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#lyrics from Ethel cains song hard times

moeitsu · 11 days

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Song Lyrics That Remind Me of Arthur Morgan

Nobody asked for this, but I listen to A LOT of music, and this boah is constantly on my mind 24/7. So I thought I'd share some lyrics that remind me of him and his relationships <3

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Hard Believer - First Aid Kit

"So you ask for my opinion. Well, what is there to say? To be honest and just foolish, won't make you wanna stay. You've got to go on and get moving. And I can't do that for you. Got so many plans and so much you wanna do. Love is tough, time is rough on me."

To a Poet - First Aid Kit (Mary & Arthur)

"You said, 'Don't give me nothing you don't wanna lose.' I said, 'Darlin' I'll give you everything I got, if you want them to choose.' Though unwillingly I left and it was so, so hard to do. Now I miss you more than I can take and I will surely break. And every morning that I wake, God, it is the same."

Afraid of Heights - Boygenius (Dutch & Arthur)

"I know I fucked up when I told you I'm afraid of heights. It made you wanna test my courage. You made me climb a cliff at night. You wanted me to jump and I declined. You called me a coward, I replied, I don't wanna live forever, but I don't wanna die tonight."

My Silver Lining - First Aid Kit

"I don't know if I'm scared of dyin', but I'm scared of living too fast, too slow. Regret, remorse, hold on. Oh no I've gotta go. There's no starting over, no new beginnings, time races on. You've just gotta keep on keeping on."

Sun Bleached Flies - Ethel Cain

"If they strike once, then you hit 'em twice as hard. But in the end, if I bend under the weight that they gave me, Then this heart would break and fall twice as far. We all know how it goes, the more it hurts, the less it shows. But I still feel like they all know, and that's why I could never go back home."

Saviour - George Ezra (Mary & Arthur)

"Time was young and you were mine. Take me back to that midnight moon. Cradle me, at that midnight moon. All of me is all for you, and what I got to give is not enough. It's a dark night. Being your own savior, is it saving you?"

Cowboy, Gangster, Politician - Goldie Boutilier (Mary & Arthur)

"We said goodbye, but it never ends. 'Cause you can't get away from a woman who loves you. 'Cause you can't run away from feelings that haunt you. No, you can't separate a fire from a flame that already burns. Every saints a sinner, we all have our past. Forever is a fiction, nothing lasts."

Let Him Fly - Patty Griffin (Mary Gillis-Linton)

"Ain't no talking to this man, ain't no pretty other side. Ain't no way to understand, the stupid words of pride. It would take an acrobat, and I already tried all that so, I'm gonna let him fly. You know the light has left his face, but you can't recall just where or why. So there was really nothing to it, I said I'm gonna let him fly."

The Chain - Fleetwood Mac (Dutch & Arthur)

"And if you don't love me now, You will never love me again. I can still hear you saying, we would never break the chain. Run in the shadows. Damn your love, damn your lies."

Devil's Resting Place - Laura Marling

"I've been with the devil in the devil's resting place. Water won't clean you, you only hold yourself to the things you do. Come up here to speak to me and hold your face to mine. Any man can hold my gaze has done his job just fine. You sold your life away to be with me tonight. Hold your head against my chest, I think you'll be just fine."

Through the Valley - Shawn James

"I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. And I fear no evil because I'm blind to it all, and my mind and my gun they comfort me. Because I know I'll kill my enemies when they come. Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. And I will dwell on this earth forevermore. Well, I came upon a man at the top of a hill. Called himself the savior of the human race. Said he'd come to save the world from destruction and pain, but I said, how can you save the world from itself?"

Youngest Daughter - Superheaven

"It's useless, I tried, but to no avail. To tell you how much I know, how much I care. Breathe until your lungs fail, you can sing 'til you go deaf. I am sick, I am horrified at everything I hear. Everyday repeats itself again, the cycle of our misery, It drives us all insane."

The Fall - Gregory Alan Isakov (John & Arthur)

"You heard blood was thick, brothers and sisters. But ya don't know where anybody's at. Time was a bust, you thought you'd better be tough. Nobody gets past the trembling wire. All eyes on you now, on you. We're all holding our breath."

Second Chances - Gregory Alan Isakov (John & Arthur)

"I'm running from nothing, no thoughts in my mind. Oh my heart was all black but I saw something shine. Thought that part was yours, but it might just be mine. I could share it with you, if you gave me the time. I'm all bloody knuckles, longing for home. If it weren't for second chances, we'd all be alone."

My Mind - Paris Paloma (Dutch & Arthur)

"What did I do wrong? Will you tell me what I did wrong, what did I? Was it a first offense? How long had you been harboring that vemon? You could have used your words then, you wanted them to hurt and so I let them. Never would I beseech you, to endure what you put me through."

#arthur morgan #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #dutch van der linde #mary gillis #red dead redemption community #red dead fandom #arthur morgan rdr2 #arthur morgan x reader #rdr2 fanart #john marston

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concreteburialplot · 6 months

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Intertwined // 04

04 - Snapped Neck

pairing: noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo

masterlists: here | crossposted: ao3 | word count: 5.1k

warnings; VERY SAD 🥲, mild yelling/verbal abuse?, hints at past abuse, reference to past character death, noah is a devastated horrible depressed mess, short time skips, don’t say i didn’t warn you - sorry in advance, don’t hate me 🥲

reminder; THIS IS AU, nothing is meant to be accurate, including family history/events/dynamics/members/names !!

a/n: don't like it don't read it. don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

i’d like to offer a small playlist for this chapter:

seven - taylor swift

matilda - harry styles

winner - conan gray

hard times - ethel cain

anything 4 u - LANY

if it keeps you up at night - the swoons

-NOAH-

After much-needed water bottles, I’m finally starting to feel somewhat normal again. Folio’s asleep in bed next to me while I lay on a laughably thin blanket on the floor. My eyes fully adjusted to the darkness and all I’m focused on is the popcorn ceiling and counting each plaster peak.

The party rages on the other side of the room and I wonder if anyone out there is sober enough to take me home. It’s almost 1 am and the party hasn’t slowed down. I sigh roughly and roll over to wrap the thin pillow around my head to cover both ears. Even through the cotton I can still vaguely hear the music and a song starts that Nicholas and I were obsessed with a couple months ago.

I chuckle quietly at the lyrics,

“That’s my best friend, she a real bad bitch…”

Such a silly song, even though it’s nothing like what we play or what we regularly listen to – we somehow always get the same pop-y songs stuck in our heads at the same time, then end up loving them unironically.

I shake my head with a stupid grin, thinking about the time we were in the kitchen doing a proper, ridiculous performance while we blasted it through a Google speaker. It started with that song but then snowballed into an entire concert at 2 am – all while his little sister just made fun of us, until she eventually caved in and joined our set.

We were all mic-ed up: me a dustpan, Nicholas a broom, and Stella a spatula.

I dig my front teeth into my bottom lip to stifle a laugh that would definitely wake up Folio.

The memory makes the ground below me that much more rigid.

I’ve already tried sleeping every which way on this god-forsaken carpet, but I can’t seem to get comfy.

The hard floor must be the reason I can’t fall asleep.

I flip back to lay flat.

I don’t really understand why Nick got so upset, but it’s been a long night, so I guess I get it. I’m sure he wasn’t thrilled about getting in the lake. Fucking Folio.

And I know he doesn’t like parties.

I don’t really like them either. I think? Maybe I do now? I don’t know.

But I didn’t want to do this without him.

And I just let him leave like that…

God why did I let him leave.

I want to go home.

