#THEY MAKE ME CRAZY AGH AGH AGH
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the picnic table scene
#this isnt going to make sense to literally any of you for a long time and im sorry about that#but FUCK was i writing this morning#man. man man man man Man the motivation Hit#this fic might get done after all...#i need. to go sleep. OUASGAHSAKJSNCADCLSKDVMS;#THEY MAKE ME INSANE THEY MAKE ME INSANE#YALL ALREADY KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT#THEY MAKE ME CRAZY AGH AGH AGH#ok. ok. ill sleep. and we'll see if the scene holds up when my brain is Refreshed#absolutely unprompted#throwing myself to the ground and howling#who do i need to BITE#oh 7 am me we're really in it now#literally getting myself too worked up. im. Emotional. i almost feel like tearing up#if that was something i could do lmao#fortunately crying does not come easily to me but in my heart im like. idk. Sobbing#anyway in order to calm down im gonna go think about something that makes me equally insane#which is the OG reason i designed a butterfly look for howdy. yass!howdy's origins <3#slamming my face through drywall ok bye im off to crazyville where i can catch a layover to sleepytown
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grif's surgery but just a little more... obvious?
I actually rly rly ADORE frankengrif but I don't have an in-show reason why he'd have extensive long-term allogeneic skingrafts on his face 😔
#rvb#red vs blue#dexter grif#grif#*24#mine#art#cw wounds#Look I love biology stuff like this so I like researching what would be at least semi-plausible even if it's just for a dumb halo show that#makes 0 sense where CPR cures a headshot but i cant help it!!! and like the 'lazy' reason for it would be sarge is just crazy like that but#its not a good reason imo. and like the things he lists needing replacement are mostly internal and body parts which makes sense#considering how grif got injured by sheila like I could 100% see that rupturing organs and crushing his hand and there being burns etc#but like nothing points to grif needing any surgery above the neck and i dont think anyone mentions his face being different? i could#make up injuries for him but nothing in the show actually supports that he'd need grafts for anything but his body..#I'm SOO ready to be convinced otherwise btw like I said I want an obvious frankengrif to be true so bad !!#AGH would it be too insane of me to make like a surgery/injury overview thing for grif just so i can convince myself abt this idea...#i can bend to some fun stuff tho im not a total joykill u know! thats why i give his body the mismatched donor skin look despite allogeneic#grafts not being permanent w/ current tech. like it really doesn't matter if it's realistic or whatever but also Yes It Does.#and like during/after chorus would grey offer to 'fix' it? i imagine the feds could mesh a skin so they could use grif's own skin..#or like during rats nest when they got reassigned?
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Ooougghhhh thinking about No Man’s Land #0 again. This was all the SAME ISSUE.
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Fisheye Lens
ao3 link
xB has carried a camera around for years, taking pictures to collect memories. xB is now alone on the Hermitcraft server.
xB took a step back, having to tilt his head up to fully take in the sight of the, honestly kind of ridiculous storage solution.
For some reason, one of them had pitched that the best early game storage solution available to them, was a colossal chest about 15 blocks tall and wide in the middle of their sky base.
xB would like to blame Hypno for the idea, but he thought that Hypno should be blamed for most things. So what did he know.
He cracked a smile and started to dig through his inventory for something.
Hypno, once he himself had finished laughing at the stupidly oversized chest, glanced over his shoulder to watch xB curiously.
Eventually, xB pulled out what he had been looking for, what was essentially a modified polaroid camera. He held it up in victory.
“Hold on, I’ve gotta take a picture of this thing.”
Hypno burst into laughter again, running to stand in front of the chest. “Get me in it, for scale!”
xB backed up a few more blocks on the stone path sticking out from the central platform. He messed with all of the cameras buttons and bits until he had the shot he wanted lined up.
He hadn’t put too much thought into it, the whole height of the chest and a waving Hypno peeking out at the bottom. The endless void of their skyblock world stretched out in the background.
As it instantly developed, he glanced between the image and what he could currently see. Hypno had returned to intermittent bouts of laughter at the sheer scale, instead of posing for the camera, but the picture had captured most of the moment.
The clouds kept rolling across the sky, and they continued to laugh.
He had tucked the photo away, and they had moved on.
———
“Hey, want a picture?”
xB teased, switching his sword for the familiar camera that he dragged between servers. Beef rolled his eyes, readjusting his now dented iron helmet on his head. The camera was visibly old now, covered with half-peeled stickers and stories, but it was waterproof and sturdy, the cyan colour only slightly faded with time.
“Oh yeah, great, to commemorate this occasion. I definitely want to remember this.” Beef teased back, huffing a laugh. He was well accustomed to xB taking his random pictures. He had long since accepted that it was just one of those things about xB, everybody had a thing or two. Who was he to judge, he had slightly bigger problems right now anyway.
