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boomboombakugou · 3 years

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big 3 reacting to reader wanting to break up when they thought they were doing great?

Big 3’s Reaction to You Wanting to Breakup

~Izuku Midoriya~

Izuku was so excited to see all you all the time. He tried to make as much time for you as possible between all his training. Though your hangouts would be cut short sometimes, he’d always try to make up for it.

Y/N: hey can you come to my room rq

Y/N: if you aren’t busy

He only saw the text about an hour later because he was training.

He replied immediately and apologized for answering so late the second he got to your room.

You looked sad.. or worried. He couldn’t make out the expression. “What’s wrong?” He asked. The sound of his voice made this even harder for you.

You held your face in your palms. Just rip off the bandaid, you thought. You stared him straight in his eyes, “I.. I don’t think we should be together anymore. I think we should break up.”

There was a silence. He started at you. You stared at him. “Why..” He started, but couldn’t finish. You started to explain but he cut you off with his rambling, “I thought- I thought everything was going good! I’m so sorry. I can- I can.. What did I do? Y/N I swear whatever it was, it wasn’t intentional. What can I do better?”

This was so much harder than you thought. You could see tears welling up in his eyes. Yours had already started falling. “Oh no! No why are you crying?” He asked. That made you cry even harder. This wasn’t the first time you guys had cried together. He was always so caring and it made you reflect on all your good times together.

“Izuku I love you, I do. It’s just... so hard. It’s so hard being in a relationship where you’re never there. I hate- I hate having to spend days alone. I hate that we can’t go on dates. We can’t even hang out for more than 10 minutes. I just want a full day with you, but you’re so like-” You stop yourself before you say something you don’t mean.

Another silence. He’s still just staring at you. You can’t tell if he’s looking for what to say or for you to say more, so you just continue, “It’s not even just that. You aren’t the problem. I don’t want you to think that. I feel like I’m just holding you back. There’s so much that I wanna do with you, but it would stop you from becoming the hero you want to be. And I’m not strong enough to train with you either so I’m really just a burden. I don’t want you to feel obligated to do anything, but I also can’t just put my needs aside.” And with that, a huge weight is lifted off your shoulder.

He hasn’t blinked. He doesn’t want you to see him cry. “You aren’t. You aren’t holding me back.. I just-” He stops himself. He can’t even think of anything to say because you’re completely right. He isnt fit for a relationship and he can admit that you do sometimes “hold him back.”

He sighed and held his arms out. You looked at him and then threw yourself into his arms. You guys could stay friends, but it would never be the same. These hugs would never feel the same.

~Katsuki Bakugou~

As expected, a relationship with Katsuki isn’t the easiest. You guys were constantly getting into arguments, but they usually ended up fine. He liked how you argued back because he could never be with someone who lets him walk all over them. You guys also teased eachother and made- what would otherwise be described as mean- jokes together.

You and the rest of Bakusquad were all just hanging out in Kirishima’s room. You looked up at one of his punching bags and asked if you could borrow one because you wanted to do some more personal training. “Doesn’t matter how much you train Y/N, you’ll always be at a maximum of #2.” Katsuki said, jokingly.

You didn’t smile. You looked annoyed. Why does he always do that? The joke isn’t even funny. It’s just rude. He looked at you confused and asked what’s up.

“Let’s break up.” You said abruptly. Everyone in the room gasped and tried to quickly excuse themselves. “Wait what? Wait Y/N are you serious?” He was still kinda smirking because he thought you were messing with him.

You sighed, “Katsuki I can’t - I can’t do this anymore. You’re so obsessed with being number one and it’s annoying. I’m not just gonna be your trophy wife or something.” He still looked confused.

“I was just kidding, what? I always make jokes like that. I never thought of you as a ‘trophy wife.’ I thought we were fine.. You never brought up being annoyed with that. I’m set on my goals, yeah. But you never once mentioned that it upset you.” You could tell he was trying to sound sweet, but his voice is just naturally aggressive.

You stare at him in disbelief, you can’t believe he hasn’t noticed. “I- I feel like I don’t really have to outright tell you that’s it’s a little frustrating when you constantly trying to one up me. I don’t even want to be number one as much you do, so I don’t know why you always make it a competition?”

He face dropped, “Well I- I’m sorry. I thought you knew that this was a dream of mine since like ever. I’ll try to tone it down a bit, I guess.” You squeeze your eyes shut.

“Katsuki. I don’t want you to tone it down though. I just- I don’t think you’re fit to be in a relationship, you know? I just need you to care about me more than you care about beating Deku or whoever. But I also know I can’t ask you to do that.” You looked at him.

He would get mad. He knows your right, but you can’t stand being wrong. “Okay. Okay then go.” He’s trying so hard to sound angry. He can’t believe that he wasn’t his best for you at all times and you never told him.

You’d leave and he would probably like cry after idk.

~Shoto Todoroki~

Why would you ever break up with Shoto🤨 Anyways

You guys were both sitting in his room. You were physically together, but just not really talking. You were on your phone, while he studied.

Whenever you tried to make conversation with him, it was always kinda cut short. “How was your day?” You asked. You were basically together all day so you know, but you didn’t know how else to make convo. He turned around, “It was okay. Good.”

You sighed. It’s like everything you said, he responded with a conversation ended. “Shoto,” You started. He nodded his head to let you know he was listening, but didn’t turn around. “I think.. I think we should maybe like,,, take a break?” You finished.

He still didn’t turn around. “Okay.” He responded. You couldn’t tell if he was upset. His voice always sounded so monotone. You didn’t leave just not. It’s mot like you wanted him to be sad, you just wanted to know if he felt anything at all.

You got up and sat in the chair next to him. He still didn’t look at you. You kept staring at him. “I thought.. I thought that things were good.” He said. His voice was softer. You smiled. It’s nice to hear emotions from him.

“I just feel like we aren’t ready for a relationship. I just want you to figure everything out. Then,,I’ll come back.” You told him. This time he looked at you. He didn’t say anything for a while. He just looked. “Okay.” He said in the same monotone voice as the first.

- (A/N): OK IM SORRY BC IDK HOW TO WRITE FOR SHOTO. I LOVE HIM BUT. ALSO I DONT REALLY LIKE THIS ONE BC I FEEL LIKE IT DIDNT REALLY GO W THE REQUEST BUT. MIGHT REDO IT

#bakugou scenarios #bakugou x reader #midoriya x reader #shoto x reader #todorki x reader #todoroki headcanons #deku x reader #izuku x reader #shoto headcanons #deku hcs #deku headcanons #izuku headcanons #mha x reader #bnha x reader #bnha imagines

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tabriscadash · 3 years

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I was asked this on my old blog right as I set about transitioning to this one, so...

