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kithtaehyung · 11 months

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I'm speechless but in a good way! I knew this piece was going to tear my heart into pieces and it did. . and it did! I thought "it's going to be more heartbreaking than forfeit isn't it. ." oh future wine you couldn't be even more correct. Such an outstanding story..

First off: Jungkook scene

I was legit holding my breath throughout the scene, I knew Jungkook was going to do something that makes me put my phone down and exit the room ( and he did! )

Protective brother and boyfriend? hell yes. I was cheering for bro to beat his ass and yn told him to stop and I was like "you're right.. he holds a strong punch.."

Wow wow so many emotions in this scene alone, yns dialogue truly had me moved and pierced my heart many times. Their feelings matter so so much and I completely understand them.

I won't lie my brain stopped working when yn said they still love Jungkook and when they said "not in a way you want me to" I let out the longest breath ever.. don't scare me Ryen! /lh

God.. someone get me a friend like Dom, please? most realistic girlfriend you need! The way she has both yn and Yoongi's back? Hard to find a friend like her!

Second: The beauty between YN and Yoongi

Wow wow Wow. It felt like a punch in the stomach when Yoongi told them they had to wait for a while, I was literally scared for them both and wondered how long it was going to be ( and I got my answer later on :') )

It was just nights ago that you cradled all his moonlight in your palms.

And now you’ll be farther apart than stars.

Beautiful lines, truly, almost let a few tears fall just from those lines alone!

This is a little personal, and I've wrote about this many times, but I just love the way you write yn. I was never able to relate to other yns in other writings but this one? This one, this is the one for me. How could I cry so much from their dialogue or story alone? I always asked myself that I realize it's because they're the exact replica of me. An overthinking mess, low self-esteem but confident when they needed to be, considerate of others, apologetic, always too scared to reach out or voice their thoughts, you name it. When they describe people as seasons, I understood them completely, people come and go, or they stay.

And you suddenly know Yoongi is summer.

Endless.

RYEN. did you know what you did to me with 2 lines? ALONE? I literally burst out crying and had to pause for a second because I kept smiling like a maniac! Oh I missed these two so much :')

Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi-

Uhm. Uhm hand in marriage? For both, please! You and every reader is invited to me, Yoongis, and yn's wedding I hope you all show up! The smut scene had me in shambles and when yn told Yoongi to do all of those things? Yeah Yoongi I get it, I do.

THE DESK?? THE DESK?? GUYS THE DES-

Happy God Damn Pride Month To Me.

And back to fluffiness and a sprinkle of sadness: THE RELEASE PARTY! THE CHAMPIONSHIP YES!! GOD ( Ryen ) MAKE THESE TWO HAPPY ( oh wine don't forget the ending .. )

THEY GAGGED ME SO BAD OH MAN I MISS THEM

Last but not least: yn and bro

Their sibling dynamic is just, chefs kiss! Them reminiscing on their past and the part about bro dressing up to look more mature to get food? Adorable but also heartbreaking :(

Screw the goddamn parents!

“Cus I feel… Uhh.” He moves his lips around in thought, as if the next sentence takes strategy to arrange. “I feel like we don’t really talk anymore.”

“…Oh."

clenching my fists I totally get how depressing it is when siblings lose that type of connection or become more distant, especially since they were so close and had each other's back!

THE ENDING THE ENDING OH GOD THE ENDING IM SCARED

-🍷

WINEEE omfg this commentary is absolutely stunning! thank you so much for reading and taking the time to write all of this out, i am speechless? but i can't be speechless for long bc we got things to sAY

forfeit broke me emotionally, and so did this one. just in a different way bc things between them have been fleshed out in forfeit<33

I was legit holding my breath throughout the scene, I knew Jungkook was going to do something that makes me put my phone down and exit the room ( and he did! ) Protective brother and boyfriend? hell yes. I was cheering for bro to beat his ass and yn told him to stop and I was like "you're right.. he holds a strong punch.." Wow wow so many emotions in this scene alone, yns dialogue truly had me moved and pierced my heart many times. Their feelings matter so so much and I completely understand them. I won't lie my brain stopped working when yn said they still love Jungkook and when they said "not in a way you want me to" I let out the longest breath ever.. don't scare me Ryen! /lh God.. someone get me a friend like Dom, please? most realistic girlfriend you need! The way she has both yn and Yoongi's back? Hard to find a friend like her!

AHHH the whole beginning took me foreverrrr to finish bc there was a shit ton to juggle and account for! i always need to get into these characters' heads during a scene, while also watching it from a reader perspective. so imagine trying to get through a scene with four people - two of which don't realize they're all part of the same situation dklfjdsjklf it was difficult but we pulled through!

glad the dialogue was good! that's the part that was finished first (which is pretty normal for me) and didn't change much. and DOM BEST DOM BEST!!!!

Second: The beauty between YN and Yoongi Wow wow Wow. It felt like a punch in the stomach when Yoongi told them they had to wait for a while, I was literally scared for them both and wondered how long it was going to be ( and I got my answer later on :') )

it was a HUGE punch to the gut, you're so right :(( especially since we just got through a big talk and don't get time to process!

It was just nights ago that you cradled all his moonlight in your palms. And now you’ll be farther apart than stars. Beautiful lines, truly, almost let a few tears fall just from those lines alone!

these are one of the parts that i was crying through so *thumbs up underwater* This is a little personal, and I've wrote about this many times, but I just love the way you write yn. I was never able to relate to other yns in other writings but this one? This one, this is the one for me. How could I cry so much from their dialogue or story alone? I always asked myself that I realize it's because they're the exact replica of me. An overthinking mess, low self-esteem but confident when they needed to be, considerate of others, apologetic, always too scared to reach out or voice their thoughts, you name it. When they describe people as seasons, I understood them completely, people come and go, or they stay.

oh, babe :( this makes me feel touched but also i wanna give you a huge hug. i have always been set on making this series as relatable as possible, and that literally starts with reader. are some people gonna be the exact opposite in every way? of course! not all of us fit the same mold. but from what i've experienced and seen, there's a lot of reader in a lot of us. and i wanna also tell everyone that resonates with reader that you are strong, you can be just as confident. you can be this fucking cool while still overthink like hell and not be sure of a lot of things. believe in yourself and know when you need to start complimenting yourself instead of bringing that inner child down.

And you suddenly know Yoongi is summer. Endless. RYEN. did you know what you did to me with 2 lines? ALONE? I literally burst out crying and had to pause for a second because I kept smiling like a maniac! Oh I missed these two so much :')

I FUCKING CRIED AS SOON AS THESE LINES CAME OUT AND I WAS IN PUBLIC LMAOOOO no joke i was sitting in a damn tea shop. and had to like. tilt my head up and sit back in order to not completely bust out crying. :')))

My favorite thing about yn and Yoongi? They're each other's safe space. The way you instantly see their moods being brighter when they're together and see how they've seen each other at their most vulnerable moments. I'm just- AH. Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi-

GAHHH this is one of my favorite things to portray bc as soon as they got to reunite?? they both laugh. it's the very first thing that happens and honestly i love that so fcking much😭 and him playing the guitar earlier was just too much for me to handle UGHHH

HAPPY GD PRIDE MONTH LMAOOOO the way everyone needs to get in line for reader!!!! move out of the damn way, min!!

And back to fluffiness and a sprinkle of sadness: THE RELEASE PARTY! THE CHAMPIONSHIP YES!! GOD ( Ryen ) MAKE THESE TWO HAPPY ( oh wine don't forget the ending .. ) THEY GAGGED ME SO BAD OH MAN I MISS THEM

so much more to goooooo eheheheh hope you're ready!! i missed them. very very very much. it was so comforting to work on this fr again.

Last but not least: yn and bro Their sibling dynamic is just, chefs kiss! Them reminiscing on their past and the part about bro dressing up to look more mature to get food? Adorable but also heartbreaking :( Screw the goddamn parents!

YES. i love them both and wanna protect them from literally everything ever?? bro really did The Most and i want him to know he's loved!! screw the gd parents!! but that convo was much needed and i'm glad they have each other.

“Cus I feel… Uhh.” He moves his lips around in thought, as if the next sentence takes strategy to arrange. “I feel like we don’t really talk anymore.” “…Oh." clenching my fists I totally get how depressing it is when siblings lose that type of connection or become more distant, especially since they were so close and had each other's back!

i believe in them! and honestly i think bro is just thinking it's much worse than it is (overthinking? could be familiar? lmao) bc he's the one that travels and his protectiveness does cause other things like hiding info. so. he isn't without his flaws and does have his own hurdles to recognize and overcome!

THE ENDING THE ENDING OH GOD THE ENDING IM SCARED

MWAHAHHAHHAHA YOU SHOULD BE OK BYEEEEE

but seriously, thank you for reading, wine! it's always so fun to respond to asks like these :D gave me a bunch to talk about!

#whew y'all have me writing essays i love it #🍷 anon #missed this so much!#asks:3tan #3tan10 #lovely people #*ryenfictalk #mailbox💌#long post

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lookismaddict · 1 year

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LISTEN. LISTEN. gun w/ lana del rey's songs... esp:

1. diet mountain dew (demo)

2. honeymoon

3. west coast

4. yes to heaven

5. cinnamon girl

you're welcome 😵🙏

OMG I LOVE LANA DEL REYYYYYY. HNNNNGGGGHHHH. 😩😩😩🖤🖤🖤🖤 Her songs Summertime Sadness, Radio, Young and Beautiful, and Doin’ Time have a special place in my heart since they’re so nostalgic. ❤️ (Mostly Summertime Sadness, Radio, and Young and Beautiful. Doin’ Time is much newer, that’s why. 😅) I’ve been meaning to listen to other songs from her, and now I get to listen while thinking about Gun. Let’s do this… 😳

Diet Mountain Dew (demo) - Already the line, “You’re no good for me, but baby I want you.” REALLY DOES RESONATE WITH HIM LMAAOOOO. UGHHH it really do be like that. 🥲💗 And “Do you think we’ll be in love forever?” really got me thinking. That eventually, my obsession for Gun will die down and that lowkey terrifies me. Like baby, pls don’t leave me- 💀💀💀

Honeymoon - I like how dreamlike her voice is in this one. And even though it’s a long song to listen to, it’s like listening to a work of art. A masterpiece. “My honeymoon, say you want me too~” ✨ God, I love how minimal and simplistic the background instrumental is. Just to hear her lyrics clearly. BUT ANYWAYS- back to Gun LOL. It’s like… UGH. It’s like seeing him in one of my dreams. Specifically, that “Gun’s Classroom” dream. 😳 If only I could record my own dream and show it to you. But this song made me remember how mesmerized I was when I even saw this man in my dream. Just imagine. Him walking towards you in slow motion. With that alluring gaze of his, wearing that attractive suit and tie. Interacting with you almost “intimately” behind the closed curtains where it was just only you and him standing there so close… AHHHH THIS SONG MADE ME FEEL SOME TYPE OF WAY. MOVING ON-

West Coast - This gave me The Neighbourhood vibes ngl. 😭🖤 The bass guitar and the cool vibes in the background. With this song, it made me imagine a scenario if I was in a night ride with Gun down a highway. Either inside a fancy Porsche car with him, or riding on a motorcycle. Wind blowing through your hair, speeding away through the night. Think about it. If it was in his car, imagine his right hand grabbing onto your thigh while his left hand was firmly gripping the steering wheel. If it was on his motorcycle, imagine wrapping your arms around him from behind, ever so tightly. You lean your head onto his back tenderly as he took control of the handles… Ahhhh this song is so 😩❤️‍🔥 good for actually thinking of hot Gun scenarios LMAO

Yes to Heaven - God, this song… Made me think about (Y/N) from my story, Rendezvous. This song is literally her perspective and it makes me cry. 😭 Like deadass, it made me tear up, idk. It’s a really beautiful song. 💞 UGH IDK WHY THIS MADE ME TEAR UP. IM SO DRAMATIC. 💀💀💀 I HATE MYSELF LOL. I think the lines, “Say yes to heaven. Say yes to me.” and “If you go, I’ll stay. If you come back, I’ll be right here.” really does match with her character so well. Because whenever Gun leaves, she’ll always be there at home, waiting for him to come back. And I think the reason why it made me a bit “emotional” is because of the idea of how (Y/N) is just waiting for Gun to confront his own feelings. Like yeah, the guy is known to be a heartless bastard, but he also is now starting to actually FEEL things. I guess I got an emotional attachment to my own story. Call me crazy and a Drama Queen. 😭✨

Cinnamon Girl - Ooooo I love how soft and mellow this song is. Also, awwww… shit. 💀 This one too, reminds me of Rendezvous LMAAOOOO. Making me think of (Y/N) x Gun. GDI… 😭😭😭 These lines, “There’s things I want to say to you, but I’ll just let you live. Like if you hold me without hurting me, you’ll be the first who ever did.” Specifically, made me remember Ch. VII when Gun found (Y/N) in the convenience store, crying her eyes out. 🥲 This song made me think about how she was thinking about him without even realizing that he’s been there watching over her. And those thoughts while he was away from her, made her think about how she truly felt about him.

ALSO, THANK YOU FOR THESE WONDERFUL LANA DEL REY SONGS!!! YOUR TASTE IN MUSIC IS AMAZING!! THANK YOU ANON. 😭😭🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💗💗💗💗

#LANA DEL REY ❤️‍🔥#LDR songs x Gun Park thoughts #these songs made me feel some type of way 😭#lookism #lookismaddict #lookismaddictq&a #gun park #anon thoughts #Rendezvous thoughts

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keefwho · 11 months

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May 30 - 2023

11:55 PM

This morning I awoke to a horrible message. Daisy’s rat Peach died which was extremely sad to hear. I love her rats, and her other pets. It’s almost like I know them, like a friend’s dog you see whenever you go over to visit. It was also very gruesome and I feel so bad she had to go through that. At this point I had already planned drawing a tribute of sorts for Peach, but I had to take care of my other responsibilities first. I had no commissions today but I still did my warmup and finished another summer avatar for myself and fixed my bikini outfit. It was a productive and chill morning. After a small break and a shower, I called Daisy while cleaning and making lunch. She had to leave abruptly and thats when I started working on the drawing for Peach. I tried to put a lot of heart into it, I was trying to let out as much sorrow as I could even though I’ve never actually known her. I’d say I was successful, and glad I could exercise so much emotion. I have to admit that lately I haven’t had many good opportunities to feel very strongly. After that was VRchat time where multiple very irritating people joined. I’m extremely tired of putting up with these bozos, I firmly intend to start speaking up against them. I want my VR time to be fun again, I let these people I don’t like ruin my experience too much. After VR Daisy and I beat the last major temple so far in Zelda, the water temple.

I meant to do this early but I need to discuss with myself what I intend to do for the next week.

First of all I actually read back my entire week of journal entries. Reading that one bad day I had was kind of hard. I thought I would cringe at it but instead I felt a sort of empathy for myself. Reading everything I wrote together made me feel a little more like I am actually a dynamic person and that I just fail to see it on a regular basis. So it was a good idea to go over everything again.

This past week I meant to work on being present and focused on things. I did that to an extent but a flaw with my plan was how vague it was. There were no planned events, just a general thought to keep in mind which gave me little direction. This next week I do have a plan. I want to spend 1 hour each day doing something new and with a focus on myself. Examples could be a game I haven’t played in awhile or ever, or practicing another hobby like my guitar. The goal would be to get out of my comfort zone a little bit and explore something new on my own which might encourage a sense of play or self discovery. It’ll also help to tear me away from some of the thoughts and feelings I know I need a break from.

Im starting to get desperate and am ready to take more drastic measures to steer myself in a better direction. I want to improve in ways I thought were impossible, using any motivation at my disposal. I thought it might be unhealthy to use external motivation to do something but I think as long as I am on watch for it, I won’t actually do it in an unhealthy way. I know a lot of parents are motivated to do better for their kids. Some people are motivated to do better for other family members, or their community, or a mentor or literally anything else. What gives me true motivation right now is to do better for my closest friends. I want to be able to support them through anything and I can only do that by supporting myself. I think that’s reasonable.

