#like this is mostly a personal post obvs but ya !!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pansyboybloom · 3 months

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Wait so I'm confused here so bear with me; That post about the tmra thing, what is your stance on trans men talking about the issues affecting them specifically? I'm genuinely asking, cos it doesn't seem clear where you stand on this or how you view folks talking about trans man/masc issues specifically.

I know that seems weird to ask but I'm now so cautious in online trans space cos I apparently "don't have it as bad as a trans women" whenever I talk about my experience in the health sector dehumanising me and with queer spaces demonising me as a trans man or overall men or attractions to them, which just hurts because we have our unique issues. I'm just trying to understand what you feel.

You're welcome to ignore this if you want. /gen

this got soooo long im so sorry, but i wanted to give you a genuine answer so here we go!

so the person i was vauging about is a proud mra, like. 2014 men's right's activist opinions. obv im not gonna post his URL bc im not about that kind of life, but it's Bad. like, i 'explicitly hate women and im blaming them for the patriarchy hurting me, esp trans women' bad. the dude is a total douche.

now, as for us talking about our issues-- disclaimer here, i'm a white, gay, relatively gnc trans man who lives in the southern USA and passes well and im using that as my jumping-off point. I've been reading into some theory lately (whipping girl is great so far), but this is mostly my own experiences, not theory, based. I've mentioned it before, but i don't believe in misandery, and in that vein, i think that makes the concept of 'transmisndry/androphobia' misguided. in my interpretation of my transness, as someone who's lived as a woman for 19 years and a man for 5, I'm not facing discrimination for gaining manhood, but instead for losing womanhood. I'vd talked about that here and here, in reference to this quote but here are the highlights that are related to my opinion on being punished for leaving womanhood

trans men, on the other hand, are reaching for that 'ideal'[malehood]. we are trying to leave behind the despised and weak [womanhood], and that's so silly, so pathetic, you stupid little girl, you really think you can be the top in society? that's why radfems and similar 'feminists' say we are betraying our sex; they see it as leaving behind safety (women) for the enemy (men). to them, we are leaving them to rot in alone womanhood while we try to become the privileged ones stepping on their necks. this is also why the narrative surrounding trans women is predatory and sexual-- women only have power through sex, so a man would only want to leave manhood for sexual gratification-- while the narrative for us is that we are pathetic and tricked. women are stupid and delusional if they believe they could ever leave behind our oppression for privilege

and

that's why i don't see me being discriminated against as a trans man as something uniquely tied to anti-maleness / misandery/ androphobia / etc, but instead, just a facet of transphobia and misogyny (as well as ableism and such for me personally, but im talking bigger picture). I'm seen as a ruined woman because i betrayed gender roles. to them, im not transitioning because i am, ya know, actually a man, instead, i'm purposefully clawing my way out of the pit and hightailing it to the top, which is threatening. society doesn't like when women (trans men) are suddenly trying to be a class that is protected and privileged. im not transitioning to get access to privilege, but that's what it looks like to a transphobe, be them conservative man or radfem. im scary because im rocking the boat, not because im masculine, and they hate me because im showing their binary and hierarchy are false, not because im masculine. im stupid and delusional and a failure and a silly little girl and a bamboozled idiot tricked by trans women as well as a ruined woman and a rotten woman because of misogynistic binary power structures, not because im a dude. ya know? anyways, what holds me back is the gender binarist, cissexist, transphobic, and misogynistic stew that affects all trans people, just differently on a systemic and individual level

but i dont want people to think that we don't face our own issues. for example-- despite being on t for like 5 fucking years, I've had my period come back multiple times after switching back to gel. i panicked and went to a doc the 1st time, worried i was idk, dying, and she blew me off as not knowing my body and being hysterical. now do i think this was because i was trans? yes. do i think it was because i was a trans man? yes. but not because of the man part, but because of the 'was a woman' part. this doc was not seeing emil, the man, she was seeing emil, the stupid little girl who is playing pretend, and as such she treated me with the same disrespect she would a cis woman, just with different pronouns. I've found that most discrimination i have faced has more to do with people still seeing me as a woman and treating me as such, even when i pass and am very clearly a man.

now, do i think masculinity in the queer community is seen as bad? to an extent, yes, but i think that comes from gender essentialism more than any kind of misandry. butch women are abandoning 'the right kind' of womanhood, so they're bad. masc nb people, gnc people, and masc men are leaving behind the 'palatable' version of queerness that is, for lack of a better word, tied to femininity from a binarist and essenalist viewpoint. this femininity is an insult, wrong, so it is expected of queer people. this femininity is fake, easily dominated, flimsy, and docile in the eyes of a binarist and essentialist society. so queer people, who must be fake, easily dominated, flimsy, and docile to be safe for cishet society, must not be masculine. and like i said, even then it has to be the right kind of femininity. just ask any femme lesbian or trans woman or gnc trans man, like i am. we are punished for being feminine 'wrong' -- i could talk about this for hours, but i won't take up too much of your time haha. basically, i think that masculinity is punished in the queer community not bc of misandry/androphobia but because in the queer community, masculinity is being practiced in a way that breaks the norms we have internalized. it alllll comes back to the binary, gender essentialism, and misogyny.

obviously, my opinion is not the end all be all, and i welcome other takes and thoughts, (esp on this ask haha), but when it comes to other trans men, the insistence that a) misandry/androphobia/male oppression is real b) trans women are the cause of the problem or bad for calling us out when we say something gross and c) we don't need to do any soul searching on our own binarist, essentialist, or (trans)misogynistic thoughts, are when i have a problem. not when trans men want to talk about the oppression they face. i should be able to talk about that doctor's appointment, and you should be able to talk about your life experiences! just be sure not to fall into any internalized bigotry unintentionally in the process.

does that help? pls let me know if it does or doesn't, if it doesn't id love to dm and chat more

#long post

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angrywarrior69 · 6 months

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Btw, and you have no obligation to care (/gen), I saw this old post of yours (bc tumblr recced it)

https://www.tumblr.com/angrywarrior69/186633456515

and while obvs we have since collectively added Beltran to the list, I've looked into it a bit (tho not too deeply because of how much i despise the birdsite) and it appears like Manu Intiraym has at least tried to develop as a person since the shit he has previously said.

Obviously there's no obligation to forgive or like him or anything like that and that's not why I'm sending this. But like... there's hope, ya know? People can grow and change and slowly become better versions of themselves and I think that's nice. We're mostly pretty blessed with our cast, way more than other fandoms imo, but even the bad ones can still evolve y'know

Except Shitner. He can straight up die. I'll cheer

I will take this morsel of hope and death wish to Shitner and impart it upon my soul ♥️

#thank you anon #anon #anon ask #billy shitner

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knickynoo · 2 years

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I don't mind you posting about family ties at all. I enjoy reading them even if i've never seen the show.

How do you think the 2015 of the twin pines mall timeline would've looked like if the time machine never worked?

Aw thanks! I think there are a few people who have either started watching the show or have at least become vaguely interested in the characters because of the posts I make, and that always amuses me.

Hmm, that's an interesting thing to think about. I'm assuming that you mean in terms of Marty and his family, rather than how the town would look itself? Because I guess there would be mostly the same stuff technology-wise and whatnot. But the McFly family would be having an even more Bad Time than what we see of them in 2015.

Obvs, Lorraine and George wouldn't be the versions of themselves who had become happily married due to Marty's involvement. Who knows if they'd even still be together by that point, given how detached and Done original 1985 Lorraine appeared? Then again, I could see them as continuing to stay together but really operating more as two people who just live in the same house, ya know? Hopefully, older 2015 Lorraine won't have fallen even deeper into drinking.

I think Marty and Jen would still end up a lot like their 2015 versions but...worse? Because that Marty would have continued to live with his miserable parents, never gotten the confidence to pursue his music, etc. He'd probably just cling to Jen, and at the first chance they were able to, he'd ask her to marry him (seeing their relationship as his way "out" of his own house and maybe hoping he could do better than his parents.) And even though he'd avoid the car accident that broke his hand, he'd still end up an apathetic sad-sack of a guy because of the frustration of feeling so stuck in his life/ anger at his parents for not pushing him to chase his dreams. Oh, plus Lorraine wouldn't be happy that Marty ended up with Jen. I'm sure there would be a lot of tension in that area. If they still ended up having Marty Jr. and Marlene, I can't tell whether Marty would end up just repeating the cycle of dysfunctional parenting or if he would swing the other way completely and be one of those "don't be like me!" dads.

I think Doc would continue to try to steer Marty in the right direction as long as he was able to, but he'd have to constantly compete with all the various things and people trying to drag Marty down. And hey, maybe Doc wouldn't even BE that invested or involved in Marty's life as he got older. Who's to say that the time machine not working wouldn't devastate Doc to the point of sort of withdrawing from everything? Maybe his "greatest experiment," the single project he'd devoted decades of his life to, being a failure would put the final nail in the coffin and cause Doc to give up. Make him and Marty drift apart because Doc doesn't want to science anymore or give out any more pep talks. And that would absolutely make things even worse for Marty. "The one person who told me to always keep trying and put my mind to things no longer believes that? Huh, guess it's all pointless then."

Anyway, thanks for prompting this bleak look into Twin Pines 2015! Really, though, this is a fun, angsty angle to look at.