The first character I ever fell in love with: for DA:O, dare I say Daveth? What can I say -- I irrationally got incredibly attached to him. otherwise, DEFINITELY Morrigan, and I have crystal clear memories of my first run through Lothering and looking at Morrigan like 😍 the whole time. For DA:2/E, Carver -- unless you count Anders & Justice since I knew of them from Awakening beforehand, in which case probably Justice. For DA:I, it’s a toss-up between Vivienne or Cole -- I technically liked Cole first but SPECIFICALLY in the supporting material (Asunder), and didn’t vibe with him anywhere near as much in the game, AND I got him as a companion after I got Vivienne, so probably Vivienne.

A character that I used to love/like, but now do not: for DA:O, I guess Oghren? I never loved him, but I liked the idea of him because I really liked the dwarves/Orzammar side of DA’s worldbuilding -- but he’s such an unlikeable character that I just.. don’t vibe with him at all. I debate recruiting him every single time now, and I don’t think I ever do his personal quest (in the base game OR Awakening). for DA:2/E, I don’t really have anyone that fits -- but I REALLY wanted to like Merrill and Aveline more than I did, and especially in Aveline’s case, I can’t stand her and genuinely think she’s the unintended, secret Big Bad of the whole game. for DA:I, probably Cole, bc I was really into the idea of a little walking-corpse serial killer animated by a spirit as per the book, but that’s not really the vibe in DA:I, and combined with the somewhat patronising/ableist language and how significantly he is infantilised (including by the fandom) I just got put off him. I do still like him, but not as much.

A ship that I used to love/like, but now do not: for DA:O, I don’t really have one? I guess see my DA:I answer, lol... for DA:2/E, has to be Anders - I don’t think he’s OOC in 2, but I think his writing does so little with him and he feels v. reductive. Where his relationship could be SO interesting and angsty, it instead is written in a really dull and/or cringey way. It would have been nice to see Anders more like the Anders of Awakening near the beginning of the game (rather than random, infrequent and questionably rare snippets), and then see the progression of his relationship with Justice as the game went on -- I want more interesting abominations, PLEASE. for DA:I, listen I cannot express to you HOW EXCITED I was for my planned Lavellan to romance Sera… also I used to be way more tolerant of Cullen x Amell/Surana ships because, like, hey dark ships are fun, right? But since Cullen’s ~wholesome whitewash~ in DA:I, and his fandom clamouring to absolve him of any wrongdoing ever.. it’s boring to me.

My ultimate favourite character™: for DA:O, probably Sten? or Morrigan. They’re both fantastic, and also are significant comfort chars for me. for DA:2/3, honestly, probably my own Hawke -- I feel so hugely proud of her, and can’t imagine I’d enjoy the game anywhere near as much had I not played it as my Hawke. If not her, maybe Sebastian or Carver? for DA:I, I really love Vivienne, as well as Blackwall, and Solas is a great character even if I probably would not say I liked him.

Prettiest character: for DA:O, we all know it’s Zevran. for DA:2/E, I think Aveline -- although her aggressively bland colour-scheme lets her down in a major way (although I respect her dedication to all orange all day every day). There’s just something about her arms -- very Abby from TLOU:2. for DA:I, maybe Josephine? Ser Barris is very pretty, too...

My most hated character: for DA:O, I really didn’t like Alistair, Wynne and Oghren, and of my companions - Oghren is probably my least favourite. He’s vulgar and also profoundly uninteresting. for DA:2/E, it has to be Aveline. There’s just something about ineptitude and a complete, wilful refusal to take accountability for your actions that I can’t stand. It would be okay if it was an intentional character flaw, but the game/narrative treats her like she’s lawful good and it really annoys me. for DA:I, maybe Iron Bull? He was a huge disappointment for me. I also really dislike Sera, Cassandra, and Varric. I’m so sick of Varric - I never want to see him again.

My OTP: for DA:O, I really loved Zevran’s romance -- but I am also very amused by the fact that Leliana got to ‘love’ status with Kallian accidentally, AND I got the ‘love’ glitch for Justice (👀) and Velanna. I do sometimes wonder about an AU where Kallian is forced to make a politically expedient marriage with Nathaniel Howe for diplomatic reasons in order to consolidate her position as Arlessa, and it being an entirely platonic arrangement (it’s not like anyone expects an heir from an infertile Grey Warden) -- and maybe Zev and Nate kiss sometimes, who knows? I also LOVE my Darkspawn Chronicles AU where Kallian and Nelaros are a happy, married couple each hiding their skills with weapons from each other like dumb, cute sweethearts. They shelter Zevran when he fails to kill Alistair and a poly couple evolves. for DA:2/E, I love the IDEA of a Seb romance that isn’t so strictly conditional around the structures that abused him -- he should be allowed to love, chastely or otherwise, but free from the Chantry OR his position as prince/heir. I’d LOVE to actually have a romance with him where you can actually challenge the abuse he’s experienced. for DA:I, Malika doesn’t have a canon romance (although I think when I replay, I’m going to romance Josephine!) but I think Blackwall has an amazing romance. Solas’ is also iconic, it must be said.

My NOTP: for DA:O, I really dislike Alistair in a shipping capacity; he’s immature and says a lot of misogynistic shit and I don’t think he’s the worst for it, but I don’t really vibe with shipping him, having played the game as a female city elf. for DA:2/E, I wouldn’t say I have one, particularly? although I really dislike Aveline’s relationship with her husband simply because it seems incredibly inappropriate, given that they work together and she has power over him -- and because I dislike her, generally, I don’t feel inclined to do something nice for her. for DA:I, I suppose Sera/Lavellan -- although I’m not AGAINST it, it just really isn’t for me, having attempted it. I also don’t really vibe with Dorian x Iron Bull. Something abt the way the game handled BDSM and their relationship banter specifically I don’t really like.

Favourite episode quest: for DA:O, probs Orzammar/the Deep Roads. I really love the dwarven lore! and, of course, Fort Drakon is really funny, even though it’s not canon in my game iirc. for DA:2/E, maybe the murder mystery with the serial killer, where ultimately Leandra dies? I also really enjoyed all the companion quests. for DA:I, The Descent (just, all of it, lmao) and everything to do with the Avvar. Crestwood also BANGED.

