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intoafandom · 3 years

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Why I like Kevan Miller, Steven Kampfer, Trent Frederic, Torey Krug, Tuukka Rask etc and why I will continue to like them.

(Sorry this is soooo long but it’s the only way I can explain)

So last night I got an anon ask and the person was asking why I like Kevan Miller when he’s a republican and I mentioned how I would make a separate post explaining my reasoning better and now that I have the time and its no longer 3 am, now seems like a good time lol.

So I’m gunna give a backstory about the players above that I mentioned and why a lot of bruinsblr doesn’t like them (so people that may not be aware know the context of why people are upset/dont like them). Most of bruinsblr doesn’t like Miller or Kampfer because they’re republicans. Everyone on bruinsblr is allowed to dislike them if they choose to. I recognize I’m in the minority on this app when I say I like and support Kevan Miller and Steven Kampfer. People on here also don’t like Torey Krug for the same reason and because he follows/followed Trump’s twitter account (since trumps account got deleted, torey now follows the “trump archives” account). People on here don’t like Tuukka anymore because over the summer, during all the blm stuff in the bubble, Tuukka went on tv in the bubble for an interview with a hat that said “Boston police” on it (the interview also aired right after the Bruins Organization posted about how they stand against racism, so people ended up calling Tuukka a racist hypocrite.) Last night, people on here found out that Trent Frederic follows Trump supporters and republicans on social media, which is why he’s losing some fans on this app. There are probably more stories about other players that I’m not aware of as well but these will be the ones I’m focusing on for now.

I am NOT going to start talking about my political opinions or my position on social issues. My account is called IntoAFandom for a REASON. So I can escape the real world and go “into a fandom” and have some peace. That’s why i never reblog or like or post about any real world events or issues. I want my blog to be solely about things, fandoms, and people that I love and care about. I don’t wanna come on my blog and see how a bombing happened or if someone got shot or this president signed this executive order etc etc. i wanna come on my blog and fangirl about Bucky Barnes being a sweetheart with kids or how amazing Matt Grzelcyk is at “tight turns” etc etc. Hence the name “IntoAFandom.”

I’m getting a lot of questions as to why I still support these players and I’ll definitely answer those questions in this post. Just so my mutuals know where I stand on this.

Now obviously it would be super easy for me to just go “well the player is super nice so i dont care about their political views.” And while that’s partially true for me, its not the only reason. For me, the reason is much deeper than that. I’ve never mentioned or talked about or even said it out loud. I touched upon what I’m about to say in that anon ask I got last night, but I’m going to go into detail now. It’s kind of hard to explain and the only way I can describe it is to tell you about my hockey journey up until this point, and specifically the 2018-19 season.

So one day in April in 2018, I was on school vacation and I was very bored. There was literally nothing on tv. However, as I was scrolling through the channels, I saw that a bruins game was on. I had never really watched hockey before in my life and the only experience I could remember having with it was when my mom was obsessed with them in like 2013 and how she set up this whole contraption to try and watch a game when a snowstorm made us lose connection. So with nothing else on the tv, crippling boredom, and being a Massachusetts native, I put the game on. It was literally just starting and the national anthem was about to start. We were playing the leafs lmao and it was game five or six of the series probably. I cant really remember because I didn’t think I would care this much about hockey at the time of watching it. But what I do remember was how CREEPY Tuukka looked😂 He was just standing there alone with a huge spotlight on him, head down, wearing these huge pads and looking straight up terrifying. I literally started laughing because of how creepy he looked. And then he put his cool ass mask on and right there I knew he was my favorite player. And to this day he is still my favorite. Tuukka was the first hockey player I EVER knew and could remember by name. I gotta admit, at first I thought his name was “Tuuk Arask” because that’s what it sounded like whenever the announcers would say it, specifically Jack Edwards lol. But then I was like “wait is it Arask or Rask” and after looking at his jersey like 3 games later I finally realized it was actually Rask lol. And I was like “Tuukka Rask. So freaking creepy lol. He’s my favorite.” I also have to mention that I’ve always been a sucker for people that play positions that no one else wants to play. Like for example, when I first started watching football in like 2014, my first ever favorite player was Stephen Gostkowski because he was the kicker. He was super good and he was instantly my fav. That’s what Tuukka was like for me. This huge, tall ass, creepy ass, goalie who was playing super well. How could i NOT like him. I didn’t really bother to learn any other players on the bruins team since they got eliminated in the second round. I remember saying to my mom “I don’t want them to be out. I wanna learn more.” I wanted to know more about the game and 6 games, or however many it was, wasn’t enough. So for some reason, I followed them throughout the offseason and in late September/early October I started watching a ton of their older games on YouTube. Not super old obviously, but games from like 2013-2017 ish. Just whatever I could find. And it was so interesting. I tried to only watch games where they actually won so I wasn’t wasting my time lol, but not having to worry about the score helped me start learning the game and some of the rules, like what an icing was for example. So then preseason games started and I got more into it. And then the beginning of the 2018-19 season started. I still didn’t really know any players besides Tuukka, even though I was watching YouTube games. The YouTube ones were more for me to learn the game and the rules rather than players (however, looking back, I did notice that Kevan Miller was a freaking beast, but I just didn’t acknowledge who he actually was. I just saw a player going absolute sicko mode and being like YEEEEAAAAH). The second player I could actually remember by name was Danton Heinen. I noticed he was playing really well and I was like omg who is that and I learned his name and he became one of my favorites with Tuukka. Next was Anders Bjork. I remember I was texting my friends and was trying to make it seem like I wasn’t a complete amateur at hockey knowledge, so I was like “hey guys, Bjork is back in the line up😃” and so I always remembered his name. Next was Ryan Donato because he was literally AWAYS smiling. Every time he was on camera he was SMILING. I loved it so much he was like a little bean. And so he was one of my favorites and i had a top three with him, heino and tuuks.

Now I was watching games and slowly learning important names like Chara, Bergeron, Marchand etc but it wasn’t really on my radar to actually learn all the players because I hadn’t even done that with the patriots who I had been watching and loving for yeeeears. But that was until I decided to watch a behind the b episode. And I was HOOKED. I instantly began to love and care about every single player on the roster. This was in like February of 2019. And that’s when I started trying to name everyone on the team, including their numbers. I made it a mission. I remember writing out lists in math class because I was so bored and would rather try to memorize hockey players. And that’s when I found bruinsblr. It was march by the time I started to post hockey stuff. And i made an instagram account so I could started editing them. I’ve had this blog since 2014 and its seen many phases, but march of 2019 was when I changed it into a mainly bruins blog. And I remember not knowing what “bruins lb” was and i never wanted to tag it because I thought it was like a club or something that I would be intruding on😂 So I started posting and reblogging bruins stuff and posting sucky bruins edits on here and on my insta account. And I started watching every single behind the b episode from every season and I was literally obsessed with the team. And then Donato got traded and i was heartbroken cuz I loved him and I was like Coyle is gunna have to wow me to get me to like him and he DID and i LOVE HIM. But then I decided to have a top five instead of a top three. And it was Tuukka, Krug, DeBrusk, Pasta, and Marchy. They were the players I noticed the most. And Marchy started LICKING people how could i not choose him😂 So then the playoffs come and we beat the leafs in game 7 AGAIN (and I literally missed the first two periods because I was at my confirmation) But I finally understood all the memes about the leafs and I finally understood hockey and hockey culture by this point. I knew the rules, the players, the memes, literally everything. And then we make it to the finals and get lil nas x singing old town road before game 1 and we get JD wearing that stupid hat😂 and the two people from The Office (one of them wanted the bruins to win and the other wanted the blues) and it was all just amazing for me. Then we lost and i was devastated. And we had to see pictures of CMac sobbing on the ice and JD sitting alone in his stall crying and all of them were so sad and after that journey we just went through i was fvcking crying too. We didn’t win, but that 2018-19 season is SO special for me.

The people on this roster (minus gemel smith and lee stempniak) are EXTREMELY special to me. They TAUGHT me hockey. They turned me on to an entirely new culture. I got to experience my first real bit of hockey. I got to experience EVERYTHING about hockey with them (besides the cup) in this ONE season of hockey. I saw the preseason games in china, the halloween visit to to the hospital, Chara bringing pies to the homeless, them buying toys for kids in the hospital at Christmas then visiting them, the new years game outside against the hawks, trade deadline crushing my heart, every round of the playoffs, players pushing through crazy injuries, loving players, despising other teams, all the memes, all the jokes, all the players. Everything. The 2018-19 season is SO incredibly special for me because it’s the first time I ever experienced real hockey and watched an entire season. The people on that roster mean so much to me because of that. Now take a look at the names on that roster. Rask. Krug. Miller. Kampfer. Frederic. They all helped me experience my first year of hockey. Freddy in his first freaking game, getting into a fight😂 Miller and Kampfer were BEASTS on the ice. Krug being a SPECTACULAR little defenseman, quarterbacking the pp and sticking up for himself and SLAMMING thomas. Tuukka Rask being the brick wall. There is no way that I could ever dislike the people on that roster unless the did something suuuuuper bad. I don’t know if you would call it hero worship or whatever, but those people on that roster are so fucking special to me. Even ones like JFK and Vaak and Colby that didn’t play that many games. They still made an impact for me as a hockey fan. THAT is the main reason why I will never stop liking and supporting tuuks, krugger, kampfs, millsy, or freddy. Everyone on that roster has a special place in my heart and I’m not going to let their political views change or tamper with the incredible experience they gave me during that 2018-19 season. I wont ever love another team as much as I loved that specific roster. And no one is going to change that for me. I dont care about their political views or whatever. For me, the experience and the feelings they gave me trump anything i may or may not disagree with. That roster is so special to me, I cant bring myself to dislike any of those people. I will always like those players, no matter how republican or democrat or whatever. Political views dont matter to me when it comes to those players.

Now besides all of that and the experience they gave me, I do believe that they’re still good people even tho they may be republican. I wanna start with Tuukka because it literally doesn’t make sense to me. Tuukka is not even AMERICAN. I dont think he cares that much about American politics since im pretty sure most his family lives in Finland. People got mad at him for wearing a Boston police hat. But I think those people are forgetting that Tuukka has been in boston for soooo long. There have probably been multiple occasions where the police had to help him or the team for some reason or another (they are technically famous after all). Tuukka wearing a hat that says Boston Police doesn’t make him a bad person. He was probably just showing support to the people that helped support HIM as well as his family and teammates. I follow Tuukka on insta and he literally NEVER posts anything political. Probably because NEVER actually posts ANYTHING at all lol. Tuukka had been my favorite from the start and theres almost nothing he could ever do that would make me dislike him.

As for the other 4, and any other players on the team that may be republican (honestly i bet most of them are because 1) most hockey players are and 2) a lot of the guys are christian/catholic and most christian/catholic people are republican as well) I choose to believe that political opinions dont make you a bad person. I like to believe that it depends on the circumstances for every individual. Now I’m not gay or black or anything. Im an 18 year old, straight white girl. So obviously i dont know what its really like for someone to hate or disagree with my race, sexuality, etc. I saw someone say (sorry I forget who it was) that they keep thinking “well what would that player say about me because im gay. What would they actually think about me. I cant support them.” And honestly that’s extremely valid. I never thought about it that way before. So if Kevan Miller for example was out here posting a bunch of homophobic stuff like “i hate gays” or “gays are all stupid” or anything like that, then yeah my opinions on him would probably change in some way. But I follow him on insta and i know the stuff he post about. I have NEVER seen him say anything like that. Ive never heard any bruin say anything like that. From what I’ve seen, they all seem like super nice, sweet, supportive people when they’re off the ice. (I think it’s also important to mention that I follow EVERYONE on the 2018-19 roster. I follow all of their instas. Most of them dont have twitter, but I follow all the ones that do. It’s part of the whole “that roster is incredibly special to me” thing). I choose to believe that following republicans or being one yourself doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, especially when you consider the different circumstances that every individual is under as humans. We all experience different things and that always plays a role in how you act or the opinions you have or the people you support. Someone’s political opinions have never stopped me from liking people. Ive clearly shown that I don’t mind republicans at all, but that doesn’t mean im going to dislike democrats either. Most of the actors/ singers that i like are democrats. And it just happens that most of the athletes i like are republicans. The political stuff doesn’t matter to me. I just dont want it being slapped in my face 24/7. I dont care if you’re a republican or democrat as long as you aren’t constantly talking to me about politics or social issues or trying to change my mind on stuff. Hopefully you can try to see my point of view on this and UNDERSTAND why I like them. Again, I’ve never told my hockey story to anyone so please don’t try and invalid my feelings about the season or the players.

Please, I beg, please don’t comment on this calling racist or something. Please dont try and change me mind. Please dont tell me i need to educate myself. I know WHY i like these players. I know where they stand politically and who they support. But these players are too special to ME for me to actually give a sht about if they like trump or not. Honestly tho, feel free to give your opinion (especially if you’re gay or black or anything) cuz i dont mind hearing other standpoints as long as you aren’t mean about it or try to change my mind. If i change my mind, which i probably wont, I want it to be on my own terms. Please remember that we ARE still a hockey family 💛🖤💛

(Also I’m NEVER talking about this again. If anyone ever asks or something like this comes up again im just gunna link/ reblog this post)

(Also, thank you to whoever made it this far and actually read all of that. ESPECIALLY if you’re someone that doesn’t agree with me. Its good to hear multiple standpoints on this stuff.)

#boston bruins #bruins #torey krug #brad marchand #tuukka rask #jake debrusk #charlie mcavoy #patrice bergeron #zdeno chara #matt grzelcyk #kevan miller #steven kampfer #trent frederic

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madfantasy · 4 years

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hii! sorry if you've answered this before, but how did you find your own art style? it's nothing like i've seen before, very dream-like (: i feel like with so many artists out there it can be hard to find one's own style but yours is truly unique. if it's not too much to ask, do you still have any of your first drawings? thank you 💕💕

(Oh & I'm sorry if I have answered it before, I didn't find anything on my blog so woop here comes my blaber)

Hello dear!

Thank you so much, you flatter me and my bit-som of art-som, heh. Specially that you have called it dream like— cuz 1/4 of my creations does come from my dreams. I even had a dream about Severus a couple of days ago- was explaining to him the concept of gestures in smartphones, I told him it's like pulling down a scroll, to get the notifications, lol.

Before I start side-tracking too much, yes- I can't say I do know how it happens, I guess I wasn't on the base of looking for an art style for myself, or ever considered myself an artist— or a real one? Idk. The idea of having an 'art style' doesn't register with me so I'm possibly always confused what to make of it.

I mean, I didn't go into art for art's sake. I don't enjoy beauty just for beauty's sake. It has to have a meaning, purpose, hidden dilemma you need to solve just by looking deeper; is it speaking to me, or am I speaking for it?

My only concern since the beginning of time of Mani apparating this earth and what got them into drawing anyway is: telling the story as best as possible.

I was drawing before I learned speaking. It was my instinctive language. I had something to say? Illustrated it on a piece of paper to show.

