#look. i know why we have to know at least the basics of old church slavonic and whatnot but... three times?
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Honestly, the russian part of my degree is a lot better than the english part, but I still don't understand, why do we have three separate subjects: first proto-slavic, then old church slavonic, and then the history of the russian language, and not a single subject on the politics of contemporary russia or russian geography or idk... something slightly more useful than doing basically the same subject three times?
#look. i know why we have to know at least the basics of old church slavonic and whatnot but... three times?#i still have to pass proto slavic this year and dear lord am i dreading that...
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The 100% accurate Genshin character guide
P1 Mondstadt
Traveler
Abandonment issues
Just wants to find their sibling
Fights a god w/ dull sword and wins
Costco link
“…”
Venti
Drunk bard
Questionable choices in skins
Don’t let him any wear near your friends
“Gay or European, it’s hard to guaranteed”
Paimon
The tour guide that doesn’t do anything
H o n g r y
Probably the unknown god but we’ll get back to that later
At least we have emergency food
“Ehehe~”
Amber
Mondstadt’s Stove Lighter
Festival webtoon outfit when?
I’m missing amber’s dance rn
“Go go baron bunny”
Jean
Single mom of mondstadt
Tuonto’s beloved
Someone give her a comfortable bed to rest on
“Klee, put that down”
Klee
Mondstadt’s fireworks
Menace to society
Probably killed someone on accident once
“Klee loves to go fish basting!”
Diluc
I lied about Jean being single
Depressed man
Daddy issues
God of wine that hates wine
“Not interested in idle chit chat”
Kaeya
Ice bridge
Daddy issues but double it
Everyone’s first genshin crush
The 1 thing the god of wine is allergic to
“Why so cold Diluc?”
Fischl
Delusional
Speaks funny language
Theater kid
Has pet bird that translates funny language
“Oz shut the fuck up”
Lisa
Hot librarian
Fought the abyss over a book
Has pet wolf
“Give me back my book before I shove knifes down your throat 😊”
Bennett
Fornite kid
Has more dads than all the Genshin characters combined
Somehow isn’t dead
“You want me on your team? 🥹”
Razor
Has basically been adopted by everyone in mondstadt
Furry
Loves potatoes (as he should)
Grammar? Never heard of it
“BORK”
Barbara
Jeus lady
Everyone’s favorite Facebook celebrity
Idc if you don’t like her protect her at all means necessary 😨
Bring her old voice back 😭
“Please notice me Jean”
Noelle
Maid therapist
Looks nice, can kill you
Probably won’t kill you tho
“Maiden for the Kights of Favonius”
Sucrose
created a whole new species because her friends left her
At least they aren’t dead
“What If I took ur body, and slapped it against a fking chalkboard 👹”
Albedo
Chalk man
Mondstats’ older brother cause why not
Has a silly voice actor
“Moment of birth”
Rosaria
First Atheist to regularly show up to church
Goth lady
“ fuck u or sm idk that much an Rosaria I…I gave up”
Mika
Weilds multiple weapons,
Wdym he’s not a cryo catalyst :(
“☝️🤓”
Eula
Vengeance lady
Strange family members
“Don’t be shy girl go bonanza”
Diona
A fking menace to society
Bartender, hates wine
“I wish my dad loved me”
Mona
Broke bitch
Strange choice of friends
Knows the future, somehow not god.
“You have a son right? Yeah well he’s gonna die tomorrow so good luck with that”
(Sorry i died lol, also my Wanderer fanfic is prob never gonna get finished lol mb)
#genshin#genshin impact#albedo#amber#lisa#bennett#diluc#diona#eula#fischl#jean#kaeya#klee#mika#mona#noelle#razor#rosaria#sucrose#venti
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Ryme City Gengar
This is Kati
She's my Gengar partner.
DISCLAIMER: The following is my account of how I came to own my Gengar, Kati. It is a true story, however, I have falsified names and omitted the direct address of relevant parties in this story for their “protection.” Please do not seek these people out or harass them. They are not worth your time or energy. This is not a happy tale, especially if you like Ghost-types, are a Hex Maniac, or have a shred of common decency. Now, without further ado.
Consider the Gastly.
Gastly is one of the most well-documented, well-known, common ghost types across the regions. It’s in Oak’s original Pokedex and even shows up in Laventon’s old field journals. Its body is 95% gas, and it’s one of the lightest known pokemon in the world, to the point where a stiff wind will make the thing vanish (it’ll re-materialize later just fine, though). The remaining 5% of it is somewhat less clear. It could be argued that this 5% is undoubtedly what gives the Pokemon its Ghost typing. Some believe it is the souls of those its gas has killed, others believe it’s the ghostly essence of graveyard grievances, or forlorn memories of departed people or places.
All Kati remembers is waking up in front of the grave of a girl named Catherine.
I was backpacking through Galar at the time, I had the clothes on my back, the spares in my pack, some few thousand Pokedollars, basic Pokemon care and healing supplies, a phone, and my Eevee and Zorua, Vivi and Aka, respectively. I was looking for a place to crash for the night and wound up at a village in the southern edge of the region. Extremely quaint, very lovely, and I ran into the residents of a very old chateau, whose family had lived there for generations. They were trust fund kids, basically. The husband, who we’ll call John Doe, lived in the estate with his wife, Jane, his parents - his father being the local (and, if you’ve been following my Chatotter, a certain) reverend - and his grandparents. I met John and Jane at the town's only pub, and they were utter sweethearts; to this day, I still wish them well and the best for them. Upon telling them I was the son of Pokemon Rangers, and an Arceist, they asked if I could help them with an issue they’ve been having at the chapel.
Now, to a normal person, this probably would’ve set off every red flag in the universe. Supposedly rich family is inquiring about an outsider for “help”? Boi they’re about to steal your Pokemon and lock you in the basement. Turns out, something being locked in the basement was the issue. I initially declined, but then John made an offer to pay me a… moderately life changing amount of Pokedollars, provided I could solve the issue, which- er, piqued my curiosity enough to at least humor the couple. I figured I had Aka with me, and if things become sketchy he could use a clever illusion to help bail me outta there.
This village I went to was absurdly secluded, they hardly ever received tourists or travelers. The local authorities were in the back-pocket of John’s parents, which he was quick to explain as he led me to the estate. Once we arrived, he played me off as a guest of his wife’s side of the family, and I was introduced to this man’s elders.
I know the saying goes to respect your elders, but one look at this man’s family told me everything I needed to know about why John trusted an outsider with this. These were the most miserable, leery-eyed, snobbish, conservative-ass, “only polite because I have to be” motherfuckers I have ever had the discomfort of meeting and breaking bread with. The bread was the only good thing about their dinner as well, come to think of it, with unseasoned vegetables, beans, and… ok, the shepherd’s pie was alright, but still.
Later that night, John led me out as if to politely escort me off, but detoured around the back of the mansion to the village’s church, where we went through a cellar entrance.
And that’s where I would meet Kati for the first time.
As he opened the door, I saw paper talismans on the interior side. Cleanse tags. Prayer tags. The like. They dotted the stairwell down, to a locked door, which my escort unlocked to reveal a room, lined - wall-to-wall - with tags. And sitting, suspended in a cage, also laced with these tags, was a Gastly.
Cleanse Tags have long been a staple item for the traveling trainer, useful in helping ward off unwanted wild encounters, if a little uncomfortable for most pokemon to hold. A ghost type can handle holding one for the sake of their trainer.
An entire basement lined with them is torture of the highest order. Especially for a ghost.
This Gastly was well and truly trapped. Being locked in stasis inside a Pokeball would’ve been a kinder fate. Everywhere in this room that she could look, she saw searing wards and condemning reminders that told her in no uncertain terms that she was an unwelcome monster. She could not escape this place, the talismans well and truly suppressed any and all ghost energy she could even try and muster. No phasing, no vanishing, no shrinking or morphing, nothing.
John wanted her freed.
I was quick to agree.
It was clear the man was wrestling with the idea of freeing her for a while, and, when I pressed him about why the poor thing was locked away in the first place, he explained that the Gastly had been locked down here for generations, his late great-(great?)-grandfather had apparently caught the thing at the local graveyard, “communing with Giratina,” if you believe such malarky. So his family took it upon themselves to “catch” the ghost and seal her away in their church to cleanse or contain the sin within her, to the point where it’s become an obsession for the family, and they’ve never known peace since. So it was, she remained down there for something to the effect of over eighty years.
At least three generations of Does is apparently what it took before one realized “hmm, maybe this Gastly down here is fine???”
So of course because things had to be dramatic, we heard the upper cellar door open the moment I tore enough tags off the cage to get the Gastly out. John told me to get my Zorua out and hide as he’d go distract whoever it was. I did so and told Aka to blend us into the wall. John went up, tried to tell his father the Gastly had escaped, and when he angrily came down to verify, well.
The Gastly didn’t like seeing the old man’s face.
She gassed my face to break free and immediately went for the old-timer. The illusion broke and I now had an angered reverend cursing my name, breaking every rule of engagement, since “the next coming of Giratina” was on the line as he threw his entire fuckin’ team at me. A “prize” furfrou, a machop, and a houndour.
Trying to remember the fight as best I can, Vivi was strong enough to take out the Houndour, but the Machop made quick work of Aka. My new Gastly friend managed to poison the Machop in turn, but a bite from the Houndour nearly took her out instantly. Vivi weakened the Furfrou and Machop with a quick Swift, but, well, at the time my two team members were both weak to fighting, so the Machop was quick to take him out as well.
It was at that point I discovered the Gastly knew will-o-wisp as it cursed the Machop with its flames, taking it out, and I had an idea.
It was time to run from a trainer battle.
I kicked the Houndour in the face (sorry pup!) and told Gastly to set the remaining tags on fire. With the ones I had already desecrated, she had strength enough to set the room ablaze, which freaked out the reverend father and his pokemon enough that I was able to throw an empty pokeball at the Gastly to “catch” her, lob her out of the cellar as she struggled to break out, and get the absolute hell out of there.
John was waiting in a car outside. An extra broken-and-lobbed pokeball later to get the Gastly away from the reverend, we were driving from the estate and I had a very angry Gastly I was trying to calm down in the backseat of a speeding vehicle. It took a while, but she calmed down when it became clear we were tearing her away from that awful place.
John dropped me off at a graveyard, presumably (and, I would later find, purposefully) the best spot he thought to release the Gastly, - cliche, I know, - he wired me the money, and sped off. The Gastly tore itself free from me, and hovered at one particular grave. It was an old headstone, weathered and faint, but I could just barely make out the name “Catherine” on it. I sat near her as she stared at it. And we stayed there for a while; long time. Appropriately, I think we left at about midnight, when I offered her one more Pokeball and the chance to travel with me, safely, and see the world she was locked away from. Gave her the name “Kati” then and there, both as a shortening of her old name, and because it translates to “Pure.”
We beat feet from that village and never looked back.
My backpacking journey was a lot more comfortable after that, I’ll say that much. Dude gave me bank.
But, here we are, me and the reverend, locked in something of an awkward stalemate where if either of us try and report what happened, we have to inadvertently confess to crimes we ourselves committed. Pokémon Abuse for the Does. And uh, Arson and Pokémon A&B for me. Trainer Disengagement too, but that’s a misdemeanor more ‘n anything. The fact that both of us have a decent amount of influence, should things get legal, doesn’t help either. Haven’t been back in or extradited to Galar since, and it’s basically been something like a 10 year cold case, so I’m not too concerned about this actually biting me in the ass, but the Reverend Father Doe sure is getting spicy with me on Chatotter.
He can rot for all I care.
Kati’s mine.
And she can burn through any holy tag you throw at her, now.
#pokemon#pkmn irl#unreality#pokemon irl#gengar#Kati the Gengar#gastly#Pokemon stories#I'm gonna link him this post too#I don't think he knows his son orchestrated her freedom and frankly i'm tired of being his scape-gogoat#First art by FuneralFugitive on twitter#The gastly pic is from the anime lmao#Last pic by xCrescentMagex also on Twitter
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We finally watched Nocturne.
... what? No, no endless post this time :P not only because it's just one season. It's just as I expected: it's not as infuriating as its big sibling. (unless you're familiar with the French Revolution coughcough@the-crow-binary)
We only watched the first four episodes so far, and I have already said a lot, so let's go.
The thing I complained the most about, I noticed, was the worldbuilding, mostly how vampires work. The original show "elfified" vampires, only keeping the basic traits "need blood, don't like sunlight or running water, can turn into things like bats and mist". They were portrayed as this ancient rage, one with its own culture (much superior than the dumb humans who forget everything because church bad): they sleep normally, they can eat food if they so wish, apparently they can have sex with zero issues lol, and infamously child vampires are treated as, well, innocent children and not as poor human kids suffering a terrible fate. Trevor even kindly tells us that the reason vampires hate crosses regardless of their faith is because their eyesight is so advanced that they freak out at the sight of geometrical shapes. The only monstruous trait they have is that apparently they have a tendency to go insane and crave power. Honestly, they kind of remind me of Twilight.
And somehow Nocturne manages to get it worse.
Now, yes, vampires in Nocturne bite far more often than in the OG show. I think in that other show we see them doing that... twice? And Carmilla and Lenore lick Hector's blood; then they just drink from their stock of blood à la Drac from SoTN. Anyway, Nocturne is more willing to show them as beasts, so good job. Hell, Sun Thundercat even turns a human!
But in this setting, vampires seem to not even have those few weaknesses they had in the OG show. For a story centered on how Sun Thundercat will bring eternal night to the world because sun is the number 1 obstacle to vampires, it's baffling how easily they can just walk around in plain daylight. Olrox looks out of the window with his face illuminated by the sun. Drolta can literally walk just fine, even without a parasol. @spinningbuster98 kept asking "why don't peasants or slaves just destroy the windows of the places where they know vampires live?" - well clearly they'd be fine!
And special shoutout to Drolta who openly mocks the concept of her being hurt by being in a church. At least in S1, Blue Fangs explained its presence in the Bishop's church by blaming his heinous actions for pushing God away.
Vampires are also shockingly well integrated into society. These extremely pale people, with visible pointy ears and long fangs, can chill around in a nice palace or stroll into a theatre, and no one bats an eye. How? In the OG show, vampires could be in a position of power (see the council of Styria), but they mostly worked from the shadows. Did humans just... accept the presence of these monsters?
(the cross weakness becomes way funnier now. Vampires are weak to the religion they used to believe in, so Annette can ask the help of the Christian God to harm previously Christian vampires. I actually like this. But then this makes that OG "vampires have super freaky eyesight" scene even stupider than it used to be)
Another point for the clumsy worldbuilding. Hey, remember how I complained that N!Hector wearing Hector's CoD outfit makes no sense? Because that's what he could cobble up from his old Devil Forgemaster uniform and it's basically the best he can wear for running through the country and fighting, while N!Hector 1) is still in Drac's service in S2 so you'd expect a more professional uniform from him, like the one worn by N!Isaac, and 2) he very much does not fight, making details like the arm guard and the single glove look redudant. We have a similar issue here: Maria, whose design was taken straight out of DXC, complains in the first episode that her mother is too poor to pay taxes. You can tell that she doesn't look that poor. To make things even worse, in the second episode, Tera is able to offer bread to Annette and Edouard: the French Revolution started, among other reasons, because even bread got ridiculously expensive for common people! So which is it? Is Maria one of the common people, or a well-off young woman who really has no business leading the revolution?
