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tinyidle · 13 days

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feel much better - jyh

based on, not only coachella, but the aftermath where he poured his heart out on toktoq (🥹). im doing this on a whim from the amount of thoughts that have been going through my head. could have been a network submission but im lazy rn. tagging @strayteezsimp before i forget. wc: 1.9 k

warning: smut, slight angst + fluff, nick-naming (love, big boy, baby, miss), tons of kissing everywhere, teasing (grinding, praise, slight degradation if yousquint), morning sex (fellatio, riding [cowgirl]), unprotected sex ofc be careful irl, implied aftercare at the end, aftermath chellateez!yunho, sub!yunho ft.servicesub(?)yunho, tall!reader yes im catering you girlies for once, fem reader (girlfriend), dom!reader (mainly soft), all fiction ofc

it was the morning, and you woke up to yunho saying 'have a good night, tinys' before ending the live and switching off his phone, sniffling. you were instantly worried, thinking someone hurt his feelings.

"yun, are you okay?" you asked, hand reaching out to wipe his cold cheek stained from his previous tears.

making sure to compose himself for you, he wiped the rest of his stray tears before turning around to answering you. "yeah, im fine."

you weren't having it. "yunho, don't lie to me. your eyes are red, and you're breathing heavy. what happened?"

the man couldn't hold it in anymore as he let the dam break. you immediately went to his aid, cupping his face as you sat up some more from your previous lying position, letting his face rest on your chest as he broke down. "i was telling the live how grateful i was for being in the position im in, especially when i thought many times of giving up."

"shh, it's okay, baby." you coo at him, caressing his head as his cries slowly but surely die down. you did your best to turn his face to yours, wiping away the last of his tears before leaning down to give him a loving kiss. he reciprocated it back, love beaming all over his eyes, fully reflecting your own. "yuyu, listen to me. you made it because you didn't give up. friends family, and fans have supported you and the boys. i loved and supported you since. be proud of yourself, okay?"

the man fully relaxed in your arms now, nodding and smiling when you mentioned how you helped change his life for the better. "okay, thank you, love."

you smiled back before giving him another loving peck on the lips. "besides," you started with a slight smirk," you looked sexy on stage earlier."

yunho's eyes widened as his ears tinged red. "really?"

"of course, baby," you confirmed, moving your hand from stroking his cheek to massaging his scalp, occasionally scratching it the exact way he likes. "it was all over the internet. they wanted to know who my big boy was."

"yeah?" yunho looked up at you with a shy smile. his demeanor was contrary to the sensation that was traveling rapidly to his length. he never means to be this horny this fast, but whenever you give him praise about his visual appearance, he can't help but get at least a bit excited.

"yeah," you reassured, giving his forehead a peck. of course you knew that he was getting hot and bothered from you mentioning the compliments strangers gave him online.

you never minded, though, since you knew that he was only hard because you made it known to him that you agreed with what everyone else was saying. and only you are able to see him in all his visual glory.

trailing a hand from his raven locs to his chest, carefully palming over it as to not scare him by going too far too soon, you asked the question that honestly needed no answer from you: "can i help you feel much better, yun?"

the man almost got lost in your almost fiery touches. it was only in his hair and on his clothed chest, but he was feeling needy for you. with a small clearing of the throat, along with a nod, he gave you the go-ahead, "please, miss."

you grinned before delicately resting yunho's head on a pillow while straddling his lap. you held on to his face above him, adoration all over you before leaning down to show your appreciation through your lips on his. yunho happily kissed back, soon after wrapping his long arms around your torso. unfortunately for you and him, the kiss had to end, with you giving him one last peck on the nose before trailing your kisses down to his jaw.

you gently sucked him there on the right side of it, making the man whimper out. "miss.. m- feels good," he praised you as his arms were now weakly holding on to you, hips grinding onto your pretty still ones. you chuckled at him already crumbling but decided not to tease him any further and simply get to where he needed you most.

wiggling down to his knees, you held onto yunho's waist bands of his shorts and boxers. you looked up at him for permission, and you were met with a small, 'please'. as you pulled his confinement down, yunho's length displayed itself: long, thick, girthy, and veiny-- as if he was edged for hours. it's only been half an hour.

"aww, look at my big boy's needy cock," you cooed at him, holding on to it with great care as yunho shifted from having himself get touched by you for the first time this week. you giggled as you heard your boyfriend whine and lightly buck his hips up, slapping his thigh for being impatient. he huffed a bit, but lay back down as you gently pushed him down.

your legs were hanging off the bed, but you didn't want to be kneeling on the edge of the bed, so you decided to arch your back high as your knees reached your chest while leaning down to your boyfriend's length. the view in yunho's was magnificent: your shorts-covered ass was unintentionally up in the air for him to see, along with your beautiful face close to where he needs relieving the most.

all thoughts about how you looked in front of him went away as you pressed chaste and gentle kiss after kiss to his hard shaft. with every smooch you complimented him. "your dancing captivates many," smooch! "you have the most elegant body known to man," smooch! "despite your caretaking persona, you are a softie, my baby boy," smooch! smooch! smooch! "i love you so so much, yuyu."

yunho constantly said thank you after every line of praise, only moaning loud as your kisses became very sloppy, to the point that you had his tip in your mouth. preparing yourself, you sucked on him deeper and deeper, until there was less than one inch left of him to see that wasn't in your mouth. you shifted yourself a bit to get rid of any potential numbness in your thighs, which only aided to the look of your ass swinging side-to-side for him.

he was close. "mommy, im about to cum! please, let me cum," yunho begged, hips being uncontrollable as the last bit of him was now unconsciously forced in your throat. helping him reach that high, you cup and massaged his balls nearly the same way you do to his scalp. "nngh~" he whined, gasping as his cum caught in your throat when he finally orgasmed. you happily took in every drop, making sure to lick his slit clean of anything else.

however, you weren't done yet. "m-miss?" yunho slightly panicked as he saw you get off him and strip down to nothing. you then tugged on his shirt, to which he took off with slight confusion. sure, it was currently hot in the room, but why not turn on a fan?

you once again straddled your boyfriend, this time on his pelvis, and grinded on him like before. yunho groaned as he felt your wet center reach the base of his re-hardening length. "i want you to make you feel much better in me, and then i would like you to make me cum. does that sound okay, baby?" you suggested as you made a puddle on your boyfriend's lap.

yunho was close to crashing again, but once he heard your proposal, he quickly bobbed his head up and down, saying, "whatever you, want, love."

smiling, you lift yourself up and hold yunho's length to your aching cunt. slowly getting down, you feel his head piercing through your hole. despite the dull to semi-fiery burn, you kept going down until you sat completely down on your boyfriend's length. after getting yourself together, you looked at yunho to see how he was doing.

"how's my, mmh, baby doing down there?" he was fucked out, to say the least. his mouth was unironically open, his breathing was shallow and his length was repeatedly pulsing inside of you. meanwhile he was feeling you squeeze him in the best way possible, your thighs heating up his own as they almost meshed together with the heat of you both.

it took him a while before he could reply to your inquiry, "feels very good, mommy. you're so tight-- draining me."

