#like it's just another stepping stone
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HMMMMMM interesting to think about arranged marriage with prince shouto...............
i think he wouldn't know. what to expect with you. i think he'd have an idea, as in, what his father, the king, has taught him; the duties of a wife, where your importance ranks in relation to his duties. what he's not meant to discuss with you, like politics and matters at court and foreign relations. how you will speak to him. what to buy in the event that you become...unhappy. a nuisance.
("and she will," enji had muttered, briefly glancing up from the parchment on his desk to fix shouto with a look he didn't understand. "they always do.")
you don't meet until the royal wedding, when you're coming down the long aisle of the grand cathedral, dressed up in a swathe of silk and lace. a thin, gossamer veil hides you from him, but he can feel the ardor in your eyes, the intensity burning through the material. it doesn't seem real until your bare face is only a breath from his own, until he has to see the earnestness in your stare, too.
your kiss is simple and chaste, nothing spectacular, something that leaves his mind as soon as it's over. ever a todoroki, a hundred other things enter his mind, all regarding his now iron-laid obligations: it's vital he meet with advisor keigo to reiterate the plan to establish his authority among the council; general aizawa is in attendance to the wedding, and shouto has not yet received word on his opinion of the new king's ideas to modernize their armed forces; midoriya is somewhere, no doubt wanting to go over state affairs again.
truthfully, shouto doesn't spend long "celebrating". there's already too much that's required of him, hardly enough time to even scarf down a few bites of the banquet laid out before he's being chartered off into discussions on foreign relations and infrastructure development. maybe once or twice does he look back to check on you, chatting pleasantly with his mother and sister at the front of the great hall, and that's satisfying enough.
it's not until much later that he sees you again; freshly bathed and wearing something sheer and long and white, atop his bed.
or his marriage bed, he must remind himself.
enji didn't spend long going over consummation, with him or either of his brothers—natsuo, red-faced and annoyed at the very subject, always storming off, and touya had seemed well-aware of the process, at the time (back before he'd been ex-communicated). it had sounded simple: strip off your dress, get his cock out and into you, and only retreat once he was sure his seed had been spilled.
—so he's not exactly sure what to do or think or how to feel, when you're laid bare and reaching up to hold his face.
it's so startling that he sits back on his knees, to frown where he's looming over you.
you stare at him quietly, like you're expecting him to say something, and he only has a moment to wonder if this is you becoming an unhappy nuisance—what had been the answer, to solve this, anyway?—before you let out a soft laugh.
"c'mere," you tell him, sitting up, too, when he keeps his distance. "i want you to kiss me."
"i already have."
"yes," you laugh again, amusement glowing in your eyes, like the warmth off the fireplace, as you reach for the ties on his trousers. "but you're meant to do it again."
and up until then, he'd felt confident in his achievements, his executions; he'd managed a lot today, in one evening, and he had a lifetime to manage more. it was a good a start as any, he'd thought, but now—
shouto almost can't get the words out when he feels your hands ghosting up the inside of his shirt, nails tickling over his ribs. "a-am i?"
you wrap your arms around his waist in what could be a hug, scooting forward to look up at him with your chin against his chest. "yes," you smile and—it's familiar in a way, how touya would whenever he was teasing. "you're my husband, you're meant to kiss me whenever i want."
that—was not something his father had ever said, he was sure, and it was a too-rare exchange between his own parents. now that he thinks about it—and he does, then, because he's faced with the reality that he doesn't know as much as he should—he's not sure the former king and queen even sleep in the same room, much less the same bed.
much less hug and touch and even smile, the way you do now.
there's no argument he can make against it, aside from finding keigo to find his father to verify the truth to such a statement, and he's only meant to retreat from this bed on one condition.
and if this is what it takes to meet that—then shouto supposes he'll have to do it, for now. he's a brand new king, after all, and it would seem he still has much to learn.