I need to go home.

There’s a sharp twist in my stomach when I unlock my dying phone and find no texts from him.

I open my bank app to check my balance. $33.87.

I exit and click on the Uber app, put in our address to see the price. $27.59.

I hit request.

I get home after an Uber ride from a questionable middle-aged man with ridiculous combover.

I fumble with my keys at the front door only to find that it’s not locked. I press my weight against the creaky wooden door to push it open. The house is quiet, if Nick’s car wasn’t in the driveway, I’d think the house was completely empty.

I quietly set my keys down on the wooden dining table across from the kitchen. The bedroom door in the hallway is closed, which I expected. I cross the linoleum and very gently twist the doorknob to peer inside. The small room is illuminated solely by moonlight beaming in through the large window by the bed. I step into the room and click the door closed behind me. When I walk over to the bed, the shimmering white light acts like a spotlight on his face and what I notice churns something deep in my chest. Dried streaks coat his face and look almost like rivers from puffy red eyes.

Surely, he didn’t come home that upset because of the argument we had, right?

I tug at my lip and very gently slip into bed beside him beneath the puffy duvet. The movement causes Nicholas to stir and turn away from me. I stay completely still, not even moving a muscle until he’s completely settled then turn in the same direction as him, just inches away from his back.

If he’s that upset with me, would he even want me here?

Am I intruding?

Is it really intruding if I live here too?

Maybe I should’ve stayed on Folio’s floor.

It’s only then that it really sets in that I really moved out, well more like kicked out, and I live here now. Mostly anyway.

But just because you live somewhere doesn’t mean it’s your home. While I love living with my best friend, and I love his family, and they feel like family – they’re not. As much as they try to not make me feel like one, I am an outsider here.

Even Folio in his frat house, sure he just got hazed and whatever, but he belongs there.

I don’t belong anywhere.

The closest thing I’ve gotten to what I imagine belonging feels like, is with Nicholas. But again, he has no tie to me. We’re friends of course, but if I pissed him off and he wanted me gone… well I’d have nothing. I’d have nowhere to go.

I hate this feeling, this feeling of relying on people.

It’s weird taking up space somewhere you have to walk on eggshells because it’s not yours. Because you don’t belong.

It’s not like I felt like I belonged at home either, not after Mom passed.

So here is better than there at least.

At least there’s no yelling or slamming doors here.

My eyes drift through the moonlit darkness to the small pile of my belongings in the corner of the room. The sight sends a chill up my spine and my heart rate noticeably rises. I’m reminded that there are still some things waiting for me at my stepdad’s.

I want the ability to truly get on my own, if I don’t want to rely on people, I need to get my stuff so that I can actually make something of myself.

I need to at least try.

And to do that, I need my guitar and my keyboard. I’m nothing without them – and I won’t be able to be anything without them.

-NICHOLAS-

My eyes shoot open when shrill screams fill my eardrums. I nearly jump out of my skin at the noise, especially since I had gone to bed alone.

I don’t have the luxury of trying to figure out how Noah got home, just that he is and he’s having another night terror.

“Fuck.” I mutter.

Because I did such a great fucking job dealing with this last time.

I tug at his freezing cold arm and shake him vigorously but of course, it didn’t do much the first time, why would it have a different result now.

I replicate what I did the last time and straddle his lap, grabbing his wrists and pinning them at his sides to restrain his jerky movements.

“NOAH!” I repeat his name with increasing volume.

He wakes up slowly after a couple times of calling his name.

“Nicholas?” He asks groggily, with furrowed brows and squinted eyes.

I sigh, “Night terror.” I state curtly and pull off him, landing beside him with my back towards him.

“Oh.” He says softly and his eyes falter. “Sorry.”

There’s a twist of guilt in my gut because I should be softer with him after his terror, but I just don’t have it in me tonight. The teary soreness in my eyes reminds me just how much I don’t have it in me. I tug the sheets closer to my body.

He rustles around a bit trying to get comfortable, but I fall back asleep quickly. For a bit.

It’s not long after, maybe an hour or two, that I’m awoken once again but this time to a bunch of noise and the overhead light on at full brightness.

“What the fuck.” I mumble, sitting up and rubbing one eye while keeping the other mostly shut.

I turn to find Noah sitting on folded knees, manically rummaging through the couple bags he moved in with. He’s ripping through each one, tossing pieces of clothing out left and right, shaking out the empty bags as if they have hidden compartments.

“What the fuck are you doing Noah.” I ask, my tone soaked in annoyance, exhaustion, and anger.

“I can’t find some of my shirts. I need to get the rest of my shit out. Today.” He replies, his words rushed.

My brows knit together at his sudden – and poorly timed – bout of bravery and motivation. He’d been putting this off and avoiding it for weeks. And now he’s tearing apart his stuff, throwing shit all over our room at 4:30 in the morning… after a night of drinking?

I yawn and shake my head in confusion, “Wait, wait, wait, how did you even get home?”

“Uber.” He replies simply, his gaze still focused on his third bag not even looking up at me.

“You took an Uber home?” I ask somewhat skeptically, “Why didn’t you just call me?”

His rummaging movements pause with a bundle of shirts in hand, “Didn’t wanna bother you.” Then continues digging through the bag.

Normally I would go on a tangent about how I’d rather call me to pick him up instead of doing something stupid like possibly be driven home by someone inebriated – but I’m much too depleted, both physically and emotionally to do so.

“Well, you should’ve called me.” I tug the cotton sheets closer to my body and bunch the material to my chest. “What is this really about? You’re acting so strange.”

I reach over to the light switch and turn the knob to dim the white-yellow hue of the light above us.

“I just need to get my shit, Nicholas.” He huffs, seeming aggravated by my questions.

“Well, you’re gonna go alone if you keep snapping at me like that.” I retort, even though I’d never let him go alone.

He exhales and deflates with a balled-up band tee in his hands. “I just need to do it today. If I don’t do it today, I might not ever be able to.”

Honestly, this is the last thing I fucking needed after earlier tonight. I just wanted to fucking sleep. And not be around Noah.

Yet here I am, awake, around too much Noah.

“Fine.” I sigh. “Fine, we can go today – but only if you fucking wrap up whatever the fuck you’re doing and come to bed. If we’re really doing this today, you don’t need to be sleep-deprived for it.”

“Fine.” He agrees reluctantly and begins gathering the clothes to shove back into the bags. “But I probably won’t be able to sleep.”

“Well, you should at least try.” I scoot back into my left side to make room for him.

The box spring squeaks under the weight of him when slides in and immediately turns away from me. Normally I would be a tad offended, but tonight, I’m grateful.

Surprisingly, small snoozy noises escape him not long after his head hit the pillow. I lay facing him, watching the rise and fall of his ribcage like a metronome.

Concern and fear suddenly flood my bloodstream like a bad drug. Getting most of his stuff out the first time was no picnic and I just know this last time is going to be even worse. Frankly, I’m a tad worried about the things he’d left behind, I wouldn’t put it past his stepdad to throw them out.

I shake my head and try to focus on my breathing to calm me down. When that doesn’t work, I try counting.

I drift off to sleep before 30.

My faux-leather steering wheel cover cracks under my fidgeting fingers. Noah can’t seem to sit still, running his hands up and down his thighs probably to self soothe. The anxiety is thick and tangible in the car. He would never admit it to me, but I know he’s scared shitless about going back home. Noah always tried to hide it from me, but I’m not stupid. It doesn’t matter how “anemic” or thin you are, you don’t amass that many bruises that frequently. I always wondered if that’s why he started wanting so many tattoos so suddenly. Maybe, on some level, that’s what made me want to start tattooing in the first place.