And this... is tied to other problems.
The French Revolution is nothing more than a shallow backdrop for the main plot being the Vampire Messiah being hyped up as the greatest evil to ever evil. You can tell the writers did not care when they cast Vaublanc, a real person who fought against slavery, as a vampire slaveowner. I think. I think you shouldn't do that.
The point is, it becomes increasingly jarring when you see that the main protagonists, the ones who spout the most generic "liberty, equality, fraternity"... are not even French. Maria has Russian origins, and as I've shown she seems to be doing well. Richter is a Romanian who grew up in the US. Annette, who gets to make a super epic speech about freedom, is a runaway from Saint-Domingue. Edouard is a rich opera singer, also from Saint-Domingue.
Oh, Annette.
You know, I want to say something. I'd have much more patience for her abrasive, ungrateful, condescending behavior, I'd justify it as a result of her trauma, if it weren't for how mean-spirited she is and for how no one seems to even react to her.
bruh.
You did that, huh. Richter has been nothing but kind and supportive to you, relating to the loss of your friend and of your mother - this isn't a Trevor situation where you can fall for what the story tells you and believe he's actually rude, no, Richter is on-screen a very nice guy! And you say that? To his face? After he revealed to you that the Belmonts used to do magic but he can't because he lost his mom? Something you should know how devastating it feels? And you THROW THAT TO HIS FACE??
Richter is the one who gasps, by the way. Maria and Tera over there? Nah they're just eating popcorn as this stranger is deliberately hitting Richter where it hurts the most. Thanks girls.
Oh but she's not done!
I know what this is. Look at her, the Stronk former slave who suffered Hardships which inherently makes her more Mature and World Wise, looking down on the two white French people who obviously had it so easy in their lives.
Hey, Ms. Adult. Who's the one who lost control of her powers, leading to Edouard becoming a Night Creature? Richter is too nice to throw that in your face. I'm not :)
Hey, Ms. I Suffered More Than You. Who's the one who only managed to save herself from the plantation only due to magical god-inherited powers? Which is also incredibly insensitive to the real-life slaves who managed to escape with nothing more but human skills and intellect?
Hey, Ms. I'm More Mature Than You Whiteys. Who's the one who needed the help of a rich half-white man to be protected? Not that you even know the concept of being grateful.
Uh, and Tera? You mind chiming in? You mind defending your daughter and your adopted son from this stranger who keeps being rude and disrespectful? No? Okay. She just suggests how to save Edouard, but lets Annette's words slide. You and Lisa can compete for the title of Mom of the Year.
Oh, but this is not a sexism or racism issue. This is literally the same thing as Alucard in S2 being the biggest hypercunt to Trevor, making fun of his traumatic childhood, cruelly mocking his family and his legacy, and treating him like he's nothing more than a failure of a drunkard when the dude has been nothing but a help in fights and gave them access to the vast Belmont Hold... and Sypha always rushed in Alucard's defense because boohoo his depression is an icy well of sadness, he Suffered More Than You!
This is just the writers shitting on the Belmonts, and I am sick of it. Trevor did not deserve this, and Richter doesn't deserve this.
Anyway, characters. I have little to say. Richter is the best one, being reasonably cocky as you would expect from him; not to an insufferable degree, just yeah he comes off as an immature young man who needs to grow up. I like him. Maria is a parody of teens on Twitter talking about seizing the means of production, and I kind of forget she's there. Annette, yeah :) Edouard got retroactively characterized after his death, but I still don't know how to describe his personality beyond "helpful" and "source of infodumps". Tera exists. The abbot is profoundly stupid for allying himself with vampires for the sake of crushing the "Godless" Revolution (there's an N!Hector joke to make here but it's not worth it). Drolta is basically Isaac who slapped a pair of tits on himself and just like that she's a beloved slay queen icon. Templar Agent Stone Mizrak is mere bara bait so far. Olrox... well, so far he's mildly intriguing for being outside of the hero/villain dichotomy. Kind of a tryhard, though, and I still don't know why he didn't just kill Richter.
My last complaint is that it's really boring how they hype up Sun Thundercat as this harbinger of DEATH AND SUFFERING AND PAIN AND TERROR way before we even see her. It reminds me of Alucard exposing how a world without humans would be: just this empty, edgy narration with nothing to show for it. But at least by then we had a taste of Dracula's anger and powers, so this is even worse. You need to try harder to build up an antagonist.
and finally, have the best moment in the whole franchise
youtube
BUT, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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Looking at an old post, does Religion in FIre Emblem still interest you?
YEAH !!
TBF, it interests / fascinates me in a way that is, like... even the most developped religion in a FE game (the Church of Seiros) is so bare-bones that there are a lot of things people tend to add just from their own experiences with religions, which, in the case of the Church of Seiros in particular, tends to hurt it a bit in the Western fandom IMO. But. (waves hands) that's.
That's something else.
But yeah, I actually still really like that topic ! Because, beside Fodlan, religion is both such an inherent part of the setting and yet such an ignored part of the setting that it's really fascinating.
Take Valentia. Do we now anything about the Mila and Duma faith ? Not really. We know... basic philosophies that oppose Mila and Duma (and once again I will say that the game putting them on the same level is actually crap because we're supposed to see the bothof them as highly flawed because "Mila encourages indolence" but my guys my gals my pals the fields aren't gonna till themselves even if the land is fertile !!! people are gonna work out in the fields !!! the nobles may be lazy and indolent but you can't tell me you expect flour to get into people's hands without work !!), but do we know anything about... either the beliefs or the practices of either religions ? EHHH. Discutable.
We know both faith "fuse" after the games, venerating Mila & Duma together, and there's something bittersweet about it, and I like that death doesn't stop them from being deities. Because truth is, in many religions, gods are alive from their deaths. Be they deified humans or deceased gods. I think there is something, there. And, hell, we know that despite her death Mila is still kinda. there. in a way. in spirit. So why would that stop.
In Elibe, we know a religion is centered around St Elimine. Do we know ANYTHING about it ? Shit no. We know St Elimine, Mario Kart Double Dash Bonus CD Character, we know she participated in the Scourge (if my memory serves me well), we know she has a really damn powerful staff, but. Beside that. Uh. No ??
But it's actually kind of fascianting to me. I kind of want to build on that at some point. You have priests. You have at least one theocracy in Magvel. Why is it a theocracy ? GOOD QUESTION WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY TO ME
But. Yeah. Religion in FE. It's a mess.
I love it though
#barks.txt#fire emblem#not talking about Tellius because I forgot anything that has to do with Tellius and religion#also Naga is here and she's doing her best but dang we know nothing about the cult surrounding her do we
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Ruvik, Karl and the daemon bastard husband Ardyn 😂💙
YES MY BOIS 👏💕👏
Gonna go in the order you listed 😉
Was gonna add video clips of my favorite moments, but you can only do one per post, so the rest are gifs 😭😭
Ruvik
First impression: Woah, who is this guy, and why is he so powerful? Is he a demon? A vengeful spirit? I am very intrigued.
Impression now: Oh god he’s tragic. OH GOD HE’S TRAGIC.
Favorite moment: In the first Kidman DLC, The Assignment, Ruvik has some absolutely spectacular dialogue with her and Leslie at the very end, after cornering them in the church. It gives me chills every time and the delivery is perfect.
“We’re all their pawns, eventual victims.
They killed me! They ripped me apart, and took what they needed.
I will destroy what they wish to control.”
The elevator scene with Sebastian is also great, but man this one is just sublime in every way.
Idea for a story: I’ve been playing with the idea for a x Reader fic with him, one in which they essentially kill him with kindness. He hasn’t experienced kindness or affection since the accident, so I’m excited to explore his character dealing with someone who doesn’t immediately find him repulsive or isn’t intimidated by him. There will also be lots of bumbling on his end, cause even though he’s smart af, he doesn’t know the first thing about relationships 😂
Unpopular opinion: He deserves compassion, and hating him is extremely shortsighted. Yes, he did terrible things, no one is debating that, but choosing to ignore the broken pieces of his humanity left in the game is being deliberately obtuse. Not saying you shouldn’t or can’t hate him, but it shouldn’t be without acknowledging his trauma. And putting others down for not hating him is downright juvenile.
Favorite relationship: I’m all about that self ship, which is probably his best bet at getting any romance, based on being…well, a serial killer. Some of my friends have shown me Ruvik x Stefano though, and that relationship would be interesting to say the least 😆
Favorite head cannon: Touch starved af and craves affection. Although touch starved is basically cannon, I think he also deeply craves some kind of connection with someone. He lost everyone he cared about; his sister died in the fire, his parents locked him in a basement, his research partner betrayed him, which lead to his death (the one he’s discussing in the above quote). I head cannon he longs for someone he can trust, really trust, and anguishes over his loneliness.
Moving on…
Karl Heisenberg
First impression: I hadn’t played the game, but I’d seen pictures of him. For some reason I thought he was the main villain, and was working with Chris to make the main character help him (no fucking clue how I arrived here 🤣🤣). Thought he was some big, gruff man who didn’t talk much and smiled even less. Why does he look like Ardyn?
Impression now: LMAOOO THIS DUDE IS A MASSIVE TROLL AND I AM SO HERE FOR IT 😂😂😂 I could not have been more wrong about him (or the plot, still not sure how I got there). He’s funny and I love his smile, and how much of a tool he is. I must say, I did not expect his voice to sound the way it does, but I’m not complaining 🥰
Favorite moment: Why isn’t there more of him why isn’t there more WHY ISN’T THERE MORE??? Anyway, probably when he tries to convince Ethan to work with him.
“Neither did I! But here we are.
And I’m next in line, right? Kill me, move up the chain!
Well, fuck that!”
He’s so animated here, I love it 🥰
Idea for a story: I’ve already mentioned I got something cookin in the old noggin, but I have more details on what I want to happen now, so I’ll be happy to share them! Surprise surprise, it’s x Reader, where they’re a botanist sent to survey the remote mountains of Romania. Collect data on the plants there for the university they work at, along with two colleagues who are cartographers, going to update outdated maps of the area. They get captured and typical RE shenanigans ensue, but I also want reader to be connected to Umbrella somehow, which I hope you can help me with. I want Miranda to know too, so she starts sending reader to all the Lords to see what happens. Little does she know reader starts to osmose some of all their powers, turning into something far more dangerous than she could’ve imagined.
That’s all I got for now, no more spoilers! Unless you want them 😉
Unpopular opinion: He has more respect for his partners than some of you seem to think. I’ve read plenty of stories where Karl is super hands on with his partner, slapping their ass and manhandling them all the time, sometimes hours after meeting them. Not my fuckin Heisenberg. He keeps his hands to himself, unless he has explicitly gotten permission to do any touching. Honestly wish some of y’all would tag your stories when you make him all grabby, it’s kinda triggering for me.
Favorite relationship: My first answer is going to be x Reader for all of these, I’m a sucker for the stuff. Although Karl x Ethan sounds endlessly amusing to me. Karl would be the puppy bouncing around everywhere while Ethan would brood in a corner 😂
Favorite head cannon: Extremely sensitive to trauma responses, and is good at comforting, due to the things Miranda did to him. He doesn’t want anyone he likes to know what that helplessness or fear feelings like.
Last, but the farthest thing from least…
Ardyn Izunia Lucis Caelum
First impression: I knew he was the villain before I started the game, but that’s all I knew. Thought he was funny as I actually got into the game, and why the hell is he everywhere??
Impression now: GREEK PLAY LEVEL TRAGIC HERO AND MY HEART ETERNALLY ACHES FOR HIM. Seriously, they did NOT need to fuck Ardyn up so much, there’s plenty of shit that happened to him that could make someone a villain by itself. But the gods and Squenix said ‘fuck this guy in particular’. I thought y’all called him ‘trash Jesus’ cause he looks like the guy, but NOOOOO there’s actually fucking parallels between the two. The healer, the betrayal, the crucifixion…not exactly subtle when you take the time to look. Aside from all that, I still love how funny he is, he always makes me laugh (when he’s not making me cry), and he’s super smart. Plus, I will always admire how he made it so he wins no matter what happens in the end. That takes some galaxy brain level planning.
Favorite moment: Imma let it speak for itself;
“You think ten years is a long time? It is nothing to me!
I have lived in darkness for AGES!”
God, the fucking level of emotion absolutely dripping from that last word kills me very time. Darin de Paul did excellently with Ardyn’s lines up until that point, but this one hits differently. The sheer anguish and sorrow you can hear in his voice is breathtaking. Made worse when you realize he’s being literal…he has spent actual ages locked in a dark cell. Words can’t properly give it credit.
Idea for a story: yall chapter 11 of ADCT is gonna be like 10k+ words 😂😂 Not done yet and it’s already at 7k lol. Hope that makes up for the 6 month hiatus 😵💫 Aside from that though, I have another idea for a long fic, albeit a shorter one. Where reader gets washed up on Angelgard before Verstael, and is horrified to find Ardyn strung up on the island. After freeing him, they have to work together to try to survive, figuring out how to get food, water, and fight off hypothermia. Verstael eventually arrives, and takes both of them back to Niflehiem.
Unpopular opinion: Most handsome character in FFXV by a long shot. He’s in space.
Favorite relationship: Apart from x Reader, I’m boring for this one. Ardyn x Aera, they’re so sweet and cute together. Forever bitter Ardyn didn’t get to reunite with her at the end. I know some people dig Ardyn x Gilgamesh, but meh, it’s just not for me. Hope y’all who do like it have fun with it though 😁
Favorite head cannon: Absolute teddy bear with his SOs, fucking bastard troll man with everyone else. Dynamic is super fun and amusing to me, I love the thought of him being a bean one moment then turning around and roasting Ravus with political talk the next. Oh, I also love the thought that he has a massive sweet tooth. Since his hair didn’t grow at all during his time on Angelgard, I like to think his body is in some kind of stasis, that it can’t be changed, and Ardyn takes full advantage of that. He’s got at least three different types of cake in his fridge, and several pints of ice cream in the freezer. He also keeps candy bars in his desk.
Thank you so much for this ask, it was a ton of fun to write! 😁😁
#asks#ruvik#ruben victoriano#ruben ruvik victoriano#ruvik x reader#karl heisenberg#heisenberg#heisenberg x reader#karl heisenberg x reader#ardyn#ardyn izunia#ardyn lucis caelum#ardyn x reader#ardyn izunia x reader#my clips#my gifs
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LAST EPISODE
s5 ep13 heart pt 2
LET'S GOOOOOOO
it's 1:21pm and I have laundry to do AND Easter Vigil service starts at 8pm, can I get this all watched before 7pm?
Or am I gonna sit there in church vibrating in place for two hours knowing I have three minutes left on the episode or some bullshit lol
(That's longer than usual, yes. Easter Vigil is actually one of my fave services of the year--we start outside lighting candles (the ones inside have been out since Thursday night, even the one we otherwise never put out), then walk into the dark church, then sorta speedrun bits of the old testament (with a hymn after every reading) and then we decide OKAY IT'S EASTER NOW :D and turn on the lights and make a lot of noise and sing a few more hymns--we don't sing or say alleluia during Lent so all the hymns have that in it. There's often MASSIVE amounts of church incense, too. Anyway by the end it's a bit of a party. Apparently some churches have an actual party after the service.)(side note if you're new-ish to these posts that I'm Episcopalian, like, the priests at my church are a gay man and a woman, we're cool people mostly I promise)
See this is why these posts take forever. Why do I keep infodumping shit. This is what it's like to watch things with me in person, though.
