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#maybe I'll finally finish that website!

sergeantpixie · 4 months

Note

tell me about whichever WIP isn't about elena gilbert if you can

Anon I know you're trying to be mean but a) I have no shame about how many Elena verses I have, that's my Girl, and b) I am so delighted to be able to talk about the one verse on that list that has nothing to do with Elena Gilbert, that's why I put it there! So thank you!

"I am willing to take more hurt if it's from you" is a project I've been working on for so long and I'm finally making some real progress on it which feels amazing! It's my Alison DiLaurentis/Aria Montgomery (Pretty Little Liars) fic that is supposed to be as canon based as possible, just using the subtext between the two characters to create a story where Alison and Aria were secretly hooking up before Alison disappeared.

Instead of giving you the full pitch on why they make sense as a ship (and why they are basically canon, or at least Alison having feelings for Aria is) I'll just refer to a post where I went off in the tags about them because it says pretty much everything I would say about it here: this post.

In summary: When Alison asked Aria if she knew why she picked her, the answer is: Ali's obsessed with Aria.

The premise of the story would be Alison and Aria's relationship being Rosewood's best kept secret, then when the liars discover Alison has been alive all this time, Aria feels compelled to confess what happened between them all those years ago in order to get ahead of Alison and prevent her from using that to alienate her from the other girls. (Alison is still Alison, I have no interest in changing that.) It's the girls' reaction to that as well as an exploration of Aria and Alison as characters. And maybe Ezra really is A but that might just be implied we'll see.

Between Jake, Ezra, and her first love’s girl-Jesus resurrection, Aria’s love life has never been more complicated, and that’s like, really saying something.

the tiniest excerpt :)

@randomestfandoms

#asks #tag games #anons #thanks anon!#wild that you wanna insult me for loving a character on the loving a character website lmao but thanks for the opportunity to babble!#idk if you got the memo but I have too many WIPs to include them all so I just chose the ones I'm actively working on rn #what that actually means is that there are even MORE Elena verses :)#and also quite a few more that have nothing to do with her #even a few in the tvd verse which will be a first for me #I am willing to take more hurt if it's from you #alia #also maddie idk if you are at all interested since we usually just talk about deanlena but just in case!#maybe the story I have done the most research for? idk I just find them so fascinating and wanted to prove that it's quite easy #to make them a canon ship #so first I had to watch the show to figure out every relevant episode and make an outline #(and take some notes) which I finally finished this past fall (it's just s1-first few episodes of s5)#and then I'll be rewatching all of those episodes in order to par it down to an actual coherent plot #I thought about putting a longer excerpt (maybe even smth from my version ezra's book) but that one always makes me giggle so

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drabblesandimagines · 20 days

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Leon Kennedy x female reader, commissioned piece Lots of dumb fluff ahead! Thanks so much to the lovely @porcelainseashore for commissioning me with the brief of Leon using a dating app! I've said it before and I'll say it again - please do go check out Porcelain's fics! x

“So,” Leon places his elbows on the counter behind, leans back and flashes a winning smile, “how about dinner later?”

The auburn-haired woman waits for her coffee to finish dispensing before she shakes her head, lips pursed. “No, thank you, Agent Kennedy.”

“Oh.” He was sure they’d had some sort of connection. Their eyes had met across the office on more than one occasion, flirtatiously so – had he read it wrong? “You have plans already tonight?”

“Mm, something like that.” She smiles, politely, picking up her DSO-branded mug and heading out of the break room without so much as a glance back.

Leon shrugs it off – he’s good at that – and places his own mug under the spout, about to make his coffee selection when a familiar voice chirps over his shoulder.

“Have you ever thought of internet dating?”

He spins round, surprised. “Claire?”

“Hi.” She waves with a smile. “So, internet dating?”

Leon’s brow furrowed, about to ask why she was here, but from the visitor lanyard around her neck it was clear it was down to some sort of TerraSafe business, but why is she going on about internet dating?

Oh.

“Wait, did you hear…?”

“The dinner invite? Oh, yes.” She nods, crossing her arms. “Does that ever work?”

“Yes.”

Claire quirks an eyebrow.

“Okay, not recently.” He retorts, turning back around and pressing the button for his black coffee to start dispensing.

“Uh-huh…” She steps forward, turns to lean against the counter to look at him. “I’m telling you, Leon - internet dating. I finally convinced Chris to give it a go about six months back, and he seems pretty happy. Been seeing a nice girl for three months now – a florist.”

Leon shakes his head, watching the coffee dispense with feigned interest. “Surprised Redfield went for it. How the hell do you introduce anyone to what we’ve seen?” At least with women from work, he didn’t have to skirt around what the hell he does all day.

“Heard of keeping work and homelife separate?”

“And Chris manages that?”

“I mean, she knows what he’s shared with her, but he took it slow. It’s not like the government can keep everything secret these days – not with everyone having a smart phone.” Claire grimaces, remembering the videos of the Alcatraz attack popping up on social media on a live stream. It was taken down pretty quick, but still popped up occasionally. They can’t hide it forever.

“Anyway, enough about Chris’ love life, I’m trying to help yours. Have you tried it? There’s websites and apps…”

Leon recalls a week of medical leave – battered, bruised and laid out on the couch on high doses of meds, flipping through the cable channels and losing hours to a show about people falling in love over the internet, only for the person to be using a fake photo of an entirely different identity and being crushed when they met in person.

“Isn’t that where the catfish are?”

Claire rolls her eyes. “We won’t set your radius that large.”

He looks down, a little confused. “My… radius?”

Leon’s not present on social media, but that’s hardly a surprise with his work. Maybe, if things had been different, he would’ve trawled through it at some point – joined a group for graduates from the Police Academy of ’98, checked in, gone to some sort of graduating class reunion where they would’ve swapped stories from precincts over a lukewarm beer or two in a hall dressed up with balloons and streamers.

Come to think of it, he doesn’t really remember the names of anyone in his graduating class, though he’s not sure if that’s down to a certain amount of knocks to the head throughout his career getting to him. He could look them up – they’ll be in some sort of database somewhere that Hunnigan could help him locate, but what would he say?

“Me? Well, I had one day on the job – hell of a first day, actually – and then I was ‘recruited’ into military training, so technically not a cop anymore either.”

“Phone, please.” Claire has moved to sit down at one of the small tables in the kitchen, now holding out her hand expectantly. He finds himself joining her, mug of coffee in one hand and the other pulling out his cell from his suit jacket pocket. He hands it over because it’s Claire and he’s known her long enough now to know she’s not going to drop the subject so easily.

“Have you got any selfies on here?”

“Don’t think so. Why?”

“To put on your profile. Anything I shouldn’t see in your gallery?”

He shakes his head.

“Seriously, Leon?” She must’ve opened the app by the way she’s scrolling down on the screen. “These are all sunsets and photos of your motorcycle.”

“What should I be picking pictures of?”

“Oh, wait… Here’s one.” She turns the phone around. It’s him, grinning, next to a corpse of a zombiefied lion. “I repeat – seriously, Leon?”

“Ha, yeah.” He smiles in acknowledgement. “I was trying to get Hunnigan interested in fieldwork with the spectacular sights.” Claire turns the phone back around and the sound of a camera shutter clicks out of the speaker.

“Ooh, that’s a good candid – and no-one needs to know what you were looking at.”

“Look, it’s nice of you to offer, but I don’t know about all this…” He rubs the back of his head.

“It’s 30 days free. Just try it and if you still don’t like it by the end of the trial, you can delete it off your phone and I won’t bring it up again.”

He stalls, taking a long sip of his coffee as he thinks. Claire means well, after all and if Chris has had luck with it, considering what Leon knows he’s seen and lived through, what does he have to lose, really?

“Fine. 30 days.”

“Great! Now, let’s set up your profile…”

Claire had given him a tutorial – swipe left if you’re not interested on a profile, right if you are. If the person swipes right in return, it’ll set you up as a match and you can start a conversation – signaled by a small speech bubble icon appearing on the bottom right.

It wasn’t until that evening that Leon tried it out properly, sat on his couch, killing time before bed and begins to swipe through. It feels a little odd – he usually likes to get to know a person somewhat before offering out his dinner invite, but this is mostly on looks alone, with a tiny snippet of profile information – age, location, what they’re looking for.

He swipes right on a blonde, her profile full of photos from beach vacations or something, says she’s not too far away from him and is ‘looking to connect with someone deeply.’ A chat box pops up immediately and after a moment or two, three dots show Beauty – he’s not sure that’s her real name - is typing.

Hey, big boy. What’s bigger – your forearms or… An eggplant emoji?

Oh.

He hesitates over writing back a response. He can flirt with the best of them, but how is anyone meant to make a genuine connection over this app? Maybe he’s too old for this shit.

He puts his cell down by his side and switches on the television instead.

“So…” Claire drawls over his shoulder over three weeks later, tracked him down to his desk.

“So…” He mocks back with a tease, swinging around in his office chair.

“Any good dates recently?”

He laughs. “How do you even get that far?”

“You’ve not gone on one?”

“Not for lack of trying.” It’s true. After Beauty, he had struck up conversation with a few more genuine girls that seemed to be going well until he’d broached the idea of a date and they’d drop off the radar. “A couple seemed interested but then stopped replying. I got one date – she didn’t show up.”

“Oh, come on.” Claire leans against his desk. “That can’t be everyone. Let me see.” There’s the expectant hand again. He sighs, picks up his phone and opens the app before handing it over to her.

She sets to scrolling through new arrivals for him, before she pauses. “Well, this one looks sweet.”

“Claire, I appreciate your concern but I just don’t think this app is for me. I gave it a go, I swear.”

“I know, but you’ve got a few days left on the free trial at least - you won’t lose anything. Just take a look?”

He takes the phone back and looks at the screen – a cropped picture of you, it looks like, your friends’ arms around your shoulders, a big, genuine smile on your face. Not a pout or a smolder in a night club mirror.

“Aw, you’re smiling.”

“Fine.” He swipes, but the message bubble doesn’t pop up. That’s the one thing he doesn’t like about this app – you never know if the other one will swipe back.

“No match.”

“Give her a moment,” Claire elbows him, playfully. “Not everyone is scrolling for dates at work.”

“Hey-”

“Speaking of, I’ve got a meeting. See you!”

You throw yourself down on the bed, a little bit tipsy after an evening of drinking with your friends, and hold your phone dangerously above your face – you’ve been so close to giving yourself a black eye from the drop so many times but never learn – and open up that stupid app. Your friend had encouraged you to sign up to it after declaring you’d been in a pity party for long enough now after your last break-up and it was time to get back out there.

You scroll through the latest arrivals, swiping left as you go. Everyone internet dates now, you don’t know why you only seem to attract utter creeps on it. You’d been on a few dates, but they’d all been entirely awkward outside the safety of the chat box.

You pause on one new arrival, Leon, 41, the first photo in the set clearly a candid. He’s dressed in a suit – no tie. Businessman, you wonder? Amazingly hot and maybe the most shiniest hair you’ve ever seen.

You roll over onto your stomach and swipe right, smiling when a chat bubble appears.

Leon had just settled into bed for the night when his phone vibrated angrily on the bedside table. He threw a hand out, blindly, and looked at the screen, half expecting it to be an email from work or a message from Hunnigan.

It’s neither – a notification from the app.

Hi, Leon. Thanks for swiping. Can I ask something?

He frowns – a unique opener, but it could still go the way of the others, he reckons. He’s not a prude, per say, but he’s seen a lot more than he was intending to these past few weeks. He backs up and has a quick scroll through your profile, vaguely recognizing your face from when he’d swiped right earlier that day – the girl Claire had deemed sweet.

Hi – ask away.

A bubble appears with three dots within.

How do you get your hair that shiny?

Leon barks out a laugh - definitely refreshing.

I’m sorry, I don’t think we’re at that stage of our relationship yet where I’m comfortable sharing my beauty secrets.

Please? Mine is so dull.

He clicks on your profile again and onto the photos but can’t see why you’re worried about your hair. Truthfully, all he registers when he looks at the picture is that sweet, genuine smile.

Looks pretty good from what I can see.

The camera adds all the shine. Are you using a filter?

Trust me when I say I wouldn’t know how.

Don’t know about filters but using a dating app? That doesn’t gel.

My friend suggested I give this online dating thing a go, so here I am.

Well, you’ll have to thank your friend for me.

Leon hesitates a moment, before shrugging it off.

