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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

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VALERIE - Part IX. (Harry Styles)

yall are gonna hate me for this but it needed to be done IM SORRY! also, i can’t believe valerie is ending this week, just one more part to go! can’twait to read your reactions and thoughts on this part, even though i know yall gonna be upset lmao

word count: 5.6k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

Some days it truly feels like the universe has plotted against you to make every possible thing go wrong. As if it wants to see just how much you can take before breaking, experiment how long it can dance on your nerves before you end up one of those crazy people who shout at random strangers on the bus for no actual reason.

Starting the day you overslept awfully leaving you only ten minutes before you had to leave. In your hurry you ended up putting on socks that do not match and you were forced to buy a sandwich on your way as breakfast, but you promised you wouldn’t buy packed sandwiches for a reason, this one tasted like it’s been sitting on the shelf for weeks. Maybe it really has been.

You made it to work successfully, but then you realized that you’ve left your notebook at home, the one that had quite a lot of important information you need for your work, so you spent your first hour at work emailing different people for things you should now, explaining that you just left your notebook at home. Some didn’t really give a fuck and just answered you normally, but others didn’t shy away from commenting that you should be more responsible and careful.

This alone gave just the perfect foundation for the day. It was all downhill from then. Your boss loaded twice as much work on you than usually, everything with close deadlines, throwing even more anxiety into the mix as if you didn’t have enough already.

You met up with Marcus at lunch, but that didn’t go as planned either. It’s been getting more and more frustrating with him, the two of you have already had at least five fights this week and it’s only wednesday. It seems like even the smallest things push you over the edge these days and you easily pick a fight over anything. It didn’t happen differently this time either and by the time you got back to the office you were fuming. Worst part is that you always have a hard time ending a fight and tend to continue it through texts, the same thing happened today as well.

Now it’s a few minutes past five and you’re getting ready to go home, get changed and head to family dinner since today is Valerie’s first birthday, but even on the bus you’re still furiously typing away on your phone, sending a reply to Marcus, wanting nothing more than to throw the device right ot the window.

At one point you decide you’ve had enough. Turning your phone off you sink it into the depth of your bag and just try to focus on breathing, because even the smallest things seem to be hard tasks in such an upsetting state of mind.

These past few weeks things have taken an absurdly wrong turn between you and Marcus and you don’t know what to do about the whole situation. Every night you go to bed thinking that you should just let go of him, would do a favor for the both of you, but then that stupid little voice in the back of your mind tells you that if you break up with Marcus it’s game over for you, you’ll spend the rest of your life alone. It all ends up with you violently holding onto the pieces of what’s left from your relationship and you’ve been trying to figure out where it went wrong, but you have absolutely no idea.

After you changed into a pair of light washed jeans, a bright orange sweater and your black leather jacket it’s time for you to leave, though you already know you’ll be late. With a sigh deep you decided to turn your phone back on when you were sitting in the Uber, immediately deleting the notifications about the messages Marcus left you and going straight for the few ones from Rosa, your mom and Harry. They all arrived not too long ago asking when you’d be arriving, so you quickly typed your sorry and told them you’re on your way, you just got caught up at work. For Harry, you add something else too:

“Save me a seat and order me a tequila.”

His response came quickly.

“Done. Both.”

You let out a chuckle seeing his message. He knows you too well.

Walking into the small restaurant you don’t have a hard time spotting your family, three tables have been pushed together to make enough room in the back, taking up the small, kind of separated area of the place. Rosa smiles widely when she spots you, Valerie standing on her thighs, hands on the table as she is trying to snatch one of the glasses away, but her dad is pushing it further from her grasp.

“Sorry for being late,” you huff out and take the seat right next to Harry who watches you with a smile. “Well hello there, birthday girl! You’re so big now!” you babble at Valerie who giggles at you before her attention is averted once again.

You feel Harry’s elbow poking your side and turning to him you see him nod at the two shots on the table.

“Oh, fantastic. You’re drinking too?”

“No, I’m driving. Both for you.”

“If I didn’t have such a shitty day I would question what kind of alcoholic you think I am, but I kinda need both,” you sigh, taking the first one and downing it faster than ever. From the corner of your eyes you see your mother’s disapproving look, but you decide to ignore it for now.

“Wanna talk about it?” Harry asks, eyebrows furrowed in worry, but you shake your head, the alcohol still burning your throat.

“Not now. Can you give me a lift home tho?”

“Sure,” he nods, turning back to the conversation at the table.

You somehow succeed in putting everything that happened today behind and just focus on the time spent with your family. It helps that seemingly Harry works hard all evening to tell you about random things, just occupying your thoughts as much as he can. It’s nice to relax a little and forget everything that’s been weighing down on your shoulders recently.

“It’s so crazy she is one already,” you sigh when you and Harry are walking to his car.

“Right? It makes me feel incredibly old,” Harry huffs as he fishes his car keys out of his pocket.

“How old are you even?” you ask laughing, realizing you don’t even know how old he exactly is. There are quite a few things, small details you’ve just never gotten around to find out about Harry.

“I’m turning 27 in February. Wild, isn’t it?” he chuckles.

“Yeah, you’re basically a grandpa,” you tease him and he narrows his eyes at you, but you can’t miss the little smile hiding in the corners of his mouth.

“That makes you a grandma, because you’re turning 25 in April, don’t you?”

“You know when my birthday is?” It takes you by surprise, you don’t remember ever telling him when your birthday is.

The two of you reach his car and he clears his throat unlocking it. Seems like he doesn’t really want to answer, but your burning gaze on him kind of forces him into it.

“Uh, I do. I wanted to meet up with Steven last year the day you had your birthday party, but he said he had plans already. Tried to lure him into cancelling, but he didn’t even want to share where he was going. Then he admitted that it was your birthday party, but you told him and Rosa not to even mention it to me so I don’t show up.”

Your stomach drops hearing his version of a story you’ve only known from your own point of view. You remember that you indeed told them not to tell Harry about it, but now it seems like such a hate crime, when in real life, it was still when the two of you hated each other with passion.

“I’m… Harry I’m sorry. That was--”

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiles at you, starting the car. “We left it all behind, didn’t we?”

His smile seems genuine, but you still feel guilty for being such a bitch. It reminded you how much time and energy the two of you wasted for years hating each other when you could have been just like you are now. If only things happened in a different way…

Arriving at your building Harry parks the car and stops it. As the engine stops, the silence that’s been thickening the air just becomes even more obvious. He is waiting for you to say something about what’s gotten you so upset today, you know that, but you don’t feel like sitting around in his car.

“Want to come up for a little bit?” you ask and it’s a hidden message that you want to talk in the comfort of your own home. Luckily, Harry understands it right away and nodding he tells you to lead the way.

You make some tea and the two of you sit on your couch, Harry is sitting sideways so he can see you while you bring your knees up to your chest, staring down at the mug in your hands.

“I had a fight with Marcus,” you quietly start.

“Oh.”

“And… it wasn’t the first time. We’ve been constantly fighting lately and I’m just… so tired of it.”

Saying it out loud for the first time, having someone listen to you brings you an odd sense of relief, and it doesn’t feel weird that you’re talking to Harry about all of it. He has proven himself to be a great listener.

“We’ve been fighting constantly, over the smallest things and my… my patience is running short, at this point.”

You’re talking slowly, carefully putting your thoughts into words, trying your best to interpret them for Harry after boiling them only in your own head for so long.

“I just… I have no idea what I should do.”

“It seems like the relationship is not making you happy anymore,” Harry softly speaks up and you have nothing to bring up against what he just said. “So why are you trying to continue it?”

You were expecting the question, you just knew he would ask it, but it still brings a painful, stinging sensation into your chest as you try to find the words to answer him.

“Because…” you breath out and slowly turning your head, your eyes meet his gaze. “If I can’t make it work with him… then… who is it gonna be? There’s this voice in my head that keeps telling me, that he is literally my last choice, that if I mess this up it’s gonna be over for me.”

“Y/N, you know that’s not true,” Harry tells you tilting his head.

“Do I?” you chuckle bitterly, turning your gaze to the ceiling before you look back at him. “Because I don’t think I do. I’ve been literally feeling so miserable for weeks, yet I still can’t get me to move on, because I think I’m gonna die alone.”

“That’s not gonna happen, don’t say that. You’ll find the right person for you, you just… have to be patient.”

“But that’s the thing. I have lost my patience. I’m done, over it.” The tears form in your eyes in just a few seconds and the next thing you know is that you’re crying. “I’ve been trying so hard in my whole life, but somehow I always ended up… not being enough, or thrown away, stepped over, left behind. No matter what I did, I always ended up alone and I can’t help but notice a pattern in it. It has to be me, what else?”

“It’s not you, okay? You just had a few bad experiences.”

“Not a few,” you huff closing your eyes. “All of them are bad. I was… I was never enough for anyone and now that I found a guy that seemed to be just perfect… I’m ruining it.”

“I don’t think you’re ruining anything.”

“Then explain to me what’s happening, Harry!” you snap in despair and Harry stares back at you at a loss of words at first.

“Do you have feelings for him?” he then asks. You can’t answer right away and it tells him a lot.

“I… I’m not sure.”

“That sounded more like a no.”

“Okay, alright. No, I don’t. But… I could develop feelings eventually, couldn’t I?”

“That’s not how it works, Y/N. You can’t just torture yourself hoping that one day you wake up and you’ll be in love with him. It’s not gonna happen and you’re just wasting your time.”

“How do you know it’s not gonna happen? What makes you so sure of that I will not end up alone?”

Harry stays quiet, her green eyes are staring right into your soul and for a moment you forget about your misery. This man alone holds such a power over you, it’s starting to scare you.

“I know it, because… I know you. And I see you. You’re literally the funniest girl I know, so easy to talk with, you always know when to crack a joke and when you have to be serious. You have so much love for others, you care about your loved ones and you’re always there for your friends and family. You make it so easy for others to get comfortable around you and you make everyone feel safe around you.”

You listen to him intently, drinking up every word that leaves his lips. Harry looks down at his hands as he continues.

“And you’re beautiful. So fucking beautiful, it always baffles me when I see you.”

“What?” you breathe out.

“It’s the truth,” Harry chuckles lightly, he brushes his knuckles together nervously. “Every time you walk in, you just… make everyone turn their head at you, and I always wonder if you even notice that. The way you walk, your smile, your laugh, Y/N, you make every man go crazy about you.”

