[ID: 1. Modern Stede and Ed stand in a Lush store by a bath bomb display. Ed, dressed in a leather jacket and jeans, lurches back in surprise, cheeks red, as Stede comes up to him wearing a black Lush apron. Smiling politely, Stede says, "Oh, hello! Can I help you find anything?" A little heart pulses out from Ed's chest. 2. Later, Ed sits on a black leather couch next to Izzy against a wall covered in knick-knacks. Izzy, wearing a black tee shirt and jeans, leans back with his arms crossed, glaring into the distance. "So that's why you spent $240 on fookin soap?" Ed, wearing a graphic biker shirt, jeans, and knee brace with his bad knee propped up on an ottoman, is smiling down at a sparkly purple soap in his hands with shiny eyes and red cheeks. A paper bag full of more soaps and sundries sits beside his foot. He replies distractedly "Stede said this one was his favorite," with a heart. /end ID]

For the July #AsACrew Challenge Day 21: Yummy Soap

Modern OFMD Headcanons: Jobs/Hobbies

Stede - Obviously runs a hotel with his boyfriend Ed. Does a lot of work at the front desk.

Volunteers at the library and reads to kids (may have been told off once or twice for being too loud and working the kids up too much.)

Ed - Obviously runs a hotel with his boyfriend Stede. I feel like he does a bit of everything around the hotel, like he's never in one place, one minute he's helping out the catering staff, the next he's in his office doing paperwork and then off having a chat with random guests. He just wants the hotel to be successful.

Not really a hobby, but loves taking Stede to the aquarium for little dates when they have the time.

Frenchie - Lives in a van, and plays small gigs at random bars/clubs when he can. Busks in the daytime.

I feel like his van isn't neat, but also, not messy, like it's organized in his own messy way.

Jim - For some reason, I feel like Jim, Archie and Oulwande go along with Frenchie on his gigs, maybe to help set up and all that, and also just to cheer him on. (Frenchie groupies, lmao, jk.)

Also does special effects make-up, loves to practice on Archie

Archie: Just wants to be near Jim, but she also loves the nightlife, bars, clubs, anything and she's there, as long is Jim with her, of course.

Zheng - Runs a soup kitchen in her spare time with Auntie. Loves to go along with Oulwande to Frenchie's gigs.

Oulwande - Volunteers at said soup kitchen as much as possible, when he's not with Jim and Archie.

Lucius - Is an artist, basically lives at the local art studio. Loves to just sit at the park and sketch.

Black Pete - Works as a welder or locksmith. Always bringing home small gifts for Lucius when he finishes work.

Wee John - Is a tattoo artist by day and a drag queen at night. Maybe he does a little bar-tending here and there.

Izzy - I get fitness vibes, idk, possibly owns a gym, does a little personal trainer work, but had to slow down a bit after losing his leg. One time while getting tattooed by Wee John heard about his drag shows and went and saw one just out of curiosity and fell in love with drag right then and there.

Spanish Jackie - Runs a nightclub with her bartender husband, The Swede.

Buttons - Is a fisherman with a small boat of his own. Keeps pigeons, and has named all of them. Would live in the enclosure with them if he could. Also likes to befriend stray pigeons

Roach - Is a line cook at a small diner, and sometimes sleeps in the diner when he doesn't pay rent at his apartment (I feel like he forgets sometimes.)

Ofmd D&D AU.

Izzy is the long suffering dm who doesn't know why he still puts up with this bunch of fools.

Lucius constantly rolls to seduce everything. (Izzy: no you can't fuck the dragon. Lucius: Well not with that attitude.)

Frenchie is always suspicious and is constantly rolling perception checks. (Izzy: For the love of god, I promise it's just a fucking candlestick holder.)

Stede constantly attempts to reason with every enemy they come across but can't land a decent diplomacy roll to save his life.

Wee John's approach is pretty much "when in doubt, blow shit up."

June 1st prompt - Give it up

Ed/Stede - Modern AU

Stede sits at a table in the corner of his local, his and Ed’s usual table. It’s bustling, just starting to get busy as the DJ spins out classics for 80s night.