I’ll be sure to, especially as it’s got me talking to you.

Your scalp tingles, but it seems nothing to do with the alcohol consumed earlier.

Too cheesy? I told you I’m new to this, right?

Nah, you’re gouda.

Leon grins.

The conversation continues to flow over the next few days. You talk about work – he keeps it vague, works in the government, can be called away on business trips last minute – and you are equally elusive in your response of office work. Internet safety, he reckons, smart girl that you are. Hearing his phone ping with a notification has quickly become his favourite sound.

Nice day? Definitely. Picked up my motorcycle – it’s been in the shop a while. Dare I ask what happened? He hesitates. Chasing a bioterrorist down a highway is perhaps a little too much…

Hit by a truck. I wasn’t on it - obviously.

Jeez. Insurance not just buy you a new one? I can’t think how that’s salvageable.

It’s my favourite, I couldn’t give up on her. You ever been on a motorcycle?

Uh-uh. Too scared.

What of?

Falling off, mainly.

No danger of that if you ride tandem - just need to be sure to hold on real tight.

You bite your lip, mulling over a response, but Leon fills the gap.

And I’d look after you, of course. Make a nice first date, don’t you think?

First date? That’s more, like, third or even fourth date material.

There’s your chance, Kennedy – don’t mess it up.

Well, then we better get the first date out of the way.

You bite your lip as you type back a response. Is that your way of asking?

If it is?

If it is, then I’m free Friday...

Perfect.

Friday morning arrives and Leon’s at his desk, typing up a report when his phone chimes. Checking over his shoulder, he pulls it out of his pocket and smiles when he sees it’s a text from you. You’d exchanged numbers the other night, deciding it time to take communication off app ahead of meeting up.

Morning. Question?

Morning. Still after my shampoo secrets?

Yes… But not that. How am I meant to recognize you?

I thought that’d be easy – by how shiny my hair is, apparently.

It’ll be dark out, though.

Is this you trying to be subtle about asking for another photo?

No comment.

Leon locks his computer, the screensaver switching to today’s date and time on a black background. He swings his desk chair around, looks around again to make sure no-one’s on their way past, and opens the camera app. He flips the viewfinder around and tries out a couple of smiles before snapping a selfie – if Claire could see him now…

He sends it through.

Included the time and date and all. Happy?

No comment.

Well, how will I recognize you?

Easy. I’ll be the one coming up to you and saying, “Hi, Leon.” See you tonight x

Until then x

The two of you had decided to meet at a bistro – varied menu for all tastes, not too intimate, excellent wine, spirits and craft beer menu.

Leon is nervous as he stands to the side of the entrance – an emotion he hasn’t truly entertained since 1998. There had been no time for it when bioweapons and death were staring him down the face. But, tonight… Well, he’s out of his element on this one. Leon had only ever approached women through work and, yes, it was to varying degrees of success but they’d already seen him properly in person, heard his voice, aware of what he does. There was a horrible niggle at the back of his mind that the date who had stood him up a few weeks ago had caught sight of him and turned heel on the spot.

He looks down at this watch to see it’s bang on 7.30. He’d arrived ten minutes too early, but didn’t want to chance being late and showing up in a fluster. When he looks up, slipping a hand back into his pocket, a figure with a familiar face is walking towards him, greets him with an anxious smile and an awkward half-wave.

God, you’re adorable.

“Hi, Leon.”

“Hi,” He smiles, one hand still in his pocket, the other hanging down by his side. He wonders if he should’ve gone in for the kiss on the cheek, but he’s missed his chance.

“Erm…” You wring your hands together. “You okay?”

“Great. You?”

Why does he feel as giddy as he did when he picked up his girlfriend for prom back at high school?

“I’m good. It’s nice to put a… voice to a face?” You laugh – light and airy - and Leon’s already desperate to hear it again.

“It really is. Er, shall we?” He gestures forward with his arm.

You nod. “Let’s.”

The conversation is stagnant at first, a sentence here or there as you peruse the drinks menu and move on to ordering starters and entrees. With a little liquid courage, though, the two of you soon slip into easy conversation.

It’s just after the appetizers are cleared when Leon realizes he’s completely and utterly smitten.

You don’t even know where the time has gone, but all of the sudden the two of you are the only diners left and it’s clear the wait staff are looking for you to leave so they can begin their nightly clean down.

He follows you out and onto the sidewalk, a few metres away from the bistro entrance, standing awkwardly opposite each other – mirroring the beginning of the evening.

“So, fancy a ride?”

You tilt your head at him curiously before you burst out into laughter and he grins, rubbing the back of his head, awkwardly, as he realizes the context.

“I mean, I brought my bike here. I can give you a ride home - on my bike.”

You smile. “Not on the first date, remember?”

“Of course.” He nods. “Sticking to your principles – I respect that. Well, can I call you a cab?”

“Oh, actually, I’m gonna walk. I live just in that building over there…” You point up to an apartment building about halfway up the next block.

“I could walk you across the street?” He cringes as he realizes maybe he’s coming on too heavy-handed. “I’m sorry, I promise I can take a hint-”

“No.” You cut across abruptly. “I mean, walking me home would be nice.”

You cross the road in silence, both wrapped up in your own thoughts. You wish you lived slightly further away so you’d have longer to work out what to say, how to end the night.

“So…” Leon begins the other side of the road, the entrance to your apartment block just ahead. He’s trying to keep calm and collected, but there’s just something about you that has made his heart race, his palms sweaty. Don’t fuck this up, Kennedy. “I had a really lovely evening.”

“Me too.” You smile back – and you mean it – but you can’t help but brace yourself. Is this the part where he says, yeah, he had a nice time, but he’d rather not do it again? It seems all too good to be true. He’s the same as he was on the phone, messages and photos.

“Great…” You take a deep breath at his pause, unconsciously clenching your fists, “..cos I was wondering how you felt about a second date?”

“You’re really desperate to get me on that motorcycle, huh?” You tease, instantly relaxing. “But, seriously, I’d like that, to see you again.”

“Is tomorrow too soon?”

“That depends what you have in mind.” You stop, suddenly – the apartment foyer to your left. “This is me.”

“Well, we’ve done dinner, shall we work backwards and have lunch next?”

You take a step closer. “And then breakfast?”

“Fourth could be a midnight feast?” He steps forward too, misjudging the distance and something hard brushes against your stomach. Leon’s eyes widen in alarm. “Oh, wait, I…” He dips his hand into his trouser pocket and pulls out a travel-sized bottle of shampoo with a sheepish smile. “I meant to give you this at the end of dinner – my beauty secret.”

You yank him forward by his jacket collar and kiss him before you can even think properly about what you’re doing. You step up onto your tip toes to deepen the kiss, a hand bracing yourself against his chest for a moment before you mean to step back, maybe even apologise for pouncing on the man, but Leon’s arms wrap around your waist, holding you in place, kissing you back incessantly before you both have to retreat for breath.

“Well, if I knew the shampoo would get that reaction I would’ve started the night off with it.” He murmurs, pulling away and resting his forehead against yours. “I gotta ask though - you’ll kiss on the first date, but not ride a motorcycle?”

You shrug, half-heartedly. “One’s more dangerous than the other.”

He kisses you once more, softly, ending with a teasing nibble on your lip.

“Oh, we’ll see about that, sweetheart.” -- Masterlist . 1,000 followers event

#ghostdogwrites #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy fluff

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slayfics · 5 months

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hi hi !! do u accept part 2 requests ? bc i really loved ur cam boy katsuki 😭 to see them meet and do the deed has been behind my mind ever since reading it RARAAAAAAAHDBSJA 🥺🩵

Camboy Katsuki.

Warnings: NSFW | Katsuki aged up

3,400 words~

Chapter links

Chapter 2

Who would have thought a simple trip to the grocery store could have turned out this way?

You scanned over the vegetables attempting to find the ripest ones. Finally selecting a cucumber to place in a bag, you heard a booming voice come from behind you. The voice called you by a username you had only used for a particularly mischievous website.

You nearly stopped breathing when you turned around to see Katsuki Bakugo behind you eyeing you and your selection of vegetables.

All those times you had paid to watch him on your computer, and now he was standing right in front of you. For a moment, you were positive you were hallucinating until he spoke again.

"I knew it was you, I wouldn't forget that sexy face anywhere. What the hell are you doing? Hasn't anyone ever taught you how to pick out good vegetables? Put that shitty thing back," he said grabbing the bag from your hand and tossing the cucumber back. "Here you go, this one looks more your size," he said laughing with a wink as he handed you a much larger cucumber.

Fucking say something! You yelled at yourself internally, but no words were produced from your brain to your mouth. Instead, you just stared in awe at seeing the man you had lusted for so long standing in front of you. No longer just an image on a screen, but a real person. It froze your brain to see him in casual clothes, a drawstring orange hoodie, and black pants. Somehow, he looked even more attractive in these than all the times you had seen him nude.

"Damn, you're even hotter in person you know that," he said as he picked out his own groceries. "What are the odds we live around the same area? Must be your lucky day, hm?" he said, turning to look at you expecting a response.

Instead, all he received was a shaky "Mhm~" from you.

"Tch, too star-struck to even talk to me, hu? That's fine, tell you what- if you want to see the real thing tonight, come to my place. I'm going to start streaming at 8PM. You can have a front-row seat. Be warned though you'll be in the splash zone," he said with another booming laugh. "If you're interested, send me a DM, and I'll give you the address," he spoke as he walked off.

What the fuck.

Once he was gone you realized how abnormally hard you were griping onto the cucumber, you lightened your grip and let out a frustrated breath.

I really didn't even fucking say a word to him, you thought to yourself.

Shit.

What were you going to do? You had to go, right? But fuck. Were you just going to sit their mouth agape unable to get out a fucking word again?

No.

You'd be prepared this time. You hurried through the rest of your grocery list to make it home by 6:30PM. That gave you about an hour to get ready assuming he didn't live too far.

Once you unpacked all your groceries you took out your phone to navigate to the live cam app. Hands shaking, you typed him a DM asking for the address.

That's my dirty girl, I knew you'd want to come.

He messaged back followed by his address. Your jaw dropped as soon as you pasted it into your maps app.

All this time- he was only 15 minutes away.

Crap, what to wear was the problem. He invited you just to watch, right? So, maybe it didn't matter but- you pulled out your most provocative laundry you had that had long been forgotten in the back of your drawer.

Putting it on you, you remembered just how uncomfortable it was. However, any uncomfortableness would be rewarded if things happened to escalate tonight.

You rushed to finish getting ready and then swiftly headed out to him.

You couldn't count how many times you fantasized about where he lived, and what the rest of his place looked like, pulling up to the address it was strange to see it was just an average apartment. But, you couldn't help but wonder, what did the rest of his life look like? What was his day job? Who were his friends? What were his hobbies?

Your heart raced as you knocked on the apartment door. You took a deep breath as you prepared to redeem yourself. However, all of that went out the window when he opened the door.

"Hey there sexy, come in I'll show you the setup," he said waving you in. One sight of him caused your brain to malfunction again.

Fuck.

Why did he already have to be wearing his signature muscle shirt and sweats that you had watched him peel off of himself so many times? As if your body was trained to react to the sight of him you already felt yourself beginning to slip. It was too much seeing him like this in person. How the hell were you going to keep your composure watching him live stream pleasuring himself in front of you?

"This is where it happens, but then again you're already well aware of that," he said with a smirk as he walked you to his bedroom. "I keep the laptop here on this stand, it gives me more freedom to do my stuff. I also keep the stream up on my PC here, so if you want to read the comments coming in you can. This area of the room stays off-camera so you can sit anywhere here. I won't mention you or show your face or anything so don't be concerned about that, and uh- don't be afraid to get comfortable while you're watching if you know what I mean," he said winking at you. "You're more than welcome to give me a show back."

You swallowed hard. Come on, redeem your fucking self, say something, you thought.

"Guess you'll have to make sure it's a good show then," you said smiling back at him.

"Oh shit, she speaks," He teased. "I'll make sure the show is worthy of you stripping down right here to play with your pussy. Don't you worry," he said laughing.

Just like that, you felt all ounce of cool you had slipped away again. How were his words always so damn paralyzing?

"Alright well it's show time so, get comfortable over there," he said as he sat down in his usual spot in front of his laptop.

From where you were sitting, you could see the live stream on his PC as well as him in person sitting in front of his laptop. The PC showed he was now live.