Saddest death: for DA:O, it’s frankly a fucking INJUSTICE that Shianni gets murdered if you make her Bann of the Alienage -- the idea of that happening whilst Kallian is in Amaranthine and unable to protect her :( genuinely very upsetting. I go back and forth on who is made Bann, tbf, so idk how canonical it is: I think maybe Cyrion would get it, but I’m also endeared to Soris holding the position, with Shianni as Hahren. for DA:2/E, Bethany. I wish both twins had had the chance to reach Kirkwall :(. Let Leandra die instead. for DA:I, maybe not the saddest death, but the most memorable for me was that one sleeping dragon in the Hissing Wastes.. leave her alone. Stay out of a womans’ business.

Favourite season game: DA:O!

Least favourite season game: DA:I.

Character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but I hate: for DA:O, Alistair. I cannot deal with his complacency and hypocrisy. for DA:2, I really disliked Merrill but I honestly cannot remember why. DEFINITELY Varric -- I hated how the game forces you to be his best friend, and if you’re low approval, you have to endure these pointless pissy little comments with this little anti-dwarf centrist pissant. After the expedition, I literally have no reason to put up with him, and I NEVER take him out. I hate that he plays the same role in DA:I, too. for DA:I, the Iron Bull was hugely disappointing, and I also really don’t vibe with Cassandra. She just seems very wishy-washy and complacent and hypocritical, and many of her comments about other cultures seem snide for literally no reason other than bigotry.

My ‘you’re a piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: for DA:O, lbr probably Sten. Mans is gonna launch a HORRIFYING invasion in the next game iirc and frankly, I’m ok with it. Just wanna see that big bastard again ❤🥵. for DA:2/E, I LOVE Gamlen, ok? for DA:I, I am not sure if I have one.

My ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: for DA:O, if any of you so much as LOOK at Velanna wrong, it’s hands. That includes Bioware. I also feel incredibly protective of and sad for Morrigan. for DA:2/E, probably Sebastian -- I feel so sad for him, and so frustrated by the limitations with the game. for DA:I, I’m honestly not sure.. maybe Josephine? I don’t really feel this way about Sera, but I do think she deserves better from the game and its writing, and also from fandom: there are valid criticisms of her, but the hate she gets is not proportional to any valid issues with her -- and gee, I wonder why that is.

My ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: for DA:O, I did use to find Cullen x Surana/Amell intriguing as a dark ship -- I actually hc that Neria Surana is actually Nelaros’ sister, and have dabbled with it as a dark ship. I also am interested in Loghain/Alistair - which each pretends the other is someone else. Alistair is wooby, hate ships are, in general, fun -- so long as we acknowledge that they are, indeed, unhealthy ships. for DA:2/E, I kind of feel like Sebastian romances are, invariably, kind of dark... and, similarly, Anders romances -- especially with certain red Hawkes, The way it ends is, invariably, bordering on fucked up. ALSO Hawkecest is weird and wonderful: GET WITH IT.

My ‘they’re kind of cute, and I lowkey ship them, but I’m not too invested’ ship: for DA:O, I joked about Velanna x Leliana once and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it ever since… Velanna x Sigrun is also something that can be so personal. Ariane x Finn is adorable and are paid DUST by Bioware AND fandom. I actually am really into Anora x Nathaniel & NO I will NOT explain myself; it’s a crackship but it’s MY crackship. for DA:2/E, Isabela x Fenris is super cute, but I don’t pay enough attention to them to really have super committed thoughts & feelings on them. for DA:I, Blackwall x Josephine is cute as a background ship; I also think Maryden x Cole is sweet.

#meta #mun

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percyinpanties · 3 years

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hey I'm the pipeyna anon and that's ok!!! can u do pipeyna with piper pining after hot jock Reyna which hopefully ends happy (smutty)

just a quick warm-up, i say, i won’t spend too much time on this. i really had to resist just going on and on and on with this. i miss writing this ship, damn.

anyway - this fits really well with an enemy to lovers prompt i have for jercy, so thats what im hinting at too here.

Read on Ao3

for context : i always write college aus from a UK uni perspective bc that’s all i know and i don’t care to adapt to how it might or might not work in the u.s. (sorry)

rating: teen+ (no smut in this one, but let me tell you, this TEMPTED me)

words: 2.2k

___

“An actual goddess” Piper says wistfully from where she’s leaning against the wall next to Percy, taking back the cigarette she’d just bummed of him. Her eyes are glued on the field, and more precisely on Reyna, smile on her face and water bottle in her hand as she jogs over to Jason standing at the side of the field. They greet each other with a hug, even as Reyna wrinkles her face, seemingly complaining about her own sweatiness.

It’s coincidence that the end of Reyna’s soccer practice collides conveniently with Piper’s and Percy’s late seminar on Mondays. It isn’t coincidence that Percy and her have taken to sharing a cigarette on the side of the building that looks out toward the field during their break, however.

Percy makes a non-committal noise and his eyes follow Piper’s gaze while she takes a drag of the cigarette and wrinkles her nose. She needs to quit smoking for good, she thinks, and flicks the ash to the ground. There was a brief moment in first year when Piper thought that Percy might be interested in Reyna, or she in him, but luckily, nothing ever came of that.

“You think they’re dating?” Percy asks, arms crossed over his chest now, making no move to take the cigarette back again. He’s not even pretending not to be staring, his eyes intense where they flit between Reyna and Jason. Piper on the other hand has the common decency to at least cast her eyes away every now and again before she’s caught looking for a little too long.

At the edge of the field, Reyna and Jason are standing close together now, chatting about god knows what, smiling and laughing. They’re certainly comfortable with each other, but Piper can’t say that’s much of an indication given how she’s around Percy.

“I hope not.” Piper mutters and Percy laughs at that, even though she knows he agrees. Percy wouldn’t admit it in a million years, but Piper would bet real money that he has a thing for Jason, too, as much as he claims to hate the guy. She’d have to be deaf and blind not to notice the tension between them.

It would make sense, though, in a way. Jason is captain of the men’s rugby team, Reyna of the women’s soccer team. Some of their practices collide and the two clubs do most of their weekly socials together, and Piper’s seen the two of them hanging out aside from that plenty as well. Reyna and her haven’t talked much about Jason, maybe because Piper hasn’t actually exchanged more than five words with him and never had much of an urge to change that, but she knows that Reyna and Jason have known each other before university.

Around Jason, Reyna seems to let her guard down, something Piper has only managed to achieve a handful of times since they met during their first year.