"oh really?" you smirked. you knew that staying in this position would torture both him and you, but you did want to have some quick fun with him. kneeling above him with him still inside of you, you swung your hips down on him, slamming yourself down. you held in a shriek as you unintentionally reached deep inside of you.

yunho, however, hiccupped with a high-pitched squeal from the impact, tugging onto the sheets next to him as he watched you. you soon enough found a rhythm that would help your legs not burn, while your boyfriend's face was burning from the amount of passion you put into every one of your slams on his length. after a while of you bouncing, you went all the way down and squeezed yourself on him the best way you could. hearing the man whine and groan, you whispered in his ear, "cum for me, baby boy."

and he did. you continued to lightly bounce on his still-hard length as he came inside of you. you stilled as you felt the last of his fluids enter you. gasping and whimpering, he held onto your hips now, very ready to have you fall apart on him. "please, miss," he pleaded, eyes now glossy from you still squeezing around his length as you grinded on his length, "please let me fuck you. wanna make mommy cum."

if not for you wanting to release, you would have teased the living daylights out of him. instead, you rested your head onto the crook of yunho's neck, kissing the area behind his ear before whispering, "make mommy cum, baby boy."

gripping the area between your hips and ass, yunho found wat little strength he had left in him to hoist his lower self up, knees bent as your feet almost touched his. you were only a few centimeters shorter than him, but it sometimes felt a bit off to be doing positions like this unless it's initiated. yunho, being desperate to get you off yet too tired to fuck you any other way, thrusted himself up into you repeatedly, causing you to actually shriek this time.

"fuck, yunho. fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" you cried out on his neck. he was directly hitting your sweet spot with quick succession this way, causing you to try and squeeze him with every thrust in you can. yunho was falling apart just as quick as you were.

with one final thrust, you orgasmed, repeatedly praising yunho with how well he could use his endowment. he was also cumming once more, a very sobby cry as he continuously thanked you. "mommy's the best, i love your pussy so much-".

thankfully today was a rest day, so all that you two could do is clean up, cuddle each other, and possibly have a round 3 in the evening.

literally listened to 'carnival' by ys (kanye west and ty dolla $ign) while making this, which has the famous line she ride the dick like [a] carnival. kind of fitting if you ask me

#ateez smut #yunho smut

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

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AITA for name dropping some of my friends’ connections?

i (20X) have multiple friends that have connections to pretty famous internet celebrities, creators, etc. i wouldn’t call them household names, because a lot of them are pretty contained to solely online presences, but definitely names most twitter/tumblr users would recognize. i won’t go into too much detail for privacy reasons, but essentially, i’m two degrees of separation from a LOT of popular internet creators.

this isn’t something i talk about often, if really at all. i’ll mention these people to my irl friends all the time, because they’re also my friends, but never about their connections (unless it’s relevant at the time). i met almost all of them naturally, some without even knowing about their connections, either having common interests, or being in the same discord, fanproject, etc. i didn’t befriend them in an attempt to get closer to whatever celebrity they know is what i’m trying to say. at least two of them even made said connection after we’d become acquaintances.

college recently started again, and me and my roommates were invited to a party hosted by some of the girls that live on our floor to get to know everyone better. we ended up playing two truths, one lie to break the ice and get more comfortable with each other. me and my roommates all have a bit of a flair for the dramatic, and stories to back it up, so when it got to their turns (all of them went before me), they went all out. for example, one of them brought up how her moms met david bowie or something because they happened to be bowling in the same alley and ended up talking and getting drinks together. i forget who it actually was, but still. very out there, absurd stories that sound unbelievable/fake, but very much happened.

this is where i may be the asshole. when it got to my turn, i ended up name-dropping some of my connections. i said something along the lines of “i have fairly close connections to x, y, and z.” writing it like that doesn’t have the same impact, but you get my point. everyone in the room knew who they were is the important part. the room guessed what the lie was wrong, and promptly began to ask how i knew the people i’d named. i explained i had a few internet friends that had/have worked closely with them, and that i either knew certain things the general public doesn’t, or that i’ve had the privilege of contributing to projects/suggesting ideas because of it. it’s important to mention that i didn’t lead with having insider knowledge/positions, because i know i’d be the asshole if i had. they asked, i answered as much as i could, which wasn’t much more than i stayed here. i didn’t say any specific projects or ideas for what i think are fairly obvious reasons. they hadn’t reacted very much to any of my roommates’ insane bullshit, so i hadn’t expected such a response and thought my truth was fairly tame in comparison, honestly. (another example: one of them has nearly drowned 7 times, with 5 of those times all happening on a tuesday. they’ve told me all 7 of those stories and i think they’re super interesting, a lot more than me just having connections to people i don’t even personally know.)

anyways. the conversation moved on, the same continued, all seems good. that was a week ago, for reference. i find out a few of the people there are in my classes, which is great! i get to talking to most of them, and they’re all as friendly as they were when we met, except for one, who i’ll call holly (not her real name). holly acts cordial when she has to (group discussion, that sort of stuff) but whenever i try to talk or interact with her outside of that, she outright ignores me. she fully walked past me once despite us not only making eye contact, but me waving and calling her name. i didn’t get why she was acting like that all of a sudden, because she didn’t have any problems with me during the party. i didn’t think i’d done anything to wrong her, but just in case, i reached out to one of her roommates to ask if holly had told them anything about it, or if they remembered me doing something to make her react that way that i just forgot or didn’t realize i’d done.

one of them got back to me today that holly had apparently gone on a tirade about how disgusting i was, how i was clearly just “using” my friends because of their connections, that i only used them for clout and popularity, etc. which, as i said, is FULLY not true. what bothers me most is that she reached that conclusion with absolutely no evidence other than one conversation, one that me and all my roommates were clearly using to highlight the more silly/out-there aspects of our lives. most of the time i spent explaining things consisted of me gushing over how cool and hard-working my friends are for having those opportunities and how much i look up to them. i don’t know if she wasn’t paying attention or thought i was lying or what, but now i’m worried i may have actually come off that way. like that maybe i actually WAS just using them in that instance, whether i intended to or not, and that i came off as super assholeish and manipulative. so, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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anamericangirl · 9 months

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It sucks that you’re getting flack for that church and lgbt post. I’ve seen many Christians be hypocrites in the way you say on your post; they’ll say lgbt people are leaving the church on purpose, and while it is one’s own choice to not do something, many of them get pushed away from it.

I’ve unfortunately ran into “discussions” on the internet with Christians who are so judgmental, and need I say not in the way that God and Jesus would want it. They’ve even outright said that people should make adult jokes because they’re not being, in their own words, perfect enough for God and Jesus. God and Jesus don’t want us to be perfect nor a genius, they want us to simply do as right as we can. And I fail to see how joking about adult things with fellow adults is somehow wrong. If they think that then my family must be outright demonic to them.

Getting back on topic. I’ve seen many Christians blatantly lie about how lgbt people will immediately go to hell for being lgbt. That isn’t true. Yes, it is a sin, but we all commit sins. From the moment we’re born, our flesh is a sin because we can feel pain. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be Christians. Yes, it is better to give up being lgbt for the sake of Christ, but nobody is going to hell for a sin like that. You go to hell if you’re very blasphemous, get the mark of the beast, or simply don’t believe in God and Jesus.

We all commit sins. Telling someone they’re cursed for forever suffering in hell when they genuinely want to have a relationship with God and Jesus, but simply don’t know how, is the least Christian thing a person can do.

I know it took me a while to get to this and I apologize but thank you for this!

Yes, I was surprised how many Christians misinterpreted it what I was saying (and I guess I should have been more careful about how I worded it but I honestly didn't think it would be that badly misconstrued). And I very much agree with you about some Christians behave. I have personally seen Christians on this platform and irl that are incredibly judgmental (and, like you said, not in a godly way) basically asserting that if you do this certain thing you are a bad person and they are better than you. I find it a little sickening tbh.