#i just really like the idea of shouto being raised to be like#alright. meet with advisors. council meeting. get married. consummate. find general aizawa.#like it's just another stepping stone#to be married#and you are very much like oh 😊🩷 my husband 😊🩷#and he's SOOOO thrown by that#that's not how he was taught it would go LOL#and you want to hug and kiss and hold hands 🥺#if he spends too long in meetings you take the dinner from the royal dining table and march right into that room#to have dinner with your husband god damn it#LOL#and maybe he even asks his mom like 'is this right ???' and she's like#yeah 🥺🥺 it is 🥺🥺#and then he finds this weird odd unexpected happiness with you that he was never taught to expect 🥺#✿ thoughts: shouto#✿ willow writes
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took a nap and had a dream someone on here actually posted ‘what’s your favorite step’ over a photo of the paved brick roads in daybreak town i’m not even joking
#think it was thetwilightroadtonightfall#would that not be like terminally insane hiatus posting#kingdom hearts#khux#mine: kh#y’all what’s your favorite uhhh *spins wheel* bush#that’s how i know it was a deep and greatly-needed nap i rarely dream and i really almost never remember them#that’s how i know i was really that exhausted#like i must’ve been out cold#unfortunately i had to set an alarm and limit it to one hour because i still have another class today#but i was fully prepared to go full lights out night night before noon#i have not been responsible with going to bed early this week#stairposting#<- isn’t it interesting how my dream didn’t even start with specifically stairs. it was like just bricks#like bricks as steps like stepping stones#but rosie interpreted it as stairs which like. fair enough#anyways. yes here began it all
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#talkys#delete later#(this is a meme redraw)#ruined my life is a strong word. and of course theres lots of self blame and obvs ive probably wronged lots of people before#and i dont deserve unending torture for it. right. like part of me doesnt even actually feel ill will toward the other party#because whatever! normal human experience!#the other part is like ohhh okay you lied to and kinda used me + treated me badly then lied again to the point where i found out the truth#from another party so you didnt even have to fess up yourself and now you're back to being happy as if nothing happened#i was just a stepping stone i was just a distraction. ok!#like for real actually ok ^_^ it literally happens to ppl all the time...#<- he keeps experiencing waves of horrific sense of self worth that already wasnt Too Great as a result#ugh. and thats nobody's fault but my own right.... but idk. i cant believe it...! i cant believe someone treated me dis way#and i let it happen... and i would have let it keep happening if an end hadnt been put to it by someone else....#but still. at the end of the day i was the only one left with these thoughts. ykwim. other party has forgotten. got happy ending.#doesnt deserve ''consequences'' but still feels horrific to see and think about. you know?#i literally got all the bad. throughout and after.
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Hello Miss Rin!!! Came back for another tea party because life's absolutely been kicking my ass lately and I've been taking the hits. (Such as crying) Anyway. How would you think wrio, Haithie and Li would respond to a S/o who's getting their ass kicked left right and centre for a pretty long time now and aren't sure what to do in life cause everything seems pretty clouded and whatever they'd planned years back , nothing has come to fruition? A depressive ask but you know I'm the king of angst <3 sending you lots of love!
hiii aether! pouring you tea and patting your head. take care of yourself okay? i'm sure you're doing great, you just need to take breaks and be kinder to yourself ᰔᩚ
i feel like they all would be super supportive in their own ways!!
zhongli's always there to listen and offer advices (and he's good at giving comforting words and advices after living for so long!) over some light, relaxing tea. and al haitham strikes me as the type who can provide you a very rational and logical input to any issues you have ー he might be a little blunt, but you'll notice he does try to word his sentences gentler when he picks up on your obvious distress! as for wriothesley, he's also smart in his own way so i can see him trying to work it out with you by brainstorming possible solutions together, but if you need him to just hold you close, he's a big cuddly bear!!
lastly, my own advice would be to say that ー no one knows 100% what they want and where they'll end up in life. there are too many factors that could mess up even the most meticulously planned plan. just accept that sometimes, things work out, and other times, things don't! and that's okay!! life isn't an exam where you can fail and that's it, you're doomed for life, nor it is a path laid out in front of you to follow ー that's not how life works. and even if that one door closes, you just have to find other open doors. there's always more to life and its meanings than that just one single success or breakthrough you're hoping for.