With a sigh, Beef gave his best smile and thumbs up to the camera. He had the very distinct, disheveled look of someone that had definitely just been blown up by a creeper on the first day.
It took all of xB’s willpower not to start laughing again as he and Beef huddled around the picture in the tiny, terribly lit deepslate hut, to get a look under the torchlight.
That was his first picture of the season actually, he realised as he put it safely in his inventory.
He would call Beef around by the end of the season, show him the picture again, they would get to look back and laugh.
———
But Hypno wasn’t here anymore, and he hadn’t seen Beef. He hadn’t seen anyone.
He stared up at the rift, glassy purple coating the whole cave with a slight tinted purple glow.
Staring wasn’t doing anything. It hadn’t done anything, and it would continue to not do anything. xB knew that, rationally, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away.
His friends were on the other side, wherever that led to, and he could do very, very little about it.
———
“I’m not gonna talk to you for a week!”
Keralis crossed his arms, stomping away through the sand, turning his back to xB dramatically.
“A whole week!” Keralis continued as xB giggled, already fishing for his camera in his inventory.
“Seven whole days.” Keralis turned back to look at xB, his pout breaking into a wide grin. “Princess! Are you taking pictures of me?”
xB had the little cyan camera raised, the harsh desert sun illuminated Keralis clearly in his view. He was almost glowing.
“Well if I’m not gonna see you for a week I’ve gotta make this moment last.”
———
xB held his camera tightly as reached the edge of his starter base and dropped off, unceremoniously, into the water surrounding the platform.
With a splash he let himself sink. The world muffled briefly and turned blue as he watched bubbles rise to the surface.
He blinked, and for a moment he swore he could see wide eyes staring down at him. Keralis leaned over the edge of his base, looking down.
But spawn was empty, the shopping district was empty. The lake was empty too, his conduit was taking care of that, and his base was very, very empty.
He swam back to the shore, camera in hand, tail pushing him lazily through the water.
———
He naturally retreated to the back of the group as Grian started his speech to announce the already-obvious winner of the turf war.
xB didn’t really care who won though, they had all had fun, that was what mattered to him. He glanced around at the other hermits and knew he wanted a picture of this.
The whole group was smiling, clearly tired from all of the games, but it was the good kind of tired. xB felt it too.
He turned around and messed with his old camera, quickly holding it up to snap a picture of the whole group, the score board already half lit-up in the background.
The click of his camera wasn’t heard through the laughing and cheering and joking of the crowd. He nestled the produced image into his hoodie pocket and tuned back in for the rest of Grian’s speech.
False was stood to his right, and… and Etho to his left? Or cub?
The rest of the memory dissolved into fuzziness, the details melting into hazy laughter, cheering and fireworks.
xB was left staring at the picture clutched in his hands. Water had dripped down onto it, now distorting the image itself. He blinked. It didn’t clear.
His hoodie was wet, the same as his hair and fins, dripping water onto the deepslate floor and into a small puddle at his knees.
All of his polaroids were scattered in front of him.
xB was alone.
He knew that he was alone. xB had been alone before. He knew how to be alone. He would go so far as to say that he was actually very good at it.
One of the things about being alone, xB had noticed - and because he was so good at being alone, he would guess that he was right - is that it really took a while until you realised it.
xB knew that he was alone, but he hadn’t really known until he had crawled back to his base, soaking with river water, and sifted through pictures that stared back.
He didn’t know what he was looking for. The pictures stared back with smiles and laughter. A line dangling bait in front of him, of a place he could never go back to. A time he could never have back, distorted in his memory. Friends he might never get back.
———
The raft swayed gently with the movement of the ocean.
One of the things about being out at sea, xB knew, is that you were always, very, very alone.
