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#long story short one of my friends is being harassed by their ex
arolesbianism · 12 days
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Sier? I haven’t even met her! Laugh.
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#eternal gales#today has been a shit day but Im feeling a bit better now that I’ve drawn sier#long story short one of my friends is being harassed by their ex#so I’ve been in a blinding rage all day and combined with me not getting enough sleep and cleaning all day today quite sucked#but hey. I drew sier and made them a new mini ref so that’s gotta count for something#but yeah sier my beloved I’ve been thinking abt them all day they’re just so cute and I love drawing them#I forgive them for being a human character they’re silly and have shapes#I now have only 4 eg refs to go I think? which is honestly a lot closer than I thought I was I thought this was gonna be another year of#last minute refs for artfight and some that don’t get remade but honestly this is super doable#rly the only big problem is going to be fydd since it’s been so long since I’ve drawn him properly#the other three are just dodie tali and bloom which shouldn’t be too bad at all#now idk if the icons are happening but it’s definitely feeling a lot more doable now so idk maybe I’ll get to some of them#key word maybe I make no promises#thankfully I don’t rly have any other ocs that I feel pressed to make new refs for so I can take it easy leading up to artfight this year#I’d like to get some of them icons but that’s not necessary#hopefully sier will get drawn this year she hasn’t been attacked since her old design from years ago lol#but sier is also a character I’ve gotten other pieces of art of over the years so I won’t be heartbroken if they keep getting ignored lol#I don’t rly know who I’d like to see attacked most tbh#obviously I’m always happy to see art of any of my ocs but usually I do have a preference#so Im excited to see who gets attacked even if it’s only a few of them#I’m willing to bet teke will get at least one attack I believe in him#hopefully teka gets drawn too I love her dearly as well#anyways shower time and then sleep time gn gamers
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cater-diamond · 23 days
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OOC Here but this is something I need to talk about/need you all to be alert of.
I used to share this account and @thecountryboyofnrc with an ex-friend of mine. Actually share is a strong word, I created these accounts, and I was the one that managed them. All they did was pop in occasionally to look at the notifications and make one post and one comment during the entirety of us "sharing these account." Last week, they quit both accounts at the drop of a hat. Since then, I found out some things about her, and I stopped being her friend completely.
She attempted harassing one of my non rp accounts, to which I blocked her, and she immediately came back with a new account and began to harass me once more. I took care of that as well immediately, but she is aware of all of all my rp accounts. I changed the password and kicked all other devices off both this account and the epel one but she still might try to get in or harass me.
Long story short if you see any suspicious activity, out of character posts or harassment please let me know just in case
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thecountryboyofnrc · 23 days
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OOC Here but this is something I need to talk about/need you all to be alert of.
I used to share this account and @cater-diamond with an ex-friend of mine. Actually share is a strong word, I created these accounts, and I was the one that managed them. All they did was pop in occasionally to look at the notifications and make one post and one comment during the entirety of us "sharing these account." Last week, they quit both accounts at the drop of a hat. Since then, I found out some things about her, and I stopped being her friend completely.
She attempted harassing one of my non rp accounts, to which I blocked her, and she immediately came back with a new account and began to harass me once more. I took care of that as well immediately, but she is aware of all of all my rp accounts. I changed the password and kicked all other devices off both this account and the epel one, but she still might try to get in or harass me.
Long story short if you see any suspicious activity, out of character posts or harassment please let me know just in case
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elliesbelle · 5 months
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belle what the fuck happened??? are you okay???
long story short (prob won’t be short, knowing me oops):
tw: drug overdose, suicide, hospitalization mentions
work has been one of the biggest stressors in my life lately. i’ve been getting relentlessly harassed and bullied by a coworker (and my boss has done very little in regards to it), and something happened the other day with an extremely cruel parent of one of my kids, and it triggered something in me.
i was already having a difficult time the night before in regards to my ex (had a late night arguing with him and there were many countless unkind words said about me and the kind of person i am), and i was already in an incredibly bad place, so the work thing just pushed me to the edge. so i left work early, purchased a lot of cold medicine, went home, and took it all on top of sleeping pills and other stuff i can’t remember. said goodbye to my loved ones before i eventually went to sleep.
after that, a lot of it was a blur, so what i’m relaying right now is either from the few times i was lucid or from what other people have recalled to me.
live-in ex had been driving around trying to find me after my friends at work alerted her that i’d left suddenly, but she eventually made her way back to our apartment where she found me cold in our bed, and so she called 911. she tried rousing me but she was unsuccessful. paramedics eventually came and they kept trying to wake me up and eventually brought me to the emergency room.
i’m not sure what they tried to do to me in there, but obviously they tried to flush all the drugs out or whatever. i remember very little during this time, just that they had to cut my clothes off of me and i couldn’t stay awake for long. live-in ex was there the whole time, but they didn’t let her in the room until my mom got there and declared her as family (they wouldn’t let her past the waiting area bc we’re not related, so my mom had them list her as my spouse so she could be with me).
eventually, they placed me in the ICU where i was placed on bed rest (literally was not allowed to get off my bed because there were at least like, five or six wires attached to me) the whole time. a nurse has to be in the same room as me at all times, so they rotate these different nurses in 12 hour shifts, apart from the regular lead nurse who does hourly rounds to check on me. thankfully, they allowed visitors, so live-in ex stayed with me for most of it (so did my mom and my dad briefly, but they’re not as important). when they deemed me “healthy” enough (basically they wanted to make sure i didn’t lose my liver or something), they moved me into a regular hospital room.
been in here for the past day or so now. i can still have visitors, so live-in ex, both my parents, and my baby sister have all visited me. one of my coworkers who i’m close to also surprised me with a visit (which was so sweet, i was trying not to cry). they’re thankfully allowing me to have my phone and all (i’d be going insane if not), but i’ve been mostly sleeping honestly.
i tried asking them to not admit me into the psych ward cause i hate being in the looney bin, but i don’t have much of a choice because of the “severity” of my attempt. tried to opt for outpatient, but gonna be put in inpatient whether i like it or not, so i’ll be spending christmas here in the hospital alone unfortunately. oh well.
oops, yeah, not long story short lmao. anyway, sorry for worrying y’all. i really was not as lucid as i believed i was at the time that i’d made all those cryptic posts. i wanted to spend some time writing while i’m in here, but my emotional state has been so raw recently and the past few days being in here has caused me to be a lot more blocked in regards to that. my writing is tied to my emotions, so i won’t be able to write for y’all until i can process my emotions better again.
i don’t necessarily plan to abandon y’all, but if i’m slightly less active on here than usual, please understand why.
love you all.
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What are some Japanese bl you would recommend? (i have only watched cherry magic, my love mix up and old fashion cupcake)
Japanese BL is a little harder to get sometimes because they lack consistent international distribution, but if it's not available on a legal platform you can usually find it on a grey site. I tried to mention where I watched it, but some may not still be available on those platforms.
You already mentioned three of my faves, including Old Fashion Cupcake, Cherry Magic, and My Love Mix-up.
In no particular order, here are some others I enjoyed. Star rankings based on my personal taste and are out of 4 (4=flawless, 3=enjoyable, would rewatch multiple times, 2=pretty good, don't regret watching it but probably won't rewatch it, 1=bad, do not recommend):
Seven Days: Monday - Thursday, Friday - Sunday ***/* (Grey, sweet and pure, my first ever Japanese BL, a classic high-school set BL based on a manga, Seiryo says yes to anyone who asks him to be their boyfriend, but the caveat is it's only for one week, one day on a whim Shino asks him out)
Ossan's love 2018-19 **/* (Viki, gay office romcom, distinct Japanese humor that you will enjoy if you liked My Love Mix-up, ultimately kind to its characters)
The Novelist *** (GaGa, distinctly queer story about a young man who begins transcribing for a gay author who writes pornography, open ending, but the both prequel and sequel really round out the story and bring it to a satisfying conclusion)
Restart After Come Back Home *** (Grey, movie, man returns to country home after quitting Tokyo job, starts working at a farm, gay romance ensues, very beautiful)
My Beautiful Man / Utsukushii Kare **/* (Viki, school set, two leads are both a little too immature to make the first move so years pass with both of them thinking their love is unrequited, whipping boy trope)
Given** (WeTV, sing your feelings done right, healing journey through music, feels like watching a live action manga)
Mr Unlucky Has No Choice But to Kiss**/* (Viki/GaGa, school set, romcom, low-heat, excellent production values, supernaturally unlucky boy pairs up with a supernaturally lucky boy, cute)
Minato's Laundromat *** (Viki/GaGa, gay age gap romance, high school student persues laundromat owner, low-heat, good production values, sweet story, don't recommend the sequel)
Takara kun to Amagi kun** (Viki/GaGa, school set, two high schoolers navigate a new relationship with each other, vv low-heat) 
Kabe Koji Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to be Recognized** (Viki, gay romance, grumpy yaoi manga artist and sunshine jpop idol, exaggerated humor mixed with poignant life lessons, vv low heat) 
Jack O'Frost ***/* (Viki, gay romance, amnesiac young man and his co-habitating ex begin their relationship again, short 6 ep, A+ acting, excellent production values) 
End of the World with You ** (Viki, gay romance, former lovers reunite at the end of the world in a 2nd chance romance, high-heat, abrupt and ambiguous but hopeful ending)
Tokyo in April is… ** (Viki, gay romance, 2nd chance romance, reunited after 10 years of being forced apart by their parents as teens two Tokyo professionals rekindle their relationship, A+ production, tw: rape, sexual assault, workplace sexual harassment) 
Our Dining Table ** (GaGa, gay romance, lonely office worker befriends a young boy and falls in love with his older brother while dining together as a family on the weekends, A+ domesticity) 
My Personal Weatherman ** (Viki, gay romance, struggling manga artist lives with his weatherman boyfriend but is oblivious to the fact that they're in a loving D/S lifestyle relationship) 
If It's With You **/* (GaGa, school set, sunshine out gay student transfers to a new school and is befriended by a reserved yet honest hardworking fellow student, sweet, A+ communication, beautiful people and cinematography) 
I Cannot Reach You ***/* (Netflix, school set, hot and smart jock has a long-term crush on his adorkable BFF, pining, friends to lovers, self-acceptance, kindness, clear communication) 
I Became the Main Role in a BL Drama ** (GaGa, gay romance, 2 actors playing an onscreen couple fall in love, cohabitation, food as love, low heat)
What Did You Eat Yesterday *** (GaGa, slice of life gay romance, established older gay couple, heart warming and food-centric)
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Please just block and don’t report, this is my only safe space
I’ve come to the dumbfounding realization that I am hearing things again and I can’t do anything about it.
I have minor to moderate hallucinations
Mostly auditory, mostly nonsensical
The repeating sounds of doors opening, dogs barking, phone notifications stuff like that
On the more extreme end I have seen and heard upsetting things. Disturbing to just plain gross at times.
I also have an imaginary friend, max, who is mostly my voice of reason but he keeps his distance ever since I started going to therapy.
But there’s this one that’s been messing with me for a long time. The voice of my probably dead ex. Long story short he was dealing with psychotic episodes and confided in me for experiencing similar things (hallucinations), but after a dumb argument with me agreeing with my friend over a stupid thing made him think that I was cheating on him. He threatened to take his own life before blocking me. Never heard of him again. Never had a mutual friend between us and I didn’t tell my parents about our relationship or even our friendship so no connection to his family to see if he was okay.
That night I made a promise to take my life before 18 but I’m 19 now.
Since that day he was this soft yet suffocating voice to tell me I wasn’t worth the air I breathed for killing him. I hardly talk about it. Not like how I talk about the bullying or harassment I was experiencing at the time. It’s still hard to talk about it today.
Something about it is that those thoughts, those feelings, that moment is always in the back of my head. I spend so much time trying to forget about it, I end up thinking about it twice as much.
Recently it was my 19th birthday. For weeks, months leading up to that day it was like he was resurrected. his damn ghost talking to me, asking me if I really wanted to stay like this. This alongside the hallucinations twisting and turning what everyone is saying around me. Sounding harsher, whispering cruel truths, even when I’m alone, with the voices of family, friends
Especially friends that walked out, that I don’t know if they’re safe, alive.
It’s eating me up. The things they say.
Makes me dizzy with anger, nauseous with anxiety, choking on grief.
I’ve been trying to stay clean
I really am
But if I’m clean with one thing I’m twice as dependent on the other.
I used to talk about this with my therapist
My closest friend
My brother max
But I don’t go to therapy anymore and she was a bitch anyway, nice lady just always felt like she looked down on me
My closest friend is drowning in his own life and he’s just a kid, how could I even put something on him in the first place
And max, my brother, isn’t that so damning huh? A literal extension of myself and somehow even though he out of anyone should understand the most, his disappointment, him not understanding is what I fear the most.
Plus how could I even bring it up??
“Hey by the way my understanding of what everyone around me is saying is slowly being twisted and it’s getting harder to tell when it happens, and it’s been making me feel violent and awful”
No one would trust my feelings, my perspective, every little thing that I say that I feel will be scrutinized and doubted. Don’t get me wrong, it’s for a good reason, but it feels like no one understands that I already doubt everything I see and hear. Scrutinize every feeling already. Why would I want others to do that to me when I build up the confidence to even say anything?
Cant mix well with my already shaky sense of self. My very identity is constantly contradicted by how everyone else perceives me and my own fucking body betraying me.
So it’s getting bad again and I can’t say anything, but whenever things would build up I would come here to write it down, get it out, so I know I’ll feel better soon. And like I always say
It will pass
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alaffy · 1 year
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One of Us is Lying, Ep. 2x06 – Simon Says You Better Pray
Honestly, if the rest of the season had been like this episode, I would have been very much invested in the season. Which is kind of funny to say, because I really haven't liked the character of Vanessa but….It comes back to what I've been saying in my previous posts about the show and how they wanted it both ways and why it just didn't work. Well, if the rest of the season had been like this…this is exactly how it could have worked.
So, just a brief overview of what the episode was about.   Vanessa is lying low after people started blaming her for Giselle's death. But she is contacted by TJ and he tells her how he was framed and he also tells her that he was being blackmailed by Simon Says. Naturally, Vanessa believes that The Murder Club is behind the messages. She tries to convince Cole that murder club is going to kill them all.  After all, they killed Simon and framed Jake. At which point, Cole tells her that Jake is in fact the murderer of Simon and plays her the message from the Xbox, which I will get back to in a minute. We find out that Cole was the person who got Vanessa pregnant and he didn’t want her to tell Jake because he didn’t know how Jake would act.  Yeah, I’m sure that’s the real reason.  