#rin answers#rin is having tea with: theprinceofkhaos#a friend of mine who's been working to become a doctor just failed a $5k exam the other day. it's been i think close to 10 yrs that-#-she's pursuing this career. and now she has to either retake the exam (so another $5k) but if that also doesn't work out she'll have to-#-give up on gp and do other things. it's a bitter pill to swallow but... this is how life is.#i have my own countless unfruitful endeavors too. it sucks that things don't work out but sometimes it's a stepping stone for you. or-#-sometimes it feels like it's a complete waste of time and doesn't have any significance. but that's okay. at least now i know that's not-#-the path to take yk? your failures shouldn't define you. it's okay. it'll be okay. just keep doing your best and try to make the best-#-choices and take the best chances you have. it's cliche. but you will find your way.
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I like the atmosphere and tension in Psycho so much. Could never fully enjoy it since the core horror here is trans people.
Oh absolutely, it broke a ton of ground for cinema. The sets, the shots, the build-up, the bait-and-switch protagonist. All extremely cool! But also...yeah. Kind of set the tone for a Certain Trope.
Need an edgy*** serial killer? Easy! Just have this GUY be LADY and do murders about it!!
Psycho: 'Man dresses like his mom and kills people! Scary!'
The Silence of the Lambs: 'Man kills women so he can BE a woman! Scary!'
Sleepaway Camp: 'Boy forced to pretend he was his SISTER! Girl life! Killed about it! Scary!'
Insidious 2: 'Serial killer did serial killing because his mom made him dress like girl and have girl name! Scary!'
Behind Her Eyes and Suitable Flesh: 'Man possess lady body? On purpose?? FOR EVIL AND MURDERS AND STEAL UR MAN??? Scary!'
#on that note I really truly wanted to be excited about Suitable Flesh since it was playing with an often overlooked Lovecraft story#but like#it just really shot itself in the foot as far as the core of the fear went#the terror and the betrayal of some evil old fuck swapping bodies with his own kin#just to leave her to die and then make another hop to her beau#abusing the love and trust that's meant to save our heroes in any other tale#as a stepping stone for immortality and body horror#meanwhile Suitable Flesh would have done So much better if it just was not playing with Lovecraft lore as a background#but maybe that's just me being on a soapbox about it#I'm trying to be less Fun Police about stuff based off of old writing#it just didn't land for me this time#anyway#horror#psycho#transphobia
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I found out the catch with that job I thought was too good to be true. It’s very part time and also very temporary, position ends in August 😒
#ughhhhdiqushab should I take it anyway#it feels like a good stepping stone into maybe a job I actually want but I’d have to quit my current job and find two part time jobs?#possibly?? or just really pinch pennies until I get another job#I shouldn’t be worrying about this they haven’t even officially offered me the job yet#part of me hopes they won’t so I don’t have to make a decision#but also I’ll be sad if they don’t :(#toad rambles
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constellations chapter 3 is SO GOOD idk what the fuck happened there, but go OFF!!!