If I get through this episode before Easter Vigil my reward is gonna be coming home and taking an edible and rewatching the last two episodes without screenshots so I can just cry over them.
oKAY
eh? that's new. like putting that on screen like that in dead silence. No intro sequence.
oh right Adora is injured. :( And it's some kind of magical monster thing that did it--a security thing put into the Crystal Castle by the First Ones
when she touches her wound the Failsafe glows, and it's making static-y noises and looking glitchy, that can't be good
the nasty tentacle monster thing is still there buT SO IS CATRA YAYYYY she shatters at least one of its eyeballs? I think?
my brain: this is like Caitlyn helping Vi after she got stabbed by Sevika, the wound is even in the same place :D
me: wrong person has the red jacket on also Catra isn't going to buy some illegal potion thing to dose Adora with
(you should watch Arcane)
DOES SHE EVER SAY IT LIKE THAT BEFORE THIS?? oh god she sounds so breathless and relieved
Adora: "You can't be here! It's too dangerous"
And she stands up and starts to fall over and fucking Shadow Weaver helps her stand up, uGH
LOOK AT MY BB KICKING ASS
oh god so Shadow Weaver basically drags off Adora, Catra's like "I'll catch up, okay?" and Adora's like "no no Catraaaaa" her voice is cracking and everything, she doesn't want to do this without her and also worries about Catra and that tentacle monster thing
I'm not gonna screenshot it but poor Glimmer is fighting her dad, who is still chipped and Evil.
Bow is fighting Scorpia, also chipped and Evil. Oh hey Melog shows up and makes Bow invisible.
Micah is MEAN when chipped. He calls Glimmer a failure.
Glimmer: "My mother raised me to be brave. My friends taught me to be kind. And I'm stubborn. I get that from you. I will never stop fighting! And I won't lose another parent! I love you, dad."
She blasts him with enough magic that he collapses.
Bow, invisible, types away on Entrapta's computer she set up in the Horde thing, but when he gets it to start to do its thing he gets excited and says "I've got it!!" and Scorpia hears it and blasts him and is standing over him about to get him.
Bow: "Prime may have made you do a lot of things, but he can't turn you into something you're not. So, right now, all I need you to do is trust me."
Her eyes get normal for a second and she yells, and Bow slams a button on Entrapta's computer. There's a bright light.
Where Sea Hawk is holding Mermista, her chip goes dead and falls off. We get a lovely montage of other characters from all over Etheria, like Huntara and the folks at Elberon, who'd been chipped having their eyes go back to normal!
Scorpia: "oh my gosh I am so sorry!!"
yeah she's definitely back to normal lol
up on Horde Prime's ship:
lol
"My device worked! I knew it would!"
Bow: "Hey, everyone. I'm Bow."
(lol there's so much story in just this frame alone)
But yeah they show people from all over Etheria stopping to watch him speak, including his dads.
"Right now, we're the only thing standing in the way of him controlling it forever. You might be feeling hopeless. You might be thinking "We don't stand a chance." And maybe we don't. Prime's too strong. His army is too powerful. But that's not gonna stop us. We need to show Prime we're not afraid of him, because we have each other. And we have love. We can't give up. And if we go down, we go down together. We need you. All of you."
"It's time to fight. For She-Ra, for our homes, for each other!"
Broadcast over, back to Horde Prime. "Put an end to this mockery."
Catra injures the tentacle monster thing, but now that green is spreading into the room, and as Catra runs down the hall towards the Heart, she stops as Horde Prime shows up in hologram form
"I had such high hopes for you." like what, dude. keeping her around and chipped like a fucking puppet as an example? eugh. (something something about how her speeches to Adora while chipped were an obvious reference to people proselytizing high-control faiths)
the moment of distraction is enough for the tentacle monster to grab one of Catra's legs and she screams in pain D:
also there's still a bunch of earthquakes happening as these two limp towards the Heart
Poor Adora is just weakly going "No...no...wait"
Shadow Weaver: "Don't lose your focus. We're so close."
What's this WE shit.
But also damn one thing Shadow Weaver and Horde Prime (and Light Hope!) have in common is they both believe love and affection and "attachments" are weaknesses. Shadow Weaver just cannot seem to get it through her head that Adora's love for Catra (and vice versa) is helpful here. Not a detriment. Love isn't a distraction!!! It gives us a stable ground of security and safety from which to do hard things!!
Meanwhile poor Angella told Adora "take care of each other."
This is pulsating, and so is the Failsafe on Adora's chest
OH NO oh god Okay being near that much hardcore magic is making Shadow Weaver powerful--her hair does the floaty thing for the first time since, what, s2? And she starts reaching for it, but THEN--
Adora yells Catra's name and starts walking back towards her, and Shadow Weaver's hair falls down again and she says the most weirdly desperate-sounding "Adora, wait!"
Prime's hologram is still torturing Catra along with the actual tentacle monster
(someone has drawn rule 34 of that thing but I'm not looking for it. I am content to know it exists.)
AND THEN THE MONSTER GETS BLASTED BY SHADOW WEAVER AHAHA NICE
about time she was useful amiright
okay so is this Shadow Weaver actually realizing she's been wrong about The Power of Love, or is this just her begrudgingly accepting that these two are Sold as A Set, Do Not Separate, and unless Catra's there Adora won't be able to use the Failsafe because she'll be looking for Catra the whole time???
Like is this an emotional epiphany or just pragmatism?
oh god so she magically shoves Catra away (towards Adora), but Catra runs back to Shadow Weaver
And y'all I know I talked about this a LOT way back in earlier seasons but I cannot tell you how accurate this keeps being in regards to dealing with an abusive parent. Like if you'd asked me, even after I cut off contact, if I wanted my dad to die, I would've said No! Of course not! At that point I didn't know whether the no-contact thing was temporary or not. I just knew I needed time and space to not be constantly stressed and anxious, for a notification on my phone to not immediately fill me with so much adrenaline my hands shook.
Anyway Shadow Weaver puts up a magical shield to keep Catra back
Shadow Weaver's response is amazingly calm and quiet. "Please, Catra. You need to make sure Adora reaches the Heart. The magic must be set free."
Her fight with Tentacle Monster isn't going well.
Catra's voice is heartbreaking here. "Stop it! It's going to kill you!"
"But you, this is only the beginning for you."
;_;
STICK THAT KNIFE IN AND TWIST IT! YEAH!
Catra's crying "no...no..." and a hand reaches out and grabs hers
LOL FINALLY HIT THE IMAGE LIMIT okay going to reblog
what a moment for it pfft
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Hey just letting you know maybe you should do some research before you talk shit about people because Anne Rice was a huge supporter of the queer community her whole life and literally said she was agender/genderfluid herself. Her son is openly gay and a trans fan came out and said last year how she and Anne used to send each other letters and how she supported her through her transition in the 90s (which is just 1 of many examples of her being supportive to us).
Not to mention she was heavily involved in the making of the new AMC show before she died so all the big changes and explicit queerness you're so excited about were either her idea or approved by her at the very least. Even before this she had written Loustat as canonically bi characters and wrote a piece detailing what their wedding would be like.
I don't care what your opinion on her is, she was flawed and what she did with fanfiction was fucked up but she changed her mind about it 2 decades ago before she died (hence why there's plenty of fics about IWTV on ao3 that were never taken down).
To say that she wasn't supportive of Loustat or queer fans is simply not true.
I’m well aware of Anne Rice’s track record and her latter more visible/active support for the queer community. Kudos to her.
But I’m an old fan. I was there for the late 90s/early 2000s shitfight between certain creators and fan creators. I was there for the cease and desist letters sent to fanfiction authors that DIRECTLY threatened their IRL jobs and businesses. I was there for the hand wringing over what these amateurs would do to her poor characters.
I was also very aware that, when all this was going down, Rice was busy cozying back up to the Catholic Church.
To her credit, she would later leave it over its stance on queer rights (among other things) but like….my pal. My friend. My mate. You would have had to be a special kind of below-rock dwelling species to not know their proven goddamn history and violent consistent persecution of queer folks. To have her leave the church because she SUDDENLY realised how bigoted it was and have her praised for that bravery? Give me a goddamn break.
But I digress.
I’m not laughing at Anne Rice spinning in her grave over Lestat and Louis finally going on-screen canon because I think she’s a life-long homophobe. I know she’s not. I’m laughing at it because here is a show, written by OTHER PEOPLE, that are taking very obvious liberties with her story and her characters INCLUDING (potentially - hopefully) making them textually/unambiguously queer.
All the same fucking things she viciously disapproved of fan authors doing back in the day to the point that she threatened their IRL assets/reputations/what have you.
Look, I can’t prove that Rice’s vendetta against fan authors was rooted in (short-lived or internal or confused or whatever) homophobia. But a LOT of the works she targeted were unambiguously queer in nature, all while she was chumming it up with the church.
I’m glad she figured her shit out in the end. I’m glad she became a staunch supporter of queer rights. But I have a long memory and she did a lot of fucking damage to queer fans back in the day. Damage that was never properly addressed or repaired in any way.
So, yeah, I’m gonna laugh at the abject irony of her works being told as what basically amounts to corporatised fanfiction and I’m going to gleefully consume the masses of actual fan content that will likely result from its release.
Fandom has come a long way, but we also have long memories.
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Entirely blaming @denmark-street for being possessed by Daiyu's ghost last night (spoilers beneath, for context i'm only at chapter 30, yes i'm aware many of you have already finished the book! this is mostly to sort my thoughts out, but feel free to look and have a chuckle if you already know the end :p)
ok so:
I'm 100% sure and was before last night's convo with denmark and ssdc that there's at least *one* person, possibly more, aiding in Mazu and Jonathan's "true spirit" tricks. These conveniently only happen on Church ground (temple in London, Chapman Farm so far), suggesting the newest buildings have mechanisms worked into their construction. With Mazu being revealed as "trained" or at the very least interested early on in magic via her uncle, this is basically confirmed in my book.
That being said, *before* the buildings were built it would have been much harder to pull convincing tricks, even with the commune being exhausted and hungry and psychologically abused at all time. This suggests the presence of at least one "magician's assistant" - oldest trick in the world is to have an accomplice in the crowd of onlookers to divert attention, or to pull strings unseen.
(Now… denmark suggested that Daiyu's body might never have been found because her death was faked and that theory is so enticing to me ngl. She appears to people so often, especially compared to the other "prophets", wouldn't this be the perfect explanation as to why? If she's alive and acting as a ghost (maybe actually believing herself to be one?), she WOULD be a very useful "magician assistant" for Mazu and Wace. Juridically untraceable, since she's officially dead, able to haunt the cult's escapees to the point they'd kill themselves by appearing at night in Chapman Farm or to stand in people's windows. It doesn't help that Mazu and Wace had a good motive to make Daiyu "disappear" - Graves's inheritance, which would have gone to Daiyu, who would have been taken by the Graves's family after the DNA test confirmed she was his child.
It does sound a tad too far-fetched for the Strike books, which are usually grounded - immediate practical questions arise such as: how would Daiyu escape notice? Maybe she lives abroad most of the time, but she'd still be recognised sooner or later. By the time the story takes place, she'd be 27 or 28, a far cry from the 7 years old girl who drowned, which is both useful to use a fake identity, but would make her ghosting harder and harder to pull as years go by… Although, the last sighting of Daiyu we hear of is in 2006-7, when Flora Brewster was sure she'd seen her after talking about the UHC to a journalist. With proper make-up and her targets being already out of her mind and scared of her, i'd say it's possible for a 17 yo Daiyu to have convincingly haunted Flora. Wasn't she described as a tall child?)
Other things:
"Pigs". I really don't think that what Mazu did to Abigail and co is what Kevin was referring to when he wrote it on his wall. He would have been what, 3 or 4 in 1995? I just think there's more to this.
(… Man-eating pigs. I've said it.)
Andersen was either one of the Aylmerton's pedophiliac crew who escaped prosecution like Coates (i'm very inclined to think so or that he was at least fine with all the "free love" going on), murdered, or both. I'm leaning both atm. He was there since the very beginning so he knew a lot, and Wace and Mazu probably found it inconvenient. I think Wace is a sadist who would greatly enjoy invoking Andersen's memory and using him in his motivational speeches (either as an example to follow or not follow, we already have two versions), knowing full well that he got rid of him.
The one person's death i believe was genuine suicide was Graves's. It would kinda cheapen the fear that Will will do the same if forcibly liberated, if it weren't.
Lin, Deirdre's child, is the kid Robin saw, which i suspect will come up soon enough (she's the right age, has blonde hair like Deirdre and "dark blue eyes" like Wace: it's a match).
I don't think Deirdre was "expelled" because she wrote she was raped by Wace in her journal. Even if she did write it, the UHC just doesn't let people go that easily. At the same time, i don't know what she could have done/seen that would convince Wace and Mazu to let her go instead of just killing her. It's not like they're not capable - Flora said she witnessed someone being killed. That would have been when she was at Chapman Farm, between 2002 and 2007. Could be either MCB (the "golden prophet") or, if she's dead, Deirdre.
Cherie's name might actually be Cheryl like Abigail thought she remembered, and it's why Strike and Robin can't find her.
Not many thoughts about Jordan-the-teenager. I think Paul will be a dead end - Sheila said "he wasn't right", so possibly mentally ill, his testimony might be useless… but might also not be (it's Strike after all, the disabled often play a crucial role). It's just that we already have so many characters testifying, i wonder if one more wouldn't make things too easy for Strike and his seems to easiest to chuck out.
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Hello. Do you think the Orphan of Kos was killed in the same way we kill him by Gehrman or was he killed while still in the womb? i can’t find an answer on this.
Thanks for the ask! Well, I think as epic of a scene as it'd be to imagine an Old Hunter (Gehrman or Maria - your choice) fight OoK, this probably didn't happen and instead OoK died pretty much as soon as his mom, or was pulled from her for experiments! Here are the things:
I am using the retranslation document ( x ) as usual, and like… not only I feel like a lot of ideas remain vague because chanters are just easy to miss, but also here you can see an example of localisation being more vague too! English official version says baby was taken and calls him just a child rather than infant specifically!
As for the 'divine blood of the void child', I believe it refers to blood as in spilled blood (murder), rather than as OoK being the source of the old blood! Notice the use of 'deus sangua' (deus = god) whereas Church's holy blood is referred to, in Laurence's theme lyrics, as 'sanguine sanctum' (sanctum = sacred). Alfred loredrops that originally the holy substance was discovered by Byrgenwerth in the dungeons, and seeing how Old Yharnam has the poisonous crucified Blood-Starved Beast with a bowl with blood under it and Old Yharnam being full of poisonous beastly patients, I believe him I guess…? That blood ministration is more about practice and less about particular 'source' of this blood. I do not think it means Ebrietas either despite Living Failures praising the stars because although she also a Great One ('bastard of the Moon' as internal filenames call her), she is far from infant… She is adult version of Arianna's child, basically!
So yeah, you can see why I'd get the image of OoK being stolen right from the womb and experimented on, or at least tormented to get his Eye Cord! Since they say 'wizened infant', I presume he was still alive for at least some time, so nobody had doubts he was in terrible pain.
^ Another interesting thing about OoK however, is that not only he looks kinda far from an 'infant' - very developed, actually, but also his umbilical cord is in its place - and notably lacks black dots of eyes on it!
