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shadowtraveled · 8 days

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what TMA entities would you assign the dungeon lords, esp mithrun? was discussing this (bc marcille is sooo End) and consulting your Seminal Mithrun Meta when i remembered you also went here!

anon i want you to know i was thinking about this nonstop like two weeks ago oh my god. i’d love to hear your thoughts on this if you’re so inclined 👁‍🗨 (and wheeze thank you i don’t know about seminal but i’m glad it passed peer review)

putting a readmore here for spoilers

to preface this, i understand the fears aren’t really separate and it’s all just fear etc but they function as distinct in the way the demons do and in the sense that they each had to mark jon to come into the world. so. distinctive facets of a unified whole. anyway i have two criteria for assigning someone a tma entity: it has to be something they deeply fear, and it has to be something they choose anyway.

and with that being said, marcille is SO end-aligned in a very gentle and chill way i think fits the end so nicely… her intense fear of death is sort of a fear of loss, which would typically be considered the desolation’s domain, especially when coupled with her aptitude for explosion/fire magic and the part of her arc where she tries to expand the dungeon, but she wasn't choosing destruction or hopelessness in either of those cases—there’s something to be said for the carnage she was willing to leave in her wake, but at the end of the day she was trying to eliminate loss. she's fundamentally incompatible with the desolation because she continually rejects it, and the loss itself doesn't form the core of her fear. the inevitability of death, though, does, and she accepts it when she gives up the dungeon and lets falin go. absolutely the end.

i think thistle is another easy designation. he clings to control to the point it corrupts him, and he creates an environment that forbids death, but his desire is not for control and his fear is not of death or loss—those are delgal's. instead, his fear that he won't be able to measure up to the too-large too-heavy responsibility placed on his shoulders is what drives him, and because we know it drives him, we know that he takes it on anyway. he even brings melini underground. extremely the buried.

laios, meanwhile. is difficult for me to assign. his fears (rejection, ostracism, that he isn't able to connect with people, that he hates people) feel very lonely, and he does withdraw from people a fair amount, but he has connections he does not and would not choose to sever. you could make an argument for the hunt (he's drawn to not only monsters but the concept of the food chain itself and his place on it as a part of the natural world, and he ends the series with the object of his fascination out of his reach), but i don't think there's enough fear there. in laios' case, the lack of strict definition between fears and the idea that they're all just muddled subcategories of a singular thing is actually really helpful, because i think i'm assigning him to the vast. it was said at some point that the vast and the lonely aren't too dissimilar—you won't realize how alone you are without distance, and that sort of mental/emotional distance and disconnect is what has haunted laios his entire life. and i think that's, in part, what makes the cosmic insignificance of seeing yourself as just another part of your environment so comforting to him. his choices... definitely make him cosmically significant lmfao but even though he chooses to be the one to go up against Infinity Itself and its endless hunger and even though he chooses to be king, he fits himself right back into the position of being a single piece of a much larger puzzle. he became lord of the dungeon to become a part of the food chain that would stand a chance to preserve it (via eating the demon's hunger). he's king because there was a gap that needed to be filled. even then, he wants his body to be scattered after death, so that he can be devoured like any other living thing would be. god i love this manga. anyway, tentative but i think the vast is the only thing i can justify at this time. actually, accepting the hunger of the infinite could itself be seen as accepting the vast into himself…….

and finally, mithrun! surprising absolutely nobody given my take on his backstory, i'd give him to the lonely, with the caveat that he does eventually sever his connection to it. prior to becoming lord of a dungeon, we know he thought the worst of people (and again i think this was intentional of him), but we also know he put up a front that was undeniably kind. milsiril says that everyone loved him for the front, but its very existence acted as a barrier between himself and others: milsiril had no idea how miserable he was, and neither did anyone else. he'd already begun choosing isolation, and he chose it ultimately when he became lord of a dungeon, literally cutting himself off from everyone in a pocket dimension where he surrounded himself with facsimiles of people he loved until... they dwindled. and they did, until he was alone again, with only the demon and the unresponsive chimera construction of the person he considered to be the one he loved. after he was eaten, we see themes of emptiness typical of the lonely coupled with his disconnection from his team—in one of the extras it says they don't really know how to approach him, and i think it shows. so in a way, he ends up back where he started: surrounded by people who care about him and who he ostensibly cares about in return, but emotionally alone. as for fear, i think a lot of his are tied up in the concept of insignificance, but that insignificance isn't cosmic—it's personal. that's why watching himself be replaced was so unbearable for him and why the thought of being left unfinished was so horrific.

as an aside, i did also consider the corruption. the idea of leftovers abandoned carries the connotation of rot and i love the concept of 'the rot within you' etc. it gets me every time, and i think there's something to be said about that with regard to the way mithrun views the person he once was. furthermore, the... eating... scene... is framed as sexual and extremely invasive (and, as a result of the combination, is very evocative of disgust) in a way we see most often with the corruption (though imo tma would never see something like this as it toes the line of jonny's "no sexual trauma horror" rule too closely), and we have to remember that for all that it terrified mithrun, he was trying to get it to happen again. but i don't think disgust is enough of a factor for him. most of his disgust is aimed at himself, and while he doesn't shy away from it, he isn't really drawn to it either. rather, i think his dialogue in the extra comic in the complete edition of the adventurer's bible ("there's nothing so kind as a demon. suddenly losing that kind of love opens a hole in your heart[...]") goes a long way in terms of defining what being eaten meant to him. the corruption focuses on a feeling of belonging and community. mithrun wanted to disappear forever knowing that in the last moment he lived he was loved. ultimately, the fear of being abandoned coupled with his attraction to being unknown and eventually entirely gone read as lonely-aligned to me.

anyway i'd LOVE to hear where you're at with this please come chat literally whenever this is the most excited i’ve ever been about anything

#anon #ask #dungeon meshi spoilers #the magnus archives spoilers #tma spoilers #dungeon meshi #marcille donato #thistle #laios touden #mithrun #mithrun got an entire extra paragraph but in my defense this does say 'especially mithrun' and i do play favorites #and the corruption is just fun to talk about

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noirs-pages · 11 months

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Diavolo 1

Summary: A morning with you and your pet Diavolo, who always insists on sleeping with you.

(haaaaa I really hate the grind of this game. Really am spoiled by Arknights, not that it’s a breeze but at least I don’t have to rely on stupid huge numbers for, like, 2 minutes of story. Anyways, house pet au, but obey me this time.)

Honestly, you could never understand the reverence a lot of your fellow ex-students would give towards their own pets. There’s nothing inherently wrong with it, but there’s something about the kind of worship they’d show that would put a bad taste in your mouth. You treat something like a untouchable god, you inevitably end up putting a distance that you’ll never want to cross.

Those students packed on so many rules, they never failed to stifle you just by hearing them. And oh, the amount of times you were forced through lecture after lecture about the “proper” way to respect your pet, like you haven’t had Diavolo for years. All because he just so happens to be a creature that all other pets bow down to.

You must always wait for him to eat before you do. You must give up your bed if he finds it suitable. Never sleep in the same space as him. Clean yourself up, as your conduct reflects his. Correct your stance, as you must hold up to the reputation such as creature has.

Fuck off.

You can imagine all those high class people clutching at their pearls when you woke up to Diavolo flat on the back of your head, all four wings spread right over your face and ears like he’s trying to keep the sun’s leaking rays out. His little claws were lightly hooked on your scalp, just to keep himself from sliding down.

You reached up, slowly nudging the dozing creature off your head and onto the pillow next to you. Naturally, the loss of warmth woke him up, though he wasn’t fully alert. He looked ready to fall back asleep but he could never sleep without you nearby. You sat up, allowing Diavolo to crawl and curl into your lap. His leathery wings twitched and flapped and you couldn’t resist smoothing your thumb over them.

“Mornin’ little guy,” you sighed out, patting his back of dark red scales with flecks of gold. "You're more tuckered out than usual, huh?"

No matter how many years have passed, you still find his pattern to be fascinating. The vibrancy of that gold was suiting for his status, though even with that fact made apparent to you time and time again, it still felt far away.

The most powerful pet known to anyone, as you’ve been told, and yet it has not clicked with you. Diavolo is just Diavolo to you. Nothing more than a small demonic dragon that wants to be spoiled by your touches.

“Hm?” the curtains of your room weren’t exactly the blackout kind, but there’s just enough darkness to highlight the vein-like patterns on a certain pet’s tail. “Oh, it’s you. Morning. Shouldn’t you be with Solomon?”

And, of course, the little critter with the odd skeletal wings for horns never said a word to you beyond a very slow blink.

“You here for Diavolo again?” you laid back down, losing all motivation to get up, “Well, you’re gonna have to wait. I’m still tired.”

After Solomon’s trip up a mountain for a specific flower for his potions, you need all the rest you can get. He may be letting you stay here in his house, but your body was a thing with limits and you’re not about to exceed them. He can stand to let you be a little selfish, especially since, if you ever wanted to leave, his little pet Barbatos would follow you.

Somehow or another, Diavolo managed to charm him and it’s been a thing Solomon has never let go of. It’s hilarious, really.

"You can get on the bed if you want. I won't tell Solomon." Anyways, you’ll get up in about an hour. Nothing too bad.

#obey me #omswd #noir's pages #noir's pages exclusive #drabble #demon lord's castle #diavolo #(om) house pet au #nightbringer #reader insert

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resignedbiology · 6 months

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Cake for An Angel

🎂 aka the most almost belated Happy Birthday to Hiori 🎂, featuring the fluffiest Hiorin, as well as Karasu and Shidou making Rin's life a living nightmare in the best way possible, as always.

“I swear to god, working with you is like talking to a fucking calculator —“

“ — and I wouldn’t be so pissed off if you just followed the instructions —“

“Ok I’m colouring the frosting pink since neither of you answered when I asked.”

“Shidou, if you say ONE more word —”

Rin knew he shouldn’t have asked Karasu for help, and if he was completely honest, he couldn’t even remember how Shidou had gotten involved in the first place — oh, right. He’d stumbled into the France Stratum’s kitchen for exactly three reasons. First, it was Hiori’s birthday in approximately an hour and twelve minutes. Second, Rin had completely forgotten said birthday. Third, Karasu had mentioned at some point that he had some baking experience. At this point, being stuck in a kitchen with two other sleep deprived boys who were all trying to make a cake near midnight — he was considering cutting his losses and just being honest to Hiori about his bad memory for birthdays.

Said blue haired birthday boy was sleeping soundly in Rin’s bed (something they both hoped was allowed, despite the fact that they’d never asked). Trying to keep this particular group of footballers quiet was a mission god would give up on. Karasu was the best person to try, but when he inevitably failed, he started to raise his voice anyway. Rin had finally focused himself on a task, at least; cutting slices of fruit into geometric shapes was keeping him quiet enough. Shidou was the least likely candidate, and yet —

“Shh, crow for brains, yer gonna wake the blueberry up,” Shidou chuckled, taking the electric mixers out of Karasu’s hand, handing him a spatula. “You’ve gotta fold angel cake batter anyway, I finished the egg whites so you don’t have to make your wimpy arms tired! Stiff peaks and all, just like —“

“Yeah, yeah, yup, I got it,” Karasu mumbled, taking the spatula and bowl of cloud like foam. Something about the antennae haired menace’s tone when he said stiff peaks was suspicious — it sounded like it was going to be followed by something horrendously lewd about a certain red headed Itoshi brother. Karasu had no intention of dealing with another one of Rin’s rage fits hearing Shidou talk about what he and Sae did after the U20 match. Admittedly… he couldn’t really find it in him to blame Rin much for his reaction. After mixing, he put the cake in the oven, using the greased pan he’d prepared earlier.

“Wait, are we making buttercream or whipped cream —“ Rin interrupted in a mildly hurried tone, flicking his gaze back at the other PxG players.

“Whipped cream, buttercream’s a pain, even if it’s tasty,” Shidou answered without any raunchy tilt to the words whipped or cream, thankfully.

“Okay. I’ll make that. Shidou, can you finish cutting these shapes?”

“Boss-y, just like your bro —“

“Nope!” Karasu exclaimed in a hush, grabbing Rin’s pyjama collar in one fist and Shidou’s in the other. “No. We are here to bake a cake.”

“Because a certain someone forgot.“ Shidou teased, sticking his tongue out at Rin with a grin.

“… you’re lucky I care about Hiori more than I care about hating you.”

“The Itoshi brothers, such hopeless romantics.” The blond trilled.

It was a miracle Rin hadn’t ground his teeth down to dust just from having to share a team with Shidou, but after some extensive conversations from Hiori about not spending so much energy on someone who was purposefully trying to rile him up, it was a little bit easier to ignore Shidou — a little bit. By the end of it, just three minutes before midnight, the three boys were left flour and sugar dusted, scented like vanilla and cream. A light and airy cake sat on the counter, frosted with a little bit of lemon whipped cream and topped with pieces of fruits cut up into Tetris pieces. There was a few extra intricate shapes of garnishes, lemon peel twists and decorations made from strawberry leaves.

“Didn’t know you had that kind of knife skill, Shidou.” Karasu muttered with earnest surprise.

“Got bored one weekend in Middle School and snuck into a cake decorating class. Got kicked out when the teacher realised I’d eaten a bunch of the cakes. Still made off with three of ‘em though.”

“That… makes sense for you.” Rin huffed out a breath, pinching at the bridge of his nose.

“Yeah, they’re awful pretty — did Tabito tell ya I liked tetris, Rin? Guess I did love it a whole lot back then.” A voice giggled out from behind the trio.

“Holy shit —“ Rin spun on his heel, almost needing to cling to Karasu’s shoulder to prevent him from wheeling face first into the floor. His shoulders relaxed as soon as his tired brain pushed past the shock, lungs puffing out a soft exhale before he took a few steps forward, looping his arms around Hiori’s waist and sinking to rest his cheek onto his boyfriend’s bedhead. “I mean — happy birthday. It was supposed to be a surprise —“

“Can it, Rin,” Hiori was still chuckling through his words, the warmth of his voice betraying his own sleepiness. “It was still a surprise — sorta. Y’all are real loud, y’know? All three of ya!”

“But ya like the decorations, so I’ve done my part. Goodnight, lovebirds, my job is done here!” Shidou cackled, heading off to his dorm.

“Happy birthday, Yō. Yer lucky — he’s not a bad kid, I guess.” Karasu patted the couple on their shoulders, shaking his head with a tired smile before leaving the quiet hum of the kitchen’s cool toned lighting.

“Now that yer sous chefs are gone… really, this is amazing, Rin, I didn’t expect ya to do any thin’ for me,” Hiori muttered, smiling at the little moment of quiet the two of them could finally share. “… now, Rin — I love ya and all… but yer still covered in flour, and it’s gettin’ all over me.”

