#mayhaps tumblr shall
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Okay I lied I actually have one last thing before I go for tonight. It’s a kinda dumb question for any fellow autistic/ADHD folks in the DSMP who are still special interested in and/or hyperfixated on canon even after all that’s gone down. Kinda a ramble so check below the cut.
Do...do any of you guys feel like this whole gradual decay of DSMP lore has been...well...traumatizing, kinda?
I know that’s a silly way to put it. That’s just the best way I can describe what I’m experiencing at the moment. What I have been experiencing for months since the Michael rescue stream.
I feel empty. I feel numb. I’m so depressed and sad and in grief over this story. I still love it! I still love the lore, the world, the plots and the characters! I still love this story and wanna see it end well in a way that wraps it all up in a pretty bow that we can all enjoy for ages to come.
But I’m just sad.
Sad, angry, bitter, and honestly kind of lost with no new story to latch onto. I feel like I’ve been cut loose and that I’m just watching this thing I loved go on from a distance. I see the new streams. I get upset over things that aren’t good. I have my moment of crit, try to salvage what I can, then go back into my safety bubble of headcanons/AUs/fix-its and rewrites that I have to preserve these characters in the way that made me love them rather than the hollow messes they are now in lore.
It makes me feel sick. I have nothing to build my mental state onto anymore. No core. No central node of my mind that I can use as the base for everything else. For me, special interests & hyperfixations are the foundation of my whole inner world. So now that my foundation has rotten away as it has in such a slow and gradual decay, I’m just stuck in this whisy-washy void where everything’s cold and I can’t even think about it without feeling so damn sick!
Is it normal to feel this way when a special interest’s canon story turns out bad? Is this a thing other people feel? Am I just depressed or retraumatized by seeing my comfort block game RP turn to shit? Hello? Help,,,,
#vent#dream smp#tw dissociation#rambles#autism#adhd#neurodivergant#i don't know why i feel things#google did not help#mayhaps tumblr shall
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Story time story time!
I got through like half of the story mode before my brother picked up the game and had his crack at it. At this point I had never had my smallfry display the behavior of yeeting himself into the water until my brother played the story mode. You want to know what the very first things he did in the game was? He yeeted lil buddy into the abyss. Every since then my smallfry throws himself into the water all the time. I blame my brother entirely for this coincidence.
#i missed an upload yesterday? shhh you saw nothing... i was busy and forgor xwx#anyways i hope this comic is readable becuse i sent it to discord and you shoulded see jack.#splatoon art#splatoon comic#comic#videogame art#videogame comic#splatoon#smallfry#lil buddy#artists on tumblr#arson#i named my lil buddy arson... mayhaps i whould lore dump about my guys some day if it was ever requested#but untill then i shall spare yall from the lore#chicken scratch#captin 3#captain 3#neo agent 3#this comic was made before my agent 3 choped up the suit#also sorry for the incosistancys of my neo agent 3 wearing shoes i sware they will never wear shoes again <3#this was like the first time i drew them in their agent gear#i also didnt have refrences when i started#thats why its labeled at chicken scratch lmao#ALSO ALSO ALSOOO!!! i was digging around in my old splat 1 era sketchbooks looking for art of my spider sona i made ages past and i found a#bunch of old art i made of nick and me as our splat sonas. </3 AND THERE WERE 2 INSTENCES WHERE I DREW MY INLING DABING#ever since i unlocked the dab win animation in season 1 of splat 3 ive been useing it non stop. finding these old drawings makes me feel#like i foffiled a proficy...
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I am really curious about lupus pilum mutat. Is it about Daud and his time in Tyvia? Is it even about Daud? Will there be a second part of the expression or perhaps another variant with a fox instead of a wolf?👀
thank you so much for asking!! it is in fact about daud (because of course). now, long term listeners will actually be familiar with this one- i've posted little snippets from it before (and am slowly running out of sfw content to share. and i dont wanna spoil all the good bits.)
in terms of the title (also Excellent questions)- very tentative for now. obviously i love it because of the callback to daud's "motto", we'll see if i still feel like it "deserves" it by the end.
but as promised. snippet be upon ye!!
There it was. His greatest privilege- being subject to Daud's cruelty a moment less than everybody else. When he shatters the ground Martin stands on, he does so almost gently.
And then his gaze drops to the smear of blood on the ground, oxygenated dull and tacky, left in streaks by Daud's careless bootprints. In succession, Martin thinks: of Daud's hands around the hilt of his blade, paring open a throat; of slowly-cooling corpses stacked in a corner, masks askew; of a mounting pile of casualty reports on his desk; of a mounting pile of excuses. How tension floods a room when the only sound reaching its high ceilings is the tinny drip-drip-drip of foreboding red on its marble floors.
