#like the very few times in my life Ive actually been on a plane and the window is so COLD when you lay your forehead on it and sometimes yo
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not to be a bummer but i need to rant about this to someone and what better someone than this blog
i am very sad lately and it is mostly because my grandpa is not well and i don't know how long he has left. a year ago i was living with him and he was pretty good, occasionally forgetful sometimes but ultimately himself. but i haven't seen him in a month or two and now ive found out he's had a lot of problems and was actually keeping it from everyone.
backstory is that this is my paternal grandfather and even though my parents got divorced 20 years ago he's always stayed close with my mum, and ever since dad moved overseas my mum has insisted on being very present in his life even more because she's lowkey pissed that dad went and moved overseas when he had sick elderly parents. which was driven home 5 years ago when my granny died. so basically my parents do not get on and barely interact now that their kids are adults but my dad's entire family still gets on with and cares about my mum and vice versa.
so yeah. a month ago my mum visited my grandpa to pick up something of mine from him place bc i was in melbourne and she was worried because he seemed to be thinner and less himself. usually he always invites her in for coffee but he didn't. it was weird.
she texted my dad (even though she hates to lol) and dad asked my grandpa and basically we found out he'd spent some time in hospital and told NOBODY, not even his son who still lives in brisbane, and gotten a pacemaker put in.
basically fast forward to now and he has been in hospital since sunday. my mum was having trouble finding out what happened bc she's obvs not the next of kin and my uncle, who is, is not a great communicator (just like most of the men in this fucking family lol) and was not super clear.
basically, he's had a few falls. the most recent one I think he fell over and hit his head. and it must have been very bad, because he is not well at all. mum and my brother and i went and visited him two days ago and it was like he had dementia. he kept thinking he was back in england. at this point we didn't know why he'd gone to hospital in the first place so we asked him and he said he got a taxi to the airport and took a plane. he asked us about our flight because he thought we had flown to england to visit him. he was worried about losing his permanent residency in australia. he also kept forgetting my granny, his wife, had died five years ago. it was horrible. he said he'd called my dad and he hadn't picked up, then he said he'd called her and she hadn't picked up. at one point when i went to find my brother who had just arrived, apparently my mum asked him if he remembered what had happened to granny and he got upset and said he didn't, and cried. i dont think any of us have ever seen him cry. my mum explained what happened and he thanked her for telling him, because his oldest son (my dad, mum's ex, we don't think he remembered his name) wouldn't have told him that. then ten minutes later he'd forgotten and mentioned granny visiting again.
he also had to ask my brother all about his apprenticeship (poor tom came straight from his job at the quarry and was covered head to toe in dust from fixing a rock crusher) even though of course he should know all about it
he's also very very weak and not eating. when he left he kept trying to stand up to see is off but he couldn't get out of his chair and we had to ask him to stop trying in case he fell again.
but he did have his sense of humour. he was making jokes. there were moments of lucidity. but mostly he was confused and it just made me feel so helpless.
i know things like this are normal when people get older. he's 82. i get it. but it's not something that happened gradually - last time i saw him was only couple of months ago and this is so bad, so suddenly. it's not dementia.
and i feel awful. he's been living alone for the last five years, after spending 7 years caring for my granny 24/7. i am certain he was depressed but he'd never tell anyone. i can't stop thinking about all the times i told him id visit on the weekend and i fucking forgot because im so fucking forgetful. i cant stop thinking about how in 2019 he and my uncle and aunt were planning to rent a house with a granny flat or whatever for him and then covid happened and they basically used that as an excuse not to. and they left him alone, even when he'd had falls, even when he had to wear one of those emergency things around his neck that could detect when he fell and he had to fucking email my uncle every day after he showered to tell him he was alright.
anyway that's my rant.
i stayed in his house for 2 months last year and it was nice but i wanted to be closer to uni and my friends so i moved out when i should have just stayed and payed him rent and helped him and kept him company. and i should have visited way more often after i moved out in december and not fucking let my stupid stress get in the way of making him a priority.
oh also now my mum is telling me i need to beg my dad to visit earlier (he's supposed to be here dec 27) but i don't know! i tried to tell him how bad it was. but i don't know if he really got it.
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she is both hellfire and holy water
- part VI
jake seresin
callsign: scorcher
part V
part IV
disclaimers/tags: female!reader!aviator. loverboy jake is vengeful. slowburn and angst.
word count: 5.2k
a/n: sorry again for the late update! i've been in a low mood and it reflects a bit on this chapter and the next, which i'm planning on posting very soon in a .5 type of chapter to make up for how long it took me to post again. anyway, as always please lmk your thoughts :)
tagging: @thedroneranger @shanimallina87 @peakascum @cherrycola27 @iwantmyredvelvetcupcake @untoldshortsofthefandoms @thecraziestcrayon @lovingperfectionsblog @cornishkat @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @murdermornings @loveforaugust @scoopsr0bin @secretsicanthideanymore @sarcasm-n-insomnia
In the morning, Maverick wakes everyone up even earlier than they had hoped was necessary, for a surprise flight session.
"Where's Lieutenant Seresin?"
"Late, sir. He didn't come back to base last night."
Your eyes fall to the ground at Coyote's sentence.
You had a feeling, when he wasn't in the room being annoyingly good at waking up early. Another mark on the long list of things he excels at. But Rooster had distracted you long enough not to delve into it.
Turns out the idiot slept in his car. Roof down, parked under the bright morning light. His sunburn likening him to a lobster, he looked positively ridiculous.
"He'll pay for that when he gets here. Scorcher." Pete looks sorrowful. Penny must have told him about the kiss. You probably look like you're going to vomit. "You're my backseater today."
This is the best and fastest cure for your moral hangover. Up in the air, with Maverick.
It's more than honorable to sit behind Captain Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell, it's fullfilling. Every time you do, it feels like your life has purpose again.
After your WSO didn't survive an ejection, a lot of things went through your mind. One of which was never piloting another jet. Maverick took the spot in the back of your plane numerous times after the accident just so you could feel comfortable, believe in your own skills again.
It warranted a lot of patience from both of you, but he was right, it is what you're born to do. Actually, you don't know what else you're good at. So you'll forever be grateful for him taking time with a random student still in her academy days to make sure you at least tried to reach your potential.
Being his backseater is no chore, he's the most obvious natural talent you've ever met, which grants you the extraordinary experience of being able to watch your friend Pete do what he loves most without barely having to turn your neck.
The session goes smoothly, except for Phoenix and Bob underperforming. Off the comms, you tell Mav not to worry about it, you'll talk to Trace.
To your displeasure, you're not quite done yet.
"Good morning, everybody. Your entertainment is here, you can all wake up."
"Is that- Oh God."
"Not God, Payback. Just me. You should look up, though, I'm right above you. Wave back."
Your body slumps back on the seat, a helpless reaction to hearing his voice when you were hoping to avoid him for a few more hours, at least.
"Hangman, do not engage!"
That's weird. Your hands squeeze the straps, sitting up to look at the Captain, absorbing the exasperated language of his body.
"Excuse me, sir? I've got a lock!"
In trying to escape his jet, Payback found himself exactly where Jake wanted him.
"That's not the point. You're not a little late, training is nearly over! You get no flying time today, that's an ord-"
"Maverick, I'm here now! If I don't get these hours in-"
"That's it, no air time for two days." The comms are quiet, and you push the small mic away, putting a hand on your pilot's shoulder. Mav. "I repeat, Lieutenant Seresin, you're out."
"Captain, sir. It's eleven-hundred, there's at least-"
"I'm aware, Scorcher." You wince at his lack of composure, retreating when he addresses everyone again. "Everybody else, push harder. I'm not seeing enough out of you today."
The next fifty minutes are grueling, Maverick incessantly chasing every pilot out of their comfort zone. You're happy to sit behind him, speaking only when he asks you to.
No one complains, but you know they're simply holding back in front of their instructor. Sweaty and tense when they return to the ground.
You walk in front of Pete, catching Nat's 'thanks, Bagman' as she goes past the blonde. Jake is obediently waiting for Maverick's scolding, helmet in front of his body, head held high.
He only falters when you send him a sympathetic smile.
Even if he hides it well, you're aware that your old friend is someone Seresin has learned to admire, consequently looking for his approval.
When Rooster was picked for the uranium mission, you were equally proud and apprehensive for your friend. But your smile had dropped once your eyes landed on Hangman. It was a split-second slip up, his shoulders deflating before immediately raising again with a deep inhale, and you caught it.
You were watching him when you should've been looking at your actual friends, who had just been assigned to a major mission. Fascinated by his failure to hide the disappointment in his eyes, regardless of the rest of his body posing as unphased. Wondering how often he has to piece himself together with that same quickness.
Walking with a stupid grin on your face, the memory of the conversation you had hits you like a truck.
"Hey."
Basket of laundry supported by your hips, greeting soft on your lips before they return to the more common and less friendly thin line.
He stood in front of the washing machine in use, absentmindedly eating Oreos, correcting his posture when you come in and it pulls a discreet chuckle from you. Squinting at his furrowed brows and tense facial expressions.
Quietly dropping your clothes into the empty machine, the only sound in the room is that of the cycle starting.
"You know, Phoenix and Bob's chemistry is a huge strike of luck, silly not to take advantage of it. I think any of us could've done a good job as Mav's wingman, but it feels like Rooster's time."
Placating words, hoping they'll smother your anxieties over not being picked as much as his.
"With all due respect, Scorcher, I don't need a pep talk."
You snort.
"Oh, I'm aware, neither do I. Pep talks tend to be super gross and condescending. But I don't think sulking is very helpful, is it?" He raises an eyebrow and motions with the packet to you. You take one, shrugging. "All I'm saying is…it's not our mission. There'll be others."
"Cute way to think, a little too positive though. I can't wait for the next mission every time. And if it never comes?"
"Impossible." You turn and jump up to sit on top of the washing machine. "We're both way too good."
"We?"
Licking the chocolate off your teeth, you take a deep breath, humming as if you're considering it.
"I can admit you're top three."
"Three? Sweetheart, please-"
A groan escapes your lips, exaggeratedly loud and he jumps, but there's a surprised smile on his lips.
"Immediately, I'm taking it back." His brows furrow, still amused, and you nod your head. "Yeah, I was just trying to make you feel better anyway, you're definitely struggling to catch up to Roo and Trace. And I haven't even mentioned myself yet."
He's playing with the stack of cookies in his hand, eventually shoving another one in his mouth, and you take the opportunity to watch him. Slow and close.
"I do like your flying."
"You like it?"
"I respect it."
"Oh, wow. Consider me honored."
Somehow, you found yourselves looking directly into each other's eyes. Yours widen just a little, impatient.
"It's fast but quiet. Sneaks up on you, leaves an impact behind. Impressive. So why didn't Mitchell pick you?"
There it is. The reason he even started to compliment you.
"Maverick doesn't play favorites. If he picked Bradley, it's because he belives his abilities are the ones he needs."
He scoffs. "That's naive of you. C'mon, you've aced all the tests up to now, shouldn't this mission be yours?"
"Thank you, Seresin, for your unmitigated support. I know, apparently as much as you do, that I could've done this mission. But it's not me. There's still a job to do down here, to make sure all of them make it back, that's what I'm thinking about. And that's what you should be thinking about as well." Back on the ground, you turn to him from the doorway. "Let it go. Whining makes you look amateur."
Nose twisting up, remembering how mean you've been to him before. Not undeserved.
"Scorcher," Pete calling for you snaps you back into reality. He's a few steps behind, Jake in between you. "Nice job today."
Your eyes squint at the sun, shy under the praise and in front of Hangman.
"Didn't really do anything, but it was my pleasure."
"Yeah, you did." Blinking at him, he only nods. "I'm down for a repeat, anytime."
"Me too, sir."
Smiling, you refrain from asking Mav to go easy on the aviator watching your interaction, instead averting your eyes to the ground and walking away.
When you woke up this morning, things were much clearer in your mind. Jake's not the problem, you are. There's no reason to be upset with him.
Truth is, as much as it made you cry, you can also acknowledge it was a mess of your own creation. You told him it was a mistake. Sure, you didn't expect him to go straight into another woman's arms, but it would happen eventually. You're just…speedrunning the process.
Until you actually say something, he can do whatever he wants.
But would you dare? And what would be the plan? Explain that, yes, you very much like him but simultaneously you do not want to do anything about it because you're scared he won't tolerate you for long?
Your sober thoughts also led to the conclusion that you're way past the point of worrying whether or not he reciprocates your feelings. That kiss was heavy with meaning, and you got along fine. It's not too much of a leap to assume he could see an angle where he has some fun. Your worries now lie in the unraveling of yourself.
What follows is a brutal shedding of layers you have comfortably hidden under for as long as you can remember, taking your balled fists out of your pocket in the cold and opening them to ask. With no guarantee that you will be invited to a warm home.
He'll be able to see all of the vices that make you squirm and scratch at your skin because of how much you wish you could rid yourself of them. Then he's gonna ask, why don't you change? And you'll resent him for suggesting the obvious, and yourself for not already being better.
Jake is the rare kind that might sincerely make you want to do the work. Adapt. But are you worth sticking through it for? Change is difficult, and you're resistant.
The way it is - alone - works for you. It's not sad and it's not painful. If you did change, it would be for him. And when he saw what a hard time you have taking care of yourself, putting effort, how comfortable it is for you to stick to what you already know, well…He'll want to leave. And you'll see it coming, and you'll lay the ground for it, making sure he does just that.
A guttural experience. Maybe you could spare both of you from it.
It's late afternoon when you finally catch Natasha alone, fixing herself some yogurt in the kitchen.
"That was some dogshit flying you did today."
Near black eyes bore into you with the harsh intensity to shut anyone else down, but you only scoot closer against the counter, reminding her you don't scare easy.
"What do you want?"
"We can talk about your embarrassing performance or the reason why you're off."
"Rooster."
You can't help but cackle when the name slips out of her gritted teeth like a vexed old lady. She's ready to stomp on your foot like a child.
"Sorry, it's just, you said it like Josh from Drake and Josh, when he used to say Megan, have you ever- Ok. Nevermind. Please talk to me."
"Scorcher, I really don't feel like-"
"I already know you two hooked up last night. You just have to tell me what happened after."
Natasha drops everything and pulls you away from the door.
"How do you know that?"
"A secret for a secret?" She nods, and you look around the room, extending your neck to make sure no one is in the hallway either. "Hangman and I saw the two of you but I didn't want to interrupt, so I just shoved him in the bathroom."
A weird sound, something in between laughter and disgust, rumbles from her throat.
"Rooster was right? You were together in there!"
"And you were sucking face in Penny's hallway with her boyfriend's favorite child, so cut down the judgement, Ice Queen."
She ignores you.
"How did you get to that? What were you doing before? Jesus, did something happen between you two?"
"I asked first."
Groaning, Phoenix reaches back for her yogurt, sticking a spoonful inside of her mouth before conceding.
"Okay, so after you saw us, we sneaked out to his car. We were, uhm, in the middle of it, when his phone kept buzzing. I asked who it was and he lied. Said it was Mickey asking where he was."
"Who was it?"
"Some girl. She ended up calling him. We just stared at each other, and eventually, I pushed him off. I don't know why. Cut to us screaming at each other for ten minutes while I waited for my Uber."
"He shouldn't have lied." No shit, she says. "But you two are idiots. I mean, he didn't pick up the phone or call her back. Came straight back to base. No, he only dates those girls because he's too scared to ask you out, and even more afraid of being alone. And you're too scared to ask him if he really likes them more than you, since he always seems to pick them - even though clearly he doesn't. And it's all stupid, because if you did ask that he would tell you that no, he doesn't and you could be together. Boom, happy ending."
Her arms cross in front of her body, eyebrows raising at your audacity.
"Fine, smart-ass. You sound like you've got it all figured out. Why don't you tell me what happened with you? What's your secret?"
"Hangman kissed me."
"What the f-" You shush her and she punches the table, channeling her shock into it and almost knocking spoons and cups to the floor. This would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic. "You didn't…"
"No, of course not. It was just a kiss."
"And?"
Your eyes fall on the counter, zoning out as you force yourself not to crumble at the memory.
"It was…really good. Then, Rooster knocked on the door and I found my perfect excuse to run."
"Right. But he made the move?"
"You know I wouldn't."
If it were necessary, you'd keep these feelings for Seresin forever quiet. If he doesn't know, he can't reject you. Trace knows this, which is why she only nods.
"Wait, where was he this morning? Oh, Scorch."
You still haven't blinked, and it stings. So focused on it, your voice becomes quieter.
"Yeah, the guys had a bet and- It's not important."
"They're assholes." You consider defending at least Rooster, for the sake of whatever they have, but there's no energy in you for it. Nat's hands find yours. "How are you holding up?"
A shrug.
"Just kinda wish it never happened. Don't have to finish something that never started, you know? But, uhm, ultimately I don't see it going any other way."
It always ends, you don't get what you want. Because how dare you ask for anything, how dare you want?
"Scorcher, he kissed you."
"Tasha, Hangman kisses a lot of people. We had been drinking, in a place that feels cozier than The Hard Deck. Who knows, maybe he saw Penny and Mav being so close and he felt lonely. It doesn't mean anything."
"Look, I trust him less than you do, obviously. But Jake is not one to act without thinking. He's methodical, even when he's being a dick. I don't see him as the type of guy to start something and not finish it."
That's a great point. But he is not the problem.
"It can only end in disaster."
"For the record, I think you can do better." If only she knew Seresin thinks the same about her and Rooster. "But you don't know that. Maybe it'll be fine. Or it'll be a disaster and I'll be personally very pleased to see you break his heart."
You scoff.
"Think it'd be the other way around."
"Then I'll have a perfect excuse to kick his ass." You stare at each other without anything to say, and she rolls her eyes, reluctantly supportive. "Jesus, Scorcher, you like him. That ship has sailed, it's pretty obvious. Why not give it a shot?"
"Tasha, I'm a mess. I'm so scared to ruin things that I end up making sure it'll end badly. And it's okay when it's a stranger that I can avoid for the rest of my life, but he is more complicated than a stranger. I don't- I don't want him to know that I'm a catastrophe, and I don't want to bring him down with me. I think we both can do better than that."
She puts down the yogurt and crosses her arms, and you feel uncomfortable with the air of seriousness this conversation has taken.
"I wanna kick you in the crotch right now, I swear. He's a big boy, he can handle it." You start to protest but she cuts you off. "No, Scorch, you'll forgive me for saying this later but you're acting like a coward under the guise of righteousness. Fine, you're a mess. You think Seresin isn't? We're all a little fucked up in here, you just haven't noticed because you're busy putting yourself down. My point is, you seem to respect Seresin but you have no plans of telling him how you feel and letting him decide for himself what he wants to do? It doesn't add up."
You'd be shutting this down if she wasn't so accurately on point. You're overlooking Jake's ability to have a say in the matter, mostly because you know he would have choice words for you and you're too scared to find out which direction they'll take.
Sighing, you look back at her with a defeated expression, leaning your elbows on the counter and your head on your hands.
"I can't just gamble with this, Nat, I don't know how to recover when I'm hurt. I've never- I've never done any healing in my life, I just keep going. But I'm afraid these feelings are too much, and I'll never be the same after. I don't know how many times I can still pick myself up."
Her voice is as serene as the ocean in the earliest hours of the morning.
"Here, you don't tell me much but I know relationships aren't your strongest suit. You never know if you're going to be okay after them. But what a waste to have felt something and not have done anything about it, don't you think? We're human, Scorcher, we are not immune to hurt but we heal. It's what we do. You'll be fine."
Oh, she's good. You smile weakly.
"Why can't we follow our own advice, though?"
"That's also something people do. Be stupidly stubborn."
When the laughing dies down, she speaks again.
"One more thing."
"Hm?"
She leans in with a hand on your shoulder, whispering in your ear.
"You're not alone."
When she punches you in the side, a little too hard, your eyes raise to find Jake entering the kitchen.
"Phoenix."
He nods as she bumps him, saying only "Irresponsible asshole."
Confused eyes look back at you and you can't help but snort, hiding your face even further into your palms.
"Can't catch a break today."
You almost feel sorry for him. What a softened mush he has made of your heart.
"How bad was the talking?"
"Believe it or not, Maverick is not great at expressing himself. Something you two have in common, I believe?"
Feeling the twist of your lips, you squint at him. "Hey, what did I do?"
"Darlin', you're extremely confusing."
"About something specific or just in general?"
"In general."
"Mhm, or your brain has no more space for comprehension skills after you filled it up with thoughts of yourself only?"
"All I heard was skill." He flashes a smile to you, running a hand across your back as he steps behind you to get to the fridge. You watch his arms as he picks up a water bottle. "Anyway, won't be doing any flying tomorrow."
"I hope it was worth it."
It wasn't meant to be said out loud. You can see thin lines in his forehead making a curve into the brigde of his nose, and he looks almost embarrassed.
Recovering, you throw him a faint but well-meaning smile.
