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saeyoungs-sunflower · 4 years

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To Weather a Storm (Saeyoung x MC)

Oh, Saeyoung. How I have missed you.

Summary: It’s easier to hide from the storm, but do you really want to waste away under your shelter, having never danced in the rain?

Warnings:

Some violence, blood and brief mention of torture.

General angst (with a happy ending)

Songs:

I Dreamed a Dream - Les Miserables

Already Gone - Sleeping at Last

After the Storm - Mumford and Sons

Come What May - Moulin Rouge

Fic and notes under the cut.

A/N: Okay, I know I tend to ramble at the beginning of a fic but I feel like these need to be said, for my sake. You’re more than welcome to ignore this, but I gotta get these off my chest. This fic includes and was based on a poem I wrote a little while ago, which I know sounds horribly pretentious and pompous, but I had the idea for this fic weeks after I wrote it and it didn’t seem complete unless I included it. In addition, because it was written before the fic, it is personal and I feel very vulnerable posting it here, but once again I felt like it made the fic whole. I’m also anonymous on here so really, how vulnerable can I be? I am no poet, I am aware of that, but I am someone with a lot of emotions and a desire to express them. The poem essentially comes in two parts, the second part being written when I was having a better day. It may not seem that deep, and it probably isn’t, but it holds weight for me. That being said, here is some Saeyoung x MC, and I suppose, a little bit about myself. I hope you enjoy :)

“Why do you resist the calm?” they had asked.

Because calm comes with the promise of a

storm,

And the sting is much less felt from a fall

Out of an angel’s grip

Than a fall from their grace.

“Then why do you resist the storm?”

Because now, I have all the more to lose.

——

“But then answer me this,” they persevered,

“Would you not favour risking the fierce strike,

To feel the heavens kiss your skin

And witness the electric sky,

Than to waste away within your borders,

Having never learnt to dance in the rain?”

He was killing himself.

Eighteen years old. At this rate he wouldn’t live to see nineteen, inching closer to death’s cold embrace with every sleepless night and every meal skipped. Even off hours he was working, his fingers trembling as they danced across the keys for hours, days on end. He just needed to prove he was the best. He needed them to trust him.

Saeyoung was still technically in training, despite the fact that he was likely the most skilled hacker in the agency, let alone amongst the recruits. The agency were thrilled by his skills and work ethic, which was exactly what he needed.

He needed them to trust him to the point where they were dependent on him. If they needed him, then he would remain in the agency for as long as he lived, and therefore his other half was safe for that same length of time.

Whilst the agency didn’t care for their agents’ wellbeing in the slightest, they cared about losing something valuable to them. And, in this case, it was 707.

“They sent me to tell you to go the hell to bed,” came a voice from behind him.

He kept his eyes glued to the screen, “Then tell them to fuck off.”

“So you have a death wish?”

“You don’t?”

With a weary sigh, you sat at the computer next to him and he finally looked at you, his eyes bloodshot and his face devoid of any colour. Or life, for that matter. You looked him dead in the eye, “I get what you’re doing, but you’re not going to be any help if you’re a corpse.”

“I don’t care. That’s the boss’ problem, not mine.”

“I’m not talking about him, I’m talking about the person you’re protecting.”

His eyes shot to yours in panic, and you laughed despite yourself, “People don’t come here for a holiday, you idiot. Everyone who’s here is here for a reason, and we all know it’s the same reason.” You were the exception to that rule, but that wasn’t necessary for him to know.

He reclined in his chair and shut his eyes for what felt like the first time in days. Maybe it was.

You placed your hand on top of his, the action startling him a little, making you chuckle, “Listen, you don’t have to do all this. You’re better at this than all of us combined, the boss adores you. You have nothing to worry about, okay?” the soft smile that graced your features was enough to make Saeyoung feel more at ease. You were too kind. You didn’t belong there.

Your eyes flickered towards his computer screen and you sighed again, “I’m going to get you some water and some food whilst you finish up, but then you are getting some sleep.”

Saeyoung watched you as you left, and wondered how such a warm soul had found themselves in such an icy place. You were taking a huge risk by caring for him, and yet you did it without hesitation nor complaint. He couldn’t tell if that was down to altruism or naivety. He suspected it was both.

After you returned, he ate and drank as you took over his work, finishing the last bit of coding before shutting down the computer. He was surprised by your effortless ability to continue from where he left off, but was even more surprised by your willingness to do so. You stood up once you both finished and held out your hand for him, which he took, letting you hoist him to his feet as he discovered he was too weak stand on his own. With one arm around you for support, you led him back to the room.

Every recruit slept on the floor in the same damp room, and with your designated space being directly next to Saeyoung’s, you got to know one another. Not much, not at all, but a little goes a long way in such wretched circumstances.

You learnt that his mouth twitched when he had a nightmare, so you always woke up when it did so. He learnt that you subconsciously twiddled your thumbs when you couldn’t sleep, so he’d watch over you until you went still and your breath evened. Little by little, you learnt to look out for each other. You were in it together and, at least for a while, that was enough.

Usually, forming relationships of any kind within the agency was forbidden, but since he was the boss’ golden boy, he could get away with anything he damn well pleased. Not you, though. And whilst you were kind, you were no doormat.

The next morning, during working hours, you kicked up a fuss (rightfully so, Saeyoung thought) about a guard whose hands were wondering in a place they had no business being. The agency were not impressed by your reaction. They didn’t like your stubbornness or your strong will. They didn’t like your self-awareness.

You were taken away, and Saeyoung didn’t see you again until you came to bed long after the sun had set. You were practically chucked into the room, your crumpled form a heap on the hard floor, the cold biting at your bare skin.

Saeyoung struggled to see you in the darkness, but he could just about identify your silhouette as you heaved yourself up, dragging your weight towards your space. As you got closer, he could start to see the glisten from the tears that coated your face, trickling over bruised and slashed flesh. When you laid down, he carefully moved his hand to envelope yours, stroking the back of it with his thumb - a silent message carrying all that your feeble heart needed to hear. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m here. It’s not happening anymore. I’m not going anywhere.

You’re not alone.

His warm breath tickled your face, and you knew that if you edged forward, your forehead would meet his. With a moment’s hesitation, you did so, and that was where you remained until morning, desperately clutching on to the only sign of humanity that could be seen for miles, and the only man to touch you without teeth bared.

From then, you slept every night like that, inching closer and closer until finally his lips hesitantly grazed against your own. Tentative fingertips roamed over pebbled skin, and with a hand cradling your neck and a stroke of his tongue against your bottom lip, you welcomed him to take you completely with his illicit kiss. A reckless attempt to feel something, anything other than pure agony.

You were only children. Naive, daring, broken children who had never known love of any kind, but were somehow able to offer it.

You wished it could still be enough, that your quiet entanglement could be your one reason to hold on. But the tightrope you walked on became more turbulent everyday.

It was an enormous risk, but a risk you would take.

The guards became more hostile towards you after your incident, and their tolerance had reached an all time low. You were reported more often and your punishments became more brutal. You realised then that Hell wasn’t a place, it was a snap of a belt and a knick of a knife, a knee to the gut. You needed to escape.

A month after this began, you sent him a message. He was a good enough hacker that he was able to set up a chatroom that only you two could access, and that wouldn’t be detected by those higher up. It was your only safe haven, a trench on a battlefield. But burying yourself away from the action didn’t mean the war had ended.

606: I’m getting out of here.

707: there’s only one way out, and you what that is

606: That’s only if I don’t run fast enough.

707: they’ll kill you

606: Then so be it.

707: i’m not going to let that happen

606: It’s not your problem.

707: it is if it’s you.

606: You don’t even know me.

707: i know enough

606: I’m sorry

That night, you didn’t come back to your bed, and there was no sign of you other than the chilling echo of a gunshot that resonated through the building. Saeyoung crushed his eyelids shut, yet the tears still flowed as his teeth dug into his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, the bitter mix of salt and iron consuming his taste buds.

A rumour got around that you had tried to run and were shot on sight. You were used as a cautionary tale for new recruits. Apparently they had the CCTV footage. Apparently they showed them the pictures. Saeyoung wouldn’t know, he stopped listening.