To be sure there are cases of lgbt people leaving the church of their own volition because they decide they would rather not give up sin, but there are absolutely cases of them being pushed out as well or not feeling welcome and those have to be taken seriously, too. And so many people were acting like "no the only reason an lgbt person leaves the church is if they reject God and want to live in sin" and that's not right. And even if that was the reason someone left, behaving that way towards them is only going to push them further away.

It was honestly really disappointing to see.

#anon #answered

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maxverstepponme · 8 months

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100% with you on what you said about Alexandra, she's done nothing wrong as of yet that even justifies the slimest of hate, the only thing they base their hate on is messages from years ago when she was in fucking middle school between her and the Sines sisters like bffr, oh and also lies being spread by haters that she's "rude" when she just stays in her lane when people ask for pics with her or with Charles when she's around.

And they're all like "well she's not so private if she hides her face but posts herself on tiktok," etc...like there's a fuckin difference between YOUR OWN DAMN SELF posting stuff about yourself on social media and STRANGERS doing so, especially when you can't control what you look like, it's an insecurity for a lot of people, at least when you choose to post, you get to know what comes out and how it does, and it's a safer feeling that being thrown on the internet without your choice.

And all of them being here "weel she covers her face cause she filters her stuff so she doesn't look like that irl" implying she's ugly, but babes ! we've seen pics and video of her from outside sources, in the paddock and elsewhere and she literally is beautiful ? Like if that is their definition of ugly then jeez...and it's funny cause in the same breath they're gonna say Charlotte is the most beautiful girl while calling Alexa cha2.0 and saying they look so alike and I'm like ???? what's the truth then hum ? If they are so identical then that means if you think Alex is ugly then Cha is too no ? and if you think Cha is pretty then Alex too like ? Be logical with you stupidity ffs (+ personnal opinion but I think Alex is prettier that Cha, not saying Cha is not pretty, but there's something more coming out of Alex, she got charisma)

And they are SO mad that she doesn't let them in on her love life it's so funny, I'm pretty sure it's the main reason they hate tbh, because she doesn't let them invade her relationship and therefore they can't live their fantasies through her like they did with Charlotte

I've seen people say she was apparently rude this week-end in the car while Charles was taking pics with fans and like please lie better folks cause we have fucking videos of that and she's just there like ? she's just doing nothing and letting people take pics and minding her own business

Anyways sorry for the long ask but it just drives me crazy how they can hate on someone for nothing, and it goes for the other wags too not just Alexandra, it's just that Alex has been getting such a wave of hate compared to what it was/is for the others I'm fucking baffled, like I've seen someone comment "look at her playing the arsty girl" under her post on her art account ??? she's a fucking history of art student my god bffr and not to talk too much but the studies shaming I've seen some people do, such elitist mentalities it's concerning to think like that in 2023

People saying “she isn’t private because we can see her on TikTok” pisses me off so much! You can have a public TikTok account but still be private 💀 istg some of them turn dumb on purpose.

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clown-reads-homestuck · 5 months

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1-50

First real post of my readthrough of homestuck! Just getting right into it.

It's so funny that some random user just named his ass John Egbert.

I really miss the style of just importing really crusty jpegs of real objects into your artwork. It speaks to the mid 2000s newgrounds user that still dwells in my decrepit soul. We should bring this back.

This seems like a nightmare of a narrative device to write around. Though I guess I understand it because it kinda deters just picking up everything.

Do it John. Shit on your desk. This animation is super cute though.

What the hell is the background image supposed to be on this. Also GODS I would kill for a computer screen like this.

Having war flashbacks to when my IRL WoW friends would use the term loot in public like it was nothing. This is the real relic of this era. Also what the fuck kind of username is turntechGodhead. It's probably a reference I'm not getting but I've never seen the term godhead used outside of elder scrolls lore.

This is so quaint in 2023, I mean who doesn't know what piss tastes like. Also this whole exchange makes absolutely no sense if you haven't seen Little Monster starring Howie Mandel and Fred Savage. does Howie pee in a kids mouth in that movie???

I have vague memories of people talking about monocles so much more often when I was a growing up. I feel like the internet had more of a fascination for them back then because fake rich people made us less pants shittingly angry. Also this is such an early 2010s level humor joke jeez.

I thought this motherfucker was TOM from Toonami. Also COOL CLICKABLE pages, I didn't even know this had that. Least not this early on.

This hideous book is a joy to look at. It reminds me of the weird intermission screens in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

I misread this as making me so hard all the time. I almost blacked out.

This is a lot more word salady than I expected. That's not really a negative though

Not gonna lie a magazine like this would do numbers nowadays. It's kind of weird that a little bit of bro culture kinda just became normal culture for dudes generally. I wonder Andrew Hussie had something specifically against GamePro at the time or if it was just for the pun. Also John why do you own this magazine.

Yooo CLOWN TIME. I guess Harlequins in this case but still I didn't expect clown stuff to start showing up this early. I know Hussie is a clown eboy or something nowadays so I knew they had to be in this.

I would be bing chilling in this living room dude, this is so cozy. Also wtf does John's dad do to afford this happening pad.

Final page! This is pretty fun so far. Stare into the flames John, let your hate go stronger.

Till next time anyone who actually reads this blog!

#homestuck #I think I did the math and it will take 160 posts to finish this project. So in for a long ride!

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erigold13261 · 8 months

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hiiiii eri!! ✌️ hope youre having a good day/night with your pals and also sorry you gotta deal with weird ass anons, but dont let em get to you when youre just minding your business!

(also also no pressure to reply to this, just wanted to drop by! youre also pretty cool in my book and all the nice tags you leave in all the stuff you reblog are super lovely!!)

Omg, I saw the little T with a ? in my notification (meaning I got an ask) and thought it was either the hater anon or the persona wanting my Failed Revolution to be worse than it is, so seeing it was you was so nice.

And even more nice was what you said. Like, I live by the motto of spreading kindness, which is why I respect people with different headcanons or ideas from me. And also why I always try to say something nice in the tags of stuff I reblog (I should get into the habit of commenting too honestly lol).

Anyway, don't worry about that anon. One of these days I will screenshot and post all that they have said (with some funny commentary or analysis lol) but for now, them sending me hate actually fuels me lol.

The fact I am getting hate, at least to me, means that I made it as an artists. I am in someone else's mind and bothering them with just existing, which is so funny and nice to me lol. So they can keep trying to give me "advice" or whatever they see their asks as, but I will just see it as a win in my book (and a way to make my irl friend happy as they love making fun of people like that lol).

But you are right I shouldn't let this get to me. I do my best to be respectful. Even with asks I don't personally agree with, I try my best to validate that headcanon as best as possible. So like, that anon has some things to learn about respect or learning how to curate their own online experience.

Anyway, I am doing actually really good right now. I hope you are too! Thank you so much for your response! I won't lie, I was hoping for a little bit of validation with my posts before, but wasn't actually expecting any. Thank you again, you took time out of your day to send me a nice message and it makes the world for me. Even if that anon is being rude and disrespectful (even if they don't see it as such) they took time to keep me in their mind which makes me happy.

So you and that anon mean the world to me (you more because you are nice lol). So thanks. I do my best to make a welcoming environment. I know some people will see that as "woke" or stupid or whatever, but that just means it's not for them and they should look for their own space.

Anyway, I am tipsy/drunk and just want to say I appreciate anyone who sent in a nice comment or ask. Or had liked my stuff. Any interaction is a positive in my book honestly, as that means I meant something in someone's life (whether good or bad lol).