#asks #back to the future #I really like to think that nothing would cause Doc to shut Marty out though #but I do think the DeLorean being a failure would mess him up

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5town · 1 year

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hi star!! im asking around the fandom and i was wondering what your opinion on 4town shipping is?? like do you hate it, dont mind it, or like it? thanks star :3

i'm probably gonna parrot whatever sulphur said bc i only saw my inbox had a thing after i read their post .. skull emoji

but ya, ships are fine when done right and obv if the person is like, pretty clear that they aren't shipping whatever ship in a proshipp-y kinda way. 4town canon is messy as fuck so it's hard to gauge the accuracy of canon stuff like ages or details like that. i feel like it's mostly on individual opinion & perception. like, i went into turning red on my first watch just assuming they were all adults bc that's how most boybands that i know,, are/were, esp seasoned boybands like 4town. not everyone had that initial perception and that's okay as long as we aren't assuming things about each other, yk? like i don't want someone to be called a creep bc someone else assumed or headcanoned that tz are brothers/related, etc. yk?

tldr; as long as it isn't proship or like.. untagged nsfw,, ship as u ship

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lightpinkstuff · 10 months

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[long post rip] Wow okay. I just watched re: wtrc, and it's definitely interesting?? It feels like it brings out the things I like about the games because it mostly didn't adapt them very well lol (speaking as someone who's only played RE2R & RE3R and has a vague understanding of some of the other games' stories). But the atmosphere was overall very creepy and frightening, and the casting was generally good!

Except from Wesker... He's not really the vibe I expected (I haven't played any of the games he's in, so I'm obv missing a lot of info on him). But he's just not intimidating at all? Who is this confused scared man, taking orders from other people? I get what they did with the sunglasses at the mid-credit scene, but they could have probably gotten a more suited actor in general. I thought he was supposed to be older than Chris? Like, quite a bit older? Why do they look like peers?

I kinda forgot the Birkins existed, they were there in the beginning, and then they became important close to the end. They were simultaneously more and less emotionally connected to the protagonists than in RE2, and that was strange to see... Poor Sherry was an afterthought entirely. And there was a very amusing scene where William repeats verbatim a line from the game, and it stands out to such contrast with everything else he says and does. Because in the game, he's ruthless. But just like Wesker in this movie, Birkin is less of a personality (and Annette is just. Nothing).

Jill and Chris were the right vibes, although Chris was a bit colder towards Claire than I expected him to be?? But ig it's because they were given a slightly different backstory from the one in the games... I wish I had more to say about Jill... but she was just around? Tbh there wasn't much bonding between any of the characters at all, which was very sad ;-;

The way the movie handled Claire and Leon was in the general direction of how I think of them in RE2. Claire is generally the more confident and assertive of the two, and Leon is still a little green and unsure.

What I did not like was how incompetent he was made to be? Like, excuse me, but he was never a slacker in the academy?? WDYM he doesn't know how to handle guns???? But the most infuriating thing was one line he said to Claire "idk why I became a cop" or something like that. WHAT are you talking about?! What in the world are you talking about??? These two issues about his characterisation tie into one another I think. He became a cop because he wanted to help people. Period. SO, he worked really hard to become good at his job. He always follows the rules, not because he's scared, confused, and incompetent, but because he believes in them!! He's a goody two shoes!! (at least in the remake, I'm aware that there are prob some differences between OG Leon and remake Leon).

Claire was okay honestly. We didn't see her sweet side like we do in the game, but I think it has more to do with the fact that she wasn't the one who helped Sherry in the movie. Although she does feel more like a YA protagonist than Claire is in the game (tbh I'm biased because I know the actress as Teresa from Maze Runner and I couldn't get that out of my mind the whole time).

So yeah. It has some charm ig. I really wished for more character interactions, everyone was just kinda there because they needed to survive and nothing else... The parts that I am familiar with were a mixed bag of fun and frustrating, so I really just wanted to talk about it.

#resident evil #resident evil welcome to raccoon city #faye rambles

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lonespektr · 2 years

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Alright

They/Them

Obvs I ADORE the title

Off to a great start thus far tbh , first 15mins 33% squishy tomatoes score i guess heard lots of yikes from everyone sight unseen

Mostly because like umm traumatic which is frankly exhausting whenever a film deals with something awful there's a damn debate about it

Horror doesn't mean fake, real life things are horrific.

That's the point.

I will say what i always say, with these types of films is that people tend to focus on the victim and i wound ask people to consider looking at the perpetrator and that's what makes horror the perfect medium for actual real things because horror is about looking at the monster

Going to see the scary monster

And it's helpful to depict things that in real life would be considered something other than what it actually fucking is: monstrous - to depict them as they are

Consider that conversion therapy is largely talked about in the main stream media as a "controversial therapy that could lead to negative outcomes"

Instead of just what it actually is -monstrous

I did see one bad review that was actually after someone saw the film. I skimmed it cause I didn't want spoilers

Soon as I saw the trailer I figured this has the potential to be really good or really bad but gotta see on ambition points for the title alone

Plus red (no longer) from CLAWS

Also have a theory 🤔

Modern remodel for that cabin

Cleared the first hurdle

There's plenty of queers who say i don't want to sit through that shit (same goes for any film)

Pink anthem (here for it)

Honestly musical number was well done the camp setting, no one overly good a singing. Random dancing Not forcibly coordinated/ just a black person juke boxing to start us off (naturally) and everybody jumping in primarily because there's no internet so there's fuck else to do only improvements could be made is if some words were forgotten

Ummmm? Okay we are in a definitive direction now and i don't know that it's a good one

Just got a concrete slap on the wrist there

They dropped the science line

Whoa how tall is that one

"domesticity"

Classic meat hooks

the "hunted" is early maybe twice

Why show your hand though? (I man for the audience but)

Dude are those even live rounds, those'r bee bee guns right

Can't get off the interracial requires one white

Lol Jason totes has a last name huh? What you trying to summon him with sex

Bad general film trope with the post violation intimacy, it doesn't work even with horny YA

That was fucking hilarious actually

Deffo two scenes now and the people involved in the scenes never

Lobotomy drop

1 to 5 real quick

To be clear no one had that smoke for American Horror Story, that had maybe two episodes where they did exactly this

The in scene joke was much better in that it was a homosexual treating a bisexual with lobotomy

The ending is corny and predictable but by no means

The writing is a bit stiff at the end

The best parts of this is the guise of respectability had they leaned further into faux science/therapy with low key religiosity would have been better

Could have left it until the credits

Okay mediocre slasher / that's literally it nothing to write home about

The very basic and necessary premise that conversion camps are real life horror movie shit dats it

#they/them

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builtyouahousefromabrokenhome · 2 years

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Finally my thoughts on Harry’s House

I’m so happy that I could experience the release (and leak ♥) of a Harry album inside the fandom. I wasn’t really a fan yet during HS1 and Fine Line, though I listened casually to some of the songs (tmi but SOTT and Adore You were two of my go-to post-coital songs for a while lmaooo X_x).

I’m so glad I partook in the leak and could listen to it without promo and reviews surrounding it (except As It Was obvs), and just the most supportive part of the fandom discussing it. After listening to it for a month now, here are my thoughts about the songs.

Quick fave list: Daylight, Little Freak, Matilda, Keep Driving, Satellite

Music For A Sushi Restaurant - compared to other songs it’s okay I guess, not really my vibe. Random but musically parts of it remind me of December 1963 (Oh, What a Night) which, as a Sherlock fandom veteran, hurts a bit lol

Late Night Talking - So cute and adorable and wholesome ♥_♥ ... I’m imagining Harry and Louis talking on the phone/facetime through the years ♥♥♥ Musically it’s a nice dancing song :)

Grapejuice - Really nice retro vibe, has some similar elements to Meet Me In The Hallway (one of my all time faves). Wine references mixed with love references, reminds me of ancient Arabic wine poetry :)

As It Was - Feels a bit overplayed at this point :x But the video is really interesting, and I can easily watch Harry’s dance partner over and over, she is so beautiful and intense! ♥ Also I love that they filmed in the gay penguin enclosure of all places :3 Lyrically it’s kind of devastating. With the many layers and ambiguities it’s impossible to say what exactly it’s about (similar to SOTT), but it feels really bittersweet and touching.

Daylight - Yet another incredible Larry anthem T^T I love the metaphors, and tbh I too would do that to Louis if I was a bluebird. Due to personal experiences I don’t like the coke reference :/ But I can ignore that, and appreciate everything else about the song.

Little Freak - It’s so funny that people were doubting the tracklist rumours specifically because of this song title seeming way too absurd xD And yeah, there is the blatant bluegreening. And the lyrics can be interpreted as addressing either Louis and/or Harry’s feminine side. I’d say both, obfuscated and mixed up into a song that can be interpreted in many ways. The melody, Harry’s voice and the instruments are so beautiful and cozy, I love it ♥♥♥

Matilda - I relate so much to this song (like so many people - I love you all ♥♥♥), it’s literally aboutme.jpg. It’s so lovely that Harry sings this to me and us all who have had these experiences and feel like this. I’m tearing up right now as I write this ... (Diana by 1D is a bit similar that way. It’s so sweet when bands and artists with a mostly female and/or LGBT fanbase take that seriously and write songs to comfort us.)