Your eyes follow the movement of his Adam's apple as he drinks. You hate his tanned skin, the great way a standard Navy shirt falls over his broad shoulders, his gorgeous neck hugged by the dog tags and a golden chain.
Breaking out of the dangerous slippery slope of desiring Hangman, you tap the counter and start to walk away.
"Wait, where are you going?"
If you didn't know any better, you would say he sounds needy.
"Cyclone's not here today. Maybe I can change Maverick's mind about your hours before the big guy is informed."
Halfway to the door when his voice stops you.
"Geez, that kiss must have been out of this world if you're goin' to bargain to our superiors for me."
With your head thrown back, your laugh bounces off the walls. Turning, you expect him to be standing there in all his glory, smug and smirking. And he is, but he changes his footing once your eyes meet his, an instance of insecurity before his chin is high in the air again.
"It was." Non-chalant, twisting your nose in reluctant concession. "But I think I did most of the work."
Weird when you don't hear the expected chuckle, meeting his green orbs again. An awkward second before you smile and move to the door again.
"Scorch-" Music to your ears. "Are we good?"
He looks unsure, and you tilt your head dramatically.
"Of course."
With a hand around the doorframe, you give him one last smile.
You find Pete in the library, looking over photos of his own Top Gun class.
"Hey, Captain. Mind if I-"
He shuts the book quickly, foot pushing a chair by his side away from the table and asking you to sit.
"Hangman, I assume?"
Still in a mood. You sigh, making a point to scrape the chair against the floor as you sit, inching closer to him.
"I'm not gonna try too hard to defend him, but he was late, Mav. Happened to all of us at some point, and no one had a punishment this bad. What was that about?"
It's not usual for him to let personal things interfere in his judgement.
"I wasn't actually going to scrap his air time tomorrow. I already reported his lateness to Warlock, nothing else. But I saw your face in the reflection of the cockpit when he showed up this morning. He needed a little public ear pulling, that's all."
You smile at him.
"Penny told you?"
"Yes. And I know I shouldn't get involved, it's your life, but sweetheart…You're only gonna get hurt this way."
"Seeing it through could be so much worse."
"Could be. Or-"
"Maverick, what happens when it all burns down in flames?"
His hands are wringing together on top of the table, licking his lips, in deep thought.
"Remember what you told me, years ago? We were flying together, and I asked you what it felt like. You said it was a ceaseless twisting in your stomach. I had to show you that it wasn't fear of another accident. No, it was restraint. You were holding back from being a pilot because you thought you didn't deserve to be one anymore. Deep down, you knew it wasn't true, and that feeling was your body saying you were wrong. Take the plunge. You know you want to. You know it's right. Sweetheart, no matter how persistently you've been made to believe otherwise due to circumstance or bad luck, you do deserve good things. Your instinct is one of the best the Dagger Squad has to offer. If it's dependable enough to make you a decorated Lieutenant, why shouldn't you listen to it now?"
Pete's words coddle your heart in a way you haven't felt in many years. To be seen and thoroughly understood by someone you admire, and are lucky enough to call a friend, is something you never thought would happen to you. Too damn sheltered to let others appreciate anything about you.
Biting your lip to distract you from the tears pooling in your eyes, you ask him quietly, "Can I give you a hug?"
He laughs, looking around the empty library before opening his arms.
His hold is strong, and he smells like rain on hot asphalt and worn leather, comforting.
The twisting deep inside that Maverick had magically guessed you were feeling returns, and you lean back.
"I already told him the kiss was a mistake."
"Take it back, tell him the truth. Life's too short."
Both of you glance at the decaying photo album on top of the table.
"If I do, you'll go easy on him tomorrow?"
"No promises."
On your way back to your dorm, you spot Javy in the rec room, reading a book.
"Hey, Coyote, is Jake in his room?"
"Pretty sure, yes."
"Right, thank you."
Your heart is racing, worried it might come out of your mouth and drop to the floor this far away from the medical bay.
Knocking on the door, you hope it's the right one, and that no one else comes out of their rooms for a few minutes.
Jake opens it fully dressed in fancy clothes, hair done a little differently. Less gel, more hangy. Funny. It suits him too well.
"Scorch?"
And you're back.
"Hey, sorry to bother, ran into Javy and he said you were here."
He leans on the frame, sweet perfume no cheaper than- More than you could know.
"It's our room, so."
"'Course." You know you're staring, but your mouth is too dry for you to speak yet. The pressure from clear green eyes might just force you. "Uh, right, I talked to Mav. You're flying tomorrow, like usual. Well, maybe not like usual, he might ride you a little harder but it won't last. You know it never does."
"Thanks, you didn't have to."
"I didn't do anything. All he reported was your late arrival, he was never going to jeopardize your flying time." He hums, letting his gaze finally turn away, watching his hand shake the doorknob absentmindedly. It's a huge relief, more oxygen flowing to your brain now. "Might need to avoid being late again, though."
He tsks, pearly white teeth shining in the dimly lit hallway.
"That'll be hard. This girl is a partier, she keeps me up late."
The twist in your stomach turns the opposite direction, sinking.
"Oh. From last night? You're going out again?"
Idiot. That's why he looks and smells this good. It's for her.
"No such thing as too much fun, right?"
"I wouldn't know."
You snort at your own melancholy. He's about to enjoy a night out and you sound like the biggest downer in the Navy. Smooth.
"Maybe she has a friend. We could go on a double date and show you a good time."
A smile, teasing and borderline mean. Well, to you. In his mind, it's probably the nicest thing he could do.
Tell him not to go. That's all you have to do. Take it back, tell him the truth.
"Jake-"
His Apple Watch pings, eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness. Must be her.
"Hm?"
He moves around the room to grab his wallet and a jacket. It feels like you have no air in your lungs.
"C-Can we talk about the kiss?"
Your eyes are screwed shut, the defeaning silence almost too much to handle.
"Now?"
Risking a look, you find him frozen in the center of the room, head turned but hands still holding the closet door halfway open. It's been a while since you felt this stupid around a man.
Your mouth opens and you stutter. "You're right. Terrible timing."
"The worst." It's barely humorous, both of you chuckling awkwardly but when your eyes meet it's uncomfortable. "You said we were good."
"No, we are-" Fingertips come up to pinch the bridge of your nose, and you shake your head. "We are. I just thought we should- You know what? We don't have to do this now, go on your date first."
You want to scream.
"Are you sure?"
No. I want to ask you to stay but those words have never not bitten me back, so I can't do it, I'm sorry.
Lip trapped in between your teeth, you nod. "Yeah. She's probably already waiting for you, right? See, there you go. It's not that big of a deal, really."
He thinks for a second, before another ping comes from the watch and he seems to wake up, quickly moving around the room again.
With a light teasing tone, but still awkward, he makes the offer again. "I can still ask her if she has a friend."
Nausea strikes and you roll your eyes, the only defense you have left.
"Hard pass."
"Your loss."
"Different perspectives. Do yourself a favor and don't be late tomorrow, alright?" You're turning back the way you came, before popping your head inside the room again. "And take the Apple Watch off, you look stupid."
You leave an annoyed Hangman alone with fast and determined steps. God, you wish you didn't take self-preservation so seriously.
If they're seeing each other again, the next day, he must've liked something about her. So, what, you're just gonna hand him over? Steps halting, you consider turning back until you realize you're already in the rec room.
Javy still reading his book, Tasha and Bob eating grapes on the couch, all eyes on your distressed self.
Throwing yourself in between the duo, you delight in the seedless, sweet fruit. Probably too much, because the man to your left is staring.
"I'm sorry, Floyd, are you jealous of the grapes? Did I breach your monogamous relationship with them? No? So quit looking."
Phoenix stifles a giggle, very poorly, and leans closer.
"Wanna talk ab-"
"Nope."
"Alright."
One minute later, Jake runs through the room, grabbing a Redbull from the fridge.
"How's the hair?"
"She saw it worse than that in the morning - speaking from experience - so it's fine."
Trace lifts her head from your shoulder, glancing up at Hangman and Coyote, then you.
"See you when I see you!"
"Don't be late!"
Javy yells but he's already out the door.
The warm hands around your bicep curl tighter, and you lean your head on top of hers.
Maybe some things need to change. If you can't take it back to the way it was, and you can't deal with the silly little suffering from watching Jake run off to a date, you might have to do something about it.
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Hello :D
I would please like an info-dump of Vess
I really liked the character so I am interested to know more about them
OMG HIII
ok essay under the cut:
TLDR: Vess, short for Vessel, is a fusion between Gaster and Chara. It's running around gathering all the gaster fragments scattered across time and space to rebuild him, but consequently taking fragments from an AU means it's destroyed.
ok, that is... a chaotic image. But I think it helps. and by helps i mean it helps me and absolutely no one else.
The version you probably saw and know was my first version. Vess has undergone a redesign since then which is why it looks different.
ok i'm gonna be honest I wrote the whole thing out but its like 3 pages no joke so I'm just gonna save you the time and give you the highlights.
Vess is the result of gaster and chara making a deal. Basically, Chara would get a sick ass new body and a lot of EXP and in exchange they would gather all the pieces of gaster scattered across the entire multiverse. Yes, every single one of them. It's named Vess because it's body made from is the empty vessel from the very beginning of deltarune.
The line between Doc and Vess' souls is a soul bond, if that wasn't obvious. This bit of worldbuilding fanon is usually used in a romantic context, but ive always headcanoned that a soul bond can be anything so long as the intent is strong. Siblings, for example, or parent and child, or platonic relationships, to name a few.
In this particular context, this soul bond is one of business partners. This connection gives chara's soul the structure it needs to survive, since at this point with how long chara's been dead it's basically just deteriorated into a shapeless blob of DT unable to actually sustain life, and also serves as the tether Gaster needs to stay in the mortal plane. As chara gathers the fragments, both souls benefit as they grow stronger. For chara that is gaining more of their memories and old personality, and Gaster gains HP and more of his physical body back.
The only downside of this arrangement is that when when Vess takes gaster fragments from an AU it actually, uh... completely destroys the AU?? like, the whole thing kinda just collapses. As it turns out, Gaster is actually like a major part of the universe's core code and as a result, casually just ripping that chunk out causes the whole world to kinda just fall apart and dissolve into nothing.
Vess and Error actually have a weird kind of rivalry going because of this. Except he doesn't know that he could totally kick Vess's ass like laughably easily
See, Vess isn't really that strong at battle. At all. Maybe as it grows stronger and gather more fragments, but as of right now it finds itself running away from a fight far more often than it does running into the fray
It does have the red knife, but this isnt actually that useful for battle. I mean, it could use it, but most utmv characters would easily outshine Vess in battle. It usually negociates its way out of battle if it's unable to run; chara loves striking deals, after all.
The red knife is actually used for AU hopping. It's fair inferior to other methods of transportation, but it was the best Gaster could create at the time. It physically rips the fabric of time and space to create a rift/portal to wherever Vess wants to go, but this tear doesn't just... go away after a couple minutes like other characters' portals do. It can be stitched up, but it takes a long time and Vess simply doesn't have time for that when they're being, say chased out of an AU.
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Ambivalence OC Profiles
ive been tagging some posts as my ocs and i want to talk about them so here are the three main characters of my ambivalence oc set.
Ambivalence lore (very cliche but this story is more for me to process religious thoughts and weird relationships): its basically an incredibly stereotypical urban fantasy setting where there are realms/planes where magic is more distilled, there's a heaven and a hell analogue and like, werewolves, etc. There are a gods/demons that sometimes organize stuff and might try to end the world but eh. there's a group who tries to stop that happening but its centered around one specific god and gets v culty, they are referred to as "the knights" from here out. Ben spent his childhood as a 'chosen one' figure (he's half demon), and got really fed up with the whole bit. Alice was his friend and brief girlfriend when they were younger. During the last arc of their childhood and after the last big battle, their ragtag hero group gets absorbed into the knights who have been gaining numbers and legitimacy. Ben runs away and Alice takes it hard. The main story takes place a few years later when they reunite.
I've made them each in these three picrews to properly capture the vibe.
Ben:
Reuben (Ben), 24, he/him. Ben lives alone in a house he inherited from his maternal grandfather. He likes to live simply and peacefully, and works as a carpenter. His hobbies include pottery, gardening, and collage making. He is badger coded and capable of great violence, but is very calm most of the time. Since cutting ties with his old life, he has simultaneously mellowed out and repressed a lot of shit. He is trained to fight with a broadsword, although he turned his old one into a garden sculpture. He has a lot of scars and pain from old injuries. He is generally very stoic but is pretty emotional if you can read his understated facial expressions. He values the happiness and safety of himself and the people he loves, and dislikes liars. He can often be hypocritical and selfish.
Alice:
Alice P. Morrison, 23, she/her. Alice lives on a remote knight compound researching and developing ways to protect the balance of the planes. It is a very high stress environment and she's honestly pretty miserable. She likes caffeine and graph paper, her hobbies include sleeping and eating. Sometimes she goes hiking in the surrounding woods. Since Ben left, she has lost connections with old friends and mentors and become increasingly reliant on an unhealthy relationship with the director of the knight organization. She is trained to fight with only magic and can maybe use a spear. When she eventually gets out she will enjoy live music, painting, and reading nonfiction books. She's 'dog that you might think is a large rat or sick cat at first' coded. She shows her emotions pretty strongly and gets embarrassed easily. She cannot read facial expressions she just knows Ben really well. She values values knowledge and approval and dislikes apathy. She can be petty and stubborn.
Max:
Maximilian Hadley, 24, he/they. He certainly is here. Ben meets Max after leaving the knights and as Ben makes a new life he and Max build a relationship that Ben is hesitant to define, although Max would like to. They are outgoing and very socially adept, he likes fashion, history, and forming connections with people. his hobbies are a lot of what people around him want to do, but he personally enjoys horseback riding. Their family is very rich and owns a lot of animals. He knows little to nothing about magic, although his moms got up to their fair share of bullshit before he was born. He is not trained to fight but he would try to bite if it came to it. He is fancy cat coded and expresses his emotions carefully. They value connection, loyalty, and finesse. They dislike cruelty. He often struggles with boundaries and can be pushy or jealous.
Other Characters:
John: Ben and Alice's mentor figure, was not very good at the actual raising children part of it, was injured in the final battle and died as the knights were taking over.
Archer: Another mentor figure, they were closer to Ben and ended up faking their own death after he left. Was involved with John's sister.
John's sister: So very dead real narrative haunting gal she was prophetic and very mentally unstable about it.
Mason: Stereotypical fighter guy, was very close to Alice and Val, is still essentially loyal to the knights but doesn't talk to Alice anymore.
Val: Mason's partner and also fighter gal, was always quick to put herself at risk for the others and it caught up to her. She's been in a coma since the final battle.
#remind me to make posts for some of my other sets someday#oc#ocs#original character#my characters#ambivalence ocs#note to self learn to spell ambivilance#oc ben#oc alice#oc max#writing#creative writing
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do yuo yave any more liam thoughts im delirious rn a d i need my boy. I need my boy.
i ALWAYS have liam thughts every day of my LIFE . they may not be esp collected bc i have many so i dont have specific ones ive planned to share BUT ill throw some of my thoughts on him in Bullet Point Form and may end up elaborating on a few in particular :) (lot of these may be more vague, and some r more just things ive had on my mind cus ive been planning stuff!!!!)
generally, i think liam stays in airys world for a while, yeah, but i think he gets the contestants out before 8 months. this is mostly bc of charlotte. BUT also, we know airy has been in this place for "at least a decade," but oscar ALSO says he was on the plane "at least a decade ago." so its unclear how long airy WAS there for (if we assume that one takes place in the 2010s, in 2020-its vague and im not sure if cheesys ever clarified- but no code by pearl jam came out in 1996, so if its 2010s, hes only been dead for a bit over ten years, and 2020 would mean somewhere between 1996-2010, and this ISNT accounting for how long he spent in the waiting room) but it seems? that it didnt take him. actually THAT long to figure out how to teleport people to and from the plane. it seems to have been one of the easier things he figured out! (aside from actually creating planets) and? airy was a trucker. he COULDVE had tech experience, and i think sometimes people overestimate how much exp liam would have with tech as a telemarketer, ill have to look that up, but like. hed DEF have more exp w computers, just based on profession, so id imagine at least INTERFACING would be easier. the point of this is that i dont think liam would take long to find out how to teleport people, esp not ten years. especially with as much nonstop effort he shows in the series (compared to airy, who was likely in no rush, though im sure rushing WOULD mess with the speed that liam would figure things out), i think hed figure it out way sooner than airy did, and thats not even TRULY accounting that airy couldve taken any amount of time to figure it out
continuing that, ive seen ppl say that the computer wouldnt be able to teleport him home, but if my theory that the kill command is actually just an offshoot of the code used to teleport people (which ive posted abt before, but to summarize, when characters die, their bodies remain, but when the kill command is used, their bodies disappear, as shown at the end of universe modulation) is correct, the computer isnt restricted just to the plane. i think the extent of its abilities are mostly reserved for the planets it makes, but i think it may have otehr functions outside of these (such as interdimensional internet access, apparently). the point of all of this is that i think hed be able to send everyone home eventually, and i think it actually makes SENSE for him to get home. i think being able to teleport himself back home would take way longer than teleporting the others, esp since he most likely has the base code for the others (and airy didnt seem to actually BE concerned w getting home. he was lonely, but i dont think it was home that he was concerned with), but i think hed get home eventually
on that note, ive also said before that my family hcs for him vary. i OFTEN depict him as a middle child mainly bc it gives him people whove been waiting for him to come back that arent just one coworker. BUT i do sometimes depict him as an only child . it depends on the day. BUT!!! i thnk no matter what, once he gets home, he stays with owen the first day/night back. i think hed move in w bryce and amelia and charlotte very genuinely, but i think this would happen after MANY months. maybe a year or so. he needs some time. i think in that time, he stays w owen, OR if im depicting him as a middle sibling i throw him w one or both of them
also i dont actually think they contradict canon. ik a lot of people sometimes see liam NOT going to family after getting home as an indicator that he has no close family but like. tbh i dont think it even mattered HOW close he was w any family. i think the moment he saw that he was presumed dead, any hope hed had that things would return to normal, if that even was on his mind, just disappeared. because he was Dead.there wasnt anything left because he disappeared, he died, and that was it. before he looks at the notes he just kind of. looks lost. because at that pt he doesnt HAVE an idea of what hes going to do. all hes thinking abt is that this is Fucked. and i dont think it had anything to do w being close to people, or having friends or family (though it does seem to be mildly implied that he WASNT close w that many people, but i dont think that rly has much to do w whether he has siblings. siblings arent always SUPER tight knit, tho i think they were all at least friends :) ). i think he just. didnt know what to DO because he doesnt have almost Anything to his existence anymore, he just existed one day then he didnt!!! and then after looking at the notes, he still was dead, but he could still do Something about the plane with whatever he had left, not in possesions, but of Himself
on the subject of how he responded to things, i think SO often about how he seems to respond to stress. thruout the series, he is shown responding to small AND major stressors, and ive dedicated my life to studying the minute details of Liam Behavior so that i can make sure i understand him As Much As Possible. and? he is soooo not loud. under any pressure, he just Stops doing things. like the end of ep 1 could be excused as shock, but there are SO many instances of him just sorta. Stopping, or at the very least Not speaking when stressed, just tuning things out (if hes not full on dissociating, but since hes also generally Quiet it CAN be hard to distinguish if he is or not, since sometimes he may just Not be talking. i still have yet to study him wrt this but i will eventually), theres even lighter examples of this, like him Not saying anything in ep 2 when everyones yelling at airy, or him passing by bryce in ep 13 and seeming to think that would work? he just. often responds to things by NOT responding to them. there are only a few instances where he deviates from this, such as in ep 2 when he yells at airy, in eps 10 and 13 when he yells at bryce, and the many many times he yells at airy thru eps 17 and 18. but what ties these all together is that what REALLY pushes him to go from quiet to loud is when people are Ignoring Vital Details. when they are Confidently sticking to smth thats Incorrect and WONT listen to him (which is a bit more subjective w bryce ofc, but its still Incorrect to him). i think this also can of course extend to morally incorrect, as shown in ep 18, but even then, i think the main catalyst for what he says there is desperacy. he isnt asking airy why owens on his computer because he doesnt know. liam can be reckless throughout one (which is HEAVILY influenced by stress), but hes not stupid. he KNOWS why owen was there. i think THAT was just. denial? a need to know why? i dont know what specifically the emotion is, but at that pt, airy is acting FAR beyond what liam can reason him to not do. and? liam DOESNT say anything when he tries to kill airy. liam yells when people are being illogical, or not listening. because he WANTS them to listen. but airy wont listen to him. ive said it before but ill say it 2 billion times more that liam trying to kill airy was NEVER abt anger. really? he was acting how he acts when STRESSED. when hes NERVOUS . he historically Stops talking when hes under a lot of stress, and yells when indignant or frustrated
this does influence how i try to depict him, because i dont think hes an esp angry person, but when people wont Listen i think THAT does make him mad (and i think its also why he doesnt go to people when he gets home. if he wanted to talk abt things, he wants to talk to people abt how they ARE, not a fake version that people will believe. i think him getting a therapist post-canon is very challenging because of this. he is very stubborn) but when hes stressed or nervous he seems way more likely to Stop doing anything, and its smth i try to take into account when writing him SO much. he CAN be scared and still talking n stuff, but if its too bad hes more likely to freeze up
man tho. people joke abt him fighting REALLY poorly in ep 18 but i think people forget that he is running on FUMES. airy has been chopping down trees for years, hes fine. but liam got to bryces house and slept til morning, and seems to have maybe slept a litttttle? in ep 13, but its not very clear. he may have just sat there til the coast was clear for him to steal bryces car. who knows. but THEN he crashed a car (NOBODY points out that he was limping. either he was very out of it or that guy injured his leg AGAIN. i dont think it was a breakage but he SEEMS like hes in pain and then forgets it). then died a bunch of times. spent a WHOLE day awake. then went to airys world. and is just around for a while, cries, talks to airy, and Likely sleeps a little til morning. or at least lays there. its ALSO not clear. and keep in mind, he JUST spent the week before nonstop hitchhiking with likely minimal food or water bc he... doesnt have money (which i dont think is needed in airys world. i think it and the plane maintain people who live there, but thats its own hc). that, and with the way i interpret how the waiting room heals injuries, his leg may not have fully healed (which airy DEF didnt help. you are NOT supposed to straighten out broken legs. it was better than nothing but that guys leg is NOT healed) similarly, i dont imagine his arm is doing much better. those last few parts CAN be set to the side since that IS just how i interpret the waiting room but even aside from those. all of this to say that when he is fighting airy i think he is VERY obviously Really Fucking Tired. like yeah of COURSE hes not going to aim an AXE well. this guy hasnt known rest in 7 months and KEEPS getting injured. OBVIOUSLY hes not gonna fight well!!! hell, hes never FOUGHT someone with an AXE before. i think hes a little inexperienced on that front too!!!!!!
