A Shawol, a Monbebe, an ELF and an Army walk into a group chat...

My kpop/kdrama group chat is one of my faves and it's with two of my besties from university that I've known for around 20 years now (even longer than any of us have been into kpop) and another friend who has known us about half that time but feels like she's been there all along and these products of inside jokes in the group chat and our shared deep love of SHINee means I got these stupendous early Christmas gifts in the mail today 💙💎💙

The pearl aqua tissue paper is such an incredibly great touch and the trophy is going up on a shelf with my fancy leatherbound book collection and some of my late grandmother's pottery in the place of honour it deserves 🤣🤣

A needlessly detailed analysis of Heisenberg's Conspiracy Board

One of the random details I was most eager to find in the RE8 game assets was Heisenberg's conspiracy board. (It's labeled 'strategy board' in the game files, but I think we all know what we're looking at here.)

The assets consisted of a base layer (below) with separate higher-res photos of Chris, Mia, Rose (with Ethan!) and the other three lords (clean versions of those last three, plus Heisenberg, can be found over here). The actual model is more 3-dimensional than you might think, with many of the photos displayed as separate 'flaps' that stick out from the base board (which does unfortunately make stitching together higher-res screencaps of the full board very difficult).

There are a few reasons why I wanted better pics of the board, but a real big one was catching an in-game glimpse of this one smaller photo on the upper right of some guy in sunglasses and going, wait, is that Wesker?

Having extracted the highest-res version of that photo possible... well, for that to be Wesker, he'd have to have come back to life and aged about 20 years. Which wouldn't entirely be out of character (he's come back from the dead at least once already, and even Chris is looking his age these days) but is really that who it's supposed to be? IDEK, and neither does this one Reddit thread I found discussing the same question.

There are a few other human-faces around the board ‒ mostly some mustachioed dude(s?) ‒ some of them entirely hidden under other photos on the finished board, but none I recognise. Presumably they're meant to be folks who are/were involved with Miranda or other bio-weapons research, past or present, and maybe they're characters set to appear in some future RE installment. But they may just be stock photos, thrown in to fill space.

But having finally posted this thing and come back to it again this morning, I'm looking at that one larger guy in one of those photos and going, wait, isn't that the Duke?

Goddamn, it is, isn't it? You can even see the lapels of his jacket and the curve of the wagon roof over his head. How did I miss that? XD No prizes for guessing why Heisenberg might think he's worth including on a conspiracy board!

Most of the rest of the board is covered with photos of various monstrous bio-weapons. Again, this is probably meant to represent a mix of Miranda's work and that of other bio-weapons manufacturers. Someone more familiar with extended Resi-canon than I am might even be able to identify some of these creatures, but none were immediately familiar to me.

Even the one zombie face below that looks almost exactly like a screencap from that first iconic zombie-reveal-scene from the very first Resident Evil turned out not to be (and yes, I checked both the original version and the remake), though it may still be meant to evoke that moment. The photo behind it, meanwhile, looks to be just a pair of soldats.

The other big 'notice me!' feature is, of course, the big map with 'BSAA Come!!' scribbled on it. The circled target location is the ceremony site, identifiable by the four huge statues, and the date at the bottom (February 10, 2020) is the date of Miranda's planned ceremony (tomorrow morning).

Presumably, this is supposed to be a map the BSAA themselves prepared for troop briefings, but no-one's going to get much out of trying to take this thing too literally. Realistically, the only reason "BSAA Come!!" is written in such big letters here is to let the player know at a glance that Heisenberg is clued in enough to be expecting a BSAA assault.

That's about it for really obvious features. There's not a lot else here that the casual viewer is likely to recognise or find particularly significant. But I'm way past 'casual' in over-analysing this damn game, and I can point out a dozen other features on this board that might (or might not) be awash with implications about all the juicy intel Heisenberg's got his hands on.

Basically, it's time to play my favourite game: Cheaply Reused Asset or Significant Callback?

See, much as I'd love for every last detail on this board to be dense with important lore, the reality is that the player gets barely a few seconds to look at this thing in-game, and so most of what's on it was probably thrown together in a hurry by some overworked member of the asset team without much thought. And nothing demonstrates this better than the fact that two different photo clusters (circled below) from the right edge of the board are duplicated wholesale as you move left across the board.

Someone's just copy-pasted these in their entirety, slightly reduced them in size, and assumed no-one would notice. The asset team is only human, and believes in working smarter not harder as much as anyone.

Then there's the fact that a number of other assets you can find on this board are actually posters advertising fishing equipment, which you can find around the reservoir, near where you pick up the boat key.

Why would Heisenberg include these on his conspiracy board? There's no good reason, they're just a convenient assets to fill in some space.

And then there's my all-time favourite random detail on this board ‒ a completely random photo of a bottle of Dulvey Beer, two bags of Half-Whole flour, and a carton of orange juice.

Now, maybe somewhere in these games, you can find these exact items arranged in this position next to never-before-found coded clue to the future of the series! But more likely, this is just the asset team making an inside-joke about asset recycling, using a picture of some of the most oft-reused assets in the game, on a board that's already covered in reused assets from elsewhere. (Look, I thought it was funny, even if no-one else looking at the board is going to get it.)

So, yeah, a lot of what's on this board means nothing, except that whoever made it had limited time and a lot of space to fill. And That's Okay.

But then we get to the stuff where I do really wanna believe its inclusion means something. For one, the board contains copies of both the mission briefing Chris' team is carrying when they abduct Ethan (the one you find by the overtuned truck), and Rose's BSAA-headered medical checkup report.

I already have this whole theory that that same medical report being leaked to Miranda might just be a major unsung catalyst for how she realised Rose's potential, and thus set all the events of the game in motion. So finding that the same report has made it's way onto Heisenberg's conspiracy board is a lovely bit of potential validation. Similarly, the implication that Heisenberg might have known about Chris' mission to Ethan's home before it even happened has some tantalising implications (or maybe he just found it out by the van where Ethan left it).

Rose's medical report isn't the only BSAA-headered document on the board either ‒ there's another on the top right (outlined in yellow) that doesn't correspond to any in-game asset I can find (presumably it wasn't actually needed for whatever it was created for). There's plenty elsewhere in this game to suggest Miranda has contacts in the BSAA feeding her all their secrets ‒ and whether Heisenberg got these reports from Miranda or independently, the fact he's got them at all suggests one hell of an info-leak.

Speaking of Miranda, you can find a couple of copies of some of her own research notes on Heisenberg's board ‒ this is the same asset used in her lab under the graveyard, where you can find notes about her experiments on 'Alcina D'. So that's another interesting file that it makes total sense Heisenberg might include on his board.

The board also includes a couple of extracts from that issue of The Dulvey Daily from Ethan's home, with the article about the closing of the Baker investigation. Realistically, this is likely to be another case of a random asset being used without much thought, but it does make sense that Heisenberg would have followed that investigation (and I can't help but loved that Heisenberg felt the Horn of Plenty article was worth including in his vast conspiracy-network ‒ I told you they were shady!)

You can find bits of a couple of Heisenberg's own Soldat-x-rays on the board too. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but they do look nicely sinister, so onto the board they go! (In multiple places again)

That's about it for assets I could identify. However, there are also a few photos from around the village itself on the board ‒ two of which were evidently screenshots taken from Ethan's own point of view, given that his gun is clearly visible in the bottom left of the screen in customary position. Objectively, this makes no sense, but it sure does add to that "someone's been watching you" atmosphere that any good conspiracy board should aspire to.

(I also feel like I should totally be recognising that doorway in the photo about the 'o' in 'mother', but can't place it.)

And for one final, bizarre detail, you may notice this weird photo of someone's feet appears in a few places on the board. And it's definitely the same photo ‒ the details line up perfectly, right down to the pin and that bit of string. But for some reason, someone's added a lace skirt to the feet in the example on the left.

You can't even see that skirt in the finished board (it's under Miranda's picture), but it amused me nonetheless.

Before we finish, have a few more close-ups on some of the other weird photos you can find on the board.

So, what conclusions can we draw here? There's a ton of detail on Heisenberg's conspiracy board to suggest he (or perhaps Miranda) has access to files from the BSAA and whoever Chris is now working with/for, that he's researched what happened at Dulvey and has certainly helped himself to Miranda's own files, if you'd like to read significance into what was included on the board. But there's also a ton of complete nonsense, so, you know, pretty much just RE lore operating as per usual.

I hope you've all enjoyed my little descent-into-madness while picking this thing apart.

Talk about how BK stans are wierd about Izu. But lets talk how Izu's abuse was deliberate on Hori's part (again, this is not "random guy pressing many buttoms" he sit down and wrote this shit) and how people, mostly BK's stans ignore in favor of fanon bkdk

Izu's dad is mia (In Japan some families use actors to pretend to be the kid dad's. Like wow ) and we dont even know his job.

Inko is a beglectful mom, thanks to how Hori wrote her. (For those reading, neglectful doesnt need to always be "she ignored how her kid is starving" Inko never bother to know her own son or do anything)

Why Izu accepts he is useless? Not victim blaming here but....this is smth I don't get why Izu nods and accept he is useless. "A lesson in hopeless" which could explain but...that would have to apply to others students who were abused by BK. And they seem fine.

(Also the lil shit Izu saved from Bk and turns against Izu later...why? I get kids can be assholes! But while the lil shit doesnt need to be Izu's bff...why try to please BK?)

Hi @mikeellee 👋

Both Bakugou stans and Hori (to a lesser extent) are horrible when it comes to Izuku, they both seem to treat Izuku as the cheerleader / supporting act to Bakugou.

Bakugou's /BkDk stans (mostly) tend to write what they wish to see - an asshole with a heart of gold who redeems himself and proves himself worthy of being Izuku's partner. While seemingly unknowingly writing him as abusive - screaming at his partner, still calling him a "Shitty Deku" but fondly or doing worse like causing Izuku to try and kill himself or dumping Izuku via text while Izuku is in hospital...

All the while Hori neglects Izuku and his family sidelining him for the Todoroki's (no hate to the Todofam) but...

Where's Midoriya Hisashi? If he's AFO you would think Hori would build up to this moment / give Izu deja vu when he sees AFO - anything? Or is Hisashi a random asshole civilian who upped and left his family or tragically died?

Why does Midoriya Inko act so neglectful yet worried? How Hori writes Inko is pretty poor honestly. In canon, she's not an evil, mean mum nor is she supermum like I've seen the most common fandom perceptions be - She's just there. A true background character. She's just stood there not doing anything while her quirkless son gets violently beaten up for ten years and does nothing. (She had to have had some idea what was going on, no four year old could hide being exploded.) Yet U.A post Kamino she threatens to pull Izu out - now Izu has a quirk, why this change in attitude now Izu has a quirk? Hori never shows her actively doing things for Izuku like a mother should; she cries and worries but thats all she does - while Izuku comforts her! At least other shonen parents have the excuse of being dead so therefore being unable to protect their kids...

