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drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 2 years

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Take Care

Summary: Steven has decided that they are all way over due for some self care. Too bad one of them doesn't know what that means.

Warning: Some mentions of self harm. Some DP/DR (depersonalization/Derealization) mentions. Very mild eating disorder mentions. Implied sexual content.

Word Count: 3775

Prompt word: Knight? This is a far stretch but I mean metaphorically... Look I’m trying.

They had been through a lot. Not just in the past few weeks, but over more years than either of them really properly remembers.

While Steven did not much remember the earlier years, the past few weeks had been a wild ride of stress, heart ache, and pain.

He had lost his job, thought he was going crazy, discovered he was sharing a body with more than one person, died, saved the world, found love, and struggled to resolve issues that kept cropping up with the whole body sharing thing.

Marc had shrugged and called it a normal week for him in his day to day life of stress and trauma.

When Jake had also shrugged it off, Steven had put his foot down.

“This is not normal! This amount of stress is not a good thing! I want each of us to pick one day this week and spend the whole day practicing self care. I don’t care what you do. You can be alone or you can go hang with friends or something. ANYTHING. You will find something that makes you happy and comfortable and spend a day doing it. No judgment. If we wake up in Antarctica I might raise an eyebrow or two, but if you enjoyed yourself then so be it!” Steven pointed to a week and assigned days.

Jake and Marc had grumbled a little but had agreed. They had some lead up time to try to figure out what self care meant to them. What made them happy.

Day 1, Attempt 1: Marc.

Marc woke up with a start. It always took him a moment to orient himself when he woke up. He was too used to waking up in strange locations. He stared up at the ceiling as he thought about getting out of bed. He had spent all week leading up to this day and he still had no clue on what to do. Was he supposed to go to some sort of theme park? Go for a walk? Self care could mean taking care of the body. Maybe he could spend the day working out.

But then he would be sore. Tomorrow was Steven’s day and he didn’t want to ruin it for him by over doing it.

He considered indulgence for a moment. Getting a big meal and maybe having a drink… Jake had been very stern lately about the drinking.

He knew there was some whisky stashed away in a cupboard. But again, he might over do it and leave Steven in a terrible state.

Marc rolled over and pulled the blankets up over his head. He should just go back to sleep. Maybe he could sleep the day away and get rest for once. Wake up refreshed tomorrow and Steven could do whatever he wanted.

He curled up. Then stretched out. Kicked off the blankets. Shoved his feet under the blankets. Squirmed until only his feet and one arm were somehow the only bits under the blankets.

“Fuuuuuuuuuck.” Marc tossed his pillow across the bed and sat up. He pulled himself out of the bed, kicking the sheets aside as he moved. He did the usual morning routine, thinking that maybe if he got ready then he’d know what to do.

Once he was dressed and ready, he stood in the middle of the flat and stared at the door. “Alright.” He gestured towards the door and sighed. “I’m ready. Ready to go….do…the thing… Yup. Here I go.”

He needed to go outside. That was it. How could he practice self care when he was surrounded by Steven’s things? He needed to go somewhere. Somewhere he liked.

He left the flat and walked outside. Picking a direction, he walked until he reached the local store. Going inside, he remembered some things that he had been meaning to take care of. He was trying to decide what sort of drain unclogging chemicals to get when he stopped to wonder if this was self care. It didn’t really make him happy, but it was something that needed to be done. It might make him feel accomplished, but it was far from relaxing.

He sighed loudly and bought the bottle. Maybe he could just set it next to the sink and do it later.

Walking home, he set his things down and flopped back on the bed. He stayed there for the next two hours, stubbornly doing nothing as he attempted to figure out what he was supposed to be doing.

His stomach growled at him and he grumbled. Did eating bring him pleasure? He did like a nice big meal now and then. But was it okay to eat a big meaty meal before Steven’s day? What if he got indigestion? What if he got food poisoning? He’d ruin it for all of them.

He curled up and buried his head under the pillows.

This was how Steven found him hours later when the hunger pains were too much for him to ignore. “Marc? Did you do anything today? Why are we so hungry?”

Marc groaned from under the pillows. “I forgot to eat.”

“Did you stay in bed all day?” He tried to put a hopeful spin on it. “Getting some rest?”

Marc sat up and the dark circles under his eyes betrayed him. “Yeah. Just… the ol’ shut eye. Yup. Lots of rest here. Feel great.”

Steven frowned and took control and moved to start making dinner. “Marc, I’m going to take my day tomorrow then we’re going to give you another go. Jake wanted Thursday for some reason so you can have Wednesday. Try to enjoy yourself this time, okay?”