#i know everyone's in chapter 4 land but 3 is SOO GOOD#bro the stone forest alone....HELP#ugh it was so hard writing wukong's rage form but HOLY SHIT!! reading it after is so hype#do u ever just sit in a pavilion as the rain gently falls...with your ex-husband and mentee....and it's quiet and peaceful but#there's a strong turbulence going on deep inside you :3#the way wukong always dusts MK off and wipes his tears away and makes sure he's clean faced and ready to go#speaks to how much wukong cares about vanity#i mean he also is expressing comfort and compassion but. he also cares about appearances a lot#but anyway -- do you also ever have a conversation with your ex-husband through eye contact alone?#i think they've done that four times in this fic...#mk the entire journey: every day i get a little more homophobic#HE'S SO TIRED!!!!#MK after talking to wukong and macaque at the inn: yeah haha! i seriously wanna go home now! 🙃#MK on the phone: DADSY /PLEASE/ COME PICK ME UP!!!!#macaque seeing Wukong's eyes for the first time and actually stopping everything that he was doing#and just looking at wukong and being like “haha...heeyyy what the fuck?? did they do to you??” chef's kiss#wukong and macaque just talking while macaque captures that random man's shadow...please#as they reminisce about how things used to be...how easily they talk to each other when they're not guided by hate#that's the thing it's how easily they fall into step with one another#that's shadowpeach. they'll be off balance or one will be running and the other walking. they'll get distracted or whatever. but#they'll always fall back into step with one another#and that's why they've got to walk with each other. step by step...so they can stop being afraid 😌
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to be clear i think that the seasons “discourse” is stupid like call the “seasons” of s1 whatever u want and call s2 whatever you want just don’t force other people to agree with you and DEFINITELY don’t act like the ccs don’t have a right over their own stories and have to rename things according to your preferences
however
yes i do have to say i have a huge soft spot for the previously defined seasons (as according to the finales of november 16th, the disc finale, and the prison break) because it’s specifically structured around c!dream’s story, which is why I feel that referring to arcs in themselves is also incomplete.
(for future reference, i’ll probably be ripping off a suggestion from twitter and referring to them as seasons 1A, 1B, 1C, and 1D ^_^)
#listen i know people are super fucking annoying about seasons#however u have to understand that the old seasons on the dsmp are like. very specifically c!dream oriented#it's not about lmanburg - 1A encompasses both lmanburg and manberg#and 1B ends at the /disc finale/ not at doomsday#it's not about c!tommy who really didn't define the events around the end of s3 at all#and really didn't have any noticeable change in objective during nov 16th...versus c!dream#who starts gunning for The Plan right at that time (after obtaining the revive book)#referring to the old seasons as arcs really doesn't work specifically for c!dream#sure it might work for the prison arc#but it doesn't really define the shift that happened between 1a and 1b#nor does the splitting of 1b into exile arc -> bedrockbros arc -> whatever really show the coherence behind c!dream's actions during 1b#which was again a 'season' that was defined specifically by c!dream's actions and Plan#and was always meant to culminate in the finale -> starting from his trying to get the discs at the start of 1b#1b isn't JUST nlm specifically because doomsday is again another stepping stone in his plan#and 1c being about c!dream in the prison is just self explanatory#anyway with all this said if 1d doesn't end with c!dream pulling off the 'world changing event' i'll eat my own shoe#disk horse
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pkmn soulsilver babbles c:
i have reached the tag limit writing my thoughts help. im not even done but ig ill just leave it at that AHAHSHSHSH
