It's me again the one that wrote to you about asexuality...

What you wrote:

it sucks that the push towards asexual acceptance these days are more focused on "asexual people can still have sex!" than "it's okay to not want sex, ever."

I can't tell you how many times I was attacked (not on tumblr only but fb, twitter, other social media for saying this) and I was attacked by people who claimed to be asexual.

I have never said asexuals can't have sex and so on or that they are not real aces if they choose to have sex.

But I simply said I wish we could talk more about aces who never wish to have sex without saying BUT WE CAN HAVE IT!!! Or suggestions how you should you let your partners have "fuck buddies". Like yes you can but why do we keep have to add this in every convo. Because we are already overlooked then you are overlooked by your own community. And I never said that people shouldn't mention that aces can have sex but it's so odd how those who do have sex always have to preach it's okay to have sex under convos that just say how someone never wants sex (again aces who have sex are not shamed or called out in the post for being fake or whatever). This happened so many times to me that I feel pushed out of "normal society" (whatever normal is, having sex, having hook ups, having sex in a relationship etc.) Then I feel pushed out of ace community. Which is even worse.

Sorry for my rant but it feels nice when someone gets you and have the dame opinion makes me feel less alone.

I'm so sorry you've been treated that way. It's okay to not want sex. Even if someone's lacking desire for sex actually WAS caused by trauma or mental illness, pushing them to "fix it" when they have no desire to do so would still be inappropriate and toxic. It truly doesn't matter WHY someone doesn't desire sex, what matters is respecting their boundaries and right to define their own desires and lack of same ❤️

what would the doctors visits tom apparently endured have been like? what if he had been institutionalized as he apparently feared? what would have happened to him?

Sorry this took a little while! I had to do some research for this because I'm not super familiar with healthcare from this period.

This is potentially triggering for ppl who are neurodiverse or experience mental/chronic conditions as I'm discussing outdated language and treatments, some which are still prevalent today despite medical suggestion. So after the first part on general healthcare, I'm going to put the rest as hidden.

From what I can gather, general healthcare (like doctors) were largely free for working men, but that left women, children, the unemployed and homeless without. This also means Tom. Tom would've likely been treated, if he ever got ill (and I think its mentioned in Order of the Phoenix that wixen don't get the same health issues that muggles do, although that may just be JKR batshittery), by one of the staff at the orphanage, who would prescribe cod liver oil for colds and thats about it. Penicillin was only discovered in 1928 so its likely kids were still dying from infections, especially in the orphanage. A doctor might've been called for something more serious like a broken bone, but operations still were being done on stuff like kitchen tables, so I wouldn't trust a 20s/30s doctor. There would've been a sanitarium (basically a sick room) although I can imagine that children went there to essentially die, especially from the more dangerous conditions that were rife at the orphanage, which I also discussed here.

(This next part is the potentially triggering section. Read at your own discretion.)

Tom is commonly read, particularly to outsiders (as we are when we view him through others eyes), as neurodiverse or with an Anti-Social Personality Disorder. Especially with his magic, he likely would've been perceived the same way by those at the orphanage, most prevalently by Ms Cole and others in charge as kids just don't notice these things. Germany's Aktion T-4 during the 30s an 40s (the proposed eugenics and selective breeding, but in reality murder, of anyone 'mentally retarded') mirrored the attitudes of the first half of the 20th century. Not a lot was known about how children think anyway, so they were often treated as mini adults or dolls, despite children not even having the mental capacities to comprehend why they're doing something until they're literally 15.

Tom (with whatever condition he does have) would have fallen under the Mental Deficiency Act (1913) which was passed almost unanimously with only 3 votes against it. It was a step forward from the previous Idiots Act (1886), but the language and treatment was still poor. It categorised people into four groups:

a) Idiots. Those so deeply defective as to be unable to guard themselves against common physical dangers. b) Imbeciles. Whose defectiveness does not amount to idiocy, but is so pronounced that they are incapable of managing themselves or their affairs, or, in the case of children, of being taught to do so. c) Feeble-minded persons. Whose weakness does not amount to imbecility, yet who require care, supervision, or control, for their protection or for the protection of others, or, in the case of children, are incapable of receiving benefit from the instruction in ordinary schools. d) Moral Imbeciles. Displaying mental weakness coupled with strong vicious or criminal propensities, and on whom punishment has little or no deterrent effect.

