I'm in a DEADLINE GRAVITY WELL!!

Why do all the deadlines be on the same day! These are ftom several different people! Why do they SYNC! I coukdnt even brush my haiir!

Reborn of earth and fire 🔥

wanna see a magic trick? 🪄🎩

happy s2 day it's go(jo) time :>

no because episode 6 made me CRY

bluestar. i crave more content of my insane old lady

trot trot trot

[ID: marker art of a kiwi bird running with text reading "I will keep putting one foot in front of the other even when it sucks." Sucks is underlined for emphasis. The background is plain white, and the artists signature is @ watercolour critters. End ID.]

Instagram | Etsy

kofi sketch comm for @shitphobe420blazeit!

lil baby mammon

I let the intrusive thoughts win,,,

vultures! source

Fresh Thoughts Chapter 57

After reading spoilers on twitter (no spoilers here though^^)

The way Yoneda uses bl stereotypes as a tool while also rejecting some aspects of the genre is so interesting to read. In most bl I've read, sex is seen as the epitome of love - the culmination of two characters' pining and is seen as the end goal that suddenly fixes everything. The dick and brain are one and suddenly everything magically makes sense. But in Saezuru, Yoneda uses sex to unravel the characters while twisting them up even more-so. I believe that sex has never been and will never be the answer for Doumeki or Yashiro, and I think that is what she’s getting at. That is the point of all these sexual encounters that yield no real progress. You need more than three words and some head, ding dongs!

Doumeki thinks that all he has to do is give Yashiro passionate and gentle sex to make him realize that he loves him and imo he has it all wrong. It’s almost like Doumeki doesn’t truly hear Yashiro when he speaks. There's a pause and then a kiss or a continuing of sex as we've seen. I really wish he would’ve probed even further with the questioning instead of giving into desire and kissing Y. To me, it looked like Y was ready to talk more or hear what Doumeki had to say in response to his ‘confession.’

I don’t think D realizes that this is about Y and his view of himself. It doesn’t matter if Doumeki treats him kindly and calls him beautiful. Every person in Yashiro’s life has had an agenda against him or a plan to use him for something (nana excluded). There are always, always strings attached and his heart cannot accept anyone having no intention at all, except to love him purely. I do think D is on the right track though, making Yashiro chase him in a way. Not giving anything away as to make Y either trust his intentions or distrust him, Y needs to choose for himself.

It’s so interesting how the relationship between the two of them is outwardly focused on the physical aspect (which is definitely important), but the story is about the hearts of men. Twisted and broken men. Men with baggage and secrets and deep wounds. Men who seem to be the upmost composed but in reality, the soft touch of a feather can send their entire fortress crashing down. That's what we have here.

Yashiro’s coping mechanism protects him but is also the cause of his continuous pain. Saezuru is about choosing the right pain, the pain that will numb you and have you walk through life as a ghost, or the excruciating discomfort in accepting a foreign act of kindness that you know will save you. And for Yashiro, being saved means there was something wrong done to him in the first place - which I don't think he completely realizes yet. This would mean everything he ever told himself was a lie, and that he deserved none of the cruelty. The truth that would destroy him the most if he truly chose and accepted kindness, is that he is a good person and that he deserves to love himself and to be loved. With Doumeki, this has always been Yashiro’s battle.

Vile actions accompanied by cursed words are what has held Y back all his life from the moment he was raped by his stepfather and throughout the continued abuse, even up to the most recent events post-timeskip. And I think the exact opposite is needed from both sides to finally free both of them from their mental prisons. They just need to hold out and to talk to each other for more than five minutes. I hope they'll get there soon.

Lastly, I'm sure it wasn't her intention to make such an impactful story that subverts a genre and goes against the grain - in a wonderful way. I saw something another person posted that said this story and these characters are just a result of good storytelling and great care and I could not agree more.

I haven't posted anything of actual substance in a while (stupid work is stopping me from my true passion - alas!). These are some messy thoughts; I can't wait to read the actual chapter for true understanding! I need to analyze every pen stroke, blush, and body placement. I just had to get this out of my head, now back to my essay that's due at 11:59 *sobs*

Edit 1:55 am: Still have not started essay

project moon brainrot has taken over so have some lobotomy corp sephirot doodles. can you tell netzach is my favorite

I’m gonna have to accept my brain may always be soup at this point. But it beats feeling tortured all the time?

Anyway, pointless tattoo plotting. For myself. I don’t think it’s wise to consider what is basically an upper arm sleeve for my first, but it’s fantasy land if it’s just in the sketchbook and honestly? Anything to kick at the art block.

It’s all birds: blue Jay and Baltimore oriole, with fresh spring green ash leaves and an autumnal red oak. And maybe a hexagon in there somewhere, I can’t sort that out.

Anyway, this would encapsulate a lot of my favorite things in one go. All that’s missing is bugs! And a loon and pines, but that’s going on the other arm!

Maybe it’s futile to say this, but this humble scribble is for my use only.

Just finished the dead boys detectives shows,,,, I can’t believe the Cat king kissed Monty the Crow and no one has a reaction to it 😭😭 it’s so smooth as well,, I get Edwin is shocked but HUH WHAT IN THE LOVE TRIANGLE IS THIS

Also, bro I need monty in s2 ((his kiss !! the crow vibes were immaculate,, the way he swings!))