#since i collected all johto/kanto badges my next goal is to start grinding extra harder for red +#my decision to try to catch as much legendaries#so the first thing i did was make sure that poliwhirl and misdreavus actually evolved - so i went around to find the stones#along the way i happen to find a dawn stone - i frowned thinking like. man if only i could use this on kirlia > gallade#i went to goldenrod to buy some tms and as i left the city i accidentally walked on grass (speeding up the emulator lmao) and FOUND RALTS#i was so shocked because AYO RALTS? IN JOHTO MF#it was male even so i was so excited to grab it - i did and then later i was like “would be cool if i could get a gardevoir too”#“maybe i can breed the ralts with a ditto'#“but I don't have a ditto :[”#AND THEN I WALKED ON THE GRASS AGAIN TO FIND A DITTO RIGHT AFTER THAT AKSKSJSJSJSJDJSSK#i caught it IMMEDIATELY#i was like. wow this is too good to be true. i kept walking on grass again and then i found a female ralts.#now the ditto wont be necessary anymore but i was happy to get one#my next concern was like - 'aw man they're hella underleveled tho - oh yeah! daycare. where's that dayca-#LITERALLY JUST 3 STEPS AWAY FROM ME. THE DAYCARE. BECAUSE DUH. IM IN GOLDENROD CITY THEY'RE NEXT TO EACH OTHER FLDJFKFLFKDKDK#I WAS JUST MADLY GIGGLIGN TO MYSELF LIKE GIRL DAMN EVERYTHING CAME RIGHT TO ME RGRGDHDH#so yeah my other side quest is to get both gallade and gardevoir. probably super obvious but yes they're my fav lines aksjsjsj#there's also another bit i discovered where once i collected all 16 badges - i have to visit the sound designer in celadon's apartments#he gave me a Gameboy device that plays the entire game out but in the Gameboy ver aka the og games and#idk i just... really appreciate that bit? you can tell so much love was poured into this#i enabled the device for a bit too simulate how it would sound like if i played the gb versions. it's so cool#immediately jumped to pallet town and new bark town's ver - it's so sweet sounding#i really appreciate that small bit! as someone who didn't play the og games this one is just a nice way of giving me a tasteof it#anyway - right now im trying to level the team the best i can + evolved with stones and im also trying to look for the other gym leaders#to get their phone number to rebattle (and level up again)#.... i was flustered to get morty's number first...#at the bellchime tower of all places???!?!?!! damn. damn. in the pretty autumn trees smh morty are you setting me up.. slash ro-#EITHER WAY I GOT A LIIITLE EXCITED OVER THAT SMDNDBDBBDLFLF anduhhhmayhapsfunneideasgrgfgf#hi sarahdontlook at meee HEVDVSVEBSBSBD#i forgot morty pops up there and. WHEW. kinda thankful i forgot my first gameplay its like I'm playing it again weheeh
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In the "all the Batkids are gender-swapped" version of "Wayne Girls", is Duke included in the swapping? If not, what's his dynamic like with each of the girls (and Carter and Stephen) and if he is, what are the dynamics with "Duchess" and the other Batkids?
Duke wasn't really apart of the batfam when I first made the AU (He was still doing We Are Robin stuff which honestly I kinda miss). I will admit I have been negligent in adding him partially because I still haven't read much of his more recent work and still struggle to conceptualize him as he is much less a complete swap.
Also super embarrassing is I've struggled with finding a name for girl Duke. I want that same short, sharp, commanding energy that Duke provides and a lack of name kind of stops the process. I'm very familiar with baby name websites, not just for Duke but other characters. It took me a long time to settle on Damira for Damian as well. I have Thea (greek for goddess) as my placeholder right now and I like the energy of it but I'm still not entirely settled with it. Other options I've played with are Dela, Cleo, Rhea.
I guess I'll use Thea for now, is often seen as the calm normal one in the setting of the rest of the batfam's shenanigans. She's the only one who had a relatively normal upbringing so she's often seen as the "normal" one but she has her own quirks. She's open, friendly and game for some good back and forth but will not hesitate to put anyone in their place when it gets too far. She engages in feminine things like but not to the extent of Beth but not with the disdain of Janis. She's pretty independent, loves to help others but hesistant to ask for it in return. Honestly tries to avoid a lot of the bigger drama and not get too involved with the Bats. Still sees her placement (both on the team and with the fam) as temporary so treats them all like really weird roommates. The morning bird of the family, she, Alfred and Damira will sip their morning beverages while the rest of the Bats grumble about the sun.