Cinema - Uhm Harry ... at this point I’m just going to make an obscure Susan Boyle reference and call this Su’s Harry’s Anal Bum Party song :x “You’re making yourself wet for me” is clearly not about a woman/vag (or else the woman’s partner would be really boring, if she’s not getting wet enough without lubricant ya know :/) ... reference to poppers (muscle relaxants for your bum yeah) OKAY HARRY. xD All the while the “I just think you’re cool / Do you think I’m cool too? / Or am I too into you” gives me adorable fetus Larry vibes ... It’s very catchy and every damn morning when I add cinnamon to my porridge I compulsively sing “You got, you got the cinnamon” GEE THANKS. xD

Daydreaming - Musically not my fave, but it’s okay. :) Lyrically I interpret it as about H&L’s sex life in their busy day to day, being apart a lot but making it count ♥♥♥ (and it’s hard to interpret it in a different way)

Keep Driving - Probably my fave, I love the way the lyrics seem to be a list of everyday things and inside jokes/references. That said I don’t like that he included “choke her”. While in context it could mean anything else too besides the literal choking a woman. And I mean in the context of literally no context within the lyrics as they are, except maybe a slightly elevated chance of car context - as in choke the engine/car/often called “she”. Honestly someone at some point should have pointed out that it’s not cool that this line could easily be interpreted literally, and they should have changed it to something else. Even if it’s maybe an important private reference to Harry or whatever. :/ So yeah, I’m a little ambiguous about it. (Also there’s another coke reference.) BUT it also has “Maple syrup / Coffee, pancakes for two / Hash brown, egg yolk / I will always love you" T^T ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ And I love the roadtrip theme (which can also be a great metaphor).

Satellite - Another coke reference ;( ... But musically this is my best favourite on the album, and I love the imagery of the lyrics, the satellite way up in space “wishing I could be there for you” but also “I’m right here”. Kind of (mutual) pining, which is my jam. It evokes city lights viewed from the exosphere/thermosphere (where satellites are, you know), and knowing your special person is down there ;__; (It makes me feel a similar way as the song Летели облака by ДДТ, which has the line (translated): “A sad country / but in it, there's your window”)

Boyfriends - I interpret it as layered, both about other boyfriends being disappointing (bfs of Harry’s relatives, friends and fans), as well as Harry being critical of himself in his relationship (since there are such very close lyrical parallels to Half The World Away!). The live version with the band harmonies is really nice.

Love Of My Life - England huh xD I love and respect it as a Larry anthem, while musically it’s a bit annoying to me with the dramatic synth thing heh.

Overall Harry’s singing style is very light and breezy. Possibly it’s a strategic choice to save his vocal cords from damage while touring etc. In 1D when he was belting and straining, he sounded amazing, but he was also on vocal rest a lot. His light, breezy voice has so much emotion, too, and it’s very pleasant to listen to. ♥

#dollhouse harry #harry's house #harry ♥

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cliffburton · 1 year

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(you don’t have to answer this publicly if you’re still getting anon hate about that post) your post about being sapphic is so fucking real….i’m very comfortable being bisexual but my irl experiences are so gawddamn gay that i kind of straddle the line so calling myself sapphic is really fitting. dykey bi. i even consider my attraction to men to come from a distinctly sapphic perspective, if that makes any sense—it’s informed by my love and adoration for women & it’s just the same as how i would love a woman. unfortunately for men i just happen to keep stumbling into beautiful women irl, sorry fellas, you’ll get a chance one day. being sapphic is so awesome i’m not butch but i’ve got the attitude and i love being chivalrous and understanding the way misogyny affects so many women’s dating lives and then consciously being the exact opposite of that. long love the sapphics!

oh i've blocked the person on anon who was sending that and i'm not rly gonna mind any further asks on that... and yeah! i personally feel like 'not lesbian not bi but a 3rd secret thing', i've never rly identified as either but i understand and identify with both (obvs mostly lez) if that makes sense... as for men i would have like a rlly specific type (not even like seeking it lol i don't actively look for men cos ew) which is so funny cos my type for women is. dykes. if yre dykey enough i am drooling over ya tbh. my womanloving is huge and integral to me i just don't think it's fair to water it dowm. i haven't been w like Anyone in my life but i Am into dykes and i AM dyke (or lencha, mexican for dyke hdhahdjs). and the 'even my attraction for men is informed by woman loving' YEAH like i just know if a guy was ever to be into me in some way he'd def have to be kinda rly faggy cos yk. butch. and like even then it's not like WOW i am SOOOOOO SAD that MEN who HATE LESBIANS and THEIR MASCULINITY are NOT into me a BIG FUCKING BUTCH. most men repel me and they think of me as a lesbian and i hate them and they hate me back and that's how i like it! i even identify with the nonattraction of men to most degree (alsoooo huge manhater here) but i am honest that there's this small, kinda hidden portion of me that's. faggy. but in a butch gay way yk. i think this got too long and i am exposing myself even more LMAO but yeah, ok dissertation end <3 long live safdykes <3 long live faggy butches <3 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

#em answers #⚢#<- esque #tysm ily

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 3 years

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yknow while this hellsite continues on the whole religion discussion thing, i’d like to jump in on it with my experience particularly with leaving catholic school.

like aside from my angsty pop-punk/emo etc teen phase (which’ll obvs be weaved into story later on) that led me to have different views from the church and aside from the whole sexism thing that i endured over my year 10 formal/junior prom in 2010 and 2011 from staff there….. i found it within myself incredibly hard to leave there… mostly because i’d known literally 1/3 of my year group at catholic school since kindy/kindergarten or some other point in primary school.

this affected my choice to leave and it was quite tumultuous inwardly. knowing the safety and predictably of the people i was with for all those years was a comfort to me. i knew their parents due to parent mixer bbqs that we’d have after mother’s day and father’s day liturgies- although i hated the mother’s day ones mostly, due to personal reasons. but to leave that comfortable place for overly loyal, kinda sorta shy (although everyone who knew me at that school wouldn’t’ve described me as shy bc i was a very loud show off because of drama class 😅) and by year 10, very lonely, highly socially anxious and depressed, teen me was terrifying. it meant losing her friends and stability and she obvs hated that thought. it meant leaving the one one place she ever felt good at something, drama class.

obviously, after she did leave for public school, she visited the catholic school on a few separate occasions, to try and keep the connection “alive” or whatever the fuck she wrote in a fake deep status on her fb (that i now get in my fb memories every year lmao). but it all ended pretty badly, when everyone from that school stopped talking to her once high school finished. no one invited her out. or if people did try to invite her out, like a couple of people did, it always fell through…. and it made her feel like she was just a bad luck charm or whatever other low self esteem talk she was telling herself. there was quite a few moody statuses around that too lmao.

but yeah. leaving catholic school was a massive thing for me back then, because even though i hadn’t gone to church on sunday for literal Y E A R S at that point; i still had a strong pull to that school because i’d known SO MANY kids at that school from primary/elementary/grade etc school, regardless of their year group level. because if there’s one thing catholic school was good at, it was networking 😂. you knew everyone, and everyone knew you. it was safe, it was sound, so i didn’t want to leave.

but once you leave, you lose your friends and what almost felt like an extended family (although they obvs weren’t). but at the same time, i’d grown to hate the safety and almost insularity of the school, because as i mentioned earlier, you felt like you could predict how people would react or behave in class/events etc.

i felt the above distinctly, because as i’ve mentioned plenty on here, from years 7-10 i was a very emotionally demonstrative kid. in some classes (mostly religion and PE when i was bothered to participate) i’d end up in shouting matches with the teacher or other students…. or y’know just have a casual meltdown in the middle of class, which many people saw as “attention seeking” behaviour. i felt watched, i felt ready to snap, and to quote the ever present All Time Low i felt like the bridge lyrics from “therapy” (which was/is quite obviously somewhat partially about the price of fame and hollywood imo- but that went over teen me’s head at the time lmao):

“arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to, they’re better off without you (better off without you). arrogant boy, cause a scene like you’re supposed to, they’ll fall asleep without you; you’re lucky if your memory remains”

like yes. i’ll admit those bridge lyrics being applied to this time is rather overdramatic, in hindsight, but hey. that was teen me for ya lmao. and don’t even get me started on applying ATL’s song “sick little games” to this at the time as well 😂😅. anyway. from all the “lms and i’ll tell you what i like about you” trend statuses that people were doing back then on fb, i’d gained the tag of “cool/chill girl”, my crush rich boy, once called me “outrageous” because of how loud i was and how willing in years 7-9 to scream out stupid song lyrics like “i want to fuck dog in the ass” by blink 182, fight song by marilyn manson and then idek probably my humps by black eyed peas at the top my lungs through the very few halls that that school had 😂😅. i was being purposely and annoyingly offensive most of the time.

but eventually, once it came to things like one of the girls in my group wanting to run for vice school captain and the other girls in my group A L W A Y S being given leadership positions (LPs)….. while i always had to apparently “repent” my behaviour by being made (in theory from my teachers) to sit alone at lunch because of my “embarrassing” and “unseemly” behaviour at the so-called “training”/ “retreat” days we had for things like being peer support leaders for the new cohort of year 7s etc etc. i felt like everyone was just waiting for me to leave…. and that they couldn’t stand my “embarrassing” presence and that i’d ruin my friends chances of being selected as co-captain or whatever other bullshit LPs they wanted to run for. but still. i felt like i couldn’t leave. just. how do you leave a bunch of people that you’ve known for so long???

and even when my teachers were nice enough to give me a chance in a leadership position once; in that dastardly bullshit internet safety workshop thing that they should’ve literally just hired a professional workshop co. to do….. but to save money they used students in my year group instead. so, instead of being marked by my teachers on this program; i was marked by the catholic education office. they had a lady come in from the ceo to judge/mark us while presenting…… and this lady went off at teen me for “not being professional, responsible and respectful” or whatever the fuck the woman told 15/16yo me…. which teen me then fired back with “i don’t have to be fucking professional and responsible!!!! IM FUCKING 15!!!!”.. so from then on i was never given an LP or any other type of “peer support” role against my friends who were littered with offers for them. mind you, i did call a whole room of 14 year olds “a bunch of cunts” or the like and then stormed out thinking that i’d made a solid point, so the CEO woman had a good reason 😂😅….. again in hindsight.