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wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i · 2 years

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6:32 am

currently listening to: letting you in by awfultune

yall this is about to be the longest rant ever im just letting it all out rn. it's honestly a godsend that no one reads these.

i've officially changed my snapchat bitmoji. i now have a bald head and i am pretty sure i will remain bald through the rest of this month. i'm so fucking tired of everything rn like i wouldn't mind the exams and final projects but i'm just so overwhelmingly sad and it hits me so freaking randomly. like i was okay an hour ago

it's probably the pmdd idk but i'm literally going to lose it. i was trying to find more resources for learning polish and i managed to find a few good ones. there really isn't a whole lot of material out there for learning it and it's really kind of pissing me off. i'm trying very hard to be not so fucking depressed but like i'm viscerally overwhelmed rn and i just want to hide under my bed and just never come out

i'm pissed too bc like 24 hours after my last final (which is today at 1), i have to be packed up and out of my dorm room, which is easily the STUPIDEST fucking rule. i haven't even had fucking time to process anything in the last two weeks, let alone pack my shit. and like it's the middle of the freaking week. y'all couldn't wait THREE MORE DAYS?

it definitely doesn't help that my room is disgusting and i smell like a sewer rat. my shirt literally has a spaghetti stain on it and i have the most infuriating lil shark fin of curls on top of my head no matter how many times i try to fix my ponytail. it really doesn't help that i've been crying for *checks watch* almost a week or something idk and i forgot the testing materials i needed for my test today and today is the last time slot for accommodated testing so yeah :)))))) that's great :)))))))

it also doesn't help that i have dance today, and i have to turn in six hundred things that ARE NOT FINISHED and pack all my shit and make sure i have a ride home bc that's never a surefire thing

i want to walk into the freaking ocean and follow my therapists advice and just take a nice deep breath (joking). i'm literally just so freaking done rn. i am holding back tears as i type this bc i'm sitting in a study room with some of my friends (we've been here since like noon yesterday). i took a nap earlier and i was okay and got a lot of work done but then i sat and tortured myself for a bit by looking at some stuff that in retrospect was clearly going to trigger a lot of emotions (abortion laws)

i've been getting upset over and over bc i told my friend that a tiktok came across my fyp that said i was an instrument of love for everyone around me and i told her it was really sweet and was something i needed to hear and she was like "it's 100% true. you really are" and of course my little rat brain had to take that and start screaming at it that i must not really be bc my own family hates me and everyone leaves me and nothing is fucking real

also my tummy hurts :(

i'm not an angry person. i'm not even angry rn but the emotions read like anger but doesn't feel like that. it's more like just complete stress. like i just want to throw shit and scream for a hundred years or until i make a cup of coffee (apparently one scream for a certain amount of time is enough energy to make one cup of coffee), and that's literally not me. and this isn't about any one thing. i'm just constantly in a state of not ok but pretending to be.

i'll be fine for like two or three hours and then i get angry about stupid things like why tf i have to do this test and not a final essay or something, or why polish is only really spoken in poland and why i'm even bothering learning it and why of all languages i could have possibly liked, it had to be that one. like i could have learned italian or mandarin or like idk german? I'm literally a quarter each german and italian like that would have been so useful in my family alone (that's a lie most of my family doesn't even speak it and my grandfather barely acknowledged his italian heritage when he was alive, let alone speak the language lmao). but like there would have at least been way more resources for learning german or italian. i could have learned hebrew (i do have many jewish friends and a focus on jewish history so like that'd make more sense) or some like dead language or something idk

but no

all i ever do is make things harder for myself of course and choose to attach myself to languages that are hard to learn by yourself and in countries where absolutely not a single penpal is responding even after three days (which is not how that penpal website usually works, i usually hear a response within a day).

i was talking to my friend about this yesterday and she was like "you know you don't have to keep learning it right, like you're allowed to stop" and then she said "or you could just do a semester abroad in Poland so you get to use it, you're acting like you're banned from the entire country or something" which are all very good points but i am not logical rn so it doesn't matter. she could have told me the way to make myself feel better is peeing like a dog on the quad and i'd be like uh huh coolcoolcool

another friend of mine told me i could just learn it for fun

which is pretty much what i'm doing rn. like i'm complaining, but i've practiced every day and taken great care to plan out my calendar to maximize my learning. i don't plan on ever stopping. i'm just tired and unhappy with every thing in the world rn

i want to eat my fingers and crack the bones like lobster shells.

god i am pathetic.

also i realized the other day something that just really stressed me out. i realized that i've deeply and entirely internalized the idea that nothing, and i mean nothing, is ever sacred. i realized it when someone complimented me on my dance clothes a few weeks ago. i said thank you and i accepted the compliment but my immediate response in my head was just that i simply believe they were lying to me.

at any given moment, someone could tell me they love me and my brain just says no they don't and i'll remain very aware of this fact. and like it's not something that makes me sad. it's just a core belief now.

everyone is temporary. even me.

even my presence is temporary. no matter what i do, the ease with which people peel me out of their lives really proves that. i don't see it any other way anymore.

i do my part, i love hard, but i expect no one to stay, no one to mean the words coming out of their mouth, no one to last. i've been thinking really hard about this, and i realized that even in times where things are so good and i feel so loved and valued

a little voice in my brain says very quietly "this won't last the month." or "it's nice now, but it's too good. i give it a week before the other shoe drops." or "those are all nice words, but they're all lies so don't believe a word they say"

and i'm right every time

every single time

and yet it still surprises me lmao as if every step of the way i didn't anticipate it coming very soon. like i realized that i put so much effort into doing everything right and perfectly because i know it's going to happen and i want to make sure it doesn't. mentally i want them to stay so bad, but i want to protect myself, so i just spend all my time trying to make it real hard for them to leave me.

i love so hard and so entirely and with such reckless abandon and i never stop showing how much i care, even to the very last second when they're actively never coming back. even afterward all im thinking about is just all the things i said wrong and everything i could have done differently.

and i've done this since i was a freaking child. like when i was little, i'd spend so much time trying to be the perfect little sister to make sure i was never a bother to my siblings and to make them love me bc i knew it was so easy for them to switch up on me.

like i'm starting to think i don't have trust and abandonment issues. i'm starting to think maybe im just right lmao

and you know nothing triggers me more than hearing my friends tell me im a good person or that this isn't my fault bc my brain just short circuits and replies, "if good, why people leave? why father treat you that way? why family act like you are bother? why friends stop inviting places and talking?" and i think about all the times when everything was going to well and where i did everything right and where i was very careful, and they still left, or all the times when i did none of those things and just tried to be myself, and they left, or when i was 100% convinced that that person would never ever leave and then they up and left the very next day

i am the most replaceable person on the planet. good and sweet as i am, i am very easy to forget and very easy to leave.

and i wish i could say i'll never let another person in ever again in my life, but it's a fucking lie bc everyone whose ever left me (except my dad) could come back and apologize and id cry for hours over the relief from the them sized hole in my heart no longer being empty and i'd forgive them and let them in in seconds. i hurt so much and yet i still love and i can't tell if that makes it a radical act or just a really fucking stupid one

god i don't have enough years of insurance left for the amount of therapy i need

anyway i was watching the secret world of polly flint and i was watching her twirl around and around in a circle (twizzle is apparently the word for this) with her arms out before falling into the grass. and i thought about how i really don't do that enough anymore. so i think i might just disappear into the ether and twirl until i throw up for the rest of the summer.

maybe that's what i need to expel the dark energy inside of me

to just spin in circles in a pretty white dress in the middle of a field and talk to animals and disappear into secret worlds the way i did when i was little and pretended that every day of my life wasn't violently traumatizing. just stand in the middle of the woods and close my eyes and listen to the birds, or crawl along grass and beneath bushes and plant sugar cubes and sweet cream for the fairies to find.

anyway, to end on a positive note, i learned a new polish phrase that i will be trying to smash into my brain

Jakoś to będzie.

maybe after today (when everything is turned in and finished), i'll feel better. i'll pet my dogs and sleep in my own bed for a week and eat only goldfish crackers and snuggle with all my squishmallows and other stuffed animals and go crystal shopping with my best friend and everything will be okay again. ill go and twizzle in a field, build fairy houses and focus on the things i can control. and then things will be okay. and i won't be constantly on the verge of losing it.

i have lots of things to look forward to next week---my first private polish and spanish lessons, being able to lay in bed and just read and write for hours, a summer of ballet lessons, school being over until july (im doing summer school unfortunately), watching downton abbey for the billionth time and going to my best friend's chicken farm.

things can't be so bad on a chicken farm, right?

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daegall · 3 years

Text

End of a day

pairing: Na Jaemin x reader

Genre: fluff, angst (?)

🎶: End of a day by Kim Jonghyun

Word count: 2.3k words (more than i planned jgsjjf)

Warnings: umm lots of fluff?? And sad jaemin :((

Network/s: @neoturtles

A/n: JFNSJFBJWBF UGHHHHH TUMBLR 😩😩😩😩 STOP BEING A BITCH PLS 😭😭😭😭😭 THIS IS HE SECOND TIME IM POSTING THIS 😃 enjoy it tho :)) it’s better than all my other works tbh so dint be too disappointed if you check the others :’)

Thousands of people work every day, tired and upset, and yet they get up the next day to do the exact same thing. That’s how life is. It seems like nobody has a problem with that, maybe it’s because they’ve become so accustomed to it, or maybe they don’t want to come out pathetic and weaker to others, but they just keep going. It’s amazing, really, the way the mind works. Some people want to come off as strong and hard to read, and others just want to make friends and have fun.

Perhaps you were both, but today, you were none. All you felt was tiredness and stress. All you wanted to do was rip off these painfully uncomfortable clothes and curl into bed next to Jaemin.

At last, you reach your home you share with Jaemin, opening the door as he texted you he would leave it unlocked for you. Sluggishly and with no care in the world, you fling your shoes somewhere around the shoe rack, launching your bag to the couch, “I’m home!” no reply. With a huff, you make a beeline towards your shared room, emotions getting worse with every step you take. You twist the knob to your room, pushing it open, “Jaemin, you in he-”

Reach out and cover my neck

Please massage my shoulder a little further down

All your moodiness fades away when you spot your tired boyfriend quietly sniffling into his palms, seating looking too uncomfortable, even the sight of it throws your clothes into despair. “Jaemin...” you slowly inch towards him, heart shattering when he lets out a sob. He’s still in his work suit, something you loved on him, but now it just looked like it was suffering him. “Jaemin, baby,” you gently place your hand on his messy hair, cooing and running your fingers through his delicate strands when he leans into your touch.

“Come on, let’s go change. You feel uncomfortable, don’t you?” You beckon him softly, picking his face up and swiping a thumb over his wet cheek. He gives you a tight nod, squeezing the last few tears out before standing up, enveloping your hand around his. This is what he came home for. Your comfort and reassurance.

Even if the sun has already risen at the end of a tiring day

Now that I close my eyes

Just when you unbutton the last button of his jacket and throw it somewhere behind you, Jaemin can’t help but lean down to place his lips softly onto yours with care. His lips are salty from his tears, but you really don’t mind when his kisses are so soft, unlike all the other teasing and a bit rough ones he gives in the day. You pull away slowly, grinning up at him. He finally feels what he’s been longing the whole day, relaxation and tranquility. It feels so perfect and so… you.

Within 5 minutes, all uncomfortable work clothes are long forgotten, only soft big tees that envelop you and lul you slowly to sleep. That’s what you plan to do, right after Jaemin’s done in the bathroom and is next to you.

By the time your eyes are drooping close, the bathroom door is open, and you spot Jaemin shaking his hands dry and wiping them on his shirt. He instantly climbs in next to you, rushing into burying his face into your neck snugly.

On my day when I close the door later than others

Playfully tickling the earlobe

Even if we've been in a different world all day

Because we are always together at the end of the day

“Hard day?” You mumble into his forehead, chuckling lightly when he nods his head aggressively. “Do you want to talk about it?” Jaemin sighs, “Not really. It’s just the usual, given more work than the others. It’s just frustrating me,” You let out a thoughtful hum, nodding and threading your fingers into his messy hair, “So it all finally got to you?” He nods once again, this time a bit softer as he pulls you closer to his body.

“That’s good to hear, that you didn’t suppress your feelings, I mean. It’s been so long since you’ve actually relaxed.” Jaemin grins, you can read him so well, it’s amazing how you can determine how he’s feeling just by how he eats his breakfast or how affectionate he’s been.

Your little shoulders, your two little hands

At the end of my tiring day, it becomes a cozy blanket

Good job, you worked really hard

It makes him guilty, how you know every single part of him, and yet he doesn’t even try to know your small habits and actions you do. But then, he knows about your slow steps in the evening when you come back home, and the way your frown turns up quickly, almost too quickly, too fake. ‘Oh my god, you haven’t been good either,’ he thinks, as he squeezes you to him, as if trying to get rid of all the guilt he felt.

“Have you been okay?”

You are alarmed at the sudden question, tilting your head down to give him a confused look, “What?” Jaemin places his hand on your face, this time it’s him who’s stroking your tear away. You didn’t even realize you were crying until you felt the moisture spreading on your cheek.

“You’re not having such a good day either, huh?” Quickly, you try to scoot away from your boyfriend and wipe harshly at your tears, but the second you wipe one aggressively, Jaemin stops you, instead sitting up and wiping them himself, “You’re suppressing it too much.”

A scoff falls from your lips, before you playfully shove him away, “Don’t copy me!” There is a moment of laughter, before the atmosphere falls quiet. Not even a few seconds later, Jaemin is scooping you up to his side, enveloping you into his chest, “I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner.” Instead of replying, you soften to his embrace, letting the last few tears finally release.

To you, my two hands with my blunt shoulders

I hope it will be a warm comfort at the end of your tiring day

I want to breathe with you naturally

Now you feel it, what Jaemin was yearning for when he came home, serene and pure ease. One of Jaemin’s hands tangles into your hair, fingers prodding soothingly on your scalp, his other hand venturing underneath your shirt to caress your bare skin with care. He was wrong. He did know every part of you, he knew perfectly what you wanted and when to give it. You inch closer to Jaemin, craving more of his warmth and touch.

He only coos at your eagerness, happily letting you cling onto him and bury your form into his hold. He places a tender kiss on your forehead, as if a silent reminder that he loves you. You shift in his hold, “Thank you,” your whisper felt soft, almost soothing against Jaemin’s skin, and he continues pressing quick, loving pecks all over your face, just as much until you giggle out at the lingering sensation when he finally stops.

You finally have the strength to look back up into Jaemin’s eyes, and you find nothing but clarified love and affection, no doubt you have those as well in your own.

Like the water in the bathtub that tightly embraces you

Warmly and completely

At the end of my embarrassing day full of clumsy mistakes

Are you waiting for me to be proud of you

The ambiance is everything soft, it feels comforting and like home, it feels like Christmas night, the ones where you just finally calm down from the buzzing day from before. For a second there, you almost forget about the hectic day you had previously, but honestly, all you want to do is thank it, without it you wouldn’t be here, you would most likely be still working.

Work is a bitch, you conclude, because even when you’re done with it for the day and want to take a break from it, you can’t, you can’t help but worry and think about the next time you encounter it, you want to finish it, but where is the end of it? Work will always be there to bring you back to the reality that you can’t slack off, you’ll get off track.

Now your thoughts were just getting out of hand, and you really hate work now.

“Baby, you’re overthinking, I can tell.” you shake your head, getting rid of the thoughts, “Sorry,” Jaemin chuckles lightly, caressing your cheek dearly, “No, I kind of am too.”

The conversation ends there, it’s like you don’t want to ruin the peaceful little aura you’ve created, opting to keep it as long as you can. Jaemin decides to revive the conversation, sliding down to relax and lay down on the bed, bringing you with him, “Tell me,” His eyes catch yours, almost pleading you to tell him, “Tell me what you were thinking about,”

“Well,” You start, “Work is just so inevitable, and honestly? It’s full of shit.” Jaemin chortles slightly at your choice of words, “Tell me about it.” You give him a mischievous look, “Like, no matter how much you hate it and don’t want it, you’re still gonna have to do it anyway, you basically can’t live without work.”

The small sigh doesn’t go unnoticed by Jaemin, as he pats your back comfortingly. “And whenever you want to just get over with it, you can’t. It’s still gonna be there again the next day or two. I don’t like it at all. Not one bit.”

Your boyfriend almost agrees, but stops. He should encourage you instead, he thinks.

“But hey, a the end if you work hard there will be a present waiting at home for you.” You roll your eyes, thinking it one of his corny jokes, but he continues, “At least that’s what I tell myself to get throughout the day, I get to see you again, that’s practically magical. Coming back home and tumbling into your hugs and kisses are literally soo perfect, it’s surreal, almost.”

Your little shoulders, your two little hands

At the end of my tiring day, it becomes a cozy blanket

Good job, you worked really hard

A big smile spreads across your lips, and you turn your head to look at Jaemin. He smiles at you, affirming his words, softly running his hands through your hair, “I know it’s really cheesy, but it works for me.”

