ok so I was already going through it after the preview but the ep doubled down and continued to explore buck's feelings in a way that was so surreal how messy and relatable and real it was. the way it portrayed his first gay dating experience as a bi adult: the nervousness and the overthinking and self-criticism and identity crisis and just mess that can come with it.

He is on-guard and ultra-aware. He is analyzing not just his surroundings but himself. He lies and hates it. He avoids telling Maddie, makes an effort of not saying it's a guy he dated, but when confronted he tries to downplay it: "Could be very much the point" VS "It shouldn't be though right". Because Buck knows that liking a guy isn't a big deal and should be normal etc but he feels and acts like a mess?? So he feels like a fraud. There are too many thoughts about expectations that clouds his thoughts. "I dont think you're a fraud, i just think that maybe you're not sure of your own feelings yet" Maddie says and it helps. The moment when Eddie makes that comment about him being single and he gets that distant look in his eyes and realizes this is the moment of no return as he embraces the words that he has been afraid to say out loud. The way the tension starts to loosen once it has been said, the way he can breathe. Buck deciding at the end to just allow himself to be and let himself crush on Tommy and see where that takes them, because he knows he likes Tommy, and that's enough.

assigning a character the highest honour like *adds go home by julien baker to their playlist*

oh right i forgot the real reason i stopped listening to broadway clips was that i've got this whole enormous miserable knot in my chest abt having been too socially anxious to do anything with my once-upon-a-time-very-gorgeous voice once i got spat out of the safe little nest of my high school, and like, most of the time i forget that knot even exists, but when i listen to the sort of music i used to be part of making (proper opera but also showtunes) it's like. this whole fast-forward feelings journey thru 'oh right that didn't actually go away, it's still right there in my throat, just calcified' to 'oh okay we tugged the loose end and it's unraveling and actually it was keeping contained a whole rush of tears like aeolus' bag of winds in the odyssey…'

the past few weeks I've been feeling basically zero dysphoria and yet the amount I was thinking about my body didn't decrease even slightly

i think it’s only fair to take george’s words on his sexuality as fact until he officially says otherwise. it’s not really anyone’s place to try to look for hints. time and time again people are made to talk about their sexualities before they’re ready because of people digging and making assumptions. like to be honest some of y’all are starting to sound like leaktwt at this point. he’s okay with the shipping and that’s great keep going with that and the jokes are very funny but when it comes to truthing his actual sexuality giving him labels he hasn’t claimed yet is invasive

here are my thoughts on george's sexuality if you want to give it a read 👍 it's from a bit ago but my take is pretty much the same however with recent developments I think that there is nothing wrong with taking things said at face value. I hope that when you say his "words on his sexuality" you are including the "I like guys" moment. if you are, then I think we are on the same page with it

I should learn tagalog just to really completely confuse white people about my race

good morning. thinking about that economy teacher in high school who told me "wow this is beautiful" when i handed him an exam (i really like to keep my exams organized)

i narrowly passed, but hey! he thought it was beautiful.

.

wish i could stop like self-inflicting emotional harm and making myself literally dizzy from just like.  the Traumatized Vibes.  like i really didn’t need to read the “what did your parents say that ruined your self esteem” reddit thread, but like i sure did in fact read it lol

i KNOW it was bait i know but i just saw a tiktok of this woman saying some shit like “gen z can’t use a paper map they can’t read cursive if they take over the world it’ll be easy to get it back” and i am so bitter bc 1- if a child cannot do something then their guardians have failed to teach them 2- most of the things she mentioned are not things we actually need in the year of our lord 2023 3- why do you consider gen z as an aggressor trying to take over the world and 4- I CAN FUCKING DO THOSE THINGS

@people who have a stable sense of self and identity, what's that's like? how's it feel to be beloved by the universe?

girl i should kms just to spare the world from my brain. not bc it's hurting others or smth but bc it's literally so shitty that it actively makes the world worse

don' dweeblog

I thought everyone was just hating on m/f relationships for house but holy shit I am finished with two (2) episodes and season 7 is in fact actively terrible so far.

reading maeve fly by cj leede bc i asked my writers group for dark comedy recs and i fucking hate this book </3