“We can take a shower together later.” Rin deadpan teased back, digging a fork into the cake so he could offer Hiori a bite, finally cracking a smile when the shorter boy got the whole bite in one go. Reaching a hand up to brush a little spot of frosting off of his lover’s lip, he changed course and kissed it away, earning a soft, surprised squeal out of Hiori.

“Rin, yer a menace, just eat the cake!” he laughed, grabbing another fork from the drawer and leaning his elbows on the counter to take another bite.

“Had to let the birthday boy get the first bite.” Rin quipped past a mouthful of fruit and frosting.

#blue lock #bllk #bllk fanfic #blue lock fanfic #hiori yo #itoshi rin #shidou ryusei #karasu tabito #hiorin #happy birthday hiori #fluff

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thomasshelbydrabbles · 3 months

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The Spy (10/?)

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Adeline Taylor (OC)

Warnings: period typical sexism, series typical violence, period typical views of PTSD, period typical racism, blood and gore, angst, sexual situations, infertility, loss of child

Summary: The morning after Adeline's reunited with the Shelby's, she learns more about what happened while she was away.

**Note: This is a series, so you should read The School Teacher and The Messenger first if you want to understand everything.**

Word Count: 2543

Author’s Note: I know it’s been forever. Life has been crazy. Let me know if you want added to the tag list.

Arrow House, 1924

Adeline woke before the sun. Tommy’s arms tightened around her, pulling her further into his body. A smile, small and fragile, spread across her lips. This moment felt perfect. So many things could have gone wrong last night. They’d been fighting on the back foot since she’d left the Darby years ago. She hated it. Waiting. Biding her time. Felt too much like the war, like that scared girl desperatly trying to hold the frayed edges of her sanity together. The girl who somehow thought things would get better, thought that she’d get better. When things inevitably went bad - quite bad given the various pieces currently on the board - she would remember the stillness of this moment. Tommy pressed a kiss to the back of her neck.

“Why are you awake?

His voice was a sleep-rough whisper against her skin.

“Didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”

She tried to shuffle forward in the bed. Tommy’s arms tightened, the sheets rustling as his body shuffled closer.

“Where are you goin’?”

“Hush. I’m going out to the stables. You’re still half asleep.”

Before she could move further, she found herself underneath a suddenly wide-awake Thomas Shelby. She blinked up at his blue eyes, allowing herself to drown in them. His hands on her body grounding her, reminding her that this was real.

“Not waking up without you in me bed, Adeline. Not again.”

Her heart clenched. This pain she understood though because she shared it. Each morning she’d woken up without Tommy had broken a small piece of her. The longer she’d been with Sidney, the more she’d feared that so many small, broken pieces would add up to her whole self being destroyed long before they were reunited. Cupping his face with her hand she smiled up at him.

“Then get up. I’m going to go visit my horse.”

Tommy laughed as he leaned down, pressed a kiss to her lips. She felt the smile in it.

“Sound like a Shelby with statements like that.”

“As good as. We’re stronger together,” Adeline admitted. The truth felt like glass in her throat, but she’d resolved to stop lying to herself. Everything Alfie had told her, everything she knew, but was terrified to admit to herself crystalized in that moment. Being apart had nearly killed her. Had nearly killed the family. Remaining together had to be better. “I don’t like it - I know the danger I putting you, the boys - Polly, everyone in. My waking nightmare from the war followed me home, and like an idiot, I brought it to your doorstep. It frightens me more than anything, but I learned my lesson. We Shelby’s are a formidable family when we’re united. It’s the best way to keep the nightmares at bay.”

Tommy didn’t respond. His eyes never wavered and she found herself once again lost in the blue of them. How she’d managed to breathe without seeing his face might just prove her mother correct about God and miracles. Silently, Tommy lifted himself from the bed and Adeline found herself entranced by the feline grace with which he moved. She wet her bottom lip with her tongue, and caught the way Tommy’s gaze darkened when he caught it.

“Go see to your horse before I change me mind and keep you wrapped up in bed all day,” Tommy ordered, a frown on his face.

As though recognizing that a sort of fragile peace had descended upon the Shelby household, the skies were a clear blue when Adeline walked to the stables. The air still had a bite to it, but she enjoyed the way it smelled. Not all countryside smelled the same. When she’d been with Sidney, there’d been plenty of fresh air, plenty of countryside, but it smelled of France, of fucking Russia. Nothing smelled like England, and here at Arrow House, she could still catch the faintest whiff of Birmingham in the air. Of course, when she’d first told Tommy that years ago, he’d laughed, then frowned and threatened to find a new house, one without the stench of “fuckin’ Birmingham” tainting it. When she’d told him she quite liked the way it smelled because it signaled home to her, he’d fucked her there in the open for God and all to see. He’d spent the rest of the day picking random pieces of grass from her hair.

“There’s my girl,” Adeline said, a note of reverence in her tone. “Have you missed me? The lads been taking good care of you?”

Renata nickered at her, nosed against her hand. She knew Curly had taken excellent care of the horse. As Tommy’d told her, he was part horse himself. Adeline chuckled as she pulled a quartered apple from her pocket. Holding the treat up, she smiled at Renata who gummed it into her mouth.

“There now, see? I know better than to come back empty-handed,” Adeline told her as she passed another piece of apple along. As apologies went, she still found it ridiculous, but given her current circumstance, she wondered if presenting each member of the Shelby household with a horse of their own would help smooth things over for her. Maybe two horses. And an apple.

Walking to the tack neatly sorted along the back wall, she felt Renata’s eyes on her, a small smile on her face at the knowledge. Adeline shook her head; the horse was just like Tommy in that way, always watching her. Selecting a brush from the wall, she tested the fibers against the palm of her hand before taking it back to the stall. Letting herself in, she slowly trailed her hand down Renata’s back, up to her neck; made sure to scratch behind her ears before beginning to brush her. Adeline found the routine calming. The mindlessness of the task allowed her brain to still, at least for a moment.

For a while, she’d had a horse in France, well, it wasn’t exactly hers, but she’d had unfettered access to him, and they’d bonded. Of course, one morning when she’d gone out to the stables to greet him, the 14-hand midnight black Andalusian was gone. Glancing down at Renata, she blinked back tears. Asking about that black horse never crossed her mind back then. Like so many things during the war, the horse existed in a state of ephemerality. Part of why she liked Birmingham was that it was so opposite - nothing changed, not anything of significance.

“He almost shot her one night,” John’s voice broke the peace of the moment.

Adeline’s hands stilled as his words registered. Spinning on her heel to face him, she knew her face must be a mess of emotions. “What?”

“Tom got drunk, well, he was always fuckin’ drunk, but this night was different. Been ‘bout six months since you’d abandoned ‘im, abandoned us. Pol, well, she’d taken to followin’ ‘im ‘round, makin’ sure he didn’t do nothin’ foolish. Saw him wavin’ his pistol ‘round like a bloody lunatic. Got to ‘im just in time, too. She hauled him by his ear back into the house. Me ‘n Arthur put him to bed.”

Her grip on the brush tightened, knuckles turning white. She opened her mouth, but what the fuck could she say?

“Didn’t think ‘bout it at the time, but Michael and Isaiah went down to London. Nothin’ too strange ‘bout that now, not with Alfie, but there’d been this weird fight at the Garrison ‘round that time, too. They didn’t go to London, though, did they?”

Adeline shook her head. Turning away from Renata, she left the stable, ignoring the way her hands trembled. Facing the tack wall, she walked to it, placed the brush back, and grabbed a set of tack. Draping them over the stall door, she attempted to gather her thoughts. Leaving had been nearly impossible. As though she’d left her skin behind, and only her bones had gone with Sidney that day. Coming back felt impossible. Stepping back into the skin she’d left behind impossible. The parts didn’t fit together anymore. Her bones had been warped into something different. She hadn’t expected anyone to make it easy for her. Knew they’d each take their pound of flesh, but John’s reaction seemed deeper. Like he was working out his demons on her. If that’s what he needed, then she’d let him take it, but she’d get around to discovering what was truly bothering him. Later. Once he’d worked it all out on her. If nothing else, her skin was thick.

“You Shelby’s have all created this fuckin’ perfect image of me, even though you’ve only known this version of me, but John,” Adeline paused, took a breath. “Sidney - he’s seen so much more of me. Second only to Alfie, and even then it would be a coin toss difference. Sidney…broke parts of me, stole parts that I’ll never get back because time doesn’t fix everything. I couldn’t risk him breaking any of you because the thought of what he might do, what he could do to any of you - those thoughts keep me up at night.”

She watched his brow furrow. Saw him take the toothpick from his mouth, then stick it right back in as though he’d forgotten what he’d meant to do with it in the first place. She understood.

“Sounds like you’re scared of ‘im.”

“Aye.”

“Not like you to be scared of someone.”

Adeline laughed bitterly. “Oh John-boy, it’s very like me to be scared of Sidney. Been scared of him since the day we met. I work hard to hide it, to pretend it’s not true because it would give him a sort of power over me that I cannot abide, but I still think he knows. Pretty sure he enjoys it. Can’t blame him for it. You’d enjoy it too if you knew you were the only person in the whole bloody world that terrified Arke.”

John became so still that Adeline wondered if he was even breathing. “What did he do to you, Addie?”

Tears burned in her eyes. She blinked furiously to hold them back. Damn Shelby’s. Still, she squared her shoulders and faced him. She’d promised no more running.

“You were in the war,” Adeline spoke, the words harsh. “What do you think he did to a naive young woman to transform her into the most whispered-about weapon the British had during the war? I was the shadow behind every nightmare. I was the warning tale whispered about in corridors. I’ve blood on my hands, John - so much of it I could fill the Thames.”

Adeline’s shoulders sagged. She abandoned the pretense of saddling Renata and closed the stall firmly behind her. When she’d first come back, when Alfie’d found her, she’d dream about it - those first days with George - Sidney. How Alfie had known to provide her with some training, to teach her how to survive during their sojourn to Calais…it didn’t matter, but she’d owe him for that until the day she died.

“I thought he was dead,” Adeline whispered, words caught in her throat. “Killed a lot of men to make sure I died with him. That Arke died with him. That day at the races - he was there. Like a ghost. Like a nightmare. But I couldn’t wake up from this one. Not this time. Me luck had run out.”

“Should have trusted us to help you.”

Oh how she wanted to slap him. Instead, she closed her hand into a fist, and clenched her jaw so tightly it ached. “You’re not fuckin’ listening.”

John shook his head. “You and Tom both treat the rest of us like bloody bin-men. Just good enough for a fuckin’ catch and ferry. Do this. Kill ‘im. Collect the money.”

“Men like Sidney don’t bother with bin-men, John.”

“I don’t need you bloody well protectin’ me all the time.”

“Good thing I don’t do it for you. I’m a fuckin’ selfish woman, John boy. I protect you, I do everything I can think of to keep you, all of you, safe because I wouldn’t survive your loss. Hate me if you need to,” Adeline nodded. “Dead men don’t hate. Dead men are just dead.”

John didn’t respond. He kept looking at her though. Like every other man in her life, she wondered what he looked for, what he saw. She didn’t ask. Tried to avoid asking questions she didn’t want answered. She knew, now - years too late, of course, what Sidney meant about having weaknesses. Not only had she failed to kill the one person who could destroy her without actually taking her life, she’d brought him a whole family to use against her. Maybe it was cowardly of her to want to keep them all safe, keep them for herself, keep them away from Sidney and his machinations. Perhaps John was right, too. Doubting them, doubting their skill, their ability to stay alive, to fight - it was both insulting and dangerous. A thin line between knowing they’re the Peaky Blinders scared of nothing and no one, and getting themselves killed for being fools. They were all fools in the end.

After long moments, John nodded his head. He took the tack from her and walked over to Renata. Adeline followed him, watched the way he ran his hands over her flank, teased her nose with his fingers. Like Tommy, he seemed a natural with the horse.

“You know Linda’s your fault,” John said as though commenting on the weather.

Adeline smirked, thankful for the ceasefire. Seemed she might get her family back in spite of her missteps and Sidney’s continued fucking existence.

“My fault?”

John nodded. “Arthur fell apart when you left. Snow.”

Adeline cursed under her breath.

“Not sure even Arthur remembers how he met Linda, but one day she was just there. Thought Pol was gonna take her tongue the first time they met with the way Linda was goin’ on ‘bout God and damnnation, but then Arthur started gettin’ better. Less snow. Less drinkin’. ‘Course he had a woman at home tellin’ him exactly what to eat, when to sleep - when to work, or not work.”

“What’s she got to do with business?”

“Nothin’,” John told her with a shake of his head. “She doesn’t believe in what we do. Don’t mind livin’ on the money Arthur brings home, but she convinced Arthur to only work during the day. See, the devil works at night, and she calls what we do the devil’s work. Has him home each night for supper.”

Adeline snorted. “We both know it’s not supper she wants him home for.”

“Figured as much. Since Arthur wouldn’t make anything official with you gone, figured she’d be looking for other ways to attach herself to the family.”

Adeline froze, a whole new type of terror gripping her. Everything about Linda made her want to shoot the woman between the eyes and be done with it, but if she’d kept Arthur alive while she’d been…away, then perhaps she owed the woman an opportunity to fall in line. But, she knew women like Linda. Been raised by one.

“If she gets pregnant I’ll throw her in the Cut myself soon as the babe’s born.”

Tag List: @stevie75 @muhahaha303 @highgardenrosexx @dolllol2405 @allie131313 @shaddixlife

Master List

#peaky blinders #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x oc #tommy shelby x oc #john shelby #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders fanfiction

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moosemonstrous · 5 months

Text

Ghost Rider Pacific Rim AU - acceptable losses

Tony hates the countdown display. It doesn’t make him feel any better that it was, technically, his idea to put it up in the first place.

You can see the clock from anywhere in the dome, and the support side has its own copy. It’s inescapable, the orange glow illuminating his every anxious thought, the soundless downtick keeping him awake at nights even in his apartment in the city.

He’s redone the calculations again. His math checks out. It always checks out, because you can use numbers to lie to others but not to yourself. His predictions have been broadly correct five out of six times over the last three years. Every time, he hopes to be wrong, and knows that he isn’t – the water temperature in the immediate one thousand feet around the Breach rose by point-oh-three degrees overnight, T minus seventy two hours. The submarine drones haven’t reported any lesser beasts coming through since Thursday.

The next demon is coming. And they’re two jaegers short.

“Crimson Typhoon won’t be ready in time,” Ivanov drums his fingers on the metal surface of his desk. He’s not prone to nervous ticks. Half the time, Tony can only spot his tells because he spent his twenties at a poker table. “We need to make a decision.”

Of course, he doesn’t want to be the one to explicitly make it. He’s been avoiding the subject altogether for weeks now. On one hand, Tony kind of feels bad for him, because he vaguely remembers the funerals after The Charger’s last run and nobody was having a good time with it. On the other, it’s not Ivanov who’s name will be on the outcome report if they— God damn it.