Your perspective might change completely because of that, imagine just a hard ass day of work kicking your ass, tiring, and most likely emotional and full of breakdowns, and in return for dealing with all the shit, you get to relax and spend some time with Jaemin without any work interrupting you two, you might just want that every day.

You give him a bigger, more satisfied smile, “Okay, I’ll do that.”

To you, my two hands with my blunt shoulders

I hope it will be a warm comfort at the end of your tiring day

I want to breathe with you naturally

Jaemin is another breed, because who on earth would come up with that idea? Na Jaemin did. While others, and most likely you, think of all the bad things that happened throughout the day, Jaemin thought of the future, what’s happened has happened, if it was shit then so be it. But time with you could never be shit for him, he can’t find a single bit of it boring.

Despite being with him for so long, you can’t help but always be so mesmerized by him, he’s absolutely fascinating. The way he sees life is honestly on another level, a level that you want to reach and a level he will happily help you reach.

From now on, you decide, you will find the goods at the end of the day, you will work hard, maybe even extra hard, just to be happy at the end of the day when you meet Jaemin once again.

I can't cry as much as I want and I can't laugh as much as I want

At the end of a tiring day, if it’s next to you

You scream like a child and laugh like you pass your breath

I meet myself, who has become awkward too

So when the next day arrives, you work super duper hard, staying an extra hour to help Mark with his own work he struggles with (he’s not that good with technology) and even doing extra small tasks your coworkers ask you to do, which they found funny because usually, you reply with an excuse or simply turning it down, this was definitely a good thing.

And when you go back home, this time you’re about 3 times more exhausted, and 10 times more excited to finally meet Jaemin after a long day.

You bust the door open harshly, throwing your shoes messily at the shoe rack with a bright smile on your face.

“I’m home!”

Jaemin’s soft mop of hair peeks out from the kitchen, “Oh? Baby? How was-”

Suddenly, the air in his lungs gets knocked out from force, the force of you rushing into his arms. You feel it. The happiness. Jaemin was right, this feels victorious. You feel like you’ve won in life, you feel so accomplished.

Jaemin sighs, wrapping his arms around you and leaning his forehead on the top of your head, “I’m so proud of you.”

Good job, you worked really ahrd

You are my pride

#na jaemin x reader #na jaemin #na jaemin imagines #na jaemin fluff #nct dream #nct dream imagines #nct dream x reader #nct fluff #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct x reader #nct 127 #nct 127 imagines #nct u imagines #nct u #nct u x reader #nct u fluff #nct dream fluff #neoturtles

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reidswritings · 3 years

Text

even after all these years

word count; 7.2k

warnings; mentions of death, stalker stuff, mentions of guns, curse words, and angst angst angst

authors note; so this was like 3 days in the making, so i hope yall enjoy!! please let me know what yall think!! ignore any typos im doing my best 😁😁

two years ago;

“I’m done.” She had said after the door closed, once they were alone. Once there was no one to stop what was going to happen. Once there was no one to talk some sense into The Young Girl.

The Pretty Boy, who she had come to love more that she ever thought possible, was no longer standing pretty in front of her. His once love filled eyes—the hazel beauties that used to look at her with so much admiration now were void, cold— were holding back the tears she knew he so desperately wanted to let flow (but wouldn’t with her standing there). She knew that once she left him, he’d break down. She knew that he would spend all of his nights on the couch rather than the bed they shared for so long. She knew that he would rather die than look at the happy pictures on the walls sans the few that she had stuffed into her getaway bag. She knew him too well— she knew how he would react once she was no longer the love interest in his story.

She knew and yet she was still doing this to him. She was doing this to him— she was causing him so much destruction and pain, barely batting an eye at him. For being a profiler, he was shitty at reading people’s body language and emotions. Because to him, she seemed fine; she seemed like it was just another day. To Spencer, it seemed like she was bored. To him, it didn’t seem like she was also breaking. It didn’t seem like she was hurting just as much. Maybe if he was better, he would’ve seen. Maybe if he was better, he could’ve stopped it. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

The eyes that she had fallen in love with—that she was still hopelessly in love with— were dark, almost black. He had a white piece of gauze taped against his neck, covering a once life threatening bullet hole. There was a red spot, small bits of blood seeping through the stitches holding his skin together. If she wasn’t so preoccupied she would’ve thrown up from how much the injury bothered her. She would’ve gotten so worked up that she would’ve passed out.

Her eyes burned with tears, looking at the goddamn wound that started this all. The wound that ended their relationship. She blinked and it was over for her. Her façade dropped and her tears rolled over her eyelashes and onto her cheeks. Spencer’s arm twitched before he jerked it back to his side, fingers clenched. He wanted to wipe her tears away so desperately. Despite the words that had just passed her perfect lips, he still wanted to hold her like his life depended on it— because honestly, it really did.

She was his life preserver in the wild sea that was his life.

The Boy was holding his keys in his hands, jingling the metal with his fingers in attempt to calm his heart, his mind, his emotions. They had just gotten home. He was in Texas when it happened— he was in Texas working a case when he almost got himself killed. Thankfully, The Team had flew His Girl out and she had been the first face he saw when he finally woke up.

Alex, being the wonderful human she is, had just dropped the two off, leaving only after she admitted to Spencer that she was leaving, too. They had just gotten home and she was springing this on him, out of nowhere. She was doing this to him even after all the people that had already left him. She was doing this to him the same night one of his best friends had just left him. She was doing this at the most inconvenient time— not that any time would be better, he would still be loosing the love of his life either way.

He was sure he hadn’t heard her right. He was sure that he hadn’t just heard His Pretty Girl say the words he thought she’d never say. The words she promised him that she’d never use. She was doing the one thing he was most afraid of; she was abandoning him. . . just like everyone did.

His heart was beating so fast. It was so loud, he was sure she could hear him. He was on the brink of a panic attack. His breath was hitching and he couldn’t stop it. As big as his brain was, he couldn’t wrap his mind around what was happening. His mind was running a mile a minute, carrying a thousand thoughts with it— yet, none of the thoughts were helpful ones. There were no thoughts walking him through his breathing exercises, no thoughts telling him to calm down, no thoughts telling him to speak up.

The only thing on his genius mind was one sentence; She’s leaving me. She’s leaving me. She’s leaving me. She’s leaving—

So, he said, “W-What?” Breathless and choppy. He was having trouble focusing. He needed to sit down. He needed the world to pause for just one second. He needed to get his thoughts in order. He needed to sit, but his legs refused to move. He was stuck. He was stuck in this terrible, awful moment that his eidetic memory would never let him live down. He knew that he would think of this moment for the rest of his life with so much regret in all the things he didn’t say. But still, he was stuck, frozen.

Unable to fix things— unable to make her stay.

“Spence,” She paused, looked down and sighed. She couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t, because if she did she would wrap him up in her arms and never let him go again. She knew if he caught her eye that she would apologize until she was blue in the face. The girl refused to meet his eyes because she knew if she did that she wouldn’t be doing what she was doing. She needed to do this, she couldn’t back down now. “I. . . I can’t do this anymore.”

His voice was low, raspy and broken, “Do what. . .?” He knew what. He wasn’t dumb, he knew what she meant, but he needed to hear her say it. She had to say it or he wouldn’t ever let go. He would be stuck with her for the rest of time. He needed to hear her say it, even if that meant he would be more broken than he had ever been before. He needed this. He needed it even if it killed him.

Now she met his hazel eyes— her favorite part of him, she was committing it to memory because after this, she would never see him again. She knew that. She counted on that. “This, us. Spence, I almost lost you today. . . I can’t do that again. You’re— You’re everything, I-I— you’re my everything. I can’t ask you to quit your job, I won’t be that person. . . So, I’m removing myself. I can’t watch you get killed— I won’t do it, Spencer.”

Everything, all at once, became sharp. It was like his mind could finally form full sentences. He was full of ideas, he was full of air. He knew what he had to do. He knew how to keep her with him.

Before either adult knew what was happening, he was moving, quick on his feet, to the couch. He was throwing open his messenger bag, hands messily pulling things out. He was searching for his phone, he was searching for the one thing he could think of that would save him— save them.

“What are you doing?” Y/N asked him, moving behind him, reaching for his arm, trying to see what had him so worked up. He jerked away from her, grunting in the process. And again, with no words spoken, he was moving again. He was going too fast, he was going to tear his stitches, he was going to hurt his still healing wound. He was now moving into the kitchen, still looking, hope flooding his veins. This was his last chance, he knew that.

“Spencer!” She followed him, just as frantic as the newly hope-filled boy, “Did you hear me?”

She heard him let out a chocked sob, a broken laugh following— though, no humor was tied to it. She stopped in front of him, heart wild, anxiety flowing through her body. He was typing on his phone, chest raising and falling faster than she liked. The girl asked again, “What are you doing?”

He looked up now. His eyes were wild, more so than she had ever seen. He was so worked up that his body was literally twitching with each breath that passed his lips. It scared her, she had never seen him like this. She had never seen him so manic. It hurt knowing she was the cause.

The thought of him like this did nothing for her, though. She still continued on her path of destruction.

“I’m calling Hotch. Telling him I’m done.” He was bringing his phone up to his ear while his mind planned out the words he needed to say to get off The Team. His free hand was holding onto the counter, keeping himself straight up. His knuckles were turning white; Y/N was worried he would break his hand— or the old table. Either way was inadequate. Without it, he was afraid he’d fall to the floor in a mess of tears and anger.

He was doing it, he was doing it. He had figured a way to make her stay, he was going to do it. He would do anything to keep her with him.

The phone was ringing. It was ringing and Spencer could feel his panic draining away with each passing second, his boss was going to answer and everything was going to be alright. His boss, who doubled as his friend, was seconds away from answering the phone, he just knew it.

Everything was working itself out, this would be okay— that is until she intervened.

She was ripping the phone from his hands, hanging up in the process. Spencer felt his breath catch again, his voice was wild as he asked— screeched, “What are you doing?!”

The boy reached for the phone but she whipped it away from his reach, “Stop! Give— Give it back, Y/N!”

“No! I-I’m not letting you throw your life away for something so fucking stupid, Spencer!” Spencer watched her as she began to turn around, walk from the kitchen and probably his life. He couldn’t move again. His phone started to ring in her hands. They both froze, listening to the phone until it turned itself off.

He was following her now, like a lost puppy. He would follow her anywhere. She was the one. She was it for him. There was no one else.

“Y/N. . . please. Please, don’t do this.” He was broken, voice thick with tears. Her back was to him, he stepped closer, hand falling to her shoulder.

He heard her sigh, “Spencer, don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

He begged. He was more broken than she had ever seen him. More than when he lost Maeve. More than when he lost Emily. More than when Elle left him. More than when Alex told him about her son that was so similar to himself. More than when she walked out right after. More than when he talked about his mom. This was it— this was the worst for him. This was his rock bottom. He wasn’t sure he’d ever recover.

This was it for him— there was only darkness after Y/N. He couldn’t see a future without His Girl by his side.

There was no Spencer Reid without Y/F/N Y/L/N.

“Please don’t leave me. You—You promised.”

She turned to face him, face absent of all emotion. A complete 180 from only a few moments ago. She handed him back the outdated phone, along with his crushed up heart. “I lied.”

now;

It wasn’t very often Y/N crossed Spencer’s mind, but when she did it felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest all over again. Spencer’s had his fair share of trauma in his life, but by far Y/N was the one that hurt the most. After watching her walk out of his life—for ever, he’d assumed— he was sure that he wouldn’t ever recover. He did, of course.

It just took longer than he cared to admit.

It took a lot of shedding tears at the most inappropriate times (and things), more support from his friends than he ever thought he’d get, too many late nights playing that last night over and over again in his mind, and way too many calls to his sponsor.

If he was being honest, he was terrified that he would relapse. He was afraid that he would become his old self. He never wanted that; he hated that guy more than he hated anything in his life. He didn’t though— he made her a promise all those years ago and he didn’t break promises. She may have broken all hers but that didn’t mean he broke his.

He had gone those two years without ever seeing The Pretty Girl. He was grateful for that— he knew if he ever did see her again, he’d probably die. Well, not actually, but it would hurt like hell. He was more than positive that if he saw The Beaut that it would feel like he was dying. He knew this because that’s how he felt when she left all those years ago.

He tried not to dwell on that fact— he tried not to think about her.

He really did. He even tried to move on. He tried to love other girls, he tried to let himself go, he tried to find solace in women that weren’t her. It just never came— he never got the peace he so desperately craved.

She was just too unforgettable. She was everything— she was the air that he breathed, the ground he walked on, the smile that he got every time something wonderful happened.

She was everything and it was near impossible to let go of everything.

By now, he had convinced himself, with the help of his BAU family, that he’d never see her again. He had been convinced that it was really over. He was trying to convince himself to let her go. He was trying to lose that tiny piece of hope he carried in his heart with him with every day. He knew he had to let her go— he’d never get what he wanted again. It was time.

Too many years had passed, she wasn’t his anymore.

She was a pretty girl; she had probably settled down by now. She had probably settled for someone. She probably lived in some small town with a dog and a perfect boy that wasn’t him. Her life was probably everything she ever dreamed of.

He liked to think that. He liked to think that she had gotten everything she’d ever wanted. He liked to think that she was happy now. It kept him going, fantasizing about her and her perfect life— the one she created without him.

He never thought he’d see her again. And you know what? He was coming to terms with that.

That was, until the day he did. The day his heart stopped beating again. The day that his breath was knocked from his lungs. The day that he only dreamed about.

Until His Pretty Girl walked through those big glass BAU doors.

The Stunned Boy felt his body betray him. He was suddenly standing, mouth agape and eyes wide, unblinking. She had stopped too, arms clutching a ominous folder to her chest. Spencer drank her appearance in; she hadn’t changed very much. She was still as beautiful as he remembered. She looked absolutely gorgeous.

She was wearing a baggy sweatshirt— Spencer was more than positive that it was his— and frame fitting jeans. She had paired the comfortable outfit with the running shoes she had bought so many years ago. It was ironic because she had bought them to start working out, but never actually got around to doing so.

Spencer met her eyes. They hadn’t changed, they were still the eyes he had fallen in love with. He took a moment to notice that her face was void of any makeup— that was different. She looked tired too; her hair was thrown up into a messy bun, another thing that he noticed was different. She looked absolutely exhausted— he wanted to know why. He wanted to know what had happened to make her look the way she did; what had brought her back— back to him.

Both Spencer and Y/N were still unmoving, despite the world moving around them. His voice came out soft, and he was sure that she couldn’t hear him from across the bullpen. He wasn’t completely sure that he wasn’t dreaming. He spoke anyways, “Y/N?”

She blinked and then her world started again. Her breath was knocked back into her body; she was here for a reason. She needed help.

JJ walked through the doors, coffee in hand, tired eyes heavy on her face. She stopped in her tracks, suddenly awake, upon seeing Y/N. A gasp came from her lips, causing the spell between Spencer and Y/N to end. The unchanged girl turned to her old friend, the smallest smile he had ever seen on her face, “Hi.”

JJ smiled too, arms wrapping around the smaller girl before she could stop them. “Hi! Oh my god, hi! W-What are you doing here?”

Y/N’s eyes met Spencer’s again—he still hadn’t moved— then back to the blonde’s. “Um, I— Um, I need your help.”

Ever so curious, JJ nodded and led her old pal to her desk— the desk that was directly in front of SSA Spencer Reid’s. As they approached, Spencer felt his body lower itself back into his chair. Jennifer pulled an empty chair by her desk, motioning her friend to sit. Now with all three adults sitting, The Beautiful Blonde asked, “What’s happening?”

Spencer pretended to be busy, opening a case folder and staring. Y/N knew he was listening— it never took The Genius Boy more than, like, 10 seconds to read one page. Despite the listening ears, Y/N cleared her throat and began to speak.

She placed the folder onto JJ’s desk. It landed with a soft thump. The blonde flipped it open, keeping eye contact with her friend— soon to be victim of their next case. Page after page of threats laid there for anyone to see, it made Y/N feel quite exposed. She hated this; she hated that this was happening to her.

“I think— I think,” she paused, eyes flicking to Spencer, who was now watching the two girls with no shame, brows furrowed and bottom lip tucked under his teeth, “someone has been following me.”

Y/N felt her leg start to bounce in anxiety, she wished she could rewind the clock and convince herself not to come to the office. She wished she could’ve just pretended that she was safe and that nothing was happening to her. Spencer launched himself to his feet. His heart was anxiety-ridden “What?”

Both girl’s attention moved to The Frantic Boy. His mind was as wild as his curls; there was no way this was happening to him again. It wasn’t fair— why couldn’t his girls just be left alone?