Everything I see in my surroundings or mostly in mind, I had a story to tell about. So I didn't even consider that I was making art.

I remember when I developed enough cells to be aware- I started trying to copy or capture the basics of family members, making stories about them, also games or shows I played; I drew Crash bandicoot, driving into a cliff because he was hated by his family, Tiny wearing an abaya. Pink panther cuz how tall he was weirded me out in a fascinating way, Tarzan and his special muscles, a story about an abused squid lady that eventually turn into a mermaid, a guy turning into a hero coz of some near death experience.. mmm stories about my favourite stuffed rabbit CeCe Bobo— probably the only innocent adventures I drew as a child— I wanted so badly to make them into a video game, having their parents fall into a pit of flames, heh.

And because I had daily TV episodes in my brain of whatever to occupy me from unsanitary real life; I associated with many people I love to see materlized; my characters. So I had to try & draw them exactly how they look/feel, and that's what my art slowly developed based on; is this guy the way I seen and felt him look like? If not, try other ways.

At first, I drew them with literal basic shapes, like a character would have a square face, and another heart, and if I couldn't draw circle, I used my pencil sharpener that was shaped as a circle. A method still I use to differentiate my characters (without the pencil sharpener lol)

Later, since my characters have generally my favourite things, or things I enjoy, things I appreciate— basically things from me directly or from my choices, conscious they were or not—had them chopped and scattered between the lot of them. And to learn how to do some favourite factors of them is what drives my art style I suppose. I knew I didn't want it realistic, but I also didn't want it unreal. What makes art real? That's probably the always questions I face.

Ofc, I was face with so many problems to deteriorate my passion for drawing. Like, not being allowed to draw in the first place. I had wait till everyone is gone or occupied, had to always look over my shoulder and must constantly hide every inkling of any art making, and act like the project I'm making is for school, and draw in breakfast breaks at school. I used to draw under my blanket and store my art between my books or under my pillow (never related to anything so hard like when Harry was studying magic and Dursley keeps checking on him, honestly heh). Either all that or I get the whip.

Or being told what's the point of having a style like that while everybody obviously enjoys popular styles like anime or cartoon? Why don't I draw like the popular to get noticed? I don't know how to draw anime or cartoon even if I tried. It will just show as my art style, no? Exactly like speaking two different languages with the same letters.

Or like the idea of strictly sticking to gendering things while the idea never occurred to me. The base line of how men has to be ugly and women pretty. My motto is showing beauty in everything, even in scary or messed up things hehe. But I had to consent to making my guys 'ugly' as possible to continue drawing, and if u notice a line on their throats, that's one other thing I had to do, wasn’t allowed to draw girls either. And I wasn't happy with any of that at all.

But I was able to win my right to draw anytime I like in recent years, and able to draw how I like how I use digital means. So it got better heh.

And no it's not too much, if anything, it was took me on a dusty beautiful trip of nostalgia, I thank you for it. Sadly I don't have my first drawings, and I do treasure them but they all been tossed, torn and burned before me over the years, heh.

The oldest thing I got is this, a comic made, was 11 years old I think:

Medo, a guy so beautiful that he was forced to work as a femal model, concept that felt the best to me, heh. Even tho I was in no contact with the outsider world.

He is my first solid character and I made endless comics of him.

He's develop into this -dated 2014- , he's fairy sentinel.

And I found few of my old or first time drawing them pics of the main characters in my stories, I'd love to share:

Juicy and X-bi— second ones I made. But these drawings are maybe 2 or 3 years after I made them

I know I said that lots, but x-bi was a mask wearing imaginary friend I translated into X-bi. He has almost always cold hands so I used to put my skin on cold metallic surface and imagine it his hands trying to ease the pain.

And since I had no audience home, my stuff showed at school as i drew alone, always with various replies of 'its good, but'

Juicy got me in trouble with a teacher, by a careless student that was browsing my drawings In front of them, and I was classified as mentally deranged and need help for not drawing the usual princes and white knight.

Fernando and Carlos are also old characters that expressed romance in everything they do, so when I had a drawing of them Carlos tending to a fevered Ferry, and it was snatched from me, everyone considering it intimacy and I had to punch my way through them to get it back. Being called perverted and sick in the process, even tho all they talk to me about is marriage and the process of making babies. One of them literally told me on random occasion that their heart was like a ten story building for rent, there's always someone new in and out.

Carlos is Fernando's soul guardian💛

I created General Pumbkin in school! expressing fashion in strictness with my fav hooked nose!

Axel was my joy in everything, and the most common character I got beat up for, for being girly. I don't draw him too much anymore but seeing him again made me auto happy , hes all about giving loff, darling hehe

Candy, a less brain developed babyy

Brain and Pain, my sibs fav characters from my bag, heh

And Sabine was said to me that he should be a girl to be that scared in a scary story, his story is like dark and twisted fairytales vibe that I love dearly. I'm trying to continue writing his story.

Despite whatever, I love doing art, I have to. It what gives me soul juice heh.

And thank you for sticking on my prolonged answer. I hope I didn't bore too much, I'm flooded with memories happy and bad, and they are all okay. It made me feel passionate again, so thank you for the opportunity 🙏

1.5.2020

#sadttitude #my art #oc #drawing journey #personal #abuse #tw

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gravitasfalls · 4 years

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A rant on fandom etiquette, the GF fandom, and what they did 4 years ago (and now)

By now, my “bullshit” tag has refuted most of the ridiculous hot takes, fun policing, and harassment that fans of Stanford Pines have had to face from the wider Gravity Falls fandom. But these rebuttals fall short of naming the real problem with anti-Ford wank: we never should have seen it in the first place.

People might have genuinely forgotten this, but fandom used to have etiquette against character hate. We called it “wank” and “bashing” instead of dignifying it as “discourse”. As late as 2014, fandoms on this very site had “X hate” or “anti-X” tagging systems for blacklisting, as courtesy to people who liked X thing...

...a far cry from GF fans of 2015 demonizing Ford in the most inexplicable ways, making every post a platform for that, siccing their followers on anyone fully positive about him, then pretending that never happened post-finale as they continue the bashing more insidiously to this day.

Like, what even was that? There’s a lot to unpack in those people’s arguments but let’s just throw out the whole suitcase.

(Under the cut: Snapshots of discourse I shouldn’t have had to put up with over the years, and snark-based coping with that. It gets ugly, you’ve been warned.)

Ford is irredeemable/deserves to suffer, why he didn’t even thank Stan!!1

Thanks I hate it! “It” being your apparent decision that, because you can’t make the fictional character suffer, real people who like him are the next best thing.

Ford is egotistical! Have I mentioned on literally every post I think his only trait is “egotistical”?

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. But while that is just, like, your opinion man, you’re entitled to it on your own posts; you’re falsely entitled about it by forcing it on dissenters’ posts and inboxes.

*dumps negativity into inboxes anyway*

Your Hot Takes have disturbed and insulted me. You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge. The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass.

You really think Ford is some kind of hero?

Only after you told me I wasn’t Allowed to see him as one and I Examined My Desires™ like you demanded! Funny how critical thinking ≠ agreeing with you.

Ford is your favorite? WHY DO YOU HATE MABEL.

Better question, why are you copying “WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA” logic? 9/11 did fan drama I swear

Ford is NOT PURE OF HEEEAAART, so you have to Constantly Explicitly Acknowledge his Sins and interrogate what relating to him says about you.

I got no friends ‘cause they read the papers. It’s funny, actually, projecting onto him got me dangerously close to processing some negative experiences from my past... good thing I have you here to shut those thoughts down <3 Thanks for saving me from myself uwu

If you just want to project onto a comfort character in peace, Stan is right there! His lack of fantasy elements makes him more relatable anyway!

Ford brought Bill’s manipulation on himself!

Damn fandom, back at it again with the GROSS VICTIM BLAMING

FFS why is this take as prominent now as ever??? at least the outlandish criticisms were funny, this one just makes me want to be dead.

Ford is abusive/manipulative because he doesn’t make fun of Dipper/ made a case for his apprenticeship/ called Mabel good/ complimented her personality!

(Yes, people did these mental gymnastics; yes, my soul left my body instantly.)

STOP trying to justify Ford’s actio-ma’am this is an Arby’s. also:

Ford is the Epitome of Toxic Masculinity, if you defend him either he’s your Male Power Fantasy or you’re a ditzy fangirl broad with ovaries for brains!

Ah yes, the two genders. Pack it in, everyone, we’ve reached peak feminism and patriarchy is over.

Someone negativity-tagged my Ford post, WTF?! I’m not “anti-Ford”, I’m “pro Ford-learning-a-lesson”!

And pro his-fans-never-having-a-moment-of-peace, apparently! Sorry I assumed you were a hater by your complete lack of positive things to say about him tho

Ford is a sociopath/deserves death for having no empathy!

"Tumblr is as ableist as any majority-conservative site," I say into the mic. The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room. "You’re right," they say. I look for the owner of the voice. There in the 3rd row stands: tumblr.

*Dozens of 10000+ note posts calling Ford stupid, manipulative, solely at fault for everything that went wrong, other inanities*

(This is the fandom that made me get Xkit. I’m sure hundreds of my 1000+ blocked posts are theirs.)

If you like Ford on any terms but ours then I’m sorry, but Gravity Falls just isn’t for you, k?

I don’t have a flippant response to this one. Just... stop. No one has to agree with you about this character; no, nor with me. No one even has to engage with fandom moralistically; I promise it wouldn’t hurt anyone if I were to watch this show without having to Interrogate its Morality. It wouldn’t even hurt if people voiced character hate within reasonable bounds of tagging, as I’ve said. But instead they spread it like the plague in the name of Purity and insinuated (using ages-old “ur a fake fan!!1″ no less) that we don’t get to have outlets. I’m tired.

Look at my hilarious/satisfying art of Ford saying OOC strawman things, Stan beating him up, the kids turning their backs on him! (Srsly look at it I’ve put it in all the tags)

You’re madness, Gravity Falls fandom. Virulent madness. And everything you touch dies with you.

This is only a fraction of shit we’ve had to wade through, practically every day while the show was running. You couldn’t avoid it if you followed popular blogs. I saw the best meta writers of my fandom dogpiled by BNFs, dragging themselves through the blue hellsite at dawn looking for a fix-it fix. And people now expect me to believe it was “just Discourse” or that anything equivalent happened “in reverse” toward Stan. If I didn’t know better that they don’t know better, I’d call gaslighting.

I don’t expect to change anything. In fact, until this blog’s next go-around I don’t intend on seeking out new content anymore. I can’t keep looking at a fandom where the consensus on a canonically abused character’s victimization is that it was stupid, funny, a moral failing, or deserved, and expect anything to improve.

But to anyone else these people hurt: your anger or upset is valid, and I’m sorry. None of us deserved this. And I’m not letting it follow me into the next decade and make me forget why I liked this show in the first place, even if the only way to do that right now is cut off from the fandom a bit. I’m telling you, it never should have come to that. I don’t know if negativity-tagging can ever catch on here, considering tumblr has no boundaries by design and fandom no boundaries by choice... but for the sake of everyone who comes next, Gravity Falls fandom, make an effort.

#gravity falls #fandom discourse #purity culture #Filthy Ford Apologist Squad #thoughts on The Bullshit #(putting the Drama Tags on this post to practice what I preach... so please no one start any more on this post)

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tlbodine · 5 years

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A Decade of Horror Recommendations

With 2020 approaching, we’re reaching the end of a decade that has been uncommonly good to the horror genre, especially the last few years. Here’s an overview of some of the stand-out titles and my recommendations. Feel free to ask me about any of the titles on this list and I’ll happily share my more in-depth thoughts on them!

Note that, of course, I have not seen every movie that’s come out in recent years, so I’ve probably missed some titles -- feel free to jump in with your own recommendations!

Also this post is really long and has gifs, so I’m putting it under a cut. Sorry for the dash spam, mobile fam. Tell Tumblr to fix their shit.

2010: Supernatural Horror Starts Making a Comeback

Some stand-out films:

Insidious: An important film for modern horror history, helping to usher in the new wave of paranormal/hauntings/demon films. It lays the tropes for a lot of the films that would get big in upcoming years. I thought it was pretty solidly decent.

Devil: A clever script about being trapped on an elevator with the devil. It’s a bit too ambitious and doesn’t quite live up to those ambitions, but it’s solidly decent and refreshingly original. A hidden gem for the year.

Black Swan: Maybe the height of Darren Aronofsky’s career as a household name. Not my favorite of his movies, but a pretty solid psychological suspense.

Frozen: No, not that one. This is a clever movie that embraces a narrow scope: some teenagers get stuck on a ski lift and have to endure the elements and some hungry wolves below. Not a great movie, but worth watching as a study in what you can do with limited resources.

Black Death: Quick shout-out for a dark and grisly historical horror involving witchcraft and torture. It’s not a fun movie to watch, but it’s got Sean Bean and Eddie Redmayne, and I feel like both original screenplays and historical horrors are rare enough to warrant support.

2010 also had its share of predictable franchise tie-ins (a Saw movie, a Resident Evil movie, remakes like I Spit on Your Grave and The Crazies, etc.) The Horror Renaissance was a few years in coming.

2011: The Year of the Predictable Remakes

So many franchises getting flogged to death this year -- tripe like SCRE4M, Final Destination 5, Human Centipede 2, a Hellraiser reboot literally no one watched, and Paranormal Activity 3. Blech. BUT. 2011 also brought us a couple of my favorite movies ever:

You’re Next: I would credit You’re Next with re-defining the “final girl” in horror. Also it’s a damn good home invasion movie with buckets of gore and a smart script.

Cabin in the Woods: This one’s a bit divisive -- some folks really hated it I guess -- but it’s such a loving deconstruction of horror, and it’s wholly original even while being comfortingly familiar. Also it’s hilarious.

2012: A Few Important Titles

I feel like 2012 was full of movies nobody has actually ever seen or talked about. But some of the good ones that I’d recommend:

Sinister: Like Insidious in some ways, but maybe better. Also, “Snakes don’t have feet.” Honestly just a very good, solid demon/haunted kid movie.

V/H/S: A must-watch for horror buffs. It didn’t invent the found footage genre, but it did refine it and really show off what it could do best.

Smiley: OK so like. This is not really a great film, but I think about it a lot and recommend it a lot. It’s stuck with me quite a bit somehow, and in some ways it feels very much ahead of its time as a creepy prediction of what internet culture would be like at the end of the decade. “We did it for the lulz.” Seriously, watch this movie today, and remember that it was made eight years ago, and see if it gives you chills too.

I guess I should also mention Prometheus here, which lots of people liked. I was not one of them, but it was a heavily talked-about film I feel like and of course an Alien franchise tie-in.

2013: The Year the World Remembered It Liked Horror

This was a big turning point year, launching some new franchises instead of just re-treading old ones:

The Conjuring: I personally hate all of these movies, but they are huge and you can’t swing a dead cat in the modern horror fandom without encountering one of them. The first Conjuring film was at least decent. For extra credit, watch it as a triple feature with Insidious and Sinister and do a compare/contrast.

