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amee-racle-ofmyown · 2 years

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Can I request the impossible? Suit/Unknown (you choose) cuddles 0-0 🤲

Perhaps difficult, but by no means impossible, my dear! (at least I'd like to think not.) there is only one scenario in which I can imagine this happening and I think you probably saw it coming.

Suit Saeran x gender-neutral reader | Words: 1045

‘I’ll go now.’

‘Wait-!’ You’d scrambled from beneath the blanket and let the words fly out as if by instinct, or some inexplicable, deeply-rooted understanding that this may be the last time you would see Saeran as he was now, at least for a long time. Perhaps it was the fact that he himself had said you wouldn’t be seeing him for a while, and that he was leaving it to Ray to make you happy, but there was this nagging feeling that you needed to make the most of whatever time you had with him. ‘Saeran- don’t go yet.’

He flinched ever so slightly at your sudden outburst, his face still cast in the peaceful glow of moonlight.

‘Sorry- please- please stay a bit longer. Don’t leave.’

How ironic he found your plea to be; it had been Ray begging you not to leave and Saeran who insisted you would, and yet here you were. You had always been a strange one. Perhaps to you, even the company of a monster was better than the crippling feeling of being painfully alone? He supposed that he could understand this sentiment — maybe a little too well. Some part of his tired mind wondered if this had been the key to breaking you all along. Maybe leaving you isolated and abandoned in this room for days would have brought you a fraction of the numbing pain he carried. But even then, how long would he have been able to stand the insufferable emptiness that clawed at his being, tearing him up from the inside out, without the emotional rush your presence gave him? You confounded him, no doubt, but being around you made him feel alive.

Well, none of that mattered now.

He said nothing but his eyes remained steady on you. Somehow, they bore none of the sharpness you'd seen the previous nights. Instead, as he stood bathed in the soft glow of the moonlight, watching you silently, you felt a sense of the same weary sombreness that would often reside in Ray’s gaze.

The familiarity was comforting, and yet it made your heart ache.

‘Please… Can you stay a little longer?’

‘I… I’ve said all I needed to…’

‘I know, but I want you around. I care about you too, not just Ray. If you really want to leave, you can. But if it’s alright with you…’ you trailed off, shifting your position close to the edge of the bed so you were facing towards him and patting the space next to you.

He hesitated for a moment, then slowly, tentatively made his way the few steps from the open window to the bed, taking a seat at the very edge, staring at the star-speckled sky opposite you both. As he perched beside you (so close you could hear his breathing, close enough you could just about cup his cheek if you reached far enough, if only he’d let you) the mattress hardly sank under his weight. You found it odd: The preceding days he had made every effort to be as loud and as purposeful as possible, making his presence fully known as if in a constant and desperate battle for his very existence. Yet now, he barely took up any space at all.

‘Thank you, Saeran… Thank you for apologising.’

He remained silent. The gentle breeze from outside made the curtains sway and brought a pleasant coolness to your skin. He turned his head ever so slightly in your direction, but it was enough to meet his eyes. You could make out every eyelash, see the dark, tell-tale bags marking fatigue on his pale skin.

‘Saeran… when was the last time you slept properly?’

He raised an eyebrow slightly in response before you saw the corners of his mouth twitch upwards, unable to suppress a small smile.

‘You used to say that to him a lot, huh?’

He was deflecting, of course, but at least he was letting you have an actual normal conversation with him — which, now that you thought about it, was kind of a milestone for him.

‘Guess you two aren’t so different.’

‘Heh. I guess not.’

‘You can… rest here for a bit… if you want. If you really have to go later you should take some time to relax and lie down properly.’

His eyes widened a little and he shifted slightly. ‘I don’t think I should-’

‘But do you want to?’

He held your questioning gaze for several seconds. Eventually, he sighed and you shimmied over, making room for him as you leaned back against the comfy pillows, pink like everything else in this room, but now painted in a new light by the hour.

He began to lean down onto his side, a little uncertainly, and you gently guided his head to your chest, feeling his breath hitch in surprise.

‘Is this okay?’ you asked softly.

‘I-’

His cheeks were turning pink and he seemed to be caught off-guard, but after a moment you felt his arm encircle your waist nonetheless.

‘Relax.’

Under normal circumstances, he thought to himself, perhaps he should have chided you for telling him what to do. But there was a tenderness to your tone that he simply couldn't argue with even if he wanted to.

You began to stroke his crisp white locks, sometimes twirling the tufts in gentle circles around your fingers. He closed his eyes. Slowly but surely, his breathing evened out.

Several minutes passed in comfortable silence before he spoke in the tiniest voice you'd ever heard from him. ‘You’re caring for me… You always cared for me this whole time… even when I said and did those horrible things to you.’