Izuku seemingly accepting himself as useless... It began with the acceptance of the hero name 'Deku' to me it felt like someone, who had been bullied for their disability, making their hero name "Spaz" just because a new friend at UA called them once that - 'but in a nice way.' So that "makes it ok now!" When really it doesn't - certainly not like how MHA showed, in real life moments like reclaiming the insult (especially with a history attached like Izuku's does) has to take a lot of work. It felt like whiplash to have Izuku suddenly "be ok with it." And honestly... I don't think he is truly, he still thinks of himself as useless and thats reinforced by 1) everyone around him calling him "Deku" still - including Bakugou. Izuku's internal monologue even supports that he still thinks of himself as useless which is just SAD at this point. 2) Izuku rarely (if ever) getting any rightful praise. 3) Izuku getting shared blame for shit that is Bakugou's fault alone. House arrest should have been just Bakugou's punishment and Izu should have kicked his ass to the moon.

And for your final point, that is true that kid is a little asshole and you would think that in a school where most people are aspiring to be heroes there would be some (other than Izu) trying to stand up for people being bullied against Bakugou...

But at the same time it's realistic for a class to be afraid of the violent loud mouth bully who is strong and unafraid to throw a punch. Imagine that but throwing explosions, burns and explosive punches - yikes.

Either way, Bakugou's popularity should have tanked with his 'garbage personality' when he got into U.A but Hori wants to wank him off.

Ethan's Diary

February 6th, 2021 Mia and I had another fight. I accidentally mentioned what happened there three years ago and she blew up at me. We finally settled down in our new life in Europe and can bring Rose up properly. But... I still feel like a part of me is trapped in that hell hole back in Louisiana.

I know Mia doesn't like to talk about it, but can we really just forget everything and pretend it didn't happen? Shouldn't we face what happened there so we can live our lives with Rose without it hanging over our heads? We owe her that much at least... I know Mia knows this too. She wouldn't have exploded like that at the hospital if she didn't care.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

emphasis mine: Mia feels a tremendous level of guilt for a) joining the connections b) starting with Evie at what ever point she did c) letting Evie get away whilst getting Alan away from when the incident took place d) trying to keep Ethan away but failing i have already said why the message wouldn't have fucking gone through and that is because storm and evie made her lose a door idk what to tell you e) Ethan gets hurt by her first of all under the influence of Evie

Mia in the bakers incident report (obligitory it should have been part of basic game and it should have had a moment of BSAA confirming they got all information about the connections she could give them) says she wants "to forget everything"

its normal to shy away from something painful, she spent 3 years in padded cell thinking of everything (when not in Evie La La Land). there is also a element of how her mold infection affected her after being treated by the BSAA. I got asked by @mushroomwithsomeink some time ago if Mia has abanonment issues and to an extent she does (the answer was not very good). Mia was part of a hive mind for years she knew where Jack was and was probably aware of everything else happening around her (all because of her not being able to convince Evie to stop or have the guts to break out the murder kit). The thought that the BSAA apparently let them live but without setting them up with therapists? (though the BSAA are the same people who let Chris still recovering from amnesia and binge drinking into the field- also plugging the fanfic catch me floating circles in fish bowl)

random thing as I was tying "forget everything" I had a thought about Riley Flynn from Midnight Mass (and ended up looking for quotes from the show and interesting ones will be under the read more- give them a look and see why i thought of Mia when i reread these)

Both Mia and Ethan have CPTSD I have no real thoughts what i shared is honestly explanation enough

from the NHS website

Complex PTSD - Post-traumatic stress disorder

You may have complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) if you have some of the symptoms of PTSD, and also have problems with managing your emotions and having relationships.

Symptoms of complex PTSD

The symptoms of complex PTSD are similar to symptoms of PTSD, but may also include:

feelings of worthlessness, shame and guilt

problems controlling your emotions

finding it hard to feel connected with other people

relationship problems, like having trouble keeping friends and partners

Causes of complex PTSD

Complex PTSD may be caused by experiencing recurring or long-term traumatic events, for example:

childhood abuse or neglect; domestic violence; sexual abuse

torture, sex trafficking, or slavery; war

You may also be more likely to develop complex PTSD if:

you experienced trauma at a young age

you were harmed by someone close to you who you trusted

you were unable to escape the trauma

treatment for PTSD and CPTSD is hard and when the other person your primary support is also dealing with it? that is even worse honestly there is a thing called secondary trauma

from mind: 'Secondary' means that although the original (primary) trauma happened to someone else, the impact it's having in your life is traumatic for you. It doesn't mean it's any less significant than any other kind of PTSD, or any easier to deal with. Our page for friends and family has some tips on looking after yourself.

both Mia and Ethan are dealing with the primary trauma from the baker estates and secondary trauma from each other

from PTSD UK

"Anyone who cares for a person living with PTSD can reduce the impact secondary trauma has on them if they carefully approach the situation. The first step is to learn the signs of secondary trauma:

– Emotional exhaustion – Increasingly negative perception of self – Depression – Anxiety – Difficulty eating or sleeping – Feelings of hopelessness"

ETA1 Speaking about it would be a way to make it all real again to acknowledge this horrible shit that Mia is partially responsible for (i know its not part of RE universe but the fic bruise won't heal the stain stays put from the numbers show is pretty much the thought i had with this addition for sure)

Riley: I don't know. That's kind of the whole thing. I don't know. I have no idea. I mean, in prison, it was easy. I had things to do, you know? Count the days. Count down the sentence. Eat, sleep, read. It's all pretty spelled out for you. Regimented. But here? Here I have nothing. What, am I going to get a job? Go to school? I have no money, no prospects. I just exist now. That's it. I have absolutely no purpose at all. I'm just sitting in my parents' house, breathing, and serving no purpose to anyone whatsoever. I'm just living. [long pause] And that's the worst part. Because I shouldn't be alive, Erin. So I don't know. What do I do here? I eat. Sleep. Shit. I don't know. Walk home now, eat dinner, wait out this fucking storm.

-i think the debrief and everything directly after might have been anywhere between six months and a year for Ethan and Mia

Riley: No, alcohol isn't good or bad. But the version of me that would come out when I had enough to drink, he was bad. He was selfish and careless and he ruined my life. There is a saboteur inside of me, and I always thought, you know, we'd work it out. We'd learn to live with each other, because he wouldn't really hurt me. Not me. I fed him, so he wouldn't hurt me. And then one morning I woke up and found out he killed someone. I had killed someone. So who's to blame there? I am to blame there. And God? He just kind of let it happen, didn't he? See, that's the part I cannot square. Because you're right, there is so much suffering in the world. So much. And then there's this higher power. This higher power who could erase all that pain, just wave his hand and make it all go away, but doesn't? No. No thank you. The worst part is that it lets all the rest of us off the hook. We can watch so many people just slip into these bottomless pits of awful and we can stand it. We can tolerate it because we say things like, "God works in mysterious ways." Like there's a plan? Like something good's going to come out of it? Nothing good came out of my drinking. Nothing good came out of me killing that poor girl. Nothing good came out of Joe Collie's drinking. And not a single good thing comes out of Leeza never being able to walk again. Nothing good came out of a metric ton of crude oil filling up the bay. And the only thing, the only fucking things that lets people stand by, watching all this suffering, doing nothing, doing fucking nothing, is the idea that suffering can be a gift from God. What a monstrous idea, Father.

"No Pain. No Memory, No Awareness That I Ever Was. That I Ever Hurt Someone."

eta 1 I mentioned their fics in this post so it makes sense in my head to plug them @screechthemighty @talistheintrovert

lonnie for the character ask thing :)

always. always.

Sexuality Headcanon: i bounce back and forth between whether i think lonnie wouldn’t label his sexuality or whether the act of labeling his sexuality (+ gender for that matter) would be something that feels good for him, but i’d say what either describes it best or IS it is bi. im also fond of aromantic lonnie and both at the same time.

Gender Headcanon: transfem + genderfluid (i tend to use she/he interchangeably for her). and i read it into her narrative too. the way that she always felt a disconnect from her peers that tied into her apologizing to her parents that they weren’t able to bring up the “all-american boy” and the way that her parents emphasize that she’s different from other boys, how the anarky costume has a mask that reflects the faces of the people that look into it back outward + how i feel that through giving so much of her life to being anarky she’d get used to being this entity that’s referred to by terms other than just he and him and man and boy etc. until she unmasks and it defaults back. i think after a while there’d be a disconnect and it wouldn’t really hit until after red robin when she has to deal with just Being Lonnie (and Moneyspider) for longer than she’s ever had to after taking up her mission. and i think that gender fluidity of anarky, despite if she sticks with the identity or not, would be something she decides to embrace for herself as a person. i’ll stop there. but basically its real.

A ship I have with said character: i’ve already been over timlonnie on my tim post so i’ll make my stance clear right here, right now: i like stephlonnie but in my own “their characterizations align with how they were pre-flashpoint and rebirth never happened” way. i think the base concept of lonnie falling for steph is soooo cute and having it be her of all other gothamites would be very fitting. i think he and steph could also bond over quite a lot from the way they approach vigilantism to their complicated relationship with the bats and the joker paternity debacle vs. having the cluemaster as a chromosome donor.

A BROTP I have with said character: lonnie does not have many friends and that is a purposeful thing. i already mentioned tim on my tim post so instead of saying he + mia dearden, which is entirely made up in my own mind but nonetheless has me in a chokehold, i’ll say he and oliver queen, which is one of my favorite out of the… 3 big dynamics he has with other vigilantes. oliver is the one older person who, despite distrusting him at first, came to approach lonnie’s way of doing things with an open mind and actually teamed up with her twice. partnering with lonnie reminded ollie of the ideals he holds dear and of his younger self in a way that prompted good introspection. i think having someone like ollie around, who is an experienced leftist vigilante willing to see things her way while also providing a bit of natural guidance and even potentially a community would be good for lonnie… and i forever mourn the team-up comic that was proposed but never got made. hard traveling heroes 2 forever.

