F1 drivers as hockey players
Max : center — my first instinct for Max was wing but it’s hard not to compare him with either McDavid or Matthews, except he gets way more PIM than the two of them (less and less as time goes)
Checo : defense - this one writes itself, mister minestry of defense, def always has a place on PK1, will block a ton of shots just like my beloved EJ
Charles : center — I will take no criticism for that one, the bossy vibes from Jonny Toews (Jonny has been getting fucked by Chicago’s management for years, same as Charles with the Ferrari strategists) but Charles gets the Calder
Carlos : wing — you’ve seen this man play football, he’s crafty and talented, dishes assists but can also finish, thinking Pasta or Mitchy Marner or love of my life Mikko Rantanen
George : defense — I swear I’m not going to put every tall guy in D but listen : Cale Makar trajectory, quarterback of PP1, Calder and Norris and Conn Smythe trophy winner
Lewis : center — tell me Lewis is not the Sidney Crosby of F1, that’s it, that’s my full reasonning here
Esteban : center — two-way forward, good at both ends of the ice, I’ll give you Patrice Bergeron as reference (will also accept D as an option here)
Fernando : goalie — look, I know he’s small and would swim in his goalie pads but he’s sturdy and crazy enough to be a goalie, because he’s been here forever, Tukka Rask will be our point of reference
Lando : wing — talented winger who was overviewed in the first round of the draft because of his size but he proves everybody wrong with a 30+ goals season in his 3rd year, think Alex Debrincat
Daniel : wing — I struggled with Daniel because I think he could play any position but the idea of him on Max’s wing really appealed to me, would definitely pull moves in shootouts, let’s go TJ Oshie, he fits the vibes
Valterri : goalie — listen, I just vibe with the idea of it, think maybe Pekka Rinne, also Finnish, I will find Valterri a twink who will call him daddy, that’s not an issue (please tell me who do you think our Juuse Saros could be)
Zhou : wing — crafty winger, speedy with the funny moves, he would try the Michigan against everyone and you know it, a Trevor Zegras (in spirit, although Z did play wing too in the past)
Kevin : defense — steady sturdy d-man, gives me Duncan Keith in his prime
Mick : wing — look, I know Michael would be Gretzky but I bring to you : the Schumacher/Tkachuk comparison and Mick as Matthew, don’t tell me Mick in his villain era wouldn’t get hella PIM while scoring hella points
Pierre : center — Pierre screams forward to me and I’ll have him at center, the idea of him and Charles centering the first two lines of a team and being on the PP together is pretty to me, I think bitchy Pierre could challenge bitchy Geno but in terms of style he’s probably more of a Nico Hischier
Yuki : defense — Sam Girard, just imagine Yuki doing the tornade, yes, perfect, that’ll be it
Sebastian : center — I could see current Sebastian as a goalie but Red Bull/villain Seb was definitely a forward who would win the Art Ross/Hart/Ted Lindsay in one year and play on a broken ankle in the playoffs like one fellow countryman Leon Draisaitl (which means I also accept winger as a position)
Lance : wing — I do not know what to do with Lance so I put him at wing, maybe he can be like a 3rd liner or a 4th liner grinder, he gets Garnet Hathaway
Alex : defense — Alex/George d-pair!!! they would be so good, Heddy would never die his hair red but think of Alex as Victor Hedman kind of solid
Nicky : center — the fact that I struggled with the Canadians of the grid is terrible, sorry hockey, but he can grind with Lance, Nic Dowd it is
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*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server
once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier
also x1000 longer than previous post
"ur satan is gnc af"
"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"
"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj
ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS
IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"
"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"ohoho sexy"
"I am very proud of myself"
"himbo x edgy fuck"
"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"
"he has teefs"
"SQUASH"
"good for biting 📷"
"he's a himbo basically"
"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"
"bifth"
"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"
"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"
"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan"
"I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"
"crimes"
"tumblr sexyman"
"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"
"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"
"steampunk e-girl"
"steampunk tumblr sexyman"
"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"
"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"
"ARTIST SIGHTED"
"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"
"babby..... would die for him"
"honestly i probably kin him"
"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"
"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"
"Also :00 blonde friend"
"Let us all infodhmo"
"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"
"Nix woukd you like to joon?
"skitters away"
"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"
"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"
"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"
"Awkwardly watches in band kid"
"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"
"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"
"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"
"anyway heres my boi"
"emo"
"haha emo"
"virgil sanders kinnie"
"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"
"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"
"bird man my beloved"
"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"
"Birds!!"