Jason laughs at something Reyna says, eyes bright and head thrown back and Piper can’t deny that he’s handsome, at the very least. He’s fairly decent, too, as far as guys go, and really, Piper knows she shouldn’t be hoping that there is nothing between Reyna and him if that is what would make Reyna happy.

“Invite her to the party.” Percy suggests then, drawing Piper’s attention back from the tangent her brain was so insistent to start on. When Piper turns her face to look at him, he’s already looking back at her, one eyebrow arched. “I was going to, anyway, but it’s different coming from you yourself.”

He’s not teasing her, it’s an honest suggestion, and technically not even a bad one. It’s Percy’s birthday this weekend, and if nothing else, it would be a good excuse to hang out again. Percy knows a ton of people, but he usually doesn’t invite too many to his party, so with any luck, it won’t be too crowded to actually spend some time with Reyna.

More than that, though, it’s another opportunity for Piper to finally get a move on. Percy, Piper knows, thinks that Piper’s pining had reached a point where it’s almost comical halfway through last year, but even so, Piper has yet to manage to actually act on her feelings.

A party is casual enough that she can always play it off as nothing serious when it ends up blowing up in her face. Piper might finally get over herself and just ask Reyna out already – although she’s tried that a few times before only to find herself tongue tied and staring at Reyna like she hung the moon in the sky. She’s been head over heels for Reyna since maybe three weeks after they met in first year, and now that they’re starting their third and final year, Piper needs to get a move on or it’ll simply be too late. Granted, she’s scared shitless at the prospect of being turned down, but at this point, even that would be better than pining forever and never finding out if she’d even stand a chance.

“Yeah… maybe.” Piper says finally, and manages a small smile towards Percy who bumps his shoulder against hers playfully. They should be heading back inside, so Piper sneaks a last glance toward Reyna and this time, finds her looking back.

They don’t share any classes this year, and Piper doesn’t usually run into Reyna on campus, so on Wednesday morning, she ends up texting Reyna on her way to class. She fumbles with her phone, almost tripping over her own two feet trying to type the words out as fast as possible, and ends up having to sidestep off the path to actually send the texts.

Hey you.

we’re having a party on Saturday, it’s Percy’s birthday.

Piper wants to add more, but instead, she bites her lip and stuffs her phone back into the pocket of her jeans. It’s almost an open invitation like this already anyway, and Piper wants to gauge Reyna’s first reaction before deciding exactly how she’s going about asking. Technically, it would be so easy to just as Reyna to go with her, specifically, to the party, but the intention might be lost over text and anyway, wouldn’t it be simpler to just invite her generally?

Piper frets throughout the entirety of her first lecture, and most of the second one, for nothing. Reyna doesn’t answer, even though the messenger app shows Piper that she’s read both texts already, and Piper tries not to be disappointed about it. She doesn’t know what Reyna’s schedule is like today, the girl might just be busy and planned on replying later. It makes sense, much more than Piper’s second thought that Reyna is not answering because Piper is annoying and Reyna doesn’t actually want to spend any time with her. She knows that thought is stupid, knowing that however does nothing to ease the anxious knot in Piper’s stomach.

Piper finds herself checking her phone more often than not. It would be funny if it wasn’t so ridiculous, and if the lecturer wasn’t so clearly catching on that Piper isn’t paying as much attention to the class as she is to her phone. She texts Percy as well, but she knows he’s in that seminar he shares with Jason, so chances are that she won’t be getting a reply on that end anytime soon either. In the end, she has to force herself to put her phone away and actually focus on the lecture up front, even though by that point, she is already lost as to what they’re even talking about in the first place. It’s no good, and Piper can’t deny being relieved when the lecturer eventually dismisses the class.

She doesn’t allow herself to check her messages until she’s across campus in the coffee shop, queuing for some much needed caffeine and fishing out her phone so she doesn’t have to make small talk with anyone while she waits in line. Reyna still hasn’t replied, but at least Percy has messaged her after his seminar.

I’m gonna strangle him, Piper. You’ll have to bust me out of prison because they are going to arrest me for goddamn murder.

All she’d asked was if his classes were as boring as hers today, and while she had expected Percy to go off about Jason in reply, this isn’t exactly what she’d thought to be reading today. She smiles at her phone, types out a quick reply and moves up in the queue.

That bad? What’s he done now?

The way Percy talks about Jason makes Piper think of a Cartoon Network villain, always plotting, provoking and scheming. The few times she’s spoken to Jason, the guy wasn’t half bad, and if Piper is honest, she doesn’t quite get the vendetta these two have with each other. She suspects though that it has something to do with how ‘infuriatingly attractive, like fucking superman or something’ Percy described Jason after their first class together.

It’s like he thinks I’m stupid or something. Got a dumb fucking project to do together and he honestly told me that he ‘needs to pass this class so iif I’m not planning to put in the work, we might as well ask for new partners right away’

Like, excuse me, bitch? My grades are better than yours, for one thing

And for another, it’s not like good-old Dodds is gonna let us switch anyway

Piper huffs audibly while she reads the texts. It’s clear Percy’s actually upset by this, and she figures it will only get worse if they actually have to do the work together in the coming weeks. Before she can shoot Percy a reply though, she’s next in line.

Piper orders her coffee, steps aside to wait once she’s paid, and rereads Percy’s texts before she types her reply to Percy.

Sounds like a dick move.

Piper’s almost inclined to defend Jason for a moment, since Percy mostly doesn’t pay much attention in class, especially in Mrs. Dodds seminars – so how is Jason meant to know how much effort Percy puts in outside of it? On the other hand, though, Piper knows how Percy is, and how personally he’s clearly taken Jason’s comment already, so trying to convince him otherwise would simply be fruitless.

Once Piper’s coffee is done, she heads back outside, finding an empty bench to enjoy the break before her next class. If nothing else, at least Percy’s ranting is distracting her from Reyna, and the party, and asking the other girl out – and in between the rapid texts Percy and her are sending back and forth Piper almost forgets about it entirely. Until she has to head back to her last class, that is, and sees that Reyna has, so far, still left her on read.

Piper hesitates for a moment, clicking on the text field without typing anything just yet. Is she going to come off as desperate if she texts again, or should she just clarify now before it gets too late and Reyna already makes different plans for the weekend?

Piper types out a few words, deletes them again and pockets her phone only to get it back out a few seconds later to try again. She shouldn’t be walking and texting, especially given that she should be going faster to actually make it to her lecture in time, but Piper knows that if she doesn’t send this text now, she’ll spend another lecture agonising over what to say.