This is, indeed, odd! It would be easy to assume that OoK must not be quite an infant, then - that for some reason he was growing and even maturing in his mother's womb for a while, thus eyes on the cord got closed, and instead of finding a little baby inside, they did have to fight a newborn old man equally, right? But like we already stated - he WAS infant, he WAS stolen, and odds are, Willem sent people to seek a Great One infant for the cord!
So I think in reality OoK was much smaller and younger, and actually HAD his cord taken and used, and what we are fighting is specifically his version in the Nightmare realm. I would not put it past an infant Great One to not "die" in the way humans know it- I mean, humans are not quite dead forever either xd So all along he not only lived within Nightmare, but also was being nourished by the curses and prayers, and grew up in it! His cord still being present even in his "adolescence" is more like a symbol of how he never got to know any attachment besides the time when Kos was still pregnant with him, and never got to know any different life but this trauma. So, never being able to separate from his mother and what happened to them both mentally.
Also, just defeating OoK is not enough, and you only get message of 'Nightmare Slain' when you also kill the black wriggling presence emerging from Kos too! There is a rip of its model in a video by Sinclair Lore ( x ) without black fog and curled, and it looks like this:
So I think that was OoK in infancy! Like a tadpole, and only supposed to drop tail and grow limbs later x) Killing this part means actually releasing the true child within, not the "adult" version that only ever knew pain and was raised by pain.
^ On a side note, placenta looks really lumpy, and also when OoK crawls out, there are so many bones everywhere? At first it got me thinking: 'Oh, maybe there were supposed to be MANY babies, but only OoK managed to survive and develop! Unfortunately, marine creatures often lose a LOT of children, that's why they lay so many eggs'. But now after writing this post I also got another thought - maybe all those bones are actually from previous attempts to kill OoK? We can't be sure just how 'active' life in Hunter's Nightmare was besides Simon trying to sneak in Fishing Hamlet then and now (he speaks of Brador as though he killed him not the first time). Maybe other hunters were seeking OoK too - hence Maria saying 'rummaging through corpse isn't very admirable'! For all we know, it could be resentment to a reoccurring situation rather than what happened long ago in Fishing hamlet massacre! So those bones? They might be previous deaths of OoK. By hands of curious hunters getting through Maria and Brador. But they did not get the idea to cut wriggling black presence, so sooner or later, OoK would be born over... and over... and over... into the same nightmare.
Well, in that case, good thing that Paleblood Hunter gets the most creative ideas (such as eating eye covered jerky three times or killing a spider that is said to protect the world from horrors, yeah... well but THIS idea was a good one). Haha...
#bloodborne#bloodborne theory#orphan of kos#ask replies#damn...#also interesting how henriett is a summon in hunter's nightmare AND detractor from healing church#could she have been someone who learned church's secrets through nightmare and gotten this far? makes me think#probably not but damn#seriously tho imagine hunters coming to try and fight ook for some eyes once in a while#maria and brador could have been taking L at least five times now!!!!!
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Help writing like, you need an idea? If so, I submit for your approval a request for a little sumptin sumptin...shy Copia meets new shy sister of sin who happens to share his love of rats? (She has one as a pet)
Them Rats
Word count: 801 Warnings: none, just a flustered sister and sweet Papa Copia
✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧
The rain pelted on the church windows. The halls were completely silent aside from the rain and the clacking of shoes on the stone floor, and your confused mumbles.
You were the newest sister of sin, and now you were lost in the large, old church. You were on your way to Sister Imperators office as you ordered more rat food and she picked it up for you. since you had been busy unpacking for most of last week, you really haven't had much time to do anything else; between the tours of the church, going over basic protocol, and getting to know the ghouls and other sisters of sin- spare time for you was few and far between. You were looking at a crumpled piece of faded paper you sighed, leaning against the wall and shoving the piece of paper in your pocket you stared out the window; zoning out at the rain, once again being consumed by your busy thoughts of all the other things you have to do.
“Eh-you’re the new sister, si? I have not met you yet.”
You heard a thick Italian accent behind you. You turned to see who it was, it was the new papa you had only heard about. You knew it was rare for a sister of sin who wasnt assigned to help him to just- see him. You immediately thought of at least 10 sisters who would kill to see Papa.
“O-oh Papa,-“ you bowed out of respect, remembering that Sister Imperator mentioned that once before. “Yes…that’s me, i guess we haven't met yet- n-nice to meet you. can I help you with…anything?”
you held your hand out to shake. he gently shook your hand and gently kissed the top of it before letting it go. you noted his leather gloves and the way the church's silver symbol glinted in the dim lighting of the halls.
“Gratzie, sorella, but I’m alright. It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Seestor mentioned there was someone new. Anyways, I noticed that you just look a bit…eh…lost?”
He raised a brow, somehow looking just as confused as you were. You nodded, finally admitting defeat.
“I'm trying to find Sister Imperators office…to pick something up..”
You admitted tiredly, ashamed that this was his first impression of you.
“Oh my Satanas, how did you end up here? Her office is on the other side of the building….May I see the map you were using?”
You nodded once more and pulled out the crumpled, faded piece of paper and tried to smooth it as best as you could, and handed it to him.
“Sorella, i'm afraid you were looking at it backwards…”
You felt your face getting red and hot, and you heard your heartbeat in your head. You reached for the paper with a shaky hand and shoved it back in your pocket. You looked back at papa and he was…smiling? And now he was laughing a little?
“S-sorry….Papa, I’m not very good with directions…again, I’m sorry, don’t waste your time with me, I’ll find my way there eventually..”
“No no-! I insist, I have nothing planned for the next hour so I have time to spare, please sister, come this way”
He started walking and you followed him, stalking just a few steps behind him. He slowed down to walk next to you, And after a few minutes of silence, the rain on the windows and the sound of your shoes clicking on the stone floor he finally spoke. His accent is a little lighter, but still very prominent.
“May I ask why you’re making your way to seestors office? The only time anyone rushes there like you are is when they are in trouble….not that I am speaking from experience…..heh”
“Oh I’m uh….picking something up..for my pet”
“Ah! A pet, who is the little guy?”
“His name is McCheesy…he’s my pet rat”
His eyes lit up like the night sky on the Fourth of July. He started to smile a large, goofy smile but he stopped himself. He walked a little faster and you had to speed up to keep with him.
“You have a rat! Oh meraviglioso! semplicemente meraviglioso!* I love rats! I have quite a few myself! Would you like to meet them after this? They’d love to meet you! You could bring what was it- McCheesy? Never mind that, you could bring him and they could meet! Only if you’re alright with that of course…am I talking too much? I’m talking too much…sorry…ahem..”
At first he was talking a thousand miles a minute, then at the end he trailed off. You smiled and felt all warm and fuzzy inside at the excitement of the man that you had only seen all serious, and seemingly cold. But now, he was like a little kid who was told they could get whatever they wanted at the store.
“No no, it’s alright! Is love that, what are your rats names? How many rats do you have?”
He went on the whole rest of the walk to seestor's office, and once you got the food for your rat he talked about his rat children on the walk back to your room. He went on about how each of them had a personality, what they liked and didn’t like. He talked about his rats like they were his family.
You did end up bringing your rat to meet all of his. You spent the rest of the evening sitting on the floor of his room with him across from you, introducing you to his rats for a second time. The rats seemed to love McCheesy! And Copia seemed to love you as much as they did... -Fin
✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧
* Translates (roughly) to: Wonderful! Just wonderful! Or Marvelous! Just wonderful!
I hope you liked reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it! Thank you for the request! i haven't written anything in a while so it's not the best but i'm happy with how it turned out! sorry for any spelling/grammar errors
-♥️🐀
#answered ask#cardinal copias italian accent#papa copia#popia x reader#popia#fanfic request#ghost fanfiction#my wriring#i hope you like it
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Found another person blocking my blog, but this time I know why. I tried to dry-reblog some thoughtful commentary from them as an experiment, not knowing if they knew or cared about this blog connected to my wider Internet name, but apparently they do. You see, (name un-disclosed) was a person I knew in the old guard fandom about 20 years ago and had a lot of fighting with. It was basically a situation where a toxic former friend drew me into fighting with this entire group of friends and my stupid shenanigans landed me on Fandom Wank, where this person was among one of the main posters.
(Hypocritical cyberbulling place if you ask me, but whatever).
It confirms that they remember me and aren't willing to forgive. It's okay. It's not like I wanted friendship with them, I just thought they had an insightful post and was just curious. I mean, I actually had found out their tumblr handle from seeing them around Ao3 again (resurrected fan), but hadn't looked it up and didn't block it. The fact that they preemptively blocked me - went through that trouble tells me all I need to know about held grudges and now they are blocked from my main just for the sake of me not seeing their posts and forgetting / accidentally trying to reblog them. (Nothing personal, just respecting their apparent want of no contact and the works of managing main blogs and side blogs on this site).
I feel kind of sad because we won't know how each other have changed. I have quite a bit. I have grown away from Church and have divested myself of past bigotries, for instance. I'll never be able to mea culpa enough for that shit , but I don't think anyone really wants me to - just press on and press forward and don't make a big deal of it. I have gotten a lot of help psychiatrically. I'll always be as bipolar as fuck, that's just my brain, but at least it's managed now, but I understand why people would want to shy away from that, especially if they were former Internet contacts who got the brunt of my moodswings and mayhem before knowledge of the condition and treatment. (I can still be pretty bad now, actually, but I was worse 20 years ago).
I don't know. I guess I'm a bit sad because I saw "Oh, person from my past, I wonder what and how they're doing now - hopefully they've had a good life. Hopefully they've had as many positives as I have or more." And of course, there was that hope that they'd forget me entirely because The Bullshit happened 20 years ago and people on the Internet rarely have long memories.
There is exactly one person from my Trigun Fandom Past that I would be likely to block on sight if I saw them again, but maybe... not even then. I'd look them over and if I felt like I still couldn't trust contact with them again in any way, perhaps I'd give them an explanation of the mistrust, and it being entirely on my end (not a judgement on the person they've become). I think that will happen now, should That Person ever find me.
I guess I can think of it as kind of being like my relationship with my older brother. Growing up there was stuff I don't want to even talk about going on between him and I in terms of him being unstable and abusive. Granted, he and I share a disorder, but it was never an excuse - and yet, last Spring, I got to go back across the country and visit my family. In visiting him in particular, I dragged a cousin along as a "buffer," even though everyone was telling me that he'd mellowed out over the years. Indeed, I saw him and I'm glad I did, because... he has. He has, over the last 20 some odd years become more introspective, reflective and he apologised to me for his past treatment of me. I took it as sincere. He just had a manner to him of This Guy Has Mellowed Out and Made Change. It was nice to see.
Running into Ghosts of Fandom Past kind of made me think of that. If we ever did talk to each other, putting aside the past, how much change in each other would we see? I want to know how life's been treating you.
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253 OC questions
@scarlet-the-girl tagging you in case you'd like to read some Ileark characterization answers.
Part One: The Basics
1. What is your name?
Ileark Keita
2. Do you have any nicknames? If you do, who gave it to you and why?
When our little group had amnesia I was nicknamed ‘Star’ for my Desna worship. When I was younger my parents called me their little butterfly. I do not have any particular nickname used on a regular basis.
3. How old are you now?
28
4. When were you born?
I do not know the precise day I was born, but my parents found me on Lamashtan 20, and that is what I have celebrated as my birthday my entire life. (AN: Golarian’s equivalent of October 20th)
5. Where do you call home now?
It has been a long time since I have had a home of my own. My…birth mother… had made it very difficult to stay in one place for long. People get hurt when I linger. So the open road is the only home I have known for much of my life.
6. To what social class do you belong?
My parents are the head of the local Desnan church in our village. It was a small village, there wasn’t much in the way of extravagant luxury, but we were well off. We had everything we needed to get by and to be happy, at the very least. Not everybody can claim that.
7. What is your eye color?
I have heterochromia—one of the more visual marks of me being a changeling. My left eye is a blue-green, and my right eye is a purple that is nearly magenta. I’ve heard that one purple eye is common amongst changelings whose mother is a night hag, so I suppose I fit that mold.
8. What is your hair color?
Black, but I have dyed parts of it purple and pink. It is a bit of self-expression that is unaffected by if I am a human or a changeling.
9. Do you have any distinguishing facial features?
I’d say my eyes are probably the most striking feature people tend to notice.
10. Do you have any birthmarks? Where are they?
Not a birthmark per-say. I have vitiligo on my hands, chest, and back. The pattern on my hands happen to form a butterfly—Desna’s holy symbol. I once believed that this mark meant I was left for my parents by a servitor of Desna, for their belief and prayers. I…have come to learn otherwise.
11. Do you have any scars? How did you get them?
I have recently gotten a nasty scar on my stomach from a ghost swordswoman who eviscerated and nearly killed me. I very much owe Berin my life for that one.
12. Do you have any tattoos or other markings? How and why did you get them?
I got some traditional Garundi tattoos on my chest when I traveled the Mwangi Expanse. I may be a changeling, but I still feel a connection to the Garundi people. My parents are the ones who raised me, and I mean I still look Garundi even if I have a hag’s blood in my veins.
13. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?
Nothing of note. I mean I have the same physical weaknesses as any other person. Being stabbed or lit on fire would certainly not be good for my health.
Well…as far as diseases go, there is on. But if I talked about it, you would get it as well. So it would be best if you don’t think about it.
14. Are you right or left handed?
I am ambidextrous, although I was naturally left handed.
15. What does your voice sound like?
I have a bit of an accent, and a slightly lighter voice than you’d expect from a taller man like myself.
16. How do you dress most of the time?
I wear my favorite coat the majority of the time. It has armor padding sewn into it, so it is both good looking and functional. It has the Stair of Stars constellation on the back, which is said to lead to Desna’s domain.
17. How do you dress up?
Igil made some very fine clothing for me, which I wear on formal occasions. It is a dark dusky purple suit with a pale blue undershirt, and heeled boots.
18. How do you dress down?
I do not really have a less formal outfit than my travel gear. I have had to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice for much of my life, and have had reason to want to feel protected at all times. So I do not often go without my coat.
19. What do you wear when you go to sleep?
A loose tank top and boxers.
20. Do you wear any jewelry?
I have had pierced ears for much of my life. I have taken a shine to other forms of jewelry during my recent ventures. I have a few nice rings and an amulet. I do not like choker necklaces or bracelets. They make me feel constricted.
21. What words and/or phrases do you use frequently?
I have not rightfully considered it. I do make a point to wish good luck on those I genuinely wish good fortune to.
22. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?
I tap my claws on nearby surfaces when I am feeling anxious or impatient.
23. Do you have any bad habits? If so, what are they and how do you plan to get rid of them?
Nothing comes to mind. Some might say my being fastidious and over-preparing, and making lists, would be ‘high-strung’ and a flaw. I do not see it that way and am not trying to ‘improve’ it.
24. Do you have a lifelong dream or aspiration?
My greatest aspirations were to become a Spherewalker, and to find a way to escape my birth mother. I have accomplished the first, but the second seems more impossible than ever.
25. Do you own a car (or other form of transportation)? Why or why not? Describe it.
No, I go where my feet take me. And occasionally magic.
26. What is your current state of mind?
I am…concerned. That I am better at hurting people than at healing. That doing damage is in my blood, and perhaps I cannot escape it, no matter how hard I try and how far I run.