It's because of this that Vanessa comes to the realization that she was so obsessed with the idea that someone else killed Simon, because if she admitted the truth to herself, she would also have to admit she didn’t really know someone she considered her closest friend. She also admits that it wasn’t just because of her relationship with Jake; but the responses to her Instagram videos made her feel like people noticed her. Which, by the way, she now also coming to the realization that people were interested in the videos because they thought she was a joke. But Evan, Bronwyn's ex and the person that Vanessa is currently hooking up with, tells her that she really if she's really serious about finding out what happened on Halloween, she needs to find facts. And her Priest tells her she needs to maybe go back to the beginning and start again; what she does.  And she is able to create a timeline of the Halloween party.  Long story short, she is able to track down Jake's car. Now during this time, she starts getting threatening texts from Simon Says. But she thinks it's a Murder Club trying to scare her. And she plans on going on TV to reveal the information she found.  Simon Says threatens to kill her if she goes on TV. And again, she thinks it's a Murder Club.  She tells them to back off, and they start realizing that other people are getting threats. She goes to the station and, at the end, it looks like she is kidnapped.
I've mentioned this before one of my previous posts about parameters that have been set up and how the writers seemed to have wanted both ways; that somehow Jake was both guilty and innocent. Now it's understandable that Jake's family and Vanessa, who was his friend, wanted to believe that Jake didn't kill Simon; that he was framed. My biggest issue this whole time was that the Xbox conversation existed. Now, obviously the police can’t just release the information to the world.  However, when it was clear that both Vanessa and Cole were, in fact, harassing some or all of the four original suspects.  Let’s just say it shouldn’t have taken six episodes and another dead body before the police sat, at least, the family down and let them know why the four no longer were considered suspects.  At which point the conversation between Cole and Vanessa could have happened.
In fact, I think it would have worked a little bit better because then you would have had, instead of Vanessa being this stupid Comic Relief or whatever the hell this was; you could have had a Vanessa that was…well growing as the episodes went on.  Instead of having everything that happened in this episode happen all at once, you could have had her doing her own investigation. It could have been a little bit more cat and mouse between her and The Murder Club.
Because let's face it, it's not cat and mouse when you already know the detective is a complete waste of time and can easily fuck up her job. But having Vanessa slowly come through with the clues.  Kind of having that realization, maybe episode two or even episode three ,of, “OK, maybe there are things I don't know about Jake, but there are things that don't make sense about the party, and I still don't think that Jake would have just run away like that.” In fact, episode three would be perfect; because that’s when Giselle came into the picture.  After all, Giselle is claiming that Jake told her that Addy and her friends were planning on doing something to him.  This would be the perfect time for the cops to have to explain, to Jake’s family why they know Giselle is lying and why they know Jake killed Simon.  At which point, Cole tells Vanessa.
The point I'm trying to get to here is that, if Vanessa had found out the truth about Jake earlier…watching her deal with the fact that she didn’t know her friend as well as she thought she did, deal with the fact that her friend was a murder, and yet still feel as though something bad has happened to him and she needs to find out what….I think that would have been a more interesting subplot then what we got.
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uweiy · 3 years
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I'm intrigued by Love is Science? but know nothing about it. Can you give me a run down on what kind of thing to expect and who it might appeal to? Thank you!! 😁
Ooooo boi *gremlin smile* I'm glad you asked. You've entered the dragon's den, broken the dam and thus this post turned out to be a monster so I'm gonna link here another post from @accidentallyadramablog which imo gives a nice (and short) overview.
That said let's get into
Love is Science?
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Summary :
Yan Fei is a the CEO of the Love is Science marriage agency, that matches people based on scientific data. Hsuan Yu, 8 years younger than her, is a promising young hairstylist who has been in love with her thoughout their entire childhood when she has only ever seen him like a little brother.
Unexpectedly they meet again. Between the way they've each built their lives and how Yong Yan Fei's ex husband still looms over Yan Fei's life, how will their relationship develop this time around ?
Now,
just reading that summary I know what you're thinking.
Indeed, if you have some experience with dramas, you might recognize some TYPICAL TYPICAL tropes – let's get them out of the way :
love triangle (though we all know who she is going to end up with don't we)
childhood friends
'noona romance'
And they are every bit as present and as trope-ey as you would expect.
However, as they say, the devil is in the details.
And particularly, in the side characters. Let me give you a quick rundown of the lot of them :
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As such, we follow the stories of multiple relationships that develop parallel to one another.
The relationships
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• Yan Fei/ Hsuan Yu : Not much needs to be added I think. Their storyline might be the most predictable but they are pretty sweet and heartwarming. pining for like 12 years though poor Hsuan Yu. Anyway you can enjoy it or find it boring or but you can't hate it.
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• Mark/Ouwen : Noooow we're getting to it. Their dynamic is so... Refreshing and unique. Confident gay with a soft heart and dumb disaster bisexual I mean *chef kiss*👌delicious
After the disasters of their first meetings, it's a cat and dog relationship where Ouwen is the hsssssss don't touch me– cat and Mark is the golden retriever trailing after him not really realizing the rampage he's creating in Ouwen's heart. while Ouwen is like "Remind me why the FUCK I caught feelings again ?".
IDK it just has everything 'Enemies' to friends to lovers, (not actually) unrequited love, pining, sweet moments, jealousy, feelings realization, snarky banter... What more could one want.
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• Cho Nai Hui / You Fu : they are. So. So sweet. Both are older and have experience, and as such they are not so naive or stupid as the youngsters. Them sharing their life experiences and going on dates like typically teenagers (in movies or TV shows anyway) would is refreshing to see and really really heartwarming.
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• Liu Sheng Ying/ ??? Her ex ? : The show hinted at a wlw storyline and this arc seems to have JUST begun. Basically Sheng Ying's ex comes to Love is Science as a client and requests Sheng Ying as an advisor, while Sheng Ying still seems heartbroken over her. I can't WAIT to see how it develops.
The friendships :
Something I greatly appreciate is that both the romantic relationships AND the friendships have a great importance in the drama.
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• Joanna and Yan Fei : Jo, queen Jo 👑. She's just here to gossip, get all the gossip and be the voice of reason and we love her for it. You can see how comfortable they are around each other and how they were there for each other during tough times and still are. Kudos to the actresses because I believed the characters were besties in a heartbeat.
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• Hsuan Yu and Mark : they are honestly... Such polar opposites you kinda wonder how they became friends but they are and it works perfectly.
Hsuan Yu still hasn't gotten he maybe shouldn't take Mark's advice, and Mark still hasn't gotten that he, definitely should take Hsuan Yu's. It also enables to develop a more playful and mischievous side to Hsuan Yu, giving him more depth?
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• Ouwen and Sheng Ying: rivalry to reluctant solidarity to friends-but-i-will-deny-it-if-asked to just friends. IT'S GREAT
I also ejoy the fact that these multiple storylines are allowed to coexist. The romantic ones, the friendships, older, younger, m/f m/m and f/f like take your pick !! And tbh a WLW storyline ?????? These are so scarce I will take anything.
The recurring themes :
The show more or less subtly touches on some topics/issues, to which the dating aspect contributes to.
A non exhaustive list would be
Divorce, and how divorced women can be viewed as failures for some reason
How successful men over 30 are sought after but successful women after 30 are somehow deemed undatable
Preconceived notions and homophobia
And beyond the topics, there's just things like... Joanna not being interested in long term relationships nor wanting to get married, reporting sexual harassment, older people going on dates.... I'm not saying it's a groundbreaking activist drama –which is not really what I was looking for– I just appreciate the fact that it is a pretty mainstream drama and that these things are there.
Mad respect if you've made it up to here ! but we're not quite done yet.
The cast and crew :
The other element that made this drama stand out for me besides the side characters is the cast.
It might be weird that such a meta thing impacts the appreciation of the show but it did, for me at least.
📣📣TMI WARNING 📣📣
For me what happened is I stumbled onto Mark and Ouwen cuts on YouTube, then somehow onto the behind the scenes. They weren't subbed at the time so I could barely understand a word of what they were saying, thus I'm not sure what but something about how the rest of the actors, the director and the crew were interacting just told me it was a show worth watching or at least checking out.
📣📣END OF TMI📣📣
The cast honestly seems to have a blast and to have, how to say it, come together really well. It seems like most of them have become genuinely friends, or despite differences in personality have truly enjoyed working with one another and with the rest of the crew, and it shows.
Where it's lacking
In my opinion the show does have some aspects where it underperforms.
As previously mentioned, the main plot is kinda tropey, furthermore, in a drama typical fashion when something is about to get resolved, immediately something else happens. Nothing unexpected from a drama though.
The pacing : Some moments of the main plot especially dragged on, so I admit I skipped through some parts.
Because I feel so strongly about all the characters though, I don't really mind the previously mentioned points. I just think it's a shame because I feel like if it had been crafted a little bit better it could have made the show go from an 8/10 good drama to an 11/10 friggin amazing drama easy.
Lastly, there is a pretty unequal time distribution so Yan Fei and Hsuan Yu do tend to occupy the most part of an episode. However some episodes are more centered on some pairings (like ep 11 that will probably have an important Mark/Ouwen part).
Overall
it's a drama that warms my heart, as simple as that. It's not that deep, it's pretty funny, the acting ranges from good to excellent and I have taken a liking to a lot of the characters, which is what I think fuels my interest for the drama.
And I feel like it managed to attract a wide range of audiences because the romances and relationships are so diverse. Whether you watch the show for its entirety or for one aspect/storyline/character is entirely up to you and I feel like the creators of the drama are aware of it as well : and you can easily find subbed compilations about each specific pairing on Settv's official YouTube channel.
Take that aspect that you like–if you find one of course–and enjoy it, that is all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
What's left to say besides.... 🎉🎊 Congratulations for making it to the end of this lengthy post !
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madamtrashbat · 3 years
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A couple of thoughts
We doin' okay, Cats family? We're good? Good. I have one last thing to add.
This is kinda about pro- and anti-shippers, but it's really more about fandom culture in general and just my experiences. You can read it, if you want, or not.
Up to you.
I've been doin' this for a while. A good fifteen years at least, closer probably to sixteen. I've been doing things in fandom for longer than some of my mutuals have been alive.
(Oh Jesus)
And there's something I gotta tell you guys, both as a person who has been doing fandom-y stuff for years and for someone who literally has college degrees in English Literature and Creative Writing.
Being an anti is not normal.
And I know that comes across as harsh and mean and it sounds unreasonable but I'd like to explain what I mean by that.
I can trace back being an anti to two main sources: Voltron and Star Wars. I was never into Voltron or really even around anyone who was but I remember the screaming and fighting over the ships, and I remember the hellish crusade that began when people dared to ship Rey and Kylo Ren together. It was nasty, guys. It was absolutely insane that suddenly people were doing this over fictional ships, that people were being sent actual abuse and hatred because someone wanted the broody shitlord man and the unwashed desert scrounger to smooch. Like... imagine that in real time.
I was not, nor have I ever been, a Reylo shipper, but you know what I did, when that ship began, and I didn't like it? I ignored it and went about my day. Because that's how I was taught. Nothing in the fiction world was worth fighting over. It was not worth getting into arguments over. What was the point?
Then the antis got bolder, started branching out, and when people like me started standing up and saying, "Hey, stop being a dick to people!" someone hired the world's best PR machine and suddenly people who were not antis were pedophiles and abusive and incestuous.
How's that for some whiplash.
This anti movement of berating, bullying, harming, and threatening has been their MO, and it's dangerous. And now, they all buy their own bullshit. They actually think people like me are all out here twisting our mustaches like Snidely Whiplash and diddling kids. Without a shred of irony, they believe this.
Proship only labeled itself that as a response to the antiship, and antiship, make no mistake, named itself first. It was not anti-pedophile. It was not anti-incest. It was not anti-abuse.
It was all about disliking fictional ships that other people enjoyed, and thus attacking people over it.
And it's pointless. It's driven a child to suicide. It has gotten people fired. It has ruined careers, livelihoods, friendships. For nothing. For a boogeyman that doesn't exist.
Sex experts across the board all agree that what gives us our jollies is not at all what we want in real life. There's some wild statistic like 70% of women have had a sexual fantasy about rape at least once in their lives. About rape! That act that most AFAB people have a deep ingrained fear of! And we've used it to get off! Because sexual fantasy isn't that deep. Our brains are idiots. And since time immemorial, we as humans have written just the most fucked up shit.
It's even in the Bible. Humans have been nasty forever. And it doesn't mean shit.
It's in the TV shows. It's in our movies. It's in our books. It's in our music, our podcasts, everything. Being an anti is not the way of humanity at all. Ever. Except for like... maybe the puritans but they sucked so who cares about them.
Antis believe a lie. They believe a lie and they hurt people for it. I am not in any way, shape, or form exaggerating when I say I am fearful for those who regularly interact with me, because I am worried that one day the art they make or the "clout" they carry isn't going to be enough to save them from their friendship with me and antis will tear them to shreds. Because that is how they behave. They may not think they're bullies, and they may think they're in the right, but I want you to look up the Youtube RPF kid who killed themselves over anti harassment. Look at that horrible ask I just got. This is how they behave.
And that is what proshippers stand against. It's a stance against bullying, harassment, threats. That is it. There are plenty of proshippers out in the world that would never, ever think of writing anything involving someone underage, or between relatives, or involving anything gruesome. Because that's not what it's about.
Antis are new in the world of fandom, and they are the absolute root of toxicity. I do not exaggerate. They waste the time of agencies actually trying to eradicate CSAM by sending them art someone drew of a teenage character that isn't real. They've driven people to suicide. They've outright admitted to not caring about actual humans as much as they care about fictional ships. They have shown time and time again that they are not above abuse, vitriol, and bullying. There are blogs that post stories from ex-antis who say they were afraid to say anything different than their anti friends for fear of righteous backlash.
I repeat: I am legitimately afraid that my friends are going to get dogpiled and harassed because they dare to be my friend. That fear is not baseless. And it's all because of the way antis act.
I am liberal with the block button. I try to maintain boundaries because I don't want to see any of that shit as much as they don't want to see any of mine (though only a very scant few actually block me back, which is a joke in and of itself). But it still slips through. And I hate it, every time I see it.
Because this is not the way we're supposed to be. We are not supposed to be at odds with each other. We are supposed to share and have fun and be joyful about some people in lycra.
But because some people wanted to put on the pilgrim hat and play Morality Council to someone who's been doing this for years, I gotta tiptoe around people that think I'm actually out in the world diddling children. Do you know how fucked up that is. Do you know how that feels? To not only have someone make that judgment without any evidence, but to tell it to other people who don't know me either?
When someone finally snaps and starts biting back, it's not out of nowhere. And antis never, ever see themselves as doing something wrong. But they are. They are wrong.