A NOTP I have with said character: ummmm. rebirth stephlonnie? born of horrid characterization. there are not many people he’s interacted with enough to ship him with. i guess i’ve seen people ship he and bruce in the far dark corners of earlier bat fandom which should go without saying but fucking sucks ❤️

A random headcanon: aside from her 12-year-old self’s job as a paperboy, she likes biking. being active in general too but she should probably slow down because there is no way 9+ hours of exercise a day is healthy

General Opinion over said character: my favorite comic book character and i can’t see that changing soon. lonnie means the absolute world to me and more. getting a little personal, i’ve met some of my best friends through liking and talking about anarky, and for that i’m forever thankful. digging into the history behind his creation and his use in the bat narrative revealed just how much passion was put into him as a character which makes him even better and more meaningful to me even if he went in a direction i wasn’t the biggest fan of. despite less than 100 appearances, she’s a complex character with some of my favorite comics under her belt and an unforgettable debut appearance. what she means when put up against bruce and the potential that held is something i never tire of discussing. i wish every single day that dc would stop marketing her as a batman villain. i think she should’ve been disabled and had what happened to her during Red Robin centered around her because i think it would’ve been an excellent way to both give her more prominence and develop her along more after such a period of being so isolated + putting her whole identity into her mission. i never get bored of reading through her comics over again, it makes me genuinely so happy to do so. machin nation forever and im serious.

SORRY THAT LAST ASK WAS EVIL here's a nice one what are some of your favourite memories from this year!!

LOL thank you

this got long so here's a read more

-goes w/out saying but spending 5 months travelling and cycling around europe was so cool. my fav bit was a month in italy -- particularly a workaway involving staying in a beautiful umbrian farmstead with a gaggle of gay men, so much cooking and cocktails and basking beneath the wisteria, walks thru medieval hilltop villages surrounded by golden meadows.. travelling solo is nice but i'm very much an extrovert and i felt so touched by the love and friendship i experienced here. i still talk to my boys most days. -i visited one of my best mates in cyprus and it was so fun i accidentally stayed for a whole month. loads of nature hikes, festivals, gigs, exploring abandoned cities, snorkelling in oceans so deep and blue and ancient. -later we flew to england to do brighton pride (hooked up with a lovely irish lass 😳) & visit some more expat uni pals. we went on a road trip afterwards in devon/cornwall and it was so beautiful but again the company was the main thing; i spend the whole time laughing til it hurt

-actually that reminds me of a random cute "small world" moment. on the bus from venice to rome, i saw a girl next to me reading the same book. we got chatting and it turned out she was going to brighton pride as well. we decided to meet up there, but everyone's phone service was jammed and we couldn't find each other!! so i gave up. a couple days later, i was boarding the train to london when i heard... "ASIA!!???" and it was her!!!!!!

-i cut my intercontinental cycle trip short cos i got into the final selection for an antarctica job and needed to be in the uk for the interview. as such i explored the scottish isles. my fav part was staying at a victorian manor in inverness owned by a witch who looked like stevie nicks and was hosting the scottish opera for the week. they invited me for wine and ghost stories by the fireplace and ending up giving me a ticket to the opera which was sooo silly but sweet!! so i saw carmen for free and gifted them some nice tesco roses and wine in return -i lost my phone in corfu but i couldnt be mad cos it was so fun. i went to a BEAUTIFUL grotto to snorkel which ended up being like a mamma mia beach bar. i was drinking a pina colada the size of my head when two aussie girls came over and said "do you mind if we smoke here" and i said "no go ahead" envisioning a cigarette but it ended up being an ENORMOUS doobie. they shared it with me and all the other girlies, we got crossfaded and went swimming, and i dropped my phone when trying to sensibly cross a road (it got handed into the consulate but shipping is so expensive so i'm working on that!)

-as such i've spent most of this year without a functioning phone & it's been grand. just so much more present and alive, got really into foraging, birdwatching, beachcombing, swimming in the ocean every day in the summer..

-coming back home was actually more tender than anything though. everyone goes on about post-travel blues but i've so enjoyed slipping back into mundanity; floor time with my best friend (you), parties, concerts, weekly life drawing and art club, finally feeling at home in this city. i got to illustrate a novel, animate a tv show opening, get my first poem published in a journal, work on a video game, and also win an nz game award for mine! i'm so grateful for my girlfriend and family and friends and lovely flat on the seaside. also i quit my shitty job for reals and am studying animal management next year so YAY

Bobby Explains... For all the people who have discovered me recently from the Never Get Ahead video currently posted on many blogs and on Youtube, here’s some facts you make be interested in: 

1.  The video is from an unrehearsed live appearance on Chic-a-go-go in 1997 or 1998 (ten years ago, shit!). Chic-a-go-go is a brilliant children’s dance show on cable access here in Chicago; it’s sort of like American Bandstand or Soul Train, but for little kids. Every week there is a random collection of kids and parents dancing to pre-recorded tracks and usually there is a special guest from the independant music scene. The guest can be local or touring acts, ranging from totally obscure noise bands to bigger acts. There is no budget and no rehearsal; they usually shoot two or three episodes in about two hours. The host is a punk rock rat puppet named Ratso and his lovely partner, currently Miss Mia Park. 

 2.  I was asked to do a tune, and as the song was Never Get Ahead, I re-cut the vocals to remove references to fellatio. It is a kids' show, after all. I recut the tune the night before and really didn’t have time to rehearse the lip sync. I figured my sync would be terrible, but didn’t care too much about fooling people into thinking it was live. 

 3.  The original version of the tune is on my album Bobby Conn, available through Atavistic/Truckstop Records.  I think it is on iTunes, Amazon, etc. It’s my first album; please buy a copy as I haven’t seen any royalties from those people for a long time.  There is also a live version on my album Live Classics, Vol. 1 released on Thrill Jockey Records. It is considerably more rocking than the original, which may or may not be an improvement. 

 4.  This video clip was voted Worst Video Ever in a VH1 contest and has been broadcast in the UK and Europe pretty consistently for the past ten years. 

5.  The video was shot at 10am on a Saturday morning; I was not “coked out of my brain” as many people have suggested. If my performance seems exaggerated, well, perhaps you need to enjoy life a bit more. 

6.  Micheal Jackson and motown are a huge inspiration for me, and I’m not embarassed to admit it. I’m not really ashamed of much, really. 

 7.  The woman in the blue dress is my friend Emily; you can see clips of her playing bass in another tune on YouTube, Passover. The woman in the plaid skirt is Monica BouBou; you can see her in most of my videos as she has played violin with me for over ten years and is my partner in crime. I can guarantee any dude that is interested in Emily or anyone else in the video that they are not interested a scumbag like you. Everyone else in the video, all the kids, etc, are just random people who showed up that day. Obviously, many of them were confused by my antics. 

8.  I am “for real.”  As in, I am a real person. Is my hair real in the video? Is that a measure of my integrity? These are all questions for you to think about, but frankly, I am amazed at how much people seem to care about these things. It’s a sign of progress that we have the time to debate such issues over the internet. I guess that means that the larger issues confronting humanity have been pretty much taken care of. Hallelujah! 

9.  I have noticed that Americans have a harder time with sarcasm and irony that other cultures. We find sarcasm threatening in some way. I, on the other hand, find the emphasis on the illusion of integrity to be more frightening. The lyrics to the song both celebrate and mock political songwriting. The concept of 'the man' is a juvenile simplification of oppression. But the impulse behind it is still valid. 

 10.  Finally, thanks for watching!  I am very proud of this video, as it captures almost everything I love in entertainment.  It is FUNNY, even ten years later!

MCALPINE SESSIONS ANON HERE, BESTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry I've been MIA, there was a little drama with a certain ship that is prominent on your blog that I just did not wanna deal with lmao. I didn't wanna project my annoyance with the ship onto you so for my sanity, I had to leave BUT I'M HERE NOW AND FERAL FOR SOME UPDATES (or just some shop talk, I need more friends 🥲) I hope you've been doing well though! I saw you were on a little hiatus a while back so I hope everything is good on your side of the universe ❤️

YAAAAAAAY YOURE BACK!!!! 🩷🩷🩷🩷 tysm for thé well wishes firstly, things are up and down over here but i’m trying my best to just keep on keeping on and the support means all the world to me! but it’s pride month so i’ve been trying have more fun and just enjoy it, i’m hoping to see some of the new marvel releases soon and OMGGG THE NEW CAP 4 content i am barking i am feral SAM LOOKS SO GOOD HES BACK HES BAAAAAACK

in terms of fic ive been writing a little bit but not as much as i’d like bc i’ve been pretty busy with life and also the rpg i’m currently modding lol HOWEVER i’ve locked in some new plot points and my definite plan once time frees up for me in a few months is a full rewatch of all 3 cap films and maybe even sam’s other cameos (and maybe fatws…. not sure yet, that one i saw more recently and a LOT of time has to pass before i can stomach rewatching anything if i ever do at all, even my favorite things, bc my attention span SUCKS lmao) + hopefully i’ll be able to crank out some of the scenes for the fic set within that time frame (bc i’ve been writing most of the ones that happen post cacw) and then it’ll be done! or ready to be beta’d at least… which… if ur interested 👀 i cant remember what my last update for u was about so i’ll update this post with a new snippet once it’s been shared <33

edit: here it is!!

the front door slammed, and sam dropped his keys on the counter before appearing upside down above them. to his credit, he did not seemed phased to find them tangled up underneath the couch’s throw blanket in the middle of the day.

“what’s this about hickeys, and why am i getting them?”

“bucky’s retired.” steve offered by way of explanation, raising his free arm to pull sam closer. even so, they couldn’t quite reach without him doubled over the frame, so he wandered down the hallway to change out of his clothes before steve could kiss him.

the problem is all the scenes post cacw after they get together are sort of just random which means it goes from this intense emotional will they won’t they with a touch of actual canon events created non romantic tension to this slush of fluff and domesticity and no real stakes anymore hahahahaha like idk where to go with it??? beyond just. making them cuddle more LMAO so…. any suggestions from the people lmk

i hope you’ve been doing well yourself and taking care of yourself and i as always look forward to hearing from you again soon :))) with regards to the ship drama, i am SOOOO curious could u elaborate??? was the drama related to my blog or just like generally in the fandom? DONT LEAVE ME HANGIN WHAT WAS THE SHIP 👀👀👀 i don’t feel like i post that many so i’m so intrigued which it could be lol since i’m assuming it’s not sambucky and probably (??) not stevebucky (tho maybe)

but seriously though i’d love to know bc i don’t want my account to be uncomfy for anyone but least of all my fav anon x so if i need to update my tagging system for u to properly blacklist my posts about it or anything of the sort pls lmk, either here (and i can answer privately too if you’d prefer 🤍) or messaging me! plus if by drama there’s smth actually problematic im rb i absolutely wanna be informed and aware of it! i will confess i’m quite curious as to who my secret admirer could be ;)) and i appreciate ur honesty!