of course there was also the bitterness of teen me being angry at the english dept for not giving her a spot in the top class of english in her half of the year. but as i’ve said previously on other posts, i’ve forgiven this because i did essentially fail one shakespeare in class assessment in year 8 or year 9 😂. but i strongly felt this during my time at catholic school bc my friends believed that i should’ve been in the top english class too lmao.

but aside from those troubles and foibles, i still found it incredibly hard to leave. to leave the perceived closeness of that group of girls, who would sometimes walk me down to the office and sit with me in “purple room” while i waited for the teacher that had to act as my therapist almost lmao. even though i always told my friends to leave me be and go back to class bc i felt bad about dragging them out of class for so long.

but yeah. with all the above behaviour, the song lyrics to me at the time made sense bc teen me just felt so pressured to fit into the whole “funny, cool, outrageous girl” bs box that people had put her in…. but at the same time she wanted to escape it bc she was just *flyleaf voice* SO SICK of being laughed at instead of laughed with (atl weightless reference here kids) just because… like she DESERVED to be taken seriously for fucks sake, and not a be a “monkey do funny dance” person… she obvs felt this the most in drama class. where in the shakespeare unit, she picked a medley of romeo and juliet and taming of the shrew monologues to do for her monologue. although she nearly did lady macbeth throwing herself off the tower, to be hella edgy…. but she opted not to do that in the end. but she picked serious pieces bc she was sick and tired of being classed as the one trick pony go-to funny person.

okay. this really went off topic. but y’all get the point??? the decision of leaving catholic school was a hell of a ride for little 14-16yo me. it was confusing, terrifying and tied up in years of being overly judged and feeling like people wanted me to leave bc they were sick of me. it was tied up in years of mid-class meltdowns that had become kind of routine for me to have, and that people were just brushing me off as “attention seeking”…. but also ironically waiting for me to snap at any second for another wild shouting match or walkout; which would then make me look like i was “unruly” or “untameable/unmanageable” or whatever the fuck….. but i couldn’t take that anymore, for the final senior years. i HAD to leave it.

again it was hard to leave for loyal little teen me, despite how lonely and isolated she felt. why leave your friends when you’re comfortable??? but also: why stay in this toxic environment where people are just waiting for you to either shut the fuck up and put up with it or just blow up and absolutely lose your shit??? that’s just unhealthy asf. and the only unruly thing that’s happening here is the complete lack of mental health help or management in the aussie education system; but most especially in religious schools.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona’s catholic school memories #ilona’s catholic school rants #sorry it’s another tl;dr in the feels post lmao

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transgenderer · 2 years

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That was such a fast reply, it was basically like conversational. When you say fake bi, what do you mean? Also, did you start diary blogging before having any followers? Like, idk I’ve been thinking about whether I should start uploading my thoughts, I produce pages and pages of stream of conscious screeds in the message box of people I know but don’t send and then i just end up with them, but like my privacy sense makes that seem wrong. If feel like maybe some utility if there were people reading but if not, it’s like strictly worse, ya know. Like I’m exposing myself and I’m not even getting being known that out of it. Also, I don’t really get tumblr, like is there a way to reply/comment on something? Like I see posts that I disagree with but don’t know how to tell the person my disagreement. That feels unfair. Maybe I should go back to Twitter. (Technically I was on tumblr first but didn’t really use it and then started using Twitter semi regularly).

Well, by fake bi I mean im attracted to a much smaller subset of woman than men, and I've never like, even kissed a woman, and I've never like...well I mean this is maybe not appropriate for this blog but I've never jacked off to like. Porn of women or thinking abt women. So yknow. Pretty fake. But I do yknow. Feel things sometimes. Hard to understand ephemeral things.

I think i had...a couple hundred followers when I started diary blogging? Maybe more. I don't remember the time line that clearly. So yeah I guess I only started diary blogging when I had followers. I don't think you really need that many followers to get something out of it tho, mostly you just need a couple of mutuals? It's nice to idk, get occasional commentary on your diary entries from people you sort of know. But idk. I just like having my words out, I feel like they build up in my brain. Diarying in a private text file works too tho. I also have a separate diary type thing for notes for reference for therapy sessions.

Oh and yeah you can totally reply/comment! If you want your followers to see it you can reblog (the little arrows making a square) or reply (the text box) if you just want it to be attached to the post and not show up on your blog. Obv different strokes but I think tumblr is a lot better than Twitter for more detailed or nuanced or elaborate thoughts, which I like a lot. Basically equal as shit posting platforms tho

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ratbastarddotfuck · 3 years

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Hi! are you still answering questions about your system? I was curious about how you found out you were plural? I had a relationship with someone who was and she didn't know for most of her life (she assumed her defender alter was her brother and that most of the others were friends or relatives, she wasn't aware they shared a body until her late teens/early 20s). Did you always know you were plural or did you figure it out as an adult? no pressure to answer if too personal :)

Oh, sure! Right off the bat - it's worth noting that we don't have DID, but rather OSDD. The difference is pretty minimal from an outside perspective and I won't go into it a lot here, but it's relevant because it means that with out plurality we largely have shared memories/don't experience a lot of memory loss. So we've never really been in that position of not being able to tell if an alter was an outside person or not.

Anyway -

Definitely didn't always know! We didn't know much about plurality in general until a couple of years ago. When we were a teenager we had a couple of online friends who were varyingly open about their own plurality. We didn't really ask or research much about it in any case, just kind of rolled with it and treated each alter as their own person (as you should) and carried on.

We really started to learn about plurality when I (Will/Remy) started dating a system (towards the end of 2018). They explained about their own plurality when we started dating, but it didn't have a huge impact on our relationship so, just kept on trucking (the readiness with which we have just happily accepted the plurality of several people close to us and carried on without any real questions should maybe have been a sign, lol).

This relationship is a polyamorous one, and through this partner we met other systems who they were dating and/or friends with. And it's a thing, right, that in this group of people I was essentially the only "singlet" (non-plural person). And it just kind of happened that as we got to know other systems and learn what it's like to BE a system, we started realising like... "hmm... a lot of this sounds VERY familiar". But didn't want to bring it up with anyone partially because like, there's that stigma around plurality, but mostly because a specific part of the trauma we have from childhood is "people have never believed me when I bring my issues up to them and have always told me im lying or faking for attention so this will be the same thing". 😑 My logic was that people would try and say I was just trying to fit in with my friends (even though it was more comparable to queer kids sticking together before they even realise they're queer).

Anyway, late 2019 (Friday December 13th, remember this date) it had really started to get to us. I/Will (Will was the host at the time but I've stolen their job and most of their original personality) went on a research spree. It wasn't the first time I'd done research, obv, but it was the most intense. I think I was sick at the time - I was exhausted from work and not sleeping properly. Did all this research and then promptly took a nap. Had some fuckin weird dreams, and then when we woke up a couple hours later, ya boi Damien was existing and I... wasn't.

Now obviously this isn't the first time someone else had fronted - we worked out later that Damien has been his own distinct person at least since we were 16 - but it WAS the first time that we know of that an alter was fully aware that they were a different person to the host.

This is how he chose to announce himself:

(Yes I did search for the word "nap" in chat to find this conversation lmao)

It didn't take long before he was working out things about himself - a notable thing he said was "i am very much absolutely not a girl whereas [deadname] is ambivalent about being a girl". He worked out that he was kind of an emo boy, and found it MADLY funny that he began existing properly on Friday the 13th (every Friday 13th is now His Birthday). He didn't already have a name (kinda - he did have a name as a teen but it didn't stick because we didn't realise that character was Him), and he googled "spooky baby names" to settle on Damien.

A couple days later Ducky started fronting and being around, because when it rains it pours. More alters kept popping up and we still get new ones occasionally. The rest is history, basically!

Also, sorry that this post is a million miles long akskfn I have a lot to say all the time. But thank u for asking!!!!

#the system speaks #🦊🐝#plurality #osdd #did #system stuff #our system stuff

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procrastinationonvacation · 3 years

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I hope your exams go well! I have some right now and I have done approximately 45 minutes max of voluntary revision :/

As for the asks, can you please tell more about Daeron? You mentioned (way back in the Daemags post) that you head canon him as a son of Melian and Thingol and I love that idea if you would like to run with it?

- Captain Anon

Hi!! Yessssss! And yeah same for the not really studying thing (does it show in my activity on here?)

Ok three primary arguments for him being their son: 1. Eldritch vibessssss 2. an interesting character that way (as opposed to the other where it’s mostly just snape-ey and weird) 3. the ULTIMATE middle child.

Eldritch vibes: The world is made of music and Daeron is the foremost singer/ musician in the world. That tops both Luthien and Maglor (bringing up Luthien because we all know the shit she pulled with the Song). And I imagine that power is even more magnified in Doriath: Daeron would sing and the forest would stop. Just to listen. The same way Thingol fell asleep for however long from Malians enchantment, you could die listening to Daeron’s music and your corpse would keep on listening. Just- super scary eldritch children, ok? Not to mention the classic teeth a little too long, eyes a little too bright, voice a little more musical with every word is sculpted in the air. Thank you and good night.

Story line: Ok so one of the reasons I like the siblings is because all the other siblings seem to get along so well, even if they dont particularly like each other all that much. And also before I continue this, just fair warning it’s practically a whole ass AU.

We start of this au/canon/whatever the hell im saying and the two siblings are really close, and (in part to being weird eldritch childs and in part because they actually get along) spend almost their time together.

This continues as they grow older, certainly they make other friends as they go into their separate roles in the kingdom, but mostly it’s those two together. In the forest singing.