So yeah, I wanted to invite you too ofc :)

Piper cringes at her wording, but figuring it won’t get much better, she sends the text anyway and finally tucks her phone back into her pocket to actually hurry to class.

By the time Reyna replies, it’s late and Piper is sitting on the beat-up couch in her shared flat’s living room, watching something trashy on TV without really paying much attention at all. Percy is clanking around in the kitchen, making something that smells good enough to remind Piper that she should probably be getting herself some food, too. She’s about to get up and rummage through her fridge compartment in search of something edible when her lock screen lights up with a message from Reyna, and that derails any thoughts of food immediately. Piper isn’t subtle in the way she practically lunges for her phone, but luckily, Percy can’t see and judge her from his position in the kitchen.

Sorry, long day, reads the first text, following a few seconds later by another one.

Promised Jason to hang out but I’d love to :(

Piper bites her lip, knowing before typing out the words that Percy won’t like what she’s doing in the slightest.

You could bring him? Percy won’t mind.

Except that Percy most certainly will mind, Piper thinks, and grimaces. If she hadn’t come off as desperate before, she most certainly does now – texting back within less than a minute after having been left on read all day, only to offer that Reyna can bring her friend (boyfriend?) along as well if that means she’ll be there.

There’ll be other opportunities, Piper tells herself, and scrubs a hand over her face. She needs to chill, and maybe she needs to grab a cigarette and step outside and calm down before she embarrasses herself even further.

Piper stares at the screen. How on earth is she meant to interpret this? At this rate, she won’t make it until Saturday, dying of one crisis or another before then.

if you’re sure? I’ll ask him.

haven’t seen you in a while, would be nice to hang out again ;)

I’m sure.

#will i continue this? maybe #i do kinda wanna write the party part and have it ending ~spicy~#pipeyna #piper mclean #reyna ramirez avila arellano #my stuff #my fic #prompts #teen+#pjo #Anonymous #jercy #in the bg

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gryphsdeadbones · 4 years

Note

hey from one nd person to another the comic where fm gordon says a slur seems kind of in poor taste. ik ur not intentionally making light of it and tht occurring in fm should be criticized but while you dont make it out to be a good thing making jokes about it and calling him a "slurboy" is kind of questionable? it makes it seem more like a plotpoint and angst rather than the creator of fm genuinely fucking up in the past (and having moved on from it)! i think exploring fm coming to terms with being nd is a good idea but this isnt the best way to do it. if you want me to explain my point more lmk if/when u post this and i will! someone already made a post abt it but it was kinda strongly worded and i wanted to approach you more calmly because i genuinely dont want to call you out or start drama or anything ;-;

first off thank you for being civil and patient with me i appreciate this ask a lot- also this got long- im not in a flying rage or anything when i bold or emphasis text, i just needed it also for my own readability and since im not the best at wording- hopefully this hellsite works and my response is under the cut

i would like to know how is it in poor taste when freemind explicitly gets clocked at the very end for saying it. the entire point of the comic was to show that saying the r slur has existed in his source and is bad

im not sure how much more direct i can get, with the disclaimer/warning list growing longer and longer and out there for a huge sign that says “this au can get dark as fuck and these subject matters are treated seriously/not something to mess around with.” Like yes, there are some jokes in the asks and other comics, but that specific comic is not supposed to be “haha thats funny”. it has a serious tone using a rough sketch style bc i was super tired and wanted to vent

was it just the direct reference to it that just made people uncomfortable? because thats 100% understandable, and i made sure i tagged it appropriately (although admittedly, a little bit late since i thought the filter would catch at least the main thing)

i think what some people somehow got from it is “exploring sensitive content = endorsing said content” which! that is not the intent! i absolutely do not want people saying that word! I don’t want people thinking that is any way okay for this character to say

its more of a damned if i do address it, damned if i dont.

if it never comes up, people are gonna assume that ‘oh this character says slurs and is shit, surely the creator or fan-creator MUST be okay with it and woobifies freemind and absolves him of any mistakes’ or something like that. no. this asshole has an arc and i want to do it right. its serious and i think it shouldn’t be shoved under the rug

and people just. dont want to read for context for whatever reason. theyll start watching it and get taken aback by the slur and start blaming me ‘hey you never warned for this’ when very early on i keep mentioning over and over ‘you dont have to watch it if you dont want to! This has slurs and 2000s internet brand humor/style’ You really dont, I’m not forcing you to watch it- Literally all you need to know is either canon half life or hl/vrai. thats it. fm mostly follows hl1 with very slight changes.

so i had to make something that:

1. warns people who arent aware and dont want to go through my asks or about/warning pages (for whatever reason) and just want to see the art

2. also NOT downplay freemind’s canon assholery. listen, i kinda despise writing mean and cruel characters, theyre hard to do, and a lot of people get shit for doing it wrong or people going “character = author”

i’ve also considered leaving the bubbles blank, but then people could fill it with whatever they want, then blame me for being vague. or they’d fill it in with a different kind of slur that freemind has never used, even if he MIGHT be the type to do that. I needed to explicitly mention that it is ableist slur. There are shitty racist and other problematic jokes, but never those kinds of extreme racial slurs to my knowledge.

Although I do see your point that maybe joking about it outside of the serious stuff might not be the best route. The slurboy jokes are getting stale, and I will try a better way to remind people.

The thing that gets to me is that it feels people are more than ready to defend either Ross Scott or Gordon Freeman the fictonal character himself. I don’t??? really care for Ross Scott, so I don’t know if he’s ever brought it up specifically. I’m not really calling him out or cancelling him. Idc for some white man’s feelings, im only bringing the timeframe of That era and reworking it to fit in This current era.

And I hate to break it to people: Gordon Freeman is a blank slate character, you can project whatever the hell you want on him as long as it’s not freakshit illegal garbage. The machinimas (fm, hl/vrai) do have SOME characterization that I want to nail down. It fucking sucks when characters are ooc, and I’m trying not to do that, even if it means sacrificing some comfort. But still mostly staying in my comfort zone if that makes sense

Now about the callout that I do not want to engage with the op directly:

Honestly im very surprised the comic was called out when i just. thought my stuff is relatively tame on exploring the bad shit canon freemind does. ive seen him in fancontent where they really dont hold back and its still played off as ‘kinda funny’ tone.

I really don’t know if people just want any reason to hate me for whatever reason. That’s fine I guess, I can’t please everyone and they dont have to like me.