#wayne girls au#please do not ask me how many searches Ive done over the years for strong girls names that start with D#Names are very important to me okay?#Duke has mainly been appearing in comics I havent read so I'm still searching for my footing for his canon characterization#I still really liked him and his role in we are Robin#a batfam member who fought with them but also served as an intermediary with Gothams restless youth looking for power and change?#I loved it#I want to carry that energy over#make them indpendent but connected in the know but seeing the batfam as a bit of a stepping stone to their ultimate goal of connection#idk I think Duke's character and position was So interesting and just making him another team member only power this time is...#idk I miss the We Are Robin era despite the actual stories being eh#bring back Maps and the other kids as lil Baker Street Irregulars for the Bats with Duke in charge#i've gone off topic sorry
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saw a fic that called a fourty-something year old woman a “grandma” unironically and I just. y’all gotta realize fourty-something is not old. You’re not old when you’re in your fifties either. or sixties. like god do you people have any idea how SHORT life is. do you realize that decades fly by like they’re nothing and before you know it that “fourty-something grandma” is going to be you and you’ll wish people would treat you like a whole person with interests and dreams rather than someone who is just “old” or exists solely for a younger generation
#this is my biggest pet peeve ever#in a little over 10 years people are going to look at me and say I shouldn't have fun#that I shouldn't dance and be silly because I'm ''too old'' for it#and that means I'm embarassing#that all I should even consider doing is exist as a support for younger people#I'm sorry but this riles me up so much#ageism ig?#why is society obsessed with being young like being young isn't just another stepping stone in the path of your life#cap talks
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i cant decide if jaws of hakkon fits better in ashara's wordstate after solas leaves...... OR immediately post breakup/blackwall reveal/demands of the qun misery hour. on one hand it really makes zero sense for them to drop everything over an expedition right before the corypheus stuff. but on the other hand its SO important to me that solas is there for the ameridan/talana stuff so he and ashara can stand around the narrative parallels and enduring love themes like 🧍♀️🧍♂️
#oc: ashara#shes so fucking.... ANGRY and devastated and honestly kind of traumatized after the breakup#but i do think that right before the battle she sort of reconciles it#she doesnt want to die angry so she makes peace with it and they go back to being distantly there for one another#and i think jaws of hakkon is the PERFECT stepping stone for that#she has so much anger in her but so much love as well and connecting with what ameridan and talana went through#is a reassurance that she can put things to bed. and move forward#idk if that even makes sense but all of this to say i wish there was a better justification for triggering this dlc#rn im just like 'oh the well guys in ashara's head say corypheus is going to be afk for at least another 3 months so we've got time ig'
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the shadowgast pacific rim au that exists in my brain.
#LONG TAGS LORE DUMP FOR A FIC I'M NEVER GONNA WRITE PROBABLY#deirta is pentecost she lost her husband in a battle and piloted the jaeger to shore alone - verin is tendo he could fight but deirta#doesn't want either of her sons in a jaeger ever. verin is okay enough with this. essek is not.#caleb ran a triple arm jaeger with astrid and wulf and lost his mind a little bit when they died. he felt them die. the added stress of#piloting a jaeger to shore on his own put him in the hospital and then a psych ward for three months#before he began helping with wall construction as equipment maintenance. clearly this is still a magic au and tech = magic etc etc#I CANNOT stress enough that jaegers are powered by luxon beacons.#anyway essek is in mako's position and caleb is beckett. the restless assistant and the tired veteran#essek chooses caleb's candidates - the candidate process is a little more complicated because these fantasy jaegers#work off of both magic and manual physical effort - candidates have to be evenly matched in both physical and mental fields#blumendrei only worked because caleb and astrid combined matched wulf in physicality. astrid and wulf matched caleb in casting.#it was. unhealthily competitive between them at times and astrid was the worst about it. he still misses them every single day.#it's like. shit hurts to do when one arm or leg is weaker than the other. it's like that. it has to match#essek and caleb have little noodle arms and truly insane skills w casting. so they're compatable. essek is sure. caleb does the same#'why do you keep making that face' bit like beckett did bc he's tired of essek's attitude and deirta's flat dismissal of him#they metaphorically roll the same exact initiative and the fight ends in caleb casting firebolt/essek casting sapping sting#and the two of them both use their reaction to counterspell. they both move to cast again when deirta is like Okay Stop Fighting I Get It#heehoo. the first time they drift together caleb leans that essek secretly recovered a beacon from a downed jaeger and has been using it to#advance his research while passing himself off as a genius - not that he isn't. he just has another stepping stone as well.#essek gets to live thru caleb's experience of feeling two (2) people die at the same exact moment. yeah verin has to pull that fuckin plug.#other notes. veth and yeza r the scientists. OBVIOUSLY veth drifts with a kaiju brain like are u KIDDING me#other jaeger teams are fjord+jester yasha+beau and the tealeaf triplets.