From that day forward, he put his headphones on and worked. He worked until his fingers bled and blistered, reminding himself everyday of why he couldn't rock the boat unless he could see the shore, especially in such turbulent waters. You took that chance, and you couldn’t even swim.

Saeyoung found your name two days after you disappeared.

MC.

A picture of you from your life before also came up in his search, and he threw up in the bathroom as the image of you smiling slowly morphed into that of your limp and bloodied body, eyes wide open as they pierced into his own, haunting him. One day he would avenge you, and one day, in another life, he would see your smile again.

But today, he had to work.

“Why do you resist the calm?” they would ask.

Because calm comes with the promise of the

storm,

And the sting is much less felt from a fall

out of an angel’s grip

Than a fall from their grace.

***

“707! On your right!”

Swivelling around, Saeyoung deftly aimed his gun at the guard approaching, landing a perfect shot between the eyes. His aim was so accurate, in fact, that he landed it with his own eyes closed. He never looked, he could never stomach it. “Vanderwood, you keep a look out. I’m going to scope out the place.”

“Roger that.”

Missions were the most onerous part of the job for Saeyoung. With every bullet and every crimson stain on another body, he felt a piece of whatever innocence he had disappear. Scar tissue was harder than skin, and at that point, he felt he had no softness left.

This mission, however, was particularly demanding. The opposing side outnumbered Vanderwood and himself by a long shot, but they somehow managed to hold their own. They were both convinced they had taken down everyone in the building, so he was caught off guard when he entered what he thought was an empty room, only to find himself face-to-face, or gun-to-gun with someone who should have been dead hours ago.

Or, upon inspection, years ago.

“...MC?”

He lowered his gun but you kept your hold strong, eyes never wavering from his. His mouth was agape as he took in the sight before him. Your hair had grown, you were thinner, and he could have sworn your eyes had lost their colour.

But God, there was still something so ineffably beautiful about you. That much hadn’t changed.

Saeyoung had dropped the gun completely, the clash of metal against metal pervading the room, “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same of you.”

“Yeah? Well I believed you to be dead for years now so I think my question is a tad fucking more valid.”

For a split second, he swore he saw your lips quiver before you pressed them into a thin line, “You were always a better hacker, 707, but I was a better frontliner. I got away with merely a bullet to the arm. But as they say, birds of a feather flock together, and it wasn’t long until I was found and recruited by someone else. Fate never favoured me, clearly.”

You held your aim, but he noticed your eyes go glassy and your knees almost buckle under your weight, and only then did he register the wound on your thigh and the ominous maroon pool on the floor next to you. His heart rate shot up, “MC…I need you to lower the gun.”

“How the fuck do you know my name?”

“That’s not important, what matters is that you’re gonna bleed out if we don’t do something about that wound right now.”

“Then I guess we’ll bleed out together,” you said, your voice strangled but your aim never faltering.

“You don’t really want that though, do you?” Saeyoung said quietly, his arms up as he creeped towards you until there was no empty space between you and him, only the barrel of your gun. Carefully, he took hold of it and tugged it out of you grasp, an arm around your waist as he lowered your collapsing form onto the floor.

The colour left your face as beads of sweat started to trickle across your features. Saeyoung took out a bandage from his utility belt and started to wrap up the wound. It would need to be treated properly, but it was enough to get you out of there.

You watched him intently as he attended to you, the same crease forming between his eyebrows from when he worked. It was strange the things you remember about another person. Only then did you realise just how much you had longed for him in the years gone by, and hot tears spilled from your eyes before you had time to register them.

His attention immediately averted to your face, cradling it with both hands as he brushed away your tears with the pad of his thumb, “Hey hey hey, you’re okay. We’re gonna get you out of here, I’m not leaving you.”

“What’s the point? I won’t last a month out there on my own.”

“You’re not going to be on your own. Like I said, I’m not leaving you. You don’t belong in a place like this, and soon you won’t have to,” he rested his forehead on yours, just like you used to, “I need you to trust me.”

“I’d be a burden.”

“You would never. Not to me.”

You eyed him carefully, trying to find any mark of dishonesty on his face, but all you saw was heartache. “Your name,” you croaked, your bones growing heavier with every passing second, “I need to know your name.”

“Saeyoung,” he answered coolly, “Saeyoung Choi.”

He tucked one arm under your knees and the other under your middle as he stood up, effortlessly manoeuvring through the building as he carried you. Vanderwood was waiting outside, exasperation etched on his face as he took in the sight of you both, “Seriously? What the hell is this?”

“No questions, Vanderwood. Just drive,” he ordered as he glided into the backseat with you still in his arms. Setting you down carefully, he checked your injury before taking out his phone and calling the top name on his short list of contacts, “Jumin, it’s me. I need a favour.”

The drive was quiet, but it wasn’t long until your leg was being treated privately in the penthouse of none other than the director of C&R International, Jumin Han. You recognised him from the news, and his association with Saeyoung only raised more questions about his life after you left.

Once the doctor and Jumin Han left, Saeyoung moved to perch on the edge of your bed, gently rubbing your knee, “How’re you feeling?”

“Better…thank you. But, I still don’t know what you expect me to do now. I can’t stay here forever.”

“I have made some arrangements,” he explained, inching closer to you, “You can now go by your real name, and you will become a part of a charity organisation called the RFA, taking the role of ‘party coordinator’. Myself and Jumin are also members and we, as well as the others, will protect you. We have an apartment for you, and you will be safe there. You can start afresh.”

Your eyes widened, sceptical that fate had had such a quick change of heart, “What about the agency? And everyone else who wants me dead?”

“I’m dealing with it.”

“I can’t let you to do that.”

“It’s not your choice.”

You both sat in a heavy silence for what felt like an eternity. Eventually you moved over, inviting him to take the space next to you. He did so, sliding up until you were lying face-to-face with the man that you thought had slipped out of your grasp. Surely it was all too good to be true.

“There’s one catch though.”

And there it was. Too good indeed.

You cocked an eyebrow, and he continued, “If this is to work, we need to keep our distance. You can’t be close to me when I’m still an agent, it’s too risky. After tonight, I’m your colleague at the RFA and nothing more,” you opened your mouth to object, but he cut you off before you had the opportunity, “No, this is non-negotiable. It’s too dangerous and I’m not taking any chances,” he paused, his next words almost a whisper, “I’m not losing you twice.”

Something in your chest ached, but you understood. You had to. As long as he was an agent and was working to erase your soiled past, getting close to him would be too dangerous for the both of you. He was essentially betraying his agency, and if they found out, even he couldn’t get away with it. This was the only way.

So for one last time you grabbed his hand, holding it close to your chest as you closed your eyes. He pressed a kiss against your forehead before placing his own there, in same position as when you were young, but now your minds a little wiser and your hearts a little more bruised. You prayed that you could stay like that forever, that the sun would never rise and you would never have to let go.

But morning was inevitable, and with the first rays of sunshine that filtered through the curtains, Saeyoung untangled himself from you and drove himself back to his bunker, refusing to grant himself the luxury of looking back.

Headphones back over his ears and a soda in hand, he began to work, taking himself back to the quiet agony he resided in, his hiding place from the devil that knocked on his door.

“Then why do you resist the storm?”

Because now, I have all the more to lose.

***

Your legs were dangling over the clifftop as you overlooked the city in the distance. You observed as more building lights flickered off the longer you sat. You wondered whether all the lights would disappear if you waited there long enough, leaving you completely alone on the outskirts of the city you built your new life on.

But either way, you would never truly be alone, would you?

“You know, for a trained agent, you’re not very stealthy,” you said smoothly.

“Like you said, you were far better on the frontline than I was,” Saeyoung replied, “Besides, it was intentional. I thought I shouldn’t startle you when you’re so close to the edge.”

You smirked and gave a hollow laugh, “Literally or figuratively?”

“I don’t know, MC,” he said softly, sitting down next to you, “You tell me.”