The Purge: Not only the start of a successful franchise but also a pop culture phenomenon and a damn good movie to boot.

Mama: I love this movie. I have this movie on DVD. It’s kind of bittersweet and may not completely follow through on all of its promises, but it’s still quite good and has some lovely performances.

Warm Bodies: Not really a horror -- kind of a romance -- but it warrants mention here because zombies were a hot item in 2013, and that’s a current special interest of mine on account of having a zombie book of my own coming out that is more than a little influenced by this story. (the film is a pretty good adaptation of the book, although honestly you could just skip the movie and read the book and get a better experience.)

Willow Creek: I feel like I recommend this movie a lot, but that’s just because I think it’s very good and a very smart use of its own resources. A found footage mockumentary that actually manages to make Bigfoot frightening. Totally worth the watch.

Mr. Jones: Here’s another hidden gem, also in found footage style (I feel like that was a prevailing theme in the years after V/H/S) but it’s surprisingly fresh. It’s a folk horror piece that doesn’t go at all where you might expect despite its thoroughly well-trodden ‘couple in secluded house’ setup.

A bucketful of remakes and sequels this year too, including an Evil Dead reboot, V/H/S sequel, Insidious sequel, etc. I should also probably mention World War Z, which was not actually very good and also had nothing in common with the book of the same name, but does mark an important moment in the mainstreaming of the zombie revival, especially considering it came out the same year as Warm Bodies.

2014: Fuck Yeah People Actually Like This Shit Let’s Make More

I feel like maybe our current horror renaissance started this year. Some recs:

The Babadook: No surprises to anyone who follows my blog, but I love The Babadook and I will defend it to the bitter end against its detractors. It is one of my favorite horror films of all time and one of the best of the decade.

It Follows: Ok confession, I actually did not like this movie at all. I thought it was ridiculous and over-hyped. But it makes the list because a lot of other people really, really loved it, and I accept that they saw something in it that I didn’t. Watch it and make up your own mind (and report back with your findings).

As Above, So Below: This may be the most claustrophobic film ever made, and it deserves to be studied on that merit alone. It’s also pretty creepy and I suspect a lot creepier for folks who are unnerved by Christian horror/mythology (I am not, but I know lots of folks really are).

Housebound: A hidden gem from New Zealand, this one is worth a watch because it takes a familiar haunted house premise and gives it a surprising and honestly delightful twist.

Jessabelle: Not a great movie, but deserving of a spot here because it’s a Southern Gothic and features a main character in a wheelchair, which I think is neat.

13 Sins: I feel like I’ve written about this movie for the blog before, and I recommend it a lot. But it’s clever and is a great early example of the “killing game” genre that has become increasingly prevalent (I mean, aside from the Battle Royale/Hunger Games version).

It was neat to see so many original horror stories (as opposed to reboots/franchises) coming out, and that’s a trend that would continue (and is something that makes horror one of my preferred genres - there are more original stories in it than in many other types of film).

2015: Hell Yeah Let’s Ride This Horror Train

So many excellent movies this year! Ahh!

Crimson Peak: Guillermo del Toro’s love letter to the Gothic. What I love about this movie (aside from Tom Hiddleston) is it plays all the tropes straight. It’s not trying to be a new spin or reinvent the genre or break all the tropes. It’s just a gothic horror story, told exactly like what it is, by a guy who makes damn good movies. I felt like that was really brave and surprising at the time.

The Visit: M. Night Shyamalan had basically made a joke of himself after a string of awful movies, but this movie was enough to earn back a bit of respect in my book. It’s a clever premise and a smart use of found footage.

The VVitch: Creepy-ass slow-burn supernatural historical horror, sign me up. I actually don’t like this movie as much as a lot of people (see above: religious-themed horror doesn’t push my fear buttons much) but it’s beautifully made, thoughtful, and artistic in a way that makes people sit up and pay attention to just how good the horror genre can be.

Krampus: This movie is extremely silly and I love it. A holiday favorite I watch every year now. It’s hilarious, and imaginative, with some really creepy visuals and a thoroughly satisfying conclusion.

The Invitation: For me, some of my favorite horror movies are the ones where the film is uncomfortable to watch before the actual horror stuff starts up. This one has an almost unbearably tense build-up and pays off in an incredibly satisfying and creepy manner.

2016: Horror Goes Hella Mainstream

I feel like 2016 was another year of just...lots of kind of fun unique premises tossed out like spaghetti to see what would stick. And I am here for it.

Don’t Breathe: Home invasion gone wrong is a great trope, and this one gets extra points for having the single most disturbing sequence utilizing a turkey baster I’ve ever seen in film.

Hush: Speaking of home invasions. This one is pretty standard fare -- homeowner fights back! -- but the deaf main character is a neat twist.

Lights Out: It’s pretty cheesy at times and the plot sort of falls in on itself, but the opening sequence is genuinely frightening and the movie almost literally killed @comicreliefmorlock so that’s a commendation I guess?

Train to Busan: An Asian take on the zombie survival story. It’s a really good movie (if horribly bleak) and it does such an excellent job of making you genuinely care for all of the characters.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe: A really neat premise with some wonderful slow-build horror. The storyline kind of goes off the rails, and it asks a lot of questions it doesn’t answer, but it’s quite good regardless.

The Forest: I was disappointed with this one -- it just failed to live up to my expectations -- but it’s decent, and it’s a good attempt at capturing the creepiness of Japan’s Suicide Forest.

Before I Wake: This one was sad more than scary, I thought, but it fits so neatly into a certain aesthetic that I am always a sucker for -- dreams and nightmares bleeding into reality, yes please.

Split: Say what you will, I thought Split was amazing, and James McAvoy deserves a goddamn Oscar for his performance in this movie.

The Monster: A hidden gem that’s worth watching to see how well it delivers on its premise: two characters stuck in a car with a monster outside. It’s not amazing, but it’s neat, and sometimes it’s nice to have just a straightforward creature feature with a bit of emotional heft for good measure.

2017: Did Somebody Say Blockbuster?

In hindsight, they’ll probably say 2017 was the start of the horror renaissance, but we’ll all know they’re a few years too late. Still, this was another great year:

Get Out: Funny, dark, deeply uncomfortable and with some real meat to it -- Jordan Peele knows how to make a great movie. This absolutely deserves all the awards.

It: Not a perfect movie, but a good adaptation of a difficult-to-adapt book. The kids are great. Pennywise is menacing, but that fucking flute lady is the scariest part.

It Comes At Night: I didn’t like this one much, but a lot of folks did so it makes the list. See above re: It Follows.

Gerald’s Game: Everything that’s wrong with this movie (ie, the ending) is wrong in the original story, so where this movie fails it’s a matter of sticking too close to its source material. But the premise is truly, genuinely horrifying, and the degloving scene almost made me vomit. So that’s cool.

Happy Death Day: Another horror-comedy, with a healthy dose of self-awareness. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, and that’s what allows it to be fun.

The Babysitter: This movie is hilarious. It’s also super bloody and clever and clearly made by people who love slashers, and the affection shows.

The Ritual: So-so in the acting and pacing, but the creature design is A+ and the concept is really neat. Seriously just watch this one for the monster, it’s super cool looking.

I should probably mention Mother here, but I can’t speak for it as I haven’t gotten around to watching it yet. It’s a very divisive film. One of these days I’ll watch it and let you know.

2018: There’s More Where That Came From

If 2016 was the year of filmmakers just trying stuff for the hell of it, 2018 was the year of talented filmmakers and studios realizing that, oh shit, you can make really good horror movies with mass appeal.

A Quiet Place: I’m glad I caught this one in theaters, because it really deserves to be watched in a dark, quiet room where no one dares to make a sound. The ending left a lot to be desired, but it was a clever premise.

Hereditary: The best horror movie of the year imo. Painfully uncomfortable - I’m not sure I could watch it again - but highly recommended.

Apostle: Watch this one in a triple-feature with The VVitch and Hereditary. A really good period piece with a character you actually want to root for.

Bird Box: I didn’t like this movie much, but it was hugely popular. I bought the book recently and suspect it is much better. Still, it’s worth a mention for its impact on mainstream viewers (lots of people who don’t like horror really liked this movie). I won’t budge from my initial opinion that it’s just A Quiet Place meets The Happening, though.

What Does 2019 Hold?

We’re only halfway through the year, so we’ve got some time to see what is coming down the pipe. Lots of things to look forward to! But some solid titles so far this year that I’d heartily recommend:

Us: Jordan Peele is at it again. It may not be as good as Get Out -- there’s some plot holes where the internal logic of the world is at odds with the message it’s trying to send -- but it’s thoughtful and gives plenty to chew on. And there are places where it’s just unbearably tense and creepy.

Brightburn: I had high hopes for this movie and was not disappointed. This is a super (ha, ha) good film.

The Wind: A Gothic on the American frontier. It accomplishes what I think It Comes At Night was supposed to do, but more effectively (for me anyway). Bonus points for being written and directed by women. Double bonus: Caitlin Gerard, the main actress, is also the lead character in Smiley.

I have not yet watched Velvet Buzzsaw, Ma or Midsommar this year, but I really want to. I’m also looking forward to the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark film despite having some reservations about the whole concept.

#horror #horror movies #horror movie recommendations #movie recs #long post #gifs #horror by the decade

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janiedean · 5 years

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Why do you think the SW fandom is so knee-deep in SJ Calvinism? Because I understand wanting representation or being upset because a movie didn’t fulfill your expectations, but the “if you don’t ship X you’re racist” “if you don’t stan Y you’re bigoted” and the harassment over a disappointing movie is surprising just because of how pervasive it is. I was trying to find some St*rmpilot blogs to follow and the amount of hate is Yikes, especially the hate for Rose and the stans of a Certain Ship

eeeeeeh I think it’s because ep. 7 came out at the height of the... well, reaping the seeds the social justice calvinism had sown since 2014 so to speak? I mean, SW is hardly the one fandom where it happened (*cough* voltron and SU *cough*) but as SW is way broader in audience than those other shows that certainly didn’t help, but like, if you think on it, since 2013-ish (but I think before as well, I mean, I’ve been here since 2011 and already when I got here I felt like something was going very wrong when it came to politics-in-fandom-attitude), basically people on tumblr have progressively, when it came to fandoms:

pushed the idea that you have to over-analyze everything you consume through political lens;

pushed the idea that what you like and how you like it also has to be pushed through political lens and what you like says things about who you are as a person or your political leanings;

pushed the idea that if you care for something *problematic* just because you like it you’re excusing it;

pushed the idea that if you were problematic once you can’t ever not be problematic, you can’t change your mind and you can’t learn also because ‘it’s not my job to educate you’ so people either learn themselves or idek what but again, calvinism.

now obviously those politics are tumblr-politics which are also US centric like woah and are also high-school petty like woah, and since more or less then people have:

continuously other-ed lgbt people from *straight*/heterosexual people pushing a narrative where straight = bad and therefore putting it before anything automatically makes it a valid insult which added to the above means that if you ship het you’re already problematic regardless of whether you’re straight or not (and if you are.. lol);

pushed the performative feminism of Doom TM that says men and women should be equal but is like, an excuse to shit on men and on women who like men (see the rampant biphobia around and the whole ‘straight girls are so stupid if they’re into men they should try women’ discourse);

pushed the US terminology when it comes to the POC discourse, in the sense that everything works on the US-centered context where white people = white anglosaxon protestant, poc = everything else without realizing that in the rest of the world white does not equal wasp, that poc = black people only in most of europe (and no one who’s actually black or not white who lives in africa or asia and so on would describe themselves as poc because why the hell would you when your skin color/ethinicity is the norm where you live?), which also goes with the whole white passing debate which where I live would not exist but in that context is a mess because again, oscar i*saac is schroedinger’s poc (as in, he’s poc automatically for american standards because he’s latin-american but like he has the same skin tone as my mother and my mother in italy is white same as 90% of us, which means endless confusion) and assumed that all of us have to accept that terminology/context regardless of whether it’s valid in our countries;

kept on progressively putting minorities against each other in an endless loop of WHO HAS IT WORST/oppression olympics;

kept on progressively split hairs on issues that aren’t exactly, like, that important if there’s more urgent stuff to deal with because 90% of the activism here is performative;

made the 180° turn for which headcanons and shit are seen as, like, doing representation instead of, you know, supporting what rep is there never mind when people decide *one* ship is the right one and if another is canonized and it’s rep it gets thoroughly ignored;

pushed on a mindset for which if something isn’t perfect at the get-go then it’s canceled.

and so on.

like, all of that shit has been continuously not criticized because criticizing it especially if you don’t belong to a minority means that you’re out of line/discussing things that don’t concern you, but if you’re a minority and you criticize it then it’s suddenly YOU BETRAYED OUR CAUSE *INSERT SLUR HERE ABOUT PANDERING TO THE MAJORITY*, and the result exploded in toxic af fandoms, but like... if you look at the issues of the SW sequel trilogy fandom it’s all of that in a nutshell because:

k/ylo ren is automatically the worst because he’s white (horrible), a man (even worse), not canonically attractive (I didn’t touch on that topic bc I’m honestly not up for it mentally but lmao that counts too) and presumably heterosexual (or well, no one said he’s not but you know, since he’s a white dude on the bad side [supposedly] then we don’t give him the benefit of the doubt that he might be bi), so if you like ky/lo ren or relate to him you’re automatically problematic;

shipping re/ylo because automatically problematic because it’s a *straight* (evil) ship made of two white people (when there’s options to ship them both with people that aren’t white, so IT’S RACIST), they have an age gap (BAD BECAUSE POWER IMBALANCE) and it’s enemies to lovers, so it’s a context where people who don’t conceive redemption or that people can become better are basically crying problematic all the time, and the fact that people decided it’s *abusive* when it has like nothing that can equate it to a really abusive relationship says all;

ky/lux being the most popular slash ship immediately means that it’s the fault of the horrible straight (white) women fetishizing the (white) men on the dark side (when it’s most likely because for a while ky/lux was literally the only side of that fandom where people were chill/there wasn’t wank every other moment);

st/ormpilot has been declared The Right Ship because it’s two non-white men and it’s not straight which automatically turns into what I said before about hating other ships that would be rep anyway and feeds into the lowkey oppression olympics racism, because like if finn/rose becomes canon it’s still a mixed/biracial ship because he’s black and she’s asian....... except that it’s not the right ship for people who decided that finn has to be either with rey or poe (and guess what rey is white and poe is... schroedinger’s poc because oscar isaac in europe wouldn’t pass for *poc*), which to me has stank of lowkey racism since tlj came out because sorry but if ‘finn deserves better than rose’ or ‘finn should be with rey because if he doesn’t get rey then it’s unfair’ and the various other bullshit I read on the topic basically says that the white woman is *worthier* than the asian woman or that rose is a downgrade from rey which is fucking bullshit, rose isn’t even a bad character all the contrary. and that’s for the het side of it, but like then it’s not as good as stormpilot because it’s a straight ship (NOOOO THEY MADE FINN STRAIGHT/THEY’RE NOT MAKING THEM GAY THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT = stuff I legit saw on the tag) and ngl I’m 100% sure that the fact that daisy is Standard Attractive and kelly marie t/ran is lovely but doesn't conform to the usual beauty standard western-viewers apply on asian women did play a role in there, but: what did I say before? the slash ship is automatically better than the het ship never mind that they’re both biracial and rose is actually a rep (asian girls who don’t adhere to stereotypical body shapes - and like, the rep for all body types and shapes should be valid for all women, not just white) that isn’t exactly popular especially in mainstream cinema, so people should be happy.... but since rose is Not A Dude and Not Rey and Not The Right Kind Of Representation For That Crowd, automatically rose is a shit character and deserves to be viciously hated on. and this is a thing done by people who most likely then turn on the other side and talk shit about horrible straight women who hate the only female character for getting in the way of their slash ship without realizing that their rose hate is exactly that. and of course since sto/rmpilot is the two good guys, if you ship that then you also have to hate re/ylo because how can you, a person who ships The Good Ship On The Light Side, support such a problematic enemies to lovers thing? yeah, right, hahaha.

this also tbqh also pairs up with how on tumblr people only recognize mental health issues/abuse victims when the narrative suits them - like, being a bad victim automatically means you lose sympathy and mental health issues are only valid if you aren’t ***privileged*** otherwise why would you have them, which shows transparently in how a lot of people absolutely deny that ky/lo ren is a) an abuse victim, b) obviously mentally ill however it is that he deals with it, but no, he has to be The Most Horrible In Existence Because Otherwise We Should Have Empathy For A Bad Guy Who Also Might Get Redeemed And Redemption Is Not Happening Ever Because Bad People Don’t Deserve it.

like, all of the issues sw sequel trilogy has when it comes to the fandom are direct consequences of the nonsensical social justice calvinism climate on tumblr dot com that no one took care to put a stop to since 2013 and of its ridiculous oppression olympics and pitting people against each other and that was my take. cheers.