“We’re going to get that kid killed,” he sighs.

“We are at war. And your protégé seems confident.”

“Uh, yeah, call me when he ever doesn’t, I’ll mark the date.” He’s still so smug about that damn Kwoon sim, too. Explain that, he said, and Tony never wished so much he’d spent any proper time on neurology in his life. Vicky threw in the towel at this point – Reyes is too speculative for her. There’s a reason medical doesn’t come under R&D. “No point delaying the inevitable, huh?”

“We can delay all we like,” Ivanov grunts. At least he doesn’t look like he likes it any more than Tony does, even if he suspects it’s for very different reasons. “But if we don’t use The Charger and the next demon goes through the port like Bladecrest did through Los Angeles, we are all out of a job.”

Trust the soldier to make it about the bottom line. “Great. I’ll pick up the black box reports from the archive on my way down.”

Ivanov raises an eyebrow. “What makes you think I changed my mind on this?”

“Are you kidding me?” Tony rounds on his desk, slamming a palm down. “You have to declassify them. I can’t sign off on a trial drift if we don’t know—”

Ivanov cuts him off, looking at Tony’s hand like he’s fantasising about cutting it off, too. “I will tell you what you need to know,” he says in the same tone of voice he uses to explain the week’s biosamples have been held back in customs again. It’s bullshit, but not in any way Tony can argue against. “Hell Charger malfunctioned from corruption damage. She killed both of her pilots,” God, Tony hates when he uses people pronouns for that thing, “and almost everyone in the hangar that night. I have been trying to get her taken apart for scrap from the second I made rank. I was always told the expense is prohibitive, there must be something else to make her work.” He stands to lean over the desk. Tony takes an involuntary step back. “She killed six potential pilots over the years, but I’m sure you and Cho know what you’re doing.”

There are many things Tony wishes he could take back. Most of the last fifteen years, if he’s feeling dramatic. None quite so fervently as the moment he thought he can get back at the Colonel for blatantly breaking the same rules he uses to red-tape Cho’s research.

“Ivanov, come on,” he pleads. “You can’t expect me to fly blind on this."

The Colonel’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “Maybe a tragedy is what we need to end this vibranium deadlock.”

Amadeus isn’t used to having second thoughts. He takes in the available information, draws the potential conclusions and picks the most reasonable course of action – there are no unpredictable outcomes, only missing data.

He really, really thought he’d have The Charger’s run reports before doing this, though.

“He can always say no,” Jen said when she put together the paperwork. “The risks are clearly outlined in section fifteen. All we can do is make sure he reads it.”

Reyes is definitely reading it. Amadeus has been sitting on his hands for an hour while Ivanov, Jen and one of the tech reps go over the thick stack of liability documents. He’s not allowed in the room as to avoid influencing the final decision – like out of everyone, it’s him who can convince Reyes of anything.

Mostly, he can chalk up his anxiety to excitement – finally, things are moving along. Finally, he’ll get to test his long-standing theory about Hell Charger and prove that Banner was right all along. Finally, they can start working on Tony’s abandoned personal armour project instead of drowning billions upon billions of dollars in unsustainable, power-intensive, unwieldy jaegers that are as likely to cause destruction as to prevent it.

Section sixteen outlines provisions for dependants in case of the test subject’s demise. Until this morning, Amadeus didn’t think much of it. Now it’s inextricably linked to the face of a little kid in a wheelchair who laughed at the model demon liver he keeps in his office. He’s maybe starting to see why Tony hasn’t been as thrilled as he’d expected him to be.

“This better goes exactly as you think it will,” Tony said. Amadeus can’t get his expression out of his mind; like this was his worst nightmare coming to a head, rather than the long-awaited breakthrough they’ve been working towards.

The countdown display ticks down from forty four to forty three hours. Even if everything goes exactly right, even if Reyes’s ghost drift with the jaeger is everything Amadeus hopes it to be, it’s still a crapshoot whether they’ll be able to use it in a fight. Simulators are one thing; they don’t have the firepower to keep someone on rookie-watch on his first run. Coyote Tango already agreed to take point, with Eden Assassin and Romeo Blue on support. Other Shatterdomes have been steadily reporting their own preparations – there’s no reason to assume anything will go wrong, but there was no indication the demon would target L.A. rather than Lima, either. Each base isn’t so keen on sending their jaegers to a single location when it’s no longer a given they can reliably predict the target. Best to wait and hope.

“Relax, kid,” Tony hands him a can of soda. “It’s out of your hands now.”

Amadeus inspects the can. It’s orange, because Tony Stark is a deeply deranged individual. He drinks it anyway – he desperately needs the sugar after the night of checking and re-checking everything.

“I could still call it in.”

“Ha.” There is no humour in Tony’s voice. “Director-general signed off on the motion. It’s too late to call anything but go.”

“He could say no.”

The cameras in the meeting room are angled just awkwardly enough to show the way Reyes digs his nails into the skin around his wristband. He’s got a good poker face, but it’s painfully obvious how nervous he is. He seemed genuinely surprised when Amadeus told him they’re ready to trial him on The Charger. He couldn’t not have seen it coming... Right?

Brooks, up until that point silent and still as a statue in the corner of the obs room, makes a ‘meh’ gesture. “He acts all reluctant, but he’s been putting the time in. Besides, if he says no and the base falls, he’s as dead as the rest of us.”

It’s exactly the kind of logic Amadeus has been employing all along. It doesn’t carry the same convincing power, coming from someone else. On the camera feed, the rep reacts with displeasure at something Ivanov has said, but Reyes starts nodding and reaching for a pen.

It’s happening. Amadeus holds his breath as Reyes flips the pages of the liability agreement and signs in the indicates fields.

Tony makes a strangled noise. “I’ll get the techs to start prepping the Conn-Pod. Amadeus?”

He can’t look away from the screen. “Yeah?”

“For your sake, I hope this is worth it.”

#Ghost Rider Pacific Rim AU #robbie reyes #amadeus cho #Tony Stark #Yegor Ivanov #You know when you realise halfway down a paragraph that maybe #The concept is a bit above your writing skill?#Anyway posting before I talk myself out of it

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fkitwebhaal · 1 month

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(Tumblr version) FIC: I WILL FACE THE GODS AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO AVERNUS 1/10

Fandom: BG3

Ship: there’s dark urge/Astarion in here but it’s not the focus and very much in the background.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: General game warnings, this chapter nothing of note

AO3

Summary:

When her fellow amnesiac tells Shadowheart that they “hate all the Gods equally” she’s sure they must be lying.

By the time she finds them lecturing Gale about the Goddess of magic, it has become abundantly clear they they were not joking.

Or: the Dark Urge is the biggest God hater in Faerun.

This chapter: Shadowheart comes clean, the Dark Urge explains their stance on Gods and this is the weirdest form of heresy Shadowheart has ever heard.

Notes: This fic is one part comedy, one part crack played straight, one part team character study about how faith works when you can have a literal convo with god. I have a good part of it written already but decided to divide it into chapters rather than drop what will likely turn out to be a 10k+ beast on you. I've put it down as 10 chapters so far, but that might change (I’m aiming for a character from each companion POV + Dark Urge)

The title, of course, comes from the famous Drill tweet.

Fic under the cut:

Shadowheart expected a variety of responses when she finally came clean about her faith.

Mother Superior had warned her about what happened to followers of Shar who failed to follow their dark lady’s example of duplicity. Imprisonment or jail was the most likely outcome, should one be within the Gate’s limits. Outside of it provided no greater protections: Shadowheart had heard stories of followers run out of towns when their faith was discovered, she’d memorized stories of those killed for daring to utter the name of her dark lady. Those tales were frightening, but none of them stuck with her as much as the one Nocturne had told her of the Sharans who had the misfortune of being discovered by Selunites. Nocturne had overheard it from a high priestess. It was about a Sharran who’d been bound to a rock underneath the full moon and left to be torn apart by wolves, the Selunites gleeful at their screams.

She didn’t think her companions would kill her or cast her out, they needed her too much. But she was prepared for them to give her distance. If they did, it was probably for the best: the loss of company would be a reminder of her commitment to Shar. All things had to end.

(It didn’t matter that Gale complimented her on her spells, it didn’t matter how Karlach shared with her fun bawdy romance tales by the campfire, it didn’t matter that Wyll helped her up when she fell on the ground due to the pain in her hand. Loss was inevitable. She had to remember that outside the cloister’s walls).

The first person she told about her Goddess was their sorcerer, an amnesiac human who had started calling themselves Rune. She’d wondered at first if they were a fellow Sharran given the state of their memory, but it soon became clear otherwise. She liked them, despite their odd muttering about blood and one sleepwalking bard murder. They were the reason she’d managed to escape her pod on the ship, after all.

Realizing the secret would come out sooner or later, she told them of her Goddess, knowing the rest of the camp would soon find out either by overhearing or gossip. Rune stood through her explanation with crossed arms, listening to her intently. When she was done, she took a deep breath, and made sure to stand tall. She was not ashamed of her Lady. Rune could say whatever they wanted, and that wouldn’t change.

“No. I don’t care who your God is,” Rune said, after a pause. They seemed to realize she was waiting on them to respond to her query. Shadowheart wasn’t convinced. She was about to question that when they spoke next. “I hate all the Gods equally.”

Shadowheart rolled her eyes. The sorcerer did have a fondness for odd jokes, but this wasn’t the best time. “Jesting, really?” She supposed it could be worse: better they crack a joke than run her out of camp. It wasn’t an ideal response, it would be nice if Rune also saw the merit in worshiping the Dark Lady, but she knew that was going to be unlikely. For now, she’d take what she could get. Not wanting to discuss her secrets further, she waited, expecting Rune to change the topic. Instead, they stared at her, blinking once.

“I’m serious.”

They looked serious. Well, they always looked rather serious unless they were reading something that annoyed them, but this level of seriousness seemed intentional.

“You-“

“I don’t like Gods,” Rune said, waving their hand. Like this was a normal thing to say in a conversation. “Any of them. So it really doesn’t matter who your goddess is, I wouldn’t like them anyway.”

This was perhaps the weirdest heresy Shadowheart had ever heard. Most people got up in arms about the Shar part; she hadn’t heard of anyone being upset because of the deity aspect. She knew there were people who didn’t put much stock in the Gods (Wyll, for example), but outright proclaiming a dislike of all of them? That was new.

“I’ll try not to bother you about it,” Rune continued, possibly mistaking her confusion for taking offense. She would be taking offense, Shadowheart thought, if she wasn’t so thrown off. “It’s your own business. But if you ask for my opinion or try to proselytize, I’m not going to lie to you either. I don’t want to lie to friends.”

Shadowheart’s line of thought cut off at their last statement. “We’re friends?” She didn’t have many of those, outside Nocturne. At least, not any she could remember.

Rune fidgeted a little, shifting their weight from one foot to the other, but they kept Shadowheart’s gaze. It was odd to see them so visibly nervous, given they’d stormed a goblin’s camp recently.

“I think so? I don’t know if I’ve had one before,” they said, before rubbing at their arm. “Unless you don’t want to be..”

“No!” Shadowheart hated how quickly she spoke up and cleared her throat. “I mean…friends sounds alright.”

Rune nodded once. “Good.” With that, they were off, their considerable people skills absent for the moment, and Shadowheart watched them go with a mix of wonder and amusement. Friends? With a Sharran? Nocturne would never believe her.

(Would she even tell Nocturne in the end? Would she make it back to the Gate to do so? And if she did, should she? Loss was inevitable, and here she was, making attachments. It was a poor showing for a Sharran).

She pushed the thought aside. It didn’t matter. In the meantime, she could enjoy the company and wait to see how truthful Rune was about the “disliking” Gods things. It was probably just a lie to placate her. She’d seen the human lie to the cultists just a few hours prior, after all. A lie made far more sense than Rune disliking every God.

It would be much later that Shadowheart would realize that Rune was being absolutely serious.

#bg3 #Iz writes #bg3 fic #rune tavernus #the dark urge #the religious systems of dnd are so fun to play with and I wanted to take a gander

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whumpsday · 2 years

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I kidnap captive Jim and torture him for weeks, cutting open his skin, giving him ice baths, etc. before dumping him back at Kane's door when I'm done.

wow! i am unbelievably taken in by this premise. have a whole au thingy.

content: whumper turned carewhumper, begging, aftermath of torture, vampire carewhumper

Kane wasn't sure which feeling was more powerful when he opened the door: relief or confusion.

He'd searched two nights for the human, finding absolutely no trace of him anywhere near. It was maddening. If he'd escaped, surely Kane would at least be able to catch somewhat of a scent trail? But there was nothing. He'd gone back to drinking pre-packaged blood since, too mortified of losing his human to even think about trying to take a new one right now, dreading the inevitability of his family finding out.

But Kane's family wouldn't find out, because after two weeks missing, his human was back. Curled up on his front porch, missing his shirt, shivering, covered in cuts, some still bleeding, and looking up at him in desperation.

“P-please lemme back in.” the human begged, tears in his eyes. “Wanna, wanna go back to my room. Please.”

Kane didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed the human by the arm and pulled him inside, slamming the door shut behind them. The human flinched hard at the sound, a whimper escaping him.

“Why the fuck did you run away if you were just going to come running back? Do you have any idea how much effort I put into looking for you?” Kane yelled.

The human’s eyes widened with fear, trying unsuccessfully to scramble away, stopped by Kane’s grip on his arm. “I didn’t run away! They, they took me. Fuck, please, I just...” The human hid his face in his free hand, sobbing. “I just need a break. Please, I didn’t run, I didn’t. D-don’t hurt me, oh god, please, I just got done!”

Kane considered this while the human sobbed. He was stolen? It made perfect sense. That was why he couldn’t pick up a scent. That was why the human looked like he’d been cut into over and over. He had to be telling the truth.

And honestly, Kane did pity him, in his current state.

He released his grip, the human instantly pulling his arm protectively to his chest and curling up again, shoulders quaking.

“Okay. I won’t, relax. Hey.” Kane snapped his fingers twice and the human picked his tear-streaked face up from his knees, looking back up at him. “You’re fine. You’re back. Calm down.”

The human nodded, taking shaky breaths. “I’m not in tr-trouble?” he asked, his voice small.

“Why would you be in trouble for getting stolen? That’s not your fault.” Kane pointed out.

The human’s shoulders relaxed at the assurance. “O-okay. Can I go to my room?”

“Hold on. The cuts.” Kane said. “I’m going to stop the bleeding and then you can go.”

“Are you going to feed?” the human asked, scooting away slightly.

“No. I’m just going to close the wounds. Calm down.” he clarified. He had enough blood packets to last him a few more days, and didn’t want to feed from the human when he was suffering from blood loss. The last thing he wanted was to lose his human right after he’d gotten him back.