Part Two: Family
27. How close are you to your family?
I love my parents, although I have not seen them in many many years. It has not been safe to return home. I have to keep my birth mother’s eyes away from them.
As for the being who birthed me, I think my stance is very clear. I want nothing to do with her, and would be quite happy if she would leave me alone permanently.
28. Do you have a spouse or significant other? Describe them.
No. My life has not given me opportunity to get to know people on that level. And even if it did, I do not know if I would. I am happy for Berin and Stefan, and people like them, but I have difficulty picturing myself in their shoes. I think I crave freedom more than romance.
29. Have you started your own family? Describe them if you do. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?
I have not, for all the reasons listed previously.
30. Who was your Father and what was he like?
My father is a cleric of Desna. He is a good man. I believe he taught me to be a good man as well.
31. Who was your Mother and what was she like?
My mother—the mother who raised me—is a kindhearted woman. She helped to sooth my fears when my changeling heritage began to surface. I know that she would always be there for me if she could.
The being who birthed me is an evil creature. Alazhra, the goddess of night hags and nightmares. This is why I have been unable to outrun her—because it turns out she can be anywhere and everywhere without even trying. She chased me to distant edges of Golarian, across two continents, I never found rest. She chased me right into the hands of my other tormentor, Haserton Lowls. And since I have discovered her true identity, she has made it clear that she will not quit haunting me until I give up, accept her power, shed my changeling form, and become a night hag.
It goes without saying I will never allow that to happen.
32. Who are you closest to in your family?
I feel my mother and I have an especially close bond. I love both my parents, obviously. But I know my mother would be there for me no matter what. And that is part of the reason I need to remain far away from home. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that Alazhra would use my mother against me.
33. Is there someone in your family you wish you were closer to?
Not really. I never knew my grandparents, and I don’t have much in the way of aunts, uncles, or cousins.
34. What was your parent’s marriage like?
They are happily married, and together care for the local Desnan temple. They taught me everything about Desnan prayer and rituals, and travelling the Great Dreamer’s path.
35. Did they remain married? If not, how did that affect you? When did they split?
They are happily married, and safely at home last I checked.
36. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?
I do not. My parents were never able to have biological children. Which is why they considered it such a blessing when I was left on their doorstep.
37. What is the worst thing one of your siblings ever did to you?
n/a
38. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to one of your siblings?
n/a
39. When’s the last time you saw a member of your family? Where are they now?
It has been…far too long. I was about 12 when I had to leave home. So 16 years.
I’ve been running for more than half my life…
40. Did you meet any other family members? (Aunts Uncles, etc) Describe them.
n/a
Part Three: Friends and Relationships with Others
41. In general, how do you treat other people that you have just met?
I like to believe I am a polite person, who generally treats people I have just met with respect. That is, unless I have reason not to. Like many of the rather vile people we have dealt with in our recent ventures. Berin can be the one to extend kindness to those who have walked the path of cruelty. I feel many of these people already made their choices, and we are merely the consequence of their actions.
42. Does your treatment of people change depending on how well you know them and if so how?
Well, of course I am going to be less careful in my speech to those I’m comfortable with.
43. Who is the most important person in your life and why?
Besides my parents, probably Igil. We are something of kindred spirits despite our vastly different backgrounds. Alazhra has a special interest in him as well. And Igil stood up for me against her, and renounced her after decades of worshipping her. And even before that, Igil risked his safety and freed me from the shackles Lowls used to control me for some three years. I…am deeply grateful to him. He has become my brother, perhaps not in blood, but in action.
44. Who is the person you respect the most and why?
Probably Berin. He is quite the amazing person. He sees the potential for good in everyone. He is both a powerful warrior and an amazing healer. He has saved my life and the lives of our friends on multiple occasions. I am honored to have a friend like him.
45. Who are your friends? Describe them.
Igil, Berin, and Jolene. I have already went into my thoughts on Berin and Igil. Jolene is…difficult. She is headstrong and reckless, and doesn’t generally take criticism well. She is also powerful, protective, and utterly loyal to her cause. I do not believe I have met a person more multi-faceted than Jo. Which…given her nature is such that she was created from seven other-worldly beings, I suppose ‘multi-faceted’ is likely the most accurate description of Jo, in many ways.
46. Do you have a best friend? Describe them.
See Igil above.
47. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?
My first instinct is my mother, followed by either Berin or Igil depending on the circumstances.
48. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who and why?
All three of my close friends. Each has saved my life at one point or another.
49. If you died or went missing, who would miss you?
My parents and my three close friends. Other than them…I was merely a passing stranger in most people’s lives.
50. Who is the person you despise the most, and why?
Haserton Lowls. A vile man who is enthralled by at least one, if not two, Outer Gods. He stole three years of my life, keeping me shackled and compliant. I was forced to do vile things on his behalf. And then he nearly destroyed my mind, sacrificing the minds of myself, Igil, Berin, and Jo in order to gain what he needed for the ritual to his twisted gods. We were each in a braindead state for a period of time, until we were awoken with no memories. We eventually regained what we’d lost, but I will never forgive him for what he’d done. My companions agree.
51. Do you tend to argue with people or avoid conflict?
I can be argumentative when I feel I need to be. Jolene in particular can cause me to raise my heckles at times.
52. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?
No, I do not feel I am much of a leader. I am better in an adviser role. I am rather good at organizing and planning.
53. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?
Yes and no. I enjoy having people around. It is much easier to keep my mood up when I’m surrounded by others. One of my favorite parts of travelling is meeting people from all walks of life. However, being around a lot of people has also been risky for much of my life. It’s hard not to be anxious that my mere presence will bring misfortune on people, when Alazhra is haunting my shadow. She has mostly left this new little group I’ve become a part of alone—other than her dealings with Igil. But I do not know if that will last forever.
54. Do you care what others think of you?
I try not to. My mother taught me to be proud of who I am, regardless of what people say. I try to live by that. But sometimes it’s hard. I want to be seen as a light in the dark—starlight in a midnight sky. I want to be known for the beauty and magic Desna represents. The windswept wanderer, a kind stranger under a starry night sky, an agent of luck and fate. That is what I want to be—what I want others to see in me. But…I fear I am failing. I fear that I cause harm where I want to sooth. And that others will see that—and see in me where my blood is from—and they will only see that darkness.
55. What habit do others have that annoys you the most?
Acting carelessly, in such a way that others get hurt. Jolene was guilty of this many times when we were in the early months of our travels, and her hardheaded nature tends to generally grind on my nerves anyways.
56. What is the most important quality you look for in a friend?
Kindness. Anyone I would consider a friend would be a kind person. Yes, even Igil. One of the first things he did when we met without our memories was to put a ghostly child’s spirit to rest. And when we met before that—before we lost our memories—he had put himself at risk so that Berin and I could go free. Even if it didn’t turn out how he intended, I think he is kind despite himself.
57. What do you most value in your friends?
In Igil it is the loyalty he has shown to myself and the others. In Berin it is the conviction to always try to do the right thing, to help people, to trust people. In Jo…well as much as it drives me insane, her hardheaded nature comes in handy sometimes with the kinds of people we end up running against in this journey.
Part Four: Growing Up (Childhood)
58. Where were you born?
I do not know, and I get a feeling I don’t want to know. I was found by my parents on their doorstep when I was an infant.
59. Where did you grow up?
A small village in Ustalav. At least for all of what I would consider my childhood, given what happened.
60. How would you describe your childhood in general?
Idealistic. I love my family and my community. I loved learning Desna’s teachings. I loved playing with other kids my age, occasionally getting into trouble going places we shouldn’t. I…deeply miss that life sometimes. My travels have been fulfilling in their own way. But I earned the title of Spherewalker out of necessity as much as out of love for what it represents. As a child I thought I would spend my entire life in that village. I thought I would follow in my parents’ footsteps as a priest in Desna’s temple. Remembering it now is…bittersweet.
61. What is your earliest memory?
Hard to say. I could say which ones weren’t my earliest memories—the time when I was coming into my changeling nature, and when I started to see a shadow creeping in the corner of my vision. But everything before that kind of blends together. Not that I can’t remember things from then, it’s just that it’s hard for me to say which order things happened in because it was all just a part of regular life back then.
62. What is your fondest childhood memory?
it is a little thing. But being at home while my mother was baking. I was trying to learn to make butterflies out of paper. I never really got the hang of it—my hands were too clumsy and I never folded the paper quite right. But my mother praised my diligence in keeping at it, and gave me the first slice of the pie she was baking. It is a simple memory. It is a good memory.
63. What is your worst childhood memory?
When I first saw Alazhra, as an indistinct shadow lurking just outside the farmland. I hadn’t fully realized my nature yet, it was only just starting to become apparent. And I knew—I knew—without a shadow of a doubt when I saw that figure that she was what had birthed me. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is, as a child, to think you are turning into a monster? I…was fortunate that my parents are the people they are. They accepted me, they gave no room for even a shadow of a doubt that they would still love me and that I was still their son, no matter what.
64. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
For much of my childhood, I was learning from my parents how to become a cleric of Desna and to eventually take up their position in the temple. I never once thought my life would lead anywhere different—until things took a turn for the worst.
65. As a child, what were your favorite activities?
I loved playing in nature. There were woods near the village, which we were not supposed to go too deep into because it was dangerous. But I loved the woods, almost as much as I loved the fields in spring when the butterflies would flutter from flower to flower.
66. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?
I was a studious and curious child. And even back then I loved to explore new places—even if it was only a path in the woods I’d never seen before. There was always a surprise waiting, like coming upon a small brook, or a beautiful picnic spot.
67. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?
I was well liked, I think. Given that my parents were well liked and respected in the village, I was generally treated well by other children. That’s not to say I was never bullied or made the butt of a joke. Children will be children, of course.
As for my friends…Dreamer help me, it’s been so long I hardly remember. I was…quite young. I remember playing with a number of girls and boys in town. But…for the life of me I cannot remember their names, much less their faces. They would be very different people nearly two decades later. As am I, of course.
68. As a child, what was your favorite toy?
I liked marbles. They were shiny, and sometimes they would have swirls on the inside, or tiny objects within. I had one I cherished that had tiny butterflies on it. I thought of it as a good luck charm, since it had Desna’s butterflies in it.
69. As a child, what was your favorite game to play?
Hide and seek. I was very good at hiding.
Part Five: Growing Up (Teen/Young Adult)
70. How much schooling have you had?
I was in a public school for a short time, but most little villages like that don’t school beyond a certain age. After that I was apprenticed to my parents, and they continued my studies in between the lessons of our faith.
71. Did you enjoy school?
I believe I did, yes. I think I did find it a little stifling to sit in one place for so long, but I enjoyed learning. Especially geography and history. Even if I had no intention of travelling back then, it was fun to imagine what distant foreign lands must be like.
72. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?
I learned the basics of being a cleric, and of survival in the wilderness, from my parents. Most everything else I use on a frequent basis was self-taught after I left home.
73. While growing up, did you have any role models other than your parents? Describe them.
Unless you want to call the goddess Desna a role model, I didn’t really. Most of the adults in the village were farmers or ranchers. They were good, hardworking people, but they did not really provide me with an example of who I wanted to be. That came wholly from my parents and my beliefs.
74. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?
I was very close to my parents. I knew (or at least believed) they loved me more than any other child’s parents, given how they had once believed they would never have a child. We had our differences sometimes, of course—as I said before, children will be children. But for the most part, I believed wholeheartedly that I was a beloved gift from the Great Dreamer for my parents’ dedication.
75. How old were you when you went on your first date? Describe the date.
That is…a bit embarrassing. Understand, I was only twelve when I left home. And from then on I was always on the move. So I didn’t exactly have time to get crushes and have the crash course on dating most teenagers did. I…had plenty of physical relationships as I got older. But I’ve never really done romance. I honestly do not know if I would or not if I hadn’t been moving around so much. All that I know is in the circumstances of my life, I have never felt any romantic desires.
76. What is your favorite memory from your teen years?
I was somewhere cold—I do not remember exactly, I think it was maybe Irrisen? There was a celebration of the solstice, and I had arrived in town just in time for the celebrations. I remember dancing with a beautiful woman around a fire, and laughing together. It was the most fun I’d had with someone my own age in a long time.
77. What is your worst memory from your teen years?
Staying in a village and hearing a commotion outside near the gates. And knowing—knowing—in my heart that it was what was following me, and I’d put people in danger again by lingering too long.
78. When and with whom was your first kiss?
A girl back home. I remember she was very pretty, and that it was kind of a spur of the moment thing. Some of the others had started being interested in that sort of thing, and we both didn’t get what was so great about it. So it was just an experiment for both of us, really.
79. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?
That…um…I will confirm I have had sex before, but the details are for me to know.
80. Describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.
My birth mother ruined my life, forcing me to leave my only home and travel endlessly, never stopping to rest for long. For 13 years. Then I thought I’d found a way to free myself from her. A bell, an artifact touched by Desna herself, said to be able to banish any evil nearby when it was rung. I travelled across the continent, and managed to make it there in time for the bell tolling.
For all of a day I was free. But then, that shadow out of the corner of my eye returned. I knew then that what was following me was no ordinary hag, to come back from a divine artifact banishing her.
What truly led me to where I was today was when, after that, my spirit was crushed. I realized that this was going to be the rest of my life. Running from some unnaturally powerful hag’s call. And I decided…I wasn’t going to give her what she wanted. I was going to disappear into the desert surrounding the belltower. At least then, I could be certain I would never break under the pressure and give her what she wanted. And maybe I could finally find rest in Desna’s domain.
That was my intention. It is not what happened, obviously. In the desert I was attacked by creatures I now know to be Denizens of Leng. They captured me, they placed a collar and shackles on me to keep me from fleeing even with the magic at my disposal, and they whisked me far away. There I met Berin, who had been captured while protecting his husband and a group of innocents. And it was from there that we were both sold to the vile man known as Haserton Lowls. He kept us for 3 years, using a drug to break Berin, and the magical bondage to control me. In the end, right before I was going to escape with Berin in tow, Lowls took us into a dream realm and sacrificed our minds for his unholy rituals.
So in answer: the biggest influences on me being where I am today are the hag goddess who shadowed me my entire life, and a cruel evil man who benefitted off of my suffering. I am still trying to escape the first, while I am seeing to end the later for his crimes—not just against myself and Berin, but against countless others as well.
Part Six: Past Influences
81. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?
It would have to be Alazhra not being affected by the bell as other beings would be. If I had never gone there, I never would have walked straight into the waiting clutches of the Denizens of Leng and Lowls.
82. Who has had the most influence on you?
I believe my mother—my real mother not Alazhra. She taught me to focus on the person behind what might appear monstrous to others. She let me know, no matter what anyone else said or did, that I always had a place back home. She gave me the confidence to travel, and meet people of all walks of life. And to not let being a changeling slow me down. I…admit I have some worries over my bloodline. It is hard not to be afraid of what lurks inside of me, just waiting for a moment of weakness, a moment Alazhra could then leverage and draw out that darkness. I know my mother would not want me to think about myself like that…and I try not to. I really do. It’s just…hard.
83. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Becoming a Spherewalker. There is more to it than just traveling wherever, whenever. I had to make a pilgrimage to two Desnan holy sites thousands of miles apart. I had to learn how to travel—not just walking from place to place, but how to read the stars, or follow tracks in the dirt and dust. How to find water in dry places, and how to find or make shelter from the elements. Spherewalkers aren’t just wanderers, we are professional travelers. Only those who know how to take the unpredictability of life on the road, prepare for what you can and survive what you cannot, and truly put your life in Desna’s hands, will ever claim the title.
84. What is your greatest regret?
Accidentally killing Igil. It was…I know that he does not blame me. But I blame me. Once again I caused harm when all I wanted was to heal him from a horrific corruption from beyond the stars.
85. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?
I…would like to believe nothing I have done in the past would be evil. The most vindictive thing I’ve ever done was kill the slaver gnoll Biting Lash and many of her minions without a shred of mercy. I stand by that decision, even if it’s just more proof that I am better at destroying than healing. In this case, healing wasn’t what we needed. Biting Lash’s death will be balm enough until we finally track down Lowls.
86. Do you have a criminal record of any kind?
Well…it was not by choice. Lowls had all for of us do horrible things to the people in Thrushmoor while we were under his thumb. And that included a few things that got us thrown in jail for various amounts of time. I don’t know which cage was worse, the deceptive skin-deep luxury of Lowls’ manor, or the jailcell that was exactly what it claimed to be.
87. When was the time you were the most frightened?
The first time I was truly face-to-face with Alazhra. The first time I was in her presence and knew her for who and what she was. It was right after Igil renounced her. She pulled us all into her domain, a musty old cabin in Abbadon where we were seated around a table where she was at the head. I could not bring myself to look at her. Even if I hadn’t been utterly terrified and reeling from Igil’s revelation to me that Alazhra was my blood mother, I would not have been able to look at her. Something about her gives me a chilling feeling in the back of my mind that looking at her face would have horrific consequences.
88. What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?
The thing is, when you travel alone you are not often faced with embarrassing situations, as there is no one there to cause the embarrassment. That being said, I have certainly felt the fool on occasion, when I arrive to a new place and am faced with customs and ways of life I am not immediately aware of. I have made my share of fo pauxs, blundering into social barriers I did not know existed.
89. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?
I do not know. Nothing I did before being stolen away would have changed my end fate. Except, perhaps, not walking into the desert. But at that point I had honestly lost hope so deeply I don’t think continuing the way I had been would have been sustainable. I would say killing Igil, but it did heal him. If the other option was curing him not working, then loathe as I am to say it, I would not change the end result no matter how much I regret it.
90. What is your best memory?
It would probably be one of the times I came to a town on the day of a celebration. I try to make it back to civilization whenever there is a holiday. People are usually joyful and welcoming during holidays. Especially during holidays that involve food and dance. The Ritual of Stardust is a personal favorite of mine. It is a Desnan holiday on the solstices, in which followers of the Great Dreamer gather around bonfires, and we sing and tell stories until late into the night. Traditionally, sand or powdered gems are thrown into the fire, making it glow with beautiful colors.
91. What is your worst memory?
Accidentally killing Igil.
92. When and where were you the happiest?
I would not say I have not been happy in my years of travel. But I was most consistently happy when I was home, before Alazhra forced me to flee from her stalking shadow.
Part Seven: Beliefs and Opinions
93. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?
To be honest I would consider myself a realist. There’s no point in fatalism, but I prefer not to pretend things are better than they really are, either.
94. What is your greatest fear?
Alazhra getting what she wants.
95. Have you told anyone your fear before?
Not in so many words, but I think it kind of goes without saying.
96. Who would be the one person you’d never tell your fear?
I would say Alazhra herself, but she is a nightmare goddess, I think she is likely quite good at locating and playing on people’s fears.
97. What are your religious views?
I am a follower of the Great Dreamer, Desna. We believe that freedom is one of the greatest treasures of life. The freedom to make your own choices and the freedom to go anywhere in the world with your own two feet. Desnans also believe in the power of luck, and of knowing when to leave things to chance or fate, and when to takes steps to make your own luck.
98. What are your political views?
I do not t trust most politicians. People with power over other people tend to eventually abuse that privilege. Ideally, politics would be handled by the people who are affected by them. I believe it is wrong for a small elite to hold power over those whose lives they do not even know.
99. What are your views on sex?
I’m not entirely sure what you mean by ‘views’ on sex. Like how positively I view it? It is certainly not bad. It can be a fun distraction, but given my circumstances it’s never really been anything but that.
100. Are you able to kill?
Yes. Sometimes better than I’d like.
101. Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?
Killing in self defense is acceptable, but not always ideal. Killing those who would abuse and control others if left alive is acceptable. Killing for revenge is a grey area, but I will not claim I have never done-so, nor that I do not plan to do so again in the near future. Killing innocents is unacceptable, as is killing a person who had put their trust in you—such as a friend or family member.
102. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?
Enslave another human being.
103. Do you believe in the existence of soulmates and/or true love?
I do not know. Seeing Berin and Stefan it is hard to say such a thing does not exist. They have clearly found it for themselves. Perhaps it is simply my own difficulties with the idea of romance that makes me feel disconnected from the idea of soulmates or true love. The most true love I have ever found has been for family or for friends.
104. What do you believe makes a successful life?
Seeing as much of the world as you can. Meeting people from all walks of life and incorporating what you learn from them into your own life. A life without the vibrancy other people brings to it would be a wasted life.
105. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings? (Meaning do you hide your true self from others and in what way?)
I am generally fairly honest. I can be diplomatic if I need to not show a distaste for someone. But otherwise, I am mostly very honest about my thoughts and feelings. No one can meet you where you are if you will not even show them where that is.
106. Do you have any biases or prejudices?
Doesn’t everyone? I try very hard to keep an open mind and to understand peoples’ differences, but I am only mortal, I am sure I trip up as often as anyone else.
107. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why?
I believe for most things there is some circumstance that would cause one to act against what they would normally. For instance, I would never kill one of my friends. Except, what if something has caused them to lose their mind and death would be a mercy? What if something caused them to do a great deal of harm, and only killing them would stop it and save who knows how many others? What if they were infected by an outer being and doing harm to them was the only way to save their lives, but it ran the risk of killing them?
…One of those examples was a very real occurrence, and even though I deeply regret it, I did the only thing I could do given the circumstances.
108. Who or what, if anything, would you die for? (or go to extremes for?)
My friends, my parents (my real parents, the ones who raised me), keeping the world safe from outer beings…and at one time, trying to escape Alazhra’s clutches.
109. What is your best feature, in your opinion?
I suppose that I am open-minded and willing to learn from people from all walks of life.
110. What do you think of drugs and alcohol? Are there any types that people should never do? Why or why not?
It is none of my business what another person puts in their own body. People find different ways to enjoy themselves or to cope with hardships. It is not my place to say which of those are good and which are bad. I would say children probably should be kept from such substances, at least until they are old enough to make an informed decision about the consequences that might come of it. And obviously forcing it onto someone else, by trickery or by force, is entirely unacceptable.
111. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Having the freedom to go where you wish and do what you wish, to see the beauty of the world and its people. To do so at your own pace, with nothing forcing you to move on until your are ready, but also nothing holding you to one place if you don’t wish to remain.
112. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Having your freedom taken away—be it by another person’s hand, your life circumstances, or running from something you cannot escape. Having your choices taken away or minimized until there is only one path forward is like a walking death.
Part Eight: Likes and Dislikes
113. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?
I occasionally enjoy a card game, or a game of chance. I like looking at art, but I have never had the time to learn an art for myself.
114. What is your most treasured possession?
Two—a blessed keepsake given to me by a band of monster hunters I had travelled with for a short time, and the nice outfit Igil made me. In both cases, it was a gift from friends. Those have been few and far between since I left home. They mean a lot to me.
115. What is your favorite color? Why?
Purple. It is close to Desna’s holy color, but I feel purple has more of a pop than blue.
116. What is your least favorite color? Why?
I couldn’t say, there is no color that particularly repulses me. Matched with other colors that complement it, virtually every color can be beautiful in some manner.
117. What is your favorite food? Why?
I met a woman from Tian Xia who made some delicious battered shrimp. Tempura, I believe it was?
118. What is your least favorite food? Why?
Having been fed the rations of a noble’s slave, there is little else I think is as disgusting. In part because even if it tasted good (it did not), we had no choice in the matter, and eating their food was demeaning all on its own.
119. What is your favorite sound? Why?
Rain pattering through a forest canopy.
120. What is your least favorite sound? Why?
Claws scratching across certain surfaces make the worse ear-piercing noise. I try to be mindful of it.
121. What is your favorite smell/scent? Why?
Pumpkin—especially pumpkin pie. It reminds me of home, it reminds me of my mother, and it was one of the only things I remembered when I awoke with total amnesia.
122. What is your least favorite smell/scent? Why?
The usual things no one likes. Rot—be it spoiled food or decaying creatures.
123. What, if anything, do you like to read?
I like travel journals, or stories of lands so distant that even I may only ever dream of reaching them.
124. What is your idea of good entertainment?
Games of chance or skill. Swapping stories with new acquaintances. I think I would like the theatre as well, but I have never been. I like the idea of people playing out stories.
125. How do you spend a typical Saturday night?
What is a Saturday? Do you mean Starday? To be honest, my days don’t tend to have a pattern based on the week or weekend. Certainly, when I arrive to a new place on Sunday, I know it because people are often tending to religious matters or resting. The other days tend to blend together a bit. Not that I am not doing anything interesting, but that days of the week have little meaning when you’re not around other people for weeks on end.
126. What makes you laugh?
Things that are funny. Igil seems to be the butt of the joke fairly often.
127. What makes you laugh out loud, hysterically?
It was not funny in hindsight, now that we know how we lost our memories. But when we first got back to Thrushmoor, and a man Igil had wronged shoved him into the water, I lost it.
128. What makes you cry?
Hearing tales of particularly grim hardships. Anger, sometimes.
129. What makes you cry, hysterically?
That has not happened often enough for me to say there is a pattern. I definitely cried the hardest I can remember when I began coming into being a changeling, and I was frantically trying to grind down my claws to look like human nails again. I was young, and I was scared.
130. What, if anything, shocks or offends you?
Half of what comes out to Jolene’s mouth.
131. What would you do if you couldn’t sleep and had to find something to amuse yourself?
I would go outside and stargaze. Try to find constellations, perhaps the Stair of Stars.
132. How do you deal with stress?
Worrying more.
Seriously? I do not know. I just get through it.
133. Are you spontaneous or do you always need to have a plan?
I prefer to plan. The way I look at it, when you have a plan you stack luck in your favor instead of against you. Going out on…let’s say a hike in the mountains, if you do not plan you are relying entirely on having good luck to get your through. But luck can be good or bad, and when you go out without a plan you increase the likelihood of having bad luck instead. If you go out with a plan, however, you may still get bad luck, but it will be less devastating, and your good luck will be more rewarding.
134. What are your pet peeves?
Acting without a plan, especially if it puts others at risk.
135. Where do you go when you’re angry or depressed?
Anywhere I want. If I am in a hilly area though, going to the top of a hill and watching the clouds or stargazing can be a very calming activity.
136. What do you do when you’re bored?
Explore, find new people to talk to, learn something new, observe animals in nature. There are many ways to alleviate boredom.
137. What type of music do you like? Favorite bands or musicians?
I am not very adept at band names, but there is usually a bard or two to be found in inns that travelers often frequent. I generally enjoy their performances.
138-143 & 148 were too modern day Earth based for Ileark to accurately answer.
144. What is your favorite book? Why?
I would have difficulty choosing a favorite. I particularly like stories of distant places, history, and travel journals, but they tend to all bland together after a while, I do not have a particular favorite, maybe just favorite parts.
145. What is your least favorite book? Why?
The same as above, with the caveat that unholy texts to evil gods are my least favorite by default.
146. Who is your favorite author/writer? Why?
See 144
147. Who is your least favorite author/writer? Why?
see 145
149. What annoys you more than anything else?
150. What time of day is your favorite? Why?
Late at night, when everything is quiet, and the stars are shining. It is a good time for reflection, and to remember the gifts Desna has given us.
151. What time of day is your least favorite? Why?
When I first wake up. It is much harder to appreciate the beauty of the world when you just want to curl up and go back to sleep. Even the sun feels harsher when you first wake up.
152. What kind of weather is your favorite? Why?
Did I not already answer this one? I enjoy when there’s a light rain, especially if I am under a forest canopy or in an inn, where I can enjoy listening to the pitter-patter of the droplets.
153. What kind of weather is your least favorite? Why?
Have you ever been in a desert at any hour of the day? That. The bright oppressive heat during the daylight hours, and the bitter freezing cold of the night hours. I do not like extremes of temperature.
154. What is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?
It’s the little things. Beams of sunlight shining through the clouds after a storm. A field of flowers, with butterflies and bees floating about from flower to flower. The rainbow shimmering in the mist at the bottom of a waterfall. The world, in its totality, is beautiful.
155. What is the most awful thing you have ever seen?
The end result of remaining in one place too long. When Alazhra would come calling. She could kill farm animals, bring disease to the people and blight to crops. Anything that would hurt the people around me.
156. What is your favorite drink? Why?
I tried this mango juice while in Garund. It tasted…bright. Like someone distilled a perfect summer day into a drink.
157. What is your least favorite drink? Why?
Aside from any obvious answers of inedible or spoiled things, coffee. And tea to a lesser extent. Caffeine makes me anxious. More anxious than usual.
158. What is your favorite animal? Why?
Butterflies seem a give away. So, songbirds. Nightingales.
159. What is your least favorite animal? Why?
Hyenas. They remind me too much of my time in Okano.
160. What sorts of things embarrass you?
Getting flustered, not being able to word what I am trying to say properly.
Part Nine: Self Image
161. Describe a normal day for you.
I have not had a ‘normal’ day in many years. But for a long time my routine was to simply travel, wherever my heart desired. I would generally camp out, so as to not put anyone in danger. I cooked my own meals. And I walked or flew. A lot.
162. How do you feel when your routine is disrupted?
I very much dislike it when somebody throws a wrench into my plans. It is frustrating, and I may dig in my heels a little if I feel the change is unwarranted. But ultimately that is life. You plan for what you can, and luck or fate will throw things at you, whether you are prepared or not.
163. What is your greatest strength as a person?
I am determined. When I know what I want (or do not want as the case often is), I do not waiver about it.
164. What is your greatest weakness?
There are many things that scare me. Many of them come from within. I do not trust myself as much as I should.
165. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
That is obvious. I would be an actual human foundling, with no ties to Alazhra.
166. Are you generally introverted or extroverted?
I am an extrovert, but an extrovert on the quieter end of the spectrum. Being around people is one of my favorite things, and it energizes me. I don’t do well when I am alone for too long. But I prefer to listen to what these other people have to say than to be the center of attention myself.
167. Are you generally organized or messy?
I am impeccably organized.
168. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at.
travel magic, nudging the threads of fate, and reading what kind of people those I meet are.
169. Name three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.
Healing magic, climbing (this is why I just fly if the option is available), and speaking in a way that is persuasive (it is frustrating trying to get my thoughts across to people sometimes, especially if I already know what needs to be done and how, and others are digging their heels in.)
170. What are your reasons for being an adventurer or heroic? Are your real reasons different than the ones you tell other people in public? If so, detail both reasons.