The next words came out uneven, and you could have sworn you felt a teardrop or two on the fabric of your clothes.

‘...I don’t deserve this.’

You thought for a moment before responding, choosing your words carefully.

‘I think… you deserve another chance. I’m proud of you for taking accountability for your actions. And I know you don’t want to hurt me anymore. You deserve to feel safe and happy… And loved.’

His grip on you tightened ever so slightly, pulling himself as close as he could get to your warmth. He had cursed your scent so many times, but being surrounded by it completely, he only felt safe and calm. He wanted to inhale your warmth along with it.

This was bliss. This was the paradise he had been searching for.

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heldenherzchen · 7 months

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"want anything from the shop?" — "cornetto."

#hot fuzz #nicholas angel #my art #did i watch hot fuzz for the last 5 days approx. 20 times?#maybe.#is it still one of my fav movies ever?#definitely.#will i continue watching hot fuzz for the next 5 days?#probably.#do i have a problem?#absolutely.#👀#i just love them so much your honor #😭💖#also: still trying to figure out my ~style~#lmao #thank u for bearing with me 🙏🏼#queue

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bigshotspambot · 10 months

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I probably will not rebrand yet but feeling pretty ABNORMAL about all spamton’s forms now <3 Perhaps I will make more tags for big shot and regular spamton

Fucking bird HELL SATAN gif to communicate this fact.

#when you’re demi #and it takes you 2 YEARS TO CRUSH ON SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT VARIATIONS OF A CHARACTER #have I ever considered drawing characters even when I don’t want to kiss them #Yes. but then where do you get the drive. it’s harder to find u know #this is also an adhd problem LOL #also I need to branch out so bad cuz I love sneo but drawing only him has been killing me tbh #THANK YOU.#update #spamton #I’ve also had the same pinned post since I started this blog LMAO #perhaps an update is due

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months

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#ever sit like a corpse in your own body?#im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we #deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to #give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway.#who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in #the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when #projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing #dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will #ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do #something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r #stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even #then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a #broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what?#lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything #done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i #think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with #thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno #whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is #hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse #but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday #unrelated

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jamesbukkakebarnes · 11 days

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🤧

#no but really i would 100% watch mota if that mf austin butler wasnt in it #he gives me the ick sgshshssgsg #he's on timothy chalamet levels of ick for me. its that type of irrational ick wherei dont know much abt them but theyre so 😷😷😷#like probably nice enough person but hell nahh lmao #u know what it is. he was just SO boring on zoey 101 and thats all i'll ever remember him as 💀#do not @ me i literally have no problem with him except for i cant stand him #ignore me

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orcelito · 6 months

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I'm doing soooo amazing (weeping) like so great and cool (crying) feeling amazing (sleep deprived)

I finally got a load of dishes done though. This, at least, is worth celebrating.

#speculation nation #ive been putting dishes off for weeeeeks #it's better off without a before pic bc y'all dont wanna see what was in my sink before 😐#i will have clean bowls. and silverware. 🥺#i ate cold chef boyardee straight from the can this morning #bc i had no clean bowls and nothing i could possibly use instead. all tupperware used. all microwavable mugs and cups that would fit it #all plates with enough of a lip to hold canned pasta. all plates in general tbh aside from a few tiny plates.#so i ate it straight from the can and u cant microwave a can so i just ate it cold.#not my most dignified moment to be sure. but also not the lowest ive ever gone lmao #Still Pretty Low Tho #but yeah ill have clean dishes. and ill do a 2nd load tomorrow.#im gonna clean up the clutter from my floors. and try to confront the Clothes Problem....#i dont want to try mopping until after the showing if it happens bc im not gonna have random ppl dirtying my clean floors.#bc they WILL just wear their damn shoes inside bc this is america and no one has any fucking manners here.#but whatever. im gonna get my apartment approximately presentable. at least enough so im not mortified by it.#just bc im mental illness squatting here doesnt mean i want ppl to SEE it #thank god i got the worst things done yesterday tho. and today with the dishes.#remaining stuff is mostly just tidying. rather than going through The Horrors lol #sigh. im accomplishing things. unfortunately...#gonna go to bed soon. gotta be up nice and early for more cleaning! :D 😭

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aeide-thea · 10 months

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oh right i forgot the real reason i stopped listening to broadway clips was that i've got this whole enormous miserable knot in my chest abt having been too socially anxious to do anything with my once-upon-a-time-very-gorgeous voice once i got spat out of the safe little nest of my high school, and like, most of the time i forget that knot even exists, but when i listen to the sort of music i used to be part of making (proper opera but also showtunes) it's like. this whole fast-forward feelings journey thru 'oh right that didn't actually go away, it's still right there in my throat, just calcified' to 'oh okay we tugged the loose end and it's unraveling and actually it was keeping contained a whole rush of tears like aeolus' bag of winds in the odyssey…'

