When you're drowning...

When we lose the things,or the someone that matters most to us, it can be a difficult thing to heal. You sit and drown in your emotions and your grief, the whole time wondering about them. Neither of you knowing how the other truly feels.

For me today, I am drowning.

And I'll be honest with all of you struggling with the same thing: it may never go away.

Its been 8 years since you left our beautiful world and the scar in my heart still hurts. A humble man from humble beginning and the biggest inspiration in my life. Your dry humour, quick wit, sharp mind and dedication is only a small piece of the truly amazing person you were. Though the years go by I will never ever forget you. RIP My Poppa, My Guardian Angel 💜❤️💙💛💚🧡 Know that no matter what day, what time or where I am, you are always in my thoughts. I love you too the moon and back. Forever missing you, until we meet again xo 💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜��� #goodbye #goodbyemylover #love #lost #sadness #lostloveone #heartbreak #remember #neverlost (at Dargaville, New Zealand) https://www.instagram.com/p/BpyBhbZngyy/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=x2dnap0zzr5u

Light’s Legacy

I carry around this pain in a bottomless state

That eats me away slowly everyday

~~~~

I want to have hate for what happened on that day 

But it violates the kindness you’d say 

It opposes your legacy 

~~~

Everything that made you special was pure 

Refreshing in such a venomous world 

It takes light with each bite as we break

And we’ve named this fate 

~~

~RTM

Only Jah🙏🏾 knows S.I.P to all friends and families we loose on the battlefield 🥶 Song - #Soldier YouTube AfricanTheArtist (Soldier Official Video) #artiste🎙 #entertainer #producer #DancehallRockstar🤟🏾 #dancehall #reggae #reggaton #grime #hiphop #viralvideo #trapreggae #afrobeat #musicians #fallensoldiers #lostloveones #livemusic #band #jamaica #westmoreland #negril #kingston #6ix FASHiGLA✡ https://www.instagram.com/p/CU7nzMUA-KI/?utm_medium=tumblr

#throwback GothamCityBoys Da #General @rickybats Joint "Grandmothers Pain" One of my Favorite Songs #touchingsong #grandmother #fuckcancer #beautifulsong #talented #recordingartist #lostloveones #weloveyou #sendingmylove #toyourheart #hiphop #musiclife #music #listen #share #youtube #subscribe #unsignedartist Rickybats.com

I really don’t know how people move on when they lose someone they love or someone that they are really close. I know you can never fully move on, but how they keep their composure weeks after tragedy. I have my tearful moments when alone, but looking back to Sept 2, 2016, Grandma’s birthday and I show up just after mom and dad, walk in telling her that there’s a list of people signed up to do the spankings. She never had much of a excitement look in that place, but she gave a small smile. I regret when I left I didn’t hug her or give her a kiss as I always did before, she passed away on Sept 11th.

I can’t get my head around what happen to mom, there was never any signs she was having troubles, unless she held them from us. I try to think if there were signs from that Saturday, but I can hardly remember the last time I saw her face. It was that Tuesday she passed away, last text we were chatting about store closing and looking forward to the sales. I wish, like dad says, someone was there to help her even if the outcome was the same. I can’t get that day out of my head, the call from dad, the drive out home, the door being locked, the image, the coldness, and the moment my world crashed again. 

I seriously am thinking of selling my house and everything and leaving, I can’t do this death deal anymore. I struggle to realize mom isn’t here, she isn’t a call away, she isn’t there to go out and roam. Everything my family has done for me since that moment doesn’t seem enough to help me move on a little bit. I keep getting these moments where it feels my heart is dropping or something has left it. My head and heart are going crazy, it sucks that it’s been two weeks since she passed and the world never stopped, life kept going, we all were working, the “what if” keep running in my head, I sit at the grave every day, talk to her and cry, I can’t stop working, I can’t just rewind time to be there for her, I always told her I was there if she ever needed help and that day I couldn’t of done anything.

I just don't know what to do anymore, everything has just lost it's purpose...