OH YEAH. sleeping thing reminded me. i think he and amelia sleep on the floor so much out of habit. i think they could sleep ANYWHERE but also bc theyre both so used to shitty sleeping conditions, good sleeping conditions make them fall asleep SUPER fast. this eases w time but i think it happens a lot. i think for the first few months, if liam has one blanket he just goes wow! thats comfortable (falls asleep)
#ask#wow thought these might be short but literally these r SO long#i had to split the first one up even though these were SUPPOSED to be bullet points . but that one was basically 2 paragraphs#ANWYA i hope this is coherent!!!!#i think more specific questions make it easier for me to make my thoughts Contained but also i am NOT complaining#abt a reason to be able to talk a LOT abt MANY diff things abt liam#i LOVE to talk abt him i hope u enjoy these thoughts :)!!!!!
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Accidental Confessions.
Daisy Johnson x Fem!Reader
Rated: G
Reader uses She/Her pronouns.
Takes place sometime in season 3 I guess (it doesn’t really matter.)
(Spoiler Free)
Characters: Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz, Bobbi Morse, Daisy Johnson, Y/n
(All of my oneshots will have a Gn and Fem option, this is the Fem option)
“Bobbi I got the hard drive.” I hissed into my coms as I slammed my elbow into the last assailant's head knocking him clean out. I stood up straight a rolled out my wrist. I’ll have to get Jem’s to look at that when I get back.
“Copy that, get back to Z1 so we can head home. This mission took long because someone is just so slow.” Bobbi spoke with an evident smirk in her voice.
“Since you can’t see me I’m rolling my eyes,” I stated earning a small chuckle from Bobbi.
“You better be careful, I think you’ve been spending too much time with Hunter.”
“Says you! Aren’t you two back together?” I ask while running around the corner to where Z1 was parked and Bobbi was waiting.
“It’s complicated!” Bobbi grumbled.
“I’m sure it is VERY complicated.” I teased
“You’re sure one to talk have you even told D-.”
Bobbi was thankfully cut off by the chirp of her phone ringing.
“Sorry, it’s Fitz gotta take this,” Bobbi says with a slightly annoyed face not really caring to cover the sly smile.
Bobbi’s smile drops, once she answers the phone.
“What do you mean hurt?….. How bad?….. I'll let you talk to her…. umhum…..I’ll zip us back…. ok.” Bobbi passes me the phone.
I hold the phone up to my ear and hear Fitz doing his anxious mumbling.
“Hey, Fitz is everyone ok?” I press making my voice calm in hopes that it will calm Fitz on the other side.
“Yes… well no, not at all, well almost everyone, does that count-“ He mumbled rapidly.
“Fitz, tell me who’s hurt.” I insisted.
“Well, Simmons told me to tell you that…” Fitz paused causing my anxiety to rise. “Well Daisy got hurt, and to hurry back.” he rushed out the last part quieter.
I feel my blood drain from my face and I’m glad that I’m sitting down. I take a deep breath.
“Fitz-“ I tried to keep my voice steady. “What happened.”
“I’m not really sure only that Mack ran in with her. Simmons is doing surgery now. She actually told me to hurry back, she probably needs my help.”
Fitz hung up the phone before I could say another word.
I sat in silence my thoughts too loud and disorganized to even think of what to say.
“Hey, everything’s gonna be fine,” Bobbi spoke trying to assure me.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep… I know I should have gone with her on her mission, May could have come with you.” I say
“The one thing I can promise you is that I’m getting us back to base as fast I can,” Bobbi said with a tight-lipped smile.
“Thanks, B… what if I messed up, by you know… not telling her. What if I never get to tell her?” I trembled my voice almost breaking at the end.
“Don’t think like that yet we don’t know anything, one of the first things you learn at the academy is; If you’re not there to assess the situation don’t make assumptions,” Bobbi said
“I know..” I said
We both fell quiet as Bobbi knew I wasn’t in the mood to talk. The rest of the flight felt like the longest of my life.
——————————————————————————
Z1 slowed and began to hover as Bobbi descended the plane to its landing. I flew to my feet, slamming the hanger door open the second we touched down.
My feet were flying me down The Playground’s hallways pushing people out of my way. I’d have time to apologize to them later, I had no idea how much time Daisy has… My throat felt thick as the lump was becoming harder to ignore. My eyes felt hot with the fresh tears brewing.
‘Compartmentalize you idiot.’ i scold myself as I ran. ‘Panic never helps a situation.’
I flew into The Lab and headed straight for the hospital wing. I quickly ran to the shut room and ripped the door open.
There she was. Alive. The heart monitors a steady confirmation that she was ok. Daisy was hooked up to an IV too. The few scratches she has had been cleaned. Her eyes were closed and her chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm.
I slowly lowered myself into the chair beside her bed. She looked so peaceful, that I couldn’t help but reach out and tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. My hand lingering a bit too long.
“Hey Das… you really scared me there… I-“ I choked up a bit before continuing. “I don’t think you know how much you mean to me. I don’t know what I would do without you. When we are together I feel like I’m whole. You are my home. My safe place. And I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you… especially before I got to tell you that I lov-“
“Are we talking about love?” Daisy sleepily and groggily mumbled.
“Hey, Das.” I smiled softly at her. “I guess I was..”
“I’m in love with this girl… she’s amazing,” Daisy said looking deep into my eyes.
I felt my heart sink deep into my chest. I felt embarrassment bloom deep within me filling me with a shame and sorrow that I’d never felt before.
“Oh..” was all I could muster.
“You’d love her you know… She’s so tough and she always beats me when we spare though I think it’s because I’m distracted with how beautiful she looks, even when she’s kicking my ass.” Daisy chuckled almost drunkenly. “She so smart too, she can pretty much keep up with FitzSimmons and she always knows what to do. And she’s so sweet, to me at least. She gives me the best hugs where she holds me right and I feel so safe that I never want to leave. She knows everything about me and always listens when I tell one of my stupid stories and when she looks at me it feels like all my troubles fade away and it’s just me and her. And she always puts the people she loves first and I worry about her because sometimes she forgets to look out for herself. I’m just so in love with her that I’m too scared to tell her… what if she doesn’t feel the same way?” Daisy ranted with a sloppy love drunk smile on her face.
“I'm sure she does Das but what’s her name?” I asked saying praying with every fibre in me that I wasn’t wrong.
“Her name is Y/n and I know you’d just adore her,” Daisy said grabbing your hand that still laid on the bed beside her.
“Daisy… Can I tell you a secret?” I said barely containing my laugh. What kind of meds did Simmons give her? “I am Y/n, D.”
I stared at her as the realization spread over her face.
“Oh. Well, that was less scary than I thought. Do you Y/n, like me back?” she asked almost shrinking back into her bed afraid of the answer.
“Yes Daisy, I love you more than anything. I was telling you all about it before you woke up but since you didn’t hear me I’d be happy to tell you again.” I said with a smile.
Her face lit up like a Christmas tree, the smile giddy and timeless.
“Tell me,” she said in almost a whisper.
“You Daisy Johnson are the love of my life. You are my home, my safe place. I love you more than anything else. I love your smile and your bravery, I love your little stories and how you cuddle up next to me as we binge all our comfort shows, I love how you love and care not just about me but the whole team, I love your heart and your eyes I just get lost in them as I try to guess what you’ll say next. I just love everything about you Daisy. I love you.” I gushed while looking deep into her dark eyes.
My gaze slowly trailing down to her lips. The ones I've imagined kissing so many times.
Daisy reached up to meet me halfway in a chaste kiss. Warmth blossomed in my chest, sparks igniting as Daisy leaned in again this time for a hungrier kiss. The encompassing scent of her conditioner, was dizzying, her slightly calloused hands bushing up against my face to pull me closer.
I could feel her giddy smile against my lips as she broke the kiss. This action alone made my heart soar.
I kissed her on the forehead and tucked her back into the stiff hospital bed.
“You my love need some rest,” I whispered making no move to leave her side.
“Stay with me.” She whispered back.
“Always.”
#agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.#agents of shield#agents of shield fanfics#aos#aos fanfic#daisy johnson#daisy johnson x reader#daisy johnson x fem!reader#daisy johnson fluff#fem reader#accidental confession#hurt daisy johnson x reader
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I really feel stupid for not writing about how the actual trip home went. I was only home for a few days to see the eclipse with my family and even though I had a really good time with them, I was also kinda low-level tired and stressed the whole time since it was so short. I saw my mom a little bit, I stayed with my dad, talked to my siblings, actually hung out with my little cousin for the first time, and got along w my aunt and uncle. It really was a good trip even though I was stressing over not spending “real” or enough quality time with my dad. We were busy with eclipse preparations, and then a lot of our hanging out was just watching a silly prank show, playing some music, doing my taxes. But then last night we all made a good dinner, and I kinda broke down a little and talked to my dad about my work and life anxiety, ans now I kinda feel like the whole thing was very much worth it (besides the fact that the eclipse was absolutely gorgeous, which it was.) but theres just something different about talking with your family in person w on the phone. The fact that I was scared of the storm that was happening was aaalmost a plus? Since it kinda broke through any level of emotional armor I had at that moment. Geberally my dad was still kind of obnoxious and mean with my stepmom, but he was really helpful and empathetic when I was breaking down. Oh! We also watched Talk To Me while we were cooking and it was kind of awesome. My sister also taught me and Lil the dance from the new Jojo Siwa song which I wish we did more of. My cousin was really into beating us at Candyland, putting on an interpretive dance performance for us, and then getting me to perform in her dance by copying all of her movements and sounds, that was really fun. My stepmom is apparently sorta going back to work now, which I think is good, and a lot of my dad’s hair has actually grown back. Our trip back today was very smooth, with the slight exception of wandering around the airport parking lot for a bit, but we got there. We were also really tired but it’s been a really nice chill afternoon/evening since we got back. I also read the poetry collection by James Tate on the plane and even though i seriously did not understand it, it was definitely beautiful and funny and moving, exactly the thing I was looking for, and I will definitely reread it. I hope that’s an okay amount of detail. I am dreading going back to my routine but slightly more hopeful after talking to my dad about looking for a new job. I feel more hope about the future when I think about how it can change so easily, and how I might be ready to move on from here after a year of doing what ive been doing.
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oc rambling again - mage society
excited to spend my weekend building mage society lore
ive spent too long painting them as incompetents when they’re supposed to go through a whole renaissance post-devil’s manner, and the magic towers are actually supposed to be a powerful worldly presence. for the amount of importance i put on relic earth (the plane) i dont ever seem to dabble very much on relic EARTH itself aside from a few choice individuals.
in shadows is currently my only Large Series Piece that holds the affairs of humanity as a primary focus. It also happens to be the story where the magic towers are preoccupied with trying to keep the mage society separated from that of that of the non-magic civilian lives with the emergence of the shadowless. in shadows is essentially one of Novekhrys's (who has also recently been elevated to status of Ninestrike Divison Lead) proposed “mage awakening doomsday’s” come to life and as such everyone’s busy freaking the fuck out. my point is, they don’t really get highlighted anywhere aside from extraneous strands loosely attached to side characters.
but the fact is, they REMAIN extremely important and as such i feel it’s only natural i go to flesh that out. hana is receiving funding from the Beast Tower, Father, Wintergreen and Polonius were students under Hermes at the Science Tower, PROTEUS SINAI is a PROFESSOR of Advanced Modern Spellcrafting, Lesser Familiar Summoning and Beginner’s Golemancy within the Blue Tower !!!!!!!!! THE UNNAMED WHITE TOWER MASTER IS THE RELICVERSES STRONGEST MAGIC USER !!!!!!!!!!! THE ONLY ONE TO ACHIEVE FINER CONTROL OVER ARS SUBTILIOR THAN LAWLIET Y LEBLANC HIMSELF !!!!! A MAN WHO HAD UNDERSTANDING OF ITS EXISTENCE FROM BIRTH!!!! (breathing heavily) perhaps, i am to suggest, it is not that the mage society are incompetents, it’s that i, their writer, am. i’m starting to understand how the lorekeepers feel. fucking voxel. you make it look so damn easy
anyway, the mage society has been left undeveloped for way too long, and i feel like there’s a lot of untapped potential there. i really could write a mage society arc or two into in shadows. i’ve still got time! (I probably wont, in shadows is pretty loaded as is) but at the very least i can have access to another location to plop people in with another defined set of characters to pull from. i’ve barely used novechrys and proteus because i’m still kind of unsure what i want the mage society to be like in terms of what they mean for my greater universe. They’ve always had a nebulous sort of rivalry with the demiurge, but i’ve never worked out the finer details. do they want to planeswalk? are they on his side of defending relic earth from outsiders? how do they feel that he’s made connections to talented professors and even a tower master? who is he to the tower masters as a unit? what changed within the mage society after the fall of the science tower? what does this all look like to people like lucille and ophelia, tangentially related to the affairs of the magic towers and mage society but not being a part of it themself? I’ve got an large well to draw the waters of content from here, not even counting on the fact it shares a plane with both the affairs of devil’s manner and in shadows.
oh god. that’s right. am i going to have any organized supernatural religious groups in relic earth? obviously, nothing as straightforward as Encauth’s Holy Church, but at the very least, large occult congregations? i’ve already got existences of closed door practicing groups like berrosus’s church of tiamat. maybe something more akin to how the church is handled in the nasuverse? probably that. i’ve got to close that can for now because im supposed to be focused on the mage society
anyway. I can’t wait to work on a whole bunch of stuff i never show anybody unless someone randomly asks to know about it (always a possibility)
i’ll return with art within a fortnight
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TRAVELING
HELLO TESS ARMY!!!
I think i only gave this to like 3 people who will probably never check tumblr on their own volition so I don't think this will be read by many but.
I have been very busy and its been hard to write anything, but typing is much quicker than writing by hand, so Ive decided that this blog will be like a journal with material that’s not my personal secrets. Thus, there will be a lot of little details that are mostly just for me to remember, and most likely nobody else will give a fuck about them. So if you’re curious about any specific aspect of whatever, scan or wait for me to post specific things about the experience… ie. a post about the food, school, whatever. Otherwise, I’ll put TLDRs and many pictures at the end of all my posts.
Also, it’s very late here so this is not really proofread. Without further ado–
Wednesday, September 7, 2022
Woke up and dressed a wonderful courage bagel and iced oat milk pumpkin spice latte before saying goodbye to my mother, brother, and Lauri. Josh and I headed off to LAX for my 10:15am flight to Chicago O’hare Airport. We slowly said goodbye (after paying a hefty overweight fee for my checked bag) and I caught my 4hr flight to Chi City.
I was sat next to quite a funny older guy with diamond stud earrings and a taste for biscoff cookies, there for some kind of music festival I believe, who was quite nice to me, but yelled at people for not following directions and complained about how long we taxi’d for to me as well as three separate people on the phone, retelling the same joke to each one of us. “They shouldn’t call it O’Hare, they should call it Wisconsin International Airport because it feels like we fuckin dropped down in Wisconsin and drove to Chicago.” At the end of the flight he handed my overhead bag to me and told me that he does one nice thing a day so he can be a jerk the rest of the time; then he pulled down four other people’s bags.
I met an AFS volunteer in Chicago and went to the hotel I was booked for. He kinda irked me and I had a bit of that “what have I gotten myself into” lonely moment, but then I faceted Olivia for a while and had food and was all good.
Thursday, September 8 (Partially 9) , 2022
I woke up, got breckie, went back to sleep, then hit the pool for a brief swim, reminiscing on the horribly dazzling brightness of the Polytechnic Aquatic Center and my buddy’s company during agonizing goalie sets. Packed and went back into the airport, meeting up with Madeleine Schuckman, who I have been on a Groupchat with for a bit, and her mother. We went through security and linked with Hazel and Caroline.
The “Italians” group chat, now IRL, then hit an Airport Starbucks for our final corn syrup and pumpkin flavored coffees, got a few extra souvenirs, and then took our places in the very back two rows of the plane and got comfy– as comfy as you can be with 6 inches of legroom– for our nine-and-a-half hour flight to Roma!
The actual flight was mid. Not horrible, but I could not sleep for the life of me despite my wax earplugs, new noise-cancelling headphones, an eye mask, hoodie, and relatively comfortable seating arrangement. Also I had the same tampon in that I put in like 6 hours before our flight because I didn’t want to wake up the two people in between me and an aisle. Hazel and Caroline got the flight attendants to wish me a happy birthday so got a few birthday wishes haha.
Friday, September 9, 2022
In Rome, we deplaned and I had to lug my EXTREMELY heavy backpack and tote bag through the passport check to baggage claim, where I could finally move everything to an airport trolley and relieve my poor body. From there, Hazel and I went to the bathroom and I swear to god it was the most beautiful bathroom I have ever seen. Like, LAX’s bathrooms are literally Alcatraz compared to this mf.
We ran into the AFSers from D.C. on the way out, and all together we skipped customs and met up with Intercultural volunteers outside, moving to a meetup point where the folks from Newark were waiting. For the next hour or so groups from France, Austria, Argentina, etc. showed up. At a certain point we all went to the bus stop and boarded a bus that took us a half hour to our hotel right outside of Rome. Here, we checked in and I was placed in a room with two other people: Eva, who’s from Virginia and is headed with me on a train down to Puglia; and Natalia, who is from Georgia and headed to Sicily tomorrow!
We changed, hung out, and ate lunch (twas mid), and hung around some more, either napping in the room or talking to people from wherever. There was a super hot Canadian guy. Nothing else super notable other than the cappuccino I had at the hotel’s cafe that hit hard as fuck.
OH. I convinced Hazel and Caroline to walk around a little, and after wandering down a road we probably shouldn't've, we found this cool giant abandoned house and warehouse thing with these little caves next to it. None of us really wanted to go in, but we went back a little later with a whole crew of the Frenchies and Madi and Eva, and explored inside. It was really cool.
We hit dinner then had this welcome ceremony type thing where we all went into an auditorium and got briefed by different volunteer leaders. One of the ladies was american, had come here through AFS for only 3 months, met the love of her life, moved back here, and had lived in Italy for 30 years. I got sung happy birthday :). It was really nice because I hadn’t really been around anyone I knew well, so it didn’t really feel like my birthday.
I didn’t really feel like going to bed yet, so Caroline, Hazel, Eva, and I along with Esther, Margot, and Mia (French) hung around, briefly with a funny Greek fellow Krzysztof or Sepp. We played a little soccer with a deflated ball and tried to hit the bar, but it was closed :(. We said goodnight.
Saturday, September 9, 2022
The next morning Mia, Eva, and I hit the bus to Roma Station. Cool views on the way there. We met two Turkish kids who were really nice and good at English. Forgot where they’re headed. The three of us were all on the same train, and we were running late, so we had to lug our bags up stairs to the platform and immediately board a train car completely full of like a tour group of old people. There was like no room for our bags, so, while the people ahead of us sorted out their stowage, Mia and I in the back had to stand in the aisle for like 15 minutes while old Italian people tried to talk to us and we didn’t understand anything.