It had been a little over a year since you started your new life, and you found it crazy how much had gone down in such a short amount of time. After everything that happened with the Mint Eye, you couldn’t believe that everyone returned alive. And better yet, Saeyoung returned with his brother, meaning he no longer relied on the agency, so he managed to worm his way out of their fierce grip. He became boundless, and so did you. Things were looking up, things we’re finally changing.

But still, nothing had changed between you two.

You rested your head on his shoulder, both of you looking out onto the city until he finally broke the dense silence, “What are you thinking about?”

You took a deep breath, “I don’t think I was meant to live this long,” you began, “I should have been shot that night I ran, or bled to death the day our base was infiltrated. Hell, I should have died in that alleyway before they took me away.” That last part was new information to Saeyoung. He never knew that’s how you were recruited, and he suddenly felt his blood begin to boil. He tensed, trying to conceal his anger. “Yet, somehow, the universe kept me living and as well as that, kept bringing you to me. Like a guardian angel, I suppose. But life’s never really that generous is it? Because every time you came back, I could only get so close. You were just a trick of light,” your voice cracked at the same time his heart did, and he laid his head upon yours, “You’re free now, Saeyoung. When are you going to stop shutting me out?”

He sighed, “There are people out there who hate me, MC, and want more than just me dead. Escaping the agency hasn’t changed that, it has left us in the same place as before. The closer you are to me, the less safe you are.”

“I don’t want safety, Saeyoung. I want you,” you turned to face him, but he was already standing up and walking away, hands shoved in his pockets. “So now I can’t even talk to you?” you yelled after him, getting up from your own seat on the ground.

“I already know what you are going to say. I’ve told you so many times before-“

“Yes, and I listened, now it’s your turn. I’m sick of both of us taking away the other’s right to choose. We’re going to decide our future together, right now, and in order to do that we need to listen to each other.”

He watched you silently for a moment, but you continued, attempting to swallow down the lump in your throat, “I used to dream of a life that was simple, plain sailing. A life where pain was a myth and everything was nothing short of a fairy tale. Every night I dreamed of that life, and every night I prayed for morning to never come so I could stay in that dream forever, because it was easier to hide there than to scrape through a day in the hell that was my reality. And then there was you, and you were kind and you cared for me when I thought I deserved nothing, that I was nothing. I realised then that I didn’t want to live in that dream anymore, you know why? Because you weren’t in it. Because I knew that being in love with you wouldn’t be easy-“

“Don’t throw that word around so carelessly.”

“Carelessly? When I ran away and heard that gunshot, the first image that came to my mind was you. Does that mean nothing to you? I’m about to die and I don’t feel fear, just a stabbing regret that I left behind the one thing that finally made me grateful for every sunrise,” you sobbed, tears now streaming down your face, “Saeyoung, if you tell me to stop, I’ll stop. If you don’t feel the same way, I will leave you alone. But if you tell me that you want me too, then how can you expect me to just walk away from you?”

“You could die.”

“I could not.”

“I’m not willing to take that risk.”

“But what if I am?” you cried, your body trembling, “What if I want to die having loved you rather than die having never known what it was like to do so?”

“It would be like loving a monster, because that’s what I am.”

“Not to me. Not ever.”

Saeyoung couldn’t take his eyes off you, his clenched fists shaking by his side and his mind reeling. His heart was screaming at him to go to you, to hold you in his arms and tell you that he fell in love with you in a place where love didn’t even exist. That he has loved you since you were young and broken, and loved you more with every day that you grew older together. But his brain ordered him to hold back, and so he did. His head would always have power over his heart, that was his rule.

The soft peal of thunder could be heard in the distance as rain started to shower, quickly soaking your hair and clothes. Saeyoung looked at you with pleading eyes, “Get in the car, MC, I’m taking you home. You’ll get sick if we stay out here.”

“You said before that you wouldn’t lose me twice,” you continued, ignoring his request, “but you lost me for the second time when you told me to keep my distance. I know you said it to protect me and I appreciate that, I really do, but you no longer get to decide that kind of thing on my behalf,” you stepped towards him until your faces were a breath away from each other, “I want you in my life, Saeyoung, and everything that comes with you. Please, you’ve been through enough tragedy and heartache, stop depriving yourself of what your heart yearns for. It’s a fleeting little life, take a risk and live it.”

Saeyoung’s heart was pounding so hard against his ribcage that he thought it would crack. He studied how your eyelashes glistened from the raindrops, before they slid down your cheek and rested at the point of your chin. He no longer knew where the raindrops ended and the tears began, but he did know that he couldn't hold back anymore. For once, he would let his heart take the wheel.

He tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear before he held your face in the calloused palm of his hand, tilting it up until your lips met. He revelled in the way your lips moved against his, the same way they did when you were kids. He knew your kiss better than the back of his hand, and he wanted to kick himself for keeping you at arms length when you belonged in their embrace. Saeyoung could finally understand what you meant, because he would happily drown in your kiss if it meant he could feel the way he did in that moment for the rest of his life.

Every nerve in his body lit up as he deepened the kiss, fire dancing through his veins as you wrapped your arms around his neck, hands running through his hair. With a moment of boldness, he moved his hands to sit on your waist as he pulled your closer to him, your bodies flush against each other.

When you both broke away to breathe, he tucked his face into your neck, his eyelashes tickling against your skin as his eyes fluttered shut. He didn’t particularly believe in destiny, but having you in his arms made him entertain the idea. He would no longer deprive you of the love you deserved, nor would he deprive himself of the love he desired.

There was a lot of healing to do, and it would take time, you both knew that. Trust doesn’t come naturally to those born in a storm. But you can’t soothe the storm, nor can you live in the calm before it, you can only weather it. And if you were by his side, then what was a little bit of thunder?

You both stood there in each other’s embrace, completely sodden but passed the point of caring. You wanted to savour that moment, because that was the first time in both your lives where you felt completely at ease in your bliss; and when it rains, it pours.

“But then answer me this,” they persevered,

“Would you not favour risking the fierce strike,

To feel the heavens kiss your skin

And witness the electric sky,

Than to waste away within your borders

Having never learnt to dance in the rain?”

***

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger fanfic #mystic messenger fanfiction #mysme #saeyoung x mc #luciel x mc #seven x mc #707 x mc #saeyoung choi #luciel choi #mm seven #mm 707 #my writing

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riseofmoonxchild · 5 years

Text

b i t t e r ⬴ ʇ ǝ ǝ ʍ s // chapter one

➴pairing – jimin x reader – taehyung x reader – [ft. namjoon]

➴genre – fluff // angst

➴theme – college!au // jimin!barista // taehyung!artist

You developed a little crush on the barista at your local coffee shop, Jimin. While you start going to the cafe regularly, thinking it as harmless and innocent, you don’t realize that your interest in him will catch the attention of Taehyung, the most-liked boy in school. As the two of them stir up an almost espresso-and-milk-kind-of element to your school life and study load, you find yourself involved in a more complicated situation than you were prepared for.

»listen to the bittersweet playlist titled “coffee shop boy” here

« m u s e »

✰

f a l l

The first time you met Jimin, he was antagonizing over making your coffee perfect. And by met, you meant it was the first time you had ever laid eyes on him. You could tell that this wasn’t special treatment for you—because he was so nervous, so confused, and so focused on the process of actual coffee-assembling, because he cared about the smallest details—you could tell that he wanted it to be the best that anyone could make it. It went beyond trying to seek recognition from the customers or his boss; nevertheless, it was cute. And even if his genuine efforts weren’t meant to flatter you, they made you feel warm and even flustered.

So many college students had come for a coffee break at this time, which was probably overwhelming. It was the height of midterms, and this coffee shop was a popular spot for students to hit because it was right across from the main campus location in Seoul.

“What can I do for you today?”

“Hi-” you paused, taking a moment to mull over your thoughts, “I’d just like a caramel macchiato, please.”

The whole time he was taking your order, he had never made eye contact with you. He was quietly focused on the machine in front of him.

“What size?”

“Just a medium.”

“Alright, that’ll be $4.32,” he reported, looking up. Jimin smiled slightly, as of he were ready to take on his next challenge. “It’ll have that ready for you in no time!” He vowed.

You watched him make your order with a small yet enthusiastic determination.