The human nodded, pushing himself to his feet and approaching Kane. Kane licked closed any open wounds he could see. He had to admit that he was extremely uncomfortable with the situation, honestly debating just leaving the one on his chest alone, before conceding and giving it a quick lick. He couldn’t just leave the human to bleed, no matter how awkward this was.

The human shuddered.

“Don’t make it weird.” Kane snapped. “I hate this just as much as you do. Would you rather bleed out?”

“No. Thanks.” the human said, pursing his lips in that way Kane had come to recognize as him trying not to laugh. At least he was feeling well enough for that.

“You’re welcome. Your things are all where you left them. I’ll order you a new shirt so you have seven of them again. Get me a shopping list by tomorrow to re-stock you on food to replace anything that spoiled. I won’t feed from you for a few days, so just... focus on recovering. Then it’s back to business as usual. Got it?”

The human stared at him, bewildered, and nodded. “Got it.”

Jim wanted to shower, especially after the vampire brand of emergency medical treatment, but he was so tired that he just went straight to bed after putting on a new shirt. And honestly, after the fucking ice baths, he didn’t even want to look at a tub right now.

He never thought he’d be glad to be back at Kane’s house, but he was. At least Kane never cut him.

Kane had been a lot more accommodating than Jim had expected. He’d expected Kane at best to just throw him back into his room, and at worst to punish him for his involuntary absence. A break from feeding for a few days was going be so nice, just some time to relax after weeks of torture.

And all Jim’s wounds were closed now, too. He really hadn’t expected Kane to bother, thankful that he didn’t have to worry about the bleeding. Kane’s comment about “not making it weird” had even been pretty funny. He would’ve laughed if he didn’t feel like shit in every conceivable way.

He wiped the tears from his eyes, trying to stem his crying. It was going to be okay. Jim couldn’t call himself “safe” by any stretch of the word, but at least he was safer. He pulled the blanket tighter around himself. He wasn’t in trouble, Kane wasn’t going to punish him. Kane said to focus on recovering. He wasn’t going to be hurt right now. He was going to be okay.

He was warm.

yeah it doesn’t make sense how kane never asks jim “who took you, how did this happen, etc” but since the answer is “anon magic” i just didn’t even bring it up lol

#ask #k&j ask #kane and jim au #whump #my writing #carewhumper #vampire whumper #vampire caretaker #begging #aftermath of torture #whump writing

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banannabethchase · 7 months

Text

Now Our Bodies Interlock - also on AO3

The House of Black's shenanigans have reached Eddie and Ricky, the pair reuniting after Eddie's time in Japan. The problem is, things are...different. And Eddie's worried.

Bingo square B4 - Sex Pollen complete! Technically. I played around with the concept.

The problem becomes impossible to ignore when he gets back to Japan and they miss when they go to kiss.

They miss.

“Weird,” Ricky says, scoffing. “Welcome back.”

Eddie nods, trying not to let his discomfort show. “Yeah,” he says, hesitant. “Glad to see you. Ready for Collision?”

“Ready as always.” Ricky’s grin would look confident and composed to anyone else. But Eddie can sense the tension behind it. He hates it.

The show is awkward. Really awkward. Eddie slides back into AEW smoothly with everyone but Ricky. What they do can’t be called talking – they’re snippy and short, bickering constantly. Eddie can’t make it stop.

After the show, they ride back to the hotel in silence. Eddie doesn’t even know how to start the conversation. Hell, he doesn’t even know what conversation to start. He and Mox talked about this feeling, this inevitable dread, a while back, right before he and Seth broke up when he left for AEW. He doesn’t want the same story for himself and Ricky, but he’s old enough to see the foreshadowing.

He grips the wheel harder, and looks over to see Ricky frowning at his phone. They’ll talk about it. They will.

He can’t make himself open his mouth.

They get dinner at the hotel bar, the conversation weak and surface level, and he feels wrong. He’s been gone for weeks. They should be all over each other. Instead, they’re acting like strangers.

Eddie clears his throat, and Ricky turns to him. “Yeah?”

“This is weird,” Eddie grumbles, and he can’t even meet Ricky’s eyes. “I – it’s weird.”

Ricky bites his lip, something aching in the back of his eyes. “It is,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Eddie asks.

Ricky’s resolve shatters, the mask wiping away. “Because I don’t know how to fix it.”

Eddie opens his mouth, ready to say god knows what, when Taz comes over, clapping Ricky on the back. Eddie can see the mask slap back over Ricky’s eyes, a half sneer mixed with a smug grin.

“Ricky!” Taz says. “How you been? Life good?”

“Better than it was with your team of misfits,” Ricky fires back, and Eddie knows he’s lost the moment. He finishes the fish and chips in front of him, barely tasting it, already mourning his future.

He’s scrolling his phone, debating throwing out a pretend yawn to get some sort of conversation going, when somebody knocks on the door.

“You order somethin’?” Eddie asks, glancing over at Ricky. He’s folded up in the hotel chair, looking like a dream Eddie can already feel disappearing the daybreak.

Ricky looks up, glasses low on his nose. “No,” he says. He sets the book down and spins out of the chair, padding barefoot to the door.

“The hell is this?” Ricky asks.

Eddie lifts his head up. “What?”

Ricky brings in a bottle of champagne and bowl of chocolate covered strawberries from the door. “You trying to romance me or something?”

Normally, Eddie would reply, “I don’t have to romance you, baby, but I can if you want.” Normally, things would feel easy and fun. But this has been a heartbreak of a day, and he doesn’t even know where to go from here. “Uh,” Eddie says, still at a loss for words. “I didn’t order it either.”

Ricky shoves the bottle and bucket into Eddie’s hands, then walks back toward the door. “Hello?” he calls down the hallways. He comes back, frowning. “Nobody was there.” He sits on the bed next to Eddie, and this distance aches.

He slides the tray toward Eddie. “I mean, if it’s here.”

Ricky nods, picking up a strawberry. But he doesn’t eat it. He doesn’t know if he can, right now.

Eddie shrugs and takes a bite of a strawberry, pretty lips wrapping around it. If it wasn’t so weird, Eddie would ask if Ricky’s teasing, if that’s a preview for tonight. Instead, Eddie pours each of them a flute of champagne, and wishes they would do something, anything, that would risk knocking them over.

Ricky picks up the champagne, locking eyes with Eddie as he takes a delicate sip. The silence is still heavy, endless.

Eddie’s done nothing more than smell the champagne when Ricky starts to frown. “You okay?” he asks. He already knows the answer.

“I’m jealous,” Ricky blurts out, still chewing the strawberry. He freezes. “Um. I don’t know where that came from.”

Eddie frowns. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course I am,” Ricky says, and Eddie can see the moment he puts the mask back on, pulls up the wall between them again. “I feel like I’m contributing nothing to our relationship and holding you back.”

Eddie stares at him. “Babe?”

“I don’t know what’s happening,” Ricky says, setting the glass of champagne down. He looks at Eddie, panicked. “You’re my whole world and I’m scared you’re moving on to bigger and better things. Fuck!” He stands up, pacing, the strawberry dropping to the hotel carpet. “Why can’t I shut up?”

Eddie peeks over. “Where’d that note say the champagne was from?”

“Hotel said it was compliments of hospitality,” Ricky says. “The more vulnerable I am around you, the more I’m sure you’ll leave.” His eyes bug out. “Eddie, I can’t stop talking.”

Eddie grabs the bottle. “Was it open? Ricky, this is important. Was this open when you got it?” He knows the answer. He opened the damned thing himself.

Ricky shakes his head. “Totally sealed.”

Eddie searches his memory. He knows something about this, something in the back of his mind reminding him of... “Mox…” he mutters. “Ricky, remember a while back when Mox got all weird?”

“Weirder than normal?” Ricky asks, and he takes another sip of his champagne.

“Yeah, when – baby, why are you still drinking it?!” Eddie pulls the champagne out of Ricky’s hands, sniffs it. No hint of anything. He takes a quick sip. Nothing salty, or bitter, or the wrong kind of acidic. “There really is nothing in here.”

“What were you saying about Mox? Who I worry you love more than me?” Ricky’s expression goes horrified. “Oh, my god.”

“Mox, a little while back, had this moment – Seth came to visit…” He trails off, feeling something push at him from the inside, an insistence. “When Seth betrayed Mox, I began to wonder if he and I were the same.”

Ricky blinks at him. “Come again?”

“I didn’t mean to say that,” Eddie says. “Why’d I say that?”

Ricky frowns. “I think it’s the champagne. Is there such thing as truth serum or is that just in the movies?”

Eddie shakes his head. “I think – I think this is something from Malakai.”

“Malakai?” Ricky asks. “He’s not even here.”

“He and his little House of Black buddies,” Eddie explains, “their whole spooky shit isn’t a gimmick – they have powers.” He rubs his hand on the back of his neck. “That’s the thing I was saying about Mox – they cursed him to go a little nuts. They’ve got fucked up powers. Magic healing dick, turns you into a weird horny animal man, powers.”

“I certainly wouldn’t say no to that,” Ricky scoffs.

“Champagne again?”

Ricky shakes his eyes, taking another swig of the champagne. “No. That’s just how I’ve always felt about you.” He blinks at Eddie. “You know that, right?”

“Know what?”

“That you’re my whole world?” Ricky frowns. “Wait, that’s not what I meant. I meant I want you to think of me the way I think of you, and I don’t think that’s possible because I can’t compare.” He rolls his eyes. “Jesus. This is impossible.” He throws back the rest of the champagne. “If I’m gonna confess my whole damned heart, might as well be drunk for it.”

Eddie considers it. He’s already pouring his heart out. And it would be rude to leave Ricky as the only one at the mercy of the House of Black’s bullshit. “Hand me the bottle,” he decides.

Ricky does so, watching him closely. Eddie keeps eye contact with him as he throws back the bottle, chugging the rest of it.

“Hey!” Ricky giggles. “None for me?”

“It was free,” Eddie says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You want more? I’ll get you more that’s not drugged. I would do anything for you. I have the ring in my bag, but I’m sure you’ll say no.” Eddie’s eyes widen, the shock at his own words mirrored in Ricky’s face.

“You what?!” Ricky shrieks. “I’ve been thinking you’ve been trying to break up with me for months, and you bought a ring?!” He stands up. “My insecurities have been preventing me from communicating and you had a goddamned ring?!”

“I planned to propose before I went to Japan,” Eddie says, and he can’t stop any of the words. “I had a whole thing planned, but you were being bitchy and insisted we leave the restaurant early.” He winces. “I – didn’t mean to call you bitchy, but it’s true.” He winces harder. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ. I can’t shut up. This must be what it’s like to be Excalibur or something.”

Ricky snorts, then adjusts himself on the bed. “I thought you went to Japan because you were moving past me,” he murmurs. He hovers, a few inches too far away to be comfortable. “You couldn’t have left me more by myself.”

Eddie can’t help it. He reaches out and caresses Ricky’s face. “I went to Japan because I thought you wanted space.” He closes his eyes, breathing deeply. “Right before I left…”

“I was pushing you away,” Ricky says, and Eddie opens his eyes to see a tear on Ricky’s cheek. “I – I knew I was doing it, but I couldn’t stop myself.” He closes his eyes and tilts his head to the side, two perfect tears making their way across his face, and Eddie thinks it’s unfair he’s beautiful even when breaking. “I’m scared you’ll see better than me somewhere else.”

“Oh, honey,” Eddie murmurs. He pulls Ricky close, pressing their foreheads together. “I couldn’t find that anywhere.”

They kiss for real, like it means something, for the first time in weeks, and Eddie feels tears build in the corners of his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Ricky breathes against Eddie’s lips. He curls in closer, wrapping his legs around Eddie’s hips. “I should have told you sooner.”

“I should’a said something,” Eddie clarifies. He pulls back and Ricky reaches up a thumb to brush away a tear. “I – I don’t know what I was doing. I just.” He stops himself pressing his forehead against Ricky’s. “I was scared.”

“Me too.”

Eddie feels like all of this is being ripped out of him without warning, without him having a say. “I love you,” he half sobs, pulling Ricky in, fighting the ache of fear that Ricky might leave. “I love you, and I want you forever, and I’m sorry you didn’t know that.”

Ricky pushes into his chest so they fall backward on the bed. “Eddie,” he weeps, “I love you.”

They cry and talk, and cry some more, emotions wrung out of him that Eddie doesn’t even have names for. They curl around each other, clinging, sobbing, confessing, and it feels a little like the time Eddie got trashed on Four Lokos back in 2010. He was trying to keep up with some of the younger wrestlers, prove he could still go, and woke up the next morning puking like the whole world was being drawn out of him. It feels better, though. Ricky’s tears on Eddie’s cheek feel like a balm to his heart, and they fall asleep wrapped around each other.

For the first time in ages, Ricky’s arms feel like home.

“I think I have a hangover,” Ricky says as he wakes up, poking Eddie in the side.

“What – the fuck do you mean?” But he’s startled with the most insistent boner of like, so he thinks he might have a clue.

“Wait,” Ricky says, and Eddie turns to see him wiggling. “I don’t – I don’t think it’s a hangover.” He does a full body roll, the way his body undulates under the sheets obscene. “Oh, Eddie.” He opens his eyes, full bedroom, and smiles. “Eddie,” Ricky says, eyes unbearably pretty. “Eddie, fuck, I…” His words trail off. As he turns over, Ricky reaches behind himself, eyes fluttering closed. “You need to fuck me, Eddie.”

“Fucking House of Black psychos,” he mutters, but he can’t ignore his dick. “Look, I’ll go sit in the shower while you – if you need to, like…” He trails off, the image too much for him to handle.

“If you leave this bed,” Ricky says, dangerously serious as he throws the blankets to the foot of the bed, “I will kill you and tell your mother you’re the one who spilled her salsa verde last Thanksgiving.”

Eddie freezes. “That is evil.”

“Don’t care,” Ricky says, eyes locked on Eddie’s crotch. “Wanna fuck you.” He crawls over, grinding his dick against Eddie’s, and they moan in tandem.

“We – fuck – shouldn’t,” Eddie says, stilling Ricky with hands on his hips. “You’re under the influence or something. Magic hangover. Horny pills.”

“You think I don’t always want to fuck you?” Ricky asks. “Jesus, even after last night, you can’t believe I want you.” He grabs Eddie’s face in his hands. “I want you. I want that ring, someday. I want to live in a little townhouse with an apartment for your mom and a guest room for mine. But mostly.” He shifts, rolling his ass down against Eddie’s cock. “I want your cock inside me.”