He spies Ed chatting animatedly at the bar drawing smiles and fits of laughter from those nearby. He’s just like that, takes up a whole room with his presence.

Stede smiles, warm and bright.

Ed.

They’d met by chance when Ed had been knocked off of his motorbike in front of Stede’s wine shop. Stede had called an ambulance and frantically tended to him while waiting. Ed had spent the entire time attempting to calm Stede down in between flirting, and Stede only realised his interest wasn’t a symptom of head trauma when Ed returned two weeks later in a leg cast and crutches to get his number.

Four years, a cosy flat and one cat later here they are. Settled, happy and looking to the future whilst listening to synthesised beats from the past.

It takes Stede a moment to realise the man himself is heading his way with drinks in hand as the DJ blasts another old classic.

Everybody wants you

Everybody wants your love

Ed’s gait takes on a sway, and he starts to dance his way towards Stede, keeping the drinks elevated and steady as he weaves between tables and patrons alike.

I’d just like to make you mine, all mine

Ed mouths along to the words and winks at him. Stede snorts a laugh, unable to hold back a grin.

When Ed makes it to the table, he puts the drinks down and then grabs Stede’s hands to urge him out of the chair, all the while singing at him.

Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na-na-na now

Baby, give it up

Give it up

Baby, give it up

Stede rolls his eyes but allows Ed to pull him up and spin him.

“I don’t dance,” Stede says, as Ed shimmies his way into his space.

“I know, just stand there looking pretty then.”

“Ed!”

“Stede!”

Stede gives him a faux stern look and Ed deflects it with an innocent widening of his puppy dog eyes.

That’s all it takes.

Stede lets Ed lead the way.

rip ed teach you would’ve loved wearing warm clothes fresh out of the dryer

ok hello tumblr :3 idk where to get started posting here but here's some stuff i still like that i did for the #happyedizzyweek event on twitter early this year

steddyhands at the airport

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stede and ed are happy that everything eventually worked out and izzy realizes that he doesn't mind holding hands in public anymore

Picture it: Bad boy motorbiker Ed being super keen to strip off all of his black and leather for his new friend, the delightfully colourful and dapper Vespa scooting Stede, who is equally delighted to find his very special undies (and even more so what's under them 💜)

Was using this crack prompt from @queerinigo / @cakewith50oranges as a warm up (got tentacles on the brain 🐙) and it got away from me. I have some super sexy stuff being cooked up behind the scenes 🥵

(I know someone came up with the idea of seamen-demon for Ed as a tramp stamp and I can't find that art or remember who it was, so if you recognise it, tag me so I can credit)

I noticed there’s simultaneously both more and less historical accuracy this season. The real Blackbeard did shoot Izzy in the leg, there are a lot more historical figures like Ned Low, Mary Read, Anne Bonny and Zheng Yi Sao, and Stede Bonnet did make prisoners walk the plank.

Izzy hands also sings a song from the 1940s, Ned Low uses the word lolz, and technically Zheng wasn’t born until 1775.

I love it.

i ❤️ old man yaoi

seen a couple people running to that "is it bad writing or do you not understand genre" post in regards to the ofmd upset. and let me remind people that this show was marketed as a romantic comedy, ESPECIALLY this season!

In that regard, I found an article/blog post that directly addresses the question "can you have character death in a romantic comedy?" And it really hits the nail on the head.

Even if you were to make the argument "well it's a dark comedy!" or "its a pirate show!" there's still a balance that needs to be met if you don't want to alienate your audience.

People are going to argue that the death was earned because they spent the entire season building up his character and "completing his arc". Well, I'll argue that they DIDN'T complete his arc. In fact they took about twelve steps back in his death scene by seemingly ret conning his progress and having him center Ed's feelings on his literal deathbed. So it really feels a lot like fridging, because that's exactly what it was. Izzy's death was for Ed's arc, not his own. And they spent so much time focusing on Izzy all season, focusing on his growth and giving him such a specific arc about queerness and recovery, that yeah, his death feels like a slap to the face and not a tragic story beat that makes the story all the richer.