The normally 20-minute-long car ride felt like three hours, but when we arrived, I could’ve sworn it had only been 3 minutes.

I park on the curb at the end of the driveway and shut off the car. Just being on the tiny patch of lawn has my heart thumping through my chest and it’s not even my battle.

But I guess if I’m here with him,

If it’s his, it’s mine too.

As much as he wasn’t prepared to do this, neither was I. My gaze lands on the rectangular windows of the small yellow house. From the outside, it looks so normal, so happy even. It’s almost eerie how far from the truth that is.

I look over at him, just now realizing he hadn’t said a word the whole ride. He’s slumped in the passenger seat, one lanky arm wrapped around his own waist and the other stationed at his mouth. His eyes glued to the house behind me as he chews on his thumbnail.

“We can still go back home, Noah. We don’t have to do this today if you’re not ready.” I offer gently, mostly because I don’t think either of us are fully equipped to do this.

“No. I have to do this.” His eyes finally falter away from the house and land on me.

“Okay. You sure you’re ready?” I ask quietly.

His teeth dig into his bottom lip. “No. But I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

“I’m gonna be with you the whole time, okay?” I hold out my pinky. “Always, remember?”

He nods and hooks onto my pinky. “Always.”

As expected, I’ve landed myself in the middle of a brawl between Noah and his stepdad. I feel guilty and useless standing there as a bystander not interfering, but my feet can’t seem to move and my vocal cords have ceased to function.

Noah started off strong, full of adrenaline and blind bravery, but it didn’t take long for George to wear him down.

My heart beats loud in my ears and I can’t hear a word they’re saying. All I see is him waving around Noah’s guitar like it’s a toy, using it as an extension of his exaggerated furious expressions. Noah’s tall, but George is much taller and stronger than him, so Noah just looks like a mouse running around an elephant, scrambling trying to snatch the instrument back.

I’m not sure what they’re even screaming about but the argument escalates further than I ever expected it to. My eyes round as I witness each of George’s hands slide to either end of the guitar’s neck.

He wouldn’t

As if in slow motion, I watch the light pale from Noah’s face. His eyes wide and teary, and his brows curled up. I can see the heartbreak in his dark brown eyes in real time as he watches his stepdad easily snap the neck of his beloved guitar.

The break is quick and sharp and fills the room with the sound of cords plucking and wood splintering. The noise after is even louder though, just jarring silence.

Until George opens his mouth again. “Get your sad, pathetic little toys and your little boyfriend out of my goddamn house.” Rasps his deep Western accent.

He forcefully tosses the broken instrument at Noah, hitting him so hard it knocks him backwards. The livid man storms across the house and slams the master bedroom door behind him.

Noah’s knees buckle and land harshly on the carpeted floor, holding the guitar in his arms as if it’s a wounded soldier in battle. His face scrunches up around his eyes and tears just begin pouring from him. His chest hiccups with each sob that escapes. He curls the wooden pieces in his arms into his chest and rests his forehead against the curve of the guitar. His cries heave his entire body.

I’m frozen where I stand. What I just witnessed might as well have been a murder. I’ve seen Noah cry, of course, but this is something I’ve only ever seen once before. Besides that one time, I’ve never seen him this bad. At least, he’s never letme see him this bad.

I gently meet him on the floor. For some reason, I feel hesitant to touch him, but I can’t just sit here and do nothing.

I don’t dare even touch the arms that are gripped onto his guitar so, I rest my hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t even react to my touch at all, as if he can’t even feel it.

“Noah…” I say cautiously. “Let’s just get you out of here, okay? We just need to grab your stuff and get out. We can figure this out later… later when we’re not here.”

He doesn’t respond and when I try to nudge him even a little bit, he’s solid like concrete where he’s kneeled.

“C’mon Noah we gotta go.” I stretch up to double-check that the bedroom door is still closed. “I’ll get the rest of your stuff. We just need to get you out of here.” I urge and squeeze his shoulder a bit.

His fingers dig into the instrument as he takes a deep sniffle and screws his eyes shut tight, shoving the salty tears out. He just gives me a little nod against the guitar, letting me know that he understands but doesn’t move.

“Please, Noah.” I beg and try pulling at his arm again. “Please get up. I need you to get up for me.”

He gives a little of his arm to me and not much more. But I take what I can get and use both of my arms to weakly lift him up from the floor by his underarms. I basically carry him out of the house, his body limp as I drag him backwards across the overgrown lawn. Shards of dying grass cling to our clothes and dust kicks up all over the back of his jeans.

I feebly open my back door and let him crawl into the backseat with the guitar tight in his grip. He immediately lays with it across the cushions and some boxes.

Luckily, we had gotten most of his belongings already so there was just the final sweep left to do.

Thankfully, George is still holed up in his room, though that doesn’t ease my panicked heart-pounding in my ears. Noah’s room is completely bare except for a half-filled trash bag of miscellaneous belongings. I drag the heavy bag across the stained beige carpet, but I stop at something that catches my eye.

In one cubicle of many that make up a huge bookshelf are a couple of photo albums in chronological order spanning over a few years. From the peek-through covers I can tell that they’re filled with pictures of his parents, or maybe at least his mom.

My head snaps at a stir that comes from behind the bedroom door and in a split-second decision, I scoop all the photo albums and throw them into the black trash bag. I use all my strength to heave the now extra bulky bag across the yard as I run towards the car.

I toss the bag into the trunk and slam the door before rounding the car, throwing myself so hard into the driver’s seat that I nearly tip the car over. I take a glance in my rear-view to check on Noah and find his body tightly curled around the instrument sobbing even worse than how I left him. Seeing him like this… gives me an ache in my chest that I didn’t even know could hurt so much. It’s so excruciating that I could almost vomit from it.

I quickly shift the car into drive and speed off so fast that my wheels squeal.

I’m unsure what to do or what to say. It feels like saying anything would only make things worse at risk of saying something wrong. I always feel guilty when situations like this happen with his family because I can’t imagine what he feels. I don’t know what I’d do without my family, and I can’t even fathom someone treating their child like that, especially him. Noah is the last person on earth that deserves that.

I bite my nail as I walk back and forth in the living room lost in my thoughts.

“Honey, why don’t you come sit down?” My mom suggests patting the couch cushion next to her. “Pacing around the living room isn’t going to help anything.”

I sigh and meet her on the couch, “You should’ve seen him, Mamá.” I run my fingers through my sweat-coated roots. “Oh my god, it was horrible.”

She begins rubbing small circles into my back, “I know Gatito.” She tries to soothe, using her Spanish nickname for me – she always told me I resembled a small cat. “But we know what his family is like, I’m surprised something like this hadn’t happened sooner.”

“Yeah…” I trail off, biting down hard on my thumbnail thinking of all the things we never told her his stepdad had done. If she knew the things he’d done to him – especially in front of me – who knows what she’d do. She’s a Hispanic single mother, nothing would be able to stop her – and a George vs. Mom battle royal is the last thing we need.

“I’ve just never seen anyone that… defeated before. That guitar was everything to him.” I hang my head and use both hands to cover my face.

“Well, you know, maybe we could pull together some extra money by Christmas?” She offers. “I could pick up some extra shifts at the hospital.”

“No, no, Mom, you don’t understand.” I sigh and turn my head to her against my propped palm. “His mom gave him that guitar.”

“Oh.” She replies solemnly in understanding.

“There’s a music store in town where I get my vinyls, they do repairs there.” My sister speaks up from across the room, resting on the column that separates the living room from the kitchen. “Maybe you could see if they could fix it?”

