorite thing about the ocean is always going to be seeing Undyne’s smile though. She loves it. She loves the way her girlfriend’s kisses taste after she’s been in the sea. She loves how content the girl is after a good swim, and how cuddly they get in the living room. She loves smelling the air and holding her hand and seeing the sun on the water. She wants to spend forever in her arms, on the sand, eating nice cream and watching the sun set.

Mettaton

❤️ So. He’s a robot. Alphys is currently working on waterproofing his body, but until then he’s shore bound. That doesn’t mean he won’t done his best sun hat and glasses, steal a life gaurd’s chair, and pose dramatically on the beach though!

❤️ Truth be told, he actually quite enjoys long walks on the beach. His boots are well protected enough to go a way into the water as well, so he takes them sometimes with Alphys. Also, night time on the beach holds SPECTACULAR song writing material! There’s something so inspirational about the atmosphere.

❤️ That being said, summer concerts are the bomb. Litterally. There’s pyrotechnics. He’s not as big a star as he was in the underground, but some local beach performances are well within his pay grade. The thrill of the stage! The cries of the people! The personality and connection to his adoring fans! The one time he crowd surfed! The fashion! It’s all just perfect!

❤️ He also frequents beach side shops, thanks to the atmosphere and outfit selection. One can NEVER go wrong with a floppy hat and a sheer coverup. It’s just impossible.

❤️ He relates WAY too hard to the little mermaid, both in the original story and Disney. There’s just something that hits too close to home about longing for humanity and a new, more comfortable body... He gets Ariel man, he gets her.

Asgore

❤️ He likes to go on long morning walks on the beach alone. There’s something comforting about the sun rise and the sound of the waves rolling around him. There’s something even more sweet about the rare conversations, only lasting a hello and small talk, all few and far between. Sometimes he finds himself wishing he had a dog to walk with him, but in the end decides against it. He’s been alone a long time, he can last one more day.

❤️ He really enjoys going shelling. Sometimes, he even likes to paint his finds and put them up in his windows. Frisk helps him, he likes that.

❤️ He’s become a vollenteer to help find and aid sea turtles’ hatch sites. He loves watching them hatch and get to the sea safely. Though he’s not supposed to, he’ll protect them from the gulls.

❤️ Thanks to being in so close to the sea, he had a brief phase of being rather in love with verities of seaweed and kelps. He tried to keep afew using water tanks, but could never quite get them right. Ah well, at least the petunias and roses are doing nicely.

❤️ He has a hard time reading or watching things about mermaids. They make him sad.

#undertale #whole cast #Asgores section made me tear up a lil ngl #I love him so much #Also!!! Fun fact of the day!!!#A lot of the stuff put on Undyne’s section are based on my own experiences and feelings! minus the breathing under water parts tho #I just. love the ocean man.#Can you tell I wanted to be a mermaid as a kid?#Because I wanted to SO bad #long post

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brelione · 4 years

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Purple And Yellow (Kiara Carrera X Smart!Reader)

If you’re one of those folks that say “PaN SeXuAliTy iS bIpHoBiC” than leave,peace out and dont come back until you have a better attitude:)

Kiara had stared at you longingly everytime you stepped inside the wreck

She had memorised your order of a coffee milkshake with whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles and a small order of fries

They never had rainbow sprinkles until you started coming to the restaurant

The sad expression on your face when she told you there were no rainbow sprinkles had literally hurt her soul so she made a mental note to always keep a container of rainbow sprinkles just for you

Everytime she was you you were wearing something yellow

You either had a yellow bandana,a yellow shirt,a bracelet or a yellow hairtye holding your hair in its messy drooping bun

If the color yellow was a person it would be you

As you became a regular she would make small talk with you

“I really like your shirt...im guessing yellow is your favorite color.”She giggled.You nodded,pulling at the fabric of your shirt lightly. “Yeah,its a really good vibe that i’ve got going.”You grinned.She agreed,watching as you left the restaurant.

That night she had taken tweezers to separate the yellow sprinkles from the others to surprise you when you came in for your milkshake

She had asked for your phone number once which was awkward because you didnt have a phone

You had a snapchat though so you gave that to her

You two made plans to go to the beach and she said she’d pick you up

She wasnt really expecting your house to look the way it did

It was small and originally white but was covered with random yellow,pink and blue hearts

You had come out of your house,struggling to keep your cat behind the front door

You werent wearing anything yellow that she could see which made her thought that maybe something was wrong

But her worries washed away once you got to the beach and unbuttoned your white shirt to reveal a mustard yellow bikini underneath

“You know,I feel kind of uncomfy in a bikini in public.”You sighed,looking along the beach.There were only three other people at this beach in particular.She had done that on purpose so she wouldnt run into anyone she knew.She giggled,making you raise your eyebrows. “What?”You asked. “Uncomfy.”She laughed.

You two spent the day searching for seashells and seaglass

You let out a loud gasp as you came across a small puddle of water high up and away from the water

“Uh oh.”You mumbled.Her eyebrows furrowed,trying to figure out what you were looking at.You rushed to take off your flipflops,making the small crab that had been trapped in the puddle get onto the white material.You ran down to the water,scooching it off the shoe and back into the water.Kiara had recorded the whole thing on her snapchat,giggling. “I SAVED IT!DONT WORRY!”You exclaimed,running back to her with a smile on your face.

When you got to her house after your beach trip you decided to paint some of the seashells you found

“Hey,hey you wanna know a fun fact?”You asked.She nodded,waiting for you to continue. “Seashells hatch.”You answered.She wasnt sure how true that was but she grinned,acting amazed.

She had asked you to sleepover

You obviously said yes after calling your sister to confirm

You two made vanilla milkshakes and added food coloring to make it your favorite colors

Hers was purple and she decided to add some blackberries to give it an even deeper color

“You dont seem like a purple girl.”You sipped your milkshake.She bit her lip,squinting. “What does that mean?”She asked.You shrugged. “I dont know,just doesnt seem….you seem like a red girl.”You told her. “Red?Why?”She asked.You shrugged. “Well,in literature the color red often symbolises anger,passion and adventure.And to me you seem like a very passionately adventurous person.”You explained.She nodded,blushing. “I love that.What does yellow symbolise?”She asked. “Umm….usually happiness,creativity and madness.Kind of like Alice from Alice In Wonderland.She’s quite yellow,id say.”You explained,tapping the side of your glass.

You two decided to go swimming as the sun was setting

She was wearing a purple bikini with a cool flower pattern

You two sat on pool floaties,watching the sky change color

“This sunset has both of our favorite colors...like look at those clouds.Those ones are yellow and those are purple.”She observed,pointing to the clouds. “You know,clouds arent really a color.It appears to be the color of whatever reflects against it.”You grinned,closing your eyes.

When she introduced you to her friends she regretted it because Pope literally stole you

The two of you would talk about science and you’d get into super deep and passionate talks about the history of neuroscience

When she felt like she was drifting from you she’d come up behind you and wrap her arms around your shoulders as you talked

She bought you a really cute yellow dress to wear on dates

She loved studying with you

She hated the studying part but the way you got so excited when you talked about certain topics made her listen

You taught her to take important notes on only purple paper or with a purple pen because studies show that you’re more likely to remember something if the color of it is pleasing to you

As you were talking about the importance of balanced meals she interrupted you with the “Alright,Spencer Reid.”

“Ive been thinking lately and I think you are a purple girl.”You spoke one night,your face buried in the crook of her neck. “Yeah?”She asked.You hummed. “Why is that?”She asked.You grinned. “Because purple is associated with royalty and you’re my princess.”You giggled,waiting for her reaction.

You spent the weekends at her house all the time to make friendship bracelets and colorful food

Your personal favorite was purple macarons

When you went to see her after she had a bad day you would wear a lavender colored bra with matching underwear because you knew she loved it

“Im just saying we should take over the Kook Academy and then we can turn the auditorium into a movie theater and the cafeteria into a ball room.”You were a bit drunk.She nodded. “Yeah,yeah that is such a beautiful and well thought out plan.”She laughed.

She let you paint her nails with yellow nail polish with purple polka dots

For pride month she painted your nails the color of the Pan flag

JJ was fascinated by your existence because you were so pure and giggly and couldnt understand how you and Kiara got along so well

As he put it you were like cloud bread and Kie was sourdough

He was high when he said that of course

She had ‘adopted’ your famous yellow tshirt that you had been wearing the first tme she saw you

You got back at her by stealing a purple snake ring she had gotten off of amazon

Pope was just glad to interact with intelligent life

John.B was jealous of how happy you and Kie made eachother because he doubted he could do that for Sarah

You graduated highschool a year early and started doing online college courses so you wouldnt have to leave Kie

You learned how to play “Cant help falling in love with you” on the ukelele

Whenever she couldnt sleep and you couldnt come over she’d facetime you and youd play it for her until she fell asleep

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memorystormsanctuary · 4 years

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KH Oc Week Day 6

Day 6~ Life’s Perks

Guess what I have never figured out to write because I live to torture my characters. That’s right, I have no idea how to write slice of life things usually. There’s always got to be a little angst, or I am a fish out of water. But I also love a good challenge, so here we go @khoc-week.

Annora loves to go for walks and pull pranks. And while those are some of her favorite past times, her absolute favorite past time is photography. She has a passion for candid shots of other wielders, whether it’s when they’re fighting Heartless or just relaxing in the town. She has so many pictures of her party members that Skuld has declared it stalkerish. But that doesn’t stop her from taking as many pictures as she can. For her it’s a way to hold onto the memories she makes and keep them with her.

Jax shares many of the same past times as Annora, incidentally. But he is much quieter about them than Annora. He enjoys walking through Daybreak Town and just watching all the people there. However when this treads dangerously close to his day job of gathering information for Gula, he secludes himself somewhere with a view and reads. Fun fact about this, Jax didn’t know how to read until just before coming to Daybreak Town. And even though he knows how now, he’s dyslexic so it can actually be really difficult for him. Even so, he still does enjoy all the stories he can find himself lost in when he has the patience to read.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holding the camera at just the right angle was more difficult than she would like to admit. She was standing a few steps back from underneath the windowsill, bending backwards so just barely the edge was in her shot. The occupant of the windowsill was unaware of her, eyes glued to the book resting in his lap. He was curled into a tight ball, only a small bit of space between the book he was holding and his chest. Purple hair fell into his eyes, it looked like he had actually taken out the ponytail he usually wore.

Annora took a few shots before slightly shifting her position. Her feet skidded across the pavement, kicking a few stones back. Any normal subject wouldn’t have moved, but Jax’s head snapped up so quickly Annora hardly had time to register.

For a moment the two just stared at each other. Aqua eyes stared into icy blue ones, neither daring to blink. It was in that moment Annora realized just how strange her position must have looked from Jax’s perspective. She was nearly in a full backbend, trying to get an angle that the sunlight would highlight the features on his face.

“Um, I can explain,” Annora said, after the silence had been filled with Jax’s judging stare for far too long. He only quirked an eyebrow in response. Annora sighed, straightening herself out and brushing her bangs out of her eyes. “Right. Uh, would you believe I was just trying to take a picture of the sky with the roof?”

“Skuld’s right,” Jax said calmly, closing his book. “This is bordering on stalkerish.”

“It’s not stalking!” Annora said, dropping her camera so it hung around her neck. She crossed her arms and looked to the side. “It’s not like I’m looking for you guys. I just happen to find you.”

“Still stalkerish,” Jax said. He leaned over a little, looking at Annora more directly. “How can you even get a picture there?”

“I’m flexible,” Annora answered without hesitation. Jax only shook his head returning to his previous position. “I take it you’re going to tell me to get lost?”

“Yeah,” Jax agreed. Annora sighed but nodded. It was not the first time she had been told to leave her muse alone. Kariya and Zia had only tolerated her for a few moments before Zia had snapped. Skuld was for once nowhere to be found, but since Ven was also missing Annora could only guess it was a Dandelion thing. Takiko hadn’t even let her take one shot. He only glared at her from the moment she had appeared. Annora knew well enough to leave before he somehow managed to make her pay for it.

At the very least, wandering Daybreak Town was never boring. As long as Annora had lived in the town she always managed to find something new around every corner. It was a good way to pass the time on days like this when missions were already done, and the party was all doing their own sort of thing. But there wasn’t enough life to make it worth it. At least not for a photo shoot. Annora hated empty photo’s without people to make them interesting.

Reaching the fountain square, Annora sat at the edge of the fountain a heavy sigh. She held up her camera, looking through the pictures she had taken that day. There were a few good ones of Jax. The Leopardus guy who was always wearing a hat had let her take a few shots of him while he did some sort of science experiment in a Moogle shop. While in the gardens she had managed to find Lauriam tending to some of the flowers before he had another engagement. It had been a fairly successful day, but she still had too much time.

“I could always ask Chirithy, I guess,” Annora said to herself. She sighed leaning her head back to look at the sky. She froze, her eyes landing on a young girl resting on the roof of a nearby house.

It wasn’t the first time Annora had seen this girl. It had just been a few weeks ago she had run into her, quite literally. She had been a shy and stuttering mess at the time. Only really speaking when her brother had come and spoken for her. But even then she never spoke to Annora.

Slowly Annora raised her camera, focusing in on the orange haired girl. Her eyes were pointed to the sky, the seawater green reflecting the light perfectly. It would be hard to capture from such a distance. Fortunately the color of her hair brought out her eyes, and her white clothes kept her image simple. With her knees pulled to her chest she seemed even more like a child than most other wielders, but she had to be close to Annora’s age.

It took a few moments for the orange-haired girl to notice Annora. Her eyes widened as her cheeks dusted with a bright red. Annora chuckled lowering her camera again. Of course not before capturing the expression that had crossed her face. Annora stood brushing herself off and walking towards the building the orange-haired girl was perched on. She stopped as close as she could get before the girl was out of her sightline, which was unfortunately not very close.