#like i decline 2 actually cry abt it but. sure am on the verge of it lmao. thick sore throat and all #i always forget that when i'm actually happy i sing to myself. it's been a long time since i did that #i mean also a big problem with voice was like. the gender thing #conveniently being a mezzo is ALSO a gender thing which did more work for me than i realized but #was listening to a jeremy jordan medley ft. on the street where you live from my fair lady and had a sudden flashback #to the year i was like 'what if i sang that for our musical theater showcase' and my voice teacher was like. noooo not a Boy Song 4 Girl U!#but i used to sing that to myself all the time. also‚ hilariously‚ the girl that i marry from annie get yr gun #which is just like. literally i still thought i was a straight girl tho. the sheer level of doublethink this required.#what was happening in my brain.#(i mean obviously what was happening in my brain was that like. i knew the limits of acceptability)#(and so i couldn't know anything else abt myself.)#(like i've said this before but i do strongly wonder what else my brain isn't allowing me to know bc i still live with my dad)#(which is like. SO dumb bc honestly i'm not sure there's anything i could do that he'd kick me out/disown me over)#(certainly not anything sexuality or even gender related idt)#(but it's like. i know where the discomfort line is and emotionally i just. can't bear to exile myself out beyond it!)#(even if my doing so might eventually shift the line out to where it embraced me again!)#(sometimes learning yr own deep unacceptability in childhood 4 adhd reasons)#(and also 'yr mother is so depressed nothing you do will ever please her. have fun trying tho!!' reasons)#(makes you just. totally incapable of deliberately rendering yrself less acceptable as an adult even when it would be good for you)#(anyway like. thinking back to the K in old home videos who was like. confident that they were an engaging delight)#(and like. what a charming jeremy jordan of a performer they could have made.)#(if only my whole upbringing hadn't then happened to me and crushed all the unacceptable self-expression out of me.)#anyway. shh don't look at me it's fine! it's all fine. 🫥🫥🫥#formative #feelingsblogging

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ahbutimavillain · 7 months

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Only bean could have the power to not only get me interested in a dnd style game but also to consider finding people to do dnd with irl

#will I actually do that?#my social anxiety says HELLA #NAH #but still #I feel like realistically if I wasn’t so conditioned at this stage to thing dnd is fucking weird #(it’s ??? really not any weirder than anything else lmao)#I would probably have enjoyed it if I’d gotten into it ages ago #anyway I’m just waiting to transfer games from my ps5 to external #so I have room for MORE GAMES #I’m gonna give the cyberpunk trial another go since I have ps+ @ whatever level lets u do trials #honesty idek what tier I have anymore bc it was like a deal to upgrade at one point and yeah idk #but I’m p sure it’s gonna run me like $130 come January for renewal and that’s a p steep jump from #the $99 I paid when I first got it :/#these companies really #out here bending us over w/these subscriptions and tiers etc etc #also I think I should cancel my Nintendo one bc I don’t ever play acnh and that’s the only reason I had it #so I could travel to different islands…#I should really look into what subscriptions I’m paying for at this point #it’s a problem

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camptw1nk · 1 year

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remember when i tried to say the attempted call out on billie was stupid and so anons started trying to call me out for things but all they could come up with was. that i enjoyed 13rw

#to clarify it is all stupid billie is one of the best people ive ever met on this horrible site #direct ur energy at actual problems and not just people who have done nothing wrong #vague cw #drama cw #this is all im gonna say on the matter i just think its so funny when people have absolutely no proof for their claims #so they will pile on to anyone and anything that moves #the anons got Real Quiet when i said ‘yeah the show doesnt handle things well and i never said it did’#i simply enjoy my silly little show that helped w my mental health #and billie just enjoys her silly little guy #and is that not like. is that not just enough #like why do things have to be. more #can we not just quietly enjoy our own things in our own corners without people coming for us #like i dont even actively write my 13rw muses really bc i know people arent super comfortable w them #so i never choose to approach w them unless someone else approaches me first #they just took one look at my muse list and tried some shit lmao #ANYWAY im over it tumblr is so exhausting #just block and move on when u see something u dont like if no one is getting harmed then WHO CARES

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meattruck · 1 year

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me getting the inspo to dress cutely but then remember how hard thrifting is and i dont want to support fast fashion:

#like i have fabric but i find that its not suitable for garments especially pants which have more friction #all my cute pattern fabric r nonstretch 4oz (or smth) cotton fabric so :V i need to stop being sueded by the patterns lmao #tbh i should really reconsider not shopping fast fashion concidering how much i like litterally never shop for clothing lmao #i am litterally not the problem and it would ease my journey tenfold lol but that also requires supporting a company which um ew cirnge :V #guess nothing else to really do but suffer tbh el o el #meat speaks #also i have a huge like anxiety over cutting fabric tbh cuz its ever so finite 😬 its not like paper where i cna wing it ya know #also im prone to miscalculating/underestimating how much i actually need u always need more than u expect ;-;

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palms-upturned · 1 year

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#meg talks #SORRY rant incoming bc holidays. are the worst #but im just so sad and tired #i get why my dad wants his new marriage to work out and it’s not like i ever wanted them to fail #but his wife is. kdgsejfjjd she sucks!! she’s the reason he had to go back on his promise to house our little bro!#and yet he asks US to try and help him fix things w her even tho until recently we didn’t even know she apparently had such a problem w us??#we were perfectly nice and polite to her and didn’t do anything to bother her #barely even talked to her at all!! left the lovebirds alone to whatever they wanted to do!#and yet she has apparently been losing her shit at him every time he does anything to help us?!#like sorry u married a man w children and then didn’t expect him to actually be a parent to them but get fucking real?#that’s supposed to be YOUR CHILD now. and ur trying to kick him out after he spent almost a whole year in hell #and tried to stick it out for so long specifically bc he didn’t wanna inconvenience anyone #fuck you!! go to hell lady!! why are WE having to appease YOU?#just bc ur parents sucked u think u can tell our dad to just leave us to starve?#u think u can boss around my little brother who is the strongest and most hard working of all of us?#lol. lmao even.#get fucked.#if u think i won’t figure out a way for us to make it through life without you then you’re funny.#i’ll be a better mother than anybody ever was to us #coughs anyway. sorry. feeling raw today

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fooltofancy · 1 year

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spent this morning contemplating heavensward gear for ilya in preparation for ng+ shenanigans, and let me tell u i have NO idea how to dress this boy.

#i have been lying to you #the problem is actually that he was a black mage through arr and i hate low level casting gear #and can't fuckin decide what he would dress himself him in while he's still like. idk proving his worth to lucrative new friends lmao #can say that the only time u will EVER see this man in a cowl is just post banquet #do want to draw him in a cowl w big ear holes though cause it's all im thinking about #anyway im in gear hell.#playing through these things on the little cowboy wizard catgirl did not help me solidify fashion.#everthing is good if u can put a cowboy hat on it.#DENIED COWBOY HATS #(heartbreakingly i dont think ilya is a cowboy hat person. even if he could be.)#once he swaps to mch like mid hw it gets easier cause that's my wheelhouse but GOD #suffering #baby mode blogging #ohhhhh i can NOT spell today

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blackberryjam · 2 years

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#pls for the love of god can u guys not use my asks n dms as places to vent if i barely know u . lmao #if we talk regularly or ive explicitly said yeah feel free to vent then it’s fine !!! but if u only ever talk to me to vent abt ur problems #im not a void believe it or not . i have to read ur shit and it’s upsetting if im not prepared for that #im gonna just start deleting the messages and blocking u if u do this<3

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#i genuinely cant think of anything i want for Christmas. maybe skin tone copics but that's literally the only thing #im like the worst person to do things for honestly. there r so many rules and the things i want r so specific that its really not worth it #like i already have too much stuff. the amount of stuff i have rn in this tiny apartment stresses me out #i dont need more. i only work and draw so like i really dont need anything???#so i honestly dont kno wtf to tell my family. like idk give me 25 bucks and ill buy a game on steam #except i wanna get games when break starts and now after Christmas so actually dont do that #idk just dont buy me anything. and dont make me buy anything. im already spiraling #and i might b moving across the fucking ocean in the next year so like idk i dont need more stuff #uuuugh im just avoiding doing things. like interview practice. and writing. and lab work #im just tired. maybe ill go to bed at like 9 lmao. avoid my problems until tomorrow #i would like to be excused from Christmas on account of having a breakdown. or just being a whiny brat #i really need to practice for the interview. bc im underqualified so i need to pretend it hasnt been 4 years since itook molecular genetics #and that i totally absolutely know lots about photosynthesis. definitely absolutely know what im doing. can i read? yes absolutely i can #understand words. ive never been sick in the head ever in my life and its a miracle. so pls give me money #uuuuuuuugh y brain? y dont u listen to me??? we have tasks! do them! pls!#unrelated

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