Can I let you in on a little secret?
Seriously, just between you and me, come here.
If you think it's wrong to bully someone because of fiction, then you're proship. That is the long and short of it. No more or less. I hate to break it to you, but that is the only definition, and anyone who says it's something else is lying to you for their own gain.
And sure, there are lots of people who try to hide behind the proship label as they do shitty things. But antis do the same. Humans being assholes and trying to blame it on something else is not new.
The fact that people have come to me and told me that the antis have made them feel uncomfortable, that they're afraid if they do something they might view as negative they might receive hate, that people are actually AFRAID of people in this fandom, is not okay.
There was a fandom I was involved in where one of the prominent people actively hated me and I was never afraid of what she would do. I am afraid of the antis in this fandom, though. Because they have teeth and they like to use them.
Fandom isn't supposed to be like this. Nobody should be screaming at teenagers for talking to adults in fandom, infantilizing them like they're not a whole autonomous human. Nobody should be telling someone to kill themselves because they ship Tuggerstrap. Nobody should be afraid of the other people in their fandom.
Antis, if any of them even read this (I doubt it, but just in case), I want you to look around. The people who are neutral are not afraid of what the proshippers will say to them. They are afraid of you. You and your ilk are the ones causing the damage, and you are the outliers in the entire world of fiction. You're a loud minority that thinks it knows better when it knows absolutely nothing.
Ruminate on that.
My blog is still a safe space from bullying, abuse, and nastiness. If someone is being mean to you, you will always find a friend here. And if you can't say the same, then what's wrong with you?
Be excellent to each other. Stop making people afraid.
And sit down and ask yourself what it is you really want when you make vague posts about people and tell people vicious, awful things. What are you hoping to gain.
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theshedding · 3 years
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Lil Nas X: Country Music, Christianity & Reclaiming HELL
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I don’t typically bother myself to follow what Lil Nas X is doing from day to day, or even month to month but I do know that his “Old Town Road” hit became one of the biggest selling/streamed records in Country Music Business history (by a Black Country & Queer artist). “Black” is key because for 75+ years Country music has unsuspiciously evolved into a solidly White-identified genre (despite mixed and Indian & Black roots). Regrettably, Country music is also widely known for anti-black, misogynoir, reliably homophobic (Trans isn’t really a conversation yet), Christian and Hard Right sentiments on the political spectrum. Some other day I will venture into more; there is a whole analysis dying to be done on this exclusive practice in the music industry with its implications on ‘access’ to equity and opportunity for both Black/POC’s and Whites artists/songwriters alike. More commentary on this rigid homogeneous field is needed and how it prohibits certain talent(s) for the sake of perpetuating homogeneity (e.g. “social determinants” of diversity & viable artistic careers). I’ll refrain from discussing that fully here, though suffice it to say that for those reasons X’s “Old Town Road” was monumental and vindicating. 
As for Lil Nas X, I’m not particularly a big fan of his music; but I see him, what he’s doing, his impact on music + culture and I celebrate him using these moments to affirm his Black, Queer self, and lifting up others. Believe it or not, even in the 2020′s, being “out” in the music business is still a costly choice. As an artist it remains much easier to just “play straight”. And despite appearances, the business (particularly Country) has been dragged kicking and screaming into developing, promoting and advancing openly-affirming LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 artists in the board room or on-stage. Though things are ‘better’ we have not yet arrived at a place of equity or opportunity for queer artists; for the road of music biz history is littered with stunted careers, bodies and limitations on artists who had no option but to follow conventional ways, fail or never be heard of in the first place. With few exceptions, record labels, radio and press/media have successfully used fear, intimidation, innuendo and coercion to dilute, downplay or erase any hint of queer identity from its performers. This was true even for obvious talents like Little Richard.
(Note: I’m particularly speaking of artists in this regard, not so much the hairstylists, make-up artists, PA’s, etc.)
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Which is why...in regard to Lil Nas X, whether you like, hate or love his music, the young brother is a trailblazer. His very existence protests (at least) decades of inequity, oppression and erasure. X aptly critiques a Neo-Christian Fascist Heteropatriarchy; not just in American society but throughout the Music Business and with Black people. That is no small deal. His unapologetic outness holds a mirror up to Christianity at-large, as an institution, theology and practice. The problem is they just don’t like what they see in that mirror.
In actuality, “Call Me By Your Name”, Lil Nas X’s new video, is a twist on classic mythology and religious memes that are less reprehensible or vulgar than the Biblical narratives most of us grew up on vís-a-vís indoctrinating smiles of Sunday school teachers and family prior to the “age of reason”. Think about the narratives blithely describing Satan’s friendly wager with God regarding Job (42:1-6); the horrific “prophecies” in St. John’s Book of Revelation (i.e. skies will rain fire, angels will spit swords, mankind will be forced to retreat into caves for shelter, and we will be harassed by at least three terrifying dragons and beasts. Angels will sound seven trumpets of warning, and later on, seven plagues will be dumped on the world), or Jesus’s own clarifying words of violent intent in Matthew (re: “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” 10:34). Whether literal or metaphor, these age old stories pale in comparison to a three minute allegorical rap video. Conservatives: say what you will, I’m pretty confident X doesn’t take himself as seriously as “The true and living God” from the book of Job.
A little known fact as it is, people have debunked the story and evolution of Satan and already offered compelling research showing [he] is more of a literary device than an actual entity or “spirit” (Spoiler: In the Bible, Satan does not take shape as an actual “bad” person until the New Testament). In fact, modern Christianity’s impression of the “Devil” is shaped by conflating Hellenized mythology with a literary tradition rooted in Dante’s Inferno and accompanying spooks and superstitions going back thousands of years. Whether Catholic, Protestant, Mormon, Scientologist, Atheist or Agnostic, we’ve spent a lifetime with these predominant icons and clichés. (Resource: Prof. Bart D. Erhman, “Heaven & Hell”).
So Here’s THE PROBLEM: The current level of fear and outrage is: 
(1) Unjust, imposing and irrational. 
(2) Disproportionate when taken into account a lifetime of harmful Christian propaganda, anti-gay preaching and political advocacy.
(3) Historically inaccurate concerning the existence of “Hell” and who should be scared of going there. 
Think I’m overreacting? 
Examples: 
Institutionalized Homophobia (rhetoric + policy)
Anti-Gay Ministers In Life And Death: Bishop Eddie Long And Rev. Bernice King
Black, gay and Christian, Marylanders struggle with Conflicts
Harlem pastor: 'Obama has released the homo demons on the black man'
Joel Olsteen: Homosexuality is “Not God’s Best”
Bishop Brandon Porter: Gays “Perverted & Lost...The Church of God in Christ Convocation appears like a ‘coming out party’ for members of the gay community.”
Kim Burrell: “That perverted homosexual spirit is a spirit of delusion & confusion and has deceived many men & women, and it has caused a strain on the body of Christ”
Falwell Suggests Gays to Blame for 9-11 Attacks
Pope Francis Blames The Devil For Sexual Abuse By Catholic Church
Pope Francis: Gay People Not Welcome in Clergy
Pope Francis Blames The Devil For Sexual Abuse By Catholic Church
The Pope and Gay People: Nothing’s Changed
The Catholic church silently lobbied against a suicide prevention hotline in the US because it included LGBT resources
Mormon church prohibits Children of LGBT parents to be baptized
Catholic Charity Ends Adoptions Rather Than Place Kid With Same-Sex Couple
I Was a Religious Zealot That Hurt People-Coming Out as Gay: A Former Conversion Therapy Leader Is Apologizing to the LGBTQ Community
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The above short list chronicles a consistent, literal, demonization of LGBTQ people, contempt for their gender presentation, objectification of their bodies/sexuality and a coordinated pollution of media and culture over the last 50+ years by clergy since integration and Civil Rights legislation. Basically terrorism. Popes, Bishops, Pastors, Evangelists, Politicians, Television hosts, US Presidents, Camp Leaders, Teachers, Singers & Entertainers, Coaches, Athletes and Christians of all types all around the world have confused and confounded these issues, suppressed dissent, and confidently lied about LGBT people-including fellow Queer Christians with impunity for generations (i.e. “thou shall not bear false witness against they neighbor” Ex. 23:1-3). Christian majority viewpoints about “laws” and “nature” have run the table in discussions about LGBTQ people in society-so much that we collectively must first consider their religious views in all discussions and the specter of Christian approval -at best or Christian condescension -at worst. That is Christian (and straight) privilege. People are tired of this undue deference to religious opinions. 
That is what is so deliciously bothersome about Lil Nas X being loud, proud and “in your face” about his sexuality. If for just a moment, he not only disrupts the American hetero-patriarchy but specifically the Black hetero-patriarchy, the so-called “Black Church Industrial Complex”, Neo-Christian Fascism and a mostly uneducated (and/or miseducated) public concerning Ancient Near East and European history, superstitions-and (by extension) White Supremacy. To round up: people are losing their minds because the victim decided to speak out against his victimizer. 
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Additionally, on some level I believe people are mad at him being just twenty years old, out and FREE as a self-assured, affirming & affirmed QUEER Black male entertainer with money and fame in the PRIME of his life. We’ve never, or rarely, seen that before in a Black man in the music business and popular culture. But that’s just too bad for them. With my own eyes I’ve watched straight people, friends, Christians, enjoy their sexuality from their elementary youth to adolescence, up and through college and later marriages, often times independently of their spouses (repeatedly). Meanwhile Queer/Gay/SGL/LGBTQ people are expected to put their lives on hold while the ‘blessed’ straight people run around exploring premarital/post-marital/extra-marital sex, love and affection, unbound & un-convicted by their “sin” or God...only to proudly rebrand themselves later in life as a good, moral “wholesome Christian” via the ‘sacred’ institution of marriage with no questions asked. 
Inequality defined.
For Lil Nas X, everything about the society we've created for him in the last 100+ years (re: links above) has explicitly been designed for his life not to be his own. According to these and other Christians (see above), his identity is essentially supposed to be an endless rat fuck of internal confusion, suicide-ideation, depression, long-suffering, faux masculinity, heterosexism, groveling towards heaven, respectability politics, failed prayer and supplication to a heteronormative earthly and celestial hierarchy unbothered in affording LGBT people like him a healthy, sane human development. It’s almost as if the Conservative establishment (Black included) needs Lil Nas X to be like others before him: “private”, mysteriously single, suicidal, suspiciously straight or worse, dead of HIV/AIDS ...anything but driving down the street enjoying his youth as a Black Queer artist and man. So they mad about that?
Well those days are over.  
-Rogiérs is a writer, international recording artist, performer and indie label manager with 25+ years in the music industry. He also directs Black Nonbelievers of DC, a non-profit org affiliated with the AHA supporting Black skeptics, Atheists, Agnostics & Humanists. He holds a B.A. in Music Business & Mgmt and a M.A. in Global Entertainment & Music Business from Berklee College of Music and Berklee Valencia, Spain. www.FibbyMusic.net Twitter/IG: @Rogiers1
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sleeperswakewriting · 3 years
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fire alarm
Thank you to @nicolanoodles for the prompt: “the fire alarm went off at 3 am and now the cute guy from the flat next door is standing next to me in his underwear AU”
AO3
Rating: G
Pairing: Levi x Petra
Petra groaned and rubbed her eyes as she slid into her slippers. Not again…She thought, throwing on her robe and grabbing her phone. She padded to her front door with not nearly as much haste as she probably should have, but she was tired. For the third time this week, her building’s fire alarm had gone off, and each time had been a false alarm. Something related to a new system, is what management told everyone, but it still didn’t make up for the fact that this was now the third night this week that she had woken up at 3 AM. By the time the firetrucks were called and the all clear was given, she barely fell back asleep before waking up at a prompt 5:30 AM to get ready for work. 
Her coworkers and students commented on her ragged appearance, which made her all the more frustrated since she was usually known for her sunny disposition, but even she had her limits, and she was someone who valued her sleep. It didn’t help that she recently moved into the building so she had nearly another year before her lease was up, and she was so sure that this apartment would be the perfect fit for her modest salary and being a single woman. 
Skirting down the stairs, Petra noticed her neighbors also lazily making their way back down, each of them with the same annoyed and dazed look. Petra knew most of the people on her floor, an elderly couple three doors down, a single mom and son across from her, and a young couple with an adorable Pomeranian that she often saw in the afternoons when she returned from work. There were a couple neighbors unaccounted for, and Petra assumed that their schedules never aligned, but she never had any noise complaints, which was the plus side to her floor. 
The summer breeze hit her as she made her way onto the grass, the moistness catching her fluffy slippers and she grumbled, wondering if the apartment complex would reimburse her for physical and emotional damage. If anything, her students will be suffering tomorrow since Ms. Ral had been at the end of her rope all week, and one more student on the red zone would take away Friday’s movie afternoon. Clearly, lack of sleep made her heartless, but at this point she didn’t care, she wanted to get back into her bed. 
Petra pulled up her Snapchat to show her friends that yet again, she would be in a bad mood all day. As she raised her phone to the apartment complex to snap a picture of the screeching disaster, she immediately noticed a man standing a few feet in front of her in his underwear. Well, his black boxer’s to be exact. He had flip flops on, and he wore a scowl equal to the people around him. His eyes focused in on her, and his grimace darkened. 
They made eye contact and Petra yelped, immediately turning around and slapping her phone to the side of her leg and out of sight. Oh my god, he must think I’m such a perv. Don’t turn around, Petra. Even if he is hot and has a six pack, you were not taking a picture of him in his underwear!
“Oi,” a man said, tapping her shoulder, and she went hot. 
Slowly turning around to meet her judgement, Petra went crimson as the man in the boxers stood in front of her. He was glaring (as he should, Petra thought) and pointed to her phone in her hand. He was only a few inches taller than her, maybe a just bit older too, with grey eyes and an undercut.  
“What the hell?” He asked, and Petra found it very hard to breathe. The last time she was this close to a near naked man was her ex-boyfriend, and that was someone she knew very well. This was a stranger! A very sexy, are-his-muscles-photoshopped stranger. 
Petra took a step back, squishing further into wet grass and she stuttered, “I-I wasn’t taking a picture of you. I was just taking a Snapchat to show my friends to complain. I would show you, but you know, Snapchat.” 
The main raised an eyebrow, not buying her story, and she groaned. “I promise I’m not a pervert. You’re really attractive, but I’m not the type to snap pictures of random guys.”
He raised his eyebrows even further, the annoyance disappearing and his expression softened to something closer to amusement. 
Realizing what she just said, hung over from lack of sleep, Petra clamped her mouth shut and took a deep sigh. 
“Let me start over. Hi, my name is Petra. I live in 34C.” She extended her hand, hoping to get into the stranger’s good graces before he reported her for harassment. 