I blink blankly as I process her words and it’s like a lightbulb illuminates above my head. “You actually might have a good idea for once Stell.”

She rolls her eyes, “I’m trying to be helpful, you don’t have to be rude.”

“I’m your brother, it’s kind of my job to be rude.”

“Whatever.” She takes a sip from her obnoxiously sized water bottle. “There’s a really cute guy that works there, I think he does most of the repairs. His name is Jolly, tell him Stella sent you.” She winks.

“Augh.” I groan in disgust and wave her boy craze away. “I’ll be sure to do that.” I add sarcastically.

A serious stillness falls over the room like everyone is equally unsure of how to proceed.

“What are you gonna do about Noah?” Stella asks softly, her voice laced with concern.

My leg bounces in anxious uncertainty as my eyes drift over to my closed bedroom door.

“I don’t know.”

I gently knock on my door and slowly creek it open. The room is pitch black with just Noah on the bed curled up around his guitar, his shoulder length hair splayed across the pillows, and the duvet wrapped around him like a cocoon. He’d been hidden away in my room like this since we got home.

“You awake?” I question timidly, readjusting the tray in my hands.

It takes a moment, but he replies with a tiny, short groan.

“I brought you soup. You know, the chicken noodle my mom makes that you like so much?”

Another brief pause followed by a slightly more intrigued grumble.

I take it as permission to enter and precariously make my way over to him. There’s a sliver of mattress left behind him, and I fit half my ass on it.

I allow him the space to be quiet with me for a bit.

“How are you doing?” I ask, even though it’s an asinine question.

He just sniffles.

“I know, I’m sorry.” I sigh quietly. “Is there anything I can do?”

He sniffles again and scooches further into the bed, onto my side.

I silently tap my index finger on the plastic tray, pondering what that could mean before I speak. “You want me to lay with you?”

He gives a small ‘mhm’ groan.

“Okay, I can do that. But can you eat for me?”

He replies with a ‘nuh-uh’ whine.

I exhale knowing this was going to be an uphill battle. “Noah, you’ve gotta eat.”

He shakes his head in resistance again.

“C’mon, just a couple bites…for me?”

A pause before he lets out a defiant but agreeing sigh.

“You’re not gonna move, are you?”

He shakes his head.

I breathe out trying not to sound annoyed because I should be grateful that he even cooperated this much.

Maneuvering around him from behind, I hold the bowl in one hand and the spoon in the other. Thankfully, the soup had cooled down to just a bit warmer than room temperature. I scoop a spoonful of it, making sure to get a little bit of everything: noodle, chicken, and carrot – if he’s only going to take a couple bites, I have to make sure they count. I carefully bring the spoon over to his lips, he lifts his head just a bit and takes the spoonful into his mouth. He let me give him 4 or 5 bites, which was more than I expected, before rejecting the rest.

I set the bowl on the nightstand, lift the sheets, and nestle into the space he made for me.

“Thanks for eating.” I say quietly. “I know you didn’t want to.”

He nods mutely.

I press my lips together. “I’m sorry about what happened today.”

He’s silent. Slowly but surely sniffles and sobs begin to pour from him again. I immediately feel the twist of guilt in my stomach for being the one to trigger his tears again.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I-I can leave if you want some priv–“

His hand reaches behind him and firmly captures my wrist.

“Stay.” He begs in a coarse whisper, the first thing he’s said since we came home. “Please?”

His voice is so cracked and hoarse, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he was sick.

I falter a second to respond but he must’ve felt the hesitation.

“It helps.” He croaks. “Remember?”

The churn in my chest returns and there’s an ache in my heart that accompanies it. If I could somehow magically take all of this away, I would, even if it meant trading places with him. Even if it meant I’d be the one hurting instead.

I feel so fucking useless, not being able to do much for him.

But at least I can do this.

“Okay.” I respond cautiously and settle further into the bed, now essentially spooned around his body.

His grip on my wrist never left so I let our joined arms rest on his hip. I can’t seem to gather with the right words to say to him, I mean what can you really say after something like that?

So, I offer him the only words that feel suitable.

“I’m not going anywhere, Noah. You know that right?”

There’s a long quiet, so long that I think he may have fallen asleep.

But then he squeezes my wrist.

“Thank you.”

I sense the urge to do something, but I’m not sure how he’ll react. I don’t know, maybe it would help?

I tug at where his hand meets mine and he gives me an upset grumble, like he doesn’t want me to leave.

“I just… is it okay if - can I try something?” I ask shyly, suddenly very nervous, nervous enough to have my heart racing.

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch his brows furrowing. I can tell he wants to be stubborn and keep me latched there, but curiosity always gets the best of him. He slowly loosens his grip on my wrist.

I didn’t notice that my palms were sweating until I’ve retrieved my hand. I press my lips flat and feel like my ribcage could burst open at any minute from how hard my heart beats against it.

My body is screaming at me to do it and as much as I want to fight it, I can’t.

Maybe it would help

I let my arm go where it wants to go. It slithers beneath the covers and through the space between Noah’s arm and his side. I wrap my arm around his waist and pull flush against him.

We both freeze. My ears grow warm as the hour-long seconds pass.

Maybe he’s uncomfortable

Maybe he thinks this is weird

Maybe it is weird?

Is this weird?

Maybe he doesn’t like it

Maybe I’m making it worse

Maybe–

Unexpectedly, he just melts into me. His body molds into my arms like they were made just for him.

He finds my arm and brings it to his face, pressing his damp, swollen eyes against it. Small sobs fall into my arm and his grip on me is so tight I could turn blue.

Maybe he feels safe, and maybe he just needed to feel safe to let the rest out.

My own eyes well up at the sound of him, at the feeling of his body heaving in my arms. I press my forehead against his shoulder.

“I’m here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m always gonna be here.” I reassure him again through my own held-back tears.

He wipes his tears off with the collar of his shirt before pulling my arm back around his chest. He nuzzles into me, and I feel my heart swell so big it fills my entire chest.

I think I already know the answer, but I wanna hear it anyway.

“Does this help?”

He lets out a sleepy sigh as he nestles his back into my chest.

“You always help, Nicholas.”

Next Chapter -> 05 - Girl Crush*

tag list; @ladyveronikawrites @cryingabtab @sinkingteethinwhitenoise @kingdomof-omens @the-hell-i-overcame @blackveilomens @xxrainstorm [comment if you'd like to be tagged?]

a/n; I know this was a heavy one 😅 i'm sorry, i hope you were able to enjoy it regardless.

Thank you for the support on this series and on my other series, Virality. I appreciate it more than you know. I love reading your comments and asks. I am incredibly grateful for them, thank you.