Jaw set, he stares him down. Stays quiet when he speaks to chastise, the tone that has Junior Overseers shivering at potential consequences. “I had good men stationed outside of that door.”
He hopes the barb stings, hopes to see a flash of guilt on his face- that rare little twitch of his lip and sidelong glance that hides rapidly suppressed tumult. And not for the dead Overseers- Martin himself is grieved more by the inconvenience than the loss of life, couldn't possibly expect more from Daud- but for Martin's displeasure.
Daud scoffs, no more room left for guilt. “You didn't care for them,” he says, a touch annoyed at perceived sentimentality.
Martin wants to curse at him. Almost does. Instead he feels the truth unfurling, a slow release, and tries to push it down.
“No,” he concedes, “I didn't. But I can't suffer casualties this early. I'll look incompetent.”
Amusement pulls at the corner of Daud's lips. That boyish delight in having taken more from him, chipped more away. Oh, Martin thinks, he'll hollow me out one day.
#ask#don1t1red#THANK U SO MUCH#there are only 2 wips left i havent been asked about yet. fight fight fight#(im kidding.)#i realise you were asking more whats its about#and less “hey drop me a snippet with no context”#but i am very good at dropping contextless snippets and very bad at making my ideas sound good LMAO#oh. blood tw. and death.#another regular tuesday in the tumblr user chesthighwater household#AH RIGHT will there be a sequel?? maybe :3 mayhaps. a role reversal.#we shall see i need to actually finish this one first#wip
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my posts get no traction, like no one sees them
Not even the people who follow me so I might as well post wild shit
See who finds it, yk? Nothings getting found now, so I could shit post more than I already do, the new found *shittier* post
#we shall see#shit post#shittier post#mayhaps I will#just pull from the deepest crevasses in my brain#the true tumblr way#who’s gonna see them????#probably no one#I am my own 1 note and I have decided to vibe with that#people seeing shit roulette is one of my favorite games#if people do see this#then people see my stuff now#which is good#if people don’t see this#I do as stated#win win
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welcome back to another episode of: do i have a tummy ache or pre period cramps?
#mayhaps it's both. we shall never know#i'm back to shitposting on tumblr that's how you know i'm really doing Terribly™
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back to watching yellowjackets obsessively
#nothing interesting 2 do on tumblr these days all my friends arent on the site anymore JDJDMD#so its show time#nd mayhaps i shall make some gifs later#iri.txt
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mayhaps you shall take my quiz 🥺
#grell sutcliff#grelle sutcliff#black butler grell#black butler grelle#kuroshitsuji grell#kuroshitsuji grelle#black butler#kuroshitsuji#water posts#HRGRPLASEPLSEPLASE#PLEASE I SPENT ALL DAY ON IT!!!!!!!!!
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ive been gone from tumblr for the past few days (complete accident lolol i was just at my boyf house + chilling w his fam) but now i feel so anxious and weird about coming back so mayhaps i shall just dip my toes in and say hello rn ᵕ̈ i hope yall have had wonderful days recently and that the world has been kind to you <3
#will anyone have missed me? or even noticed my absence?#doubtful#esp since i use a queue so I've still been reblogging things#i just been feeling odd#and also i think im putting too much pressure on myself to be cool on here#like#i dont need to impress anyone obvs#just be myself#but scary#sage.words
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You should play tf2 with me but also. Do you read manga. I think you'd like dungeon meshi, its has so much to chew on
I've not played tf2 in long time... and I need my controller skdkdk once i get that tho... I shall be ready!
I've not read manga in a while although there's a few I've not finished because of translation issues. Mayhaps I will read the dungeons since all the homosexuals on tumblr say its good...
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Hello tumblr user buffout-buffers, I am but a pigeon sent in the long and cruel war to deliver boops as requested by your beloved. They are in the trenches, every day is bleak but they will survive for the gods have decreed it. I do regret to inform you that they happen to be currently inflicted with the deadly blorbo virus, and it is untreatable and highly contagious, however you both shall live. Soldier on, brave hero, for this too shall pass. You are also requested not to ask under any circumstances about their stated goals, for those are well kept secrets of the state and country. Should you push this and inquire about this, an agent will be sent to your exact location within the next 2-4 business days. For my parting message, I humbly suggest that you take my words into consideration and mayhaps listen to the Magnus Archives, or perchance bully your beloved into thinking about it (/nf).
May your days be filled with wonder and whimsy,
Nova, your faithful carrier pigeon.