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#hes on t and will be coming out as trans (a man) soon#i think deni will come out this year and go on t#spicy cis#venting ahead#just saw some trans men talking about how miley cyrus sounds like#and another one being like#and im like .... they are both out they are literally both put they are trans already like publically trans idenitified#miley cyrus is genderfluid demi is nonbinary#i think miley is probs on T too tbh from the voice changes! idk current prounouns but they have a very T voice i could be wrong tho!#but you literally do not have to be a man to be on t!#and being like outside the binary or being fluid isnt just like. a stepping stone#nor is it just or whatever#its fully 100 percent trans in a way fuckers like you (that is excorsexists those who invalidate genders and experiences outside the s#strict and solid one or the other binary) cant even comprehend#god these people are exactly why i avoided trans communities for so many years#and post truscum era none of these people even admit thats what they are theyll be like nooo im an inclusionist#then everything they say and do shows the opposite. you see me as a phase#you either see me as a cis girl trying to be special or a deluded repressed man in need of saving or whatever#fuck you all so much#i know for discourse reasons itll get me flamed on this site but this is nothing to do with how i think the world is or how it should be#this js my own super biased rambling based on societal and person bullshit ofc#but god does this shit dig at years of trauma and my own experience of oppression#and its hard not to wanna lash out#im just a damn person im sick of representing so many so called groups and categories#they are abstractions thry arent real i am not them they are not me i am real i am concrete#i am none of them. but i am forced to face the consequences intended for those labelled as so many of them. and im just . so goddamn tired#leave me the fuck alone. think about lives outside your own sometimes maybe.#it may be novel to you but god its the only way i can protect myself so have a little courtesy and do it back
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Right now I feel so old and sad at the same time. Those feelings are so strong I feel paralyzed and slow.
#right now it's all too much#got so many problems and they are going round in circles through my mind-uncontrollably#my mind jumps from one painful thought over to the next and all I currently manage to do is stay calm#endure this vicious cycle of traumatic events#and stop myself from screaming#I am calm I do endure and I suffer#maybe in a bit I will help myself out of this situation I am currently trapped in#right now calming myself down despite of all those things is hard enough#tonight I am drowning in waves of heart wrenching and soul crushing sadness#after a good night of sleep everything is gonna be a bit better I am sure of that#currently I am fighting I am crying I am breaking; but that's alright#when I endure feelings like this now then I don't have to endure them on another time#Life is an up and down#it will get better again#I remember the years when I got so depressed or whatever it was that I felt like everything just got worse and worse and worse#that's one of the things I feel sad about currently I am not doing well at all but nevertheless I KNOW there are gonna be better happier#lighter times#that's a huge step in personal growth and I did it on my own#I am slowly healing myself#I am changing#I am evolving#I am slowly getting better#and it hurt me a lot last year that you didn't acknowledge mile stones I reached all by myself you didn't see me as me#it felt like you looked at me with what you wanted to see and then you blamed me for not being that version of your#as you also mentioned 'dreamwife'#you also put me under pressure with saying things like that it made me feel like I am not good enough#like you are looking down on me#like I've to change and get better so you are getting the 'dreamwife' you perfected in your brain#I mean how old are you?#also you said things that forbid me grieving over the loss of my father and Louis
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So I've seen a few too many people on twitter talking about The Kiss Scene from the new Scott Pilgrim anime. People saying it's fetishistic and indulgent, people calling it male gazey, etc. And while the kiss itself is certainly a bit exaggerated, I felt like writing a bit about why I disagree, and why context is important, like it always is. But it basically turned into an extended analysis on the metatextual treatment of Roxie Richter. So bear with me. It's a long post.