I think Beren shows up, and I mean at first they ran away because um scary? but obvs Luthien gets over that really fast, Daeron not so much. They’ve been raised in an isolationist country, I feel like he’s not to happy with the *new person.*

And hey I get to mirror that Maia obsessiveness I was chatting about for Annatar and Melian when I say Daeron is that way about Luthien. Which. Creepy. but still much less creepy in my opinion than as a random courtier, ya know?

Daeron makes bad decisions pt 1: he spies on the couple for Thingol because a)weird outsider mortal is sketchy, and Daeron Does Not Like and b) no that’s his sister, who’s supposed to hangout with him, not Beren. So yeah, maybe the idea that beren is Dangerous is just a justification of that but really, thats no one’s buissiness but daeron’s.

Daeron makes bad decisions pt 2: Ok listen telling Thingol Luthien was gonna go to rescue Beren is actually a decision I could get behind. Cause.um. deadly quest designed to get people killed is not for siblings. Still, over all bad idea.

Daeron is helpful: on try 2 it’s like ok fine. Go be with Beren.

Luthien is lost and Daeron goes for a hike pt 1: Ok i briefly mentioned this, but I think at some point he realized he had to return to Doriath, and then just… decided not to face a home that was missing his sister and also held his parents and whatever they were going through.

Luthien is lost and Daeron goes for a hike pt 2: I think when he hears Luthien’s dead it’s really upsetting, and that’s the point at which he actually departs from the areas of the forest he knew.

Anyways, I find the version of the story interesting because if he really *did* intentionally loose himself in the dark forests/places of the world, that’s 300 years and the repeated collapse of his country (which like… more guilt). It reminds me a lot of maglor, just sans all the murdering, which is why I think Daemags is an interesting ship.

Middle child: I dont think I need to explain this one. His other siblings (Luthien and Turin) get whole books on them. They are followed by the narrative to their death and beyond. Daeron runs off to the forest and is never Once mentioned again. Iconic.

Also, the unfortunate truth is I don’t have permission to buy the not lotr tolkien books. And since my family’s very paranoid about covid, I can’t check out physical books from the library... so long story short if my canon in any of my posts is a little wack that’s why.

Thanks so much for the ask!!! Have a great day <3

#thanks for the ask!!#They are very fun #even it i didn't get to it right away #the kale thing was just...possesing me so i did it out of order #but I really appreciate ur asks and ily #as always lemme know if I forgot canon/didn't follow your prompt/ didn't write this to your liking #Captain anon

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blurglesmurfklaine · 4 years

Text

Cornelia Street (4/?)

A/N: oh my god they were quarantined

yes. It’s one of those fics.

AU, obvs

I’m posting as I go and idk how many parts this is going to be, likely won’t be very long but I literally don’t know what I’m doing and should i be starting yet another WIP? definitely not but fuck it lets fucking go

Title is from T-swizzles Lover album, I’m OBSESSED

Summary: Three years ago, Kurt and Blaine went on a disaster of a date and never quite got off on the right foot. Now, just before they graduate from NYADA, there’s a national outbreak and they’re both self-quarantined in a mutual friend’s apartment.

Read On AO3

On Tumblr: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Part 4

New Message: To: Sam I Am So… Funny thing happened Brace yourself I don’t think I hate Kurt Hummel anymore

New Message: From: Sam I Am THE TIME MACHINE WORKED! I AM A MEET-CUTE MASTERMIND!!!

Okay, this conversation is over. I regret bringing it up, BYE

No! Blainers, please don’t go! You have to tell me EVERYTHING!!

Like what?

Like when’s the wedding? I’m kidding. Mostly. Like what happened?

I dunno… we were just. Hanging out, talking. Watching movies, playing battleship He’s not the villain I made him out to be, I think He’s just a person

Oh?

A really cute and funny person…

OH!? You totally like him now, don’t you? Wow, all it took was a global pandemic?

Shut up. I’m not even going to get my hopes up Fool me once

I’m not going to sit here and pretend to know what that saying means (you know how I get with idioms or whatever) and honestly shame on you for even assuming I’d know

It means that Kurt doesn’t like me

You don’t know that

Let’s call it an educated guess based on past experiences. And you don’t know that he *does* so

Bitch Do you know who my girlfriend is? That’s nothing a little snooping can’t fix

Sam… Sam, whatever you’re thinking of doing, DONT

Good news, I don’t think. I ACT!

SAM EVANS

God, this is SO much more entertaining than anything on Netflix right now

New Message: From: Mercedes 💞 How have you and Blaine been getting along?

New Message: To: Mercedes 💞 Well we HAD been avoiding each other for a few days

But..?

But that’s a little hard to do in close quarters … We actually had a good time tonight He’s a sweetheart, really

Oh, wow.

What?

Nothing… just never thought I’d hear you say that about Blaine

Why do you continually insist that I’m this stubborn headed fool?

Oh baby boy you so do not want me to answer that Drunk Jenga The ENTIRETY of sophomore year That time you insisted arugula was a classical instrument I could do this for hours

… okay you’ve made your point I’ve suppose I’ve just had a change of heart

Go on

I guess I always painted him as an asshole in my mind for ditching me And…

And???

Like I said, he’s hot SWEET! I meant sweet Typo!!

Boy, do not even act like those two words make even remotely the same shape on the keyboard But the guy’s cute, I’ll give you that So… do you like him?

I mean, I definitely don’t dislike him…

You, Kurt Hummel, are an expert at deflection

Did you change your Facebook profile pic?

BOI

Fine. I think I maybe possibly might like him a teeny tiny bit But something tells me it’s one sided, since ya know He peaced out halfway through out first date

Something tells me the odds are in your favor

Okay cryptic Effie Btw, hope you’re staying safe

You too, love

I’m calling it a night, love you

Love you, too Have fun in the arena, Kurtniss!

New Message: To: Mercedes (LOML) So!!!!??? How’d it go??

New Message: From: Mercedes (LOML) I don’t know how you managed to rope me into this stupid plan of yours, Sam But I think it worked

YES!!!! I told you! I have an eye for these things Like when I said you and I would end up together And look at us now

Okay will you stop texting me?

Wow. Ghosted by my own girlfriend. Smh

We’re right next to each other!!! And you won’t respond to me verbally!

It’s about documenting this story

Oh my god You’re ridiculous I love you

Love you too! <333

Part 5

#klaine #glee #kurt hummel #blaine anderson #wow look at me im writing!#cornelia street

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heeres-suffering · 4 years

Text

Be More Alluring: a Personality Swap AU

[pic description and source will be at the bottom of this post, under the read more]

Start of summary:

“You need to be more alluring.”

"... don’t you mean attractive?”

“I do not. Your attractiveness is adequate, Brooke; if you want to mask your apparently latent queerness, you have to make them want you straight. Isn’t that why your step-father defended you?”

Brooke Lohst is a loser.

But you know what? That was okay.

She always knew she was a weird one. The intensity of her affection for puppies, picture books, and near-constant daydreaming has lasted well-past a normalcy she can’t seem to grasp; when coupled with her inability to befriend anyone (besides the similarly self-identified loser Michael Mell), it’s not a surprise the rest of her peers have left her behind.

However, there were... ah, worse things in her life to worry about then some mild bullying. She liked her passion well enough, and all of her true insecurities went largely unnoticed, so any insults or weird looks rarely lingered in her mind. It’s not like she was a constant target either, which helped a lot. All in all, she just planned to hunker down, wait out the awkwardness of High School like everyone else, and move on to the rest of her life...

Except.

When Brooke develops a crush on a girl she’s never talked to, after years of avoiding fairy tale romance and trying not to think about the inevitability of marriage (or how finicky her attraction to boys is in the first place), it feels like her whole world is about to cave in. She’d do anything to make sure her parents, especially daddy, never find out... including buying an edible super computer from the loudest, tiniest guy in school.

End of summary.

Alright!

Hi, hello, it’s Mod Seb, and here’s an AU I’ve been rolling around for a few days! You are free to do with this concept whatever you want, but I wanted to introduce it with a good chunk of the info I’ve already worked out in my head.

So. As the CWs are... too numerous, I’m going to go with a blanket “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” label and encourage you not to read the rest of this if you have any big darkfic triggers that could be upset by mere mention; this isn’t a fic tho, so descriptions of anything awful won’t last long.

Although, I will mention upfront that Brooke isn’t a binary lesbian. I know the description might read like I’m setting her up to be 100% homosexual; she’s bi with a strong preference for girls, and anyone who presents soft enough in gender or appearance. If it wasn’t for the end-game pairings, her unfamiliarity with smaller details/history of the LGBTQ+ community, and general “gay newb” status, she’d likely ID as a bi lesbian!

(ships and everything else under the Read More)

Okay. That out of the way, there’s quite a number of pairings; I’m pretty sure it’s a super polyamorous and sexual AU, though you’re free to change this list as much as you’d like:

[bolded are end-game ships. italics physically hook up at least once. strike-through means they were in a relationship but break-up in some way before the ending. (H) stands for healthy, while (T) is toxic and/or noncon. underlined characters are pining for the other and may never confess their true feelings]

Brooke/Christine (H), Brooke/Rich (H), Brooke/Jenna (H), Brooke/Michael (H), Brooke/Chloe (T), Brooke/her Daddy (T), Brooke/Squip (H), Brooke/Jeremy (soft T at first bc of mirrored canon-compliant manipulation, H later on), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy (H), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy/Rich (H), Rich/Moses (H), [insert every form of Rich/Mo/Squip/Jeremy here] (H), Jeremy/Chloe (T), Jeremy/Michael (H), Michael/Christine (H), Michael/Christine/Mr. Heere (H; no, seriously), Madeline/Brooke (H)

This is, of course, a role swap AU where Brooke and Jeremy trade places based on my personal lore for their home lives. I always have some pretty fucked ideas as I don’t imagine MB is a great place with great adults, and I pick and choose which parts of canons I use and which I don’t.