@blakbonnet @saltpepperbeard Your post has come to fruition…this comic hurt my teeth with its sweetness!! I should apologize for how long it is but...I won't.

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1. Full body of Stede and Ed standing in an 80s grocery store. Ed, wearing a black tee shirt tucked into lightwash jeans, black boots, a light blue handkerchief in his back left pocket, and his hair in a high ponytail, is standing with an empty grocery cart with both hands on the handle and one foot up on the bottom basket. He glances from the empty cart and then to Stede, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Stede, wearing a retro-patterned teal and purple short sleeved button up tucked into pleated khaki slacks, brown leather loafers, and a gold watch, his hair swept back in a big feathered quiff, holds his hands up defensively with a nervous smile. He says, “Oh- Darling, no. No, no, I’m too big!”

2a. Ed begins to stalk towards Stede with a mischievous grin, arms out in a grabbing motion. Stede backs up, smile growing even as his eyes narrow in warning and his hands try to bat him away. “Ed.” he says shortly. 2b. Ed darts forward and grabs Stede around the waist, scooping him up over his shoulder. Stede bursts into laughter, face going red, and yells “Ed! Put me down, you’ll hurt yourself!” 2c. Ed walks back toward their cart with Stede flopped over his shoulder and sings, “Nonsense, love!” In the background, there is a young brown woman wearing a patterned jumpsuit with long dark feathered hair facing the shelves as she browses cereal. There is a baby over her shoulder wearing teal overalls who catches Stede’s eye as they pass and reaches out a chubby little hand to wave at him in solidarity. Stede waves back automatically, clearly embarrassed but unable to stop smiling.

3a. Ed half-falls into the cart with a punched-out “Oof!” as he flops Stede down into it butt-first, his face buried in Stede’s chest and Stede’s legs flying up around him. 3b. Ed lifts himself up with his arms braced on either side of Stede, nose-to-nose with his husband who has sat up in the cart with a silly grin, one leg thrown over the side. Ed continues the previous conversation with a soft smile, “It’s like holding a couple of grapes.” 3c. Ed closes the last inch between them to smack a kiss on the tip of Stede’s nose. Stede reddens and snorts out a laugh.

4. Close up on the woman in their aisle as she chooses a cereal called “Matey Puffs” featuring a white cartoon Blackbeard with a hook hand. She glances over in confusion at Ed and Stede as they zoom away, Stede tucked in the cart and Ed driving, both giggling uncontrollably. The baby continues to wave after them.

5. Text reading “Later…”

6a. Stede and Ed waiting in line at the checkout. Stede is still in the cart, knees pulled to his chest, now surrounded by piles of groceries including a bottle of L&P soda, a bag of shredded cheese, a head of romaine lettuce, a bottle of wine, a few packs of meat, a bag of apples, a bag of Twisties, a loaf of bread, a bag of Roshuns, several packs of spaghetti, and a few miscellaneous cartons and jars. Ed, one hand on the cart handle, suddenly smacks the heel of his other hand against his forehead with a “duh!” expression. He exclaims, “Oh, shit! We forgot the oranges!” Stede turns his head around shoot him an annoyed look and replies, “What?? That’s the whole reason we came!” 6b. Ed runs off in a cloud of dust, shouting behind him, “BRB, Baby! Kiss kiss!” Stede cranes his neck after him in panic, unable to move from his grocery prison, calling, “Wai- Ed! Ed!!” 6c. Stede turns back around, red faced, sweating with nerves, and now a middle aged man alone in a full grocery cart. In front of him in queue is a bald man resembling Black Pete in a white suit with the sleeves rolled up, pushing his own cart. Behind him are an older dark-skinned woman with short gray hair wearing a puff sleeve shirt, long pink skirt, and pearls, holding a full basket with both hands and a large Māori man resembling Fang in a pink polo shirt and pleated khakis with a bag of dog food under one arm. They both step forward automatically to fill Ed’s vacated space.