It suggested institutionalisation was the best response to these conditions, and the now-obsolete Board of Control for Lunacy and Mental Deficiency oversaw this implementation of 'care'.

Tom wouldn't have been aware of what occurred in these places (lobotomies and shock therapy of various kinds for 'treatment', including insulin and forcing seizures; but also horrible treatments of patients by 'carers' including violence and abuse), but would know that it meant you were crazy. Bedlam (12th century — present) was notorious based on rumours alone. Tom would've been genuinely fearful of what happened in those places even though he had no idea himself.

I remember playing games about asylums when I was a kid, and I doubt children in Tom's time were much different, but there was no one around to de-stigmatise and so rumours perpetuated. I think Tom was very scared because he believed his magic was a sign of insanity or a hallucination, and although he probably wasn't politically aware, he realised his own ability to hurt and was afraid of what that meant for him. To Tom, as a young child knowing nothing about his strange powers, being crazy was just as frightening as death because it meant the end of freedom.

i’m trying not to beat myself up for not having postgrad plans 😭 yes i am moving at my own pace unfortunately i don’t LIKE my pace,

when an obsessed orufrey person plays ace attorney for the first time in a while

veep dad comfort art

truly nothing more depressing than seeing a blog glorifying self harm in the fight club tag in an unironic way and you click through to see its an anorexic 14 year old :/ i wish i could communicate like... it doesn't make you cool or better, it's not an actual way to control things in your life, i am so so sorry you think this is the sexy answer. but also jesus why do you blog about it

maybe it's because I'm in the "I'm so obsessed and hyperfocused on my little guys I will make any song seem like it's about them even if it couldn't be any father from actually relating to them at all" stage of my Theon and Asha hyperfixation but like...

I feel like 'I bet on losing dogs' by Mitski is about them.

it's about Asha and her relationship with Theon.

he's her baby brother. the baby brother who looked up at her smiled when she had gone in his room, intent on strangling him to stop his cries. he's her losing dog. the dog she keeps fighting for when no one else will. she never gives up on him, not truly, even when he is so clearly doomed, because she loves him, she won't give up on him.

and Theon is, in so many senses, a dog. he's been passed around from owner to owner, home to home, trained and beaten and domesticated, made to behave how his owner at the time sees fit. he's a good dog, a good beaten dog.

and now, in a way, he's Asha's dog. she doesn't want him to be her dog, she wants him to be her brother, and Theon's trying, he really is trying, she knows he's trying, but part of him will always be doomed to be a dog waiting to be hit, waiting for a command, waiting to be trained.

he's her losing dog, she knows it, knows he's doomed, deep down, there's little hope, he'll die a damned dog, but fuck it she doesn't care, he's her blood, her baby, he will be by her side no matter what. she'll always go back for him, she'll always fight for him, she'll always tell him to stay, she'll always give him a chance, she'll always try.

~~~~

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

...

in 2024 I wanna stop hearing about betterhelp

basically made dinner all by myself today (older brother only seasoned our chicken breasts and i did the rest of everything)......i cooked raw meat which is something i don't do very often and was worried about, but everything turned out great!!! i also did my laundry today, took the dog for a walk and fed him and have been on top of making sure his water dish is always full, loaded the dishwasher with dirty dishes (idk how to turn it on, i'm gonna ask my dad how to do it when he gets home so i can begin to do it by myself!), did some drawing, wrote in my journal, and pulled myself out of a depressive spiral i was having earlier in the day!!!! really beating the "spencer can't take care of himself or do anything ever" allegations......

hmmm.

yeah that was in fact a panic attack but i somehow made it home in one piece

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

lol

I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?