(ps: I also ship sto/rmpilot like woah and it’s my otp but there’s a reason why I unfollowed most SP blogs I followed and why I don’t go into the tag anymore - I’m not here for the anti-rose racism dressed up as performative wokeness, I’m not here to get lectured about as a white person I fetishize poc gay men if I ship it - yes I read that too - and I’m not here to read a bunch of meta about how re/ylo is a bad ship and blah blah blah, so yeah. I feel you.) (pps: ky/lo ren isn’t even my favorite character and I care relatively but gdi the way the fandom approaches him is honestly mindboggling in that sense, and I don’t mean people who actually dislike him because fair reasons, I mean people who can’t recognize his abuse victim status and the precarious status of his mental health. like, not all abuse victims and mentally ill people are the right victim or come from the right background and you can be cool motive still murder and still recognize that he’s like that because he has issues, not because he was drawn that way. /bye)

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #i said my piece bye #reylo for ts #kylo ren for ts #sw wank for ts #i don't mean ppl shouldn't be uncomfortable with re/ylo or ky/lo btw #but like........... this level of vitriol is ridiculous #and the rose hate is dumb af #bye *shrug*#social justice calvinism #the first person whining about straight people feeling left out as last time this happened #is getting automatically blocked bye #Anonymous #ask post

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suneatersupportsquad · 6 years

Text

lime st.

summary :: you and colby got together a little while before colby left for LA. it’s only been a few months, but colby hears a song that reminds him of you and he rushes to finish everything he’s doing today so he can get home and call you.

song :: neck deep - lime st.

pairing :: Colby Brock x reader

WARNINGS :: long distance relationship, slight sadness

find more fics at my new blog @trapboysbunny

It’s been a few days since I saw you last And there’s a few thing that I have to ask

Colby had been waiting outside LAX for 20 minutes and he couldn’t help but be a little upset to be back; he was here and Y/N was stuck back in Kansas. Every time he would visit, both of them would have long conversations about Y/N moving out to LA with him but, right now, it just wasn’t a possibility. Y/N had been working hard to put themselves through college - they were almost finished, too! It would have all been a waste if they were to drop out now. Colby couldn’t help but miss them.

And so the first is, do I hold you back? And did I fuck up too many times?

Colby had been staring up into the darkness for a few hours, tossing and turning until he finally gave up. Reaching for his phone, he dialed Y/N’s number without even looking and pressed the device to his ear. It rang a few times before they answered. “Hey, baby. Can’t sleep?” The sound of their voice instantly relaxed him, the tension fleeing from his muscles.

“Nope,” he answered, already smiling fondly into the nothingness. “What’re you doing up? I didn’t expect you to answer...”

His date mate huffed a little on the other side, clearly frustrated with their schoolwork. “I’m actually studying for art history; have a test later this week.”

“Okay, baby. Sorry to bother you, I’ll let you go-”

“Don’t hang up,” they cut him off and Colby could almost hear them laying themselves across the desk they were using. “I needed a break anyways; my eyes hurt. Talk to me.”

Colby frowned a little; he could almost hear the i miss you that teased the tip of his lover’s tongue. “Okay, love.”

“How was your day?” they asked through a yawn.

Colby closed his eyes and imagined Y/N. A vivid image of them danced across the backs of his eyelids. He could almost see them leaning across their dorm room desk, cheek resting on their arm as their sweater-covered free hand rubbed the end of their nose. “It was good,” he replied, raising his eyebrows to remind himself to stay awake ((he was suddenly tired)) but keeping his eyes closed. “Busy, helping everyone film their videos.”

“Yeah?” Y/N asked softly, amused. Colby hummed in response. “How is everyone?”

“Good. Everyone’s good,” the brunette boy mumbled in return.

“Good.” Colby could hear their smile, small but full of energy he could feel even over the phone. “Have you been drinking water?”

“Yes.”

“And eating regularly?”

“Yes, baby.”

“And sleeping?”

Colby inhaled sharply, scrunching up his nose. “...Yes.”

“Cole!” Y/N whispered in playful disappointment. “Baby, you have to sleep!”

“I know, I know. Just too many projects to get done right now.”

Y/N hummed into the microphone of their device, their eyelids growing heavy as they continued to lean over the desk.

“Baby, I have a question,” Colby blurted, eyes opening suddenly, only to be greeted with darkness.

“Yeah, what’s up?” his partner replied, blinking hard and lifting their head.

“Is this long-distance relationship thing working?”

Y/N laughed, the sound of it almost disturbing in the quiet that had filled the gaps in their conversation. “Of course it is. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be talking on the phone with you right now.” There was silence on the line as Colby searched for the right words. “Cole Robert Brock, you are not about to break up with me over the phone at one in the fucking morning.”

“No, of course not!” Colby found himself saying suddenly. “I mean... I don’t hold you back, do I?”

Y/N snorted, and Colby could hear them slap their hand over their mouth. “No! If you held me back, I wouldn’t be finishing college right now. Holding me back would be moving me out to LA with you without asking what I wanted. Holding me back would be you telling me I’m not allowed to go out without you. You are most definitely not holding me back.”

Colby chewed on his lip for a moment before speaking again. “One more thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Did I fuck up too many times?”

They busted out laughing and he could hear Y/N’s roommate in the background, sleepily telling them to ‘shut the hell up.’ “Oh man, baby, we’re gonna be here for a while.” They were joking, clearly, and the LA boy couldn’t help but smile a little.

We’ve fallen out of place But I pray to God we don’t lose connection Just need to see you smile or maybe stay awhile Before we lose all sense of direction

It was a Tuesday. The day hadn’t started off very well and Colby could feel his mood dropping with every passing hour. Fuck, he missed them. He was on his way to a meeting when he decided he needed to call Y/N. He hadn’t thought to check whether or not they were in a class first but, thankfully, they weren’t. “Hey, love,” Y/N answered, the sound of a bustling coffee shop in the background.

“Hey, baby,” he greeted in return, smiling at the sound of their voice. He was already feeling better.

“How’s your day going?”

Colby sighed. “It’s going, that’s for sure.”

He could almost hear your frown. “Shit. I’m sorry, babe.”

“It’s fine.” He paused. “Hey, I’m thinking about coming to visit. What’s your schedule looking like?”

Y/N’s hand met their thigh loudly, the sound of the slap dulled out by the material of their jeans. “Midterms are coming up...” Both of them slumped a little in their seats. “Sorry, baby. I really wish-”

“Don’t say sorry; it’s fine,” Colby assured them, drumming on the steering wheel. “We’ll figure something out. We always do.”

They hummed on the other line, chewing on their straw as they tried to find a solution, or at least a compromise. “I could send you a picture?” they suggested.

“If that’s all I can get right now, I’ll take it,” Colby agreed jokingly, but deep down his heart hurt. He really did miss Y/N.

“I’ll be sending a kiss your way, so be expecting it,” they added sweetly, and he could hear them blowing the ‘kiss’ from their palm in the direction of California.

“Thank you, baby,” he said sweetly and found himself smiling fondly. “I’ll let you go now. I love you.”

“I love you too. Have a nice day!” Y/N said happily into the microphone before the call ended. A few minutes later, a text came in: it was a picture and a link to a playlist. good songs for bad days ((for my lovely boy)). The picture was of Y/N, smiling. They sat at their usual table in the tiny, cramped coffee shop a few minutes from the dorms on campus. Colby was well aware that they didn’t live in the dorms anymore - that they weren’t allowed to, but that they kept going because they’d been going since freshman year. They were almost drowning in the too-big gray sweatshirt that Colby had left with them last visit and their hand rested over their heart. It was their sign; it meant i love you.

And I haven’t seen you smile this whole time It bums out and make me wonder what I can’t do right And I’m trying my best, I promise And I want this as long as you want it

Colby had come to visit for a few days. Him and Y/N were lying on Y/N’s bed, their head resting on Colby’s chest as Colby played with their hair. The TV played in the background, but Y/N wasn’t watching it. They were simply staring at the wall, listening to Colby mindlessly talking about nothing, Y/N’s eyelids growing heavier by the second. They had gone out to eat earlier, but Y/N was so mentally exhausted from midterms that they couldn’t bring themself to actually show any emotion. Of course they loved the fuck out of Colby, but their brain literally hurt from taking so many exams - all they wanted was to sleep. So now that they were in a space to do so, they were fighting their fatigue; it was either spending time with their boyfriend who lived half way across the country, or sleeping.

“You okay, baby?” Colby asked, noticing how uncharacteristically quiet you had been.

Y/N hummed and nodded, tapping their fingers on his stomach. “’m fine, love.”

There was more silence between them before Colby spoke again. “Is everything okay with us? Did I do something wrong?”

The other groaned into the LA boy’s shirt. “Ugh. Fuck you.”

“What?” Colby was confused, panicking a little as Y/N clutched the material of his shirt and pressed it to their face.

“Stop fucking doing this shit. Every time - babe, everything is fine. Just take a nap with me. I love you.”

“...but this is still what you want, right?”

They turned onto their back and glared up at their boyfriend through the hair that tickled their eyelashes. “Would I be here if I didn’t want this?”

Colby chuckled, rubbing circles into their back with the palm of his hand. “I guess not.”

“Good. This is progress.” Y/N nodded once. “Now shut the fuck up and take a nap with me.”

“I love you too, by the way.”

Y/N simply hummed in return.

You asked me where we could meet I found you there at Lime Street One cig left in the packet Stood shy in your dad’s jacket A moment I’ll always keep Oh, take me back to Lime Street I swear to God you saved me Oh, I swear to God you saved me

September 2014. Y/N Colby had known each other for a few months and were just beginning to grow close. Almost at close at him and Sam, Y/N would pride themself in saying. Fall had just reached its peak and the two of them had decided, since the heat had died down, that they would start spending more time together. It was kind of a given with how overbearing Y/N’s parents were, that they weren’t really allowed to go running around with strange boys, especially in the dark.

That night, Colby had called the landline claiming that he needed help with his math homework. Y/N’s (parent/legal guardian) had been skeptical at first but, after the boy had rambled on for a good few minutes about parabolas and logarithm graphs, the adult had forfeited the device to Y/N. “Where can I meet you?” Colby asked. This was the first time either of them had done this, and Y/N could almost hear the excitement in the other’s voice.

Y/N could barely keep themself from giggling in excitement. “Meet me on Beverly and 157th.”

“Okay. See you in a bit.” Both of them hung up quickly after that. Y/N had told their (parents/legal guardians) that, after such a long day at school, they were going to head to bed a little early. Heading upstairs, they stole one of their dad’s old jackets from the hallways closet before heading into their room, setting up their bed to look like they were actually asleep, and climbing out the window. The fall air was chilled their knees and fingertips and they came to the realization that maybe they shouldn’t have worn shorts out tonight. Oh well.

An hour later, Colby found them on the corner of Beverly and 157th smoking an old cigarette as they sat on the curb. “Where’d you get that?”

“Must’ve been my dad’s,” Y/N shrugged, raising it to their lips again as they brushed a few stray hairs out of their eyes. After one more puff, they ground the butt of the cancer stick into the pavement. “You ready?”

Colby nodded. They ran wild on the streets of Stanley, Kansas that night. They conquered the town, and it was theirs until the sun came up again. They had never felt so free.

Is it too late to say, too late to say That I’m sorry for the things I do? I’m missing you like shit today And as the world spins on its axis Seems like it’s brought me back here To say, “Oh God, not this again”

Colby had been running around Los Angeles - his wonderful City of Angels - when it hit him like a brick wall. It was a dull, heavy pain on his heart that instantly made him slump a little. He ignore it, though, at least until they sat down to eat dinner. He missed Y/N, and he missed them bad. Somehow, he had managed to stay put until him and Brennen ordered their food. Then Brennen called him on it. “Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“I, um,” Colby started, but stopped himself. He couldn’t understand why he was choking up. “I really miss them, Brennen.”

The raven-haired boy’s expression softened at that. “You really love them, don’t you?” Colby nodded. “You can go call them, dude. You don’t have to wait for me to give you the green light or anything.”

“Thank you, dude!” Colby said in an outward breath as if it were the best news he had received all day. After giving Brennen a thankful pat on the shoulder, he quickly made his way outside and dialed your number.

“Hi, baby. What’s up?” Y/N’s voice was music to his ears, instantly putting a smile on his face.

“Hi! I’m so sorry that you constantly have to keep putting up with my shit, baby. I love you so much. I know the world is gonna keep spinning no matter how much I miss you but - fuck - mine just stopped. I miss you so fucking much. I can’t wait to see you again, I-” Colby kept rambling, feeling tears leak from the corners of his eyes and he leaned his forehead against the wall outside the restaurant. He rambled until he ran out of air and found himself gasping in another breath before going again, rambled soliloquies about your hands and sonnets about your eyes, rambled until you spoke over him loud enough to pull him out of his thoughts.