#sorry i know this was sad 😬#or maybe not idk #noah cries a lot im sorry #he won’t always be such a crybaby i promise #i have edited this so many fucking times bro so sorry if it sucks 🥲#intertwined series #concreteburialplot works #noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo #noah sebastian fanfiction #nicholas ruffilo fanfic #noah sebastian fanfic #nicholas ruffilo fic #noah sebastian fic #noah x nicholas #noah x nick #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo fanfic #noah x nick fanfic

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bringbackdas · 11 months

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Lyrics I wish I wrote:

- “you couldn’t have stuck your tongue down the throat of somebody who loved you more” Moon Song, Phoebe Bridgers

- “For the lovers who found a mirrored heart, they just remind me I’m without you” mirrored heart, FKA Twigs

- “From strangers to friends, friends into lovers, then strangers again” Strange, Celeste

- “It’s always on the tip of my toungue. I read an article on the internet told me that’s how you know you’re falling in love” hate to be lame, Lizzy McAlpine feat. FINNEAS

- “The funny thing is I would have married you if you’d have stuck around” doomsday, Lizzy McAlpine

- “I wanna make you fall in love as hard as my poor parents teenage daughter, she’ll be the best you’ve ever had if you let her” waiting room, Phoebe Bridgers

- “You said Scarlett I don’t need to be responsible for everything you’re feeling. You’re an emotional grim reaper I feel bad for you.” scarlett, Holly Humberstone

- “I can see it now the wedding of the year I can see it now he stands up there and wipes his tears. I can see it now when all my ghost disappear.” all my ghosts, Lizzy McAlpine

- “God rest my soul I miss who I used to be. The wound won’t close, stained glass windows in my mind…I regret you all the time.” would’ve could’ve should’ve, Taylor Swift

- “And honest I can tell you now I love you more than my future spouse” I’d have to think about it, Leith Ross

- “where you came and I laughed and you left and I cried. Where you told me even if we die tonight that I’d die yours” a house in Nebraska, Ethel Cain

- “I lie to her and say that I’m doing fine when really i would kill myself to hold you one more time” a house in Nebraska, Ethel Cain

- “Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere” New Year’s Day, Taylor Swift

- “Give me a lifetime of promises and a world of dreams. Speak the language of love like you know what it means” Simply the Best, Noah Reid

- “I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror” Anti-Hero, Taylor Swift

- “After everything would you let me in and love me now” would you love me now, Joshua Bassett

- “No one wanted to play with my as a little kid so I’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since to make them love me and make it feel effortless” Mastermind, Taylor Swift

- “You don’t get to take all of me, set me free” Set me free, Joshua Bassett

- “It’s been a fucking year” Set me free, Joshua Bassett

- “Who I am made it all worth the while and these scars will be stories I tell all in due time” all in due time, Joshua Bassett

- “I know my love should be celebrated but you tolerate it” tolerate it, Taylor Swift

- “You’re good at the giving too much then getting scared. You’re good at impersonating someone who cares” decode, Sabrina Carpenter

- “Do something babe say something. Lose something babe risk something. Chose something babe I got nothing to believe unless you’re choosing me” you’re losing me, Taylor Swift

- “I wouldn’t marry me either. A pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her.” you’re losing me, Taylor Swift

#taylor swift #you’re losing me #lizzy mcalpine #doomsday lizzy mcalpine #joshua bassett #fka twigs #song lyrics #set me free #tolerate it #mirrored heart #moon song

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wintersshowers · 6 months

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RONAN and ADAM and... ETHEL CAIN

(trust me its gonna be so good)

My thoughts on “crush” by Ethel Cain and The Raven Cycle (because my niche right now is rereading the raven cycle for the first time in 4 years and I just happened to see Ethel live and I cannot stop connecting them)

As a prelude to my lyric/quote breakdown… Ethel Cain is a trans woman who writes hauntingly beautiful music.. She is religious and from the south, which is a HUGE part of why it is so undeniably apparent to me that she can be connected to specifically RONAN (gay catholic from the south with his barn house). Her music is so amazing and she is an awesome story teller so I hope you give her a listen.

Her most popular song CRUSH is so goddam Ronan and Adam I had to write this because I needed to put it somewhere.

“His window's already passed, so he's shooting at the glass

Keeping guns in his locker, and he denies it

Like it's actually important, but he lied 'cause I sure did watch him

Showing up wearing black, and he knows that”

His daddy's on death row, but he'll say it with his chest, though”

This is just very Ronan angst i don't feel like i need to explain..

“His friends move dope, he hasn't tried coke

But he's always had a problem saying no”

OKKK soooooo lets get into the the dream thieves helloooo

Yes Kavinsky and Ronan’s relationship is very hard to define but whatever it is he takes up a lot of his time in dream thieves.. And he loves coke (or whatever the hell he dreamt up)… and Ronan is VERY BAD at saying no when it comes to any sort of challenge from Kavinsky.

OK NOW LETS GET INTO THE GOOD STUFF

“Can you read my mind? I've been watching you.”

“As they moved through the old barn, Adam felt Ronan’s eyes glance off him and away, his disinterest practiced but incomplete. Adam wondered if anyone else noticed.”

“Adam finally sat down on one of the pews. Laying his cheek against the smooth back of it, he looked at Ronan. Strangely enough, Ronan belonged here, too, just as he had at the Barns. This noisy, lush religion had created him just as much as his father's world of dreams; it seemed impossible for all of Ronan to exist in one person. Adam was beginning to realize that he hadn't known Ronan at all. Or rather, he had known part of him and assumed it was all of him.

The scent of Cabeswater, all trees after rain, drifted past Adam, and he realized that while he'd been looking at Ronan, Ronan had been looking at him.”

“When he opened his eyes, he saw that Ronan was looking at him, as he had been looking at him for months. Adam looked back, as he had been looking back for months.”

“Couldn't fight to save your life, but you look so cool”

“I’ve watched the evening news, Adam,” Gansey snapped. “Why don’t you let Ronan teach you to fight? He’s offered twice now. He means it.” With great care, Adam folded the greasy rag and draped it back over a toolbox. There was a lot of stuff in the carport. New tool racks and

calendars of topless women and heavy-duty air compressors and other things Mr. Parrish had decided were more valuable than Adam’s school

uniform. “Because then he will kill me.”

“Good men die too, oh, I'd rather be with you, you, you”

“See, Adam Parrish is wantable, worthy of a crush, not just by anyone, someone like Ronan, who could want Gansey or anyone else and chose Adam for his hungry eyes.”

HELLOOOOOOOOo are u kidding….

1st Gansey is the definition of a “good man”

2nd Adam is OBSESSED WITH THIS the whole damn series and is constantly attempting to model himself/who he wishes he was after gansey

3rd to tie it all together… the whole series its like oh yea gansey is about to die (along with everyone else if we are being real)

“I owe you a black eye and two kisses

Tell me when you wanna come and get 'em”

PLEASEEEEEE like this is MY WAY of describing the ANGST and SLOWWWWWburn of their relationship. When I hear her sing this I cannot help but giggle and kick my feet because of how amazingly it fits.

“I only want him if he says it first to me”

"It was Adam’s ribs under Ronan’s hands and Adam’s mouth on his mouth, again and again and again. It was stubble on his lips and Ronan having to stop, to get his breath, to restart his heart. They were both hungry animals, but Adam had been starving for far longer.”

We all know the Ronan longing and it being a HUGE secret that he likes Adam... and Adam like knows and its like lol embarrassing (as if he isn't down bad as well)

ADAM is like oblivious to the legitimacy of his feelings until ronan gives him a little kissssss and then it's like he is all like “what is love”

“He looks like he works with his hands, and smells like Marlboro Reds”

HELLOOOOOo this is so adam are u kidding

“Ronan crossed his arms to wait, just looking. At Adam's fine cheekbones, his furrowed fair eyebrows, his beautiful hands, everything washed out by the light. He had memorized the shape of Adam’s hands in particular: the way his thumbs jutted awkwardly, boyishly; the roads of prominent veins; the large knuckles that protruded from his long fingers. In dreams Ronan put them to his mouth.”

“Adam twisted off the lid. Inside was a colorless lotion that smelled of mist and moss. Replacing the lid with a frown, he turned the container over, looking for more identifying features. On the bottom, Ronan's handwriting labeled it merely: manibus. For your hands.”