“Hey, Strelitzia, what are you up to?” Annora asked. Strelitzia’s cheeks only got redder as she looked away, hiding behind her arm. She muttered some kind of response, but whatever it was Annora didn’t catch. She chuckled again, putting her hands behind her back. “It’s ok, I still swear I don’t bite. Wanna come hangout with me?”

Annora hadn’t thought it would be possible for Strelitzia to go anymore red in the face. But once again the girl’s face seemed to turn an even darker shade of red. It was cute. Annora didn’t move, giving Strelitzia whatever time she would need to weigh over the options in her head. Very slowly Strelitzia got to her feet and walked to the edge of the roof and jumped off, landing neatly in the fountain square. She walked to Annora, eyes down at the ground.

“Great, got anywhere you want to go?” Annora asked. Strelitzia shook her head. “Hm, then why don’t you help me?”

“W-with what?” Strelitzia asked, not daring to look up. It was a shame, up close Annora would have been able to properly appreciate the color of her eyes. All the same, it was the first time Strelitzia had spoken to her directly, and that was a start.

“Today’s my party’s day off, so I’m trying to get some good photo’s taken,” Annora explained, holding up her camera to further demonstrate her point. “The only problem is no one seems to want to tolerate me long enough to get many. Think you could be a model for me?”

“M-me?” Strelitzia asked, finally looking at Annora. Once again her eyes were wide, but it allowed for more of the green color to be seen. Her lips were slightly parted, only enough to allow for the subtle shocked look to fall on her features.

“Yeah,” Annora said. She couldn’t make herself look away. “I mean, I did already kinda take a few of you up on that roof. And you’re really expressive. I think I have a great spot in mind.”

“Um, I guess, that’s ok,” Strelitzia said, her eyes again falling to the side. Her arms went behind her back as a light pink dusted her cheeks again. Annora took a few steps back, quickly raising her camera and taking a picture. Strelitzia looked up in surprise after hearing the click.

“Sorry, that was perfect,” Annora chuckled, lowering her camera. She smiled, watching as the pink darkened. “Anyway, come on!”

Annora took Strelitzia’s arm, practically dragging her through the town. Strelitzia stumbled, trying to keep up. Annora could only chuckle turning to look at her as they made their way through town. There were plenty of places she could think to take Strelitzia. To the river through the town under the foreteller’s tower. To the lighthouse and the beach. To the gardens. To the meadow outside of town filled with flowers. Maybe even the cliffs that looked over the entire town. Wherever they went there was one thing Annora was certain of. The pictures were going to turn out perfect.

#I have been looking for an excuse to talk about Strelitzia all week #khocweek2020 #khocweek #khocs #kingdom hearts #Annora #Jax #Strelitzia #khux #keykids

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artificialqueens · 4 years

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Malibu (Trixya) - DenDenMonMon

Of Lovers, Friends and Everything in Between. Part 4.- Picnic

Title: Malibu Category: F/F Summary: You’ll be fine, when you learn to move slow. Notes: If you are anything like me, you have had Malibu on repeat ever since Trixie released the single, and, since I can’t get it out of my head, well, this story came to life lol Written: Feb 2nd-3rd, 2020.

Malibu

Trixie hated Tinder, or any dating app for that matter.

Being a gay woman turned her into a target in those platforms. She’d lost count of how many men had offered to ‘change’ her, or the amount of couples that wanted to ‘spice things up’ in the bedroom. Those were the kind of comments that made her leave the app, and forget about it for months, until loneliness hit her again. It usually happened during a Friday or Saturday night, when most of her friends were out having fun, and she found herself eating cheese curds alone in her living room, with nothing good to watch on TV. That was when she would go through the cluster of apps she had labeled as ‘useless’, and click on the infamous flaming icon.

When she promised to take care of her family’s beach house for the weekend, she thought it was going to be so much fun. LA people had proven to be wild, and everybody was supposed to be beyond beautiful in Malibu, but, either her standards were too high or she had been lied to her entire life. Profile after profile and she couldn’t find a single soul that called her attention.

Just when she was about to close the app and maybe take care of herself out of pure boredom, an image appeared.

The blonde girl smiled widely at her with insanely white teeth. Her blue eyes pierced Trixie’s, making her feel as if she were drowning in their depths. There was only one picture, and the obligatory name at the bottom said Katya next to the number thirty-four, stating the girl’s age. Trixie didn’t remember having changed the age range on the thing, she never dated anybody more than five years older than her. Everything seemed off, a bit too suspicious. Nonetheless, she clicked the space that would tell her more about the person. Laughing, she finally swiped right when she read the bio, which could be called anything but that.

Take me to the beach somewhere so I can meet my dead dad.

It was a match. Trixie’s first message had been a joke about absent parents and her being alone in the beach house. Katya replied right away. The string of laughing emojis had seemed a bit of an exaggeration but, after a short exchange, Trixie was already inviting her for lunch the next day.

That was the reason why she was preparing a picnic basket, for them to eat out on the sand. Her favorite pink gingham cloth was folded and placed on top of cucumber sandwiches and fresh fruit. Right after she put a bottle of chilled wine in the basket, the doorbell rang.

With a deep sigh, Trixie rubbed her sweaty palms on the skirt of her dress, and checked her hair on the distorted reflection of the fridge. The heels of her sandals resounded loud in the open space of the living room, she liked that, it made her feel extra feminine. As if the pink flowy dress, the many layers of makeup, and the styled curls were not sufficient statement of that.

Even when she had seen the one picture of the girl, she had not been expecting the person that showed up at her front door. Katya was an unconventional kind of absolute gorgeous. She was shorter than Trixie, and her black chucks didn’t help to increase her height. She wore matching black jeans and an oversized gray t-shirt, the round neck of it was slightly darkened with sweat.

“I just drove forty-five minutes on the Pacific Coast Highway, so this better be a good lay,” were the first words Katya pronounced.

Trixie’s eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, wow! I–”

Before she could continue, the girl burst out laughing. Her hand reached to get a hold of Trixie’s forearm as she shook her head. “I’m joking!” Her face suddenly turned serious as her grip turned tighter. “It can be medium good, I’m not picky.” Without giving Trixie a second the reply she was laughing again. “No, I’m just kidding.”

“You are, like… a lot, aren’t you?” Trixie struggled to find words to describe the ball of energy slightly bouncing in front of her. For a moment, she was afraid her unfiltered mouth had insulted the girl she had just met, but luckily it wasn’t the case.

“Oh, Momma! You haven’t seen anything yet,” the girl promised as she let go of Trixie and extended her hand. “Hi, I’m Katya.” The smile that she shot Trixie was brighter than the sun burning above them, and warmer too.

Chills ran down Trixie’s spine as she took Katya’s hand, feeling electricity running through her veins as she shook it. “I’m Trixie. Hello.”

“Oof,” Katya winced, shaking her head and physically taking a step back, away from Trixie. “You need to work on your greeting. That was way too aggressive.”

A scream left Trixie unannounced. She threw her head back in joy as a small ‘you bitch’ left her mouth. She wasn’t complaining, though. Their interaction had been entertaining, to say the least. Trixie could already feel herself liking Katya right from the intro. She invited her in with a smile nailed to her mouth, and a giddy feeling invading her body. It was unlike anything she had felt before, never in her twenty-seven years on Earth had another human made her feel so nervous, yet incredibly comfortable. She was really good at reading people, she could quickly put them in categories and know if they were gonna click or not. Katya was in a category of her own. Trixie, as much as she wanted, couldn’t find a mental compartment where she could place Katya.

The blonde wavy hair bounced with Katya’s steps as she moved around the house. “So, you are rich. I mean, like, Richie Rich rich, huh?” She looked at the expensive furniture, extending and retrieving her hand, almost as if she were scared to touch and ruin anything.

“Not even,” Trixie answered with a roll of her eyes. “My family is, but they always made it very clear that it was their money, not mine.”

Katya nodded, her lips pursing slightly. “Alright. I respect that.” She stopped her examination of the room to look at Trixie. “You’ve got any plans for today?” She stuffed her hands in her pockets, fully indicating she had no idea what to do next.

“I thought we could have a picnic, outside by the water,” Trixie replied proudly, she had thought things through carefully. She started walking, making her way towards the kitchen, wordlessly asking the girl to follow her. “Hopefully, you will like what I made.“ She picked up the basket and looked over her shoulder, just to confirm that Katya was indeed walking right behind her.

“Do-do you have any water?” Katya seemed almost anxious as she asked. “I-I don’t drink,” she said pushing her chin towards the basket, where the neck of a bottle stuck out from.

Trixie quickly apologized for not asking, taking the wine out and putting it on the table. She opened the refrigerator and leaned forward. Her short dress was sure to ride up at the position. She could only hope Katya liked what she saw as Trixie pretended to find something else to drink.

“Would you like some kombucha?” She asked as innocently as possible, noticing how Katya’s eyes bolted back to her face.

“Absolutely not,” Katya spoke punctuating her words. It sounded like she was approving of the beverage until the last word was spoken. “I would rather drink the salt water straight from the ocean than that hipster excuse of a drink.”

With a roll of her eyes, Trixie put the glass bottle back to its place. “It’s really good for you, FYI. It has all these–” she turned around, and stopped midsentence when she noticed Katya was no longer in the room. Stretching her neck, Trixie saw that Katya had walked out through the sliding doors and was impatiently waiting for her.

“Come on!” She encouraged as she started walking, the basket dangling in her hand as she easily carried it with her.

Despite the small shake of her head, Trixie found herself smiling. She followed Katya’s path and reached her just when Katya was done setting the sheet down. Trixie dropped next to her on the pink and white piece of fabric, removed her sandals and extended her legs, hoping to get them at least a little bit tanned. Her hand dug into the basket and took out a small container with grapes, offered them to Katya, who gratefully took a handful, before relaxing on her spot.

“What is it that you do, then?” Katya asked around a mouthful of fruit. “How do you make your own money?”

“I’m a hair and makeup artist,” Trixie said with a smile. She loved her job and could talk about it for hours. Katya, however, didn’t seem like the type of person that could hear about hair and makeup for hours. “What about you? You have like zero information on your profile.” Trixie rested her chin on her own shoulder, squinting to get a better view of Katya, who sat on her heels next to her.

There was a sigh and a groan as Katya physically deflated, before she uttered an actual reply. “I just hate those things, you know? I never know what to say. Like, I can’t say I’m a good person. Good people don’t say they are good people! Honestly, I just wanted to put actual facts like: I’m this old, this tall, I weigh this much, and I’m in this area.”

Trixie tilted her head in wonder. “Are you a kitten up for adoption?”

The sounds that came out of Katya were frightening and charming, all at the same time. It was a genuine laughter that sounded more like an old squeaky toy. She spotted a napkin and tried to throw it at Trixie, but the wind pushed it to land on Katya’s lap instead. They both laughed openly, freely, happily. The conversation flowed easily from that point on. They touched on the most basic topics, from immediate family to likes and dislikes. They ate with the sound of the crashing waves as background noise.

It didn’t take an expert to notice they were complete opposites, but it didn’t bother Trixie. She liked the simplicity with which Katya talked about complex subjects. She would quickly jump from one thing to another, seemingly unrelated, but Trixie was sure there was some connection between topics that only Katya understood. If she could have one wish granted, Trixie would like to see inside of Katya’s head, witness how the information bounced off of the walls of her skull, tangled with the wiring of her brain, before coming out of her mouth at a rapid speed.

Something warm filled Trixie’s chest. She had no idea what it was, but it was a nice feeling. She liked the sense of comfort and instant connection she had with the girl bending in laughter next to her. Trixie wanted to run her hand through Katya’s hair, let her fingers caress those sharp cheekbones, touch every single one of her soft curves and create a mental map of her body. Katya was so beautiful, so smart, so out of her league.

“Why did you agree to meet me?” Trixie suddenly asked without even thinking about it. She sat up straight, realizing she really wanted to know the answer. “Like, I’m clearly not your type, why did you even swipe right?”

The question took Katya by surprise. Her eyes opened wide as she stared at Trixie intensely. Although, Trixie had to wonder if there was anything about Katya that wasn’t intense.

“Okay, first of all, you don’t even know what my type is.” Katya pointed an accusative finger at Trixie before continuing. “I don’t have a type. Never had. I like people, and I like sex even more, preferebly with people.” She extended her hands in front of her, as if highlighting the relation between the two. “Now, about you. I don’t know. I liked your tits, and then you got my Contact reference… I knew I had to meet you after that.” She punctuated the end of her speech with an approving nod.

Trixie’s nose scrunched up. “What reference?”

“The dead dad on the beach one?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Katya’s mouth opened in surprise. “Contact? Jodie Foster?” She asked, getting a head shake in return to each of her questions. “Didn’t you message me about wanting to meet your dad, who was dead, at the beach somewhere?”

“Yeah, ‘cause I never met my dad, so he’s probably dead, and I’m currently staying in Malibu.”

“Oh, my God!” Katya brought her hands to her hair as she yelled. “I can’t believe this. It’s all a lie. I’ve been tricked. When were you planning to tell me? When–” The rest of the question died on her lips as Trixie’s mouth crashed with her.

It was clumsy at first, Katya wasn’t done ranting, and Trixie was only trying to shut her up. Their faces bumped into each other a couple of times before they both relaxed and finally kissed. Trixie sucked Katya’s bottom lip, biting slightly. The sound that came out of Katya was so sexy that Trixie had to press her thighs together, putting pressure where she needed it the most. The moment didn’t go unnoticed by Katya. Her hands landed on Trixie’s hips, pulling her to a kneeling position. Their torsos pressed together, breasts rubbing to the erratic movements of their heavy breathing.

Trixie felt turned on beyond knowledge, all she knew how to identify were Katya’s lips wrapped around hers. Katya tasted sweet and salty, like the fruit they had shared mixed with the breeze of the ocean. There was an almost unidentifiable flavor, a strong aftertaste that lingered in Trixie’s tongue after it ran against Katya’s.

“Do you smoke?” Trixie asked against Katya’s lips, not breaking the kiss, but pulling away enough to speak.

