#man this was in my drafts for so fucking long
Text
The Easy Way vs The Hard Way
˚ʚBang Chan x fem!Readerɞ˚
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ summary: I was thinking about brat taming the other day and I came to the conclusion that Chris has 2 different ways to tame a brat. So I procrastinated on my fics + assignments and wrote this :)
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ word count: ~1k
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ warnings: fem!reader, largely based around Daddy kink, creampie (try to pee after sex pls <3), breeding mentions, Chris calls himself Daddy, 'good girl' used #2: kinda hard dom!chris, man handling, spanking
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ notes: sorry not sorry that 'hard' is longer than 'easy' (are u surprised? have you SEEN my content?) and take this off of schedule because I hate letting things sit in my drafts for more than a day 😭 ALSO Sharing is Caring part 2 coming out later this week :3 (along with a Jisung request I got hehe <3)
MDNI!! smut below the cut
DO NOT republish or translate+post my work!
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I think he has 2 ways of taming brats depending on what his mood is. So here's a little scenario to picture so that I can explain what I mean!
After a long day for the both of you, you guys indulge each other in a nice hour or 2 of foreplay before he finally fucks you. After you both finish, Chris pulls away to watch his cum drip out of you and you wiggle your hips to tease him. He slaps your ass playfully in response and teases you back by saying something along the lines of “Unless you’re trying to get bred tonight, I suggest you stop shaking your ass at me like that baby.”
“As if you would complain about that. For somebody who calls himself ‘Daddy’ and says he ‘DoEsN’t MeAn It LiKe ThAt’, you sure as hell are trying to become one.”
He originally laughs, but once he processes that you mocked him he rolls his eyes at you, “Just have to be a little brat? Maybe I didn’t fuck you thoroughly enough.”
You scoff, crossing your arms and turning to look at him, “You think you do that anyways?”
So. How does theee Bang Christopher Chan deal with this?
‘Easy’ Way; aka “kill them with kindness”
“You think you do that anyways?”
He simply narrows his eyes at you, placing his hands on his hips, “Yeah?”
You proudly respond with an “Mhm." and stick your chin up.
He chuckles, stepping towards you and raising his hand to rest against your cheek, softly caressing the skin there. “But baby, you were just the one begging me to fuck you. Surely if I ‘never’ fucked you thoroughly enough, you wouldn’t be on your knees begging for my dick to be in you?”
You frown and he laughs in response, not giving you a chance to speak up before he continues. His free hand trails down your stomach and stops at your cunt, where he ghosts his fingers along your folds. You whimper and chew on your bottom lip, looking away from him shyly.
"And... Where did my good girl go? Hm? My pretty baby who listens soo well.” His fingers tease your hole before you’re filled with two of them. “My sweet doll who would never let her Daddy down like this.” His fingers double their efforts and the hand on your cheek slides a thumb into your puffy lips. "The good girl who doesn’t disrespect her Daddy like this… Where is she at?” Your breath suddenly becomes hectic and he can tell you’re getting close.
Between the bittersweet words and the eager movements against your pussy, you slip into another mindset all too easily. He smiles when you finally look at him with glossy eyes and respond in a small voice, "'M right here..." He tilts his head at you expectantly and you squirm in his hold before repeating yourself louder. "I'm right here Daddy.."
"Oh, hi baby. Is my good girl back now?" You nod desperately in response, tightening your hands into fists against his chest as you grip around his fingers. "And is she ready to behave?"
"Yes, Daddy. 'M sorry.."
"Shhh, it’s okay baby. Now be good and cum on my fingers, kay?"
Hard’ Way; aka “fuck around and find out”
“You think you do that anyways?”
His eyebrows furrow and his tongue drags against the inside of his cheek. “Yeah? You’re really gonna do this right now? Right after I was nice enough to let you cum?” You gulp but stand your ground, making a scene to roll your eyes and lean back against the headboard.
He sits there silently, trying to give you another chance to come to your senses to realize that you’re butt ass naked in front of him and at his mercy. When you instead cock your head sideways with a bunch of attitude, he sighs loudly. His hands suddenly grips your ankles and drags you towards him. Then you’re flipped into your stomach and he renters you with no warning.
Your jaw drops and you moan loudly in surprise. His hands take turns slamming down against your ass cheeks over and over, seemingly getting harder with each slap. He sighs contently at the way you cling tightly around him with each smack, and he only stops once your cheeks are beet red and you’re trembling below him.
He hums to himself and taps the flesh, making it burn more and watching as you shake. "Such a pretty thing with such pretty reactions.. If only you were a good plaything and shut that pretty mouth for once."
He watches as your head snaps back towards him for a moment, the angry face and tears running down your face only make him smile at you. You feel his hips drag away from you, painfully slowly, until only the first centimeter or two of his tip are in you. You're taking a deep breath trying to regain your composure when a hand grabs a tight grip of your hair and pulls you backwards, his hips slamming forward at the same time.
A choke leaves you at the suddenness but he wastes no time, using the leverage in your hair to hold you in place as he fucks into you roughly. The aftermath of your previous orgasm sneaks up on you and you feel another one building up in no time. You melt into the sheets at the feeling, shaking as you almost tip over from one of the faster orgasms you've experienced, but Chris proves himself to be faster.
In an instant he's pulling out completely and holding you down preemptively for when you start thrash and whine. He waits until you stop kicking your feet at him, a tell tale sign that the tightness in your stomach finally faded, then he all of the sudden plunges back into you. The slide against your walls is rough, but you can’t deny how well it’s breaking down your resolution.
He uses the hand in your hair to tilt your head up at him when he leans forward to tower over you. It's very uncomfortable but it gives him the advantage as his narrowed eyes bore directly into you. He eventually changes positions, not wanting to actually hurt you like that, and he uses the new one to bring you to another orgasm. One that he, of course, ruins immediately with no hesitation.
This happens multiple times across the next 2 hours, to the point where you lost count of how many orgasms slipped away. It's not until you're sobbing beneath him and no longer kicking at him with each ruined orgasm, that he's flipping you onto your back and leaning down to kiss your tears away.
"Are you done now, love? You ready to be my good girl again?"
Your arms wrap around his neck and your lower lip trembles as you nod. He smiles, petting your hair and cooing at you before returning to his previous pace fucking you.
"There we go..."
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#sian’s writing#skz smut#stray kids smut#stray kids x reader#stray kids imagines#bang chan smut#bang chan x reader#bang chan x reader smut#bang chan imagines#chan smut#chan x reader#chan x reader smut#chan imagines#skz x reader#skz x reader smut
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This line made me sooooo insaneeeeee
BUT ITS TRUE
they did not expect it from each other
You mention that after sepang 2015 that marc refused to take it lying down and retaliated, would you say that one some level vale expected him to just take it?
And also could you please recount events in which marc also waged mind warfare on other people after the divorce™ I think that the psychological aspects of his style are so incredibly interesting like how in le mans, bezzechi kind of crashed out and how viñales mentioned in post race interview how " when he heard marc's bike he knew it was over"
Thank you for your very valuable contributions to motogpblr, you enrich the experiences of all
right. right! following on from this post... fair warning: 'what was valentino's plan in sepang 2015' and 'what mind games has marc cooked up over the years' are two questions that don't exactly lend themselves to concise responses, though I've done my best to edit this down to a somewhat more palpable length. so *cracks knuckles*. let's do this
first off, sepang 2015. yes, marc did very much refuse to lie down and, yes, he did instead very much retaliate. I'm not sure if I'd say valentino expected marc to 'take it' exactly, though the hope would have been that it would a) make him more cautious around valentino, b) throw him off-balance, and c) make him more error prone. I mean, certainly you'd have to assume he didn't expect marc to react like that because.... well. otherwise, why would valentino have done it? yes, he has repeatedly alluded to having wanted race direction or dorna or whoever to step in, but those guys infamously aren't particularly proactive. and, let's just pretend for a second here that marc really had been plotting to ruin valentino's title - what are you going to do about it if you're the ones responsible for enforcing the rules? even after sepang, when it was reasonable to suggest marc had been messing with valentino in that race specifically, there was only so much they could do. sure, the main reason they didn't penalise marc was because he'd crashed and had in essence already been penalised. but if you want a more drastic penalty, then you're going to have to show that marc is doing something emphatically illegal. I mean, it's not like race direction penalised valentino when he was racing jorge in what can only be described as a cheerfully malicious manner in motegi 2010, at a time when jorge was close to sealing that year's title and the two of them were racing for *squints at notes* p3. they can't actually stop you from being a little shit, you know
this line of argument might be ascribing too much rationality to valentino's actions - maybe he was hoping race direction would do something. it's worth pointing out that one of valentino's later comments (from march 2016) to my reading suggests that valentino had already spoken to race direction several races before sepang about marc's behaviour, but they didn't listen to him. the sepang presser then constitutes an attempt to publicly force their hand... except it still wasn't enough. and a part of valentino surely must have already known it was going to go wrong after saturday's qualifying. the incidents during the practise sessions that weekend weren't particularly egregious, but they involved two riders who were both clearly willing to play games with each other (including in some towing-related shenanigans). crucially it's not really the type of thing that would happen if one rider had been spooked so badly they're making sure to ride on eggshells around the other bloke. at the end of the day, valentino thought he could unnerve and disorientate and unsettle marc - and if you're being generous you could say he at least picked the right target. marc had broadly demonstrated he could be unsettled that year, which jorge had very much not
if you're being less generous you could say 'but it's crazy he's doing this to the bloke who isn't even his title rival'. which is the whole problem from valentino's perspective - he simply couldn't engage jorge in direct combat (and again, this does make it more remarkable he even got it to valencia given one of his big big strengths in title fights was being completely neutralised). jorge has been involved in plenty of great battles over the years, but his 2015 title was won purely on raw pace and having just enough tracks where he was fast and it wasn't raining for things to work out in his favour. it was marc who valentino was continually getting into fights with, whether at argentina or assen or silverstone or... well, even phillip island, valentino fights marc a hell of a lot more than he does jorge. which makes for a weird championship in a lot of ways, but also makes it a bit inevitable that valentino ends up disproportionately focused on a bloke who isn't actually his title rival
if you want to be even less generous, you can say it was a rather radical misread of marc's character from a man who (any conspiracy theories aside) has always seemed to understand marc pretty well. like, this is the thing right, obviously hindsight is 20/20 and all that but can you really imagine any universe in which marc hadn't done something roughly along the lines of what he did that weekend? in a way, this is probably the bit that bothers me the most about the whole thing, just feels like it couldn't have ever achieved what valentino intended it to. I can excuse breaking the heart of the kid who hero worships you, but I draw the line at being kind of dumb
the way I'd break it down is by looking at why he was in a headspace in which he wasn't making good choices, and then consider what his actual thought process (however irrational) might have been. so on the one hand, you've got all the contributing factors that explain the poor decision-making process, that explain why he wasn't thinking clearly. on the macro level, you have the arc of his career and what this title meant to him and how it fits into his desire to win on his own terms and prove everyone wrong and all of that. you have the pressures of that specific season and how it had gradually gotten more and more intense post-assen, the influence of the people around him and how they had allowed/contributed to him getting increasingly distracted from the actual riding as the season went on. this factor obviously includes the man who actually presented valentino with the phillip island telemetry and had seemingly been badmouthing marc for more than two years. you have the arc of valentino's relationship with marc, his belief that marc was a sore loser who only played nice with valentino while he was winning and who valentino thought he had been more than generous to in response to marc's lack of composure earlier that season. this eventually coalesced into a mental list of all the times that year valentino felt marc had fought him differently than he would anyone else, from argentina to assen to silverstone to misano to, of course, phillip island. you have the compressed time scale - four days from the race at phillip island to the presser in sepang, at a time at which valentino will have been at his most exhausted and spent after the travails of first motegi and then phillip island at the closing stages of the toughest season of his career. it's this that creates the sense of urgency, the need to do something now to stop the opportunity from slipping away. and then, of course, on the micro level you have the actual details of the supposed conspiracy that relied on the specifics of how the race at phillip island ended up unfolding... of tyre management and seagull murder and fluctuating lap times and suspicious late race pace and a perfect last lap
which, okay, I think it's fairly obvious that valentino wasn't thinking clearly. but he still must have been intending the presser to do something, something that was different from what it actually ended up doing. now, the way this works in my head is that valentino basically did the equivalent of pressing a big red button labelled 'chaos'. if you do what he does in the presser, that's the inevitable outcome, right: you're ensuring this entire weekend is going to be a complete mess. in theory, you're the one person who's had the chance to mentally prepare yourself for that mess, because you're the person who's pressing the button. you're hoping everyone else will be off-balance, distracted... to some extent it's less about wanting to intimidate marc per se (bad idea!) and more about making sure he has other stuff to worry about. maybe you're hoping marc's going to make some mistakes, crash in ways that aren't caused by a movement on your part that looks suspiciously like a kick, be a little out of it all weekend. I mean, marc did have a tendency to hit the deck when under pressure that year. the hope is at the very least he's going to be a little more cautious, so worried about ruining his reputation that he's not going to attack you too hard. basically, hope he does anything other than what he actually ended up doing, aka throwing himself at you again and again in the race in a sort of agonised fury that paid no consideration whatsoever to his reputation, ruined or otherwise
this is where the sepang 2004 parallel is at its most instructive to me. you're giving everyone something to talk about and you know it's going to be the centre of attention that weekend and you just kind of have to hope that the chaos ends up creating an opportunity. and, for a hot second there, it did look like valentino might have been onto something. he qualified on the front row for only the fifth time that season (y'know his qualifying actually got a fair bit better in 2016, presumably because he just wanted to maximise the number of awful vibes pressers) and he outqualified jorge for only the second time that season (again I don't mean to be rude but, jorge, how the fuck did you almost lose that title what were you DOING). it's pretty unfortunate that the very start of the sepang race played out in the exact perfect way to allow dani and jorge to escape while marc and valentino started divebombing each other. this is the thing right, there are lots of ways that race could have unfolded and it basically could not have gone any worse - and it's helped make valentino's initial decision to blow shit up age particularly horrendously
the other underlying explanation is a somewhat more opaque one. people want to feel good about themselves, they want to have a positive sense of identity along several different metrics like self-worth and moral virtue and so on. it doesn't feel good to lose, and it especially doesn't feel good to lose if you've tried really, really, really hard. a lot of sports psychology is about the challenge of managing vulnerability. there is something inherently vulnerable about competing in the public eye: you are trying hard to win but there is always the possibility that you will lose. if you lose with other people watching, you are making your inadequacy public knowledge. this is why athletes search for explanatory mechanisms - maybe they make a public show of how they weren't actually trying hard, about how they don't actually care that much, or maybe there's something they can blame like the machinery or injury or the team not being on their side or whatever. maybe there's someone to blame. a narrative of sabotage allows you to preserve belief in both your own ability and your own self-worth; it is the perfect explanatory mechanism. and to some extent, this type of thing is necessary - you're not going to be able to compete well unless you have high self-belief to the point of delusion, which means you do have to tell yourself all kinds of things to keep the faith. but paradoxically, these explanatory mechanisms are also incredibly dangerous, because you cannot compete to the fullest extent of your ability if you are not throwing yourself into what you are doing in your entirety, without any restraint or self-defence. you have to be open to experiencing the pain of defeat in its rawest form to be at your best. you have to be willing to go to those infamous 'dark places' within yourself to win. the moment you are thinking about how you will explain your defeat, chances are you've already lost
but hey, I've never competed in a motorbike race before, what would I know of the psychology of it all? let's get the words of someone who should know a little more than me:
Looking back, what I said about wanting a bike that could win at Welkom, well, that was a way of boosting morale, an attempt at wishful thinking. You can't demand something like that. And even if you get it, there's no certainty you'll win. But then again, we riders always say all sorts of things. Sometimes we believe what we say, even when it sounds crazy, other times we're just being hopeful and, still at other times, it's all an exercise in self-delusion. We try to convince ourselves of something, because ultimately, every time you step on the track, words don't matter, and it's just you, the bike and your opponents.