“Wait - calm down, baby. Are you okay?”

“No. I fucking miss you so bad, Y/N. All I wanna do is hug you and you’re two-fucking-thousand miles away from me,” he was kind of sobbing at this point, muscles tense as fat tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Are you sure about that?” he heard them ask cheekily on their end, the sounds of a busy, bustling city in the background.

“Yes, I’m fucking sure about that. What’s that supposed to-”

“Can you turn around for me, baby?” Y/N asked cheekily.

Colby swung around faster than he had ever moved before to find Y/N and Brennen standing behind him, cheesy smiles plastered across their faces. He ran to Y/N so fast he had almost toppled the both of them over. “Fuck you!” he exclaimed, sounding almost offended before pulling them into his chest and crying into their hair. “I missed you so much! How did you do this?”

They simply chuckled into the material of his shirt, arms snaking around his waist. “I had the week off and decided to come visit, but I wanted to surprise you. So I had Brennen take you out for the day.” They shrugged nonchalantly as if it were no big deal, slyly sneaking a high-five from Brennen.

“Really?” Colby asked, seeming touched as he lifted his head to look you in the eyes.

Y/N nodded, removing one hand from his waist and wiping a stray tear with their thumb. “Really.”

Colby surprised them both when he suddenly pressed his lips to theirs. “I love you.”

Y/N chuckled fondly, leaning their forehead against his. “I love you too.”

#long distance relationship #ldr #ldr couple #slight sadness #Sam and Colby #colby brock #colby brock imagine #colby x reader #brennen taylor #sam golbach

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tragictm · 5 years

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The Future of This Blog

I've been rping on tumblr since around 2012, diving into the indie world in 2014 with my beth blog. It was a fun hobby for a long time, but by 2015 it had become more like a chore. Soon enough I made new blogs, moved every month or two and hoped like hell itd have that spark back. There were moments, people, that made my time here truly amazing. I'll talk about them later. For now, I have to look to myself and to the future.

Which brings me here. While I love my muses and I genuinely adore writing them, something on this blog isnt right. Not just this blog, but all of them. I'm burnt out on this site, its multiple issues not helping, and my constant need for external validation is only making this worse. You've all noticed it, begging for poll responses, asking if a character should be added and making the choice based only in how many votes each option gets. Everything on this site is governed by notes, by reactions, by the thought that what I post here is important or interesting to people. That's not why I was here, it's not why I wanted to write, and as long as it's there i dont know that i can continue to be here.

As 2019 draws near I have to make choices to better my life. In 2019 I'm giving up work to study and follow my dream, I'm giving up my home that I've lived in for my whole life to have a shot in a completely different city, a completely different world. And with that, I'm giving up this.

Writing is so important to me, I've grown as a person so much from doing this, I've made friends who mean the world to me, but this has also been so toxic. My deep and constant fear of duplicates - and yes that includes the ones I follow. My desire to be the best version of my muse, preferably the only version of my muse. I crave attention, crave the glory that I've somehow managed to believe comes from the number of people who follow me. It's stupid. Its toxic. It's made me act like a person I dont want to be.

I dont know when I'll come back. Ideally, I want to be more emotionally and mentally sound before coming here. I want to be less busy. I want to be able to have fun rather than cry because I cant decide what to do with a fucking tumblr blog.

I want to mention some people, talk about what they mean to me and how theyve shaped my experience. That's below the cut. But first: means of contact. I dont want to lose friends, but I cant promise tumblr will be a place I go ever again. For now I'll be on my personal @distortedrebel and probably on @greene-rph but come 2019 theres a chance I wont even be on those blogs. So, heres where to find me:

Facebook, snapchat, etc. are available if you message me, I'd message my personal or one of those accounts though because I wont be logged on to here.

@selfsaving - izzy, you alone have given me so much muse and such a strong feeling of being somewhere I belong. You've been amazing to me, from liking starter calls and interacting with a muse no one interacted with to inviting me to discord servers and being excited to write with me. I genuinely can't describe how great you've been to me.

@mrbisected - kate you've been amazing. You've followed me through so many blogs, even when I never knew who Kenny was. Honestly, I kind of dreaded watching Texas chainsaw at first. I really thought I'd hate it, especially for the first half hour or so. After watching I didnt care that much for Kenny, but the way you cared for him and the way you crafted him into a real person really inspired me and made me fall in love. I fell for nikki because she was hot, but with your help she became someone real and I never imagined giving up on her because of how it had felt having a muse I cared about so much.

@withumans - kacie idk if ur on this blog or using this alias but hey, you're amazing. I know we haven't necessarily been the closest, but you've been a really good friend. You've been through a lot and I know you relate to the need for validation here. You're still young, you're going to grow and change over the next few years more than you could ever believe. I love you, I believe in you, I know you'll get through this. I'm sorry I wasnt super invested in some of your muses, you very clearly love rain more than anything and I really struggled to interact with her, not because of who she is but because of how emily kinney was her fc originally. I know its dumb and petty and I hate that it continued into when shed stopped being the main fc. Rain is a brilliant oc, I genuinely love her and her story. Shes developed, she clearly means the world to you. Tumblr, and quite frankly everywhere else, doesnt care about ocs. They dont care about multis. That puts the two of us in a tricky position. Dont give up on rain, dont give up on ocs. Dont give up on things you're passionate about. You have it in you to do incredible things.

@valorfated - ellie weve talked less lately and I want to apologize for that. Weve had issues in the past, the most obvious being the way I acted with the rph in 2017(?). Theres an age gap between us and clearly a maturity gap there too. Looking back on the way I acted and responded and avoided responsibility is clear. I am sorry for that, I know you were going through rough times and it was rude of me to try to make things go my way simply because you werent there to stop me. Its something I've been working on and I'd like to think I've grown as a person since then. I do want to tell you that you're an amazing writer, and I really hope things are going better for you. Writing beth and Maggie was a really great experience, I loved the dynamic because I've never had much of a bond with my own sister. You helped me realize how sisterly bonds should be and because of that I've started to work towards mending my relationship with my sister and its changing my life. Thank you, good luck with everything..

@gavinsaleks - I saved you for last because this might get long. I'm gonna avoid the literal thousand word letter I usually give you on your birthdays because wow I write a lot, but you already know by now that you've changed my life. The ocs we made meant the world to me and really taught me about relationships and perspectives and what's right and wrong in relationships. You, though, you taught me more. You gave me the courage to come out, you gave me the strength to stay alive in times where I felt like that was impossible, you gave me happiness that i never thought possible. I watched you grow up and you watched me mature and everything changed after meeting you. I never wouldve lasted on this site without you, or in real life really. You're an incredible girl and I really hope that I gave you the same happiness you gave me because you deserve it all and so much more.

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scoutshonor56 · 5 years

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Burning Down the House

With a new year upon us, I decided to leave our pouting, petulant, and clueless “president” alone for a while. I’m at the point where I don’t want this blog to become a regular, though fun and cathartic, critique of this moron’s day to day behavior. Besides, who can keep up these days? Certainly I never intended this blog to become solely a political airing of grievances anyways, when started back in November of 2016 - but then, who would have ever envisioned the likes of Donald Trump in the White House?

So today I’m going to address an issue close to my heart; the wellspring that nourishes my spirit and is essential to the health and well-being of every living thing on our planet – the environment. You see, I’m a baby boomer who grew up in the 60’s, and was quite the impressionable 14yr old on April 22, 1970, when the first official Earth Day was proclaimed. That year also saw the creation of the EPA, and like most of us from “back then”, I still hold onto many of the ideals of an aged hippie -

Those who know me also know I later worked for NASA - another touchstone for my generation - at Johnson Space Center, inside the television/communication contract, for 14 years. During that time I got to watch the Space Station being built piece by piece, from when the first module, Zarya, went up on a Russian Proton rocket, to the first crew occupation, to its successful completion.

I still pay attention to our space program as a tax paying enthusiast, although not nearly as much, and thus I watched a fascinating show on NOVA a week or so back, entitled “To Pluto and Beyond”. It was about the continuing voyage of NASA’s New Horizons exploratory spacecraft, which is now traveling at roughly 37,000mph some 5 billion miles from our planet and still able to send back data and outstanding imagery to its home base here on Earth (taking over 4 hours to do so).

In a nutshell, when New Horizons was first launched, in January of 2006, scientists and astronomers didn’t even think much existed past what they call the Kuiper Belt (the area in space past the planet Neptune), other than insignificant, floating chunks of minerals and ice of varying size and shape – such as Pluto, now not even an officially termed “planet”.

But soon that would change as our telescopes got larger, more sophisticated, and certainly more powerful (such as the Hubble), revealing a wealth of new discoveries and vastly widening out view, and theories, about space past our solar system.

In just a little over two years after its successful flyby of Pluto and its moons, sending back stunning and never before seen imagery, project managers were able to plot a new course that would enable the probe to fly past what is now called 2014 MU69, or its more colorful nickname, Ultima Thule (which sounds much more bad-ass!)

To go into any detail about the show and this discovery would require a whole different blog, so for my purpose today, let’s just say the level of technology, engineering, and computational math involved in this exploratory endeavor is right up there with just about any other high achievement in man’s history; an incredible display of determination and shear brain power that simply boggles my mind. Sure, it was just an unmanned flyby, a probe…but successfully plotted over billions of miles, traveling at 37,000mph through orbiting planets, asteroids, and clouds of space debris, where a collision with something the size of a pea could mean instant disaster? Where the tiniest fraction of miscalculation can put the craft literally millions of miles off course? In the harshest and most unforgiving environment imaginable? You may as well try to explain quantum physics to me.

So what - what’s this got to do with a Talking Heads song... my point is this: excuse me if I don’t buy into this long running campaign of bullshit and misinformation put out by the petrochemical and carbon-based conglomerates, their money-wallowing and soulless lobbyists, and the special interest groups, who for the better part of fifty years have retained a complete stranglehold on our politicians and policy makers. They continue to control the discussion of our energy sources with fairy tales and scare tactics in support of a technology that is over 200 years old. Let’s dim the lights, roll out the boogyman, and wind him up:

“It will cost jobs!! The transition to renewable and clean energy is too expensive, the sources unable to compete in today’s economy!! The technology and infrastructure have yet to be fully worked out!! It’s much more difficult and complicated than you can possibly understand!! It’s simply going to take more time – it will be a long, slow process, and oil and gas will continue to play a dominant role in the meanwhile!!”

And on, and on, and on…

Bullshit! Germany now gets 40% of all its energy generated from renewable, clean sources. There are other countries in Europe harnessing tides to generate energy. Our planet is a hotbed for thermal energy potential. A recent study done here in Houston, at Rice University, claims Texas (who leads the nation in wind generated energy) has enough sun and wind to completely wean itself off coal within the near future.

Since when did America become the nation that couldn’t; that shied away from a challenge, technological or otherwise; that chose to follow instead of lead… was I stoned during that period? Did I miss something? Fifty-eight years ago, President John F. Kennedy stood at a podium at Rice University Stadium and declared:

“We choose to go to the Moon! We choose to go to the Moon...We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard; because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one we intend to win, and the others, too.”

To put this into context, at that time it had been just over a year since America had launched their first man into space: Alan Shepard riding a Redstone rocket 116 miles into suborbital flight, lasting fifteen minutes. Back then NASA scientists and medical professionals didn’t even know if a human could survive such a trip, or for how long. Would they retain their vision, their mental capacity? Would they lose all sense of direction? Pass out? Would they be able to endure and function during the required long duration flight to the moon and back? How would we even achieve such a feat?

OK, some might say, “Well, sure, NASA had a limitless budget - and after all, the space race was strictly for nationalistic reasons anyway, to beat the Russians to the moon…”

All true, but umm, have you looked out your window lately? Pay attention to any news? And no, Fox doesn’t count. According to a recent analysis, published in the Journal Science (see the story in the NY Times), our oceans are warming far more quickly than previously thought; like 40% faster on average than a United Nations panel estimated five years ago. Researchers now conclude that ocean temperatures have been breaking records for several years straight. Compounding the effects of our melting polar caps, warm water also takes up more volume than cold water, resulting in sea levels rising at an estimated rate of .13 inches (3.2mm) over the last 20 years. Satellite measurements tell us that over the past century the Global Mean Sea Level (GMSL) has risen by 4 to 8 inches.

Right now, over the last decade, we are seeing an increase in the number and severity of hurricanes, monsoons, tornadoes and wildfires. NEWS FLASH Gomer and Thelma Lu, this isn’t a conspiracy perpetrated by greedy and alarmist eggheads in lab coats, nor is it “fake news” or fuzzy science; and it certainly shouldn’t be considered, or treated as a political issue. It’s rock-solid, provable science that is accepted by 97% of scientists, climatologists, and geologists all around the world, who continue to ring the emergency bell. It’s happening today, all around us, and the bad news is we’re already too late; at this point, if we were to get serious this year, 2019, it will still be a game of damage control; of mitigating the consequences of our greed, ignorance, and gullibility.

In comparison, the goal and challenge of beating the Russians to the moon seems quite miniscule to that of restoring and maintaining the health of our little blue lifeboat called Earth.

“Whatever, our planet is a dynamic, ever changing thing - Earth has gone through similar climate changes before!” Yes, true – but over the span of tens of thousands of years, you moron. Man has achieved the same results in barely two hundred.

Just curious, but what part of 2.5 million pounds/second of co2 pouring into the relatively thin, fragile layer of atmosphere that protects our planet don’t you get? Too hard to think about, or conceptualize? Or is it easier for your lazy, flabby, unexercised brain to simply believe that it all just dissipates into outer space – you know, where the alien abductors that beamed you up into their mothership that weekend reside…

Make America Great Again? What a sad, short-changed, and utterly empty joke of a campaign slogan… Here, I’ve got one for you: SAVE OUR PLANET! For your children’s future and their children’s future. There simply is no option; no magical, last minute solution. No plan B. No spare planet accessible, sorry, this isn’t a movie - its real.

I simply don’t understand; why isn’t this the number one issue of concern for everyone? Could there possibly be a greater threat and more important challenge facing us all today?

Ah well, what the hell – we’ll all be fine in a couple thousand years after we evolve with gills and become aquamen and women… Although, good luck finding something to eat, as we’re also killing the entire food chain of life in the oceans, from coral reefs to the dolphins, the sharks, and the whales…I guess we could become aquacannibals – now there’s a surefire idea for a hit movie! Hmm, I wonder if we could talk Jason Momoa into that hard turn in the movie series plotline…

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inevitably-johnlocked · 6 years

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Hey Lovely! I was wondering how you first became a part of the fandom? When did you start watching the show, at what point did you feel John and Sherlock might be(come) a thing, what made you start a blog on these two? I just want to know it all ^^ Hope you don't mind sharing a bit :) Thank you for everything you do for this fandom, love you lots!

Hi Lovely!

Oh gosh, what a nice question! I think I’ve talked about this in snippets in various posts, this post being the one talking the most about it, but never as a whole! Apologies if this turns into a long ramble, hah hah!