“Um, yeah— I don’t know,” The Young Girl nodded, hands dismissing her thoughts. She felt dumb for coming back, and it showed. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go. I know you guys are good at this stuff.”

JJ placed a sympathetic hand on Y/N’s arm, calling her attention back. “It’s good you did.”

The Blonde nodded along with her friend, “Okay, I’ll be right back. I’m gonna show this to The Team, see what we can do. Okay?” She was waving the blank folder in her hands as Y/N nodded. JJ stood, eyeing Spencer, a secret conversation happening between the two.

As soon as the girl left, Spencer claimed her seat. The boy leaned back, one leg crossing over the other— the iconic Spencer stance. Y/N’s hands were folded in her lap, eyes trained on her faded jeans, her mind willing her to be anywhere other than in front of The Boy she broke.

Spencer cleared his throat, His Pretty Girl looked up. “It’s good to see you. . . You, uh, you look good.”

He noticed the slight blush that appeared on her cheeks and nose. His cold heart softened ever so slightly. It was like a window had opened and his anger bit by bit flew out. Even after all these years he was still head over heals for her. She scoffed, tucking a piece of hair back into her bun, “. . . Shut up.”

“No, seriously. You haven’t changed at all.” More blush on her cheeks. More anger out the window.

Y/N licked her lips— a nervous tick, Spencer noticed, “Spencer, I—”

His heart sped up at her words, mind wondering what she was going to say. He hoped it was the apology he’d wanted for the past two years. He wished it was her asking for him to take her back. He wished, he wished, he wished.

“—Y/N, we’re ready for you now.” JJ’s voice interrupted the girl. Both Y/N and Spencer turned to The Blonde who was standing in the door of the round table room. Her hand was clutching the door as she leaned out. Y/N could see in the room, thanks to the floor to ceiling window directly next to Jennifer. The entire Team was inside, Y/N’s heart skipped a beat. She hadn’t seen any of them since she did what she did to Spencer. She wondered if they held any anger towards her. If they did, she deserved it. After what she did to Spencer she deserved everything unwelcoming and bad.

The Boy Wonder sensed her anxiety. He stood up, encouraged her to as well. Once she did so, he led her into the room, all their eyes landing to her. Spencer and His Pretty Girl came to a stop in the room, standing side by side. Y/N could feel the warmth radiating of the boy next to her, it calmed her nerves. She missed that— The Spencer Effect.

“It’s so good to see you again, Y/N,” that was Emily. Emily Prentiss; best friend of Spencer Reid. Her eyes, Y/N noticed held a bittersweet tone, “Wish it was under different circumstances, though.”

Her eyes looked at each and every member of The Team— none of them held any judgement or anger. Sure, some held sadness, others held understanding, but mostly, she saw compassion. She should’ve known; she used to spend every weekend with these people— she should’ve known they wouldn’t hold anything against her. She should’ve known.

Holding the pages that Y/N had printed out, JJ spoke first. “Well, it looks like its all been online?”

The victim nodded then coughed, “Well. . . actually, last night, I found this outside my apartment.” Out of her purse, she pulled yet another folder. Handing it to Spencer, she rocked on her feet. Inside the folder was picture after picture of Y/N. Many were captured when she was in the public eye, doing errands, hanging with friends, walking her pup. The part that caused Spencer’s blood to run cold were the few at the end.

Whoever was terrorizing Y/N, had managed to get into her apartment and capture pictures while she was sleeping, showering and even lounging on her couch— though the last bunch were from outside a window, most likely on her patio.

The boy tossed the pictures on the table in anger, the rest of The Team all began to sort through them. Surprising Y/N, and The Team, he did a full 180 and stormed from the room. Against her better judgement, she watched him go. Her eyes followed his every movement. Even after all these years, her eyes still watched every move her boy executed.

Before she could protest, her feet were carrying her to Spencer. He was pacing in front of his desk, hands nervously rubbing over one another. A tick that she remembered Spencer often doing.

“Spencer?” She asked. It was soft and innocent. It was everything Spencer had missed and that pissed him off.

“Y/N?” The tone surprised her. It was harsh, different from how he was treating her only a few minutes prior.

“Are you okay?” He laughed but didn’t answer her question, so she tried once more. “What’s wrong? . . . Spence?”

“No—!” He turned to face her now. His outburst surprised her (and apparently The Team too, as they had all stopped what they were doing to watch the horrific scene unfold. Yet none of the six moved to help The Broken Girl. She deserved that— she deserved the harsh words that were leaving the boy she loved so much), he continued, “You— you don’t get to call me that anymore. You lost that privilege when you left.”

That hurt, but she let him get it out. She knew it was years in the making— she knew it was healthy for him to express himself, even if it was all the anger he accumulated the past two years. He wasn’t yelling anymore, but his tone held all the anger he had been holding for the past two years. The boy’s hands made their way into his curls, pulling at the root. Y/N’s eyes were wide, mouth stuck open.

“Spencer, I-I’m sorry!” Tears were stinging her eyes, causing The Beautiful Boy to go blurry. She was absolutely positive that Spencer could see her unshed tears and she hated herself for it. She felt so fucking stupid. She shouldn’t have come— it was stupid to think he would ever help her.

“Yeah? Well, it’s too late now, Y/N.” He stepped towards her, she took a step back. His heart took the bullet, but he didn’t let it show. And before he could stop the word vomit, he brushed past her, knocking shoulders and said, “You shouldn’t have come back.”

She watched, blurry eyed, as the boy who she still loved ran up the BAU steps and back to the round table. She felt her breath hitch and then she felt her body lower itself into the chair that just so happened to be Spencer’s. She needed to get a control on her emotions. She couldn’t break down— she needed to help The Team help her.

Finding a stalker was hard work, apparently, because it was nearing the late hours of the night and there was still no face to the tyrant who so badly wanted Y/N’s attention. The Team was beginning to burn out, frustrated with the lack of answers. With the lack of safety for their old friend. With the lack of anything that wasn’t naked pictures of Spencer’s Old Girl and threats directed from some deranged place of love.

After Spencer’s meltdown, the two hadn’t talked— let alone made eye contact. It wasn’t without effort though, Y/N had been doing her best to get The Boy Wonder to look her way. Unfortunately though, he seemed to have his own thoughts on the matter. He had kept his back to her for the last three hours. Instead, focusing on the white board in front of him.

Taped to one side of the board were pictures of Y/N as well as the threats she had received in the past few months. Spencer could barely look at that side— he had been focusing his efforts on the left bit. His eyes had been locked on the few leads they did have. Which, to be summed up, was nothing. The Team had The Victim look at the men on the wall— none of which she knew, to their disappointment. This discovery drove them no farther than they were when the girl first walked in.

It was when Y/N was growing antsy again when Hotch’s rough voice spoke up. “We’re not getting anything done here. I think we take the night and come back with fresh eyes. Yes?”

A moment passed, then two. No one moved to disagree with the boss. Y/N stayed put in her seat, watching as her old friends began to pack up their belongings and file out— not without a few comforting words in passing. The Young Girl sighed, standing too, until she noticed a certain genius still staring at the wall, arms crossed.

He had abandoned the sweater that he once wore and was now sporting his well-fitting button down. And damn, it looked good. It was this deep maroon color that he wore so well (Her eyes committed the image to memory, not wanting to forget what a handsome hunk he was. Because, honestly, she knew after all this was done, she’d never be seeing him again). He had rolled the sleeves up to his bicep and unbuttoned the top two buttons, as well as losing the tie that once brought the whole look together. His beautiful curls were aggressively frizzy, sticking up in all the wrong places. It took everything in her not to reach up and fit it, like she used to.

She wanted to speak, she wanted to reach out to the boy. She knew that he hated her— she knew that he was beyond angry with her. She had so many things she needed him to know— needed him to understand. But, now wasn’t the time. Now definitely wasn’t the time to get into the nasty bits that was their past. No, now was the time to save her from the impending doom of this goddamn stalker.

“Spencer?” She asked, before she could stop herself. The boy turned, aggravated— with her, with the situation, with everything. His arms dropped, hands stuffing themselves in his pockets. He bounced on his feet, eyes tired. She continued, “I-I know that you hate me—”

“— I don’t hate you,” It was a lie. She knew that. She knew he was lying, she knew that he was just saying things to make her feel better.

So, she said, “Look, I, um— do you think— could you—”

The angry boy, who’s anger was once again draining with every breath— she had that effect on him—sighed and let the tension leave his body, “Do you want me to take you home?”

Sheepishly keeping the eye contact she had longed for, for so long, she nodded. The girl pulled her arms into her chest, “That would be really great. . . only if you can, though. I don’t want to put you out.”

Another sigh and another bullet to the heart— only this time to Y/N’s and not her ex lover’s. Spencer collected his few things and placed a soft hand on her back, leading her out. And just for a moment, for a moment, it felt like old times. It felt like everything was okay and that they were going back to their place and that everything was perfect.

Sadly though, life was no fairy-tale for the two and there was no perfect ending. The two once lovers sat in the boy’s car, silent and awkward. They were only a few streets from Spencer’s—their old place— place, stopped at a red light. The light was finding it’s way into the car, flashing a beautiful hue on the boy next to her. One of his hands was holding tight to the wheel, the other was laying on the arm rest between them. It took every bone in the girl’s body to not reach out to feel him— it had been so long. She missed his touch.

Maybe it was that feeling that made her do it. Maybe it was just how beautiful he looked that made her say it. Maybe it was the love that she still carried for him (even after all these years) that made her tell him.

“I’m afraid to be alone.” It was quiet and it held all the emotion she had been hiding all day. Spencer’s heart, though ever angry, broke a little for her.

The boy looked over, his mouth opening to ease her in whatever way he could. Before a word left his mouth, the light turned green and the spell was broken between the two. He pushed through, foot pressing on the gas, “You, uh, you can stay with me, if you want.”

“Really?”

“Well, i-it’s just until after we catch this guy.” He paused, blinker on, car passing, turning left, “Then, you go back to whatever life you created.”

“—I didn’t—”

“And then, I’ll go back to pretending you didn’t break me.” Yet another bullet to the heart. She deserved that though, she knew it too.

“I’m sorry, Spencer.”

Another pause of conversation, another blinker and another turn. Then they were home— they were back to Spencer’s. The walk to the small apartment wasn’t a long one. Especially with her body leading the way— muscle memory. What surprised her most was that he hadn’t changed much. Books still cluttered the tables and floors, globes and maps still sporadically placed around each room. The only thing that caught her eye was the lack of photos on the walls— what used to be a map of their relationship was replaced with a white wall.

“Looks the same.” she nodded, unmoving from her awkward stance by the door. “Looks like you.”

He snorted— though, there was no actual humor bedded within. Y/N watched as he stripped his bag from his body, then slipped off his shoes and off with his jacket. They stood together, wishing it was different. Wishing they could go back. Wishing there was no anger. Wishing, wishing, wishing. They’d be wishing for the rest of time.

Like before, like the last night, he was moving fast, breath hitching, “How long?”

“How long?” She echoed him, moving too. Still under the spell, she’d follow him anywhere.

“How long have you—” The boy cut himself off, hands in his curls, pulling them apart—unmarrying the best ones. “How long have you had this problem and not done anything?”

Before she had a chance to tell him, he was whirling on the poor girl, eyes wild, “You should’ve came to us— came to me.” His voice broke at the end, and Y/N could’ve kicked herself for causing him all this pain.

The heartbreaker sighed, “Spencer—”

“Y/N, I’m not playing around. How long?”

A sigh, a look to the floor, then back at him, “I don’t know, really. Maybe six months?”

Another sigh, this time from Spencer. He was sitting on the couch now, defeated, head in hands. “Maybe?”

“I’ve kind of had other things on my mind, Spencer!” It was bitter, angry, but not at him. It was directed at the jackass that had been stalking her. She joined him on the old seat, leaning back and pulling her legs off the floor.

A moment passed between the two— it wasn’t angry or awkward and didn’t hold any resentment, it was just comfortable and that surprised the two considering they hadn’t seen each other in over two years. It was just so easy to fall back into what they used to be.

She looked over at her boy. The window’s curtains were pushed open, the street lights making their way in. Spencer had turned on a lamp in the corner, as well. It was mixing with the lights from outside and casting a beautiful glow on her boy. He was looking down at his hands that were folded in his lap. A pensive look had made its home on his face.

“What’s goin’ on in that big brain of yours?” Y/N laughed, quiet and everything he had missed. The girl bumped shoulders with the boy next to her. He managed a smile, small, but still it was there. Y/N counted that as a victory.

The smile was gone as quickly as it appeared. Spencer cleared his throat and said, “Did you know that sixty-eight percent of stalking victims reported that their stalker physically harmed them?”

Another beat passed. Spencer had turned to look at her now, eyes heavy. Y/N was looking at her knees now, trying to ignore the fear that wanted to bubble up. “And?”

“A-And?” His whole body turned now, one leg folded between the two. His arm closet to the couch had made home on the top of the sofa back, fingers tapping— nervous tick. He had placed other hand on Y/N’s knee, trying to be comforting. She accepted his attempt, thankful for him. “Y/N, I’m saying that could’ve been you. You should’ve come to me when this first started.”

Y/N finally let her eyes meet his. And god, she could’ve cried right then and there. He was so beautiful. She missed him so much. Breaking her spell, she shook her head, “Spencer. . . I didn’t want to ruin anything you might’ve had going on.”

“Ruin any— Y/N/N, you’re not ruining anything by asking for help.” The boy sighed, looking away. His hand tightened once on her leg and her stomach erupted in the same way it always did with him around. Quieter, so quiet she almost missed it, he said, “The only way you’d ruin anything would be by leaving.”

“I’m sorry, Spencer.” The girl caught his eye again, shaking her head. Tears blurred her eyes again. Her hair, now out of it’s bun, fell into her face. With a shaky hand, Spencer batted it back behind her ear. A blush rose on her cheeks, as Spencer’s hand moved to wipe the few tears that had managed to fall. Her voice was thick with tears and it broke him. “I really am, you know?”

A sigh, then a nod from her boy. “Can I ask you something?”

“Always, Spence.” The name struck a cord in his heart, but he let it slide. He had no more energy to fight with her, no more energy to stay angry with his girl. He had nothing left. He was giving up his angry phase— he was letting it flow from his body like sand through sieve. He was giving in to her and the small bits of love that he still held for the beauty in front of him.

“Why’d you do it? Leave, I mean.”

Yet another bullet to her heart. “. . . I don’t know.”

He was moving again. His hands pulled away from her body as if she had burned him— because honestly, she might as well have. With that bullshit response, she might as well have slapped him— to him, there would’ve been no difference and the outcome would’ve been the same. He stood up, back to her. His hands came back up to his hair and she willed him not to pull apart the remaining curls. “That’s bullshit, Y/N! And you know it. . . I-I’m sorry. Just, just don’t lie to me anymore.”

Y/N stood too, arms up in surrender. Arms open like he had a gun pointed at her— because to her, there was no difference between the weapon he wore on his hip everyday and the weapon that spilled from his lips. His back was still to her, so she reached out to touch his shoulder. Careful, not to startle the boy. She wanted to see him, she needed to see him. For a second, her breath was gone, her mind taking her back to that night. She could’ve laughed at how similar the situation was, only reversed. Only now, she was the one begging to be touched, to be listened to. Only now, she was the one who was broken.

Instead of jerking away like he did all those years ago, he turned, sadness present on his face. Y/N’s heart broke for him. Y/N’s heart broke for herself. Her heart broke for the both of them. “I was scared, okay? I was just so scared.”

He turned fully, hands mindlessly finding their way to her hair. They tangled themselves in, tilting her head up. His voice was lower than she had ever heard. It was just barely above a whisper and she fucking loved it. If they were in a different situation, she would’ve been weak in the knees. “Scared? What, Y/N/N?”

She sighed, “I don’t know. . . Scared I’d lose you, scared you’d get hurt and I wouldn’t be there in time. I was just scared, Spence.”

Maybe it was her words that caused his reaction. Maybe the truth he could see behind them. Or maybe it was the emotion that felt so genuine. Whatever it was, he felt himself loosen. He felt the remaining anger dissipate, he was suddenly forgiving her for everything. Because he finally understood. He, for once, wasn’t having to jump to conclusions. For once, he felt they were equals. And because of this, he was pulling her closer, never wanting to let her go. And she was holding him just as tight.

“I’m sorry.” The words were spoken, truthful. Only this time, they weren’t coming from her. No, this time, they were coming from The Tall Genius. And she was pulling back.

“Sorry? Why are you sorry?”