Eddie exhales. “You’re better be sure, baby,” he says, fumbling in the bedside table for the lube he’d put there as a good omen the day before, “because if you are, you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

Ricky grins, grinding down again. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

The scraps that masquerade as their pajamas fly across the room as their hands crawl all over each other. Ricky moans all pretty in Eddie’s mouth, the way that makes him wild, and his hands wind around Eddie’s neck, holding him close. Eddie grabs handfuls of Ricky’s ass, pulling his cheeks apart so he can slide a finger to tap at Ricky’s hole. Ricky’s hips jolt, hitting him in the crotch, and Eddie groans.

“Getting the lube,” Eddie says, when Ricky whines as he pulls away. “Hey, Ricky. Look at me.” He comes back, the lube bottle in his hand. “I don’t wanna leave you again. And, maybe, in a few days.” He leans in and kisses Ricky’s forehead. “I’ll pull out that ring and you’ll sit your ass down in a restaurant like a good boy and you’ll let me promise that to you.”

Ricky searches his face, eyes unreadable, and then he dives in and kisses Eddie with a fervor that almost takes him down. He blindly drips the lube on his fingers as he reaches behind Ricky, messily sliding between Ricky’s cheeks and tracing around the edges of Ricky’s hole.

Ricky’s making this intoxicating, desperate little whimper, pushing back against Eddie’s finger, and who is Eddie to deny Ricky what he wants. He slides into soft heat, swallowing Ricky’s moan.

“Jesus,” Eddie says, “forgot how good you sound.” He moves his finger a little more, relishing Ricky’s whine. “Yeah? You like that?”

“I – yes,” Ricky pants, pressing his forehead against Eddie’s. “Always. Eddie.” He flutters his eyelashes.

“Yeah,” Eddie says, and Ricky sighs as he presses another finger into him. Ricky sinks down onto his fingers like it’s easy, like Eddie’s meant to be there. He doesn’t know if it’s part of the magic, or if it’s caused by their time and distance apart, but Ricky blooms for him like a rose, and Eddie’s ready to fall into those petals.

Eddie flips them over. “Are you good?” he asks, and it’s all he can do to move his hands from Ricky’s body. It’s a futile effort, though; Ricky wraps his legs around Eddie’s waist and yanks him back in.

“Fuck me,” Ricky demands, eyes serious and beautiful. “Now.”

Eddie exhales slowly as he gets more lube and slicks up his cock. Ricky’s eyes never leave his.

“I mean it,” Ricky says. “I’m not – this time it’s not the magic shit – I mean it.”

“Mean what?” Eddie says, shifting his hips to line his cock up. “Are – are you ready?”

“Yes – Eddie, I mean it.”

“Mean what?” Eddie slides home, his vision going blurry. “Fuck, I love you.”

“That I want the ring,” Ricky sighs, the tension leaving his whole body as Eddie settles inside of him. “I want you. I want all of it, forever.” He reaches up and caresses Eddie’s face, so gently it feels like silk. “I mean it.”

Eddie surges down and kisses Ricky, his strokes slow and intentional. “I’ll do it,” he murmurs, lips still pressed to Ricky’s. “Get you dressed up all pretty for me.” He angles Ricky’s thigh, earning a moan from Ricky’s lips. “Take you to the nicest place in Manhattan, buy you the kind of dinner you like,” he interrupts himself with a shaky laugh, “put the ring in some good champagne and drop to one knee in front of everybody.” He leans in and kisses Ricky again, increasing his speed. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ, baby, I forgot how good you feel.”

“I know,” Ricky says, grinning. “I’ll get a new suit for the night.” He flutters his eyelashes. “Oh. Maybe wear a plug for you.”

“Fuckin’ – baby, you can’t just say shit like that.” Eddie’s thrusts get erratic, his focus waning. He may not be as young as he was, may have more stamina than he used to, but it’s been too long and he’s too desperate. He reaches between them, hand still slick, and curls his fingers around Ricky’s pretty cock. “Come for me, querido,” Eddie murmurs.

And Ricky does, gloriously, emphatically, beautifully. He arches up, clenching down on Eddie’s dick to hit the point of no return. Eddie’s surrounded by Ricky. It’s the way he’s built to be.

The world melts around them as they curl around each other, limbs and bodies unending, and they laugh as they come back to themselves.

“We shouldn’t go that long between fucking again,” Ricky says, folding his arms behind his head and grinning over at Eddie. “Maybe we gotta thank the House of Bastards for this.” His face goes open again, the way it only does for Eddie.

Eddie chuckles. “Maybe.”

The opportunity presents itself the next week at Dynamite, when Ricky’s in Eddie’s lap as they watch some old matches.

“You two look cozy,” Julia says, sly smile on her lips. “Glad to be back, Eddie?”

Eddie’s about to tell her to fuck off, but her guard dog is right behind her. “Thanks to you, spooky witch.”

Brody takes a step forward, but Julia holds out a hand. He stops. “He’s not wrong, Brody,” Julia says. “I am a bit spooky.”

“He didn’t mean ‘witch’,” Brody grumbles, but Julia looks assuaged.

“I don’t appreciate being magicked outside of my consent, though,” Ricky says, standing. Eddie grabs him around the waist and yanks him back on his lap. “Warn a guy, damn.”

“Excuse me?”

All four of them shift when Malakai strides into the room. “Say that again,” he says, voice commanding even out of gear.

Ricky exchanges a quick look with Eddie, who notes that Julia and Brody look almost cowed. “Um,” Ricky says, licking his lips, “just – we’re pretty sure they put some sort of curse on us.”

Malakai’s expression goes – not dark, Eddie thinks, but serious. Like his ma got whenever she got a call about his behavior at school. “You two,” he says, thunderous, “with me.” He turns to Ricky and Eddie, expression looking apologetic. Like, Eddie realizes, his ma got when she was apologizing for his behavior to the teachers. “I deeply apologize. You have my word that they will be appropriately dealt with.”

“You’re not gonna kill ‘em, are you?” Eddie asks, frowning.

“Don’t be silly,” Malakai says, and he walks out the door with Julia and Brodie, an arm around each of their waists.

“You did notice he didn’t say yes or no,” Ricky says.

Eddie kisses his neck. “Go back to that video, baby. I wanna see how your ass jiggled.”

“Sit,” Malakai says. Julia’s never been afraid of any of them, really. But, concerned about? Yeah. She could say that.

Julia settles onto the couch, the cushions sagging gently as Brody sits next to her.

“You were – you were using your match for games,” Malakai snarls. “Interfering with people’s lives again. I told you to cease that or I’d take your magic back down to novice levels.”

Brody’s eyes widen. “You weren’t – you didn’t mean that, though.”

“If I don’t hold you to consequences,” Malakai says, grey-silver ball appearing in his outstretched hand, “I am nothing of a leader.” He closes his eyes for a moment, then opens them. “You’ll get it back. When you’re ready to handle that level of responsibility.”

“You sound like a disappointed teacher,” Julia says, frowning.

“You could say that I am.” He raises an eyebrow. “It won’t hurt. You won’t feel anything.”

Julia’s not sure, but then she sees the shades of green and red flooding from her hands. It’s doesn’t hurt, or feel wrong. It almost feels like a relief, like the weight of it softens on her shoulders.

Her magic colors swirl with Brody’s in the air, a ball of light.

Malakai sighs. “I’ll keep it safe.” He opens his mouth to speak the final words.

There’s a crash, and the door flies open. Julia sees the magic flood into the air, disappearing, as she looks for the source of the noise.

Brandon Cutler, camera in hand, is frozen in place.

“Guys,” he says, eyes widening. “Something’s wrong.”

Mini Playlist:

Memories - Panic! at the Disco

Beside You - Marianas Trench

Castle in the Sky - Kim Petras

Moonlight Magic - Ashnikko

#EddieRicky #How did I manage to make a sex pollen prompt angst??? I DON'T KNOW #wtf i like wrestling now???#in which Sara writes

10 notes · View notes

grape-writes · 5 months

Text

Adjusting to Frustrating Realities

A/N: Ah!!! I'm not as happy with how this pne turned out as i was the first chapter, but it's kind of a filler chapter, sorry

Masterlist

Warnings: Ocean content, there's a chase scene, cursing. [To be added to]

[Day 12]

Yvette was beginning to hate the previous squads with a burning passion. Not only did they leave the place a god's damn mess, but they locked just about every door. Even the door to the reactor! Why would you lock the door to the main power source in the entire base!!!

It took her a full week of scavenging through messy rooms, forcing doors open with a crowbar she found in the storage room, just to find the key to the reactor and laboratory. Only to then realize she could have just pried the door open with said crowbar in the first place.

Speaking of, they left their rooms horribly kept, furniture tossed around, scattered clothes out of their drawers. They were in a hurry and did not care how they left the place. At least the kitchen and the bathrooms were clean, mostly; the messiest was mirrors that had been left open and items within the cabinets tossed about as they searched for supplies.

And don’t get her started on their lack of care when setting up the underwater cameras connected to the base.

Not only were those flimsily installed (and she's not even a mechanic, it's just obvious), but they were exposed! On an alien planet with obviously sentient, and clearly very intelligent, life! That’s just asking for them to be tampered with! And they were! Several times! At least, according to the various files Yvette was able to download from the terminal and uploaded onto one of the data pads.

Well, 'pad' was a stretch; it was a band that wrapped around the forearm and locked in place with a latch. FazTech had made it usable regardless of dominant arm, with the screen on the center turning depending on how you set it up. There were no buttons attached to the outer edge of the device, it was purely a touch pad; this made it easy to wear on either arm, but it was still a loss for when the thing inevitably doesn’t turn on by touching it.

And goodness did the previous squads leave dozens upon dozens of files to sift through.

Most of the camera feed had been tampered with; an animal hitting one offline (both purposeful and accidental), and by someone… deleting the files. The records connected to various files show a, 'David Miller' as the one responsible. It seemed he quickly deleted as much camera feed as he could about the same time they received the distress signal.

That name again… something about it made her stomach churn.

The other files were field work from the marine biologist and engineers; loose photos of the strange creatures that inhabited the planet, broken equipment, the other members of the squads interacting with various marine life, weird plants. There were even a few photos of Sun sprinkled in, often physically interacting with the members; it kind of reminded her of those photos of sharks cuddling with divers.

There were even photos of Sun playing with... children. Two of them, a dark-haired little girl with the brightest green eyes and a dark-haired girl with pigtails and blue eyes; the files only named one, Charlotte, but never specified which one that was. There weren’t many photos, mostly of an adult monitoring Sun as he interacted with the two, a few of the images came with notes from the photographer about how the playdates went.

And hey, Sun scored well in the eyes of the adults, good for him.

What weren't photos were text files of information the group had gathered from their time in the area. Most of it was firsthand accounts of experiences and how they survived. Often it was an experiment, testing what could and could not be eaten or touched safely. Though the most concerning part was the various members of the squads getting a strange skin itch. The files on it were... hauntingly deleted.

The text files provided a great deal of help when she would eventually have to leave the base to get food or supplies.

Plus, it also informed her that Sun was venomous. Apparently one of the members, the navigator, had accidentally startled the Mer. They ended up pricking their hand on one of his spines, one along his back (that he apparently had?), and whatever was in the venom made them… euphoric? Giggling at everything, running around in sudden bursts of energy.

Whatever it was, had made Sun so startled, he disappeared for a week and returned with a shell as an apology; he refused to elaborate and avoided the navigator if he could. Poor bud.

A part of Yvette was glad they documented almost everything around them, but she was mostly annoyed at the sheer magnitude of what she had to look through. At the very least they organized everything into folders she could just press on at the top of the data pads screen.

A surprising find amongst the scores of files, was in the same folder Sun was in, multiple other Mer listed right alongside the bright yellow Merman. Siren? It seemed not even the previous squads knew what to call them, simply titling the folder ‘mermaids’ and calling it a day.

The most notable of the other Mer, was a deep blue beast of a creature, with lighter coloring around half their face and torso. They were lankier than Sun, tail ending with a fin reminiscent of a shark's tailfin, and clearly nocturnal. Their eyes were often dark pools with a red pinprick for a pupil, though on rare occasions they caught them as pure red with a white pupil instead.

On the back of its head appeared to be a lure-like appendage that ended in a bulb, it was speckled with bioluminescent dots, as was their tail. When it was photographed from a distance, it was often in some underwater cavern, where the Mer glew beautifully in the dark. Though other photos didn’t include this glow, which could mean they had a level of control over their bioluminescence.

Yvette had seen this Mer before, stalking her outside of her window at night. They weren’t very brightly lit, glow toned down to a simmer; possibly as to not startle her further than they had... Wait, no. They were trying to scare her regardless, especially considering their cackling and grin.

Regardless, most of the photos of this Mer were either partial pictures, blurry, or photos taken with the flash to catch the poor thing off guard. There weren’t many photos, but the ones they had in the files were mostly dark, with only two or three where flash was used to capture the Mer’s image.

Within the text files, there were a few encounters with the Mer, dubbed ‘Moon’ by the captain's right-hand man, mostly involving said right-hand man. Apparently, the Mer would stalk the windows at night, specifically the one that became Yvette’s room, and he wouldn’t leave until either a curtain was closed or the person within went to bed.

There was only one other Mer in the folder, no photos and only one encounter, and by the physical description, this one was bigger than the other two. One of the squad members had gone too deep into an underwater cave and the beast jumped at them. The account was vague, something about a haunting song in the dark and flickering lights; then they were being pulled up into the base by a confused engineer and concerned medic. The file was partially scrubbed and didn’t provide much of a description beyond ‘big’ and ‘toothy’.

Most of the files related to this other Mer had been scrubbed, with a note on the folder that it had been ‘deleted by admin’. Which was honestly bizarre coming from a place like this, where no FazTech higher ups would dare step foot.

Looking through files was... exhausting.

The door to the docking bay opening broke Yvette from her mental debate on what she should focus on first, followed by a familiar chirp. Sun had opened the door, again. He'd realized she would get up to investigate when the door would loudly slide open and would do it occasionally when she hadn’t seen him that day yet.

Or even when he had, but he decided she was spending too much time inside.

This instance was a case of the former, she’d ended up spending all morning going through files in the lounge, casually laying against the couch as she ate a ration bar. And clearly the yellow Mer was feeling left out, must’ve been waiting by the entrance of the cave for her to swim down.

With a lazy huff, Yvette pushed herself off the couch and hurried towards the docking bay. She was suddenly glad she’d put on most of her gear before she decided to go through file after file, so all she had to do was slip the flippers onto her feet and mask over her face.

Sun was where she thought he’d be, claws nervously tapping at the metal platform as he waited for her to arrive and pay attention to him. At least, that was what she could only assume he did this for, attention. He was like a dog at times, a gold retriever in fish form. She was far too endeared to really be annoyed for very long.

The sound of her walking along the metal platform, flippers in hand, made Sun perk up. His chirp of greeting as loud as he could make it, “Shooting Star!!”

With a lighthearted eye roll, she sat onto the platform to fix her flippers onto her feet, form well within arm's reach for the much larger Sun, “Sunny, mornin’.”