I ended up alone sat across a couple with an Italian boyfriend and Chinese girlfriend. They spoke a little English and a little Italian. The guy slept, and like put his head on the girlfriends lap. Lookin childish as fuck imo, but I digress. When most of the AFSers had de-trained, I sat at a table with Maria, a Portuguese girl headed to Lecce with Mia and I, and another two girls who I don’t remember that much about, to play cards. The woman who had been sitting across from me took off her shoes and put them up on the chair I had been sitting in lmao. Anyways.
Lecce was the very last stop for the train that had come all the way from Milano. We had watched everyone, (Eva got off in Bari) get off the train except for the final 3 of us. At the station, we got out and met our families. I’ll end this post here and you’ll have to stay tuned for the next post I guess….
TLDR…
From Wednesday through Saturday I was traveling slowly from Los Angeles, California, USA to Lecce, Puglia, Italy, via a car, two planes, a van, a bus, another bus, and a train. I met lots of new people including two other young women who are attending my school in Lecce, Mia and Maria, and many others in my region, Puglia. I still have to write about my first week, and believe me there is a shit ton to write about, but I gotta go 2 bed. Goodnight from here haha.
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Full Disclosure: The Beginning
Full Disclosure: The Beginning (Part 13)
Characters belong to Pixelberry
Summary: A look back at Charlotte during the social season and engagement tour.
A/N: This is the last chapter for this little series (and it’s loaded - I’m so sorry. I just didn’t want to split it up into 2 parts). Thank you to @burnsoslow for prereading! And also @sirbeepsalot for prereading and taking your machete to it! And thank you for all of your wonderful comments, kind words, and love for Charlotte. I’m going to miss writing her story, but I’m sure some shenanigan filled one shots will occasionally pop up.
Catch Up Here
Tags: @leelee10898 @hopefulmoonobject @zaffrenotes @cocomaxley @gardeningourmet @blackcoffee85 @gibbles82 @annekebbphotography @sweetest-marbear @indiacater @liamxs-world @classylady1234 @texaskitten30 @thequeenofcronuts @custaroonie @moneyfordiamonds @the-soot-sprite @ladyangel70 @kate-mckenzie @emichelle @dcbbw @burnsoslow @bbrandy2002 @sirbeepsalot @choiceslife @debramcg1106 @gnatbrain @ofpixelsandscribbles @caroldxnvxrs @openheart12 @rigatonireid @callmeellabella @superharriet @seriouslybadchoices @aestheticartsx @forthebrokenheartedthings @kingliam2019 @indiana-jr @bascmve01 @rainbowsinthestorm @badchoicesposts @darley1101 @blackcatkita @charlotteg234 @alyssalauren @txemrn @neotericthemis @queenrileyrose @emkay512 @marshmallowsaremyfavorite
Charlotte watched the clouds blur by as the plane prepared to land. She was anxious about returning to where her and Liam’s story began … and where it could very well end.
Liam had told her a few nights ago that he learned from Bastien that Constantine was the one behind the scandal. The news left her trying to wrap her mind around why the former King sabotaged her and Liam’s happiness. Now that the court was arriving in New York, they didn’t have much time left to clear her name, but they had a plan: they would confront Constantine themselves.
****
Charlotte stood in her hotel room after getting ready for the welcoming luncheon at the hotel’s rooftop restaurant. She was on edge, knowing she and Liam would finally be confronting Constantine. She wanted answers as to why he did what he did, and she wanted him to clear her name.
A soft knock on her door pulled her from her thoughts. She opened it to reveal Liam on the other side; he quickly stepped inside, wrapped his arms around her, and leaned down to kiss her as the door latched shut behind him. “Hi,” he whispered against her lips as they parted.
Charlotte closed her eyes and smiled; being in his arms at that moment was the first time since leaving Paris she felt some sense of calm. “Hey.”
Liam looked at her, brushing his hand across her cheek. “Are you alright?”
“A little nervous,” she admitted.
“Me too. But it’s going to be alright. We’re going to do this together. And just think … all of this will be over afterward.” Liam smiled at the thought of clearing Charlotte’s name, ending his farce of an engagement, and being able to be with her, the woman he loved.
“So, what’s the plan?”
“We’ll get to the luncheon; I’ll be sitting at the table with my father and Regina. I’ll ask him to speak privately. When we get up to step out of the room, you follow.” Charlotte nodded as she let out a breath; Liam cupped her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. “It’s going to be alright, love.”
****
The restaurant on the hotel roof was encased in windows, giving an uninterrupted view of New York City around them. Charlotte sat at her table with Maxwell, Bertrand, Olivia, and Drake, but her eyes were fixated on Liam and Constantine across the room. Liam kept glancing over, meeting her eyes, while he waited for the right time to pull his father aside.
“You okay, Brooks?”
“Huh?” Charlotte tore her eyes away from Liam.
“You seem distracted, Lady Charlotte,” Bertrand noted.
“Oh … I’m fine.” Charlotte and Liam hadn’t told the others Constantine was the one behind the scandal or of their plan to confront him. Liam thought it would be better to wait until they got some answers.
“How’s it feel to be back home?” Olivia asked.
“Honestly, it feels a bit weird. Don’t get me wrong, I missed the city, but my life feels so different now than it did when I left six months ago.”
“It feels like just yesterday when we met you in the bar,” Maxwell grinned, and Charlotte smiled at the memory.
“Remember when Liam first came into the bar while she was taking our order, and she hit the table and almost fell over?” Drake laughed. “And the menus went flying all over the place.”
“And then she fell behind the bar,” Maxwell chuckled.
Charlotte giggled. “I fell a lot that night.” Literally and figuratively, she thought.
“At least you haven’t changed that much, Brooks,” Drake laughed.
Just then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Liam and Constantine both rise from their seats. She glanced over, meeting Liam’s eyes; he gave her a subtle nod before heading for the doors that lead to the private outdoor terrace. “I’ll be right back,” she said as she stood.
“Where are you going?” Bertrand asked.
“To talk to Constantine.” Everyone’s brows furrowed. “I’ll explain later. Just … act normal.” Charlotte walked towards the terrace, careful not to draw any attention to herself. She slipped out of the door and could hear Liam and Constantine just around the corner, out of view from the others.
“So, what’s this urgent matter you needed to speak with me about, Liam? So urgent that you had to interrupt our meal.”
Liam could hear Charlotte behind him. “The matter is this.” He stepped aside, revealing her to his father.
“Lady Charlotte? What are you doing out here?”
Charlotte’s eyes narrowed as she stared at him. “I’m here to make you face what you did to me.”
“I-” Constantine broke off, coughing. Liam instinctively took a step toward him, but he held out his hand; he coughed again before looking back to Charlotte. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Really? I beg to differ.”
“Liam, honestly, what is the meaning-” Constantine began to cough again, clutching his throat. He doubled forward, trying to take a breath before he suddenly collapsed to the ground.
“Father!” Liam shouted, both he and Charlotte dropping to his side.
Just then, Regina appeared outside. Her eyes widened when she saw her husband on the ground. “Liam! What happened?”
“He started coughing and then collapsed! Call an ambulance!” Constantine’s complexion paled; he continued to violently cough and gasp for air as Regina quickly pulled out her phone.
****
Liam and Charlotte stood in a private waiting room at New York-Presbyterian Hospital, listening to the doctor explain that Constantine was resting comfortably. “The coughing fit was due to the cancer. I wish I could say it would get better, but …” Liam nodded in understanding at his words. “We’re giving him some oxygen and fluids. You may go see him.”
“Thank you, doctor.” Liam shook the man’s hand before he stepped out of the room.
“I’ll let you go see him alone.”
“No. You’re coming with me, and we’re going to talk to him.”
“Liam, it can wait. Really.”
Liam shook his head. “No, it can’t. Because, as much as I don’t want to say this -- despite the horrible things he’s done -- who’s to say that we’ll get another chance? He’s dying, Charlotte. And I refuse to allow him to take the truth to his grave.”
Charlotte took a breath and nodded as she let it out. “If you’re sure …”
Charlotte and Liam walked down the hall and stopped outside of Constantine’s door; they shared a look before entering the room hand-in-hand. Constantine lay in bed and opened his eyes when he heard them come in. His eyes widened upon seeing Charlotte with Liam. “Father …”
Liam stared at him, feeling a wave of conflicting emotions. He was angry for what his father had done to him and more furious for what he had put Charlotte through. But despite that anger, there was a sadness he felt seeing his father that way. He was pale and connected to wires, IV tubes, and oxygen.
For the first time in Liam’s life, the former King -- someone he once admired, respected, and thought was untouchable -- looked weak. And in more ways than one.
“What is she doing here?” Constantine rasped.
“Your Majesty, I know this isn’t the best time, but we need to talk to you,” Charlotte answered as they approached the bed.
“We know what you did,” Liam added, looking down at him. “You set Charlotte up.”
“Liam …”
“You owe me an explanation,” Liam spat. “You knew how I felt about her … you knew, and yet you sabotaged her. Do you realize what almost happened to her that night?” Constantine struggled to take in a deep breath. “And you dragged others in to do your dirty work. Lady Penelope. Bastien.” Constantine continued to stare at them, and Liam shook his head in frustration. “You really have nothing to say for yourself?”
“I just want to know why,” Charlotte said. “What did I do to make you do this to me? To your own son?” Constantine’s breathing became slightly shallower, and he looked away from them, fixating his eyes on the ground. “You know, after everything I’ve been through because of you, the least you could do is answer me!”
Liam noticed his father’s hand waving as he stared at the ground; he followed his gaze to his and Charlotte’s feet. “Charlotte,” Liam pulled her back.
Charlotte glanced down; her eyes widened, and she cupped her hand over her mouth. She had been standing on his oxygen tubing, temporarily cutting off his air supply. She then snapped her gaze back to Constantine when she heard him inhale a relieved breath, and she tried to push the laugh that she could feel coming back down. “Sorry!” she squeaked, then her expression turned. “Actually, you know what? No, I’m not! Ok … I am, but only a little bit sorry. Not like, fully sorry. I do need you breathing.” For now. Liam nudged her with his arm, and she cleared her throat. “You owe us answers.”
“Liam, now is not the time,” Constantine replied, his words dulled by the mask he was wearing.
Liam’s jaw tensed as his expression hardened. “We are not leaving until you give us an explanation for what you did.”
Constantine knew Liam wasn’t going to budge, and he let out a defeated breath. “Very well.” The former King shifted to sit up a bit more; he pulled the oxygen mask away from his face just enough so his words wouldn’t be muffled. “After I received the cancer diagnosis, and my health began to decline, I knew I would be unable to rule much longer.” Constantine glanced at Liam. “The last thing I ever wanted to do was place the burden of the crown on your shoulders so soon, Liam. But I didn’t have a choice. I wanted you to be prepared because these are difficult times for Cordonia. We’ve always had our share of enemies, but throughout my reign, I’ve seen them grow bolder. Once I realized I wasn’t going to be around much longer to help you face those threats, I had to secure Cordonia’s future.”
“By sending a man into my room? By having a photographer invade my privacy? And by letting the press tell lies about me while you sat by, knowing the truth the whole time?!”
“It was obvious from the night of the masquerade ball how Liam felt about you. I saw the way he looked at you. As the season progressed, those feelings for you did too. I knew given a choice, he would choose you to be his Queen.”
“Why would you sabotage that for me? Do you not want me to be happy?” Liam asked.
“Of course I want you to be happy, Liam, but this is bigger than just you and the feelings you have for some girl!” Constantine looked back at Charlotte. “I must admit, you impressed me. While your behavior and personality are rather … uncouth, you proved to be resilient and intelligent. And both Regina and I noticed how happy you made Liam … how he smiled and laughed more in your presence than he has in a very long time. But still … you couldn’t compete with Madeleine. She has been preparing to become Queen her entire life. You are an outsider. Yes, you could have learned … but inexperience is seen as weakness, and weakness, even in appearance -- especially in appearance -- is fatal. And you, Lady Charlotte, proved to be my son’s weakness. I’ve already lost so much to our kingdom’s enemies, and when I’m gone, there will be no one left to protect Liam from them.”
“Did you blackmail Olivia as well?” Charlotte asked.
“Yes. She is far too rash to be sitting on the throne, but I knew Liam would choose her over Madeleine, simply because of their friendship and her friendship with you as well. I had to eliminate her from the competition to ensure Madeleine was chosen.”
Charlotte shook her head in disgust. “My name and reputation have been ruined. You tried to tear me away from Liam and my friends … but that isn’t even the worst part. You would have forced your son to marry a woman he doesn’t love just because you think you get to decide what’s best for not only Cordonia but for him. And if we hadn’t uncovered the truth, Liam would have had to live with that for the rest of his life!”
“It was my duty as Cordonia’s King!”
“You have a duty as his father!” Charlotte snapped back.
“And you’re not King! Not anymore!” Liam added.
Constantine looked at him, surprised by the tone in his son’s voice. “Liam, please … I know I’ve hurt you, but this is the price of wearing the crown. I couldn’t afford to put your happiness, or Lady Charlotte’s, above our people’s future. And one day you will come to understand when you have to make similar sacrifices of your own and-”
Liam squared his shoulders and held up his hand, cutting his father off. “No.” Constantine’s brows raised in surprise. “You sit there and act as though you didn’t have a choice. But you decided what you were willing to do, what you were willing to sacrifice. What kind of King -- what kind of father -- you wanted to be. So here is mine. I love Charlotte. And had you not interfered that night, I would have asked her to marry me. I would be on this tour with her right now, actually enjoying myself. I may not have been able to stop you from hurting her, but I can still try to make this right. As King of Cordonia, I am placing Charlotte under my protection. I will help her right the wrongs that have been done to her by you. And I am commanding you, as your monarch, to help us in any way that you can.”
Constantine had never seen his son with a more fierce look in his eyes, nor had he heard him speak with such promise. He let out a breath, knowing he wasn’t going to change his mind but also that he wasn’t going to be able to help. “Very well.”
Charlotte eyed him suspiciously, not trusting how quickly he agreed. “How do I know that I can trust you after what you’ve already done to me?”
“My word is all I have to offer, Lady Charlotte. But unfortunately, I’m afraid I won’t be much help.”
“What does that mean?” Liam asked.
“I can’t come forward to clear Lady Charlotte’s name myself.”
“Why the fuck not?” Charlotte bit out, ignoring the taken aback expression on the former King’s face at her language.
“Admitting my involvement would shake the Cordonian people’s faith in their rulers. Past and present. So while you may not care what they think of me, be aware that they will question Liam, his motives, and how far he would be willing to go, as I have, to protect his throne. So unless you want that to happen …”
“Enough,” Liam growled, knowing his father was trying to intimidate Charlotte with his words.
“Is he right?” she asked, looking at Liam.
“Yes, it could happen, but I don’t care about that, Charlotte. I want your name cleared. I don’t care what happens to my reputation because of it.”
“And you’ve just driven my point home that she is your weakness,” Constantine said; Liam snapped his gaze over, glowering at him.
Charlotte shook her head, feeling frustrated. As much as she wanted her name cleared, she wouldn’t do it at Liam’s expense. “No … I can’t do that to you, Liam.”
“Charlotte-”
“One of us being ruined is enough. I won’t take you down with me. We have to find another way.”
“The only way is to find Lord Tariq. You need to get him to come forward and make a statement admitting that nothing happened that night. But even I don’t know his whereabouts. I encouraged him to leave in light of his … disgrace. I’ve had no contact with him since.”
“Fucking perfect,” Charlotte scoffed.
Liam took her hand in his. “We’ll figure it out.” Just then, the doctor knocked on the door, asking to come in to assess Constantine. “We’ll leave you to it. I’ll be in touch if I need anything.”
“Liam … I am sorry …”
“I don’t accept your apology.” With that, Liam turned and led Charlotte from the room. As they walked down the hall, Liam pulled her back into the private waiting room they were in before; he shut and locked the door behind him. “Are you alright?”
“Are you?”
“Don’t worry about me, Charlotte. I want to know how you’re doing.”
“I’m … I don’t know!” Charlotte threw her hands up in frustration. “I mean … what the hell are we supposed to do now? He’s saying he can’t come forward, and we have to find a man that hasn’t been seen in months!”
“I told you I didn’t care what would happen if my father came forward. Let him do it! Let him face what he did to you.”
“I care, Liam! I am not about to let you go down for what your father did to me. No. It’s not an option.”
“Then we find Tariq.”
“How?”
“I … honestly, I’m not sure.” Charlotte looked down, shaking her head; Liam stepped forward and cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to look back at him. “But we’ll figure it out.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. “We will.” He whispered the promise against her lips before kissing her again.
*******
The following morning, Charlotte stepped out of the shower in her hotel room. She had the day free before she would need to attend the UN Gala that evening. She wanted to work on locating Tariq, but there wasn’t much they could do until they learned of his whereabouts. They had told Drake, Olivia, and Maxwell about their talk with Constantine, but even they were unsure how they were going to find Tariq.
Stepping out of the bathroom, Charlotte looked at her phone on the nightstand, seeing a voicemail alert from an unknown number. She hit play before bringing it to her ear.
“Lady Charlotte, it’s Countess Madeleine. I have an absolutely vital task I need for you to complete. I simply have no time to pick up mine and Liam’s wedding bands before our return to Cordonia. I must insist that you be the one to do it as a thanks to me for allowing you to remain present on this tour and in Liam’s life. I trust you will retrieve them and bring them to me later.”
Rage coursed through Charlotte’s veins as she pulled the phone away from her ear. “Who the fuck does she think she is?” She clenched her hand into a fist before hurling her phone across the room.
****
Charlotte took the elevator to the first floor, practically stomping through the lobby as she mumbled obscenities under her breath. “Whoa, where ya going, Brooks?” Drake asked, coming back from breakfast with Maxwell.
“Out!” she answered before pushing her way through the revolving door.
Drake followed, knowing that she was pissed off. He knew Liam wouldn’t want him to let her go off alone, at least not without figuring out what was bothering her. He quickly caught up to her on the sidewalk. “You going to tell me what’s wrong? And where you’re off to so heated?”
“Madeleine sent me on an errand to pick up her and Liam’s goddamn wedding bands,” she spat.
“Wait, what?” Drake asked incredulously. “You realize you could have told her no, right?”
“Yes, so she could cry to whoever will listen about how awful I am. Sure!” As much as Charlotte hated it, she found herself being much more cautious with so little time left to clear her name. She was on edge, picking and choosing her battles, not wanting to get worked up over trivial things when something much bigger was at stake.
“Alright, well, I’ll come with you. You won’t even have to look at the rings.”
“Fuck her and her stupid rings. They’re probably ugly and gaudy as hell, just like her face!”
****
Charlotte stood in the jewelry store with her arms folded across her chest as she waited impatiently for the jeweler to come back from the back where he was grabbing the rings. She just wanted to get them, bring them back to the hotel, and try and forget that she was ever asked to do this.
“Here you are, miss.” The jeweler returned, carrying two black velvet boxes. “Let’s take a look.”
“No need for that.” Charlotte would be lying if she said she wasn’t a bit curious, but at the same time, she didn’t want to see the rings, one that Madeleine would wear, one that Liam would wear, tethering them together. Forever.
“I’m sure they look fine,” Drake said. “Just bag them up.” The jeweler offered a curious look before placing them in a bag and handing it to Drake. “Thanks.”
Drake guided Charlotte out of the jewelry store. “You ok?”
“Peachy.”
Charlotte’s eyes kept glancing down at the bag Drake was carrying. He noticed. “You’re a little curious as to how gaudy they look, aren’t you?”
“No!” Charlotte scoffed. “Ok … maybe a little.”
Drake reached in the bag, blindly pulling out one of the boxes. He handed it to Charlotte. “Let’s see.” Charlotte took the box and opened it; it was Liam’s. It was a thick, plain gold band. “Well, that’s kind of bland. It’s very Liam.” Drake reached inside the bag and pulled out the other box, handing it to Charlotte. “How’s hers look?”
Charlotte held Liam’s and opened the other box. She scrunched up her nose. It was a thinner gold band with diamonds spaced out around its entirety, but nothing about it was appealing. “I thought she would have better taste than this.”
“It looks like a vending machine ring,” Drake chuckled. His eyes widened with a smirk when Charlotte plucked it from its holding spot and slid the ring onto her finger. She held her hand out to get a better look at it. “Yeah, you could do better.”
“I’ll say. Well, knowing she’s going to walk around with this ugly thing on her finger makes me feel a little better.”
“She’s only going to walk around with it if she makes it down the aisle, Brooks. We’re not going to let that happen.”
“I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high, Drake.” She plucked Liam’s ring from the box and handed it to him. “Here.”
“Aw, are you proposing, Brooks? Sorry, you’re not my type.”
“I’m blonde.”
“Too clumsy, though.” He took the ring and put it on his finger. “This feels weird as hell.”
Drake immediately removed the ring and handed it back to her. Charlotte hooked it onto the end of her finger while she slid Madeleine’s off. Suddenly, Charlotte stepped in a dip in the sidewalk, twisting her ankle, and her body lurched forward onto the hard concrete.