So yeah, I am doing good and hope you are too. This is way too rambly for such a small ask, but honestly I wanted to get this out. Thank you to you, and anyone really, who even just liked my stuff (reblogging, or reblogging with tags is also a love from me). It truly means a lot for people to take time out of their day for me, a stranger on the internet. Thank you so much!

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transbodydreams · 1 year

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Being myself

So way back when, long before I actually came out as trans, I had a Tumblr account where I posed as a trans lesbian woman and made lots of friends. I used a lot of pics of a girl I knew who looked the way I dreamed I would look as a woman to "prove" I was who I said and not what I really was at the time: some sad bearded dude hiding behind a computer screen fantasizing about who I wished I was. I made up a backstory for her that was similar enough to my own life that I could talk about things that were happening to me by tweaking them slightly, which allowed me to have what felt like real conversations. It felt amazing to have a place where I could be myself. Things got complicated fast, though, and it got harder and harder to be consistent with my stories. At least one person, a guy, figured me out and was pretty pissed off about it. Finally, I started having feelings for a woman that I was talking with and realized that she was falling for me too, and I panicked. Fearing what would happen if she discovered the truth about me, I deleted the account and lost all contact with her and with everyone else I'd connected with. I often wonder what happened to her and how she felt about being ghosted. I also mourn losing all of the friends I'd made. Even if I was lying about my appearance, they got to know the real me in ways that my IRL friends never did, and I really regret not being honest with myself or with them about who I really was. One of the first things I did when I finally decided to come out and live my truth was to start a new Tumblr account, but this time I wanted it to just be me, warts and all. I didn't want to have to lie about myself anymore, or to hurt anyone else with my dishonesty.

TBH, it's been slower making connections when I'm not hiding behind pictures of a fantasy girl, but I treasure the new connections I'm making and the people I've met in a much deeper way - they are accepting the real me, not some dream that I will never live up to, and that feels really good.

I know that a lot of my followers do what I did, pretending to be a fantasy person who expresses who they wish they were. Sometimes it's easy to tell and sometimes it isn't (helpful hint: don't use a porn star or insta-famous model as your avatar and claim it's you - this is Tumblr, where someone is BOUND to recognize the pics, I promise!), but having been there myself I won't call them on it unless they get weird or start trying to scam or phish me. One of the great things about the internet is you can have the illusion of living your dream, and I don't want to take that from anyone.

All that said tho, If you're one of those people living through your made up avatar and experiencing the guilt and anxiety that comes with having to keep up what feels simultaneously like the biggest truth you've ever experienced and a huge and painful lie, I hope you'll read this and consider showing us who you really are. I mean, after all, I can't see you now, so all I have to go on is who you say you are, and if you're expressing your real feelings and I'm responding, chances are I'll keep responding even if you admit that you aren't a gorgeous sexy 22 year old lesbian model. Yeah, I might be a LITTLE disappointed about that, not gonna lie, but I'll get over it and you'll feel so much better, I promise!

Love you all!

Jess ❤️

Speaking of warts and all, hi there, it's me!

#transgender #me #honesty feels really good

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hot-take-tournament · 10 months

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sorry if my take sounds deeply incomprehensible i just kept going back on submitting it and knew if i didn’t ramble it all out in one take i was gonna chicken out again LMAO

don't worry about it at all!

i think an incoherent infodump every once in a while is good for the soul!

look, if we're being totally candid -

i have pretty severe adhd comorbid with bipolar disorder, which i do my best to mask - yeah yeah, i know you're not supposed to, but i doubt i'll ever truly shake the shame, especially given the things i've done as a result of failing to mask, both online and irl (the latter being much, much worse) - so i've resolved to do it for the rest of my life

i did talk a little bit about what i was like on my main blog here, which you might need for context:

(speaking of which, please don't actually follow or even go to my main blog just because you like this one - i'm 100% fucking serious. i'm a very different person over there to the point of being almost unrecognisable, even to myself - and i guarantee that side of myself wouldn't recognise me either; we're like two parts of a very fucked up whole. so for that reason i want to keep these two blogs separate; like i said, i'm bipolar, so that's where i let the venom out, and when i feel joyful again, i come back here. i'm more active here anyway, to the point where i basically consider this my main blog now - i mean, my bio isn't even up to date over there)

the point is although i plan to mask for the rest of my life, even i'm partial to an unprompted infodump or oversharing session every once in a while

that's the reason i want this blog to be a safe place for people to vent/infodump/just share their wildest takes anonymously, while still having a little fun by making it a tournament - it's partly to atone in a cringe kinda way, but also because this dumbass site has actually been a huge source of support in some of the darker points in my life

it's almost ironic in a weird way - i spent so much time targeting other people for their mental health problems, but when i had some of my own i came crawling back to those same people. maybe karma does exist lol

no, i didn't ever interact with any of them; but just lurking on their blogs and reading their posts helped normalise what i was going through when i felt so alone after receiving my diagnosis; though it was always in the back of my mind that maybe a year earlier i would've seen those same posts and done my level best to make them feel like shit for it just for the sake of a little dopamine hit

i'm a proud airhead, but i'm not naive - i'm not going to lie to you and say that tumblr is a safe space, partly because nowhere on the internet is safe, partly because i've read some of your takes and they terrify me, but mostly because i'm living proof of how awful this site can be

but i do want to at least create one semi-safe place on the internet after ruining so many other people's

jesus i'm fucking crying that's new lol

anyway sorry for taking your incoherent infodump and exchanging it with one of my own, that's probably more info about me than you ever wanted to know

but i hope this provides a little context for why i decided to start this blog

the point i was actually trying to make, because i'm pretty sure i never actually responded to what you were saying - never feel embarassed to submit anything! trust me, i totally get it; but i promise, even when i make jokes about some unhinged takes, it's all light-hearted, and if it ever comes across otherwise, please let me know! <3 <3 <3

i'm gonna take a quick break, i'll catch up with you all again later

#i'm absolutely serious about what i said about my main blog #that's now a tournament rule #although if you stumble across it in the wild - i've had two posts go viral - i guess it's fine #but strictly no jumping from this blog over to there #tournament updates #asks #tournament info #tumblr

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dianight · 4 months

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About friends. Long.

You know that moment when you notice that one person that's not there? Say you were talking to someone on discord and then at some point you see the list of DMs and you see their name with the grey icon. Or perhaps in some game or platform, where it shows last online several months/years ago, even worse when it's shown in days.

I am terrible at keeping up with people. I'll go months without talking to someone and if I run into them for me it'll be as if I saw them yesterday while they are confused about where I've been since then. It's not intentional, I just get focused on whatever I'm into at that moment and at some point in the past I decided not to be the one "in charge" of organizing anything anymore. Choices with consequences.

When a friend has gone offline (you can't really contact them in real life) for long and I feel them missing, my mind goes dark places. Not only because I'm a very negative person but also because experience tells me what the most likely reason is. They are either very busy with school/work, they are in jail/mental facility or they are just gone.

I have not, nor will I ever attempt to kill myself. I'll keep living until I fall, and then crawl until I can't move anymore. It would be a lie to say I've not thought about it, and I don't lie. During the worst period of my life I cried myself to sleep many times. Awful. I live in a way that it never gets to that point again.

The fourth option aka something else requires their attention for a long time is also a possibility. They are staying off the internet for whatever reasons. Kids, family issues, friends in need, others and such. It is the least likely scenario in my experience.

Point being: I saw a friend's icon on discord. I have not seen him in months, but I don't know how long exactly. I take things for granted. He's just some dude I met thanks to the souls community. We talked a lot, played together for a bit and generally chilled while hanging out. I've asked a couple people in that "hey have you seen [friend] lately" kind of way, just in case someone had talked to him. Nothing. The first time was said in a curious way (it's been a while eh) but the others in a more cautious one.