The man shook her hand. “Levi. 34B.” 
God, could this day get any worse? He was her freaking neighbor too?! One of the nameless ones that apparently worked opposite hours. Feeling lightheaded, Petra released his hand and stared at the ground in embarrassment.
Seemingly uncomfortable with their silence, Levi coughed. “This shit sucks,” he said, pointing his thumb at the firetrucks that started to pour in. They were a good 100 feet away from the building, but the noise was enough to give her a headache. 
“Yeah,” Petra agreed lamely, her silk robe suddenly feeling too tight. 
“How long have you been living here?” He asked. 
“Just two months, I got a job in the area over the summer. You?”
“A year.”
“Oh, so are these things common? I’ve been meaning to ask around but I’m always so tired when they go off, but I’m not sure how much longer I can take it.” 
“Not really, but it’s still fucking annoying. Not like we have work or anything,” he mumbled sarcastically, running his fingers through his hair. 
Since the conversation had mellowed out and he didn’t seem as agitated at her, she allowed herself to peek at him, admiring his muscular features. Maybe he was a personal trainer? Or in the military? 
“I know, right? I have to deal with so many brats in the morning, this week has been killing me,” she commiserated. 
Levi seemed to smirk as she spoke, and she amended, “Not that I don’t like my students or anything! They can be a handful, but I usually really do like them when I’m not sleep deprived.” 
“You’re a teacher?” 
She nodded enthusiastically, “Third grade.”
“Wow,” he replied sincerely. “I couldn’t do that, too much noise.” 
“What do you do?” She asked, feeling braver. 
He crossed his arms, and Petra swallowed as the action highlighted his chest and biceps. “I’m a lawyer.” 
“Oh! Like defense attorney stuff?”
“Child welfare,” he replied, looking to the side, and Petra’s heart melted. Hot and chivalrous? She had to tell Nanaba about him later. 
“That’s amazing!” She said enthusiastically, nearly forgetting about his unclothed state, and she stepped closer to him. His eyes widened as the side of her robe brushed against his stomach, and she caught herself, giggling. 
“Aha, sorry!” She pulled the straps tighter against her. “Can I ask why you’re in your underwear?” Don’t look near his groin, Petra. Don’t try to guess how big—
“I was asleep,” Levi deadpanned, as if it were obvious. Petra looked around them, wondering if anyone else was in a similar state of disarray, but most people were in their robes or threw on a jacket to cover themselves up. Seemingly, as if Levi could read her mind, “I never know if one of these things are real or not, so I just gun for it. I guess I should know by now, but it’s a pretty knee jerk reaction.” 
“Do you want my robe?” She asked suddenly, feeling bad for him and maybe he was feeling self-conscious. 
“Hell no. I’d rather be like this than be caught dead in your pink lingerie.” 
Petra blushed furiously. “It is not lingerie! It’s a robe!” 
He nodded, and with a teasing lilt to his tone, “Sure. With a v-neck cut out to show off your cleavage. Just a robe.”
She looked down at herself for the first time since putting on the ensemble, and she grew hotter noticing the lacy and thin tank top she was wearing. It was obvious to anyone looking at her up close that she wasn’t wearing a bra, and her sleep shorts cut off before her robe, making her look pants-less. 
“Do you want to sit in my car and make out until the trucks leave?” 
“W-What?!” Petra gaped, and she looked up to see Levi’s face lined in amusement, holding up his car keys. 
“I’m kidding. I was actually going to sit in there before I saw you taking a picture of me. We’ve already seen each other half naked, so it isn’t too weird to sit in a car together.” 
Not seeing how her night could get any more embarrassing, Petra nodded and found herself following Levi to his car in the adjacent lot. Maybe I should call out of work tomorrow…
“For the record, I definitely was not taking a photo of you.” 
“I wouldn’t mind if you did, though.” He said, opening the door to his black sports car, and Petra’s heart thrummed in her chest, inhaling the leather. 
Maybe the fire alarm going off wasn’t so bad. 
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collecting-stories · 3 years
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I Feel it all Over - t. 04 - JJ Maybank
Summary: Kiara surprises you at church and you spend the day with her, JJ, and Pope.
A/N: If you haven't ever listened to them...can I just highly recommended listening to The Maine (whose album You Are Ok this is based on)? They’re music is amazing...You Are Ok, American Candy, and Pioneer are probably my favorite albums of theirs. Plus they did an incredible cover of Watermelon Sugar...if you’re a fan of Harry Styles. 
You Are Ok Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist
✞ I swear to every god I feel everything tonight with you ✞
New patrons to the church were usually whole families that came to services, whose fathers or mothers agreed your father’s lesson and felt drawn to the “community” of the Baptist denomination. They responded to the clickbait phrases and did feel lost in their everyday life. It was very rare that any new member, or anyone testing the church out for the first time, would be a single person, a teenager far removed from the beliefs and traditions of the church. But there was Kiara, walking up the few steps into the vestibule. She wasn’t here because of any lost feelings; she was here because she wanted to get to know you more. What JJ had told her, and what she had seen for herself on Friday, was someone that she definitely wanted to be friends with.  
She had no bet to dictate how or when she became friends with you. She slipped into the line of people entering the church, catching sight of you standing by the door handing out pamphlets for that morning’s service. Making sure she was at the end of the line, she waved as she approached, happy to see you.  
“What are you doing here?” You asked, glancing into the church before giving her a quick hug. If your parents or any other family saw they would ask how you knew this complete stranger and why you seemed so friendly with someone who had never been to the church before.  
“JJ stole you on Friday,” she shrugged, “thought maybe we could hang out after church?”  
“Yeah,” you nodded, a story already formulating in your head to tell your parents. Your mother always said that a lie was the devil on your tongue and the first time she’d said it you were convinced that the devil had taken out real estate because you lied constantly, and with ease. Sometimes just to see if you could get away with it. “That would be amazing.”
As far as friends went, you had very few. Your main source of companionship had come from your brothers and sisters, other friends were just acquaintances from youth group or church retreats that you never really felt any deeper connection with. The further away from the fold you felt, the less you found a community for yourself. You had been doubting for so long now that anything within the church felt like a show you were putting on for other people’s amusement, the emotions weren’t real and niether were you.  
JJ wasn’t the first boy you had ever let yourself like but he was the first person you had ever felt comfortable being yourself around. There was no fear of judgement or rejection with him, nothing you said was turned into a weapon to make you feel guilty or unworthy, you didn’t have to pretend to be someone you weren’t. You had been nervous to meet his friends, feeling so different from them, but Kiara and Pope had been nice, welcoming, and all you felt was ease. Even now, seeing Kiara had put a more genuine smile on your face than seeing your family visiting for church.
“I wore my best ‘church’ outfit,” Kiara said, gesturing to the maxi dress and sweater she was wearing. The dress was backless and strappy but it was the only thing she owned that wasn’t short. She’d thrown a sweater overtop, hoping she could play off the dress better.
“You blend right in,” you laughed, “I’m relegated to sit up front...I don’t know if you wanna sit with me up there?”
“Lead the way.”
The “peace be with you’s” weren’t too bad and you lied to your mom when she asked how you knew Kiara, telling her that you had met at Heyward's and invited Kiara to church because she was interested in the tract you had. Your mother’s love for testimony and her conviction that people really did want to be approached on the street and harassed about their faith were enough to convince her that your story was solid. It was enough, even, to give you permission to go to lunch with Kiara after service was over.  
Kiara hadn’t been to church since she was thirteen and her mom decided that she was old enough to choose whether or not she actually wanted to be there. That sort of power and responsibility had been all Kiara needed to ditch Sunday service altogether and spend her mornings out on the waves with the pogues, worshipping a different sort of force. She was a lot less religious and a lot more spiritual now though she listened intently to your father preaching. The opinions were hogwash, nothing to bat an eye at, but the actual teachings were interesting. You seemed relatively invested in those parts too, your notes, Kiara realized, looked a lot more like a theology lesson than a preacher’s condemnation of society.  
“You know a lot about the bible,” Kiara mentioned once you were out of church and back at her house, changing into jeans and a shirt of hers.  
“I like studying religion, theology,” you clarified, “my grandfather knew a lot about the texts. Not like my dad, he’s just...got his own ideas. My grandfather knew the Greek and Hebrew translations and spent years studying other religions as well. It was so cool to talk to him about it. I like that part, the history, the context, more than the ‘fundamentalist/evangelical crap’ my dad touts.”
“Is that something you’d study?” She asked, pulling a tank top on over her bathing suit, “like in college?”
“My parents won’t let me go to college.” You replied.  
“That’s so crazy, my parents would kill me if I didn’t go.”
You spent the drive to Kiara’s dad’s restaurant explaining your parents future plan for your life, including telling her about the boy that your parents wanted you to marry. When she asked if JJ knew you admitted that he did and that you weren’t really sure what was going to happen when you turned eighteen. You knew what your parents wanted, for you to get engaged and then quickly married, but that wasn’t what you wanted at all.  
“If I say that though...there’s a good chance I’d be ex-communicated. Not just from the church but from my family. One of my cousins defected and no one speaks to her anymore.” You said, “it’s like a massive stain on her family’s reputation.”
“Yeah but if she’s happy, does it matter?”
“It’s...it’s not just that I haven’t worn jeans or drank a soda,” you said, following Kiara out onto the back deck to eat, “it’s that I don’t have anyone outside my family. It’s not just being sheltered, it’s being isolated. And I know that, and I hate it but...it’s all I know.”  
“None of your siblings have done it differently?”  
“No.” You shook your head, “I think I would’ve been fine coasting too...I was pretty much set that this was it ya know? But then...JJ asked me out.” You admitted.
Kiara frowned, “yeah but you don’t know what’s gonna happen with JJ in the future.”
You shrugged, “it’s not just about him...it’s me, feeling happier and more confident.”  
“Talking about me?” JJ’s voice came from behind you and you turned around, watching him and Pope walk up to the railing of the deck. He put his hands on the railing, pulling himself up so he could lean over and kiss your cheek.
“I should’ve known you guys would crash.” Kiara said, rolling her eyes as JJ climbed the rest of the way up, hopping over the railing onto the deck.  
“What’re you guys up to?” Pope asked, staying on the other side.
“Kie mentioned taking the ferry to Chapel Hill.” You replied, “I have to be back before dark though.”
“So what’re we waiting for?” JJ said, grabbing your soda and taking a sip.  
-
The four of you rode the ferry over to Chapel Hill, standing on the back deck the whole time talking. Kiara suggested shopping the moment you got off the ferry, telling you that all she wanted was to see you pick out an actual outfit.  
“Nothing hand-me-down or borrowed, just like a real, honest outfit that you pick out.” Kiara said, taking your hand in hers as she pushed open the door to one of the small stores along the main road.  
JJ followed you to the back of the store where the sale racks were, skimming through clothes, holding up different things that were still a little too far out of your comfort zone. You shook your head at a spaghetti strapped mini dress, pulling a crossover out to show him, “I like this one.”
“Try it on.” He shrugged.  
“Where’s the changing area?” You asked, looking around the small area.  
JJ grabbed your hand, “over here.” He led you to the curtained off stalls, pulling you into one of them and hanging the dress up.  
“I have a very strong feeling that if anyone caught us we would be in massive trouble.” You whispered, biting your lip to stop from laughing as JJ moved so that you were looking in the mirror and he was behind you, hands on your hips. He rested his head on your shoulder, nudging his face into the space between your shirt and your neck, kissing the exposed skin.  
“Yeah but you’ve never been shopping so what do you know?” JJ replied, as if it was obvious and he wasn’t just bullshitting you to stay in the changing room.  
You turned in his arms, putting your hands over his, “I’m not changing with you in here.”
“Fine,” he groaned, “If I leave will you try on something for me?”
“Fine.” You mimicked. You kissed him, initiating it for yourself this time, before pushing him into the curtain. He gave another exasperated sigh as he swept the curtain out of the way and left you to change.
Alone in the dressing room, you changed out of your clothes and tried on the floral wrap dress. It tied off at the waist, cutting a deep V and a slit up to your thigh. It was a dress but not like any you had ever worn before. You pushed the curtain enough that you could peek out to see JJ. He was slouched in the chair, texting, while he waited for you.
“I thought you were picking something out?” You said, looking over at him.
He shrugged, “I’d rather see what you like then pick something out for you.”  
“Thanks,” you nodded.  
JJ watched you as you pushed the curtain back and stepped out of the changing room. “Holy shit,” he mouthed. “Wait, don’t move!”
“What? Why?” You asked as he lifted his phone in front of his face.  
“I wanna picture of this.” He replied. Sure, he had seen you in a dress before but he had never seen you in a dress like this, one that actually fit you well, that wasn’t trying to hide your figure but accentuate it. One that you looked so incredibly happy in.  
“So I take it I don’t look half bad?” You joked, stepping further out when he had stashed his phone and stood up.  
“Half bad? You look...incredible.” JJ replied. Deciding it was worth mentioning, he added, “you look really happy.”
“I really like this dress. I’ve never really...liked anything I’ve worn before. Like, it’s just always felt like, clothes. This is different.” You admitted.
Your clothes were just whatever hand-me-downs fit you. From siblings, relatives, church members, it was never your stuff, you never chose it, never got to say what you liked or disliked.  
“Oh my god!” Kiara exclaimed, coming over and interrupting your moment with JJ, “you look so pretty.”  
“Thanks.” You nodded, smiling at her, “I think I’m gonna get it.”  
“Let me.” JJ piped up and you looked over at him.  
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.” He insisted.  
There was little further discussion to be had about it, JJ purchasing the dress for you and the four of you wandering around the rest of Chapel Hill, heading in and out of a few different shops. Pope talked to you about his future college plans and you listened intently. Being with JJ was amazing but being able to be friends with a guy, just sitting with Pope and not having to consider anything other that friendship, was so underrated in your life. You had never been friends with a boy either.  
-
Kiara drove you back to your house after you changed, just getting inside as your sister Praise was setting the table. “Hi! I’m so sorry I’m late!” You apologized, “Kie and I were just chatting and I lost track of time.”
“That’s okay Ace, mom was just telling us about Timothy’s visit. Are you excited?” Praise asked, wrapping her arms around you in a hug.  
You hugged her back, “I’m very excited.” You lied.  
Robert gave you a hug as you walked further into the house, handing off a baby and soon you were outside, supervising kids while your other siblings sat and chatted with your parents around the table. You were only two years younger than Robert but he was married with a kid and another on the way and that automatically made you still a kid. Though you felt less and less like a kid every day.  
Your parents talked about Timothy’s visit and their own upcoming trip, ignoring anything that actually had to do with you or your interests. Even Praise, in talking about your upcoming nuptials, mentioned that her dress was still in good condition if you needed one.  