“Yeah.” Marc slunk back grumpily. “I’ll think about it.”

Day 2: Steven.

Steven woke up with a yawn and stretched. He slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes as he looked around. Still in his own bed. He wondered if he’d ever get out of the habit of checking for things that might be off.

He slid out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom. He was brushing his teeth when he remembered that it was supposed to be his day. “Right!” He spun in a circle, looking around, then quickly gathered up the supplies he had gotten a few days ago.

Humming, he set it all out. No one was there to judge him. Marc wasn’t there to ask him what he was doing and make him feel silly. Jake wasn’t there to tell him he was doing it wrong. This was his day.

Once it was all laid out he grinned and got started. Splashing his face with some cool water, he applied a mud face mask and set a timer.

He went to the kitchen and started to cook a simple tofu scramble and sat down to eat it with a cup of his favorite hazelnut coffee. The timer went off as he was cleaning up and he hurried to go rinse off his face.

Starting the hot shower, he set in one of those lovely scented shower steamers and hopped in. He lathered up with a lavender scented soap then worked in his favorite shampoo and conditioner. No one was going to tell him that he smelled like a weird bouquet.

Stepping out, he wrapped himself up in a large fluffy bathrobe and took a deep breath as he looked around his flat. Glancing around as if confirming that he was still alone, he started gathering things from his bed and relocating them to his couch.

Once he had created a nest of blankets and pillows, he made a cup of tea, snatched up a book and notebook, then sank into the comfort zone.

There he stayed until the sun started to go down. He only moved a few times to replenish his tea, bathroom breaks, and to snag a snack for lunch.

When the natural light at last failed him, he slowly extracted himself from the nest and stretched out. He was making dinner when Marc popped up and mumbled a cautious hello.

“Hey!” Steven grinned. “This was absolutely lovely. Thank you for letting me have this.”

Marc sniffed, wondering why everything smelled like flowers. He shrugged. “Yeah, no problem. You need any time to yourself you just let me know. I’ve got no plans.”

“Hm.” Steven sat down with his plate. “Plans for tomorrow I hope?”

“Uh. Yup. Lots. Lots of things to do. I’m going to be so relaxed. Absolutely.” Marc settled back to let Steven enjoy his meal.

Day 3, Attempt 2: Marc.

Marc jolted awake so hard that he shook the bed. “Morning.” He mumbled then remembered that it was his day again. “Right.” He sank back into the bed and lay there a moment in silence.

Slowly he pulled himself out of the bed. Shower. Steven must have taken a shower yesterday. Maybe that was something to this self care business.

Marc stepped into the hot shower and stared at the soaps. He didn’t really care for the fancy scents. He found them distracting.

Perhaps it wasn’t about the fancy soaps. Perhaps it was about relaxing the muscles. Melting away the stress.

He turned up the heat. Was this relaxing enough? He usually just was in and out. There was nothing fancy about getting clean.

Pain registered in the back of his mind and he realized he had been zoning out for an unknown amount of time. He turned off the water and looked down at his very red skin. “Whoops.”

Well that was obviously not the right thing. Showers were not his self care method.

Getting dressed, Marc paced the flat anxiously. Steven already had his day. He could go workout. But tomorrow was Jake’s day. What if Jake planned to work out? He didn’t want to do two leg days in a row. Was Jake a runner? He didn’t even know what sorts of things Jake liked to do. Did Jake eat meat? Was he like Steven and only ate plants? What sort of thing made Jake happy? What if he went out and got into fights for fun?

Marc started to pace harder. No judging. That was the first rule Steven had put down. On agreed on days of practicing being alone and doing things they enjoyed the others could not judge. The only full stop was something that might affect the others or that the others might strongly object to. So what sorts of things would they object to?

Marc looked out the window. What if he found something he enjoyed that the others hated? He didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t know how to be on his own. What did he like? What was he supposed to like? What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to tend to the body that they all shared? What if he did something that negated something they others did? Or was he just supposed to do something intellectually for his mind? Read something? Watch a movie?

He started to panic as the idea of tending to himself overwhelmed him. Self. Care for the self. He had never done that. He had only ever tended to others. Finding ways to make others happy was what he did. Pacifying his mother. Trying to get along with his father. Protecting Steven’s way of life and Protecting Steven himself. Even figuring out how to make Layla happy.