Katya’s hand ran up Trixie’s thigh, squeezing slightly. “Would you mind if I said yes?”

Gasping to the touch of Katya’s cold hand, Trixie threw her head back. “As long as you don’t…” She lost her train of thought as Katya’s hand went higher. “If you do– oh!” She yelped as a finger ran against her underwear. “God, just fuck me, okay?” Her knees spread, giving Katya better access.

“Not here, though,” Katya spoke as she kissed Trixie’s chin. “This is not exactly a private beach.”

Trixie opened one eye, among the fog of desire she could see the figures of a family playing ball. “Fine. Let’s go inside.”

Taking Katya by the hand, Trixie stood up and started walking towards the house. She didn’t care about the stuff they were leaving behind. Nothing really occupied her mind other than having Katya on top of her, inside of her, all around her. She could feel her legs shaking with expectation. It had been a long time since she last had sex, but she wasn’t nervious. She, somehow, knew she could trust Katya. They seemed to have some sort of astral connection, and Trixie wondered how they could apply that nonverbal communication in the bedroom.

Unfortunately, the bedroom proved to be too far away. As soon as they entered the kitchen through the glass doors, the kissing restarted. Trixie pushed her own back against the nearest wall and allowed Katya to press her entire body on top of hers. It was all too much. The heat emanating Katya tickled her skin, making Trixie shiver. Their mouths attacked each other as hands landed on every spot of uncovered skin.

Katya snaked her hands under Trixie’s dress and squeezed her ass, forcing Trixie to release her mouth as she gasped in pleasure. Katya caressed the soft skin of her butt lovingly, taking her time to enjoy the feeling of the fleshy cheeks under her fingers.

“I’m gonna eat you out now, is that okay?”

Trixie could do nothing but nod at such formal request. Still in disbelief, she saw how Katya dropped to her knees. Her big smile was the last thing Trixie saw before her eyes shut by themselves. Katya’s hands found the hem of Trixie’s dress and lifted the skirt, before disappearing inside and pulling the small thong down slowly. Trixie felt a finger running up and down her entrance, circling around where she so desperately needed to be touched.

“Katya, please,” Trixie shamelessly begged, and it worked.

She felt the wet tongue pushing flat against her most sensitive spot. Her knees bent slightly, she extended her arms and tried to find support between the glass door and the cabinets next to her. Katya licked her skillfully. Her lips sucked and released her just right, her tongue flicked at the perfect pace. And as if fucking her with her mouth wasn’t enough, Katya pushed a finger inside without warning. Trixie screamed loudly, thankful that the houses were fairly far apart so the neighbours couldn’t hear them. Her sounds only grew higher in pitch as another finger was introduced, and then a third.

Time fully stopped as Trixie sunk down on Katya’s fingers, pleasuring herself at the rhythm she wanted. Her senses felt on the edge of an overload as Katya ate her out simultaneously.

“Pluh-please, stop,” Trixie asked, panting.

In a quick move, Katya removed the dress from around her head with her free hand. “What? What’s wrong?”

“I’m gonna cum.”

“Then why you asked me to stop, bitch?”

Trixie looked to the side, almost shying away from the question. “I don’t wanna… not like this, not without you.”

Sighing deeply, Katya removed her hand carefully, and stood up. “So you are one of those lesbians, huh? You don’t wanna fuck, you want to make love.” She drawled the last word, making fun of the concept.

“Excuse me?” Trixie didn’t try to hide the annoyance in her voice.

Katya took the short sleeve of her shirt and tried to dry her chin as she spoke. “C’mon. You know what I mean. I thought we were just gonna get laid, and you put together a-a stupid picnic date? For fuck’s sake. Who does that? Gross.”

“Well, I’m sorry if I wanted to do something nice for us.”

“For us?” Katya spun around with her hands in the air. “There is no us, Brenda! We literally just met. We talked once, on a hook up app. We were not even having the same conversation! I thought it was all about Contact and you were spilling your childhood trauma. What the fuck! How did you even get picnic from that?”

Crossing her arms on top of her chest, Trixie distanced herself from Katya. It took every cell of will power to step away from her underwear without picking it up, and Trixie still didn’t know if leaving it there was less shameful.

“You need to leave.”

“Oh, but we were just gonna make playlists that reminded us of our first date.” Katya pouted theatrically, stomping her feet hard on the ground.

Trixie didn’t appreciate the sarcasm. “Now!” She shouted, pointing towards the door.

Without another word, Katya stormed out, slamming the door behind herself. Trixie stared at the piece of wood, expecting something from it without knowing what it was. She breathed deeply once, twice, the third time never came. A sob cut through her chest, coming out in a guttural scream. Katya was right. Trixie was smitten since the moment she laid eyes on Katya, and not even in person, just one look at the single picture and she was gone. She understood then that the first step of being let down was getting her hopes up. It had to stop.

One day. Trixie allowed herself one day to wallow. It wasn’t even about Katya, she reasoned. She needed a moment to analyze her motives, then she would pick the pieces back up and move on with her life. Her mind was blank for the entire day. She turned off her phone, put on some baking show on Netflix, and ate microwave popcorn straight from the bag. It had been a day of nothing but self pity and indulging in all the things she knew were bad for her.

Monday came and reality kicked back in. She went to her job at the studio and tried to entertain conversation with B-list celebrities as she got them ready for their low ratings shows. That was something she was good at, something she was confident about. Just like that, she fell back into a routine and the pity party was left behind. At least for the rest of the week. Once Friday reached her again, and she was in no mood to look after her drunk friends, she felt loneliness wanting to creep back in.

Her fingers found the useless folder and clicked on the app by themselves. Between the many unread messages sitting on her inbox, the red bubble next to Katya’s face called her attention. She opened the conversation, just to make the notification go away, but what she saw was something she hadn’t expected. There was a string of messages from Katya asking her to talk, the last one left her phone number, notifying Trixie that would be her last attempt and she should call her if she felt like it.

It took less than a minute of pondering before the call was already connecting.

Katya picked up on the third ring, just when Trixie was about to hang up.

“Who is this? I don’t have this number saved. Are you a scammer?”

Trixie had to laugh at Katya’s words, that were in no shape or form a greeting. Apparently, her laughter worked as an introduction because Katya’s voice immediately changed.

“Trixie, is that you? Fuck. I didn’t think you were gonna call.”

“Hello,” Trixie said as softly as possible, remembering what Katya had said about working on her greeting.

“Hey, that’s so much better! Hi. Listen, I want… please, don’t hang up. I will go straight to the point. I’m sorry. I was rude and mean, and you didn’t deserve all the fucked up things that I said to you.”

A small smirk was slowly forming on her lips. “Go on,” Trixie encouraged her.

Even when she couldn’t see her, Trixie could tell Katya was also smiling by now. “I like you, I like you a lot. This is just so new to me. I’m used to, you know, using the hook up app to hook up. I went there looking for a one time thing, not to, like, stay. Never expected to find… you. I’ve never been with a type like you before.”

For a moment, Trixie wished she was using a land line. She so desperately wanted to twist her finger around the phone cord. “And what is my type?”

“You know, pretty girls who are out of this world funny. All the hyper-femmes I’ve found are hot on the body but empty in the head; and boring. God, you have no idea how boring hot girls can be.” A frustrated groan escaped her, but she recovered right away, as if the actual reason for the call had suddenly hit her. “I just… could you, maybe, give me another chance? It’s stupid but all I can think about is being in Malibu with you again. I’ll prepare the dumb picnic this time. Although, I can’t promise we won’t be eating, like, old batteries and drinking Red Bulls. That’s probably all the things that can be found in my bag right now, but–”

“Oh, my God! Stop!” Trixie shouted between giggles. “If what you wanted was to annoy me into accepting, you can stop now.”

Katya’s whizzing laughter travelled through miles and miles until it digitally filled Trixie’s ears.

“So, is that a yes? Can we give it another go?”

“Yes, you idiot. I’ll go out with you again.”

“Marvellous, darling! Pick you up tomorrow, same place?”

On her end of the line, Trixie shook her head. “I actually live in Century City. You can pick me up here and we’ll go to Malibu. We can even work on those playlists on our way.”

Loud laughter was heard before Katya spoke again. “Deal. Bring the Red Bulls, I’ll bring the batteries.”

Trixie smiled, pressing her cheek against the cold glass of her cellphone. “Please, don’t feed me batteries. We can go to a restaurant or something.”

“No,” Katya stated solemnly. “We’ll have a picnic. That’s gonna be our thing, I’ve declared it. See you tomorrow, then?”

“See you tomorrow. Good night.” Just before she hung up, Trixie heard Katya calling her name. “Yeah?”

“We’ll be fine. Let’s just take it slow, okay?”

“Okay,” Trixie agreed. “We’ll be fine,” she repeated, more to herself than the emptiness coming from the device, indicating that the call had ended. “I’ll be fine.”

#rpdr fanfiction #trixya #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #smut #lesbian au #of lovers #dendenmonmon #submission

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urcountrygirl · 3 years

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Silent Thoughts- My own story

(this is my favorite story I have written ever because most of it is showing my true feelings on people and vice versa. Most of the people in this story are real, wherever they are in their life now. )

If I'm right, If you live to be 80 years old, You end up living 29,220 days. So one day you can't remember shouldn't matter. Especially if it's a day that you can't remember. I mean, I can't remember some things once it is a few weeks, months and even days or hours past. So a day you can't remember shouldn't matter, but it's different if it's a day that's lost. It's like a hole in your body and as much as you try and pretend that it's not there, you can't help but poke it. To probe it. Because even though it's empty, you can still feel something. l try to focus on the life I’m living. I am trying to get momentum to do tasks like chores, homework, and my art. Most days I can't do it but most days I actually can do it. In my heart I know I'm lost in a different way. I sit here and think. It was only 2 days ago I played on XBOX 360 for a full day. After about 2 hours, I had gotten to the top level. Once I had gotten to the top level, I felt a momentary exhilaration than a sadness because it was done. I could go back and redo it. To try again and I could find new variations, things that I had missed the 1st time. But in the end, It would still be over. I would Still reach the point where it was over. That was my life now, replaying the simple game or being in a fight I have already won. I know I deserve better. I am constantly apologizing to myself as I stumble through school, as I barely hear what the teachers are attempting to teach us. But I think more. Life is harder when you have somebody or something to miss. The next day comes. Monday morning at 3:00 in the morning and my alarm goes off playing a song I actually enjoy. This makes it easier for me to get up and start my workouts. As I am eating pancakes and a Starbucks Mocha after my workout, I feel like something is missing or I should be doing something. Because of this, I think even more. Part of what makes my personality actually work is my ability to be here day in and day out for people that I love and trust. My friends rely on me and I rely on them. The simple balance on which so many lives are built. My acquaintance that is wanting to be a friend of mine tells me her life story, then some. But as of now all I got out of her story and the then some part is that she is pregnant and the baby's father is in jail even though she is 16 years old. She also tells me she trusts me more than the father. But then I flashback to all of 5he little fights I have had with my father. Stupid fights like over fish sticks or music. He tells me that my music is a dead-end calling and I should stop even though he encouraged my brother to pursue music. I flashback in reality. I am still standing there listening to this girl go one about her life so I am sipping down my second Bang energy drink after I already had two Monsters. I am back home drinking the Starbucks Frappuccino and trying to finish an essay. I am failing my French class and in tears when my parents confront me about it. I am finally alone in my room and I am playing the same tune over and over again trying to figure out what it exactly means to me and what words to put in it. My ex-girlfriend is apologizing to me about her cheating on me. I decide to go and meet up with my closest and only friend at the park. We are swing on the swing set and I have the small flashback of me in the exact swing at 6 years old going higher and higher until I was convinced at that moment I could fly. I slip money into my friend’s purse so she can pay her half of lunch. I am dressed as a ladybug at 2 years old for Halloween, and my mom burnt her hand on the stove that same night making mac and cheese. I am failing my driver’s test and to the point, I am practically balling my eyes out when the lady tells me. I finally pass the test a week later and the first thing I do when I get my license, I go to the beach. Watch the sunrise and the birds attacking the fish as they dive into the water. I am in my own world. I am blocking out other people that are there. I do this a lot because I keep in my mind that I am lonely and every person is the possibility. I met this guy (you) a month or so ago. You like me and I like you. I asked you why you like me. You said because of me, because of my kindness. My engagement in the world. Engagement in the possibilities of different ways of living life. We met up at a bookstore. You stared at me. "I have an idea." "Okay?" I responded skeptically. "Let's pretend that this is the first time we have ever met. Let's pretend you came to get the book. I happened to want the same book so I accidentally ran into you. We struck up a conversation. I like you and you like me." You paused and smiled at me. "Now we are going to get coffee. I don't know anything about you. I don't know anything about your ex." You had paused again to think about what you just said and did a try-hard smile like 'sorry about mentioning him'. You took a sip of your frappuccino. And for some reason, this all feels right. You continued, "We are meeting for the first time. Okay?" "Okay but why? " You ignored my question. "No past, no future, just present. Okay? It's that easy. Forget about the world. Forget about all of the pain us teenagers are going through right now." "Okay. I guess." We went to the store. Then after we got $200 worth of food, mainly fruit, we went to your house. You had me cook because I am Italian. We filled the air with music, we moved in tandem. We moved in unison. This is our first date. First time alone together without any adults breathing down our necks. And I can't help but think this is the way it should always be. The easygoing sharing of space. Your parents are in California. I am there. Chopping garlic and vegetables and I am totally unaware of my posture, the craziness of my hair. Unaware of how much you are staring at me. With a lot of love, and outside of our kitchen size bubble, the nighttime sings and dances. I look up through the sky window and I see the stars shining bright like a LED light. And I also see your reflection mapped up out on top of it. Everything is where I think it should be and my heart believes it is all right. That this can always be true. My heart wants this all to be true. Even if something darker tugs it away. Friday comes faster than it should have and I am distracted again. Everybody is having their conversations. Earlier in the day I actually for once, paying attention. But my mind says that it is enough for one day. My friends don’t mind if I am quite once and a while. As long as they feel I'm present. Physically I am there but mentally I am not. They think I am listening and I used to feel like this was enough. To pretend like everything was perfect. Like the world has no evil. I go to the hospital to see the maternity ward. All of the little babies. So innocent. Of purity. Seeing how they know no evil. How they don't know rejection or heartbreak. They don't have any pain. They are like puppies, so adorable, but have so much to learn. So much to figure out and discover. That to me? Is what life is all about. Finding things out and living with risks. To be honest risks that nobody else will take because they are trying to live the perfect life. And yet there is no such thing as perfection. Nothing and nobody is perfect. It's just how the world is.