until the next meeting, be well and lots of love 🫶🏻

replica burberry scarf 29

These Are The Most Effective Burberry Scarf Dupes Under 100! Personally, I’d somewhat purchase the fake one, if, that is, I had been inclined to purchase one thing that seemed precisely like all the true one that appears precisely like each danged different one–which I’m not. Mia, I finally ended up mailing it to the New York location of Burberry with a note explaining it was purchased on eBay and was in all probability a fake. I simply kept thinking that it might be useful for them to see what’s being bought on eBay. It does go great with that jacket and also with a red Orvis coat I bought on eBay a while again. I know a few of the eBayers live close to outlets they usually most likely purchase merchandise there, but when there are that many “new” ones for sale, it makes you very suspicious. Our winter was so heat this 12 months mine hardly received used. It goes great with the two coats I wear the most during wintertime. I by no means like the finest way things look when they are returned form the cleaners. I marvel if you can just wash it in Woolite or something like that. I’ll have to do some research when mine gets to the purpose that it needs it because I actually don’t wish to take it to the cleaners either. Wish you wouldn’t have identified the fake vs real so rapidly to allow us to guess. But even with out your assist, I was already mentioning the blurred strains and color blocking. Burberry would never use thread that didn’t mix in, and would never leave a unfastened thread sticking out like we noticed on the fake scarf. I tried to get an in depth up so you can see the difference within the weave. Notice how the cashmere material of the real Burberry scarf seems extra plush and bit fuzzier. skel.io burberry scarf replica The fake Burberry scarf does feel very delicate, however not quite as gentle as the actual scarf on the proper. They might have used gold textual content in some unspecified time within the future within the past…just undecided. I purchased my Burberry Scarf on gilt.com and the Burberry tag is in a gold textual content. I’m undecided if it’s alleged to be gold, I’ve seen different posts where the genuine tag is in black text.. A question…..was the size of the 2 scarves the same? Sometimes inferior products scrimp on sizing as properly. wikipedia scarf I’m not going to call names right here obviously however there are big designers utterly blindsiding the public. When the now-familiar examine — a plaid verify with black, white and red stripes on a background of beige — was added as a lining through the Twenties, a style icon was born. Scarves and different gadgets that includes the pattern rendered the Burberry plaid an immediately recognizable hallmark of the house around the globe. 100 percent genuine Burberry London check shawl in black, beige, sand, light blue cashmere . Here you'll discover inspiration and hope about all topics in life – trend, psychological well being, relationships, heroes, and albeit, a lot of my random thoughts. Let this space be someplace you can come when you’re feeling misplaced – if you want fun – when you don't have any idea what to put on – tips on how to do your hair – or when you can’t keep in mind why life is beautiful. If you take anything away from right here – it’s that no matter the situation, you're never alone. The inspiration you want is nearer than you think. In reality, it might have been right inside you all along. That fluffy look that the genuine scarf has is already lost. Gucci Fringed Web Stripe ScarfInstantly recognizable as a Gucci fashion, the Fringed Web Stripe Scarf provides an Italian crafted reply to drops in the temperature. The green, purple and tan colorway promotes the Florence-based style house’s high-end aesthetic while the perimeter trim seals the deal. Find Burberry trench coats, footwear, purses and other equipment on 1stDibs. Universally famend for its trench coats, footwear, leather items and different equipment, luxury British style house Burberry has undergone a quantity of transformations since its inception within the 19th century. If you need assistance with the authentication of your Burberry scarf, we’ve obtained you covered. That is why we have compiled this quick 60 seconds answer to authenticating your Burberry scarf. Below are the top 4 indicators that may allow you to determine in case you have a fake or actual Burberry scarf. Look out for designs woven into the scarf, not printed on. The cloth is washed in local spring water and punctiliously brushed with teasels for a super-soft end. Many of Burberry’s more reasonably priced scarves are made in other countries. For example, the favored rib-knit wool collar scarves are made in Italy. This first image of the two scarves laying side-by-side, best reveals essentially the most notable distinction between the real Burberry scarf and the fake one. You can’t miss the blurriness of the black stripe operating by way of the fake scarf. That’s not dye that has bled downward on the scarf, it’s the fuzz of the cashmere hanging downward that causes it to have that blurred effect. When I visited eBay, I was surprised to see a “Buy Now” public sale for a “New” Burberry scarf that appeared identical to the one I had simply bought, just for a lot much less. The seller had excellent feedback after many transactions and accepted returns if an merchandise was returned within 14 days. Since the headscarf was such an excellent deal, I decided to order it to offer as a present subsequent Christmas.

Since this keeps happening to me for some obscure reason and I have no dignity whatsoever, I present to you:

Songs I Sung To Myself In Empty School Corridors Before I Turned Around The Corner And Realized Horrified That There Was A Student That Heard Everything Why Does This Keep Happening To Me but it progressively gets worse

Alternative title: If My Life Was A Sitcom This Would Be The Most Recurring Gag

But somehow this is a real life thing that really happened to me multiple times I WISH I WAS KIDDING

Man Or Muppet - Jason Segel & The Muppets Movie Cast (this literally happened today. I looked to my left and I noticed in horror that there was an open classroom door with a lecture going on) (I was not even in my department building) (so it probably was a very serious lesson about finding the cure for cancer or something like that)

Mamma Mia! - Måneskin (specifically the first few verses) (ya know) (the *horny italian noises*) (there was a guy behind me and I didn't notice) (I wanted to elope)

That specidic verse in Secret Worlds that goes "Didn't the trees tell us their stories?/Yeah, but we, we thought you were mental/You were talking to trees!" in a loop - The Amazing Devil (The second most recent one. So, like, literally yesterday) (this doesn't sound That Bad until you realize that I was also doing Something With My Arms That Resembled An Interpretive Dance But If It Was Done By A Chicken) (this time the unfortunate person behind me was a friend of mine, poor thing, they must have been so scared)

Pays To Be An Animal from Starkid's Trail To Oregon (I don't remember exactly which part but this does not change the situation in any way) (I always hum-along to the worst possible lyrics) (because they are the ones that stick the most)

Toss A Coin To Your Witcher (but it was the Oh Valley Of Penis version) (this was the situation that gave this post a title I TURNED AROUND THE CORNER WHILE SINGING "PENIS") (my voice pitch went so high I sounded like a motherfucking Chipmunk) (which tbh just made the whole scene funnier) (but not for me)

An aggressively hummed made-up-on-the-spot parody of I Really Like You by Carly Rae Jepsen that went something like I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY HAVETOPEE (can u guess where I was going?) (if you guessed the school toilet you are correct) (it would have been fine if I has realized that there was somebody else behind a bathroom stall)

BONUS: one time I was explaining the "Freddy...You're Supposed To Be On Lockdown" tiktok meme to a uni friend and I decided to quote my favourite version as we entered the study hall. That version happened to be the Welcome To The Black Parade one. Now picture me entering the room while loudly singing "VANESSA.........WHEN I WAAAAS...A YOUNG BEAAAAAR..." and then turning around to watch the semi-terrified look on a random guy's face.

BnHA Chapter 313: Deku VS Lady Nagant

Previously on BnHA: Hawks’s super-hot badass murder senpai Lady Nagant showed up to fire a cupid’s arrow into my heart, and a bunch of literal bullets into my son. Deku was all “oh shit it’s Hawks’s super-hot badass murder senpai, what do I do, let me think back to Hawks’s advice for a sec.” Flashback!Hawks was all “anyway Deku so if my super-hot badass murder senpai ever shows up you’re basically screwed so you’d better abscond the fuck out of there.” Present!Deku was all “lol idek why I flashed back to that conversation since I’m just going to do the exact opposite of what Hawks said” and charged directly toward Nagant because WHY NOT. Overhaul was all “waah I need to get back to my boss who I put in a coma out of love” and Nagant was all “jesus christ why did I even bring you here” and had a flashback to AFO who was all “ILU NAGANT IMMA GIVE YOU AN EXTRA QUIRK SO PLEASE CAPTURE DEKU FOR ME PLEASE AND THANKS” and yeah. Shit is all over the place right now and I love it.

Today on BnHA: All Might gets attacked by a pair of discount assassins and is all “Call an ambulance! ...BUT NOT FOR ME” and it’s really badass but also I really wish he would stop tempting fate like this. Lady Nagant is all “[casually flies around town shooting shit]” and I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t read an entire chapter of just that. Deku is all, “[gets shot (≥_<)]” and releases a giant Smokescreen which prompts En to show up. En is all, “( •᷄⌓•᷅ ) (⌣̀ Δ⌣́) ( •̀_•́ )σ (¬､¬) (눈_눈)” which I consider to be a high point of both the chapter and of my life. The chapter ends with Deku using the Third’s quirk to launch a bunch of random objects at Nagant so that he can jump up and grab her arm all sneaky-like, and I’m sure this is going to prompt another week’s worth of discourse that I don’t care about at all, but fuck it, I’m having a good time.

OH WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO ALL MIGHT WELL THAT’S NICE I GUESS. CONGRATS ON NOT BEING DEAD

you named your car??

you named it Hercules??

I love you so much??

please marry me you giant fucking dork???

lmao speaking of huge fucking dorks

who the fuck are you clowns. la dee da we’re gonna murder All Might with our synchronized spear attack!! I mean... they’re clearly trying their best... maybe I should just be nice and politely hype them up like All Might is so clearly trying to do

like okay, but we all agree that this is actually the least intimidating attack any of us has ever seen, right?? these guys zipped up their hoodies all serious-like and are trying to attack All Might and Hercules with their Walmart tiki torches, but just, no?? right?? like the only way this could possibly be effective is if they were trying to kill All Might with secondhand embarrassment

“those are assassins” this is a VERY generous assessment, All Might

OH MY GOD THE TIKI TORCHES ACTUALLY KILLED THE FUCK OUT OF HERCULES

[slaps roof of car] this baby can fit so many weaponized festive backyard lighting solutions in it

and yet, even after watching this with my own two eyes, I still can’t take these dudes seriously. idek what it is. anyways r.i.p. Hercules, I loved you a lot but I guess you weren’t actually a very good armored car were you

omg they didn’t know it was All Might??

okay 1) for a moment there I was like “oh hey maybe they’re not so bad after all” but then a moment later it was like “ah nope, they are.” like, that was an interesting .06 second emotional journey there. anyways 2) All Might you have my permission to kick their asses for this disrespect, and 3) anyone else all of a sudden getting “wouldn’t this be an interesting time for Stain to suddenly show up” vibes?? no?? just me???

(ETA: hmm tbh I’ve still got those vibes and they haven’t gone away lol. Stain?? you out there buddy?? do you want to be cool for just once in your life. ball’s in your court pal.)