But like. isn’t it so much easier for the op of that to block me and the post and move on. Why kick up such a fuss. I can see that thinly veiled death threat of a vague. That’s pretty fucked up- Like holy fucking god, you do not have to like my stuff. I’m not holding you at knifepoint to like my stuff. I’ve specifically made two different tags (one general au, one specific au) if anyone wants to blacklist it for their own reasons I do not need to know. I don’t want to know.

You’re allowed to be uncomfortable. You’re allowed to unfollow/blacklist/block.

However you just don’t go ranting about it for something you horribly misinterpreted. If it bothers you so badly, literally just. drop me a message to clarify. thats it. or save yourself the time and block me.

I’ve blocked the op for both our sakes, but if anyone wants to send this post to them, then thats fine. I don’t want anything to do with them.

I don’t want to link the post and blow it up. I just want shit clarified, dropped and we can move the fuck on with our lives.

If you’re reading this and don’t know what the post is, please don’t bother. I do not want people going after the op with threats, please keep it civil, I’d prefer if you don’t engage with the post at all on my behalf.

Despite this huge wall of text, I do not want this to be a big deal, so please don’t ask me about the details.

As for anon, feel free to dm me either on here or. Maybe on discord if you’d still like to suggest or have something more cleared up. I’m still willing to hear any kind of feedback, and i want to thank you again for being reasonable about this

#Anonymous #ask #jdb faq #ask to tag #long post

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jounetsunosymphonia · 4 years

Text

Nocturnality (Mankai Stage Winter 2020 translation)

translation for the stage version of winter’s third play! song can be found in full here.

ALRIGHT FOLKS IT’S THE GAY PEOPLE. HERE WE GO. a lot of it is actually like...silent? you can hear it in the soundtrack ver that it’s just inst with some occasional sound effects and i’ll write in what’s happening, but i just think it’s interesting that that’s how they decided to go about showing things for noct. i mean, it makes sense. show not tell amirite.

cast list

Yukishiro Azuma (Ueda Kandai) as Kuto Reo Takato Tasuku (Kitazono Ryo) as Seo Kota Mikage Hisoka (Ueda Keisuke) as Franz Arisugawa Homare (Tanaka Ryousei) as Nonomiya Tsukioka Tsumugi (Aramaki Yoshihiko) as Izumi Ryohei

(the curtain rises. kota is going about his business, reading and sleeping on the couch in the foreground, going to work at his office. in the background, reo drinks from an unsuspecting passerby, but is accosted by a vampire hunter in white. franz shows up to have a knife fight with the vampire hunter, but reo is injured, and falls into kota’s arms as he’s walking home.)

Kota: Hey!

Reo: Help...me...

Reo: Good morning. You were a great help yesterday.

Kota: Did you make this?

Reo: It’s just from what was in the fridge, so it’s nothing special, but I wanted to give you something as thanks for letting me stay the night.

Kota: Amazing. What are you, a wife?

Reo: I’ve lived this long, but I think this is the first time someone’s called me a wife.

(kota takes a bite of the sandwich reo made him, but the funny part is that bc of the face shield requirement, it doesn’t make it to his mouth. the poor man can’t eat his wife’s cooking. rest in pieces.)

Kota: It’s good! I’m Seo Kota. And you are?

Reo: Reo...Kuto Reo.

Kota: Reo. If you don’t have anywhere else to go, you can stay here for a while.

Reo: You’d let a man you don’t even know stay in your house?

Kota: Eh, well...my room’s nice and clean...and this is delicious. If you stay, it’ll be a big help for me too.

Reo: You’re really trusting, aren’t you. Well, I’ll be in your care, then.

Kota: Aren’t you going to eat?

Reo: I eat at irregular times. Don’t mind me, just eat.

[winter telepathy time part 1] Azuma: (Just as I’d expect from you. You’re really giving off this feeling of helplessness that’s nothing like how you are normally.)

Tasuku: (The version of me that always seems strong might be the one that’s acting, though.)

Azuma: (You can say something like that without hesitation...you’re an adult, so you are strong.)

Tasuku: (Because we’ve got these members...let’s take this to the very end, in a delicate way fitting for Winter.)

Azuma: (Yes, let’s.)

Kota: I’m off.

Reo: Take care.

Kota: So you’re just going to send me out. Yesterday...you asked me for help...

Reo: I’m sorry...

Izumi: Oh, do you live here? I just moved in, I’m Izumi.

Kota: I’m Seo. Nice to meet you.

Izumi: You’re on your way to work, right? Sorry for stopping you.

Kota: No, it’s alright. If you ever have any problems, please let me know.

Nonomiya: Hey, I heard. You picked someone up off the street? That’s way too suspicious. This isn’t an afternoon drama or a manga for middle-aged ladies.

Kota: Give me a break. Reo’s a good guy. And he can cook.

Nonomiya: (sigh.) If you say stuff like that it’s only gonna hurt you.

[winter telepathy time part 2] Homare: (Well, well, how is it? My acting as an office worker.)

Tasuku: (Honestly, I’m surprised. You can even do a role like this smoothly now, huh.)

Homare: (An outstanding artist can excel in anything they do.)

Tasuku: (How reliable.)

Homare: (Now, continue as you like. The rest of us shall support you.)

(kota goes home. he and reo spend time talking together until he seems to get tired, when reo helps him over to the bed.)

Reo Saying that I’m sorry Might not be fair I’m eating away at your life And yet I wonder why Even though I want your blood, I don’t want it

(and then reo dramatically leans over kota and just, Bite)

Kota: Sorry about last night.

Reo: ...what for?

Kota: I’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately. I must be noisy in my sleep.

Reo: No, you’ve been sleeping quietly.

Kota: That’s good, then.

Reo: Rather than worry about someone else, you should look after yourself...

Kota: Huh?

Reo: Nothing. Are you feeling well? Can you go to work?

Kota: Yeah. I had some of your cooking, so I’m fine. I’m off.

Izumi: Good morning.

Kota: Good morning.

Izumi: Ah, Seo-san. Are you off on weekdays as well? I’ve been hearing noises from next door in the middle of the day, so...

Kota: Oh, no. I just have a friend over.

Izumi: Is that so...a friend. (i love this part bc when he says ““ah. a friend.”” he goes from being nice gentle neighbour to “were it not for the fact that you were a human i would have murdered you where you stand” in like zero seconds, thanks mackey)

[winter telepathy time part 3] Tasuku: (How is everyone, Tsumugi?)