“You’re just saying that because you are trying to cheer me up,” you sniff, wiping a few more tears away from your eyes.

“I’m definitely not,” he chuckles and his eyes finally find yours. “I remember when we first met.”

“When you walked in on me changing,” you sigh, the memories living vividly in your mind.

“Yeah. I remember how… breathless I felt when I saw you standing there, your dress handing a little on your frame because of the zipper. I forgot my name for a moment. I offered to help with the zipper because I just… wanted to touch you in any kind of way. So I knew that you were real.”

“Harry…”

“I know this sounds made up, but I’m telling you, this is the truth. And I know I didn’t act like that for a long time, but I always thought that you were an amazing person and I know that any guy would be so lucky and incredibly happy to be with you. I hate the thought of you thinking otherwise of yourself, when you are literally such a delight and… just a gift to all of us. I don’t know what’s really been going on between you and Marcus, but if he can’t see your worth and can’t make you feel like you deserve… he is not worthy of your time.”

You feel your throat closing up, but you’re not sure Harry knows the reason behind it when the tears start rolling down your cheeks again.

Because it might look like his words touched you and made you tear up, but in reality, a bittersweet feeling has taken completely over you. If this is how he thinks about you, why did he act like that when he had the chance to be with you? Why didn’t he want you to stay? What did you do that made him want to throw you out?

It’s a spiral straight down and you can’t stop yourself from falling. Harry has always been the biggest mystery of your life, and now you’re just even more sure it was something you did or said that made him want to run.

He reaches out and easily scoops you into his arms and you let him hold you tight, face buried into his chest. You hold onto his shirt as the silent cries escape your lips. You want him to want you. You want him to mean all those things he just told you, but you just can’t seem to move on from the past even though you’ve agreed to forget about it. It keeps bugging you in the back of your mind that no matter what he says, you weren’t good enough to make him want to stay with you when he had the chance.

***

It doesn’t get better after that night. Harry stayed until after midnight, made sure you got into bed and told you he’ll check in on you the next day. And so he did.

You felt guilty for loading all of it on Harry, so you decided it was the last time you ever talked about Marcus or your love life in general with him. You easily made yourself believe that he didn’t really care about it and he just listened to you because he was trying to be nice. It seemed the best to just try and forget about it all.

For a while you were contemplating breaking up with Marcus, but you didn’t have the strength to do it, telling yourself you have to give it another chance and some more patience. However it’s ending up to be quite draining, you gotta admit, but you are starting to get used to feeling numb every day.

Rosa invites you over, because she went through her closet and found some stuff she thought you’d like, so you head over not long after you get home from work. She mentioned that Harry would be over watching some kind of football game with Steven, so you are not surprised to see his car parking on their driveway.

“Hi guys!” you greet them when Rosa lets you in, the game is already on so they just wave in your way, intently watching the TV.

“Come on, I have everything in the bedroom,” Rosa nods in your way and you follow her upstairs. Valerie greets you with a loud shriek as you walk in, she is sitting in her crib, surrounded with a bunch of toys, seemingly having a great time.

“Hi there, Princess!” you coo at her, caressing her cheek before you sit on the edge of the bed that’s filled with piles of clothes. “What’s the big sorting?” you ask, grabbing a cardigan and taking a look at it.

“I just have way too much stuff, can’t fit new stuff into my wardrobe, so I needed to sort it all out.”

The two of you go through everything and just catch up while you try on what you like. At the end, you are just sitting on the bed playing with Valerie. You can tell there’s something Rosa wants to share, but she seems reserved about saying it out loud.

“So, the other day we were talking with Steven about how crazy it is that Val is over one year old,” she starts, eyes glued to the little girl, handing her another building block as Valerie works on… whatever it’s going to be when it's finished.

“Yeah, that’s what we talked about with Harry after her birthday dinner. Makes us feel old,” you chuckle.

“Exactly,” she sighs chuckling. “So then we talked about, maybe… having another kid sometime soon.”

You perk up and looking at Rosa you see the shy smile on her lips and you gasp, but she shakes her head.

“I’m not pregnant,” she assures you, but then adds: “Not yet.”

“Oh my God, so you’re trying for another baby?” you whisper, even though there’s no chance of the guys hearing the two of you. You can hear the sound of the TV up here, they have no clue what you’re talking about.

“I mean, it can take some time, so we thought we could… start now.”

“That’s fantastic!” you breathe out, truly happy for your sister. You just know Valerie will be such a good big sister. “Val, you want a baby sister or baby brother?” you ask her and she looks at you with a serious expression, holding out one of the blocks.

“Baba!” she exclaims.

“Yes, baba!” you chuckle. She’s been learning kind of real words lately and it won’t take too long before she’ll be bossing around everyone in the house.

When it’s getting late you pack the clothes you choose and head down to leave. The guys are still on the couch, but Harry’s head perks up when he hears your footsteps.

“You want me to give you a ride?”

“Um, I’m fine, don’t want to bother you while the game is on.”

“It’s ending in five. If you can wait a little it’s alright.”

“Okay,” you nod smiling so instead of going to the front door you stop in the kitchen to wait for Harry.

Rosa puts Valerie into her high chair and gets a banana for her while you check your phone just when Marcus calls you. Hesitantly, but you answer it.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Hi, just wanted to check in if the weekend is still on.”

“Uh, sure. It is.”

“Great. I’ll have to check again with my boss, but I think I’ll be able to pick you up.”

“Great. Talk to you later.”

“Bye, babe.”

The call ends and you find yourself facing a curious looking Rosa on the other side of the kitchen island.

“Marcus?” she asks and you nod. “How are things going?” You’ve only mentioned it to her that it’s been hard between the two of you, but you definitely didn’t go into details. Harry was the first and last person to hear the whole story.

“Um… neutral, I guess?”

“That doesn’t sound promising.”

“I know, but I’m just trying to figure it out. We are spending the weekend together, I hope it’ll help us to get a little more… settled? I guess, I don’t know,” you stammer, nervously fidgeting with your phone in your hands.

“That’s nice, was it his idea?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s good to know that Marcus is making the right attempts to smooth things out.”

“Attempts?” Harry’s voice makes both of you look in his way as he stands at the door, seemingly confused about what he just heard. “You’re still with Marcus?”

“Harry, I…”

“No, don’t try to explain it. I thought I talked sense into you last time.” He is clearly pissed, not holding back how upset he is to get the news that you are still dating Marcus. But on the other hand you can also feel yourself getting angry how he tries to control your life.

“You did, but I never said I’ll break things off with him.”

“Well, it surely sounded like you made up your mind,” he huffs.

“Well, I didn’t,” you scoff, crossing your arms on your chest.

“What the fuck, Y/N! You can’t keep doing this to yourself!” he snaps gesturing in your way. “I thought we were over this!”

“We? What do you mean we?” you grimace and now you are raising your voice as well. “Harry, there’s no we! This is my relationship and it’s nice that you care, but you can’t tell me what to do!”

Harry is vivid. He needs everything in him not to burst right then and there and for a moment you think he’s gonna just explode. But when he speaks up again his voice is quiet, however you can feel all the anger and frustration behind it.

“Get in the car, we’re leaving.”

“What?”

“Get in the fucking car, Y/N!” he barks making you jump. Rosa and Steven, who arrived to the kitchen in the middle of this madness, are just watching the scene unfold, completely unable to even say a word.

Slowly, you slide off the stool and grabbing the bag filled with clothes you turn to Rosa.

“Thanks for… these,” you mumble before walking out, Harry following you right behind.

Nothing is said as the two of you get into the car, Harry is clearly on the verge of anger outburst, but you’re pretty upset yourself. The drive back to your place is painfully quiet, but you can’t stop staring at his hands gripping the wheel. HIs fingers and knuckles are turning white from the way he is basically crushing the wheel in his hold. You wouldn’t be surprised if it had his grip’s imprint on it by the time you arrive to your building.

“What the fuck, Y/N?” he snaps once the car is parked.

“Would you stop pretending like you have a saying in what I do?”

“I do have a saying in it! Because when you break again I’ll be the one picking you up from the ground!”

“Well, sorry it’s such an inconvenience to be my friend. But don’t worry, I won’t come to you again,” you snap back with a grimace and try to open the door, but it’s locked. “Let me out, Harry!”

“Fuck no, not until we talk about this,” he scoffs and it’s the last straw for you.

“There’s nothing to talk about! It’s none of your business, Harry! Stop pretending like you care!”

“I do care!” he shouts back so forcefully you are taken aback, sinking into your seat. “Of course I fucking care! How would I not?! I care about you so fucking much, how do you not see it?!”

At this point, you’re certain Harry has lost all self control and he is about to load he has been holding back out on you, while you’re just sitting there, staring at him completely speechless over how his whole being is filled with anger and fury.

“Stop fucking telling me that I don’t care when all I think about is you! Every damn day! I can’t fucking stop thinking about you, because every time my mind snaps right back to you when I’m trying to think about something else! Do you know how fucking painful it is?! See you fucking waste your time with that dickhead when I want to be with you?!”

Eyes widened you forget to even breathe as the words leave his lips and soon enough realization hits him hard about what he just said. His chest is violently waving, eyes staring straight ahead. Next time he speaks up the shouting is over, he is clearly shocked at his own behavior.

“Y/N, I-- what you told me last time, about ending up alone, that wasn’t the first time you told me all of that.”

“What?” you gasp.

“You broke down the same way at the wedding. Told me all about how you think you are just simply unlovable and will probably die alone.” His eyes snap down at his hands on his lap as he continues. “I was shocked how you’d ever think that way about yourself, because I was… I was already falling in love with you and I barely just met you that night. I couldn’t imagine what happened to you that made you believe that nonsense. I never felt like that with anyone else before and it was so fucking scary. Every time you looked at me or touched me, I could feel… the sparks. The fucking sparks, Y/N,” he lets out a bitter chuckle. “I never believed in that, but you made me feel that way. Then… one thing happened after the other and we were up in my room. I saw the way you looked at me, like I was your fucking everything and I have never experienced that. You fell asleep in my arms and I told myself that this is exactly how I want to spend the rest of my life.”

Tears roll down your cheeks as you listen in complete shock as Harry is still avoiding to look at you.

“I wanted to be the person who shows you how lovable and amazing you are, how worthy you are to be loved. Like I found my mission all of a sudden.”

“Then what the fuck happened in the morning?” you ask choking out the words. Harry finally turns to face you and you see his watery eyes. He was crying.