The boy laughed, true and genuine. For once, she could see it reach his eyes. She’s always loved that about him— the fact that he was always able to smile through it all. Through all his pain, he was still able to find the happiness. “I’m at fault too, you know. One person can’t cause all of the destruction.”

“No, you’re perfect.” She believed it too.

“Trust me, I’m not perfect.” He paused, then added. “At all.”

Her hands made their way home— to the sides of his face. She noticed the way he leaned into her touch— he had missed her just as much. Maybe even more. “You’re perfect to me, Spence.”

He laughed again— music to her ears. She wished she could listen to it for the rest of her life. So, she said, “Don’t ever let me go, okay?”

He nodded, suddenly serious, “We’ll get this guy, and then I’ll never let you go again. Not until the day I die.”

And like she had wanted to since she had seen him earlier in the day, she pulled him to her. A kiss shared between them wouldn’t fix everything, but it sure was a start (and that’s all that mattered). “Not even then.”

A dazed look in his eyes. The same one he had after every shared kiss and every time she said she loved him. Though mind far off, he nodded and agreed, “Not even then.”

Then he kissed his girl again— like his life depended on it.

Because, even after all these years, it probably did.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #matthew gray gubler #mgg #dr spencer reid

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aggravatetheaxe · 2 years

Note

JJ!

Where to start with you?

As I sit here staring at the laptop screen and that blinking line, I have two words in my head: inspiration and admiration. So I'll start with these two.

You inspire me in so many ways; creatively is a big one! You write nothing but poetry, so visceral are the emotions depicted that it's like it's happening to me for the time I'm reading the piece, and you draw so beautifully! The details are always flawless and you have such a wonderful knack of picking up on things which others might not. Your handwriting is also really lovely and it adds such a cosy feeling to the art we're blessed with!

You also inspire me to take care of myself. To go to bed when you remind me to (something you're never obligated to do, but you always do and you've taught me so well that most times when you say "bedtime", I'm literally at that point crawling into bed because I anticipated your message), to eat a bit more often, to remember to take my iron medication (having iron deficiency anaemia in winter is NOT a good idea, 10/10 DO NOT recommend), to take time to write and to enjoy myself during those few Me hours I get each day.

I admire you for these things, too. You've been through so much in your life but you're still so kind and full of love and that takes some serious strength. You're brave, hard-working, disciplined with your work and the things you set out to do, and you're so intelligent, too. I love listening to you talk, either on here or in Discord, and chilling out with you on stream is actually when I get Lots of work done. Sometimes it's just about the company and sometimes it's about watching your friend's Sims live their best life.

On a shallower note, your blog aesthetic and vibe is one I admire, too! You're one of the very first slasher blogs I ever followed and you were one of the three whom got me into actually writing for House of Wax; I reread your masterlist so often and I find so much comfort and solace in the emotions and situations you depict. Your writing carries so much wisdom and warmth, just as your own personal vibe does.

So, I suppose ending this gush with saying that I genuinely love and appreciate you so much seems almost redundant, but I'm gonna say it anyway because what else is life for, hm?

I love and appreciate you very much and I'm giving you many tight hugs (but not too tight because I don't wanna hurt your back!!!!) and some forehead kissies🥺💖.

I dont even know what to say tbh, Erika you are so nice and none of us deserve you 😭 im literally tearing up right now. I've never met anyone as vocal with their love of their friends as you are and you've inspired me to be more vocal about it too 💖💖💖 ily SO MUCH

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energyanon · 3 years

Text

Heres Henry. It’s gonna be 2 parts cause this one was pretty intense for me. I have a feeling other people checked on him today too and didn’t close it properly 👀 guys if you’re gonna do it, close it properly pls. Also yes anon you were right about the intensity, but I knew that already. I felt it when I saw the post. Here is part one.

Placed HC.

Henry:

Eyes heavy, heart racing. Constriction in the chest (if you remember from my second reading with him and NV there was constriction there too, but I don’t have NV placed here)

Deep sighs from him and he couldn’t stand up he had to sit on the floor.

This feels like depression.

Not just an emotion of sadness, actual depression, like.. once again he’s on the edge of getting emotional and crying but just can’t seem to get them out (I find it very easy to cry and with seb I cried my heart out. If I had a choice I’d make him cry cause it’s not healthy to keep it in, but there is such a strong block to actually cry for him)

It feels rooted in masculinity, I won’t lie. There is something that keeps sending me back to “you can’t cry there’s nothing to cry about.” He feels so alone though.

He wants to fold into himself but he won’t do that either. There’s a bit of a sense of “you’re being dramatic, this isn’t worth feeling sad over”

Another deeeeeeep sigh.

And that made the tears come to the eyes, but I’m still not crying just yet. And it’s stopped again.

For real, everytime there is one iota of a feeling he shoves it down.

The way he feels is like.. you know when you feel like you’ve just wasted your life.. and you don’t know where you’re going or what you’re doing and the future just doesn’t seem worth it. It’s not suicidal by any means I’m not getting those thoughts but it’s more like..

what’s the point? Drifting. He kind of feels like he’s floating in space and it’s not a peaceful feeling, but it’s not panicked as you would be, it’s like a complete feeling of hopelessness there is nothing I can do.. I’m out of energy.

Once again that brought water to the eyes but they won’t fall.

If he had a choice he would just lie on the ground face down.

But once again, I’m allowing him to do that but he won’t move me there. It’s like he wants to but he doesn’t want to show that “weakness” except there’s no one here observing him it’s just me. Whatever this is, it’s so deeply rooted that he can’t even be himself around himself. Another deep sigh.

He doesn’t want to do anything he has no desire to move from his place on the ground, there’s barely any thoughts besides just completely lost and he really wants to just lay face down but he won’t let himself. He doesn’t even have the energy to let me get another placement…being in this I honestly just feel.. nothing. it’s not an absence of feeling per say but it’s.. I just don’t care. I don’t care about anything. He’s trying to, he’s really trying but he’s lost the feeling.

There’s chocolate in this room and he wants to eat it (comfort)

I literally had to drag myself to go get another placement cause he was not moving.

I put down career, and it wanted to be on top of him. I tried to not do that as I’m gonna have to read career on top of Henry and that’s difficult but it genuinely wouldn’t let me place it anywhere else, it’s on TOP of him.

Career

Career doesn’t seem to care that it’s on him, it’s fine being on Henry. It said “I wanna crush Henry” standing on him make its feet warm and it likes that. Hen also seems hard to it though, like standing on rocks. It’s really uncomfortable to be standing here now. Like it feels like I’m pressing my feet hard into rocks my feet really hurt.

Henry

Henry feels breathless with Career on him and I can literally feel the weight of it on me. it’s contorting my neck down and my back feels like it’s carrying this heavy thing my back is hurting now. I genuinely feel like I’m carrying something so heavy on my back and neck. It feels like it’s slowly crushing me. He’s a bit stressed about it but he can’t move. He defo wants to be out of this situation though. My body genuinely feels like I’m slowly folding into myself and I’m getting crushed under my own weight. He also feels a bit dizzy and cannot concentrate on anything else besides being crushed. I need to get myself out of this cause it really hurts.

I’m not going to do a constellation for him (no permission and also he needs to do him. I cant fix the guy) but I am barely moving career just so it is no longer crushing him and that’s the only Change I’m making cause nothing can move from here if career doesn’t move. I asked him where he wanted career, he said just in front of him, I asked if he wanted it facing him, he said no just in front. (This isn’t something I usually do I won’t talk to them, but I still needed some sort of approval in order to move career and essentially “shift” the energy.)

I (as in me) need to take so many breaks from him cause it’s so intense to be in his energy right now.

Henry:

He’s looking at career, career has its back turned, his body is still suffering a bit from being crushed, but he just feels sad and hopeless looking at career. It’s bigger than him but not massively so. But he also feels like career doesn’t like him, that career wouldn’t want to be touched by him, that he’s better to just kind of… go..

he feels shut out by career.

And that ALMOST gets me to watery eyes again but for the love of god he will not feel it.

Once again, even though he’s not being crushed anymore he feels so heavy and my feet hurt again. He’s forcing me to SHOVE them into the ground, And I can’t help feeling heavy in Henry’s energy, I feel like I weigh a tonne.

Solid cinder blocks on my feet is what it feels like. I cant move. But I also have no desire to move im just staring at career like “this is what I deserve”

I wanted to see if he would ask anything around him for help but no, he just wanted to give a little smile and pretend that it’s all good. Did not want help from anything or anyone, did not want to move and wanted to ignore it all. My FEET HURT SO MUCH.

I need to take another break. I don’t know why my entire weight seems to shift as I’m in his energy but my ANKLES cannot take the weight. it’s actually fucked my left inner ankle I don’t know what it’s called, the navicular? Everytime I try to stretch it it makes a cracking sound 🥲 energy work is fucked you guys.

On the plus side I don’t feel anymore back or neck pain. So we’re going back in.

Career:

Career doesn’t like Henry behind him. It’s Not feeling like it wants to be on top of him anymore, but it’s back is hot. Henry is encroaching on its personal space and it feels like it can feel him breathing on its back? It’s not happy about that it’s a bit disgusted.

Doesn’t feel like it should move though it feels like Henry should move away from it. It’s not CAREERS problem that Henry wants to breathe his hot breath on its back.

It’s so uncomfortable like it keeps twitching it’s back about it. It doesn’t like that feeling at all.

I moved career and yeah it doesn’t want to face him, back turned to him, it thinks he’s gross. And now it’s getting a bit of anxiety?

I cant stop getting the heebie jeebies about Henry though like I keep trying to get his germs off my back as if rolling my shoulders enough will do that it’s so gross it’s having a little spasm about it. I’m getting out of here.

Henry:

Henry feels much lighter now that career has moved, and a fraction happier. A little bit more free. Still wants to sit on the ground though.

Omg as I tried to get down onto the ground I let out such an old man groan and my body cracked in so many places. I’m not an old woman guys I’m so young 🥲 I shouldn’t be cracking.

He doesn’t feel as hopeless now as he did before, a lot lighter than before, but he still doesn’t know what to do. He’s also not as tired.

Career is there in the corner but he makes fleeting eye contact as he doesn’t really wanna look at it at all.

It’s kinda sad he’s just sitting here. Alone. Not really doing anything. Not really sure what to do. Also my backs hurting again and I keep saying “I’m getting old”

(I (EA) am not old and My back is JUST FINE)

I’m going to have to end it here and do a part 2 another time, cause this one is taking it out of me, and right now he doesn’t want to move and I also don’t feel like I should put anything down. The focus I stepped into today is defo on career than anything else.

Also I know I said I wouldn’t put NV in, but the fascinating part is.. Henry doesn’t want NV in. Like I think about it and he actually shuts down MY thought.

Weird 👀

So part two will be: the Insta post, fans and.. I’m gonna do body and status aswell.

#reading #HC

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tartagliaxx · 3 years

Text

hi. i only got to play in inazuma today so here's me live reacting to the archon quest. it's a lil out of context tho so have fun trying to figure out which parts im talking abt. also, this is the only time i'm going to be talking abt spoilers for at least one week so... 🤷‍♀️

swordfish ii? cute.

Jesus Christ. and here i thought it was my lowest settings that made his hair grey… this poor kid. teppei i admire your determination but no… just no...

SCARAMOUCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

IF EVIL WHY SO HOT

you know.... scaramouche could stand still and the air would get electrified. and yknow,,, that's p... that's p attractive

ugh im disgusting myself. and here i thought i still had an inch of sanity left in me.

of all people it had to be this little jerk

scaramouche is so fucking evil. i’d like ten of him, please.

man,, they expect me to dodge this shit? that’s the biggest l i’ve heard today. none of that shit. i’m bringing out my zhong and my sweet madames skrrt

sayu is adorable… i remember when i had hopes of growing up too… alas, it has come to this.

OH MY GOD AYATO CRUMBS. I AM LICKING THAT SHIT UP. PLEASE— HE HAS A SECRET UNIT. THATS SO HOT WTF. AYATO MY DEAR, PLEASE DONT BE A REGULAR ICKY NPC BUT WHITE HAIRED…

SNEAKY SNEAK. SNEAKY SNEAK.

THOMA OH MY GOD MY MALEWIFE. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? also, sayu’s sleeping again. this girl’s got talent. is her circadian rhythm okay?

pains me to be the bearer of all bad news and no good news…

WAIT THOMA IS LEAVING NO DONT LEAVE YET I WANT TO LOOK AT YOU MORE

oh nvm he’s still in the background.

EYY WHATS UP AYAKA. YOU’RE AS FINE AS EVER.

i… i don’t like where this is going… i refuse to be the bait. i’m too hot for that. so spicy they’ll spit me right out

DONT VOLUNTEER YOURSELF LUMINE— GIVE ME AN OPTION OR AT LEAST AN ‘OH SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN’ LINE

YES FIREWORKS THAT WOULD WORK RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME THAT WOULD WORK-

oh thank god… wait... they… they wouldn’t ask me to be the one to set off the fireworks right?

UNFORTUNATELY NO. AFTER YOU BECOME A FREE MAN, YOU’RE IMMEDIATELY MARRYING ME THOMA ANJKFHAIGHLANGKLAHOFJLKAB

oh crap… i’m… i’m in deep.

HE’S BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING US AGAIN EVERY DAY SINCE HE GOT THERE ANFLaglvbajlfblabvljabefva;bfalLJBLJDABVBAALSNADL tumblr user @tartagliaxx is broken. she is now irreparable. she has no regrets. goodbye.

ehem… what if… you and i… and hotsprings… together?? JUST KIDDING. PG-13 OVER HERE. NOTHING INDECENT WHATSOEVER MOVE ALONG NOW

poor thoma,,,

oh come on ayaka… cut us some slack… i just watched lumine wheeze bc of evil purple mist only to be dragged into 2 timeskips and an entire training arc. dont let her be yet another traumatized shounen manga protagonist… altho, it might be uh… too late for that…

oh dear… is thoma going to get another round of diarrhea?

OF COURSE. OF COURSE IT’S ME DOING ALL THE WORK. OF COURSE IT’S ME WHO’S RISKING MY LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN. GOD! GIVE LUMINE A BREAK. BEING A TRAVELER DOES NOT MEAN IT’S FREE REAL ESTATE.

hello yoimiya… still looking as bomb as ever i see……… mhm… gonna see myself out rn…

HELP MY SHITTY GRAPHICS COMPLETELY ERADICATED HER BROWS

oh god… are we dying because of fireworks? forget getting caught by the patrol… we’re about to light up an untested firework that was made to be a billion times more explosive….

NO. SHE SAID IT. SHE SAID THE CURSED SENTENCE. WHATS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? IDK YOU TELL ME. YOU JUST SENTENCED US TO DEATH YOIMIYA GREAT GOING still love you tho.

man… these patrol guards aint shit… i literally walked an inch behind their backs and they did nothing… its a surprise the rebellion still hasn’t won when they place guards like this in their ranks………. ok that was kinda mean i’ll apologize in a bit.

SAYU OMG… DONT WORRY I’LL SNEAK YOU OUT AND RISK MY LIFE willingly JUST TO RESCUE YOU. ILYSM HONEY YOU’RE DOING SO WELL

no, paimon. it’s not but we’re doing it anyway 🤡

NO ONE TOLD ME WE’RE GOING TO RUN. I WENT COMPLETELY OFF COURSE. first try tho 😏

HELLO THOMA. HELLO AYAKA.

HELLO SAYU. HOW DID IT GO? IM GUESSING IT WENT WELL BC YOU’RE STILL ALIVE?

oh no….. she’s worn herself out…. man,,, this is why you dont make convicts out of kids….

WE ASKED SAYU FOR AN INCH AND SHE GAVE AS TEN THOUSAND MILES. SAYU MY CHILD YOU EXCEED EXPECTATIONS

god, don’t remind me. as hot as the shogun trying to kill us w her blade was, i don’t appreciate almost getting murdered on screen (even if we most certainly have plot armor)

awwww is thoma worried about me uwu owo? dw i have like… a lumine w 6% crit rate by my side

sigh… i dont want to leave yet… cant i just stay by thoma’s side and not go to war for a change?

it was at this moment that tumblr user lei saw the wonders of being a housewife.

oh sara… my stars… i’m so sorry. i feel so bad for you but at the same time… this oddly makes me want to write a song for you ABJFJKABJABCABVABVKA I KNOW JACK SHIT ABT SONGWRITING WHY AM I THINKING LIKE THIS

well… there she goes…

oh…. oh….. yae is stealing my heart. WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO (i have an alt for a reason heehee)

DEAR LORD. PLEASE STEP ON MY NECK SARA.

these guys got guts to say ‘i’m sorry ma’am’ to THE kujou sara.

oh old man… you’re dead. you’re so dead.

man… this old man is a simp? sheesh.