"guiguhuh"
"crabrave"
"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"
"yess name collector gang"
"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"
"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"
"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"
"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"
"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"
"My dad has seven legal names"
"bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"
"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"
"mmmmmm magic man :]"
"°0° green man"
"criminal (affectionate)"
"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"
"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"
"i would commit so many crimes for him"
"Very babey"
"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"
"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"
"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)
"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"
"* or extremly chaotic either works"
"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"
"oH--"
"bc my brain has a schedule"
"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"
"hehe yes spooky man"
"my ghost glucose guardian"
"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"
"ghosts r just inherently sexy"
"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"
"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"
"ł â m p"
"łæmp"
"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"
"I'd date a ghost"
"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"
"p e e p e e"
""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"
"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"
"you're all 12 year olds"
"PEENIE"
"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"
"god, what a himbo. i love him"
"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"
"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"
"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"
"im kin assigning him roman sanders"
""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""
"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"
"twink appreciation club"
"give us the twinks"
"my first thought was bottom-"
"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"
"daddy issued"
"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"
"Big boy but"
"anyways janus is swagggg"
"........................."
"gib twink"
"give twink then i will share"
"holds him gentle like hamburger"
"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"
"he is. fragile creachur"
"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"
"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"
"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"
"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"
"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"
"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"
"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."
"note i am a lesbian"
"You may like Schezo wegey"
"why does he have one single expression"
"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"
"magic wand"
"I Want To Hold His Hand"
"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"
"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""
"p e a n u t"
"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"
"grug from the croods is peak male performance"
"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."
"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"
"i like essays"
"central time gang"
"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)
"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"
"points were made"
"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"
"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"
"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"
"i think it sounds great
i'm going to start eating like that"
"several people are typing"
"do these look edible to you"
"forbidden gummies"
"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"
"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"
"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"
"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"
"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"
"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"
"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."
"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."
"NIIICE"
"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"
"watch your fucking language in front of the president"
"im so sorry lumi"
"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"
"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"
"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"
""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""
"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"
"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."
"me on discord: nick wilde"
"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."
"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"
"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"
"what the fuck"
"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"
"If you adopt me then yes"
"am I qualified for dad jokes???"
"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"
"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""
"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"
"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"
"cat pet"
"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"
"maybe thats me being a coward tho"
"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"
if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content
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If you're still taking those fandom asks. D, L, U, X, Z possibly?
thank you!!!! :*🖤
D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.
i think. romantic ryu//ann. at leats as a pairing and not part of a polycule. i love their dynamic but it's very much not romantic in my head (partially bc i hc ann as a lesbian) so every time i see it in that context i go 😬 even tho it really is very cute and there's no actual problems with it or smth
L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves.
ok. while yukari isn't really my cup of tea as a character. i do think she's written very well, def one of the most interesting female characters in the series, and even anything "annoying" about her is there for a specific purpose and it's very noticable too. also her relationship with mitsuru is important to me......
U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.
i’m ngl most of the reasoning is just “they’re exactly my type” but i’ll try to explain in other ways askjfkldhlghf
persona: naoto my beloved (my fav alongside goro bc if i start talking abt him it’ll jsut be “hhhghnghh look at him 🥺🥺”). i really love how smart they are, that’s honestly the reason why i always latch onto detective characters heh. like seeing them come to conclusions is very intriguing and fun and def made the whole mystery of the game still fun to go through even while knowing spoilers, bc their line of logic is easy to follow even if unexpected at certain times i genuinely love listening to them. also their voice is very soothing ajksdgh (in both english and japanese!!! @ anime’s dub don’t interact). and their inner conflict and shadow are so relatable but still like, not accurate enough to most people’s immediate real life to offer a safe sense of disconnect from it, if that makes sense. as in, it’s relatable, but not in a way that’s already painful to see. like their gender conflict is obvious but the age one hits very close to home and also their shadow being basically a mad scientist is very sexy imo. good for them. this is already getting so long i’m sorry i have a lot of feelings abt naoto
haikyuu (and i promise this one will be shorter aklsdljg): kita my beloved. he’s just such a soothing character, i really admire his approach to life and i think he’s a very good balance for his team, and he offers some sort of break to me in a very intense arc. plus his parallels to daichi in that arc are very sexy i love it. he’s just,,, a very respectful boy,,, who later turns into a very respectful and adorable man who is full of love and i really love that for him……
osomatsu-san: ichimatsu. i reached the situation i said might happen if i talked abt goro i’m sorry. he just makes me feel very happy aksjfdkhgfdg like it’s weird to say but he as a character really helped me get through a traumatic event in my life, and he was my first ever f/o before i even realized i’m self shipping with him so naturally he means a lot to me asfljkldgk. i also think he’s just a very relatable character and super adorable and his voice is so nice to listen to and also he’s quite literally a catboy c’mon can you blame me for thinking he’s the hottest shit ever…….
X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.
twinks with daddy issues. i have yet to run into a character that fits this description and didn’t become my favorite. the edgier the better they can and should kill people if they want to 🖤
Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go!
ok this one i’m not gonna answer only bc my brain is a little fried and idk if i can form a coherent enough thought with no direction askjdkgfh sorry! but i appreciate you sending it anyway u3u!!!! (maybe the naoto ramble is enough to cover that aksjsjdhg)
send some letters?
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