Marc paced harder, circling the flat and trying to think of something, anything he liked. His mind drew a blank. Had he ever liked anything? Was it all just a show? He sat down hard on the couch and felt himself slipping. The world faded out.

Jake blinked in and looked around quickly, taking in his location and situation. He had no idea what had set Marc off, but there he went. “Oye, Steven? What day is this?”

He prodded hard, pulling Steven out from wherever he was.

Steven pushed through and glanced out the window to find it was still very light outside. He looked down at his watch and frowned. It was eleven. “Wednesday. Why are we out? Where’s Marc?”

Jake made a shrugging motion. “I had to pull him. He was having a crisis moment.”

“A crisis moment?” Steven sat up and looked around again. “Over what? What sort of crisis?”

“I don’t know. I only caught the last bit.” Jake sighed and took front again, getting up from the couch. “He had a serious depersonalization moment and I think he was worried about if I liked meat? That was all I got before I had to step in.”

Steven sighed heavily. “He’s supposed to be feeling better about himself. This whole thing was so that he could take time to be himself. He’s always with someone. I thought maybe he would like the chance to…You know… Be alone.”

Jake laughed and shook his head, still holding a strong front. He wasn’t used to sharing time with someone after Marc broke down. “You do realize that Marc has not been alone in years, right? As a child he had you, even if you weren’t aware of it. Then he had me, even if he wasn’t aware of it. Then he was with Layla or Khonshu. Khonshu was just constantly there. Then he had you again. Can you even point to a time where he has been out on his own lately?”

Steven hesitated. “I fell asleep watching that documentary the other day. He put us to bed…”

Jake raised an eyebrow and wandered about the flat slowly, taking in clues for how the week had been going. He could pick out Steven’s work easily. He noticed the wetness of the bathroom and how foggy and humid the apartment still felt. He could distantly smell floral lavender and sniffed his shoulder with a frown. He noticed the bathrobe hanging from the drying rack and an old plate from dinner in the sink. There were no new dishes.

He looked for signs of Marc. He found a full glass of water forgotten on the desk. He was in Marc’s favorite outfit that he wore when he felt he was supposed to do something he was uncomfortable with.

“He gives you time, doesn’t he? Without even asking, he gives you all the time you need to continue to be you. I get some time too.” He sat down at Steven’s desk and glanced at the latest research material spread out there. Steven was looking at maps of the ancient world. He had made some notes. There was one scribble in Marc’s handwriting where he had helpfully translated an Arabic sentence for him.

“I should give him more time.” Steven was handed back control of the body as Jake felt satisfied that things were under control.

“I’m not sure that’s a great idea.” Jake sighed. “Marc doesn’t do so well on his own. He…spirals.”

“I’m making things worse!” Steven groaned and flopped forward against his desk.

“Hey, you go ahead and take the rest of today. Marc should be back by this evening. Don’t push him. Do you want tomorrow? I can wait. Not like I can’t just go out later.” Jake was far more relaxed about the whole thing than Steven felt.

Steven groaned. “Do you want today? I’m feeling pretty lousy right now, actually.”

Jake laughed. “Sure. Don’t feel so down, hermano. I have an idea. Give Marc time tomorrow, but I need three days. And I do mean three days. I’ll let you know when I’m done.”

Steven perked up a little and gave him a suspicious look then smiled. “Alright. I’ll do my best.”

Steven slunk down to the back, leaving Jake alone.

Jake took a moment to ground himself, brushing his hair back and clenching his fists tightly. He muttered in Spanish under his breath then let out a sigh. “Okay. Time to get to work.”

Day 4, Attempt 3: Marc.

Something was draped across Marc’s midsection. It was warm and light. He breathed in and smelled the familiar scent of lemon and something spicy.

“Good morning.” Layla nestled up to him, her curls tickling his neck lightly as she nuzzled him then ghosted a kiss across his cheek.

Marc smiled and looked over at her in surprise. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

“I’m here for your self care day.” She grinned and sat up. “Jake let me in last night. Let me tell you, he says he is not a cuddler, but the second his head hits the pillow he is absolutely a cuddler.”

Marc blinked up at her in confusion.

“Don’t look so surprised. You say you aren’t into cuddles either but I have news for you.” She leaned in and kissed him solidly on the lips. “Go freshen up. I’m going to make you breakfast.” She jumped up and headed to the kitchen.

Marc lay there for a moment. He didn’t know what was going on. How was this a self care day? What was Jake thinking? He got up and went to the bathroom to freshen up. He debated on getting dressed and trying the full shower or face scrub thing but found a note on the mirror.