#radi0dontt writes#agh scary!#thankyou to joy luigra and pep cosmosisfold for contributing to this headcanon i was never gonna finish this otherwise#i havent actually been able to sit down and write and Finish anything in over 2 years uhm! So a bit out of practice#xb is my little funny guy though… i have so many headcanons and ideas at this point i had to write something#xbcrafted#beef hypno and keralis feature but this is mostly about xb ^^#now on ao3 for better organisation of my stuff because it makes me crazy
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I feel so crazy about that last episode I knew literally in my soul that the lich would appear eventually and be named the last scholar of golb. Throws up everywherr
#i canttt do this. i love betty and simon so much this new view on their dynamic makes me feel crazy#its undoubtedly like a strange power dynamic that simon is unaware of (heees kind of dumb but not a bad person by any means) that drives-#-betty to act how she does with him at first. like her perfect idolized interaction with a author she loves dearly#and for her to put aside her life like that for him in this manic sort of perfect scenario shes so enthralled by#gah i live them so much. simon being unaware of this and it damaging their relationship in the future unknowingly#she gives so much man. not to say simon doesn't i think hes just as great a lover as betty wanted but betty has this endlessness to her-#-devoting her time and her life and her dreams to this perfect world she gets to live in now#i do think she relaxes with it further into their relationship when she feels less like she has to be cool or prove herself to someone she-#-idolizes. and that they get better and closer and more equal (i say theyre never truly equal considering it revolves around simons whims)-#betty really learns to love for that period of their life. for however long it takes them to get to 'fianceès' its really their perfect life#and then everything happens. the crown. the portal. the war. the world ending. ice king. betty in ooo. and its all ruined again and she cant#acess simon so he is again returned to this state of a forbidden person she desperately chases and gives up her life for. she regresses to-#-when their dynamic was unknown woman and author she loves dearly appearing before her eyes#and that unnatainable aspect is what drives her insane. she cant do anything this time. he doesnt even know who *he* is. its hopeless#her trying to date ice king and freaking out about it because this perfect picture is gone and she doesnt /like/ him like this#agh. bety. siom#fionna and cake spoilers#fionna and cake#talking2myself
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I'm tired of plants having diseases and issues!! >:((
#no more diseases and issues!!#the pest problems are one thing but the varied leaf spot is making me crazy#is it a virus is it bacterial is it fungal is it just damage#like is the leaf deformity a virus or thrip damage that could lead to a virus or#anyway agh
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im not even sure if going on erasmus is right for me... i know i need a change but. maybe the language difference is too much?
#no se si es demasiao brusco yknow. its so crazy how ive been living in the same place for 5 yrs#and last yr and this yr have been the worst bc theres been quite a few changes in the routine and how things are done#and now i just wanna up and leave it completely#ANYWAYS. i was talking abt the language. i did get to b1 german classes back in the day but ive forgotten most of it. i think#so idk if it would be enough w my english😭it says that either b1 german or english is required. and id like for my german to be better.#but idk if im underestimating my german retention over the yrs. AGH this makes me so nervous#z xarre
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I have college assignmrnts to do for tonig💥
#I DIDNT GET A LOT OF SLEEP BC I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP BEFORE THE SUN COMES UP FOR MOST OF MY SUMME R BREAK AND STILL NOW OFF OF BREAK#AND ON TOP OF THAY I WOKE UP EARLYISH BC THERE WAS CRAZY THUNDER AWHAHDBVDBBS#today's challenge: Survive#i landed the president's list for last semester again i wonder if I'm just burned out an need more of a break than just. a week </3#bc my abilities 2 focus on work and get started on all my studies asap asap like usual has not been. happening anymore#for a few weeks Before the end of the semester too (esp since a lot of irl obstacles tripped me up BAD the last month of last semester agh)#so um#girl help lol!#the ADHD has been ADHDing bAD SO BAD lately and it's only the first week aaaaa a a a aaaaaaaa#(and yes im on meds i just keep focusing on the wrong thingms on them rn. + bad skin picking bc sadly my meds always make that Worse aieee)#dodes it sound like im tired. my mom says i must just be tired. um. mmaybe.#i think right now specifically i certainlly am tired but lbr that's largely bc of Situation (horrible at goign tf to bed all the time alwa#a#so crazy bro i suddenly become like a top student (straight As for days and i fr feel like im REALLY GOOD AT stddying what im studying)#and th4n suddenly boom . category 5 consistent executive dysfunctions event (triggered by so so many big assignmennst last term)#..ok when i phrase it as category 5 consisten dt executive dysfunctions event THAT DOES SOUND LIKE. WHAT BURNOUT PROBABLY IS oh no!#girl HELP haha hel p
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that sweet, innocent lad
#i can’t believe it’s taken me this long to make this post but#gosh. this fucking scene.#i already wrote a post about the way in which adam scratches his father and himself but not his mother#but just looking at this scene it’s like AAGJGGHGHG i wanna know what belle is thinking so badly#zooming in on the eyes tells me that she definitely at least gets the inclination that that must be him.#that must be the monsters she’s stuck here with#but it’s just like!!!!! AGH. i don’t know#i can’t articulate on this one right now. but it makes me crazy#lyd watches batb2017#belle#adam#queen renée#king louis#batb 2017#beauty and the beast (2017)#beauty and the beast 2017#op