So I remember exactly when I got into the show SO CLEARLY. It was July of 2013, just a few months before S3 was to air in January 2014. I was over at my friends’ place, and they suggested the show to watch, since we always watch movies together whenever I visit. I remember asking, “Is that the show with Martin Freeman and that Khan actor from Star Trek 2?”. We finished Season one all in one go, and immediately fell in love with Ben and Martin’s portrayals and their chemistry. And then I had to head back home. I was ANGRY because OMG WHAT HAPPENS NEXT and my friends just laughed.

So as soon as I got home, I downloaded S1 and S2 and watched them ALL the way through. I needed more. So, because I already had a Tumblr and knew it was for fandoms, I decided to see what it had to offer.

Oh boy what did I get into???

So I lurked for a bit, and then I discovered something called “meta”, back when the TRF theories were the prominent meta in the fandom. So while I was getting deep into meta, I started switching my fanart from Ninja Turtles to Sherlock, because I was warming up to Ben’s ethereal face and I wanted to draw it. And I wanted to be a Sherlock fanartist. I briefly shipped Sher1011ie for a week or so, until I rewatched the series again and it just didn’t jive like it did the first few watch-throughs. I was too invested in John and Sherlock’s friendship – I saw them as bestest friends ever, too devoted to each other.

Now, at this point, y’all need to remember this: I was naïve, have never been exposed at length nor ever heard of subtext, was and am not part of the LGBT community (I grew up in a different time and in a conservative city, so being “gay” just wasn’t a thing), had a very heteronormative view on my life, and I just had always just insisted that in all of my fandoms, when I liked two male characters together, it was because “bestest friends ever!!”. I didn’t know I was ace and I’d never read smut up until 3 years ago (yes hi hello I’m so old and so innocent LOL).

Okay, so I was just lurking for a bit, learning my way around fandom, reading meta and just generally dipping my toes quietly into the fandom.

Then came Season 3.

As many of my followers know, a lot of my fondness for season 3 stems from this being the season that LITERALLY opened my eyes to EVERYTHING: subtext, Johnlock, my own sexuality, and my meta-writing career.

So, season 3 aired and I decided to dip my toes into “reviewing” the episodes as my first “meta”. They were posted onto my multi-fandom blog here, here and here. I was so proud of them, because it reinvigorated my love for writing (I used to be a pretty prominent Sonic fan-fic author back in the 90′s… I never finished my stories because my interest in the fandom died before I finished them), despite how laughably bad they were, haha. I got a couple compliments on them, but nothing beyond that, especially since I sat down and wrote them for HOURS after each episode aired.

Sometime between TSo3 and HLV, I discovered loudest-subtext-in-television (aka LSiT) and deducingbbcsherlock completely by accident and I was FASCINATED. I ate up everything they wrote. The first time I watched TSo3, something was niggling at my brain but I couldn’t quite place it. It was one of LSiT’s meta that twigged at it. That’s when I learned about subtext, heteronormativity and the queer community. And suddenly, just like that, something in my brain clicked.

Oh. My god. This show is gay, and I actually SHIP these idiots like I did in the Mother Ship (ie. The X-Files Mulder / Scully). That’s why I was SO ANNOYED with Irene. Why Molly was slowly grating on me. Why Mary’s introduction kind of annoyed me but okay I guess I can deal with it. Why everything seemed really romantic but it just couldn’t be, could it?

I rewatched the series. And it was gay. Y’all, those rainbow-coloured glasses were suddenly GLUED to my head, and I saw gay EVERYWHERE.

So, after HLV, I discovered The Johnlock Conspiracy and I was eating up all the meta about Johnlock I could. Around this time, I also was learning a lot about the LGBT community, its history and sexual fluidity from wsswatson. It was also around this time I discovered asexuality, and I started reading a lot about it.

In February of 2014, I started this blog because I wanted a place to reblog Johnlock meta. This was the first post I made on this blog, and looking back at it now, I am DYING because wow I never imagined I was going to be this deep into the fandom the day I wrote that. I don’t even remember writing it, to be very honest. I just shake my head, HAH. I think I really started understanding Johnlock because of this post here. It’s still one of my favourites and is one of the ones I credit for helping me understand what I was watching was actually a romance, not a “crime show”.

Anyway, after learning how to read subtext from mostly LSiT (they wrote a meta about how to read subtext and it was super informative) and other Johnlock bloggers, I wanted to try my hand at my own little Johnlock meta. It was more of an observational post, as my way of trying to interact with the fandom. I am a terribly nervous and shy person, so I never tagged anyone in anything. It was an overwhelming fandom, and it was terrifying to interact. A few bigger bloggers noticed me and were nice enough to comment on a couple of my posts, but I mostly stayed in my little corner, and interacted with my small little group of other smaller fans. I dabbled in both fanart and writing, just plopping my thoughts and art into the aether, hoping something would interest someone enough to start a discussion.

I started getting braver, and I was “moderating” some of my favourite posts that weren’t mine, but had my additions to it. Mostly, the Phones and Hearts post. I didn’t want to impede, but it was one of my favourite posts, so I went and copied all of the comments in the notes and put them onto one post. I don’t honestly remember HOW I ended up moderating it, but I just did because I was FASCINATED with symbolism, and I was excited because I could finally read subtext and understand it. I still had a small following, and a few people I regularly interacted with on my blog.

So, during the hiatus between S3 and TAB, somewhere along the way I suddenly had a sexuality crisis, when I suddenly realized I wasn’t broken and there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, and damn it, there’s such thing as split attraction model and asexuality?? Mind was BLOWN. I was also slowly becoming obsessed with Mary’s character, and at the time I couldn’t understand why (inevitably, it was because of events happening in my own life and me trying to understand them), but I really enjoyed just psychoanalyzing her. It’s something I’ve ALWAYS loved doing – character studies; I’ve done it in EVERY fandom I’ve been in – and I was doing it for her, Sherlock and John’s characters.

So yeah, nothing much really happened to me during the S3 hiatus, except my entire world view flipped on its head and I was completely Johnlocked beyond repair. I became known for some painful posts and some lovely revelations and writing a lot of character study posts on both John and Sherlock. I’m very proud of some of my earlier meta, just sad they never really got seen (some of my earliest meta can be seen on my Ao3).

Then came the announcement for TAB in 2015, and the start of my “Tumblr Career”. I put a lot of my energy into my fandom life. I was OBSESSED with TAB, and became known for it. I put my moderation skills to use and created the TAB Starter Pack, which started gaining me some followers because OMG some loser is taking the time out of their day to compile all the news about this new series! AWESOME. I remember, it was around this time I was excited because I got to 1895 followers and it was one of those milestones all Johnlockers like having, hahah.

In October of 2015, I lost my job and was unemployed. Conveniently, this is also the time when the promo season for TAB started, because we now had a name and airdate. I devoted a LOT of my time, when I wasn’t job hunting, to working on this blog. I was just writing a lot, and obsessing about the upcoming episode.

Then the trailer aired.

And immediately after that trailer dropped on October 24, 2015, I made this post here, which, some would probably say, was the beginning of everything for me. As I was writing that post, with a cracking headache, something clicked in my head, and several hours later, I had written and posted the original Mind Palace Theories of TAB at 2AM-ish, and went to bed.

When I woke up, my post had suddenly gone viral and I couldn’t figure out why. Then it just kept expanding from there, and I made sure to include everything I could onto it, because WOW something I wrote was gaining traction, and interaction, and I just wanted us all to have a good time with it. And as the time for TAB drew closer, suddenly I was gaining followers, and more people interested in what I had to write. I welcomed everyone to continue to predict the outcome with me.

January 1st. Was a complete and total mind fuck. I was liveblogging the episode, and inadvertently created another viral post with my Mycroft’s Death post because FUCK ARE THEY KILLING MYCROFT OFF?? kind of freaked people out (sorry loves!), which gained me some more followers, and at the time, my top post was my December 31st reblog of my Mind Palace Theories post, so anyone who came to my blog, it would have been on the first page of it.

After the episode aired, suddenly, EVERYONE had questions for me, about EVERYTHING, but mostly to scream at me that I was a mind reader, LOL. No, I’m not, I was just a sad, unemployed twat with too much time on my hands and was avoiding job hunting. But good god, all DAY on Jan 1, I was replying to asks, gaining followers like crazy, and pretty much just stating my opinion on anything that someone wanted to know.

I became known as the unofficial TAB blog, and the one to come to with questions about my interpretation of the episode. I was SO obsessed with TAB, studied every nuance and narrative structure I could. 2016 was “my heyday”, and it was fun. I found my niche, and meta-writing is what I became known for. And until I got a job in April of that year, I was a pretty solid presence in the fandom, if I understand some of what I’ve been told correctly. I still ran my blog as full-time as I could having a full-time job, and still do in some ways, but yeah, 2016 is when I produced a LOT of meta, mostly Mary meta because, as I said above, I was and am obsessed with her character arc. I was learning about myself a lot more by writing meta, and my “original” meta turned into “asks” meta, which was fine by me, because I do like a good prompt to get me going.

Somewhere in there I also somehow became the blog new bloggers came to, which I didn’t and don’t mind at all, because being new in a fandom is scary and I wanted to be a friendly face because I like meeting new people.

Then we got an announcement for S4, and like TAB I also kept track of anything and everything S4-related, so once again I was sort of the “go-to” place for everything S4 because I compiled all the stuff from setlock bloggers and listed them all for easy-access. I kept track of everything promotional, and I reblogged some of my favourite pre-S4 meta here.

Essentially, I LOVE organizing things, and people liked that I LOVED doing it, so that’s sort of how I kept my following when I wasn’t posting as much new meta. I did make a few original meta before S4, and I made a 68 day video countdown to the series which is cringy AF and I’m not linking it (lol you can find it if you look hard enough).

We all know what happened in S4. I took a bit of heat after S4 aired, because I got people’s hopes up. I was discouraged for a bit, but then I started receiving asks that weren’t really asks, but “I need advice” and “I need support”.

And I started answering life questions, and realized people LIKED my responses, liked my little personal anecdotes in each of my replies, and felt comforted by it. So, after S4 aired, I became an eclectic mix of life advice, meta, fics, music and TJLC / tinhatting blog. I have a “no judgement” approach to my blogging, and I think that’s why I’m still gaining a steady dozen or so followers every couple weeks, rather than losing. The only time I took a big hit was the Tumblr Feedpocalypse, where they fucked up the algorithm and I’m not getting nearly as many hits on my posts as I used to, but that could also be because we lost so many people to S4, especially after Jan 1, 2018 when people were hoping for another episode.

I personally don’t think I’m popular, but I suppose I am by Tumblr standards. I dunno, I think we all have that “starry eyed” view of popular bloggers, and I just can’t picture myself as someone anyone would fawn over. I’m just me, and you can take it or leave it.

I think where I’m at now and what I’m known for is a good place to be, to be honest, despite how S4 turned out. I’m not certain, but I FEEL like I have a positive reputation here, but don’t quote me. I know I have people in this fandom who hate me, and quite frankly it saddens me that they feel they need to expel energy on me that way when they deserve to just be happy and forget about me.

ANYWAY, sorry that got long and rambly, but it’s something I’ve wanted to talk about for awhile, but I was waiting for the prompt to come because *shrugs* I dunno, self esteem thing, makes me think no one REALLY cares until someone actually asks, hah.

And if you made it all the way to the end here, Love ya Nonny, and thank you for asking and thank you for being a follower of my blog

#steph replies #about me #fandom life #steph's storytime #fandom history #Anonymous #long post #my blog

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orionsangel86 · 6 years

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1) Hey Saz, this is the person from Tink's long-ass 5-parter ask. This is going to be even longer. I'm on anon because of shyness above all things but I am willing to message you off anon if you want me to do so! I saw what you wrote about that ask and I agree.... to the most point. All the 'characteristics' of Destiel that differenciate it from other ships that you listed were actually applicable to some the ships I was talking about, especially Johnlock. -->

--> 2)The other ships, yes, you may be right, but for Johnlock I felt even more wronged intellectually when it crashed to the ground than I think I'll feel if the same thing happens to Destiel. I'm going to sound like a Johnlock shipping troll, but I'm not, I ran away from the mess of a fandom it became post-season 4. So bear with me. I really can't explain what my experience was at the time if you aren't familiar with tjlc and what the pre-season 4 sherlock fandom was like. -->

-->3)But let me assure you that it was extremely alike the spn/destiel fandom right now. I want to point out the similarities of the fandom and the ship but that would basically mean me explaining why Johnlock should have been canon, and I don't think you are here for that. So let me just point out a few things. By the end of the honest-to-god fanfic-y 3rd season, the GA were taking notice of it as well, to the point where, yes, the show is being called the worst queerbait ever even to this day.

--> 4)It frankly deserves it. And it was 2017.... we thought it was due fucking time. Guess it wasn't. When looking ay bibro blogs I can't help but be reminded of Johnlock antis. At least when that was a thing, you know, because you can't be an anti of something when it turns out you were right. We made fun of them, because how the fuck can you see jealousy at weddings, literally killing for the other the day they meet, -->

--> 5) having something secret to say that they can't bring themselves to say even after the other's death, being broken over the other's death TWO YEARS LATER AND ON THE DAY YOU FUCKING PROPOSE TO YOUR GF, prefering the other over your string of girlfriends, counting the texts a woman sent the other, COMING BACK TO LIFE AFTER LITERALLY FLATLINING BECAUSE THE OTHER IS IN DANGER, and, you know, constantly making both of them have shitty relationships and be unsatisfied romantically.... -->

.... and read it all as platonic? The show literally falls apart if you take away Johnlock... sounds familiar. You know, one of the writers for Sherlock is gay. So I believed in him, after all gay writers won't queerbait, how could they? (turns out they could.)......But I digress. I won't blame you if you just glossed over what I ranted above. Actually some of the reasons I'm still holding out hope for Destiel is 1) How atrocious the last season of Sherlock was, worst than Supernatral at its worst. 2) The sense that everything is coming full circle in this season(which we didn't get, btw, in even the last season of Sherlock). 3) Misha fucking Collins. And you know, although i heatedly ranted above in response to your response, I did it only because I wanted to justify what I spent near three years on. I didn't want to leave you thinking that a ship like this didn't exist before, because in my opinion, it did. So sorry. I was being spiteful.About the 'Greatest Love Stoty Ever Told', which was in fact the big fandom tagline for Johnlock as well....... I think I'll wait and see. If it is endgame, then I agree that it really is the greatest love story ever told. And I also agree that the show seems to be going that way

Hi Nonny,

So this is all in relation to this post and I think that the easiest way to answer this is to say to anyone still doubting, including nonny, to just read the various replies and reblogs on that post, because the answers are perfect.

Also nonny I know we have spoken in private already and you said that you were feeling better after reading the responses on that post as well so I won’t go into too much depth here, but I still wanted to post your asks in case there are still people out there feeling the way you do.