And finally, as he reached to hand you your coffee, as soon as he saw your hand grabbed a hold of it, his eyes flicked to your yours. He smiled shyly at you and giggled a little, almost nervously. And a heartbeat later, before you could even process your own reaction, he was helping the next customer.

✰

w i n t e r

You were determined to finish your final paper for your English class. Paragraph by paragraph, you sipped on the coffee, savoring hints of cinnamon and caramel as you persevered. You couldn’t help but glance outside every ten minutes, watching the snow gently blanket the outside world. Part of you wanted to venture out there, but the warmth of the coffee brought you back in every time, keeping you cozy and focused. Relatively focused, that was—inevitably it brought you back to the barista boy, and by that time your whole face became warm.

It had been two months, since you started coming in around four or five times a week, getting your fix of caffeine and something else you didn’t want to admit to yourself. But, inevitably, you discovered what days and times the barista boy worked, just by observation, and that he also had a name other than “barista boy”—Jimin.

When you finished your paper, you were relieved to have officially completed your second fall semester. You stretched, prepared yourself for a final chance of relaxation, and messaged your friend in hopes of celebrating somehow. You wanted some way to relieve all the stress that had piled up to this point.

“Hey, Joon,” you texted, “Do you want to go to Club Avenue tonight?”

You suddenly were reminded of the past semester and the drama that had consumed most it. Despite relentless, pointless efforts, it seemed everything that could have fallen apart inside your own little world did—friends, grades, reputation, your planned future. And with that you had picked up some habits, like drinking and clubbing, especially on week nights, skipping classes. This cafe had, unexpectedly, become your safe haven.

While you had commended yourself for pulling yourself together half way through this semester, and finishing the best you could, you couldn’t help but want to let everything go.

Namjoon, your best friend, your partner in crime, the one who stuck with you through all the fires, seeing you get hurt and sticking around to deal with the burns. You literally couldn’t go on any adventures without him or make any big decisions without his advice. He had been the only constant, and he was the only person you really had as a support now.

“Sure. I’m finishing my assignments but they’ll be done before tonight.”

“Mmk ♥♥.” You knew that Joon didn’t personally like your idea of fun, because he rather be doing other things, but he was always along for the ride. “Good luck!”

“Let’s have a good time tonight. We deserve it ;)”

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

From the way he pulled on Jimin’s sleeve, he could have been easily mistaken as a child. “Ahhh, wae, Jimin-ah. I need you,” he whined.

The whole time the boy begged, Jimin tried to remain as indifferent as possible. However, seconds later a smile flashed on his face, promising the other boy a chance at triumph.

“Yah, Taehyung-ah,” he started in a parent-like tone. “Do you not have any assignments left? Didn’t you have a big art project due?”

Taehyung pouted, his face dropping in disappointment.

Pleased with his ability to stay firm, Jimin folded his arms and raised his chin just the slightest bit. “We can’t play until we’ve finished our work—like the responsible haksaeng, students, we are.”

Exasperated, Taehyung asked the air more than anything, “Ah, wae..”

“Fine,” he perked up, heavily invested in this more-of-a-business-like proposal than anything, “I finish my portfolio by tonight, and you-” he pointed at Jimin’s chest, “have to grace me with your presence.” His charming, yet childishly and genuinely satisfied smile made an appearance to conclude the agreement.

Jimin smiled and looked up, amused and please all at the same time. He immediately switched back to his previous persona, face sullen. He raised his right eyebrow, as if considering the options, and gave one confirming nod. “Alright,” he extended his hand for a handshake.

Taehyung accepted the gesture, a goofy grin on his face. “Waaaaaa, Jimin-ssi. It was a pleasure working with you.”

The two laughed, and Taehyung confidently announced, “I’ll pick you up at 10,” winked, and then sauntered off. Jimin just shook his head and went back to work.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

The snow had stopped, and so Taehyung sat on a city street bench, across from the coffee shop, trying to work at a masterpiece in his mind. He had his sketchbook on his lap and was pensively observing his surroundings. While it may have seemed like he was procrastinating this whole time, he really just hadn’t been able to muster up the concentration or inspiration necessary to enter into a creative mood, let alone the mental state he needed to be in for this project. Taehyung sighed.

I want you to use something from the ordinary everyday, something people wouldn’t think twice about. But I want you to convey it from the onlookers’ point of view, as precious or extraordinary from their eyes. That was the professor had demanded. But Taehyung had never really thought about things, things that weren’t so attractive or alluring, that they didn’t demand the attention of every person who laid eyes on them. He liked things like that. People that were so spectacular, their essence flowed, oozed off of them, making them irresistible.

It wasn’t that he pursued outwardly gorgeous people, or that he had shallow intentions, per say. He just enjoyed beautiful things and beautiful people. He saw people as art, and art came to life in his every day. He was always trying to find his muse in one thing or another.

One might even argue he was one of those beautiful people, one of the most exquisite pieces of living art. He never really thought about the people in the background, so indistinguishable they were barely silhouettes on a page. In life, from middle school—elementary even—into college he had been the feature highlight, the centerpiece, almost. Wherever he went, people just gravitated towards him. It was all he had known. And he didn’t really seem to mind.

Frustrated with the assignment, he dramatically sighed to the paper, fiddling with his pencil before he looked up for what felt like the thousandth time. But then he saw her. He saw you. With your brows furrowed in concentration, sending waves of intense synergetic energy with your glare towards the computer screen. Taehyung laughed in amusement, that same goofy grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. But then, what he thought was an indestructible focus was suddenly broken, as he saw you sneak an almost nonexistent glance towards the barista boy. And his eyebrows raised in partial-curiosity, partial-surprise.

Taehyung, a contemplative look resting on his face, came to a sudden realization. And then, with this newfound sense of purpose, he began sketching.

☾——————————————————————————————————☽

A/N: wow i’ve been meaning to post this, cause i’ve been excited about this♥ not exactly sure where this story headed, as far as character development, but i’m looking forward to what avenues i may end up exploring (hopefully with constant fluff included). plus, it’s kinda become my baby, haha.

☽

→ preview // chapter one // next

→ "coffee shop boy” playlist

⋆

taglist: @monvieesdaebak

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lepidopterane · 3 years

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pansexual day of visibility 2021 letsgo

Hi, my name is Sarah (she/her) + I'm pansexual. Something I used to do more regularly was blog about my journey as a pan here during the pan day of visibility every year, and I used to be more active on this front, though because this pandemic has been a lot to handle and I've been quite busy with whatever it is people do after they graduate college into a pandemic. This is going to be a long post, so get ready I guess.

If you know me, you likely know that my mom is the one thing keeping me from living the life of a loud pansexual. My sis supports me, and while my dad doesn't know yet, he's showing the kind of signs a dad who would accept this kind of thing would show. I have more freedom to be myself when I'm not with my mom, and I was lucky to do so in a town as accepting as Northampton. When the pandemic hit, I came home from Smith College, and I found myself smuggling a whole pan flag home as I tried to navigate Schrodinger's Closet: there were spaces of the Internet my mom couldn't find me where I could commiserate with other LGBTQ+ friends, and I could confide in my sister, but beyond wearing certain button-downs styled a certain way to Zooms, I couldn't always let my guard down, and it seriously got to me. It felt like a step back from where I used to be.

But, I'm always a pan with a plan, and I found ways to keep existing in hidden ways. Whether that meant making a pan stained glass window in Minecraft, remotely attending pride livestreams when I could, somehow? getting everyone in my house to watch Schitt's Creek with me, or listening to Rina Sawayama's debut album, I figured out how to recharge my pan self as needed and not disintegrate in the closet. But there are two bigger ways I kept persevering as a pansexual. First, I remotely attended both Lesbians Who Tech Summits during the pandemic and learned so much as what I can do to help build more accountable tech and support fellow technologists like me. I could never attend an in-person event since their event at Grace Hopper for your typical helicopter mom reasons, but "wherever you are, the lesbians will find you" apparently works a lot better during a pandemic, and I am grateful for that. Second, being able to keep my LDR with my amazing boyfriend going has helped me stay afloat. He's not just another ally in my corner I can call on when things get tough, but we've managed to stay together for at least a year and go on some amazing adventures together, even though we are several states apart.