In fact, that's the only time you really have a clear picture of things. When you're actually on the track, racing against your opponents. That's when you know where you are and where the others stand. You know how your bike is doing and how those of your opponents are faring. That's the moment of clarity. Then, you can say whatever you like to everyone else: your chief mechanic, your mum, your girlfriend, the press... but, deep down, you know the truth and you know it with crystal-clear clarity. You can tell people you fell because the bike didn't follow the trajectory it was supposed to follow, or tell them that you're actually really fast, but the bike simply isn't. Inside you, however, you know the truth. You know you fell off because you made a mistake, or because your opponent is simply faster than you.
And the opposite is also true. Deep down, you know whether your victories were deserved. You know if you won races on the turns, when it's down to your ability as a rider, or on the straightaways, when it's all about the power of the engine. You know the others are looking to make excuses when they say you beat them just because the bike was better. I always knew the truth behind each of my victories, and behind each of my defeats, too. I knew exactly why and how I won or lost. And so, at the end of 2003, after winning everything in sight with the Honda, I was certain I could win with another bike. But, of course, until I actually did it, I couldn't be truly certain. Thus, I set off on my journey, in search of that place where certainty meets truth.
(sidebar: I find it funny how the bit about straight line speed reads like just an extremely obvious dig at casey in his ducati days but, published in 2005, your honour he's innocent)
what valentino describes in that passage is the awful, inescapable secret at the heart of all competition: at the end of the day, you do know. you can only do so much to protect yourself from the truth. you have to tell yourself a story, even if it's crazy, engage in all manner of self-delusion to throw yourself into the field of battle again and again and again - where inevitably you are going to lose, again and again and again. any great athlete has to start out at least a little delusional, for there is something inherently insane about thinking you will be one of the very best in the world in your field. eventually, much of that delusion may turn to reality for the chosen few, but the delusion never completely goes away because there is always more to win and always more losing to do along the way. when the delusion stops, so does your career. valentino's endless capacity for storytelling and self-delusion is inherent to his success - he would not have been as good as he was if he had not found all these stories to tell himself, all these reasons to believe, to keep motivating him, to wring special performances out of himself when he needed them most. he told stories that were ridiculous until he turned them into reality. if valentino were anyone other than the person who killed his tenth title in sepang, he would not have won the other nine in the first place
and yet, chances are, valentino already had lost headed into sepang. chances are, he knew as much. chances are, he chose the kindest possible story to make sense of it all. at the very least, what he wanted to do was expose the truth as he saw it - make sure that everyone in the world knew what marc had done to him even if it didn't end up saving his title campaign. but in exposing one truth, at the same time he managed to obscure a different one. because in the end, certainty never did meet truth in 2015, because we'll always have a question mark about what would have happened if valentino hadn't said what he had said in that press conference, what would have happened if marc had reacted differently, what would have happened if race direction hadn't handed out penalty points or if marc hadn't been so hurt and angry he was unwilling to take risks against jorge in valencia. yes, of course it's likely that jorge would have won anyway, but we don't know that. it's 2006 all over again, isn't it? there's a likely winner, there's maybe somebody who should be winning, but there's never any certainty. that's why we line up on sunday, or so the cliche goes. the main lasting success of that press conference is that it has cast a shadow over the whole championship - not just in the sense of making the whole thing unpleasant to think about, but in the more literal sense of concealing the realities of that title fight, of generating ambiguity as to how it all might otherwise have played out under more 'normal' circumstances
except, of course, valentino has told us himself that he does know the truth about all of his victories and defeats. of course he knows jorge was faster than him that year, which is why he wasn't trying to win that title on pace. by any reasonable standard, there's no shame to that, not at that stage of his career and not against that level of opposition. there's plenty of ways in which valentino was the stronger rider that year, still, somehow, and enough sliding doors moments that would have given valentino just enough points and granted him a completely deserved title. but of course it was still frustrating, and it was frustrating to be reminded constantly in the paddock - including by marc - of how jorge was the faster of the two of them. valentino knew he couldn't beat jorge on pace, which is why he never tried to, but it still wasn't easy. it still required him to just... put away his ego, ignore all the snide remarks about his speed, ignore marc's digs and jorge's cockiness, and just devote himself to winning the title in the only way he could. that's the heart of 2015: it's all about valentino suppressing his worse instincts right until the moment he doesn't. it's the pressure, it's all the blows his ego has taken that year...
and of course, it's also marc. at the end of the day, it'll always come back to that - the fact that marc had made himself into someone who had the power to genuinely hurt valentino and how he then managed to make himself a target of valentino's suspicions (topic for another post). going into sepang, valentino already knew that more likely than not he was going to lose the title, and he decided he blamed marc. at the very latest during the race, he knew he was almost certainly going to lose the title, and now he definitely blamed marc. that's how it goes, isn't it... valentino's reasons for saying what he said in the press conference were complicated, but marc's actions then proceeded to simplify everything. any uncertainty, for valentino, was removed by that race. it was stripped away even further, if possible, by how marc approached the valencia race and his decision that he wasn't going to risk anything - not when it could help valentino. their whole tragedy, of course, is that if you had placed valentino in marc's shoes that weekend at sepang, he would have done the exact same thing
which is unfortunately as smooth a transition as I can come up with to stop discussing valentino's psyche and starting discussing marc's. let's talk mind games
the first point that's worth stressing is this: most of the mental pressure that riders exert on each other happens on the track. I think this is where 'mind games' becomes a bit of a tricky term, because inherently the connotation there is that you're doing something a little sneaky, a little underhanded to get under the skin of your opponent. but valentino has said it himself: you need to be performing on-track for any of this to work. and it goes beyond that - the on-track performances are key in determining what kind of psychological pressures you are exerting on your opponent. ideally, this is a symbiotic relationship where, as valentino puts it, the off-track 'work' that makes the opponents 'suffer' is used to... well, just back up what you're doing on the track, to make sure they're getting the message. to just play with them a little in a way that is conducive to bringing about further on-track success
so, in the interest of not getting bogged down in semantic debates about what exactly counts as playing 'mind games', I'm going to throw out the term for now. I think it's interesting in itself that this phrase is how people refer to that kind of behaviour, something about how it comes across as just a little derogatory, a little suspect... but we're going to ignore that. it's completely useless to discuss 'mind games' as this kind of ethereal higher-plane tactic that only happens in press conference rooms and on three hour long podcasts, as if it's somehow disconnected from the reality of what's actually happening on-track. (on-track behaviour is also at times referred to as mind games - but less frequently, and it tends to be used more for behaviour in non-race sessions.) it's also a bit of a sleight of hand: there's not anything inherently more 'honest' or 'straightforward', anything less 'psychological', about deliberately bullying someone on the track versus saying something snide about them to the media. what we are interested in here is the question of mental pressure, how riders exert it on other riders, and how riders go about working on the suppression of their rivals. basically, for a more fun term, think of anything you'd consider to be psychological warfare and go from there (the ask does actually specify mind warfare, which feels like a happy middle ground)
and just to reiterate this, the vast majority of the psychological work valentino himself did on his opponents - including in ways that marc has gone on to emulate - was done on the track. a race like laguna seca 2008, which relies so heavily on tactics and valentino's assessment of casey as a person and what message valentino decided to send casey that day... well, it may have had its effects reinforced off-track, but fundamentally that's still a heavily 'psychological' victory that enraged and unnerved casey through what valentino was doing during the race. and if you're assessing valentino's 'mental game' while leaving out laguna 2008, you really might as well not bother
so what we're looking at here isn't going to be exhaustive, but it's still going to hopefully cover most of the major aspects in a way that gives a sense of that integration between the off- and on-track. now, coming up with a list of examples isn't all that easy, because first of all... man, marc's been around for a long time by now... if we recounted every minor incident with another rider, we'd still be here by the time twenty to thirty years have passed and valentino finally gives marc a call. second of all, marc does undeniably leave less of a paper trail than valentino. partly he has objectively gotten himself involved in fewer feuds (though I'd argue there are also circumstance-related factors there), partly he's also been warier of how he approaches this kind of thing as a direct result of sepang 2015, and partly it's just a question of personal style
valentino tries to suffocate you with the paper trail, leveraging his skills at manipulating the media to make your life unpleasant, to throw distractions in your direction, at times to make sure you are overwhelmed by the frenzy and the noise and the chaos. all this, obviously, he does in addition to making your life on-track as miserable as possible. marc prefers a slightly quieter approach, maybe an indirect dig here or there, a habit of letting you know on the track if he's decided he has a problem with you. which means that a lot of what people consider marc's 'mind games' basically go something like this: a) rider does something to piss marc off (this can just be 'beating him'), b) marc does something dubious to them on-track, c) rider complains about marc, and finally d) marc goes ?? idk why they're saying all that but not really my problem :) and goes along his way
but that does make it a little tougher to actually provide a good overview of what he's doing - because, at the end of the day, I too can only be so certain that he's attempting to fuck with rivals. that's the nice effect of it, right, you get these statements from other riders where they're complaining about marc and broadly speaking I do believe them when they say he's being a little shit again... but it's a little harder to prove that this is his intention. which means they also end up engaging in a form of shadowboxing, where they think he's messing with them and they say he's messing with them but it feels kind of one-sided and silly and like maybe they're simply imagining things. which must be just... incredibly annoying. god
in a way, the best proof we have that marc regularly fucks with his opponents is that everyone in the paddock is more or less agreed in their belief that he is constantly engaging in psychological warfare. you've got other riders saying that marc is continually dabbling in 'mind games', you've got journalists on their podcasts saying that marc is always messing with people and is an awful teammate to everyone who isn't his brother etc etc, and you kind of assume they'd be the ones to know. though, if anything, this can mean they sometimes have a tendency to overshoot, which is how we got endless speculation at the start of this year on whether marc was lying to people or sandbagging or whatever when he was busy adapting to a new bike. sepang isn't irrelevant here - marc became more closed off and private and secretive and circumspect about his real feelings as a direct result of how bad that whole experience was for him. sometimes it feels calculated to unnerve his competitors, and sometimes it does seem more about just protecting himself. but that's the thing, right - if you acquire a reputation for "mind games", then people will think you're fucking with them even when you're not. which can be useful! but, as should be obvious, it demonstrates that just because somebody is accusing marc of engaging in gamesmanship, doesn't mean it's actually true (which is also of course the case for valentino)
^'who's most likely to play mind games in a press conference?' winning here! alex rins hands on hips we will get to you in a bit
all that being said, we do have plenty of fairly clear examples of the ways marc tries to fuck with his opponents, so let's get to those. here are the elements I'll focus on: 1) an explanation of how the on-track exertion of psychological pressure works, in races as well as outside of them, 2) intra-team dynamics, and 3) some specific examples of how the on-track and off-track tactics are integrated. again, far from exhaustive - the examples are supposed to be more akin to illustrating marc's approach rather than definitively listing every instance in which marc has exhibited a particular behaviour. the streamlined approach, if you will
so, let's start with the actual racing. the aspect you bring up in the ask: the intimidation. bez doing his sad little crash out of p2 in the le mans sprint, maverick thinking it's so extremely over the moment marc came too close in the main race. I've edited this section down a lot to avoid getting too into the weeds here, but let's just give the brief sparknotes version of how this intimidation works:
speed: if you are not capable of performances that unnerve your opponents, obviously you will not unnerve your opponents. no shit. marc's sheer pace is terrifying in its own right... it makes you wonder if that cushy gap you have to him is quite as cushy as it looked a lap ago. how often he seems to be able to access something special, how it piles on pressure in the context of a title battle to know that he is fast pretty much everywhere. the speed does a lot of his work for him in the intimidation department, nothing fancy required