Both rings flew out of her hands.
Charlotte’s eyes were wide, watching as the rings went airborne, feeling like it was happening in slow motion. They both landed with a bounce and rolled … right into a sewer drain.
“Ohhhhhh, noooo!” Charlotte gasped.
“Brooks! Are you alright?”
“Drake! The rings! They … FUCK!” Charlotte shouted as passersby glanced down at where she was still lying on the sidewalk. She scrambled to her feet and rushed to the sewer drain where the rings had disappeared. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Oh my God!”
“Honestly … serves her right for asking you to get them,” Drake said calmly as he crouched down next to her. “Just think … there’s going to be some blinged-out rats strutting around New York.” He heard a sniffle, and his head snapped over. “Are you crying?”
“This is terrible, Drake! She’s going to say I did this on purpose! And as hideous as her ring was, it probably cost a fortune because Madeleine is nothing if not materialistic!” she wailed. She bowed her head, covering her face with her hands.
“Brooks, calm down. The rings can be replaced. Liam lives in a literal palace. That ring was probably pocket change to him. And Madeleine can most definitely afford another ring. It was an accident.”
“I need to call Liam,” she cried as her breath hitched. She pulled out her phone and dialed Liam’s.
“Hello, love. I was just thinking about-”
“Liam! The rings -- in the drain! They flew -- and now the rats have them!” she cried.
“Rings? Rats? Charlotte, what the hell are you talking about?” Drake took the phone from Charlotte, explaining to Liam what had happened. “Wait … Madeleine asked Charlotte to go pick up the rings?”
“Yeah, I figured that would be the only thing you’d be upset about. But Brooks … well, she is here kneeling in front of a sewer drain crying, and we’re getting some pretty strange looks, even for NYC.”
“Just get her back to the hotel. I’ll deal with Madeleine.”
Drake hung up the phone and tossed it into the now empty bag he was holding onto. “Come on.” He pulled Charlotte to stand. “Stop crying, Brooks. He’s not mad.” He knew the rings weren’t the real reason she was crying. It was everything else that was happening since her and Liam’s conversation with Constantine. The rings were just what set off the waterworks. He threw his arm around her shoulders and pulled her away from the sewer drain, guiding her back towards the hotel. “You’d make a terrible ring-bearer.”
“Shut up,” she sniffled.
****
That evening, Liam stood on the balcony of his room, nursing a scotch while he waited to leave for the UN Gala. His mind went through the events of the day before. He had told Charlotte they would find Tariq, but he honestly wasn’t sure how. Tariq hadn’t been seen in three months, but he made a promise to her, and he had every intention of keeping it. He had two days and needed a plan.
Liam still wanted to let his father answer for what he had done, regardless of what it would do to him. But Charlotte was entirely against the idea. She said she wouldn’t allow him to sacrifice his reign and reputation, and that was the end of it.
Liam tossed back the rest of his drink before heading inside. Just as he grabbed his suit jacket, a knock came on his door. He walked over and opened it, narrowing his eyes at his visitor. “What the hell do you want?”
“Sir,” Bastien bowed. “May I?”
Liam hesitated for a moment before stepping aside to let him in. “Whatever you’re here to say, say it, then get the hell out.” Liam turned to face Bastien; his eyes landed on his now-healing split lip, a reminder of what happened in Paris. “Well? What do you want?”
“Sir, I spoke with your father earlier after he called me to his room to reprimand me for telling you I was working for him. He told me about your conversation …”
“Ok? Is that all?”
“No. After what happened in Paris … I began to look for Tariq myself.”
Liam perked up at his words. “So you know where he is?”
“I’m still waiting on a few calls, but I wanted to come by and offer my assistance to you again. You don’t have to accept it, and regardless of what you decide, I will turn over anything I find, but … I just … it’s the least that I could do for both of you.”
Liam saw the guilt in his eyes, and he felt his anger begin to let up. “Look … I’ll accept your offer to help Charlotte clear her name. But it’s going to take some time for me to trust you again, Bastien. You’ll need to earn it, and it’s not going to be easy. Not after what you did.”
“I understand, sir.”
Liam eyed him for a moment before nodding. “What have you found?”
****
Charlotte stood in the ballroom at the UN Gala with Drake and Maxwell. Liam had messaged her just before she arrived to tell her he needed to speak with her about Tariq. The gala was almost over, and she had yet to talk to him. Madeleine -- when she wasn’t shooting Charlotte dirty looks for what she assumed was over the ring debacle -- had latched onto him and pulled him around the room all night to speak with different dignitaries and guests.
While standing at the bar to get a drink, Charlotte felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see Liam, offering him a smile. “Hi.”
“Hello.” He was fighting himself not to wrap his arms around her. “I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to get away until now.”
“It’s okay. What did you need to tell me?”
“Not here.” Liam glanced around the room. “Now that I’m free, I had a thought of sneaking out, getting some fresh air. Would you like to join me?”
“Like you even have to ask,” Charlotte chuckled.
Liam smiled. “I’ll slip out the back entrance and meet you outside.” Charlotte nodded, and Liam turned, casually making his way through the crowd to the back door.
Charlotte followed, making sure not to draw suspicion to herself. She slipped into the stairwell and made her way down the steps. She came to another door at the bottom and pushed it open, stepping into a small alleyway at the side of the building. She yelped when a pair of arms wrapped around her. She turned in Liam’s arms, and he leaned down, capturing her lips in his as he backed her against the brick wall.
“Have I told you how stunning you look tonight?” Liam whispered; Charlotte chuckled and shook her head. “You’re breathtaking,” he said before kissing her again. Liam moved his lips to her neck, and Charlotte softly moaned, feeling his teeth and tongue trail along her skin.
“Are we going to talk? Because if not, I have some really amazing ideas of how we could waste time in this alley.”
Liam laughed against her neck. “Care to share with the class?”
“Well,” Charlotte began, “one of them involves you hiking the skirt of this gown up and taking me right here, against this wall.” Charlotte laughed as Liam let out a low growl; he found her lips again, kissing her deeply before he reluctantly drew back. “So what did you want to tell me?” she asked. He began to explain how Bastien stopped by his room earlier, offering to help find Tariq, and that he took him up on the said offer. “Did he tell you what he found?”
“He knows that Tariq arrived at the airport the morning after the jamboree and flew to the States. He was waiting for a call to find his trail from there.”
“Does he have family here?” Liam shook his head. “Well … at least it’s something, I guess. It’s better than nothing.”
Liam watched Charlotte glance down at their intertwined hands. “What is it, love?”
“We only have two days,” she whispered. “What if … what if we don’t-” Liam’s lips cut off Charlotte; he kissed her slow and deep, making her head fuzzy and her knees weak.
“Don’t say it,” he whispered against her lips. “We can’t think like that, okay?” Charlotte nodded. She was still thinking about it, though. How could she not? Sure, they had something to go on, but that was merely a crumb at the moment. How fast could Bastien find what they needed?
Suddenly, the door they had snuck out of burst open, causing Liam and Charlotte to jump apart. Maxwell, Drake, and Bastien came barreling out. “There you are!” Drake called out as the three of them rushed over.
“What’s going on?” Liam asked.
“He went to LA, sir,” Bastien answered. “I have an address to the apartment building he was staying at.”
“Get the-”
“The jet’s already being prepared, sir.”
Liam and Charlotte’s expressions flickered with hope as they looked at one another. “Well, come on, kiss goodbye. We got a flight to catch, Brooks,” Drake chuckled.
“We’re leaving now?”
“Red eye, baby!” Maxwell grinned. “It’s a six-hour flight. We need to get there and back before the shower tomorrow evening. I’ll grab you some clothes, and you can change on the plane.” Charlotte nodded and pulled her room key from her clutch, handing it to Maxwell. “Meet us out front in a few.”
The three of them rushed back inside, and Charlotte faced Liam. “That was fast.” Liam grinned and leaned down to kiss her again, feeling the excitement course through him. “This is really it? Do you think he’s still there, in LA?”
“I’m hoping so, love. But yes … I think this is it.” They smiled at one another before Liam kissed her once more. They stayed locked in that kiss for a few blissful moments before Liam drew back. “You should head out front.” He cupped her face in his hands and smiled. “I love you, Charlotte.”
“I love you too.”
*******
After the overnight flight on the royal jet, Charlotte, Maxwell, and Drake had landed in LA. They had left New York at midnight, arriving at LAX at 3 am. They stayed on the jet in an attempt to get some sleep while they waited for a decent hour to look for Tariq.
Charlotte couldn’t sleep, however. She was feeling a wave of emotions. She was anxious, nervous, excited, and scared all at the same time. This was her last chance to fix this. The court would be heading back to Cordonia tomorrow, and Liam would be making the final preparations for his wedding to Madeleine unless Charlotte showed up with Tariq in tow to clear her name. Everything was at stake.
Maxwell had woken Charlotte up at 8 am; the three of them changed and went to grab breakfast before heading to the address Bastien had given them, where he learned Tariq was staying. “Ready?” Drake asked as they got out of the car.
Charlotte looked up at the building and let out a breath. “Yeah.” They entered the building and went to the elevator. Once on the ninth floor, Charlotte stepped off the elevator with Drake and Maxwell following behind her. Her heart was racing as she quickly made her way down the hall, scanning the numbers on the outside of the doors until she stopped in front of one. “This is it …” Her heart was now pounding as she raised her hand and tapped her knuckles to the wood.
A few moments later, a man opened the door; it wasn’t Tariq. “Hi. Can I help you?”
“Uh, hello,” Charlotte smiled tentatively. “Is … is Tariq here?”
“No, he’s not.”
“Oh, sorry. I may have the wrong-”
“No, he was here. This is my apartment; he was subletting from me while I was in Europe.”
Charlotte could feel the hope slowly beginning to dwindle. “Do … do you know where he is, by chance?” she asked.
“I don’t, I’m sorry. I got back about three weeks ago, and he left. I haven’t seen him since. He didn’t even leave a forwarding address for his mail.”
That sliver of hope she had been clinging to like a lifeboat in a storm was gone at his words. “Oh … okay. Thank you …”
Drake and Maxwell shared a worried look. They could hear the defeat in Charlotte’s voice, and both wondered the same thing: Now what?
****
Back on the royal jet, Charlotte settled into her seat. She hadn’t spoken a word since they had left the apartment complex. If she opened her mouth to talk, she wasn’t going to get out more than a few words before the tears would start, and she was trying like hell to keep herself together.
Charlotte stared out the window as the jet rolled down the runway and lifted into the air. Everything seemed to be crashing down on her at that moment. This was her last chance to find Tariq before it was too late. She had failed. And now she had a tough decision to make. The mere thought of it made her heart feel as though it was being ripped apart. As her mind became jumbled, she could feel the lump forming in her throat; the clouds outside of her window became blurred by the tears that began to well in her eyes.
“How are you holding up, Brooks?” Drake asked as he sat next to her. Charlotte didn’t respond; she continued staring out the window with her knuckles pressed against her lips. Drake decided to try and make small talk, although he was sure it wasn’t going to help. “I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to worry. We’ll talk to Liam when we get back and figure out what our next steps are.” He watched her subtly shake her head, and he knew exactly what she was thinking: What’s the point? Drake sighed, wishing she would say something. “Charlotte …”
At the use of her first name from him for the first time since her first night in Cordonia, Charlotte slowly turned her head and looked at Drake; the sadness in her eyes was palpable. She covered her face with her hands, and Drake wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his chest as he heaved a sigh.
She completely broke down.
“Brooks,” Drake whispered, rubbing her arm. He glanced up when Maxwell approached, and they shared a look before Maxwell knelt down in front of Charlotte’s seat. They watched her cry, knowing there was nothing they could do to make this better or right for her at that moment.
****
Drake, Charlotte, and Maxwell arrived back in New York with just enough time to get back to the hotel to change and make it down to the wedding shower.
Charlotte entered her room, feeling completely drained. She stared at the dress hanging on the door that she was supposed to wear to the wedding shower, and she let out a slow breath. She decided at that moment that she wasn’t going. She just didn’t have it in her to attend.
It would only make things more difficult.
A few moments later, a knock came on her door, and she turned to open it; Drake and Maxwell stood on the other side, both dressed for the shower and adjusting their clothing. “You’re not dressed,” Maxwell said as he looked at her.
“I’m not going to go. I think … I think it would be for the best. I need to get some air … try to clear my head.”
“Are you sure?” Drake asked.
“Yes. I’m just going to go for a walk. If Liam asks … you can tell him I’ll be in Central Park …”
****
After calling an old friend to make some arrangements for herself, Charlotte had left the hotel and walked through the city before making her way down to Central Park. She stepped onto Gapstow Bridge and looked down at the water below, seeing in it the reflection of the city behind her. She wasn’t there 10 minutes before she heard her name being called; she glanced over to see Liam making his way towards her on the bridge.
“Hi,” she said quietly as he approached. Liam immediately wrapped his arms around her, and she sank into his warm embrace.
When Drake and Maxwell arrived at the shower, they went straight to Liam to tell him what had happened in L.A. Liam tried to hide the heartbreak in his eyes when they told him that Tariq wasn’t there and how upset Charlotte had been on the plane. When they told him she had gone to Central Park, he snuck out of the hotel within minutes. He didn’t care if anyone was looking for him. Charlotte needed him.
“I’m sorry, Charlotte,” Liam whispered against her hair before kissing the top of her head. They drew back, and he cupped her face in his hands. “Are you okay?”
“I just feel … defeated and drained.”
Liam sighed as he leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I know it’s disheartening.”
“I’m sorry … about not coming tonight, I just …” Charlotte trailed off as she let out a breath.
“I know. I understand …” He moved to the railing and leaned against it.
“I just feel so lost, and I’m not sure what else there is we can do. He vanished. No one knows where he is …”
“I know,” Liam sighed. “We leave early tomorrow morning. Once we get back to Cordonia, we’ll figure everything out.”
“Liam, I …”
Charlotte swore she felt her heart stop as she cast her gaze downward, fighting back the tears that were already threatening to form over what she was about to tell him. It was a decision she’d spent the last three months coming to: what she was going to do should they not clear her name. Knowing what Liam was going to have to do when he returned to Cordonia left her with no other choice but to figure out her next steps.
Liam looked over at her. “What is it, love?”
“I … Liam, I’m … I’m not going back.”
Liam’s heart started to race, and he could feel the color drain from his face as he stared at her with his brows knitted in confusion. “What?” Charlotte stared at him, finding this conversation even harder to have than she already knew it would be. “What do you mean you’re not going back?”
“I mean … I’m staying here … in New York. I’m not going back to Cordonia with you.”
Liam shook his head vehemently. “Charlotte, no.” In one long stride, he was standing in front of her again. He slid his thumb under her chin, tilting her face up to his. When she met his gaze, a tear trickled from the corner of her eye; Liam leaned down to kiss her cheek, catching the briny tear on his lips. “I’m going to figure this out,” he whispered. “I’m going to find him. I’m going to make him come forward, and we’re going to clear your name and be together.”
Charlotte shook her head, her lip trembling as she spoke. “Not in time. I can’t … I can’t watch you parade around with her anymore. And I can’t go back … and watch you marry her.”
“Please, Charlotte, please give me more time. I promise you, I’m going to find him.”
“I can’t go back on a promise that you might someday find him.”
“But we’ve come this far … I just … I just need a little more time! Please … give me more time.”
The pleading look in his eyes and voice was slowly breaking her. “I need you to try and understand, Liam … and not make this harder than it already is.”
“Charlotte … you can’t give up …” Liam’s voice trembled. “We can’t give up.”
“I don’t want to give up … and I feel weak for doing it, because I love you, Liam. I love you so much … and you’re not supposed to give up on the people you love,” she spoke; her voice broke and rose an octave with each word as she tried and failed to fight back her emotions. “But I think it’s clear now that you were only mine to love … never mine to keep. And as much as it’s going to break me … I have to walk away … I have to let you go, Liam …”
Liam let out a shuddered breath as he looked away from her, attempting to blink back the tears, but like her, he failed to keep himself together. They came anyway. He didn’t want her to stay there. He didn’t want to give up on clearing her name or on them being together. He didn’t want to let her go or for her to let him go. But he knew it would be selfish of him to ask any more of her. Charlotte had been through enough over the past six months; first the Social Season and then the hell of the Engagement Tour. It had been hard on him, and he knew that whatever he felt over everything that happened, her feelings were beyond that. He couldn’t ask her to return with him on a possibility. She needed -- she deserved -- absolute certainty. He couldn’t put her through any more heartache.
No, Liam didn’t want to let Charlotte go … but he loved her enough to do it because he knew that she deserved better than him. She deserved a chance at a happy future, even if that meant that he wasn’t a part of it.
“Please … please don’t think this is a reflection on you, Liam. It’s not. I know that you tried. We tried. I know that you never meant for any of this, and it’s not your fault. I know who’s to blame … and it’s not-”
Charlotte was cut off as Liam cupped her face in his hands and leaned down, capturing her lips. They both tasted the salt from their tears. And they both felt their own hearts shatter just a bit more, knowing this was goodbye.
They parted, and Liam rested his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as his breath hitched in his throat. “I’m so sorry that I failed you, Charlotte. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you … and that I couldn’t be the person you deserve …”
“Stop,” Charlotte cried. “You’re more than I deserve … and you didn’t fail me, Liam. I got to love you … and that means everything to me.”
Liam’s brows furrowed as he pressed his lips to hers once more. When he pulled back, he lifted his head and kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger there for a moment. Charlotte felt a tear fall from his cheek onto her own, and she squeezed her eyes shut as he wrapped his arms around her.
This was goodbye. And they weren’t just saying goodbye to each other; it was so much more than that. It was goodbye to the happiness and laughter they brought to one another. It was goodbye to their inside jokes and the ones they never got to make. It was goodbye to all of the what-ifs and plans they had made. They were turning this page, knowing they wouldn’t be in each other’s next chapter.
It fucking hurt.
After a while, Charlotte opened her eyes, still in Liam’s arms, as her tears continued to fall. “I want you … to try and be happy, Liam … because you deserve that. You deserve to be happy.”
Liam subtly shook his head as he looked up at the night sky. How the hell was he supposed to be happy with anyone but her? He wouldn’t be. Not ever. “You deserve that too …” he whispered. “Where … where are you going to go? What are you going to do?”
“I made some arrangements for now. But you don’t need to worry about me … I’ll be okay.” Hopefully. Maybe, someday. Liam’s arms tightened around her. After a long, tearful embrace, Charlotte finally stepped back and wiped her cheeks. “I, uh … I should probably go.”
If she didn’t go now, she wasn’t going to be able to walk away from him. Charlotte swore she could feel her heart break in two as she looked at him; the pain, hurt, and longing in his eyes matched that of her own. She reached up and pulled Liam down, giving him one last powerful kiss, pouring everything she was feeling into it as his arms wrapped tightly around her. They slowly parted, and she stepped back, looking up at him.
It took her a moment to utter the words, knowing once she did, that was it. It was over. This was by far the hardest thing she ever had to do. And the worst part of it all was standing there, watching his heart break as he tried to hold onto the shattered pieces of hers.
Finally, she took a breath and held it as she forced herself to say the words. “Goodbye, Liam.”
Liam looked down, unable to look her in her eyes as he replied, “Goodbye, Charlotte.” He heard her turn and listened to her footsteps slowly fade away. He glanced up a moment later, chewing the inside of his cheek, feeling more tears fall as he watched her disappear.
They parted with nothing but the memories and the solace that maybe one day their paths might cross again.
*******
•Four Months Later•
Charlotte sat in the living room of her apartment, staring at the television; the movie If Only was playing on Netflix. She had a plethora of snacks next to her on the sofa and a container of ice cream in her lap as she scowled at the screen. Why do I even watch these? It is such a load of crap.
The sound of her phone ringing pulled her from her scathing thoughts. She reached over, seeing her friend Sonia’s name flashing across the screen; she hit the speaker button before turning her attention back to the television. “Yello?”
“Hey, loser! Me and some of the girls are going out. Wanna come?”
“Oh, see, I’d love to, but I can’t. I have a date with sweatpants, Netflix, and a container of Chunky Monkey.”
“That sounds absolutely pitiful.”
“It really is,” Charlotte let out a sigh.
Sonia could hear the television in the background. “Whatcha watching?”
“If Only.”
“A sappy romance movie in your state?”
“My state is just fine, thank you very fucking much. Oh, here comes this part …”
“I have to tell you this, and you need to hear it. I loved you since I met you, but I wouldn't allow myself to truly feel it until today. I was always thinking ahead, making decisions soaked with fear. Today, because of you … what I learned from you, every choice I made was different, and my life has completely changed … and I've learned that if you do that, then you're living your life fully … it doesn't matter if you have five minutes or 50 years. If not for today, if not for you, I would never have known love at all. So thank you for being the person who taught me to love … and to be loved.”