“Don’t think about it. Go eat.”

He frowned and stepped out of the bathroom. “Oh come on.”

There were notes everywhere.

Layla set a plate of eggs and hash down and waved him over. “Come on over, I promised Jake you’d get three full meals today.”

“Him again, huh?” Marc pretended to huff but could hardly hide his grin. “Since when does he set up dates?”

“He does a pretty good job of it.” She smiled and sat down to eat. “I might get him to organize my days. He has it down to the hour.” She held up a list.

Marc moved to look at the list and she stashed it back into her pocket. “Nope. I promised. Besides, I want number ten to be a surprise.” She winked.

–

Steven yawned and looked around. It was dark and he felt it might be night time. The body felt relaxed, full, and well tended.

He next became aware of the fact that the bed he was laying in was moving, warm, and lumpy. He looked up and saw Layla leaning over him, gently cradling him in her lap and stroking his hair.

“Oh.” He blushed. “Hiya. Are we… Did he do alright?”

She laughed softly and grinned. “He did fantastic. I’m glad you had this idea.”

Steven grinned then paused and looked away. “But it was a terrible idea for him. I was the only one that got to enjoy it! I feel like a dunce.”

She ruffled his hair and shifted him off her lap so she could look at him fully. “We all have different ideas on what makes us happy. If I gave you a book with new translations to the hieroglyphs found in Hatshepsut’s tomb, I’m pretty sure I know what you’ll be doing for the next twelve hours at least.”

“At least.” Steven nodded.

“But if I gave that book to Marc��”

“...He’d set it aside to give to me later on, wouldn’t he?” Steven had a sudden realization. “Oh… He…”

“He takes care of people. It’s what he knows. He likes taking care of you, especially. He likes to see you happy. It makes him feel valued. Like he’s doing a good job. Like he has a purpose.” She shrugged. “He tries to take care of me but I’m uh… Well I tend to just do my own thing.”

“So what did you guys do? How did you get him to relax?” Steven glanced around the flat. He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. There were no scented candles or extra blankets. No big food things. It all looked very boring.

She smirked. “Well I hung out with him all day. We also had a check list.” She handed him the list.

Steven looked at it curiously then flushed deeply when he got to number ten. “OH. This… Well this is a boring list with a few exceptions. Ahem. Does this all really make him happy?”

“Well it made me happy.” She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. “And I’m pretty sure he was smiling when he fell asleep.”

Steven looked at the list again then wrapped an arm around her. “How long are you staying?”

Layla glanced at the clock. “I have a few more hours before Jake’s time. I promised him I’d be gone in the morning. Why?”

Steven blushed deeply and just smiled as he pointed to number ten. “I mean… I think you deserve a little…self care.”

“Hm. I think that’s the line Marc used on me too.” She stroked the back of his neck lightly. “I think I could use a little self care…”

“I’m very good at self care.” He smirked.

“He did not use that line.” She laughed and pushed him onto his back, giggling.

–

Day 5-7: Jake.

Jake sat up. He always woke up quickly. He was used to having to become aware of his surroundings quickly.

The first thing he noticed was that Layla was gone as agreed on. He felt bad for making her leave but he enjoyed his private time more than the others.

A long hot shower where he shaved carefully then he oiled his hair gently while slicking it back. He applied a light cologne and moved to get dressed in his best.

A hearty meal of eggs on toast with salsa and a side of vegetable juice. He was super in touch with the needs of the body and always took time to make sure it stayed well hydrated and properly nourished. Something Marc was terrible at. Perhaps this was why he enjoyed his meals so much. At least Steven ate his vegetables, so that was one less thing for him to worry about.

Moving to the closet, he packed a small bag and grabbed his guitar case.

He took one last look in the mirror and grabbed his keys, heading out the door. He had a long trip ahead of him that he was deeply looking forward to.

He stepped off the train, guitar in hand. He could already hear the music. The language flowed around him, though the dialect was different, he could still feel it ease him.

He closed his eyes for a moment, listening to the sounds of distant music and festivals. He had never taken time for just himself. He would have to thank Steven for this later. For the first time in a long time, he felt like his own person.

He had always wanted to go to Barcelona.

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight Fic #Marc Spector #Jake Lockley #Steven Grant #Layla El-Faouly #LOOK OKAY #I wrote it and went OH NO THIS NEEDS TO FIT IN THE PROMPT #So just deal with it #It's metaphorical #It's not like I have five other fics I"m working on right now #MoonKnightober2022 #MKtober2022 #You should see my list of things to work on and post

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