circumstance: so, say you've got an alien behind you. not to name any names... but there are some aliens where, if they are having a good weekend, they wouldn't be behind you in the first place. that doesn't mean the alien can't still be plenty scary... but when they're at their best, they're dominating out front and so are less 'threatening' when they're sitting on your rear tyre. when things aren't going their way in a given weekend, you maybe don't have quite so much reason to be worried. marc (similarly to valentino) is a lot more flexible in how he wins his races - which might mean he's looking very ominous from say p5 at the end of the first lap. there's less possibility of respite, less chance that if he qualified badly, he has the decency to still be slow come sunday. if you find yourself on the same bit of track as marc... that's probably not great news for you in any weekend
aggression: the obvious one. marc isn't as afraid to crash as everyone else is, he's willing to go for it if he's given half a chance - which he never fails to remind people of. he said it about half a dozen times at le mans this year, including with his competitors in the same room. convenient when you have such an immutable character trait you couldn't do anything about even if you wanted to, which also just happens to make you terrifying to fight with. sometimes he mixes up this rhetoric a bit - e.g. in 2016 after his messy 2015 he did talk plenty about his newfound maturity. still, not bad if his opponents are constantly reminded of how unyielding he is... which is of course part of the reason why he bangs on about it so much
(on the flip side, while it is obviously in his best interest to barely say a word against hard racing because it would make him come across as a massive hypocrite, marc has this nice little habit of reframing his opponent's moves as just not being particularly sensible in that situation. look at how he talked about the pecco portimao crash this year - sure, it's a racing incident, but it also wasn't "necessary" to fight like this for fifth/sixth place given pecco had a championship to consider. pecco's move was "too optimistic" - and, my favourite bit, he would "learn" from what had happened. which is nicely condescending, and a good way for marc to criticise aggression in a more circumspect manner: don't call your opponent dangerous, call them an idiot instead)
tactics: linked to the second point - part of the reason why valentino instantly recognised himself in marc and has always acknowledged what a clever and tactically astute rider he is. the other aliens to varying degrees tended to prefer the 'start fast and fuck off' approach to winning races. by contrast, it's hard to really pinpoint what an 'average' race win would look like for either valentino or marc. they are capable of the 'dominate out front' victory (marc historically more so than valentino), but they also have a bunch of other ways of winning races that all produce their own psychological effects on their opponents. to give a few brief examples, you've got the 'stalking and studying' approach, closely tailing opponents and gradually ramping up the pressure while you analyse where they're strong and where they're weak before eventually making your move. you've got the 'comeback ride', which is frustrating in how it means the field is basically never guaranteed a break from these assholes - this is all about relentlessness and generating a sense of inevitability. you've also got the 'fucking around before fucking off' approach, where you get involved in a scrap for much of the race and it looks like you and your opponent(s) are on equal footing... before suddenly pulling the pin and disappearing off into the sunset. there might be good reasons for marc and valentino to stick around that don't just amount to 'playing with their food' (though there is that too) like tyre preservation or figuring out grip levels in the wet or whatever. nevertheless, it's intensely demoralising for the competition, because it almost feels like the whole thing was a lie, an illusion of a fair fight... they've been tricked into thinking they had a hope of emerging victorious. obviously, all these different ways of winning are also investments for the future, so that next time your opponents are in xyz situation you generate uncertainty and doubt and preemptive frustration in their minds, as they wonder whether they can really get the better of you this time
now, obviously a lot of this is just about marc's natural strengths as a rider - but the point is that these operate on the psychological level as well... and you can gently encourage this with a little bit of extra off-track 'work'. what you say about your own aggressive riding, what you say about your opponents' aggressive riding, any impression you want to reinforce in the minds of your competitors. there's a lot of long-term reputation management involved here. (a little more about these reputations in the context of argentina 2015 in this post.) most of the 'intimidation' happens on-track, and it's also a result of deliberate riding choices that aren't just about winning any given race. of course, it's helpful if you are particularly adaptable to different race situations, if your flexibility allows you to reinforce the impression that you are always a threat. if successful, you can make sure your opponent is already mentally beaten by the time they know you're coming for them. (I'm not personally massively a fan of the term, but this kind of thing is what generally counts as the 'aura' an athlete has.) ideal, really - to be so intimidating your opponents can't even put up a proper fight
then, of course, there's the stuff that happens outside of races but in practise and qualifying instead. a perfect opportunity to be a dick to others on-track without the stresses of a race. which means... well, look, we can't ignore marc's habit of sitting on other riders' rear tyres when they're attempting to hook together a fast lap. the towing thing radically escalated when the honda was at its least competitive post-2020, but marc was definitely very much already at it before that. (incidentally, one of the cuntiest things he has ever said was when he pointed out in 2019 that he was leading so many laps in the actual races that he wasn't getting much chance to study the other riders there.) nobody really needs me to list every single towing-related controversy marc has involved himself in over the course of his career, but it might be a good idea to get the thoughts of somebody who knows a thing or two about fucking with his rivals. valentino himself has gotten the towing treatment a few times over the years courtesy of marc, and both pre- and post-sepang his stance has generally been 'listen it's a dick move but smart play, gotta hand it to him'. take this from catalunya 2019:
and y'know, he gets to the heart of the whole matter rather nicely -thanks to the local marc marquez understander for logging in years before the discourse about it became such a big thing. marc follows other riders around because it's a great way to study them and he also does it because he knows it's extremely annoying. it's annoying both because you know you're helping out another rider who you don't want to be helping out, and because it is just quite distracting to have someone that close to you, being able to hear their engine, etc etc. one thing that changed after 2019 was how necessary it was for marc to do this... marc went crazy with it at a time when it was often the only way he could put together a decent lap (and also because it played into the strengths of the honda, for a given value of the word 'strengths' - he's spoken a fair few times this year about how he finds it harder to follow other bikes on the ducati) (not for lack of trying). but valentino is also spot on in that marc is excellent at choosing his victims, how marc understands you have to pick someone who needs to put a good lap together and has no choice but to drag you along with them
I mean, think about why he just couldn't seem to leave poor pecco alone for a while there. first of all, pecco is fast, and marc clearly feels quite comfortable following him around. secondly, pecco tended to put himself in positions where he really needed a good lap because he'd gotten himself stranded in q1 or only had one more shot at a lap or whatever. plus he was fighting for championships, so he couldn't afford to fuck marc over out of sheer spite. thirdly, pecco has been fighting for titles for the past few seasons, making him one of the riders to beat. which means that marc was motivated to a) study him, and b) fuck with him - both of which were investments for a future in which he could fight pecco properly. makes complete sense! insanely irritating if you're the victim, which is half the point. also helps that pecco very obviously found the whole thing frustrating and tiring and really hated being asked about it, but also was equally obviously adverse to kicking up too much of a fuss about it for various reasons. the perfect victim
on the flip side, marc has been known in the past to be quite careful about who he is giving a tow, like for instance this from brno 2014 (ironically the first race that year marc did not win):
The two front row slots for the Ducatis were a problem for Rossi, dropping the Movistar Yamaha rider down to seventh, and the start of the third row. Rossi joked darkly about Marquez’s strategy, claiming that he was giving the Ducatis a tow to put them in between him and his main rivals.
“For sure he is clever,” Rossi said. “He doesn’t pull Jorge, me or Dani, always a Ducati.” Marquez laughed at the suggestion, admitting only half of Rossi’s accusations. He certainly didn’t look for Ducatis to give a tow, but he would not give one to his rivals, he said.
“It’s your decision to close the gas,” Marquez told the press conference. “If it’s Dani, Jorge, or Valentino behind me, for sure I will close the gas, but if it is another rider, it doesn’t matter.” That is in itself an admission of just how little competition Marquez sees.
He is prepared to give anyone a tow, except for the other factory Honda and the two factory Yamahas. In effect, he is dismissing the threat from any other riders. Harsh, but fair.
and, y'know, if it were so easy then everyone would do it. you need a certain level of skill to actually pull off the towing bit, which marc is clearly very good at. you also need to have a good feel for picking your moments, who to bully, when to slot in behind them, all that kind of thing. and, lastly, you also need the sheer power of shamelessness on your side. which, that should more or less cover it... there are some real gems like mugello 2019 where marc accused ducati of ordering pirro to shadow him and then played a complicated game of chicken to catch a tow from dovi and snag pole, or mugello 2021 where marc was so determined to follow vinales through q1 that he was even alert enough to dive back into the pits with him as vinales tried to get rid of the small train of guys following him... but overall, I think valentino did a pretty good job at summing up the main points for me, so let's leave the towing discourse at that. returning to catalunya 2019, obviously it is also extremely valentino that he then had a sneaky little look at the honda's dashboard 'just out of curiosity'. truly a meeting of the greats, those two, we'll never find their like again
let's move on to intra-team fuckery - which is all about suppression of rivals. your first job is to beat your teammate, and the first arena of trying to fuck with your opponents is what happens within the team. my general assumption here is that marc's particular approach is less inspired by valentino and more just the result of his natural competitive instincts (which, to be clear I do think is true for much of the tactics described in this post). it's also not something... I know the ask specifies post-2015, but I don't think it's something that changed after sepang, except insofar as marc had won the most important teammate war of his career and didn't need to be quite as aggressive towards dani any more. given the continuity between the intra-team situation pre- and post-2015, I'm not going to make much of a distinction here and just rattle through some details about the intra-team dynamic from the start of marc's time in the premier class
so, the first bit of context that has to be acknowledged: a lot of the dani/marc war wasn't really fought between the two of them directly. both of them had... well, rather drama-happy managers, who a) were willing to do a lot of the mudslinging on the behalf of their charges, and b) were pursuing agendas of their own to establish themselves within the honda hierarchy. I think it's fair to say that not all of what they were getting up to was necessarily just about acting in the best interest of their riders - and it is an internal power struggle that could've had pretty disastrous consequences for marc in particular. here's a longer write up I quite like about the situation within honda in 2013, which came to a bit of a head with the phillip island fiasco (when marc was disqualified as a result of failing to change bikes early enough). just a few excerpts (though again I'd recommend reading the whole thing):
(gabbarini is pecco's crew chief these days by the way, small world.) so obviously a lot of this is kind of dumb, not least because marc came very close to losing that year's title to a yamaha rider as a result of all this behind the scenes bullshit. it also is just the kind of thing that happens when you lock a bunch of big egos into a small space within a competitive environment - and is a nice little insight into the early year machinations that were going on as marc and his team attempted to establish themselves within honda. which they did in part by pushing through key personnel changes that replaced anyone too closely associated with the old regime... and there's also the less pressing but interesting question of whether (as casey believes) marc's team pushed casey out the door because they felt 'threatened'. this sort of backroom manoeuvring is part of the game, albeit an unsavoury one, and great athletes do have a tendency to be ruthless in asserting themselves within team environments
of course, by 2014 marc was asserting himself ever more on the track. dani might not have yet fully accepted the number two status, but he was increasingly pushed into a position where he knew he had to play along, to not kick up too much of a fuss in his own best interest. did that perhaps play a role in how all those 2013 complaints about marc's aggressive riding - not least when it caused dani to crash in aragon and effectively ended his title bid - died down a little in the following years? who's to say! of course, marc has been pretty open in admitting his abrasive approach to the teammate dynamic, which he was kind enough to shed some light on more recently in marc marquez all in. I assume pretty much everyone reading this will have watched marc marquez all in, but for reference I've still included a transcript of the relevant bits of marc marquez all in. here's marc talking about the teammate relationship:
Dani and I, now we get along great, and he's an amazing person. But in 2013, 2014, there was a lot of tension. He was the king, the number one. People listened to what he said in the box. Everyone expected something from him... The team was focused on him. And out of nowhere comes this kid. A kid in his first year after Moto2. And well, first race and... boom. Second race, boom. And it's a hard pill to swallow. [...] I've never been a nice teammate. I've always liked to... You've got to make your teammate's life impossible, if you can.