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ats 1.16/4.22
#sorry its so long but!!#I figured out why this ep was making me SOOO crazy in the rewatch#literally he won't take the deal for himself only for his son#he'll give up everything he has been fighting for#for the last 4 seasons for him#and this is the first time with see lilah and then the last one#if I remember right#AGH#ats#angel btvs
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If you see this you should vote for Bruno in CYL bc I am getting lowkey stressed at the idea of making content in time for CYL voting to rally votes,,,,
Lol yes ik he’s not gonna win but I want him to get a decent ranking,,,
Plz? :)
#desperate attempt to ease my worry#will it work? idk#instead of me having to make a video to convince you to vote Bruno how about you just vote Bruno /lh#you know it’s real when I have stress out of feeling obligated to do this for Bruno. a fictional character.#he is not real he will not know either way.#idk I’ve been sticking with calling myself Bruno’s 5 fan for a while now it is just. me being a Bruno fan sure is a part of who I am huh#just lowkey crazy lately don’t mind me#or do#vote Bruno plz#agh#just starved for bruno content in general lately idk he is especially been on the brain#feh#fire emblem#fire emblem heroes#feh bruno#fe heroes#bruno feh#zacharias feh#feh zacharias#cyl#choose your legends#feh cyl
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Who is up thinking about the drafted kawoshin goodnight kiss. They are so adorable, the way Kaworu asks of him, "Promise?" and how easily Shinji accepts his kiss as if it's second nature... the calmest he's ever been
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man smth about escaping reality through day dreaming about fantasies that you cling onto just to get you through the day and then becoming thoroughly more disconnected to real life until it feels like the only thing that can bring you back is your fantasy becoming a reality always gets me idk
#writes this on a notepad under 'what to talk to my therapist about next session'#agh#like secret life of walter mitty newsies santa fe crazy ex gf les mis on my own rose from gypsy once upon a december anastasia etc etc#first two 100% i sob @ them every time#QUIET AND WHEN I GROW UP FROM MATILDA THE MUSICAL#THOSE TOO#and then the tragedy of getting the thing u so desperately wanted and needed for years only to realize that youre still unhappy. that the pr#problem is with YOU. and the repeating cycle of then disconnecting entirely from *that* reality to chase another fantasy that wont make you#any happier#'when i grow up i will be strong enough to fight the creatures that you have to fight beneath the bed each night to be a grown up'#-miss honey in her 20s who is suffering from severe trauma and unable to escape said traum and stuck in a cycle of unhealthy repetition due#to the trauma#she was also singing this after a bunch of children who were unhappy with were they were in life and with the way they were treated sang thi#this. the entirety of the song they sing about how much they want to be grown up and how life will be better once they are and then it cuts#to this woman who has been 'grown up' for years now and who is wishing for the same thing they are. she herself sings the lines 'when i grow#up i will be brave enough to fight the creatures' etc etc#this was all over the place its 4 innthe morning im so tired just. agh.#it will never not make me cry.#rambles
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..
#so I’m absolutely certifiably insane and I might do a big writing/collage project while I’m post op this winter#but it’s terrifying#and it makes me feel CRAZY#I’ve come up with like. 150 prompts or something ridiculous like that#and I want to fill a composition notebook with them#specifically for my dom#like. stuff that he’d know if he Actually Lived In-State#and cute little activities like 2 truths and a lie and little pop quizzes#and playlists and reading lists and movie to-be-watched lists#I’m insane I’m insane I’m insane#agh#goodbye I have a telehealth appointment I’ve been dreading#my stuff
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its 1am post cringe
#its insane how quickly im really really really attaching to charles#my love for him is so deeply rooted its embarrassing 😭#ive always been really embarrassed abt listing 'dni if you ship with my main f/os'#but like#im so sensitive abt him. and pickles#like its embarrassing it genuinely makes me so sad to think abt them with anyone else#like fuck man....i just love him. i love them#just reflecting on how legit it feels yk. AGH! i sound crazy#erm#this was a joke guys#got you#get got#bug.txt#delete ltr#☹️
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[weight mention cw]
UGH i think part of my Clothes R Bein A Whole Badbrains Tiem agonies from yesterday (which are not not ongoing but i'm sitting on the metaphorical suitcase squishing it shut) are that the suitable-for-climbing/bicycling pants i have were purchased when i was larger and are currently just. too big. like a little positive ease is masc or whatever but by the time yr waistband is literally bunching... it might be time to get new pants. >:(
#MAD bc literally there is nothing wrong with these pants!! why should i have to spend more money just bc they're making me crazy!!#(i mean that last sentence kind of answered the question right there but. agh ugh.)#also like. when i said 'more money' i meant 'more than the $0 it costs to wear the ones i currently have'#but ALSO i apparently meant 'more than i spent the first time around' bc the pants in question are like. a good 50% more expensive now???#inflation... *enraged t-rex noises*#in conclusion all of this is intensely just like 'sux 2 be impacted by extremely normal problems' but like. it DOES suk ok#mundanities
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