Tsumugi: (To put it simply, I’ve got respect for them. No matter how minute an action is, they can return it, and everyone’s acting is so varied, it’s interesting.)

Tasuku: (Jeez, you’re the one who does that the most and you’re going to say it?)

Tsumugi: (We...started acting so that one day we’d meet Winter, didn’t we.)

Tasuku: (...we did.)

Nonomiya: Oi, Seo. You look terrible.

Kota: I just didn’t get any sleep, I guess.

Nonomiya: It’s not just today. You’ve been like this the whole week. That’s when you met that freeloader, right? Something’s just off about him.

Kota: I told you, it’s not Reo’s fault.

Nonomiya: No, he’s too suspicious. I’m coming with you.

Franz: Well, you’ve found a nice place to lay your head, haven’t you? Care to share it with me?

Reo: It’s not like that. Don’t interfere.

Franz: Ah, how cold! Isn’t that a part of our relationship?

Reo: If that’s all you wanted from me, then leave, Franz.

Franz I don’t know what it is you’ve become so infatuated with But we cannot—

Reo I know, the sun’s light is too strong ...and yet, I’ll end up longing for it anyway

Franz Hatred of the dark—

Reo I can’t help but wish—

Franz —is humanity’s weakness

Reo —that we’d be able to live alongside each other

Kota: Eh? Reo...who’s that?

Nonomiya: Wait, that’s who you picked up? I knew it, he’s definitely suspicious!

Kota: I told you, he isn’t like that. Hey, Reo!

(i just wanna point out here it’s so funny he goes from :( at nono to the gentlest voice calling out to reo, and nonomiya just loOKS SO PISSED LIKE . HUH? WHAT ARE YOU BEING SOFT AT HIM FOR. HEY.)

Reo: Kota...

Franz: Is that him? Well, he does have a good physique... (franz licks his fangs i hate it so much u all need to know this)

Reo: Franz, let’s go somewhere else.

Nonomiya: They ran off! Those guys are probably part of some criminal organisation or something, right?!

Kota: That’s enough, Nonomiya! But...why did he ignore me...?

Kota Letting you stay in my home Might be unfair

Kota, Reo I’m getting used to having you around You’re a man I just met, only by coincidence But I always want to be with you

Franz: You haven’t been drinking blood much, have you?

Reo: Since I’m staying in his home, I can’t bring myself to drink from him properly.

Franz: Is that not the entire point of this human? Just hurry up and drink already, you’ll die.

Reo: That’s what I wanted to do at first.

Kota: Why did you just run away without saying anything...Reo...

Franz: Our pursuers are closing in on this neighbourhood. That’s what I came here to tell you.

Reo: Thank you.

Franz: Have you no intention of leaving that house? Surely, at this point—

Reo: It’s fine. It’ll be fine.

(kota is asleep on the floor by the couch by the time reo gets back home and thEY ARE LITERALLY SITTING LIKE THE DAMN POSTER HOLDING HANDS AS REO SINGS THE NEXT PART)

Reo Even if it isn’t fair for me to apologise I need to tell you I’m glad I met you So I’ll leave it til the end I want your blood I want it more than anyone else

Reo: You’ve been such a great help. I didn’t mean to stay for so long, but I got too comfortable.

Kota: There’s no need for you to leave so soon, since it’s easier on me too, anyway.

Reo: That’s not why I’m leaving.

Kota: Have you found a place to stay?

Reo: Kind of. Kota...thank you.

Kota: Oh, Izumi-san. Good morning.

Reo: You...!

Izumi: So you’re moving out? Well, here’s a going-away present.

Reo: Kota, get back! (izumi runs him right through with a sword. a whole sword.)

Kota: Izumi-san?

Izumi: What a shame. It’s only been a little while, but we were neighbours too! (he twists the sword while it’s still in reo, he’s a terrible man and i love him)

Kota: What are you doing?!

(some very excellent sword swinging and mad cackling from izumisan while reo is suffering and falls to the ground. thank you mackey.)

Izumi: Filthy creature of the night. Thou shalt be eradicated in the name of my blood pact!

(kota runs in front of reo.)

Izumi: Out of the way. I’ll kill you as well.

Reo: Stop! Kota has nothing to do with this!

Izumi: Ha! The two of you are friendly, aren’t you. Even though humans are nothing more than meals to your kind.

Kota: Meals...? What are you talking about?

Izumi: He’s a vampire. Humans’ enemy.

Kota: Vampire? Reo would never...! (he backs away from reo for a bit)

Reo: Kota...

Izumi: Now, hand him over.

(kota goes back to reo and protectively puts his arms around him.)

Izumi: Ah, so you’ve debased yourself to the level of an underling of blood. No matter. I’ll send you both off.

(franz jumps from the steps, fending off izumi’s sword with his two entire knives i love stage ver. he even twirls a knife as he talks.)

Franz: Oh, my. I thought I’d join in myself, but it looks like I’ve drawn the short end of the stick. Well, it can’t be helped. I’ll give you a hand.

Izumi: Accursed vampire...

(EXTREMELY GOOD SWORD + KNIFE FIGHT IT’S GOOD THAT’S ALL I CAN TELL YOU THEY’RE EXCELLENT I LOVE THEM)

[winter telepathy time part 4] Tsumugi: (This is amazing, Hisoka-kun. Your movements are far more polished than they were during rehearsals.)

Hisoka: (I don’t even need to think, my body’s just moving on its own. I don’t know why, though.)

Tsumugi: (Maybe it has something to do with your past.)

Hisoka: (I want to face them too...like Azuma...my memories...)

(THIS ENTIRE TIME THEY ARE STILL AGGRESSIVELY KNIFE FIGHTING EVEN WHILE THEY’RE HAVING THIS INTERNAL CONVERSATION I LOSE MY SHIT EVERY TIME)

(franz disarms izumi and kicks him in the face.)

Franz: Want to keep going?

Izumi: Humanity will not yield to your kind. The white blade shall invariably pass judgement upon you! (he runs away like a little bitch but at least he got a real fight this time)

Kota: Reo! Reo!!

Franz: Can you leave him to me?

Kota: But...

Franz: Worry not. He and I are the same.

Kota: ...Fine. Please take care of him.

Franz: There’s a good boy.

Kota There’s no need for you to apologise I’ll give you my blood So please, please Live I don’t want to lose you

(IN AT LEAST ONE OF THE LIVE VERSIONS HE SOUNDS LIKE HE’S STARTING TO CRY AS HE’S SINGING THE LAST LINE. WHAT EVEN IS STAGE NOCT)

Reo: Where’s Kota...?