I saw (online) a guy that knows him IRL. I thought about asking. It would be a bit weird right? Not really, he probably knows. But a part of me was scared. What if. That feeling of dread again. When your mind tells you what the most likely explanation is. I put it off for weeks. I just now sent him a DM, he appears offline and told him to answer whenever he wants (it's early here).

---

There is another friend. Met her on tumblr. We didn't get to talk much, we didn't get to play together. I took things for granted.

Years ago, when I was in highschool I started playing quake live. Played that game for ~5 years, although the last two I was on university so my time playing was significantly lower. Met lots of people who I would spend entire days with.

One time someone joined the lobby and sent a message to let us (as in, our very small community) know that his brother had passed away, and had asked him to let us know. That was the first time I got informed that an online friend had passed away. It was shocking, we stopped the match and a couple people logged off. The dread hit me later. So, he's not going to play with us anymore? Just like that. I know it sounds childish. I was a kid.

Way more times than I'd like that same situation, or one that is similar enough, has happened. Someone letting me (or us) know that someone has gotten in an accident. Someone got in a fight that didn't end well. Someone took their own life. In real life I've lost several relatives to old age. Someone very close to me took a whole bunch of pills and had to get taken to emergencies.

I have no words to express what I want to communicate. The only way I feel like I can do it is by sharing my experiences, because I cannot fathom what it's like to lose someone that close to you.

Saw a few posts that sounded ominous. Went to sleep while "no way, no way" repeated in my head. Some other thing happened, not again. And then there was a confirmation. Devastated, wanted to cry and couldn't. What to do even. It happened again. This is what poetry is for I think, to put words together to express what cannot be expressed on prose alone.

---

Another friend. Met him thanks to the souls community, again. He is relatively known when it comes to his "achievements". Not super famous, but well known enough that saying more would be doxxing.

Many months ago he stopped online activities, so to speak. No discord messages, no streams, no videos. He later posted a short note on his twitter about his mental health problems, attempted suicide and a brief recounting of his life situation.

He is alive, not sure if doing well or not. Taking a very long break from "the grind" (my words). I hope he is. I take it for granted he will be.

One time he DMed me at like, 4 am. This is a regular hour for me on night schedule but not for most people. We'd talked before you know, but not late at night like that. Just asking me how were things and such. We talked a bit more and told him to get some sleep (he had to go somewhere in the morning).

Later after I read his note I went back to check the date. It was barely a few days before. Was that one of those so called "cries for help"? Was I meant to dig more, comfort him somehow? No, that's how you end up thinking it's your fault or something equally stupid. I talked to him as a friend. I do not hold some sort of convincing ability to reassure people. I could be kinder, perhaps.

---

Whenever I see people on tumblr mentioning those who they used to know, who passed away one way or another, is this how they feel? I believe the english word is grief. Insufficient. Limitations of the language.

There isn't a conclusion to this. I just saw some friend's discord name and got sad remembering. I either type it out or trigger my insomnia. It's 8 am the insomnia has been triggered 10 hours ago.

#dia talks

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knucklegagging · 1 year

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When Of Herbs and Alter talks (or really anyone on YouTuber) all I can do is wonder why they're not embarassed that this is their job.

Like how do their friends and family not point out how shameful it is to talk about your fucked up shit? Or just your controversial opinions? Or just your opinions? Or breathe?

Do these ppl seriously have "supportive" friends and family even w all their issues AND all the spectacle of making video recorded content that is literally them jacking off to the sound of their own voices like it's gold? That's wild.

Everything I do has to be anonymous cuz of any of my ppl knew anything about me they'd either leave or never let me live it down.

How the FUCK do these YouTubers have so much arrogance in thinking they're important enough to GET PAID to just babble into a camera???

I could do that. But all the comments would be hate comments. Is it just cuz theyre hot? No lie I really think it is largely to do w the fact they're always hot or at the very least middling in attractiveness. You never see an unattractive person getting media fame on any type of platform no matter how smart or witty or incredible they are. Someone needs to name me one person on the internet who is legitimately making a living off being on the internet who ISNT abnormally attractive while also almost always being at best borderline at the edge of average and dumb as bricks. Wtf is up w that??

Like Dorian is hot but can any of us really say theyre saying anything new or unique or particularly insightful? A lot of times they say magnificently stupid shit about having sex with vampire ghosts and how they condone Tessa Holliday lying about being anorexic for clout because Dorian's a weirdass little people pleaser who always wants to be controversial so long as it caters to the left. Honestly, Dorian is a dumbass. And they put on this overly touchy tryhard vocalization when reading the stories they've written like a bad actress trying to perform for a buck of blow..

I'm not even trying to be mean, but are any of us really subscribed because of their brain? Or is it all just hot goth with a deep voice who gives us some level of nostalgia for our ED bullshit? Cuz I'm convinced it's the latter. If she was ugly and called herself a she instead of a they (for woke relevance) nobody would listen.

I don't get why pretty people never seem to undersytanf that they are rarely talented, and are actually just stroking themselves in front of a camera.

Don't get me wrong, genuinely no hate to them. I like Dorian just fine most of the time. Think irl we'd probably even be friendly. BUT why do hot ppl have such an unawareness for how cringe this stuff is? They're all untouchable and it's weird. It's like their ego is always the size of Mt Everest and I do not understand how no one has ever told them that maybe talking about shoving glowsticks down your throat at night clubs and resurrecting a ghoul and how much they regret it... Maybe those things should be better left hidden from the internet?

Hot ppl can literally say, do, or think anything. Film it. Put it online. And there's never a single fucking repercussion. Meanwhile, an ugly person could eloquently detail the importance of phosphorulase kinase and express specifically why it is a hexadecameric holoenzyme based on the qualities of it's subunit isoforms and how mRNA splicing helps us understand this blah blah blah BUT I swear to you all the comments would be about how they need a nose job and their voice is stupid and they're ugly and did they ever notice one of their eyebrows is higher than the other and it fucking never ends.

I hate everyone.

#ana trigger #anathoughts #anamika #bonespro #anameals #ana meal #youtubers #pretty people #pretty #prettydumb #beauty is power #think thin

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hesgotpotential · 2 years

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i’m very much so the type of person that- yeah so i’m androgynous or at least that’s how I feel inside lol

irl when people ask me like my name I usually respond with my government name (bc I’m still scared of ppl knowing I’m nonbinary lol) and then i’m like “but you can call me whatever you want i don’t really care” cause honestly I don’t care. I prefer to be called sammie or some version of that but if you want to call me something else I don’t mind. Same goes for my pronouns like I prefer he/they but you can call me whatever you see me as it doesn’t bother me.

anyways I said all of that bc my coworker (a trans woman) asked my pronouns and I got all flustered cause that’s the first time ANYONE has asked me my pronouns and just blubbered out “yeah” cause she was like “you go by she/her right? I’m just asking cause I wanna respect your pronouns, cause I know I want ppl to respect mine” and when I got all flustered she was like “you sure?” just like…everyone that knows i’m lying through my teeth cause I can’t lie for shit does and I was like “yeah I mean I don’t really care”

like 😭 I want to be open and out and I can’t even do that around people I know won’t judge me unless it’s on the internet and idk it sucks so bad

I live in a small town in georgia if that helps you understand how utterly terrified I am about my family finding out i’m nonbinary…ugh I just wanna be open and tell people that i’d prefer to go by sammie and he/they but it’s like there’s this invisible wall there every fucking time I try and it honestly hurts…like imagine just running full speed into a brick wall- that’s exactly what it feels like and I don’t have a fucking wreaking ball or whatever to knock it down or make a whole big enough for me to slip through into the true me…

god I can’t fucking wait till i’m able to start T and get a boob reduction..