This is just one part of what it was like to have the kind of quarantine I did. After I graduated last year, I took it upon myself to apply to grad school for computer science during a pandemic, and although it's a long story, the process itself, the summer of racial reckoning, and the added pressure of pandemic stress really made it the hardest thing I've ever had to undertake after graduation. But because I wasn't suffering in a vaccuum, talking to friends, consuming fun content, and other random factors eventually built my confidence back up that fall, and by early December I had applied to six schools. Side note, in my personal statement I talk about wanting to ensure network equity, and some of these points come from notes I took at a Lesbians Who Tech summit. I can now tell you that even though I wasn't expecting results this quickly, I will be pursuing a doctorate in computer science at Tufts University. And that means at some point this year, I'll be moving out of the closet and increasing my volume...

So. I usually close this with some statement expressing support for my fellow pans, and this year it sounds a little different. I know I'm not the only one who felt boxed in more than one way as someone who had to spend quarantine in the closet again. But whether it's been one quarantine or several years you are spending in the closet as a pan, I just want you to know that even if you can't see it right now because people in your life might be blocking it, there is a way out. And if that's what you need, one of these days you will walk through it. <3

#mother tw #father tw #abuse tw #general tw #pansexual day of visibility #important

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nicholasjfeldman · 5 years

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My Commencement Speech

First I would just like to say that when I dropped out of high school, it would have been impossible for me to imagine that I would be here, as a valedictorian, about to receive a college degree

But a great football coach named Vince Lombardi once said that:

“We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible.”

Walt Disney once said:

“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.”

And here we are, at Phoenix College, a school that was founded in 1920; I don’t think the first students here could have pictured the world that we live in today

We have survived a Great Depression and a Great Recession

We have been forced to fight for our way of life, from Pearl Harbor to 9/11, but we, especially our military, including any veterans graduating tonight, we have persevered through it all

Think about it, the first students at Phoenix College sent letters that took days to arrive, now we send emails instantly

We complain if Netflix is running slow, they were lucky if they had a radio to listen to

We have invented cheeseburgers, sunglasses, Microwave ovens, the Post-it note, computers, video games, mobile devices, artificial hearts, and the Internet

We gave Facebook life, and then, when our parents started using it, we built up Snapchat so that we could have our privacy back

From Hippies to Hipsters, from Baby Boomers to Millennials

We have proudly stood up and fought for our rights, and even though there is more work to be done, the world is different than it was in 1920

I say “We” because the people involved in the events that I just listed, they were just like you. They might not have graduated from Phoenix College, like we are about to, but they had to start somewhere

For you it starts here. From here, you can go anywhere

The question is not how far can you go, or even if you can do the impossible.

The question is, how are you going to get there? How are you going to make it possible?

So after ten plus years, more than a decade after dropping out of high school, I decided that I was going to enroll at Phoenix College. At times I wondered what I was even doing here. But during my first year in school a poem at the very end of a Kendrick Lamar song really struck a chord with me. I would like to share a small piece of the poem with you:

While consuming its environment the caterpillar begins to notice ways to survive One thing it noticed is how much the world shuns him, but praises the butterfly The butterfly represents the talent, the thoughtfulness, and the beauty within the caterpillar But having a harsh outlook on life, the caterpillar sees the butterfly as weak, and figures out a way to exploit it to his own benefits

So you and me, we have choices. Are we going to be caterpillars, or are you going to let yourself be the butterfly?

Trust me, I for sure never thought that I would be here, telling everybody to be a butterfly

But I truly believe that your talent, thoughtfulness, and inner beauty will take you anywhere that you want to go.

You can be the caterpillar. You can exploit your talent, and you might end up exactly where you want to be in life

You have decisions to make, because tonight is the end of one journey, and tomorrow is the beginning of a whole nother journey for you

So tonight, we need to celebrate our degrees. After all of the hard work, after everything you went through to become a college graduate, you deserve to celebrate. Your family members and friends, the ones who supported you, gave you rides, and listened to you complain about your homework, they deserve to celebrate as well

But tomorrow, after the celebration, you will be on the road again. You will have choices. Just remember that you can go anywhere, that you can make it possible. And if you end up taking a wrong path, it’s never too late to search for the right one

I tried being the caterpillar, but I encourage you to fly instead. Let yourself fly down the path that you’re on, as a graduate of Phoenix College

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a-skyfull-of-starz · 5 years

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Thane’s death in Mass Effect 3 (and why I’m not over it)

So, this post requires a bit of backstory...

I got into gaming when I was nineteen, which I believe is pretty late, especially for the more hardcore gamers. The first game I played was Dragon Age Origins (still a top five favourite, I love that game), and I was immediately hooked...on Dragon Age Origins that is. My younger brother said to me something along the lines of: “Ok, well, you’ve conquered Dragon Age Origins, it’s time for you to try Mass Effect 2.” (Because we didn’t own Mass Effect the first one at the time and we couldn’t really find it in any of the gaming stores in South Africa, nor do we have a WiFi connection). So I tried out the first hour of Mass Effect 2 and went, “Nah, the gameplay is too difficult, and besides the story isn’t really grabbing me, let me return to replaying Dragon Age Origins a million times.” (I am still ashamed of this harsh criticism).

Time went on, we purchased Dragon Age 2, and whilst disappointing (a story for another blog), I loved the rich world and lore enough to replay that a million times as well. Lil Bro the Snail eventually lost his temper with me and said, “Listen Charlie, I will disown you if you don’t give Mass Effect 2 another try.” By this stage, Mass Effect 3 had come out and he was desperate for me to play that and give him my opinion.

So I gave Mass Effect 2 another whirl and boy did I take back every criticism I had for it the first time around. It became an all time favourite, and is still the best game I have ever played. But anyway, my love for Mass Effect 2 could fill several blog posts, and that’s not why I’m here.

Having fallen deeply in love with Alistair in Dragon Age Origins, I asked my brother if there were any romance options in Mass Effect. He responded that there were, pushing me towards the Shakarian option. I was like, well, he seems like a cool character. I like his voice a lot. Why not?

Romances are only queued to start after loyalty missions, and I decided to leave those for last, after I had recruited everyone, so obviously my wooing of Garrus had to wait for quite a while. I was excited though. Romancing was my favourite part of the games after all.

And then I met Thane, and all thoughts of Garrus’ voice left my head. See, my favourite trope in books, movies, games, TV shows, music, anything really, is the “persevering despite the obvious chances of failure” one. I love a dark storyline, the darker the better in fact, because it’s in time of crisis when you can see someone’s true character. That’s when you realise why you hate the character or why you love him/her/them. Anyone who has read JSWM, my other tumblr posts and will hopefully read the Winners knows that I put my characters through hell, because I want to see how they will grow and develop. Basically, I like torturing myself emotionally. And the Shrios romance hit that dark trope perfectly.

Shepard knew that Thane was going to die, from the very moment that they met, and she chose to love him anyway. She knew that, if they were to survive the suicide mission, the chances were strong that he would die before her, and she knew it would hurt. And yet she chose to love him anyway, in spite of this. Persevering despite the obvious chance of failure. When this shit goes south, I thought to myself, as it inevitably will, if BioWare continues their stellar storytelling, it is going to impact my Shepard in a very strong way. This is going to lead to character growth. At the very least, it’s going to lead to some interesting interactions with the other second and third-tier characters.

Only it didn’t.

Oh, the death scene was super emotional (full disclosure, I wept like a little girl). The email Thane sent was super emotional (no tears this time, although I silently applauded the person who had penned it). Alright, I thought to myself. Time to see what the others have to say about this tragedy.

No one said anything. People were bemoaning Cerberus, people either bemoaned or welcomed Kaidan back, people bemoaned Udina. No one said anything about Thane. “He sacrificed himself to save the salarian Councilor,” I wanted to scream at the computer screen. “Mordin faked his death, and you were all like, what a hero, good old insane Mordin, but Thane, my Shepard’s lover, gets his death glossed over?” (Remember, I hadn’t played Mass Effect the first, Wrex was a dead krogan in my world).