I had no choice. I was a traveler because of the circumstances of my life. I did help people here and there, but I wouldn’t say I was a hero. Now? I once again had no choice. My mind was stolen from me by a cruel man, and the journey to regain my memories uncovered a far darker conspiracy. One that must be stopped at any cost, or the world is doomed to be handed over to an Elder God on a silver platter. I am honest about these motivations. I didn’t choose this life, but I am happy to be able to help in some way.
171. What three words best describe your personality?
Fastidious, realistic, hopeful (yes I am aware those last two may seem a contradiction. But I believe that sometimes you must have hope that things will be better, even if you know that the current reality is grim.)
172. What three words would others probably use to describe you?
Aloof, ethereal, and lively (A/N: courtesy of Jo’s player)
173. What about you is heroic?
The fact that I am literally on a journey to try to save the world from at least one Elder God?
174. Are you a better lead or follower? Why?
I prefer to follow, and to organize. I am one of those people who make it possible for a leader to lead.
175. What is your responsibility to the world? Why?
I simply must leave the world better than it was when I came. Whether that is helping a stranger, or stopping an evil god’s cult, it is all the same in the end. It’s all helping people to continue living their lives in peace.
176. What do you like about yourself?
I am honest, I will not let evil deeds go unimpeded. I will always fight for mine and others’ freedom.
177. What don’t you like about yourself?
My bloodline. The darker side of my powers. The fact I cannot seem to heal worth a damn.
178. What do you find most relaxing? (not stress relief, but something that actually calms you down.)
Focusing on my breathing. And finding time to watch the stars or clouds helps to clear my head a little.
179. What talent would you most like to have?
I envy Berin’s healing powers and his determination to protect others. I think I see many things in Berin that I would like to reflect.
Part Ten: Occupation & Finance
180. What is your occupation? (If you don’t have one, where does your money come from?)
I help people where I can, and people are usually generous and share a meal or a few coins for a traveler who has shown them kindness. I think I can safely say I have been very lucky in the sorts of people I have met on the road and in towns. I do not help asking for a reward, but there are many kind souls who will invite you to break bread with them regardless.
181. Do you like your job?
I enjoy travelling. And I enjoy helping people when I see they are in need. So, yes, I suppose I do.
182. What is your boss/employer like?
Erm…if anyone were my boss it would be Desna, but that is a very unusual way to think about a goddess. Even though she literally gave me a job proposition…
183. What are your co-workers like?
The closest thing I have to coworkers are my friends, and I have already talked about them at length.
184. Do you get along with your co-workers?
See above.
185. Which co-workers don’t you get along with and why?
Jolene is the one I get along with the least. I do not hate her by any means, but our personalities clash. She is probably not someone I would have chosen to work so closely with if circumstances hadn’t pushed us together. I see the merit in her way of doing things (at least more so than when we first met), but she is still incredibly frustrating sometimes.
186. What is something you had to learn that you hated?
Hm. You know, I can’t actually think of any learning opportunity I’ve had that I resented. I like learning new things, even if I do poorly at them.
187. Do you tend to save or spend your money? Why?
What is the point of coins if you are just going to hoard them like a dragon? Life goes by fast, it is best to enjoy things in the moment. If that means spending more money on rounds at the tavern in exchange for some stories, or buying a beautiful piece of jewelry, then it is money well spent.
188. If you were to gain an obscenely large sum of money, what would you do with it?
Use some of it and share some of it. I do not even live in one place, nor do I intend to now even if I escaped Alazhra. So I would keep enough to facilitate my travels from the rest of my days, and then give the rest to those I meet during my journey. There are so many people who even a handful of gold would change their lives completely. Who am I to keep that from them?
Part Eleven: Drug & Alcohol
189. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If yes, why? Do you want to quit?
I have tried many things. I don’t regularly use drugs, but I will not lie that I’ve been introduced to some very interesting ones in different parts of the world. I think my favorite was a hallucinogen from Garund. As for drinking, I will drink in celebration or to socialize with others. If I could never drink wine again, I would miss it, but it would not overly affect me in the long run.
190. How old were you when you had your first drink? Did you like it? Why or why not?
I think I tried some wine when I was fairly young, but I did not like it back then, and avoided it for a long while. But the best place to swap stories with fellow travelers is inevitably the local taverns, so I quickly learned my likes and dislikes.
191. How old were you when you first got drunk? What was the experience like?
Desna help me. It was humiliating is what it was. I was a young teen, a few months into my travels. I had just decided that if I wanted to get to know people at the tavern, I would have to do as they did and drink something. So I asked the barkeep for a suggestion, and she introduced me to some fruity drink, I forget exactly what kind it was. It tasted good, a lot better than I’d been expecting. And…because it tasted good, I kind of forgot that it was alcoholic partway through the night. I wasn’t accustomed to alcohol either, so it hit me like a runaway carriage.
192. Do you drink on a regular basis?
Regular enough. If I find myself in a new town I am sure to check out the taverns and try to find a local favorite.
193. What kind of alcohol do you prefer?
Wine, preferably one that isn’t too dry.
194. Have you ever tried any kind of “mood altering” substance? Which ones? Describe the experience.
I’ve done a few different drugs in my travels. The hallucinogen I tried in Garund was called Ice Tears. It causes you to see people from your past and future—whether it is one of the drug’s hallucinations or an actual vision is highly contested. I…have a difficult time saying. I remember seeing people. I think I saw my mother. And I saw other people. I almost want to say I saw Igil, but I might just be mixing current memories with what little I remember from the height of the drug’s effects.
Part Twelve: Sex & Intimacy
195. Have you ever been in love? What happened?
No, as I have alluded to above, I have a complex relationship to the very concept of romance. I do not think I will find someone anytime soon, if ever. That is not as sad as it sounds—being on my own means I can travel wherever I wish, at whatever pace suits me. There is a certain freedom in lacking a partner.
196. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Not particularly, no.
197. Would you consider yourself straight, gay, bi, or something else? Why?
I would be pansexual. Gender has never particularly mattered to me.
198. Who was the first person you had sex with? When did it happen? Describe the experience.
Er…that is a bit personal. Just between us? He was a young Varisian man, a half-elf with some drow ancestry. He was beautiful. He was a fellow traveler, and we swapped stories at the bar. We really hit it off, and he didn’t seem to mind that we would have to part ways afterwards. He had places to go, and I had to keep moving for everyone’s safety. It was…nice. A little awkward, we were both young and although he had more experience than me that was not saying much. But at the end of the day, it was a good experience.
199. Have you ever had a same-sex experience? Describe the experience.
See above.
200. What is your deepest, most well-hidden sexual fantasy? Would you ever try it?
Ok now *that* is extremely personal. (A/N: bondage, especially being tied up with ropes)
201-202 are more detailed sex questions I as the writer do not feel comfortable getting into.
203. Do you currently have a lover? Describe them, what you are attracted to, and what the relationship is like.
I do not. All of my lovers have, by necessity, been flings that lasted a night or two. I assure you, I made certain they understood that before we slept together. I am not interested in being one of those cads who travels around and leaves a trail of broken hearts behind them. If any of those I had a night with expected more, that is entirely on them for thinking I was not being genuine in what I told them up front.
204. What is the perfect romantic date?
I do not know. I have never really dated—nothing beyond the superficial meetings I mentioned above. I don’t really know what a good romantic date would even be. Anything I can think of is something you could just as easily do with a friend, it seems somewhat excessive to make it into a big deal.
205. Describe your perfect partner.
I…have been partial to half-elves and elves in the past. There is a good reason for those in humanoid society to believe all elves are beautiful. Because as far as I’ve met, they really are disproportionately gorgeous. And both are rather long lived so…they tend to have a lot of experience.
206. Do you ever want to get married? When do you see this happening?
Not particularly. As I said above, not having a partner is freeing. I won’t be breaking any hearts if I agree to Desna’s offer to travel beyond the stars, facing the cults of Elder Gods in her name. Obviously I will miss my friends deeply, but there is less of an obligation to always be available to friends.
207. Do you want children? Why or why not?
Not particularly, for the same reason above. It would be impossible to live the life I have with a child. And…on another level, I fear what Alazhra might do to another child bearing even a few drops of her blood.
208. What is more important, sex or intimacy? Why?
It is going to sound shallow that I only really focus on the sex. But again, I have always known I would have to leave these people in a day or two and likely never see them again. I do not want to give them the wrong idea.
209. What was your most recent romantic relationship like? Who was it with?
n/a
210. What’s the worst thing you’ve done to someone you love?
I accidentally killed Igil. I am pretty sure that is the worst you can do to someone you care for. Even if he laughs about it now.
Part Thirteen: Morality
211. What one act in your past are you most ashamed of?
Giving up, and walking into the desert with the intention to not come out the other side. I was…in a bad place. I had been running for so long. When my last strand of hope snapped, I could only despair. I believed I would never be able to stop running, and that cutting my life short rather than being worn down by the constant shadow and call of a hag would be the right thing to do. I think, now, that I was wrong to try to throw my life away. Even if I have to run for the rest of my life, I will touch the lives of so many others. I can make a difference in the world, even if I can never really be apart of the lives of the people in it.
212. What one act in your past are you most proud of?
Holding out against Alazhra, no matter how much she tries to break me. I might be ashamed that I did not see the bigger picture when I tried to end my life, but I am also proud that I am willing to go that far to not be a pawn in her game.
213. Have you ever been in a physical fight before? Over what, with who, and who won?
Too many for me to give a number of times. My claws are not just for show.
214. What do you feel most strongly about?
Freedom. People having the freedom to make their own choices, to live in a manner that will make them happy.
215. What do you pretend to feel strongly about, just to impress people?
I cannot say this is something I have done? I do not see the point of pretending you have a passion for something you do not.
216. What trait do you find most admirable and how often do you find it?
Loyalty, and a desire to protect or heal.
217. Is there anything you think should not be incorporated into the media or arts? (i.e., sex, violence, etc). What and why or why not?
No, absolutely not. While Shelyn is not my patron Goddess, she is very close to Desna. Art is about expressing what it on the inside. Good art will speak to a truth within the artist. You cannot sensor that. Art is an expression of freedom, and making it anything less undermines the purpose of the arts.
218. Do you think the future is hopeful? Why or why not?
I…would like the future to be hopeful. I am hopeful, that perhaps if I take Desna up on her offer to travel the stars, I will finally be protected from Alazhra. But…I fear what is coming between then and now.
219. Do you think redemption is possible? Why or why not?
I do. I have seen it with my own eyes. Igil was a worshipper of Alazhra, and had plenty of blood on his hands. But kindness and camaraderie helped to bring him to a place in life where he could stand up to Alazhra and reject her.
However…I am not the one to lead others to redemption. That is Berin’s charge as a Sarenrite. I…feel that true redemption is a rare thing. There are far too many people in the world who are cruel and evil and have no desire to be anything but. Those are the people I will protect others from, while Berin brings those who might change into the light.
220. Is there something you think is absolutely unforgivable? What is it?
Enslaving another intelligent being. Stifling their freedom, binding them, forcing them to do as you command or face punishment or death. It is one of the cruelest things you can do to another person. And unlike things like killing, where there are circumstances in which it is understandable, there is no circumstance in which slavery is not vile and evil.
221. Is it okay for men to cry?
Yes? Obviously?
222. Is it okay for you to cry?
It…can be. I try not to in front of others. Not because I am ashamed, but because I do not wish to burden them with my emotional baggage.
223. What do you think is wrong with most people, overall?
I do not thing there is one affliction most people have. Many are greedy. Some place themselves above others—be they nobles or slavers, it’s all the same mindset that others are somehow lesser. Some are cowardly, and would sell out even their dearest friend for a chance to save their own skin. But I do not think these things are intrinsically a part of being mortal. It is merely a failing of those particular people.
224. What is the worst thing you could ever do to someone you hated?
…Make them hurt. When we went up against Biting Lash, I wanted her to suffer for the years she’d stolen from me. I did not make it quick. I burned her within an inch of her life with a Harm spell. And then I snuffed out what was left of her life. And I hope when Pharasma judges her, she goes to the most painful depths of the Nine Hells.
And Lowls deserves worse, still.
225. Do you have feelings that disturb you? What and why?
See above. The fact I can do that without a moment of hesitation to someone who has deeply wronged me. It is terrifying. Even though I wholeheartedly believe Biting Lash deserves every moment of what she got, that darkness makes me cringe. I fear where such thoughts and actions could lead. I fear, more than anything, that letting go would feel just as satisfying as snuffing out Biting Lash’s life.
226. On what occasions do you lie?
When it is necessary for the greater good. For example, lying to a guard is less harmful than allowing ourselves to be barred entrance to a place in which dark rituals are underway.
227. Do you think it is okay to lie?
I prefer not to, but when it is necessary I do not beat myself up over it. Desna does not demand that her follows always tell the truth—especially not mindlessly telling the truth when lying could save lives.
Part Fourteen: Supernatural Awareness
228. Tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities.
…I was young. About 10 or 11 I think? It started with seeing a shadowy figure lurking in the woods just outside of town, or at the edge of a field of crops. Every time I saw her, something bad seemed to happen in the village not long after. And then I began changing. My eyesight became sharp in the dark, able to see every little detail even on the most moonless night. Far more noticeably, however, was that my nails grew into claws. I was scared. I was just a child. I tried grinding down my claws so they would look like nails again, but they would always grow back by the next day. Eventually my mother caught me. And even though I thought I was turning into a monster, she comforted me, and reassured me that I was always her son, no matter what. She was the one who first had the idea to paint my claws, so they would look a little more like painted nails. She said they were beautiful. I will always remember that. That was when I quit being repulsed by what I was, even if I was still terrified of what I must have come from.
229. What do you think now of being supernatural? Is it cool or have you been screwed?
Being a changeling has its benefits, admittedly. Seeing in the dark allows me to travel at any time of the day or night I desire. And I have defended myself and others with only my claws and a little magic on a number of occasions. It has its downsides, of course. Alazhra and her call being chief among them.
230. Do you have a mentor? Describe them and how you became their student.
I do not.
231. Do you have any magical items? Where did you get them?
My Blessed Keepsake was given to me by a group of Varisian monster hunters I travelled with for a short time. It has a night hag’s claw in it. Even if it never kept Alazhra away, since she is so much more than an ordinary night hag, it still made me feel a little safer on lonely nights to hold it close. My Amulet of Mighty Fists was taken off of an enemy. I had my starknife and armored coat enchanted at a local shop in…it might have been Thrushmoor but I am uncertain. I have been collecting Pearls of Power—some obtained in battle and some bought. I intend to eventually make a bracelet out of them, for ease of access. My friends and I all have a Dusty Prism Ioun Stone, although I forget where exactly we picked them up. I also got a Scarlet and Blue Ioun Stone, inspired by the one Igil previously had. I also have a bag of holding, which has a very evil tome stashed within it. We found it in a tower within a twisted corrupt city affected by a being I cannot risk even describing.
232. Think of a major event that happened during your training/initiation. Describe the experience.
During one Swallowtail Festival, my parents entrusted with me the cage of butterflies we would be releasing. I was so excited, and I followed my parents around like a duckling. Unfortunately, I was paying more attention to them and the cage than on where I was walking. I tripped, and fell, and the cage popped open, releasing all of the butterflies early. I felt horrible, but my mother assured me that this was merely a turn of fate. If the butterflies were released early, that is what was meant to be.
233. What is something you had to learn during your training that you hated? Why did you hate it?
As I said before, there is little I have ever learned that I did not enjoy. Even if I did not excel at it, it was worth learning.