"Takes a little while for people to log on, usually you're the first," he said giving you a smirk. "So, I guess we'll have to see who's going to be first this time instead."

Not long after a few usernames you had usually seen in the chat had joined.

"Always good to see repeat customers," he said into the camera greeting his viewers. "How is everyone doing tonight?"

You read some of the comments from the PC.

Ready to see you touch yourself.

Better now that I'm here with you.

"Awe, you're all so eager as always aren't you? Well, you know what you have to do then," he said with a sly smirk.

Just like that tips came pouring into the chat and even more people joined to view. It was shocking to see exactly how much money he made from this hobby.

Katsuki stripped off his sweats and began to palm at his bulge through his boxer briefs in the same way he always did. You cursed the laptop that had been blocking your view of precisely what you wanted to see. Shamelessly, you moved spots to sit at a better angle.

Katsuki looked over at you for a split second, his eyes gleaming and his smirk spreading even wider as he saw your greedy eyes looking at his growing bulge.

"Does everyone have a good view?" He asked seemingly to his viewers but was looking directly at you. You held in a gasp at his sneakiness and couldn't help the blush that ignited on your face at his attention.

Viewers poured in comments about how good he looked, and that the angle he was in was perfect.

"Good- so tell me what's next then?" he asked, as his bulge was now fully grown. He pinched the tip of his penis through his boxer briefs and stared directly at you. You felt your face become hot, and your whole body felt frozen in place. How the fuck were you supposed to handle this? You thought he'd just be watching the computer the whole time, not looking at you.

Comments and tips poured in asking him to strip, and he followed through.

"You dirty sluts, have what you want then," he said as he pulled his shirt off over his head.

Comments again poured in fawning over how hot he was, how toned his body was.

His bulge was now almost begging to be set free from his boxers and he milked every second of it.

"I'm sorry what is it you all want? You're going to have to ask nicely. Don't be shy, tell me exactly what you want me to do," he said, breaths now becoming heavy.

Katsuki read and replied to more comments, "Oh, you want to see my dick, hu? Fucking filthy, aren't you? Fine then, be good to me and maybe I'll reward you," He panted out.

Tips came flooding in and his eyes grazed over to you once more.

"Alright then, have what you've been begging for," he said as he slid his boxers down, revealing his cock.

Katsuki's eyes were locked directly onto you, watching your reaction to his reveal. Shamefully, you hadn't noticed his gaze as your eyes had been watching eagerly as he slid his boxers down. Seeing him revealed in person was exhilarating. Absentmindedly, you bit your lip as your thighs pressed tightly together.

Katsuki began to slowly run his hand up and down the full length of his shaft, causing your thighs to tighten even closer together.

Fuck.

Every nerve in your body screamed for you to go touch him, or at the very least, touch yourself. The heat coming from between your legs was unbearable.

"Is everyone having a good time?" Katsuki asked, again seemingly to his viewers, but when you looked up, you noticed his eyes locked on to yours.

Fuck, how long had he been watching you? You squirmed even more under his intense gaze.

"Don't be shy, have a good time with me," he spoke, voice raspy and heavy with lust.

Fuck.

Was he really asking you to touch yourself? He joked about it before but, did he really mean it?

Losing all dignity, your hand hungrily found its way to pull down your bottoms, revealing the bottom part of your provocative laundry you had picked out.

Thong and lace high stockings revealed Katsuki let out a heavy, "Fuck," he said, his eyes eagerly taking you in.

Your fingers found your clit and began to rub slow circle motions over yourself.

Katsuki's breaths became erratic, and his eyes snapped to the camera as if almost forgetting it was there.

"Shit, hmm, how are you all doing hu?" He asked, grunting as he continued his strokes, his cock now glistening with pre cum.

Comments flooded in, encouraging him to cum.

"Something tells me that'll be especially easy tonight," he said, a smirk on his face as his eyes wandered over to you once more.

You should care.

You should care that you've let go of all shame. That you're fingering yourself sitting on some random dude's floor. But you don't. It's fucking exhilarating, and you feel yourself getting close as you continue the motions around your clit.

Katsuki begins to moan as he strokes himself, and his moans bring you over the edge. You cover your mouth as your head flings back against his wall, fingers still buried between your things. You catch your moans into your hands so as to not alarm his viewers, and then there you are making a mess on his floor.

One sight of you drags him over the edge. Your legs spread open, the perfect view of your release dripping down from your slit onto his floor, causing his own limit to break. The room is filled with his moans as his release spills all over his abandoned. Like so many times you've seen before but this time, you know it was for you.

Katsuki gives his viewers a quick goodbye as he signs off hastily and shuts his laptop.

"God damn, you're fucking hot," he says breathlessly. "Did you wear that because you thought we were going to fuck?" he asks, eyes grazing over your laundry.

"I uh-" You stammer trying to catch your breath from your own excitement.

"Never mind, tell you what babe- if you can get me hard again, I'll give you the real thing," he said eyes full of lust.

You felt your breath catch in your throat. The real thing? He'd really fuck you? The man you've fantasized about for countless nights- was offering to make every filthy fantasy you'd ever have come true.

You didn't speak but moved to him right away stumbling off the floor.

"Hold on, I'll get cleaned up," he said beginning to stand up out of his chair.

"No need," you said, pushing him back down to sit. "I'll clean you up," you spoke eyes locked with his as you took a lick of his release off his abdomen.

"Oh, fuck kitten, where the hell have you been my whole life?" he asked, laughing.

You continued to lick up the release off of Katsuki as soft moans escaped him while he took in the sight. His moans only encouraged you further. It was exhilarating to hear his moans and know they were just for you and not for the pleasure of all his viewers.

"Damn," He panted watching you, "I don't think it's gonna take me much longer to be ready at this rate, you really are something else. Never would have guessed you were down this bad."

Having completely licked him clean, Katsuki placed a hand around your arm, "Get up and sit down on the bed," he instructed, as his hand guided you up.

You eagerly obeyed him and sat down on his bed.

"I want to see the rest of this slutty outfit you put on," he said as he guided your shirt over your head dropping it to the floor.

"Fuck," he exclaimed taking in your full laundry outfit. "This is hot as fucking hell. Tell me, what were you hoping to accomplish in this outfit, hm?" He said placing a finger under your chin and forcing you to look up at him.

You opened your mouth attempting to sound confident but his crimson eyes looking directly into yours made it impossible to think, "I...," You tried to say but got lost in his gaze.

"Come on, don't get shy on me again. All you have to do is ask to get what you want," he said as he began to stroke himself again in preparation.

"I... I want to feel you inside," you managed to squeak out.

Katsuki smirked at you, one hand still under your chin the other stroking himself as his excitement began to grow once again, "That's a good girl. Let me feel how you're doing."

Katsuki moved his hand from under your chin and placed it between your thighs. Pushing aside your laundry his finger found your entrance. You let out an audible gasp as you felt yourself stretch around his finger. Your whole body shivered, and a moan escaped your lips at the intrusion.

"So much pleasure from just one finger, hm? I love what I do to you," he laughed. "You're so fucking wet, don't worry I won't keep you waiting long," he said as another finger found its way to your entrance, stretching you farther.

You leaned forward to rest your head on his chest and gripped his arm for support, closing your eyes as he began to curl his fingers inside you.

"Fuck, bet I could make you cum from just this couldn't, I?" He laughed again. "But... that's not what you really want is it?" He asked

The only answer Katsuki received back was your increasing moans.

"I'm sorry I don't understand. You have to tell me, how do you want to cum? Are just my fingers enough for you?" he asked.

"Mmm~ n- no-..." you answered, voice shaking and heavy with pleasure.

"Then what, say it, say what you want," he encouraged you.

"Y-you..."

He let out an exasperated chuckle, "Me? Well, I'm right here... come on, tell me. I want to hear it." He demanded.

"I want... I want your cock," you finally confessed.

Katsuki let out a deep groan, "Fucking perfect, lay back," He instructed, as he removed his fingers leaving you throbbing and desperate for more.

You followed his command and laid back on the bed, finally having the confidence to open your eyes again. Katsuki was above you, his cock fully ready and glistening with pre cum once again, "look at that, you made it so easy to get hard again. How could I not with how fucking dirty you are? How many times have you fantasized about this, hm? Cum to the thoughts of my dick inside you. Now you get to feel the real thing," he said, as he hungrily stripped off your laundry ripping pieces in the process.

"I'd ask if you are ready but, that seems like a fucking stupid question, doesn't it? I can see how damn eager you are for me, you're already making a mess of my damn bed," he laughed.

Katsuki grabbed your legs and placed them to rest on his shoulders, using your thighs for support he pulled you closer to him. Without another word, he guided himself into your entrance and pushed himself inside you.

The room seemed to vanish as you saw stars once he entered you. After all those times you imagined what he would feel like, to feel him in person was overwhelming. Beyond euphoric, and unlike any rush you'd ever had in your life.

"You look so fucked out already and I haven't even started moving yet," he teased.

Gripping your thighs tighter, Katsuki began to thrust inside you.

You felt your brain turn to mush as he pushed rhythmically into you until his full length was plunged inside you. The high only intensified as you watched him. His face was tilted down watching his cock appear and disappear inside you with each thrust.

The expression on his face was all too intoxicating. You felt something inside you breaking. Not once in your life had you ever come from pure penetration, but the high from seeing Katsuki in person fucking you was bringing you to your end.

It was better than any wet dream you had ever had about him, and the feeling of your walls stretched around him was a sensation you didn't know existed.

"Holy fuck- are you going to cum on my dick?" he asked, looking up at you, sweat beading up on his forehead. "Your body is shaking- fuck yeah cum for me kitten," he groaned and quickened his pace, overcome by the rush of your body's reaction to his.

Your moans rang louder through the room as you felt the twist of pleasure form in your abdomen, with each thrust it grew and spread. Until your whole body was overcome with pleasure. You screamed out his name as you reached the peak of your climax.

"Fuck," he moaned as your walls clenched down around him. "God damn squeezing me so tight," he panted as he still thrust into you allowing you to ride out your climax. "Shit I-" Katuski moaned once more as he met his own limit. Warmth erupted inside you as he released and painted your walls.

Katsuki milked out every last thrust ensuring he had filled you with everything he had, before pulling out and collapsing next to you on the bed.

Catching his breath, he let out a laugh, "Kitten, you can come be my live audience anytime you want."

Thank you for requesting this! I had such a fun time writing it hehe 🤭.

Tags: @unofficialmuilover

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russellsppttemplates · 6 months

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Ugh writers block is the worst, eh?

Maybe something silly to kick-start? Driver of your choice freaking out because his lips are tingling after he kissed you (you're wearing one of those plumping lipsticks)🤭

Tw: talks about potential health problems

Finishing your skincare after taking a final look in the mirror, you then made your way into the dining room, seeing Charles finish setting up the table, "That's all of us, right? I didn't miss anyone?", he pointed to the sets of plates and cutlery, "yes, that would be all of us now that Arthur and Carla are joining too", you smiled, going up to him to kiss his lips, "I'll be in the kitchen finishing up lunch".

"Do you need help?", Charles asked, "It's just stirring things, I think I'll be fine", you added, leaving Charles to sit on the sofa. As he flickered through the channels, Charles started to feel some tingling on his lips, wiping them on the back of his hand in hopes of swatting and cleaning whatever was in them and prompting the sensation. Yet, it persisted.

He knew it wasn't the right thing to do, but he went online and looked for what could be the cause of the tingling after he wiped his mouth with some water from the bathroom's tap. According to the website, he could be having anything from chapped lips to a stroke. Looking deeper into the symptoms, none of them added up other than the tingling. He had been pretty relaxed lately, he didn't feel and numbness, he didn't have any headaches in the last few days, and after checking in one of the mirrors, his face looked okay, all muscles moving as they should, "Amour?", he called, "can you come here, please?".

Walking to meet your boyfriend, you noticed his worried expression, "what's wrong?", you asked, "my phone says I'm having a stroke, or an allergic reaction, or I caught some virus mayb- shit, you shouldn't be here, I could pass it to you!", he said all in one go, "wait, wait? Are you feeling anything different?", you asked, swatting his hand when he swatted yours as you checked his temperature with the back of your hand, "you look fine to me, you're not warm. What is it that you feel?", you asked.

"My lips are tingly, now they're better, but they were so tingly", he explained, "and they were, like, bigger? Poutier?", he shrugged his shoulder, "Amour, give me a kiss, please".