and dani's take:
Those years there was a lot of tension because we were fighting for the same thing. He knew about my potential. That's why he always tried to stick to me, so I had no space to really take off. [...] He's very competitive. That's his strong suit, how competitive he's always been with everything.
and then at the end of that segment, marc says the following:
It is true that after 2015, 2016, everything calmed down, and we had a good, normal teammates relationship. After a while, I think you learn to accept the situation, right? It happens, and I'm sure it'll eventually happen to me too.
which I suppose is a fairly diplomatic way of saying the relationship got better when marc had won the war and dani had to 'accept' his lot in life. the king is dead long live the king, etc etc. intra-team competition is perfectly natural, but of course that doesn't mean all riders approach that dynamic in the same way. dani's "I had no space to really take off" is a nice way of putting it I feel, how he talks about marc 'sticking' to dani, marc's determination to just continually work away at his teammate... to suppress him, to smother him, to ensure that not only was marc winning the war but he would keep winning the war. marc made that team his own and he ensured that dani's continued presence in that team was happening on marc's terms. a job very well done
marc is also remarkably open in describing one of the specific tactics he utilised to achieve the desired effect in suppressing his teammate. in marc marquez all in, he admits to intentionally giving misleading bike feedback when it could give himself an advantage over dani:
But back then we had a great bike, everyone worked well. So if a replacement piece worked for him, I didn't like it, "This doesn't work. I want this one. I want this replacement piece, since I'm leading it. I want it. Don't give him this." "You want to try it?" "Yeah, sure." But I didn't want to.
now, listen, I'm sure this kind of thing does happen. that being said. marc, come on, not everyone is engaging in this degree of underhanded behaviour wherein you're intentionally hampering your teammate's efforts to improve the bike just to ensure you continue to have an edge over them. let's make a casey stoner comparison, given that I am legally obligated to mention him in most of my posts. he is actually relevant here though, as dani's pre-marc teammate and the bloke who would have more likely than not been marc's teammate if he hadn't retired. casey talks a bit in his autobiography about working with pedrosa at honda, mentioning how it was nice to have a teammate with a similar pace so they could actually develop the bike together. he also says this:
I never felt threatened by a teammate because I have never had one that I felt was consistently quicker than me and throughout my career our biggest competition always came from outside the garage. Still, I have great respect for Dani, our partnership was a fruitful one and I think we worked really well together to help Honda build their best ever bike in the RC213V.
while I do quite like the implication that casey would have felt 'threatened' by any teammate who could match him, I think it's fair to say that this is a pretty different approach from what marc's describing above. of course, casey could be misleading us... but, call me naive or gullible or whatever, I really just don't think casey was pulling that kind of shit on his teammates. I'd go so far as to say that this kind of thing is maybe not quite as widespread as marc portrays it as being. it might also be worth quickly bringing in casey's thoughts on such a combative style of teammate relationship (from 2009):
probably for the best we never got to see how that particular teammate dynamic would have played out! also, luckily enough, we do actually have somebody who can corroborate that casey and marc behaved differently as teammates. let's get the thoughts of dani himself (april 2023, so after marc marquez all in had been released):
“At least in the team we were in, HRC, it was like this: the one who goes the fastest is the number 1, the one who chooses the parts and the one who determines the direction a bit.
“When [Marc] arrived, I was in that position and with the races and the championships he took that position and decided in his own way. When I was directing more the evolution of the bike I had the parts first and I never thought in [my] own way.
“My way has always been to do the best for the team, and if I have the best parts to make the bike the best, I'm not thinking about my rival right next door, but about Yamaha, Ducati... whoever the rival was, because I consider myself part of the brand. Later he had that other way of doing it.
“I don't think I was missing [the same way as Marquez], because my way of being was that one. For example, before Marc came in, with Casey Stoner, he never played that game either."
so, yeah, maybe not completely universal behaviour. I don't know, I do find it kind of charming that marc has this very 'ah well everyone does it' attitude. now quite honestly I personally would not admit to this sort of behaviour even in confessional amazon prime documentaries - and it's fascinating what kinds of things he has a filter about and at what times he just decides to be, uh, very candid. I mean, I suppose this is a nice way of publicly forewarning any teammate who isn't your brother that you're going to try and make their life miserable. so that's something. anyway, marc did obviously win the internal war - which is the kind of thing that does matter if you're trying to impose your will on bike development... even if you're just doing so to fuck with your teammate. so by 2016 you reportedly had a situation where marc's direction was being followed to the extent that it harmed all the other honda riders:
But Pedrosa claims he had no input in the decision, and is now paying the price of having to compete on a bike built around Marquez’s preferences. The 30-year-old also said that he knew he would be in for a difficult time in 2016 as early as the Valencia test last November.
"In the end we didn't have many specs [of engines], but out of the ones we had I wouldn't have chosen the current one,” Pedrosa admitted. "When we picked the bike I already knew things would be very hard. I already knew how the bike handled in November. But it is what it is. The choice of bike that we have was [Marquez's], I had nothing to do with it. For the moment, he's ahead and he deserves to be. He likes the bike, he adapts better to it, while I struggle more. That's obvious, you can see it in the results and in the way we ride."
Pedrosa said the poor performance of Honda’s satellite bikes this season in comparison to previous years was yet further evidence of how the RC213V has been designed around Marquez’s needs.
Cal Crutchlow’s sixth place at Catalunya has been the best result for a Honda rider besides Marquez and Pedrosa of the campaign so far. “You have to think of the team, not only about yourself,” Pedrosa added. “If you look at the rest of the Hondas, they are a lot further behind than two or three years ago, when you had [Stefan] Bradl or [Alvaro] Bautista finishing fourth or fifth. Now they are 10th and further [back]. So we have to try to get the other teams to work too."
obviously, to some extent teams following the lead rider and prioritising their feedback is completely natural and even wise - they're the one who is winning for you. it does also end up being a bit of a self-perpetuating cycle that makes the rider already winning more likely to continue winning, which helps explain why these riders are even so invested in their internal bickering. all that being said, of course it's worth noting that different riders conceptualise that teammate relationship differently, and the extent of intra-team cooperation can vary drastically. marc has a very particular understanding of that relationship when he is paired with anyone who is not his brother - one that is generally speaking pretty far along the combative end of the scale
unfortunately, we never really got to see how bad the whole marc and jorge (also not the easiest of teammates) situation could have gotten. in 2018, their relationship was definitely better than say 2013, but also jorge was still perfectly happy to criticise marc - whether after argentina, or that whole aragon incident they had
(marc did call jorge afterwards to check in on him, which jorge did appreciate.) but jorge never had the pace in his honda days to threaten marc, so nothing really got going between the two of them. if memory serves, the closest we ever got was catalunya 2019, where they had a bit of a coming together in practise - incidentally the first (and in retrospect only) weekend that season where jorge had potentially dangerous pace
But Lorenzo’s apology seemed to clear the air. Marquez explained that once he “was calmer” and the fear of dropping outside the all-important top ten had subsided, he could see the #99’s point of view.
Marquez also noted how he was twice penalised in 2018 for similar actions to Lorenzo’s in FP3. He then pointed out how neither his team-mate, nor Joan Mir, who blocked the reigning world champion at one point during the Mugello weekend, were punished.
Speaking to Spanish journalists after Saturday’s press conference, Marquez, said, “He [Lorenzo] apologised to me, because he was in the middle of turn three. While people can say it's only free practice, it was the third one, in which the last laps are like qualifying.
“I was so angry because I knew that my lap was the one to enter Q2 directly. In the end I finished ninth, the worst classification of the year. It’s clear that last year I was twice in the middle of the track and on both occasions I was penalised. At Mugello I came across [Joan] Mir, we touched and everything and then at the end of FP3 it happened again with Lorenzo. But this happens... When it does everyone has to be judged equally. There is no difference. He simply apologised. Logically [after the session finished] I was calmer and I understood, because no rider waits in the middle of the track – or at least I hope they don’t."
obviously, this isn't like, a big deal, but in the moment it was one of those 'oooh maybe this'll go somewhere' incidents and the eternal drama enthusiasts in the commentary box were talking about it at the start of the race. like I said, that was jorge's first honda weekend where he was showing actual pace, so it felt like this might be building to something. except then, uh, jorge decided to skittle all of marc's rivals in one go in the race itself and somewhat hilariously managed to just miss marc. and then jorge got injured again the next race and it all just kinda fizzled out after that, so we never really got to find out what dramatics could have been possible there
and that's it as far as teammates prime!marc had in the premier class go. childhood rival pol espargaro took on the mantle for two years in 2021-22, at a time in which there was much kerfuffle about honda's development direction and whether they'd followed marc's path for too long. espargaro did attempt to assert himself in that team and they did try to develop the bike in a way that suited all the riders better rather than just marc, which *gestures at honda post-2020* worked insofar as marc also ended up in the trenches. that being said, pol was never a particularly serious threat to marc - aside from that one race to start off 2022, which maybe prompted a little bit of needle from marc (based on what the podcasts™ were saying at the time in any case) but nothing dramatic - so, y'know, that was kind of that. in those two years plus the year where marc had joan mir as his teammate, of course you can go into the weeds and dig out minor disagreements... but apart from the conversations around development direction and how marquez-centric honda should be going forward, it's just a bit of a different vibe when you're beefing for pee one million or who gets to be the leader of that year's crash rankings. of course, if you really want to stop marc from tormenting you, maybe you should just try being his literal brother. pecco, if you want any more useful advice like that: I offer very reasonable rates, just give me a call and we can hash something out
so, we've covered how the on-track stuff works and looked at the intra-team dynamic - what's next? time to explore a little more how marc goes about unsettling his rivals, how he attempts to give himself the decisive edge over his opponents... and also, what purpose this all serves when it comes to his own psychology. intimidating rivals typically has another underlying goal: it's about motivating yourself. it's about proving to your rivals just how far you'll go to beat them while proving as much to yourself in the same breath
again, at times we're a little light in terms of an actual paper trail of this intimidation... given that marc does like to take on the role of the aggressor in on-track disputes, often he doesn't even have to be the one to comment - and instead the onus is on his rivals to voice their dissent. there's also the issue that marc did have a paucity post-2015 in terms of 'serious title threats over the course of multiple seasons' - which, I don't know, this does feel like a thing somehow, you just don't really build feuds in a single season. even valentino, known feud enjoyer, always needed a little longer to really get something going. looking at marc's career, obviously you do have dovi, with whom he had a very cordial rivalry between 2017 to 2019... but the only year in which dovi was a serious title threat was in the first year of that rivalry, in 2017. after dovi's poor results in the first half of 2018, that title bid was essentially dead on arrival, and the 2019 title fight generously lasts until catalunya when jorge skittled the field minus marc. there's a couple marc rivalries with young challengers that looked like they were just about to kick off after 2019... but, well, we'll never find out how those would have played out. and it might be worth pointing out that in his prime, valentino's disagreements with riders who weren't serious threats to him winning titles didn't really go beyond what marc had going on with assorted other riders from 2016 to 2019. it's a bit of an open question if you want to attribute marc's lower number of feuds primarily to his actual personality and how it differs from valentino's, or whether you think it just reflects their respective competitive situations. the boring answer is that it's probably a combination of both of those things
that being said, obviously you can engage in a wee spot of psychological warfare without it escalating to feud level. now, let's get the obvious out of the way: marc and valentino were still very much at it post-2015. of course they continued to be deeply invested in their attempts to undermine and mess with each other. but, let's be honest, they're their own special little thing and it's just going to derail this post if I pay too much attention to them. there's a certain level of feuding where it becomes increasingly detached from any sort of actual competitive calculus and is more about a fraught relationship between two people who have managed to severely hurt each other. that being said, it's worth pointing out that marc was perfectly capable of using that feud to spur himself on. for the easiest evidence of that, just look at some of his misano performances... in 2017, valentino had just nerfed himself out of the title fight, whereas in 2019 he was no longer a serious threat to marc on-track. and yet despite how valentino wasn't the on-track rival marc should be concerning himself with, in both cases marc ended up using his valentino-related rage to find that little bit extra within himself in order to steal the victory
^from the marc (+ dovi) race rec post
there's plenty to be said about the misano 2019 qualifying incident, but let's set aside the specifics for now (though, speaking of towing-related drama, marc had again during fp3 shadowed valentino around the track, which... why are you hounding this man in misano of all places, marc). the whole kerfuffle certainly didn't hurt marc's race performance, and it's fair to say he seemed particularly thrilled with that victory. obviously, these were pretty pointed celebrations, very in your face, big fuck you to the nation of italy and valentino rossi specifically. celebrations like this are important in both what they're signalling to the enemy and what they're signalling to yourself. if there's one thing you can learn from valentino, it's that a celebration is a public message, and can function as a statement of sorts about what the victory 'meant'. what's the story you're telling with your victory? what do you want to take away from this race? what do you want your opponents to take away from it?