7a. The older woman leans forward toward Stede with a small smile, saying, “You and your husband are very sweet.” Stede cranes his neck around to smile at her nervously, replying, “Oh! Thank you…” 7b. The woman loosens one hand from her basket to place it on Stede’s cart, continuing, “Let me push you forward, the queue is moving.” Stede drops his chin to his chest in relief, breathing out a much more genuine “Thank you.”

8a. Text at the top reads “9 minutes later”; Stede has reached the front of the line. The employee, who resembles Izzy, is wearing a blue striped button up and red bow tie under a yellow apron and stands, one hand hovering over the register as he stares down silently at Stede. Stede, looking small and scared, barely able to peek over the edge of the counter, stares back sweatily with wide eyes and says, “Ummm…” 8b. The employee startles as Stede cracks his head back and screams at the top of his lungs, “Ed!! Darling, where are you?? We have a problem!!”

9a. Ed suddenly zooms into view holding a bag of oranges, sliding smoothly between Stede and the register with a grin and a wink. He says, “Never fear, my love! I’m here!” Stede smiles hugely at him, full of relief and love. Behind them, the Izzy-like employee just glares at them, looking extremely tired, revealing he is wearing a large anachronistic button that says “service with a smile”. Stede cries, “You came back!” Ed replies, “Never left.” Both their speech bubbles are filled with pink hearts. 9b. Text in parentheses at the top says “he really didn’t.” We now see Ed from earlier, already holding the bag of oranges, peeking out from behind a shelf with a warm expression. He giggles, one hand to his cheek, as he observes Stede’s predicament from afar. Offscreen, Stede is saying, “Oh- Louise, we’re moving again.” Louise, presumably the older woman behind him in line, responds, “I’ve got you!” Stede continues, “Haha, getting awfully close to the front, aren’t we… I wonder what’s taking Ed so long…” /end ID

Modern OFMD Headcanon: Frenchie lives in a van, and plays small gigs at random bars/clubs when he can.

Fic idea up for adoption. You're welcome to use what I wrote verbatim, or re-write.

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Lucius is screwing around on the website Fiverr one day, inputting random search terms and trying to find weird freelance work offers to laugh at.

Technically he’s supposed to be working, but it’s been slow this afternoon and Lucius isn’t exactly one for pretending to be busy if he doesn’t have to.

He scrolls past someone willing to record messages while doing a Mickey Mouse impression, someone offering to draw kink art with the disclaimer that ‘nothing is off limits except for underage and non-anthropomorphic bestiality’ (Lucius supposes it’s good to have hard limits), and someone claiming to have the ability to psychically make your ex come back to you. Then he strikes gold.

The title reads: “I will record your message from a pirate.”

It’s posted under the username BlkBeard75, and the thumbnail is of a brown skinned man with long black hair shot through with grey and an almost entirely grey, curly beard. Lucius can’t see the guy’s entire body from the thumbnail, but he appears to be decked out in some sort of leather getup.

Immediately intrigued, he clicks on the listing.

“Ever wanted a personalized message from a pirate? Perhaps well-wishes for a loved one’s birthday, or even a silly message just for you? Commission a video from the one and only Black Beard!

Willing to record anything ranging from family-friendly messages geared towards kids, to a flirty message for your mate who might just be a little too into pirates. (Will not record messages of an explicitly pornographic nature without first giving consent before the time of purchase. I reserve the right to turn down message requests without having to justify my reasoning for doing so.)

Book Black Beard today!”

Sure, this guy is hot, but Lucius doesn’t really know any children and he certainly doesn’t need a pirate video for himself. However- his boss Stede’s birthday is coming up, and he has been moping around the office a lot lately.

If Lucius was on the fence, his resolve that this is a great idea is solidified as soon as he clicks on one of the guy’s example videos and finds our that he has a New Zealand accent.

snapshots from my ofmd ouizzy modern au 💛🖤

thoughts are being thunk