“Oh, shut the fuck up!” Charlotte hollered, grabbing a handful of chocolate chip cookies and throwing them at the screen. She spooned a large portion of ice cream into her mouth as her eyes, stinging with tears, stayed locked on the movie.
Sonia chuckled, “And you say your state is fine ...”
“Hush.”
“You need to find an outlet for this pent-up anger and sadness. You know what you need? You need to get laid! It’s been months! Which is why you should come out with us tonight! We’ll find you a nice, suitable bachelor to take you home and just dick you down real good!”
Charlotte rolled her eyes. “I don’t need to be dicked down, Sonia.”
“Okay, well … write it out then.”
“Huh?”
“You’re a writer! You write something, get everything you’re feeling out. Then you toss it away. Hopefully, those pent-up thoughts and feelings will go with it.”
“Write what, though?”
“Whatever your sad little broken heart desires. A book. An article. A letter to yourself … to him. Whatever you feel like having it be. It’s not like it will ever see the light of day. You’re supposed to throw it away with all those feelings when you’re finished.”
“Look at you being all therapeutic.”
“Well, take what you will from it. I did have four glasses of wine already,” Sonia chuckled. “Okay, I’m heading out. I’ll be at Kismet if you change your mind!”
Charlotte ended the call and stared back at the television. She scowled again. Watching a movie about fate, destiny, and what-ifs was probably not the best idea. She had plenty of what-ifs, should-haves, and could-have-beens of her own.
In the four months since deciding to stay in New York, Charlotte had gone through what she assumed were the typical stages of a bad breakup … if that’s what she could even call what happened between her and Liam. She went with it.
First, she was sad. Just fucking miserable all the goddamn time. She cried a lot. Her heart physically hurt, something she didn’t even know was possible. She felt constant regret. She questioned if she made the right choice to stay behind and not to fight harder. But it was too late now. What was done was done.
And she missed Liam.
To create a distraction for herself, determined not to be a walking blubbering mess the rest of her life, Charlotte re-enrolled in school. She didn’t need but a few credits to finish; one semester and she would be done. Once school started, her sheer heartache turned to gloom. She was the walking, human version of Eeyore. That ass. She was still sad, but the tears had stopped. Mostly.
And she still missed Liam.
With her graduation on the horizon, Charlotte started interning at the Herald. Her gloom then turned to this. Charlotte had turned into a slightly angry, bitter, and salty bitch who ate her feelings in the form of various sweets and Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, generally paired with a few full-to-the-brim glasses of wine. She wasn’t angry with Liam, just the situation. She was absolutely angry with Constantine and Tariq, however, wishing them both very graphic and detailed harm inside her head.
And … she still missed Liam.
Charlotte let out a breath as her eyes settled on her laptop sitting on her coffee table; Sonia’s suggestion rang in her head. Write it out. She moved the half-eaten container of Chunky Monkey off her lap and grabbed the laptop, opening it up and going to a blank document.
The cursor blinked, taunting her for a good 30 minutes as she struggled to decide what to write. She had so much that she wanted to get out, thinking about everything that happened from the moment she stepped foot in Cordonia. She was the only one who came out of that experience damaged, even though she did absolutely nothing wrong. Her name and reputation were still tarnished. And the longer she let that sit with her over the months, the angrier she became. She had wanted to blow the lid off the whole story on more than one occasion, wanting to let everyone know who was really to blame, but thought better of it each time the idea arose. It wouldn’t help anyone. Not her. Not Liam. And it certainly wasn’t going to bring them back together.
Suddenly, that same idea struck her again. She could write that out. Her side. She could merely pretend to blow the lid off the story by writing her personal experience. She wasn’t sure it would release everything she was feeling, but it was worth a shot. She was just going to toss it when she was done anyway, just like Sonia said.
It would never see the light of day.
Charlotte’s fingers hovered over the keyboard for a moment before she finally began typing. After a few moments, she reached over and grabbed the carton of ice cream, scooping another spoonful into her mouth as she read over what she had already typed out:
A nobility social season refers to the traditional annual period when it is customary for members of a social elite society to hold balls, dinner parties, and charity events. The social season has always played a role in the political life of the countries that host such events. But the season also provides an opportunity for once of age women to be formally introduced and presented before the men of nobility. Take, as an example, the small country of Cordonia that lies in the Mediterranean.
I was fortunate enough to be asked to travel to Cordonia to compete for a Prince’s hand during his social season.
Or so I thought …
**********************
If you want to see Charlotte and Liam get their happy ending, you can read it in the original Full Disclosure story.
#trr#choices trr#the royal romance#choices the royal romance#trr liam#trr mc#king liam#trr liam x mc#choices liam x mc#king liam x mc#trr king liam x mc#choices king liam x mc#trr fanfic#trr fan fic#trr fanfiction#choices trr fanfic#trr au#choices trr au
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Dr. Mael Halvorg (Finale) Lemon
Rating: Explicit
Relationship: Male Part-Fae/Female Part Fae
Additional Tags: Exophilia, Monster Boyfriend, Fae, Reader Insert, Genetics
Content Warnings: Children, Pregnancy, Incubation, Birth, Babies, Surgery, Male Infertility, Mention of Cancer
Words: 4233
The finale of @ivymemnoch‘s commission! The reader takes Dr. Halvorg on a weekend trip for his birthday and changes his life forever. Please reblog and leave feedback!
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The plus sign on the stick had taken you by surprise. You don’t know why, though; you knew this was probably going to happen eventually when you decided to stop your birth control. Of course, you didn’t expect it to happen so soon, since he was still recovering and potentially wouldn’t necessarily be any more fertile than he had been before, but considering how prolific your family was, it shouldn’t have been a shock.
Three months after Maël’s surgery, his test results had been not quite normal but favorable, and he was already talking to you about perhaps finding a surrogate and in-vitro fertilization, getting your opinion and making sure you’d be okay with it. You told him to wait, perhaps, and give himself more time to allow his… swimmers… to get stronger. You hadn’t told him you were already prepared to carry his child for him. You wanted it to be a surprise. A gift.
But now, after dating for six months, there it was. Right there on the ultrasound screen: a tiny little baby belly bean, no bigger than your thumb. Whatever doubts you had were always drowned out by one sentence.
He’s going to be so happy.
You went into his office after getting home from the OBGYN, having told him you were simply going in for your normal bi-yearly check-up. He was working, like always, but he looked up when you came in and smiled.
“How’d it go?” He asked you.
“Totally normal and healthy,” You replied. The both of us.
“I’m glad to hear that,” He said, putting down his pen. “No lunch with Amai? It’s Wednesday.”
“I know,” You said. “But I wanted to spend time with you.”
His smile widened and he opened his arms. You went over and sat in his lap, giving him a kiss.
“So, you’re birthday is coming up,” You said nonchalantly.
He snorted. “I haven’t celebrated my birthday in over one hundred years.”
“All the more reason to do it now!” You insisted. “I want to take you on a weekend trip. There’s somewhere special I want you to see.”
“And what would that be?” He asked, smiling at you fondly.
“A surprise,” You said, twitching his nose. “It’s in New York, though.”
His head rocked back. “That’s a ways away. Why are we going so far?”
“You’ll see. Do you want to go? Please?” You looked up through your lashes at him, being playful, hoping you weren’t being too weird and that he didn’t suspect anything.
“Well, alright. I don’t really have much work to do right now.”
You sat up and looked at him in shock, laughing. “I totally didn’t expect you to agree!”
He hugged you close and laughed too. “Well, there’s no reason not to, I suppose. And I’ll do just about anything for you if you ask nicely enough. God, it’s been ages since I actually took an actual vacation.”
“See? Perfect timing.” You bit your lip and looked at the door slyly. “Does the door lock?”
His eyes flicked to the door and back to you, narrowing them. “Yes. But the room isn’t soundproof.”
“I can be quiet. Promise.”
You thought he’d decline and say it was inappropriate to be intimate in his office, that he’d see you after he was done working and then the two of you could play back at his massive suite. Which was now your suite as well, as you’d moved in with him about a month ago.
What you didn’t expect was him to grin sinfully at you and get up, closing the blinds. He went around to lock the door and sat on the couch on the opposite side of his desk and patted his lap. Smirking, you joined him.
Climbing into his lap slowly, straddling him, you went in for a deep, probing kiss, dragging your fingernails down his chest over his shirt. He groaned against your lips and put his hands on your legs, petting under your skirt and slip, raking his fingers against the lip of your stockings. You’d taken to wearing stockings because he rather liked them. It seemed to do a lot to turn him on, especially when they were all you were wearing. He also had a corset fetish, too, but you couldn’t wear a corset all the time, especially around the children, so stockings were a happy medium.
He kneaded your buttocks under your skirt as you reached between the two of you and unbuckled his pants, unzipped the zipper, and reached in, fondling him over his underwear. His groaned deepened and he squirmed underneath you, his head falling back onto the cushions.
You started kissing his neck, pulling up his shirt and running your hands up his back. He had large, curious scales on his back, an artifact of his fae heritage. They were a lot like pangolin scales: wide, brown, and ridged. He often wore special padded shirts, because normal shirts were shredded by the end of the day. You thought they were adorable and loved grooming them for him, which he greatly enjoyed and made him almost purr, though you could cut a finger on them if you weren’t careful.
He reached under you and pulled your panties aside, lining himself up with your entrance. You sank slowly down onto him, drawing it out, and he hissed in a breath, biting his lip to keep quiet. You began to move on him, and he moved under you, thrusting up as you thrust down. He was always a very active, enthusiastic participant during sex, even if you took the lead. One hundred years of celibacy might have had something to do with that.
He flipped your skirt up and tucked it into your waistband so that he could watch himself go into and out of you, watch your thighs flex and contract, and run his thumbs up the straps of your stockings. You pulled the tie from his white-blonde hair and shook it out of it’s neat braid, letting it fall around his shoulders so that you could play with and tug on it. His pace quickened, and you matched his rhythm, the both of you beginning to pant and moan, quickly suppressed.
There was a knock on his door. “Dr. Halvorg? I need your signature on these invoices.”
He pulled you against his shoulder, muffling your sounds of pleasure, but he didn’t stop thrusting. You bit into his shoulder to keep yourself for crying out.
“What are they for?” He called through the door, his voice remarkably even-sounding.
“For the medical equipment from Broadchurch,” The assistant said.
“No, no, we never got the product, we’re not paying that,” He said, for all the world sounding like he was sitting as his desk staring at paperwork and not railing you on his couch.
“I’m going to cum,” You whispered into his ear.
“You promised to stay quiet,” He told you just as silently.
“I can’t!” You responded desperately.
“You promised.”
“So what should I do?” The assistant said, seemingly none the wiser that you were about to explode.
“Call them and ask where our equipment is. Until they locate it, they’re not getting a penny.”
You balled up his shirt in your hands and gritted your teeth as you came, gushing on him and holding your breath to stay quiet. You made a squeak, and his hand closed on your throat.
“Shh, shh,” He hushed.
“I’ll call them back, but I don’t think they’ll be very helpful,” The assistant replied. “They haven’t responded to any of the emails. The only communication is from emails.”
“Send them an email, then. I’m busy, though, so get on with it,” He said impatiently, staring at your face as your orgasm crested and ebbed, keeping a firm grip on your neck.
“Yes, sir,” The assistant said. You heard their footsteps recede.
“Oh, fuck,” You breathed.
“You did well,” He said, allowing his breathing to go fast and shallow. God, he had amazing self restraint. “Good girl. Stay still, I’m almost there.”
His pace became frenetic and bounced you high on his lap. He let go your your throat and gripped your hips, slamming you down upon him. He grunted, getting a little red in the face as he smacked his body into you.
You felt him release inside you, pulsing against your inner walls. When he was done, he flipped you over and lay you down on the couch, watching his seed well up and out of you to drip down onto the vinyl couch. He always did that, and you weren’t sure why.
You went to the en-suite bathroom to clean yourself up and brought him a wet towel so that he could do the same. When you were both done and had straightened your clothes, you spent a few minutes making out against his desk before he sighed.
“I should help my assistant contact the supply company. He’s a bit of a pushover, the poor kid.” Maël smiled down at you. “That was nice. We should do that more often.”
“We almost got caught!” You objected.
“Hey, it was your idea,” He said, grinning. “I’m looking forward to whatever you have planned for our trip. I’m sure it’ll be amazing.”
“It definitely will be. I promise.” You kissed him one more time, lingering for a moment, before unlocking the door and letting yourself out.
Next week, Saturday morning, you took a plane out to Albany, New York, and drove a rental car to a house in Glenmont. When you stopped in the driveway, Maël looked at you with confusion and a little bit of apprehension.
“I don’t understand,” He said. “What are we doing here?”
“You’ll see,” You replied. “Come on.”
You walked him up to the front door and knocked. A young woman in her forties or fifties answered.
“Hello?”
“Hi, are you Mrs. Winston?”
“Oh, yes, you must be the young woman I spoke to over the phone!” She said. “Come in, come in. He’s in the parlor.”
“Thank you so much.” You stepped into the house with Maël following. You could feel the curiosity and confusion radiating off of him.
You were led into a sitting room where a man in a wheelchair was reading a paper at a table. He was quite old, by human standards, in his mid-eighties perhaps. He was hooked up to an IV and had an oxygen cannula in his nostrils.
“Dad?” The woman said softly. “You’ve got visitors.”
The man looked up at the two of you. Despite his advanced age, he seemed completely within his faculties.
“Are you the woman I talk to?” He asked you.
“Yes, sir,” You responded. “Thank you for agreeing to see us.”
“It’s no problem,” He said. He was staring at Maël.
You pulled him forward. “Dr. Maël Halvorg,” You said to Maël. “I’d like you to meet Dr. Maël Halvorg. Robert’s son.”
Maël’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped in shock. He seemed unable to speak. You smiled at him encouragingly and nudged him forward.
He cleared his throat and held out his hand. “It’s a genuine pleasure to meet you, sir,” Maël said in a small voice. “May I sit down.”
“Please,” The man, Dr. Halvorg, said, shaking Maël’s hand and gesturing toward the chairs. You and Maël took a seat.
“Do you know who I am, sir?” Maël asked tentatively.
“I do,” Dr. Halvorg responded. “You raised my father.”
“Yes,” Maël said, smiling in relief. “I loved your father very much.”
“I know you did,” Dr. Halvorg replied. “My father spoke of a lot when I was growing up.”
“Is he… is he alive?”
“No. I’m afraid he died about eleven years ago,” Dr. Halvorg said sadly.
Maël sighed and hung his head a little. “I suspected that might be the case, but I hoped.” He looked back up at the older gentleman. “Did he grow up okay? What kind of man was he? I apologize, but I just have so many questions.”
Dr. Halvorg chuckled. “It’s no trouble. Honestly, I was hoping I might get to meet you one day.”
Maël smiled. “You were?”
“Oh, yes. May father told me so many stories about you when we kids were growing up.”
“How many children did he have?” Maël asked earnestly.
“Four sons,” Dr. Halvorg replied. “He was a great father and a brilliant man, though he said he had a rough start.”
Maël nodded. “Yes, Robert had some learning disabilities that made certain things difficult.”
“He told me that many people said he was lazy and stupid, and that you were the only one who believed he could learn. You dedicated much of your time to helping him.”
“Yes,” Maël said. “Being in school made him quite frustrated and sad, so I took him from school and taught him myself at home. He seemed to respond positively to that.”
“Indeed, he did,” Dr. Halvorg replied. “It was because of you that my dad became a teacher.”
“Robert was a teacher?” Maël asked delightedly.
“Oh, yes,” Dr. Halvorg responded. “He taught children much like himself, the ones who needed special attention and care. He was well respected in his field and much loved by his students. He didn’t want to retire, in fact. It was age and illness that forced him to stop.”
Maël held a hand to his chest. “I’m so proud to hear that. Robert was always a determined boy, so I’m so pleased to learn he kept at it.”
“He struggled, I’m afraid,” Dr. Halvorg admitted. “After his mother, my grandmother, left you for his biological father, things changed quite a bit. His father was not as understanding or as patient as you had been and set him back rather badly.”
Maël frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“As far as my memory goes, he never called that man ‘father.’ As far as he was concerned, you were his dad. But his biological father insisted on wiping you out of their lives. That’s why he had to hide that.” Dr. Halvorg pointed to a picture on the mantle. “Young lady, could you kindly retrieve that?”
“Of course,” You said, standing up and going to the mantle, where there was a black-and-white photograph in a frame. It was Maël, wearing fine early twentieth century clothes, his hair cut short and wearing a flat cap. He was standing with his hands on the shoulders of a young boy, perhaps eight, wearing similar clothes. You took it and handed it to Dr. Halvorg, who gave it to Maël.
Maël stared at the picture, his eyes bright and glittering with tears. “I never thought I’d see his face again.”
“Keep that,” Dr. Halvorg said. “He’d have wanted you to.”
“Oh, I couldn’t!” Maël said. “This is yours!”
“I have digital copies,” Dr. Halvorg said dismissively. “In any case, I won’t be needing it much longer anyway. Stage four lung cancer, you see.”
“I’m so sorry,” Maël said mournfully. “Can anything be done?”
Dr. Halvorg shook his head. “I’ve lived a good life. I have children, and grandchildren, a beautiful wife, a wonderful job. The one thing I wanted was to meet my father’s father. Not that other man who did his best to tear my father down. The man who did his best to lift my father up. You. And I’ve done that. I can go now content.”
Maël’s restraint cracked, and he wept. “I appreciate that very much,” He said in a strangled whisper.
Maël and Dr. Halvorg talked for hours, recounting stories from both Robert’s childhood and adulthood. Dr. Halvorg showed Maël pictures of his siblings and children. Maël told Dr. Halvorg about his life’s work in reviving dying races. You watched the two of them interacting, and it made your heart swell with gladness. You’d never seen Maël so happy and excitable.
Finally, nearing sundown, you realized that Dr. Halvorg was becoming tired. His daughter came in to give him his evening meal and medication, and the two of you said goodbye.
“It has been an absolute joy, Dr. Halvorg,” Maël said, shaking Dr. Halvorg’s hand. “You lovely daughter has my number and my email, so please keep in touch.”
“My pleasure,” Dr. Halvorg said. “You have a nice trip back with your lady, Grandad.”
Maël laughed and teared up again. “I will.”
Outside, before you could get back in the car, Maël pulled you into a tight, warm hug.
“Thank you,” He whispered into your hair softly. “Thank you so much. I love you. I love you. I can never repay you for this.”
“What about a diamond ring and a pretty white dress?” You asked, wiping his tears and smiling up at him.
He laughed. “It’s a deal.”
Back at the hotel, he sat on the bed and stared at the photograph, pointing out little marks on Robert’s face and telling you stories about them. You listened with your head on his shoulder.
Eventually he stopped and placed the frame carefully in his suitcase.
“Are you hungry? I’m starving. Let’s order something.”
“Before we do,” You said. “I have a birthday gift for you.”
He chuckled incredulously. “Honey, I appreciate that, but honestly, there’s no possible way you could have topped what you gave me today.”
“Are you sure about that?” You asked, going to your suitcase and pulling out a small rectangular box. “Here, open it.”
The second he saw the pregnancy test, he fell to his knees, sobbing loudly, his head pressed against the floor. You knelt next to him and rubbed his back, letting him get it all out. Years of despair, pain, and sadness being released. You’re sure he was overwhelmed, so you waited in silence and lay your head against him.
“Is this real?” He choked.
“It’s real,” You assured him. “I have an ultrasound picture.”
His head popped up, tears streaming down his face. “Can I see it?”
“Of course,” You said, pulling it from your purse.
“Oh, my God,” He wept, staring at the small bean in the picture. “Oh, my God. It’s mine?”
“Yes, honey, it’s yours,” You said. “We can do a paternity test if you want, but I promise you it’s your baby.”
He stopped being able to speak and just cried. He cried for a very long time. You picked him up and laid him in the bed and ordered some food. While waiting for it, you climbed into bed and held him.
“Are you okay?” He asked after some time.
“Me? Yeah, I’m completely fine. Are you okay? You were crying pretty hard there. I’m surprised you haven’t fallen asleep. I’d be exhausted.”
“That’s not what I mean,” He said, lifting your chin so you were looking at him. “Are you okay with having a baby? I know I’ve been talking about wanting to have a child for as long as we’ve known each other, but is this what you want?”
“Yes, it is,” You told him. “I stopped my birth control months ago.”
“You didn’t tell me you’d done that,” He said.
“I wanted it to be a surprise,” You said, stroking his cheek.
“You. Are. Amazing,” He breathed. “I am so happy. Happier than I have any business being, and it’s all because of you.”
“You deserve to be happy, Maël,” You said. “Don’t ever thin’ otherwise.”
He pressed his forehead against yours. “I love you.”
“I love you back.”
Yenuno and Amai we’re overjoyed to hear the good news, and the children also seemed to be happy to have a new playmate coming. Maël seemed unable to stop smiling. He took time off from work to take care of you during the worst of your morning sickness and was present for every doctor’s appointment, every ultrasound, every time you even texted him. If you asked, he’d drop anything he was doing to come and help you.
