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shurisneakers · 3 years

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harmless (ix)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)

Warnings: cursing, sex jokes, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader, anxiety

Word count: 3.9k

A/N: a lot of requests came in last week, so cool and thank you for sending them in!! i’ll try my best to write them if they weren’t originally what i had planned for this series bc they’re so cute kfjdghdf. also hey shoutout to @i-reblog-fics-i-like for suggesting the backstory thing!

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

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Somehow it bypasses Bucky’s spam folder and is in his primary email. SHIELD tech is too advanced to let fake mails like this reach him and this doesn’t make sense. Unless it was one of the stupid dating websites he signed up for.

Leaving aside the obvious typo in the subject, he clicks on it, hoping it doesn’t unleash a virus onto his computer.

He’s instead greeted with a poorly Photoshopped picture of you at a bar with a martini in your hand. He doesn’t have to look too hard to see that the martini is, in fact, an emoji. Off to a terrible start already.

Right beside it is an even worse image, an imitation of an early Internet chat box.

Harbinger of Doom just sent you a message!

Come to the empty lot near lair. Bring goggles. 😩💦

Decline/Accept

He wants to strangle you.

______

“Why did you curse my eyes so early in the morning?” He spots you at the top of the lair, speaking loudly so that it hopefully reached you.

“What?” you yell back down instead. “If you’re saying something, I can’t hear you.”

He rolls his eyes. He pulls his phone from his pocket and presses on your contact.

He watches the look of confusion morph into one of slight surprise when you reach into your pocket and pull out your call.

“Don’t ever send an image like that to me again,” he says directly.

“If that one image is too much for you, how will we ever make our sex tape?”

His mouth opens and shuts like goddamn fish.

He can hear your laughter even without the phone.

“First of all- stop laughing- first of all, a sex tape is never going to happen. Second of all, I have a debriefing to go to, we need to make this quick.”

He holds up a finger when he sees you begin to say something. By the look of trouble painted all over your face, he knows it’s going to be a dumb innuendo.

“Thirdly, why are you standing there?”

“I watched The Last Airbender,” you say once your cackling dies down.

“I like that show.” He did. Peter sometimes watched it when he came over and Bucky more often than not joined in.

“I know, you told me.”

Oh.

“Okay, what now?”

“Put your goggles on.” You take one step towards the ledge.

“What are you doing?” The goggles don’t do anything to shield him from the sun, considering that they’re not tinted. Maybe he could invest in those.

You send him a smile, taking a step further. His walk towards the building turns into a jog, then a sprint when you’re basically standing on the edge.

You spread your arms out like Jesus Christ himself before flinging yourself off the building. His stomach drops.

His phone falls to the ground, discarded to the side as he sprints to break your landing.

It never comes.

Instead, a gust of wind smacks him in the face, forcing him a few steps backwards.

“I am now an air bender.” your eyes shone. “Kind of.”

Just like that, the show was ruined.

He wipes the dust on from his glasses that he now understands why you made him wear. Considerate, for a person who nearly just gave him a heart attack.

“Why.” It’s not even a question, just a statement.

“You know how the Tower has a giant ‘A’ on the side?”

He stares at you.

“I‘m gonna spray paint ‘asshole’ on the side of it.”

Pepper would not like that.

“That’s not even evil.”

“Yeah, but it’d annoy your super friends,” You do a flip midair, testing out the repulsors that were tied around your palms, “and I’m the voice of the people.”

You’re too high for him to reach. He doesn’t have his tools, or anything useful on him considering that he never had to use them before. He couldn’t even launch himself at you from the side of the building because you’d just move out of the way. He could jump really high but it would just have the same consequence.

He could talk and keep you distracted but that worked once, it wouldn’t again. At least not for long.

Fuck, he really had only one option.

He leaves you to do your somersaults and turns, walking over to where he dropped his phone. It’s an upgrade from the brick he was using a while ago, but not a high end Stark model. A smartphone, but barely.

He sighs, punching in the number and holding it up to his ear.

“Who are you calling?” you yell from above him.

“Go back to your shitty aerobics,” he yells back.

You pause for a second. “Was that a fucking pun, James Bar-”

The dial tone ends when someone picks up. He diverts his attention back to the call.

“Hey man, I-

“No.”

“You didn’t even let me finish.”

“It’s probably something stupid,” Sam doesn’t even sound annoyed, just uninterested.

“I need your wings.”

“I was right. Bye.”

It was a long shot anyway.

“Fuckin’ hold on a second.” He sees you disintegrate a concrete block by having it drop from the air. “You come here and fix this, then. She’s air bending now.”

“...like Avatar?” Sam unsurprisingly got the reference.

Peter’s interests were usually shared by everyone in the Tower, just because they had to compensate for the teasing he had to endure. It led to a lot of geeky documentaries and occasional musicals. Bucky wouldn’t be caught dead humming songs from Thoroughly Modern Millie under his breath.

“Yeah.”

“You want me to come and fight your girlfriend,” he says slowly.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Bucky urges, “and yes, I need help. Can’t exactly reach her when she’s twenty feet above me.”

“We have a briefing in 30 minutes. Why did you even go there today?”

He doesn’t know how to answer that. Just looks up at you smacking one of the repulsors against your thigh when it sputters for a second. It’s tradition.

“Well?” Bucky ignores his question.

“Fine,” Sam’s voice is distant for a second as he agrees. “Clint’s asking if he can come too.”

“Fuck no.” One of them was more than enough and Sam was way better at negotiation.

He hears a faint profanity from who he assumed was Clint before the call cuts.

He takes a seat on the ground and waits.

“You’re not going to make any effort to stop me?” You have your arms pressed to your side, palms pointed downwards to keep you afloat.

“I could just throw things at you again.” He makes a mention towards the small pebbles.

“I will fuck you up if you even try,” you warn. He lifts his arms in surrender. “So that’s it. You’re just going to sit there.”

“To be honest, I couldn’t care less if you painted the building,” he says with the least amount of interest he could muster, not that that was very hard.

“Do you not like your team?”

“I do.” He isn’t lying. “But they’re little shits.”

“I can draw a couple of dicks on their window, no problem,” you say offhandedly.

He looks up at you through his fingers. “That won’t be required.”

Although it was appreciated.

“Cool, so then I’m gonna go.” You make a mention of the utility belt on your waist. He looks at the many spray cans that decorate it.

“What colour are you going with?” he interrupts quickly. Fuckin’ Sam. What was the point of wings if he couldn’t get here in 2 minutes?

“Red, probably.” You look down. “I got purple and white just in case.”

“Building’s dark, red is good.”

“You really don’t care, do you?” You lower yourself down to the ground, a few feet ahead of him. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” For fucks’ sake, Sam. “You really don’t like superheroes, do you?”

“I don’t have anything against them.”

“Then why do you do this every week?”

This was wading into personal territory and he did not like it.

“Well.” Your eyebrows knit together. “Because I want to. It’s fun.”

“No other reason?”

“Do I need to have another reason?” You push your palm downwards, sending you back up into the air. “Can’t I just be evil because I want to?”

“Sure,” he says. He’s heard worse reasons. “Why not?”

“Besides, if you think I don’t like superheroes then you should meet Jake.”

“Who’s Jake?” He hadn’t ever heard you mention him before because he’d remember if you had.

“My roommate.”

“I didn’t see him when I came over.”

“That’s because we’re not conjoined at the hip.” It takes you a second to stabilise. “Besides, he grabbed the water while I got the bracelet but he refused to come say hi.”

Bucky looked down at his wrist. It was still there. He found himself fidgeting with it more often than not.

“He hates superheroes?”

“He has a valid reason.” Your eyes widen in worry when your head suddenly dips.

“What is it?” He knows the height at which you’re at isn’t very dangerous but if need be, he’s close by.

“Come find out.” Your eyes shone mischievously. “But yeah, no reason for me to be evil.”

“Not even a tragic backstory?”

“None. But if you want it, I can give you one, Barnes.” You test the waters, seeing how long you can lie horizontally. “Can’t promise you’ll like it though.”

“Try me.” He has time to kill. He’s a good listener.