#✨ — you’ve got mail from sammie !#✨ — rants and rambles !

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scmsdivinecultists · 3 years

Text

What your fave SCM god says about you

I read one psychology article and now I’m all knowing. Hope at least one of these points apply to you simps

If your favourite is Leon, you are one of the following:

Youngest child

Outcast or the “popular” kid

Daddy issues

Your childhood dream was either to be royalty or be rich

You hyperfixate to many things

You might say ur not charismatic but you’ve had at least more than 1 person you rejected a love confession to

“You’re wrong, I’m right, shut up.”

You don’t fall in love easily but once you do, you fall hard

You like smug bastards or you have a bondage fantasy

Your favourite voltage game is one of the following: Kissed by the Baddest Bidder, Court of Darkness, Masquerade’s Kiss, or Kings of Paradise

You have fairy lights in your room filled with pictures or posters

You had a massive friend group but at least 5 people have left from then to now

You cling onto memories like they’re a lifeline

You have the latest phone or more than 3 leisure electronics

If your favourite is Scorpio:

You can’t be any taller than 5′6

You probably listen to bands and can’t go anywhere without your headphones

Really creative

Your favourite Shakespeare play was Hamlet or Macbeth

Have had or is going through an emo phase

Hates writing essays

Have 3 best friends max

You have definitely bought albums, posters, or merch of your faves

ur probably a weeb

you’ve broken a bone or you’re very knowledgeable in the medical field/how to harm the human body for some reason

dark humour is the best humour

Your friends are very concerned for you because of said humour

You like watching people play Monopoly bc of the chaos

into so many fandoms that you know the lore of your faves more than you know the material you learn at school

If your favourite is Teorus:

You are an only or youngest child

Spoiled

Daddy/Mommy issues

Abandonment issues

You feel like you fade into the background/don’t contribute much to the group

You feel like you are often forgotten

You’re close with your cousins

You probably have a pet

Taylor Swift or 1D for life

Have definitely threatened to kill or beat someone up despite you intimidating no one

You want to play an important role but you are so not the leader type

You like Ouran Host Club

You like the outdoors

You probably like To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

Your favourite disney princess is Rapunzel or Cinderella

If your favourite is Huedhaut:

You are definitely a romantic

You’re not an air sign (Gemini, Aquarius, or Libra)

You’re a moron or you make bad decisions and Hue is there to help balance that out

Chances are you read more fanfic than actual books

Your system is 70% caffeine

For some reason you have lots of random trivia

Have you considered therapy for your suppressed trauma?

Dungeons and Dragons fan

You’re really into alcohol or you despise it

Loyalty is the trait you admire most

You want to feel like a sassy and classy bitch but you gave up after 2 days

Your favourite ship trope is enemies to lovers or slow burn

A lot of pent up angst but you hide it

you put other people > yourself bc you don’t want them to make the same mistakes you did

Why do you have so many memes saved?

Why do you have reaction pictures for everything?

If your favourite is Dui:

You’re probably not into guys

FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT

Either you’re a precious sunshine child or you are the most fucked up human in your friend circle

You have a choking kink

You either take sides in fights or you’re the middle ground

You make lots of threats but no one is acc taking them seriously

You probably are a massive manipulator

You’re psychotic and have violent tendencies

Your best friend lives far away from you/ you have an internet friend that gets you more than your IRL ones

You say honesty is the best policy but you lie the most

Everyone comes to you for advice but you think you’re the most mentally unstable

You have identity issues and u change ur mind all the time

Whatever you were as a kid, you’re probably the opposite of that now

If your favourite is Ichthys:

You are attached to the characters with the most trauma

You must not be a clean freak or your room is equally as messy as Ikky’s

Oldest or middle child (either way u have siblings)

Never got to go to an amusement park as a kid

Want attention/didn't get enough attention as a kid

You want Ichthys’ parents to adopt u bc they are the family stability you crave

Unresolved trauma and definitely not mentally stable

You liked dinosaurs as a kid

You had pet fish as a kid and they all died bc you overfed them

Using anything else to escape ur reality

Cartoons > real life actors

Probably hate seafood or afraid of the sea (ironic as it is)

Nostalgia is your best friend

Hurt/Comfort is your favourite AO3 tag

You collect random shit or you have a memory box

You are the reason child leashes were invented

You got into real dangerous situations as a kid and you’re wondering how you lived through that

Your comfort characters all got it the worst or are dead

If your favourite is Zyglavis:

How are those high expectations treatin ya?

You either want to get into medical, sciences, or law

When you were younger you got enrolled in extra classes (swimming, piano, ballet, etc)

Your parents encouraged creativity until you got older and they told you to choose a more “realistic” goal

Good grades = everything and you’ll pull all-nighters to finish tasks or assignments

Former gifted student

The actual smart kid in class

YOU HAVE SELF ESTEEM/CONFIDENCE ISSUES

80s are not good enough for you or your parents

Overachiever for any reason

Sleep? What is sleep?

A dom or a brat

You have strict parents or you have had pretty loose rules growing up

You had a lot of friends in grade school and now you have like 4 friends

You are no longer human, you’re just a walking husk of stress

If your favourite is Krioff:

You want to fuck one of Krioff’s family members

You have siblings

A pyromaniac or deathly afraid of fire

Commitment issues

You watch or ur a sports fan

You own an iPhone 6

You’ve ate forbidden items or you’ve thought about it (the fish tank pebbles, erasers, glass, slime, etc)

Everyone thinks you’re the awkward kid but no you’re just shy

You actually like the ocean waves

Once people get to know you, they got a whole thing coming for them

You either suck at driving or can’t drive

A great listener but you don’t feel like you give good advice

Conflict is a no no for you

You definitely had a glow up

You’ve befriended the seniors growing up

You either don’t like kids or you love them

You have a sweet tooth and everyone questions how you are not diabetic with the amount of sweets you’ve consumed

If your favourite is Aigonorus:

You’re either an insomniac or a hypersomniac. Whichever one, you don’t know how much sleep is enough sleep

You’re probably a sub

Commitment or abandonment issues

Desperate for validation and appreciation

touch/love/attention starved

You have a stuffed animal collection or you still have those childhood stuffed animals

You love the idea of love but you are not ready to deal with breakups

You wish you didn’t care but you care too much

Your aesthetic is cutecore

Probably into maid cat boys

Studio Ghibli or Sanrio stan

Comfort > style anyday

You only own sneakers nothing else

If your favourite is Partheno:

You’re definitely not into just guys

You’re a drama kid and you are here for the tea whether it involves you or not

you have the receipts for everything

You were the one kid that played “family” or “house” every recess

no one knows where you get all your cute shit but it serves

have been suspected of witchcraft or considered the dark arts

Stole makeup from your fam as a kid and played with it

HIDE THE TRAUMA. HIDE THE PAST.