“Something's been feeling weird lately

There's just something about you, baby (there's just something about you, baby)

Maybe I'll just be crazy (I'll be crazy)

And piss him off 'til he hates me

Yeah right, he fucking loves me”

…… do i even need to say anything??

#the raven cycle #the raven king #the raven boys #richard gansey #gansey #ronan lynch #adam parrish #blue sargent #the dream thieves #the dreamer trilogy #adam and ronan #pynch #noah czerny #richard campbell gansey iii #Spotify

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exilethegame · 1 year

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Marcelle weirdly makes me feel sad. Not because she's my favorite chracter; its hard to feel forgiving with the little we know she's done so far. But its like watching someone preparing themselves to selfdestruct and knowing that you can't help them because they've already proven they are unwilling to change course and now you can only watch them continue to spiral downward, wondering if the end goal will be really worth all the sacrifices.

Listen: no one has as many complicated emotions for Marcelle as I do. She is honestly one of the most tragic characters I have ever written, and thinking about her generally makes me so, so sad. But all the hate people have for her? The burning anger? I understand it, too. Because Marcelle is really, really not a good person with what she's done, either.

I can't say much more about her-- it's imperative I keep any info about her as vague and limited a possible. But I can say this is a road she's been going down for such a long, long time. And, as the author, sometimes I look at Marcelle and then see the little girl she used to be 40 or 50 some years ago. Because yes, I'm writing the tragedy of the Commander, but at the same, in order to write this story, I've had to write the story of a little girl in Plaithus becoming heir and not understanding the monumentous weight that has been put on her shoulders.

Also, because I'm obsessed with Marcelle yet quite literally cannot share anything meaningful about her, take some songs I heavily associate with her! (*cough* it's a lot of Chelsea Wolfe *cough*) (*Cough* it's the lyrics *cough*)

Ptolemaea by Ethel Caine

The Warden by Chelsea Wolfe

Feral Love by Chelsea Wolfe

Sick by Chelsea Wolfe

Brigmore Lullaby from Dishonored 2

#pheo talks #marcelle

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drunkenlionwrites · 1 year

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Little hc on which love songs from my playlist I associate with Trigun boys

Vash

For Vash it's a pining song, cause I think it will take him the longest time to confess to anyone and he will be so lost in his thoughts and insecurities, but still having a liiiitle bit of positive outlook on this, maybe a pang of hope? So song is not really sad, rather bittersweet feelings of someone crushing really hard and not knowing what to do next. Lyric match Vash really good as well. Overall, a very cute song. Also, who is Vash if not a pleaser?

"Quite the people pleaser

If only I could please her"

and

"Indecisive feelings of enjoyment

Hold that thought, I think I need a moment

I'm aware there's something I should tell you

But my voice annoys me

Bite my tongue off with a smile

I can't feel it anymore"

Millions Knives

This is a dark and somber love song, inspired by Christian religious themes. If Knives could love someone else besides Vash, his love would be just as encompassing and obsessive. But he's still full of self-doubts each step, while he's trying to gaslight his crush and himself that they're a perfect match. It's also full of intricate setences, which Knives would appreciate for sure.

"I just wanted to be yours, can I be yours?

Can I be yours? Just tell me I'm yours

If I'm turning in your stomach and I'm making you feel sick" and

"Found you just to tell you that I made it real far

And that I never blamed you for loving me the way that you did

While you were torn apart

I would still wait with you there" my favorite is "Am I making you feel, am I making you feel sick?

Nicholas D. Wolfood

Nick can think that he's oh so mysterious and impossible to read, but he's a simple man on the inside. With a desire to protect and nurture, just like an older brother would. If he falls in love, he falls hard. He is also surprisingly casual and composed about it. I think once he recognizes his feelings, he will have no issues confessing, while still not believing if his love is reciprocated. "You're making me crazy

Really driving me mad

That's all right with me

It's really no fuss

As long as you're next to me

Just the two of us"

and

"Sweetheart

I'm feeling so tired

Really falling apart

And it just don't make sense to me

I really don't know

Why you stick right next to me

Wherever I go"

#trigun #trigun stampede #trigun headcanons #trigun x reader #vash x reader #wolfwood x reader #millions knives x reader #vash the stampede #millions knives #nicholas d. wolfwood #Spotify

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escapingpurgatory · 9 days

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Preacher's Daughter Review

I relistened to this album a week or so ago and became inspired to write a review of each song as well as the album as a whole. I wrote this in my notebook, but I wanted to type it out and post it here! I'm gonna do this song by song, then an overall review and rating of the album. Let's begin!

Family Tree (Intro)

A very beautiful and mellow start to the album. I find the lyrics most beautiful, as well as hard hitting. At the beginning of the album, Ethel's father, a preacher, dies. This helps set up the majority of the album. One lyric I love is when Ethel is talking about her father saying "You know I raised you better than this." My rating for the track is an 8/10.

American Teenager

God, I love this song... My favorite part about the track is the guitar parts. That shit sends me FLYING. I love when she says "It's just not my year." Multiple times throughout the song. The whole chorus in general is just so gooddd... Every part of the track is truly perfect, I also love, love, LOVE the ending. When she repeats "For me" multiple times, it's so perfect, it just draws you in. This track is a solid 10/10.

A House In Nebraska

This song is absolutely SOUL CRUSHING. Like, holy shit... This song represents how Ethel was so in love with Will, and was devastated when he left her. She repeatedly talks about loneliness throughout the track, really proving the point I made previously. My favorite line from this song is "Your mama calls me sometimes to see if I'm doing well, and I lie to her and say that I'm doing fine, when really I'd kill myself to hold you one more time." Aside from the lyrics, the actual music is so fuckin' breathtaking. Another perfect 10/10 track.

Western Nights

This song is really interesting, and I sometimes feel like people overlook it. Ethel falls in love with a man named Logan, who uses crime to support himself and Ethel. I find the trope of love and crime to be really cool, and very in place in the album. The whole "bad boy" shtick is fitting for Ethel's rebellious treck away from home starting in the sixth track. My favorite line from this one is "I'd hold the gun if you asked me to, but if you love me like you say you do, would you ask me to?" This one is a good 7.5/10 from me.

Family Tree

Meant to reflect on Ethel's relationship with Logan after is death in a shootout, this track is very beautiful. She ultimately finds similarities with loving such a violent man to her relationship with her family. Along with being in love with the entire chorus, my favorite line is "I've killed before and I'll kill again, take the noose off, wrap it tight around my hand." Back to the chorus, I find it so hauntingly beautiful. I love this track, 9/10.

Hard Times

Yet another devastating track from the album. This song is about the molestation of Ethel from a young age by her father, Joseph. As we know, he died at the beginning of the album. He began doing this when Ethel was 9, up until the time of his death when Ethel is 20. The idea that a "man of god" could commit such vile, disgusting acts should be eye-opening for some people. My favorite line from this track happens to be from the final verse of the song, "I'm tired of you, still tied to me, too tired to move, too tired to leave." This song marks the beginning of Ethel going on the run. Beautiful and disturbing, 8.5/10.

Thoroughfare

One of my favorite tracks on the album, it documents Ethel meeting Isaiah in Texas and travelling west to California with him. On the way there, Ethel and Isaiah develop a mutual attraction. As soon as they reach the coast, they start a relationship. Ethel was kidnapped, but since she had seemed to have developed Stockholm syndrome, she didn't see it as such. This song has a very country feel, but I absolutely love it nonetheless. This was actually the first song of Hayden's that I'd heard. The lyrics are beautiful and represent blossoming love, but it quicky turns sinister. I can't even choose my favorite line because I love every single part of it! This is a 100/10.