misano that year had come after marc's struggles in last lap duels, with the two races directly preceding it featuring last lap losses to dovi and alex rins respectively. now, on the one hand it's not always catastrophic on a psychological level to be constantly losing last lap duels... because in marc's case they did help reinforce just how dangerous he was, where even at his weaker tracks he would hound his rivals until the very end. on the other hand, obviously it's preferable to have a reputation for winning last lap duels as opposed to losing them - not least because it adds to how intimidating you are when you are locked in another last lap duel. valentino of course had a reputation for being lethally effective in that sort of situation, and it's nicely helpful if your enemies assume they're fucked when you're in their postcode with around three laps to go. I discussed this dynamic a little bit in how it relates to the sete rivalry here and here, which links back to the discussion of how you exert psychological pressure on the track. some relevant excerpts, plus some of my race notes:
marc is obviously more than capable of adopting similar tactics in his racing, but the sete rivalry still holds up as a really good demonstration of the kind of rewards you can reap through a steady diet of psychological intimidation. this is why it's so important to keep an edge over your rivals: you want them to be haunted by the ghosts of all your past on-track encounters whenever you're fighting to the point where it's detrimental to their actual riding. anyway, let's quickly check who marc was actually fighting with during the last lap of misano 2019, and whether that might have had anything to do with why marc was so thrilled to get the victory. oh, the rookie revelation of 2019 and the guy marc quickly identified as the big big threat of the future, you say? poor little fabio quartararo who still hadn't won a race yet, but who marc managed to dramatically deny on two separate occasions that year on the final lap? getting in early on the mission of building up some crucial psychological baggage, are we now?
obviously, and pretty tragically, this future investment on marc's part has ended up being completely irrelevant (unless yamaha wants to do something so so crazy for me and build a functioning bike before marc's hair goes grey), but equally obviously none of us knew that at the time. and fabio was able to take away some positives from the misano experience:
“I knew he would try something, but you never know with Marc,” said the Frenchman. “He can overtake and pull away because I really don’t know if he really saved his tyre.
“The good thing was I could overtake him back, and this going home gives me a lot of confidence, to say ‘he’s a seven-time world champion, but we can overtake him’. So, he’s a human like us.”
because that's what it's all about, isn't it. giving the opposition the impression that you're not even human - and, even if fabio is saying the experience gave him 'a lot of confidence', imagine how much more confidence he would've gotten if he'd won. also, check out fabio's comment about not knowing whether marc had been saving his tyre. that's why the 'fucking about before fucking off' approach to races is so effective: because of how it generates uncertainty, it generates doubt, it makes your rivals wonder even during races whether there's a chance you're just toying with them
we do have a bit of a sample size issue here when it comes to assessing marc's celebrations, in that his two last lap duels with fabio came a) in valentino's backyard, and b) when marc sealed that year's title. it means that if the celebrations seem excessive, there's still other plausible explanations for why marc was so happy to get one over the rookie that aren't related to trying to bully fabio into submission for as long as he still could. did marc really use them as a way of reminding everyone, including fabio, including himself, of who's really in charge? again, you'll have to draw your own conclusions
I'm doing my best not to cover anything that's happening this year too much, since this is the stuff I'm assuming people reading are basically familiar with. but of course, if we're talking 'pointed celebrations' then there's also a few from this year that stand out. this isn't to say that marc's joy at his ducati successes have been anything other than genuine, that he isn't happy or relieved or revitalised by his current season... but, well, part of being revitalised is also being back in the game where fighting for titles is concerned. take the jerez celebrations, ecstatic in spite of losing a tight battle, openly loved and adored by his home crowd. look at how he's done his thing repeatedly this year of engaging with all these crowds, getting them to celebrate with him specifically. a cynic might say it's a way of reminding his opponents that they might be winning right now... but they should never forget who the crowds have really come to see. which would be charmingly valentino of him. while marc (probably wisely) never went too far in mimicking valentino's unique style of celebrations, he is an avid enough student to understand the importance of the theatre of victory. like in his third ever premier class race (from the jerez post):
racing is one thing, but it's always important to consider how you're reacting in both defeat and victory. like valentino before him, marc prefers not to openly show his rage. like valentino, more often than not he will be publicly magnanimous in defeat. like valentino, he's not adverse to twisting in the blade a little further in victory. like valentino, he's very much aware of when a camera is watching him. with marc, you can also observe how determined he is to appear unaffected and unbothered by the effects of sepang 2015 on his public image (except in displays of very carefully managed vulnerability like marc marquez all in). there's plenty of examples of this, but most relevant here is how marc concerns himself with not being openly affected by fans booing him. take blowing kisses to the misano 2017 crowd after his warm up crash... which, looking at his post-race presser comments, whatever he may say clearly (and understandably) did bother him. likewise, see the glee of the misano 2019 celebrations. with those celebrations, he's trying to tell you that not only does it not bother him that they're booing, but instead he relishes it. the more they do this, the more he will win
one more case study before we wrap this post up, this time using a specific rival to illustrate some of his more common tactics and how the spats he gets himself involved in generally play out. said rival is alex rins, who especially in 2019 had emerged as one of marc's prime challengers. now, before we talk about any disagreements between those two, I do have to mention that rinsy has a bit of history with the marquez family (this from 2016):
in the end, dani stayed on for another year and was replaced by another ageing spaniard marc felt confident he'd have the measure of while rinsy signed for suzuki - so it's very unlikely marc had to play any active role in blocking him from taking the seat. that being said, obviously the main takeaway is the bad blood stemming from alex marquez's moto3 title campaign and how alzamora organised that team around the younger marquez. god knows how rins felt about this by 2019, but I doubt he'd just forgotten about it. there's also this from 2020, which to me reads as a little dismissive about someone who was your teammate in moto3? I don't know, judge for yourself:
anyway, back to marc. the 'biggest' incident between the pair of them was a coming together in qualifying at brno 2019 (one of the all time great qualifying performances from marc by the way, well worth a watch):
During qualifying at Brno, cameras picked up the end of a tense tussle between MotoGP champion Marc Marquez and Suzuki's Alex Rins. The pair were caught putting some close passes on each other before pulling into pit lane, where they continued to 'duel' - until Marquez reached out with his arm to put some space between their machines.
Marquez then over swapped to slick tyres and romped to pole position on the drying track, with Rins claiming sixth on the grid.
"It's a tricky thing because for sure [Marc] is now one step in front of everybody. He put the slick tyres and he was super-fast. But I think he has no respect for the other riders. He is riding on his way," said Rins. "I will explain to you what happened: On Corner 5, he went a little bit wide and behind him was Miller and me. When he went wide, he looked back and saw Jack and me. Jack passed him, but then he went back onto the line and sincerely he disturbed me. I was pushing. I was not super-fast, but I was pushing.
"So on the next left corner I tried to do my line. He opened a little a bit the door and I go in. I touched him, but I think it's his fault; if he is riding slow he needs to open the door and that's it. But anyway, then on the last corner he braked super-hard to overtake me [back]. Then when we were coming into the box I was in front of him and I go straight and he has no space to go by my side. If I was him, I would cut the gas…"
"I ran wide at Turn 5 and Jack overtook me because I checked behind and I only saw him, so I tried to follow Jack because I know he had good pace. Then I went a bit too wide and there was a small space, but enough and [Rins] ran into me…" said the Repsol Honda star. “The funny thing was when we entered the box and the tyre wall was there [in front of me] and I didn’t have the space [to get through] because he was going that way. I don’t know if that was intentional or not, but for me it wasn’t important. I lose zero time on these sort of things.” Told Rins had said he had no respect for other riders, Marquez responded: “Of course I don’t agree with this, it is his opinion."
"It's not the first time," Rins had explained earlier. "Everybody knows Marquez and everybody knows that he has an incredible talent, but also what happened in FP1 with Vinales was more-or-less the same. Marc loves to play this game and try to get in the head of other riders. But in my case I'm really calm. I just tell the truth and that's it." Asked if he thought he needed to try and get into Marquez's head, Rins responded: "No, I don't think so…. For sure if I'm fighting for the world championship with him I will try to do something, but he's 80 points in front of me - maybe he's scared, I don't know!"
Austin winner Rins, who has fallen in the last two races, is fourth in the world championship.
their most significant race clash was in silverstone 2019, where alex got the better of marc in a very dramatic last lap duel. I've heard journalists make vague reference to marc not taking that loss particularly well, though... again. hard to actually pin him down on a lot of this! but we do have more extensive comments rinsy provided in early 2020 to work with, and he at least seems to agree with that assessment:
"Marc is so good at these mental things, he plays a lot with all the riders," Rins told the official MotoGP website.
"For example in Brno last year, I was on a fast lap, he looked behind at me and opened the line a little bit, but not too much. I was on the dry line and I touched him. I lost my lap, but I continued pushing. Then in the last chicane he overtook me so closely, we were so close to a crash, and then he went into pit lane. From that moment, I said to myself, Marc is considering me as a rival."
Rins - who declared "Marquez has no respect for other riders" immediately after the incident - got his revenge in the form of a thrilling last-corner victory pass on Marquez a few weeks later at Silverstone. "Marc is the man to beat and the rivalry is so high," Rins said. "More in 2019, because I shared more moments on track with him. For sure whenever he finishes just in front of me, I'm a bit angry, I want to beat him. But also for him. I remember when I beat him in Silverstone he was so, so angry."
Rins added: "I like this because it means that I'm doing a good job. Marc is an incredible rider, winning a lot of races and championships, and if he thinks of me as a rival, it means I'm there fighting him."
Rins took two wins on his way to a best-yet fourth in the 2019 MotoGP standings.
now, yeah... the problem is that this is all very much hearsay (but no more so than plenty of similar comments valentino's rivals made about him!) and rinsy could just be lying about this or misinterpreting it or whatever. we are very low on actual evidence for the stuff he says here. if you watch silverstone 2019 and the aftermath, you will not see a marc who visibly looks angry - of course you won't, because he almost never looks visibly angry. unfortunately, we don't have the chance to grill alex on why exactly he was left with this impression. at the end of the day, like with valentino, when it comes to evaluating the honesty of a lot of these character references you will just have to make up your own mind. like with valentino, some of these men will either be exaggerating the extent of the harm or just straight up making shit up. then again, like with valentino, the number of people who do seem to have the impression marc was fucking with them maybe suggests that there is something to these allegations
just a few things to note here... to highlight some of the common features that tend to crop up in these marc incidents:
there's the accusation of lack of respect towards other riders - valentino is the one who most infamously made that accusation in the aftermath of argentina 2018, but of course he's far, far from alone in making comments along those lines. marc certainly has a tendency towards being... uncompromising in his approach, shall we say, which can at times lean towards treating his competitors mainly as obstacles and inconveniences
the anger that's being attributed to marc. which he doesn't tend to directly express towards his competitors off the track! but if he is angry, it may instead... seep into how he approaches instances where they share space on-track, as well as affect his general demeanour towards them
there's rinsy suggesting marc is known for playing these games, that he does it a lot, and he's also known for being very good at them... which again is often something we only hear about indirectly, but of course it's interesting if that's the general paddock consensus
there's also rinsy's insistence that marc's games don't bother him at all - he's just calmly noting that marc's engaging in them! again, it's quite hard when you're familiar enough with valentino's oeuvre to not be slapped in the face with the similarity in some of the rhetoric their rivals use. doesn't mean all of these different dynamics are directly analogous, but it does speak to how determined the rivals in question tend to be in... y'know. telling themselves that they're above the whole thing. unfortunately, sometimes it is just very, very hard to be unaffected... and sometimes you're already losing by talking about it, because it shows you've been thinking about it
which, check out marc's response. 'oh, obviously I don't agree I lack respect' 'ah, I lose zero time on these things' (for another example of him using similar language, you could of course look to his comments about bez last year in valencia). this is marc's go-to - he generally quite likes to deny the existence of a problem, makes it sound like the whole thing is very one-sided... he keeps his distance and can maintain his poise and this veneer of neutrality, where he is not causing any drama. maybe the other guy's just imagining things! that's really not marc's problem, is it now
lastly, you've got this notion of marc messing with other riders selectively, and specifically doing it when he's identified you as a potential threat. again, maybe you think alex is reading too much into it! but equally, it's worth noting that we have as much evidence for marc messing with rinsy as we do for, say, valentino messing with casey in practise sessions in 2006 (as casey's autobiography claims). it would have been completely competitively reasonable for marc to identify alex rins as one of his primary threats in the future... and it would also not be hugely surprising if marc wanted to maintain a psychological edge over him
incidentally, at 2020 jerez rins and marc had another little run in during a practise session - where alex was left 'visibly frustrated' after marc was slowing down on the racing line while rinsy was completing a flying lap, which he ended up having to back out of. this denied rinsy direct entry into q2 (though marc didn't end up being penalised for it). of course, marc's jerez race reached an unhappy conclusion and rins was too injured to even start it, and after that they've never been even remotely close to fighting for a championship. though there's still a little bit of needle between the pair of them, mainly resulting from how rinsy ended up joining lcr honda in 2023 after suzuki departed the scene. there's marc's reasonably innocent comments in 2022, on a day in which rinsy won another last lap duel for the victory in phillip island:
"I will not give any advice," said Marquez. "For me it is another opponent. It’s good that joining Honda is one world champion [Joan Mir] and one rider that is winning races with another manufacturer.