(aka Isa's friend who is very sleep deprived and has not written creatively for way too long so I am channelling it into this instead of actually writing, it is lovely to make your acquaintance)
Dearest carrier pigeon, an avian of truest wisdom and haste, I receive your message with open arms
I too hath wasted my creative energy, taking my pen to return a message to you instead of transcribing upon my theatrical dice game which should have been sent out to the masses 6 fortnights ago or some shit. I have, in truth, spent much of it procrastinating to gaze upon my orb, scrying the secrets of the hit CW show Supernatural which released on the eve of my birth in the year 2005. I have also been reading heretical texts about queer witchcraft, laying down, experiencing seizures, and other jazzy ass experiences within my mages tower.
I too am quite pleased to make your acquaintance, and hope this may be the start of a friendship, comradery, insane unhinged and downright unreasonable interaction, or some other pleasant experience
(Ellians beloved I am not sleep deprived just unhinged and not properly medicated for epilepsy very nice to meet you)
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anTiquity Twednesday
tagged by the gorgeous @romirola - thank you beloved!! 💕💕 the latest audio has put me in a vampire sort of mood.... let's flash back to december, shall we? it's not really tuesday any more but let's see..... no-pressure tags for @sri-rachaa @autisticempathydaemon @sealriously-sealrious @lovelylonerliterature @dominimoonbeam permit me a glance into the archives, mayhaps?? 👀👀
blood sugar, baby!
or: out of the frying pan...
william developing terrible coping mechanisms in 4800 words or less. the imperium solaire clan as you've never seen it before, and the dynamic, vampiric duo i didn't know i needed! my love letter to vincent's lonely, lonely house. mind the warnings on the actual fic!
read on tumblr | read on ao3
not sure what this is? excerpt under the cut:
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“I have been alive for many years, little one, and in that time I’ve learned a great many things about what it means to disappear. Names and faces and stories that I thought would last forever, which now only I, alone, remember.”
“It is said that as long as a person is loved, they are alive, is it not? I have seen what happens when that love, too, disappears. The torch-bearers meet their ends, and the flame is lost forever. Love only lasts as long as the life that remembers it, and my life has been very long indeed. My blood has always known the sun, and I wonder that my heart has not yet turned to ash with all the love I force it to hold.”
He raises his nearly-empty glass to you, a polite suggestion of a toast, charming and melancholy in equal measure. “You love him. I love him too. In us, may he never disappear.”
To that, you have no reply.
read on tumblr | read on ao3
masterlist
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i am crawling back to tumblr with unparalleled trepidation in an attempt to quench my thirst for elia kane for which you are partially responsible you are both the problem and the solution GOOD DAY SIR
HELLO MY DARLING welcome back to the hellsite of hellspawn and horniness
ngl i am VERY happy that i’m corrupting people slowly and steadily, and i’m so grateful you’re here!! thank you so much for the kind words and the message, i really really appreciate it! it’s so encouraging to see that people want to interact because they like my stuff ♥️ i wish i had words to tell you how much receiving this means to me
fear not, soon you shall be fed - mayhaps with a visual as an entrée?
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In The Beginning
This tumblr will be filled up soon with a comic made by a few strange humans. The main human with the whole idea is this one.
The home page shall lead to this pinned post that you are reading now.
Letters will lead to an 'ask' prompt. this is where you can write a question, or letter, to the creator and mayhaps get a response. These will be few in between installments.
Stay tuned, viewers.
The vines are approaching you.
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Hello! This is a question regarding complex childhood trauma and how it could lead to CDDs-
So, background info, I’ve been questioning whether or not I’m a system for a while. Other people have also basically gone ‘🤨’ at me and have told me that my experiences seem rather similar to OSDD. I may quote someone as saying ‘yeah that’s some OSDD shit’. Includinggg one Dxed DID system. Which is. Hm!
It’s gotten to where the woman doing my intake appointment for my college counseling sessions has suspected me of it. (Though I wouldn’t call them… the MOST ah, experienced institution for it considering a lot of their knowledge is from one 1-week seminar that was done last year)
One thing that I tend to get hung up on is what exactly my trauma was to cause this, or at least a level of dissociation to resemble a CDD at all.
Now, I know that it’s not the best idea to go digging for trauma, but I’m a very curious person at heart, and it’s less digging up memories and more ‘which already known memory or events could have caused this?’
One of my leading hypotheses is: literally just having untreated generalized anxiety disorder through my WHOLE childhood. It’s genetic so it was there biting my ass the whole time.
This does beg the question; CAN such a thing cause a CDD or CDD-presenting symptoms?