Now, people might say that Thane was reclusive, didn’t really make friends with the other crew, and his death didn’t really affect them that much. Only I don’t really buy that at all. Judging from the Citadel DLC (another tearjerker if ever there was one), people did have a relationship with Thane. He was clearly important to a number of crew, maybe not as a confidant, but as a source of inspiration. And even if that was not enough, the entire franchise centres around Shepard’s relationship with her crew, and her hurt would matter to them.

Throughout the game, this bothered my, the fact that no one seemed to care that Shepard must be hurting from the loss of the man she loved, even if she wasn’t showing it (you know, if she were an actual person, and not made up of a bunch of ones and zeros and a pretty texture). I imagined how alone she must have felt, how much pain she must be in (ironically, this too hits my sweet spot of an emotionally dark storyline).

I don’t know, it’s a game, maybe I’m expecting too much of it. Except both Mass Effect and Dragon Age put a lot of value on relationships. I felt like my friends had let me down. It still rankles me sometimes to be honest. At least we got one badass line out of it though.

“That was for Thane, you son of a bitch.”

#Mass Effect #mass effect 2 #mass effect 3 #female shepard #shrios #thane krios #thane x shepard #commander shepard #thane's death #BioWare #this is a long one #something that makes me sad #that was for thane you son of a bitch

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thewordonmainstreet · 7 years

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Guilty Until Proven Innocent - What HR Management Looks Like Now

So I was let go from my job on Tuesday. I am still reeling yet my Mom wants me to hurry up and stop grieving. But I can’t. It took me a year and maybe 45 interviews to land this job. I persevered when the world kept telling me no, way beyond when all my strength to go on had left me. I just can’t do this anymore. I came into work on Tuesday, all prim and polished and feeling for once in my life that things are on a better course. My boss said “Melanie, I just want to meet with you before we get started” and I knew that was it. Just like that, I would be out on my ass again. I was told that I wasn‘t a fit. He took the easy way out, the line most managers will give you. He did tell me that I was too friendly and not learning fast enough and that they needed someone to sell. I just broke down. I told him “you don’t know what you’re doing to me”. Between sobs that made my body quake I told him of my plans to be an escort. I just couldn’t stop sobbing. I didn’t argue, I didn’t have the strength to. I just made sure I would be getting paid on Thursday. I haven’t given them the revenge call that I will soon. A year looking and I got a job much faster than they said they would be giving on offer out. I leaped to it and for once in more than 15 years, I finally believed that things were going to change. I settled into a routine. I dressed nice, my countenance changed, I was free to be me or so I thought. I would tell my Mom how great I felt now that I was working once again. Money started to not be an issue. Until my world got shattered once again and I would end up sleeping for most of the day and not eating, the outcome of another rejection and another fall into depression.

In the mean workplace of today, you’re not really hired until they try you out. You’re on trial. You’re guilty until proven innocent. You get a few paycheques if you’re lucky and you’re out on your ass again. Forget about escaping poverty, this post-modern workplace will have it circling around you like hungry crows. This is HR Management in 2017. And it is ruining countless lives. I feel like going panhandling as II have no semblance of self-esteem. I just feel like going to the street is where you go when your world falls apart, it’s like a place of mourning and where you go when you don’t believe in suicide. What the hell, making $40.00 on the street is better than none sitting at home searching for a job that may take 8 months to find. I’m ready to shoot photos for BackPage and start escorting once my hair grows a little bit longer. That’s all that’s left for me.

Employers find fault and coach you for every mistake. It’s like a cult where you’re never really in, you’re just on the sidelines. Where everything you say and do is monitored. You come to work knowing that you’ll get into trouble again. Managers don’t want to help you learn and any HR practise is a joke, they “manage” you by firing you. They want perfect, what they really want is a computer and not a person. I was at the Salvation Army Thrift Store and saw the manager there hovering over and peppering a young staffer with accusations and badgering him. She was just being awful. She wasn’t being a manager, she was being a bully. I called their head office and just ripped into them about how this manager treated this young guy.

They have no hesitation in letting anyone who doesn’t tick off all the boxes, they’ve got 200 resumés at the ready on their computer. This is the survivor that was never aired. You try to work and you’re worse off. That’s all I tried to do was work, that’s all I want to do. Then it looks like you can’t keep a job. How the fuck do you build a resumé when you’re gone after a week? You worked tirelessly, never took breaks, went over and above and still you’re gone. And references, they don’t even give them anymore for fear of being held liable and likely too, they don't’ want the hassle of phone calls. The probationary period is being extended past 90 days and it’s being way overused. The once steady earner is now perilously employed and perfectly smart and work-ready people are ending up on the fringes and cannot climb back into the labour market, no fault of their own. What’s the point in working? Now I see why drug dealers and other criminals do what they do. Try and you end up worse than before. It’s over before it really begins.

I thought I finally had found my place, finally found something that would work out and I loved selling furniture and decor. But I should have known from day one that it was only a trial and how many are going to be let go after me? There is no hope for me. There is really no hope for anyone looking to make it because all that’s out there is a world that will engineer you out of a job. It’s a fucked up system and it’s creating victims that end up with lives destroyed every day. I’m just trying to be less reliant on ODSP and earn my way to a better life but it seems that better life is not going to happen because the world is bent on keeping me locked out of my dream, my dream of living a life out of the unremitting grip of poverty.

Hold me now I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking Maybe six feet ain't so far down

I thought I found the road to somewhere

But I still believe there's something left for me So please come stay with me

Mixed lyrics from One Last Breath by Creed

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frettboard2016-blog · 7 years

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Nine Days With an Absurd $nine,000 Gaming Laptop

New Post has been published on https://frettboard.com/nine-days-with-an-absurd-nine000-gaming-laptop/

Nine Days With an Absurd $nine,000 Gaming Laptop

There may also exist inside of you a preference that burns white warm for the Acer Predator 21 X, but you may by no means buy this PC. It is not for you, because in case you need this PC, you possibly can’t have enough money it, and if you may have enough money it, you’re probably antique enough to not want to spend $nine,000 on a PC that weighs as a great deal as a small toddler, and might even pick out up after itself.

But if you’re reading Gizmodo you’re nevertheless enough of a gadget fan to want to at the least recognize the $nine,000 PC. To that cease, I spent 9 days operating nearly completely with Acer’s ode to excess.

Here is its tale.

Day 1: The arrival This is certainly one of 300. “Why is there a dragon on it,” a person asks. “Why shouldn’t there be a dragon?” Our workplace supervisor seemed suspiciously from me to the box, which is the dimensions of 3 ten-12 months-olds squeezed collectively. “It’s a PC,” I defined.

While the workplace manager was incredulous, others were extremely joyful. “I need to sit within the container,” a colleague shouted even as snapping pictures.

Following the covered instructions, I managed to open the large cardboard box—as well as the almost indestructible Pelican case contained within. Desiring not anything more than to sport, I plopped the Predator 21 X on my knees as I would a MacBook. Fortunately, I used to bicycle plenty, so I’ve got sturdy thighs that don’t weep underneath the load of 19 kilos of pc—easily 4 instances the common weight of a PC.

When I informed inquisitive on-lookers the fee, they looked at me aghast. Why does a $9,000 device exist? I didn’t have a great solution.

So I pulled the trackpad out of its slot and showed human beings that it could be flipped over and used as more than a few bad. Everyone agreed that changed into very neat.

The trick earned the laptop its first “wow” unrelated to length or price.

After an hour and ten minutes of use, the computer died. It turned into after 5 pm, and I did now not want to locate outlets for the pics (two!) necessary strength components, so I left it on a coworker’s desk and went home.

Day 2: Set up Tobii eye trackers are usually chunky, but on a laptop this huge it disappears into the hinge. When I was given to the office, I sooner or later discovered shops for the 21 X’s two 330 watt strength resources and began to apply the computer in earnest. It comes with Tobii Eyetracking, however, it didn’t look like operating. The Nvidia six drivers were out of date too.