His little girl was born in the spring, and he named her Roberta. He took her everywhere with him, rarely putting her down for any reason, even keeping her on his shoulder when he was working. The joy that radiated from him was infectious, and everyone near him couldn’t help but smile at his brand new attitude.
You planned your wedding for fall that same year, and afterward, you and Maël were able to take Roberta up to New York to meet Dr. Halvorg. He passed away a few weeks later. You and Maël attended his funeral, and as Dr. Halvorg was buried in the same family plot as Robert, Maël got the chance to visit his son’s grave for the very first time.
“Hi, Robert,” He said softly, kneeling down in front of the headstone. You waited with Roberta asleep in your arms a few paces back.
“I’m sorry,” Maël said, his voice breaking. “I’m sorry I didn’t do more when your mother took you. I wish I had fought to keep you, but I didn’t think I had any right. I just wanted to know where you had gone and if you were safe, but she told me nothing about where you were going and disappeared. I bribed the men at the train station and the docks to look through the ledgers, to try and find your name, but I never found it.
“I will always blame myself for not doing more, for not stepping in and making sure we could keep in contact. I should have taken it to the courts and let them decide, but I… I was scared they would determine I trying to hold on to something that wasn’t mine.”
Maël sniffed and wiped his eyes.
“I just wish I had one more chance,” He continued. “I wish I could have had a phone call, at the very least, to talk to you and hear your voice and tell you what I should have said back then. That it didn’t matter whose child you were biologically or legally. I was your father. You were my son. Nothing would ever change that.” His voice cracked further. “You will always be my son.”
After a moment silent tears hitting the grass where Robert lay sleeping, Maël straightened up an took a deep breath.
“I know where you are now, and I’ll come visit again, you and my grandson,” Maël said. He laughed. “I can’t believe you named your son after me. I’m honored more than I can tell you.”
Maël turned to you and opened his arms for the sleeping form of his daughter, his face wet with tears, and you passed her over.
“You have a baby sister, Robert,” He said, smiling. “I named her after you. She’s always smiling and happy. She reminds me so much of you when you were little that it’s kind of scary. I think the two of you would have been best friends. I’ll make sure she knows all about you.”
You put a hand on his back and rubbed gently. He kissed Roberta’s forehead and tiny little ear.
“We have to go now, Robert. You’re baby sister is going to wake up soon and be hungry. But I’ll come back to see you again, I swear. This time, I promise I’ll come back.”
As winter crested into spring again, Roberta was walking and had said her first word: “Daddy.”
You were still teaching at the facility, and had taken up the job permanently. Yenuno and Amai’s little girls were Roberta’s favorite playmates, though they had been warned to be careful, as Roberta developed more slowly than they did.
“Can we have another one? Please?” Maël asked one night as he watched gleefully as Roberta used her fat baby fists to shove raviolies in her mouth.
“Give me another year, but yes,” You replied.
“A year!” Maël whined. “That’s so long!”
“Don’t sass me,” You told him. “A year and no sooner. Besides, you still have more work to do. Did you get in touch with the Celtic Fae Council?”
“Yes, finally,” He replied, picking up his fork. “I didn’t realize how much red tape was involved. Genetic testing is underway. So far, there have been three men with similar blockages as mine. There are also a few women who were born missing one or both ovaries. We’re trying to trace back when this infertility spike started, but it could have been a millennium ago.” He laughed as Roberta threw a ravioli across the room. “I think she’s done, she’s just smashing them into her tray now.” He stood up and swept her up out of her seat, not even caring about the marinara stains on his shirt. “Come on, sweet pea, let’s take a bath. Eh? Eh, princess?”
He bounced her and she squealed.
You got up from your seat and came up behind him, circling him around the waist with your arms.
“You’re a good dad, honey,” You told him. “Roberta’s lucky. We both are. And so is our future children.”
He turned in your grip and kissed you. “If luck exists, you brought it with you. None of this would have happened without you. You are a miracle.”
You kissed him again and pushed him toward the bathroom. “She’s putting ravioli in your hair.”
He belly laughed and headed for the bathroom. You followed and marveled at how much had changed, wondering how it would change again. You looked forward to it.
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curious abt ur airport experience 👁👁
in the Same Trip, which was also my first time travelling internationally on my own, all of the following happened:
transatlantic turned around two (2) hours in because a fuel pump broke?? ? ?! ? ?? !? !?!?!?!? ! ?! ?!
returned to dulles at 10pm after leaving newark at 6pm and found out that the soonest the new plane they put us all on would leave was 1am, so i was Very Much Super Definitely missing my connection by several hours
connection was from a smaller airline who didnt open until 7am local time, i.e. when i would already be in the air again
attempted to beg the lady from united to help me and was told that since it was a different airline, this was not her problem and that i was holding up the line and people like me would only end up delaying our flight Even Further
sat on the floor and cried in the dulles airport outside a closed dunkin donuts (NOT my finest moment)
woke my poor parents up with frantic phone calls like P LE A S E CALL THE OTHER AIRLINE WHILE I AM IN THE AIR :( :( :(
did not know if i would actually have a flight out of germany until after i got there, which was Rather Stressful
on the return trip, i had a layover in germany which SHOULDVE been nbd...................... except that 20 min before takeoff my transatlantic back the other way gOT FUCKING CANCELLED
and for WHATEVER REASON they couldnt get me on a different transatlantic that would allow me to get remotely close to my home in the next 30 hours (like man i was begging for a shot at any airport from texas to florida i was like please for the love of god and good ol united simply said No <3)
had to stay overnight at a hotel in germany while not speaking a single lick of german. was Mostly okay bc it was an airport hotel and most everyone also spoke english, but
dinner involved me video calling the gf (who speaks german) like Please For The Love Of God Help Me I Don't Know What Any Of The Buffet Options Here Mean And I Can't Tell If They Are Remotely Halal Or Not
let me tell you being stranded in a country where you do not speak the language and do not know anyone on your First Solo Trip Abroad is FUCKIGM STRESSFUL
(gf stayed on the phone for a few hours while i took a stress nap in my tiny hotel room though which was nice <3)
ive conquered literally all airport-related anxiety i could ever have as a result of this bc literally everything that couldve gone wrong did on this trip and hey i didnt like, die, so
however im pretty sure that germany fucking cursed me. germany had it out for me this entire goddamn time and for WHAT.
berlin txl airport my ABSOLUTE BELOATHED
if i never see this airport again in my life it will be too soon
#also there were just some dudes hanging out in the line behind me talking shit about immigrants at one point#and i was like [sweats brownly] ''im literally trying to leave shut UP''#answers#anon
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Broken Ribs and Whole Hearts
Description: A Deku x Reader where the reader is a nurse who finds an unexpected guest in her emergency room. A continuation of this post.
Warnings: Descriptions of injury/some light gore. Talk of painkillers administered by a medical professional. Fluff.
It was safe to say that when you woke up this morning you weren’t expecting to find the life of the number one hero in your hands.
It wasn’t that you hadn’t worked with heroes before. You had plenty of experience with them, since they had a way of getting themselves hurt. That being said, you’d never worked with this particular hero before, and you were a little bit starstruck.
You wouldn’t call yourself a fan of Deku, but you weren’t not a fan. You saw him on the news all the time, but that was virtually impossible to avoid since he seemed to find his way onto every crime scene. If there was someone who needed help, Deku was there.
Right now though, he was here, bleeding out.
You had heard about the fight from your coworkers. It was hard to avoid hearing about a battle on that scale when you worked in a hospital. You had already been getting civilians in for treatment, but the heroes came last and were, naturally, priority since their injuries tended to be far more severe. Deku was no exception to this rule, and when he was rushed through the doors you were quick to fill your empty hands, not even realizing who he was until you went to assess the patient.
You jolted back a little bit in surprise, seeing the shock of green hair and bleary green eyes peering up at you. In your moment of surprise leaning over him, he cracked a blood-smeared smile.
“Are you an angel?” He asked softly.
“He’s delirious from the blood loss,” you declared, quickly getting to work surveying the rest of the damage. “Several cracked ribs, and I think he may have punctured a lung.”
As you continued to rattle off instructions and commentary, Deku continued staring at you. You, unwittingly, had become his lifeline. He kept his eyes open out of sheer desire not to look away from you. You were so capable, not faltering once after your initial shock. He was in awe of you.
Eventually, Deku was rushed into the operating room, and then he had no choice but to go under. When he woke up though, lo and behold, it was you there, checking his vitals and adjusting some things.
He opened his dry mouth, preparing his cracked voice to speak. “Well if it isn’t the prettiest nurse in all of Musutafu.”
You jump slightly, not having expected him to wake up. You fidget with your hands, a nervous habit.
“Oh, hello Deku. You’re awake. How are you feeling?”
“I’ve been worse.” Deku would have shrugged, but he knew from experience that would make things worse.
He turned his eyes to the rest of the hospital room, taking a look around. He was in a standard hospital gown, which he joked was his “back-up uniform”. An IV fed drugs into his arm as necessary, and he knew he must be on some pretty good pain killers if the slightly hazy feeling in his head and the warm confidence in his chest were any indication.
“So, any chance you’ll go out on a date with me?” he asked.
You stiffen in surprise, but then grin teasingly at him. “Wow, the morphine is talking pretty loud today, huh? Who knew the number one hero was such a light-weight? Maybe I should lower your dosage.”
Deku winced. “Please don’t. I have a high pain tolerance, but not that high.”
Your beautiful smile turned to a look of concern.
“Are you in any pain right now?”
Deku quickly shook his head, which actually did cause him some pain from the force of the movement.
“I’m fine. Just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s working great.” He smiled encouragingly at you.
You visibly relaxed from where you stood by his bedside.
“Okay, well just let me know if you need anything, okay? I’m sure you know the drill, but you can just press this button right here for help.” You showed him where it was.
“Any chance I can get your number before you go?” He asked hopefully, unwittingly throwing you into cardiac arrest.
“I will take away your painkillers, Mr. Midoriya,” you threatened over your shoulder as you walked out.
Little did either of you know it, but Izuku was going to be spending a lot more time with you. His tendency to get injured on your shifts almost made you believe he was doing it on purpose. You asked him once when he was drugged up, but he would admit to nothing, only giving you a slightly loopy smile before falling asleep.
Once he was settled into his hospital rooms though, he made no secret of it. He would blatantly request you, or rather, “the prettiest nurse in Musutafu.”
“You know I have a name right?” you asked, looking at his chart like you didn’t have it basically memorized.
“Yes, I just happen to think this more fitting. I can stop if it bothers you though.”
Suddenly your confident hero had turned into a Christmas tree, whole face from the neck up turning red as a cherry. Feeling a desperate need to sooth him, you hurriedly corrected yourself.
“No, this is fine! I mean, I can’t really complain, can I?”
“Pretty sure you just did,” he teased.
You two continued on in this way until you would nearly consider yourself friends with the hero. In fact, you had started a routine of eating lunch with each other after an incident where you had both been in the hospital cafeteria at the same time and had sat together. Since then you had repeated the encounter a few times, though never exactly on purpose. You had even gone to dinner with him once, just as friends, to some fancy new restaurant he claimed to need a date to, since eating alone was ‘boring’. You had grown into a comfortable rhythm with him over time, and then it happened.
It was the first rain of the season, and you had your window open to let in the smell. You were peacefully making some soup in your kitchen on your night off. Your gray sweats clung to your hips, comfy t-shirt wrapping you up under the warm lighting of your cozy kitchen. The cheerful paint of the walls beamed at you as you swayed softly, humming along to the song on the radio.
All of your peace was shattered the moment Deku fell through your window, hand clutching his side, at the exact same moment your tea kettle screamed at you. You quickly moved it off the heat, nearly sloshing water onto your usually steady hands before rushing across the room to your fallen hero.
“Izuku!” you gasped, turning him over on the floor.
He smiled up at you, not looking nearly as concerned as he should be.
“Hi.”
“Why are you here? You should be in a hospital.”
“I just wanted to see you.” He reached up to cup your cheek in his warm, broken hand.
“You can’t be here Izuku. You’re hurt.”
“You’re my nurse. You’ll take care of me.”
He smiled at you with so much faith it cracked something in your chest. An overflowing font of affection for this man, this hero, welled up in you, begging to be let out. You thought of every time you had seen him broken, the implicit trust he had in you to piece him back together. To take care of him.
You swallowed down your tears, mirroring the smile on his face, trying to be as brave as he was. “You have a stab wound in your side. It doesn’t look too deep, but you still need serious medical attention.”
“It’s just a scratch.”
He was staring at you, those deep green eyes brushing up against your soul, flirting with your deepest secrets, dancing around the unspoken truths weighing down your tongue, things you both knew. Things neither of you could say, as far as you were concerned, but Izuku Midoriya had always had an open heart and a loose tongue, and so he said them slow and easy, honey slipping through his teeth and coating his cracked lips.
“Kiss me.”
“That...that wouldn’t be very ethical of me.” Despite your words you are leaning in, nose brushing his.
It is not a demand, not a question, not a request. It is a gasping, haunting, wavering plea, he is begging and you are teetering on the edge of a cliff you wouldn’t admit existed until you were borderline tumbling off of it.
"Can I...?"
This time it is a question, and you find yourself drawn into him. He is the Jupiter to your Io, and you are lost to a constellation, entwined in your own milky way. Your shadow blends into his, pressed flat against the grain of your wood floors, as your lips whisper against his. It is barely a touch, just a taste of what is to come, but it is all the permission he needs.
He surges forward to kiss you, and it is something foreign, something incomprehensible as he catches you with his chapped lips. He tastes of bitter, salty blood as the rush of his breath fills you, slipping down your throat and curling through your lungs. You have never done this before, never felt whatever is warping the planes of your chest and the contours of your heart. It is as though you have met yourself in him.
It is a ravaging sort of feeling, even though the kiss itself is achingly soft, heartbreakingly slow. He is so gentle with you, as though you are the breakable one here, when in fact you have had to put him back together too many times to count. You allow it though, you allow it because you have seen firsthand how Izuku Midoriya’s large, scarred hero hands touch everything with this sort of gentle kindness, a piece of his heart slipping through the spaces between his knuckles and digging into the pads of his fingertips.
When you pull away it is slowly, reluctantly, a smile taking over your face. Izuku's smile matches yours, his eyes sparkling as he reaches up to brush a thumb across your lip, a light laugh escaping him. It is this action that brings you back to yourself, snaps you out of your haze as his thumb streaks blood across the swell of your mouth. Your body jerks back away from him suddenly, and worry flickers over his face.
"Izuku Midoriya! How dare you distract me like that! Did you think I wouldn't take you to the hospital if you kissed me?"
He has the nerve to look a little guilty.
"I don't need to go, really. It will just inconvenience them."
You grind your teeth. "We. Are. Going."
And over time, Izuku learns that eventually, all roads lead to the hospital. Because all roads lead to you.
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our future
pairing - spencer reid x reader
summary - spencer realizes he wants to spend the rest of his life with you
warnings - mentions of case, injury, fluff
word count - ?
spencer felt his entire world stop when you went down.
two gunshots sounded out from the opposite side of the farm they were raiding. out of the corner of his eye, spencer saw your body fall to the ground. his body went on autopilot as he, as well as the other team members, stopped everything to run to your current location.
as derek and emily took off to chase after the unsub, spencer was already kneeling down beside you. “hey sweetheart, are you okay?” spencer asked, kneeling to see if you were able to talk to determine the extent of your injuries. judging by the fact that your hand was holding your right thigh, you were most likely hit there
“i’m fine, it hit my vest,” you grunted. however, after pulling your blood covered hand away, you reconsidered. “or not,” you added.
the figures of spencer and now j.j. became increasingly blurrier. their shouts and voices turned from clear words into mumbles. everything, including the sounds around you, became muffled. hotch returned from calling the ambulance and stood by rossi. the blood coating spencer’s hands as he applied pressure was not a good sign. “y/n, stay awake. that is an order,” hotch heard himself calling.
the last thing you could make visibly make out, despite it being such a small detail, was the tears that had formed in the corner of spencer’s eyes.
when the ambulance arrived a few moments later, morgan, who had recently returned from successfully reprimanding the unsub, had to pull spencer away from your unconscious body. “kid, let them do their job. she’s in good hands,” morgan had told them.
the genius was obviously slightly shocked. the dried blood that caked his hands wasn’t helping either. however, spencer insisted on going to the hospital. “alright, let’s get you cleaned up first,” morgan spoke. he used spare water and a towel from the car to was away the blood. when it was all gone, spencer looked slightly calmer. they could work with that.
the car ride to the hospital was nothing but tense. spencer could not stop drumming his fingers against his leg out of pure nervousness. morgan was driving as his usual slightly illegal speed. even then, it felt like they weren’t driving fast enough.
“we’re here for agent y/n y/l/n. she should have been admitted awhile ago,” j.j. spoke to the nurse at the front desk, flashing her badge for extra effect.
after typing for a few quick seconds, the nurse looked up at the group of agents. “it says here that agent y/n was taken into emergency surgery to remove the bullet. they are finishing up now and then she’ll be moved to a room,” the nurse explained.
“is there any updates on her actual condition?”
“thankfully, the bullet didn’t hurt any major organs. after she wakes up, rests for awhile, and then does a full evaluation, y/n will be released,” the nurse added. there were still a lot of questions but everyone know that only the doctor could answer them. the nurse ushered them over to a waiting area where someone would hopefully meet them soon.
the team waited close to an hour before a doctor entered the room. spencer was the first one standing, followed by hotch as he was your emergency contact. “first off, agent y/n is expected to make a full recovery. we removed the bullet and stitched the wound closed. after we change the bandages and stitches tomorrow afternoon, she can leave,” the doctor informed everyone.
“is she cleared to fly?” hotch asked. the doctors looked down at his file once more, “yes agent y/n is cleared to fly as long as she does not do anything that potentially further harm her injury. when you do get back to washington d.c., i do suggest she does do nothing but rest.”
“can we see her?”
the doctor turned to where spencer stood. “y/n is currently still asleep from the surgery but yes you can see her. room 203, just down that hallway. it’s the third door on the right.”
the team all looked towards their resident genius, reassuring smiles on their faces. “go, we’ll be in when you’re done,” emily called.
with that, spencer exited the waiting room and followed the doctors directions. he froze slightly when he opened the door. you were asleep under a hospital blanket, no signs of your hip wound visible besides an iv in your arm. other than that, you had a single cut on your forehead and some bruising.
spencer pulled one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs to your bedside. he then pulled out a random book from his bag. it would be a little bit before you would wake up and he needed to kill some time.
“slow down, you don’t want to overload your brain,” you spoke almost a half an hour later, eyes still adjusting to the bright lights of your hospital room
spencer looked up when he heard your voice, a wave of relief flooding his face. he surged forward, pulling you into a tight hug while still being careful of your hip. “you scared me sweetheart,” spencer revealed, “i thought i was going to lose you.”
your eyes softened a significant amount. “you can’t lose me that easily. you hear me? i’m not going anyway anytime soon,” you reassured your boyfriend, leaning forward to kiss the corner of his mouth. spencer’s heart swelled at the simple action.
the item in his bag was now very much in the back of his mind. you interlocked your hand with his as a final motion. with one final kiss to your temple, spencer stood up once again, leaving the hospital room to go alert the team and find a nurse.
you were incredibly thankful for spencer’s concern. the bullet hole in your side was a definite negative but you knew, as cliché as it sounded, that with spencer and your team by your side, you would be able to get through this injury.
on the plane ride home, spencer had helped you settle onto the couch as it would be the best for your hip. you fell asleep pretty quickly, feeling comfortable from both the blanket on your body as well as spencer sitting at the opposte end.
when you were officially asleep, spencer stood up. after grabbing his bag from the ground, he walked over to where j.j. and derek were siting in the group of four. they knew spencer was still incredibly worried about you and weren’t sure if he really wanted to speak about the situation. a lot of times, being around someone else was comforting.
“i have a ring you know,” spencer spoke suddenly.
j.j. and morgan both glanced at each other before their eyes went to spencer. “i have a ring, to propose i mean. emily was with me when i picked it up,” spencer explained as he dug through his bag for a moment.
a grin was notable on spencer’s face as he pulled out a small velvet box. after opening it up to reveal a shiny diamond ring, he spun it around for his friends to see. “damn spence,” j.j. chuckled, picking up the box to inspect the item.
the ring he chose was a simple gold band. in the center was a circular diamond with two smaller gems on the sides. from the second spencer saw it, he knew that it was the one.
“you’re really serious about this, aren’t you pretty boy?” morgan asked, an amused grin on his face. it was only time before you two actually got engaged. spencer nodded.
“i mean after this case, who knows what the future brings. all i know is that i want her in it,” spencer concluded.