The Mer watched her slip the fins on with an awed look, “What... were you doing? Been here all morning.”

Yvette softly groaned, adjusting the mask tighter onto her face, “Looking through what they left me.”

“Bad?” Sun offered both the word and his hand to help her into the water, which she happily took.

“...No, just... incomplete. Someone removed some of it before they left.” Yvette scowled as the water consumed her form. The water was becoming less and less... tingly every time she entered it. She wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing, but it felt less uncomfortable to swim in.

Yvette wasn’t worried about not being able to hear Sun under the water; her mask was equipped with ear coverings that could (somehow) detect sounds beneath the waves. That, and there was a little speaker to allow Sun to hear her. These were typically used by groups of divers to communicate with each other back on Earth, but it’d do here.

The corners of Suns mouth shifted downwards into a frown, opening briefly to reveal his teeth before he spoke, “That... does not sound like them... most of them...”

“It was done by a man named David apparently, or his profile was used to clear everything.” Yvette offered as they slipped out of the cave and into the open water, schools of fish scattering when they swam into them.

Sun’s nose crinkled at the name. “Dave? Is that what... they called?”

“Yes, Dave is a nickname for David.” Yvette confirmed, sighing, “Sounds like a real piece of work, if you ask me.”

The two slipped down into the ravine, idly swimming amongst the brightly colored plants and scattering fish. Yvette didn’t really have much of a goal for the day, maybe trying to fix some of the cameras, but most of that was out of her expertise. This conversation was good for stalling until she had to work on fixing the mess left for her.

“Dave... was not nice.” Sun confirmed, gliding in the water over Yvette to direct their path ahead, “Said... mean things to me and the guppies. Big-one's never... believed us when we told them.”

“Weird... But not surprising. Adults tend to disregard things kids say a lot of the time, especially when they say an adult is acting weird.” Yvette began to ramble, tapping at her data pads screen with a huff, “because oh, ‘what do kids know’ and ‘they could be lying’. Morons.”

Suns bubble of laughter at Yvette’s mockery of the adults she was upset with broke her from her anger. It was light, backed by a chirping sound, and it was loud on her ears; fitting for a colorful, friendly, being such as himself. It made the fire in her chest simmer into a comforting warmth.

“Silly.” Was Suns only response to her rant, flicking a claw at her mask. It bounced off the protected layer, much to his disappointment.

It seemed Sun liked being able to poke at her skin; the number of times he’d play with Yvette’s bare hands or poke and prod at her face when she’d remove her mask, was already more than she could count. The previous squads probably didn’t let him get this close often, safety concerns; that or he was just endlessly fascinated by humans. Or maybe he was just physically affectionate, like a dog?

Gah, she should really stop comparing him to a dog.

With an amused eye roll, Yvette swam ahead to match his stride, “I’m silly, or the adults are? Wait, I am an adult. Fu- ahem, Frick.”

Sun’s grin widened, and his laughter can be heard in his voice as he spoke, “You! Silly words!”

“What? You mean me doing the ‘dumb adult voice’?” Yvette did the voice for affect, chuckling to herself at it. Or maybe Suns laughter was just contagious.

“Yes!! Did not know... you could do that to!” Sun chittered with his teeth.

“To? You can change your voice then? That’s cool!” Yvette turned with the curve of the ravine, running a gloved hand along the rock. “Some people do it to entertain or mess with people.”

“Yes! Most of... us? Can! Used to catch prey!” Sun beamed at the praise.

“Oooh, that makes more sense. Some birds back home can mimic sounds, not for hunting, I think, but it's really cool.”

Just ahead of them was one of the cameras, its lenses tilted downwards, and various wires ripped open and the rock above it was clawed at. Another one some creature broke intentionally, it seemed. This wasn’t the first time she’d had to come out and try to fix one of them, annoyed that her method of monitoring the area was taken from her.

Though approaching said cameras afterwards was always nerve-wracking, especially when there were clear signs whatever had attacked the camera was doing it intentionally. Something wanted her attention, probably to kill her, and it was intelligent enough to understand what destroying the cameras does.

And judging by the claw marks, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know what it was.

Sun frowned at the sight of the destroyed device, chirping something to himself, “Ah... again?”

Yvette sighed, tugging at a tool on her belt, she began fixing the destroyed wires, “Yeah... something out here is really out to get me, huh?”

Yvette could see Sun in her peripheral, frowning as he scanned the water and kelp around them. It was smart of him to keep an eye out for dangerous creatures in the water when something was clearly trying to get her, especially when she was joking about it. Plus, he most likely knew the area far better than she did and would know if something dangerous was nearby.

The previous squads' files were rather extensive about flora and fauna in the area, but she hadn’t yet read everything. Granted she was more focused on information about the obviously intelligent mermaid (merman? Siren??? What did she refer to Sun as??) that could easily open the docking bay.

It was fortunate that he was both friendly and nervous about harming her; constantly pulling her hands away from his spikes or spines, careful not to accidentally nick her skin with his claws. She noticed that he’d even try to corral her away from areas that seemed innocuous enough, only to learn something was dangerous about the environment.

This almost happened with one of the caves along the edge of the ravine; she was just exploring, and Sun pulled her up suddenly from her position by one of the caves in the ravine. But before she could yell at him, a snake-like creature struck at where she had been floating previously. The thing must’ve been twice her size, scaled with sharpened teeth that gnawed at the open water.

Sun had tried to tell her what it was called, but she decided to just call it an ocean adder for now. It vaguely reminded her of an ambush snake back on earth that would hide in the sand and strike when prey got close enough. She just hoped it didn’t have the same deadly venom.

It took longer than she would’ve liked to reattach the wires, nearly zapping herself a few times in the process. Once it was finished, she set to setting the camera back to its natural position, as well as briefly checking its connection to her data pad. This took a few moments of silence and loading screens.

“See anything?” Yvette offered after confirming it was connected, glancing at Sun. She was both curious, and anxious about the answer.

Sun seemed to get more and more anxious as time went on. He was rubbing his webbing on one hand with the other, tail flicking under him. His eyes darted amongst the foliage behind her, pupils slitted and small.

Sun made a grumble, clawed hand slowly resting onto into her arm, gaining a tight grip against her gloved arm. His voice came out quiet, barely above a whisper, “...yes.”

A turn back provided him correct, eyes glared at the two of them from the cover of the flora in the area, red and malicious. Yve couldn’t tell with the distance, but whatever it was couldn’t have been much smaller than Sun in size. And there were multiple of them, all watching from the shadows.

Ah, shit.

A lot of creatures here seemed to have red eyes, often the more dangerous ones. It was like a black widow spider with her red hourglass mark or those brightly colored frogs. A sign of danger. This thought wasn’t comforting, considering Sun had red frills all over, but at least his eyes were a calm blue.

At least he didn’t seem to want to kill her.

Yvette slowly put her tools back onto her belt, lowering her own voice to a whisper, “We go?”

Sun merely nodded, hands latching onto her shoulders to push her further along the rock. His grip turned into a full carry as the sounds of other creatures came from behind them, pulling the two quickly down into the ravine to slip between the foliage and rock formations.

Instinctively, Yvette curled around Sun as they swam off, twisting in his hold to latch her arms around his neck and her legs around his middle. Not the hold she would’ve gone for, but there wasn’t really any time for anything else. It at least made it easier on Sun to carry her with her latched on like a koala.

From her new position, she could almost see the beasts following them; flashes of a deep red paired with lighter shades of red frills and fins and pitch-black scales following after their intended prey with such malicious intent it made her skin crawl.

Suns frills made it difficult to really get a good look at whatever they were, just that they felt... out of place in the rest of the brightly colored fauna around the base. Of all the creatures Yvette had seen so far (that had red) most of them had the coloration as frills or accents, not a primary coloration. But these beasts were almost fully red, with black being their main accent color.

It almost reminded her of deep-sea fish back home; having heard that many of them were red in color to blend into the darkness of the water. She'd heard that red was the first color to disappear completely while underwater.

Had something from below decided to venture to the surface?

Sun made a sharp turn into a cave as they rounded a corner within the ravine, swimming them deeper inside encase the beasts following them continued their chase into it. After a moment of them catching their breaths, flashes of red darted past the cave entrance at such a fast speed Yvette couldn’t even tell what the creature's silhouette was, much less if it was a Mer like sun.

Sun glared at the cave entrance for a while, waiting to see if it was a trick, and the beasts were just outside. His fury presented itself as the spikes along his head slicking back against his scalp, twitching and flickering as he growled.

Yvette hadn’t seen Sun this upset before; sure, he’d growled at things when they got too close for comfort, but never this bad. It was a deep rumble so close to her ear from her position clinging onto him, it almost made her want to shiver in fear at the proximity.

Yvette had to crane her neck to watch the entrance of the cave they were tucked into; tall stalks of kelp set just outside of it, acting as an almost curtain for them. There didn’t seem to be any sign of their stalkers against the gently sway of the plants and the bobbing of the fish that passed the cave entrance.

It was only then, that Yvette let out a sigh of relief, muscles relaxing in Suns hold. When she did break their tense silence, it was barely above a whisper, “Safe?”

Sun flinched at the sudden noise, slitted eyes darting down to make eye contact with her, his muscles also relaxed. His own voice a bit louder than hers, but still a whisper, “Should be... but careful.”

Yvette nodded slowly, pulling herself off Sun, “Got it. Let's go.”

Sun helped her stabilize in the water, taking her by the hand to lead them back out of the cave and into the rest of the ravine. There didn’t seem to be any sign of their pursuers, not even a red fin poking through the kelp. Just small fish darting to and from and the occasional predator snapping at the easy prey all around them.

It was a tense peace, but a tense peace was far preferable to the adrenaline rush that accompanied a chase.

It didn’t take long for them to return to the camera, untouched and still repaired as they’d left it. A quick glance around proved that they were almost completely alone amongst the kelp and other plant life in the area. Honestly, the previous squads should have realized this was a poor spot to leave a camera, especially one so exposed on the rock.

“Next time, I'm gonna just let the camera over here stay dead.” She muttered to herself, narrowing her gaze back to where they’d spotted their stalkers prior.

Empty.

Sun hummed along with her words but said nothing in response. Instead, he led them back the way they came along the edge of the ravine, cautious as they went. The water was still bright in the light of day, so they weren’t swimming back in the dark.

Thankfully days on this planet were longer than they were on earth, as the planet was far larger than earth was. This completely threw off Yvettes sleeping schedule, often waking up to darkness outside or falling asleep while it was still bright out. It was one of the many things that changed how she went about things on the planet's surface.

Gravity was stronger, meaning she had to put more effort into lifting things that would be easy to carry back home. The waters pressure was stronger, so she’d have to be careful going deeper, and take breaks more when traveling back up; wouldn’t want to get decompression sickness while all the way out here by herself. She wasn’t sure if the medbay had anything to even help with that, or what she could even do to help with it.

Yvette was a reef diver for god's sake! Not a deep-water diver!

While the vehicles in the base could help with that, acting as a decompression chamber, she wasn’t even sure if any of them worked anyway. Many spots where there should have been a vehicle were empty, meaning the previous teams likely took them to run off. That wasn’t the issue, of course, the real issue was whether or not they took the fuel with them from the remaining vehicles.

Because of course they would take the fuel, they weren’t totally incompetent.

Morons.

Yvette almost missed the cave entrance to the base, had Sun not stopped her, pulling her along by the arm. Entering the number code to open the door and letting it pull open, she pushed herself onto the platform with a huff, falling onto her back.

“Fuck, man.” she breathed, hands pulling her mask off her face to toss it somewhere by the stone platform, “We just out ra- swam a couple murderous fish.”

Sun chittered out a quiet laugh, pushing himself top sick next to her, “We did. You did very well.”

“I clung to you like a child, Sun.” Yvette turned her head to stare up at him, hand limply tugging at her braided hair to remove the band, “I hardly did anything.”

“And we... escaped! Very fast!” Sun chirped, falling into his back to lay next to Yvette properly, “I swim better than you, you did the smart thing.”

“You’re doing it again.” Yvette said with a deadpan, though endearment underlined her tone.

“Doing what?” Sun asked, tone carrying genuine confusion.

“Complimenting me when I say I did something bad.” Yvette couldn’t hold the deadpan, a teasing smile forming along her lips, “Might think you’re attached to me already.”

Sun’s face shifted from confusion to a teasing grin of his own, “Well... maybe I am! What are you going to do about it?”

“I... did not plan that far ahead.” Yvette admitted, cheeks dusting with pink, laughter bubbling in her chest.

It seemed her laughter was contagious, as Sun began laughing too. The sound of it startled her, and she couldn’t help but stare at him. He’d lifted a clawed hand to cover his mouth, eyes shut.

...Maybe being stuck on this planet wasn’t so bad.

“Hey, it wasn’t that funny!”

“It was!”

#Become One with the Sea of Stars #fnaf au #fnaf fic #fnaf oc #fnaf dca #Yvette North #Eden Writes #i dont have much else to add NFEIFIE #kinda rushed the end and did not have anyone beta read this for me #so... sorry!

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mejomonster · 1 year

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I’m relieved to find out when i finish case 3 in silent reading the translation still has a part 4 AND extras ToT

like god i admire priest SO much. i think in many ways the writing choices in silent reading are SO ballsy. especially now that i know what publishers push toward regarding standard/norms look like all other novels don't deviate dont be brave or unique. like i know priest self published online THEN gets a print deal but like. to decide you as a public commented on author with a HUGE following where ppl buy your chapters? is gonna write THIS?

its brave i think. its brave to trust an audience to read 77 chapters of truly fucked up crime story thats main point IS TO critique the world and justice and human nature. before you get into the romance danmei readers most wanted. to make readers both feel bad for and terrified of a little girl. to remind readers every poor immigrant with a bad life who dies is a TRAGEDY and a horrible loss that society has too much allowed. to remind readers that the justice system fails to bring many people closure or help.