234. What is something you had to learn during your training that you loved? Why did you love it?
I was a bit of a natural at learning Desna’s domains. Not many of her followers can affect the strings of fate. A little nudge of their own luck, sure, but to change the fate of anyone around them? That is a rare ability. And, of course, there was the ability to make your body slide through the folds of space. To teleport.
Part Fifteen: Goals and Future
235. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?
If I can take Desna up on her offer after this venture and be able to travel the stars for all eternity, that is the greatest dream I can imagine.
236. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Hopefully? Somewhere deep in the Outer Spheres, following Desna’s will. Possibly? Dead because I tried to stop an Elder God from manifesting in this reality.
237. If you could choose, how would you want to die?
Painlessly. I don’t want my final moments to be in agony. To slip away while dreaming is the most ideal death I can imagine. To be engulfed by Desna’s domain, and then to join her in Elysium.
238. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.
Go home and see my parents one last time. Say goodbye to my friends, and tell them not to do anything stupid to try to bring me back. And then sit under the stars one last time, and hopefully pass in peace.
239. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?
For my devotion to Desna. Saving the world is all well and good, but I do not feel that encompasses who I really am. I would rather history remember me as a Desnan than as a hero.
Part Sixteen: Misc.
240. If you could, what advice would you, the hero, give to the villain? Or If you could, why would you, the villain want the hero to be at your side or part of your team?
Maybe don’t be a dumbass and mess with Elder Gods who will get into your head and warp you until you think summoning one into this world is a good idea? Oh, too late. Or you know, don’t be an asshole and keep slaves. Oops, you already did that too.
I have nothing to say to Lowls. Except that whatever punishment awaits beyond the Boneyard for you, it is a fraction of what you deserve.
241. What was the worst injury you’ve ever received? How did it happen?
A ghost warrior eviscerated me with a sword. I was literally holding my innards in while I tried to heal myself. It was beyond excruciating.
242. How ticklish are you? Where are you ticklish?
I am. I am not going to give you where because if Jo sees this she will take advantage of it.
243. What would you wish for if you ever found a genie?
Is it 3 wishes? 1) I would wish that I was not in any way associated with Alazhra. 2) I would wish that my parents are provided for, for the rest of their days, so that they can live comfortably in their old age. 3) Assuming I cannot just kill Lowls outright, I would wish for myself and my friends to be teleported straight to him so we could kill him ourselves. Seems more satisfying than just wishing him to death, too.
244. If your house burned down, what one thing would you want to save?
I assume you mean objects and not people, because obviously if my home burnt down I would make sure my parents could get out safely first. Other than that…probably our family shrine to Desna.
245. Describe yourself sitting in your favorite spot.
I would be seated on a hill at midnight. I would be far from any towns, and the full beauty of the starry night sky would stretch far off to the horizon.
246. How do you go to sleep and how do you wake up? (position, routine, etc)
When I am camping, I sleep on a bedroll in a tent. Otherwise, I’ll sleep on a bed at an inn. I typically stay up late, and given the luxury of time I would sleep in. I generally sleep on my back.
247. What is a dream (during sleep) that you have often?
I do not typically have recurring dreams. I do try to remember my dreams, though. Dreams are one of Desna’s gift to mortals, and I try to enjoy the experience when I can. Unfortunately, with dreams come nightmares. That is Alazhra’s domain. And I have had some…gruesome nightmares, especially recently.
248. What is a day dream that you have often?
Returning home. Seeing my mother and father again. Telling them that everything is OK now, and that I can visit home as frequently as we like.
249. If you were to die and come back as any person or thing, what or who would you want to be?
My first instinct is to say ‘a human’, as I’d like to live the peaceful normal life that Alazhra stole from me. But if I could be reincarnated as anything, I think it would be lovely to be a migratory bird. Flying from place to place simply because it is in my nature. It sounds nice.
250. What is your motto?
Oh, do we have mottos now? I did not come prepared. Do people actually have mottos or is that just a thing in fiction?
251. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
To be honest, although I did not start traveling of my own accord, I cannot imagine being happy settled down anywhere anymore. I don’t want to live anywhere, I want to live everywhere. Go where the wind and Desna’s will guide me.
252. What time period do you wish you could have lived in? Why? (This is not a chance to change history.) What appeals to you about this era?
It would be very interesting to live in Arodin’s time. The world must have been quite different, with Cheliax not owned by devils, and the ascended not yet gods.
253. If you could go back to any point in history and change something, what would it be?
To be honest, I do not know. History led to the world being how it is today. There are so many acts of evil that COULD be stopped by someone with foreknowledge, but what might it lead to? What if those who were inspired to do good because they saw such evil manifest end up following a different path, and the world loses a force of good because of it? I am not a Pharasman, I do not believe in balancing the scales. Taking away one evil and one good from the world is still the loss of something good.
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Wanna see the funniest thread of texts to wake up to ever-
It's either go back to college and get the psych degree or do what you're doing but not like that. The average viewer would go,
"Does she know what you're doing?"
The answer to that is yes, kinda, I think she does. I told her that I already talk about Milgram online and plan to make videos about it. So, I have to assume she knows.
Oh then no problem-
She does not want it to be about Milgram and is basically asking me to do intermediate counseling similar to an advice column in a daily newspaper. Something that came about yesterday. Because we were having a conversation about media due to discussing Milgram. A work she has deemed inappropriate for kids and society.
After she explained why she believed that which I explained,
"The complaints you have aren't about the media but media literacy as a whole. A piece of media can only go as far as the person viewing it allows it to."
This led to a conversation about the younger generation, which again tied back to media literacy. Then I woke up to these after do not disturb cut off at seven in the morning. Just to think,
"Boy, do I have a surprise for you-"
Wait, hold on to stop admitting you were at the devil's sacrament to our mother each time you talk to her. She looked up the series last night and is baptist we are going to get it, bro. Literally shut up about Milgram for ten seconds, I'm begging- Yeah, well, beg harder- because this task keeps getting failed.
I fully plan to bring it up when I go to clean at my grandma's house Friday. Vacuuming my grandma's room,
"Grandma, do you think there's anything that can justify or excuse someone killing another person?"
Our sweet old grandma (80s), whose first love is religion, and did volunteer work at our family church up into her seventies probably would say,
"No, though I'd suppose it'd depend on the circumstances."
She would also probably laugh at the question. The family response to Milgram has consistently been well- I have to know why they did it first to judge it. Like elaborate. Or in my mom's case oh that's so dark the things your generation gets into I swear. I like to ask my family's opinion on this stuff because I just genuinely want to know, and it makes for good discussion.
Since my family members are all very opinionated people. Except for my older brother, he's very chill and just usually lets the characters get away with it because whatever it is simply is not his business. Talking to people with various different circumstances on what they think about milgram is very interesting. Because half the time I can just go ah I see why you see it that way. Like my mom was like,
"Well, how can you prove her murder wasn't the abortion?" In regards to Yuno because her first song doesn't show anyone else there. Then I said there are other people implied to be involved, though. She again said implied but not shown. This is without watching it, but listening to me discuss her case. Her whole thing is since we don't really see Yuno with any other people outside of the implication she is with others it could rightfully make it difficult for people to believe she's in here for killing anyone at all and it's not like abortion counts as murder so no crime has occurred here.
Then I brought up how it'd be nice if that's true but guilt by association is a thing. We know at least several people within Milgram have killed directly and one bluntly asks why someone would bring a bunch of acquitted murderers together. For any of them to be acquitted evidence of a crime or at least probable cause something that ultimately implies the death of a living person has transpired for one would be needed to take them to court at all.
Now this character could be lying but the character that the stand in for the audience is subordinate to says if this was just about the law then we wouldn't need to be here. Making it more like that Kazui is telling the truth about the acquitted part. Since if they were all legally acquitted of any wrong doing already then if we were just going by modern law we would not need to be here. Abortion is also still legal in Japan so they couldn't criminally charge Yuno for using one of her legal rights. That'd be odd.
At which point she went, yeah, given that information, it does become more questionable if abortion is her crime or not and I wouldn't really think it was myself but still this all so dark. It's like it's teaching people how to get away with murder. Circling into what we discussed at the beginning of this post.
Though it was a really fun conversation. Also, no- I haven't told my mom about Mikoto. I would like to tentatively know peace.
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Tw for icky things eg chomo/childhood sexual abuse.
So I have a friend from high school and college who went through med school at the school I’m going to, just several years ago and at a different preclinical campus. He’s a genuinely good person. He also has a physical disability so I’ve been talking to him a little bit relating to disability services.
Anyway, he knew a lot of people, basically friends or friendly with a lot of people. Monday, I got a fb message from him about a classmate we went to high school with.
I didn’t notice myself, but apparently my friend noticed that this classmate went quiet like 5 years ago and then started posting on fb again. Thinking that was weird, my friend looked this classmate up…. Yeah he was in prison for 5 years, having plead guilty to molesting 3 kids he babysat.
I’ve felt sick since, tbh.
I guess it’s a good thing he plead guilty and at least stated he was remorseful? It’s better than the abusers I know who hold tightly to the facade they did nothing wrong. Still doesn’t change the impact or how wrong it is or the pain he inflicted on those kids.
He was (idk if he still is) a member of my church back then (LDS), though I think in a different ward. He went on a mission. Obviously being religious doesn’t mean somebody is a good or bad person. But why I bring this up… childhood sexual abuse is an unfortunate reality of the church. I personally know multiple people who were abused by (specifically male) church leaders. I wonder if my old classmate was abused by a church leader himself. Also doesn’t change the impact or how icky it is, but I just wonder if he was part of the cycle or what happened or why that idea ever came into his head and he thought acting on it was a good idea??
I hope he got help/is still getting help and never is allowed to be in a position where he could abuse somebody ever again.
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Wait what is your headcanon about Maria's twin???? If I got that right?
Hm… yes you got it right. In one of my headcanons I imagined that Maria used to have a twin sister.
This would be the short answer, but I supposed you’re looking for a more complete explanation. I will try to write it below. Even if I don’t get into too much details, I sure have a tons of others things to say about Bloodborne universe/ world building.
(About the conditions of life and the importance of the old blood in it)
So thank you for asking! You give me a good reason to share all of this x) And talking about this headcanon.
Like some might be aware I have tons of different hc & interpretations. Some who directly contradict canons and even each other. It’s more like silly AU/fic stories.
Exception to my main big hc/story, even if I don’t believe it actually 100% happened that way. But I’m trying to make it fit as much as possible into the lore and original material. (It’s MY hc and for now, nobody is going to tell me if I’m right or wrong so…)
This ideas/stories just came in my mind, and I express most of them by just talking to myself. Not sure if everyone does that or if it’s only a neurodivergent thing. Some days I really wonder… Anyway.
Before getting back to the main subject I got to talk about two things really fast.
One subject that I would want to express, if I ever write a story on Bloodborne it’s “how the use of the old blood really did help people and improve their life”. Why it became so much essential and when they realize it was too dangerous and should be stopped it wasn’t possible anymore.
After decades of progress and researches a lot of persons would prefer to try to find a compromised than stopped everything and just get back austerity (hello really life environmental issues struggle ?! wow I didn’t indeed this comparison at first),The risk of a big regression, a civil war perhaps and it would still be around in some kind of black market I’m sure.
(yep all of this inspired by Laurence theme song alone…damn).
Yes, the old blood and all this mess probably killed thousands of people (especially if we addition everything until the event of the game) but it probably saves a ton of persons as well (a poisonous miracle cure…) In the begging at least/gold era at least.
Like you know Bloodborne is mostly based on the XIX/19th century (1801-1900) and the Victorian era (after 1837). A lot of people used to die of various illness we don’t have anymore. The infantility death rate was really high too. People got a lot of health-related problems. Pasteur (the guy who create the rabies vaccine), the vaccination and a lot of new medical protocols appeared at the end of the century. That’s also why at this period people and society had a different view on death. They were closer to it and have way of dealing with it that would be weird or even disturbing today. (See my post on the doll).
But this doesn’t seem match the universe of the game. Maybe they did have better quality life. It looks like it. But we know nothing about the political/ social/health context before the blood show up. We can’t be sure it was exactly like the XIX century and people could had 5 siblings, but they all died or was it more like us today or even a mixt of both.
The characters we know only seems to be only child or have like only 1 sibling. That mean advanced society who already did their demographic transition. Or all their family passed away. What’s sure is that it’s a more egalitarian society lol.
Maybe life conditions in Bloodborne were much better than actual 19thcentury but I saw a cool post (but don’t remember where) that say that in order for the church to basically lead Yharnam politically, some wars/epidemy/famine would have happened earlier.
That’s why I thought it would be interesting to hc characters to have family members/friends/people they know, who had died before hand, of shitty illness. Or even if they didn’t know the persons, they have at least friends /relatives, who lost close people to them. That would really solidify the importance of the healing church/ old blood instead of just “oh an epidemy of ashen blood show up the church heal them”. I do believe they gained a lot of popularity/influence/ power over this.
SO, because of this and another dumb thing, I think it would be great to made Maria had a sibling (a twin sister), who passed away when they were both really young (preschooler age?) + all the family drama that would occur. And it would serve my narratives even better. in my main hc/story. Because, guess who else I hc having a little sister who passed away as well ??
Gehrman (I had this one for a while now…you see what I did there ?! ).
I mean he did survive almost everyone so pretty sure he lost he’s entire family at one point…
(I have a lot of quite different interpretations of their relationship as well. Depend the au/hc but I’m not going to expand on that or I’m never going to finished lol, maybe another day). So let’s just say in my main hc, at the beginning she remind him more of that part of his life. After a few years alongside her, his view on her changed.
If you know FF7 remake dlc and Yuffie and Sonon, well at the beginning it’s kinda like them XD but of course they’re characters with really different personality. It's more about their general bond and dynamic as a duo.
There’re other characters I think/hc who may have lost relatives too.
Also, one day I thought about how Maria would react to the Doll. I believe she would have really differents & mixt reactions at the same time (I won’t go into details!). One of them would be “Oh I always wanted a sister…” And I think if they were to interact that would be the relationship they would have.
(But yep I believe the doll is a part of Maria too. In the hunter Nightmare it’s a nightmare version of herself aka the worst version of herself. I believed she was actually in between the 2 ! That the real Maria was both and neither at the same time. If that make sense. But who knows… that’s just my interpretation).
And to finish, the wildest AU that come to my mind who solidified the idea of a twin sis. Remember how the doll and the Gehrman’s apprentice were supposed to be 2 different characters originally ?? I thought : hey that would make a “funny” AU if the Doll was based on Maria’s twin sister lol. Anyway forget about it. Also some people think/thought that the doll might still be based on more than 1 person/… that’s interesting
So Hm yeah I hope that i offered an explanation on the "Maria had a twin sister headcanon" ! ^^’
I don’t even have a name for her… (if someone have ideas XD). Not even sure it it’s true or false twins as well. But I do have a preference for identical twins, I think. Don’t asked me who was born first either I don’t know. Oh… actually, Maria not being the first born would make sense… a lot of sense…
#bloodborne headcanon#bloodborne analysis#bloodborne#bloodborne lore#lady maria of the astral clocktower#ouah I didn't expect to write 1200+ words XD#my asks#should I put a 'show more' maybe#so yeah here's my hc...#and I didn't ever put everything x) I have so many stuff about some characters backstory#so hm I hope you like this
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