YES. GO TELL EM PAIMON. PREACH THAT SHIT LOUD AND CLEAR.

oh my god… is that dude dead? i probably should’ve uh apologized b4 he flopped down to the ground ig…

MAN,, SARA’S DOWN FOR THE COUNT?? tbf i didnt expect much but…. also, AYE SIGNORA’S SO ICY.

she’s calling me out for being a simp ;-; heart been broke so many times or smth

OH SHIT LUMINE SPOKE. MAN,, WHY IS SHE SO COOL.

oh… i love this part of the vow… im suddenly inspired to write… how about a wedding au? an angsty wedding au?

goddamn… it’s been nice knowing you all…. i dont think i’ll come out of this alive if signora went out like that…

WHATS HAPPENING? ARE YOU SAYING KAZUHA WENT THROUGH THIS BS? IS LUMINE OKAY-

DID THEY REALLY JUST STORM THE ENTIRE FUCKING CAPITAL?? THEY HAVE SOME NERVE.

FUCK OMG KAZUHA AHHAHFHAFHAHGKJABKASBGA IM TEARING UP WTF WHY AM I GETTING EMOTIONAL- HONEY BUN THATS SO HOT OF YOU TO DO

oh… oh it’s time for round two? haha… time to… say my goodbyes….

yo… there are actual tears in my eyes… like… idk why… but that cutscene? shit man… that hit me…

hm… i feel bad for the shogun… ultimately, there is reason behind every act no matter how horrid. no matter how unreasonable, the reason one thinks of is always justified on their end. whatever everyone else thinks pay little effect on whether the act is fulfilled or not. also, her little laugh? i’m extra deceased.

the animation's fire as always wtf

oh but my kokoro... oof... my kokoro... ugh...

I’M SO FUCKING DONE AJKFHAKJBVAK- WE BEAT A HARBINGER AND FOR WHAT? she should’ve just tossed that gnosis into the ocean or smth...

HAH OMG SCARAMOUCHE. WHAT A MAN. I’M- I WAS RIGHT OMG. I HAD A LIL THEORY AND ITS JUST SMTH I HAD IN THE BACK OF MY MIND. I NEVER THOUGHT IT’LL ACTUALLY COME TRUE DEAR LORD. so now ig i have to admit i think abt him a lot and he has a soft spot in my heart 🥺 he’s evil you see and you know what my type is? evil men or at the very least, men with the potential to be evil. ugh so annoying.

scaramouche banner when

bc i sold everything worthy of money in me (read as my organs) for albedo, i'll sell my soul for him how about that?

EYE- makoto huh… well… fuck…

it’s day 400 of being ayato less even if he’s like… teased a million of times (jk it’s like… a grand total of seven but thats still p high)

im so… sigh…

i wonder if i’m still alive by the time sumeru releases… at the very least, i know my brain wouldn’t be.

....we were literally a captain for like... one second. that is so sad.

#˗ˋˏ°• afternoon tea rambles •°ˎˊ˗#inazuma spoilers

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sukirichi · 3 years

Text

— LOVE LETTER FROM ANON ; 💌

this is from an ask i received. i copy pasted and replied here as a text post since i can’t put “read more” on anon asks and it’s quite long hehehe. to the anon who sent me this, i give you loads of my love, thank you so much for everything !!

[ the ask ]

hi lovely,

i just read earned it and i have a couple things i’d like to say to you if you don’t mind. before i start, i completely understand if you don’t want to share this ask or even read at all which is fair. but if you do decide to read it, i know that one person such as me cannot change the decisions a writer had made such as discontinuing a series but i hope that this allows you some sense of peace or happiness towards your creation and end of earned it. i’m actually writing this is my notes before i send it to you so that’s how you know i truly mean it. buckle up baby!

i’d like to start with this; i just read and finished all the remaining chapters of earned it. i don’t know how to say this without sounding arrogant or cocky which truly isn’t my intention here, i promise so i’ll just say it as is. i swear to ever loving god, i’ve scoured the entirety of tumblr, ao3, fanfiction.net, wattpad, everything and anything, and it still isn’t very often that i find works like these, far and few between dare i say. ive looked through almost everything i could get my hands on to read in the jjk fandom and dear god, do you manage to keep on surprising me. i’ve read majority if not all your works along with following you on ao3 and tumblr, and i must say. i truly am so fucking impressed. completely and absolutely fucking floored if you will. the amount of plot twists and pure emotion you managed to put into this is only something i can dream of ever creating.

i cannot lie, it truly my hearts to think that people gave you so much shit over this to which ended in you deciding to discontinue along with your lack of interest which at least, is understandable unlike the hate. i literally cannot comprehend how people would be unhappy with the outcome so far after reading it since it was beyond fucking magnificent in my eyes. it kept me on my toes the entire time whilst never managing to bore me once and as someone with adhd, thats fucking hard to do, i’ll admit it. props to you. and as much as i want to grovel and beg for crumbs, something, anything to know about how it ends, i know that that will most likely accomplish nothing to both you and i so decided to just say this.

thank you for writing this. thank you for not only writing it but dealing with the experience of unwanted and negative criticism to the point you had to stop and discontinue it whilst also being generous and amazing enough to keep it up so other people could still read it. i really hope your proud of earned it and how it turned out so far, because if i were you, i’d be so bloody fucking proud i wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

my friends often tell me i overstep my boundaries and i really hope i aren’t doing that with this but i just really, truly, wanted to express my genuine appreciation and thanks towards your writing and towards you as a writer that puts out content, not to mention for free!!!!, for people like me. i also don’t want to seem as if i’m glorifying earned above all your other works, because that’s not what i mean. your writing is just… just fucking chefs kiss. sorry, my brains starting to run out of words at this point but oh my god. thank you for letting me experience the experience of earned it even though there was no proper end. i’d rather have that than nothing at all. and maybe i misread this entire thing, maybe you are goddamn proud of your work, which you fuckinf should be considering the pure quality it is. once again, chefs kiss!!

i just… i don’t know what to say anymore. your writing, quite literally, has made me completely fucking breathless in a good way of course. anyways, i hope this wasn’t too much of a ramble and at least managed to make you smile or something. have a lovely day sweetheart!!!! <333 :*)

OMG ANON PLS FORGIVE ME IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME DAYS TO RESPOND TO, I DIDN’T WANT TO GIVE YOU A HALF ASSED RESPONSE SO I WAITED TO GET MY MENTAL ENERGY BACK TO A HUNDRED PERCENT SO I CAN SEND BACK MORE LOVE TO YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY !! FIRST OF ALL UHM…

you really made me speechless with this one, you have no idea. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve reread this and teared up a little bit because you know… I’m so shocked like I really have no idea what I did to receive such a sweet message because I’m just writing silly fanfics when I’m feeling it yknow? Or at least that’s what it seems like because it turns out I have a huge impact on others and I’m able to make people happy like I’ll never EVER get used to that feeling and I mean that in a good way !! Like I’m in a constant state of disbelief that people are this affected by my content and I’m just…

I’m so thankful truly PLEASE can I give you a hug I’m so happy sobs sobs sobs

also baby, thank you sm for this again AAAAHH. I’m not sure if you really mean ‘Earned It’ the mafia! gojo series or ‘Reckless’ the CEO gojo series though ?? Both are discontinued but Earned It was discontinued bcos my dumbass killed Naoya there and he was my favorite so I lost the motivation and it was all my fault SOBBSSS. as for Reckless though, yeah I’d say it was mostly the hate I got for it that demotivated me into continuing it :// but if this ask is meant for Earned It, then yes thank you so much for the kind words as well, though I didn’t really receive hate for it so no worries !!

and aaah anon im…I’m at a loss for words lmao but the part where you said where you would be proud if you wrote it, that’s really…LIKE IDK it just hit me bcos oftentimes I look at something I poured my heart into, but then I’d have days where I’d be like YIKES that wasn’t a good one. its so easy to forget the effort we put into something when we’re affected by external factors. and yeah even though I really don’t want to continue either series anymore, thank you for leaving me the important note of being proud of myself <33

although the series (earned it) wasn’t really something I’d properly executed and planned for, I do remember being passionate over it and feeling truly excited to update. even if it didn’t end out the way I wanted it to, it’s still something I poured my heart on and that’s magnificent on its own, so I’ll be prouder of myself from now on <33

no worries bb you are not overstepping any boundaries at all !! believe me when I say this ask truly do means a lot to me – more than you’ll ever know. messages like these are what keeps me going, as feedback is important to writers, but most of all it’s the genuine support and sincerity that gets to me.

I’m truly humbled and grateful right now. thank you for this again and again and again.

THIS MADE ME MORE THAN SMILE !! there’s a lot of things I’m struggling with even if I don’t publicly express it, but messages like these will always have a special place in my heart. I’m sincerely grateful for everything, and I’ll continue writing here and sharing my works!! It’s supportive people like you that make these moments worthwhile. I’ll never forget this message anon AAAAH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU THANK YOU YOU HAVE AN EVEN BETTER DAY OR NIGHT, you have me weak in the knees for this

OKAY BRB SOBBING IN HAPPINESS

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #suki: for keeps #uwu anon

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dylanxmin · 3 years

Text

painkiller ∣ 5 ∣ j.hs

breakups are habitual, ordinary maybe even easy for some other people, and maybe it could be easy for you, too, if you haven’t been dumped by your boyfriend after finding out that you were pregnant. no, it wasn’t easy even a bit. and a stranger who wants to be your side doesn’t make this all easy for you, at all.

pairing; jung hoseok x reader

genre; angst, fluff, humor, pregnancy au, strangers to lovers au, single!mom au, slice of life au,,

warnings; little high on angst, swearings, mention of abortion, mention of adoption, mention of miscarriage, unedited(rlly sorry about this)

word count; 5k+

rating; nc17

a/n; heyyy, it’s been a month since i last update this story and i only blame my finals, my sudden lost of muse, and some side effects of my life but there it is, freshly served, angsty episode!! ion know how did this come out but im feeling positive for the next episode! so,,,, hope you all enjoy reading this part, and as always, i do really appreciate a little comment soooo... lol, love y’all ♡

previous ➭ ˚masterlist˚ ➭ next

taglist; @xxluckydreamsxx ,, @parkminhee

∣ send me an ask if you want to be on the tag list ∣

‘‘Yes, can we have a brief explanation about the story of our current project?’’

‘‘Miss Y/N?’’

‘‘Y/N?’’

Light, red and yellow mixes and crushes down when something hard nudges at your shoulder and brings you the reality. Shake of your body startles Namjoon, who was nudging your shoulder to wake you up. Pairs of eyes currently stares at you, wide, curious and surprised, too, as no one expects you to fall asleep in the middle of an important meeting. But, you did anyway. Surprising yourself with such an action, yet you lost control of your sleep schedule way before this meeting, so you weren’t that ashamed as the sleep still lingers around your head.

Blinking, blinking, blinking for a couple of times before your vision loses its blur, and the faces look way better to your own eyes. Shock still fresh on their faces, a weird sound rises by your throat as you try to clean it before talking. Namjoon holds his laugh back, but you can see it in the redness of his cheeks and the veins that struggle under his skin.

‘‘I-’’ you clear your throat, once again as it comes hoarse from sleeping. ‘‘I’m sorry, can you say it again?’’ Mr. Lee stares directly into your eyes, he opens his mouth but closes again. And you know you will try to drown yourself in the sink if the corner of his mouth hasn't curled up.

You sigh, before he asks again, and listens to your explanation. You try to keep it smooth, and once you start to talk about your work, all the sleep leaves your head, enthusiasm fills it place.

You love your work. Falling asleep doesn’t mean the opposite.

‘‘I swear to god if you won’t stop laughing, Kim-’’

‘‘But..- but you told the story of our new game, drool drying on your chin, with such an enthusiastic manner.’’ Namjoon’s giggles cut himself, palm hangs in the air, other on his knee. A manager who is in his thirties enjoys his coworkers suffer, laughs his lungs off. Such a mature man. You sigh, hand curled around the cup full of water for you to go to the bathroom after. Countless times.

Fingertips pinching the tip of your brows, you stand on the kitchen side of your office. Shame still red on your face, you barely able to hold yourself back from either crying or smashing the cup on your friend’s head. Which, you like the last option very much. It’s a shame that you possibly couldn’t do that here. Maybe later, on one of your movie nights.

‘‘I think it was cute, though.’’ the man in his much more formal clothes rather than his usual sweatpants and his shirt enters the kitchen side. Brown hair brushed neatly on the left side, his features look good. ‘‘Don’t pressure yourself anymore. I’m sure they are used to these things.’’

‘‘Thank you for helping my self-reliance to gather itself, but I don’t think it’s that simple, Damien.’’ imitating his smile, even though it’s more faint then he has, you sigh once again. Taking a spot on the table, you let your head fall on it. ‘‘I was literally drooling all over myself. Ugh… such a mess.’’

Another laugh escapes by Namjoon’s lips, but he pats your head also. ‘‘Damien is right. You know Jihoon and Yeona will be cool about this.’’

You scoff. ‘‘Yeah, but I don’t refer to them by their first names as they are the Ceo’s of this company. Like you,’’

‘‘Then you shouldn’t refer to me with my name, too, as I’m your boss.’’ an annoying smirk alive on his mouth, he swipes his body on the table. Gulping down his coffee, his stares never leaves you. Something hot, almost burning coils in your chest. Reminding you red, as you stare at him back. Mouth wrinkled, your breath felt heavy.

It was anger and you didn’t know how to pressure it back where it came from. Even before your pregnancy, you weren’t good with handling your emotions, but now. With so many hormones not knowing what to do, you were even worse. Sudden crying sessions, constant fury always ready to burst out, and the sneaky, dark anxiety getting you at the worst moment, where you were alone and in the dark. It was hard, and too much. Even before being pregnant, and while being pregnant. You weren’t good with them.

‘‘You know what, I decide not to cook for you anymore.’’ heartbreak flashes in Namjoon eyes, you crossed your arms over your chest. ‘‘You can buy your own chicken breast from somewhere and eat that shitty sauce.’’

‘‘Ouch..’’ Damien who is currently watching the cold vibrations coming from you, stays silent after your gaze lands on him. He is scared, and not ready to be the next target of your stinging tongue. Though, it doesn’t last that long.

Once you see the tremble of Namjoon’s lips, and his hug follows his sorry’s, your coldness melts away. Shame creeps back, sits heavy as you lower your head on the table. But before you can dive in your bad scenarios in your head, brutal yet familiar bickering starts when Nara enters the kitchen, after she takes her place on the table. Her nose crinkled with disgust while waiting for Namjoon to end his insults, only to throw another to him. Damien tries to cut them off, but it’s useless as he gives up and rests his back on his chair. Hesitant stares gather on you, only to tear them apart while you pretend like you didn’t notice.

Yet, you don’t want to suffocate yourself with your thoughts, you raise your head, eyes meeting with the brown haired man. Because you don’t and probably can’t break that cold war between your friend and Nara, you find your escape on Damien.

‘‘So, we have to prepare a meeting for you to put a suit on?’’ cocking your brow high, you ask. His surprise fades after a moment of waiting. Maybe because you aren’t the warmest person or because of the effect of your friends that filled your head with the idea of him having some feelings for you, you never attempt to talk with him first. Not that he isn’t a decent man, but more likely, you weren’t into him and did not want to make a wrong move. For him to get the wrong idea.

But maybe you are being stupid for believing your delusinal friends about his feelings, and he just wants to be friendly. Though, it’s good to not risk anything, right?

‘‘Suits just not my type, and also, who is wearing these other than him?’’ Damien points Namjoon, who is in a deep, hurtful conversation with your other coworker. You tear your eyes from him to land on Damien once again, his smiling this time. Wide, eyes imitating it. ‘‘Also, doesn’t it hurt your feet? You weren’t wearing heels for a long time.’’

After he mentions it, your feet start to pulse with pain. Embarrassment clouded all over your other senses, but his words bring them back. And you wrinkle your face in pain. Of course, it hurts. How it won’t hurt while your feet try to set themselves free by growing bigger inside of its cage and the process isn’t an easy one. Though, these whining are the last thing for your coworker to hear so you simply go with a soft smile.

‘‘Yeah, a bit but nothing I can’t handle.’’

‘‘Oh okay then. Good to hear.’’ he leans closer, eyes gleaming like a child in his pre-mischievous stage. ‘‘Just in case, I have a pair of nice sneakers waiting in my closet. All comfy and less deadly.’’