“You fell asleep and I was just watching you… and I realized that… sooner or later I would do something to hurt you. Because that’s what I always do and I didn’t want that. You didn’t deserve that, but I just knew I won’t be able to give you what you wanted and needed. And you told me all about how you just want to be loved and… I didn’t want to disappoint you in any way.”

He rubs his eyes turning back to look straight ahead and you see his lips tremble before he speaks up again.

“I said all those stuff so you’d have a reason to hate me and you wouldn’t try to stay with me.”

“This is literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” you chuckle bitterly as the tears keep rolling down your cheeks. “Do you have any idea how fucking horrible I felt after that? I felt so ashamed for fucking weeks, Harry!”

“I-I know. I mean, I figured.”

“You made me feel unwanted and dirty, it took me so long to build my confidence back and be able to think of myself as more than just some used rug that was thrown out!”

Harry sits there in complete silence and just lets you load everything out on him, because he knows that’s what he deserves. He has tried to punish himself in so many different ways for what he did to you, but he knew he had to face you someday. Now the time has come and he is done trying to run away from the consequences of his actions in the past.

“I was blaming myself all this time, thinking that I must have done something wrong, when in reality it was you! It was fucking you!”

“I know, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean it to end like this.”

“You didn’t mean it to end like this?” you snap. “You literally continued to treat me like shit for years! If it wasn’t for Valerie, you’d still be a complete dick to me! And what was your intention with this now, huh? Why did you tell me all of this now?!”

“Because I couldn’t stop… seeing you be so unhappy with someone who clearly doesn’t deserve you in any way. I’m selfish and I realized that I made a mistake, but I now know what I should have done, because…” He finally turns to face you again, you see a tear roll down his cheek as he takes a deep breath before continuing. “I love you. I love you, Y/N, and I’m fucking done pretending like I don’t.”

You stare back at him, breath caught in your throat and it’s the breaking point. You reach over to his side and unlock the doors so you can open yours and you jump out of the car wanting to get as far away from him as possible. He can’t just throw all of this on you after everything the two of you went through, that’s not how it works. Does he even mean it? How are you supposed to believe him after years of hatred?

You try to get inside the building, but he is quick to catch up with you, he grabs your upper arm and pulls back, but you yank his hold away.

“Where are you going?!” he snaps towering above you.

“Home. And don’t fucking touch me!”

“But I literally just told you I love you, you’re not gonna say anything about that?”

At first you plan on not even answering, you make your way towards the door, but then you change your mind. Turning around you unload on him once again.

“You don’t have the right to tell me you love me! Not after all the shit I took from you! How am I supposed to believe it when you literally made me feel like shit for all these years, saying the meanest stuff to me every damn time we met! I was avoiding you like the plague because I can’t even count how many times you made me cry calling me names and treating me so fucking horrible! No, you are not just gonna waltz in here, tell me that I have to break up with my boyfriend because you’ve been in love with me all along. I don’t fucking believe you, Harry. So stay the fuck away from me,” you tell him and push your way inside. This time he doesn’t follow.

By the time you reach your front you’re sobbing, barely seeing from your own tears. With shaking hands you unlock the door and get inside shutting the door behind you before you collapse on the floor.

Harry lives in delusion if he thinks he can just unload all of this on you and make everything right magically. Not after more than three years of the shit you took from him. How are you supposed to believe that he is telling the truth? If he loved you all along, how could he treat you like that? That’s not what love should feel like. All those countless times when you came home after seeing him and you couldn’t help but cry after some of his meanest comments… and now he is trying to make you believe he did it all to protect you from him? Bullshit.

It doesn’t work like that and now he is gonna have to face the consequences of his actions.

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junetuesday · 5 years

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i'm always up to lending an ear, love! if you want to vent it out then feel free - cathartic release etc etc... I've been alright, busy with work and trying to write and generally being pretty all over the place in my own head, but i'm breathing and i have a pulse so we're doing ok! also, i have to ask... the GQ pics... i wanna see your responses: you favs/fantasies/causes of death✨

ahh ok i’ll put it at the end under a read more so people can ignore if they choose to haha, thank you

sorry you’ve been all over the place, but glad you’re doing okay!

GW pics… phewt. my favourites are definitely the brown leather jacket ones, and the one that’s my header/icon (and the others like it), but the BTS video was the real killer for me like the bits of him laughing i just—–ugh my HEART. BABEY. the cream turtleneck looks hella soft and i really want to borrow it/snuggle him in it lmao

the other thing that i can’t stop thinking about is just like, imagine looking through the pics with him and taking the absolute piss out of him because they’re such “”””model”””” pics gipejgoewgewgwtgw but yano in a loving, am actually super proud of you and you look fire kinda way

okay SO! just for reference there’s 4 sets of friends involved here - my best friend megan (who i met on myspace literally over 10 years ago), 2 friends from uni, 4 friends from my course at uni (aka pharmacy girls), and 4 friends from high school

16-18th august megan was here and we went to ariana grande and had a fun time, all was well

19-23rd i was in norfolk with the 2 non-pharmacy uni friends for one of their birthdays, went canoeing and mini golfing etc etc, still having a good time

24-26th i was up north with the pharmacy girls, because one of them got married! this was a bit tougher, i ended up ducking out early and crying/having to take extra anxiety meds etc

27-30th i was back in london, exhausted from my travels and just basically big sad. like, Big Sad. Cried for 10 minutes because the thought of sitting at the table and eating a meal sounded too hard kinda sad. by the 30th i was feeling better though, and i had the flat to myself from then on so that was nice

31st my friends from school came to london, we bought a load of food and wine and spent several hours in regent’s park and it was delightful. we talked about everything and nothing, laughed a lot, and i got properly drunk without crying or having a meltdown for the first time in well over a year (maybe even two)

1st sept one of my school friends had stayed over so we went out for lunch before she had to go home, a pretty chill day tho i was a bit sad after she left (but in an aw that was nice i love my friends kinda way)

3rd-6th i talked about here and in the midst of that i got a new laptop lmao (edit: the 3rd was also the one year anniversary of my dad’s death so that was weird)

then sunday i saw my brother for the afternoon/evening which is always nice and then today i finally managed to chase up the outcome of a mental health assessment i had two months ago SO basically they just discharged me back to my GP and recommended they change my antidepressants. which is fine, i’m happy to do that because the ones im on clearly aren’t working, it’s just that lately i’ve been struggling a lot with feeling like people don’t think i’m trying hard enough to get better (for context i’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety but the last two years have been really shitty, like quit my job and became a recluse shitty) and i was kind of hoping this assessment would show that there’s something else like fundamentally wrong with me other than “just depression and anxiety”, like that would serve as evidence that i’m not just being lazy?? but at the end of the day i know it is a good thing that there isn’t anything more severe wrong with me, and i am trying my best and “just depression” isn’t a thing and that my family do love and support me it’s just my brain being mean to me as usual, and in any case the diagnosis doesn’t really change the course of action, it’s still gonna be meds and therapy.

so yeah that’s where i’m up to! that was long and im sorry! but if anyone was wondering lmao hi

#personal #tw depression #tw anxiety #tw mental health #aossi

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dylanobrienisbatman · 6 years

Text

100 Questions

it’s long so it’s under the cut, but man was this fun. thanks for the tag @the-most-beautiful-broom ♥ i’ll tag my loves (if you want to haha this is a lot) @raven-reyes-of-sunshine @perhalta @dracovengeance @hedaalicia and @amihanmayari

1. What is your nickname? Bails

2. How old are you? 24

3. What is your birth month? February

4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius!

5. What is your favorite color? green (Aw hey linds, same !!)

6. What’s your lucky number? I was number 8 for marching band every single year (F8 for flute 8) except my junior year, and my junior year we had a shit show, so im calling that.

7. Do you have any pets? 5 dogs back home in seattle but none where i live now or in NY when i get back

8. Where are you from? everywhere and nowhere. my dads military. but im american!

9. How tall are you? 5’ 5″

10. What shoe size are you? 7

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? A whole lot, but they’re not always all with me.

12. Are you random? not really. im pretty set in my routines and very comfortably a home body

13. Last person you texted? my best friend @broadwaybound2016

14. Are you psychic in any way? not even a little tbh

15. Last TV show watched? The Bold Type (WATCH IT ITS AMAZING)

16. Favorite movie? I’m not really sure but i just watched Love, Simon and im literally just crying because of it right now so im gonna go with that until further notice

17. Favorite show from your childhood? probably Lizze McGuire

18. Do you want children? Nope

19. Do you want a church wedding? I dont really want to get married

20. What is your religion? agnostic? maybe? im not religious, and not very spiritual. I love spirituality, things like crystals and stuff, but i try not to appropriate those things from groups/cultures who actually use them. I’d love to learn more about them and be someone who actually knew how to practice but, again, i dont want to step on toes culturally and take things that aren’t mine to take

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? a lot! a ton of surgeries on my ears

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? nope, im literally a goody two shoes

23. How is life? lovely

24. Baths or showers? showers!

25. What color socks are you wearing? i dont really wear socks? i like those little half socks. I’m not wearing any rn

26. Have you ever been famous? nope.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? probably. i’d love to have a voice, and if it was for doing something i love, i cant think of anything better than getting to share my passion with the world like that. But it would definitely be a lot of pressure

28. What type of music do you like? i’m into literally anything. I love Hayley Kiyoko, the 1975, big fan of just basic pop like ariana grande and charlie puth, Harry Styles’s album is a masterpiece, Shawn Mendes, 5th Harmony. i love anything.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yes!!

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? just two!

31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my stomach

32. How big is your house? my house at home is a 5 bedroom 3 bath, my apt in amsterdam rn is just a room in a hotel type place with my own bathroom, and my apt in nyc is a studio

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? i literally hardly ever eat breakfast, but i love a bagel

34. Have you ever left the country? I’m in europe RIGHT NOW! lol

35. Have you ever tried archery? once, i was terrible

36. Do you like anyone? Not right now, but i might want too

37. Favorite swear word? i love the word fuck. it’s got so much you can do with it. i swear like a sailor.

38. When do you fall asleep? ummmmmm? whenever i guess lol

39. Do you have any scars? A few small ones. a decent one on my knee from falling off my bike when i was 8

40. Sexual orientation? Bisexual

41. Are you a good liar? excellent

42. What languages would you like to learn? ALLLL the languages. I’d love to learn native hawai’ian. i spent my high school years there and the culture is so incredible, and i was so welcomed into it by my friends who were from there, i’d love a chance to really connect too it and try to learn that.