“Well, it all started with my family- a troop of gorillas.” You flip over to lie on your back. “They practically raised me, they did. Until my gorilla mother died and I was all but consumed by grief and-”

“Your mother was a gorilla?” He entertains the notion.

“Or was it my father?” you ask thoughtfully. “I don’t know, I don’t remember. Anyway, I met a-”

“Just to clarify, none of this is real, right?” he interjects.

You stare at him. He stares at you.

“Bucky, that’s the plot of Tarzan,” you say slowly, “or at least whatever I remember of it... which I’m beginning to realise isn’t much.”

“Just clarifying.” He leans back again.

“Anyway so then when my mother, the deer-”

“Gorilla.”

“Whatever. Was killed, I escaped to some place-”

“Where?”

“Somewhere. And I stayed with these seven men-”

“Why seven?” He actually remembers watching this movie with his sister when it came out. An early memory, a bit faded. He remembers how long he saved up for the ticket.

“Because character development. And then I realised the reason my life was so weird was because there was a rat controlling me by pulling on my hair-”

“What the fuc-”

“If you ask any more questions, I’m going to stop.”

Bucky blinks at you. “So that’s your backstory.”

“Raw and uncut, baby.”

“Just to get this straight, your mother, the gorilla deer-”

“Witch.”

“Huh?”

“She was a witch who stole my hair.”

“Wha-”

He’s interrupted by the giant shadow cast by something that flies overhead.

Fucking finally.

He doesn’t even have to look up. Sam does a small glide to the ground, landing gracefully beside him.

Bucky finds you speechless but straightened up from your earlier posture.

“Buck,” Sam greets him.

“Sam,” he says in return, getting up from his place.

A grin spreads across your face. “Mr. Sam Wilson. No way.”

“You’re Y/N, I’m assuming?” Sam offers, posture relaxed. He clearly wasn’t here to fight.

“The one and only.” You tear your eyes away from Sam to glare at Bucky. “Barnes, if you had told me we were expecting guests, I would have dressed better.”

Bucky furrows his eyebrows in suspicion at you. You’d dress up for Sam.

You dressed up like a suburban tourist dad for him. He was feeling the offence incoming.

“Can’t count on him to be useful in any situation.” Alright, he did not call Sam just to have the both of you team up against him.

“Normally I’d agree with you but he did just invite you here, so...” you trail off, looking at Sam expectantly.

What the shit.

Sam smirks. Bucky switches rapidly back and forth between the both of you.

“I see why Buck keeps coming back every week.” It doesn’t take long for him to catch on, enlisting a feeling of triumph from you.

“I can’t see why he doesn’t just stay at home everyday if this is the view.” You gesture to him.

This is not what Bucky wanted.

“Okay,” Bucky interrupts, “what is going on here?”

“Pure chemistry, I’d say.” You’re half tempted to bite your lip to seal the deal.

“I agree.” Sam just nods, completely and utterly serious.

You think that you’ll give him a gift basket just for playing along despite meeting you for the first time at that moment.

“Get a room.” Bucky rolls his eyes.

“Maybe we will.” You tap your finger against your lip in thought. “How do you feel about Indian food, Sam?”

“Very positively.”

Bucky grits his teeth. “If you’re not planning to spray paint the Tower, can you just hand over the repulsers so we can go home for the day?”

You let out a small tsk in disapproval. “See what I have to deal with?”

“Can’t imagine how you do it every weekend,” Sam says dryly, not wasting a second in replying.

“Hello?” Bucky waves his arm around. “She’s the villain here.”

“Your face is the villain here.” You tear your eyes away from Sam only to glare at him. “He won’t even wear a cape. Why am I the only one who brings their A-Game every week?”

“Sam just get the damn-”

“You should wear a cape, man.” Bucky’s absolutely sure that even Sam knows it’s a ridiculous idea.

“I’m not wearing a fuckin’ cape,” he grumbles.

“What are your thoughts on swords, then?” Your finger finds a place under your chin in deep contemplation. “You’d look great with a sword.”

Bucky buries his face in his palms. “Sam, for the love of God.”

“Okay, alright.” Sam finally gives in with a small chuckle. He runs a few steps to get a small head start before launching himself into the air, whizzing past your levitating figure. He does a neat little flip midair before matching your height.

Showoff.

“How difficult are you gonna make this, Wilson?” you ask, a smirk on your face.

“Jesus Christ.” Bucky exhales, looking at the both of you through his goggles.

“What’s your play here?” Sam calls out loudly.

“Was gonna spray paint ‘asshole’ on the side of the Tower.”

“After the ‘A’?”

“After the ‘A’,” you confirm.

“Now that’s too small,” Sam tutted. “You gotta think bigger. Paint the whole Tower.”

“Sam!” Bucky looks horrified.

“Hmm.” You look like you’re considering it. “Don’t have enough paint for that though.”

“You’re an evil genius, right?” Sam casts a small glance at Bucky. “At least that’s what he tells me.”

“You talk about me?” You grin at the disgruntled man on the ground.

“I don’t,” he mutters, shaking his head. A lie.

“Yeah, so build something,” Sam points out. “Get some more paint. I’ll even tell you the best vantage points to spill it.”

“No, he won’t,” Bucky shouts from below.

“He’s just cranky because he didn’t get his prune juice this morning, ignore him,” Sam dismisses him.

Prune juice? He was a young 100, not ancient.

“What’s your favourite colour, Falcon?”

“I like red.”

As annoyed as Bucky is right now, he stores that away in his memory for later. He also knows Sam loves seafood and a good pair of shoes.

“A couple of gallons of red paint it is, then.” You lower yourself to the ground, Sam slowly follows suit until he lands beside Bucky.

“You know we can’t let you go without taking those, right?” Bucky tilts his head towards your invention.

You narrow your eyes at him. He doesn’t budge.

“I’ll tell ya what,” Sam pipes in instead. “I’ll keep them until you finish getting the paint and once you’re done, we’ll make an evening out of vandalising the Tower.”

Bucky may not enjoy his company all that much but he admires Sam’s diplomacy. Of course, you would never make it this easy while reasoning with him.

“That a promise, Mr. Wilson?” You raise your eyebrow at him questioningly but are already in the process of removing the things from your hand.

“Wouldn’t ever lie to you, doll.” He holds up his hand in a mock swear.

You walk towards Bucky and him, rotating your wrists to get rid of the soreness. “Bold claim for a man who met me ten minutes ago.”

“Feels like it’s been longer.” He sends you a wink and you can’t stop the laugh the escapes from you finally.

Bucky holds his hand out for the gadgets. You shrink away from him with a click of your tongue.

“Technically, he takes this round.” You send a nod towards Sam, dropping off the repulsors into his hand. “So he gets it.”

Bucky rolls his eyes.

“You gonna keep ‘em safe?” you ask Sam, this time a little more earnestly.

“Guard it with my life,” he says seriously, pressing his lips together in a line to avoid smiling.

“You’re both ridiculous,” Bucky cuts in.

“You’re going to be late.” Sam tucks the devices into his pocket safely. “You know how Steve gets when people walk in on his speeches. Do you even have a ride?”

“Got the motorcycle.”

“See you there.” Sam nods.

“Save me a place,” Bucky says to him.

“No.” He doesn’t even hesitate. “Y/N. It was a pleasure.”

“Still holding you to that evening, Sam.” You send him a smile.

“I’m countin’ on it.” He gives you a small three finger salute before taking off, leaving you staring after his retracting figure.

When the dust settles, Bucky awkwardly clears his throat. “Right. So that was that.”

“Dude,” you let out an exhale. “he’s so hot.”

He murmurs something unintelligible. It vaguely sounds like a series of threats but mostly a list of complaints.

“Don’t you have a meeting to get to?” You turn your attention back to him.

“Yeah.”

“Aren’t you going to be late?” You glance at the clock on your phone.

“I’ll just tell them I was on a mission.” Well, sort of. “Besides, what are they gonna do? Kick me out?”

“Fair enough.” You shrug. “Have a safe ride back.”

From what he knows of you and Sam, the both of you were kidding around. But he could never be too sure. He can’t even ask if you were serious about the entire thing because it’s none of his business.