"Like this we will see exactly the level. I’m working really hard for the 2023 project with Honda and they are working really, really hard too. I don’t say I wish [him] the best. Let’s just go and see. He is another opponent, if not it would be fake’."
or here, take this from before mugello 2023, again mostly innocuous:
By contrast, Marquez believes Mugello is one of Rins’ best tracks and he wasn’t surprised to see the COTA winner at the sharp end.
“No [I’m not surprised], because Rins, even with Suzuki, had 5-6 circuits where he is very fast and then others where he struggles more. Normally here with Suzuki, he was very fast and very consistent,” said Marquez, whose only premier-class win at Mugello was back in 2014.
“He is really good in fast corners so, for example, in Le Mans he was struggling more than me and here he is very fast. It is good for Honda and Honda riders that someone is faster because like this you have more chance to look and compare the things.”
love being told I have "5-6 circuits" where I'm very fast. or take rinsy's innocent surprise that marc didn't end up winning at the sachsenring, and how he suggests it was maybe because of all the pressure marc had been feeling:
"It's hard, it tastes very bad to me because Marc has a fucking talent and it's not being easy at all,” Rins was quoted by DAZN. “But hey, in the end you have to turn the tables, you have to win, you have to build a winning bike.
"Damn, I thought that Marc would also win in Germany. What happened? I don't know, I have no idea. Pressure, extra pressure, I have no idea.”
and then, of course, there was always that little hint of tension that came as a result of rinsy being honda's only race winner that year, at marc's beloved cota of all places... which became a bit of a discourse point (not always propagated by rinsy) to say that, hey, maybe the honda wasn't so bad after all... anyway, here's what marc said when rinsy signed for yamaha:
Repsol Honda rider Marquez was asked about Rins’ departure and answered: “I had an interview, they asked me about this rumour. I said ‘I don’t think so’ because Rins won a race and he said ‘it’s a good bike’.
“So I didn’t expect this move. But then the day after! I’m happy for him, it’s a good move, he’s moving from a satellite team to a factory team. Yamaha has power and energy from the past.”
marc had said 'surely not' but then the very next day he was left shocked and taken aback! he'd thought rinsy loved the bike so much! he'd thought rinsy felt it was actually a good bike! he'd thought rinsy would never want to leave! how unexpected this whole thing was to him!
(there was also talk about rinsy's unhappiness at how honda treated him and his development feedback - but as there is less than zero evidence marc had anything to do with that, let's leave it there)
did marc really behave differently towards alex rins because he saw him as a threat? probably! possibly? probably! but he hasn't really felt the need to say as much. sometimes, you can fuck with people by staying silent, and sometimes you can fuck with them just because you have a reputation for mind games - which marc, like valentino, has acquired over the years. ideally, your on-track plus off-track presence gets to the point where you don't really need to do anything and can let your opponents engage in shadowboxing while you can spend your time in more useful ways. think of that excellent clip from motogp unlimited where poor joan mir complains about marc's towing, freaks out when he realises the press has said he's complained about marc's towing, and then goes to explain to marc how he hadn't actually complained about marc's towing. and marc, with the air of a man who has been high on painkillers for the past week and hasn't given joan much thought beyond contemplating how well he'd pair with potatoes, graciously accepts this explanation - which joan is painfully, obviously relieved by. marc wasn't playing any 'mind games' in this clip, he was just standing there. but sometimes that's all you've got to do! call it a good return on prior investment. (partly this is also just a result of the status the sheer extent of marc and valentino's successes provides them and, relatedly, their power and influence within the sport.) here, from one of oxley's books:
Once you've established a reputation for trickery, you can confuse people without doing anything. At this year's [2009] German GP Casey Stoner accused Rossi of attempting to confuse his rivals by scrubbing the white sidewall paint from his front slick; the paint denoting Bridgestone's softer compound tyres. In fact Bridgestone had run out of white paint (no, really), but the reality didn't matter because Stoner was sat on the grid, convinced Rossi was playing tricks when he should've been getting himself in the zone, focusing on his race.
that's the ideal, right: you don't even have to do the dirty work yourself because it's the reputation doing the work for you. marc inspires a similar effect on riders, where he just gets them to the point where they're spending way too much time hyper-analysing whatever he's doing at any given moment. which means that he doesn't actually need to be trying to fuck with anyone for the effect to still be the same. free and easy, what's not to love
so, that's it, more or less. all the on-track stuff, from 'how to build up an intimidating presence 101', to just being extremely annoying in non-race sessions, to trying to mess with your teammate, to more generally how you go about handling disputes with other riders. managing your motivation, their motivation, everyone's motivation. of course marc's not quite scaled the heights (yet) of cursing another rider to never win another race again - which, hey, nobody's perfect, but I think he's built together a fairly decent resume for himself! there's plenty more stuff you could get into here, c.f. 'everything that's been going on with ducati internal politics this year'... but this post is more than long enough, and you can follow all that stuff while it's actually happening. a few more related topics I've deigned outside of the scope of this post include how he generally manages perceptions of himself and his performance potential in ways that aren't targeted at any specific rival, for instance how he talks about his injury and has a tendency to change his tune depending on what's convenient at any given time, or how in the past he managed perceptions of the competitiveness of his honda package. likewise, I also haven't discussed the actual success rate of these tactics: let's not forget that trying to fuck with your rivals doesn't... always produce the effects you want it to. (sometimes just in kind of dumb ways, like I get messing with the rookie sensation but please try not to crash when catching a tow, marc. "marc clearly tried to get into fabio's head and I think he hit his head himself quite big." "so, I think it's karma. fabio's on pole and I hope marc is uninjured of course. but he tried to get in his head because he knows fabio is fast." not ideal!) but, hey, the most important thing is he's trying hard and having fun. or something
because that's the thing, right. when you are attempting to exert psychological pressure on your opponents, when you're trying to weaken your rivals, inevitably this also has an effect on you. there are athletes who prefer to completely ignore their opponents and act as if they are essentially competing on their lonesome. neither valentino nor marc fall into this category. as a result, how you behave towards your rivals inevitably also becomes at least in part about motivating yourself. you are attempting to focus your mind in some way - whether it is to see your rival as an enemy or to simply distance yourself from them or otherwise. you may even be minded to treat your rival particularly warmly, knowing they are less likely to give you grief if you have ensured the interpersonal relationship has remained amicable... maybe even looking for a slight psychological edge if they are not sufficiently motivated to beat you. maybe that too is about managing your reputation and drawing a line under past unfriendlier rivalries, to distinguish your most beloathed rival from all the others. you may need to find a way to keep the fire within going, to reinvigorate yourself even in periods of relative competitive tranquillity by giving yourself something to be angry at, a reason to fight and to win out of spite... finding reasons to care, again and again and again. celebrating with exuberance not just because you are genuinely filled with joy but also because you need to be filled with joy - so that you can find it within yourself to keep fighting. there's never just one brain involved in the arena of psychological warfare. to succeed in sports the first person you have to play mind games on, after all, is yourse- *gets taken out by sniper rifle*
#funny editorial choice in marc marquez all in is that two separate bits of footage for the dani/marc segment are from sepang 2015#plenty of nervous energy from marc that had fuck all to do with dani walking up behind him#tigerbalmpng#also thank you!! that's very kind#rosquez#//#4693#if you've sent me an ask and I haven't replied chances are there's something horrendously long in the drafts btw#icl I did get a little push to finish this off... love you marc#listen this really was edited down. massive chunks ripped out consigned back to google doc oblivion. so. could've been worse#has to be said my notes for seasons I actually watched live are wayyyyy worse... trying to google half-remembered controversies#if only I'd had the foresight in 2017 or whenever to keep a beef journal. tho I did have a useful ranking of my fave towing-related dramas#btw I find every single thing I put in this post good and fun. it's sports they're supposed to be assholes#'he ruined honda!!!!' good. he finished what valentino started#rinsy and marc still sniping at each other post covid when there was literally no point any more was like the poundland casey/vale#like man war's over just try not to die on that bloody bike#fun fact there were rumours of yamaha negotiations with casey in 2009 when both honda and ducati were heavily courting jorge#like the ducati rift was THAT serious that word at the time was he was seriously considering breaking his contract. yamaha or retirement#there's a universe out there where yamaha casey/vale and honda jorge/dani both happen simultaneously#and marc enters a premier class in 2013 that's blessedly free of aliens because they've all very much murdered each other#'how is that relevant to anything in this post' well you see the thing is. it's not
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-Blame it on... (p.js)
pairing: fwb! jay x f! reader
wordcount: 1.0k
content: smut, angst, heartbreak, mentions of alcohol and drugs, slight exhibitionism, idk what else...
note: hi I don't usually post ff on this account but this has been sitting in my drafts for like ever so here we are. It's been a while saur...
----------˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚----------
You only ever saw Jay when you were drunk, acknowledged his presence with a bottle in your hand. Why? You didn't know but the thought of not having your liquid courage in your system freaked you out. You needed the drinks to justify why you kept going back, and let him have you the way that he did.
When did it begin? It was at a frat party you dragged your friends to. Jake had just left you heartbroken and you were ready to be stupid and reckless. You and Jake had been high school sweethearts but he decided he wanted to fuck other girls and that you just had to deal with it or leave. So you left your four year relationship and it led you here in a random frat house, five shots in and your friends nowhere in sight.
That's where he came in. Park Jay. Energetic. Charismatic. Life of the party. He'd plopped down right next to you on the couch to rest and you, being a lightweight, cuddled up to his warmth. He didn't mind. You're hot and single. An easy girl looking for no strings attached. You were just the girl he'd been looking for or so he thought. Little did he know, you were gonna be the one to fuck him up.
So off you went together, getting even more drunk and high than you already were. Bong rip after bong rip until it was just you two in a bedroom upstairs. You, with your skirt unzipped and your top long gone. Him, with nothing but his boxers.
You knew it was a bad idea. Having sex with a stranger right after a big break up. But there was something about him that just had you wanting more. His aura was inviting, luring you into his trap. You needed him to touch you, hurt you. You wanted his soft lips on yours, kissing away the pain. You needed him to make you forget, needed him to ruin whatever's left of you.
Maintaining eye contact, you undid your bra and let the straps slip from your arms. You slipped off your skirt with eaze, not realizing you'd misplaced your underwear. You took it off earlier in the bathroom and forgot to put it back on before you left. It's okay though. You liked the thought of being easy to access. Anyone could have had you and you wouldn't have cared. The thought of it had your pussy wet. That's how willing you were to forget. To have someone distract you from your heartache. You're glad it was Jay who got to have you that night. You'd never tell him that to his face, though…
You let him explore your curves as you both made your way to the bed. You let him eat you out, which you've never let anyone do but you can blame it on the alcohol for your misjudgement. You let him suck on your clit as he pumped two fingers into you, curling up at your sweet spot. You moaned from the sensation, stars filling your eyes. You run your hands through his hair, gripping it tight with each lick he gives to your folds. You gasp as he becomes the first man to make you cum just from eating you out.
He whispers sweet nothings in your ear as he rubs the tip of his cock against your wet folds, lubricating it. He called you his good girl with each kiss as he let you adjust to his size, and maybe just maybe you'd let him be yours, but the thought stung too much. He fills you up to the brim, stuffing you with his length. He's definitely bigger than your ex. With him, you didn't have to pretend.
You let him be as rough as he wanted with you. You didn't care. You needed to feel something. You wanted this man to erase the touch of another. You wanted him to fill you up in each and every hole you had to offer. You wanted each and every drop of his cum to fill you up. You needed him to treat you like the whore you are, so you won't fall in love again.
So he did. With each sharp thrust, he first came inside your pussy, astonished at how much you begged him to, refusing to even think of the consequences. You then cleaned him up with your mouth, getting him hard again with the swirl of your tongue until he came deep in your throat. Eyes puffy, you swallowed all of it with a smile. That was a first for him, and fuck he wanted you so bad. Before you knew it, he was buried deep in your ass, rearranging your guts as he came for the last time that night, achieving the goal you set for yourself.
That's how it started.
Afterwards, you woke up sore with a pounding headache. Hickeys littered your chest, neck and thighs. Dried cum stuck to your skin...and Jay. He was sleeping so peacefully by your side. You almost wanted to kiss his pretty face, wanting to snuggle up to his side and breathe in his fragrance. But you didn't.