OH SNAP ALL MIGHT ARE YOU REALLY GONNA DO IT ARE YOU GONNA KICK THEIR ASSES

PROTECTIVE DAD MODE ACTIVATED?? BECAUSE YOU KNOW I’M HERE FOR THAT SHIT, SO YEAH, FEEL FREE

omg he’s shouting at them about how much Deku has suffered lmao and they’re just like falling over from being scolded

so they have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about though, right? “SIR THIS IS A WENDY’S” well whatever, you killed his pet car so he’s in a bad mood now

OH MY GOD

LIKE, JUST SO WE’RE ALL CLEAR, THESE FOUR PAGES SO FAR HAVE MADE ALMOST ZERO SENSE. LIKE MAYBE 2% SENSE TOPS. BUT ASK ME IF I CARE. GO AHEAD AND ASK. I SAID GO AHEAD, IT’S OKAY. ...NO I DON’T CARE AT ALL THANK YOU FOR ASKING

(ETA: also, the more I look at this panel, the more I’m just like, why the hell would you phrase it like that though, sob. way to doubly tempt fate?? are you trying to give Horikoshi a challenge??)

and now back to Deku who is randomly bouncing around the city and narrating it to himself just in case he was confused about why he was doing this

who are you talking to Deku. but thanks we appreciate it

man you gotta love that overconfidence. the smartest guy in the world warned you away from this lady, so SURE, LET’S RUN RIGHT UP TO HER. “I APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT, FLASHBACK!HAWKS, BUT I’LL TAKE IT FROM HERE” well okay then!!

I think it would be funny if RHA.com put little Buzzfeed-style polls in between the chapter pages so they could survey people at random intervals as they read their way through the chapter. like, you finish this page and then there’s a little poll there asking “do you think Deku’s plan of catching up to Lady Nagant and finding out where Shigaraki is will work?”, and you click “no” just like everyone else and then nod as the results show that 97% of your fellow readers also picked “no”, and you chuckle to yourself wondering how many of the 3% accidentally clicked on the wrong option by mistake, and then you keep on reading

ANYWAY, SO

HOW’S THAT PLAN WORKING OUT FOR YOU SO FAR DEKU. nice kick, though!!

omggggggg

ouch

update: Deku’s plan not really working out. sources tell me my boy has been fucking shot. this is an ongoing story and we will keep you posted with the latest developments as they come in

wait what

feel free to explain to the rest of us what all of this “UNLESS...” and “THAT POSSIBILITY...” shit means anytime, Deku

oh lol did he realize she could fly??

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE, CNN’s John King reports that Deku is still fucked. eyewitness reports now coming in that Nagant is doing no-look shots and basically not even giving a fuck. sources described her mannerisms and expression as “sexy, but in like an effortless sort of way.” we will continue to bring you the latest

so now there’s basically an entire page of Deku being all “ah fuck so she’s basically closing in and she could already hit me with impossible accuracy even from Far Away, so if that’s the case then her being Up Close is probably going to be even worse!” making good use of that Big Hero Brain there, Deku

so now what, you’re doing some kind of spiraling kick thing?? how is that going to help

oh lol he’s using Smokescreen to create some cover. aww, good for you Deku you named one of your Smokescreen attacks

OH NO LADY DON’T TELL ME AFO DIDN’T EVEN FILL YOU IN ON THE BASICS

seriously, AFO?? you basically told her what Deku’s exact strategy was going to be but then couldn’t be assed to drop that little, small, barely notable piece of knowledge that Deku is rocking multiple quirks?? is it supposed to be a secret or something?? you dropped the ball here man

damn this is getting intense now

(ETA: the way En is poking Deku’s head in that first panel is fucking sending me, I love this guy so much omg.)

well then what are you planning, Deku?? I’m actually really curious!! I am genuinely starting to be invested in this fight scene not only in the “wanting to see who wins and how that impacts the plot” sense, but also in the “wanting to see how it happens because the choreography and strategy is actually pretty cool” sense, which honestly hasn’t happened for quite a while now! this is fun

anyway so what’s up Deku, are you going to use another quirk?? I’ve been speculating that he hasn’t actually unlocked the last two yet (since Two and Three didn’t exactly seem convinced when we last saw them), but maybe I’m about to be proven wrong

(ETA: well he clearly has Three’s obviously, but Two’s is still MIA, and that’s the one I am of course the most curious about. that’s the one we’re all curious about, let’s be real.)

OH SNAP???

AHHHH I’M HYPED LOL. ANOTHER SHINY NEW QUIRK LOL SHOULD I PUT UP THE USUAL DISCOURSE DISCLAIMER

(ETA: so yeah, after thinking on it, I’m not gonna say “please no Deku discourse on my blog” this week, but I probably will ignore any discourse that does come my way though, just because I don’t have much interest in getting involved in what would probably be a pretty repetitive discussion. like, I can just sum up my opinions (which is what they are) here instead. in fact here they are lol:

1) I like the SIXQUIRKS and I like seeing Deku be a badass.

2) I also don’t think Deku is too OP. more like he’s exactly as OP as he needs to be at the moment, given that we’re approaching the end of the series. I expect the other kids will also be pretty damn OP when we see them fight again. we’re just at that point now where they’re all badasses (as well they should be; they’ve grown a lot and they deserve it). it’s just that Deku’s the one we’re getting to see right now.

3) of course I miss Kacchan and the others, but for me this vibes much closer to the MVA arc where even though I missed them, I was still having a blast (as opposed to the dark days of the Basement arc where I was pretty much losing it lol). like, even though Kacchan’s my favorite, I still love Deku a lot and this arc has been amazing for him getting to shine on his own (for like the first time, really).

4) y’all know I love the OFA plot and I’ve never been shy about that lol. I like all of the Vestiges a lot. Banjou and his over the top personality; En and his “guy you thought would be serious and :| all the time but is actually hyper-animated and ALL OVER THE PLACE” energy; Shiro who actually is a :| sort of guy lol; Three who I still expect will be fleshed out in a more detailed flashback at some point; and of course Two, who, well. you know what I think about him lol. Bakuverse is still on the table and I’m still hyped. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we still have yet to see Two actually talk to Deku (as opposed to talking to the other Vestiges while Deku is distracted). did he lend him his power yet?? or is he still holding out?? either way it’s definitely going to be a Big Thing when it finally happens and I can’t wait to see it.

5) Lady Nagant is Everything and just because Deku grabbed her arm doesn’t mean the fight is over yet lol. Overhaul hasn’t come into play yet either. not to mention that even if the fight is over, the “where do we go from here” part still has me excited either way. her connection to Hawks and the HPSC is very intriguing and we’ve barely touched on that as of yet; she definitely has more of a role to play in this.

6) last but not least, I feel like every week the discussion is all about how much focus Deku’s getting, and how OP he is or isn’t, and OFA this and OFA that, but meanwhile I’m actually so invested in the character development here though?? the way Deku has distanced himself from everyone (except for the Vestiges, because of course they’re already dead so it’s not like they can die again lol)?? the way he’s pushing himself far too hard and we can see the shadows in and under his eyes, and the fact that he never smiles, and even All Might has remarked on how he isn’t taking care of himself at all?? the fact that he’s so single-mindedly obsessed with focused on stopping AFO?? the fact that he’s still the same sweet old Deku despite everything and was so kind to that fox lady with the umbrella, but there was also something so sad about that scene because it felt like a reminder of the type of hero that he wants to be, but that he’s not allowed to be right now?? because the stakes are too high and the world is falling apart?? and he feels like he’s the only one who can do something about it?? and that he has to be?? and that he is putting so much pressure on himself right now, and it’s absolutely too much pressure for any one person to bear, and I feel like no one is fucking talking about this lol goddammit.

anyway so yeah. I have feels about this, and every week that slow-burn angst is getting more and more intense behind the scenes, and I feel like it’s all going to hit a breaking point eventually. sooner rather than later. it really feels like a mirror of Katsuki’s post-Kamino arc. where all that angst was just churning below the surface for like twenty chapters and then it finally was like “okay it’s time” and it all came bursting out and we got the best five chapters of the fucking series (in my admittedly biased estimation lol).

basically, I know that most of fandom is billing this as either the “villain hunt” arc or the “solo Deku SIXQUIRKS fighting arc” or whatever. but for me, it’s always been and still is the Deku Angst arc lol. the cool fights are a sexy bonus (the worldbuilding less so because even though it’s interesting to see society at such a low point, it’s also very depressing and gets old pretty fast), but for me the thing that’s really keeping me engaged chapter after chapter is seeing Deku like we’ve never seen him before. seeing him all quiet and withdrawn and brooding and focused on AFO, AFO, AFO, and seeing that “he just doesn’t take himself into account” mentality taken to extremes. I am invested in that. I’m soaking up that angst each and every week, and I’m invested in seeing what comes of it. it’s a big picture thing. week to week this arc might just seem like a bunch of villain fight scenes, sure. but Deku’s emotional journey is the thread that’s going to carry this arc through from beginning to end, and for that I’m willing to be patient.

anyway that turned into a BIG OL’ RANT there but yeah! so those are my thoughts on the disk horse as it currently stands. and like I said, I’m open to discussion, but tbh I will probably just wind up repeating these same talking points endlessly so just a fair warning lol.)

anyway so Three says Deku has yet to use his quirk at ALL but now he’s trying to combine it with another quirk?? damn. also please check out En’s face here you guys

En launching a sneak attack up my favorite character list by the sheer power of his expressions alone. he really knows how to make the most of his screentime

OH DAMN DEKU

at this point the 3% from that hypothetical poll earlier are starting to feel prettttty damn smug, I’ll bet. well shit

what in the fuck

?? so like releasing his chi or whatnot?? isn’t that basically just like base OFA all over again?? also Deku did you seriously just apologize to Gran’s cape

update: Nagant has turned her eyeball into a gun

hm. hmmmmmmm. ...okay yep, still somehow sexy

anyway so she’s just floating up there building suspense, as one does. lord I sure hope she has good reflexes because something tells me she’s going to need them

OH SNAP HE THREW GRAN’S CAPE AS A DECOY WHAAAAT OKAY THAT’S SOME SMART SHIT DEKU

LOL SHE’S MAD NOW

JESUS CHRIST SHE JUST NEVER TAKES A GODDAMN BREAK FROM BEING AWESOME HUH

DEKU ARE YOU JUST THROWING EVERY DAMN THING IN YOUR INVENTORY

but without the cape and the hood how will you continue to look like an enigmatic badass. you really can’t. which means we might finally be moving on from the wandering nomad part of this arc, stay tuned

LOL YOU MANIAC

I hope he went full Kacchan with the dialogue there. his face sure looks like it lol. popped out of a building all mad fdskljlkj omg

well this was fun, shit. I still have basically no idea what Three’s quirk does though lol. like, can he use it to charge up objects with kinetic energy or something?? but then what was all of that talk about combining it with one of the other quirks?? or was that just because he was using Smokescreen at the same time??