Were the implications of having his mortal nemesis and other mortal nemesis date important enough to overrule that?

“Are you planning to skip your meeting, or?” you ask when he remains freezes in his spot, eyes glazed over like he’s thinking about something. “Because if you are, I know this great Thai place-”

“Don’t do that again,” he says instead, shaking his head to jolt him out of his thoughts.

“What?”

“Flinging yourself off roofs like that.”

“Why?” Because it scared the hell out of him, for one.

“Just don’t.”

“Oh please, like you’ve never done dangerous shit like that before.” You narrow your eyes at him, reading his face. “Are you telling me you care about me?”

“No.” His nose twitches. “Just don’t throw yourself off buildings when I’m around.”

“What about when you’re not?”

“As long as I’m not there to witness it.” He shrugs, spinning on his heel to leave. Technically he preferred if you didn’t do things like that at all.

“Fine. I’ll just have my clone try out all the dangerous stuff for me.”

He stops in his tracks. “You have a clone?”

“Well,” You squint, “no. But I’m working on it.”

He scoffs, shaking his head. “Bye Y/N.”

“You know, it sounds an awful lot like you’re saying we’re friends.” Your whole demeanour changes and he already knows what’s coming.

“I never said that,” he argues vehemently. “All I said was that I can’t have your murder on my hands.”

“Thus implying that we’re friends. In a fucked up, enemies kind of way.” You positively beam at him. “Aw, Barnes, that’s adorable.”

Adorable? Adorable?

“I hate you.”

“I love you, too, bestie,” you gush, dumb grin on your face. “I’ll make us friendship rings next time. What are your thoughts on matching tattoos?”

He wants to cry.

______

By the time Sam walks into the meeting room, the session’s already begun. He shoots an apologetic look to a monologuing Steve before taking his place at the nearest chair available.

Something sharp pokes his thigh. His wings are off and in the backpack beside him, but then he remembers your little inventions that were still in his pocket.

He tries not to make much of a noise while he pulls them out, giving them a look over to make sure they’re not broken.

“Watcha got there, Big Bird?” Tony asks lowly from beside him.

“Something that Barnes’ enemy made.” Sam holds it up slightly.

“The one he’s been rendezvousing around town with every weekend?”

“That’s her.” He’s about to put it in his backpack when Tony stops him.

“Pass that here for a second.” He recognises it immediately for what it is, interest piqued.

Sam hands one of them over while he puts the other back in the bag. It’s a metallic circle, not bigger than Tony’s palm, with a thick leather strap to tie it around your palm.

“She made this?”

“Why don’t you ask him?” Sam mentions towards Bucky who silently slips into the conference room, standing in the corner near the potted plant since there were no more chairs left.

“The balance has gotta be off on this thing,” he mutters to himself, wholly ignoring the brooding man standing in the corner like a Christmas tree.

“She seemed to be manoeuvring it fine,” Sam catches the eye of a lower ranking agent who makes the mistake of glaring at him for talking while the meeting was going on. A few seconds later the agent hastily looks away and doesn’t turn around for the rest of the hour.

“Could be better.” He uses a much more intricate model for his suits, although this isn’t even half-bad for a homemade version. “Do you know how long she took to make this?”

“Buck says she comes up with a new one every week, so I’m guessing that long.”

It had a few glitches but it was incredibly refined for a week’s worth of work.

“Interesting.” He gives it a quick overlook before handing it back to Sam who drops it into the bag.

He casts a swift glance at Bucky, noting how he wasn’t even paying attention to the meeting but rather to whatever he had tied around his metal wrist, fidgeting with it with his thumb.

Tony has an idea.

And that was generally bad news.

Next part

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #mcu fic #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky angst #bucky barnes angst #harmless fic #winter soldier x reader #Winter Soldier #bucky barnes #bucky

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 5 years

Video

youtube

Predictions. Most of these ‘problems’ are either not going to be problems or are things fans absolute do admit.

The video starts off shooting itself in the foot by acknowledging some fans will admit there are problems but that there are those who won’t admit this.

First of all, that’s pretty redundant because...no shit of course there are. There are people who will still defend Game of Thrones as the best TV show ever and there are those who acknowledge the Sopranos (which is the ACTUAL best TV show ever) wasn’t flawless.

Second of all if the author acknowledges this fact then why bother labelling the video ‘fans’ without a qualifier? Just saying ‘fans’ means they are referring to ALL or at least MOST fans. Let’s see how much that holds up in the video.

10: Constant Major events

Okay so right off the top I’m calling bullshit.

It’s not just that MOST fans absolutely call out the insufferable number of events Spider-Man characters get involved with (even if you exclude line-wide Marvel events like War of the Realms) it’s that if there exists a fan who will honestly defend this as NOT a problem I’ve never seen a hint of them and neither has anyone else I know.

More noticeably though...this isn’t a problem exclusive to Spider-Man, not even a little bit.

EVERY Marvel and DC franchise popular enough have overstuffed annual events. In the X-Men they are literally called X-overs. Avengers No Surrender. This has been happening since the 1990s and REALLY been happening since the late 2000s/early 2010s.

This isn’t a Spider-Man problem its a Marvel/DC problem.

“There is a concern that smaller scale stories don’t sell”

It’s not that smaller scale stories don’t sell it’s that bigger scale stories are more easily marketable in solicits and present ‘sexier’ ideas to the average reader and thus sell MORE!

Also Whilst Spider-Geddon was a huge sprawling plot that’s at odds with Spider-Man’s down to Earth nature, Peter Parker himself was barely involved in it. He battled Morlun in a zoo and that was basically it.

9: Silly villains

...oh dear...

Yes. It sure is a problem that across 55+ years there have been a lot of silly/bad villains like Clock King, Kiteman, Calandar Man and...oh I’m sorry those are all Batman villains!

It’s almost like EVERY superhero has loads of shitty villains if they last long enough or something.

More importantly...as if people friggin count EVERY villain.

You count the NOTABLE ones, the ones that are recurring or a major feature of major stories. And it’s of those guys that you judge a hero’s rogue’s gallery. So on balance Spider-Man has a GREAT rogue’s gallery and a better one than every other Marvel hero.

I mean Jesus Christ once you get passed Moonstone, Dracula and Madam Masque how many honestly good villains are there in Carol Danvers’, Blade’s or Iron Man’s rogues galleries? Two or three, four at a push?

Spidey has like 10 decent to great recurring villains. The Hell does it matter that he also punched Hypno Hustler once in the 1970s? THAT drags down the whole thing?

At least Spider-Man’s dumb or bad villains are memorable.

8: His place with the Avengers

This...is actually a very good point.

Well done WatchMojo...Too bad shittons of Spider-Man fans absolutely DO acknowledge this as a problem.

I don’t see anyone currently complaining that he isn’t a regular Avenger.

7: Immortal Aunt May

Okay for starters Aunt May already died and Peter wasn’t ‘devastated’. Sad, grieving sure but he handled it.

Second of all what is this ‘necessity to keep her around’?

There is no necessity. She serves no purpose if she’s alive and doesn’t know who he is.

As for us knowing May will never be allowed to die? We don’t know that because Marvel did kill her off and committed to that for a while.

But the biggest BS with this argument is that...what Spider-Man fans DON’T know this and WON’T admit this besides John Byne and his cronies?

6: His Way with women

“He’s just an all round terrible boyfriend”

Get fucked no he isn’t.

99% of the problems that stem from Peter as a romantic prospect for a woman are directly connected with his work as Spider-Man. Which is frankly not a million miles away from being a police officer, soldier and doctor combined. Notice how all of them tend to have romantic partners and indeed Peter HAS had successful romantic relationships. As have other superheroes.

You can’t just throw out ‘he’s just all round terrible’ and leave it at that.

“This everyman only dates women who look like supermodels”

Wow...that’s some grade A sexism right there and stupidity there.

Let’s ignore the fact that you could argue that some of the women Peter dates only look like supermodels due to artistic licence and that in universe they aren’t regarded as looking like that.

Let’s ignore the fact that Peter’s dated women who DON’T look like that.