Nvidia GeForce unhelpfully uninstalled its drivers, and the PC broke for twenty minutes. I uninstalled the whole lot with the Nvidia name. Reinstalled. Inexplicably, the attention monitoring began running on the third restart.

After three hours of futzing with drivers and settings, I got Rise of the Tomb Raider strolling. My coworkers crowded across the laptop shouting their recommendation on how to walk in a direct line. Take a second, remember when there has been handiest one controller for the SNES at a shut eye party. This moment became like that, but burlier.

Yet there was precisely one coworker who did not care. She was the only who informed me to mute the computer earlier while she’d had sufficient of Windows notifications exploding from the computer’s four speakers and two subwoofers.

In case you didn’t think there was a subwoofer or. Now she turned into indignant because the paintings day turned into over and those had been peering at a PC. “Let’s move get beer” she bellowed.

The horde agreed. I saved my game and closed the PC. The battery turned into still not fully charged.

Day three: Making my way downtown, component 1 The wearing case. “You are taking this at the educate.” It turned into no longer a proposal. My boss and I agreed which you couldn’t evaluate a PC without checking out its mobility—how easy it changed into to p.C. Up and move around.

In the case of the Acer 21 X, it is a chore. Thanks to the mild curve of the show, the lid does now not sit flush, so the 19-pound computer can’t simply be shoved in a bag. The 21-inch show might crack. So I packed it again up into the Pelican case and headed home an hour and a half early.

No one questioned this.

A female supplied to help me deliver it down the second flight of stairs to the train, but I declined. “I want to try this for myself,” I said. With a MacBook Air, for contrast. On the educate, every person eyed me like you constantly eye the asshole with big baggage on a rush hour teach. It changed into most effective four:45 pm on a Thursday, but the teach crammed up to the closer to Brooklyn we got. When I arrived at my stop, I had to muscle my manner to the door and pray the wheels at the case didn’t roll over a foot. I am too delicate to be shouted at by cranky commuters.

Off the educate, I made it up one flight of stairs, a line of annoyed passengers forming at the back of me. A guy wordlessly held out a hand and helped me up the second one flight of stairs.

New York is nicer than you’d count on it to be. The MacBook Air looks as if a toy perched on a pinnacle of the 21 X. It is.Four miles from the train station to my domestic. The sidewalks aren’t the easy and smooth ones of the Flatiron District. They’re damaged with concrete jutting up out of the floor. On the day I delivered the Predator home, it had just rained, and at the same time as the streets had been dry, puddles of brown, stagnant lousy lay in a pedestrian’s direction at each intersection. I lifted and dodged and moved quickly domestic. The transport weight of the field is 70 kilos, and among the Pelican case, electricity supplies, and a 19-pound computer I turned into positive I turned into dragging all 70 kilos behind me.

The dog and cat were both alarmed by the monstrosity that took up house in our living room. That night my roommate arrived home. She noticed the laptop on my lap and couldn’t take her eyes off of it. “Is it like…For army?” she asked. Her voice changed into a whisper, barely heard over the hum of the device.

No. It changed into now, not for a navy.

Day four: I can not sense my feet

Powering on. The journey domestic had really affected me. Like the quality friend in a 19th-century novel, I became plagued by a cough and a sniffle and a weakness of indeterminate origin.

My only salve changed into the PC. I determined an area for its two plugs, settled it on my lap, and downloaded Mass Effect: Andromeda. The gadget did no longer just like the internet in my home and it took an hour, three tries to repair the internet, and one restart to download the game. $nine,000 buys a whole lot of PC, but it couldn’t solve fundamental issues of laptops plagued by means of weird net and old drivers.

The laptop rested on my thighs and destroyed all sensation underneath my knees.

“I cannot experience my feet,” I texted a friend at three:30 pm. Playing the game at the 21 X’s keyboard and the usage of its trackpad became a examine in painful frustration. I couldn’t get comfy. The Cherry Brown mechanical key switches had been great, and the trackpad gave me 0 problems, but the spacing among the keyboard and trackpad felt all incorrect, especially whilst the PC became sitting in my lap.

I, in the end, gave up and determined my Xbox One controller.

Gaming became immediately greater pleasant.

Day five: Never thoughts, everything hurts I played Mass Effect for longer than I must admit in a polite organization, and no less than the gaming overall performance is superb. The twin Nvidia GTX 1080 video cards and the dual 512GB SSDs in a speedy RAID 0 configuration, plus the 64GB of RAM and the Kaby Lake i7 processor method that is handily the quickest PC on the planet—with the aid of specs on my own. It had 0 troubles giving me a hundred and twenty frames according to 2d at the 2560 x 1080 21-inch show. And with two Nvidia GTX 1080 playing cards, it would be genuinely not possible for recreation play to lag

As lengthy as the laptop was plugged in. After a totally uncommon lavatory break, I sat go into reverse, balanced the computer across my lap and become startled to look the game had slowed to a move slowly. I end. Restarted. Played again. It was nonetheless slow. Then I found out the plugs had disconnected, and I changed into strolling on battery strength. I plugged lower back in and balance turned into restored The energy elements. You may want to swing them over ahead with the aid of their cords and likely kill a person. Until my controller commenced to randomly disconnect every short time. As if the PC knew I’d been gambling Mass Effect for 12 hours and needed a wreck. I got aggravated and powered off for the night.

Day 6: It’s hot in here The emblem lights up whilst the computer is on. Neat. It becomes over eighty degrees outside. The warmth didn’t trouble me, till I balanced the PC on my knee. Then I was reminded of summers in Texas, my god daughter sitting in my lap, all sharp bones and sweat and a furnace that could rival anything burns on your basement.

The laptop is like a toddler I can put in a container on the give up of the day.

The discomfort grew too bothersome for me to disregard. I attempted putting it on my secretary desk, however, it became too big—too heavy—to be supported. That gap. I ultimately gave up and went and performed Mass Effect on my ordinary PC. I straight away missed the expanded subject of imaginative and prescient the 21 X afforded me. The 21:9 ratio is actually awesome for gameplay—even on a smaller 21: at nine display like that of the 21 X. Moving to my 50-inch 4K TV ought to have meant the whole lot would feel bigger, however even as the belongings rendered by using the game had been large, the sixteen:9 ratio felt definitely claustrophobic.

Yet I persevered to play, due to the fact I did now not miss the heat, or the disconnects, or the crushing weight of capitalism on my thighs.

Day 7: A day of rest I stone couch, and labored hard at my task, and I used the 21 X as a stand to keep my telephone.

It was better this way.

Day eight: Making my manner downtown, part 2 My dog has a fear of packed bags. I am continually aware of it, distracting him with treats whenever I must % a bag for a ride. As I dismantled the X-21’s energy supply and carefully packed it back into the case, I seemed up.

The canine notion I changed into going for properly.

But I became now not. Instead, I took a Lyft to the workplace and an elevator up the stairs. “Is that a computer?” a co-employee laughed.

“Yes,” I stated.

Day 9: Goodbye old buddy I shot photographs in the afternoon. The pc felt heavier than standard, its fans and lovely little beeps have been a cacophony overwhelming the quiet hum of the newsroom.

The 21 X isn’t always a device intended for silence. It isn’t a system meant to be overlooked. It catches eyes, and earns feedback, and traces my arms when I want to transport it.

When I left that night time, leaving behind it, I felt no regret. It had reaped the reward it become constructed to earn. I had written approximately this $9,000 laptop, experienced it, so you—and your credit card—do not should.

Even now, long after it’s been put away, I nonetheless struggle to apprehend who it’s far for. It might be for those who spend $a hundred,000 on a car or a $5,000 on a cellphone. Yet, this is luxurious completed inside the plastic of peons. It’s a weird creature that cannot aesthetically attraction to the only-percent, even though they’re the simplest ones who should afford it.

So perhaps it is for the game enthusiasts. The obsessive individuals of the PC gaming community who fear over benchmarks and specifications like maximum of us worry over pricetags. Its sheer strength and the glowing lighting fixtures could be appealing to a gamer. But it can’t be upgraded. In 4 years, it’s going to, absolute confidence, be obsolete, its energy a rival only to smartphones or destiny all-in-one VR headsets. And for this reason, this will be a horrific buy for a gamer.