Despite the odd request, Charles did so and the feeling came back, "see? It's like this, it gets tingly!", he exasperated, wiggling his fingers to mimick the feeling on his lips.

Chuckling at him, you cupped his cheek, "it's my lipbalm", you said, "It's one of those that makes your lips plumper, and I kissed you with it on, I didn't even think of it", you explained, "you're all fine, handsome".

(Thank you for submitting an ask 🤍)

#charles leclerc blurb #inês writes blurbs #f1 blurb #f1 x reader

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kindlyanni · 7 months

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some webcomic talk...

I'm getting back to the webcomic flow after Tracon and being sick. And it feels nice.

I am kinda nervous about these future chapters of Transfusions and The Witch Door. We are at the turning point with both comics, shit's about to go down, a bit more intensely in one than the other.

When it comes to writing these comics I'm like "this and this and this needs to happen and I don't know yet how we'll get there, I'll figure it out later". And the later is now, and I've been working on the structures of both stories, and how they end. Transfusions is at the final stretch. It'll take maybe 3-4 chapters and a lot needs to happen in them, I hope I can squeeze all the action there and that it won't take me many years to finish, lol.

The Witch Door will take a bit longer to finish, but things are in motion, the villains have been revealed. Jousia is struggling :') We'll be focusing more on Lintukoto.

Like I said I'm nervous, but also excited for what will happen. I hope the readers will enjoy the ride, although it'll be bumpy, just so you know.

I'll post the cover of the next Transfusions chapter to my Early Bird Patrons this Sunday, and it'll go live on the website in a couple of weeks.

#webcomic talk #transfusions #the witch door #webcomics #webcomic

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misscammiedawn · 4 months

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Dissociative Identity Disorder in Mr. Robot

So I have been writing little essays about Mr. Robot recently.

Dom's Sexuality, Gay Marriage and Whiterose

Back to the Future and Brainwashing

Today I wish to talk about the DID representation in Mr. Robot.

Actually I want to talk about the DID representation in the Hulk comics but there are 40 years worth of storylines involving it and it would require me to write about clinical understandings from the 1980s when it was called MPD (admitedly Mr. Robot's stumbles at the finish line with some of these same outdated treatment models) and that would take a while. Suffice to say it will happen eventually*. I shall make a new tag "Media Myself and I" and post it under that when I have more time to do it justice. Maybe I'll do others. I am uncertain. I believe I want to focus on positive depictions where there are no murder alters. The goal is to get people to want to enjoy things, not to steer them away. I have a few shows and games in mind at the very least.

Regardless… Mr. Robot is an easier topic to cover and is my hyperfocus of the moment.

So Mr. Robot is a show about isolation in the modern world. It's a show about socioeconomic stress, late-stage capitalism and what it means to enact meaningful change on a broken world.

But above all it is about the healing journey of Elliot Alderson, a man with dissociative identity disorder.

I say that at the start because Elliot's condition is never named until the final episode. In many ways a realistic depiction of a real world disorder was an afterthought noted in the final hour of the journey as a means of justifying the split personality trope and hiding a final twist. In spite of that the roadmap for the show was always leading to this destination and along the way they managed to get some fairly good representation out of the mix.

Season 2 even involves the only time I have ever seen a piece of fiction depict "blending" on screen. Blending isn't a symptom listed in either DSM or ICD manuals. It is, however, something one would hear about if they had a conversation with someone who had DID. I have used that scene to depict what it feels like to my partners.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

I love Mr. Robot. It is currently my favorite show of all time. If you have never seen it then please give it a shot. This post will be spoiler heavy and I'd hate to rob anyone the opportunity to watch S4E7 and have a pure emotional reaction to it. The show is on Amazon Prime and the full box set is available for $35-50 depending on format and vendor.

Go with my blessing.

The first season of the show begins with Elliot Alderson (Rami Malek) living a double life. By day a cyber security expert and by night he spends his time at his computer hacking people's accounts and satisfying a "little itch in the back of his head" that guides him to uncover the murky facts about people. The first scene of the show has him take down a cafe owner who hosts an illegal and deeply unpleasant website. I have seen individuals walk away from the first episode thinking that the show is "Dexter but with computers" but it is more lulsec activism with a Fight Club aesthetic.

The show has 4 seasons and each season depicts a different stage of Elliot's healing journey and with it completely different rules and depictions of his condition. I'll break down each season for what they do right and what they do wrong.

Season 1: Discovery

Elliot's system in season one is undiscovered but he has overt symptoms, meaning he is unaware that he has any alters but he suffers from clean breaks in his consciousness and drastically altered behavior patterns both which are a detriment to the "hidden" nature of the condition.

Commonly most people do not discover their condition until their 30s. I was 37/38 when our therapist started guiding us towards accepting our condition.

DID manifests in childhood but it's a hidden illness that does its best to go undetected. The point of the condition is to remain hidden. The internet and the educational resources it offers are helping younger individuals to recognize their symptoms and advocate for themselves at an earlier age but the standard medical understanding is that most people are developed adults before they are diagnosed.

Published statistics for DID indicate the global population of those with the condition is about 1.5% (some organizations argue the number should be higher due to how difficult it is to receive an accurate diagnosis, but 1.5% is the most consistent figure) which is rare but not to the point of never encountering it. For comparison, according to a 2023 census 1.0% of people in the USA identify as transgender. There are no tested classifications for Covert vs Overt display of symptoms but it is widely agreed that an overwhelming majority of cases within the 1.5% are covert.

We learn that Elliot is desperately lonely, abuses morphine and has paranoid delusions about men in black stalking his every move. Whenever Elliot is on screen we can never be sure what is real and what isn't, so there are times when men wearing black suits are on screen and we cannot be sure if Elliot is paranoid or delusional.

The show takes place through his perspective after all and we are a character in the show.

See… the narrative device of the show involves Elliot speaking to "friend", us. The audience. "Hello, friend." is a common refrain spoken throughout the show. The narrative begins a short while after Elliot had a complete mental breakdown and smashed up a server room, he is seeing a court appointed therapist, is socially paralyzed to the point of which we see him linger outside a birthday party and retreat home to cry in loneliness.

The entire first season Mr. Robot is depicted as another character, akin to Tyler Durden, a wild revolutionary who wants to encrypt the data of the world's largest bank in order to seal the debt records and reset everything back to 0. He starts off appearing in scenes involving the men in black stalking Elliot to mingle him in with the paranoid delusions and eventually begins interacting with him in earnest. Though the reveal is treated as a twist 8 episodes into the show Elliot does accuse the audience of knowing the entire time and he refuses to speak to us for some time, even going as far as to keep secrets from us because he cannot trust us any longer.

It's at this point that I will note that media depictions of DID tend to lean heavily on the phrase "it's a visual medium" and depict ways that characters can see, interact with and communicate with alters/parts in a dramatic setting. Off the top of my head Hulk is about the only form of fiction I've seen where the temptation to do this doesn't take over and even then the old "other face in the mirror" trope shows up there.

So for what it's worth the paranoid thinking and hallucinations are not DID symptoms and typically a person with the condition cannot see or hear their alters. In fact a testing criteria included in the MID exam is to rule out schizophrenia by eliminating the possibility that the voices heard are external or that any hallucinations exist. In Mr. Robot they are likely caused by Elliot's morphine addiction, but he gets clean after season 1 and Mr. Robot is always there.

There are some plot elements which I want to talk about but they do spoil the final "twist" of the show. So I want to warn again that anyone in the process of watching should be warned we are getting into entire show spoiler territory.

The Elliot we see in the show is the result of the stress fueled breakdown that Mr. Alderson had 6 months prior to the show starting. The timeline is fuzzy in my head but there were two triggers which set him off and began his condition flaring up (and/or caused him to lean harder into his drug addiction which in turn fueled his condition). The one we know about is that he was locked in a server room and forced to work long into the night on an issue and the already upset and stressed Elliot snapped and had a black-out.

We come to learn that he has had these his whole life but this is the first time such an incident occurred that he couldn't self-justify what had happened. He smashed up a server room, something he felt himself not capable of.

But the second trigger is the more important one.

His sister, Darlene, moved to NYC and started visiting him.

The bigger and better twist of season 1 is that Elliot and Darlene are siblings. This is hidden from Elliot and the audience for the first 7 episodes and her presence is treated much like Marla Singer from Fight Club, of whom she likely contains some inspiration, where she keeps showing up in Elliot's apartment and acting overly familiar with him.

In the earliest episodes when we are learning about Elliot's lonely life he looks at a photograph of himself and his mother at Coney Island. Due to some hallucinations we know that Magda is an abusive mother and screamed at/hit Elliot a lot. We learn more about her in future episodes and she is a truly horrible parent. Likely more than was ever depicted in the show.

The photo is actually of the full Alderson family including Darlene and Edward but is not shown as such until the reveals that Darlene is Elliot's sister and Mr. Robot is modeled after Elliot's father. The photograph is a reference to Back to the Future.

But it also is a fairly good visual representation of self-filtering information, even when it is contradictory in nature. This is common not just in DID but in all forms of CPTSD.

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that develops during prolonged exposure to trauma and makes radical changes to the nervous system. CPTSD is considered a root of DID and it is universal for those diagnosed with DID to have a CPTSD diagnosis also.

One of the ways CPTSD symptoms manifest is "Emotional Avoidance". The nervous system is activated when triggers related to the trauma exist within the person's life. In order to function their brains push away these reminders and naturally avoid interacting with them. This causes those with the condition to become withdrawn, to isolate and to have distorted and often contradicting patterns of thought. For instance Elliot needs connection and safety that he associates with family but his family were his primary abusers and so he edits his memories to focus on positive associations such as a family trip to Coney Island that has become an obsession to him in adulthood. We later learn that Elliot's obsession with movies was born from it being his primary way of connecting with his father... which is fairly relatable.

His positive memories of his parents are held in high regard even though we know that his father "pushed him out of a window" and his mother used to put out cigarette butts on Darlene, tried to force her to commit animal cruelty and is often depicted in hallucinations as beating and screaming at Elliot.

In a case where it is impossible to avoid the traumatic trigger, for instance the return of relative who is a living reminder of his abusive childhood, the individual may begin to dissociate. Dissociation being where a person, overwhelmed by what they are experiencing has a separation from their normal state leading to a disconnect from emotions, sense of self and reality.

Episode 8 in particular contains a visual depiction of it when Elliot is having a quiet meltdown over finding out he has a 2 day deadline and his boss at work has known about the server exploit he installed all along.

(the show often uses the camera in ways to emphasize emotional walls, dissociation and isolation like this. This sequence does so by having hard cuts, shaky cam and frantic pace melt into a gliding slow lull where the background noise filters out and we can share in Elliot's distance from his situation for a moment)

Elliot's form of blocking out is extreme but has half a foot in reality (and half a foot in the logic born from the "twist" ending) in that in order to continue interacting with Darlene he views her as a member of Fsociety and edits out their connection until it is revealed in episode 7.

A small brilliancy about Fsociety is that the entire group is formed around Elliot and Darlene's need for childhood safety. The hacking elements of the show undoubtedly born from 9 year old Elliot spending time at Mr. Robot computer repair with a smile. The anon-mask that the show uses comes from an in-universe movie that Darlene and Elliot watched every Halloween and their base of operations is Coney Island. A place that both siblings seem to associate with safety and happiness...

Which is extra messed up when you factor Season 2's revelation that Darlene was kidnapped while on a family trip to Coney Island.

Darlene's panic attacks, need to feel special and her abusive upbringing are not the topic for this essay, but I wanted to make mention that Magda was such a horrible mother that a 4/5 year old Darlene thinks of being kidnapped from a family trip to Coney Island as one of her most precious childhood memories.

The desire to reach into the past and change things to create an ideal future is a heavy theme of the show and I feel it's important to note that though the Alderson siblings reject Whiterose and her scheme, they are both living in an almost literal fun house distortion of the few unambiguously GOOD childhood memories that they each have and have wrapped them around themselves like a protective blanket.

The plot of season 1 gets a lot more uncomfortable when you realize how much of Fsociety is two traumatized kids recreating positive elements of their childhood and trying to live inside of those memories while lashing out at those who took their father away from them. The entire plan is centered around events from 1995. The show takes place in 2015.

Mr. Robot himself is, of course, the ultimate symbol of that take on events.