You already have a senior quote picked out

You’re either really horny or you just want to cry over how much you love so and so

“Why do men-”

You really want to own that Partheno doll in that one CG

Your most used social media app is Instagram or Snapchat

Your favourite demon brother from Obey Me is most likely Asmodeus

If your favourite is Tauxolouve:

Your favourite KBTBB guy is either Baba or Mamo

You’re into music or theatre

Your ideal date is to go to an opera or a museum

You say you like/dislike something but end up changing ur mind later or when you try it out

In your opinion, the music nowadays is just not it

You recently found a receipt from Walmart for something you bought 5 months ago

Anniversaries are important

When making decisions, you pick the worst possible one

Your most expensive clothing items are your shoes or jewelry

You wish you could attend a ball and marry into royalty, like Cinderella

You like the idea of soulmates or string of fate

Obviously or secretly insecure/self deprecating but you’ll raise all hell if your loved ones talk shit abt themselves

You want your partner to propose first

You like the underrated characters or your favourite characters are unappreciated

If your favourite is Karno you are:

You have childhood trauma, some of you are just not aware of it

You’re the parent of the group

You enjoy ships that have a mom/dad dynamic

Either you’re banned from the kitchen or you’re the one banning people from the kitchen

You were threated with the slipper or you threaten with the slipper

As a kid, you enjoyed Dora or Ni Hao Kai Lan

Your favourite trope is the found family trope

Either you’re an example to your family or you keep getting compared to other kids

An angel around the family but a chaotic bastard with others

You’re probably into some really kinky shit

You like Dangonronpa

Spiritual or religious

Probably had an imaginary friend

You decided you were gonna turn your life around after reading/watching something and went back to the hot mess you were in 3 days

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mbti-notes · 2 years

Text

Anon wrote: Hi! There are probably no answers for this that aren't simple or obvious like,exercise more! or volunteer but still. Sorry in advance for the long whiny ask.

INFP and autistic (so,like,INFP squared? or is being typed infp a common co-morbidity to autism lol bc I have seen this combination A LOT. anyway not a great mix,would not recommend 0/10) person here. I'm currently not able to work or study. I can't fix that. My country is pretty awful and there is not much hope. I can't fix that either. The internet used to be a window into a different,better,kind of reality,and it's where I could find people who felt and thought the same as me. That was pretty good,actually.

As of summer 2020,that has started changing. It's a bit funny how everyone dumping their issues and loneliness online has made the whole landscape uninhabitable instead of bringing comfort,but,well. Anyway,I keep trying to make accounts to just talk about my interests or to simply feel that I belong somewhere and that I am understood. But then I abandon them because none of my opinions and core values fit in any specific internet persona mold now. There are tribes everywhere and I hate all of them. I can't lie,I don't have the energy to defend so many supposedly contradictory sides of me that aren't even relevant to anyone,and I hate being judged unfairly and being attributed intentions I don't have. Instead of finding my niche,I discover that out of 10 online people I might have connected with,I strongly disagree with all 10 of them on issues I won't budge. I just hate everyone now. And I lost the additional bit of hope I had lol.

I had so many ideas and plans about the content I wanted to make,online. Instead,now when I try to imagine the types of people who have liked or might like my stuff,and the ones who disliked me,they all look the same in my head. I just feel like closing shop and running away. I've lost the desire to share any part of me with others. So the inspiration is gone too and can't even work on anything. There is no imaginary audience I can trust or can confide in.

Irl expressing myself was rarely possible. I don't know what's the most common type here,but most people in my environment were very judgemental idealists acting like 'rational' self-sufficient cynics for some reason(unhealthy FJs I guess?). They hate 'cringe' display of emotions and 'unprofessionalism' in women(men get away with everything)more than they hate actual criminals. I was not able to connect and share ideas even with the people I had a lot of values in common with and who did the type of activism I was interested in. Not gonna lie,that was a huge blow. They were so close but so far,and I could not bridge the distance.

Also there are no good mental health services,mostly because of poverty and corruption. The fucked-up "pull yourself by your bootstraps and stop whining" and "look at you,entitled snowflake wanting special treatment,just endure it like the rest of us!" culture surely doesn't help. This isn't just conservative old men saying this but people from my generation. I wanted an escape from that.

But I just don't know where I can go from here. IRL was bad but I had such hope for existing online,at least. Until a couple months ago,I was still able to imagine people I might be able to resonate with,some day. I actually encountered them a couple of times,and it was everything I needed. But now,inside my head,everyone is disappointing and unreasonable and hateful and not worth it. I can't live like that but I can't live without people either...

Making something I'm proud of and showing it to someone who is not my mom lol is a basic need I can't fulfill now and it's driving me mad. And the problem with autism is that I literally can't do anything if there is not an image of how it might go in my head already. I don't know how to explain,even if my future best friend would be sitting next to me,if I did not have a slot in my head already prepared for that,I would be unable to recognize them. I'm so sorry this got so long.

--------------------------

I understand your disappointment and dejection. Feeling out of place isn't a nice feeling for anyone. You can't control other people. You can only improve yourself and your social skills. I see some problems that might impede your ability to socialize well:

1) Hungry for Validation: Do you only engage with people to get validation? Do you only create to get applause? Whether or not you succeed in doing something begins with the intention you set. Start off with the wrong intention and the results will be unexpected. If your intention is really just about using people as objects to feel good about yourself, is it really a surprise when they refuse to be used by you? Would you like to be used and disposed of when you are deemed useless? That's no way to treat people, is it?

2) Hypocrisy: You are pleading for like-minded friends out of one side of your mouth and then bashing "tribe" mentality out of the other side of your mouth. Methinks you are not so dissimilar from the people you condemn, since you are merely seeking your own tribe, just like everyone else?

Having contradictory beliefs means that there's something wrong with your belief system. Being unwilling to examine your own faulty beliefs means that you will never truly understand yourself, let alone others. How, then, are you meant to make real friendships? It seems that your social skills won't improve unless you take a good look at all the ways in which you sabotage relationships all on your own, aside from what other people do. This blog is for self-reflection, not for ranting.

3) Pessimism: Your perspective is too negative. If you are only able to view the world through the lens of your past disappointments, you will not see any hope, because you will only be looking for the "evidence" that confirms and affirms your disappointment. This is how pessimism, helplessness, powerlessness, and resignation get entrenched in the mind.

All people have a mixture of positive and negative qualities. All places have a mixture of pleasant and unpleasant people. When you are pessimistic, it means you only see the negative in everything. Pessimism is one common way that people destroy their own hope and motivation. It is a common sign of Si loop.

4) Judgmental: You decry people being judgmental while being quite judgmental yourself. Your opinions about everyone, including yourself, are quite negative, full of ego and righteousness, and too black-and-white. This will certainly prevent you from making friends. How can you get people to like you when you don't even like yourself? How can you like people when all you ever see is how they don't measure up to your lofty expectations?

What you don't understand is that beliefs =/= identity. People adopt a lot of their beliefs and values without much thought, because it happens unconsciously when they are children. If they are not given the encouragement and opportunity to examine and change their faulty beliefs, why would they? Much of the time, people hold the wrong beliefs out of ignorance rather than malice, yet you treat them as malicious, hate them, and dismiss them as not worth your time. If you don't want people to misjudge you, criticize your "contradictory" beliefs, or judge you for the worst version of you, are you willing to be the first to start choosing a different way?

When you are too judgmental of people, you operate under the assumption that they are irredeemable. Warning: Damn the world, and you will damn yourself too, because you are a part of the world, no matter how much you try to deny it. Empathy is required to see yourself and others as human, redeemable, and worthy of encouragement. You are sorely lacking in empathy and that's something that can be improved upon, if you cared enough to do so. Lack of empathy is a common sign of Te grip.