Let’s even ignore the fact 99% of ALL women in comic books if taken at face value look traditionally glamorous and beautiful. Fuck in recent years even Aunt May has been drawn resembling Meryl Streep or Helen Mirren, women who look decidedly more glamorous and attractive for their age than most women in their demographic. She literally looks younger NOW than she did in the 1960s or even the 1990s!

Let’s ignore all that shit and dive a little deeper.

FIRST of all beauty is mostly in the eye of the beholder so ‘supermodel sexy’ is fairly arbitrary here.

Second of all, there is no life algorithm determining people of X level of attraction are unlikely to hook up with people of Y level of attraction and more likely to hook up with people of Z level of attraction.

Third of all by traditional standards of attraction Peter WOULD be appealing to a lot of women. He is himself fairly handsome in his facial features, his physique is obviously in great shape, he’s incredibly intelligent (in the 2010s in particular scientific acumen has been promoted as sexy) and he’s got a responsible and dependable personality, his problem is being too responsible if anything. He’s also fairly open minded, he got over his wife making more money than him fairly quickly, he was aokay with his wife going off to night clubs to party and dance with strangers and be the object of countless people’s sexual fantasies which a lot of men, even today wouldn’t feel totally comfortable with. If a woman knows he’s a superhero too my goodness that could be yet another major source of attraction. Not only could a woman find it very glamorous and find the secrecy and potential danger a turn on but like...friggin doctors and firefighters are routinely framed as the subjects of romantic or sexual fantasies for a lot of people. If you are a bona fide superhero that could easily dial up that kind of attraction to 11. This is to say nothing of the fact that some people find power a turn on and Peter unlike most people has very real physical power. In fact even if a woman doesn’t know he’s a superhero it’s entirely possible that they could pick up on the fact that he is powerful in some way and that could be a potential turn on.

I’m not saying any or all of those apply to every potential partner but it can for a lot of people.

Finally...are we really going to judge these characters on the basis of their looks as opposed to their personalities. Like it’d be more fair if Peter had dated an A-list actress, a high up in the Pentagon and a secret agent but not if he dated like 5 NYC dwelling working women who happened to be traditionally very attractive.

What makes this all worse is that the video is doubly wrong because not only is it not a real problem in the first place but it’s also something that an obnoxiously HUGE chunk of Spider-Man DO refer to (incorrectly) as a problem.

5: The constant attempts to make him the public enemy

This is another thing most fans DO agree is a problem...sort of. Because when the Hell was the last time Spider-Man was regarded as a wanted fugitive anyway? Zdarsky’s run in like 2017 maybe?

More poignantly the notion that the general public wouldn’t view Spider-Man as a vigilante because he’s not grim and gritty is asinine for several reasons.

To begin with he isn’t just a lunatic with guns or a a guy dressed as a bat he’s a bona fide super human entity and one who USED to be an entertainer of all things. That alone provides grounds for people to want to bring him in for taking the law into his own hands.

More importantly this video utterly omits ( in spite of SHOWING the panels proving it) that a huge reason people buy into the idea that Spider-Man should be brought in is because of Jameson’s slander campaign and propaganda against him.

The video isn’t even arguing that the fact that Spider-Man’s been proven innocent multiple times makes repeating him being wanted unbelievable, it’s literally saying any time that ever happened it was BS.

The Avengers comparison is a false equivalency too. Not only was Spidey NOT affiliated with the Avengers for most of his career thus the solidified public opinion of him wasn’t going to be as charitable as the Avengers’ was but more poignantly it ignores WHY the Avengers were more beloved.

Throughout their history the Avengers have either had highly respected members in their line up (like Captain goddam America living legend of WWII!) or had government ties which legitimized them and held them accountable to some degree. For a lot of their history they absolutely weren’t just a big gang of vigilante’s. And a lot of the Avengers didn’t even have secret identities unlike Spider-Man.

Also Jameson slandered them too when Spidey initially joined them so you know...affiliation don’t mean shit.

Finally the video claims that Jameson printing propaganda doesn’t make the public turning on him believable.

Wow...just...wow...

Okay so does Watchmojo know what propaganda is? Shaping the public opinion is literally the whole point of it! So Jameson making a lot of it, although it isn’t just Jameson MOST newspapers in NYC print Anti-Spider-Man stories, is very much making the public’s hatred of Spidey believable because it is shaping their views.

More importantly...has Watchmojo looked at the world right now?

I don’t want to turn this into a big ‘Trump is bad’ post but like...this is a guy who’s got a ridiculous laundry list of immoral, unethical, illegal and just shady shit to his name. And we all know about it. It’s practically shoved in our faces daily unless we actively avoid it.

And a HUGE chunk of America still supports the guy. A HUGE chunk of America swallows his lies and the lies of the people who support him and are on his side. And even if they don’t just swallow everything they contort it in their heads to be right or support him in spite of that stuff for whatever reason.

And he’s not the lone example of this in modern culture or in fact in the history of mankind. A LOT of people are sheep and A LOT of people in the masses will not look at things logically or make sound judgments based on facts but rather follow in lockstep with what most people feel led by a loud voice or at least believe what they want to believe.

And believing that mysterious entertainer who had amazing but creepy powers was in fact a creepy criminal and so says this rich successful man who’s not hiding behind a mask, with the guy he’s accusing never stepping forward to publicly defend himself or deny the accusations?

The masses AREN’T going to just buy that narrative?

Of course they are.

To quote Spider-Man 2002:

“The one thing they love more than a hero, is to see a hero fail, fall. Die trying. In spite of everything you’ve done for them eventually they will hate you.”

4: The refusal to let him age

Again 99% of ALL Spider-Man fans acknowledge this is a problem!

Not that the video gets it’s fact correct.

It seems to have used the Slott run as the foundation of the entire video which as anyone reading my blog for awhile should know, is a big mistake.

In SLOTT’s run Peter was a manchild for sure.

But he absolutely wasn’t in JMS’ run where his age wasn’t exactly pinned down but he acted like a late 20s/early 30s guy. Indeed he was clearly aging and maturing up until like John Byrne showed up in the late 1990s and even then it wasn’t like he was consistently written to be 22.

More importantly if you were to hypothetically argue Peter was 22-25 forevermore then why is him always acting that way tantamount to making him a manchild? If he acted that way at age 35 sure, but if the idea is he’s 22 and acts 22 then there is no problem.

Not that that is what happened in BND and Slott’s run, I’m just saying.

3: The irreparable damage of One More Day

There are 2 ways to interpret this point.

a) That OMD caused huge damage at which point what kind of crack is Watchmojo smoking if they think the people who DON’T admit this are anything but a tiny minority and even then they are the newbies who probably don’t know about OMD yet

b) That everyone admits OMD was bad and damaging but that all/most fans won’t admit that the damage is beyond repair. At which point that’s bullshit because whilst most fans won’t admit that OMD’s damage is irreparable the reason most fans do not admit that is because it’s not true. OMD is 100% fixable it’s just ALLOWING it to be fixed thats the problem.

2: His finances

The only reason Doc Ock managed to be a hero and get a doctorate and found Parker Industries was a combination of bad writing and immorality.

Doc Ock went from not having a Master’s degree to earning a doctorate in under a year which is physically impossible!

He also founded and built up a whole company in that time too which is also physically impossible, there doesn’t exist enough time for this stuff to HAPPEN!

More importantly Doc Ock only managed to do all this through embezzling illegally acquired funds, neglecting his hero responsibilities (hence Norman Osborn was able to gain power!) and basically reusing work he’d already done when he earned his own doctorate.

Oh and let’s not forget Slott turned on the cheat codes for his pet character.

So Watchmojo are making a false equivalency in comparing Peter and Otto.

Peter hasn’t been able to get his finances in order because he never STOLE shittons of money and goods from people or engaged in criminal enterprises to build finances for himself.

He’s stuck trying his best to strike an impossible balance between a job that can allow him to afford the highly expensive life of an inner Manhattan resident, maintain his superhero equipment like expensive web-fluid, look after a family member (in a day and age long before a proper welfare system for healthcare) and have some semblance of a normal life to keep him sane and be a superhero at the same time.

He could NEVER maintain a 9-5 ever without major suspension of disbelief! Hence Slott had to give him a shitty fanfiction job with ��choose your own hours’.