Gibson Girl

After Isaiah and Ethel have been out west together for a while, the relationship turns abusive. They both fall into drug addiction which leads to Isaiah convincing Ethel to become a prostitute to help pay for more drugs. She begins to see her mental health deteriorate, along with her sense of who she is. Ethel talks about her struggles with her mental health and the prostitution throughout the song. My favorite line from this song is "Obsession with the money, addicted to the drugs, says he's in love with my body, that's why he's fucking it up." It's sad hearing and thinking about how pieces of who she was fading away. Solid 8/10.

Ptolamaea

Wow. This song is phenomenal... It represents a hallucination Ethel has while on drugs. She envisions Isaiah as a demon which represents her finally realizing the kind of man he is, as well as his intentions. She has this hallucination after Isaiah uses physical violence towards her. This song is so haunting, when the climax of the song hits, it's like my soul leaves my body. That being said, my favorite "line" of the song is the scream itself. It's the perfect representation of feeling trapped and wanting to be released. This is another fuckin' 100/10, hands down.

August Underground

The first of the two back-to-back instrumental tracks on the album, August Underground represents Isaiah taking Ethel to a house in northern California and ultimately murdering her. Another beautiful track off the album, but in a melancholy way. 9.5/10. This track leads to...

PART 2 ⬇️

#Spotify #ethel cain #mother cain #indie #hayden anhedönia #music reviews #album reviews #preacher's daughter #preachers daughter #southern gothic

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moominofthevalley · 2 months

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music tag game ! thank you @inlocusmads for the tag c:

current favorite album: preacher’s daughter by ethel cain (if you can’t tell by my layout) or retired from sad, new career in business by mitski. i shit you not, two nights ago i stayed up listening to mitski and hayden’s discography because i couldn’t sleep lol. i’ve loved mitski since forever and i’m so excited to see her twice later this year!!!!!

favorite song off the album: from preacher’s daughter: ‘hard times.’ it’s so disgustingly relatable - as are all of her songs - but this song evokes this weird rotting emotion out of me. from retired in sad, i like ‘circle.’ i feel like this song is SO underrated! i’ve also been really into silent hill recently and this song just reminds me james and mary for some reason ya know ??!?!?!

current favorite song: i am so in love with two-headed mother by ethel cain right now. She is so fucking good at creating these fucking amazing bass lines and there’s something about this song that scratches this itch in my brain i LOVE it.

favorite lyric from that song: two-headed mother in your bed, you know she hates you / kissing tyrannical heads spitting at you.

the last song you listened to: ptolemaea by ethel cain. i’m trying to get the motivation to keep writing my religious horror AU but it’s so hard when the ending in mind is so??????? genuinely unbelievable. so i’ve just been listening to this song + salt in the wound by boygenius over and over again.

favorite lyric from the last song: listening to this song ruins me i Love it. my favorite lyrics are: you poor thing. sweet mourning lamb. there’s nothing you can do. it’s already been done. AND blessed be the children, each and every one come to know their god their some senseless act of violence.

here are some tags! no pressure! @im-the-galactic-starfish @logolepzy @elfilibusterismo links to the songs & albums mentioned: preacher’s daughter retired from sad, new career in business

#music tag game #choices #ethel cain #preachers daughter #retired in sad new career in business #mitski #crimes of passion #playchoices #music #spotify

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hella1975 · 1 year

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hey hella here's my ethel cain commentary, songs in no particular order it's just my faves I had thoughts on. also my favorite song is strangers and my favorite album was preacher's daughter

a house in nebraska: love this one, the yearning is insane, don't know why bbgirl picked nebraska though. you could pick a state anywhere in the midwest and you pick nebraska? like I get it's for the Vibes but was there no other state that properly captured the Vibes? also it could just be the brainrot talking but this song is sooo [REDACTED] (the "house in nebraska" being the [REDACTED] ofc)

sun bleached flies: "god loves you, but not enough to save you." god loves you, but not enough to save you. god loves you, but not enough to save you. god loves you, but NOT ENOUGH TO SAVE YOU. GOD LOVES YOU, BUT NOT ENOUGH TO- anyway. ethel cain unrelease this. ethel cain put this thing back where it came from or so help me

western nights: I just really like this one. it's a really pretty song. until you look up the lyrics. naturally.

american teenager: "I don't need anything from anyone, It's just NOT MY YEAR, BUT I'M ALL GOOD OUT HERE! SAY WHAT YOU WANT, BUT SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT WITH YOUR FISTS FOR ONCE!!!" love this song love this song love this song

hard times: this one is so heartbreaking, I hear this and my mood takes an instant cliff dive. it's almost as bad for my mental state as your saddest great achievement by lucy eaton. I don't even have daddy issues. also the thing you said about this apparently being about sa makes this so much worse when I listen to it and instinctively go "oh this is so [blorbo with daddy issues]" and then I remember it's about sa and I feel uncomfortable and I'm like "oh it's not THAT serious for the blorbo though ://" it sounds very general though so it'll probably still make it onto blorbo playlists

inbred: you were so right about this song using lyricism most artists would shy away from, "pissing on the stove to put it out" "sucking on the back of his leg to stay warm" "touch me till i vomit" this is such a Gross song (affectionate) I love this one so much

head in a wall: something about the guitar chords in this one appeals to me so much. it feels familiar? classic? idk but I like it

golden age: all I have to say is miss cain maybe should take this one back too methinks

crush: "LOW SLUNG BAD BITCH BABY COME AND GET YOU SOME" this slaps. no notes.

strangers: "I tried to be good, am I no good? am I no good? am I no good? with my memory restricted to a polaroid in evidence, I just wanted to be yours, can I be yours? can I be yours? just tell me I'm yours, if I'm turning in your stomach and I'm making you feel sick" :(((( I am obsessed with this one it's so everything to me, it makes me insane. especially the cannibalism part bc I love weird shit in songs (also I think I have a slight fascination with cannibalism and I think it's bc I read a book about the donner party at 12) also there's something about how the lyrics at the end are listed as "mama just know that I love you (I do)" but no matter what I try to hear it sounds like she's saying "mama just know that I love you (and I lied to you)" but anyway the way she's being devoured by her lover? the mommy issues? the winn dixie name drop? she went off with this one

ptolmaea: I love this song it's so distressing. I need more Evil Music that is an Actively Harmful Listening Experience. very cathartic. however, I listen to music when just like. doing dishes and shit. I can't have my hands in dirty dishwater and be hearing "make it stop make it stop make it stop stop stop stop stop stop STOP AAAAAAHHHHH" however, it probably would be good to listen to when I'm sitting in my hammock in the woods, if I wanted to feel like I was in a found footage horror movie

family tree (intro): "jesus can always reject his father, but he can not escape his mother's blood" "swinging by my neck from the family tree" I'm so. I'm sooo. I'm eating drywall. I'm gonna stick my hand in a wood chipper. I'm gonna shove my head in the dirt. what the fuck. I love when people interpret jesus as a complicated figure. I don't fuck with christianity but from a narrative and artistic standpoint there is. so much. also you bringing [REDACTED] into this makes me feel so mentally ill

also I wrote all of this before looking up the lyrics on genius and shit got twice as interesting for the preacher's daughter album when I looked it up. what the fuck. I love narratives

real ones know that this ask and the journey it went on entitles rori to every horrible mean thing she says to me. i deserve it