This is going to be my opinion on the matter, which, of course, is just that. There are many many people out there who were greatly upset by Sherlock and I feel for you all. Its not fair what happened and what that show put you through. Your feelings and your views on the matter are 100% valid and real and nothing that I say here is trying to contradict that. You saw a love story between those characters. That interpretation, like any interpretation of a text, is real and never let anyone say you were wrong. Johnlock still exists within the text of that show, just because it didn’t end with a kiss or a love confession doesn’t mean that it isn’t a valid reading.

I started watching Sherlock before I ever got into Supernatural. When it came out in 2010 I LOVED it. My film student lizard brain picked up on the Johnlock subtext pretty much straight away and aside from some very brief thoughts of “ooh that would be a different spin on it” I didn’t pay much more attention. I continued to watch Sherlock second season in 2012 and again I noticed the subtext, but at this point recognised that it was all done for humorous purposes. I never thought they would go there. I didn’t “ship” it because I didn’t even know what “shipping” was at the time let alone thought John and Sherlock were more than friends who happen to get mistaken for a couple. That was the gag. It was what made my very typically straight male young brother giggle like an idiot because apparently being mistaken for gay was funny. (It’s not. I hate those jokes. They don’t work outside a Carry On film and I don’t even like Carry On films).

When season 3 came out in Jan 2014 I side eyed the series because I had had enough of the gay jokes. I thought it was getting weird and could see that there was a beautiful bond between the characters that imo was being twisted for cheap laughs. I pondered on whether this Sherlock was in fact in the closet, Were they trying to tell us that he was secretly gay? I didn’t get it because it was never clear enough to me that this was the case and yet they continued to play around with the concept whilst the character of John is off with his fiance. My brother continued to find the whole thing hilarious. It was never taken seriously. My musings on Sherlocks sexuality were pushed aside because it seemed clear to me that the writers were not taking it seriously.

Then over the summer of 2014 I binge watched 9 seasons of SPN. I struggled with seasons 1 and 2, made it through 3, watched 4 and fell in love with an Angel of the Lord. It took me 10 episodes to figure out Cas was gay. It took me a further 2 seasons of umming and ahhing in my own head to conclude that yes, Dean was definitely Bisexual. It took until 6x20 to realise that this was legit something in the text and not my imagination. It took until season 8 for me to believe 100% that they were going there. (I wavered a bit on that belief in seasons 9 and 10 but season 11 pulled me back and I haven’t looked back since.)

In the early seasons, 4, 5 and 6, I recognised the patterns used between Dean and Cas were the same used in Sherlock. I re-watched Sherlock at some point in 2015 and remember thinking damn yeah they really were shoving the subtext in our faces a bit. But I still didn’t ship it, even though I was 100% shipping destiel at that point. I again pondered Sherlock’s sexuality, had a brief thought of “I’d like to see that take on the story” but again discarded any thought that it would actually be textual in a show that imo seemed adamant in keeping it all about the humour. If they weren’t going to take this characters sexuality seriously, then the story was never going to seriously be explored.

See if Destiel had always remained the way it was in seasons 4, 5 and 6, then I wouldn’t have any belief that it was going canon. I would probably still ship it (the sexual tension in season 4 was insane) but the idea that it would go canon would have always been a pipe dream. So many shows use the queer subtext as a source of humour. So many shows tease their characters as queer and use homoeroticism for titillation. It delights my idiot brother to no end. I hate it. I think it desperately needs to stop. I have never ever watched an episode of Sherlock and thought that it was doing anything other than just that. (I didn’t particularly like the 4th season though because nothing made any bloody sense and I think they kind of butchered the characterisations - I did say this would all be my opinion though so please don’t take offence).

You say that the show falls apart if you take away the romantic love story and make it platonic. I guess if I was to watch it again I could try to consider that reading, but my own experience watching seasons 1-3 is certainly not from a romantic view point and it all made sense to me. Season 4 didn’t make sense at all, and by the time that was on I was deep in destiel fandom and frequently writing meta, so I DID see the romantic reading in the text and yet still didn’t understand the story. (Again, I stress this is my opinion and is in no way trying to invalidate your own). However, with Destiel, the last three and a bit seasons narratively don’t work without it. I have tried to watch them and ignore every romantic moment, or hint at a romantic love between them, and in doing so, it confuses the fucking plot. I need to sit down and catalogue all the ways seasons 10 to 13 don’t work without destiel to evidence this but it would be a pretty epic job because there are ALOT.

I understand that you feel that Johnlock and Destiel are similar ships, but my opinion is that they drastically diverted course from each other when SPN went into its eighth season. Since then, there has been nothing quite like destiel in terms of build up and story structure - unless you start comparing it to the straight ships.

Where we are right now, destiel is deeply ingrained into the narrative of the show, and it is never used as a gag. It is never poked fun of in a way that reduces Dean and Cas’s relationship. Something that I believe Sherlock did right up until its last episode. I also 100% believe that the SPN creators and cast have a much greater respect and love for their fans than the Sherlock writers and cast ever did. (I’m not much of a fan of Bendydick Cucumberpatch and I have never been comfortable with Steve Moffat... dunno why the guy just gives me the creeps (then again so does Bob Singer)). They have been so positive towards Destiel recently that I am constantly stunned whenever new media or PR comes out. I am also of the belief that someone as wonderful as Misha Collins who is a champion for the LGBT community and cares deeply about making the world a better place would never ever involve himself in something that if it didn’t happen, would be considered the biggest queerbait in TV history. Breaking the hearts and severely angering millions of fans all over the world. Misha is a very smart man. He knows exactly how much this means to us and what it will do to us if it doesn’t happen. He doesn’t exactly look worried though. He doesn’t ever look like he is guilty over encouraging this ship? He looks like a fucker who knows whats up and can’t wait til we finally get to be in on the joke so he can tweet about it 24/7.

If destiel doesn’t happen, then Misha, of all people.... well... I’d have to rethink my entire opinion of him... the idea is so unfathomable for me, so impossible, it hurts my head to even consider. Did you ever feel this way about BC or Martin Freeman?

I just can’t believe that the people behind SPN would do that to us, but the people behind Sherlock? Well it didn’t exactly surprise me when it didn’t go canon. The BBC isn’t exactly known for being progressive. It’s known for playing it safe. If Sherlock was on Channel 4 I reckon they would have gone there. The Channel 4 execs probably would have encouraged it from the start. They would have considered it ‘edgy’.

I know that the CW isn’t exactly the most progressive network either, but its a young network, with a younger demo compared to the grumpy old pensioners who sit and watch BBC every night and complain that their tax payer money shouldn’t be going towards anything other than gardening shows and Eastenders. Soooo I think that has something to do with it too. The CW has a greater chance of pulling something like this off.

I’m so so sorry that Sherlock burned you. But don’t give up hope on destiel just yet, the factors are all currently in our favour. No two ships are alike, and in my opinion, Destiel is the motherfucking Symphony of the Seas compared to all others. It’s bigger, better, and hopefully, due for launch in Spring 2018.

#yeah i'm still on a cruise buzz #im sorry if i havent explained this well #but this is purely my opinion #destiel #johnlock #personal opinions #ask #anon #Anonymous

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fairycosmos · 7 years

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if i want to be sad/depressed right now which is sorta odd but idc but do i let myself get into the state which is addictive its a love hate thing bc its the only thing that keeps me company ig. You think i should let myself do what it wants to do rn or fight it and just not do literally anything and feel numb YES THIS PROBABLY DOESNT MAKE PERFECT SENSE BUT IVE HAD NO SLEEP BUT I STILL FEEL I NEED ADVICE ON THIS

first of all, you need to get some rest when you can because your mind is just going to keep going round in circles if you don't. you'll feel at least a little better after you wake up, i promise. second of all, i think a lot of people can relate to finding comfort in their own sadness/depression, it's actually a pretty common problem. but that really doesn't mean you should just allow it to continue, you know? there's a balance that you need to find, because you deserve a lot more than just what you're giving yourself right now. there are other things way to keep yourself company, there are other ways to feel like you're not alone. i know this isn't what you want to hear and you probably won't do it until you feel 100% ready to, but i'd really recommend talking to someone about this if you haven't already and if it's an option for you. even if you just start off with a family member or a trusted friend, and then move on to a professional such as a therapist or a counselor in time. it seems to me like you're using your own sadness as a coping mechanism because it's what you're used to, it's your comfort zone - but it really doesn't have to be, not if you work at it and make the conscious effort to change that mindset through proper techniques such as consistent therapy, learning healthier coping mechanisms etc. you genuinely have a lot more options than your brain is leading you to believe. this isn't a hopeless situation and there is a way through it, seriously. you just have to force yourself to take that first step, even if your mind is telling you not to. i get that it's a lot easier said than done, but when it comes down to it, you're really not going to feel like this for the rest of your life. every negative emotion and thought you have is temporary, even if it feels so real and heavy and permanent. you're only human, and it's okay to not know what to do next and to be confused and afraid and upset. just take it one day at a time, and deal with it as it comes.anyway, the point i'm trying to make is that you are the only person that can bring yourself back from the brink of this. you have a certain amount of control over the situation, and yeah there are some aspects of it that are out of your hands but you can still do what's right for you and speak to somebody. i'm not saying it's instantly going to make things better or anything, but it's honestly a good place to start. even if you can't see a doctor, there are separate mental health organizations that you can get in touch with that will offer you support and advice. you're clearly in a lot of pain and emotional turmoil right now, and i'm really sorry that you're dealing with it because i know it's not easy, but you're a lot stronger than you think you are and you will get through it, even if it feels impossible. i know it all sounds like such bullshit, but it's not. when it comes to mental health, i think a lot of people don't take it as seriously as their physical health but it's really just as important, and if you need help then you shouldn't prevent yourself from getting it. don't hold yourself back for no reason, make yourself a priority in your own life. i'm going to leave a few links that might help you in the meanwhile, but i hope you feel better soon and i hope you know that you're not alone. i'm always here if you need to talk, just hmu :)https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tech-support/201403/5-powerful-strategies-get-you-out-ruthttps://www.everydayhealth.com/hs/major-depression/ask-for-help/https://lonerwolf.com/highly-sensitive-people-emotional-snowballing/http://www.theredheadriter.com/2012/04/2-ways-to-be-calm-and-peaceful-holding-it-together-in-the-midst-of-turmoil/http://www.michaelgregoryii.com/2014/12/escape-comfort-depression/

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mittensmorgul · 7 years

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A lot of the show fans have come to the conclusion that Adam's soul went to heaven when he was molotov'd, like how Jimmy died after Cas' first death. But-- then we get Death telling Dean to choose between removing Sam OR Adam's soul from the cage. Meaning he's still probably down there. What do you think? Is he in heaven, or is he still down in the cage with a mentally unstable powerful archangel.

I don’t mean to sound dismissive here, but I get asked this question every few months, and I’ve answered it so many times that I kinda have an insta-groan reaction to it. I can only link you to everything I’ve said on the subject before:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/130962811400/they-remembered

Oh, here’s a post from 2014 responding to that:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/104837064620/cinnamonsentry-roguishfeathers

I kinda allude to Death’s repeated “testing” of Dean here:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/144380034745/the-empty-and-amaras-offer but the post really isn’t about that.

I think we touch on it here:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/153534420375/floatingaboveclouds-spearywritesstuff

I know I absolutely have answered this ask multiple times, but I either neglected to tag those replies properly, or tumblr’s search function is just... not very functional... (not to mention that it has now been like 2 hours since I started trying to reply, and my internet has gone down like 9 times, and I am at a point where I would rather fling the router out into the thunderstorm to meet its deserved fate with a direct damn lightning strike than continue to rage-search my own blog for stuff in between thunder booms... sorry :P)

But the primary arguments for this are based on Death’s ~limitations~. Yes he’s a massively powerful being who isn’t sure if he’s older than god or not because it all happened so long ago it’s gone blurry... but he can’t really interfere too much with Creation or else he could inadvertently set off a rolling series of cosmic consequences, you know. And that was one of Deaths very first lessons to Dean.

6.11 is still in my top 5 favorite episodes of this entire show, and it clearly lays out how those consequences play out if the balance isn’t restored. There is a natural order, and Death must remain an impartial witness, or the entire system breaks down. It would be chaos.

He began his “bargain” with Dean by essentially proving his point-- that Dean didn’t care about the cosmic consequences, he only cared about Sam. He did this by giving Dean that choice, KNOWING that Dean would always choose Sam. It wasn’t about altruism on Dean’s part. Because Dean had thrown Adam’s soul into the bargain FIRST. DEAN initiated that. Which meant that Death already KNEW that Dean believed Adam’s soul was there, whether or not it were literally true. It gave Death some leverage, already putting Dean on the spot, making him understand how wrong and selfish what he was asking for really was.

But Death held up his end of the bargain anyway, even after Dean failed the “test.” Because it was never really a test, it was a lesson. A lesson about the consequences of messing with the natural order. That Dean honestly did understand. Instead of just essentially quoting the entire first act of 6.11 here, please just go read the section marked Act 1 on the Superwiki transcript. I’ll sum it up here:

Dean goes in full of false bravado, trying to use Death’s ring as leverage to secure Death’s help in retrieving Sam’s soul. Death swats that idea down, points out Dean’s hubris, and tells him to get on with it.

It doesn’t really come through in the transcript but Dean’s basically bs’ing his way through this whole conversation, and he sort of throws Adam in as an afterthought, because if Death is gonna be down there saving Sam anyway, why not ask for Adam too.

Death appears to consider this request, and then asks Dean to pick. I don’t see it as Death “considering the request and then forcing Dean to choose one or the other.” Death KNEW who Dean would pick if given a choice. Even if it was a FALSE CHOICE, because it never really was a choice at all. But making it seem like Dean actually DID have a choice... well, it serves SO MANY narrative purposes.

It leaves the reality of Adam’s location vague and up for interpretation

It puts ALL of Deaths motivations and actions up for further consideration

it makes it obvious that Dean’s first choice will always be Sam. he didn’t even hesitate.

it showed us that regardless of the truth, Dean still believed that Adam might be in the cage, giving Death even MORE leverage over Dean

and letting Dean experience the full weight of the guilt that he HAD made that choice

But the original story of An Appointment in Samarra is all about fate. It’s about the fact that you can’t really outrun death once it’s your time to go. It boils down to the equivalent of, “No matter what choice you make, we’ll always end up here.” Death always wins.

Billie even mentions Death’s fascination with Sam and Dean, how he’d had this soft spot for them, and found them mildly entertaining, clearly favoring the two of them for having brought them back (or allowed them to be brought back) over and over again in seeming violation of the natural order.

The other main argument against Adam actually being in the cage is the fact that Sam has never ONCE mentioned the fact. His soul was trapped in the cage with Michael and Lucifer for nearly two centuries (a year and a half in hell time, based on Dean’s 4 months equaling 40 years, would be about 180 years, give or take, presuming Cage Time was the same as Hell Time). We’ve seen him have flashbacks to the cage in s6, in s7, and again in s11. And never once did they ever have anything to do with Adam. Or even with Michael. But you’d think after all this time it would weigh on Sam just a little to know that his brother was still trapped in the cage.