Edward Alderson was a monster. He's referred to as such overtly in Elliot's detox fever dream. Everyone asks him who his "monster" is while handing him the key that we learn was to his childhood bedroom. A key that he hid to prevent Edward from entering his room late at night.

Yet throughout the first 3 seasons of the show we are only shown him in context of the positive memories that he and Elliot shared. Elliot was 9 years old when Edward passed away from leukemia.

At a point, Elliot is picked up from school. He has a bruise on his cheek and the scene begins with Edward asking "If I had to guess, you didn't tell Principal Howard your side.", assuring him it's okay to share his side of the story. Because Edward is convincing him to tell his side I am going to assume Elliot got into a fight but it's not impossible to assume that the school pulled Edward in to discuss the signs of physical abuse on the child. Edward would never tell Elliot to tell his side of that story so I assume it was a fight.

It's unclear if Mr. Robot is the one who participated in those fights (we only have 2 confirmed instances of Elliot's alters showing up in childhood. The window incident and the day Edward died) but Edward picks him up and protects him from his mother's wrath and bonds with him during that drive, he reveals his diagnosis to Elliot before inviting him to work with him at the computer repair store. Likely this is what leads to Elliot's hacker skills being born.

A hauntingly similar event in my own life is why I am a photographer.

Given that the majority of Season 1 has Elliot in the dark about his condition we are only given context as to why he is the way he is and see the display of dissociative symptoms which manifest from CPTSD. Mr. Robot existing at all is actually not required for this to be a good depiction of adults who grew up in abusive environments and the way they maladaptively cope.

I also want to give a little praise to the "itch at the back of [Elliot's] head" that shows up when he feels the desire to hack someone or dig deeper and the way he pushes forward with his own will until he calms down enough to let a creeping hesitation overcome him and prevent him from acting.

Passive Influence is part of DID. It's a situation where a "fronting" (that is to say part that is in control at a time) performs an unthinking action or is emotionally swayed by the influence of another part/alter that is not presently conscious. These are one of the biggest ways that the condition flies under the radar for many. When they are close to discovering proof of their condition they will often feel an unconscious push away from it. The phenomenon is fairly easily brushed aside internally as "a gut feeling" or an "impulse" but it's observable under the right conditions.

An instance I can think of in my own life is when our survival part is trying to push people away and our emotional part desperately tries to reach out. I will often find my hand grabbing a person's wrist and clinging tightly to it without even noticing that I've done it.

In the show Elliot is compelled by Mr. Robot when he feels someone is a danger or has a weakness that can be exploited. Part of him knows he needs to do something about it and so he lets himself be guided.

The season ends with The 5/9 Hack succeeding, all the financial data being encrypted and Elliot sent to prison for (minor) hacking charges.

He knows who Mr. Robot is now and he fears him as his enemy.

Season 2 (and the book): Exploration

The first 8 episodes of Season 2 are a filter for those watching the show, many drop off. Personally I love it but I can see why it's not for everyone. Season 2 is much slower than the first and Elliot is in prison for those 8 episodes. He's also imagining that prison is his mother's house.

That daydreaming coping mechanism is largely there to add a fairly unearned sense of mystery to a character development season and make things a little more visually interesting. For the most part I don't really want to focus too much on it or the way Elliot treats "us"/"friend".

The fact is that for this season Mr. Robot and Elliot are in direct conflict but they are feeling out their landscape and trying to find common ground. They are pulling in different directions but they are reacting and responding to one another. The show uses a chess match as a visual symbol of this and in such they are keeping one another in a constant state of check. They are opposed to one another but they are communicating and working things out.

So let's start by looking at the book. The book is a recreation of the in-universe journal that Elliot keeps while he is in prison. We see him writing in it during the show and the entire thing is available, it even includes little ARG elements to let you decode the messages Mr. Robot is receiving from The Dark Army.

The book is detailed like this and it's possible to note when Elliot's handwriting turns into Mr. Robot's handwriting. There are even points where there is "blended" handwriting. It's easy to spot in the above image because Mr. Robot writes with a heavy hand and in all caps where Elliot is soft and uses lower case, in the top line of the second page "you NeeD atteNtioN aNd aRe Willing to pay a lotta MoNey to get it." you can see Elliot slipping from one headspace to another while becoming upset at society.

Even still if you look above the FUCK SOCIETY image you see Elliot's calmer handwriting as clear and flowing.

When we were in denial of our condition we poured through journal after journal and chatlog after chatlog hunting for evidence to prove or disprove the theory.

It was when I looked at our old gaming journals (we took notes in pen/pencil live during TTRPG sessions because memory issues are gonna memory issues) that we noticed similar. Cursive used in some phrases, individual letters separate on another, the letters g and y getting curled at times and not at other times.

Subtler than what is displayed above but no less real.

Season 2 introduces us to Ray the warden brilliantly played by Craig Robinson. He empathizes with Elliot because he speaks to his dead wife as a means of coping with grief and assumes that Elliot is the same.

He offers Elliot guidance by asking him to play chess "against himself" and this leads to Elliot and Mr. Robot playing endless games of stalemate against one another with deletion on the line for the loser. It's the same brain and neither side wants to lose (nor do they truly want to win, Elliot admits as much in Season 3 that he likes having Mr. Robot and misses him when he's not around) and as noted above with passive influence, the games are always guided to end in a stalemate because no matter how opposed they are as forces, they both want the same things.

So... how about the Sitcom episode?

Elliot breaks his promise to Ray and looks at the website that he is tasked with doing tech support on. It's--- not good.

Ray uses a combination of crooked cops and convicted Neo-Nazis to have Elliot beaten into submission so he won't report what he saw. Elliot cannot handle this and has a mental break and wakes up in a 90s 4 camera sitcom world.

Alf is there. Because old episodes of Alf are playing in the medical ward at the time Elliot is being treated for his wounds.

The entire time he is taking a beating Mr. Robot is protecting Elliot by fronting and forcing him into an inner-world fantasy.

Okay... so Inner-Worlds.

In the show we actually had one of these in Season 1 during the detox trip but I want to talk about it now and round back and talk more in Season 4.

Inner-Worlds are a thing within DID treatment. Emphasis on the word treatment. It's one of the more commonly misunderstood things within discussion on the condition because it's regularly reported as part of the experiences within those who are diagnosed with DID but it's important to know that the existence of the diagnosis indicates the existence of treatment.

During any adapted 3 or 4 phase trauma treatment program that includes parts work, whether this be Internal Family Systems model which is used for individuals who do not have DID or system mapping and stabilization for those who do, the patient must work on creating a "meeting" space to visualize (or sense out emotionally for those with aphantasia) and much of the work of developing safety and structure within comes from filling that space with comforts and generating communication between parts.

I'll talk more on the "conference table" in Season 4.

It is possible for those not going through therapy to create one outside of the context of a therapeutic alliance but the creation of one is an intentional act. Not something that comes free with your childhood trauma.

Elliot's trip to the inner-world keeps him from experiencing any of the beating that the body is receiving and at the end Mr. Robot earnestly says he only wanted to take the punches for Elliot, nothing more. Elliot falls against him, tearful and whimpers out "Thank you" before we are given the flashback of the day Edward picked up 9 year old Elliot from school after the fight and confesses his leukemia.

For the record, my heart swells every time I see Mr. Robot acting as a protector.

So, let's talk S2E9 and the "blending" incident.

Blending is what happens when two parts/alters are co-conscious and are present enough that they are sharing control of the body. It's an uncomfortable experience. Co-Consciousness means that more than one part/alter is actively perceiving the world at any given time.

It's more complicated than binary yes/no. Every one of these experiences exists on a spectrum and no two people with the condition experience it quite the same way but there are levels of presence that one has.

The following is me talking more from anecdotes and personal experience than textbooks. I like to be clear when I'm not being academic because I do not want to spread misinformation in my arbitrary analysis of TV shows that will get 20 notes on Tumblr Dot Com.

Front is to be driving the body, to have your inner monologue playing (if you have one, most people do, but it's not a given) and have your emotions interact with the nervous system if you are grounded enough to feel your experiences. As I said, it's a spectrum. Everyone gets dissociated at times and can just go into auto-pilot or a trance. That all still counts as being in front.

To be conscious but not front is to exist in an emotionally reactive state. If Fronting is driving then co-consciousness is to be in the passenger seat.

It's truly difficult to describe and my therapist doesn't even fully comprehend it despite her being the one who educates me on these topics. Presently as I type this I can only feel one of our system (5 parts) active and "with" me right now. She's not speaking but she's reacting. I can feel her apprehension to us typing this much about our personal life, little flits of paranoid thinking that we'll get anon-hate or that people from our former life will see this and judge us. It's a presence and exists on a gradient. She's "awake" right now but I do not consider her fully "co-con" because if I asked her to tell me what she thinks about this sentence I can feel an emotional reaction (apprehension) but not a direct answer akin to "I think you should edit out references to our journal and focus on talking about the show" (which is what I imagine she would say right now). That's the spectrum.

Closer to the front a part/alter is the more direct communication happens.

There's also "asleep" and "dormant" when they are unresponsive. Pretty self explanatory. Elliot's system has 5 parts(plus "friend") and until Season 4 we only really see Mr. Robot and the main character version of Elliot. Magda and Young Elliot show up in hallucinations in Season 1 and Young Elliot is co-con in Season 4. Magda never shows up outside of emotional flashbacks and the inner-world.

So after Elliot and Mr. Robot combine forces (though Mr. Robot is still working with the Dark Army and is trying to move in secret) they have moments where they rapidly switch and cannot keep straight who is fronting at any given time.

There's a scene where Elliot is in another room thinking to "friend" when he hears an argument in the next room and realizes Mr. Robot is in the argument. As he walks in, Mr. Robot is surprised to see that Elliot is aware when he is fronting and he trails off and they switch.

Mr. Robot says that something feels off about how they are acting and that they feel like they're overheating.

A later scene depicts Elliot phasing out mid-conversation on the subway and picturing himself in the next car observing Mr. Robot talking to Cisco while a passenger plays erratic music on a keyboard.

That is such a horrifyingly accurate depiction of something we live with that I was stunned to see it on screen. I've included it in some of my stories that go over living with these experiences but the idea is when we are stressed out, can't keep our head straight and are blended like this we tend to have snippets of music playing over and over in our head. We also get what I refer to as "static" and that seems to be relatable in support groups.

A++ for the show depicting something about the DID experience that simply does not get spoken about outside of the spaces of people dealing with it. It was the moment I knew they actually spoke to people who experience this stuff and did proper research that wasn't just media depictions and medical textbooks.

The final part of Season 2's wild ride I want to talk about is the "lucid dreaming" bit.

Mind awake. Body asleep. Mind awake. Body asleep.

This again goes into Overt DID which I cannot comment on as much as covert depictions but the idea is that Elliot trains himself to remain awake when Mr. Robot takes over. We have seen from the blending experience that he is starting to remain when Mr. Robot is active and so he tries to force himself to stay when Mr. Robot is active.

In therapy this would be achieved through trust, communication and awareness. It's said in communities that systems tend to become more overt as they go through treatment as they are able to identify lines, parts can advocate for themselves and there's better understanding of what "self" means for every alter.

In my experience there's also an element of trying to pretend to be consistent and whole. We were coming out transgender when our therapist guided us towards DID diagnosis and there was a lot of tearing ourselves apart because we needed to act in a certain way for our safety and inability to do so put us at risk of being targeted. In accepting our system we have stopped trying to be the same individual and that has lead to a more overt presentation. As I tell my therapist "we need to act out our gender expression anyway. Every action we take is a performance."

That is to say, Mr. Robot has never attempted to maintain the illusion that he is Elliot Alderson (albeit he never identifies himself. He's even surprised to learn that Elliot calls him that) and Elliot doesn't even know he is "The Mastermind".

In opting to remain hidden and conscious he gains a greater degree of control and agency in his situation.

These things get easier as you learn your condition, build system trust and allow yourself to experience that which you feel comfortable experiencing. With the example of the beating earlier, Mr. Robot shut Elliot out and took the beating for him and Elliot resisted but ultimately did not want to be present. In this episode he learns that if he wishes he could have pushed through and been there and experienced everything, albeit as a passenger rather than the driver.

Therapy also teaches how to "go into the back room" to maintain stability. A technique that lets you volunteer to not be involved in a situation. My system all use this whenever I (Dawn) perform erotic intimacy of any kind. They cannot handle the thought of associating with those acts and prior to treatment it would emotionally disregulate our nervous system if parts that couldn't handle the concept were to be present during those moments because parts of me would be trying to dissociate while I am trying to act. It would either trigger a switch, cause blending or make a part shut down and become unresponsive for a large period of time- one of our partners actually discovered our system this way. She saw us shut down during a scene and realized it wasn't just a "mood swing" as we had insisted.