#my writing #silent thoughts #depression #struggle is real #love #prefection

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licenselesswriter · 5 years

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The One Who Stayed CH17

3 weeks have gone since he talks with Riley, and even when he expected this, he didn't realize it would affect him that much. But when he opens his front door and take a look at Maya, having troubles to open a pickle jar, he knew it was something he needed to do - Can I open that for you? - Lucas asks Maya before taking off his jacket.

- My hero - Maya says and hands him the pickle jar.

Lucas opens it with no effort and gives her the jar back. He sits next to her and kisses her cheek.

Maya takes a pickle and gives it a bite - I told you, it's gonna take years for her to open up again to you - she says, feeling how Lucas buries his nose on her neck.

- I know, I just feel bad for her - Lucas replies and his hands sneak around her waist, cuddling with her.

- What about Lily? - Maya asks, taking another bite of her pickle.

- You were so right, she's smarter than any of us, except, probably, Isadora - he answers, making Maya look at him - She understands what's happening so well, and even when Riley still weirdly looks at me, she makes Riley feel happy - he continues.

Maya looks at him completely spellbound by him - You're a proud Papa, don't you? - she says.

- I am - Lucas replies and kisses her Maya on the lips - You're disgusting - he says with a smile on his face, tasting the pickles on his mouth.

- I'm disgusting? you're the one who kissed a pickle - she replies and kisses him back.

Lucas just chuckles and kisses her neck, and Maya got tense for a second, something that he notices on the spot - Something wrong? - he asks.

Maya smiles at him and lets a sigh escape from her lungs - Nothing escapes to you, right? - she says.

- We both know that's not true, but go on - Lucas replies.

Maya takes a second to think, of course, telling him it's the best course of action - I... - she started with a bit of doubt - I get another gig - she informs him.

- Really? That's awesome - Lucas says, excited for Maya.

- Yeah - Maya says in a tone that turns down a bit Lucas excitement - You're not gonna be that happy when you know for how long I have to be out - she adds.

Trying to be a supporting partner, Lucas smiles at her anyways - Why? Is this gig a full-time job and you need to move? - he asks.

Maya chuckles, sometimes it surprises her how he always finds a way to make her laugh - Ha, ha, no, definitely not a full job - she answers and then takes his hand - But... - she starts with a bit of doubt - I'm gonna be in Venice for a year - she adds.

- It's not that bad, hell, even I like L.A. - Lucas says, clearly mistaking the Venice she's talking about.

- Eh, no, not Venice Beach in L.A. - Maya stops him - I mean Venice as, you know, Italy - she corrects him.

- Oh - Lucas softly says, now understanding why he wasn't gonna like the gig - You serious about this? - he asks, just to be sure.

- Ehhhh, pretty sure, I mean, it was very clear in the contract - she says before looking at him - Are you mad? - she asks while she tries to figure out his feelings.

- I... - Lucas started but cuts himself in the middle - I honestly don't know what to say - he says confused - Which is embarrassing for someone my age - he jokes, trying to calm himself.

- Should I go? I should go, this seems like the right thing to do - Maya says, nervous about his reaction - Let's talk tomorrow, ok? - she says before getting up.

Fastly Lucas takes her hand, making her look at him - Do you have to leave? - he asks her.

- No - she answers - But it looks like you need some time alone - she adds.

Lucas looks at her surprised - What? - he asks - You're gonna be out for a whole year and you think I want some time alone? - he asks then.

- You want me to stay? - Maya asks back.

- Of course, I want you to stay - Lucas fastly replies - I want to be able to enjoy every moment we have left - he adds.

Maya sits back on the couch and covers her face with her hands - God, you aren't like any other guy - she says.

- Well, I needed to shape up to be with someone like you - he says and smiles to her.

- Sap - Maya teases him - But I'm gonna allow it - she says and puts a kiss on his lips.

- Ok, tell me more about this gig - Lucas says, putting on his best act to hide his real feelings.

Later that night, after Maya falls asleep, Lucas gets up from his bed. Very carefully he walks outside his room and softly, and very delicately he walks into his guest bathroom. He lets the water run freely and splash a bit on his face - You did it well this time Friar - he says while he looks at his reflection in the mirror.

Next morning, Maya wakes up before him and looks at his face, she was able to notice that he was worried, even when his words lie and encourage her, she knew he wasn't a fan of her decision, but sadly she already signed it, there was no stepping back now. The weekend turned out to be short when you know the person you Love is moving for a year, but, as a responsible father, Lucas didn't let that affect his parenthood.

Lily starts to spend a lot more time with Mia and Jayden on Mia's home while he's at work, also spending a few hours with Maya in her studio when she's free to do it.

One afternoon after work, Lucas drops on Maya's studio to pick up Lily, only to find his daughter clinger onto her new partner.

- You know I need to ask - Lucas says looking at his daughter's reaction when he insists that they need to go home.

- I told her - Maya replies caressing Lily's hair.

- About the gig? - Lucas mouth the question, Maya only nods - Oh - he softly says and walks towards them -Lily? Sweetie? - Lucas calls his daughter.

Lily softly separates from Maya and looks at her father - I don't want Aunt Maya to go away - she says before hugging him.

At that moment Lucas was finally able to see it. No matter how mature his daughter wanted to act, she was only 6, and she needed for him to step up for her and tell her, make her feel sure, that everything It will be ok. Lucas starts to caress Lily's hair and then puts a soft kiss on it - Lily, Aunt Maya isn't going away, she got a job in Venice, she's not moving to Venice forever - he explains and then looks at Maya - Or at least I expect that - he adds, making Maya laugh - Also when she came back, she's gonna bring us a... - he stops for a second and grabs his phone - Bixby, show me popular souvenirs from Venice Italy - he says and his phone fastly follow his command - She's gonna bring us mask's - he adds and Maya looks at him clueless.

- Yeah, I'm bringing back Mask's for us to have a blood moon ball - Maya plays her part on trying to console Lily.

- What? - Lucas asks.

- For real? - Lily asks at the same time.

- Of course - Maya Answers Lily - It's a ball with red lighting - she explains to Lucas.

- That sounds cool - Lucas mouth to Maya, who only laughs - Lily, please look at me - Lucas asks his daughter.

Lily slowly and carefully look at her father's eyes - I don't wanna lose more things - she says, almost in a cry for help before hiding her face on Lucas' shirt.

At unison, Maya and Lucas look at each other, with either of them knowing exactly what to say to Lily.

- Lily - Lucas starts - I know that it might look like you're losing things, but if you look it with a different perspective, you will know that you haven't lost anything - he says and kisses Lily's head - You have a mother who would die for you, a father who would do the same, and a godmother that, based on previous experiences, might kill for you is you ask her nice and pretty - he says.

Maya looks at him with dead fish eyes - For real? I'm the murderous one? - she asks.

- Remember Billy Ross? - Lucas asks back.

Maya takes a second to process Lucas' words, then she gets closer to Lily - Your father is right; I would kill for you if you ask me nice and pretty - she concedes.

- In the end, you still have a family who loves enough to kill or die for you, and the fact that your Aunt Maya needs to work overseas doesn't mean that she's not gonna pick a flight to kill if you ask - he says while Maya asks herself if she really is the homicidal friend of the group - I know this might sound like I'm asking too much, but I just want you to enjoy your life, even when things are changing, because sometimes - Lucas says and looks directly at Maya's eyes - Change is for the better - he finishes.

Lily keeps her head buried on her father's shirt - I want Ice Cream - she softly says.

- Cookies & Cream? - Lucas asks, with a smile on his face.

- Thank you - she says finally raising her head to smile at Lucas.

- That's the smile I want to see every day - Lucas says and lifts Lily - Should we invite Aunt Maya to have Ice Cream with us? - he asks.

- Yes - Lily softly says, a bit tired from crying - Want to come with us, Aunt Maya? - she asks, brushing her eyes.

- Of course, it's free ice cream with my favorite Goddaughter after all - Maya replies, being immediately hugged by Lily.

At the same moment, Lucas and Maya look at each other, they both knew that things might be a little rough, but they can handle worse.

- Excuse me, Mrs. Friar - Riley's secretary calls the brunette.

- Please, Carol, It's Riley, but if you can't drop the honorific, call me Miss Matthews - Riley corrects her secretary.

- I'm sorry Miss Matthews - Carol fastly says.

Riley keeps looking at her secretary - Excuse me, why did you come to my office? Did something happen? - she asks.

- Oh, yes, Mr... - Carol wanted to say but was interrupted by someone Riley wasn't sure she wanted to see.

- Mr. Gardner is visiting Miss Matthews with no arranged date - Charlie interrupts - Thank you, Carol, I think I can handle from here - Charlie says trying to get rid of Riley's secretary.

Riley immediately starts to rub her nasal bridge.

Charlie just sits in front of her and wait, he knew how was Riley when she was taken by surprise, and at this moment he was sure he was a bad surprise for her.

- What are you doing here Charlie? - Riley asks, still with her fingers massaging her nasal bridge.

- I came here to play my last card Riley - Charlie says looking at her hand and the lack of a ring.

- Please don't waste your time - Riley replies before taking a look at her ex-lover and start working again.

- I was offered a job in L.A. - Charlie says.

- Congrats? - Riley says with doubt - Don't know exactly what you want me to say, to be honest - she adds.

- Tell me I have over a 1% chance to be with you again and I will stay - Charlie says, betting his future on her.

Riley takes a few minutes - I'm sorry Charlie - she apologizes to him.

- So even all of me is nothing compared to the mighty Lucas Friar and Riley Matthews? - he asks, trying to get some sympathy from Riley.

- There is not Lucas and Riley, not anymore, not in the future, short or long - Riley answers his question - It's not for him that I'm shutting you down, it’s for me and my daughter that I'm shutting you down - she adds.

- Your daughter would love me, and you know that, before we started she loved uncle Charlie, remember? - he asks again.

- But my daughter will grow one day, and I can't I know her, if I make her choose between staying with Lucas and Maya or You and me, she will pick Lucas without a hitch - she explains - I can't be with 1/3 of the reason why her parents divorced, and I will never pick you over her, never - Riley continues.

Charlie almost can hear his heart breaks - You said you loved me - he says remembering all the times they share her bed - I know I can make you love me - he continues.

Riley just gets up from her chair and walk to the door - If you ever had a chance to make me love you, why I didn't leave Lucas to be with you? - Riley asks in the most merciless way she had.

Charlie looked at her shocked - You don't mean that - he says in complete denial - I know I make you love me once, give yourself the chance to love again, give us a chance to be now that Lucas isn't in the middle - he adds, almost begging her.

- Charlie stop - Riley cuts him - We were lovers? yes, did a few times say that I loved you after you giving me an orgasm? yes too, but I don't love you - she adds - If I wasn't able to Love Lucas properly, what makes you think one day I can love you? - she asks him and holds the door for him - Please leave, these are working hours - she says, waiting for him to leave.

She didn't expect what would happen next. - Mommy? - Lily asks Riley when Lucas drops her in her apartment.

- Who? - Lucas asks, immediately examining Riley's eye.

- It's not your problem anymore Lucas - Riley says holding her tears.

- I didn't ask if it was my problem - Lucas replies - I ask who I'm gonna send to the hospital - he continues.

- Lucas calm down you don't need to send him to the hospital - Riley tries to calm her ex-husband.

- Him? - Lucas asks and then realizes - Charlie - he says and the look on Riley's eyes confirm his suspicion - I'm gonna kill him, take care of Lily - he says and tries to walk away, only to be stopped by Riley.

- Security already manages to do that - Riley says and holds him by the arm.

- How bad? - he asks.

- The company has to pay surgery for his nose and hip - Riley answers.

Riley was able to see how Lucas' shoulders relax - Let's go inside, I'm gonna take a look at that eye - he says and escorts Riley and Lily inside. Once they were inside Lucas looks at his daughter - Lily, why don't you go to the kitchen and get your Mommy a bag of ice? - he says.

- On my way - Lily replies and runs to the kitchen, only to come back a few seconds later - Mommy, where are the plastic bags? - she asks.

Riley can't resist laughing - Third bottom drawer - she answers.

Lucas takes Riley face with her both hands and starts to examine the purple on her eye - Ugly motherfucker, I should have killed him at our place - Lucas softly says.

Maya remembers the incident and smiles at his words - Don't worry, I broke his nose - she comments - I had a great teacher - she adds holding his hand.

- Riley - Lucas started, but was interrupted by Lily who runs to deliver the plastic bag with ice - Oh, thank you, Lily - he says and then walks to the kitchen himself, to pick up a dishtowel and wrap up the bag with it - Here, put it over her eye, it's gonna help it with the swelling - he says to Lily, go fastly runs with the dishtowel in hand to help her mother. A few hours later, after Lucas left Lily sleeping on her bed he stops for a second and looks at his ex-wife - Riley, can we talk for a moment? - he asks her.

- Well, you cooked for us, it's the least I can do - she answers and points at the couch in front of the one she was sitting on.

Lucas sits and rests his arms on his knees - The cold war we're having, please let's put it on pause when we're around Lily - he starts.

- Excuse me? - Riley says half confused and half angry.

- Before you kick me out listen to me - Lucas continues - I don't care how you treat me, but our cold relationship it's affecting Lily, and I'm sure that's a thing we both don't want for her - he adds, making Riley relax for a second.