Instead, you got up slowly as memories of last night came flooding back. Was it a mistake? Maybe. A mistake you'll keep coming back to. A mistake you sought out when you were drunk and sad at night and had nowhere else to go but his apartment.
And Jay? He didn't mind that you only ever saw him when you were drunk. Although, he wished you'd let him take you out one of these days. It used to drive him crazy when this all started. You, refusing to even talk to him about what you were. Rejecting him whenever he'd tried anything while you were sober. Was he really that awful in bed that you needed liquor just to sleep with him? He tried breaking it off before. Ending this stupid game of cat and mouse. Why should he have to deal with your fucked up heart? But then he'd miss you and he'd come crawling back. It's whatever though. Having you like this was better than nothing...right?
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!SELLER SHOT!
Alhaitham × Fem!Reader
synopsis: He couldn't let someone like you, such an insignificant being like you, challenge him. There was no other way to make you understand his place.
Notes: This is my first post, I thought it was a waste to leave this draft to myself. It's early morning here, so would you say this review was sloppy? English is not my native language, so I apologize for any grammatical errors. This man's return to the banner drove me crazy.
TW: Alhaitham with a big d!ck, female body reader, crying reader? angry sex, cream all over d!ck. Maybe a breedingkink, humiliation kink? I think so.
You took him seriously.
His falling gray hair could be counted every time he spoke to you. With that mischievous and sarcastic smile that made fun of him.
An exchange has never been smooth and easy between you. Obviously, it was a pleasure to have the scribe in your store, wanting your help with something or looking for an object, and you, of course, took advantage of the situation.
Sometimes he said that such an item did not exist, sometimes he put the value at a horrendous high level and the biggest excuse of all:
"I think you are not worthy of my wares, Scribe." His arms crossed below his chest, giving that smile.
Alhaitham hated you. How could someone of his size and position disturb his peace so easily and quickly, get into his mind.
Alhaitham swore he could feel his blood boil and his veins pulse with anger, but like a man of his rank, he took a deep breath and set off to go somewhere else, behind his objective.
You already loved seeing how the Scribe was almost on his knees just for your things, how Alhaitham would go so far as to beg. He loved it even more when he saw the vein next to his head throbbing with anger.
But you never imagined yourself as you would be now.
His pelvis slammed brutally against your ass, leaving loud noises from your sweat-soaked skin. His hands gripped the corner of the table tightly to try to take out all the frustration of pleasure. The same table moved brutally due to the force that the man behind you used. The floor was already dirty from the mess of the two of you, from your past orgasms, your feet on your toes, trying to get away from him.
Her moans of hatred were replaced by moans of pleasure and contextless murmurs. Eyes rolling into the back of his head every time he pushed all the way in, bringing the pleasure of having his G-spot hit and pressed.
His dick spread you so wide that it was impossible for you not to have every part of your pussy molded by him. It was so big that it took a while for everything to enter, it took many minutes of pushing slowly, filling you completely, his body trembled, sensitive every time his tip touched the entrance to your uterus.
"Who knew you only wanted a good fuck with me, hun?" One of the scribe's hands grabbed his hair, pinning his back to his abdomen. The thump of wet skin made you let out a more needy moan. “You look so much prettier with that stupid bitch face.” He laughed arrogantly, cupping your cheeks and sealing your lips with his. His tongue was brutal in invading, smearing all of your drool all over your faces.
His body hurt from how long they had been at it, how many orgasms had he given you so far and he didn't even have one? His resistance was so much that you envied, it only took two fingers and cumming on his fingers that you already felt exhausted. But he wasn't satisfied, he wanted more from you, he wanted to make you pay for all the times you humiliated him. He would destroy you and then make you his.
"Haitham, archons! P-please!" You didn't even know why you were begging so much, you just felt like you had to ask, that you needed to beg for him. His pussy clenched again, sucking his cock hungrily, spilling more of her juices down his thighs.
Alhaitham knew you were reaching your limit again, your body was shaking even more, legs restless and hands gripped your biceps tightly, your pussy suffocated his dick even more making your movements difficult.
"Are you going to cum again? Is this greedy pussy going to make me wet?" His tone was sweet and low, making you even more desperate for your orgasm. His head shook countless times, his vision became so blurred and dark.
That's when he stopped. His body gave one last spasm as he stopped his movements. His eyes met theirs, trying to understand the reason, widened by the repeated pause.
"W-why w-..."
"Lay down on the table and hold your legs like this." He guided you, always holding your waist so you wouldn't fall to the ground, especially because you couldn't keep your balance alone. "Put your leg here, I want to see you cum looking into my eyes." His tone was serious, giving you more anxiety.
Alhaitham held one leg on his shoulder while wrapping the other around his waist. He had the great vision of having his body covered with a thin layer of sweat, red cheeks and lips, eyes with tears in their corners and labored breathing. His skin was all bitten and marked by hickeys, he would say he did a lot of damage.
With just one push he was inside again, the sensation returning to his body made him throw his head back and arch his body. The moans of pleasure gained tone and spread throughout the store. The creaking of the table returned along with Alhaitham's short, low moans.
"This way go deeper, I feel like I could tear you in half if I push harder." His fingers played with your clit smugly. Alhaitham couldn't be human, the way heand it made you have spikes, it was inhumane.
The feeling of euphoria in his stomach came back with a vengeance, his vision became blurred and his body tingled with excitement. He understood of course, even because he let go of your leg with force, holding your wet cheeks and forcing you to look him in the eyes. Anger and lust dominated him so much, leaving him a wild man.
"You're going to cum looking a me, you hear? I want to see you humiliate yourself for this just like I did. And when it's over, I'm going to make sure you're not the uneducated bitch you are." He said through gritted teeth, his tone was hard and dry.
You agreed, even though your brain was already melting from so much overstimulation and unable to process anything. His mind only focused on how good Alhaitham's dick felt.
His hips increase the rhythm quickly, seeking his orgasm and yours, his hands didn't stop in one place, every time squeezing a part of him and leaving his marks on your body. The Scribe moaned loudly with you now, ignoring the people passing by the store front, following you in harmony.
"I'm going to cum! N-ngh! Haitham! Alhaitham!" His hands gripped your biceps tightly, digging his nails into the exposed skin, drawing blood.
Alhaitham growled low, closing his eyes for a thousandths and opening them again, his hands rested on his waist, pressing her pussy against his pelvis even more. The bulge of his penis in his belly appeared and disappeared due to the speed.
"I'm going to cum inside you and you're going to take every drop without complaining." He moaned against his lips. Just the mention of him filling you with his cum made you reach your peak.
And you came, giving a choked and cut moan, squeezing Alhaitham's shoulders tightly and legs tied to his hips. His pussy milked him hard, forcing him to fill you with his thick, hot cum. His toes twitched feeling the hot liquid dominate his insides.
The scribe's hands kneaded the skin of his waist, taking out the excitement of his orgasm. Breathing heavily and letting out choked growls.
You moaned as you felt even fuller, you could feel him pulsing inside you more and more. With a tidy body. Alhaitham pulled his penis out of you, seeing the white liquid mark your belly. His eyes seemed lost analyzing you.
The man's hands went behind your thighs, lifting you onto his lap. Pressing your tired, limp body against the wall. His face got closer still breathing against your lips.
"I want more" his voice came out gentle, so out of touch with how his tone was "I want you for myself"
His eyes rolled back as he was invaded smugly by him. Praying to the archons for mercy.
Because he had just started with you and didn't intend to stop anytime soon.
*
!translation or posting on other websites is prohibited!
Thanks! Bye!
#alhaitham smut#genshin smut#cuminmypussy#anger issues#breeding k1nk#anger#fem reader#alhaitham#genshin impact
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1863rd hsy before kdj came was dead set on casting the world into eternal sleep and getting her wish at the cost of not only yjh but also all her companions as well. to end the story with quiet, empty rest.
then kdj appears and sees the world, sees it as even better than his own, sees how knw was saved and grown and looked after and sees the story hsy has written. and he appreciates it. it is more perfect than his own run. he admits it himself.
and still he decides to change it. change the ending as only a reader would.
because despite everything, there is still a voice in yjh, one only kdj can hear, and it says, ever so quietly:
"i want to live."
and he does. the man this worldline had painstakingly shaped into a willing villain, who lost everything and everyone, and kdj held him and gave him a dream, a new story, a future and wish and hope. kdj destroys hsy's plans and he does so selfishly, pretty much willlingly dooming the world for just one man. dooming himself too, just for a chance of one man being happy, of reaching his ending and epilogue. of living.
and hsy is changed too just by that. she stays behind despite all of her previous convictions, willingly letting herself remain in this shitty story and lead her companions towards the ending.
thus begins a cycle of endless salvation. i will save you. i will save you and, perhaps by saving you, i will save myself too. an ever so selfish plea. this type of lonely, world destroying salvation. to save in order to save yourself. to become reliant on another as as one's entire salvation.
but in the end, 1863rd hsy disappears with a silent farewell, a broken unfilled wish and unspoken words. and kdj himself shows the powers and follies of such devotion. the pain of salvation, the beauty and cruelty and selfishness of the double bladed sacrifice.
hsy and kdj are matching reflections of each other's virtues and vices. their strengths and their weaknesses. reader and author beyond the fourth wall, pearing down into the story they both equally create. and they pave the way to an ending never before seen, hoping that it'll at least save someone else but never themself. kdj loves and the world trembles before it.
kdj's epilogue becomes an eternal dream and a quiet, empty rest. and there is not even a quiet little voice that says, "i want to live", anymore.
but hsy writes again, and kimcom writes with her this time, together. yjh goes off into space but not alone. he who was once 41st yjh, and biyoo who was once 41st sys, they go onto their at last adventure. and he becomes a reader, an editor, a writer, and finds always himself.
and in the end, the adevnture of kim dokja's company finishes with a reunion of everyone and a future where they can build a wish someone they loved once made. kdj had saved them and they have also saved themselves. perhaps it is enough.
and thus a new story begins.
#orv analysis#orv spoiler#kim dokja#han sooyoung#yoo joonghyuk#kimcom#man this was in my drafts for so fucking long#thank god i finally finished this skdjkdldld#long post
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strollonso and their little touches
#f1#formula 1#lance stroll#aston martin#fernando alonso#ls18#fa14#he fucked that old man#ive had this in my drafts for so long#im not normal about them#they make me crazy#strollonso#fernando never retire#what will lance do without his favourite old man
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thinking about L Change the WorLd vs DN Anime parallels again so here's a thoughtdump (basically just an extension of this because I do have more in-depth thoughts about these)
Just. The contrast between how they each react to the other's death. Ough.
When L dies Light is, frankly, a pathetic mess about it. I mean the funeral scene speaks volumes on its own but it's also about how despite the hatred and utter spite Light has there's also that almost petty respect he has for L when he meets Near, how pissed he is at this dude for basically being a "mockery" to L's legacy. It's contradictory. He hates this guy, he'll gloat about the man's death to his own grave, he'll stare off into space and still see his face, he respects him more than he did anyone else, it's a fucking mess.
Meanwhile in LCtW L is openly sentimental about Light's death from the start. Where Light was Coping and Seething while trying to destroy what's left of L's legacy L decides to keep Light's watch (a useless, broken watch, which is really just another one of Light's murder weapons) not out of spite or pettiness or a sign of victory but just for remembrance. He Knows that he was Kira, it's something that only a handful of other people know, just him and the taskforce, and he talks about Kira with some other people in the novel, about what he did, but he still remembers him and mentions him first and foremost as a friend. His only friend, even.
It's about the way they remember each other when they're about to die (if we're taking the anime version of death note at least)
Like, Light goes into the Yellow Box Warehouse thinking that this is it, this is where he'll finally destroy any trace of L that's left. His successors, his task force, destroy his name and title, destroy his role as a false detective and simply Be Kira but he ends up failing anyway. When he firsts realizes he's lost, he's flailing and panicking and running, and while he's running all he really has his regret. When he's laying on the stairs and after Ryuk writes his name, while the credits are rolling, he looks pained when they show the close up shots of his face. But in the last few scenes after they reveal the vision of L that subtly changes. He doesn't struggle in the last few seconds like every other character that dies in the show, or even the way he did in the manga, he just closes his eyes while seeing L stare back at him. In contrast to the way that he dies in the manga Light's death here could almost be interpreted as peaceful. Hell, the way he looks during the close-up shot of his eye is almost calm.
("That was like. The last 1/1000th of Light's life and it was spent on L lmao" - One of my irls)
Meanwhile L is (for the mostpart) far more accepting of his fate from the get-go. There's nothing left that he could take from Light, everything he'd built up as Kira was already being dismantled anyway, but even then L doesn't think illy of him at all. If anything he finds himself regretting the fact that he couldn't make Light see where he'd gone wrong, I think it's pretty fair to assume that he wished that Light didn't have to die at all (but L's still dying no matter what. so,).
And on his Final day alive he still decides to take the time out of his last day to go to the Yagami household and pay his respects to Light. Even in his literal last minutes alive he thinks of Light welcomingly. When he addresses him that last time it isn't as Kira, and he almost never goes out of his way to think of what he did as Kira unless someone else brings it up, instead he just thinks of Light, his friend that he hopes to see again. It's crazy.