Elliot learns how to intentionally open up and be present when Mr. Robot is active and because Plot happens he is shot and decides to use this skill to close himself off and create a stronger divide between parts.

Season 3: Rejection

If Season 2 was the pair working things out on a chess match where they keep one another in check then Season 3 is after Elliot has tossed the board and decided to shut Mr. Robot out completely.

The arc words are "battling in our own voids", in Season 1 Mr. Robot was always aware of what Elliot was doing but Elliot was unaware of Mr. Robot's actions and in Season 2 they were fairly co-conscious to the point of overheating. Season 3 the connection is shut down. Mr. Robot has no concept of what Elliot is doing and Elliot no concept of what Mr. Robot is doing.

This goes back to the Overt/Covert thing mentioned at the start. It's a rare thing even within a rare disorder to have that level of amnesia barriers between parts and so I can't really comment on accuracy. It's a frustrating season for me in that regard because Season 2 was doing so well at depicting something that I have lived through that going back to Fight Club tropes was fairly disappointing to me.

Season 3 is great by the way. It's a debate on if 3 or 4 is the best but it's close enough that there is a debate.

The real meat of the discussion, spare for the events of the final episode where they reconcile, is in how other people treat them and talk about their condition.

Angela Moss is Elliot's childhood best friend and also lost a parent to the disaster that claimed Edward Alderson's life. She discovered Elliot's condition during his breakdown in S1E8 and was brainwashed by the show villain Whiterose in S2E11 (I have a write-up of the psychological principals at play with the brainwashing here).

In Season 3 she acts as Elliot/Mr. Robot's handler and is responsible for helping Mr. Robot continue his hacktivist terrorism without Elliot finding out. She betrays Elliot and exploits his condition. She also tells people about it without his knowledge or consent, which is pretty fucking monstrous in my eyes.

Don't out a person. Just don't do it.

When Mr. Robot asks how she can tell who she's talking to she responds "Your eyes. You're never trying to look away." which is accurate enough that I messaged my girlfriend to be sappy and grateful towards her as the first time she noticed our condition she told me it was our eyes.

From a 2022 IM chat, shared with permission:

"it's ... well, it's [...] your eyes soften, kind of, when going to Cammie. Dawn has this piercing gaze, like she's looking right into my heart and soul. Camden is just very alert, noticing so many things but not the level of piercing. Cammie... her gaze is softer. More focused, but in a ... drinking everything in, rather than seeking it out sort of way"

and added today when I asked for permission to share the quote:

"(for the record, Craig draws his eyebrows down in a particular way that makes his gaze intense in a good way)"

The show works as hard as it can to never let the audience wonder who they are seeing on screen at any time. Most scenes where Rami Malek is depicting Mr. Robot it is a brief perspective view to remind us what the other characters are seeing before switching back to Christian Slater playing the character. There are a few scenes which involve Rami playing the character for a full sequence. One is the context for a flashback where we see a scene Slater performed through another character's eyes where they see Malek.

The others usually involve us being in Darlene's perspective to highlight her unease and uncertainty of what is happening with her brother.

The only scene where it is ever treated as a surprise is when Darlene plants a bug on Elliot's computer while staying overnight and is roughly interrogated by "Elliot", only to realize midway through the conversation "Jesus. It's you".

The camera cuts back to reveal it has been Mr. Robot the entire scene. They avoid that trick throughout the show so it has large impact when it actually happens.

I feel like that scene (as well as the scene where Elliot wears the real Mr. Robot jacket and gives birth to the 2 Stage plan to take down Evil Corp) are important for reminding that no matter how differently Malek and Slater play their roles, to an outside observer they are the same person and when he acts "out of character" it could easily just be an emotional outburst.

Incidentally you can see the physicality of the acting if you go back and watch it again.

The end of the season has Elliot, betrayed, alone and terrified for the safety of his sister; finally reach out to Mr. Robot and open a dialogue.

He even goes out of his way to have this discussion on the Ferris Wheel at Coney Island both as a Season 1 callback and as a sign of trust. Elliot admits in this conversation that he missed Mr. Robot while he shut him out and wants him to be part of his life and in the season finale Mr. Robot says that he wants the two of them to keep talking.

Elliot also finds out that the window incident wasn't his dad pushing him out of a window. They jumped. Elliot asks in a kind and soft way to Mr. Robot, representing both his protector and an element of the loving father he wished he had, "did you know?"

Mr. Robot, the one who jumped. The one who wanted to protect Elliot from Edward says nothing. But he finally feels an alliance form with Elliot.

The road to healing finally has opened.

Season 4: Integration and Fusion

So let's address the elephant in the room right away. The show uses the word "real" to describe the Elliot who existed before the show started and considers him to be the only legitimate alter. There is enough wiggle room within the show to think that is in-universe ignorance but the show does nothing to prevent the fumble at the finish line.

I want to say upfront and before I start dissecting this season that outdated models of DID believed that there was a crack formed in a person's sense of self and that healing involved restoring the identity prior to the crack.

This is 100% UNTRUE and it upsets me that people once believed it. DID is formed in childhood during a time of a person's life (between ages 4-9) where the child is taking in data from their surroundings and integrating it into their socialized survival mechanics to form a personality. The child is working out what traits it can exhibit to receive nurture, care and protection from other humans and will adapt to those processes. Attachment Theory goes into greater detail about how this relates to the formation of psychological disorders, especially personality disorders.

For a traumatized child they will find that their environments do not offer consistent and reliable safety and thus they are unable to adapt to a version of their reality where they are able to maintain stable safety. This may be horrifying forms of physical, emotional and sexual abuse placed upon a child and is often depicted as such but it can also be a confused child trying to get affection from a cold and distant parent or having a parent who abuses alcohol and becomes inconsistent in their ability to give affection and care. Child psychology is a heavy and depressing field, sadly.

The result is that the child never forms a permanent sense of identity. This is a large factor in the formation of Borderline Personality Disorder and is why DID and BPD are so often thrown together within medical treatment and diagnosis. It's at the point of which when my therapist gave me our diagnosis she presented a clinical list of "myths" regarding DID and "BPD is the same thing as DID" was 5 on the list of 6.

The point of this detour is to say that there is no original self. A person who has DID never managed to form a stable sense of identity in childhood and thus they find themselves acting as chameleons in their day-to-day life, adapting to what they feel they need to become in order to receive the things they need from their surroundings. It's why there is a stigma in the BPD community over the concept of being "manipulative". In reality people with that condition are unconsciously adapting to their environment as a survival mechanism. With DID the added layer of dissociation is there to help the self function even when they are forced to interact with materials that are incompatible with their ability to function.

Pre-show Elliot was living a fairly comfortable life but his emotional needs were not met and at the time he was alienated from his sister. He was miserable and lived in a society that he felt was crumbling. His daydreaming gave birth to "The Mastermind" to remove the threats from his reality and Mr. Robot who had been there all along went into Protective Sicko Mode and decided to expedite the process in a way only a protector's morality could.

We'll get into system roles a little later.

The point is that day-to-day life Elliot (Janina Fisher's book "Healing the Fragmented Self" refers to the part untouched by trauma as the "going about daily life" part) is not Real. He is not The Original. Those terms do not exist and are meaningless in this space.

True/Real/Orignal-Elliot is as much a construct as Mr. Robot. He's a version of Elliot who does not have to think about the trauma, he can just live a happy normal life. The kind that Elliot speaks often and derisively about in Season 1.

With that out of the way, I'm going to ignore the bad use of language and talk only about what is depicted on the screen and not said out loud. Because if you remove the misconception about real/original from the mixture, this is a perfect depiction of final fusion model healing.

Season 4 introduces us to the conference table in the inner world. A conference table is a therapeutic technique used in trauma therapy where you bring the alters/parts to a conference. The idea is that it needs to be a neutral ground where everyone is comfortable and able to share their thoughts and ideas. With practice it can be a space one can close their eyes and imagine, seeing their system and allowing communication to happen between parts.

Mine is based on the Minerals Gallery in the Natural History Museum in London. I refer to it as The Library. You didn't need to know that but I didn't want to discuss this section without mentioning it.

Elliot's is the conference room in Evil Corp where he and Tyrell spoke in the first episode.

Interestingly enough there are only 4 seats in this set. I'm not sure what the implication is here as in the scene depicted above Magda (Persecutor Alter) is scolding Young Elliot (Child Alter) for sitting in a chair that isn't his. They mention all 3 alters who are not present (Elliot, Mr. Robot and The Other One).

My thought is that this is the show going all in on the idea that Elliot ("Real") is not an alter and does not take a seat at the table. Which I have issues with.

I'll note as I did with the inner-world that this is a therapy technique and not something Elliot would just have in his mind. It's an accurate depiction of DID treatment but Elliot isn't being treated for DID. Krista is no way near close enough to be able to help Elliot. She's wonderful and deserves the world and more for how she handles things in this season but she's in the pre-stabilization phase of therapy where she knows more than Elliot is willing to accept and needs to wait for him to come around.

Speaking of Krista. Episode 7 is the greatest hour of television rivaled only by Ozymandias from Breaking Bad and the M*A*S*H finale. At present it has a 9.9 on IMDB.

The episode is structured as a bottle episode in way of a 5 act play depicting the stages of grief. This is the episode where Elliot peels back to dissociative layers and understands the truth. The truth of what his father did.

I won't type it.

I don't need to.

The next episode involves Elliot seeing Young Elliot and following him to a museum exhibit with a model of Manhattan. In Season 1 when Elliot had his psychotic break after realizing Darlene is his sister Darlene and Angela checked this location stating it was a place he used to go in times of crisis.

It turns out when he was young Elliot hid the key to his bedroom here to prevent Edward from getting in. All these years later adult Elliot (or "The Mastermind" if you prefer, which I do not) discovers it and has a heart-to-heart with his younger self, screaming into the emptiness that he's sorry for not protecting him. Sorry for letting him get hurt.

The scene is lit in the golden hues that symbolize safety in this show. The final season also takes place during Christmas in New York so it gets to show off that color palette more often which is great for symbolism and aesthetic.

Young Elliot shows that the act of hiding the key from their father was protecting him. It was fighting back. Sometimes surviving is the best you can do and you need to forgive yourself for not being able to do more.

God I love this show so much.

That episode ends with the scene I most want to just overtly show off to an audience.

youtube

I already loved the show. The final episode may have broken my heart a little with its talk of "Real" but this scene? This scene gets it.

Prior to the above video clip Mr. Robot cautiously approaches and says "Hey, kiddo". Something he always says. It's who he is. Regardless of anything else he, Mr. Robot, is designed from the father Elliot wishes he had and when he hears Mr. Robot-- no Edward's voice he tenses up in terror, allowing the above scene to take place with Mr. Robot so scared that he has failed as a protector by allowing Elliot to remember and that he cannot be there for him any longer because of who he is based off of.

Those with the condition commonly create alters who are based on the traits of those in the child's life at the time the symptoms developed. I... have experience.

The lines I want to focus on the most are:

Mr Robot: If I could go back in time and change everything that happened to you... just make it all go away...

Elliot: Then I wouldn't be me... *He turns to finally look at Mr. Robot* ...and I wouldn't have you.

The final arc of the show is where the "Mastermind" twist takes center stage and Elliot enters his inner-world and finds out that he created a peaceful reality for "Real" Elliot to exist in so that he is unharmed by the horrors of the world that is crumbling in reality. Mr. Robot, as a protector, wanted to expedite the whole hack and destruction of capitalism in order to rescue "Real" Elliot from the inner-world prison. In time he came to accept "Mastermind" as a part of the whole and not a rogue alter who was endangering the body and their "Host".

S4E13 lays it all down. An imagined version of Krista speaks directly to Elliot and explains the system and their functions. Mr. Robot a father and protector who could prevent Elliot from intolerable situations. Magda, a persecutor who blamed Elliot for the abuse. Young Elliot, who Elliot could push the traumatic situations on, a common thing that many do unconsciously in CPTSD situations, dissociating from the person the trauma happened to, disconnecting until they are just another version of self.

Elliot then says "I guess she doesn't know about you." referring to us, the audience.