#YOURE SO REAL FOR THE GOLDEN AGE AND CRUSH RECOGNITION DO YOU STILL LOVE ME BESTIE IM SORRY #also tams was initially gonna be titled after a family tree lyric. insanity #every [REDACTED] here is beyond valid for reasons we have EXHAUSTED thanks to aiaia's bullying #ask #ethel cain

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eurosleaz · 10 days

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lyrics from songs on sadie's playlist that are literally her coded!

leveraging my constant guilt against me / and you force me into submission / and i would be so much less offended / if you just told me to get back into the kitchen / i don't even feel good about it anymore / 'cause you don't take the advice / you fucking use me for (mommy fwiend, penelope scott)

and sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on / and your friends they sing along and they love you / but the lows are so extreme, that the good seems fucking cheap / and it teases you for weeks in its absence (a better son/daughter, rilo kiley)

so if you need to be mean / be mean to me / i can take it and put it inside of me / if your hands need to break / more than trinkets in your room / you can lean on my arm / as you break my heart (i don't smoke, mitski)

i thought good guys get to be happy / i'm not happy / i am poison in the water and unhappy (hard times, ethel cain)

think i forgot how to be happy / something i'm not, but something i can be / something i wait for / something i'm made for (what was i made for?, billie eilish)

#this blog is sponsored by raycon.#i'm ... so sick about it (i made this playlist!)

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fall-dog · 3 months

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hiii lovely!!! i have a little music ask game here if u want to join <33 would love to know your top five songs + then if u want you can send it on to 10 people (or not if u don't want to <333)

ah hiii love <33 picking just five was such torture but here we go

1. the kick inside - kate bush (it girl of my heart🦋also forever associated with the time my friend played this album on vinyl and we danced around in her new apartment <3)

2. breathe (in the air) - pink floyd (loove the instrumentals)

3. thoroughfare - ethel cain (i love storytelling in lyrics and this nails it so good...and the chorus goes so hard i just wanna yell it)

4. silver springs - fleetwood mac (it's been said many times but the last chorus is just sooo insane... you'll never get away from the sound of the woman who loved you!!)

5. married in mount airy - nicole dollanganger (one day i will be over this song but today is not that day... again it's the storytelling & i love how this is one of her softest songs but it still has a sort of haunted feeling to it)

#fall's music recs xx #<3

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rotisseries · 9 months

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hi rori ! i hope this isn't annoying for you, i just had a question :O feel free to ignore this if you want ~ anyway, i've seen her name mentioned quite frequently and her aesthetic seems remarkably cool, but i'm afraid i'm going to listen to the wrong song and end up not liking her and i don't want that >.< so,,, may i please request some ethel cain recommendations ?

hiii no its not annoying at all! so, first off, my mutual who got ME into ethel has a list of some of her favorite songs going from least to most intense as a general recommended listening order, which worked well for me.

some of MY favorite songs, assembled in similar order, are: american teenager, crush, michelle pfieffer, god's country, a house in nebraska, famous last words (RECENT RELEASE!!) hard times, strangers, and inbred.

honorable mentions go to televangelism, an instrumental interlude from the preacher's daughter album, everytime, which is a britney spears cover, and the live version of morning elvis by florence + the machine which features her.

if you're more of a whole albums type of person, I'd go in reverse release order honestly. all of her stuff is SOOO good but my favorites are definitely the latest album and ep. so that'd be preacher's daughter, and then inbred. no matter if you do frequently listen to whole albums or not though, I think you should ABSOLUTELY listen to preacher's daughter in order at least once, preferably with the genius lyrics pulled up lol. it is a GORGEOUS and well thought out concept album about a young woman from the south who runs away from home and eventually meets a gory end

#GOT ANOTHER CAININATOR!!! INDOCTRINATING ALL OF YOU #me🤝hella: dragging everyone in our tumblr circle into the most insane soul wrenching music we can find #also. me being like “here's some of my faves!!” and then listing like. half her spotify page #LISTEN TO ALL OF IT THOUGH SHE'S GREAT #ask #light-lanterne #hi angel!#lmao just realized I'm not following your main whoopsie #sorry

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autisticempathydaemon · 9 months

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I'd love to get a match if you're still doing them!!

I'm currently listening to American Teenagers by Ethel Cain. There's something about the lyrics that remind me of my angsty teen years. I'm really stuck on the lyrics "crying in the bleachers and I said it was fun", super relatable lol. I'm also stuck in Hummingbird by The Haunting. My favorite lyrics are "I wish you'd walk in and I miss you pillow talk"

My ennagram type is INFP

I love video essays, the longer the better, but I especially like the ones about videogames I'll never play. I just finished one about no more heroes that was fun.

My go to way to fall asleep is my fan on full blast, covered in a large blanket, and kicking my foot back and forth until I fall asleep, which is pretty fast since the motion soothes me for whatever reason.

I love the Guy confession audio. I love Guy's energy and how he goes from light hearted to fairly serious. He seems so chill and funny and his confession was so sweet.

I'm not a big fan of David. He's cool, but I like guys who are more gentle and emotionally open I guess?

I'd love to be best friends with Gavin because he's so supportive and fun. I think he'd be tons of fun to hangout with. Or Huxley, he's so sweet.

I've researched criminal minds more times than I can count. I love crime shows and such, but I'm not a fan of the personal character drama. I just want to see people solve crime. I know the endings to them all but still like them.

When I'm tired I love to ramble about human behavior. I'm really shy and bad at social interactions so it's usually me hyper analyzing an interaction and pointing out all the ways society's social standards are weird, at least to me lol.

Other stuff- I'm a fairly artistic person, I love paint and drawing, I also enjoy cooking. I'm shy and soft spoken in public but loud when I'm around people I like. I also love sleeping and naps. I'm a bit of a pushover and need people to like me but do like helping people. I also love listening to music, picking just 1 song to write about was hard so I picked two because I like so many, sorry!

Thanks!!

Okay, so hear me out. He gets a little bit of a bad rap because of the whole Sadism’s Hold thing, but you and Ivan, specifically FlyBoi!Ivan, would be so cute together, give him a CHANCE-

I get the irony of pairing you with someone who could have once been on Criminal Minds, I swear, but I feel like Ivan is a wonderfully gentle soul when not being otherwise manipulated. His normal voicemails are proof of that, that he’s thoughtful and communicative and not afraid of being vulnerable and putting his heart out there, you know? This would wonderfully complement the sensitivity that INFPs are known for.

Overall, I think you’d have a lovely, sweet, domestic sort of life together. Ivan also strikes me as a people pleaser which is great because when you pair people pleasers together, you get a couple who consistently looks out for one another’s needs. He travels for work and never forgets to call home or ask what new creative project you’re working on, never lets you forget he’s thinking about and missing you.

Song:

You could be dancing on tabletops/ Wearing high-heels/ Drinking until the world/ Spins like a wheel/ But tonight your apartment/ Had so much appeal/ Who needs stars?/ We've got a roof/ But there's nothing/ Like doing nothing/ With you

I don’t have a firm grasp of what genre Ivan would like, but I do like the slower, swaying vibes of this song for you. It’s sweet, relaxing, the soundtrack to when he finally comes home from a work trip and is grateful to see you napping on the couch in the dimming, sunsetting light of your living room.

Runner-Ups:

Morgan is a runner-up because he has a lot of similar vibes to Flyboi!Ivan, though I don’t know him well enough to match him confidently and he doesn’t strike me as forthcoming with his love and emotions. Cam was a closer candidate if I had not really liked the domestic vibes of you with a human or unempowered person.

note: if you don’t like Ivan and I took too big of a risk I am SO SORRY but he’s a darling and I love him he’s so lovable

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

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