- You can't blame me for hating you when after our divorce you fall directly into my best friend arms - Riley comments.

- And you can't blame me for refusing to fix things between us - Lucas counters - But I can blame us for affecting Lily more than she needs to be affected - he adds - So please, let's call a truce - he asks.

- And you want us to play the happy family once a week? - she asks back in a sarcastic tone.

- I don't mind doing it, anything for my daughter - Lucas answers.

- What? - Riley says confused.

- One night every week - Lucas says, knowing that Maya will kill him for this - We have diner, together - he adds - One week my place, one week your place - he continues.

- To give her a sense of tranquility - Riley says, still thinking about it

- Exactly - Lucas says and offers her his hand - Are you in? - he asks.

Riley laughs - I can't argue against that logic - she says and shakes his hand.

- Surprise Motherfucker! - Zay screams at Lucas after punch his mouth and drops him in his entrance.

- What the fuck Zay - Lucas says before receiving his friend help to get up.

- That was the deal, I help you with Lily and Riley and I'll get to punch you back, remember? - Zay asks.

- And how the hell you know what you suggest work? - Lucas asks back.

- Bitch please, Farkle might be the book smart one, but I'm people smart - he answers.

Lucas just opens his door and let his friend walk-in - I hate when you're right - he says.

Zay smiles - Yes you do, but not tonight because now we're even and this means we're back at being friends - he says before making a tiny dance - And God knows how much I've missed you - he adds before continue dancing.

- You're an idiot - Lucas says before taking a beer from his fridge and put it on his lip.

- Yes, I am, and this idiot needs his best man back, please say that we're best friends again - Zay asks him.

- Maya is my best friend - Lucas replies and gives him a beer - But you're pretty close to her - he adds.

- That was beautiful, if we were both gays I would marry you - he says and opens his beer.

- So, when's the wedding? - Lucas asks avoiding his declaration.

- 5 months, 13 days, 17 hours, and 43 minutes from now - Zay answers while he looks at his watch.

- Poor Vanessa, she can do so much better - Lucas says with a smile on his face.

- You're spending way too much time with Maya - Zay replies.

- I have to - Lucas says - She's gonna be working in Italy for a year in - Lucas says before looking at his watch - 1 month, 6 days, 17 hours, and 42 minutes from now - he adds.

- And what you're planning to do? - Zay asks.

- What do you mean? - Lucas asks back while he opens his beer.

- I mean what you're planning to do to make her stay - Zay answers, taking a sip of his beer.

- Nothing - Lucas says.

- You're kidding - Zay replies in the second.

- No, I'm not - Lucas says, letting a deep and long sigh escape his lungs - She deserves to fulfill her career, and I'm not gonna be in the middle of that - he adds.

- Wow, who knew you can pass from the one who works overtime to the one who stayed - Zay comments on his actions.

- Well, I'm a father before a partner, and my daughter needs me here, I can't leave everything to follow Maya to Italy - Lucas argues back.

- And what's gonna happen when Lily asks you why you and Aunt Maya didn't work? - Zay asks.

Lucas just stays silent for a few minutes, dumbfounded by that question - One day I'm gonna cut that silver tongue of yours - he threats his friend.

- You're not gonna do that, you love me - Zay replies with his usual smile.

#GMW #Lucaya #Lucaya Fanfic #Lucas x Maya #OoC Riley #Recovering Lucas #The One Who Stayed #This episode was brought to you by Big Time Rush' Elevate Album

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carmenlire · 5 years

Text

Roses on the Floor

Happy Valentine’s Day! Warning for MCD

read on ao3

The sun streams through his sheer curtains, reflects off gold sheets that smell like sandalwood, even after all this time.

Magnus stretches a little in bed, waking up more than a little bit groggy. He’d had a warlock seminar of sorts in Athens yesterday and had stumbled into the loft just shy of midnight after dawdling in a little tavernas far longer than he should have. New York in the middle of February was bitterly cold, though, and Magnus can’t blame himself too much for wanting to soak up the Mediterranean warmth as long as he could.

Still, he has plans today and he’s hasn’t missed celebrating this particular holiday in almost a century.

Climbing out of bed, Magnus reaches for the red silk robe that had been a particularly successful gift to Alec within the first few years of the relationship. While Magnus owned dozen robes in jewelled tones, the bold red of this particular garment with the black lace trim had been an immediate and fervent hit with his boyfriend.

Tightening the belt around his waist, Magnus cracks his neck, sighing at the pop of pressure as he makes his way to the kitchen.

Brewing a cup of coffee strong enough to kill a man, Magnus thinks through his plans for the day. He needs to pick up some flowers from the corner florist and Raphael had insisted that the wards at the Dumort needed revamped-- refusing to take into consideration Magnus’s set-in-stone plans.

Thankfully, they didn’t really start until tonight. This evening, he’d make dinner-- one of Alec’s favorites-- and as always, end the day with a bottle of his favorite rosé.

He lingers over his coffee, inhaling deeply. Magnus can never quite drink coffee without thinking of his husband. Lattes, double shots, frappuccinos-- Alec would drink anything as long as it had enough caffeine to fell an elephant.

Watching the sun rise in the beautiful blue sky-- the perfect veneer to hide the single digit wind chill-- Magnus sighs a little as he finishes his mug.

The next hour is spent getting ready for the day, the most auspicious of occasions. Valentine’s Day was sacred to him and Alec, much to Magnus’s eternal bemusement.

Their very first Valentine’s Day, Magnus had portaled home from a particularly chatty client only to find his loft in shambles. Something was burning in the kitchen, the vase of two dozen roses was spilled across his coffee table-- water soaking through the rug underneath-- and Alec was a harried wreck of a man scowling down at a wad of wrapping paper that ostensibly held a gift.

Magnus had been prepared to pretend that the day was nothing out of the ordinary. He was old enough for the date not to be particularly important to him, especially since Alec regularly surprised him with romantic gestures befitting the holiday.

Alec had looked up as he’d stepped through the portal, those brown eyes widening before closing in defeat.

I tried, he said miserably and glared halfheartedly at his attempts to woo Magnus.

Charmed beyond belief, Magnus had stepped closer, smoothing away the wrinkle that rested between Alec’s brows. It was the work of a moment to clear the kitchen and set the flowers to rights. Framing Alec’s face, Magnus had swept his thumb’s across his boyfriend’s cheeks and murmured something about going out for dinner.

With a narrow-eyed glance like he was trying to peer into Magnus’s soul, Alec had acquiesced. Magnus had portaled them to the long anticipated Marrakech where they’d enjoyed a warm summer night and eaten the best lamb kabobs the world over. They hadn’t arrived back in New York until almost dawn, wherein Alec had hesitantly handed Magnus the ball of mangled wrapping paper in dazzling shades of pink and red.

Magnus had accepted the gift and vowed to knock Alec’s socks off next year, even if he had to spend the next twelve months planning something grand enough to give the shadowhunter in front of him even an inkling of just how much he meant to Magnus.

The gift had been something small-- as all of Alec’s gifts tended to be-- but packed enough of a punch that Magnus felt his chest shudder under the onslaught.

It was a small painting, no bigger than a standard piece of paper. It bloomed across the canvas in a riot of color and Magnus knew what it was the moment he’d uncovered the gift wrap.

Alec had been staring at him with an eagle gaze, furiously taking in his shifting expressions. He’d wetted his lips and cleared his throat before offering in a tentative voice, You told me that you always wished to return to Jakarta but you could never quite bring yourself to do it. I know it’s not much, but Catarina accompanied me to the city and there was a street vendor there selling paintings he did himself. This is a picture of--

Looking up, Magnus had cut Alec off. My darling, he’d whispered. This is the beach within walking distance of the house I was born in. How did you know?

Alec had clearly been startled before he’d shrugged helplessly. I just liked the way it looked. I guess I was drawn to it.

That painting still hung in Magnus’s private study. No one had ever been allowed in that room except for Ragnor once upon a time and Catarina and Raphael and, of course, Alec.

Thinking about that first Valentine’s Day still fills Magnus was so much love he thinks he’ll drown for it. It had been the start of a long tradition-- at this point, one of the longest Magnus has ever practiced.

He doesn’t have date plans until tonight, but Magnus dresses to impress on his errands. He takes special care with his makeup and chooses an outfit that Alec had literally drooled over, no matter how much he protested that fact.

The corner florist has been in business for over 150 years and thanks in large part to his loyal patronage, no one had ever questioned him too closely about his eternal youth.

He talks to the great grandson of the original owner for a few minutes and chooses two arrangements-- the standard two dozen red roses that have graced his living room every February for eighty years, and another arrangement of sunflowers, their faces open and cheerful.

Alec always picked sunflowers for himself.

By the time he’s checked out at La Belle Fleur, it’s early afternoon and Magnus heads toward the Dumort. He’s barely made it through the back door when Raphael steps through the open doorway. Magnus stares at him bemused.

“Trying to scare me? You should know by now that I’m immune to your vampiric silence.”

Raphael just looks at him for a long moment before turning on his heel and leading the way to his office. There’s no one else around-- most of the vampires either sleeping or staying somewhere else for a few days-- and Magnus has barely settled into the deep leather chair before the fire when he’s handed a glass of whiskey.

Accepting the proffered drink, he takes a sip while considering Raphael over the top of the glass. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Scowling, Raphael takes his own glass to the other chair and stares into the burnished flames of the fire. His smile is barely there but Magnus can see the faint way his mouth turns up in sentiment that one of his oldest friends would deny with all the breath he doesn’t have.

“Someone told me once that it was rude to ask someone to do a job without offering refreshments and pleasantries when they arrived.”

“Now, I wonder who could have drummed some manners into your infuriatingly thick skull?”

It’s quiet for awhile after that, both men content to enjoy each other’s company in silence. New York has burrowed its way into his heart just as sure as his husband had all those years ago and there’s just something about enjoying a glass of whiskey before a fire as the city drones on outside that makes his heart clench. He may travel more than ever now but this is what his home’s become, this is his safe haven in his tumultuous, never-ending life-- New York City with those he loves and those he knows best.

He’s just set to drain the last of his liquor and stand when Raphael’s voice breaks the spell that seems to have settled over them.

“How are you doing, Magnus?”

Throwing him a wry glance, Magnus replies, “I’m doing fine, Raphael. More than fine, really. I’ve got dinner plans-- as you know-- and a bottle of rosé calling my name. All around, it’s shaping up to be a Valentine’s Day like any other.”

Carefully, Raphael turns the glass in his hand and Magnus watches as light reflects through the cut crystal, turning the amber liquid molten.

“Why don’t you have dinner with me tonight? I’ll even let you pick.”

Sighing, Magnus sends Raphael a chastising look. “You know my plans are set in stone, mi pequeño vampiro. Nothing stands in the way of my Valentine’s Day plans.”

Magnus decidedly does not see that way Raphael grits his teeth gently. “How much longer are you going to do this, Magnus?”

“I don’t know what you mean, Raphael.”

“Your holiday plans. You romantic dinner. The whole downworld knows that you’re incommunicado today, that you have been since 2016 no matter that--”

“Don’t.”

Magnus’s voice cuts coldly through the room and not even Raphael is bold enough to contradict the order.

It’s tense for a minute before Magnus releases the tension in his shoulders in a slow wave. “I love my husband, Raph, and this has always been a day to celebrate that. That will never change.”

“I just worry about you,” Raphael admits lowly. He drains the rest of his glass in an efficient swallow that Magnus taught him ages and ages ago.

Magnus smiles but it’s a maelstrom display. He watches the fire with unseeing eyes. “I told Alec once, very early in our acquaintance, that he’d unlocked something in me. I thought for decades that Camille had ruined me, that she’d ground my heart to dust under the heel of her Louboutins. I was surprised to realize that she hadn’t, that I was still capable of love, after all.”

Looking up, Magnus meets Raphael’s pensive gaze. “I love Alec just as much now as I did then. More, I’d say. As long as that’s true, you have nothing to worry about, my dear.”

Standing, Magnus sets his glass down on the table with a dull thud. “Now,” he says briskly. “I believe I have wards to update?”

Magnus walks into his loft and releases a deep sigh. He’d only been at the Dumort for a couple of hours but he was anxious to return back to his apartment. It’s late afternoon, the sun just starting to set and Magnus decides to put off preparations for dinner for just a little while.

Heading over to his drink cart, Magnus opens the bottle of Rosé and lets it breathe for a few minutes as makes a detour, going to his study to grab a book from one of his shelves.

Returning to the living room, Magnus pours a glass of wine and settles into the corner of the couch. Crossing his legs, he sets the photo album on the seat next to him and flips through the pages slowly. He only gives himself the opportunity to be unforgivably nostalgic on a handful of days and Valentine’s Day is most certainly one of them. Alec had walked in on him more than once when he was enjoying a glass of whatever suited his mood while he took a trip down memory lane.

He trails a finger along his own laughing face when he gets to a picture a kind passerby had taken of him with Alec in Paris, laughs himself when he sees another photo where Alec had kissed him on the cheek, surprising him.

The wedding page-- just a page of duplicates while he has an album dedicated entirely to the grandest event in his very long life shelved in the study-- still makes his heart hurt in the best damned way when he turns to it, still makes the breath wrench in his chest.

With a sigh, he spends an hour on the photo album. Twilight gloom hangs heavy in the room when he flips the back cover over and takes a long, shuddering breath. His glass is long since empty and he smooths a hand over the photo album, a long leisurely sweep as he stands.

A few moments later, he’s flipping the kitchen lights on and as he takes a bracing sip of his second glass of wine, Magnus starts dinner.

Valentine’s Day planning alternated and while there had been plenty of dates in foreign locales, or even just out in the city, Magnus’s favorite dates were always those when it was just the two of them enjoying each other’s company in the warmth of the loft. All of the best things had happened here, after all, and Alec was never more romantic than when he didn’t have to worry about anyone but his husband witnessing his attempts.