More importantly in Slott’s run pre-Superior Peter’s finances WERE in a very healthy state. He had to cheat to make it happen but he did it! But back then his Spidey expenses and all his other ones were totally covered.

As for whether Spider-Man fans admit this or not again, it’s not a case of the majority saying this because the discourse is way more all over the place on this topic. What is more poignant though is that MOST fans do make shitty Superior comparisons like the above.

1: His repeated failure to live by that one important rule

First of all Watchmojo misquotes the rule so not off to a great start here.

“Supposedly central to the character”????????? Did Tom Brevoort fund this video or something?

“Why doesn’t he apply this to all aspects of his life” He does. That’s the point. The responsibilities of normal life vs. superhero responsibilities. Hence the struggle in the early days was being a hero AND looking after his Aunt May.

And oh boy....pulling out the most infamous moment from the Clone Saga.

Real classy Watchmojo.

For real I’m honestly sick and disgusted of people pulling this scene out of context.

Now I wrote a long ass article dissecting that story/scene years ago so feel free to read that.

tl:dr version: Peter and Ben Reilly were stated to be out of control and not in their right minds. Peter had recently lost Aunt May, his parents and endured numerous immense stresses upon his psyche which had resulted in him having a mental breakdown.

He got better but very quickly thereafter endured more, perhaps even more severe mental stresses and traumas. People who endure breakdowns are unfortunately more vulnerable to further breakdowns so when someone who’s had a breakdown recently, then very recently recovered has inadequate time to heal and is hit in quick succession with traumatic experiences another breakdown is all but inevitable.

In this case Peter broke down when his entire sense of identity was shattered upon learning he was a clone and that this fact might have serious health risks for his pregnant wife and their unborn child, MJ herself even exclaimed ‘my baby’ upon learning Peter was a clone.

BTW when Ben Reilly initially learned he was a clone he wanted to die and contemplated suicide, and he hadn’t built as much of a life for himself as Peter had, he wasn’t an expenctant father or husband for instance.

Anyway this news broke an already severely vulnerable Peter and he attacked Ben Reilly.

In his blind rage Peter without realizing she was there lashed out at Mary Jane when she tried to stop him.

In other words Peter did not consciously, deliberately, in his right mind attack Mary Jane. He didn’t even properly register her presence

And NO, it’s a million miles from someone getting drunk and hitting their wife or getting angry or having long standing anger issues. Those are all things they have a degree of control over, they have the potential to recognize they have a problem and work on it or else not engage in substances or activities that would accentuate a problem or create a potentially toxic scenario.

In this specific case entirely external circumstances Peter had no say in occurred to shatter him and THEN an accident occurred wherein MJ was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And then nothing like that ever happened again ever!

It was wrong, he should beg her forgivness on his knees and all that entails, but it was 100% NOT what Watchmojo paints it as. It’s irresponsible of them to have presented the scene out of context in fact.

Moving on...Peter is irresponsible because he’s allowed his loved ones to come to harm.

Er, Watchmojo sweetie that’s either because of

a) Bad writing. Which we do not count in regards to our analysis of who the characters are, hence we don’t count OMD because it’s OUT of character or

b) He’s human. Peter lives by great power and great responsibility but that isn’t the same thing as him being perfect. He can’t AVOID his loved ones coming to harm 100% of the time because he’s human.

To argue he could by not having them in his life is asinine because he NEEDS human companionship as we all do and the people who know his identity typically maintain a relationship with him nevertheless.

“He’s failed to learn from his past mistakes”

Remember all those criminals Spider-Man deliberately allowed to walk free out of pure selfish disinterest after that one time he did that in 1962?

How about all those times he used a singular webline to save falling people from bridges after that worked out well for him in 1972?

“Where was his great responsibility when he rewrote all of reality in OMD”

It wasn’t present because that was against his character...as mentioned earlier IN THIS VERY VIDEO!

“We aren’t asking for perfection”

And yet a 100% success rate of protecting his loved ones is demanded for him to have lived by Ben’s words even though in real life people can’t protect their loved ones from all forms of harm. I have relatives and family friends who lost their son in a tragic car accident when he was abroad. Are we sitting here saying they were ‘irresponsible’? If so fuck you.

Also...the root of this video is that these are things all/most fans won’t admit to.

As if 99.9% of fans don’t point out how hardcore out of character or irresponsible hitting MJ or making a Mephisto deal was FFS!

#Spider-Man #Peter Parker #Watchmojo #mjwatsonedit #Mary Jane Watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker #mj watson #One More Day #Dan Slott #uncle ben #ben parker #aunt may #may parker #avengers #j. jonah jameson #Donald Trump

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confideinmylions · 5 years

Text

task no. 1-A :ｔｈｅｆｏｕｒｔｈｗａｌｌ

an interview with tara “terra” markov

part one: no memories

[RIGHT BEFORE THEY WATCHED] take a look at the cover art and title. what do you think you’re about to watch? do you think you’re going to like it?

teen titans? oh! oh oh oh! this is based on a comic, right? i’ve only started to see some of their stuff recently. their, uh... dc? i don’t know, i’m a marvel girl myself. but i’m sure i’ll like it! i like superheroes and every thing. plus, this team looks like it has some sick ladies. though i hope, since like... they’re teens there isn’t some teen drama bullshit going. balancing superhero and civilian life is all fine and dandy, but i want some action!!

did you enjoy watching it? would you watch it, if more content came out?

i did! i really liked it! they really balanced like... comedy and drama? kinda? i don’t know. i weirdly liked how they have no civilian identities. they’re just... always the teen titans. even when they go out for pizza. ( she laughs. ) i don’t know if they could make more? it had like... a definitve ending? like, i don’t really get why they brought terra back for the finale, but like... i do kinda get it? like with the show ending, its sad but you gotta move on? kinda? i don’t know. i feel kinda bad that the terra chick got like... a season arc... but starfire didn’t. like we see these glimpses of her past life! and like! we could’ve had more of that!! so much more!! but whatever. it’s a good show. i’d rewatch it.

who is your favorite character? how about least favorite? who do you think is overrated and under-appreciated? who deserved better?

beast boy is the obvious fave. he’s funny. you get glimpses of, like, his duality. but he’s funny. and his friendship with cyborg, is just like... the best. i also loved starfire. her innocence and just like... genuine kindness made me really happy. but beast boy is still top.

uh... there’s like a lot of characters that come and go... recurring is slade. obviously. he’s like a typical villian. not really all that interesting. i liked the hive and even mad mod a lot more as villians. slade’s too damn serious. fuck him. if i have to choose a least favorite main titan, i don’t know. probably robin. he’s also too serious, but at least he has his moments.

overrated? uh... maybe robin... a part of me wants to say raven, but she probably had one of the best season arcs, so she get’s like major props for that. like she would’ve been my least favorite character. so! moody! smile for once! but like her season makes me... get her a lot more. like i get it. and robin is just a typical leader. he’s nothing special. also he does some shitty stuff and people seem not to care.

underrated would either be starfire or... maybe cyborg. starfire is kinda shown off as like this ditzy alien sometimes who robin kinda has a crush on, but like fuck that. her innocence and kindness isn’t a weakness and she can clearly kick anyone’s ass. and she didn’t even get her own season... cyborg is just never recognized for his sheer genius. whatever, he’s the literal cyborg thus he’s the tech genuis but like... if i were made part robot, i wouldn’t know any of that shit. give that boy some credit.

uh... starfire definitely deserves better, in terms of her use in the show. in terms of like... what happens to them... terra? maybe? she’s gets like a seaon arc but the titans go from like really pissed at her betrayal, which like, rightfully so. really rightfully so, but then try to pull the “we’re still your friends! you don’t have to be this way!” like fuck ooooofffffffffffff. everyone’s in the wrong here. if slade didn’t take control of her body slash powers, i would be surprised if she would still have sacrificed herself. also, how the hell did that turn her into a statue? like what’s up with that?

as a viewer, did the ending satisfy you? why or why not?