43. Top 10 songs? Oh boy... im just gonna bullet these because i cant decide the order but this is the general

the way i am - charlie puth

young god - halsey

rather be - clean bandit

feelings - hayley kiyoko

woman - harry styles

make me feel - janelle monáe

six inch heels - beyonce

get right witcha - migos

my my my - troye sivan

nice for what - drake

44. Do you like your country? i’m torn at the moment. I hate tr*mp and everything him and his stand for, but i think america can be a wonderful place.

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes!! <3

46. What is your personality type? MBTI: INTP

47. Hogwarts House? Ravenclaw

48. Can you curl your tongue? yes!

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Hermione and Hermione is me. (also i really relate a lot to Lexa from the 100, which... is interesting. the way she suppresses feelings, her generally logical approach to things, the way she is totally useless around pretty girls.)

50. Left or right handed? right!

51. Are you scared of spiders? If they’re like, big spiders yes. or if they come out of nowhere. im way more scared of cockroaches tho.

52. Favorite food? For some reason this question has been really hard for me lately? idk. i love a good indian style curry, and tacos?

53. Favorite foreign food? Indian!

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I’m CLEAN, but im messy. i feel like cleanliness and orderliness have been misconstrued to mean the same thing, but clean is to dirty as orderly is to messy. I’m clean and messy, i am not very orderly, and i am NOT dirty.

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Experience a walk down the street in a city at night where im not afraid

56. What color underwear? black

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? not too long, but it sometimes takes me a long ass time to pick an outfit

58. Do you have much of an ego? It’s as big as it should be.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? i suck on them until i can bite them

60. Do you talk to yourself? Constantly.

61. Do you sing to yourself? Hell yeah

62. Are you a good singer? i’m decent but i need another voice to match with. on my own i can’t carry a tune.

63. Biggest Fears? failure. and heights.

64. Are you a gossip? I can be, but never about like.. bad things. I like to talk about how this friend or that friend did x y z cool thing but im not like “omg did you hear so and so hooked up with so and so”

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Not really because i can’t spell for shit

66. Do you have long or short hair? Short-ish? i cut my hair in march of LAST YEAR and then trimmed it again this year and i want it to fucking grow

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? i would definitely forget some

68. Favorite school subject? History

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Pretty introverted.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nah, im not allowed too for medical reasons

71. What makes you nervous? when I see kids wandering and their parents not noticing (okay im keeping that because me too, but also travelling? like the in-transit part of travel, catching busses/trains/planes makes me panic)

72. Are you scared of the dark? not at all

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? i try not too unless its major. usually its unintentional or the mistake is irrelevant to the flow of the conversation/situation

74. Are you ticklish? Yes, but i hate being tickled unless its like, my sister or my dad

75. Have you ever started a rumor? No

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yes i have lol (linds, ily, we DEFINITELY have been over this already)

77. Have you ever drank underage? a little, but not until i was like 19, and then i was in europe for 6 months, so i didnt REALLY drink underage until i was like... less than 6 months to 21

78. Have you ever done drugs? Pot pretty regularly here in Amsterdam, and i’ve done shrooms

79. What do you fantasize about? getting a beautiful loft in a big city (preferrably london or NYC), with a kick ass job, a dog, and maybe a girlfriend with huge curly hair.

80. How many piercings do you have? Four

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yep!

82. How fast can you type? I just took a little online quiz that said i can type 72 words per minute with 93% accuracy?

83. How fast can you run? lol I don’t run (same linds... same)

84. What color is your hair? brown!

85. What color are your eyes? Green!

86. What are you allergic to? I’m a bit lactose intolerant and pineapple makes my tongue itch?

87. Do you keep a journal? no, but i wish i did sometimes

88. Are you depressed about anything? I’m not depressed “about anything”, im just generally someone who experiences a pretty mild case of depression.

89. Do you like your age? Yeah, i dig it.

90. What makes you angry? bigotry, ignorance, and spilling things. I spill drinks constantly, i spilled a WHOLE BOWL OF CEREAL ON MY FLOOR THE OTHER NIGHT.

91. Do you like your own name? I didn’t used too but i really do now

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? not that i know of

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I don’t want kids.

94. What talents do you have? i have a pretty great memory, but for random things i dont need

95. Sun or moon? Moon <3

96. How did you get your name? My dad, he just liked it. My middle name was also my dad, he heard the name Jess on the movie A Man From Snowy River and he thought it was a nice like, nickname/pet name, so he gave me the middle name Ges (pronounced like Jess) with the intent of calling me that (it didnt stick), but he didn’t want anyone to think my middle name was Jessica, so he spelled it Ges.

97. Are you religious? I am not, but i have a lot of respect for the concept of religion, as long as its used for the real purpose, which is to make people feel peace and help people find love and comfort.

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? I have not, but i shold

99. Color of your bedspread? White

100. Color of your room? White, with one black wall

#about me #this was so fun thanks linds #tag game

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imbriums-blog · 6 years

Text

hello my angels ! i’m sorry this is so late but i’m sarah & i’m 18 yrs old & live in the hellhole that is ohio so the est timezone ! i’m ur token harry potter nerd & lover of all things musical... anyways u can hear more about 5/10 of my problematic children under the cut ! i’m gonna try to keep it short but i lov to talk so we’ll see ! if you’re willing to plot give this post a big mf like & i’ll come crawlin’ to ur ims !

— ✯ | barbara delaney savenkov ! + pinterest board !

tw: death, murder

laura harrier, cisfemale, she/her — have you met barbara delaney savenkov yet ? the twenty-three year old is known for being both poised and enticing, but also very skeptical and deceiving. born in san francisco, barbie now lives in soho, waiting tables at the fork and assassinating people on the side for some extra cash. + wanted connections !

so barbara was born n raised in san francisco, california to a solidly middle class family. her parents were divorced growing up, although they were friendly & got along well enough to be friends & co-parent barbie. she’d always been quite an idealist like Yes The World Is Good but when she was twenty, her dad had died due to a rogue heart attack that seemingly happened for no reason & it completely shattered barbara.

that’s when a local gang found her, at her ultimate low, & roped her into their business. she stayed w them for two years or so & at some point or another barbara started to realize that she didn’t think this business & way to make money was a good one. eventually, they starting cutting pay & barbara started to feel like she was bein manipulated. working w the gang kind of made her give up her optimism & is what truly formed her into the stone cold but somehow still elegant & captivating barbie she is today ! her idealistic attitude & never-ending optimism died with all of the shady shit that gang made her do.

then barbara was offered a job as an assassin for a powerful man doin some shady shit & she was unable to refuse even tho her first instinct was to turn it down – it offered great money & stability, & with the impression that she’d only be hurting people who deserved it, barbara shakily accepted the deal & left the gang !

she’s not pleased w the fact that she’s murdering ppl for a living, obviously, but she tries to make do with what she has & tells herself that the ppl she’s killing deserve it but !! messy !

personality-wise, barbara comes off as super intimidating at first n like she just doesn’t have feelings… super proper n always sitting upright n stiff as fuck… scares ppl away bc she seems like a robot at first

she's that kid who studies for the test like 3 weeks before it actually happens and has color coordinated highlighting and bullet journals.. she wants to be on top of everything, constantly – she doesn’t like feeling unorganized or like she’s falling apart ? i think it’s partially bc she tends to over perfect areas of her life like that, and like color coordinating her closet and making sure everything is tidy to make up for the Mess that is her secret career ??

one of the most annoying things ever is how perfect she seems on the surface ?? like, she likes everybody n is probably the type of person who rescues stray kittens from trees n sings as little birdies fly down & comb her hair or some shit but anyone close to barbie in real life knows she is a hardcore mess

that friend who’s like “oh my god i look so fat in this picture” n literally everybody groans bc shut the fuck up karen ur perfect

could literally say “fuck off” to somebody n the tone of voice she uses would make them think she was complimenting them

— ✯ | cordelia esther king ! + pinterest board !

alycia debnam-carey, cisfemale, she/her — have you met cordelia esther king yet ? the twenty-two year old is known for being both affable and buoyant, but also very whimsical and corybantic. born in salem, delia now lives in lambeth, working as a wedding planner and forming unrealistic expectations of true love.

so ngl cordelia is very inspired by jane from 27 dresses but w/ some twists so i’m not completely unoriginal

she was born to a pastor for a father in salem aka witch town ! cordelia was raised as kind of a perfect goody goody two shoes u know.. classic girl next door who sleeps w a teddy bear even at twenty-two & her entire room is covered in pink, she spends her spare time baking n blushing over boys smiling at her wtvr... she was always strong-willed & opinionated but shut up out of fear of being made fun of u know, kids these days r mean

so then when cordelia is old enough to leave her parents house ( let’s say like a year ago ) she decides that she’s tired of being the nice girl in the shadows & that she wants to live life more on the edge so she vows to start living life dangerously & being badass... whatever that means

it’s actually kind of funny, because she’ll stroll into a bar & bat her eyelashes at the bartender & single ppl in the room to try & get them to order a drink for her solely bc she doesn’t know the names of any drinks... has no common sense & is too naive for her own good ( what is a handjob... what does “on the rocks” mean ) but the girl’s trying to [ troy bolton vc ] break free so who am i to judge ?

she’s a wedding planner who’s actually in love with the idea of love & has watched the notebook 1 too many times... despite her being wildt nowadays she’s still into the whole “when i meet the one for me my foot will pop when we kiss & i’ll feel fireworks” thing.. it’s cute but also sad but ! cute !

personality-wise... she’s outspoken & friendly & incredibly flirty, but at the same time she probably either assumes you’re flirting w her when you’re really not or has no clue that you’re hitting on her when ur literally kissing her

is totally sandy at the end of grease when she’s like “tell me about it, stud” acting all badass but then doesn’t know what to do w her cigarette butt & looks nervously at her friends like WTF DO I DO

please come corrupt her or fuck her up... or be nice 2 her & teach her how to be a human being

— ✯ | dexter leroy bates ! + pinterest board !

torrance coombs, cismale, he/him — have you met dexter leroy bates yet ? the thirty-one year old is known for being both inventive and idealistic, but also very farouche and indecisive. born in hackney, dex now lives in croydon, editing badly filmed videos and gluing himself to a camera 24/7.

basically a nerdy starving artist based on mark from rent with a lil bit of peter parker in him

a broke ass bitch living in croydon trying his best to make it as a photographer / film maker

he has huge dreams of hollywood but his films r probably kinda bad... but he tries his best n i love him for it

kinda nerdy & word vomit-y... super cute... would die for his friends but also would kill u for insulting one of them

is that nerd that is actually hot n buff n shit but u never notice bc he wears hoodies n hides behind a camera bc i lov stereotyping apparently

i don’t really have his backstory worked out yet tbfh so really ? go wild w connections for my son

— ✯ | davina leigh cordero ! + pinterest board !

lauren jauregui, cisfemale, she/her — have you met davina leigh cordero yet ? the twenty-one year old is known for being both intuitive and diligent, but also very seclusive and obstinate. born in whitby, davina now lives in soho, studying journalism and avoiding as much human interaction as possible.