“Oh, wouldn’t that be amazing Ace? You could wear Praise’s dress?” Your mother mentioned from across the table, smiling at you as if all her dreams were being realized right there at the table.
“Amazing.”  
-
The sound of tapping at your window startled you as you sat on the bed, reading before sleep. You walked over, lifting the blinds to see JJ standing there. He waved as you opened the window for him.  
“What are you doing here?”
“I missed you, I wanted to see you.” He replied, leaning into the window space.  
“You just saw me earlier.” You pointed out.  
“I also wanted to know if you wanted to go for a ‘midnight swim’ with me, Kie, and Pope?” JJ said, “we’re taking the HMS out. John B and Sarah don’t feel like going out and I figured you might.”
“I’m lucky no one caught me last time JJ,” you replied, “I don’t know if I can risk it.”
“That’s fine,” he said, “you don’t have to.”
You bit your bottom lip, glancing back over at your door. Your parents were asleep for the night and the thought of getting to spend more time with JJ was just too tempting for you to say no too. You were sure your dad had some bible verse to offer for you as proof that this was an evil infatuation but you could care less, agreeing to go and grabbing the swimsuit that JJ had given you. “Just let me change.”
“Can do.” JJ turned around, back to the window, and you almost laughed.  
You changed quickly before climbing out the window, “I better not get in trouble for this.”
JJ led you through the woods to John B’s house, just like the night of the kegger, taking you down to the jetty. Kiara waved when she saw you and Pope helped you onto the HMS.  
“I can’t believe you let him sneak you out.” Pope joked as JJ boarded the boat.  
He drove you out on the marsh, parking in an open area where they couldn’t be seen by lights at the edge of anyone’s yard. The HMS didn’t have lights itself and they banked on that to keep themselves mostly out of trouble. Kiara lit a lantern in the middle of the boat but otherwise it was dark as they jumped in, JJ hanging back with you.  
The two of you sat on the bench together, in your own little world seemingly. “Can I try a sip?” You asked, holding your hand out for the beer he was drinking.  
“You sure?” He asked.
“Yeah, positive.”  
He passed the beer over, laughing when you took a big gulp and then practically spit in out. “Oh my god, that’s horrible!” You cried, sticking your tongue out.  
“I warned you.” He laughed.
“Not enough,” you replied, “that’s really gross.”  
“Sorry babe,” he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you against him and kissing your cheeks and then your lips. “We’ll stick to soda for now.”  
“Yes please.” You replied, kissing him back.
“Quit macking on each other and get in the water!” Pope shouted, grabbing on to the side of the boat and pushing himself up so that the HMS would rock slightly.  
You grabbed onto JJ more, laughing as the boat swayed.  
“What the fuck Pope, we’re coming.” He grumbled. “I’m trying to spend time with my girlfriend.”
-
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sweeethinny · 3 years
Text
Wildflower - Chapter 1
one more chapter, i'm excited about this story, i hope you like it as much as i do <3
Thank you @startanewdream who read and opined on some things <3
AO3 | FF. NET | PLAYLIST
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| L. E |
The room was quiet, everyone paying attention to what the Professor was saying and presenting on the slides, with all those graphs and statistics that made Lily almost sleep with her eyes open. She loved her course, but calculus class wasn't her favorite, it wasn't even in her top three preferences.
Lily would rather have a full day of Environmental Chemistry with Professor Hagrid than one more with Burbage.
"Aren't you going to write down what she's saying?" Severus muttered beside her, making her nearly jump in her chair in fright, her heart racing at being pulled out of the quiet of her mind. "Hey, calm down."
"I already wrote down the important one." Lily shrugged, seeing her representation of the chart in the notebook and her lazy scribble of what the Professor had said.
"I won't lend you my notebook to study," he whispered, a smirk on his lips. Lily rolled her eyes, resting her head on her hand again, no longer listening to Burbage's voice.
Was it so early, why did she like to make students suffer like that?
"I don't need to, thanks." Severus didn't respond, but he kissed her on the cheek and then turned his attention back to class, much more interested than she was.
She still hadn't forgotten about their fight after the party Saturday, and all the embarrassment he put her through, and Lily was still hurting, even though she didn't understand why it hurt so much. He explained to her that he was trying to protect her, and the next day, he took her for brunch at her favorite restaurant, which was near a flower shop where Severus bought her flowers. Her favorites.
He was sorry, and Lily had to stop mulling things over even days after they had happened.
"Excuse me, Professor?" A female voice woke her, looking toward the door where one of the cheerleaders was standing.
The girl was beautiful, Lily had seen her before in the presentations in between games - the few she went to - and in the hallways of college; she had long brown hair and eyes almost the same color, and Lily knew the line of boys wanting her wasn't short.
“Say it, Miss Fortescue,” Burbage said, not looking overly excited at being interrupted. ‘I have no time to waste.’
“It'll be quick, I swear.” The girl walked into the room, wearing her red college sweatshirt and simple jeans, and even so, she looked stunning. Lily was a little jealous of her.
‘Me, and the Hogwarts Cheerleaders team, are passing by to remind you that applications to join the Team begin today. You need to have a minimal knowledge of ice skating, and be able to train three times a week, and twice a month on Saturdays. In addition to keeping in mind that if chosen, you will have to travel with us when necessary, and participate in our activities off the field.'’ She smiled, looking at everyone there waiting for questions or any interruptions, but when no one raised a hand, she continued;
‘’To apply you just need to talk to me, or any other cheerleader, and fill in the form. The tests will start next week, so you have plenty of time to think about whether you want to or not.” She waited a few more seconds, then smiled at the woman. "Thank you so much, Professor, excuse me." And she left.
Side conversations began, even though Burbage was trying to restrain the students, but Lily didn't care too much, wondering whether or not she should take the test. Of course she didn't have a body like the other girls, their waists looked almost unreal, but she could try, right? It looked so much fun the few times she watched it, and Lily had been balletting as a child until her mid-teens, when she started to put on weight and Petunia kept saying she was getting too fat to dance.
She could at least try. Maybe she couldn't get in, there were probably girls who had trained her entire life for it, Lily knew it was a competitive sport that many took very seriously, but… She could try.
Lily skated really well too, another reason she should try, and-
"You'd think she'd at least be embarrassed to appear in public, but no," Severus whispered, making Lily look at him not quite understanding what he was talking about, having once again become lost in her thoughts. "God, Lily, pay attention!"
‘‘Sorry, I was thinking. Who has to have courage?’’
‘‘Alice. That captain of the cheerleaders. She was seen having sex in the car with one of the players late last year… Such a bitch.” Severus rolled his eyes, looking almost offended by what she had done. ‘‘But what to expect, all are.’’
"I wanted to take the test," Lily whispered, feeling a weight drop in her stomach that made all her courage drain away.
'’Why? Do you want to wear those short skirts and show your ass for a bunch of men to see? And still call it dancing? Christ, Lily, have a little respect for yourself.” He turned forward, not seeming to want to hear her answer, but Lily ignored the movement and continued;
‘But… it looks so cool, and maybe I don't even come in and-’
‘Lils, I'm a man, listen to what I tell you, these girls don't dance because they like it, they dance because they want to have a dick to suck at the end of the day and get something in return; sometimes a higher note, or sometimes just the gratification of having sucked that dick. You're not like them, you don't need that.”
| J . P |
"Look who's here, our Geppetto!" Remus said, a wide grin on his face and the glass of orange juice raised to James, who was now bitterly regretting not having changed after his carpentry practice class.
"Dude, shut up." James chuckled, not even wanting to argue about how old this joke was getting and that they should try harder. "I can't believe we're not joking about the fact that Sirius needs to wear a wig in his class."
"We did, but you were late, mate." Remus seemed indifferent to James' attempt to shift his attention to Sirius, drinking all of his juice before looking at him more closely. "Marlene put makeup on you?"
"Yeah, is there a problem?" He put his hand to his jaw, no longer as purple and sore as it had been on Saturday, but still too disgusting an orange color to show everyone on the first day of his sophomore year. James had a bit of self-esteem even though it kept him from doing that. "It was horrible."
"Yeah, it's not pretty now." Peter pulled James' face to the side, wanting to see more detail, and that made the pain in the back of his neck return. "But it's better than before."
"Peter, my head." James pushed him away, touching where the back of his neck ached and trying to ease some of the pain that was still bothering him. The doctor had said it would hurt for a few more days, but James couldn't take the headaches anymore. "That asshole was lucky I was drunk."
"I still don't understand why he punched you," Sirius said, the pink wig still in his hands, trying to untangle the strands. "The girl said you didn't even touch her."
‘’I didn't touch it. Man, I don't even remember her face, I was trying to stay upright and not pass out right there, there were like ten redheads in front of me.’' He sighed, taking a sip of his own juice and denying it, still not believing he had stopped at the hospital because someone thought he was harassing the girl. "Was he her boyfriend?"
"I think so, but she didn't look too happy about what he'd done to you, so I don't know if they're still together," Remus said.
"Was she beautiful?" James didn't remember much of that night, least of all the details of her face, the only thing he could remember was that she was wearing an all-black outfit and had red hair. Everything else was just a blur in his mind.
"Yeah," Peter smiled. ‘’Was she wearing weird clothes? Yeah. I mean, who wears sweats to a party? But, she was beautiful. Don't you have a class with her?” He glanced at Remus, who looked like he was in another world as he watched a table next to theirs, full of girls chatting and laughing, one in particular standing with her back to them.
‘’Moony, if you keep drooling on Amelia like that, I'll punch you in the face. She kicked your ass, bro, part to another, forget about her.'’
"James, have you ever been in love yet?" James took a deep breath, thinking they would go back to that same subject Remus always brought up every time someone said something about his ex. '’Answer me.'’
"This wasn't love, Moony, it was a trap." James said the same thing every other time, but it was like he spoke to a wall when it came to Remus. It was frustrating. "She betrayed you."
“It was a slip.” He repeated as usual.
‘’Remus, slip was when I mistook James' aunt for his grandmother, and congratulated her on her 90th birthday. That was a slip. What did she do to you,” Sirius dropped his wig and looked at their friend, a tired smile on his face. It was the tenth time they had had that conversation. ‘It was low. She cheated on you the second you quarreled with her, without a second thought. Besides,” He held up a hand, preventing Remus from saying anything. "She never told you, you only knew because her friend felt sorry for you."
"She was going to tell me!"
"Let's not discuss this again." Peter interrupted the fight that was likely to ensue, but even if he hadn't, someone else did for them.
A girl stopped at their table, arms back and cheeks already on fire, she looked like she wanted to get inside a hole instead of being there.
"Hm. I’m sorry..er..." Her low voice was barely heard in the din in the cafeteria, but James was at the end of the table and could hear her speaking. It was the girl from the party, he recognized her sweet voice, her red hair was in a bun and she was wearing a sweatshirt today too, this time it wasn't black but dark blue, and James thought it didn't look comfortable because it wasn't that cold and that fabric seemed to be very thick and warm. ‘I came to apologize.’
"Sorry?" James looked at her, now everyone at the table was silently paying attention to her, and her cheeks got even hotter, which he thought was cute. Her green eyes fell on James, and he hated even more that he was wearing that ridiculous protective clothes.
"For what Sev did," She bit her bottom lip, filling her lungs with air and smiling gently afterwards. "I'm sorry he punched you."
'But…'
"You're not the one who should apologize," Sirius said, sitting at the other end, looking almost as shocked as James. The guy couldn't be such a coward, what did he think they were going to do, punch him up in the middle of the cafeteria?
The girl looked uncomfortable with this, but stayed there, stuffing her hands inside her sweatshirt pocket. ‘‘I know, but… He wasn't coming, but I'm going to feel really bad for not apologizing, because it was my fault, I- ''
"It wasn't your fault," James cut her off, pausing before placing a hand on her arm to soothe whatever was making her nervous. Who knows what her crazy boyfriend would do if he saw James touching her. "It's okay, really."
"You ended up in the hospital." She reminded him, not that James needed it, but he shrugged.
‘’Nothing too serious. And I was drunk, and…” He didn't know what to say, so opting to just smile at her. '’Everything is fine. If it makes you better, apologies accepted.”
"Sorry again, really," The girl said, her hand over her heart and a slightly sad smile on her face, seeming to notice the makeup on his jaw. James nodded, still not quite sure what to say or what to do, and she left.
'’Oh, I knew I knew her boyfriend.’' The four of them looked at the redhead walking back to her table, where three other guys dressed in black were, none of them looking at James' table but the boy next to her didn't look the least bit happy with her attitude, putting an arm around her shoulders in an almost possessive way. "She dates that idiot who tried to fight with Frank."
"Does he fight everyone then?" James continued to stare at her table, a bad feeling burning in his chest. He remembered that she looked so happy when he came to ask about his glasses, but then, now it seemed like there was none of that inside her anymore.
"He doesn't fight, he talks and talks, but when the time comes he runs away." Remus smiled humorlessly, pulling James back to look at him. "Don't want the three of them to come at you, just because one of them is a coward doesn't mean the others are too."
"She looked sad." Peter rambled. "Didn't she look like?"
“Dating a guy like that, who's happy?” James ran a hand through his hair, looking once more at the table the redhead had gone to before giving up and settling down on the bench, putting her image out of his mind and refocusing on Remus, who had turned to face Amelia again.
| L. E |
Lily was nervous, as if she was about to commit a horrible crime, her stomach churning and bile burning in her throat every time she focused her vision on that paper.
It was a mistake, a huge mistake, she shouldn't be there, she didn't even know how she got there. Get out of there Lily! She screamed to herself.
“Need help?” A voice startled her, her heart nearly leapt out of her body, and she ended up dropping the form to the floor, her shaking hands not even good enough to hold the paper. ‘Hey, I’m sorry. Everything is fine?'
"Yes, yes." Lily didn't look at the girl, but she knew who she was; Alice. Severus' voice reverberated in her mind, and she remembered Mulciber - Sev's best friend, who, like Avery, lived with them - saying; "You don't want everyone to think you're a bitch too, do you?" when Lily spoke of her willingness to take the test.
She thought they were wrong, she knew they were wrong, but her mind seemed unable to say anything against it at the time, her body paralyzed, just nodding and going back to eating, even though her hunger was gone.
'’Are you going to sign up?'’ Alice didn't seem to notice that Lily was uncomfortable however, because she went behind the now empty cafeteria table and sat on the bench there, looking at Lily in such a welcoming way that she felt guilty for not looking her in the eye. '’It's fun. We train a lot, but we are a family too, and as some girls are already graduating and leaving, we need new members.’’
"Family?" Lily looked at her, confused, blaming her mind that it was having to deal with the guilt of thinking she was a bitch, and the boys' voices telling her about her having sex in the car.