What really matters about this scene is not the kiss itself, but what precedes it. Not even just the fight scene just before it, but what precedes the whole anime series, really. And that's the Scott Pilgrim comic book, and the live action movie. Because in both, Roxie is a punchline.
She's a joke. Her character starts and ends with "one of the exes is actually a girl, I bet you didn't expect that." Jokes are made about Ramona's latent bisexuality, the movie especially treating it as funny and absurd, and her validity as a romantic interest is entirely written off by Ramona as being "just a phase." There's a fight scene, she's defeated by a man giving her an orgasm which implicitly calls her sexuality into question (come on), and the movie just moves on. It sucks. It really, really sucks.
The comic fares a little better. It never veers into outright homophobia like the movie does, and while the line about Ramona having gone through a phase remains, Roxie actually gets one over on Scott when Ramona briefly gets back with Roxie. But Roxie is still only barely a character. Like all the other evil exes, she's just a stepping stone towards the male protagonist's development. She barely even gets any screentime before she's defeated by Scott's "power of love." But Roxie stands out, since she's the only villain who is queer, or at least had been confirmed queer at that point (hi Todd). In a series that champions multiple gay men in the supporting cast, the single undeniable lesbian in the story is a villain. She's labeled as evil, made fun of, pushed aside in favor of the men, and then discarded. Her screentime was never about her, or her feelings for Ramona. It was about the straight, male protagonist needing to overcome her. And that was Roxie Richter. An unfortunate victim of the 2010s.
Fast forward to current year, and the new anime series is announced. Everybody sits down to watch the new series expecting another retelling of the same story, and.... hang on, that straight male protagonist I mentioned just died in the first episode. And now it's humanizing the villains from the original story. And there's Roxie, introduced alongside the other evil exes in the second episode, and she's being played entirely straight, without a punchline in sight. No jokes are made about her gender, no questions are made of her validity as one of Ramona's romantic interests. The narrative considers her important. In one episode, she already gets more respect than she did in either of the previous iterations of Scott Pilgrim. And this isn't even her focus episode yet... which happens to be the very next one.
The anime series goes to great lengths to flesh out the original story's villains and to have Ramona reconcile with them. And I don't think it's a coincidence that Roxie gets to go first. While Matthew Patel gets his development in episode 2, Roxie is the first to directly confront Ramona, now our main protagonist. This is notable too because it's the only time the exes are encountered out of order. Roxie is supposed to be number 4, but she's first in line, and later on you realize that she's the only one who's out of sequence. She's the one who sets the precedent for the villains being redeemed. She's the most important character for Ramona to reconcile with.
What follows is probably the most extensive, elaborate 1 on 1 fight scene in the whole show. Roxie fights like a wounded animal, her motions are desperate and pained. Ramona can only barely fight back against her onslaught. Different set-pieces fly by at breakneck speed as Roxie relentlessly lays her feelings at Ramona's feet through her attacks and her distraught shouts. And unlike the comic or the movie, Ramona acknowledges them, and sincerely apologizes. And the two end up just laying there, exhausted, reminiscing about when they were together.
Only after this, after all of this, does the kiss scene happen. Roxie has been vindicated, she has reconciled with the person who hurt her, the narrative has deemed that her anger is justified and has redeemed her character. And she gets her victory lap by making the nearest other hot girl question her heterosexuality, sharing a sloppy kiss with her as the music triumphantly crescendos.
It's... a little self-congratulatory, honestly. But it's good. It's redemption for a character who had been mistreated for over a decade. And she punctuates the moment by being very, very gay where everyone can see it, no men anywhere in sight. Because this is her moment. And then she leaves the plot, on her own accord this time, while humming the hampster dance. What a legend. How could anything be wrong with this.
#scott pilgrim#spto#scott pilgrim takes off#roxie richter#roxanne richter#scott pilgrim spoilers#spto spoilers
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