I think it’s miles best for you. The individual who read this assessment and continues to be reaching for their pockets, keen to have a $9,000 communique piece taking on all the area on their table. God rattling is it something to speak about.

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Trapped boy's life saved by strangers when they LIFT two tonne car off him

Trapped? What to Do With Aging Parents and Growing Kids

Your dad and mom gave beginning to you inside the past due ’60s early ’70s and man what formative years. You surely played outside, collected buddies for a recreation of football, or had that weekly trash speaking game of tennis at the nearby rec center. Now each person is grown with kids of their own and evening basketball practice, homework, and summer time camps are the norm. And what approximately that dad and mom who did the best they could with what they knew, to raise you into an upstanding citizen – they may be nevertheless here. In other phrases, they’re not dead, have now not exceeded on, and have not gone to satisfy their maker.

So what can we do with getting old mother and father and developing youngsters? – Two matters. Have fun and take snapshots of the whole lot (or video it).

As time marches on, and yes it waits for no person, existence becomes all the greater precious. If I may examine time to the velocity of your WiFi – on every occasion you switch around it is coming at a quicker and quicker pace. The kids are growing up so speedy and mom and dad have discovered a way to slow down the growing older procedure. This is three generations playing existence at the equal time. Is not that valuable. Oh, what recollections for the family.

So start nowadays amassing the own family around for pictures. yes, do the formal and the informal, like you did in school. Have amusing, chat, and of path proportion a meal. Then snatch the closest phone, tablet, or fire up the computing device and bring that domestic film. Do not wait for the circle of relatives reunion – some of you can no longer make it.

it is the weekend and the chores want to be executed at your “old” residence and the children have a sport. grasp the gear, load up the van, stop via mother and pops, and all of us be part of the caravan to head see the babies in motion.

Please delete or upload the old pix and motion pictures so you can free up reminiscence – we Do not may not any surprises. And please make certain everyone has sufficient battery lifestyles.

No concerns. The grandparents recognize all approximately downloading apps, YouTube, and Fb. Ain’t lifestyles grand! 3 generations dwelling and all of us are up-to-pace at the modern day gadget – making it easy and exciting to build lasting memories.

So what is there to do? Have fun and report the entirety. Time is passing, and passing speedy, however, you may sluggish it down and capture the valuable moments.

Salvation and to Be Saved From What?

To be saved or salvation, can we recognize what we’re truly wanting to be saved from? One aspect for positive, it method letting go of an ego-primarily based thought gadget and now not having to marvel or ask: is God actual?

Miracles manner that Reason can lead you and your brother to the logical end of your union.

Permit me to proportion a story approximately my antique pal Willie, the seventy-8-12 months-antique all-American grandfather who I became extremely good buddies with while in prison.

Willie figured out what the young inmates need. no longer handiest did Willie observed safety there in jail, but additionally his salvation, we may additionally say.

Willie enjoyed looking and being attentive to the prison choir of fifteen or so inmates who practiced each Saturday morning.

He observed that every member of the choir could use some form of a folder to preserve their sheet song prepared.

At his personal cost, Willie purchased through the commissary pocket folders for each member of the choir.

At the following Saturday morning exercise, Willie used the Likability Laws of Appeal and surprised every member of the choir with their personal pocket folder. The men were grateful for his thoughtful gift and welcomed Willie to wait for any future choir practices he would really like.

All the contributors of the choir looked at Willie as a giving and caring grandfather kind, and the word was given round quick.

In a communication I had with Willie approximately his kind act, he told me this was no longer why he went to the effort to shop for the folders.

He stated to me in a humorous manner, “Jim, the actual Purpose I purchased the folders for the ones men was to earn a friendship and get them to like me.”

He persevered chuckling as he added, “If whatever else, at least in this volatile and often violent din of the cell block, my protection is in this gesture,” and he chuckled a few extra even as trusting that I’d keep the secret.

became Willie honest or what?

Sure, of the direction he changed into. Sure, he changed into truly sincere with himself.

For one thing, because the ego that worried and judgmental factor in us all, and in all its doubts over “is God actual,” tries to lead us to salvation or to be saved. But the ego-primarily based idea machine cannot clearly say what to be saved from.

The ego appears to be fearful of the truth that salvation is already entire and ideal, and is nowhere to be located down the street.

It’s far here and now, and constantly “now” is in which your salvation sits for you. It is your authentic essence that knows the answer to “is god real” and knows what’s proper, and in reality knows what isn’t authentic.

Just as with Willie, who general within himself why he simply offered the pocket folders, regardless what the choir contributors idea. He had the understanding that he could not idiot himself. His actual essence became time-honored via himself, and that is how he became to be saved, or we may also say his salvation.

Miracles assist us to look that, salvation or to be stored is the little smiles you could see within yourself, together with a wink and a nod to your brother in passing by using, showing your mutual desire for joy over the sector that death and wretchedness seem to rule.

It’s miles the information that you are not separate and that your will and God’s Will are one.

Someplace along the road, the arena started coaching us the way to paint our portrait using its selected colors and brush strokes.

Your feature, as well as God’s Will, is to apply you’re personal freely selected colorations, perfecting your masterpiece. This what it simply manner to be stored.

this is the actual and natural spirit in you, permitting you to the touch the celebs.

for your herbal spirit

Finding the True Love of Your Life – Be Yourself

Finding the actual love of your existence is a cry of every everyday man or women on the planet. Some are nevertheless scouting for that proper love. Others are in the procedure already and that they doubt if the only they have got is the proper one. Everybody desires to be really cherished. A few tried and that they got disappointed along the way and that they decided to forestall searching. You can nevertheless locate your actual love, it isn’t always too late. I admit that Finding the authentic love of your lifestyles is not that smooth. Why? Humans are complex. In order that complicates the manner. Finding the genuine love of your life is a superb issue. Allow us to study collectively the following scriptures:

Pro 18:22 Whoever unearths a spouse unearths what is right, and gets want from the LORD.

1Co 7:2 Because sexual immorality is so rampant, each guy ought to have his very own wife, and every female ought to have her personal husband.

It is straightforward for one while he sees someone he fancies to get tempted to emerge as a specific person. He attempts to come to be what the ability lifestyles partner is searching out. But the sort of reinvention of self is brief-lived. Sooner or later you’ll be located out if you pretend to be something you are not. You can not faux all the time. while the capacity love of your life unearths out you might lose badly. Just consider the golden rule. in case you were to date a person and later discover that the man or woman become faking himself or herself, how could you actually feel? The opportunity is that individuals who are true to themselves might Simply terminate the relationship procedure. Or in the event that they had pre-devoted, they could resentfully terminate the connection.

One may ask, “What if I am in a relationship now and I am no longer in reality myself?” You may come out to the open now earlier than it’s far too overdue. “What if the relationship comes to a stop?” you ask. it is better for it to come to an give up now than later. That would store A few very deep hurts. The inspiration of actual love should be honesty Because if not, it’ll cease badly. In any case, you could find that your proper man or woman is what your ability love of your lifestyles is searching out. Never faux yourself Because you would possibly find a person who isn’t always appropriate for you. By way of so doing you could entice the incorrect accomplice and that is not what you need.

I trust that available, there’s someone who is searching exactly for the type of person you’re. That character is seeking out an authentic which you are. This is a person who will no longer have a hassle residing with your failings and flaws. So be actual to yourself and be who you surely are. Be happy with yourself. No person is such as you in the world. you’re one of a kind. So allow yourself to be exceptional.

Why perform a little Humans fake themselves?

Those are some of the motives of many Trapped saved life:

1) They may be insecure. a person who is insecure lacks self- self-assurance. He feels insufficient.

2) They feel that the ability love in their life is searching out something higher than they can provide.

Be yourself. Recognize what you stand for. You have to Recognise what you are seeking out yourself. Have your very own requirements to be met for a lifestyles companion. Do not be moved. As you remain actual to yourself, be affected the person. Do not bow to pressure. Suitable matters come to those who are able to wait. This is why I provide a relationship training software to prepare you for the love of your lifestyles.

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