(babes below the cut turned into a MEGA meta on zhoudu and their completely different views on the world)

and THEN of course the LEADS priest decides to write arcs for in this. its ballsy to write a lead the other lead thinks might be capable of being a killer. to write a man objectively with as many red flags as. fei du as THE lead. like? think of 2ha and the people who hate mo ran too much to try it even just hearing of mo ran lol. fei du objectively in some ways is HARDER to empathize with and view as 'an ordinary relatable man'. mo ran when you take that hes been abused is mainly just a kid who wanted to help people typical xianxia hero style and gain power for revenge on REALLY cruel people in a really cruel Fucked up world he lives in thats painted as so much worse than our real earth world.

fei du? well he outwardly is pretty so i guess like the strangers he meets people tolerate that. but the little we get of our past lets us know he killed animals with his hands (and again its as BRAVE a writing choice as the lead in kdrama Flower of Evil who’s raised by a serial killer and trained to be like him and unable to empathize with others and he fights so HARD to be a good person but he’s no one’s definition of a safe guy to trust - but somehow he met his wife and had a daughter and loves them so dearly and he IS and has always been a good man and good kid who went through awful stuff because people were afraid of his inability to emotionally connect and his abused background). Fei du is like HIM. Fei Du self harms to an intense degree, trying to curb impulses trained in him from a young age and a natural propensity mixed with a raising teaching him and Hammering into him that death is the only absolute to feel comfort in. He could’ve become a murderer, an abuser, in the sense of his father pushing him toward it and so many things could’ve affected it - like luo wenzhou simply being not there. Fei du is fighting before anything else, himself and his own fears about himself and who he is and who he even wants to be ultimately. Mo Ran gets cursed and becomes an evil emperor, and without that was a brute revenge okay-with man (and a black lotus trope so honestly more tolerable as a violent rage fest reading-norm wise). But fei du? is just an ordinary modern man working in an office who thinks it would be nice to choke someone and watch them break down hopeless. Who’s probably felt and thought everything su luozhan did (now i’m losing track... there’s things to be said for mo ran and his abuse making him cruel and lash out like fei du and su luozhan too...but moving on for now). fei du is a realistic ‘monster.’ or an almost one. he’s a man who if taken for all he is, much of society would want removed and taken away, or see as an inevitable evil of a rich man who can’t be stopped by most. he’s like Flower of Evil’s lead and the bad rich kid who lashed out and killed people, combined into one.

priest makes him understandable, because priest is amazing at writing very good characters and depicting them and showing their nuances and evolution. and also because luo wenzhou loves him unconditionally. luo wenzhou chooses to love the hurting child, and in doing so comes to see fei du for all the multitudes of value he has as a person, for the treasure he is in ALL of himself with the bad and the good as a whole. (sort of like Flower of Evil main characters sister always loved him and saw him as her little brother needlessly hurt by the world, or the wife who eventually realized the man she loved was part of it and is real its just hes more than she knew before - luo wenzhou is both in one). and because luo wenzhou can see him, all of him, and love and appreciate all of it even EVEN when it horrifies him? even when he thinks and knows its beyond the scope of acceptable or normal, even when he’s hearing fei du lose himself in a viewpoint of the world that is so FAR from luo wenzhous ability to understand or view it. luo wenzhou STILL thinks - how do i reach out so we connect and meet halfway, even if i have to wade into that dark and try to understand, even if i have to explain the regular world like its fantastically rare and incomprehensible to him until he gets how other people like me feel. luo wenzhou thinks: no matter who he is, in fact with ALL of who he is, i’m going to go up to fei du and connect to him, we are going to eat and be okay, we are going to carve out a life together and feel whole and safe and connected there. and so for all fei du is, when we are given luo wenzhou’s fathomless endless care for him it’s impossible not to also open our hearts to fei du. to assume no matter how different he is from us or feels things, or how inhuman or whatever, he’s a an amazing individual and worthy of being understood and accepted into our care too. because luo wenzhou’s viewpoint is hard to fight. even if we think luo wenzhou were wrong, if we didn’t get sucked in, we can’t fight the fact luo wenzhou unconditionally feels this and it won’t change, it will drive the story.

there’s the choice priest made, to make an ‘ordinary’ enough hero of a story (a policeman - legal official solving crimes - who is almost superhero like in his original desire to help people and bring justice, who still ignores wounds and tries to be Larger than Life and do More than the average man, trying to save even with his very real human faults of a nepotism parentage and a short temper in his youth and a naivety he had to lose). he’s old but not jaded, he’s realistic and skilled now but still driven to give out justice, still hurts in his heart when he can’t help someone enough. and it all kicks off with a kid named fei du, and luo wenzhou wanting to heroically bring him justice and closure and save him like Superhero savior of the Cosmos young luo wenzhou did... and failing. failing. failing and having the realization he WILL fail people, legal justice is sometimes impossible or has dead ends and horrible things happen with no resolution and no one saved, and still wanting to care about fei du, wanting to do his best to help him even when it will Never ever be enough. Fei du will NEVER be saved. can not be saved. the damage has already been done (and after the basement scene, luo wenzhou realizes even into adulthood, even once fei du’s dad was in a coma, luo wenzhou still couldn’t even protect fei du from Himself, yet another way luo wenzhou can never be that Cosmic Superhero, not even that local guardian to one single boy, he loves fei du unconditionally and that does NOT mean he’ll ever be enough to protect him or undo the damage).

but luo wenzhou tries anyway. and its in that trying, that is so worth it. it’s not the outcome, its the act of trying, the ‘ceremony’ and how it means he cares. how it means he views fei du as worthy of it (and he really views by extension so MANY worthy of it who he also can or can’t help to varying degrees, and it rubbed off on fei du, because now hes the kind of man who also finds it awful a poor young man named He zhongyi dies and is willing to go to any lengths to try and get justice for him, for any particular person). Anyway, the point is luo wenzhou is an understandable hero typical of his story type. His heroics are the super-detectives who want to save everyone, his failings are the cops like Lee Dong Sik in Beyond Evil who take their small tasks seriously and are aware they may never save their world or Do Enough and justice can fail but they’re still making Their Choices every day, their baggage and damage and aged lessons coming along. He is an ordinary enough choice for a lead. His most remarkable trait in my mind, that makes him stand out, is his decision once upon a time to care about fei du unconditionally. its a choice a parent makes when they adopt, a bodyguard makes in a fantasy tale when they decide to dedicate their life to their ruler, in a realism grounded story like Silent Reading real life red flags just usually keep such a decision from being made.

Take Flower of Evil - its normal for the wife to be suspicious her husband is a killer and investigate it before ultimately picking his side. Take Beyond Evil - Juwon is younger and has fucked up, but Lee Dong Sik makes fucked decisions he doesn’t expect of the younger, makes the choice to cross lines he feels the younger shouldn’t and maybe no one should but he’s too far gone to quit his path now. Luo Wenzhou sees fei du, the teenager, making death threats and you can’t abandon your own kid. But it’s not his kid, its a stranger like su luozhan who’s killed something, lashing out and feeling unlike other humans and without any real parent who gave them unconditional love (maybe fei du had his mom once a week when she was alive but with health issues and spousal issues and dad’s nonstop threat of a presence on them, fei du was not getting that secure unconditional love environment). its a stranger completely, and luo wenzhou just decides to love him anyway.

So why’s he a brave writing choice? to use a character like luo wenzhou who does decide to love someone like that unconditionally. before the romance even starts. he’s not fei du’s family, he’s not fei du’s mentor until he Chooses to be, he’s not fei du’s lover when he makes the decision or long time spouse (like in Flower of Evil), he’s not a man who’s got enough shared experiences to understand fei du’s perspective (in fact it terrifies luo wenzhou the gulf there is between each other’s experience and view of the world). but luo wenzhou, the man that he is, chooses to love fei du unconditionally.

it makes sense for his character of course, because priest is good at writing characters. while luo wenzhou fits the relative norm for his genre, it also makes sense his particular life leads him to a choice i rarely see in these stories. He’s an idealistic naive rash ‘hero’ rookie cop. He sees a child cope with the death of his mom and his world shatter, look at him with an intense resolve that BEGS Luo Wenzhou to BE the hero that can give fei du justice. Luo Wenzhou, the rookie who think himself Hero of the Galaxy, has been dealing with petty crime and this is one of (or possibly the FIRST) time anyone has given him the responsibility and Ability to attempt to serve justice on this scale. This is his first opportunity to SOLVE a possible murder, GIVE someone closure, and truly change their life on such a scale. Of course heroic-dreaming Luo Wenzhou, thinking himself important and inhumanly capable of anything to help someone, takes up that look fei du gives him and decides “then I will give you the justice you need. I will resolve this for you.” A character like him? what other choice would he make.

And fei du is both the first time the world gives him the chance to be the Big Hero Savior he wanted to be, and the reality check that he can NOT be that Hero. That such a heroic feat is impossible, is unreasonable, is not something anyone will be able to live up to forever without fail - especially him, who turns out is lacking much of what he needs to succeed. But even if he had ALL the tools to succeed: even if Luo Wenzhou had ALREADY been a Captain, with rich influential and politically powerful allies, and had been able to legally adopt fei du and take actual political action against fei du’s dad? Even if he HAD all that, luo wenzhou would not have been able to save fei du - from the pain of his childhood, from the loss of his mom, the mystery was too hard to be solved at the time (or luo wenzhou of stubbornness i believe would’ve found a way to solve it), or from fei du’s own self hatred and self harm (just given how privately fei du keeps part of himself - he kept so much from luo wenzhou and probably always would’ve).

So even with everything, Luo Wenzhou would’ve failed. And at least failing then, as a rookie, he learned he WASN’T superman, he wasn’t infailable and Enough to save people inherently, and took the experience that he’d have to WORK and struggle and fight every single TIME to truly try and save people with him as he was promoted and gained power. That failure made him a better savior for future victims he’d help: because he’d be self aware that failure was possible, and helping others was going to be a struggle and require All his dedication every time, and is never a guarantee.

Luo Wenzhou picking fei du changed their lives. He failed fei du (and always would have) and in doing so it made him a better person to help people moving forward. and in the moment he chose to try and save fei du, an impossible thing with no Real Guarantee (as Luo Wenzhou would learn later and not ever promise so freely with certainty again), fei du DID see him as a savior. As a hope. As the first guardian angel in his life, the first belief that ANYONE outside of himself could help him. Could fix anything in his life - could explain why his mom who loved him would choose to leave him, could explain if it was his own fault for not loving her ‘enough’ or being too monstrous or if it was someone else’s fault, who could take his father to justice for the awful things he’d done when to fei du his father was the god of his world able to kill and do anything and make fei du do Anything no matter how awful. For the first time, fei du truly had a hope in something able to HELP him. And Luo Wenzhou failed. And fei du experienced both a temporary believe in the kind of “justice is served to the evil, help is provided to the innocent” that children usually simplistically learn at first but he never did (because his father didn’t teach him that but that the predators do what they want). and then experienced a cold harsh horrible shock that it WAS a lie, that the person telling him to believe it - luo wenzhou - was wrong. that fei du’s view of the world was “correct” and the false hero he’d believed in, luo wenzhou, was a fool who believed falsehoods and couldn’t do anything real. that no one Could help fei du.

and yet. despite all that. despite that failure shaping them both. it also tied them together. for all luo wenzhou failed, he still decided Inexplicably to be responsible for it. Instead of taking the loss, he went on to keep helping fei du. Caring. With Tao Ran as a contrast, its clear how excessive those actions were compared to the norm. Luo Wenzhou dragged Tao Ran into helping him take Fei Du after school, so fei du was rarely left alone in an empty house, into taking him out for food so he’d eat when the help at his house didn’t cook, these are all the acts of a godfather or a makeshift caretaker. They’re more than a responsible police officer should’ve ever gotten involved in a victim’s life - the most luo wenzhou should’ve appropriately done, was maybe call child services and insist and fight that no matter ‘how rich older master fei was’ the child still was in an enviornment that needs either an after school program for some socialization and social support, or a caretaker to move in, or if at all possible to get to live with a different guardian. But Luo wenzhou, knowing what’s appropriate, couldn’t abandon that ‘idealic heroic’ persona he learned failed and was unrealistic, still trying adamantly to be it for fei du. Even failure after failure. He would’ve adopted fei du probably, possibly, if the person he’d been fighting for custody against hadn’t been so filthy rich he’d have never had a chance. (never mind the legal issues im sure would keep him from getting custody, but the intent was there). He took fei du in as much as possible for their circumstances, then expanded that to full on parenting. To checking fei du’s report cards, to making sure he ate right, to checking on his healthcare, to commenting on his dating life as he grew up into a playboy partier, to insisting he pick a career, to worrying how he adjusted when his dad died and he had to take the business, to giving him gifts for birthdays and just cause (both secretly and also full on remembering his birthday when others didn’t), to the simpleness of scolding fei du like a regular teen caught cursing when he’d threaten violent, the simpleness of taking the Extreme-ness of fei du’s worse personality moments and simply saying ‘well whatever fucked up stuff you did or want to do, come sit down and have dinner, come on and join me.’ i care about you. lets eat. i accept you into our little family of two no matter what, and every meal is a ceremony reminding you this is permanent and secure and always here for you.

luo wenzhou can’t save fei du as a child, can’t save him as an adult from himsel, can’t save him throughout of a great many deal awful things. but he can give him a safe stable eternal home in the both of them, that is always ALWAYS there. always opening it’s doors, always mobile and coming to fei du when he feels isolated and abandoned and like he doesn’t even belong to the same world, it exists everywhere. it’s his. its a thing he never had before luo wenzhou. but it exists now. and it is THAT which luo wenzhou can provide.

He can’t save fei du from the many horrors of the world, from the monsters within himself. But he can give fei du a home that exists no matter what horrors exist or happen, a home that fei du will always belong IN no matter how monstrous he is, no matter what he’s done or what happens.

Maybe once upon a time the end of the week with his mom, had been the closest fei du had to that kind of ‘home.’ Some safe place where he was loved even with everything different about him, with the fucked up views his dad pressed on him, with the way he felt different from others and uncomprehending of the world. His mom, fleetingly, would be there with the house made ready for him, would be happy to see him and simply be with him.

Luo Wenzhou carved out a home for him after that, when he lost that, and made it permanent. It exists nonstop, always, whenever fei du is with luo wenzhou. waiting for fei du when they’re apart, always open for him to return.

wow i got distracted in zhoudu dynamic stuff lol. back to whatever the point was... priest writing brave. so. while i love all of zhoudu’s very grey area roles filled up and overlapping dynamic. i think the above portion explains well WHY it makes sense for them. Why their dynamic makes sense it would happen, from luo wenzhou’s perspective. why luo wenzhou would choose to do it, and how it would end with him and fei du connecting deeply.

Because that’s the kind of man luo wenzhou is and that’s where he was in his life, in the perfect place to make 1 single heroic Ideal decision and fail, but still feel too attached to actually quit and cut his losses. He could never cut the loss that was ‘failing fei du.’ he had to keep providing the only consolation he could, a home for fei du, even if he could provide nothing more. To Luo Wenzhou he will always be Fei Du’s very mortal and flawed Guardian Angel who couldn’t move heaven to save him or help him, but still took the job as his life’s work. And to Fei Du he will always be that very mortal Guardian Angel who lied that he was Strong enough when he wasn’t, when angels don’t exist and he was just a man, when justice doesn’t exist only this lying flawed incapable Luo Wenzhou trying to act like there is still justice. But to Fei Du, flaws and all, it’s still his Guardian Angel despite it all. In his world there are no angels, no true heroes. But this person is trying to be one, in Fei Du’s fucked up world where none exist, anyway. Luo Wenzhou is still trying to be one for him. And that’s worth something because it has MEANING, the choice to try to be an angel in a world with NONE means something, its the effort that counts. It’s the ceremony of doing it, the act, that means everything. (As luo wenzhou’s final lines in i think chapter ~79 hammer home).