(ETA: having seen and read an additional half-dozen explanations of Three’s quirk, I can say with confidence that I still have basically no idea what it is or does.)

anyway so!! Deku is a badasssssss but something tells me not to count Nagant out just yet even so. also I really enjoy seeing Deku flip out on people like he doesn’t have a fucking hole in his torso because it reminds me of A CERTAIN SOMEONE and I always love to see him channeling that feral energy; I feel like it’s been a while

anyways good luck to you both!! I truly wish that both of you could win. but if not, then maybe you can at least become friends instead. you have so much in common, you both can fly and have multiple quirks and you’re both badasses, and plus it would just be really funny to see the look on Hawks’s face lmao

I LOVE No Straight Roads

Honestly it’s hard to keep me away from a game with great visuals and even greater character design. I knew from the INSTANT I saw these characters that I was going to love it. I just finished it because it’s (unfortunately) pretty short, and even though I cheesed the final boss through it’s very lenient death mechanics (Instant respawn at the cost of a good rank) I actually appreciated that it wasn’t a pure cake walk. I’ve yet to rematch all of the bosses, but since I had genuine trouble with the later ones I’ll hold off on that.

But who cares about gameplay, am I right? I sure as hell don’t. I would’ve bought the game no matter what the hell it was. I wanted the characters (and the music, although I realized that second) and that was it. 

First of all, I love any world that is super fantastical but cheesy in its concept, ala a city powered by music, and battles between artists using music. Ideas like this only spawn from a mind that wants to create a fun atmosphere, if nothing else, and it was sure as hell fun. I genuinely love when someone goes so far into a crazy idea and doesn’t waste your time explaining it with real world logic. Wanna know how a city can be powered by music? Shut up and look at the cute virtual mermaid. Lord knows I did. Every once in a while, it does you good to just let the player/reader/viewer just revel in the idea without having to go out of your way to make things seem realistic. It’s not about “turning your brain off” or whatever, it’s picking your battles.

Also, I can seriously love a world with great background characters to it. Any game with the right situation to insert the random nobodies you find onto the streets into the art in the credits really played into the greatness of the world’s less important characters, and that’s always a good thing. It’s technically world building. But, since I always love to pick favorites, I’d have to say my favorite background character is easily Mia, the NSR infodesk assistant. It’s funny, because you can literally search “nsr characters” into Google and she’s the third image result. I love how jumpy she is when you first interact with her, since NSR probably spread the word about B2J suggesting they’re rock thugs who’d beat up anyone, so for all she knows she could die right then and there with a guitar lodged in her skull. She’s probably just some intern trying to pay for college. She don’t want trouble.

Also, I just realized that 90% of the characters in this game have the same body structure that I always love, that being having arms/legs that sort of fan out in width into relatively large hands/feet. It’s a kind of limb structure I fall into so much because it just really hits me right for some reason. I really can’t explain why.

Anyways, I gotta talk about the big boys individually:

Mayday and Zuke are an amazing duo. I’m always a sucker for a cute and crazy girl, but honestly Zuke hit so many of the right notes too. I will say it’s weird to pair the martian Zuke with the humanly-skinned Mayday, but honestly it doesn’t even matter because he looks so cool on his own. I love his weird blocky blue dreadlocks, and his weirdly shaped shirt which bares his chest in the weirdest way... And, oh my god, Mayday’s weird Spongebob background flower eyes? It’s little tidbits like that that really make me jealous. How could I have ever thought of that? It looks so perfect, and I don’t know why. And her little booty jig she does in her idle animation? Adorable. I played as her as much as was reasonable not only because I’m a filthy button masher with little strategy but also because she’s so damn cute. I can also appreciate how she has a tough-as-nails persona while still keeping a semi-girly attitude, like with her falling for 1010 and Sayu. Characters are so much better when they’re a perfect blend of characteristics, instead of being all one-note, like how Zuke is the quiet one but gets heated against DK West, and all. 

Honestly the voice acting for every character is great, but I love when Mayday’s VA’s accent shows through. It’s a perfect twang to accent (consider this the only acknowledgement of a pun in this post) her snarkiness. 

DJ Subatomic Supernova was going to be an easy favorite since he’s all space-themed. Also, I don’t know why I always end up liking the egotistic characters. Not in the sense that I like their egotistic-ness, but in the sense that I like everything else about them and they just so happen to also be egotistic. The same applied with Empoleon (maybe like my 2nd favorite Pokemon) and Rarity from MLP, probably among others. Either way, I’ll never not love space themes. Not to mention he’s got a funky disco theme, and I’m slowly starting to realize that I am in extreme love with techno-funk styles of music. The instant I heard his music he cemented his place into my playlists. 

As for design, I still have no idea what the fuck he is. Clearly AI is at human levels in this world, but if he’s a robot why does he still have hairy legs? But, if he’s a human, is that weird orb his head? Is it just some sort of puppet which he controls from inside his giant jacket? I know I dissed explaining things realistically but I actually want to know with this guy. Even the wiki doesn’t say. Either way, he’s clearly the logical extreme of “being at the center of your own universe.” Even his jacket depicts a solar system, with his hood being the sun. Didn’t see that until I tried to draw him. I really wish this guy wasn’t so tied to his DJ stand so I could reasonably draw him without it. I don’t want to draw his hairy ass legs. It is a great touch for his design though (although I prefer his beta look with pants and long boots, another design trait I tend to gravitate to) since DJs could reasonably not wear pants, since they’re always behind a table.

Sayu is my favorite. It’s so plainly obvious. It’s weird to say that sometimes, because some characters like Sayu are so clearly engineered to be as adorable as possible, to the point where they’re basically a parody of whatever they’re supposed to be emulating, but then they do that so well that they are still likable for what they’re trying to parody. Also, even though I’ve never looked into any vocaloid superstars myself, the fact that they exist and are loved in real life is absolutely perfect to be used as a character design in a world like this. It’s so weird conceptually, but we all know it’s normal and realistic. But yeah, she’s a giga-cutie whom I’ve already drawn and I’ve listened to her theme on loop on many different occasions. Favorite character, favorite track, favorite weapon of choice (What did I say about Empoleon?), which, and I wouldn’t have noticed this myself, looks like the USB symbol you see above USB ports on computers. How crazy perfect is that?

Even apart from my unbridled love for cute monster robot(?) girls, her boss fight is probably the 2nd greatest of them all, at least conceptually. She’s just a hologram, so you can’t touch her, but you CAN disconnect the artists which control her in order to defeat her. It’s the kind of concept for a boss fight that could only work for this type of character. I’m a sucker for the cute girl that provides her voice, but I love how the animator (video editor? the yellow one) actually attacks you with a mouse and lowers the brightness of the setting once he appears. Also, the mocap guy being the deeply-voiced type but still providing the adorable movements of her body. It’s such a great combo of characters, and their little extra art in the credits makes me like them even more. I just wish we could interact with them individually.

DK West was probably one of the most interesting characters visually, especially since I knew of every other NSR member long before the game came out, but I only just heard of him closer to the release. I wasn’t sure where he was placed, but I definitely assumed his gig was the weird shadow demon we saw in the trailers. When I finally saw him in game, I was shocked to hear him speak an entirely different language most of the time, which was really cool. Also, finding out he was tied to Zuke and wasn’t strictly an NSR artist really made him more interesting. You know, if his fucking shadow clone magic didn’t make him crazy cool enough. Even though I suck at his game and am not especially fond of his raps, the visual of him rapping with this giant monster behind him and dozens of weird shadow wingmen by his side hyping him up was probably one of the coolest in the entire game. The dark way they were hyping him up too gave such a bizarre atmosphere, especially since it parallels his seemingly chill and smiley demeanor. 

I definitely hope they’ll introduce new bosses as DLC in the future, and make them sort of in the same vein as DK West, where they aren’t the biggest artists ever, but they want to pick a fight with B2J. I’d kill for any extra content this game can provide.

Yinu is obviously special since she was the subject of the demo they put out for the game. Even though I knew all her bells and whistles, she and her mom still beat me a few times in the full game. Considering she’s semi-tied to story-ish spoilers I kinda want to go more into her in a separate section. It is worth considering playing the game first since it’s not hard (with the easy going deaths) and it’s short length.

1010 seriously grew on me as I learned more about them and interacted with them. I got their shtick when I first looked at them, but after seeing that animation of them touring the city on Youtube I was kinda falling for them. Then, I learned that they’re apparently repurposed navy war robots? I mean, maybe not them specifically, but it seems to heavily point in that direction, with the warship cars and “attention!”s and all. It took me a bit to get into their music too, but once I actually fought them and put their actions to the music I fell in love with it. I swear, Neon J’s weird dancing can has some of the smoothest moves in all of gaming. I don’t know whether they mocapped out those movements or got one of the greatest animators ever, but it looks so impossibly clean his part of the song gets me like 30x more hype than it would normally. 

Also, their little art piece of them looking at fan mail in the credits is probably one of the most adorable things ever. Even if they’re just Neon J’s puppets, that piece of art really makes it seem like they love every one of their fans. I’m not gonna lie, I might swoon a bit too if they picked me out and gave me some special attention.

Oh yeah, and the fact that Mayday was super sad in her showstopper against them was adorable and hilarious at the same time. The little tweaks they made to the showstopper for each fight were great.

Eve just has to be Lady Gaga, right? Like, an even crazier Lady Gaga. DJSS is Daft Punk (or any artist with a helmet persona, you know what I’m talking about), Sayu is Hatsune Miku, DK West is Kanye West, Yinu is a generic child protege, 1010 is a KPop boyband (just pick one) and Eve is Lady Gaga. That’s just how things are. But, again, this is the kind of boss fight that only this type of character could provide. It’s not just surreal imagery, it’s ARTISTIC surreal imagery. The fight is so mesmerizing in every way, especially by how it starts off so slow and calm and progresses to insanity, as well as the increased emotional investment in the fight making you feel so much more into it than just “That’s the boy band. Let’s fight.” Not only does it get you more invested, but it makes her artistic persona go deeper than just “she looks weird.” She is genuinely conflicted about her relationship with Zuke, and naturally that leads her to literally split him and Mayday apart. That mechanic specifically was the coolest, although I do wish they made it more obvious when you needed to switch over to a different side. I was getting pulverized by her fight too, since there were so many things to pay attention to. Her fight was definitely the best one. 

Tatiana and Spoilers:

Let’s be real with ourselves, the twist was so obvious. I do also think, though, that obvious twists aren’t bad if they’re just good reveals. At some point, a person just has experienced so many stories that “only pretty good” twists are easy to spot. It doesn’t mean that the twists are bad, it just means you yourself experienced.