He’d decided last week to make Alec’s favorite meal and as he takes the ground beef out, Magnus huffs out a laugh. His husband could certainly appreciate a culinary marvel of a meal but he always preferred his blasted bacon cheeseburgers with extra crispy fries.

Magnus makes two and plates them up. He spends the few minutes waiting for the food to cool by setting the table-- a deep red tablecloth and tall candles that don’t illuminate much but light on the gleam of his glass.

It gives everything a rosy glow that makes Magnus overwhelmingly fond.

He sets the arrangement of roses in the middle of the table, fussing for a quick second over the blooms.

Finally, it’s time to eat and Magnus grabs the plates and sets them down in their places. He stands over the table for a long moment and time seems to still. He half expects Alec to come crashing through the door, apologies spilling from his mouth as he rambles on about a demon infestation or how much of an idiotic inconvenience his parabatai is or whatever it was that had kept him from arriving to date night on time.

Magnus imagines walking over to Alec and grabbing his arms, pulling his husband down for a sound kiss. He’d forgive with a wave of his hand a smile that warmed his eyes. Alec would be especially effusive in his praise of dinner and Magnus’s outfit and Magnus would drolly wonder if he’d receive such compliments if he’d chosen a pack of milk duds and a burlap sack.

His throat closes and the breath stops in his chest and Magnus closes his eyes against the wave of grief that all but swallows him. He works on his breathing for longer than he’d ever admit and when he opens his eyes again, he smiles.

It’s bright and real and wondering.

Settling down in a chair, Magnus enjoys his dinner. He only permits himself to talk to Alec aloud a few times a year-- Valentine’s Day, their anniversary, Alec’s birthday.

So, he talks.

He tells Alec about his day and how the seminar was last night and what his travel plans are for the summer. He talks about the movie he just saw and how Madzie is coming into her own in the warlock community and about Raphael’s gentle but sincere concern.

He finishes his burger and pours a third and fourth and fifth glass of wine. He takes an interlude and stands from the table, plating the leftovers in Tupperware that had been a housewarming gift from Simon when Magnus had first invited Alec to move in.

Cleaning the kitchen with a wave of his hand, Magnus grabs his glass of wine from the table and the bottle as well and goes out to the balcony.

He magically regulates the temperature out here but it’s still a little chilly and the cold seeps into his bones.

He walks over to the edge of the balcony and stares out over New York. The city is as busy as ever and he takes a deep drink of wine before his gaze falls down to the hand that lays over the brick wall.

Twisting the wedding ring that’s adorned his finger for almost a century, Magnus thinks about the long road that’s led to this moment.

He’d still do it all again. He would still make that horrendous pun and he would still crash a wedding in a move that would have gotten him executed a century earlier and he still would have given his heart to his stupid, stubborn, amazing, perfect shadowhunter.

Really, he thinks he’d never had a choice and he wouldn’t want one, not when it got him a lifetime of love that still has the power to warm him on the coldest nights.

“I love you, my darling.”

Magnus voice is quiet, somber. He smiles and it’s sad but it also takes a weight off his shoulders that he carries every day.

It’s quiet on the patio. The sound of cars is distant, the noise of the city a lifetime away. Magnus thinks about the past ten years and how difficult that first year was, after Alec’s death. He thinks about the second and third and fourth year and how he'd woken up feeling like his chest was collapsing.

He thinks about this tenth year and bites his lip viciously to keep the tears at bay.

Alec would hate to know that he could make Magnus cry even after he’s been gone so long.

It feels like the blink of an eye to Magnus, though. It feels like just yesterday he was wrapping Alec in quilts and reading the menu to him.

It’s been a decade. Magnus knows that he will love Alec until the end of his life, whenever that day is destined to come. Alec unlocked something in him and Magnus never fears about turning cold, not when he has a million and one memories of Alexander to keep him from freezing.

Magnus stays out on the balcony until nearly midnight. He finishes the first bottle and then a second. He remembers Alec and the dozens of holidays they planned, each one special and everything that Magnus could have asked for because they spent the day together, celebrating their love.

The clock is just about to strike midnight when Magnus closes his eyes. His voice is soft, barely above a whisper, as he says, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Alexander.”

It’s impossible and Magnus will never tell anyone but he knows that he feels a whisper of wind over his cheek at the words.

The patio is temperature controlled, after all, and the warm breeze can only have one source.

That’s what Magnus tells himself, anyway, and it makes the back of his throat ache even as it eases something in him.

Alec is always with him and Magnus wouldn’t have it any other way.

#roses on the floor #my writing

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hannewithane · 5 years

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"Lights In The Distance”