100% based on rory gilmore bc apparently even tho i’m on season 2 i luv the characters Too Much

basically everything i aspire 2 be in a person... hardworking as fuck, loves school so fricking much, antisocial as hell !

davina is deadass brilliant & her idea of wild is staying up past 11 on a school night or waiting to do her homework on saturday instead of friday

sweet, a lil bit awkward, but the cutest ever n i would die for her

would much rather be chillin w her books than anything else tbh & doesn’t know how to hold proper interactions but it’s more charming than anything else

grew up with only her dad mostly, since her mom worked full time & lived out of town for reasons but they both love her a ton. her dad would give her the whole world if he could, & owns a quaint little coffee shop in whitby & is constantly calling davina to check up on her... when she got older her mom moved back in w her dad so since then she’s gotten a lot closer to her but there’s still just such a bond between her dad & her u know

what is romance ? davina doesn’t know

come fuck her up

— ✯ | sawyer maisie pitman ! + pinterest board !

josefine frida pettersen, cisfemale, she/her — have you met sawyer maisie pitman yet ? the twenty year old is known for being both undaunted and driven, but also very apathetic and blunt. born in bristol, sawyer now lives in wandsworth, being a tragically pathetic starving artist & student.

so sawyer was adopted as a baby, unnamed, to two moms who love her more than anything in the world. one’s a publisher & one’s an english professor, & they’re both huge fricking nerds, so she was named after tom sawyer !

as soon as she could walk she was talented with art & everything that had to do with it & not long after entering high school she decided that that’s what she wanted to do & nothing was going to get in the way of it

now, as a student & hopeful artist, sawyer is dead set on getting where she wants to be & has no tolerance for bullshit... like if u ain’t helping her further her career, ur unimportant to her

relationships ? cancelled. romance is a DISTRACTION from her work & only complicates her life !

blunt as fuck & doesn’t sugar coat things. she says things like they are & expects others to do the same bc she has no time for drama or whatnot

stubborn as fuck & nearly impossible to talk to sometimes bc she’s so set in her ways but hey love me a strong woman amirite

sharp-tongued & sarcastic as fuck but can be incredibly kind when the time is right !

#smoke:intros

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westerncrib · 6 years

Note

1-100

sorry I took like 3 days to respond but oki lets do this

1: last kiss was a guy I’ve been like off and on talking to since may when I saw him in a club yike

2. last phone call was to my dad asking him to pick me up from somewhere yesterday (he made me catch the bus anyway)

3. last text message was my dad telling me dinner was ready from like 3 days ago

4. last song I listened to was Techno Show by Peach Pit

5. last time I cried?? o geez around a month ago I think?? idk ive been sad since but like not crying sad ya feel

6. have I ever dated someone twice? my guy I have never dated someone ONCE so

7. negative Ive never been cheated on

8. nope I’ve never self harmed

9. yeah I’ve lost a few special people

10. not clinically depressed but yah definitely been depressed before

11. yep have definitely thrown up after drinking a bit too much a few times

12: yea ive had sex before lmao

13. zero action in 2018 so far

15. yep I’ve made a few new friends this year

17. nope I haven’t laughed that hard yet in 2018 tragically

18. (not sure if this is still about this year but) yea I’ve def met people who have changed me but no one yet in 2018

19. yea I guess I know who my true friends are

20. mhmm found out someone was talking smack in late dec

26. I didn’t really do anything specifically for my last birthday bc it was the same day as high school grad and an afterparty so it was still a great day

27. oh geez I woke up at 10 then blinked and suddenly it was 1pm

29. I can’t wait until jan 16th bc ill find out what I got into for uni AAAAHHHHHHH

30. I’ve only got the one sibling and I saw him like half an hour ago

31. i would change a lot of things about my life but the only one I can think of atm is that I would change where I lived bc I like my house but I don’t like the location , like our last house was smack bang in between the beach and a mall and walking distance to both and there was a park just around the corner and it was flat enough to ride a bike and ahhhh I miss it even tho I was 5 when we moved

32. currently listening to Grimes - genesis

33. last time I had sex was way back in April rip

34. mums gettin on my nerves right now bc I was tryna put clothes away and clean my room but I don’t have space bc she took over my wardrobe when we first moved in and refuses to let me have any more room in there so all my stuff is cramped together and always crinkly and grr

35. most visited website would be either facebook or Tumblr.edu

36. oh geez this is a cursed question I have like six favourite colours ?? idk its a tossup between yellow pink blue green I guess

37. I don’t really have many nicknames I usually just get called Robert or rob, sometimes robdog or scoobert

38. relationship status: single as a Pringle, not sure how to mingle

39. am a Sagittarius

40. am a cis man

41. went to this lovely lil primary school called Stella Maris and im still mostly friends with all the people I went there with and sadly some of the teachers bc mum teaches there

42/43. went to middle school + high school at sacred heart and (hopefully/probably) going to Adelaide uni as of jan 16th

44. my eyes are hazel but they’ve been described as “swamp green” so idk ( I like to think theyre green bc green eyes….ooft)

46. im 178 cm tall so I think 5′10

47. idk I don’t wanna say its a crush bc im trying to cut him off bc he probably wants nothing do with me but low-key yes

48. uhhhhhhh idk i like that I learn things quickly and that things somehow play out in my favour like 90% of the time and my eyes I guess

49. don’t have any piercings but I kinda wanna get my ears and nose done

50. don’t have any tats either but if I was gonna get one id probably get something small on my ankle or smthn idk

51. am a righty

53. can’t relate bc no piercings

54/56. first best friend that I remember was at primary school, his name was Ethan but he moved to Scotland like 8 years ago or smith and I haven’t talked to him since (theres a whole other can of worms about me pushing ppl away associated with this so if you want a good sob story then hmu)

55. hmmm not gonna talk about my actual first hookup bc Dodgy Circumstances™ but this guy Tyler at a party lmao

59. currently eating nothing

60. currently drinking water

61. im about to read after I finish answering these (path of daggers is good shit so far im only up to chapter 4)

62. currently listening to FKA twigs - Hours

63. currently waiting for myself to finish answering this lmao

64. uhhh idk some day maybe but I would probably be shit at parenting

65. being married sounds wild™, maybe some day

66. honestly no clue what I want career-wise something in health maybe research?? idkk aaaahhhhhh

67. idk probably eyes

68. uhh kisses I guess

69. taller lmao

70. older I guess bc I feel rly rly weird when people are younger than me but like not old old ya know idk

71. I mean spontaneous doesn’t necessarily mean non-romantic but romantic I guess

72. nice arms idk

73. grr I hate these one or the other questions the world aint that black and white @op but loud I guess (im a sensitive bicth™ but also loud and annoying 70% of the time so??? idk someone who could balance that energy ya feel)

74. ya boi has had enough of hookups and wants a relationship maybe

76. yup kissed some strangers before

77. idk whats under the umbrella of hard liquor but probably yes

78. I don’t wear glasses or contacts so nope but I think I lost a pair of sunnies at the beach once when I was younger lmao

80. idk I think I’ve broken a few hearts bc im an asshole

82. never been arrested

83. yes have turned someone down before

84. I usually get really cold and like robotic with tragedies so not really but I did cry at a family friends funeral when I was 12 bc it was open casket and I was very shook that he was just there

85. unfortunately have fallen for a friend before and it sucks bc I think I pushed him away and we’re nowhere near as good friends as we were before

86. in general yeah I believe in myself I guess

87. yeah kinda believe in miracles idk

88. usually id be the kind of person to say no to love at first sight but lately sometimes you really just vibe w people when you see them ya feel

89. nah I don’t believe in heaven

90. yes Santa Is Real and he’s a dom top™

91. I mean I’ve kissed someone before a first date so yeah I don’t really see anything wrong with it

92. nah don’t believe in angels not really

93. how would I label myself?? a gay fool ™

94. my cat Percy bc I just want him to be happy and he high-key deserves a better life

95. nope haven’t sung today.. yet

96. I don’t have any ex’s to care about lmao but if were talkin ex crushes then the friend I mentioned before probably

97. if I could go back in time id go back to a pre-technological era and spook them into thinking im a god or something idk

98. out of everything in the world I jus wish for some peace

99. I am VERY afraid of falling in love lmao

100. ye I like the way I look at a certain angle in certain lighting when using the snapchat front camera lmao but in all seriousness idk not really lmao I fuckn hate the way I look in photos now but I was somehow really arrogant abt it in like 2015 so?? my self image is in a constant state of flux who fkn knows

#the thing was missing a few questions so??#also this is so long but feel free to ask for elaboration on my vague answers bc I love talking about myself and oversharing lmao #ask

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s-nnyd · 7 years

Note

hey. all of the qs from the ask meme that apply to you. have fun

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

oh boy well with my dad most certainly not theres a lot situations where its been made obvious that im not the son he wanted but he’ll still use me as an example to show to my lil bro and also like theres a lot of cockiness too and with my mom i love her and i know she loves and supports me but a lot of that is because im her daughter and id say id have a decent relationship with my mom and i do love her

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

lmao it was you

03: Do you regret anything?

oooooooooooooooooo boi man i been thinking and like ive thought about if ive regretted ever being friends with angie and id like to say that i dont cause shes done a lot and shes given a lot to me whether it be good or bad and ive grown a lot from it and i think that if i completely erased that then i wouldnt be able to work through the things i have and like in other aspects i regret not saying “i think youre cute” to movie girl and knott’s info boy like my goodness they were both so damn cute and i really shoulda said something

04: Are you insecure?

hell yeah i am

05: What is your relationship status?