It was never brought up during s11 when Sam was negotiating with Lucifer. It was never brought up by Lucifer himself throughout s11 or s12 to torment Sam and Dean with. Because it would torment them.

Again, apologies if any of this is less-than-lucid, but I’ve had it up to HERE with the internet going kerplonk every four minutes. I’m just grateful I never lost the entirety of this post at any point during the storm. :P

Also, I’m seriously considering creating an Asked And Answered FAQ sort of page for commonly posed questions such as this one. That would be SUPER convenient for me! Okay, Imma tag it Stuff I Get Asked A Lot for the time being. :P

#spn 6.11 #spn 5.22 #adam milligan #spn 5.18 #the cage #but really i like death #i texted my friend 'i like death' but it looked so disconcerting #Death and his backup dancers doin the old razzle dazzle #i have a lot of tags for death and reapers sue me #stuff i get asked a lot #Anonymous

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stonercouple43012-blog · 7 years

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Ladymaryjane here ! ♥ I’m creating this blog so I can better explain to RandyKush that after all these years of spending my life with him there is nothing or no one who can ever compare to this kind of love. I absolutely adore him. And I vow to spend everyday for the rest of my life making sure he knows that and believes that with all of his heart, mind, and soul.

So for my first post, I’m gonna tell a little bit of a story.. it all starts before these pictures were even taken. Back in 2011, we were both 17 years old, the very first time I met him ♥ but no it wasn’t love at first sight … I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend .. how romantic lol. But fate has a funny way of making things work and within just a few months we became best friends, or biffles (like we used to say). A year goes by and we only become closer, at this point our friends are asking us if we’re sure this is all “friendship” and we were both blind to it and said yes of course we’re just really close. It wasnt until shit got real and he had to face something from his past that I realized how much I really cared for this boy. It didnt take much longer for me to drop everything and profess my feelings to him, and to my surprise he was willing to give us a chance ♥ and that my friend was the beginning of a great love story.

2012- Our first year dating. I’m sure most couples could say, “we had our ups and downs”. Well luckily for us our first year was literally perfect, I mean sure the entire world could have been falling apart around us, but we were perfect. It didn’t take long for that “biffles” love to become that everything you’ve every wanted love. The picture above is the very first picture we took together as a couple, and till this day its my absolute favorite picture. I have never wanted someone more and been happier to have him ♥

2013- Year Number 2. Easily one of the best and worse years of our lives. That was the year we learned how much we truly mean to each other. We went through so much that year, from having our own rented room, the best summer ever, great jobs, then losing our room, being arrested, and then my miscarriage on top of it. I honestly would have never made it through that year without him.

2014- They say everything good comes in 3s. And boy what a year! And I mean that in the best way possible. It truly was a great year, even if we didn’t fully know it at the time. I mean of course by now we’ve been together so long that we were comfortable enough to say what we want with no filter, so our arguments didn’t always feel tolerable. And after a little rough beginning of the year with all the moving around we did, we were finally able to stabilize ourselves and we got our very first own apartment, just me and him ♥ It was seriously the best thing that ever happened to me, I felt like our life was complete. I actually think our biggest stress factor that year was the fact that our kitchen wasn’t big enough for us to host our very own thanksgiving and Christmas dinner LOL. I can say with full confidence that 2014 was our year!

2015- This year deserves its very own post. And it will have one soon.. so I’m not going to get into too much detail. This year was the year that changed our lives forever. I never thought that something like that would happen to us, but it did. And when I woke up in that hospital, I knew things we’re different. I wasn’t aware at the time and I dont think he was either, at exactly how much this really affected us. But I can say this for a fact, when I woke up the first person I wanted to see was him. And I couldn’t be more grateful to have been blessed with someone who stood by my side through my entire recovery. He slept on an uncomfortable couch for an entire week while I was admitted, he held my hand when I was in too much pain, he was understanding when I dozed off mid conversation because of the heavy medication, he even wiped me after using the bathroom because I couldn’t do it myself. But still the affect everything had on me was too much for me to handle and shortly after I was recovered we had our first break up. I was selfish and trying to figure life out on my own without realizing that my best friend, my partner, my husband needed to figure things out too, and we could have done a much better job together. It only took me 2 months to realize I made a mistake and we started hanging out again. We ended up moving all the way to MA and I was only able to stay 1 month before panicking about being all alone over there without my mom. So I came back and we continued our relationship through facetime and an occasional visit.

2016- The end of 2015 was pretty hectic with moving back and forth and then ending up separated from each other, but 2016 started off in the most perfect way possible. A friend of mine was throwing a new years party at her house and he was able to make it. So we able to finish and begin another year together. And then even better news we were able to move into my friends house into another rented room. It was great! We were so happy!! He started a new job. We were away from our home town, but not far enough for me to get scared. Later in the year I got a really good job, so things just kept getting better and better. And then of course where there’s a ME there’s a problem .. the end of the year things began to get a little shaky, but it wasn’t enough to shake us just yet. Thanks to how strong our love is we were able to hang on as much as we possibly could and we were able to close another great year.

2017- Although we havent completed our 5th year and got started on our 6th yet. I can already say this year came with a lot of lessons learnt. I almost can’t bring myself to write words for this year, because I’m living it and what I feel is so much more than anything I could ever say. This is another subject that will have its own post elaborating on everything. But I can say right now that I’ve always known that I love Randol, but I’ve never been more 100% certain with not an ounce of doubt in my mind that I want to die with this man. I want to live out every single one of my days with him. Even if I’m not deserving. This year showed me that I too need to fight for what I want. So I’m going to spend the rest of my life fighting for this man and proving to him that he is the one and only man for me. I’m so extremely grateful that he loves me as much as he does and that he’s still here with me. I fucked up. I’m sorry.

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sportsandfitnessinfo · 7 years

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New Post has been published on http://fitnessandhealthpros.com/fitness/smells-like-team-spirit-altitude-training-at-camp-brooks/

Smells Like Team Spirit: Altitude Training at Camp Brooks

The FBG/Brooks Running connection isn’t anything new. We’ve been part of their blog ambassador program for years (and that means you’re likely to find some affiliate links here, so if you see something you like, we’d be honored if you purchased through our link! Each year, either Jenn or I have attended the annual trip Brooks puts on for us (2016, 2015, 2014, 2013). I’m not alone in saying that we’ve formed a really tight knit community with the other bloggers in the program — seeing them each year is an absolute highlight.

I adore these women SO HARD. (Find all their blogs at the bottom of the post!)

But what I hadn’t realized until my recent trip to Albuquerque for Altitude Camp with Brooks is that this feeling of being a team? It’s not unique to the bloggers. It’s a huge part of the Brooks culture — a part that we saw firsthand while spending a weekend training and learning with the Brooks Beasts (a group of middle-distance professional athletes based in Seattle, but attending a few weeks of Altitude Camp in New Mexico).

(Before I tell you all about camp, let me be clear — Brooks generously paid for my travel and accommodations, and also hooked me up with some sweet gear that I’ll share later in the post, but I’m under no obligation to write about it all, so anything you read? That’s all me, baby. If I say it rocked, it rocked. The end.)

Meet the Camp Counselors

The weekend started on a hilarious note with an introduction to the Beasts who’d be our “camp counselors” for the weekend. They introduced each other, sharing their teammates’ accomplishments, some funny and surprising facts (like, I now know who really likes spending time in their robe, who will feed you pancakes … but only if you catch them in your mouth, and who’s been detained in a foreign country for unwittingly crossing the border on a long run without a passport), and the affection (not to mention admiration) they felt for one another was evident.

The introductions were followed by a fascinating presentation on the benefits (and risks) of altitude training by the team’s physiologist, Dr. Corey Hart. There was a whole lotta knowledge dropped in a short amount of time, but one of the key takeaways for those of us living at sea level is something I’d also learned in my USAT training: if you’re gonna race at altitude, either show up less than two days before your race or plan to be there for a minimum of 10-17 days prior to race day. In between? Nope, nope, nope.

Track Time

Then, it was off to the track, where the team building really got going. We were broken into several teams, each with a couple other bloggers, some other athletes/influencers/editors, and two Beasts as our coaches. Team Yellow (which was NEVER mellow) totally lucked out with Jess Tonn and Izaic Yorks — they were positive and encouraging gave us some great dynamic stretches, which you know I am all about.

Here’s the gear we were provided: Pick Up Tank (although, sorry, had to be there to get the Altitude Camp graphic), Juno Bra (not pictured but hella supportive) and 5″ Chaser Running Shorts — I’ve been wearing the heck out of my 3″ Chasers, and found the 5″ to be a nice option for days when I want to flash a little less booty. We also checked out the Greenlight Running Capris (not pictured here), which were a huge hit with the group.

I really loved having a chance to go all out in a group like this. There were some elite runners there, as well as some runners who were more my speed, but there’s something about giving absolutely everything you have in a workout — and knowing others around you are doing the same. We might not have run the same pace (lol forever), but we were all there, sweating and cheering each other on, and the energy was infectious.

(This is where I probably need to give a shoutout to my teammate Dan — who I’d known for all of maybe five minutes — for forcibly keeping me upright after that last 200m effort. Otherwise I might still be flat on my back on the track.)

Hey, it was St. Paddy’s Day — what was I gonna do, wear normal shoes?

Launch 4 pictured here. You can’t get the special St. Patrick’s day design anymore, but there are still a bunch of fun colors (plus Boston Launch 4)!

(Don’t worry, I’ll be sharing the workout with you guys soon. Stay tuned.)

After the track workout, we had a group dinner at the hotel while listening to Coach Danny Mackey talk about how he works with the Beasts, and how each one of his athletes works differently and it’s his job to bring out the best in them.

The most powerful part for me — and I think for a lot of people, really — was how passionately he talked about that team atmosphere, and how important it was that any new athlete joining their team not only bring the required athletic talent, but also the right attitude. That’s not to say there are no egos — this is an elite team of professionals, with Olympians and world record holders and people who are very much used to winning — but when you bring that kind of drive and pour it not only into your own workouts, but into your teammates’, you get some real magic. I’m so excited to see what the Beasts accomplish in the coming years.

Running Trails With New and Old Friends

I think everyone was seriously excited about the trail run at Michial M. Emery Bear Canyon Trail, but I’ll admit, I was also a little nervous. This is a fast group and even if I could keep up, I also wanted to enjoy this run and take in the scenery. Fortunately (for me — less fortunately for some of them), a few of my fellow bloggers were running a little slower than usual (pregnancy and injuries), so I had a photography-friendly group with me as I kicked up dirt and searched for sunbeams.

All of us were ready to run … and all wearing (mostly) the same gear!

All suited up here in the Caldera Trail-Running Shoe, which everyone seemed to really love (myself included) and Cascadia Shell Running Jacket, which — fun fact — has tons of ventilation and packs down into its own front pocket.

Running mountainous trails at an elevation of over 6,000 feet is not the easiest thing for a Florida girl who lives in a city with literally one hill, but I’d be shocked if I stopped smiling at any point. It was just too beautiful.

Cactus: not recommended. Calderas? Definitely recommend.

Well, maybe once, when I almost ran into a cactus. Pro tip: When running in the desert, don’t touch the cacti. You are welcome.

#WORTHIT

Lunching and Learning

After an inspiring run (seriously, the weather was just perfect, the company sublime … I wish I could bottle that feeling and take it home), we wrote down how running made us feel (I went with “invicible”) and headed back to the hotel for a quick shower and then lunch with Brooks Beasts’ nutritionist Kyle Pfaffenbach. His primary message: every body is different, so it’s important to find nutrition that works for you. And it’s not only about what makes one’s body function best — he also puts a serious focus on what each athlete wants, because forcing them to follow a diet they hate, even if it benefits their performance, won’t work in the long run.

But, as Dr. P said, you can’t outrun a bad diet — and that’s not only true at the elite level. (So eat yo’ veggies and protein, guys, and don’t skimp on the recovery drink. I’ll have more on this on Fit Bottomed Eats coming soon.)

The learning continued in breakout sessions. We shared our favorite running gear and apparel, discussed why we run, and then got the scoop on what really goes into designing new Brooks shoes. Hint: some of the athletes wear test and provide feedback on them, which not only helps the finished product rock, but also gives these world class athletes a real feeling of ownership over the shoes they’re wearing when they walk up to the start line.

Okay, granted, they don’t look super jazzed here. But I SWEAR it was a really lively conversation, and it was awesome to hear how passionate these runners (Nick Symmonds, Katie Mackey, Drew Windle and Garrett Heath) are about their shoes and the Brooks Running brand.

Eating Like a Champ at the Beasts’ House

Our final event was a trip to the house all the Beasts were living in while in New Mexico for a cookout. But first, we broke up into our teams one last time for an energy bar contest. Team Yellow came in second place (although I maintain we were robbed — who’s gonna vote against our Balls From Heaven?), and were rewarded with a prime spot in the beer line. It was definitely shaping up to be my kind of night.

Nice digs, huh? Wait ’til you see the view.

We enjoyed chips and guac, burgers (veggie with green chilies and cheese for me), but, most importantly, conversation. I chatted with lots of the Beasts about all kinds of things — Drew Windle about what he wants to do when he’s done running professionally, Katie Mackey about her 11-mile tempo runs (ZOMG), Garrett Heath about … how hard it is to find beach parking in Florida? Ugh, I am so awkward. I swear I’m more interesting than that. But hey, he was totally nice about it (and probably learned some very valuable lessons, right?). I also learned that Cas Loxsom has super fast reflexes during a heated game of Left, Right, Center. But this shouldn’t be all that surprising given what he does for a living, I guess.

It probably won’t make you even more jealous that I snapped this pic surrounded by a bunch of super-friendly pro runners, right?

If this seems like a long recap, let me just say that the amount I had to leave out is probably double what I wrote. Those Brooks peeps sure know how to pack in a weekend! But if you want to read a little more about our Albuquerque adventures, check out what the other bloggers on the trip had to say.

Jesica: rUnladylike

Anne: fANNEtastic Food

Janae: Hungry Runner Girl

Lora: Crazy Running Girl

Tina: Carrots ‘N’ Cake

Ashley: Healthy Happier Bear

Emily: Daily Garnish

Meghann: Meals and Miles

And I’d strongly recommend heading over to Instagram and checking out the #CampBrooks hashtag — you’ll get an inside look at the weekend, and I can almost promise you’ll find some fun new people to follow. I sure did!

But before you go, drop a comment below telling me why you run. Bonus points if you keep it to five words or less! I’ll go first: Because I CAN. —Kristen

Originally at :Fit Bottomed Girls Written By : Kristen

#Altitude, #Brooks, #Camp, #Like, #Smells, #Spirit, #Team, #Training #Fitness

#Altitude #Brooks #Camp #Like #Smells #spirit #Team #Training #Fitness

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