Short oneshot about mermaids/sirens. Contains slight angst

Word count: 2.291

~~~

As the sun fell and the stars rose, I went out almost every night to sit on that cliff, watching as the moon grew brighter and black sea beneath it crashed upon the shore. The older I got and the later I stayed out, I began to notice a phenomenon that our town never spoke of. Some time past ten, a few disembodied lights would appear far on the water just beyond the reefs, growing in number until almost the whole horizon was full of enchanting lights. It was as if the stars had fallen from their place in the sky only to float on the surface of the ocean, their lights twinkling and dancing on the waves.

I was delighted by the sight of them as a child, but as I grew older, I found myself being drawn to them. Some nights it felt like there was an invisible rope tethered to my heart, gradually growing shorter, physically pulling me towards them. It was always hard to resist, but on the nights when I felt especially tired and weak, I had to return home so as not to lose myself to the sea in pursuit of the lights.

Tonight was one of those nights. Closing my coat tighter around my body, I made my way out to my usual spot by the tree. Breathing as deeply as I possibly could, as if it was in short supply, I sighed as the cold seaside air filled my lungs. I laid down my blanket and sat, leaning back against the tree trunk as I brought my knees up to my chest. When anxiety hits, as it so frequently does, I find myself back here, staring out at the night sky over the ocean- pitch black, terrifying, yet endlessly alluring. Even as a child, I considered this clifftop to be my hiding spot, my home. Despite the drop, I was somehow still allowed to hide and play in the woods that resided on the cliff’s edge. Now, I wonder if it was wise of my parents to let their child roam about in such a dangerous place, but I’m thankful that they did.

The lights hadn’t appeared yet, but I didn’t mind. One of my favorite parts of being out at night was watching them appear, a few flickering lights at first, then slowly growing in number. A huge sigh escaped from my lips, my chest heaving heavily. The thousands of voices I hear in my head are still yelling, all telling me the things I fear most- I’m not good enough, I’m a burden, I’m undeserving of love, I’m alone. As the hyperventilation slowly creeps in, my chest begins to feel heavy and tight as if I’m tied up with thick ropes that are slowly but surely tightening around me, not stopping until I finally burst. I lean my head back against the tree, closing my eyes tightly as a few tears begin to spill down my cheek. I’m desperately trying to fight off the incoming breakdown when I see it out of the corner of my eye- the few lights beginning to twinkle on the horizon. I stared out at the dancing lights, hearing a faint melody on the wind.

After dismissing the melody, deciding it was simply the wind playing tricks on me, I sat up and wiped the tears as I unfurled from my almost “fetal” sitting position. As much as it scared me, I decided that tonight was the night that I was going to chase the lights.

I stood up, quickly removing my coat and shoes before breaking into a full sprint. I squeezed through a hole in the fence that attempted to keep people from the old cliffside staircase, trying my best to ignore all the stories of the missing people that prompted the installation of the fence. The seaside wind burned my face as I skipped over the last few steps, jumping down onto the beach and sprinting the final stretch to the water as if it were a race. I came to an abrupt stop just above where the waves could reach, momentarily paralyzed as I considered what I was about to do. Dry-mouthed, out of breath, and terrified, I considered going back home and simply climbing back into bed, only to pretend nothing happened and that the lights were nothing more than a figment of my imagination. I knew all the claims about those lights, I knew they were supposedly linked to all the unsolved cases of missing persons, and I knew that by chasing the lights I may join them. But something deep within me, something unexplainable, told me that it was okay.

I stepped forward, the cold waves lapping at my feet and the bottoms of my jeans. I froze for another moment, only to overcome it by frantically removing the rest of my clothes, leaving me in my bra and underwear, before throwing myself entirely into the water. Despite how far away the lights appeared to be, I began to swim out towards the reef, praying they would prove to be something of significance.

For the first time in what felt like years, my mind was clear, empty even. The voices that had tormented me for months on end were gone, and the only thing I could hear was the crashing of waves on the shore behind me, partnered with the sounds of my steady breathing. It was refreshing to exist without anxiety for a moment, to simply be.

Once I reached the reef, I took a brief moment to stand on the coral, allowing me to catch my breath and take in my surroundings. As I looked around, my breath (or what little I had left of it after swimming about a half mile out to the reef) was entirely taken away. Looking back to the island, I could see the sparse lights of the village as the last few people were going to bed. I could see the waves, illuminated by moonlight, crashing upon the shore and the rocky cliffside. I could see my tree, my hideout, sitting upon the highest cliff. I could see my own home and the final light flickering out as my parents retired for the night, entirely unaware or unbothered by my absence.

I then turned around, only to see what has kept me going through these last few years. Not only the stars, perfectly reflected in the black ocean but the enchanting lights, twinkling as if they themselves were stars.

After I had regained my breath, I pushed off of the reef and began to swim again, this time aiming for the buoy that seemed to be much closer to the lights than I initially imagined. Part of me didn’t think I would ever reach the lights. Part of me believed they were only a figment of my imagination, made up by my subconscious simply to keep me going. Nevertheless, I continued to swim, this time struggling a bit against the current as I got past the main bay and slowly but surely made my way out into the open waters.

Eventually, I reached the old buoy, barely hoisting myself up onto its ledge and catching my breath. I seemed to be a bit closer to the lights, but they still looked too far for me to reach on my own. My chest started to tighten once again as I realized that I would never reach the lights, and the panic began to set in. I brought my knees back up to my chest and leaned back on the beams of the buoy as I so often did with my tree. As I buried my face into my knees, beginning to tremble as the sobs came quickly and erratically. Suddenly I heard a soft melody, growing closer. Frozen in both awe and fear, I strained to listen to the mysterious music. It appeared to be humming, like a woman. As impossible as it was, it was the most beautiful song I had ever heard.

Tears still streaming, I slowly lifted my head, nearly choking when I discovered that not only was the voice growing closer but that it was accompanied by one of the mystery lights. Watching in both fear and intrigue, I pulled myself farther up onto the buoy and clung desperately onto the beam I had just been leaning against. Suddenly, the light stopped directly in front of me, the song ending with it. The silence was deafening as I waited in suspense, only for my heart to drop when a face emerged from the water.

She was the most enchanting thing I had ever seen. Her features were dramatic and sharp, paired with midnight hair that fell past her shoulders and into the water. I stared, unblinking, at the impossible creature before me, barely noticing the necklace that hung around her neck. The pendant was glowing dimly, losing it’s light as she stared right back at me. Almost as if she had stolen my voice, I was barely able to speak.

“Who are you?” I was horrified to ask, afraid that this woman may not be a gentle mermaid but instead a spiteful siren, eagerly awaiting my demise. She remained silent, tilting her head ever so slightly as she sized me up, clearly amused by my stature of great bravery as I was curled up in the tightest ball possible.

“Who are you?” I asked again, my voice slightly louder this time. She did not respond to my question. Instead, she asked me a question of her own.

“Why did you come here?” I desperately searched her face for some hint of emotion, hoping to figure out what her intentions were and how much of a threat she may be. She stared back at me without expression, clearly awaiting my answer.

“You’ve been crying. Why did you come here?” She asked again. I wiped my remaining tears and straightened myself as I answered.

“I don’t know.” Much to my surprise, she responded this time without hesitation.

“Surely you have some idea.” Shocked by her fluency and her almost-empathetic demeanor, I respond hesitantly.

“I really don’t know.” I take a deep breath, loosening my posture a bit before continuing. “I was having another bad night when I felt the urge to follow the lights again. I didn’t realize those lights were you.” She continued to stare, still expressionless as she seemed to still be sizing me up. After a moment, she spoke again.

“You heard our song?”

“Briefly, at first.” I swallowed as the fear returned, a weight settling deep in my chest. At this point, I could only believe that she was a siren and that I was her next kill. “Then I heard it again when I came out here.” She stared at me again, creating what felt like another eternity of silence before speaking.

“Only the heartbroken can hear our song.” Her words felt like a punch straight to my gut, taking the breath from my lungs. As new tears stung in my eyes, threatening to spill over, my voice broke. I knew I had been struggling, but to hear someone else say it so bluntly, especially someone you had never met, it hit very close to home.

“Only the heartbroken, huh?” I croak out, trying desperately to maintain my composure in hopes that I would not appear to be easy prey.

“Yes.” Wiping my tears that had indeed spilled, despite my desperate attempts to stay collected, I looked down at my hands.

“Then what? You lure them out only to drown them?” I scoff, looking back up at the creature to see her head tilted once again, surprised to see that she was now bearing an expression that resembled genuine empathy.

“We offer them new lives.” My heart dropped once again, my eyes brimming with tears as the siren, knowingly or not, pulled at my heartstrings. The voice in the back of my head told me to keep my guard up, that this was nothing more than a trap. But something inexplicable, at the bottom of my heart, told me that she was being truthful.

“What?” I reply, my voice barely above a whisper.

“We offer them new lives. The chance to be freed of their burden and heartbreak. To start anew.” My mind was now spinning, every previous fear and assumption now long forgotten. Tears began to stream down my face yet again as I thought about the very possibility of starting over and being happy again.

“Do you want to be freed?” She asked softly as she placed her hand on mine. I hesitated for a moment, nodding slowly when I could not find the strength to speak. She waited until she had my attention, her eyes meeting mine.

“Are you sure?” She asked again, searching for certainty in my response. I nodded again, my voice breaking as I reply.

“Yes.” She smiled slightly, hesitating before lifting her hand to my face. For a moment, she caressed my cheek, showing compassion and hospitality as she wiped away my last tears. She then pulled me gently into the water, giving me a soft smile before putting her lips on mine. Without breaking the kiss, she pulled me under the surface, sinking deeper and deeper.

As we descended into darkness and I gradually lost consciousness, I should have felt cold, fearful and weak. Instead, I felt warm, safe, and comfort. For years I had looked out from my clifftop, dreaming about what lies on the horizon. I never believed that I would get a second chance at life. And it never even crossed my mind that I would owe it to the lights in the distance.

#mermaids #sirens #mermaid #siren #mermaid oneshot #siren oneshot #oneshot #creative writing #slight angst #angst oneshot

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cinenthusiast · 5 years

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Previous Top Ten By Year lists: 1935, 1983, 1965, 1943, 1992, 1978, 1925, 1969 1930

Previous Top Ten By Year: 1949 Posts: Top Ten By Year: 1949 – Poll Results 100 Images from the Films of 1949 What I’ll Remember About the Films of 1949: A Love Letter #10. The Queen of Spades (UK/Dickinson) #9. Rendezvous in July (Becker)/Au royaume des cieux (Duvivier) (France) #8. Too Late for Tears (US / Haskin) #7. The Heiress (US / Wyler) #6. The Set-Up (US / Wise) #5. Caught (US / Ophüls)

For those unaware of my Top Ten By Year project: The majority of my viewing habits have been dictated by this project since September of 2013. Jumping to a different decade each time, I choose comparatively weaker years for me re: quantity of films seen/quantity of films loved. I use list-making as a way to see more films and revisit others in a structured and project-drive way. I was sick of spending too much time trying to decide what to watch, or watching films just to cross them off another dumb canon list. I wanted to engage. I wanted films to be enhanced by others, by looking at a specific moment in time. I wanted something that led me to seeing or revisiting things I might not have gotten to otherwise. Lastly, my lists are based on personal favorites, not any weird notion of an objective best.

This is the first year I’ll be doing separate posts for each film. #9 will go up Monday. After that, one will go up each day until the end. Then I’ll post them all together so they are gathered in one place. There are a lot of films I loved that did not make the cut. In particular, Flamingo Road, Such a Pretty Little Beach, On the Town, Inspirace, The Reckless Moment, Reign of Terror, The Rocking Horse Winner, and Samson and Delilah are all films I thought at one point would be on here. Of all of these, Flamingo Road was a sure thing until it wasn’t at the very last minute. Please go watch it.

#4. The Passionate Friends (UK / Lean) (first-time viewing)

Playing image association with David Lean’s The Passionate Friends conjures up an a jellyfish and its streamer arms, weightless in the ocean. Maybe it’s because I cast the image of Mary (Ann Todd) out on the balcony, billowing curtain in the foreground as she says goodbye to a different life once and for all, over the whole film. But there’s more to it than that. That wind and those floating curtains are just part of the visual language Lean uses to represent the life Mary doesn’t choose. There is the gentle ripple of the water, the outstretched tree branches that create particles of shadow, and the impossible majesty of the Swiss Alps. They are all part of the sensuality and openness of nature, the choice not made. The jellyfish is a clumsy descriptor, but maybe it’s fitting that I struggle to describe a film that seems to exist in the ethereal.

The Passionate Friends shows the ways time and memory play off each other in the psyche. Just as the properties of nature have the power to signal shifts in thought, atmosphere and objects can become tickets to elsewhere. The Set-Up uses time in the most confining of ways; the emotional lives of its characters are tethered to what is happening within those fateful seventy-three minutes. The Passionate Friends uses time as a structural and thematic bedrock; the subjectivity of its characters become inextricable from the past and the never-was.

The film confused some viewers when it was released (even for the flashback frenzy of the 40s, this was a lot to take in). We begin in Switzerland and travel back nine years, and then (for a brief time) another nine years. We then follow the same route back; nine years forward, and another nine to Switzerland for the final act. The structure recalls John Stahl’s The Locket, another 1940s film that uses to-and-fro flashbacks. The Locket gets more complicated by shifting perspectives as well as time. But The Passionate Friends not only forgoes most standard flashback cues, it even intercuts moments of imagined conversations and actions as characters traverse through humiliation and regret in the exact moments they are felt.

These forays into the internal both jolt and wash over the characters (and us), as inner lives and the autonomy of human emotion are wont to do. Lean always makes sure that the exterior communicates the interior. In an early scene, Mary sits in the carriage next to her husband, doused in darkness and boxed in by both the frame and the shroud of her veil. Barely visible, she is lost in reflections that hurt. Then we’re in the past, and we can feel the sensuality of nature everywhere. It is so bright; Mary and Steven are young and in love. Sunlight covers them, and branches shade them. Together they create a shimmering screen (seen above) that recalls the curtain of the first still (an image that comes much later in the film), and the veil that envelopes Mary in the carriage. In The Passionate Friends, images call back and signal to each other constantly. The veil is the curtain is the sun and shade. It is all of a piece.

All of a sudden there is a whistling screech as the carriage stops short. We are yanked back to the present the exact moment Mary is. There is no pomp and circumstance, no smooth transition. It is cruel, and we feel the loneliness of that carriage so much more. Compare this to how A Letter to Three Wives initiates flashbacks (also from 1949 with an advanced flashback structure); the autotune distortion of a repeated phrase hypnotizes us into and out of the past. There is the slow blur of the frame, a go-to sign that a flashback is coming our way. Lean doesn’t hand-hold. He wants to put you in the viscous of the emotional. The drift-in and shock-out of memory is faithful to Mary’s state of mind. We are with her — truly with her. The Passionate Friends is full of filmmaking that administers a psychic and emotional immediacy, a surprising early onset example of the discontinuous editing that would be en vogue in decades to come.

The Passionate Friends is a human drama rich enough for me to have seen drastically different takeaways on both its characters and its depiction of love and romance. The Passionate Friends is in that Daisy Kenyon class of “it’s complicated”, a sensual film about unsensual people. A film about repeating choices. There are no easy answers, just a lot of messy and contradictory feelings and desires. It’s not about the kinds of love we like to dream about, though it initially fools you into thinking it is. There is a different kind of love happening here, a sturdier love that sneaks up on both sides of the screen, borne out of epiphanies that have their own kind of beauty.

Mary knowingly gives up love for autonomy, money, and comfort with Howard Justin (Claude Rains). Their marriage is amicable, providing her with the kind of emotional freedom she needs and the finer things she wants. When we first meet her she’s on a plane to Switzerland. She sits in luxury, spoiled by “White bread. Butter. Cream!”. A big bowl of fruit even sneaks into the frame. She is, literally, in the clouds. One could argue this is the most openly passionate she appears in the entire film. This is the life she chose and the life she ultimately wants. There are no external forces preventing Steven and Mary from being together. Howard is not a tyrant. Freedom is always hers, including the choice to leave. She never does.

But every nine years she is destined to almost choose Steven (Trevor Howard), the pleasant professor of humble means. Mary’s trouble is the curse of knowing who you are, and knowing that the love you want isn’t the love for you (“I’ve always been a little hard”). Or thinking that you know that about yourself. Sometimes she seems to hold herself back, as if knowing this about herself has simply closed her off to what is possible. Mary and Steven can only exist in the “what if?”, but her self-assessment seems so absolute as to forbid any warmth in her life. For her, passion means first and foremost a loss of control and selfhood. She needs to belong to herself, an objective for a woman rarely understood today let alone then, and one that positions Mary as an outsider in the world.

How much is there really between Steven and Mary? As with so many romances, their feelings remain strong because they are left unprocessed. What could have been likely remains so much stronger than what would have been. Lean connects them metaphysically; dissolves erase the space between them as they think of each other in their respective solitude. Any time she is in the open air, the memory of Steven surrounds her (even if she doesn’t know it). Despite Lean’s lean (I’ll see myself out) into these romanticisms, The Passionate Friends is not a film about lost love. It’s more about mourning the type of person you long to be but aren’t (and can’t we all relate to that?!). Not being with Steven isn’t necessarily about not being with Steven; it’s about feeling passion and desire but not being able to live by that.