single right now and i do want to eventually date someone and have that sort of closeness and that sort of relationship where i can feel at peace and rely on someone but i honest to goodness don’t think there’s anyone for me just yet and i don’t think im in a place really to be dating anyone cause i need to resolve things before i try to start something new

06: How do you want to die?

oh man duuude okay so when we read granny weatherall i legit like had a breakdown and i started panicking cause i started thinking about death all of a sudden and like there are situations where ive considered suicide and all but like there are also the times where it feels like its looming over me so much and like i get so so scared like im scared to walk down the pier at the beach at night because it so dark and the point where you look out onto the horizon and the horizon no longer exists and and its just a void and its so dark and like i think thats how i wanna die just im walking out on the pier at midnight and just im swallowed up because i think in the last moments i think i should just confront it

07: What did you last eat?

i had these hawaiian shortbread cookies that are so dang good like mmmmmmmmmmmm

08: Played any sports?

man i used to do tennis and swimming and i would love to go back to it

09: Do you bite your nails?

nah

10: When was your last physical fight?

like one where someone was genuinely hurt? like an hour ago and it was with the ground cause i got flung off my skateboard but for real i think my last physical fight was like kinder

11: Do you like someone?

skdjashjdkashd i doooo and i should noottttt and theres a lot of things i already know that its kinda like the crush is coming from the fact that there was a lot of support and general niceness and a whooollle lot of other reasons why i should not and im looking forward to the day when this goes away

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

my goodness i have and i died

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

hmm i do but i forgot who it was

14: Do you miss someone?

yeah i kinda miss my old self but for real i really miss my cousin lynnette like i havent seen her for like two years and i really needa hang out with her eventually

15: Have any pets?

dang i wish

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

at the moment? p distressed and very in my own head like i really need a break from a lot of other things but i also need a break from myself oh! ill show you my art project that were doing later when i finish it cause like we ended up havign to do an extreme emotion self portrait of how we feel at this point in time and like its hilarious cause ppl pass by it and theyre like “dude are you okay like just looking at that makes me feel bad”

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

dkjasdh i have not but i lowkey wanna just cause

18: Are you scared of spiders?

uH YEAh

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

i would i would and if it was to relive a memory definitely if it was to redo something over differently most definitely if it was to reexperience something wihtout changing something then uh no

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

hhhhhhh oh my goodness lowkey embarrassed to say it cause weve talked about places to snog a while ago and like the last time i did was like in the bushes in the sculpture garden

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

maybe working on the death of a salesman project maybe just getting some rest im really not sure im literally living day to day at this point

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

pfft man i do not wanna have any kids like at all

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

i got two but theyve closed up already since i dont use em

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

art, a bit of dabbling in math, and then also psych like i lvoed the fuck outta that class

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

oh yeah definitely and i think about her a lot i definitely miss meleana and sometimes ill go out and theres a souvenir shop and ill look at the best friend necklaces cause she always got one for us and like i have a box just full of all the halved best friend necklaces and i wonder a lot what would have happened had we still kept contact she was a big gateway to a lot of things in my life

26: What are you craving right now?

mmm some damn relief but for real tho i want someone to run their hands through my hair and pet it and all like any of the daydreams i have are usually centered around my new haircut

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i? dont? think? so? theres like only one of two people i know of who like ever liked me and that was jolin (the other one is this sophomore from my art class last year)

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

lol no

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

wish i could even get a date

30: What’s irritating you right now?

well i brought up the other ones in our chat and those are the main ones currently so

31: Does somebody love you?

yeah and i think in a lot of situations whether theyre friends or fam im being put on the weird pedestal

32: What is your favourite color?

OH OH OH ITS CERULEAN BLUE LIKE I KNOW ITS REAL SPECIFIC BUT LIKE THAT THAT BLUE IS SO GOOD LIKE EVERY TIME I SEE IT IN PUBLIC MY CHEST SWELLS UP AND MY LUNGS FEEL SO COLD AND THE AIR FEELS REALLY NICE AND LIKE MAN I LOVE THAT BLUE

33: Do you have trust issues?

lol yeah and in the process ive lied a lot and ive gotten so good at lying that sometimes i forget i am lying and the lines between whats truth or not get all blurry (i legit did not mean for that to come off as tumblr-esque as it did)

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

it was me just kinda floating in random space and then i was in a white room with no walls no doors no windows and i just walked around in this open blank space

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

hhhh mrs quiggle

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

sometimes i think i do

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

haH hAH HAH haaa.......no

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

uh i believe 13 oh wait no scratch that i was like 8

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

i needed to get the laundry so...

51: Favourite food?

prolly ramen oh or loco moco cause its so good

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

mmm i think id say i do

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

i was working on my entry for the lawyer firm art contest

54: Is cheating ever okay?

hell no

55: Are you mean?

i think so cruel even just cause i know so much and i think people who know and understand and think so much are in general dangerous cause they calculate their actions and sometimes that scares me cause i cant tell if im doing it on purpose or not but just in general yeah im mean like too many shits are just not given

56: How many people have you fist fought?

like? uh? i think maybe two and both times were when i was like 8 or 9

57: Do you believe in true love?

mmm i do i do and i think a lot of that true love stems from a relationship based on communication, honesty, trust, and a really good friendship as a foundation

58: Favourite weather?

oooOOOOOO okay so do you remember that one time it was raining hard as fuck like sophomore year like i know its real vague but it was legit pouring and like it was actually so bad that everyone adn i mean everyone went into the library to get some form of shelter and there were people who were soaked to the bone and peoples umbrellas were getting broken cause it was so cold rainy and windy like that that kinda weather is my fave

59: Do you like the snow?

uh i think i do?

60: Do you wanna get married?

hell yeah

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

mmmm i get a lil weird on that but i think some of my favorite ones are like being called “love” like “whats going on love” or “you look good today love” like mmm i eat that shit up

62: What makes you happy?

man legend of zelda is makign me so damn happy rn like it legit means so damn much to me adn like theres so much i lvoe about it and i just lvoe talking about it and anything about it in general and like also skateboarding has been making me real happy lately like ive never loved getting hurt more and like that sounds really bad and like my left knee’s nerves are totally shot cause i fell straight on it and messed it up cause i was skating but like theres just soemthing about feeling more within my own body because im gettin some form of physical activity adn im getting hurt adn its like its a reality in its own way and like i really love it and i super love when i get to cruise like it feels so damn esp with my hair now and also what makes me happy is the ppl i find cute every now and then like its genuinely such a nice experience and oh oh i just wanted to talk about it jsut cause but like whenever i get a crush i get real excited and real happy cause like i love getting them gifts and seeing the surprise and the happiness on their faces cause its like oh you thought of me and oh its somehting i really love and like it makes them happy for that glimpse of a moment and like i love talking to them and like when they tell me about things they like or their passionate about its so nice to hear cause its like yes yes yes i support you and i love you i love seeing you happy and like just seeing your brightens my day and like even if i do confess and i do get rejected ive been mroe than lucky cause its like the people i have confessed to have been so gentle with the rejection and so kind with it and its like oh no!! like yes im sad that we couldnt be more but like thank you!!! thank you so much for letting me love you adn letting me give you so much thank you for brightening my days up and lettign me see your smiles and hear your laughs like thank you so much im so glad i could crush on you and like thats another thing that makes me happy and like theres probably a lot more that i could talk about but i think ill leave at that for now

63: Would you change your name?

i been actually thinking about it for a while adn in the times that i have considered it i usually use a game with the customizable name to try it out and like at some point i used Elle and then i tried Lynn and like i dunno im really not too sure and maybe if other names come in the future ill test those out cause truly it doesnt feel like my name is my own

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

mm yeah id think so cause theres stuff we were supposed to talk about that we didnt and uhh yeah

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

say “thanks im really flattered but i really dont think im in a place right now where i should get into a relationship”

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

lmao no

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

uhh the guy at the receptionist desk when i went in to submit my entry for the art contest

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

lol if what we talked about wasnt deep and it wasnt you then itd be mrs quiggle

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

fuck yeah

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

i dont think so like i wouldnt even die for myself

#thanks jae #this really was a good breather and it made a lot of things feel better #sickinthesoul

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notalk-justthought · 7 years

Note

all of them fuck-o

oh geez okay here we gooo~

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

-probably Daria

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

-i guess im shy ye

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

-my friends at college

4. Are you easy to get along with?

-i think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

-i dont have a crush on anyone so no one? oh dear

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

-uhhh i honestly dont know anymore

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

-nope

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

-no one

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

-for the most part yeah, depends on who im talking to

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

-Daria

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

-“ye”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

-Be Here by Kaitlyn Alexander, Cocoon by Milky Chance, Freaks Orchestra by The Noisy Freaks, Learn to Trust by Bad Suns and Sur Ma Route by Black M

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

-YES

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

-eh kinda

15. What good thing happened this summer?

-i had a margarita for the first time

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

-i havent kissed anyone sooo

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

-ofc

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

-no

19. Do you like bubble baths?

-yeah, but i havent had one in years ;w;

20. Do you like your neighbors?

-they’re aight dont talk to them much tho

21. What are you bad habits?

-i pick at scabs if i have them

22. Where would you like to travel?

-Japan, Australia, India, Canada, anywhere really

23. Do you have trust issues?

-kinda

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

-i dont remember what my daily routine is since im on break, but eating is fun

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

-im pretty comfortable with my body

26. What do you do when you wake up?

-wish to go back to sleep

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

-nope

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

-Daria

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

-no

30. Do you ever want to get married?

-eh not really

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

-yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

-none im ace my dude

33. Spell your name with your chin.

-oliuvbua

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

-i used to

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

-tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

-yea

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

-“so…”

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

-uhhhh someone who’s nice, likes animals, can make me laugh, um idk something like that

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

-free people

40. What do you want to do after high school?

-im in college rn

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

-it depends on what happened tbh like if something happened that was really bad, then no

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

-im either spacing out or listening to music

43. Do you smile at strangers?

-sometimes

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

-both

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

-hunger or the fear of being late to something

46. What are you paranoid about?

-nothing

47. Have you ever been high?

-nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

-nah

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

-i dont think so

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

-probably purple

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

-yeah

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

-be more motivated to do things i want to do

53. Favourite makeup brand?

-i dont have one

54. Favourite store?

-idk

55. Favourite blog?

-uhhh @animentality probably, fills up my dose of salt everyday

56. Favourite colour?

-blue i guess

57. Favourite food?

-pasta

58. Last thing you ate?

-bread and butter

59. First thing you ate this morning?

-cereal

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

-no?