Happy Birthday America! Bold stripes, bright stars, brave hearts.America was born to sparkle. My patriotic heart beats red, white, and blue. Our sweet land of liberty is the land that I love!#Julyfourth2021 #America #GodBlessAmerica #IndependenceDay #celebrate #Heroes #freedom #happybirthdayamerica #family #friends #loveones #lostloveones #keepourcountrysafe #proudtobeanAmerican #fireworks #sparklers #redwhiteandblue #starsandstripes      

You never know what tomorrow brings, so don’t leave today with things undone, and words unsaid. #repost @styrofficial NOT MAKING TIME FOR THOSE WHO MATTER MOST: When we take things for granted, these things eventually get taken away. Too often we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone. Too often we are too stubborn to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to us by letting insignificant issues tear us apart. Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you. You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you. #lovethemwhileyoucan #unsaidwords Say it before you run out of time. Say it before it’s too late. Say what you’re feeling. Waiting is a mistake. #toolate #waitingisamistake We get one shot at this life. I can say we will regret the risks we were too afraid to take, the things we didn’t say, the love we withheld, and the moments we let slip away! Don’t live for tomorrow. Live today. #livetoday #tomb It’s sad that only after you’re dead, people talk about how great you were. #lost #death Love the people God have you because one day, He’ll take them back. #thegrave #grave If you’re dying, suddenly everybody loves you. #graveyard #dieing As soon as you die, you’re everybody’s favorite person. It’s sad that only after you’re dead, people talk about how great you were.#burial #burialground Don’t say “there is still time” or “maybe next time”, because there is also the concept “it’s too late.” #cemetery #burialplace YOU SHOULD APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE, BEFORE IT BECOMES WHAT YOU HAD. #regret #lovedones When admiring other people’s gardens, don’t forget to tend to your own flowers. #lostlovedones #lostloveone NOTHING HAUNTS US LIKE THE THINGS WE DON’T SAY. #lovethemwhileyoucan #passingaway MAKE SURE THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE. #livelifenow #livelifenownotlater #passingon #finalexit Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell someone how much you love them and how much you care about them. Because when they’re gone, no matter how loud you should cry, they won’t hear you anymore. #afterlife #lovethemwhileyougotthem #relationships (at Mount Juliet, Tennessee) https://www.instagram.com/p/ButbRWxlxma/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1b5ns7czwugqz

#LatePost Day7. #FavTeacher 🍎 Day8. #Classmates 📚🗒✏ Day9. #TeddyBear Bre loves this bear 🐻 Day10. #GrandParents 😍 #FamILY Day11. #LostLoveOnes #quotes #Therealphotochallenge #TRPhotochallenge #photoadaychallenge #failing

I MISS YOU

“HOLLYWOOD MEDIUM WITH TYLER HENRY” AIRS IN A NEW TIMESLOT ON #WEDNESDAYS AT 9 PM ET/PT ON E!** In Wednesday’s all-new episode of “Hollywood Medium with Tyler Henry,” Tyler receives messages from the other side to help #dancer and #actress Jenna Dewan Tatum solve the mystery of a catastrophic family death. DJ and reality star #PaulyD makes a shocking connection to his tragically killed best friend. With information from beyond the grave, actress #EmilyVanCamp becomes emotional when Tyler uncovers a gut-wrenching decision her family had to make. #JennaDewanTatum 's Late Grandfather Makes an #Apology  Tyler Henry relays an important message from beyond the grave to the actress. See it on "Hollywood Medium." #tonight #newepisode #photoclips #actress #hollywoodmedium #grandparents @tylerhenrymedium only on @eentertainment special thanks @e_tv_pr #insidelook #episodephotos #lostloveones

Well whanau that happened 🙌🏼 It’s been a great night of listening, unfortunately no one for me tonight but I did get a signed copy of a book and an awesome couple of selfies 🤳 Thank you @kelvincruickshanknzmedium for the great work tonight. It’s been very interesting and inspirational 💙 #kelvincruickshanknzmedium #kelvincruickshanklive #kelvincruickshank #medium #kelvin #loveones❤️ #lostloveones #reading #life #whathappens #interested (at Pou Tu O te Rangi Historic Reserve) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5XbcaGHH_D/?igshid=414ym3efgca8

It's July 4th! Sending all my Family and Friends warm wishes filled with lots of fun, food, and celebrations with your loved ones. Of course the fireworks(I am not a fan of). And let us not forget the selfless efforts of many heroes who paid for our freedom so that we could have Independence Day. Happy Birthday America!#Julyfourth2021 #America #GodBlessAmerica #IndependenceDay #celebrate #Heroes #freedom #happybirthdayamerica #family #friends #loveones #lostloveones #keepourcountrysafe #proudtobeanAmerican #fireworks #sparklers #redwhiteandblue #starsandstripes      

Heart broken

Is anyone out there with a broken heart burning like mine?

Shine On