Mirroring the act, you also get close to him. Palm covering the side of your curled mouth, ‘‘I will consider it, but why are you acting like you were selling drugs?’’ whispering the half of your words, you cocked your head aside, watching his face wrinkle due to his growing smile. And seeing him from this side, you realise how good looking he is. Radiant smile adds more point to his charisma as he does, eyes narrow but curls cutely on the ends, and for a second you just stare at his side profile. His spotless skin dips on the cheek as his dimple wants to show off. Thankfully, when he starts to talk the silvery sheet goes away, to your luck.

‘‘Well, we won’t want other heel wearers to come at my desk for my fancy shoes, right?’’

Nodding, you point your finger at him as if he made a good point. ‘‘I see… Of course we wouldn’t want that, of course.’’

After the short break, everyone turned in their work the same as you. And you find yourself so tired after talking about the details of the story of your current game with Heejin. Trying to find reliable reasons and motives is hard for some time, as you continue to work on the specific character’s choices in the game, and why and exactly how they should do is sometimes irksome even when you have someone who tries really hard to help you. Yet, you know you can’t put all the weight on Heejin’s shoulders as the poor woman barely had some sleep because of the pre-cold effect.

When she sneezed for the fourth time in the last five minutes, you had to stop and be sure of her well being. Putting your palm on her clothed arm, you mimicked a smile to look sympathetic rather than annoyed. Even though you were a little bit. Thankfully, she doesn’t have to know that.

‘‘I know I asked this before but are you sure you are okay? Maybe you should take a rest for the rest of the day. Obviously, you need some.’’

She looks hesitant at first, eyes widens at your words but she covers it with a faint smile and nods. ‘‘Oh, I’m okay, I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me.’’ Heejin bites down her lip before continuing again. ‘‘Did I annoy you? I’m sorry, I just took a pill, so I think that will make me better in a couple of minutes.’’

‘‘No, no…’’ pulling your hands in the air, you shake your head in denial. It did bother you but not much for her to apologize for being sick. ‘‘I just wanted to check on you, I’m not… disturbed. It’s okay.’’

Your half reassurance works barely, as she tries to lower the voice of her sneezes after that. And everytime, a drip adds to your growing guilt. As Heejin is younger than you for three years, and you have been working here longer than her, it puts some stairs between you two and now with that, you fix the ice between you two. The ice that you have been trying to melt from the first day she was here, and now, thanks to your pregnancy hormones, it started to build once again. Not just with Heejin, but everyone around you was walking on eggshells around you as your rage came out of nowhere, so sudden that sometimes it even shocks you. But for a stupid reason - well, it’s not stupid as you are pregnant and that played with your emotions -, you couldn’t control the sudden change of your feelings.

One second being calm and the other being tense did tire you for sure as senses flow through every nerve you have. Breathing exercises merely helped, and that led you to staying away from the people around you. As sometimes words come out rude before you can realise. And nobody deserves that kind of attitude, even the ones you know from your childhood.

For that reason, you turned down Taehyung’s offer to come with you as you know that owing to his nature, he will do something silly to make you angry or stressed even when he does it with all his good intentions. Some days, even when you are in your usual state you can’t stop being bothered by him, and you had no intentions to taste it today. Which, nothing was normal in your current mental state, so that’s for the best.

Driving past the now familiar streets, you learned a new thing: Driving with a jean without opening its button can be hard, as you have to undo the button while your stomach growls in need. While your stomach become visible, looking like you ate too much for your stomach to handle, sudden thirst for stupid cravings increased day by day. Sadly, it affected your friends as much as you.

In the middle of night, you woke Yoongi up for him to get you apples, pickles for Taehyung and last but not least, ice cream for Namjoon. As your cravings decide to choose the oddest times, three of them find the solution to fill your fridge until there is no space left. Well, after you sat on your kitchen floor and cried they had to eat some of them with you, as they basically called you fat by doing that, and paid for it. For them, they just wanted to make sure you get what you want but at this point, what they thought barely mattered.

‘‘Okay, that was tiring.’’ you whispered through your exhale, while parking the car. For the records, parking turned into a hell show for you as going further and back, further and back, further, further and back has your nerves strain like a string. Though, you never liked it anyway. You were ready to leave your car, but the ringtone of your phone cut the act.

‘‘Hey, mom.’’

‘‘Nope. Your voice sounds the same, rather than I thought so.’’ sighing, you brushed your face by your palm. Words like a needle on the skin, your mother always knew how to use them. ‘‘Well don’t ‘ahhh’ at me. As we barely speak, I obviously expect to forget your voice, tell me if I’m wrong.’’

Nodding as if she is able to see you through the phone, you put your head on the wheel. She was annoyed as it was very clear by her high and thin tone.

‘‘Yes, Ma’am.’’ your reply earned another high pitched warning from her so you had to calm her between your giggles. ‘‘Okay, okay… You’re right, Mama. I should call you more but you know work and everything keeps me busy. But I will try my best, promise.’’

‘‘Apology accepted. But even though I know you prefer to talk about work, and the video thing you adore talking about, I’m most likely interested in my baby’s baby. So, how’s the pregnancy going?’’

This is the exact reason why you didn’t call her more than you did. As she is very interested in your life and interior with it, of course pregnancy will be the same. And you couldn’t ignore the things you can as she will talk about them, will want to know about them and give some advice from her past experiences. Not that you will need any of them, but of course as you postponed everything, you did the same thing to this topic, too, and left your mother in the dark. You will run as far as you can.

‘‘They called games, not video thing but it’s your choice.’’ while thinking of it itched your tongue, you swallowed all the tensing thoughts down, and ready yourself to talk. ‘‘And the… pregnancy is going good if we don’t count the constant eating, peeing, crying, being tired twenty-four-seven, not fitting in my favorite clothes and all the pain it put me through.’’

She laughs as if you just told the funniest joke she heard. Cocking your brows, you run through what you said to make her laugh this much to fail.

‘‘Ohhh, my baby. Stop talking about this as the things are all bad. You have a baby in your belly, your baby. They will become your everything, and mostly good things because you will love them more than anything you can. Believe me, I could die in return for your laugh. A bubbly, vivid laugh. Ahh… remembering it made me soft, right now.’’

‘‘Trying to be unbiased about gender, I see?’’

‘‘Well, I don’t want to affect the baby.’’

Though you want so bad to ask how that could actually affect the baby, you stay silent. All the baby talk is already pulling you down, it is better if you can stay out of the gender topic as much as you can. Not that it mattered, you thought.

‘‘What do you mean? Why it wouldn’t matter darling?’’

Huh?

Clearly, you weren’t thinking, but murmuring under your breath as your mom heard it. When you hit your head on the wheel, the horn startles you both. Fixing your posture, you answered your mother’s hurried question.

‘‘It was horn, I’m in the car. Yes, yes I’m okay, don’t worry. I’m at the hospital- No, no- Mom, for the appointment. Yes… yes, for the baby. I will talk to you later, okay? I will call, I promise- Yes, I promise. Okay, love you, too.’’

You sigh once again. A loud one.

You do hate lying to the woman who would do anything you want, but you know she is not ready to lose her grandchild, yet. You are not ready for the speech you will receive, also. Not that it will be harsh or critical, you just are not ready to accept the whole thing. Yes, you still had problems with the whole pregnancy thing even though you made your mind with adoption. You still had thirty weeks to go, and that won’t go fast. Not in a normal time, or in the pregnancy.

Head full of blurring thoughts, you missed the man who shakes his hand from afar. The black haired man’s smile faded as you passed by his side without sparing a glance. Too busy with thinking how to calm your mother after you give her the news. The news that she won’t have a grandchild anytime soon. Fuck… that’s gonna be hard.

Well, maybe not hard as much as the door you decide to welcome it with your face rather than opening. A loud thud, and muffled curse under your breath, instinctively you checked your nose if there is more than the pain you feel, as there is no blood you calm down, shoulders drop their usual place. Apparently, you were conscious enough to lead yourself to the floor where your doctor’s office, past the stairs, and find his door but when it comes to open the door you fail. Tears sit on your eyelids at once as you close them due to the pain that crushes your sight. Trying to massage your nose bridge barely helps but giving it a try won’t hurt, you think.

‘‘Oh my, are you okay?’’ from your closed and blurred eyesight, you can’t choose who is the one talking but his voice lets you know that he is your doctor, Seokjin. ‘‘I heard a loud thug but couldn’t understand it was a human until you groaned. Are you okay, you bumped your nose? Let me get a look at that.’’

Not forgetting to thank him while he guides you inside his office, now you are able to open your eyes and set the tears free as they go down. Seokjin sits you on the white sheeted chair, handles your head to go right and left as he scans your face and nose behind creased eyes. He looks really concerned, more than you, and somehow it puts you on a stage where you feel like you have to make him sure that you were okay and nothing was wrong. It still feels weird when someone gets concerned over you more than yourself, as who would care for someone more than one’s self so it’s still vague.

‘‘I-I’m actually okay. I didn’t hit that hard as it sounds, it doesn’t even bleed so…’’ wry smile is all you offer him as your voice trails down when his eyes meet with yours, a bit keen rather than you thought they will.

Seokjin sighs with a line between his brows but he lets go, and when he puts a decent distance between you and himself, professionalism settles in his features as he adjusts his tie.

‘‘It does look okay, but make sure you put some ice when you can as it could leave a bruise behind.’’ he smiles, both sweet and very technically. As he practiced it for every client he had and now performing it without any difficulties. It looks natural. ‘‘So, tell me how are you feeling? You should still have the early pregnancy symptoms such as morning sickness, sleep issues, and more likely they will hang around for a few more weeks. But it’s more important if you have a symptom that comes unnatural or unbearably painful for you?’’

After taking two deep breaths, you feel ready to give him a reply. Nose still throbs by the hit but it’s faint now.

‘‘Uhm…- yeah, other than the ‘expected’ symptoms, I don’t feel like something is wrong, or not supposed to happen. No more painful urination, though I still need it frequently.’’ you grimace lightly as you share, shifting a bit. ‘‘But yeah, I’m okay.’’ you try to wipe the fresh embarrassment with the non glowing smile you had in your storage. Probably he should but you still don’t know if he needs to know that you choose adoption. As he is your doctor, and the one who is taking care of you and the baby, you know that he must know about it, but unpleasant eerie stops you from doing what you should.

Old habits die hard, that’s for sure.

‘‘Excellent. It’s good to hear that everything is going on it’s way, and today, as now you are in the tenth week of your pregnancy, I’m recommending you a genetic test in case there is any birth defect.’’

‘‘What is that?’’ even though Seokjin was done with talking, you utter so fast that it feels like you interrupted him, as you shut your mouth with wrinkled brows. It was just getting tiring day by day with all of these tests, things to do and not to do, being extra careful because you have another living creature in you to take care, more than yourself. No more selfish, damaging, stupid choices can be done as your body no longer belonged to you. At least not only to you and this was really, really tiresome.

As he was expecting this, Seokjin comes up with some papers as you can understand them. ‘‘As I said before, it’s a test to acknowledge any kind of defect in the baby. These tests take two forms: screening tests and diagnostic tests. And a screening test tells you the likelihood that your baby could have a birth defect; a diagnostic test tells you with more than ninety nine percent certainty whether the baby has the disorder.’’ He explains more as you take the papers from him, scanning the words but they are almost identical as Seokjin continues with his further explanation. The blank eerie gets heavier and heavier the further he talks, and when he comes to the risks, it feels like your pulse palpitates on your throat. Tearing your eyes from the papers that sit on your lap, you stare at the man who is still talking.

‘‘There is small risk of miscarriage, that’s why you need to carefully consider tha advantages and the disadvantages of these test before you make any decision, even it’s small.’’

A slap to the face, a weight falls on your stomach after Seokjin is done with his statement. Mouth hangs open, you stay still, silent as the Doctor waits patiently, now he is behind his desk, sitting his hands intertwined. As if he knows the new information would put a heavy dullness in you as he searches your every movement, yet you gave him hardly any.

‘‘Do I… have to?’’

The idea of taking these tests would be tiring is there but the cause of your nausea is not just that. More likely, it’s the idea of losing something. Even though that something doesn’t belong to you because you never wanted it, and nothing has changed since then. Whether it's the guilt of knowing everything caused because of your recklessness, or it’s because you feel obligated to give the baby a good life due to your current maternal instincts - you hardly say you had one -, whether it’s beside you or far away from you, you feel the suffocating necessity. Even if the risk has one percent chance, you can’t take it. Maybe it’s odd to push your one percent chance to become free with the back of a hand, but that would be running away, and both of you already had one runner in your lives, and the baby wouldn’t need another.

‘‘I know it sounds scary but you can take your time, you don’t have to do it now. You can search it a bit more about the cons and pros but I never had any problems with my former clients if you need any consolation. And you can always ask for me more.’’

Chewing your bottom lip, you still look at him in the eye like you need to give him an answer. You do trust your doctor but that doesn’t mean that you purposely rejected the idea of getting abortion while you deal with an unwanted pregnancy only to come across with a risk of miscarriage. Of course it is always there whether you do the test or not, but that's nearly a consolation.

Nodding, you put all the papers in your bag before leaving the doctor’s office. Biding your goodbyes after ending with this week control.

You come to the hospital with a dazed head, and you were going to leave it even more wrecked. But you just needed some air, somewhere to ease the wave of emotions that is going through your head. To catch your breath, you adjust your route to the cafeteria in the outdoors. Maybe, that could help you somehow.

Not temporarily, but taking fresh air in your lungs somehow helped you. The phone call you had with Taehyung while you were at the verge of tears, too, and you sit in the cafeteria during all of these. Mimicking the doctor's words to your friend and Taehyung had listened to you, hang on your every word as much as he can on the other side of the line. Tried to console you, said that things will be alright and nothing bad will happen as if he was as sure as his name. And momentarily, you believed him. Both because you needed it, and he was being a good friend and you didn’t want him to feel useless.

For good or ill, now, your heart is resting in ease.

Well at least it was until you see a glimpse of dark uniform in the corner of the wall, and then a familiar face you haven’t seen in a while. A smile that softly shaped as heart, causing your heart to palpitate fast but in a much different way than the news you learned today, or the idea of your mother's future disappointment. It’s more thrilling and in a way even scarier than the other two options. As the opposite of how familiar the face is, the reason for your heart going this insane was abrupt. Even odd when you think the very less time you spent with the owner of the familiar face, yet it was there, forcing you to gulp down, consume every emotion he forced you to feel.

Contrary to what you expect - and you didn’t know why you were expecting him to be happy after seeing you - his face falls, the shape of heart shutters around his mouth. And to your shock, it put needles somewhere near to your chest.

The last time you saw him, the atmosphere was intense as you shared things that normally you wouldn’t do with a partially stranger but with him even though feelings were gloomy, you weren’t uneasy. And to you, when he was consoling you, internalizing what you were telling him, he wasn’t disturbed. At least he didn't look like that. But, the more you size him up, the more you get sure of his strange disturbance. And it did burn. Smoke choked you down, and put tears on your eyes. Fucking pregnancy hormones…

Not aware of your action, you caught your hand in the air, in the middle of a shake as Hoseok greeted you by the tiny bow of his head. And expecting more cutted harsly, as a knife in the gut.

Whether it’s because of your blind act, or whether he feels obligated, Hoseok comes closer to the table you were sitting, leaving the person behind he was talking to before he saw you. With every step, you breathe another air to gather your confidence a bit high, but it’s useless as your hands start to tremble under the table, fortunately away from his sight.

‘‘H-hi,’’ no matter how much Hoseok tries to sound friendly, it’s not, and you can hear in his voice as it comes out broken. His eyes are still deep and candid but not glowing the way it fascinated you when you first saw him. Still, you greeted him with a tight smile, wave of your hand small.

‘‘Take a seat-’’ pointing the available chair, you cut yourself to say something else. To correct your words. ‘‘I mean if you want… of course,’’

To your surprise, he holds the chair to adjust for him to sit on. But everything feels so forced and awkward that you can’t stop wondering if you said something to him and cause him to feel uncomfortable around you. Your brain works so hard to scan the memories of that day, but you fail to find something so disturbing to make Hoseok shift in his seat, a line between his brows and a noticeably insincere smile.

It takes minutes for someone to talk first and scare the clouds away only for a moment.

‘‘Are you waiting for your appointment or has it already finished?’’

‘‘Ah, yeah, it’s done. I just needed to take a moment and fresh air because…’’ your voice eventually trailed off as you realised he just asked to look friendly and probably doesn’t want to hear your whelming emotions anymore. ‘‘of stuffs, you know.’’