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

-nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

-nope

63. Ever been in love?

-*What is Love starts playing*

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

-never had a first kiss

65. Are you hungry right now?

-kinda

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

-maybe a little bit, i dunno

67. Facebook or Twitter?

-neither

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

-tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

-no

70. Names of your bestfriends?

-Daria, Pierce, Erica ( @holtzmann-af ), Audra ( @marshmallow-welfare ) and Louise …thats all my friends….uhhhh

71. Craving something? What?

-not really

72. What colour are your towels?

-blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

-one

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

-nope

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

-9 or 10

75. Favourite animal?

-penguins!

76. What colour is your underwear?

-it has like 3 different colors, pink blue and grey i think

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

-vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

-mint chocolate chip

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

-grey

80. What colour pants?

-black

81. Favourite tv show?

-This Is Us

82. Favourite movie?

-Shaun of the Dead

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

-Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

-21 Jump Street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

-Janis Ian

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

-Dory

87. First person you talked to today?

-myself

88. Last person you talked to today?

-myself

89. Name a person you hate?

-nathan

90. Name a person you love?

-uhhh Daria

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

-yes, it me

92. In a fight with someone?

-no

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

-idk 3?

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

-like 4

95. Last movie you watched?

-Moonlight

96. Favourite actress?

-i have no idea

97. Favourite actor?

-uhhhh dont know

98. Do you tan a lot?

-im naturally tan

99. Have any pets?

-yes, 2 cats

100. How are you feeling?

-im tired

101. Do you type fast?

-ye

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

-yeah

103. Can you spell well?

-i can spell well, w-e-l-l

but yeah i can spell pretty decently

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

-yeah

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

-no

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

-maybe?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

-yeah

108. What should you be doing?

-eating pizza i guess

109. Is something irritating you right now?

-stuffy nose

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

-nope

111. Do you have trust issues?

didn’t i answer this already?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

-my mom and bro

113. What was your childhood nickname?

-lulu

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

-yep

115. Do you play the Wii?

-used to

116. Are you listening to music right now?

-no, surprisingly

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

-yeah

118. Do you like Chinese food?

-yeah

119. Favourite book?

-More Than This by Patrick Ness

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

-no

121. Are you mean?

-i hope not

122. Is cheating ever okay?

-never

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

-no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

-nope

125. Do you believe in true love?

-not really no

126. Are you currently bored?

-no

127. What makes you happy?

-being with close friends and just hanging out, and cats and dogs

128. Would you change your name?

-no

129. What your zodiac sign?

-cancer

130. Do you like subway?

-its fine

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

-i dunno, make it clear i dont like them and still be friends with them

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

-my dad

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

-I am clumsy and speechless/and you leave me breathless/and all I can do is just/be here -Be Here by Kaitlyn Alexander

134. Can you count to one million?

-maybe if i had the determination to

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

-i dont know

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

-closed

137. How tall are you?

almost 5′2 almost

138. Curly or Straight hair?

-both?

139. Brunette or Blonde?

-brunette

140. Summer or Winter?

-winter

141. Night or Day?

-night

142. Favourite month?

-October

143. Are you a vegetarian?

-nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

-dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

-yes

146. Was today a good day?

-yeah it was

147. Mars or Snickers?

-snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

- “This is totally off topic but I’m watching an anime and an ad for trojan condoms came on and I’m confused as to why because there is no way I’m going to get laid when watching anime.” -notalk-justthought (me)

(I was watching No. 6 btw)

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

-yeah

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

-there arent any books near me…..i looked up a book online okay

“He’s as hard as a rock and about as human…he thinks I’m a pain in the neck. He likes Soda–everybody likes Soda–but he can’t stand me.” -The Outsiders

#ask #meka-ready

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gaykamukura · 6 years

Note

2-10, 15-20, 26-29, 31-33, 37, 45-48, 51, 52, 59, 60, 63, 67-73, 81, 97, 99, 100

puttin under a read more cause it got long snksnksnskn

2. Favourite protagonist?

i’m gunna be real, i like playing as hajime a lot plus theres some moments where he’s being ridiculous and you’re powerless to stop it so you’re just there, face in your hands, losing your shit snickering.

3. Favourite antagonistic character?

points at my url gently...i know i’m an izuru kinnie but i think he has a lot of nuance espec cause he can fit an antagonist role while still being generally neutral on the havoc he wreaks

4. Favourite character?

i’m very bad at choosing but taka was my first fave and the first character i ever grew attached to that was ripped from me so i’m gonna say taka

5. Best girl?

hina, sakura, ibuki, peko, miu!!! i think my “type” is the girls who are either super stoic or super energetic pffft

6. Best boy?

i already talked abt taka earlier so kazuichi and leon are my beloved weenies

7. Favourite class trial from all the games?

the last class trial in the first game where you as makoto get to earn the title ultimate hope and the mastermind is finally revealed after the 20+ hours of grief and struggle you’ve just been put through and you get that satisfying ending of the mastermind paying for their crimes and everyone getting to go free is just...so good and so climactic i adore it

8. Least favourite character?

if i was in a room and my choices were to delete hifumi yamada from existence and die or survive while having hifumi yamada remain in this world i would choose to sacrifice myself

9. Least favourite class trial?

probably the second one in the first game, because it had all the things i was upset with. the way the genocide jack/jill and toko situation was handled was awful even with it taken in consideration that the game usually uses very trope-y characters, and the whooole thing with chihiro is uncomfortable for the entire trial, and then it all ends with an execution where if you think about it too much it makes your stomach whirl

10. What would be your Ultimate Title?

hmmm something like ultimate tarot card reader or ultimate divination/psychic maybe!!!

15. Your absolute OTP?

oh god i ship everything...i like komahina a lot though even tho i have another handful of ships for hajime

16. Your absolute BROTP?

fuyuhiko and nagito obviously

17. Do you have an OT3? Which one?

none that i can think of rn even tho i’m definitely open to a lot of them...i support gundham dating both sonia and kazuichi while sonia and kazuichi are best friends tho

18. Favourite rare ship?

i’m rly fond of fuyuhiko/nekomaru [hikomaru???] and kamuegi

19. Who do you think is an underrated character?

i feel like toko doesn’t get nearly enough love oh my gosh...i see her dismissed as an accessory to byakuya or “the girl w the serial killer” so often and it makes me so upset...also mukuro generally gets outright ignored even though there’s a lot to her

20. Who do you think is an overrated character?

i feel like i see a lot of stuff for mikan everywhere??? but i...don’t like her that much. her personality kinda feels like the same thing all the time, under the despair disease she feels like junko 2 electric boogaloo or tsumugi the squeakquel, and her execution was underwhelming. and she also killed ibuki, the best gal :(

26. Favourite execution?

oh god definitely leon’s. the first execution of the first game and it goes hard as hell. it’s one of the few if only times you see red blood in the game, he goes out kicking and screaming in a way that you have to feel sorry for him. it’s an unbelievable way to start off the game and really encapsulates all of the wild ride danganronpa is gonna put you in for.

27. Least favourite execution?

as i said before, mikan’s was...underwhelming. as the ultimate nurse who spent her life being a doormat only to kill out of love, there’s an amazing amount of executions and ideas that would have been full of nuance and really interesting but instead she just gets blasted into fucking orbit

28. Favourite unused execution?

oh god i love byakuya’s unused execution because it’s one of those executions that focuses less on the character’s talent and more on the character’s fear. when you realize what byakuya’s future could have been, pretty much complete estrangement from the family and having to build up everything on his own with the fear of poverty constantly looming.

plus the fact that he fights because he could have condemned his half-siblings to that fate only for he, himself, to lose in a killing game and die thinking he was a disgrace is so painful. not to mention the execution itself is a slow and painful death.

it’s so brutal, so focused on breaking every fear and effort of the character, that i think it’s one of those executions that would come to mind whenever you wanted a picture definition for “despair”.

29. Which character should survived in your opinion?

leon kuwata should have lived...he was talented but he was still a normal-ish boy who couldve kept everyone at their wits in the killing game by reminding them what was waiting for them out there. lots of others but i’ve been thinking of baseball husband lately

31. Is there a character you think who shouldn’t have survived but did?

i love yasuhiro that weed smoking boy but he was too dumb to live

32. Least favourite protagonist?

uhhh hmmm i like all of them but kaede had the least screentime so she’s a protagonist where her personality isn’t 100% crystal-clear so. i GUESS

33. Character with the best clothing?

i want chiaki’s hoodie and backpack and LOOK more than i want to breathe oxygen. junko also has a fucking aesthetic

37. Favourite minor character?

taichi fujisaki i guess??? programmer dad

45. Unpopular opinion?

i dunno what other people think of this because i haven’t heard anything about it, but the closing argument minigame was better in sdr1

46. Unpopular headcanon?

i think genocide jack/jill is nonbinary but i’ve never seen anybody else who has the same headcanon

47. A headcanon you have about a character?

one of my long-time headcanons is that makoto is trans...yeet

48. Favourite OST?

danganronpa 2 has bop after bop. miss monomi’s practice lesson? bop. all the execution themes? bops. ikoroshia and ekoroshia? bops. i am constantly jamming the fuck out in this game

51. Character you thought you were gonna dislike but loved in the end?

i thought i was always gonna hate hiyoko and yeah she does have flaws but i actually like her a lot more than i used to

52. Character you thought you would like but disliked in the end?

thought korekiyo was gonna be a cool dude who was a lil weird and emo but still fun. boy was i wrong. im stealing him from spiky chunky until they learn to stop it

59. Favourite moment?

again, the final trial in the first game is fucking amazing, but also the final trial in the second game with hajime and chiaki plus all the izuru stuff and all the messages there r just. good as hell aaah

60. Saddest moment?

all of chapter 2 in sdr2 was painful. mahiru, who was a force of good, dies, the trial is difficult, the twilight syndrome murder case is terrifying, hiyoko is mourning and you have to spit it right back in her face for awhile that she’s the prime suspect...

and then the only reward you get for finding the real killer is feeling guilty as the tears run and then your final reward is getting to watch as one of your friends dies while the other gets mortally injured and barely survives and then only a bit of gametime later attempts suicide in front of you. it is blow after blow w/o breaks