like i said, i don’t get the whole episode being like... beast boy stalking the terra-lookalike. that was weird. i get the message of like moving on and things changing, but... i don’t know how else you would have ended it. they didn’t like... have to use the girl beast boy had a crush on to portray the message. i’m sure there’s other ways to get the same thing across, but it kinda works, i guess. i’m a little sad it had to end in the first place.

do you have any unpopular opinions about any characters, story arcs, etc?

um... i really liked starfire. like, yeah, they could’ve given her more depth but i think that just comes from her lack of a season-long arc. like we only see glimpse of her tamaranian life, and they’re kinda far and few between.

who are your favorite couple(s) to watch? how about least favorite?

i don’t really... like actively ship characters. i like the depth of relationships and i love love love friendships, especially complex ones but... romantic stuff can just get in the way. that being said, i’m happy like there’s not too many romantic subplot.

my favorite is... i really liked watching the innocent relationship between beast boy and terra. do i think beast boy should have stayed, like, obsessed with her? no. of course not. but i liked their dynamic. it’s like a first real crush kind of thing. terra isn’t used to like... people actually sticking by her. like being her friend at all. and beast boy is funny! people rather thing he’s so funny! so it’s no wonder he had a little crush on her back! it’s cute, i guess.

robin and starfire! ugh! like, whatever, i get it. there has to be like one couple on the team i guess, but snoozefest. she kisses him for like knowledge. get over yourself, birdboy. and in that... movie thing... uh, whatever, i don’t care about your romance! give me action and friendship. that’s what i’m here for. thanks.

what do you think of TERRA? be honest.

i can... see myself in her a bit. she’s cool, but so so so so so so so dumb. she jumps to conclusions, doesn’t really listen to anyone. she’s super distrustful. i don’t think she like... knows... how to have any sort of relationship. it’s not super explained. it’s just like... hinted she doesn’t have a home and is like a wanderer. i don’t know. she’s cool, albeit i don’t know if they needed to keep using her for beast boy development.

if you could give TERRA any piece of advice, what would it be?

girl needs to be more patient. like it’s so damn obvious that you don’t have control of your powers. it’s not that fucking hard for the team to see that shit. beast boy didn’t rat you out. nobody ratted you out. don’t just fucking run away, god.

part two: memories and realization

how does it feel knowing you’re a piece of entertainment for millions of people?

... shitty. i don’t need people seeing my dirty laundry.

do you still feel like your canon actions, thoughts, and feelings are your own?

i mean, yeah. i remember why i did what i did. i... didn’t think i could trust anyone. i wouldn’t even say i trusted slade. i mean, okay, yeah. i did. i’m the idiot that trusted the main villian. i’m dumb, i never denied that, but... i did what i did. i probably would’ve done that even if i wasn’t uh... a cartoon character.

if you could say anything to your fans and / or creator, what would it be?

i know i’m dumb! i get it! let it go! i didn’t want to be used to torture beast boy either! he deserved better! he didn’t deserve my bullshit! i agree! but c’mon!!! be a little nicer...

how do you feel about being a main or minor character? in your opinion, is your portrayal accurate, or were you painted to be a certain way?

i was like a main character for a season. i’d argue. i was with em for a while. a long while, but they obviously existed a long time before and after me, so that’s accurate. i’m just glad i got like... a sympathetic edit. like it showed my redemption, and i definitely didn’t deserve it. i deserved the game show backstabbing bitch edit, for sure.

what was the hardest memory of yours to watch unfold on screen?

the whole... ( she’s struggling to find the words. ) the like... date with beast boy. that whole... thing. the deed was kinda already done when bb gave me the ( she lightly chuckles ) the mirror box thing he made and asked me out. i, obviously, said yes. eventually. i just wanted to get him out of titan tower. i didn’t want him to get hurt. in hindsight, i really didn’t want anyone to get hurt. but i really didn’t want bb to get hurt. and it was a really fun night too. i was about to own up to everything i did! really! i was! but then slade just had to show up and... i wasn’t proud of what i did! but then beast boy said... “slade was right... you don’t have any friends...” and... and i didn’t really have a choice anymore? did i?

what are some things you didn’t know about yourself / your loved ones before watching this? ( like something that happened that you didn’t know about )

i, uh... i didn’t know uh... the whole little memorial the titans had for me. or like bb’s little speech. ( she can’t help but smile. ) maybe if i knew that i wouldn’t have like... straight up disappeared.

what moments do you wish were never shown to the world?

they didn’t show a lot. i probably would’ve preferred if my, uh, “date” with beast boy. like they needed to show my, like... whatever. it helped with the plot but i really wish that whole night was more private.

looking back, do you have any regrets? or decisions you really wish you hadn’t made?

uh, yeah, no shit i have regrets. beast boy didn’t tell the titans anything. i just jump to conclusions. all of my bullshit could’ve been avoided if i didn’t leave in the first place!! i’m an idiot! i own up to that. i only went down hill from there. i realized my mistake too late. i shouldn’t have listened to slade and i should have trusted the titans lot more.

what do you think of how the other characters, your peers, saw you as a person?

they were always kind to me. i mean, until i betrayed them, but then they like kinda showed me some mercy and then after i died they were really nice about remembering me, but yeah. they definitely didn’t have to like... honor my sacrifice. i deserved to have perished after what i did to them. they needed need the whole... “a teen titan. a true friend.” thing.

you have one chance to defend or justify any of your actions. go ahead.

i’m not defending anything i did. what i did was wrong. i eventually knew that. that’s why when i, er, woke up, i refused to face the titans again.

[IF YOUR MUSE DIED IN CANON] what was it like to watch your death unfold?

i mean... i sacrificed myself... it was literally my own doing... i knew what was going to happen. okay, maybe i didn’t i didn’t expect to turn into a statue. i also didn’t expect to like... get turned back to normal... so did i really die?

remember the advice you gave yourself in part one. are you going to follow it?

anxiety and self-doubt are two very powerful drugs. i think i’m a little more patient now... but yeah. also i still find it hard to trust people. so who knows if i’ve actually grown. whoops?

#❝ i want to be a teen titan! ❞ ↪ TARA #truman:task #task no. 1-A #// i forgot to make a task tag for people whoops #// i'm lazy rn #death tw #anxiety tw

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lespetitesmortsde · 5 years

Note

can you please continue the super hero bechloe AU? it's amazing

Unknown number: Did you get home okay?

Chloe: New phone who dis?

Beca: Come on, Zip, let’s not make this weird.

Chloe: Ok, y u gotta b rude w/ Zippo?

Beca: Oh my God, is that seriously how you text?

Chloe: mayb. Y? bother u?

Beca: Yes.

Chloe: Fine, I can text like it’s going to be included in an honours thesis. It’s more boring, but whatever. Your loss.

Beca: Thank you.

Beca: You never answered my question.

Chloe: Yes, Becs, I got home just fine. You?

Beca: Yeah, didn’t run into any midnight criminals, so that’s always nice.

Chloe: So when can I see you again?

Beca: Aren’t you supposed to wait like three days before asking that so you don’t seem desperate?

Chloe: I don’t like to wait. If I know what I want, I go after it. Waiting for some dumb societal unwritten code doesn’t fly with me.

Beca: Fair enough.

Beca: Saturday? I have an idea.

Chloe: Me too. Yours involve handcuffs too?

Beca: NO!

Chloe: Lame.

Beca: Just, meet me at the fifth avenue and fifty-third street station?

Chloe: Sure thing. When?

Beca: One?

Chloe: Do I get to know what we’re doing?

Beca: No, but dress casually.

Chloe: Already dictating my wardrobe eh?

Beca: What?!

Chloe: Ne fret pas. I like it.

Beca: You speak French?

Chloe: Maybe.

Beca: …

Beca: That’s hot.

Chloe: I know ;) See you Saturday.

Beca: See you, Chlo.

Beca: Chloe*.

Chloe: It’s cute when you call me Chlo, I don’t mind.

Beca: Okay, Chlo, go to bed.

Chlo: Night!

Beca: Night.

Saturday

Beca taps her foot as she leans against the outside station wall. She has her headphones on, listening to the last mix she finished two days ago. She’s thinking about trying to mash together “Swimming Pools” by Kendrick Lamar and “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons. The juxtaposition should work well enough, and if she has to add a couple of samples it might work even better.