It's This Shit (yes I put this in the first post but shh)
Fucking. L thinking of Light and Mu in his last moments and dying peacefully vs Light seeing L as he realizes he's going to die and dying in the most peaceful way he ever does in literally any adaptation of Death Note
It's about the way that they're both portrayed seeing the other's 'ghost'. I hate everything by the way.
It's about how they both feel lost in a sense after the other is gone, when they're finally unrivalled.
It's about the fact that L points out at the beginning of the series that he can tell that both he and Kira are childish and hate to lose, but at the end of the anime Light has to come face-to-face with the realization that he was still defeated by L, and in LCtW L concedes that, yes, he did ultimately fail to catch Kira, and was still defeated by him in a sense.
Just. Holds head in hands.
It's Light destroying anything L had left, still trying his hardest to do so until his own downfall vs L making the conscious effort to preserve the memory of who Light was (who he really was, because only the taskforce knows he was Kira, not even Misa or Light's family) and choosing to remember him even in his last moments. It's Light fucking cackling and gloating at his own victory at L's own grave vs. L having Light's broken watch around his own wrist for safekeeping vs. Light believing that Near will never live up to or replace L as the world's greatest detective vs. L still referring to Light as "his only friend" when talking about him to others. It's about L already coming to terms with his death and welcoming the world of nothingness with Light vs Light running at the end of his life still thinking he can defeat L, before seeing him after Ryuk finally writes his name in the Death Note. Idk the contrast is just. Holds head in hands. Like the fuck is wrong with both of them.
You know, the plot of LCtW takes place over the course of 23 days and starts in a short period after Light's death. In canon DN there is a 5-year timeskip after a short period after L's death, with little information about it other than Light joining the NPA. There's no flashbacks/forwards or anything that really happens like, at all during this time either, the story just fast forwards to Mello and Near making their moves. L spends 23 days solving his final case, reminisces about Light a few times along the way, sometimes fondly, sometimes painfully, pays respects to him, then dies peacefully. Light spends 5 years-- 1,826 days uh.... Living. I guess? Except there's nothing of any note about it, by the looks of it. Not a single interesting enough thing- except a footnote about Light joining the NPA, which he was going to do anyway, and another about Kira's increased killings, which is to be expected -for the reader to know about. That's 79 times the length of the plot of LCtW, and you know what Light Yagami probably spent the majority of that time. Bored. L is described as "lost and unfocused" when he defeats Kira, as he is finally, definitively unrivaled. Light becomes the "God of the New World", and what then? He won but there's no challenge left. There's this sequence in LCtW where L rapidfire solves a bunch of cases from all over the world, yet he hardly seems to care about it at all, he just marks them done and then moves on like none of it meant a thing. Just. Yeah. orz these guys are Miserable do you get what I mean
I fucking hate them. And they're like this in every fucking universe (Don't get me Started on the jdrama). Thank you LCtW for ruining my life :thumbsup:
#death note#l change the world#dn#lctw#light yagami#l lawliet#lawlight#i probably just repeated my own points like 5 times in this entire post but god i just hate them so much. like. what the fuck guys#who thought that adding all the gay mourning watch stuff in the LCtW novelization was a good idea. why would they do this. why does L Care#insert that one post about the lawlight wiki quotes and how L's are all heartfelt and sincere while Light's are like. lmao#L mourns with his actions and words meanwhile Light would rather not let himself believe that he is mourning at all even if others can tell#i have another draft Just ranting about episode 25/26 of the anime because Holy Shit Light Yagami if anyone's interested#it's also. over a thousand words long#can't believe i'm yapping about this series in 2024 what am i doing man#coda analyzes stuff
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there is no way that Guillermo’s pussy wouldn’t drive Nandor absolutely mad with power
#wwdits#nandermo#nandor#guillermo de la cruz#what we do in the shadows#i have so many thoughts about how Guillermo makes Nandor feel powerful#(not in a sadistic power trip way tho)#the full force of someone as strong and beautiful and awe-inspiring as Guillermo choosing to bless Nandor with adoration#a man so used to being worshiped and yeT#you can see it in his eyes#how absolutely terrified of how powerful Guillermo makes him feel#with simple things like a soft smile and kind eyes#like how a former addict looks at drugs#and i find it so compelling that Nandor comes from power and conquering and yet he's like#fucking Guillermo would be like using the One Ring#Guillermo would casually say that he's upset Bravo cancelled a show and the next day the entire hq had been destroyed like a nuke hit it#like i'm srs guys i have five different long posts in my drafts abt how powerful Guillermo makes Nandor feel#(and how pussy-whipped Nandor would be if Guillermo ever gave it to him 😉)#but i can't process my feelings abt that rn so you get this
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Cain is a relatable character because I, too, would give Dean Winchester whatever the fuck he wanted after he spread his legs on a kitchen table in front of me, even to the detriment of the world
#this has been sitting in my drafts like an albatross around my neck for too long. im allowed to be weird about that man#frankly dean winchester could do anything. bat his pretty little eyes. and yeah sure. i would fucking destroy the planet#the plot of supernatural makes sense when i look at dean winchester#angels and demons and everyone just circles around this guy and dean has it in his head it's because he's just so badass.#nobody tell him. it would shatter him like glass.
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Happy Sunday ❤️
#today was filled with such joyous chaos this got panic drafted and forgotten but i still want it archived so 😌#5sos#5 seconds of summer#ashton#ashton irwin#ai ig#Instagram#kh4f post#you know i def miss the loml my everything aka the Haring robe but i have def warmed up to this one 🥰#not in the way i wish i could be warmed up in this robe but i digress 🤫#this was so long ago#so much chaos ago#i love the narrative that this man was in his robe til noon changed into a henley for a couple hours & by 6 was like ykw robe time bitches#man after my own heart#anyways#this is fucking dreamy and I'll never be over it thanks for asking 😃#🥰🥹🫠😀😭🤸🏻♀️👰🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🚀👩🏻🚀☀️
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"Biden is the best choice and he's actually really empathetic and reasonable but also you can't wait for a candidate that won't do genocide and war crimes because to become a presidential candidate you have to be willing to do that" see what you fundamentally don't understand is I'm not waiting for a candidate that won't do war crimes, because I know that. I cannot morally stomach this system, it's a joke to claim its democratic, and AMERICA DELENDA EST. this country is a plague on this Earth
#cipher talk#It's baffling because okay so you know how fucked up this is but you're behaving in a way that clearly indicates you want that this shambli#Disgusting empire to cling to life until after you're dead because it'd make /you/ uncomfortable and inconvenienced#To live through its destruction (the wealthier classes and more privileged experience lesser material changes in state collapse so long as#They aren't too highly ranked/involved in politics. A Sri Lankan wrote an article specifically addressing Americans about this)#It's so dehumanizing! People's blood is so cheap to you! You've just accepted its inevitable that genocide will happen!#Because of how the US operates! You can see no other future! It hardly matters to you!#You say this like the death of Palestinians of Yemenis of Syrians is someone else's dropped ice cream cone#You understand why people hate this country and you understand we deserve it but it just. Hardly matters to you#It feels like madness to watch this. It's disgusting#I keep thinking- it'd be so easy for you to justify my people being killed if violence broke out and it was in your favor#It's unlikely because. Well. America loves 'the church of the martyrs'#But you'd do it if that was favorable. You wouldn't think twice. You might feel a twinge in your heart but that's all#Because we aren't people to you!#We aren't all that important! Not important enough for you do anything more than 'well let's vote a blue in and do some protests'#What's a protest worth if you perpetuate the system and can't see a way out and don't try for a way out?#That's killing a man then putting flowers on his casket. It's /perverse/.#You get used to the idea that Africans die that West Asians die and that's just the way of the world. My g-d do you understand anything??#I watch necrosis take hold my parts of my culture and I watch every good person I know be ground to dust under a military regime#I talk to my friend who got drafted and is trans and may never come out because if they do they can get arrested as a 'prostitute'#I watch the wild hope for the future I was introduced to over radio at 9 years old wither#I watch people risk it anyway because just past the fence they can see they know there are people there#I watch my neighbor to the south crumble and weep because our hands are bloody and it's in part because we bloodied them for the west#And you just think that's how things are.#Fascist white death cult mindset
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I mean no fanbase is perfect but from my experience the TF fandom is pretty nice overall are there bad people in it oh yeah I’m sure but that applies to just about every fandom.
However that’s not to say I’m excusing bad things within it like misogyny and it’s good when it’s called out which thankfully does seem to be called out in this fandom.
Anyways yeah you’re right it’s not your responsibility to constantly bring up anything negative about something you enjoy.
It's not even about responsibility. It's just not necessary for me to do it all the time. Not every post needs a little disclaimer at the bottom abt how my post doesn't apply to x or y or z. I don't know why I've fallen into this need to do it--actually I do know why. It's because since I've started the habit the anon hate has gone down. It's like I'm shielding my back from every possible bad faith interpretation that could be made, and while effective it has made me just not want to post anything.
There are obviously many times when this effort and extra step need to be done but the amount of which I am doing it is exhausting and needless tbh
#like that post I just sent out abt tf art that sat in my drafts for a month#that I didn't want to post because I know there is so much bad and just plain distasteful art out there#but obviously my post isn't about that art. so why would I need to write a whole paragraph saying that#if someone wants to send a stupid comment or ask I can laugh at them#if someone wants to unfollow me over that post then I don’t know why they followed in the first place#even if worst case scenario a dear mutual unfollowed me for smth like that then I was working wayyyyy too hard to keep em#and we frankly aren't compatible people#this is such a trivial obvious conclusion to come to but given I was doing it all subconsciously this took a very long time to realize#and this is my blog! fuck it. this is about my man vs self journey it doesn't have to be a profound discovery see I'm fucking doing it agai#do you see this? do you see this unnecessary end note that protects me from even the possibility of someone finding this post#annoying or stupid? even just in their thoughts?#Mac asks
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working on my long project again. pray for me
#dude it's so long and it's so bad and nobody will want to read it#but! I'm going to finish it! for the feeling of accomplishment! because finishing something this fucking long will be a splendid achievemen#I'm not going to have written this much for it to come to nothing#augh. I'm crossing my fingers that I'm just in that phase of writing something and it is actually fine#but I don't know man#it's truly so long I think I've conceptualised this in a way that is absolutely fucking insane. but whatever#surely there are dozens of fay writing enthusiasts who desperately want to read approaching a hundred thousand words#of long winded character studies#see that's the problem!! normally when I do long winded character studies#it's only one character. so it's fine#(and it's also vignettes. my darling vignettes)#but this is not a series of related scenes. and it's several characters. so it's the same thing a few times. and it's SO LONG.#augh.#the length is my primary concern tbh#but I'll finish the draft!#and I'll let it lie for a while!#and if it needs to be trimmed down then I'll do it!#or I won't. who's going to make me. it's not like I'm forcing anyone to read my bad character studies#this is my house#what am I even talking about#whatever#bye
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I am once again seeing the wordcount and contemplating starting over entirely 😞😬🙃🥴
#it's between star over entirely or#this just. cannot be written. there is no way to make this a cute under 8k 5+1 so fckn give up#the first part alone is now nearing 3k and I'm like lol fuck this#like idk man maybe I'm just not supposed to write this you know? maybe I've hit that final wall and it's just#over as far as writing as a hobby goes#I love the idea then I hate it and it just never ends and I'm like fck#this is my second draft. nearing 3k. first draft was over 1k when I balked at started over like#just feel like admitting defeat. it was an idea but not every idea needs attention. not every idea should become more.#I've tried to re-tool the lead in so many times it makes me want to vomit at this point it's just so LONG#and I'm like lol this is dogshit it lags but there's no way to make it more streamlined there's nothing I can cut#idk and now my internet is down so fuckin lovely night ahead for me#“i write sometimes”
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V: He makes me feel a sort of way
Judy: Like love?
V: No.. More like-
Judy: Lust~?
V: No it's sort of-
Judy: Rage?
V: No, he sort of-
Judy: Like-
V: LET ME SPEAK
*Deep breath*
He makes me so nervous I want to vomit.
#Apologies in advance to anyone who reads the tags#stupid shit like this makes me giggle#It's funnier because my V gets nauseous when he gets nervous#The man also fucking SHUDDERS everytime Ker looks at him#Ker just takes it as V being cold all the time#But by god if Ker lends V his coat for the night. He might actually puke in an alleyway#Decided to post this because it's collecting dust for sitting in my Drafts for so long#male v#cyberpunk kerry#kerry x male v#kerry x v#kerry eurodyne x male v#judy alvarez
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im gonna be honest i am suffering horribly from writer's block. all i can muster is drabble ideas and that's literally it. i literally want to write so bad especially because i just made a new fic series but whenever i open the docs page to continue working on a draft i just
#it sucks so bad#after i finish this current draft im just gonna.#take a really long break#because man choosing a daily schedule really fucked me over LMAO#fic drabble#fanfic#fanfiction#my ocs#writing#writers block
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