63. Describe Kyoko Kirigiri in 3 words!

lovely detective lady

67. Which character would you never want to meet in real life?

hifumi because i would be wearing an anime tshirt cause im a fucking weeb and then he’d be an incel while i suffered just trying to buy a lifetime supply of panda candy from hot topic

68. Which character would you like to meet in real life?

kazuichi cause he seems p chill and like the type of person you could just hang out with or have a chat with casually and not have to worry about first impressions and stuff like that

69. Choose one character which you would take with you on a trip.

70. Character you would have a sleepover with?

chiaki because we’re both super sleepy but we could also play a bunch of games together and then pass out together with a bunch of snacks

71. Character you can relate to?

sorry to be kinnie on main but izuru, i relate to that feeling of always excelling at everything you do and as a result being constantly bored, so whether what happens is good or bad doesn’t matter so long as it’s interesting

72. Character you can relate to but you dislike them?

kokichi, again being kinnie on main but while i relate i dislike it because it’s a reminder of my tendency to lie to others and to myself for any number of purposes

73. Character who deserved better?

[sniffles softly] taka. also keebo. toko too tbh

81. Could you be the Ultimate Lucky Student?

probably??? my luck varies from being unbelievably good and unbelievably bad so hey

97. Overrated ship which is your NOTP?

toko/byakuya for sure. i don’t like the it(tm)

99. Your absolute NOTP?

junko being shipped with anyone but especially with the sdr2 cast because it is gross. let the sdr2 cast do the right thing and get to pull a knife on junko instead

100. Opinion on all the Protagonists!

makoto: a boy who has a mouth and must scream. he’s not having a good time but hes trying his best

hajime: a good, refined boy. he knows how to say and spell big words like antidisestablishmentarianism, or however that goddamn word is spelled. the most paranoid boy

komaru: a good gal, a lil anxious but very strong and ready to kick ass. a funky little lesbian

toko: a blessed gal who needs more appreciation. her time as a protagonist is extremely gay, meaning she is also a funky little lesbian.

kaede: she doesn’t have much screen time but i appreciate her. she’s nice to people and confident whereas everyone else in this series is nervous

shuichi: nervous and emo, shuichi truly represents teenage america in the years 2007-2012, possibly 2013. i adore him

#text #ask meme #edchemist

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baekhoneyed · 7 years

Text

tagged by @kokokysoo for one of those “get to know me” memes! (under the cut cuz its so long)

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (idk how many people ill end up tagging and dont feel obligated!!)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water but like i think my flatmates put vodka in the ice cube trays so?? not sure exactly how much is accidentally Not Water

2. Phone Call: uhhhhh a study abroad program advisor

3. Text Message: my older brother tryna convince me that i’ll make friends eventually lmao

4. Song you listened to: i actually stopped writing this to grab a sweater but then TT came on and i instinctively dance to it now so that happened

5. Time you cried: almost last night but like... not enough feelings to actually cry yet just wait

6. Dated someone twice: never even dated someone once, bro...

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i never regret giving my dog kisses but sometimes my cat swipes at me :/

8. Been cheated on: gotta have a boyfriend first to get cheated on

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: only since i was 12 years old l m f a o

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i hate puking so i never go past being tipsy

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. red!

13. millennial pink fight me

14. rose gold fight me again

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yyyes but i sure would like to make some more Here, at my Current University

16. Fallen out of love: mmm not Love but definitely Like? i stopped Liking someone who i had a crush on

17. Laughed until you cried: so frequently it’s worrisome

18. Found out someone was talking about you: um did u mean middle and high school? i was such a petty bitch tho i put em in their places after crying in my room alone lmfao

19. Met someone who changed you: yes yes yes! dallon is the first who comes to mind he’s... no words

20. Found out who your friends are: ummm i dont know?

21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: ...my mom??? lmao

GENERAL:

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them except a few who ive just added bc we’re all transfer students to the same university this year and im Desperate

23. Do you have any pets: yes!! 2 cats, Harry and Kai (shut up ok i’ve always liked that syllable in chinese) and one dog, Lady my perfect cuddle angel baby

24. Do you want to change your name: honestly... sometimes yeah? but only because it’s so boring when it’s translated into chinese/korean so maybe i’d just change my names in those languages idk

25. What did you do for your last birthday: probably just went out to dinner w/ my family, but when i got back to my old college my friends and i went to a store in Queens it was such a good day...

26. What time did you wake up: like... noon probably lmao #depression

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: rewatching exo next door and gettin emotional over ksoo

28. Name something you can not wait for: THE POWER OF MUSIC BITCH LESS THAN 12 HOURS NOW

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a couple weeks ago when she and my dad helped me move in to my apartment

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i didnt have fucking depression! anxiety is easy to deal with for me but depression isnt

31. What are you listening to right now: walk on memories

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i have a 2nd cousin named Tom he’s like 50 years old

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ......so much

34. Most visited website: netflix/facebook/tumblr

35. Mole/s: one on my back, one on my neck, one under my left boob... i think that’s it

36. Mark/s: mostly bruises on my shins bc im clumsy; also some shaving scars from like 3+ years ago (one of em bled for 4 days while i was in china!)

37. Childhood dream: typical american kid stuff like ballerina and movie star

38. Hair color: medium brown i guess? it used to be lighter but it’s been getting darker as i get older

39. Long or short hair: i just cut it short again so it’s just touching my shoulders when dry (it’s wavy-curly so it’s a bit longer than that in reality)

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah can i have uhhhhhhhh byun baekhyun? no one irl tho

41. What do you like about yourself: ive got a great complexion that has really calmed down in the past few years! and i love my eyes ive got gorgeous eyes and a nice smile and a cute body and ive been doin self-love the past year can u tell?

42. Piercings: just regular ear piercings that i only got... a year ago...

43. Blood type: i never remember but maybe O? whichever one is the most common i think idk tho

44. Nickname: lulu is a nickname, ummm ive had a few friends call me em or ems which is cute

45. Relationship status: chronically single and repulsive to the male population, perhaps?

46. Zodiac: sun in pisces/leo rising (fun fact when i was little a kid asked me my sign so i said pisces and he called me fish poop so i cried) (he was probably a gemini the fuckin asshole), year of the tiger

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite tv show: pushing daisies, 30 rock, scrubs, grey’s anatomy but only up til the 8th season then it’s bad

49. Tattoos: i actually almost got one a few weeks ago but then i lost my job :/ i wanted to get “je ne regrette rien” tattooed on my hip bone real small

50. Right or left handed: right - i used to be able to write pretty well with my left hand but alas...

51. Surgery: yyyup wisdom teeth removal, eyelid surgery to get rid of some bumpy things, broken arm when i was like 1.5 years old, and im getting lasik next summer probably

52. Piercing: ya already asked ya doofus

53. Sport: my dad made me play basketball in middle school i got 2 technical fouls bc i had anger issues so i stopped playing basketball. i got Decent at ballet tho!

54. Vacation: we havent really had the money lately

55. Pair of trainers: i just bought 2 new pairs bc i ruined my only pair in seoul and had to throw them out (they got soaked in the rain and then mildewed n all) (side note: they’re so expensive?? the adidas and nike were as expensive as the new balance which is Silly so i just bought adidas and nike)

MORE GENERAL:

56. Eating: nothing rn but i need to go get dinner...

57. Drinking: did we not already go over this

58. I’m about to go: either to the dining hall or to a nearby restaurant im honestly not sure

59. Waiting for: exo to move in next door to me only to discover that one of them is my childhood best friend-slash-first love and another has fallen in love with me and my clumsy but lovable personality :)

60. Want: byun baekhyun (im kidding kind of, um i want to make friends here and be less anxious about my classes and life in general)

61. Get married: yeah one day but so far no one i’ve met is Vibing with that seeing as no one will even ask me out im not Super Hopeful :/

62. Career: chinese major/korean minor at a university um hopefully after i graduate someone will hire me and give me money to do something i dont completely hate but we’ll see

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: i literally would not know so i will say Hugs because they’re the only things ive experienced! and i could use a really long hug rn

64. Lips or eyes: ...eyes... but lips r important too cuz i cant even look at a photo of amy schumer anymore w/out staring at her terrifying lips

65. Shorter or taller: taller but someone around my height would be ok too (.....im just sayin im like the same height as bbh...)

66. Older or younger: older bc im not about to go dating a freshman or a high schooler lmfao

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: arrrrrrrrms

68. Hookup or relationship: never had either but i think i’d prefer a stable relationship to some extent?? we just dont know

69. Troublemaker or hesitant: im a troublemaker when im comfortable w/ people/places but other than that hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

70. Kissed a stranger: no

71. Drank hard liquor: yeah it’s nasty :/ but it does the trick

72. Lost glasses/contact lenses: somehow no

73. Turned someone down: ya this one guy hit on me when i was walking thru myeongdong but he was a) a stranger b) 25 years old c) from egypt so like it was never gonna happen buddy

74: Sex on the first date: gonna need a first date before i can even answer (the answer would be no i am not down w/ that)

75. Broken someone’s heart: probably not, ill dont think im capable of doing that plus im still so young that realistically it just hasnt been a possibility

76. Had your heart broken: not really, my silly crushes have all been resolved easily bc i never talk about them and then i notice things i dont like about the person and stop liking them like that

77. Been arrested: no but a friend of mine got arrested for trespassing on a roof in nyc last year lmao

78: Cried when someone died: yeah

79. Fallen for a friend: sort of? briefly? it never went anywhere it was silly

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. Yourself: i try to most days but it’s rough

81: Miracles: i mean im not a non-believer but i also don’t actively wait for them to happen or really put much stock in them

82. Love at first sight: im not sure because bbh hasnt seen me yet so how would we know??

83. Santa Claus: not anymore i think when i was 8 i sorta stopped

84. Kiss on the first date: never even had a first date or a first kiss ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

85. Angels: um yeah actually! proof they exist - byun baekhyun do kyungsoo kim jongdae kim jongin the list goes on,,

OTHER:

90. Current best friends: dallon, lilli, ida, stephanie, aria!

91: Eye color: light green. i have Gorgeous eyes!!!

92: Favorite movie: a taiwanese movie called Secret, i rly liked ksoo’s movie Hyung, Chicago the Musical... there are more but im drawing a blank

i guess ill tag... no one but if ur reading this and u wanna do it feel free to say i tagged u! i love learning about u guys it makes me feel less alone

#about me #long post //#tysm for tagging me i love being recognized as a Person!!

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