She's free to do whatever she wants, Lily thought, taking a deep breath.
‘’Yes, we take care of each other and make sure no one feels left out. If you need a house, we have room for you. It's just girls, no boys in there.” Alice took a folder from her purse, it was full of other completed forms, but at the bottom, there was a blank paper. She reached for Lily. "If you want it." She shrugged, and Lily saw it was another form, but this time, to rent a room.
"Oh I don't have to, I live with my boyfriend." Lily felt her cheeks flush, her eyes automatically returning to the team's blank form. Did she want this?
"But if you ever need to, we're always getting a spare room, just in case." Alice smiled. ‘’So having problems with the questions? I know there are many, but we need to know a lot before we call someone in. We've had bad experiences with this.’’
“I'm still wondering whether I'm going to try or not.” Why was she being so kind to her? Alice didn't know what everyone was calling her? Didn't she care?
‘’Do it. The most that can happen is that you won't be accepted.’’
"Yeah…I think it is." Lily nodded, swallowing the ball of nervousness that rose in her throat. "My boyfriend doesn't think I should apply." She didn't know why she'd said that, it just slipped off her tongue without going through her brain first, but as usual, Alice didn't seem to mind.
'’Why not? And you're the one training and dancing, so it's up to you to decide whether you want to or not.” She ran a hand through her brushed hair, and Lily noticed there was a silver ring on her finger. She dated the guy she had sex with in the car? Lily didn't know his name. '’Unless you have labyrinthitis… But, we already had a girl with labyrinthitis on the team, she didn't just participate in the spins, so there's nothing really stopping you from joining us.'’
"Yeah, maybe you're right." Lily took another deep breath, her nervousness lessening a little.
'Sit down.'
"What?" She looked up from her paper, Alice still with that welcoming look from before, but now more attentive.
"Sit down, you've been standing a long time." She did, placing her bag beside her and taking the pen firmly in her hand, signing her name at the top of the sheet, then moving on to the other questions.
Alice was quiet, doing something on her cell phone while Lily concentrated, trying not to show how anxious she was getting at such a silly and simple task. It was like her mind was hazy and the questions started to no longer make sense, Sev's voice telling her that Lily didn't need it because she wasn't like the other girls, making her even more nervous.
"Have you done any dancing yet?" Alice asked, but not taking her eyes off her cell phone.
‘’Ballet. As a child.” Lily glanced at her quickly before turning back to the paper, writing her age and course.
‘’I did artistic gymnastics, but I always wanted to do ballet. It's a very beautiful dance.’’
"Yes, it is." Lily took a deep breath, answering about her schedule and whether she was able to travel out of town during game season.
"I learned to skate when I got to college, Marlene taught me."
"She's also a cheerleader, right?" Alice looked at her, a sweet smile on her lips, then nodded.
"Many say you need to be afraid of her, but that's not true, Marlene is melted butter with the people she likes."
"I hope she likes me." Lily went back to ticking the form, and no, she wasn't using any narcotics or prescription drugs.
"She definitely will," Alive said, and she seemed to speak the truth, winking at Lily and then turning her attention back to her cell phone.
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heartofsnark · 3 years
Text
I Wanna Ruin Our Friendship (Misty/Fem!V/Jackie) Smut
Notes: Sooooo, this isn't really canon to my V's like story, as far as like her actual series goes (which you should look at if you want plot with your porn ayyy) but more of a fun what if, that I was possessed to write at 8am and am now publishing at 2:40 am cause I've lost control of my life and wanna see these three fuck. 
Warnings: Vaginal sex, cunnilingus, creampies, unprotected sex (fucking wrap it before you tap it, fucking hell Jackie) blowjobs, oral sex, licking cum out of a vagina, just porn, so much porn.
Summary: V has a problem, many problems, but we're focusing on the one for today. Her, Jackie, and Misty are friends; really good friends. Completely platonic and chill friends. They're her best friends in fact, the closest friends she's ever had. So, why does she want to fuck them so bad? 
*Also, the V in this is my own, she is a cis woman and also deaf. 
V has a problem, multiple problems if she’s being honest, but one in particular has been overwhelming her as of late. She doesn’t do romantic love, she’s told herself time and time again. A misguided crush as a child and a ‘what could have been’ when she was a slightly older child. Times when she thought she was in love or could have ended up there, but her hopes were dashed with cruel words or chance. And every other encounter since has been either platonic or just sex. You can be V’s friend or you can fuck her; no room for romance or muddy waters in the merc’s heart. 
At least that’s what she says. 
At least that’s what she thought. 
Then she met Jackie and Misty. The Heywood boy who took her in. His sweetheart of a girlfriend. Her feelings are platonic, she tells herself. Friends, practically family, a platonic sort of love she’s so rarely found. And that’s more than enough, her feelings and desires don���t go  beyond that, she tells herself. 
She watches Jackie workout at times, meant to spot him.  His muscle corded arms strained as he lifts weights, veins prominent and sweat tracing patterns down his skin. Freckled face flushed with exertion and V’s mouth dry at the thought of tasting the salt of his skin. 
But, they’re friends. 
V will catch herself staring at Misty from time to time when she visits the older woman’s Esoterica shop, getting tarot card readings and helping sort any new inventory that’s come in. Never missing the way Misty’s skirt rides up her thighs, showing a peek of soft thighs wrapped in fishnet stockings. 
But they’re friends. 
It's purely platonic when Jackie ruffles her hair, a big warm hand the size of her head, a grin wider than a canyon and sun glinting off his gold cyberware. The butterflies in her stomach and the flush on her face mean nothing more, they’re friends. 
And it's strictly platonic when she and Misty bleach their hair together, legs practically entangled when they wait on the couch together. The way V’s breath catches at the press of skin and the sound of Misty laughing is just…  They’re friends, really, just friends. 
They’re just friends, her mind screams when she’s sharing a bed with Jackie, pressed close to his warm body and inhaling the smell of his cologne. His large arms wrapped around her and thoughts flickering to if he’d let his hands move lover. 
Just friends, she tries to beat into her own head, when she’s reminded of Misty’s hands gently holding her bruised chin after a bad gig. Close enough V could nearly kiss her black painted lips, what would it feel like having dark lipstick smeared across her neck? 
They’re just friends, but sometimes she wishes they weren’t; she tells herself in shame after a night spent thinking of them in Jackie’s bed, him out on a date with Misty. V’s hand wet with her own slick after hours imagining she was pressed between them, the smell of her sweat sticking to his sheets. 
Moving out will help, she decides. A little more space, a few more boundaries will keep those lines from blurring so easily. Her friends, just friends, are there to help her move in and set up her new megabuilding apartment. 
Once everything is settled in, V orders them all takeout for dinner, the least she can do. The trio sits on the floor around her table, the holoprojector showing advertisements above their head. The curved built-in sofa is behind them, but its too far from the table to comfortably eat, plus it doesn’t afford the comfort of being closer to each other. Misty and Jackie sitting, nearly on top of each other across the table from V.  Trying not to stare at the way his fingers toy with Misty’s sweater. 
“Can’t believe you’re actually moving out, chica,” Jackie comments after swallowing down a mouthful of dumplings. She swears she hears a hint of melancholy in his voice, but maybe it’s wishful thinking. 
“Can’t mooch off of you and Mama Welles forever,” she signs and talks, comfortable talking when it's just them. The words flow easier, her throat less raw and blocked off. 
“For the billionth time, you ain’t no fuckin’ mooch, V.” 
“So you say.” V rolls her eyes and takes a drink of Nicola. 
“Personally, I’m happy about it,” Misty states and that soda suddenly feels like cement in V’s throat. One of her worst fears potentially realized, that Misty or Jackie see her as an interloper, an intrusion on their relationship. That Misty is sick of some random woman sleeping in her boyfriend’s bed.
“Why’s that?” Jackie asks, half of an eggroll in his mouth.
“‘Cause now I don’t have to sneak around Mama Welles to see V, too.” 
“Oh,” V swallows hard, feeling the air return to her lungs, “that’s right, I’ll never understand that whole thing. ”  
Misty is one of the sweetest people in the world and V’s always considered Jackie’s mom just as nice, but for some reason the two can’t seem to see eye to eye. Mama Welles hung up on Jackie getting back with one of his ex’s. 
“She’ll come around eventually, Ma just takes a while to warm up to people.” 
“Me, not people, just me. Pretty sure, she’d jump for joy if you and V were dating,” 
V chokes on her noodles, heat flushing up to her hairline at the thought. Not helping, Misty, not helping. Misty laughs at her, V trying to recompose herself. 
“Why would you say that?” 
“Uh, ‘cause it’s true!~ She adores you, V. Not that I can blame her.” 
“Pfft,” V rolls her eyes, scoffing, “trust me, she’d turn on me in a heartbeat if I tried to steal away her precious baby boy.”  
V teases Jackie, reaching across the table to squeeze at his cheek, he smacks away her hand, grinning and a flush of red across his cheeks. 
“Fuck off!” 
“True, she is so protective of her precious, Jaquito~” Misty joins in, giggling and scratching her nails along his chin. 
“I didn’t sign up to be harassed today,” he pretends to complain. 
“No sign up necessary, my harassment comes free and unsolicited~,” V reaches for an eggroll and accidentally knocks an open can of cola into Jackie’s lap, “shit!” 
“Ah, fuck,” Jackie flinches a bit as cold soda hits his crotch. 
“Sorry, sorry,” V blurts out, grabbing up napkins and starting to reach over the table to dry him. 
“I, uh, got it! It’s fine!” Jackie quickly stops her and she realizes she was a fraction of an inch away from trying to rub his dick dry. 
“Uh, right, sorry, I, sorry.” V falls back on her but, trying to pretend she isn’t embarrassed by the instinct. 
“Its okay, V,” Jackie insists, trying to dry his pants, “what’s a wet sticky dick between friends?”
“Jackie!” V yells at his innuendo, the audacity of this man, meanwhile Misty is giggling behind her hand.
“It shouldn’t stain,” Misty says when she stops giggling, rubbing Jackie’s shoulder, “I think you left some clothes at my place, you can change there, so you don’t have to wear wet pants all the way back to Heywood.”
And that’s right, they’ll be leaving at some point. She’ll be having her first night alone in her apartment, just her…  She taps her fingers against the floor, staring at a seam on her couch. She’s an adult, she reminds herself, she can handle being alone. 
“Yeah, we’ll go ahead and get out of your hair, V.” 
“Yeah, yeah, appreciate the help,” she hopes her signing and voice don’t give away her discomfort. Then there’s a gentle hand over her own, neatly painted black fingernails on her skin, warm and smooth skin compared to V’s more calloused flesh. Misty having shifted closer to the side of the table, so she could reach V. 
“Unless, you don’t want us to go?” 
“Uhh,” what kind of adult can’t be alone in her own apartment, V admonishes herself, “I-” 
“You still have trouble sleeping alone, right?” Jackie asks, raising an eyebrow, eyes concerned. 
“I mean… I don’t expect anyone to coddle me, I-” 
“It's not coddling, V, we care about you. Adjusting is hard and if us sleeping here tonight helps, we’re happy to do it.” 
“You know we’d do anything for you, chica.” 
“Uh, okay then, I can sleep on the couch and you two can have the bed-” 
“Pffft,” Jackie scoffs, “don’t be stupid,  we’ve been sharing a bed half that size for the past three months, V. The last thing I expect is for you to sleep on the couch.” 
“Okay, if you’re both cool with it.” 
And that’s how she ends up in her new bed with her two friends. Misty wearing a set of V’s sleep clothes, the shorts and shirt riding up slightly on the older woman just a few inches taller than the merc. Jackie stripped down to just his boxer briefs and V is accustomed to that she reminds herself, her partner in crime, sleeping in his underwear next to her more times than she can count. But, lately everything feels...muddier. 
V faces the wall, on her side, Misty and Jackie cuddling behind her. They nearly pulled her between them, but she stopped them, insisting she sleep fine so long as there’s just someone near her. And that’s true, the warmth and knowledge that she’s not alone helps plenty, but more so she’s just not sure she would have survived the night pressed between them. Even like this… she struggles to sleep, feeling their bodies radiating warmth behind her.  She stares at the wall and tries to name stars, her go to trick for sleeping. 
Then there’s shifting movement behind her, the feeling of the bed shifting a bit, and Misty’s foot slightly nudging V’s ankle. The little merc twists around onto her other side to see what’s going on, if Misty or Jackie need something and her breath catches in her throat. 
Misty is pressed tight to Jackie’s chest, the couple spooning with her back to his front. His face is pressed into her neck, V can’t hear his face nor read his lip, but she can see them moving against Misty’s skin. Jackie’s large hands are toying with Misty’s body,  one hand down between her thighs and the other pushing her shirt up to grope her breast. Misty’s eyes are shut, head arched back just slightly, mouth slightly open as her boyfriend teases her. 
V can’t help but stare, face a sharp shade of crimson, at the sight of the shirt being pushed up to reveal the underside of Misty’s breast, the muscles in Jackie’s forearm tightening as he fingers her.  Its a lot to take in, the sight, the feelings; the knowledge that they’d do this just inches from V. Desire and heat build in her center, her cunt getting wet at watching her friends fool around, finding herself imagining what it’d be like to have Jackie’s thick calloused fingers pushing inside of her or how soft Misty’s breast would feel in her hand. Then Jackie pushes the shirt all the way up above Misty’s chest, plump breasts and stiffening nipples on full display. 
V shouldn’t be seeing this; shame and humiliation mix with her arousal. 
Friends. They’re friends, damn it!
The speed at which V turns away from the sight, sends her half into the wall; knee and hands hitting it. She can feel Misty and Jackie shooting up behind her, mattress shifting, V tries to burrow down into her pillow hoping the two will somehow be convinced she just moved in her sleep. But the hand rubbing over her shoulder tells her that’s not the case. She forces herself to sit up and face her friends, just friends… 
Misty and Jackie are sitting up more in the bed, Misty’s clothes back in place. Their faces are both flushed, Jackie isn’t making eye contact with V.  Misty hands V her hearing aid case, a gentle unspoken request for her to put them in so it’s easier to talk. And V doesn’t want to talk about it, doesn’t want to deal with this, doesn’t want to ruin this. But she can’t deny the soft look in Misty’s emerald green eyes, sliding her hearing aids in. 
“Sorry, chica…” Jackie awkwardly apologizes the second V can hear.
“Okay…night... ” Is all V can manage, hoping this will be the end of it, hoping she doesn’t have to confront everything swelling up inside of her. V reaches up to take out her hearing aids, intent on just quickly pulling them out and rolling back over, to pretend this never happened. 