I feel like her transition from rock to EDM was pretty understandable, even as a non-musician. She was so caught up in what she assumed was popular that it basically consumed her. It’s easy as an artist to want to forgo what you truly want to make in favor of what makes you popular, and clearly since her transition to EDM made her the CEO of the biggest company in the city (world?) that probably made her think she truly needed to change her outlook. Then, when she saw B2J try to bring it back, she sort of coined them as being as misguided as she was and knocked them down a peg. Plus, they were kinda being jerks about it.

It’s kinda like the Trolls sequel, where everyone pegs rock music fanatics as being too stuck up in their own heads to appreciate other types of music, which honestly seems more like the case than the alternative. When I first heard of the story of the game, I was seriously hoping they did put an asterisk on B2J’s ambitions because they were a bit sketchy from the start. 

That’s kinda where I want to talk about Yinu, because she was the true turning point in what they were doing. She’s literally 9 and yet she’s getting dragged into all this BS. When she said “I hate you all” at the end of her fight, and played a somber tune on her broken piano after the fight destroyed it, you kinda got a kick in the face to realize you’re kinda being an asshole to some of them. Sure, they fight back, but they wouldn’t fight in the first place if they didn’t have to. They are just people who play music under a joint name that B2J just so happened to get in hot water with. 

Then, of course, there’s Kliff, who also reeked of surprise villain, and who’s basically the embodiment of the bad side of B2J, where he just wanted to destroy for his own sake and not for the actual greater good. Once B2J realized their mistake, they backed off, but Kliff was so hard pressed to do what he planned on in the first place he wouldn’t stop. I kinda wish he got a bigger fight to his own since he’s clearly a big enough tech genius to divert a whole satellite into one specific building. Maybe the Elliecopter chase bit was his thing, but I do kind of wish he was there to fight against them too.

Even though Tatiana did kind of reform a bit quick, It’s still not too crazy to assume she could see that B2J was just misguided and the fact that they worked to revert their wrongdoings for her sake would make a pretty strong impressions. They clearly can hold their own, so it’s not like she wouldn’t want them to join NSR too. 

Oh yeah, and her boss fight was clock/time themed. If there’s a theme under space that I love, it’s clocks/time. 

And If I am to be respected by the internet, I must provide a negative opinion to balance out my positive one. I will say that the character model physics (like Mayday’s braids, DK West’s vest thing, Neon J’s fluffy neck thing, etc) got kinda funky at times. Especially DK West’s vest, which was completely messed up for every scene he was in... Also, even though the voices are mostly great, some lines felt a bit off. Just a bit. That good enough? Good.

But yeah anyway that’s another favorite game to add to the pile. Eventually I’m gonna have to compile a true list of my all-time favorite games/movies because I do kind of want to have a solid idea of what my all-time favorites are.

Ya know, I truly hope Miss Renesmee Carlie Cullen fully dedicates herself to just....being as out there and iconic as possible

first things first- ANYTHING with the loch ness monster on it, she owns. Posters, shirts, jackets, shoes, folders, buttons, iron-ons, there is always at least 5 pieces of Nessie merch on her at all times

once she gets old enough to start high school, the cover story is her and Edward are siblings that Carlisle and Esme took in, and sometimes her classmates will ask her what her biological parents were like and she will flat out be like 'oh, they're vampires' and Edward and Bella are like. 5 feet away trying not to scream

every Halloween she'll show up to school in an elaborate Nosferatu costume

goes out of her way to photobomb people in increasingly ridiculous ways so there will Always be a photographic record of her and in like 100 years she can get a huge kick out of teens on the internet trying to make a conspiracy about her

joins as many school clubs as she can, even if she has no interest in them- she just Really wants a concrete record of herself to exist lmao

ICONIC at school theater though. One of those demon theater kids that come to rehearsal purely to cause chaos and nothing else, but her voice is incredible so she secures every lead. One time she somehow managed to star in a show while also playing in the school band for it- her classmates still have no idea how she pulled it off

Always brings blood out in public in a CLEAR THERMOS and it stresses her family out so much but everyone else thinks she's just like, weirdly into tomato juice so the Cullens can't stop her

to everyone's surprise...her biggest chaos enabler is Jasper lmao. everyone thought he'd be a logical, responsible uncle but they're just. A Problem together. He'll 100% assist her in any prank she wants to pull, he gets her fake id's when she wants to sneak into a club with friends, he bails her out of jail without telling her parents, they figured out if she gets high and he reads her feelings he'll get high too and it's. So fucking funny.

she's always carrying some random instrument around school- like for a while it's a guitar or a harmonica, fine, but then she'll start lugging a cello around, a tuba (she doesn't even play, she stole it off a guy who was annoying her) and it escalates until one day she's wheeling a piano around the building. no one's even sure how she got in in the doors of the school. She keeps running kids over in the hallway with it

You know the Catherine Tate Lauren Cooper skit with David Tennant? Where she's being a terrible student and then perfectly recites Shakespeare? 100% Nessie

when she starts getting dates Jacob keeps trying to wing man and be over supportive and give her a ton of girl advice and it's embarrassing as hell so one day when he was on a spiel about How To Woo A Lady she looks him in the eyes and goes 'oh really? did that work on my mom?' and the Cullens fucking LOSE IT. Jacob had to go live in the woods for a few days because he couldn't cope

Emmet and Jasper: arrive to school in their jeep. Rose and Alice: arrive in a convertible. Edward: arrives in his dumb volvo. Bella and Jake: arrive to school on motorcycles. Nessie: arrives to school on a unicycle while juggling

one year she ended up getting nominated for prom queen and Edward read the minds of the teachers tallying the votes so he knew she won and he and Bella were so excited!! they're like we're gonna take so many pictures of our baby looking like a princess! And then she emerges from her room, actually drenched in pigs blood. Like she just did it to herself and went to the dance and accepted her crown like that

she regularly commits crimes against fashion. If she comes out of her room and sees Alice contemplating turning herself over to the Volturi, she KNOWS she's picked a great look

somehow gets ahold of Aro's cell number and sends him selfies of her blatantly breaking vampire laws captioned 'whatcha gonna do'. he keeps blocking her but she keeps managing to get through to him somehow

she illegally sells soda out of her locker and does people's homework for cash, while also paying other people to do her homework for her. she organizes every single senior prank. she's never gotten a detention in her whole immortal life because every teacher just Adores her for some reason

had 100% used her powers for deserved evil before. Like, if someone's being a dick at school, she'll sneak into their room at night and give them nightmarea threatening them to be a better person lol

sometimes she'll show up at the hospital unannounced and ask Carlisle, in front of his coworkers, 'yo can I raid the blood bank?'

her bedroom looks like a library. every wall, floor to ceiling books.

she's been publishing trashy romance novels under a fake name for almost 40 years now and no one in her family knows

one birthday Jacob takes her on a trip to vegas and they get wasted, at some point they were laughing about how ridiculous their lives are and they're like 'wouldn't it be fucking hilarious if we had a baby'. they then black out, hangover style, and wake up like a week later with a payment on her card to a fertility clinic. Jacob's like 😱 and Ness is just like 'you get to be the one to explain this to my parents'

Their kid is absolutely hilarious, they were correct, and at some point they realized 'wait...drinks blood..doesn't sparkle...can shape shift...we've somehow created a classic pop culture vampire' lmao

Edward had to threaten them to get them to not name the kid Vladimir

Also to be clear: Nessie and Jacob have the EXACT same dynamic as Will and Grace. that's canon.

says its her goal to star in a live action all female production of mamma mia and Carlisle is like 'honey you know you can't do anything on broadway or in hollywood' and she's like, 'no, in real life. I'm gonna go to greece and attract a bunch of women with abba songs' and he's like,,,,,ah

she loves all music but she goes out of her way to Only play stuff she knows Edward hates lmao

one day she remembers she doesn't need to breathe and can see under water and just. books herself a ticket to scotland and Finds The Loch Ness Monster

she actually personally finds a lot of monsters and cryptids like her hybrid aura just attracts all kind of weird shit and she LOVES it. She stops writing trashy romance novels and starts writing autobiographies of her traveling and hanging out with paranormal beings and everyone just assumes its fiction so she becomes a best selling fantasy author lmao

100% she's very into witchy stuff and only like...half in a trendy way. She's like what if on top of everything I've got going on I can cast spells? Think I deserve that power

when she's a couple decades old she catches Edward looking grossed out one day and she asks him what's up and he's like 'I really dont need to hear what creepy teachers think about my daughter' and she's like. oh. Dad we are gonna get SO MANY pedophiles arrested shdndjdn she gets him to expose teachers and she baits them then calls the police. queen.

She finds out she can get tattoos but they fade completely out of her skin within 5 years so she's always getting crazy tats

posts selfies on social media of her just like. hanging out with mountain lions or chilling on top of the space needle. her classmates think they're all photoshopped obvi but it drives her family insane

imagine you're 15 and you're on a nice hike in the woods and you come across your one classmate half naked, sacrificing a bear in some ritual, blood dripping down her face, bigfoot chilling on the rocks behind her filming the ritual on her phone...like on one hand, what would you do, but on the other hand. you've known this girl for a bit and you aren't surprised at all

anyway. stan Nessie Cullen.

Wrote a little Ethan Winters fluff because he deserves the whole world. Of note, this is part of an Ethan Lives AU that I’m still hammering out the details of, but the tl;dr of it is that he survives Village, but is in a rough state for a while and would only just now be feeling better. Also he lost his left hand in this AU because lbr Ethan’s Left Hand is a lost cause after all that trauma. (Also, IDK if I’ll post this on AO3 since I can’t think of a title, but I’ll reblog with a link if I do!)

--- --- --- --- ----

“Okay, flex your fingers?”

Ethan tried. It was getting a bit easier, but they still felt stiff. Doctor Marshall nodded and wrote something down. “That’s good. That’s an improvement.”

“Is it?” Ethan asked. It was a genuine question; he was so in the thick of it and any changes were so incremental that he couldn’t tell what was progress anymore. It just ended up sounding sarcastic because of how damn tired he was. He’d been exhausted for months.

“It is. Should be back to working order in no time if you keep those exercises up.” Marshall finished writing something down, then nodded. “Okay. You’re good.”

“…what, that’s it?” Now Ethan was suspicious. Usually they put him through a lot more tests. They’d eased up a bit now that he had a foot out of the grave, but there was still more poking and prodding than he would’ve liked. Except…not today, apparently. “I can go?”

“You can go.”

There’s a catch. There has to be a catch. Ethan wanted to believe that was just his paranoia, but his paranoia had kept him alive so far…on the other hand, he was being given permission to get the hell out of this examination room.

Screw it, I’ll take the risk.