I’ve heard that it’s chronic trauma, or repeat chronic stressors that lead to the development of CDDs. A sort of constant fight or flight mode.
What’s fucky about GAD is that it can give ya that shit for free! No outside stressors needed!
Note that, like disorders do, my GAD is far greater in severity now than it was in my childhood, but my example still stands…
TLDR: could someone develop a CDD from untreated childhood generalized anxiety disorder while having a pretty good life otherwise, because generalized anxiety can mayhaps ‘substitute’ for a stressful environment in childhood with its own, shall I say, ‘home-grown’ stress? Could just having a genetic anxiety disorder throughout childhood lead to such stress as to cause dissociation to cope with it?
Are there any studies on this? If not, anybody wanna do a study? I think people should do studies more, they can be fun to do. But not tumblr poll studies, like, actual research paper studies. With annotated bibliographies and statistical significance and all that fancy stuff.
(Additional thing: I really feel people underestimate how Fucked GAD can be as a disorder. It can fuck up your cardiovascular system! It can give you HEART PROBLEMS just because heehoo adrenaline glands go brr! No major panic attacks needed, even! Just chronic stress alone!)
I’m going to first link you to my most recent ask so that I don’t have to repeat the same things over and over. https://www.tumblr.com/dissociativediscourse/715062976412073984/hello-i-made-a-post-reaching-out-to-the-plural
And then, I’m going to restate something: I can’t diagnose you. I don’t diagnose people, and neither should anyone else on Tumblr or IRL (that isn’t a licensed professional). The words of others that say you have Vibes really don’t matter that much in the big picture because whether they have it or not or have been through a one week seminar or not, they aren’t professionals and have not been trained to spot it and diagnose it and treat it, and that’s kind of the deal with that.
Secondly, I want you to know that I’m not trying to invalidate you or say that you’re wrong or anything like that… But there are a few things I have to point out.
One of those is that a huge part of DID is disorganized attachment/lack of a trustworthy caregiver/inability to receive comfort from trauma/lack of a safe place. As well, your brain can’t traumatize itself to the point of developing a CDD. This is an immutable fact, no matter what disorder is involved. GAD alone cannot and will not ever be able to cause DID, nor will any other disorder. The question isn’t “was this traumatic”. It is “Did this disrupt this child’s brain development repeatedly in a way that would result in a CDD?”.
GAD is stressful, but it would need a few extra steps from the outside to cause a CDD to form.
Now, I don’t know whether or not those happened. And if you don’t, you shouldn’t go digging at this point. You should honestly take the advice that I linked to in the last ask. Get help, and start working on symptom management. Because it doesn’t matter whether or not you have a dissociative disorder as much as it matters that you’re okay. If you need help, you deserve it. And you deserve help that works for you. The whole point of a diagnosis is to allow you get the right help and be as safe and happy as possible.
I don’t know anything about your childhood besides what you’ve told me, so that’s about as far as my advice goes. But if you do one thing, please, *please* read the post I linked, because that’s the best starting point I can offer.
#dissociative identity disorder#asks#osddid#did advice#osdd#advice asks#dissociative identity disorder advice#did osdd
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throwing my anon hat into your ring. you are a beloved mutual of mine, know that since the dawn of my tumblr lifespan you have been a force of good. mayhap I shall leave more messages, a quest perhaps. perchance. farewell my sibling, and godspeed.
ee hee giggling and kicking my feet hiiiii anon !!!! first , I need you to know that you are also a dearly beloved mutual . i say this with 100% certainly because all of my mutuals are so cool and I love all of you so much <3 also absolutely delighted that apparently I've somehow been here your entire Tumblr lifespan that's wild - and second - A QUEST !?
#just blahs#i love anons so much you guys#kissing all of you on the forehead as you grace my ask box with your presence ily#anyways fare thee well good anon . godspeed . <3
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Uhhh..Hello is is the house?
Can you introduce knight's blorbo cast to the tumblr mayhaps ?.....
Hello, yes, consult the house and she shall answer.
I have many blorbos but may I offer up Ruffles?
This is Ruffles, a 13 year-old Skyfolk and troublemaker.
Skyfolk are pretty much Bird People.
She ran away from... somewhere and wound up being taken in by the Fitzgerald family (mayhaps I will show you Kirby once I get her redesigned).
Skyfolk are human-sized so she's approximately the size of a 13 year old child.
Skyfolk use their feet primarily for object manipulation since they're able to fly but they do have hand-like alula feathers- essentially on the "thumb" of their wing. They don't function like hands since they're just feathers but Skyfolk will use them to gesture when talking to other species such as humans.
Here's some miscellaneous Ruffles art.
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