Misty’s hand reaches her face first, cupping V’s chin and forcing the merc to make eye contact. Though her eyes do drift back and forth between Misty’s lips and eyes. The closeness makes it all the  more tempting to just kiss her… 
But Misty beats her to it, nothing but tender press of their lips together. And V never in a million years believed of the three that Misty would be the one to break first.  Yet here they are, a soft kiss that lasts all of a moment before Misty starts to pull away, a quick peck meant to test the waters, but V chases after it, capturing the older woman’s lips again.  Her kiss is a far cry from Misty’s, hungrier, deeper and anything but chaste as she pushes her tongue into the blonde’s mouth. 
“Shit,” Jackie curses, voice low and hungry as he watches his girlfriend and best friend makeout. V smiles into the kiss, finally breaking away. 
“We’re a pair of  Catholic school girl uniforms away from acting out Jackie’s favorite BD, aren’t we?” V can’t help but tease remembering a few… select pieces from her friends collection. 
“Hey!” 
V falls back against the bed laughing, that sort of tension and fear melting away. Misty and Jackie laugh too; the sound music to V’s ears, the merc suddenly thankful she kept the hearing aids in.  They kissed and the world didn’t end. There’s no irreparable damage and if they wanted maybe they could all leave it there, a weird exchange that ended in laughter. Nothing has to change. One kiss between friends, no big deal. 
Then Misty is climbing over her, moving to be on the other side of V, pressing against that side as Jackie moves in closer; placing her between them. 
“Hello, can I he-” she starts to tease, then Jackie’s lips are on hers. His large warm hand on her chin, keeping her in place as he pushes his tongue into her mouth. She works to meet his movement, to give as good as she gets, kissing him back with the same passing. A moan leaving the back of her throat and dying on Jackie’s tongue when he shifts the angle to kiss her deeper. She grabs his bicep, feeling his muscles to anchor herself. 
And, okay, it’s two kisses now. What’s two kisses between friends?
Jackie pulls away, pressing his forehead against hers, rubbing his thumb over her chin. 
“Been wanting to do that for a while, mija,” he admits tenderly. 
And that’s it, it's all too far gone and she’s done caring. 
“Need you, both of you,” V finally says it, puts the words out into the world and prepares herself for what comes next. 
Then Jackie pulls her shirt off over her head, leaving V’s breasts exposed, her nipple piercings glinting in the lowlight of the room.  Delicate fingers push past the waistband of V’s shorts, Misty finding and stroking V’s clit as Jackie dips his head to suck at the merc’s breast. She whimpers at the treatment, overwhelmed and squirming as the couple plays with her body. Slick coats Misty’s fingers and V’s thighs, the merc’s cunt clenching with every rub of her clit. Jackie’s tongue teases and licks at her piercing, he sucks at her breast, feeling her nipple stiffen on his tongue. Misty’s fingers slip lower, pushing inside of V. Its all too much, V’s pleasure building higher and higher inside of her. Jackie gives a little nip, not a true bite just the slight pressure of his teeth on her breast just as Misty adds a third finger. And it snaps, V crying out as she cums on Misty’s hand, 
Jackie pulls off of V’s breast and Misty pulls slick coated fingers out of her cunt, the merc panting. 
“Didn’t realize you were that sensitive, V,” Jackie teases, breath hot on her ear. 
“Shut up.” 
“It’s cute,” Misty assures her, kissing softly across V’s cheek and neck. 
“So, cute,” Jackie says, but his voice with that edge of condescension before he bites her neck. She whines but responds by rubbing a hand over his cock, grinning when he jumps. 
“Yeah, let's see how well you handle it,” she taunts, pushing him back flat against the bed as she straddles him. 
His hard cock rubs against her, her shorts and his boxers the only thing between them. She kisses across his chest. Tracing her tongue along his tattoos and freckles, sliding her hand between them to palm his dick, feeling the warmth of it through the fabric. She trails her kisses down, watching his head dip back against the pillow, cursing under his breath as she makes her way lower and lower down his torso and stomach. She pulls her mouth away when it hits fabric, as much as she’d love to settle between his legs and tease him through his boxers, She’s not about to forget about Misty. 
V pulls away to press closer to Jackie’s side, looking up to see Misty, staring at them, enraptured. The merc stretches over Jackie’s lap to catch the back of Misty’s head, tangling her fingers in the short layers of hair, bringing the older woman in for another kiss. She uses this to gently pull and encourage Misty over closer, until they’re both pressed tight against one side of Jackie’s legs, making out just above his erection. They break apart, with V giving a soft bite to Misty’s lower lip before hooking her fingers into the bottom of Misty’s shirt pulling it off over her head. She can’t help but get another eyeful of Misty’s chest, before turning her attention back to Jackie, intent on showing why having two people play with you tends to make a person more sensitive. 
V slips her fingers into the top of Jackie’s boxer briefs, starting to pull them down, Misty helping her as Jackie raises his hips for them. The girls quickly getting the boxers off; V swallows hard at the sight of his dick. He’s big, something she always figured considering he’s nearly a giant towering over both Misty and V.  Its flushed red at the head, thick with prominent veins, and leaking precum on his lower stomach. Misty and V get their tongues on him, making Jackie curse aloud. V lapping the head of his cock to taste his precum, teasing her tongue piercing along the flushed sensitive skin. Misty, tracing the underside, licking along the veins and shaft of his cock. 
V pulls away for a moment as Misty licks up Jackie’s cock. The merc watches as Misty takes the length of Jackie’s dick into mouth, inch after inch pushing past her kiss-swollen lips. V takes to licking the places where Misty’s mouth can reach, the part of his cock she can’t force down her throat without risk of gagging, V’s tongue chases after Misty’s mouth as she pulls up, tasting Misty’s spit on his cock, until she’s pulling off his dick with a pop. Before V can follow suit, taking her turn to feel his dick in her throat, he stops them. Large thick fingers tangling in bleached hair. 
“Stop, fuck, fuck, gonna-fuck,” he groans out, nearly choking on his words. 
“Aww, feeling sensitive?” V teases, biting at his thigh. 
“Not helping, V.” 
“I don’t think she was trying to help, Jackie,” Misty jokes, sharing a sly smile with V as they watch Jackie try to keep from blowing his load right there. Jackie reaches down and squeezes Misty’s ass, making her yelp at the sudden attention. 
“Wanna feel you, carina,” he tells Misty, teasing her cunt through her shorts.  
V helps Misty pull off her shorts, leaving her completely naked. The young merc can see the slick sticking to the inside of Misty’s inner thighs and all she wants to do is lap it up. But Jackie is already manhandling Misty, helping her move to straddle his lap, with her back towards him and facing V; reverse cowgirl style.  Misty puts her hands back on Jackie’s chest, leaning her weight back on him as he holds her hips, his fingers squeezing the soft plush flesh. 
Slowly, Jackie pulls Misty down on his cock, making her moan out as he fills her. He bounces Misty on his cock, fucking up into her. V watches agape, not sure where she wants to focus, from where the two meet, his cock pumping into Misty’s tight cunt. Or to Misty as a whole, the woman put on full display for V to watch as her breasts bounce with every thrust and she cries out with every slap of flesh hitting flesh. 
She settles for doing much more than just watching, V dipping her head between their thighs and licking where Jackie and Misty connect. Its a sloppy mess, trying to keep up with Jackie’s pace as he pound into Misty. V laps and licks at his cock where she can, tasting Misty’s slick on him, kissing where Misty’s cunt takes in Jackie’s cock. She sucks and teases Misty’s clit, her own cunt clenching at the way the added pleasure makes Misty scream out. V’s mouth and tongue are everywhere they can be, desperate and sloppy in her rush to taste the couple, to add to their pleasure. 
Misty grabs the back of V’s hair when she cums, pinning the merc in one spot as she screams out her release. V’s left to drool and keep her tongue out as Misty’s cunt and Jackie’s cock rub against her. She tastes the rush of Misty’s slick first, gushing and twitching as her pussy is overwhelmed.  Then V tastes the bitter salt of Jackie’s cum, him cursing as he fills Misty and then keeps cumming, thick white spilling out and dripping back down his cock. The couple still, both panting heavily and Misty relaxing, letting V’s hair go as the young merc continues to lick up the mess. Misty collapses, practically boneless laying on Jackie’s chest. 
Jackie gets his hands under her thighs and starts to bring them back, Misty whimpering as he’s able to hold her legs up, nearly bringing her knees to her chest. The shift in position causes his cock to slip out of her, his cum now spilling freely from Misty’s cunt, a wet messy show for V. 
“Clean her up for me, V?” He asks it as casually as he’d ask V to lend her car. And V is just as happy to oblige. 
V buries her tongue inside of Misty, moaning softly when Misty squeals at the feeling. Its a mess of Jackie’s cum and Misty’s, mingling on V’s tongue as she licks it up like she’s starved for it. Misty is a sensitive mess, being eaten out so soon after being fucked to pieces, but V doesn’t hold back; rubbing a thumb over the woman’s swollen clit while she laps up every drop of Jackie’s cum. There’s a shake in Misty’s thighs, instinct telling her to clench them shut, to trap V between her legs, but Jackie keeps her spread wide; only able to whimper and whine as the mess is licked up as her twitching wet clit is teased alongside every stroke of V’s tongue. 
With each lick V tastes less and less of Jackie’s mess, cleaning up the creampie he’d left inside of Misty. And she doesn’t know what it is that sends Misty over the edge, one too many rubs of V’s thumb over her clit or particularly deep lick, V desperate to truly swallow down every drop of seed. But something does and Misty’s sent into a second orgasm, trembling and gushing against V’s tongue, screaming out as the pleasure consumes her.  The merc slows down gently,steadily  easing Misty through the aftershocks, until she’s done trembling.  
Jackie lets go of Misty’s legs, letting her body relax as she gently moves to lay against his side. His cock is still half hard and there’s an itch inside of V that hasn’t quite been scratched, still wet and twitching between her thighs, the crotch of her thin shorts sticky with slick. But she doesn’t want to push it, she thinks as she goes to lay down on his other side. But, he has different ideas it seems, an idea catching in his mind as V’s in the midst of moving, on her hands and knees about to drop down onto the mattress. Despite his size he moves fast, grabbing at V’s hips and making her freeze, on his knees behind her as he pulls her ass back against his cock. She whines at the friction, as he grinds against her, quickly getting his cock fully hard again. Misty laying against the pillows next to them, satiated and content to watch the V and Jackie chase another orgasm. 
And he yanks her shorts down as far as he can without changing the position, exposing her slick needy cunt. 
“Fuck,” the low hungry curse sends a chill along V’s spine, the head of his cock leaving wet across her ass, before he rubs it over her sex. 
There's a part of her that thinks they shouldn’t, that this is the step too far, a line that can’t be uncrossed; as if she hadn’t just had her face buried in Misty’s pussy. But, she needs this and by the tight hold Jackie has on her hips, he does too. A line that needs to be crossed even if it can’t be undone. An experience that has to be had, just to know what it’s like. 
Then he’s sinking into her, pulling her back onto his cock, filling her. V’s eyes roll back, a silent cry on her tongue as she’s stretched and stuffed. Too much, too much; but exactly what she needs. Despite his size, he fills her easily, her body too needy to resist the push of him into her. He doesn’t give her time to adjust, not that she needs or truly wants it. They’re both at their limit, just needing this, to know what it’s like to be connected this way; to feel his cock pounding into her, to feel her cunt clenching around him. 
She lets him set the pace, too overwhelmed to do anything, whimpering as he brutally fucks her; pulling her back against him as he thrusts forward. Both too far gone and desperate for this to be softer. The skin slapping together, sound ringing out through the apartment, a wet squelch everytime he sinks inside of her. Jackie uses her like a toy, like a human sized fleshlight to chase his own end with. And she knows she means more than that, in the moment it feels good to just be used, to be manhandled and fucked apart, to be a pillow princess taking his dick however he sees fit to give it. Each thrust sending her spiraling deeper and deeper into her pleasure, fucked stupid and mindless, unable to think of anything but how it feels to be fucked by him. 
And that pleasure overwhelms quicker than she expects, bubbling over and orgasm hitting her before she even truly realized she was close. Mind going completely blank and throat raw as she screams out, cumming on his cock, toes clenching. And he fucks her through it, draws it out until he’s cursing under his breath and spilling inside of her. His second load, a little lighter than the creampie he left Misty with, but still thick and too much for V’s cunt to hold; the mess leaking down her thighs as she comes down from her high. 
She whimpers when he pulls out, suddenly empty and more of his cum spilling from inside of her. Jackie collapses, in the middle of the bed, between Misty and V, sweaty and panting. V can’t help but laugh, throwing her shorts completely off, as Misty curls up close to his side. Jackie wraps an arm around Misty’s  hip. His other hand skims V’s back as she leans over them to take her hearing aids out, putting them on the side table, then she’s pulled down to lay against his chest. V nuzzles in, looking at Misty’s face across the expanse of Jackie’s chest, V being held just as tightly to his side. Misty’s hand is on his chest and V reaches up, intertwining their fingers, earning her a soft serene smile from the older woman. 
And there’s a lot that’ll need to be talked about. So many questions as to what this all means; what does V even want this to mean? A one time thing they don’t talk about, don’t deal with. A friendship ruiner, the start of something… new.  So many possibilities and each one brings with it a different sort of anxiety. But for now, she’s content to sleep curled up under the sheets with her friends. 
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fanfiction-funtime · 3 years
Text
Self insert oc: Alexander Vodka
AKA: Eis Cay'zar
Author of fate
A writer from Schneznaya who was driven from his home for his anti-Tsaritsa paper.
_____________________
Physical description:
A chubby fellow in a 1950's style noir trenchcoat and hat, some would even say he looks like he jumped right out of a noir comic book and into reality. He has brown hair and green eyes, a cowboy mustache, and a pointed beard like some kind of comic book supervillain genius.
He often acts confidently and even a bit egotistical when in places he's recognized and famous in, however in newer places he often seems distant and shys away from almost all contact.
Noone knows where his vision is, but they know he has one because of the cold aura that surrounds him.
At night he'll often trade his outfit for one more reminiscent of demons or vampires.
_____________________
Abilities:
Weapon type: Catalyst
Basic attack-truth: uses his catalyst to shoot a short burst of up to 3 ice shards, can attack in fast succession.
"Truth hurts, especially in bursts"
Charged attack-Bifrost: Alexander quickly makes an ice clone behind the enemy and fires 6 shots, this can increase to 3 clones if charged enough(times: 1 for 1 second, 2 for 2 seconds, and 3 for 2.5 seconds)
"I hate crowds, best company has always been myself"
Elemental ability-ice wall: creates an aura of sheer cold around himself that will damage enemies the more they stay in it, and apply the normal sheer cold to them. Does not affect party.