Ethan stood up carefully, waiting a second to make sure he wasn’t about to collapse before walking to the door. “Thanks for going easy on me, Doc.”

“You enjoy your day, Ethan.”

It was a slow walk back to his room. He probably could’ve used the walker, but he was trying to push himself a bit. Test his strength. He was regretted the decision by the time he was back in the room. “Fuck,” he muttered as he stumbled through the door. The space on the other side was quiet, no sign of Mia or Rose. He would’ve panicked if she hadn’t left a note.

Picking something up downstairs, be back soon. She’d scribbled her departure time at the bottom; it hadn’t been long enough for Ethan to worry, so he set the note aside and struggled to get out of his shoes. He was doing better at getting stuff off one-handed, but the exhaustion was kicking his ass.

You’ve got to stop napping in the middle of the day, he told himself as he lay down and closed his eyes. You’re sleeping too much. You have a life to live.

That was the last concrete thought he had before he dozed off.

He woke up someone humming somewhere in the room and the sound of Rose’s white noise machine. Ethan barely remembered not to swear in front of his daughter, instead grumbling in vague protest at his own exhaustion and inability to avoid napping. “Happy Father’s Day, sleepyhead,” said Mia softly.

“Huh?” Ethan carefully opened his eyes and lifted his head enough to see Mia. She was sitting at the small table in one corner, looking at something on a computer. “What?”

“It’s Father’s Day. Your first one.”

“…oh.”

He had to take a second to process that. Even if it was, ultimately, just kind of a day, it felt like more than that. Four months ago, he hadn’t even been sure he’d live. Now he was alive, and able to celebrate that he was a father along with the other dads. It was the most normal, ordinary thing, almost boring, but…

Well, everything was a lot more exciting when you thought you wouldn’t live to see it.

“Wait, is that why Marshall let me go early?” Ethan asked. He sat up slowly, glancing to his right. The crib was close to the bed; all he had to do was reach in and carefully scoop up a still-sleeping Rose “That was like, half the usual tests. Didn’t even draw any blood today.”

“I might’ve talked to them.” Mia finally made eye contact. She had that weird, sad look in her eyes, the one she was trying to hide behind a smile but wasn’t doing the best job. “You can go back to sleep. I didn’t mean…”

“No, no, I’m okay.” Ethan kissed the top of Rose’s head. “Hey, Rosie. You sleepy, too?”

Rose sighed softly and snuggled a bit closer to him. She’d gotten so much bigger in the past four months, but even if she was a bit of an armful compared to six months, holding her brought the same deep sense of relief it had in that village. It was proof she was safe. She was okay.

He’d won.

“We did a really good job with her,” Ethan said quietly. When he looked up, Mia was rubbing her eyes. She wasn’t crying yet, but was close. “Mia?”

“I’m okay. Just…” When she looked at him again, her eyes were pink, brimming with tears. “…you deserve a better day than this.”

Ethan felt his face go a bit pink. He was torn between being worried about Mia and a bit embarrassed. “Stop.”

“You do.”

“Any halfway decent dad would’ve done what I did.”

“Kill five highly dangerous bioweapons in one night?”

“That was mostly adrenaline. And…” Ethan stopped talking when Rose stirred, then continued at a softer volume when she settled back down. “…terror. Throw in some spite, I guess. Are you okay?”

Ethan almost regretted asking. They hadn’t talked much about Europe. They were talking more about Europe than they had about Louisiana, but they were mostly talking about how Ethan was feeling. Not about how Mia was feeling. She was still withdrawn, more focused on him than on herself. He hadn’t addressed it—felt like he hadn’t had the time, between all his treatments and worrying about Rose—but he’d been worried.

Mia shook her head and wiped the few stray tears away. “I’m just…I’m glad you’re here. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Glad to be here.” Ethan had to adjust his grip to hold out a hand to her, between Rose resting there and the fact that he only had one hand left, but he managed. “Hey.”

Mia hesitated, but did join him on the bed, carefully resting her head on his shoulder. The closeness brought a queasy uncertainty he still wasn’t used to—the discomfort he still felt on and off in his own skin projecting onto his relationship with his wife—but it faded quickly today. A Father’s Day gift from the universe, he guessed. “I’m okay,” Ethan said quietly. “We’re all here.”

It might’ve been a random room in a medical complex that had been cobbled together into an “apartment”, but it was safe. It wasn’t that village, it wasn’t Dulvey. It was the three of them together, alive and safe. Imperfect, especially for the long term, but at the same time? After what he’d been through?

It was everything he could’ve wanted.

“We got you cheesecake,” Mia said quietly.

Ethan straightened up. “You got…Mia, you could’ve woken me up for that!”

Mia barely bit back a startled burst of laughter. “You’re supposed to be resting.”

“Screw rest, I haven’t had cheesecake in ages.” His last birthday, he was pretty sure, which felt like lifetimes ago. He was considering temporarily passing off Rose for a chance at a slice, but then she stirred again, clinging to his shirt more tightly.

“…it can wait,” Ethan said quietly, settling back against the pillows.

Mia laughed again quietly and settled down with him. “I could feed it to you.”

“I appreciate it, but I’m really enjoying being able to eat on my own.” Granted, there was a world of difference between a feeding tube and being fed cheesecake to avoid waking up your daughter, but…really, after so much time not being able to do things on his own, the sting was still there. Even with that difference. “But thank you.”

It really could wait. He didn’t mind. The cheesecake wasn’t the point. This—the tiny fair-haired girl in his arms, one of the lights that had kept him going for the past four months?

That was the real point.

Pastello Bianco

A/N: Found this song and thought: why not? I kind of want to do a series (if you can call it that) based on Pinguini Tattici Nuceari’s songs because I’ve been listeniing to them non-stop and they’re genius! But I do not guarantee. Also, yes, hi, it’s me again, coming on here to post something nobody asked for. You can find the song here and the full English translation here. Hope you enjoy it!🍓❤

Warnings: sad times + I haven’t written in months

/ Masterlist / masterlist 2

E se m'hai visto piangere (If you saw me crying) Sappi che era un'illusione ottica (Just know that it was only an optical illusion) Stavo solo togliendo il mare dai miei occhi (I was just getting the sea out of my eyes)

Your brows knitted in confusion once you spotted Angel hunched over the bed, his back to the door, where you currently stood. You’d never seen him cry, was he crying? Yeah, you were almost sure he was. You could hear quiet sniffles.

Knocking on the door, you made your presence known, a small smile at your lips, ready to comfort him. He turned his head towards you, looking over his shoulders to see you standing at the door of his room. He turned back around, looking straight ahead and trying to compose himself, not wanting you to know that he was, in fact, crying. Wiping the few tears that were just below his lower lash line, he put on a brave face, the face that always made him look so sure of himself, he had mastered it over the years.

He got up and walked over to where you were standing, giving you a hug and a kiss on the forehead, as you let him envelope your body in his, grateful for the heat his body brought to yours, feeling calm, letting out a breath when his fingers sneaked below your shirt, making contact with the skin of your waist.

“How was your day?”, he asked, not moving from the position, keeping his cheek pressed to your head, the smell of your hair filling his nostrils and making him more at ease. “Good – you answered, your hands moving soothingly up and down his back – how ‘bout you? You okay?”, you murmured, kissing his cheek and moving your head so you could look him in the eyes.

Mi chiedi come sto e non te lo dirò (You ask me how I'm doing but I won't tell you)

“Yeah, I’m good”, he mumbled, keeping you tight against him. The way he was breathing and the sound of his voice gave him away, though, but if you noticed, which you had, you didn’t point it out: if he didn’t say what was bothering him, it meant that he didn’t want to share it and you were fine with it. He knew he could come to you if he needed help. Instead, he kept to himself, like he always did, but there was only so much he could take… it got to a point he felt like he was about to explode, and yet he didn’t let anything show, opting to cry in the shower or when sleeping alone in his bed. You already had too much on your plate, he didn’t have to add his problems. It wasn’t fair to you.

I tuoi segreti poi a chi li racconterai (So who are you going to tell your secrets to?) Tu che rimani sempre la mia password del Wi-Fi (You're still my Wi-Fi password) E chi sa se lo sai (And maybe you don't even know it)

After your breakup, he tried to set a routine that would help him not to think about you. He worked at the scrapyard, he went on rides, he went to parties, he started working out more, he was doing everything in his power to avoid letting his brain run free, trying to occupy it with other thoughts in order to keep you out of his head. The only reason he noticed that your name was still the password to his wi-fi was because the new prospect asked if he could connect his laptop to the wi-fi. And your name sounded bitter in his mouth, he said it like he almost didn’t want to pronounce it, and saying it out loud brought back all the memories that he had kept stashed in the back of his mind, he hadn’t forgotten the pain in your eyes when you parted ways, or the sound of your voice when you said goodbye for the last time.

E scrivevo tutti i miei segreti (And I used to write down all my secrets) Col pastello bianco sul diario (With a white crayon in my diary) Speravo che venissi a colorarli (Hoping you would come and color them in)

Perché un addio suona troppo serio (Goodbye sounds too serious) E allora ti dirò bye bye (So I'll just tell you "bye bye")

You approached his house with a bag in hand, full of the things that Angel had left at your apartment, and you had come to retrieve the things you had left at his place. The exchange was almost silent, you greeted each other, avoiding saying anything that could ruin the moment, no empty words or empty promises, nothing more than what was necessary. When you were done collecting your things, he was in his living room, inspecting the stuff that you had brought back almost as if he didn’t recognize his own possessions. You stood in front of the door for a few seconds, before gaining his attention by announcing that you were leaving. He came to open the door for you and watched as you put your stuff in the car, climbing in and turning the engine on. If you had to speak again, you’d have burst into tears, so you opted for a small wave, trying to control your breathing and not cry in front of him. He didn’t say goodbye, that word sounded bad, and heavy, and emotional, and he really couldn’t bring himself to even look you in the eyes as you drove away from his house. When the noise of your car was replaced by silence again, he let out a shaky breath and went back inside, having to face the memories that were encased in the bag you had returned to him.

E ti auguro il meglio, i cieli stellati, le notti migliori e le docce di altri (I wish you all the best, starry skies, the best of nights, and someone else's shower)

Dove tu forse non stonerai più (where maybe you won't be so out of tune)

While getting the shower ready after his workout, he put a random playlist on, and the sound bounced off the walls as he turned the volume higher. You liked to blame your off-key singing o the acoustics of his bathroom and he just liked poking your sides, making a funny remark about how you should audition for X-factor, then. He hoped you’d find a bathroom where your voice didn’t sound as bad as it did in his, and he hoped you’d be happy, even if it wasn’t going to be on the back of his truck while stargazing. He hoped you’d be happy, even if it wasn’t with him.

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