Their dynamic makes sense, for them. Of course it’s where they’d end up, how they’d develop. How they’d get so enmeshed and close and Bigger Than People to each other (both symbolic Roles to each other while being gravely aware their symbol is actually just a flawed human who will never live up to it). To Fei Du, Luo Wenzhou will always be a Guardian Angel and that IS just a weak human who will fail the job. To Luo Wenzhou, Fei Du will always be his charge to Save, even though saving him is impossible, even though he’s failed for 7 years, even though fei du will never let him and both of them are More Than Aware this mission is impossible. Luo Wenzhou knows fei du is not a charge, was never one - or only one for the first time until Luo Wenzhou first failed.

Fei Du is a grown man who has done bad things, horrible things to himself, who views the world so differently from Luo Wenzhou his morality might not even be able to compare with his, who is a man he can’t fully understand but tries to reach out any try to anyway. Every single time. What a brave choice. To be commited to unconditionally loving someone and trying to understand them, even painfully knowing you never will. We may truly never be able to understand another person completely. But in these two’s case, they truly have such different internal worlds, it is a painful point for them both that they really never will exist in the other’s world and grasp it fully.

Fei Du is brave too. He knows Luo Wenzhou is an ordinary man, who belongs to the world most people understand and accept as reality. He knows he’ll never understand Luo Wenzhou, will always see some of Luo Wenzhou’s beliefs as lies or falsehoods most people seem to believe or assume or operate based on that Fei Du will never ever understand or connect to or operate under unless he tries very hard to force himself to act unnaturally. In a way, it is like an Angel loving a Demon. In reality they both realize they’re not an angel and devil - Luo Wenzhou realizes he’s painfully human and incapable, Fei Du doesn’t see himself as a demon he just thinks all humans are truly this way or walking-corpses unaware of it and Luo Wenzhou is another deluded soul lying to himself or simply way too uncomprehending to ever see the ‘truth’ of the world the way Fei Du is Only capable of seeing it. But Fei Du sees his own awareness as monstrous, in that it makes him a monster to those ordinary people and their entire world framework. And yet to Luo Wenzhou, he’s not a monster for it, just another flawed imperfect person like Luo Wenzhou is. They put themselves into the Roles of Angel and Demon, while knowing its partly untrue but unable to stop living that way when it comes to each other. Fei Du can’t help seeing Luo Wenzhou as an angel, in the warped way he’d view one in his world - a deluded hero who’s incapable, but still the closest thing to any angel in Fei Du’s world could exist. Fei Du can’t help seeing himself as a Demon, even though it’s normal to him he can’t shake the awareness its how he’d be in Luo Wenzhou (ordinary people’s) framework of the world. And then they meet in the middle somehow. And somehow even existing in different realities cause they perceive the world SO differently, Fei Du somehow catches a glimpse of himself in Luo Wenzhou’s worldviews: an innocent. An ordinary man. Not a demon, not even different from others. But someone who could and DOES exist in Luo Wenzhou’s world where people who are hurt deserve justice and people attempt to give them it, where cruelty is not the norm and not comprehensible to the masses. Fei Du isn’t compatible with that world - he’s not comprehensible to them. But somehow Luo Wenzhou can look at him, and place fei du into that world. And for the moment they’re together Fei Du EXISTS in both worlds. Is brought into the world outside his, that he can’t be part of or relate to or understand, and see as if he’s like Luo Wenzhou almost. And he wants to be one of the people providing justice to those who are harmed, one of the people who views cruelty outside of the norm and combats it. Could he do this, view things this way, if Luo Wenzhou didn’t connect their worlds by being connected to Fei Du?

And in contrast, in Fei Du’s world the cruelty is the norm, there is no one innocent only those harmed and those self aware enough they also cause it. There is no justice, only an attempt of power and control until the inevitable death. People like Luo Wenzhou cannot exist. In Fei Du’s mind, people like Luo Wenzhou can at most only be struggling helplessly against nature, hurting themselves by prodding other violent people, giving no justice because there’s no way to give it, just struggling to fight for an outcome that is impossible to provide. But because its Luo Wenzhou, Fei Du’s worldview shifts to accomodate him: Luo Wenzhou is a pathetic man fighting for an outcome that can never occur... but he keeps trying anyway. And because he’s Fei Du’s personal angel, even though angels can’t exist here in fei du’s view of the world? Fei Du almost wants to believe maybe there’s worthiness in someone trying anyway. To be like an angel. To do what nothing in his world does, want what can’t be achieved in his view of the world. And that’s where their worlds connect. Where Fei Du’s world connects to Luo Wenzhou’s and lets a sliver of Luo Wenzhou into his as something Possible. And is that why Fei Du wades into the water of doing work like Luo Wenzhou? Is that why he cares when a son dies and leaves a mom behind. In his world to care is illogical and pointless and has no use. But Luo Wenzhou IS in Fei Du’s world, and he cares. So Fei Du feels like... maybe he’ll care too, even if it is useless. He’ll let himself care still, like Luo Wenzhou cares.

There is use in the ACT of caring. Even if it changes nothing. There is worth in the act of caring, even if it fails to save anyone or stop harm. Is that one of the themes of Silent Reading I wonder... its certainly a theme of these two’s relationship.

It’s the point of Luo Wenzhou trying to explain to Fei Du what their connection is. It’s the connection of their worlds - Luo Wenzhou in our usually normally accepted one, and Fei Du in his hopeless one. It’s also the connecting point of their personalities - through knowing each other they’ve both developed a level of caring. Caring despite finding it cannot save, cannot stop the awful things that have happened and will later.

And so we get to a point where Fei Du cares about Luo Wenzhou, even though Wenzhou failed him and still does. Even though Luo Wenzhou will never fully understand him or the world he exists in.

I never realized just how wholly separate their concepts of the worlds they exist in were till I wrote this damn.

>>I keep losing the point in zhoudu meta lmao. Anyway back to priest. What I am impressed by (among many things), is priest writes that kind of dynamic as mentioned above. The ‘normal ordinary hero’ type Luo Wenzhou who can never connect to the kind of person/world Fei Du exists in, and vice versa. But somehow they meet halfway and see through the keyhole of the other person’s world anyway. Take one step in, while still being unable to enter the other’s world and abandon their own. It’s impossible. But it is. Because they choose to do it, no matter how impossible it is.

And its this relationship that outside on paper on some novel summary is the tags idk older/younger, rich/gruff, cruel/heroic whatever. When I walked in once upon a time, with the impression from a tagged summary it was going to be a cold genuis with a fascination for analysing cruelty, and a heroic gruff type combatting him and helping him ‘grow a heart’ I did not expect this kind of deep relationship dynamic i actually got. I didn’t expect a relationship that’s part caretaker/child, part opponents striving to fight yet it’s to connect their irreconcilable worlds, part lovers who were already closer than usual lovers before the romance even enters the picture. I didn’t expect 7 years of failing each other, but still being unconditional care there. Fei Du is not just a ‘cold genius’ he’s given the traits of a man from a world where he sees himself as the ordinary monster of it, and he will never ‘grow a heart’ and come to see the world like Luo Wenzhou (I’m 70% through the novel but i don’t think he will). And Luo Wenzhou for all his physical actions is not a gruff man with a ‘warm heart’ a la some sweetie pie emotional warm hero. He was an idealistic idiot who got a reality shock he wasn’t Superman, who grew into a realist. He is a guardian angel who is not actually an angel and KNOWS he isn’t but can’t stop himself from trying to be for Fei Du, the first and only time he tried to be one, refusing to quit this mission even though it’s been lost a million times and it’s painful for both of them for him to keep pretending he’s an angel instead of a man. Luo Wenzhou’s warm emotional ‘hopes and ideals’ don’t touch Fei Du and ‘change him’ (although Fei Du trying to understand Luo Wenzhou’s pov at least does open him up to witnessing Tao Ran’s idealism and kindness even though he finds it naive).

While their failures with each other certainly change them, they don’t actually change the core of each other - they are permanently too distinctly different people who see the world in an incompatibly different way. Growing up with Luo Wenzhou certainly influenced Fei Du’s behaviors, and gave him a peek into seeing the world differently, but he still ultimately exists mainly in his own world. Even with shared experiences together now, working together, it’s not shifting Luo Wenzhou into a person who sees the world as inherently cruel and monstrous like Fei Du, and its not shifting Fei Du into seeing justice as natural and possible. In some couple stories the worldviews would gradually mesh as the shared experiences grew - but no, not with these two.

The beauty of their relationship is they Will exist in their separate worlds, their incompatible worldviews and interpretations of it. But they still connect. They still carved out this space of a home together, that exists in both worlds. That has a window to each other’s worlds where they ask the other to explain what that unimaginable window’s view means, how the hell the other person is interpreting it because they don’t see it the same way. This shared home, that lets them concieve of a world where the other person can and DOES exist in their world. Fei Du sees himself as a monster in a world where it’s natural, and where angels don’t exist let alone just heroes - but Luo Wenzhou is in his world. Impossibly. He’s there, he’s part of it, he’s relentless, and he always will be. In Luo Wenzhou’s world, Fei Du exists and is just as inevitably part of it as Luo Wenzhou is. Even though Fei Du can’t conceive of existing in Luo Wenzhou’s kind of world - luo wenzhou sees Fei Du WITH him there, dragging him in by refusing to accept that Fei Du couldn’t be there.

Fei Du’s heart (in my prediction anyway lol) is not going to grow 3 sizes and decide justice is possible, is expected, and he’s an ordinary person who thinks like the others and feels wronged when he’s not given help and doesn’t instinctively think cold things. But Fei Du’s heart, despite himself and knowing Luo Wenzhou lied about being an angel in Fei Du’s world where none exists and failing him, holds a permanent space for Luo Wenzhou. A permanent part of him lets itself open the window to what Luo Wenzhou sees, and even though Fei Du simply can’t understand it, he lets the wind come in. Lets the idea drift through his own world: that for all justice is impossible, try to fight to do justice anyway. Try to conceive that people deserve it anyway, even if there is no way they do. Just humor the idea. Try anyway. It’s okay to try, even if the result will fail. Luo Wenzhou tries anyway, so you Fei Du can indulge in trying too despite it all. Fei Du’s heart has Luo Wenzhou in it, broken through the window and bringing the breeze, residing warmly in it and bringing all the ‘idealistic-fictional’ warmth from the world ‘other ordinary society thinks’ and decorates. Brings warm cooked noodles, shrimp, sweet candy so sweet its better than Fei Du’s world but here IT IS. Brings hope and determination and belief that doesn’t exist in Fei Du’s world, but here it is, in residence in his heart, with good smells that make him hungry, that taste like nothing that’s supposed to exist. And Fei Du thinks: its a lie, it can’t exist, it can’t be this good, it can’t be permanent... it must be an illusion or something that will crumble later. But its Luo Wenzhou... so Fei Du tries indulging the temporary goodness anyway, even if it WILL crumble. Like how Luo Wenzhou will still fail. Even so, even though this is nicer than any dinner in his world with his mom and dad had been, so much nicer he believes it impossible and a lie and just as hard to rely on as trying to grab the wind. He’ll still sit down and accept it for the experience it is. Because Luo Wenzhou brought it and said it was their home. And even if it makes no sense, somehow in their shared point of connection - this place where their worlds can almost overlap? It’s worth it to try. It’s the act of trying that’s important, not the outcome later. Not what’s possible or impossible. But that here, they can coexist somehow. That they tried very hard to carve out this home right here. They can be brave enough to believe the other sometimes about their other worlds, even if they can never move into the other’s. Try to go on faith on the other person, and try out the other person’s way of living in their very different world, even though it makes no sense.

It’s a love story about yes, being seen as all of who you are and still loved unconditionally (something often appealing in fiction romance). But also like. Its this heavy reality of No, actually, you will NOT ever be seen completely and understood completely by another person. We are not Fei Du and we are not usually seeing the world and it’s ‘laws’ as so drastically different as him. But like him, when we meet people even as close as we may become, as much as we share, another person will truly never see and feel exactly as we do. Words are imperfect, people’s past experiences and personalities are all different, people can’t read your mind and see your history and feel your emotions. There is no perfect fullproof way to get someone to truly understand you completely. And that’s okay. You can be loved, you can connect, even when that’s true. There is worth in making connections, even if we will ever only be understood imperfectly, only partly be able to view the world or something the same way. Even if someone can’t understand why X is that way about you or why you can’t believe Y the same way they do (even when you try your best to). There is space in all of us to find a way to still love whole heartedly, to choose to Try to understand. There is power in choosing to try, and keep choosing to, even though it’s an impossible endeavor to ever fully accomplish. Like Luo Wenzhou, we choose anyway. Like Fei Du, we realize there’s worth in just the act of trying. Even if we are never fully seen, can never fully grasp the other, there’s care there. The care builds a space for us to connect. A space for us to feel close enough, safe and loved.

#silent reading #lb #meta #zhoudu #zhoufei #WELL this turned into a mega zhoudu meta and character analysis #character analysis #i will say though. damn.#i think this is true of many (possibly all of priests works but i havent read all) of priests novels #is that they really CAN be delved into analysis wise as works of literature #Silent Reading alone? It has a LOT to say about society and justice and our expectations we're raised on #versus how society really acts. versus the unique ways individuals VARY WILDLY in their perception of it #which i didnt even go into in this meta. but in a Literature Class that'd probably be the main theme.#but then also? fei du and luo wenzhou really ARE doing something so unique with their dynamic that's worth discussing #the fact that like they DO put each other on pillars. while also being self aware those pillars are LIES. and then yet they keep #functioning as if both aware the other are only human AND still putting faith in the pillars they put them on #the fact that in this story the two NEVER reconcile their worldviews into one shared one more or less. which usually happens in these #stories of different ppl. think Goodbye My Princess or Love and Redemption or The Untamed - those different ppl #end up experiencing things that help them come to understand each others pov and perspective of the world.#but the thing is lwz and fd will NOT compromise or change their core world view understandings. lwz just CANT see the world #as inherently monstrous and cruel and kindness as so fleeting and impotent. its against his entire belief system and experiences and #against who he IS. and fei du just Cannot see the world like the ordinary masses. let alone like luo wenzhou who #when young saw himself as the pure idealistic super Hero. to fei du a man like luo wenzhou just Cannot exist and succeed or and just IS #wrong. but their choice to connect anyway is a bridge between worlds. they cant even see eye to eye. but they can choose to connect anyway #despite it.#and internally grow hope and awareness and motivation. even if their worlds remain the same

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