"My therapist said I put up walls because of trauma, but I couldn't hear them through the wall I had just built"
Elemental burst-a story to be told: Alexander takes out his book and opens to a random page, then randomly summons ice sculptures of one of 8 beings:
"Aster": this summon looks like the flatwoods monster, it surrounds the party in a swirl of ice blades that deal 2X damage as the character for 10 seconds.
"Who needs brawn, when you got brain"
"Ultimate foe": a demonic, pointy being of shadow. Will independently deal 25000 damage to three random foes.
"Meet my penultimate friend"
"Beethoven": a sculpture reminiscent of a ww1 zombie general, calls down a barrage of ice bombs that deal 5000 damage to enemies hit for 7 seconds.
"Good scifi doesn't predict, it prevents"
"Sorrows Joy": an angelic, faceless, robot like humanoid that spawns 25 angel shaped traps that freeze enemies around the character.
"With any luck, you're the only real one I've made"
"Death rider and the magic prince": two statues, one of a mummy like Schneznayan mystic of ancient barbarian times and the other an elven cavalry knight from the myths of mondstadt. The knight gives the party a 45% boost to speed and attack while moving, and the Schneznayan gives +10% damage bonus to elemental skills and +55% damage bonus to Catalyst.
"Feel the wrath of honor long passed"
"Zero point and Lion queen": a knightly man of spiked armor and a golden ottoman warrior woman whose golden chain completely obscures her head. Your enemies become inflicted with pyro and you are surrounded by thorn bushes that deal continuous damage of 1000 for 10 seconds.
"Walk down the way on a moonlit day"
The traveler: a child in a red straight jacket, his binds become undone after 4 seconds at which point all enemies take 10,000 X Alexander's level of damage.
"I uh,wont have to pay any copyrights will I?"
"Giota": a child in pyjamas who looks ready to sleep, this summon is very rare. It fully restores all party members and gives a 200% boost to both defense and damage of your characters.
"This fella's been with me since I was a kid"
"If it is a soldier's duty to escape the confines of a prison, is it not every person's duty to escape reality if even for a moment? A wise man said that, pray that I may one day be like him."
Passive-part the wasteland: Alexander is immune to sheer elements, and Grant's 50% resistance when in the party to all members.
_____________________
Story
Abandoning a dream
As a kid, Alexander was always put down when he said he wanted to write fiction, "there's no money in it" they all said.
He couldn't get into any art schools without support so he focused his mind elsewhere, a place he could hopefully use his writing to do just as much good: the first newspaper in Schneznaya.
Horrible truth
He didn't start as a trouble maker, but the more he sought out the truth the more he couldn't stand back and watch. He published numerous papers about the Tsarista's wrongdoings and the crimes of the fatui, how they would harass merchants in other nations, the unfair taxes many shipping businesses had to keep quiet about, all the way up to the war crimes the Tsarista had done in direct contradiction to her own laws.
Sadly, not many believed him even with evidence, but some got his message.
Those who fight
One day Alexander was approached by a man who claimed to have formed a resistance against the fatui. Alexander had inspired many people to disrupt the organization, and have even begun working with those outside Schneznaya.
With their help he didn't just publish some crimes, he published them all, he even got information that turned the general public against the fatui even if just a little.
In a way h had achieved his dream of helping others with his writing, even if it wasn't how he wanted.
Stop the presses
When the Tsarista started her big move of taking gnosis, she brought the hammer down on dissent like a boulder on a ten year old's wrist. One day a squad of thirty fatui stormed Alexander's home and business to silence him, and while they shut down his business they couldn't catch him.
Alexander fled into the wastelands of ice and snow and wasn't seen for several weeks.
Deus ex Vodka
One day Alexander showed up in Inazuma, a nation that had been oppressed for some time now and had recently reached it's height, yet no resistance had formed.
That was until Alexander came along.
Alexander published numerous books, spreading them throughout Inazuma. All of them spoke of freedom, of bravery, of rising up to achieve your ambitions.
And with those stories he inspired countless to take up arms, and in turn inspired countless to join the resistance.
And with mere fiction he had brought about hope,
And with mere fiction he shall do it again, in every form, and in every nation.
Vision: cold hearted
While wondering the waste Alexander fell down and looked to the skies.
He did not ask celestia why, he did not grieve or blame that he did not do more, instead Alexander did something he hadn't done in a long time:
He imagined.
And after he imagined he took out his notebook and wrote. In the freezing cold for seventeen days he wrote stories of hope and freedom.
For seventeen days the cold did not so much as cause him to flinch as he wrote tales of bravery.
For seventeen days Alexander Vodka lived how he wanted to live.
And at the end, he lied down to die.
Then a light shown, and when he opened his eyes to look he saw that the storm parted around him, and in his hand was an ice blue gem.
But Alexander was too paranoid from years of abuse from his peers as a child to wear it loosely, and far to extra to just get a lock. So instead Alexander shouted to celestia "if I shall have this Vision for my art, then it shall not kill me no matter what I do!"
He then shoved the vision into his heart and fell down.
Before he could bleed out however, a woman appeared.
"Hey Tsari, how ya doin." Alexander said as blood poured out his mouth.
"You dramatic fool," the Tsarista sighed as she put a hand on his chest, "you have my element, do you know how bad it'll look for me if you die by shoving your vision into your heart?"
"Why do you care? We hate eachother, in case you forgot."
The archon sighed, "you're just rebelling against what you see as unjust, just as I am. To be honest I feel a sort of rivalry with you, so it'd be a shame if you just died. Also," she painfully shoved the vision all the way in, painfully, "if your going to die it better be because of me, got it?"
Then Alexander sat up, and the god was gone. Along with the hole in his chest.
"Rival of a god eh?" He sat up, putting his gat back on his head, "I like the sound of that."
_____________________
How is this an insert?
Well his story can't be the exact same as mine, so I took my life and goals and made predictions, then fictionalized those predictions and expanded.
His appearance is pretty close to how I'll likely look based on my current appearance, and his dramatic attitude is exactly how I wanna act.
Him being shy in new places with strangers is me exactly as I am now really, however I do believe I'd act confidently if I were famous so he does as well.
Him being Catalyst is because I'm not athletic at all, and I figured a dps Catalyst would be cool. His main ability and resistance/immunity to sheer cold is based on how I wrap up in warm blankets when it's cold, and his ultimate is made up of characters I've made.
_____________________
Tagging: @genshin-obsessed, @golden-wingseos, @storytravelled, and @love-psxlm
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qiankunfics · 3 years
Text
KunTen Masterlist Part 1
AO3 
1.  Body Talk by smallchittaphon
Summary:  He had feared the statement more when the days to His and Kun’s one year mark approached but he shouldn't have. It was childish too, not every relationship is the same he realizes. Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot
2.  cut through the clouds by heartsighed
Summary: Qian Kun, microbiology major, vice-president of the ISA, part-time poster model and full-time mom friend, is perhaps more stressed than he would like everyone to think. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
3.  something new by creamsoda (bobahoney)
Summary: Ten finally asks Kun to fuck his thighs. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot
4.  the aesthetics of beauty by hoeunki
Summary: when Kun’s required to create something that defines art, he decides to draw a stranger that he finds sleeping on the campus grounds. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
5.  kiss me under the light of a thousand stars by gabilliam (vvhymack)
Summary: Ten calls the wrong number, Kun comes to the rescue. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
6.  The Customer is Always Right by 021497J
Summary: Ten honestly isn't a picky eater, the chicken was dry. His complaints earn him a visit from the very cute head chef. He can't help it if he wants to see him once more, all he has to do is complain...right? Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
7.  red, orange, yellow, green, even thicker by eatthatup
Summary: Kun isn’t used to being praised. Physically, at least. Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot
8.  incandescently (for him.) by gabilliam (vvhymack)
Summary: They were no longer the likely protagonists for the typical romance and it saddened Ten. (Historical AU) Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot Trigger: Slight homophobia mentioned
9.  we’ll be alright by syugafairy
Summary: kun never thought of himself as an anxious person Rating: General Status: One-Shot
10. light me up
Summary:  Ten spends most of his life dreaming of being a superhero, and by luck, his wish is granted. Chaos ensues. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
11. the store by _helios (the_heliades)
Summary:  His cat, quiet and proud, will watch with piercing eyes, as they wander out of The Store and into the world again. Rating: General Status: One-Shot
12.  Rain. by softyjseo
Summary: Ten is in love. Kun isn't, apparently. Rating: General Status: One-Shot
13. sweeter than cake by eatthatup for adarkalleyway
Summary: Ten, pouting just slightly, makes Kun melt instantly. Like heating sugar, near its burning point. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
14. kiss me if you like me (slap me if I'm wrong) by mikararinna
Summary: Ten was starting to feel bored of life. He needed a challenge, something to excite himself. Kun had an idea. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
15.  Magnets by orphan_account
Summary: Kun and Ten are roommates. Rating: General Status: One-Shot Trigger: slight harassment 
16.  sibilance by andnowforyaya
Summary: Doctor Qian Kun chases the stories he hears on the rivers to their origins, and he meets a beautiful boy underneath a waterfall. Rating: Teen Status: On-going
17.  get you good by gift
Summary: “Please, don’t make me beg,” Kun whines.“I like when you beg,” Ten tells him bluntly. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot
18.  sweet, sweet love by RedamancyEffect
Summary: Kun is the sweetest omega ever, Ten is head-over-heels for him. Too bad, Kun is a little dense. Rating: General Status: One-Shot
19.  stupid spinach dip
Summary: Yukhei and Mark visit Professor Kun and they find out he’s married to news anchor Ten. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
20.  sunchoke by flyway
Summary: Kun, Ten, and summer at the Sunchoke magazine test kitchen. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot
21.  Handle Perfection
Summary: Ten was going to need Kun to stop this kind of behaviour, his heart couldn’t handle this type of perfection. Rating: General Status: One-Shot
22.  you are my favorite everything
Summary: Ten and Kun meet during the perfect summer. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
23.  no matter how long i wait by dreamlaunch (mayuaka)
Summary: in his search for a dream blocking enchantment, ten finds kun. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
24.  the truth hurts (and secrets kill) by thereisnoreality
Summary: Ten kills while Kun is at work. Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot *Part of murdery martrimony collection 
25.  Open Windows by Mntsnflrs
Summary: Ten constantly locks himself out of his apartment, Kun saves the day and him.  Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot 
26.  green, pink, blue, yellow by rowenabane
Summary: Imagine: a town with manicured lawns, cotton candy sunrises, houses that all look the same. Imagine: a neighbor with a beautiful smile, a terrible secret, a hidden past. Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot Trigger: Slight alcohol abuse
27.  dreaming (are you thinking what i'm thinking?) by okamiwind
Summary: They could not be more different, the pair of them. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot
28.  click, snapshot by kwonjis
Summary:  photographer!kunten fic Rating: General Status: One-Shot
29.  Office Hours by violetpeche
Summary: Kun’s chest starts to ache again as he watches the soft, pink tip of Ten’s tongue slip across his lower lip before biting it. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot
30.  open invitation by andnowforyaya
Summary: Ten’s asleep, and his pink, soft lips are parted, that mouth that gave Kun so much trouble earlier today. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot
31.  What's Life Without a Little Worry?
Summary:  Kun was a notorious worrier. He worried about his grades, about his friends and whether they were eating enough, sleeping enough. Rating: General Status: One-Shot
32.  To All The Boys I Ghosted Before by cobalamincosel
Summary:  The Tinder AU where Ten ghosts Kun in date night— and months later finds out that Kun is his new neighbor. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
33.  Miles Above by violetpeche
Summary: Ten looks up at Kun and lets out a deep sigh. “No.” He leans over to tap on the faucet to rinse out the sink for Kun. “I came in here to suck your dick.” Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot
34.  getting closer by flowerhairclips
Summary: Kun is in for a long ass ride when a demon he exorcised ends up falling in love with him. Rating: Explicit Status: Completed
35.  a labour of love by eggboyksoo
Summary: renjun is an artistic genius with a tendency to keep things from his family. his parents struggle to support his interests while pretending they don't know about said interests. Rating: General Status: One-Shot *Part of chaos, family, love collection
36.  Hunger of the Pine by cobalamincosel
Summary: Kun and Ten are ex-college friends-with-benefits who end up becoming so much more when they bump into each other again at the airport after a few years for the wedding of their respective college roommates and best friends, Johnny and Taeyong. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot
37.  We’ll Get Lost Together (Let Me Flow) by easycomeeasygo
Summary: When Ten really gets to look at Kun, his brain short circuits. He’s hot. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
38.  if you believe in magic, come along with me by mainvocal
Summary: Deep down, Kun knows Ten didn't ask to join Card Magic Club because he'd suddenly become enamored with the art of card tricks. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
39.  Antedate by Lertsek
Summary: There are some nights where Kun wakes up and can't hear Ten breathe. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
40.  Permeating and Perfect by Kkaepsongiya
Summary: He can’t stop making noise, not as Kun fucks him so well, the older boy holding his hips tight, pulling him back to meet his thrusts. He knows his hips will be bruised for days after this—he can’t wait to see the marks, to press into them when he’s all alone. Rating: Explicit  Status: One-Shot
41. Open Doors by Mntsnflrs
Summary: He decides he likes the way Kun says his name.He decides he wants to hear it more. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot 
42.  let's stay together by madhoney
Summary: Kun smirked and squeezed around his boyfriend’s waist. He could really get used to a lifetime of his sass. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
43.  Someday by almostkun
Summary:  Kun laughs at him, caressing his cheek with his thumb. They stay in silence for a while, as Mr. Baudelaire chases Mrs. Austen with the help of Yoshihiro-san. Rating: General Status: One-Shot
44.  i come apart at the seams (so you can stitch me back together again) by okamiwind
Summary: Ten is the shot, and Kun is his chaser. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot
45.  space rocks by gaysadandtired
Summary: no celestial being could compare to Ten and his blinding smile. Rating: General Status: One-Shot
46.  old times by madhoney
Summary: Since his husband was just set on being ornery tonight, Kun decided to just take the L and try again tomorrow. Rating: Explicit Status: One-shot
47.  oh, let's start some rumour by mikararinna
Summary: Rumour has it supermodel Ten has a crush on famous actor Qian Kun. Ten called bullshit. He didn't have a crush on Kun. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
48.  you're insatiable by 10softbot
Summary: kun takes ten to a cabin in the woods so they can finally fuck Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot
49.  Reset by violetpeche
Summary: This particular Thursday morning spiraled into Hell on Earth.  Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot
50.  Intersequence by pinkwinwin
Summary: a love story in photographs Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot
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