There is no definite ending planned in mind as this isn’t an outline; it’s meta (or an imagine or w/e) for an AU that you’re free to do whatever with.

So,

The big difference is that Brooke was picked by Michael, while Jeremy was picked by Chloe. Jeremy is trans and hadn’t come out yet; if Chloe had known he was a boy, she wouldn’t have grabbed him. In contrast, Michael’s never gave a shit about potential friends genders.

Jer and B’s personalities... are altered some. Not ALL the way, but kiiinda fusing into their roles, kinda tweaked (I'll get back to that).

The main point of this for me was Brooke/Squip/Jeremy, with B/Jer having a MUCH stronger focus than in canon, and a really bad Chloe acting as one of the major villains.

Michael gets roped into Chloe’s shit, even tho he's still generally a good guy here, bc he's worried about B and thinks she can't properly take care of herself.

While B DOES have a strong crush on Christine, she’s the opposite of the Squip’s “goal”; that’s (obvs) masking, or making passably digestible, her queerness.

Her Mom and step-’Daddy’ have reacted to her friendship w/ ‘openly gay moms, also very flamboyant and GNC’ Michael... poorly.

Michael thinks the solution has to be “act as aggressively yourself as you can, and if they reject you, you know me and the mom’s have a space for you”. This works for him bc he’s permanently hyper-visible, what with all of his own marginalized identities. But, not only has she flied under the radar in comparison to him for years, he doesn’t know everything about her life.

In fact, he doesn’t know most of it. She’s very good at hiding things.

Meanwhile, Jeremy, one of the more popular ‘boy... ish’ (we’ll get to this, too) people in school, is mid-psychosis and self-destruction. He actually has schizo-affective disorder--as is the case with all of my versions of Jeremy--which he needs medication for. Combined that with so many bad influences and trauma, he can no longer fully control himself or his life.

The way he handles this (badly) is to ‘whore around’--which, besides being Chloe’s pet, is kinda why he’s so popular. Nobody respects him, but he’s viewed some form of favorably.

Jeremy is in a relationship with Rich, but he won't let him get as close/protective as Rich wants; Mo and Rich were doing their own man-whoring (but healthy, just droppin’ panties and making dudes and chicks swoon--yeah, Rich is out as bisexual, this is a very ‘the Squips are a good thing’ AU) to gain their standard reputation, but in the course of that, they got together with Jeremy and it became... complicated. Both of them are very "nnn" about how bad his life is for Jer.

The way that their personalities are altered is... okay. To explain this, I have to talk about my characterization of canon-Brooke and Jeremy in relation to this, starting with Brooke:

I imagine B as just a liiittle below the line of "all the way there" for sorta-similar reasons to Jeremy here: trauma, and Chloe (which is why that’s what Jeremy gets in this, it’s just WAY worse when compounded by everything else). She’s also--like me, and like almost every character I write as a result--autistic, in a near-permanent state of “not enough accommodations” and over-stimulation. This leads to a lot of dissociation and a very wandering mind, as well as being perceived as a bimbo or dumb blonde or w/e misogynistic bullshit is projected onto her by the boys she dates (she’s also much more down the middle bi outside this AU).

So, going back to how she is for this AU: she's actually not super nerdy, despite the close connection she and Michael have. Honestly, it’s their general neurodivergent weirdness that bring them together, and so she’s mostly adopted her nerdy interests through him, whether directly a thing he likes, or finding a whimsical variant that fits her tastes.

Obviously, unlike Jeremy, she doesn’t mind being called a loser. She does any insinuation she might be queer. This including anyone who calls her gay or a dyke.

She has too much Cis Male Trauma (unlike canon, where it comes from both cis angles) to really entertain the idea of a Traditionally Male Partner. This means she skews HEAVILY towards hard GNC guys at the very least, and generally finds herself most interested in the idea of enbies and women. she's also not super into butches tho, bc her trauma mixing with her sexuality has latched on to Strong Masc People Are A Threat.

An expansion on her interests, in canon and otherwise: animals, ASMR/sensual service work (including massages and stuff), spending hours just sorta sitting by herself and letting her imagination wander, fairy tales, and YA-and-under fantasy books.

(Here, she tries to avoid het or f/f romance... except that, this past year or two, she’s started really like m/m stuff--esp after getting REALLY into drag shows, which she could enjoy safely since girls like Chloe have gotten into them too; in canon, she’s a romance fanatic)

Now... this is one of the really darkfic element; she's fucking her step-dad.

She does this so that he doesn't walk out on her, her mom, and her little sister*. Her mom has a good-enough job as a standard office woman, but he makes enough to pay the rent on their nice townhouse and all the bills she can’t. So, after he expressed interest in Brooke and then casually mentioned he could always just leave if she wasn’t comfortable, she reluctantly entered a relationship with him

(* = her sister is currently know as her brother; he’s like 12 or 13, and started showing signs of trans/queerness which have been Heavily Discouraged. Brooke worries about him a lot)

((I didn’t use she/her pronouns bc I’m not entirely sure he would change them? This is an OC Oli created at the beginning of our interest in BMC, and we haven’t worked on him at all since, so how his characterization will be is up in the air))

Canonically, Brooke's "in love" with her daddy, which is a self-imposed delusion; if she actually addressed it, she’d says she’s well aware that’s not true, but it's so much easier to pretend when you’re cornered like that. Brooke’s life blows.

She’s a lot more honest to herself about hating him here; still, she tries to be as polite and generally-friendly as she can, doing what he says whenever he wants.

OKAY, THAT’S BROOKE. If any of that is badly described or potentially-offensive, it’s just bc I glossed over SO MUCH DETAIL, even in that amount of it!

So. Jeremy.

I don’t have to go over him much and we’re all mostly aware of how I feel about him and also I don’t have the energy to do this again--

(just... read my fics The Devil at your Door or hello yesterday or something... eyyy actually do that, my ao3 username is Sedusa, blah blah blah ANYWAY)

--but basically: He's still very nerdy, like, he’s super into film as well as video games (which is another constant for me), but after being largely ignored in elementary, he's been trailing behind Chloe at her orders since they were in 6th grade. As a result he isn't very open about... any of his interests.

In 7th grade, he came out as trans to everyone. Chloe was furious, but at the same time, intrigued; this was around the time Chloe gets her own... ah shit I gotta go into that too--

--yet another hc of mine is that Chloe gets a Squip on accident around this time at a party (there was one in a “”candy bowl””), and from there, she claws her way up the ladder. I... will not go into that much, but her Squip was crippled by the drugs and alcohol in her system, and therefore largely at her mercy. She’s used his power to manipulate certain things about herself and to sharpen her focus on popularity to the point she’s full-blown Alpha Bitch.

Man, I’ve had to go on so many tangents, I apologize.

Anyway, she drags Jeremy around as a punching bag. She constantly mocks Jeremy's transness, even though she usually calls him by his correct name and pronouns.

This has made the rest of the school follow her lead, hence why I said “boy-ish”; he’s popular, he’s technically ‘well liked’, but nobody really takes him seriously. This is compounded by Chloe’s refusal to let him dress in 'dorky' casual clothes, and, as he’s both too poor to afford designer clothes and also generally hates popular guy fashion, he has to wear the hyper femme clothing Chloe specifically tells him too/

As such, people call him a boy but largely see him as either an idiot, a slut, an attention seeker, or all of the above.

So of course, in Brooke's place, his neurodivergence is more prominent than ever; every day he slips further into this psychosis and self-infantilization haze, as his his mom leaving, his dad severely depressed, Chloe's sexual violence, and other repressed trauma (see: my fic hello yesterday on ao3) all weighing on him. This makes him INCREDIBLY regressed, like, all the time by Junior year.

And then Brooke's Squip (IE: canon Squip) falls in love with Jeremy extremely fucking hard. He pushes her to date him as a way to compromise on her queer desires, since Jeremy is technically a boy, and certainly a few other straight-ish girls have hooked up with him in the past.

WHEW. That is a fucking lot. To wrap this up, lemme go over the interpersonal relationships not already mentioned, and what directions I think it takes.

First off, Madeline has a more prominent role, as I quite like her tbh; she’s a sex worker, she has her own Squip, she’s one of Chloe’s most hated enemies, and she gravitates towards both Brooke and Jeremy. She’s also Actually French, Chloe’s just weird.

(Anyway she prolly sees through Brooke’s straight act and asks her why she’s pretending to be a good little cishet. It rattles Brooke.)

Chloe is scum. This bears repeating. She DEFINITELY rapes Brooke at the Halloween party, and becomes obsessed with her, along with already being obsessed with Jeremy and Jake.

Jake, by the way, has a lot of regressive behavior and impulsiveness bc he’s been in an abusive relationship off and on with Chloe for years now.

Speaking of Jake, moving on to his best bro: Rich doesn’t set himself on fire. He’s having a good time with his Squip.

But.

He IS set on fire at the Halloween party.

Instead of the Smartphone Hour being about Rich's instability, it's actually about the mystery of Someone Did It To Him But No One Saw Who It Was, They Were Disguised.

The answer relates to the fact that Rich and Brooke are ALSO hooking up, after she’s already with Jeremy, bc he Properly introduces her to him and the three of them hit it off really well.

(She initially wasn’t interested, but while Rich is loud and still kinda abrasive, his Squip doesn’t drive him to act like a bully--and in private, his nerdiness is really obvious and he’s extremely gentle with her and Jeremy. Add to that that he’s bi and trans*, when Brooke connects best w/ queer men over cishet one, and it off-sets his masc-ness enough to make him an Exception.