Krista(*) looks into the camera and addresses us directly, calling us the voyeurs who pretend we're not a part of it even though we have been here for it all. She even claims we are on her side in getting "Mastermind" to accept he is a constructed personality who was there to lash out at the society that caused him so much pain.

"You loved him so much you wanted to keep him safe, no matter the cost."

The episode ends with "Mastermind" Elliot waking up in a hospital and reuniting with Darlene only to realize that she has known the entire time that the person we have been following throughout the show wasn't her "real" brother.

...and god damn it I hate this element of the show so much.

I'll accept that they had very little time to clean things up and needed to get a way to have Mastermind agree to the fusion. I'll even demonize Darlene and say she was being selfish and ignorant in saying something hurtful because she missed the version of her brother that existed before Fsociety.

But Our version of Elliot says that he loves her and she doesn't reply. Her disappointment and resignation causes Our Elliot to go back inside and agree to the fusion.

The show ends in a first person perspective of Darlene seeing her "real" brother wake up and that's it. I'm glad we never actually see "Real" Elliot, that feels fitting.

Here's the thing about that last minute fumble though.

Let's talk about Integration and Fusion. They are different things.

Integration is when dissociative barriers come down. The system is stabilized to the point of which the alters are capable of communicating openly, sharing thoughts, memories and experiences and every part has the ability to opt in or out as life goes on.

"Functional Multiplicity" is what happens when a system is in harmony, no memories are being withheld and the system is able to go about everyday life with minimal disruption or disregulation. It is a valid goal for trauma therapy and there's a decent amount of medical stigma around it being used as the goal and not a step towards the goal. Many clinicians prioritize the appearance of normalcy over the function of the individual(s).

Fusion is when you go the extra step and take this communication and sharing of memory and experience and as you tore down the dissociative barriers you tear away the division between parts.

A system is made up of parts that make up a whole person and Fusion is the process of all parts uniting to "become" that whole person. It is a valid and normal goal for treatment. It shouldn't be held up as the only legitimate method of healing but it shouldn't be demonized for being an option. I say this because I have seen some people in support communities get real upset when the topic comes up.

The final sequence of the show, prior to Elliot opening his eyes, involves the system at the inner-world conference table agreeing to go through with it and walking towards a cinema screen. Elliot says this will only work if we go too.

The family (and audience) sit down in the movie theatre and memories flood onto the screen and pour out until all experiences and emotions are shared in one pool and Elliot Alderson opens his eyes with all 5(+audience) alters fused into one.

It was almost perfect if only Darlene hadn't have rejected the "not real" brother.

The cinema screen projecting memories, all the thoughts and experiences being shared as the Alderson System accept their parts in the whole and agree to the process? It was a beautiful visualization of a healing journey.

There are imperfect moments here and there. There are great moments I skipped over such as S3E8 (I'm not up for talking about Self-Deletion today) but all in all it's the best depiction of DID for a main character we'll likely get on TV. It's a whole and complete narrative and I love it so much. It makes me feel seen.

#dawn posting #mr robot #dissociative identity disorder #elliot alderson #did #plurality #domo arigato mr alderson #media myself and i #watch me post my trauma in public #Youtube #media essays

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humanonstrike · 6 months

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AO3 Tracker??

So I'm a computer science student right now and I'm just now learning how to finally build my own apps/websites.

I also have a problem when it comes to forgetting which fanfics I have actually read or which link are just grayed out because I clicked on them and forgot to read or didn't finish or something else like that. I therefore wanted to make a website that would easily enable my keeping track of what fics I have actually finished reading.

Sure I could just make an excel spreadsheet, but why not make it harder on myself now so that its really easy for myself and others in the future.

This is what I have so far. I don't know how far down the tags rabbit hole I want to get because as far as I know AO3 does not allow web scrapping so everything entered would have to be copy/pasted.

Obviously it's not very pretty at this moment in time. And before I get to far on this time sucking project, I was wondering if something like it already exists...

If not, what other things would people find useful in something like this? I'll for sure add maturity ratings if I decide to go further. Maybe even a personal rating of authors/fics. The goal would not be to turn it into something like goodreads, but to be able to quickly find your favorite ever author/fic. And they would only be able to be seen by the user rating them.

If you think this is an interesting idea, please reblog so I can get more feedback!! Thank you

#ao3 #archive of our own #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #computer science #women in stem #supercorp #supercorp fic #supercorp fanfiction #tagging supercorp because they motivated me to try to keep track of things #kind of hard with 20k+ fics

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seeyouinaminute3000 · 8 months

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Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader

Warning: poorly written, making out, lots of "you".

A/N: It's been awhile since I last updated this story! I know there's a downgrade on my writing but I'm trying to do something about it :')) enjoy reading tho!!

The team gathered around the hall when Fury introduced you to them. Offering their hands as they greet you. Some shook your hand and some kissed the back of it.

Although a certain emerald eyes caught your interest— staring right at you is Natasha

Romanoff herself, THE Black Widow.

"Agent Romanoff" she nod at you as an acknowledgement of your greeting before walking past you.

Your nerves seems to be tensed when you were facing her. The atmosphere was silent— too silent before Tony finally clicked his tongue.

"Don't think too much about Romanoff, she isn't actually good at this." He stated.

"Also she could be worse than that" Sam added.

Both of them sharing a laugh earning a glare from the captain.

"What, capsicle? I just remembered Romanoff flipped a new intern right after introducing themselves. She said it was a test." Tony shrugged.

Ever since you were recruited by Nick Fury, many people took their likings on you, even your teammates once shoot their shot on you when Tony threw a party. Unique is something they'll describe you because of how different you are; personality, abilities— everything about you is admirable.

Weeks of staying in the compound and you rarely see Natasha outside of the gym or maybe she's just an early bird and you're a heavy sleeper, in that way your schedules won't definitely match.

As you're making yourself a cup of coffee, someone placed a hand on your exposed waist due to the cropped tank top you're wearing, causing you to freeze on your spot. Meanwhile, the person was just reaching for a mug that is in the cupboard which you are in under.

Great

A raspy voice groggily let out an apology after they noticed you tensed under their touch. You look to your side and see Natasha pouring herself a coffee.

"That's—" before you could finish your sentence she's staring right at you, drinking your coffee.

"I'll just make one again" you sighed and she apologized once again.

After that you made sure to yourself that you'll wake up early, failing almost everyday, you changed your motto; "at least I get to talk with Natasha if I wake up early."

The interactions with Natasha were noticed by some of your colleagues— Her arms clinging on your shoulder as she play with your hair during movie nights, sitting on the beanbag you're in instead of the ones unoccupied, her hands on one of your legs during team meetings, and making coffee side by side as if it requires two person to make.

Natasha never noticed how clingy she is when it comes to you, even the team teased you about it whenever she's not around.

"Come on, Y/N. She's like your personal koala now." Bucky snorted a laugh and you threw a pillow on his face using your power causing him to fall out of your bed. Cons of sitting on the corner of the bed.

This time, you didn't get the chance to talk to her when Steve begged you to fix his laptop since Tony is out on a mission and he got a letter from Fury that they'll sent him in too.

You let out a huff when the device started to lag, there's a possibility that Steve accidentally pressed on a website that has bugs on it.

"Hey" You turned around and saw Natasha, smiling.

"What you got in there?" She asked.

"Steve's laptop is kind of crashing and I don't have the patience to do this right now" you admitted, you're really not good at handling your patience especially when you're stuck in one place and alone— so you don't actually mind Natasha around.

"Here, let me help you" she stood behind your back and leaned in, a hand placed on your waist as support and the other one on the mouse connected to the laptop.

Her front is pressed on your back, she's warm.

Thumb brushing on your skin absentmindedly as she starts working on the laptop— few clicks and it's done.

"I spent hours on that by the way" you muttered under your breath.She probably realized where her hand is and withdrew it from you. She bid her goodbye and went to the gym.

That was three days ago, now she's ignoring you.

Every time you enter the room she'll excuse herself. She wakes up earlier than usual and always out for a run of a walk that sometimes lasts for an hour or three.

You saw him with Bruce laughing in the kitchen, her favorite mug in hands as Bruce offered her coffee. That used to be us— wait I'm not supposed to feel this way. Natasha and I are just friends, right?

She saw you looking from afar, when your gaze met, you huffed and rolled your eyes before going back to your room. It's your turn to ignore her; staying with Tony inside his lab but today is different, Bruce is here too.

"So, you and Romanoff?" You questioned Bruce as soon as Tony left the lab.

The man scratched the back of his head before answering,

"It's complicated" With that, you decided it's much better to roam the streets of New York. What is this feeling.

You love telling your best friend that someday you'll live in a big city, before you left your hometown.

"What the—" You looked at the person holding your wrist, Maria.

"Urgent mission" She whispered on your ear.

It's too sudden but you're stuck inside the compound for too long now, Fury assigned you on a mission for the first time— get the intel and leave the basement, that's all. But they never mentioned that you'll do it with the red head.

You finished it earlier than you two expected— anxiety starts to bubble up inside you out of nowhere, the eerie silence makes you uncomfortable plus the presence of Natasha behind you.

You felt her poking your shoulder and you stopped on your tracks.

"What is it?" You said as quiet as possible. You never meant to say it that coldly.

' It's complicated ' Your brain mocking Banner's answer.

Alarms went out alerting both you and Natasha, armed men swarming the place— shit.

Your eyes glowing green when you felt your power surging through your veins.

"Fire!" A man shouted and bullets made their way towards your direction, casting a force field that turns it into green dusts Natasha was shocked beside you.

The team never saw you using your powers before and that makes Natasha the first one to witness it.

You turned the green dusts into spears and sent it back to the enemies, blood splattered on the walls and their bodies covered with it.

You grabbed Natasha's hand and ran back to the quinjet, it's too risky to release your powers further— it'll take a toll on your body. Still need to control that one.

You were a stumbling mess when you got inside the quinjet but few minutes after, you're completely good again. Natasha looked at you worriedly but she made sure to get the hell out of that place, put the jet on autopilot before checking on you.

"Y/N" she said quietly, caressing your face as she did.

You removed your face from her hand and looked down.

"Romanoff—"

"Romanoff?" Her brows furrowed when you looked at her.

"Isn't that your name?"

"I thought we're already way past that"

"As I was saying, Bruce will not—" You were immediately cut off by Natasha before you could finish it.

"Bruce? What is this supposed to do with him?" She studied you for a while before everything made sense to her.

Her hands made its way on your face again, making you look at her before closing your eyes and pressing your forehead to hers so that she won't notice your tears.

"You're such an idiot" she stated.

"Bruce and I are not together, Y/N" she added firmly and mushed your face with her hands, you're crying.

"You— you were ignoring me, Natasha. Then I saw the two of you together and I thought you're ignoring me because you're already with him" You explained.

"I told myself I'm not supposed to fell in love with you." You sighed before you felt her lips pressed against yours.

"But I can't help it" You finished when she pulled away.

After the mission, the two of you are back to your old routine but this time you're dating THE Natasha Romanoff although the team doesn't know yet. Not until,

"Fuck!" You cussed out when you felt Natasha's hands inside your shirt, making its way to grope your breast as she trails kisses down your neck.

The show you're watching is already forgotten since you started your make out session with the redhead.

"Come on, lovebirds! Not on the couch!" Sam said, you flipped him off before dragging Natasha in your room.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff imagines #natasha romanoff x fem reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanov #credits to the creator of divider

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faccal · 28 days

Text

WIP Wednesday (It's Saturday)

I was tagged by the wonderful @simonxriley thanks so much dude!

I always suck at tagging people, but I know this can be for writing and art, so I'll try to tag a few others. @samithemunchkin @tokillamockingbird427 @alidravana and anyone else who wants to join in on the fun!

I've been going back and forth with different WIPs, so I'll do the one that I actually worked on today.

Merrick’s in his office filing paperwork when he gets back, fingers clicking away on a laptop he’d been given. His graying brows are furrowed and surrounded by deep wrinkles, the man having seemed to age much quicker in the last year or so.

“Hey Merrick.” Hesh knocks lightly against the open door, a flat smile on his face while he waits for his captain to look up.

“What’s going on, kid?” His eyes flick up for a brief moment, a faint spark barely crossing his eyes for a second before it's gone and he’s looking back at his paperwork.