The juxtaposition between the life she chose and the life she didn’t can be seen at the New Year’s Eve ball (the scene always referenced in relation to Phantom Thread). On the ground floor she is seen catching up with her one-time soulmate. It is anarchy; they have to yell their pleasantries at each other, and there are Josef Von Sternberg amounts of balloons and streamers everywhere. In keeping with the spontaneous spirit of the event, they soon get split up. Soon after, we see her up in a box with Howard (Claude Rains is introduced looking like an old-school Count, beginning the film’s sly misdirect of his character). The prince and princess looking down on their subjects have such a different energy from the one below. Not cold, but congenial and removed. She looks down longingly, wanting to be part of the ruckus but knowing she wouldn’t know how. She defines herself as belonging to the lofty box that is lacking. It is not a longing that says “why didn’t I choose that?”. It is a longing that says “why can’t I be like them?”.

Steven may love Mary, but he doesn’t really know her. At one point Mary says to him “you don’t really know me at all”. At another point Howard says to him “you don’t know her”. Mary expresses this again later on, stating “we’re practically strangers to each other”. When he receives a letter from Mary in which she breaks off the relationship, he goes to Howard and accuses him of having made her write the letter. I mean, that’s how it always is in these love stories, isn’t it? The tyrant husband holds his wife prisoner or blackmails her into staying? Hell, that’s what Robert Ryan does to Barbara Bel Geddes in Caught! But there are no conventions of the Gothic or the Doomed Romance here. Just a woman making a choice — the same choice. It doesn’t mean she won’t think and dream of Steven on lonely nights. And it doesn’t mean she’ll never stop wondering about what could have been, and there will always be a sense of something lost.

But Howard does know her, and there are untapped waters between them. Claude Rains starts out as the cuckolded husband (we are teased with riffs on his Notorious character). Then, gradually, he emerges as the film’s true soul (Steven is never afforded much perspective while Howard increasingly is). Lean and Rains fully embody Howard’s intense humiliation and betrayal as he starts to reinterpret his own feelings towards Mary. As his pain turns to rage, hers turns to disorientation. He is driven to deliver two shocking speeches in opposition to each other. She is driven to the brink by no longer belonging. It all crescendos in a spectacular whirlwind of emotional agony where absolute vulnerability and fate intervened reveal the power to reset. Steven is gone. This isn’t what we expected with who we expected. But like I said, The Passionate Friends belongs in that Daisy Kenyon category of “it’s complicated”.

Top Ten By Year: 1949 #4 – The Passionate Friends (UK / Lean) Previous Top Ten By Year lists: 1935, 1983, 1965, 1943, 1992, …

#ann todd #Claude Rains #David Lean #Romance #the passionate friends #trevor howard

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lady-divine-writes · 7 years

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Klaine one-shot - “As Long as We’re Together” (Rated PG)

Kurt and Blaine meet over summer vacation on the beach as children and start a relationship that grows during the three months a year they spend together. Eventually, they fall in love. But is that love enough to erase their differences and allow them to stay together? (3410 words)

A/N: This is another re-write. Warning for light angst.

Read on AO3.

“What’s your favorite color?” Blaine asks, jabbing the hard-packed sand with the edge of his shovel.

Kurt bites his lip, searching up and down the beach for help with his answer.

“Okay” - he points to where the ocean stretches into the horizon – “do you see that line of blue out there? Not exactly the water, but not exactly the sky? Kind of hovering in between?”

Blaine scooches closer to Kurt to see what he sees.

“Do you mean with the shimmery bits of silver in it?”

“Yup,” Kurt confirms, nodding his head. "That’s my favorite color. But it’s rare. You can only see it at sunrise and sunset."

Blaine giggles, returning his attention to his shovel as he continues to dig in the sand, hiding the flush rising to his cheeks.

“It’s the same color as your eyes,” Blaine remarks, careful not to look back at his new friend.

Kurt’s eyes pop open in surprise.

“Really?” He smiles bashfully. “I---I didn’t know that.”

Blaine nods. “Can you guess my favorite color?”

Kurt examines Blaine, from the sandy curls falling into his face to the soles of his shoes. He’s wearing red boat shoes. His socks are white with red stripes. His red denim shorts match his red windbreaker perfectly. He fidgets, shoveling wet sand with a red shovel into a red bucket.

“Um … red?” Kurt ventures.

Blaine’s jaw drops in awe. “Yeah! How’d you know?”

Kurt shrugs. “Lucky guess.”

“Blaine!” A tall, brunette woman walks onto the beach, scanning the shoreline with her hand shielding her eyes. Kurt flees behind the safety of some large rocks jutting up from the sand. The woman catches sight of her son sitting alone, building sand castles just out of the reach of the waves. “Blaine! It’s time to go!”

“Okay, mom!” Blaine calls as the woman walks away. “Come on, Kurt!” He beckons his friend with a wave of his hand. “Come meet my mom!”

“I … I can’t.” Kurt stays close to the rocks, trying to make himself smaller and unnoticeable. “My dad … he wouldn’t like it.”

“Oh.” Blaine’s bright smile slips. “Wh-when will I see you again? We’re leaving the beach house tonight.”

Kurt’s face falls. “I live not too far from here. I guess … will I see you next summer?”

“Yeah,” Blaine answers glumly. “But, that’s an awfully long time.”

“Yeah. It is.” Kurt doesn’t want to cry, but he’s never had a real friend before, and he feels like he’s losing the only one he will ever have. “You won’t forget me?”

Blaine holds up his pinkie and struggles to smile.

“Pinkie promise I won’t … if you don’t forget me?”

Kurt links their pinkies together and offers a sad smile back.

“I won’t forget you, Blaine. I promise.”

***

“So, there I was, running down the field, my ankle screaming in agony, when I saw my chance …” Blaine bounces on the balls of his feet, recreating his epic, game-winning goal while Kurt sits in the sand, fascinated by every word. “That fool of a goalie thought I was going to shoot to the left, but then I faked him out and shot to the right, and then …”

“Score!” Kurt cheers, laughing with his hands thrown triumphantly in the air. “Wow! I wish I’d been there to see it!”

“Yeah.” Blaine plops down on the sand beside his friend. He picks up a handful of stones and starts throwing them absently into the water. “Afterwards, there was this big party, with music, and dancing … a-and girls …”

“Girls?” Kurt’s eyes open wide. In the last six summers, Kurt has never heard Blaine mention girls. Kurt had secretly hoped that Blaine wasn’t interested in girls, but he knew that the chances of a handsome boy like Blaine - with his piercing hazel eyes, his increasingly muscular build, and his devil-may-care smile - being interested in someone like him was unrealistic.

“Yeah.” Blaine doesn’t look at Kurt while he speaks, following the trail of the stones as they skip across the water.

“Well … uh … was there anyone … you know … in particular … you liked?” Kurt asks, trying to sound unconcerned as he picks up his own handful of stones and starts tossing them in the water.

“There was this one girl …” The next stone that leaves Blaine’s hands doesn’t skip. It lands in the water with a plop and sinks straight to the bottom. “She’s pretty, I guess, blonde, all the boys like her. She developed really early …”

Kurt nods while he listens, gripping on to one of the stones in his hand until he thinks his skin will bleed.

“She wanted to kiss me.” Blaine takes in Kurt’s profile in the light of the setting sun and swallows hard, confused by how he feels for his beautiful, elegant friend, who seems like he would be as much at home in Blaine’s gated neighborhood, in some of the finest houses in Ohio, as he does sitting on this humble, private beach.

“Did you kiss her?” Kurt finally looks at Blaine, sighing in despair at the thought of Blaine’s plump, rosy lips kissing some over-developed pre-teen tart.

“No,” Blaine admits. “No, I---I didn’t.”

Kurt’s heart leaps in his chest, but he fights the urge to cheer, or let Blaine know how he feels. There are a dozen reasons why Blaine might not have kissed that particular girl.

Nothing in the world means it had anything to do with him.

“Why not?” Kurt asks, desperate to know whether or not he has anything to hope for. If he doesn’t, he wants his heart broken now so that it has an entire winter to mend before he sees Blaine again.

“Because … because I didn’t want to.” Blaine’s answer is simple, but Kurt can tell there’s so much behind it. So much he’s leaving unsaid.

Fear.

Confusion.

Pain, even.

“Oh.” Kurt’s short answer feels the same.

Blaine moves closer to Kurt, gazing out at the darkening water before he speaks again.

“Would it be weird,” Blaine starts, his voice quivering slightly, “if I wanted to kiss you instead?”

Kurt sucks in a quick breath and holds it, barely believing that this could be real.

“No,” he says, shaking his head for emphasis. “No, I … I don’t think it’s weird.”

Blaine and Kurt curl towards one another, but they don’t move for a long time. They stare into each other’s eyes, almost daring the other to lean in first. But a moment comes when kissing each other seems like the only option, and both boys move together. Blaine tilts his head to the right, his eyes locked on his friend, wondering if he’ll balk and turn away, but Kurt is filled with so much joy, he knows that the second Blaine’s lips touch his, his heart will explode. The sun is barely glowing gold over the calm waters of the Atlantic when Blaine’s lips finally meet Kurt’s. They slide together, Blaine’s parting just enough to accommodate Kurt’s trembling lower lip. Kurt’s cheeks burn red, and he wonders if Blaine has thought about this as much as he has.

Kurt doesn’t want Blaine to pull away. He doesn’t want this beautiful moment to end, like their summer together is swiftly ending. But all moments pass, good and bad. Blaine looks into Kurt’s face, his smile warm, his eyes shining in what’s left of the sunlight reflecting off the water.

“That was … nice,” he says, straightening and returning to his spot.

Kurt sighs. “It was.”

Blaine faces the water, watching the light creep away, but Kurt can’t turn away. He wants to remember every second of their time together until goodbye.

The months in between summers seem to be getting longer as they grow older.

“Blaine?”

“Yeah, Kurt?”

“I’m … I’m going to miss you.”

Blaine reaches an arm around Kurt’s torso and pulls him close, shifting to let Kurt rest his head on his shoulder.

“I’m going to miss you, too.”

***

“Blaine!” Kurt calls, waving when he sees Blaine crest the dune. He’s been wading waist deep in the swelling tide for over an hour, waiting for his best friend to join him. “You had me worried! I thought you weren’t going to show up this summer!”

“I couldn’t do that,” Blaine says, a nostalgic smile tugging his lips. “You’re too important to me.”

Kurt watches his friend, dressed in crisp blue jeans and a red polo, shift his weight nervously from foot to foot to stay out of reach of the water. Kurt didn’t expect this welcome. He’d expected Blaine to kick off his shoes and leap into the surf, throw his arms around him and kiss him - the same way he has every summer since he was thirteen. But Blaine has his hands shoved in his pockets, his eyes settled sadly on Kurt’s face, an expression deep within like he’s not saying hello.

He’s saying goodbye.

“Wh-what is it?” Kurt asks, fear climbing up his racing heart to claw at his throat. “What’s wrong?”

“I … I came here to see you, Kurt, but … I’m not staying this summer.” Blaine’s eyes fall to his bare feet, dusted with sand. “I just came down here to tell you that.”

“Wha—why?” Kurt asks, sinking into the rising water.

“I’m on my way to New York,” Blaine announces with a proud but sheepish smile. “I’ve been accepted to Julliard.”

Kurt’s face lights up with genuine excitement, but it’s a mask, one that hides the shattering of his heart. “That’s … that’s wonderful, Blaine! Congratulations! That’s what you’ve always wanted!”

“Yeah, it is.”

Kurt’s excitement dims as a thought scrolls through his head. “But … school doesn’t start for another couple of months. Why can’t you stay the summer? I don’t … I don’t understand.”

“They have this program,” Blaine explains, his own excitement bubbling anew. It didn’t seem real to him when he found out. It didn’t even seem real when he told his parents and his grandparents about it. But telling his best friend suddenly makes it so, because Kurt has always made everything in Blaine’s life seem so wonderful, so alive. “It’s very exclusive – only twenty students total get to attend, and of those, only one new freshman. And I … I’m that freshman, Kurt! Can you believe it! I check in to the dorms tomorrow!”

“That’s amazing!” Kurt fights to keep his disappointment from his voice. Blaine looks so happy – happier than Kurt has ever seen him. He doesn’t want to take that away from him. He smiles again, and when he feels it tremble at the corners, he smiles harder. “You’ll have to tell me all about it next summer!”

And here Kurt succeeds in doing the one thing he’d been trying not to do. Blaine’s smile disappears, and his eyes return to his feet. “I … I don’t know that I’ll be back next summer. I’ve signed up to study abroad. If I get selected, I’ll be spending two years in Europe at least. To be honest, I … I don’t know when I’ll be back. I---I promise I’ll come back, it’s just …” Blaine’s eyes return to Kurt’s face when he hears his friend gasp. The pain in Kurt’s eyes finally registers, and Blaine’s heart aches from the conflict of positive and negative emotions surging through him. “B---but I can put that off a year. I’m only a freshman, after all. I have my whole life to …”

“Blaine, don’t be ridiculous,” Kurt cuts in. “We talked about this. Your freshman year of high school, you gave me fair warning. Your junior year, it was all you talked about when you were here. Don’t make any rash decisions on my account. I knew what to expect.”

Kurt knew what to expect, but he wasn’t ready. During the summer before Blaine’s senior year, when the thrill of enrolling at Julliard seemed to peter off, Kurt had fooled himself into believing that things had changed, that what Blaine wanted had changed. Blaine would often wax romantic about their beach and their summers together, and Kurt thought that Blaine might consider applying to a college a little more local, where they could still spend their summers together – maybe even more. But, realistically, Kurt knew that wasn’t going to happen. He and Blaine aren’t the same. They aren’t even remotely close. Like it or not, Kurt’s whole life is here. He doesn’t have Blaine’s education or his connections. He doesn’t have access to the opportunities Blaine has.

When their friendship started, on the second summer Blaine came to the beach, Kurt knew it was a blessing. But every year after that, he expected to come to the beach and end up alone. Now, it’s finally happening.

At least Blaine had the curtesy to say goodbye.

“I … I don’t know what to say, Kurt, except thank you. Thank you for understanding.” Blaine pulls his hands out of his pockets and takes a step towards the water. “I have to leave in a few minutes to catch my train. My mom’s waiting for me in the car with the motor running. But I was hoping maybe … would you give me a hug goodbye?”

“I … I can’t.” Kurt backs away, knowing that if he puts his arms around Blaine, he’ll never let him go. “I … I’m all wet and sandy. And I don’t want to get you messed up. That would make your train trip miserable.”

“Oh. Okay,” Blaine says, his hands returning to his pockets. “Goodbye, Kurt. I’ll … I’ll see you.”

“Goodbye, Blaine.” Kurt can’t summon a smile for Blaine this time, even though he wants to. He doesn’t want Blaine’s last memory of him to be of him staring after him like a long lost puppy. He doesn’t know how, or when, he will ever smile again, but he never will if he has to watch Blaine walk away. So he turns his back to Blaine and looks out towards the sunset, trying to figure out what he should do now.

Blaine starts up the beach, but something pulls at him, like the tide pulls the water, reeling it back into the ocean. It’s a feeling that one of the best things in his life is ending. And even though he promised Kurt, and himself, that they would see one another again, it feels too much like forever.

This chapter in his life is closing faster than he can stop it, and the ending kind of sucks.

Blaine turns back, hoping that when he sees Kurt, he’ll figure out something to say that will make everything all right, something that will give Kurt more reassurance. He’ll leap into the water the way he should have, wrap his arms around Kurt’s body, and kiss him, give him a proper goodbye.

Make things the way they were again.

But Kurt, who’d been watching the sun set with tears in his eyes, is gone.

***

“Blaine! No! I … I can’t! This will never work! You know it won’t!”

Kurt buries his head in his hands so he won’t have to see the beautiful ring Blaine holds beneath his nose, or the look of love and hope glowing in his eyes. Blaine is asking for the impossible, and Kurt wishes he could give it to him. But he can’t. There’s no way.

And it’s driving swords through his body, tearing apart his heart for a second time in his life.

Blaine hears Kurt’s words, but he refuses to accept them, not when he knows how much Kurt loves him. He takes one of Kurt’s hands and pries it from his face, longing for a glimpse of those silver-blue eyes that captured his imagination so long ago, when Blaine was six and Kurt was seven, and everything seemed simple – life and friendship, happiness and love. It’s out there for them; Blaine knows it. Even if it doesn’t exist anywhere else in the world, it’s there for them on that beach. It blossomed every summer, even after that one horrible day when Blaine left and didn’t come back … not for four long years. It wasn’t an easy four years. It was filled with loneliness, heartsickness; every day felt like a knife stabbing him in the foot with every step he took that didn’t bring him back to Kurt.

But now that he’s there, the pain is gone, and all he feels is immense and undying love for the man before him, shaking his head and begging for Blaine to let him go.

“Tell me you don’t love me,” Blaine says, holding Kurt’s hand over his heart. “Tell me you haven’t thought about me every day that we’ve been apart. Tell me you didn’t come up to this beach every summer in the hopes that I’d be here, and I’ll leave now. I’ll leave and never come back.”

Kurt wants to say it. It would be for Blaine’s own good if he could. But he can’t while he’s looking in Blaine’s eyes. He tries to focus past them, but when he does, his gaze falls on the platinum engagement ring Blaine is holding, its three perfect diamonds winking at Kurt in the setting sun.

“B--but … but we’re so different,” he says with regret. “So much more now than we used to be.”

“I don’t think so,” Blaine counters. “I don’t believe that at all.”

“You have dreams, Blaine. Big dreams. Dreams you deserve. Dreams I can’t be a part of. That’s why you left, right?”

“The biggest dream I have, Kurt, has you in it,” Blaine says, kissing Kurt gently on the lips before he has a chance to turn away. “And I don’t want to give that dream up. It’s the only one I’m afraid I’ll never get back if I do.”

Kurt drops his other hand from his face, staring at Blaine with the full force of both prismatic eyes. He needs to come up with some way to object, to push Blaine away for good. But the more Blaine presses his lips to Kurt’s, the more he runs his fingertips lightly over Kurt’s shoulders and up the nape of his neck, the more he whispers, “Kurt, I love you. Marry me”, the more Kurt’s resolve starts to dissolve. It turns into foam on the waves and retreats into the sea. In the touch of Blaine’s fingertips and the gentle caress of his lips around the contours of Kurt’s cheeks, Kurt begins to believe what Blaine thinks possible – a life for the two of them. And whatever the future holds, they’ll figure it out together. As long as they love each other, the rest is just details.

Blaine raises a questioning eyebrow, and Kurt nods, this time letting Blaine slip the ring onto his finger. Kurt gazes at the metal band as Blaine wraps his arms around his fiancé and holds him tight.

“Do you really think this will work?” Kurt asks, doubtful for a little while longer.

“Kurt, I finally have my trust fund. We’ll want for nothing. There are tons of places in the world where we can go where no one will ever see us. Or we can stay here, on this beach. I’ll buy us a house with private access to the water. Or we can live on a yacht in the middle of the ocean. Whatever you want. As long as we’re together, nothing else matters, Kurt.”

Kurt laughs uncomfortably. He wants to be as optimistic as Blaine, but he doesn’t see how he can. They’re two very different people. Worlds apart, one might say.

Is love enough to render those differences meaningless?

Kurt shakes his head, but Blaine puts a hand to Kurt’s cheek, and their eyes meet.

“As long as we’re together,” Blaine repeats. “Nothing is impossible.”

And with the intensity of faith in Blaine’s golden eyes, Kurt finally knows for sure. He fans his tail out in front of him, shimmering blue scales catching the last of the late afternoon sun. The rising tide surrounds them, offering his skin relief from the harsh grit of the sand. The wide ocean sings to him, but he won’t be returning home to it tonight.

Kurt sighs, watching his new life write itself within the depths of Blaine’s eyes. “As long as we’re together.”

#klaine fanfiction #klaine fic #klaine #frankie writes

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