* = I always imagine him as trans. See: all of Vanceypants fics.)

Sooo... the culprit is actually Brooke's daddy, who sees her with this obvious heartthrob and Cannot let that be.

Chloe convinces Michael that the Squips are Very Very Bad and has him team up with her to force Brooke into drinking Red, with the intention to convince him to kill himself after to get him out of the way, bc she’s really going nuts at this point.

Eventually, he snaps out of it when he and Christine get together (he’s thought he was Full Homo all of his life, but Christine’s prolly genderqueer-ness makes him realize “oh shit, I’m bisexual”) and she starts to question why he’s acting the way he is towards Christine.

He also definitely has a crush on Jeremy and during his time with Chloe he kinda tried to flirt a little but couldn’t really... he’s not up for dating someone as sexually active and a push-over as Jeremy is in this.

However, when he snaps out of Chloe’s manipulation, he and Christine approach Mr. Heere to convince him to straighten up and help Jeremy and also bc they really need an adult to successfully fight Chloe.

This requires a month+ of Christine getting him to see her psychiatrist (the one who prescribes her ADHD meds). Jeremy spends the majority of his time staying with Chloe, and very rarely comes home to gather things or to make sure his dad is eating/still alive, as much as he can remember to in his own haze of mental illness. Anyway, point is, he doesn’t know Christine and Michael are there often... not that, in the course of growing close to Mr. H, they both fall for him hard and it becomes one of my stranger OT3s.

(God, Jeremy goes through a lot of shit in this, tho.)

Pre-Squip, Jenna was kinda-sorta Brooke’s friend--or, well, friendly. However, she’s actually full blown “oh my God she’s wonderful” in love with Brooke.

Brooke isn't aware of that, esp since Jenna tries her not to be around her a lot. She's also trying to hide her own queerness, bc she’s a trans woman and she knows Chloe finding that out would be extremely dangerous.

Eventually, Chloe succeeds in making Brooke take the Red months after canon usually ends, w/o Michael’s help. If you’re curious, Red doesn’t affect her normal Squip bc she’s had him too long and a lot of his receptors and stuff are damaged, so it’s the second one she gets in canon that turns off.

This plan backfires, however, as Brooke’s Squip comes back with a physical body w/ help from Rich and also-bodied-now Moses.

With a body, and shenanigans, Mo and Squip take out Brooke’s daddy too. His life insurance more than makes up for the loss of his income, as it’s a sizable amount. Now that Brooke feels more empowered and strong, she overrides her mother’s neglectfulness and takes control of the household w/ her boyfriends*, comes out as queer, helps her sister transition, and begin to heal from all of this trauma.

(* = Rich and Mo move in, as does Jeremy eventually, after graduation; Jeremy gets a psychiatrist and a therapist and prolly has to go through some intense outpatient care and possibly a stay in the hospital, before finally making major breakthroughs and looking like himself again. The five of them are now happy and in love.)

Chloe, after her arm gets twisted by the Squip’s protective presence so thoroughly, gives up on Jeremy and Brooke to focus on Jake. This too gets abandoned when Rich and Mo help him cut her off, and so she stays in her own popularity bubble, bitter, until graduating and going to a community college in a different state.

All in all, things work out well in the end, but getting there is a long, difficult process. This AU fascinates me immensely and feels like a great way to examine some of my really dark headcanons about MB, as I think it’s a town similar to Derry in Stephen King’s IT--as in, just chronically The Worst Place Ever, with this, like, miasma of low-key despair around it. People adjust and don’t question it, which is why so much of BMC is this flippant dark humor in the face of some highly questionable shit.

I’m so sorry this post is so long (I’ll be uploading it to AU under my usual Sedusa account, as metas like this are more than allowed), but I really adore these characters and the way they can be twisted around, so I had a lot to say!

Thank you for reading <3

-mod Seb

image description: virtual-like stairs pointed forward and bathed in neon yellow and blue to represent Brook and Jeremy, which I’ve modified from the original blue-only design.

source: x (link description: a free Wallpaper Flare image that I found off Google Image’s “filtered by ‘labeled and reuse with modification” feature)

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tippitv · 5 years

Text

TippiTV recap: SPN 15.01 “Back and to the Future”

First a quick note on the format of this recap: I'm dealing with some neck/back/shoulder pain so I'm not going to make a bunch of captioned screen shots and diagrams and other visual aids like I usually do. That stuff, while hugely fun to do, is time-consuming even under ideal conditions. I will instead attempt to provide you with mental images of graphics I would have made.

Now, let's get on with things.

Welcome to the 15th and final season of Supernatural, everyone! If the show were a person we could give it a Quinceañera.

[Graphic: The Impala in a beautiful taffeta gown and tiara and like... satin mudflaps instead of gloves.]

It's been 5140 days since the show premiered. That's 123,360 hours. Our solar system travels around the center of the galaxy at 490,000 miles per hour. This means we have moved through 6.04464e10 miles of space since this show premiered. I don't even know what that means. Once numbers start getting letters in them, I'm lost. But it's got to be nearly as many miles as are on the Impala's odometer.

[graphic of our solar system and the Chevy Impala zooming through space together, perhaps in friendly competition]

The road so far: Man, I do not remember a lot of this. Relevant to this episode is God throwing a hissy fit, killing Jack, and releasing all the souls and/or demons from Hell.

Currently: Jack's eyeless corpse is lying around as corpses are wont to do. The surviving members of Team Free Will are fighting a lot of freshly risen dead bodies that were possessed by the released souls. If it were me just out of Hell, I wouldn't waste time in a rotted corpse. I'd just fuck off as quickly as possible and possess someone who's eating a deep-dish cheese pizza.

The risen dead are polite enough to mostly attack the Winchesters one or two at a time, so they get to grab Jack's corpse and run into a mausoleum for shelter. Okay I understand why the souls can't get through the iron doors but what's stopping the disembodied ones from just going through a window? Or through a stone wall, for that matter?

Sam asks Castiel if he can bring Jack back but he sounds like he already knows the answer. A mid-level angel without all his original powers isn't gonna be able to undo what God's done unless the plot requires it.

[Graphic of Sam's incredibly sad face as he says or thinks "maybe the plot will require it later?"]

Everyone tries to figure out what they're going to do next. Dean snarkily wonders if they're going to starve to death. I mean, no, because the ambulatory corpses will break in before long. Failing that, they'd die of thirst unless Castiel has like a TARDIS bladder that holds Dasani, and then they could eat Jack. Mmm nephilim jerky....

Proving my point for me, a resident of the mausoleum or perhaps a neighbor tries to bust through some of the loose stones just as Sam starts chipping away at them in search of an escape route. Castiel smashes its head with a big rock, causing the ghost to flee? I guess? Whatever it is looks like a glowy skeleton and ghosts usually look like their living selves for the most part.

"What the hell are we gonna do now?" Sam asks.

Ol' Eyeless Jack pops up and says in a friendly tone of voice, "Hello!" Nobody's super shocked by this turn of events.

[Graphic of Jo and Ellen saying "nobody stays dead on this show except us"]

It's just Jack's bod with a demon in it, though. Was he the one that looked like a glowy skeleton? Whatever. He happens upon some budget sunglasses on the floor nearby. No seriously they're sunglasses to save the budget because it wouldn't be cheap or timely to have to CGI empty eyes for the whole episode.

He introduces himself. "My name is Belvegar." The fuck? That sounds like a horrible portmanteau for shipping Mr. Belvedere with Garfield the cat.

[Graphic of Buckleming: "We'd write that!"]

I suppose I should check IMDB to see how that's spelled...

BELPHEGOR???

Oh okay apparently Belph is a prince of hell and "Lord of the Gap," which is like half a step up from being Lord of Old Navy. I'm looking this up on regular Wikipedia not Supernatural Wiki so the show didn't just make him up. It says here he seduces people by suggesting inventions that will make them wealthy. One time I came up with an idea for pills that would turn people's urine into toilet cleaner. I was going to call it Vita-Wiz. And that's why I've never been able to seduce anyone with my inventions.

Anyway Castiel shoves Belph up against a wall, as is customary on this show, and demands he leave Jack's bod. But Belph says he has some mojo that will get rid of all the hellish souls and demons currently trying to get into the mausoleum. Much like how Vita-Wiz gets rid of hard water stains and leaves your toilet with a minty fresh scent!

[Graphic: a colorfully jaunty ad for Vita-Wiz with Sam's endorsement a la the "Changing Channels" Herpexia ad. "I've got powerfully clean urine."]

Belph knows all about the Winchesters but is slightly surprised this latest fuckery is God's fault. He makes himself out to be a low-level demon so either he's lying or the show's not going with the prince of hell backstory. Judging by his delivery and mannerisms he thinks he's auditioning to be in Goodfellas: The High School Years.

[Graphic: High School Musical promo poster but make it mobster]

He goes on to say that, like the Winchesters, he wants all the souls back in Hell where they belong and he can get back to torturing them. "I like my job!" Unrelatable. He can't fix the main shitsplosion that's going on but says he can get them all out of the cemetery safely.

Using some "graveyard dirt" from the floor and angel blood from Convenienstiel, he works a little spell that turns all the risen dead back into just... dead. Unoccupied corpses litter the ground by the dozens. Man, what a mess. You know who isn't gonna like their job in the morning? The groundskeeper.

Also, that sure is a useful spell. I wonder if it will ever come up again...

"Where are all the ghosts?" Dean wonders.

Cut to two teenage girls somewhere else acting like teenage girls Dabb has seen in Troom Troom videos. One of the girls sees herself as a ghost in the mirror and claws her face clean off. Man, that ghost's wig is terrible. Is she Bloody Mary? I don't remember her wig being this bad. I can't believe they couldn't afford a better one even with the Budget Sunglasses.