5) Poor Social Skills: Since you are negative and judgmental, have you considered how that affects the way you interact with people? Nobody deserves to be bullied or trolled. However, there are ways in which you might inadvertently invite people to bully or troll you. For example, if you're unwilling to examine your own faulty beliefs, you unconsciously attract people to criticize them, because deep down, you know that they need correcting. If you're going to dish out moral judgment all the time, then you invite others to give it to you in return. Perhaps you need to think more about how you present yourself to people and what effect it has on how they approach you.

I've written before about how social media isn't a great place to socialize and make friends. In many corners, it is indeed toxic because of the lack of accountability. Social media invites people to be their worst self in order to boost website engagement, and it sounds like you are a victim of that as well. Healthy relationships require responsibility and accountability from both parties. Are you responsible in your dealings with people? Are you accountable for any negative behavior of yours that is harmful to relationships? You say that you were with like-minded people and still couldn't succeed. That should make you suspect that the problem lies with your lack of social skills.

ASD is a legitimate concern. But beware of using it as an excuse. I've known plenty of people on the spectrum who are high functioning, willing and able to learn better social skills. If you are serious about building a better social support network, you'll have to put more effort into improving your social skills. This doesn't guarantee that every relationship will be successful. Having good social skills means that you know how to take full advantage of every opportunity for improving your relations with people. See the relevant tags and book recs on the topic.

#infp #infp relationships #si loop #te grip #social skills #empathy #judgmental #social media #autism #ask

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vivithefolle · 3 years

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I got into a argument with you before and someone literally private messaged me saying they are proud of me for “taking on for the team” and standing up to you. What??? Why is literally everyone so afraid of you? I’m not trying to be rude or anything but you give off bully vibes. Ron fans are literally scared to say anything to you. This one girl said you posted the argument between you and her and twisted her words then all your fans began to attack her telling her to kill her self. I was even told to go die by one of your fans. What is wrong with you? Honestly.

If any of "my fans" told this girl to kill herself, then know that I'm absolutely disgusted with them and furious that they'd dare to do such a thing. I HAVE TOLD, MULTIPLE TIMES, TO NOT GO HARASS PEOPLE THAT I GET INTO FIGHTS WITH.

I suppose it's legit to see me as a bully. I mean I don't like it when people try to tell me what to think. I don't like being manipulated and I don't like being told I'm wrong without express proof, so I get defensive quickly if I perceive any of such happening. Isn't that so Hermione of me?

If you think I condone anything my followers do then boy do I have news for you: I don't. If you also think I have control of what my followers do, I don't either. I cannot stop my followers from being assholes and doing something as horrible as sending death threats to someone. If it's any consolation I never sent a death threat to anyone, merely got very angry at them and started raining insults upon them, especially when they blatantly lie to my face ("a painful Stunner", still not over that one)...

What is wrong with me, huh... lots of things. Since you asked for my honesty: I am autistic and oversensitive; I was bullied for years at school which contributed to my developing a school phobia; I was manipulated and gaslighted by someone I considered a friend which has led me to become very suspicious of most interactions, since all human interaction is at its core a manipulation; I spent a month in a psychiatric hospital due to depression; I am overly attached to fictional characters, especially Ron Weasley who I identify as having also been gaslit by people close to him, and I also despise injustice since I was done quite big ones in my life which only leads me to empathize that much more with Ron's plight given his treatment by the fandom at large; I take things personally, I am so stupidly sensitive that coming accross a Ron-bashing story can make me cry; I am aggressive when I perceive a slight, which can happen often given aforementioned oversensitivity; I am vindicative, sometimes arrogant and I believe I know better than everyone, and I can't help myself from correcting people sometimes; I am lazy and unmotivated, I can't find it in me to be interested in "real" life and spend most of my time on the Internet since I don't have a job or other such obligations which also adds further to my feeling that I'm useless given how that I live at my parents' and am a burden on their finances; I have crippling thanatophobia, the fear of death, and am plagued by the existential dread that looms over us all so I'd rather not think about it too much; I have a degree of anxiety which makes phone calls into a whole ordeal, also answering to the door or going shopping or pretty much anything that necessitates interacting with another person I don't know; my rarely going outside has also led my muscles and other organs to be somewhat underdeveloped; I'm extremely picky with my food and only know how to cook pasta (which I like, so it's alright); I'm subject to occasional bouts of constipation; my period pains have been known to knock me into bed for one or two days at a time but now that I'm on pills it's gotten a lot better so at least I've got that going for me.

It's a little funny that people are scared of me. I've gone from the designated scapegoat in school to the big bad wolf of the Ron fandom? And that's without mentioning how I am IRL. I mean I'm scared of ordering at McDonald's for God's sake. Shouldn't that say enough about me? I'm terrified of my own existence because I know it will end someday. Isn't that pathetic?

Summing things up: anyone who sends death threats to someone is a disgusting coward and I despise their behaviour with all my heart. The idea that people could be scared of me makes me laugh even though I can understand because my online behaviour is quite different from my IRL behaviour. And finally, what's wrong with me? A lot actually.

#vivi answers #ask #personal life

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rosalesbeausderholle · 3 years

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While i don't agree entirely with anon that these spaces or radical feminism in general are useless, OP is making a grave mistake by either assuming anon is a man who's criticism of current radical feminism comes from wanting to pander to men rather than finding it ineffective and by resorting immediately to telling them to 'choke' like that's normal and not a misogynistic threat and also gee i wonder who tells people to choke all the time? i wonder who we've spent years criticizing for resorting to telling women to choke (often in a sexualized way) whenever they disagree? How can you then justify and saying that so casually because an anon annoyed you? Do you tell that to people irl when they annoy you? If no then why is it okay to fling that so casually online? No wonder every side of any feminist discussion hates each other so much all the time they're doing nothing but sending threats of violence to each other!

Regardless of that little rant, there's two important points here, both from anon and OP.

There's a criticism to be had that modern online radical feminist (disclaimer i don't call myself A Radfem for a variety of reasons but i agree with many tenets of it just not all) solutions, at least the solutions of the modern movement are incredibly blind in not being able to go past separatism. Separatism which is something that, either fully or partially, not every woman ever is going to support. Never. So mere separatism can't lead fully to women's liberation.

There's also the fact that modern radical feminism is very pessimistic at its ability to change anything at all (even when outside of it, changes, good and bad, are happening all the time!). It's now become a common viewpoint within it to talk as if biologically essentialist ideas of what constitutes men and female nature (esp when it comes to violence) are an absolute undisputable fact that can't be helped and not something that has barely any evidence to support and even if it was real that it could be mitigated because people are highly malleable.

Anon is right in that in feeling that radical feminism doesn't go far enough, because currently it doesn't (tho i don't support an armed insurrection either, i support women arming themselves in self-defense more like).

However, OP is also right about the benefits of separatism and women-only spaces. They do help women fleeing from male violence. They help them anywhere in the world and it is true that they can last longer than a generation. It's not like there isn't any new people coming and going.

The problem is that these viewpoints aren't exclusive of one another, as I've said time and time again. Not only isn't all (nor most) separatism more of a lifestyle choice to interact only with women than actually going off to live in the woods and never interacting with wider society ever again, but the practice of separatism isn't (or shouldn't be) exclusive of consciousness raising and taking feminist actions with women who aren't separatists. Everyone talks as if they are irrevocably so, but that's not true! I've said it over and over again, a woman can practice separatism and also campaign and support for the repeal of misogynistic laws (she can even write/propose the new ones), a woman who has a husband and sons can also participate at times in separatist spaces. She can even help create them. Both can write and read and spread feminist theory and raise consciousness among women. And the idea that you have to be at odds with one another is nothing but a lie that's only true within maladjusted & toxic internet circles.

#feminism

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