She writes down a note on her phone with her thoughts on the new mix and then someone taps her shoulder. Beca turns to see Chloe smiling widely at her. Chloe gives her a wave before Beca realizes she should pause her music and slip her headphones around her neck.

“Hey,” Beca says, adjusting her messenger bag.

“So where are we going?” Chloe asks, completely bypassing the pleasantries. She takes Beca’s arm and waits for her to lead them somewhere.

“You’ll find out soon. We’re not far,” Beca tries not to look around and see if anyone’s looking at them. She takes Chloe west along fifty-third street. It only takes a few steps before Chloe guesses their destination.

“We’re going to the MoMA?” Chloe asks, no longer letting Beca pull her. Instead she keeps pace now that she knows where to go.

“Yeah. You seem like you’d be into modern art. Plus I like it. It’s kind of quietly creative, nice and low-key.”

Chloe heads to the main entrance, but Beca gently pulls on her arm, redirecting them. Chloe shoots Beca a confused look, but Beca just smiles and shakes her head. They walk down the side of the building until they come to a fire exit and Beca knocks on the door. She raps five times, then seven, then five again before pulling back and waiting.

To Chloe’s unasked question, Beca answers, “He likes haikus. I don’t question it.” Chloe nods like she too wants someone to knock out a haiku on her door.

It takes almost a full minute, but eventually the door opens to reveal a rather stony-faced man in a security uniform. His eyes meet Chloe’s, widening a little in surprise, before settling on Beca. The two of them stare at each other unblinkingly for a moment before Chloe can see Beca’s lips start to break into a grin.

“Aha!” the man says, grinning widely. “I win!”

Beca rolls her eyes, but she’s clearly pleased. “Hi Hank,” she says, settling back on her heels.

“Well, hi, Becs. Long time, no see,” Hank says, leaning against the door and crossing his arms. Beca sighs.

“I know, Hank. I’m sorry it’s been so long. College is crazy,” Beca says. “But, I brought you this,” she adds, pulling out a three-pack of Kinder Surprise Eggs from her pocket.

Hank’s eyes practically glow. He tries to hold his disgruntled stare, but the happiness the Kinder eggs bring is too much. He grins from ear to ear.

“Alright, you little rascal, you and your friend can go on in,” Hank gestures them through the door with his head.

“Thanks, man,” Beca says as she lets Chloe go in first. “I’ll bring you something next time I see you.”

Hank chuckles as he follows them inside. “I’m counting on it.”

Chloe and Beca wander down the hall a little ways leaving Hank when he turns off for the security room.

“Yeah, I don’t think he can actually hear the knocks from in there. I think he just watches on a monitor and assumes I’m doing it right,” Beca comments once he’s out of earshot. They come to a stop in front of a Jackson Pollock painting, and Beca can feel Chloe’s expectant eyes on her.

“What’s up, Zip?” Beca says, already sounding a little monotonous.

“There’s clearly a story there about you and Hank, and you’re just glossing over it!” Chloe seems to quietly explode with the hushed words.

“Okay, and?” Beca asks, drawing out the “a” in and.

“And, you can’t just let that hang in the air,” Chloe explains, as if that solves everything.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s rude.”

“Is that it?”

Chloe’s eyes seem to burn as they bear down into Beca’s. “If you don’t tell me whatever the story is, it’s going to hang over us like the figurative elephant in the room, Becs. It’s going to be our constant companion, this story, because you’ll know what it is, and I’ll know that you don’t want to share yourself with me.”

Chloe straightens suddenly, “And basically our relationship will be doomed from the start, and I don’t want that to happen.”

Beca heard every word, she swears she did, but she gets stuck, “Relationship, eh?”

“Have I not been obvious about my interest?” Chloe asks, somewhat rhetorically. At Beca’s noncommittal shrug, she waves her hands around them to gesture to the museum, “Is this not a date at a museum because you thought I’d like it?”

“Okay, yes, it’s a date!” Beca says defensively, only responding to Chloe’s increasingly agitated, maybe worried, voice. “Clearly I like you, dumbass, I did the whole meeting you for shitty coffee without my disguise thing, remember?”

Now grinning, Chloe says, “Sounds vaguely familiar.”

Beca rolls her eyes. “Do you want to have this date, or not?”

Chloe reaches forward to grab Beca’s hand. “Totes!”

Beca just raises an eyebrow at the odd slang.

“But I do want that story, too,” Chloe adds as they begin walking around the first hall.

“Maybe at a later date,” Beca hedges. It’s really not a very interesting story, and she doesn’t want to embarrass herself with her dumbass teenaged shenanigans this early in the game.

“When then?” Chloe asks, relentlessly.

Beca tries to find a good answer in the paint-splattered canvas before her eyes. “I dunno, dude, like if you make it to date seven?” She pulls on Chloe’s hand to shuffle three feet to the next painting, but Chloe doesn’t budge.

“You don’t think I’ll make it my mission to get to date seven just for this story?” Chloe asks.

Sighing deeply, Beca tries to placate Chloe. “I mean, of course you will, so I’ve just guaranteed myself six more dates with you, Zip.” She works hard not to let the tail end of her plan lilt upwards and make it obvious that she’s making this stuff up as she goes.

“I see how it is. You hook them with the intrigue of a secret story, then use it as leverage to secure yourself plenty of dates which just so happen to span longer than your target’s sex rule, thereby making you more desirable and ensuring you get laid all in one fell swoop!” Chloe declares, voice getting noticeably louder as she works up to her finale.

Beca blinks slowly, like she’s trying to take all of that in. “Dude, no. I can barely even follow that.”

Suddenly Chloe’s smiling. “It’s not a bad thing, Becs, you know what you want.”

“But that’s not my—”

“I might even need to steal such a genius plan,” she adds, finally stepping toward Beca so they can continue around the museum.

“Oh my God, why did I bring you here?” Beca whines.

Chloe winks at her and flips her hair dramatically. “Because you like me and I like you and you can’t deny; we’ll be super hot together.”

The way Chloe says it as a statement instead of a suggestion throws Beca off. “We’ll be super hot together?”

“Oh totes, Becs. You’re gorgeous.”

Despite herself, Beca feels herself flush at the compliment. “Oh, um, you too, Zip.”

Chloe squeezes Beca’s hand. “You know, Bec, Zip was a mildly creative nickname back when we were friends—”

“We’re not friends?”

“—But now that we are more than that, I don’t think Zip is really sexy enough to encompass what we’ve got going on here,” Chloe muses, pulling Beca to a stop in front of a collection of variously askew jars.

“What have we got going on here?”

“I’m so glad you asked!” Chloe says happily. “What we have here is your classic romantic half-doomed superhero love story.”

The matter of fact way Chloe says it is what gets Beca laughing. A wandering museum-goer gives her a look and Beca straightens up. “Can you not see the humour Santalta imbibed within these angles?” Beca asks, gesturing to the jars in front of her. Beca raises an eyebrow and then looks away, watching from the corner of her eye as the woman looks a bit harder at the piece of art and finally lets out a light chuckle.

Woman forgotten, Beca turns to Chloe again, “That’s not a thing.”

Chloe scoffs. “Aca-scuse me, it most definitely is a thing and it’s happening right here and now between us.”

“What the—what the fuck,” Beca drops her voice to a hush for the last word, “is that?”

“What?” Chloe asks, oblivious.

“What the hell is an ‘aca-scuse me’?”

Surprisingly, where only something very suggestive had gotten the job done before, Chloe blushes.

“Story time!” Beca declares, but her expression turns serious as her body stiffens. Abruptly the tone of their date shifts. “Sirens. Three fire trucks, two ambulances, and at least two police cars.”

“Which way?” Chloe shifts gears as instantaneously as Beca does, already leading them towards the fire exit they came in.

“North, not too far,” Beca surges ahead and opens the door, holding it for Chloe to slip out too. She lets is close behind her and turns briefly to wave goodbye at the surveillance camera. “Bye Hank!”

Then they set off at a run. Two blocks away, Beca dashes down an alley, “Keep going, I’ll meet up with you!” And then she throws a web toward the sky and swings up onto a roof.