Back to Three Men and a Belphy. Riding home in the Impala, Sam checks the news. So far, no mention of any kind of worldwide Ghostpocalypse. It seems like you're mostly safe in this universe as long as you don't live in middle America. Belph suggests they may be able to contain the ghosts before things get too out of hand and he just happens to know the right magic.

"Imagine a salt circle a mile wide," he says. Castiel points out that Harlan, Kansas is less than a mile from the cemetery so Dean hatches a plan to get everyone out so as to not trap them inside with the ghosts and demons. Is it gonna be a lame plan that would never work in reality?

But first they stop for a wrecked car on the side of the road. There's blood on the inside of the windshield but no body. "This look familiar to you?" Dean asks Sam. It looks like a lot of wrecks where someone got wanged on the head and wandered off in a daze, but they figure it's the Woman in White. "If she's back then they're all back," Dean goes on. "Every last one that we ever killed."

Okay shout out to everyone who answered my post where I asked if ghosts used to be obliterated rather than going to Hell. The consensus seems to be that the Winchesters didn't really know one way or the other early on and were guessing.

Cut to a woman running through a house with her young daughter in her arms. The aftermath of a destroyed birthday party can be seen. How late in the day were they throwing this kid's party?? To make a long story short, the ghost of John Wayne Gacy is chasing them. I'll just reiterate my hatred of this character, not because Gacy is a serial killer obv, but because it lacks internal logic! Why is he dressed like a clown?? He wasn't executed in his old clown outfit!

Suddenly it's daytime. It's like Bugs all over again. Sam, in a jacket with an FBI decal on it approaches what must be the dumbassiest dumbass sheriff in three states. He convinces the sheriff to evacuate the whole town because of a benzene leak and the sheriff just... takes his word for it. Like, he's never heard of a benzene pipeline in his hometown but doop de doop this handsome giraffe in a cheap jacket said to evacuate so it must be true!

Also why isn't the sheriff down at the cemetery?? Someone would've called that in by now! You know what I don't really care.

Meanwhile, Dean is in the car and tells Castiel to take Belph to go get supplies for the spell. Cas says he can't do it, he can't even bear to look at him. And Dean! Rolls! His! Eyes! Like, Jack's the closest thing Cas will probably ever have to a child. He was with Kelly through her pregnancy. It's only been like eight hours since the kid died horrifically. Don't roll your dang eyes!

Cas leaves and Dean puts the Equalizer gun in the glove compartment along with a copy of The Complete Works of Anton Chekhov.

Belph notices that everyone walking down the street is good-looking. Yeah, that's casting agencies for ya. He says back in his ancient penis-worshiping days, people were uglier. Belph appears to be an equal-opportunity ogler. He turns to Dean. "I mean look at you. You're gorgeous!"

[Graphic: Belphegor replacing his penis-shaped rock altar with that Skittles poster of Jensen Ackles.]

"So who was he anyway?" Belph asks, referring to his meatsuit. "He was our kid, kinda," Dean says. The show manages to resist making a Gay Dads joke that I feel like it would've given into in an earlier season. So, yay progress I guess?

Sam and Castiel split up to check every house for ghosts. That seems super time-consuming. How many Reapers are left besides Billie? I feel like they should get one on the horn unless they're all dead. Anyway, Cas's house is where the Troom Troom girls were killed. The ghost's wig looks even worse in daylight. Do they get their wigs from the Hobby Lobby doll crafting aisle or something?

Sam's house, meanwhile, is where John Wayne Ghosty went on a sartorially illogical rampage. Somehow the mother and daughter are still alive. Dumbass ghosts can't see behind a shelving unit, I guess. The instant Sam gets them safely down, Ass-Clown immediately slices him across the belly. Castiel shows up to blast the ghost with rock salt.

Meanwhile, Belph is fanboying over Dean's torturing skills. Gasp! The show remembered Dean was in Hell. It'd be nice if they were consistent about it but whatever. Belph casually mentions that all the doors in Hell opened and Dean realizes this means the cage, too.

[Graphic: That dancing gif of the actor who played Adam that says "Still in Hell" but now it says "Maybe not in Hell."]

Castiel heals Sam's wound and the fabric of his jacket! The mother and daughter are still standing there seeing all this. Cas is like, "Whatevs, I'm an angel of the Lord & Taylor." The mom is pretty flabbergasted, and even more so when Sam mentions the wound he sustained after shooting God. Castiel can't heal that one, though, because it's probably gonna be a recurring plot point judging by the flash of Evil Sam we see.

The sheriff is making a final sweep through town when he happens upon the Woman in White. The sun looks to be setting, which means it's probably been 16 hours since all the souls and demons escaped, but they're still basically within a mile of the cemetery? Even I, burdened with an easily exhausted flesh body with shitty joints could have gotten farther than that.

Anyway, Belph needs a fresh human heart for his spell so it's pretty handy of the sheriff to die! That way none of the mains need to do the morally objectionable thing of murdering someone.

Dean senses a sudden drop in temperature. "Winnie the Pooh, right now!"

WHAT THE FUUUUCK??

Hold on. I'm watching this at 1.2x speed. Let me rewatch it at 1x.

Okay he says "we need to move, right now." My apologies to Mr. Pooh for thinking you could ever be a part of this.

[Graphic: Winnie the Pooh chipper as anything. "I CRAVE THE BLEAK ABIDING COMFORT OF DEATH AND HUNNY."]

At the same time, Sam and Castiel are walking the two survivors through town. The little girl pauses at a badly placed fish pond because she sees a woman in it. Is it Bloody Mary? What's she doing in a pond? Seriously though putting a pond right on the street corner is just asking for trouble even without spectral shenannigans. How many people have driven over the curb and right into that thing?

Okay I gotta stop getting hung up on landscaping issues. Even if they are HIGHLY IRRESPONSIBLE AND NONSENSICAL.

Dean is attacked by the Woman in White. Ass Clown goes after Sam and the others, and is soon joined by... a tall ghost and... Lizzie Borden? Sam accidentally shoots Cas full of rock salt when Lizzie vanishes, which is pretty funny although move ya pretty self out of the way, Cas. When she pops up behind him, she tries to choke him with the ax handle. It reminds me of that lesser known poem about Miss Borden.

Lizzie Borden had an ax Gave her mother 40 whacks Tried to choke the angel Cas 'Cause axing would've been too fast

In the ensuing fisticuffs, everyone has time to throw punches while Belph performs the spell. All he does is put the heart on a little pile of salt and chant some Latin. Is like the thing Ruby 1.0 did with that poor virgin girl's heart a million years ago?

Oh sweet Jeebus the sight of these ghosts chasing everyone on foot is... bad and funny. Y'all are ghosts! You can just blip in and out of wherever you want to go! One of the only upsides to being dead has got to be not having to do cardio anymore and here you are running the hundred yard dash like it's 6th grade PE class. They come screeching to a halt where the spell has created an invisible boundary. This might be worse than Hell.

[Graphic: Parisian street mimes trying to escape an invisible box]

But wait... Why wasn't Belphegor affected by this spell? Did he write in an exception clause? Or is it only for ghosts and not demons?

The Good Guys plus Belph bring the mom and daughter to the high school down the road where all the evacuees are sheltering. With no sheriff to coordinate things, isn't it all just gonna... fall to pieces now? How are they gonna convince everyone to stay away from their homes? What if someone needs their prescriptions? ("Oh no my Herpexia!") They can't get rid of the ghosts as long as Hell isn't in business anymore, right? This is a mess. Dean seems to know it.

Dang why are Castiel and Dean on such icy terms? Why do I not remember last season?

Now that they have a five second breather before the shit hits the fan, Dean wants to see Sam's godly bullet wound. It looks a little crusty but not too bad except... "There's no exit wound," Dean notes. He gives it a swipe with some alcohol which will surely kill whatever supernatural E. coli is in there.

"So when Chuck said this was the end I guess this is what he meant," Sam says. Yes being trapped in a high school with my neighbors seems like end times to me, too. Tonally, things seemed a lot more dire in All Hell Breaks Loose 2.

Dean's feeling a bit embittered about discovering they didn't have as much free will as they'd thought, that everything was part of Chuck's personal lab experiment. "What did it all mean?" he wonders. "It meant a lot," Sam says. "We still saved people."

But what even are people, man? I'm going to have an existential crisis and I can't drink as much as Dean because I have that "Asian flush" gene thing. One drink and I turn super red and hot and queasy and then I pass out.

Sam thinks God has fucked off to who knows where because he hasn't seen the promos for episode 2 yet. "He gets bored and starts another story." Ah yes like me and my WiPs. Relatable. Overall, Sam is feeling much more optimistic. "Once we win this, God is gone... and it's just us. We're free."

Dean catches his optimism cooties. "I like those odds," he says of fighting billions of evil souls. You know what that means? We got work to do. Quick intercut of Baby Winchesters with Middle-Aged Winchesters saying the same thing and closing the trunk of the Impala.

[Graphic: Impala with the solar system again. This time the Impala is pulling ahead. "ONE MORE TIME AROUND, SONS O' BITCHES"]

So there we are at the first episode of the final season. Reblog or reply with what you thought of the episode and thanks for reading!

One final note:

You can read more about my writing and general life situation and GoFundMe here: https://tippitv.tumblr.com/post/188224749207/supernatural-final-season-recaps-and-assorted

If you enjoyed the recap and are able, please visit my virtual tip jar: paypal.me/TippiBlevins or https://ko-fi.com/A4017DA

Henry Hound and I could use the financial help!

See you next week.

#spn recap #supernatural #spn #tippitv #my recaps

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