Hoseok nods, his mouth thin as a line, and even though it shouldn’t, it breaks your heart. Yes, this man owes you nothing, and of course he doesn’t have to sit there and listen to how sorry and depressed you feel over the things doctor Seokjin have told you, but it still hurts to see him this… joyless. The curiosity burns deep and wild as you desperately want to know what the hell you did to make him this anxious, but your mind barely helps as you wander in the empty field.

‘‘I should probably get going-’’

‘‘It’s been a while-’’

Words clashing and drowning one another, silence takes over and Hoseok abruptly stops above his chair as he was about to leave before you parted him. And now he looks at you with wide eyes, fear in his chest growing big as your bottom lip trembles for only a second but he catches it.

He sits back on his seat with hands on the air. ‘‘Oh, yeah, it’s been a while since we last saw each other.’’ he says but you know it’s out of pity, and you would rather die than crumbling under his gaze. So you shake your head with a false smile, though hammers work in your chest.

‘‘Ah, don’t mind me. Go ahead, you are probably busy and have so much to do. So, you can leave, seriously.’’

‘‘No-, no, no, Y/N. I’m sorry, I want to stay and talk to you, really. I really am sorry for acting rude.’’

Maybe because the look on his face, or the warm tone of his voice, you decide not to pressure him to leave after you ask if he really wants it for a second time. But he nods and smiles, and this time it reaches his eyes, a hot pink blossoms in you.

Though, before either of you can say anything, a touch at your back stops you. You hear the breathy voice before you turn your head. ‘‘Ahh, finally I found... you. Care to explain why you are-...not picking your phone?’’

And when you turn over, you see a panthing Yoongi. His hand on his knee and looks at you with concerned gaze. Then, they leave you only to land on the man on the other side of the table, and Yoongi’s eyes go wide.

He extends his hand in a non-moving shake to the air. ‘‘Oh, hi. Sorry to butt in.’’ he stretches his hand towards him, the ghost of a smile appears on his lips. ‘‘It’s Yoongi,’’

Voice deep, and it takes long to draw out when the man in dark uniform mirrors the act. ‘‘Hoseok.’’

#heartsforbts #bangtanhq #bangtanarmynet #houseofddaeng #btsgoldnet #btswritingcafe #hyunglinenetwork #hoseok x reader #hoseok fanfic #hoseok fluff #hoseok angst #jung hoseok #painkiller #dylanxmin

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chocosvt · 2 years

Note

hey! i dont wanna make this too long but i LOVED honeyboy so much im actually so speechless about it. a friend recommended this fic to me and when i saw the word count i went :0 bc in all my years of reading on tumblr ive never come across a fic that was over 25k and although thats a bit disappointing because im a sucker for long fics, this one was 54k words of pure amazement? wonder? goodness? idk, all i know is that it was so good im just so ..yeah

knowing this is a really really long fic that you surely put your blood sweat and tears into, i knew i had to sit and read this with absolutely no interruptions whatsoever so i did whatever i had to do and sat my ass down and 3 and a half hours (maybe more maybe less) later im here writing this (its currently 6:27am if you want a time check) and those 3+ hours did NOT go to waste im telling you

i loved the story from the beginning to the end and i love reading slowburn bc it just is so good you know? ive really been in my mingyu feels ever since in the soop and ive just been feeling it with this story like my heart HURT a lot throughout this fic. usually when i read long stories, i take a break every now and then because i have a low attention span or i wanna prolong the story (thats mainly cause most of them are obviously way shorter), but this one? i literally am not kidding when i say i read it through and through without a pause in between because its just so captivating and so good like amongst these 3 hours i felt myself becoming attached to the story and i went, dang what should i do with my life when i inevitably end this one. i just love long stories with impeccable writing like that.

i really like how you made your characters so loveable! i thought i was gonna dislike jane but no shes so <33 and i have a burning hatred for suri and her puppy blair in all their cowardice and if i ever see them its on sight fr !!! you really evoked a lot of emotions in me and i mean, im a reader who likes to fall into the world im reading and feel everything through and through so you could imagine how much times i almost teared up or felt embarrassed or blushed and even when the smut came up i was 😵 going through it. author you know how to make my heart flutter with having mingyu say good girl like . im still blushing

another point i wanted to make before i forgot and went into detail about something completely unrelated! my name is cheyenne and i go by chey often right. imagine my utter surprise seeing one of your passing characters go by chey i really think that was the only moment i paused and went– (・o・) wait a minute..– chey is not a common name so seeing it made me ?? and i also have purple hair! when two worlds collide i guess.

i dont want to make this any longer than it should be because i have a lot of words to say about this amazing fic but i dont have enough words for it so in conclusion!!! i really really loved this story and the long ass word count was definitely a cherry on top and seeing the relationship grow between mingyu and mc and how he gradually grew to like her (dont get me started on the necklace scene- it was too good) and just everything about it!? all the anger and resentment and tears and happiness and growth really was something enjoyable so thank you for releasing this amazing work!!!

I'VE HAD THIS ASK IN MY INBOX FOR LIKE A MONTH NOW AND THE ONLY REASON IS BC I COULD NEVER FIND ENOUGH WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW THIS MADE ME FEEL ;_;

but i have read ur ask so many times and it gives me some sort of crazy endorphin rush from all the sweet, thoughtful things u said!! you are a wonderful human and i just can't extend enough thx for ur reading and ur enjoyment! AND I AM SO HAPPY YOUR NAME GOT TO APPEAR AS A SIDE CHARACTER LOL. i actually try to choose names i don't regularly hear?? but chey came to me bc my sister's best friend in high school was named chey and she was a kool kat!

anywho-- thank youuuuu!!!!!!!! x infinity!!! that fic was most certainly a challenge for me but i always get such a fulfilling feeling knowing how it impacted someone or made them feel something! I TREASURE THIS SO MUCH WORDS CANNOT EXPLAIN :_) and ofc ty for taking the time to elaborate so beautifully!

#i wish you a wonderful day/night!#i keep u in my thoughts hobistigma #n: hobistigma #x: sunbeam #t: choco's letters

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drazzilder · 3 years

Text

A Hellish Encounter

By Drazzilder

Chapter 15: Anger

Today is the first day that you’re on your own as a hero. It’s sort of a trail period so you can get your bearings. What makes it even more stressful is that Enji is going to be home today. You’re ok with this because you want to prove your worth. He knows you’re going to do your best which makes you feel better. Right as you are about to leave for work, Enji grabs you and pulls you in for a quick kiss.

“Please be safe today.”

“We always are safe, right Zaheer.”

“I wouldn’t say always…”

“You’re not helping… but we will be ok.”

“You better be, today is Valentine’s Day and I want you home for dinner I sent the kids away today so we will be alone.”

“Oh…then I’ll make sure to get home safely.” You say as you kiss him goodbye.

You’re on your way to work when you get a phone call from Sanji. “Mr. Hellboy, you need to hurry up and get to Tokyo Station right away. Don’t worry about checking in at the agency, I’ll handle it.”

“Um…ok, I’m on my way.”

You rush to the station and find the bullet train on fire with people inside. You quickly teleport inside and find everyone who is trapped and teleport them to safety. The final woman is scared in the corner. She is trying to use her phone for something but then you realize it’s a translator. She isn’t speaking Japanese; it takes you a moment to realize it is Icelandic.

“It’s ok. I’ll save you, just give me your hand.”

“Please save me.”

You teleport her to safety and ask if she is ok. The media is recording as you were talking to the woman. The anchorwoman comes over and starts to interview you.

“What were you saying to the woman there, it wasn’t Japanese.”

“That was Icelandic.”

“How many languages can you speak? We have heard 3 so far.”

“As a demon, I can speak every language in order to influence anyone I want.”

“Is that the demon who lives inside of you.”

“Yes, don’t worry, he’s a good guy.”

“I would never hurt anyone; I find it appalling.”

“You heard it here first, Hellboy can speak any language.”

That is when you get another phone call: “Hellboy, there is trouble in Fukui prefecture.”

“Well, I’m off, time to save more people. Stay safe.”

You teleport away and you’re off to your next mission. You have a feeling it is going to be that kind of day. From saving people from burning buildings to stopping a hostage situation, you are all over Japan. Because you can teleport, you get called all over the place. You appear in the news over and over again and it’s great that your able to prove your worth. At home, Enji is watching all of this unfold and he worries you are over exerting yourself. He knows you want to do your best but you do have a tendency to overdo it. The whole morning is crammed full of hero work when you finally get a chance to have a break when you go to eat. You open your locker and you find your locker empty. You know you had your bag when you left home, at least you thought you did. You’re about to scream in anger but your phone rings.

“What now, Sanji?” You say in an exhausted tone.

“Hello, Hellboy.”

“Oh! Enji, sorry it’s been a busy day and the last thing I want right now is another call from Sanji.”

“I know, I have been watching the news. When were you going to tell me that you could speak different languages?”

“Honestly, I forget we can do that, it rarely comes in handy.”

“Very well. But to the point, do you want me to come in today? I don’t want you to overdo it.”

“It’s your day off, enjoy it and don’t worry about me. Also, I will pick up some ingredients for tonight to cook dinner, I found a new recipe I wanted to try.”

“You don’t have to do that, you going to be tired by the time you get home.”

“I’ll be fine, wait hold on, I got a call coming in.” *click* “Hello?”

“We got a robbery at the Tokyo department store.”

“I’ll be there in a sec.” *click* “I got to go Enji. Love you.”

“Bye (Y/N).”

Enji was all worried about you working too hard and yet you still wanted to do something nice for him. He couldn’t accept that. He has seen you cook on more than one occasion and you always make it look effortless, it couldn’t be that hard. He quickly looked up some of your favorite foods and printed a few recipes and went out to get ingredients. Everything was going great until he got back home. When he was living alone before you came back, he was just eating out or prepackaged foods the entire time. Never having cooked himself, he started with rice. He tried to follow the instructions on the bag. It started out good but he got distracted with the chicken and burned the rice so bad it turned black. He thought it would just try again after getting the chicken cooked. Somehow, he managed to make the chicken as hard as a rock but he didn’t burn it. The pan though didn’t make it unscathed and was covered in a thick layer of burned flour. He suddenly sees the oven is smoking and he opens the door. Smoke comes billowing out and the smoke detectors are going off throughout the whole house. Everything is a disaster. Enji just hopes he can clean up before you get home but then a blue flash appears.

“Shit!” He thought.

“Enji I’m home…. what is happening!”

“I…uh….my….”

“Just move.” You drop the bags you were holding and push Enji aside. It takes a minute but you manage to stop the fire in the oven.

“I told you I was going to cook when I got home!” You say holding the burnt oven pan.

“I just wanted to surprise you. I tried cooking but….”

“I told you I would take care of it. Why didn’t you listen to me?” Your voice begins to rise as your emotions start to heat up.

“Why are you yelling at me? I just wanted to make Valentine’s Day special!”

“And now I have to clean this whole mess!” You say slamming the pan into the sink. “How did you burn rice? You put it in the rice cooker!” You say pointing to the machine Enji never noticed before.

“How am I supposed to know that thing cooked rice?!”

“IT SAYS RICE COOKER RIGHT ON IT AND YOU BOUGHT IT, YOU SHOULD KNOW!”

“I’M TOO BUSY TO REMEMBER ALL OF THAT!”

“THAT’S YOUR EXCUSE FOR EVERYTHING!”

“WHEN YOU’RE THE NUMBER 2 HERO, YOU TELL ME HOW MUCH FREE TIME YOU HAVE!!”

“DON’T FORGET THAT I’M A HERO TOO AND I HAVE A DEMON INSIDE OF ME THAT I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF! IM BUSY ALL THE TIME AND I STILL FIND TIME TO MAKE YOUR FAVORITE MEAL!” You grab the bag and start pulling out ingredients.

“WHAT?!”

“I WAS PLANING THIS FOR DAYS, I MADE TIME TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN! SEE!”

Enji takes the ingredients from you and knows that they are for his favorite food, kuzumochi. You two stay silent for a moment while standing in the kitchen. Both of your faces are red with anger but you manage to calm down a little bit before you speak again.

“Just…. leave the kitchen…. I’ll clean up and cook dinner.” You say sounding defeated.

“Fine!”

Enji goes to the other room literally steaming at this point. He is angry that you got mad at him trying to make your day better. But when he thinks about it more, all he did was make it worse. You came home to a house almost on fire and now you’re cleaning it up by yourself. He can’t believe that after the day you had, you still wanted to cook his favorite dish. Enji knows his temper can be short but sometimes he forgets that you can emotional too. His heart begins to sink as he hears you cleaning and cooking. He just sits down on the couch, silently listening. You call him to the kitchen and you both eat in deafening silence. Once you finish, you get up.

“Just wash the dishes. I’m going to shower and I’ll be sleeping in my old room tonight. Goodnight.”

If Enji’s heart sunk before, it now fell to the floor after hearing that. He upset you so much that you didn’t want to sleep with him. He just cleans the dishes quietly and waits for you to go to bed. He tries to go to his bed for the night but he looks at himself in the mirror. That man is in the mirror again, a man who is selfish to the point of ignorance. He punches the mirror in anger, in a futile effort to kill that man. The mirror shatters into a cascade of shards and his hand starts to bleed from the broken glass. After he bandages his hand, he goes to bed. He tries to sleep for about an hour when his emotions come to a boil. He gets up and goes to your room and finds you trying to sleep, but sees a few tears running down your face. Kneeling down next to you, he gently places a hand to your face. You open your eyes to a crying Enji and it breaks your heart.

“I’m sorry Enji, I just was so tired and seeing the mess you made just broke me. The last thing I wanted to do was clean after the day I had. I didn’t mean to yell at you like that.” You say starting to cry.

Enji now is crying harder than you. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to surprise you but if I listened tonight would have been fine. I got selfish in my desire to surprise you and look what happened. I hurt you and made things worse.”

You shift on the bed so Enji can join you as you both start crying in each other’s arms; Enji resting his head on yours as you use his chest as a cover for your sobs.

“(Y/N), do you still love me?” He asks with a few tears in his eyes.

“You know I do. It was just a moment of weakness. It is part of love. We want to be there for the best moments but need to be there for the worst. It was only a matter of time before we fought.”

“I’m just doubting myself right now, I don’t want to hurt you. I feel like I don’t deserve you.”

“Of course you deserve me. You love me, don’t you? And I love you. You know we are not perfect; we make mistakes.”

“I know but I just don’t know what I did for you to stay this long. Sometimes I fear that you will leave me one day and the kids will leave me and I’ll be alone again.”

“Enji… I know what it’s like to be alone. I would never wish that on anyone. As long as I am alive, I will never leave you. You have nothing to fear.”

“I’m sorry for doubting you…I forget how strong your will is sometimes.”

“That’s ok, I forget how short your temper can be. Let’s just talk about today. I appreciate that you wanted to do something special for me but please let me teach you how to cook first.”

“I need to listen more; I know I was trying to do something nice but I need to think about how it might affect you.”

The both of you just lay there, calming each other through touch. As you are hugging Enji, you sense something is still wrong. He is still so tense and the heat coming from him hasn’t died down at all. “Is there still something wrong, Enji? Wait, your hand. What happened to your hand?” You say as you finally feel the bandages against your back.

“I punched the mirror.”

“Please don’t tell me...”

“I saw him in the mirror again.”

“Enji, look at me.” You pull back to look him right in the eyes. “Please don’t go down that road. You have come too far to go there again. Come on, let me show you something.”

You both get up and you walk to the guest bath. Enji doesn’t want to go but you coax him in and you both look in the mirror. He sees you; your eyes are still full of tears and sadness. He then turns toward himself, fearing what he might see. When he opens his eyes, he sees a man with tears on his face and sorrow in his eyes. The man he hates would never be sad, let alone cry. When he looks back at you, you are smiling through your tears and he starts crying again.

“I don’t see him this time. I just see myself. That man would never cry over anything. He was only full of anger and resentment.”

“I know you make some mistakes but remember how far you have come. You are not that man in the past.” You say holding his face in your hands.

“I don’t want to be him; I just want to be me. I want to be a good father, a good partner, to make all of you happy.” Enji says as he starts holding you.

“I know you can be those things. It just time but I know you are heading in the right direction. Now let’s calm down and get to bed.”

You both go to bed and talk a little more, making sure that both of you are ok. Enji is still a little wound up but you manage to bring him down. After a little bit of time, you both manage to fall asleep, wrapped in each other’s arms.

Next Chapter

#A Hellish Encounter #endeavor x male reader #endeavor #endeavor fluff #enji todoroki #enji x reader #enji x y/n #endeavor mha #endeavor stan #my hero academia enji

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