Chloe listens, running straight for the sirens that get louder as she gains. A minute later, she hears “Go with it!” and Beca crashes into her, holding on, and swinging Chloe with her up onto another rooftop.

“Should be just on the other side of the building,” Beca says, the two of the moving closer to the opposite edge of the roof. And Chloe isn’t trying to notice things about Beca right now, but she can’t help but admire (and find incredibly sexy) the calm and calculated decisions Beca seems to be making.

Way back in the day, when Spider-Man was basically just a whisper of a nuisance to Chloe and her pals, their whole group questioned Spider-Man’s ability to be a contributing superhero in the city. She could make questionable, even bad calls, and made them fairly often. Regular people would suffer from the consequences of her actions, like when she fought inside convenience stores, destroying thousands of dollars worth of products instead of moving the fight outside. Or ignoring the laws of New York traffic and helping cause accidents and injuries.

Spider-Man disappeared for a while after that, but then she came back and it was like she had undergone some kind of transformation. She almost always made the right call, and that’s about when Chloe and the rest of the team starting dropping in on her calls to try and make friends, or at least an ally.

In Chloe’s case, she’s been more than successful, because right now, yeah, they’re going to try and stop some bad people, but the sexual tension is palpable, sliding across her skin as she leans over the edge to get a better view of the situation, still listening to Beca.

“Looks like armed robbery, multiple injuries and/or casualties,” Beca rattles off, listening intently down below. At least five suspects, all still inside the bank. Estimates are 15 hostages. No location on a getaway vehicle, if there is one.”

Chloe’s awed, “You can hear all that from up here?”

“Not exactly, Red, I don’t have like super hearing or whatever, but I’ve got those spidey senses and it’s more like vibrations in the air that I can feel - words have certain patterns to them, and I can feel the patterns.”

Chloe scoffs, “Sounds like super hearing to me.”

She knows that underneath her mask, Beca’s rolling her eyes.

“We should find a way to sneak in, rescue any hostages we can find, and once we’re in there we can form a better plan as to how we’re going to save the rest and take down the baddies. Any thoughts?”

“Can you sense anything about the layout of the bank?”

“I’m not an X-ray machine,” Beca sighs. “I can hear them talking about it though, seems like they’re also just starting to make a plan, although theirs involves talking to them over the phone and negotiating.

“Seems like there’s a basement. If we can find a way in, we can work from there. They’re talking about the sewer system and trying to get a copy of the blueprints to see if they’re close enough.”

“It’s kinda hot to hear you eavesdrop with the vibrations in the air,” Chloe says offhandedly.

Beca turns to her, and Chloe swears that if the mask weren’t in the way she’d be able to see Beca flush.

“Remember Zip, the kissing comes after the bad guys.”

Chloe raises an eyebrow suggestively and then Beca’s wrapping an arm strongly around Chloe’s waist and once again, Chloe feels like she’s flying. Beca drops them on the roof of the bank’s building and without verbally confirming, Chloe flames up and drops them into the top floor of the accounting firm beside the bank through a vent.

They work their way down through the floors and into the basement. Chloe burns them a tunnel into the bank’s basement, and Beca slips ahead to do her sneaky thing.

She looks around as she goes, noting a lack of bad guys as she scales up the wall and makes her way toward the main atrium of the bank along the ceiling. At the doorway, she can see about a dozen people in the middle of the room with three armed thieves circling them. Two more are behind the tills, one is stuffing money and anything else they can find into a duffel bag. The other is working on the computer.

Beca sinks back away and rejoins Chloe in the basement to fill her in. “The way I see it, we gotta take the gunmen out quietly one by one. The location of the hostages is too visible for us to steal them away in chunks. We gotta eliminate the threats entirely so they can just leave out the front door.”

Chloe nods, “Any suggestions?”

Beca rubs her nose and chin through her mask. “I’ve got one, but it’s pretty dumb.”

“It’s more than I’ve got.”

“If you can cause a distraction, like pretend to be a patron who got lost, that might cause enough of a disturbance for me to sneak into there without being seen. Once I’m in, I can start removing them from the equation one by one, but I’m useless in here and I can’t see another way to get behind the tills.”

“It’s not the worst idea I’ve ever head,” Chloe says, trailing off.

“I don’t want to put you in danger, Zip.”

“We’re all in danger, Spidey, we just can do something about it,” Chloe responds, and walks past Beca.

Chloe gives herself a pep talk as she approaches the atrium door and then steps through, tears streaming down her face, “I’m sorry! I got lost!”

Immediately, the armed men point their weapons at her, the two closest charge towards her and incapacitate her by grabbing onto her arms. Another approaches and puts her wrists into plastic manacles. The two behind the counter look up from their work, but they only briefly look at the commotion before returning their attentions to their tasks.

Beca manages to sneak in along the ceiling as the robbers start interrogating Chloe about where she came from and they start arguing amongst themselves about where she came from. Beca drops behind the man at the computer once the hostage-wrangling men look away from that direction. She gets right behind him and strikes at the point two inches adjacent to the spine at the back of his neck. There are hollow places there that some martial artists call Gall Bladder 20.

He drops almost immediately, the jolt to his brain knocking him out. She catches him and lowers him gently to the floor, and then retreats behind a desk to wait for the opportune time to strike the guy shoving valuables into his bag.

Her moment comes about twenty seconds later as he moves farther to the back of the room. She crawls around another desk and gets behind him, too, as he’s shoving papers off of one desk into his bag. She does the same thing, and with the element of complete stealth, he too falls into her arms before being lowered to the floor.

One of the men circling the hostages and Chloe glances over at the counter just as Beca flattens herself back against the ceiling.

“You alright back there?” he calls out, drawing the attention of the two other men. They all turn to investigate. “Bloody hell,” he says, then he spits on the ground and walks toward the counter.

As Beca watches this all unfold, she tries to think really loudly toward Chloe. They need to eliminate one more before they can take on the last two together, otherwise there are wildcards at play and that’s when hostages get injured. For better or worse, Chloe is stalwartly not looking up towards Beca on the ceiling, refusing to give away her partner’s position.

What she does do however, is melt the plastic around her wrists to free herself, and then she coughs hard enough to draw the attention of the two men around them back to her.

Beca seizes the opportunity to take down the man who’s come to find her, sending him to the floor to join his comrades. And then she traverses the ceiling until she’s right above the man farthest from Chloe.

Without looking at each other, Beca and Chloe both fly into motion. Chloe flames her hand as it comes up to lock around her guy’s wrist, using her other to take the gun from his hands and throw it aside. Beca drops from the ceiling, kicking the gun out of her man’s fingers and jabbing him right in the neck, pinpointing the vagus nerve.

Chloe lands a solid punch on her robber’s neck, leaving an angry burn in his skin to boot.

“Alright everyone, please head outside slowly with your hands up. The cops are out there and they’re going to help you out,” Chloe says as she lets go of the fire and her hands return to normal.

They’re awash in a sea of thank yous for a moment before Beca’s yanking at Chloe’s arm back the way they came in. They head back up to the roof and Beca once more swings them across the alley.

“Not a bad first date, Spidey,” Chloe says as Beca releases her and she finds her feet. Beca peels off her mask and smiles at Chloe.

“You’re the one who said we had to plan for things like this,” Beca reminds her. And then she marches right up to Chloe, takes her face into both hands, and presses her lips solidly against Chloe’s.

Their lips meet each other’s over and over again, growing more lazy and content as the number of kisses increases. When Chloe finally pulls away, her cheeks are red and her eyes are warm as she says, “I think I’m getting hungry.”

Beca nods, “Yeah, sorry, we didn’t get a chance to eat, I swear it was on the list.”

Chloe just smiles lasciviously and with a wink, she says, “Different kind of hungry, Becs, but I’m sure we’ll have time for that later.”

“Christ,” Beca says, and then Chloe’s pulling her along to take the date to a new destination.

#bechloe #52fics #lespetitesmortsde #spider-man beca human torch chloe au #spider-man #fanfic #anon #fic request #human torch #ficlet #ask #beca mitchell #chloe beale #part three

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