“I uh, there’s not much to do. I wanted to see if you needed my help.” He takes a seat in the chair across from him. He quite likes the place they’ve been staying in, it’s got a lot of older furniture, but much of it is quite comfortable and cozy. It often reminds him of their old places they’d stay at. Safehouses full of outdated furniture among other things. He lets out a sigh, rubbing his hands back and forth on the fabric of the armrests. His grandparents had chairs like these in their lounge.

“I’m all set, Hesh.” He answers, short and curt. Always cold. Hesh knows Merrick doesn’t mean to be cold, he’s usually warmer with his men when he can be. “I’m just finishing up my half of this, Price will finish his when he gets back.” Another brief glance. “Are you alright?”

“I’m good.” He answers, which is a half-truth. Logan had been doing much better; less nightmares, fewer violent outbursts. He’s finally willingly letting nurses take blood samples, among all the other things they need from him. Constant checks, constant evals. It never ends. Hesh would give anything to snatch his little brother and take him far, far away from here. It wouldn’t have to be back home, there’s nothing left and that’s the first place anyone would look. Soap’s warm smile crosses his mind, a soft skip in his heartbeat catches his breath. Maybe they could all run away together.

It wouldn’t solve their problems, and none of them were runners. Soap still wanted to lead his team, and Hesh was more than ready for another promotion. Certainly, he’d earned the privilege of being a Captain. Granted, the idea of leading the Ghosts not only excited him but left him with doubts. Rorke had led them, his father, and now Merrick. The Ghosts seemed to have a hard time keeping captains and soldiers alike. They’d all been through so much, both before and after ODIN. Both before and after Torch, Grim, Ajax and his father were killed. It was a heavy burden to lead the Ghosts, and Hesh was beginning to wonder if he still wanted that.

Pulling himself from his thoughts, he jumps a bit when his eyes land on Merrick’s stern ones, boring into his face.

“Thought I lost you for a second there.” He states, eyes flicking around Hesh’s face. “Go get some rest kid, you need it.”

“I don’t-” He tries to argue, shutting up when Merrick gives him that look., the same look his father used to give him when he’d try to argue. “Yes sir.” He answers with a sigh, pulling himself from the chair and leaving without looking back. He probably had that look on his face still, and he didn’t want to see his father in Merrick’s eyes.

Sorry for any weird spacing, I didn't feel like fixing it, I'm terrible at website Tumblr.

#call of duty ghosts #writing #wip excerpt #david hesh walker #thomas a merrick

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leclerced · 4 months

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I just unlocked a new fake scenario with my crush but since im mad at him im shamelessly giving it to you and lando now.

Imagine you’re a hobby seamstress and your good pal Lando is your personal photographer for your finished pieces. But when you finally made some lingerie sets (one even in his fav color) you ask someone else to shoot you, bc you’d find it too weird to ask your crush friend to do a boudoir photo shoot for you. When he finds out he convinces you to let him shoot you. Since he also has a crush on you he can barely keep it together seeing you in all these lewd poses. And when you both are getting more comfortable (turned on), your poses get more and more explicit until he can’t take it anymore and fucks you in his favorite set.

Maybe he even grabs the camera mid fuck to document how pretty you look stuffed full with his cock. And obviously grinning like the cocky bastard he is in every foto he’s in.

(Oh and btw that was me with the german greetings last night so frohes neues meine liebe❤️)

-🫀

please i'll cry. happy new year angel 🫶🏻

i was literally thinking about photographer lando while looking at lando.jpg yesterday… need it in my life

you'd made plans with a female photographer, but she ends up cancelling because a friend needs a last minute wedding photographer. she immediately returns the deposit and apologizes repeatedly, offers to reach out to some contacts to replace her. lando happens to overhear a phone call and asks what you need a replacement for. when he hears you hired another photographer, he asks why. you tell him you thought he was busy that weekend, make something up about him telling you that he had plans with his family. he'd check his schedule and confirm he's free and insist on it, and you have to admit that the reason is because you didn't think he'd do a boudoir shoot, since it's not really his style. he shoots runways or shoots for expensive brands. you’re lucky that he's your best friend and happily shoots for you.

he'd immediately jump at the idea, trying his best not to sound eager as he says he'd do it if you’re comfortable with it. he'd show you shoots he'd done years ago, earlier in his career before he got his foot into high fashion. you hesitantly agree, worried you won't be able to contain herself prancing around in lingerie in front of your best friend. you were planned on renting somewhere to shoot, but when lando offers, you're suddenly worried hoping something will happen and you'll be charged a cleaning fee, so you convert your guest bedroom into a shooting room.

he's used to commanding his models around during shoots, telling them how he wants them posed and where to look and you're no different. it feels different ordering his best friend who is dressed in lingerie on how to pose, but he's looking at you through the lens and he has no option but to analyze every line of your body to get the perfect composition. he's peeking through the lens and telling to you to move this arm here, that leg there. taking a few photos then telling you to roll over, arch your back. at some point, he asks if he can position you a certain way, and the moment his hand touches your thigh to maneuver you, you let out a little whimper and he nearly drops his camera.

the photoshoot-the one meant to go on your website to advertise the new custom fitted sets you're offering- is immediately forgotten when he hears that sound, his grip on you tightening and both of you are moving towards each other without thinking. you sit up to meet him halfway but he pushes you back down onto the bed as your lips meet and hitches your thigh over his hip. the camera is set down next to you oh so carefully so as not to damage the thousand dollar lens, but it's not entirely forgotten about. he's kissing down your body when you grab the camera and try to figure out how it works, flicking through settings before you give up and ask, can this thing record? he looks up at you, holding the camera pointed down at his mouth hovering over your center and nearly knocks it out of your hands in the rush to take it and start recording, stumbling off the bed to grab his tripod and set it up.

he asks if you're sure before he hits the record button, and you answer by beginning to tug your panties off, but he immediately tells you to stop because he wants to take them off. what he means by that is he wants to tease you for ten minutes straight, kissing your hips and thighs and mouthing at your covered center until you're begging him to take them off and touch you.

the photos from the beginning of the shoot are usable, but you end up telling lando that you think you'll need to remake the last set and shoot that one before you can even upload any of them, not wanting to overburden yourself with orders for the ones you do have photos of when there's a third one that you still need photos of. you'd make an extra when you remake it, just because you have a feeling it's going to turn out just like the first one did, and it does. but luckily you already have a backup and he shoots you in it a few days later, this time saving the fun for after the shoot.

#ask #🫀 anon #german drives me crazy i blame my first bf bc he was a german foreign exchange student #but dear god. it makes me giggle n kick my feet no matter what

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adorecline · 2 years

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Omg I just read your Getting Older imagine and I absolutely loved it. Maybe you could do another one sometime soon where it's another ryan and blake x daughter reader but she's been an actress since she was very young acting in a bunch of TV shows and movies, and recently her new movie that has become a series just came out and they are all proud of her. Or even one where she is an actress as well but she meets Walker Scobell but she is older than him but he like has a cute little crush on her and she is like one of his idols.

i love this idea! i hope you like it! <3

The Crush {Ryan Reynolds x daughter!reader}

summary: y/n attends the premiere of The Adam Project with her mom and dad, and meets her dad's costar who also happens to be a big fan of her (and has a huge crush on her)

I do not give anyone permission to copy or repost my work on here or any other websites. no translations either. likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

Liked by maya_hawke, and 879,828 others

yourusername: who's ready for #theadamproject ??

comments

user01: you look so pretty y/n 🥺

user02: it's giving very much blake

| yourusername: she did raise me after all :)

user03: so excited for this movie

vancityreynolds: i have to admit i am quite ready for this movie :)

| yourusername: haha dad...you're so funny!

| vancityreynolds: why thank you, daughter ☺️

user04: you and your mom always have the best dresses i swear 😍

maya_hawke: you look gorgeous y/n!

| yourusername: thank you, maya! ily!!

y/n posed for the photographers on the red carpet. She stood up straight and looked in everyone direction hoping she was somewhat giving all the cameras a smile. She was close to the end of the carpet and she could go meet her parents inside the theater.

y/n waved to the photographers letting them know she would be walking off. She stopped by the railing that held back screaming fans to take some pictures and sign autographs.

When she was done, she started to make her way into the theater, but was stopped by a boy with blonde hair who she recognized as Walker Scobell, her dad's costar of the movie.

"Hi y/n." Walker smiled a bit shyly.

"Hey Walker. It's so nice to meet you finally." y/n smiled back happily.

"It's nice to meet you, too." Walker said. y/n noticed him fidgeting with his fingers a bit. "I'm a big fan of you and your work. You are an amazing actress." He complimented her.

"Thank you so much." y/n beamed at his sweetness. "That means a lot."

"It's true. I've seen like all of your movies." Walker admitted. "You're one of my idols actually. You're just such an amazing actress. You're so talented and you're really pretty, too." His cheeks flushed after he finished.

"Woah there, Kid!" Ryan said walking up to them. "I like you, but slow your roll with my daughter." He joked making Walker's cheek grow even more red.

"Oh my god." Walker mumbled covering his face with his hands to hide his cheeks.

"I'm just messing with you, Walk." Ryan laughed patting his back.

"I was gonna ask for a picture, but now I'm too embarrassed." Walker shook his head smiling nervously.

"No! It's okay. Let's take a picture." y/n reassured him. "Dad, stop making him nervous."

"Okay, I'm sorry." Ryan jokingly raised his hands in defense. "Here, I'll take the picture for you." Ryan held his hand out and Walker gave him his phone.

y/n wrapped her arm over Walker's shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her back. y/n crouched down and leaned closer to him. Both y/n and Walker smiled towards the camera while Ryan sang in a high voice "Cheese!" He snapped a couple pictures before giving Walker his phone back.

"Thank you, y/n." Walker said to her. "It was really nice meeting you."

"You too! I cant wait to see your movie," y/n replied. "My dad has told me great things about."

"Oh, thank you." Walker eyes lit up. "I should probably go find my dad now." He said pointing to the doors behind them.

"We'll see you later, Walker." Ryan said as he left. He waited until Walker was gone then turned back to y/n. "I knew he had a crush on you."

"You're so mean." y/n laughed shaking her head. "Come on, mom is probably wondering where we are."

"Actually, she's probably thankful for the break from us." Ryan said.

tags: @thollandgf

#blake lively x teen!reader #blake lively x daughter!reader #blake lively #celebrities #ryan reynolds x teen!reader #ryan reynolds x daughter!reader #ryan reynolds #social media au

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neragranic · 4 months

Text

Zora Waking - illustration

Final of Zora waking surrounded by Vilas.

Progress will be posted on my Art Process Tumblr

This one took me a while, but I think it helped me learn to let go of the idea that I have to finish a piece in a single day or otherwise count it a failure. In fact, this piece benefited from being stretched out across multiple days with a bunch of breaks. It allowed me to view it with fresh eyes and pick my battles for each hour of work. It's not perfect, but it's done and that's even better! I did not record any of it and maybe that helped too, I'll see when I do try and record future illustrations.

Time: 11h 20min

For those interested Zora is a Slavic goddess of Dawn and Vila are fairies (though closer to fae) these are some of my design interpretations based on resources I've read. The moment depicted being one of Zora's 'birth' from a mountain flower.

COMMISSIONS - KO-FI - CARRD - WEBSITE - TWITTER - INSTAGRAM - YOUTUBE

#digital art #neragranic #digital illustartion #slavic mythology #slavic deity #slavic folklore #slavic #zora #goddess zora #boginja tora #božica zora #mitologija #illustration #mythology #folklore #croatian folklore

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blindrapture · 13 days

Text

as an aside,

I'm thinking the benefits of keeping rapture's final draft under wraps have worn thin. if I'm gonna ever finish this thing, it would make sense to just... already have it on tumblr. or on my Website or something. there's like at least 156 chapters (not counting the bigger-number-than-that of.. side chapters), after all, and I can put finished chapters on the damn internet, can't I? you're not waiting for the book to read any of it at all, you're waiting for the book just to know that it's done.

and if I decide to revise a chapter that's already posted, so what???

I really would rather just have a rapture I can point people at again.

so maybe. I'll do that. sometime soon. maybe I'll start shifting rapture back onto the internet. and then I can even do side posts talking in detail about what some parts actually mean. I've explained viceking's graab on my website, I think I can start explaining rapture too.

I. yeah. I do want to do that. I will do that soon. at the latest I'll get started on that this summer. summer sounds like a good time to do it. god, what if I did it day by day? starting on may 21st? posting a log a day? wouldn't that be fun?

but for now I've got some more writing to do.