#criminal#criminal minds#spencer reid#spencer reid x oc#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#aaron hotchner#derek morgan#emily prentiss#jennifer jareau#david rossi#penelope garcia
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reading your and jaspers posts about bryce with silent admiration because im too scared to contribute but i really love bryce so much hes my girlfriend and my husband and i like hearing u guys talk about him because youre Right. especially as someone who struggled from grief and trauma and being abused i think bryce's case interests me more than any of the other characters (even though liam is my favorite, and it says a lot because i find all of them interesting) because there is so much to him. i doubt he has processed a single thing about what happened. i think stellas death was recent too honestly, within the last few years at least, and he copes by... not coping. burying himself in work and drinking in the hopes to forget about it. not even to mention the fact that in episode 7 it showed him driving home drunk personally i feel he was past the point of caring to the point of engaging in risky/dangerous behaviors (this speaks for itself, i dont think i need to say why). i think that the plane impacted him so much that within those 7 months after leaving he got his shit together. i cant speak for if hes totally sober or not but at the very least he doesn't drink as much as he used to and i doubt he's putting himself in danger anymore. to be honest i think bryce is one of the characters who has changed the most because of the plane, which makes him being rejoined all the more interesting to me. im probably just making shit up but i like to read into it a little more than "bryce and liam were getting along but now theyre separated and liam has to fix it oh no". sorry this ask is kind of word vomit im not in the headspace to tidy it up but i hope you get what i mean
i think if one had continued for longer than it did it would have been interesting to explore bryce finally accepting and coming to terms with his past (him not seeing his childhood home in the wr anymore kind of representing this). i love bryce and he deserves to heal
TY!!!!!!! im glad my thoughts warrant admiration to you :D!!!!!!!!!!! (i will say tho that every time uve ever posted YOURE thoughts i am like ohhhhh.... ur SO RIGHT. i think u have some of the BEST interpretations of the one characters ive seen!!!!!)
(talked SOOO so much .so there is a readmore :) )
brcye really IS such an interesting character???? ik ive said it before but i AM biased towards protagonists so i usually focus on liam but like ...... bryce really IS probably one of the more. indepth ? characters in one in terms of like. background and how he Acts. i think ALL of teh characters are written really incredibly but i think, given how much of his bg is clarified (esp in contrast with how little is shown of the other characters lives pre-one) his motives, personality, emotions all end up being SUPER super elaborate and i REALLY love how he was written ??
(that said i think the reason he IS elaborated on sm is bc like. one doesnt elaborate on character backgrounds like MOST of the time. even charlotte is mostly left up to interpretation, bc one is more about the HOW people respond rather than WHAT made them respond that way. but charlotte and bryce are both outliers, and bryce ESPECIALLY so. because both obviously have Things they havent worked through properly, but bryce is directly just. Living in it. its the fact that he WONT acknowledge the actual Things that hapepned enough to heal that warrants the elaboration. while the other characters stop acknowledging ANYTHING about their lives , save for charlotte, who gradually works out her issues themselves, because THATS whats effecting her, bryce is CONSTANTLY just. he Needs to go back, but his problems ARE about what happened, and the fact that his life outside of the plane was what MATTERED to him, but that even then, he just Wouldnt acknowledge that life when he Needed to. idk if that makes sense but ohhh i think about the decision to elaborate on some characters and to not on others bc it feels Important)
hes so. he mirrors all of the contestants in some ways, but he mirrors amelia a LOT in that both of them respond to trauma by Setting It Aside. like That Trauma Cant Affect Me If I Dont Look At It. like. ur right bryce has NOT processed ANY of his trauma. which like it makes SENSE bc. it prob feels so much easier to him to not think about it by drinking instead, because its a Lot to think about. its a Lot to come to terms with. but bc he WONT acknowledge it but its still AFFECTING him he just gets More and More miserable (the detail about him driving home drunk and not even caring is so. :( )
what IS one of the most. compelling? aspects of his character to me is the way he responded to Everything after getting eliminated. bc it just feels So Real. because he IS healing, not completely, and not in the best way, but he clearly like. started putting SO much work into improving his life??? (the detail of him finally getting an end table for his bed instead of just... using a cardboard box ALWAYS gets to me. and that + the fact that the photo of stella is put up makes it seem like. THATS what was in that box. he LITERALLY started Unpacking thigns. its like poetry to me.) because it IS hard, and i think hes still putting things to the side, shoving the trauma from the plane to the side now instead of all his other grief and trauma. and the removal of the cans from his room yknow?? that hes getting up for work on time now?? its like. yeah i agree idk if hes necessarily SOBER yet but he really does seem like hes working really hard
its not perfect, but its BETTER and it feels. correct?? (and tbh? trying to brush off the plane as a dream isnt even teh worst thing he couldve done with that, i think, bc reasonably what WAS he supposed to do w that experience?? i dont think there WAS a good answer) bc the plane was a whole new kind of trauma. and i think surface level, one would THINK hed get WORSE after further trauma but like. i think he DID in some ways but in the ways that actually affected how he acknowledged and responded to his pre-existing trauma DID get better bc, as he puts it, hed Thrown his life away before, and didnt want to do it again. bc this time, he very well couldve died. and while he was on the plane, being home, on earth was SO much better than the plane, and it recontextualized Everything. hell, maybe after that, the earth finally felt Less daunting, like somewhere he Wanted to be, because for once, he WANTED to be back, and rationalizing That and the fact that he got Lucky, that something Worse couldve just full on Killed Him Forever really DID mean he didnt WANT the worse to come, at least not as much as before. but that meant he HAD to start actually Working on improving things, and i think he may not have Intended to acknowledge Worse things, but simply because the things he had to do to improve his life, like drinking less, making his house more Livable, they all Forced him to think about things More. hes still certainly not thinking about them as much as he Should, hes still not Processing things, but hes Heading in the right direction . he really was SO changed by ONE
and then liam showing up forces him, once again, to think about something he tried to push to the side. aaaaaaaandd then he rejoins and its so. it feels thematically fitting and IS so so SO interessting. because for once in his life hes REALLY facing his trauma head on. but then is brought straight back into it. and i need to think about that aspect more bc those thoughts are a bit less Focused than my other thoughts but given how complex his writing is after he gets OUT, its. SO interesting to think about how being BACK affects him
esp bc like. him starting ep 18 Pissed Off- which historically his responses to trauma are to either just Be Shocked, as depicted a LOT in ep 14, or to get Very Vocally pissed, as shown through the first half of s1, esp ep 6, and ep 11, and ep 13, and ep 18. ive seen it written as 'he doesnt have anywhere to direct the sheer amnt of STRESS and fear so he just. ends up yelling at people bc what else CAN he do' and i think thats?? probably fairly accurate. i dont think hes as Constantly Irritable and Irrationally Angry as fanon presents him , bc it tends to be. excessive. but he DOES get reasonably angry in response to stress !!! i always think abt how his body language in the 'credits' scene of ep 6 look like hes yelling at airy. and im. lays on the ground. i dont even know if thats ever as much 'just anger' as it is Fear and it FUCKS ME UP
but the way i see it, that ties to ep 18 a LOT. because he was really Getting better. hell, what he thought was the WORST that could happen HAPPENED (dying) but he. came out OKAY? its like he was being forced to think about and work through his trauma and he survived and was ok. but being sent back is like. 'oh god i did that all for nothing.' but i think it also sort of?? serves as the Last Push for him to really, REALLY acknowledge the plane (which is why it makes sense so thematically for him to be the rejoiner. he WAS the only contestant whod Chosen to ignore it all. but that has nothing to do with the plane, he cant choose if the plane ignores Him.) past talking about its affects, how its affected people. because after everything hed worked toward, hes Back. hes back, and everyone else is STILL HERE. liam had said they were all still There but seeing them there is a whole other thing. hed SEEN the effects of making it out after 7 months. but he never saw what it was like to still BE there after all that time. and bryce CARES about them (fanon sometimes treats him as if he is a bit. coldhearted? but i think people misattribute him being unhappy with liam as him not caring. i think the problem is that he maybe cares too much, and was affected a LOT, but didnt and doesnt know how to handle that. so he WANTS to ignore it, because it was all he could do, and haaving to backtrack on his haphazard healing from the plane is. highly daunting and uncommfortable and terrifying. thats not being cold though, thats VERY different) and now he HAS to acknowledge Everything, has to be a part of it Again. and i think its a combination of 'liam was here for 7 months after we all thought itd only be a few weeks. Anything could happen. who knows how long ill be here for?' and 'liam didnt have anything when he came back. will I have anything when i come back?? will i have worked so, so hard to heal and fix my life for Nothing?' and 'i dont WANT to be here again.' and 'oh my god all of them Really Really Are Here. Theyve been here the whole time.' and i think all that culminates in an appropriate amount of horror, and that prompts him to do what hes STARTED doing, which was All He Can. and hes pissed off cus hes terrified, so he spurs everyone into pulling out the plug. and then. it doesnt work. it doesnt work and thats the LAST of what he had, and i think iirc hes the LAST one to close his eyes afterwards. because hed BEEN off the plane, hes the one of them who had any hope to give them anymore. and it didnt work
(i also think a lot about how it mustve felt seeing the contestants all so. resigned. because bryce was like that before all this, but ever since one began he was stubborn, and didnt WANT to give up. and i think finding out that these people youd seen try so, so hard just to Handle Any Of This be SO resigned would be. so fucked up. he knew amelia when she was so determined to leave, and while charlotte seems a bit saddened by her resignation, bryce was there BEFORE that happened. he wasnt there like liam or charlotte was to see it gradually develop, and to develop that despair alongside them. all hes seen is that amelia was so determined. and that he may not have known her THAT well before, he knows shes different. he knows she Gave Up and like. GOD. and also i think abt how he mustve Felt seeing the plug for the first time because ehs the only one of them who hadnt seen it before (given its likely all the other characters had, since they casually refer to it). and given the short time frame between him getting there, and the contestants trying to pull the plug? it almost seems that that was like. the last straw. and ive never posted it but i once drew stuff abt it bc. the damage to it is noticable. and i think hes already aware liam was fucked up, but this is like. a tangible, permanent record of that on the plane. and he cares about liam, and has been grappling with all the things liams told him, but thats. thats something he can See. And i think it all of it culminates in him deciding that what hes been avoiding is doing Soemthing about all this, because before he couldnt, and then it was. an awful idea to, and then he didnt have many choices BUT to help. but now theres hardly anything to do, but he has to try. he doesnt want to give up. and it makes me soooooooooooooooooo. head in hands.)
anyway that was a LONG tangent the point is. YEAH. i think rejoining would be. very very significant for his character i dont think youre making shit up its DEFINENTLY a topic w a lot of things to discuss about it
but god. yeah it wouldve been SO nice to see him come to terms with everything hed been through before one. i think the show purposefully included what it did and ended when it did because it makes more sense thematically for it to go unresolved, because the point was that NOTHING was able to be resolved nicely because unfortunately, many things are Out Of Their Control. things COULDVE resolved almost perfect but enough things went wrong at just the right (or more fitting, wrong) time for all of that to not work. i think him no longer seeing the suburbs may have signalled more that maybe, just maybe, he could Do something to help the other contestants even if HE was Dead, that now he finally HAS a goal, if that makes sense (though i think even in the timeline of the series it still wouldve taken way longer for him to process everything Fully, they WERE only in the waiting room for probably about a day) but the idea of finally seeing the waiting room as it is bc hed finally worked through everything .... man.............. man
ik ive already said it though but i DO think it is sooooo so possible for him to heal post canon. im a firm believer that no matter what, at LEAST bryce and ameliaa get home (liam and charlotte have more room for error but i DO generally interpret the ending as them both getting home too, theres just less room for things to go wrong w amelia and bryce). and i think after everything? hed be able to heal. it would SUCK but i think hes, shockingly, in a better place Logistically for things to improve, because he has a support system, he has what hed already worked on in those 7 months, he has so much to aim for. it would be rough and take long but i think ultimately? hed be able to heal :) and its what he deserves
#ask#got SO rambly in this answer . this ask made me think SO MUCH#man tho. the theme of people responding to Trauma in one is legitimately so.#it feels so significant and i think it was done SO well#like. fun fact but ep 6 was what REALLY sold me on the show when i first watched it#which SOUNDS morbid but it was the post credits scene that Got me#because it jsut. sounded so much like how trauma is discussed irl. when liam like#says 'i was riding home on my bike when it happened' i remember i was so. Ohhh My God#bc i was. oh this show is just. having characters naturally respond to and discuss trauma#like it wasnt just an element of the series anymore it clicked that the show was developing a literary THEME and it made me sooooo emotiona#like it esp hit hard bc . discussing trauma is a LOT and seeing them Talk Abt It like that hit me so hard.#and to this day that scene is just so. emotionally impactful#AND sidenote its so. at that pt in the series nothing has been Revealed abt bryces life before one#but the fact that hed Been Through Shit Before makes the scene feel so important.#because bryce has been through a LOT of trauma already. and bc of that? of course hes the one talking to liam. because he *gets it.*#of course he talks about it so naturally. he may not have really worked through anything but he KNOWS this#and whether or not liams been through stuff before doesnt matter here. because this isnt something he knows how to live through#but bryce has experience with living through things. hes the only one able and willing to talk eith liam through it because he Gets it#and it makes me so. AUUUGHGG#alcohol#ask to tag#(also as silly as it is liam abruptly cutting the convo off to talk abt the grass is like. yeah. yeah#emotional convos with friends abt trauma can very often end abruptly for completely unrelated reasons#at least in my exp#which is prob bc eventually theres nothing TO say bc the topic sorta. speaks for itself?? and that feels like what happened in their convo#though i think liam prob ALSO mentions it bc. id imagine its unnerving to notice . like this place would just FEEL so abnormal#and it was prob on his mind bc the two of them were already talking abt fucked up things about the plane#and its a small detail but. a detail about the plane nonetheless)
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Accidental Confessions
Daisy Johnson x Gn!Reader
Rated: G
Reader uses They/Them pronouns.
Takes place sometime in season 3 I guess
(it doesn’t really matter.)
(Spoiler Free)
Characters: Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz, Bobbi Morse, Daisy Johnson, Y/n
(All my fics have a Fem and Gn version, this is the Gn version)
“Bobbi I got the hard drive.” I hissed into my coms as I slammed my elbow into the last
assailant's head knocking him clean out. I stood up straight a rolled out my wrist. I’ll have to get Jem’s to look at that when I get back.
“Copy that, get back to Z1 so we can head home. This mission took long because someone is just so slow.” Bobbi spoke with an evident smirk in her voice.
“Since you can’t see me I’m rolling my eyes,” I stated earning a small chuckle from Bobbi.
“You better be careful, I think you’ve been spending too much time with Hunter.”
“Says you! Aren’t you two back together?” I ask while running around the corner to where Z1 was parked and Bobbi was waiting.
“It’s complicated!” Bobbi grumbled.
“I’m sure it is VERY complicated.” I teased
“You’re sure one to talk have you even told D-.”
Bobbi was thankfully cut off by the chirp of her phone ringing.
“Sorry, it’s Fitz gotta take this,” Bobbi says with a slightly annoyed face not really caring to
cover the sly smile.
Bobbi’s smile drops, once she answers the phone.
“What do you mean hurt?….. How bad?….. I'll let you talk to them…. umhum…..I’ll zip us back…. ok.” Bobbi passes me the phone.
I hold the phone up to my ear and hear Fitz doing his anxious mumbling.
“Hey, Fitz is everyone ok?” I press making my voice calm in hopes that it will calm Fitz on the other side.
“Yes… well no, not at all, well almost everyone, does that count-“ He mumbled rapidly.
“Fitz, tell me who’s hurt.” I insisted.
“Well, Simmons told me to tell you that…” Fitz paused causing my anxiety to rise. “Well Daisy got hurt, and to hurry back.” he rushed out the last part quieter.
I feel my blood drain from my face and I’m glad that I’m sitting down. I take a deep breath.
“Fitz-“ I tried to keep my voice steady. “What happened.”
“I’m not really sure only that Mack ran in with her. Simmons is doing surgery now. She actually told me to hurry back, she probably needs my help.”
Fitz hung up the phone before I could say another word.
I sat in silence my thoughts too loud and disorganized to even think of what to say.
“Hey, everything’s gonna be fine,” Bobbi spoke trying to assure me.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep… I know I should have gone with her on her mission, May could have come with you.” I say
“The one thing I can promise you is that I’m getting us back to base as fast I can,” Bobbi said with a tight-lipped smile.
“Thanks, B… what if I messed up, by you know… not telling her. What if I never get to tell her?” I trembled my voice almost breaking at the end.
“Don’t think like that yet we don’t know anything, one of the first things you learn at the academy is; If you’re not there to assess the situation don’t make assumptions,” Bobbi said
“I know..” I said
We both fell quiet as Bobbi knew I wasn’t in the mood to talk. The rest of the flight felt like the longest of my life.
————————————————————————————————————
Z1 slowed and began to hover as Bobbi descended the plane to its landing. I flew to my feet, slamming the hanger door open the second we touched down.
My feet were flying me down The Playground’s hallways pushing people out of my way. I’d have time to apologize to them later, I had no idea how much time Daisy has… My throat felt thick as the lump was becoming harder to ignore. My eyes felt hot with the fresh tears brewing.
‘Compartmentalize you idiot.’ i scold myself as I ran. ‘Panic never helps a situation.’
I flew into The Lab and headed straight for the hospital wing. I quickly ran to the shut room and ripped the door open.
There she was. Alive. The heart monitors a steady confirmation that she was ok. Daisy was hooked up to an IV too. The few scratches she has had been cleaned. Her eyes were closed and her chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm.
I slowly lowered myself into the chair beside her bed. She looked so peaceful, that I couldn’t help but reach out and tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. My hand lingering a bit too long.
“Hey Das… you really scared me there… I-“ I choked up a bit before continuing. “I don’t think you know how much you mean to me. I don’t know what I would do without you. When we are together I feel like I’m whole. You are my home. My safe place. And I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you… especially before I got to tell you that I lov-“
“Are we talking about love?” Daisy sleepily and groggily mumbled.
“Hey, Das.” I smiled softly at her. “I guess I was..”
“I’m in love with this person… they are amazing,” Daisy said looking deep into my eyes.
I felt my heart sink deep into my chest. I felt embarrassment bloom deep within me filling me with a shame and sorrow that I’d never felt before.
“Oh..” was all I could muster.
“You’d love them you know… They're so tough and they always beat me when we spare though I think it’s because I’m distracted with how beautiful they look, even when they're kicking my ass.” Daisy chuckled almost drunkenly. “They are so smart too, they can pretty much keep up with FitzSimmons and they always knows what to do. And they're so sweet, to me at least. They give me the best hugs where they hold me tight and I feel so safe that I never want to leave. They know everything about me and always listen when I tell one of my stupid stories and when they look at me it feels like all my troubles fade away and it’s just me and them. And they always put the people they love first and I worry about them because sometimes they forget to look out for themselves. I’m just so in love with them that I’m too scared to tell them… what if they don't feel the same way?” Daisy ranted with a sloppy love drunk smile on her face.
I felt a smile creep up on my face, I felt stupid for hoping but…
“I'm sure they do Das but what’s their name?” I asked saying praying with every fibre in me that I wasn’t wrong.
“Their name is Y/n and I know you’d just adore them,” Daisy said grabbing your hand that still laid on the bed beside her.
“Daisy… Can I tell you a secret?” I said barely containing my laugh. What kind of meds did Simmons give her? “I am Y/n, D.”
I stared at her as the realization spread over her face.
“Oh. Well, that was less scary than I thought. Do you Y/n, like me back?” she asked almost shrinking back into her bed afraid of the answer.
“Yes Daisy, I love you more than anything. I was telling you all about it before you woke up but since you didn’t hear me I’d be happy to tell you again.” I said with a smile.
Her face lit up like a Christmas tree, the smile giddy and timeless.
“Tell me,” she said in almost a whisper.
“You Daisy Johnson are the love of my life. You are my home, my safe place. I love you more than anything else. I love your smile and your bravery, I love your little stories and how you cuddle up next to me as we binge all our comfort shows, I love how you love and care not just about me but the whole team, I love your heart and your eyes I just get lost in them as I try to guess what you’ll say next. I just love everything about you Daisy. I love you.” I gushed while looking deep into her dark eyes.
My gaze slowly trailing down to her lips. The ones I've imagined kissing so many times.
Daisy reached up to meet me halfway in a chaste kiss. Warmth blossomed in my chest, sparks igniting as Daisy leaned in again this time for a hungrier kiss. The encompassing scent of her conditioner, was dizzying, her slightly calloused hands bushing up against my face to pull me closer.
I could feel her giddy smile against my lips as she broke the kiss. This action alone made my heart soar.
I kissed her on the forehead and tucked her back into the stiff hospital bed.
“You my love need some rest,” I whispered making no move to leave her side.
“Stay with me.” She whispered back.
“Always.”
#agents of shield#agents of shield fanfics#aos fanfic#daisy johnson x reader#daisy johnson x gn!reader#daisy johnson x gn reader#daisy johnson fluff#gn!reader#fluff#hurt/comfort#hurt/comfort but there like barely any hurt#marvel#marvel fanfiction
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