Franz: He’s fine. You don’t expect me to ask him to share some of his blood, do you?

Reo: ...thank you, Franz.

Franz: Since you’ve been found out, you can’t stay here any longer. The next one will be coming along soon.

Reo: What have we done wrong? We only live a little longer than regular humans.

Franz: Anything unorthodox must be eliminated. That’s how humanity is.

Kota: Reo!

Reo: This is goodbye, Kota. I’m glad I met you.

Kota: I understand what’s going on now. There’s no need for you to leave!

Reo: Humans like you make even this mundane life worth living.

Kota: Are you just going to live alone like this again?

Reo: This is the fate of my kind.

Kota: ...then, take me with you. (this idiot is really out here on the ground opening his fucking collar i’m sorry i can’t take it here i’m lsoing my shit)

Reo: What...?

Kota: I’m saying I’ll keep you company. I’ll do anything, I’ll even become a vampire!

[winter telepathy time part 5] Azuma: (This distance that we haven’t...that we couldn’t break through until now...after bravely taking a step forward, I feel like we’ve become more connected to each other than ever before.)

Reo: ...Thank you, Kota. Just hearing you say that, I...

aaaand it goes into shoutai here. as always from the wiki

Reo, Kota The truth is I want to bite sweetly into the nape of your neck, and play with the red blood that flows forth Though my instincts may howl for release, I have kept them held back deep inside me If I hated you any more than I do, I would have long taken everything from you To the point that my throat runs dry, my heart has thirsted for it Listening to the tender echo of your sleeping breaths I have begun to learn what it means to fear loneliness

Reo Laughing at myself for letting a human grow on me I walk out into the depths of darkness all alone

(here i genuinely think that reo doesn’t actually bite kota again like he does in the original? like, he just kinda knocks him out and leaves his coat over him like a blanket. which makes me ??!?!!?? like...it feels like it’s really driving home the whole idea that reo doesn’t want to hurt him any more than he already has and i’m bbbhgbhhhb ok)

Reo: Good night, and sweet dreams...

Nonomiya: Hey. Hey! Are you alive? Seo-chan?! (SEO-CHAN????????????)

Kota: ...h.

Nonomiya: What, you just overslept? You had me worried since you didn’t show up to work.

Kota: (running around the room) Where’s Reo?

Nonomiya: Reo? (picks up the jacket on the floor) What’s this?

Kota: (clutching the jacket in tears) He...left me behind... (HE STARTS SOBBING ON THE FLOOR)

Nonomiya: Are you okay...? Hey...

(while kota is sobbing on the floor you can see reo at the top part of the stage staring forlornly at the whole thing. i hate it here so much)

Kota: That idiot...

(it’s in the actual show, i don’t know why it’s not included in the soundtrack? ig bc it’s like...an adlib in-universe but so is sagishima’s thing about being fond of shiki and that’s on the soundtrack. idk man. thanks for reading the vampire gays.)

#mankai stage #winter 2020 #winter troupe #yukishiro azuma #takato tasuku #mikage hisoka #arisugawa homare #tsukioka tsumugi #ueda kandai #kitazono ryo #ueda keisuke #tanaka ryousei #aramaki yoshihiko #november translations #normally the plays end with the play songs so i can just end it at the lyrics without saying anything #but noct doesn't so i just...oops #a3

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common-blackbird · 4 years

Text

it’s time... for a dragon age 2 playthrough post. scroll on!

The things i loved most:

1) the frame of the game - Cassandra interrogating Varric.

What a great way to get hook the player. Like, the opening of guards dragging this poor dwarf with cuts of the title, and then Cassandra demanding answers... Whoaaa! I have no idea if that’s usually done in games or not, but it’s definitely such an amazing intro with characters introducing themselves as well as the story so perfectly, it captivates instantly. The tutorial has a charm to it bc varric is messing around. Which serves to show more of his character. Cassandra’s personality was pretty much blank here but her presence is so powerful. Something happened, something huge and they know and i was about to find out. I can’t describe how excited that intro made me feel. Each time the scene cut to the interrogation scenes, my eyes were glued more than ever. Just GREAT.

Also it makes for a very convenient scapegoat for every plothole ever with the argument “it’s just his version of the story”.

2) The story.

It’s tragic. It’s amazing! The further you play, the more you can see that no matter what you do, everything leads to a disaster. Hawke doesn’t want to take sides, tries to mediate, does not want to get involved, but just can’t stop it. For every thing gained, Hawke loses two more. Your friends come with packages that get you involved in terrible stuff. Your good intentions result in disasters. The whole game you spent time climbing the social ladder not only to reach the top hauntingly alone after losing all of your family, but also losing even that empty title and watching as the city you started to find your place in fall apart in blood. UGH! GAH! FEELS!

3) Kirkwall.

“ But, I beg you my dear readers, never forget that, no matter the subject of any story that might ever be explored between the cliffs of Kirkwall, She will find a way to steal the thunder of the protagonist. Or become the antagonist. Kirkwall is never a mere background. We could even understand it so: the challenge for you dear readers is to prevail against the smokescreens and observe to what extent our characters are players or played by the merciless black souled stone giant. Enjoy playing the dare of the ages between the lines of these humble memoirs. “

Memoirs from the Downfall - Act I. Mirage by Pfefferminze on ao3 (fic rec!)

This paragraph summs up what Kirkwall is better than I ever could. This shrouded mystery that surrounds Kirkwall keeps you on toes. From the first intro when Varric describes it (paraphrasing from memory) “Kirkwall. The city of chains. It is a free city - keeping in mind i use the the word loosely”. You already start seeing how dark Kirkwall gets. The name, that derives from its black walls (interestingly, the walls in the game aren’t black...), the history of slavery etched into every corner of that city and its surroundings - the names (The Gallows, the Bone Pit, the Wounded Coast, the pub The Hanged Man), the scenery (sculptures of slaves, the sunken ships by the Wounded Coast, slums and underground of the Lowtown and the Darktown).

I was really digging the History of Kirkwall and it loved it. Kirkwall has a history of violence, from the times of slavery of the Tevinter Imperium, to Qunari conquests and liberation from Orlais. Many revolts and uprising. And though free now, it’s suggested that, seeing that the Templars hold the most influence, Kirkwall is in the hands of the Chantry.

It’s full of cultures mixing together. I love how not one of your companions is a native to Kirkwall, and it feels like a crossroads to every character’s life. a very tragic crossroads in their life, seeing there’s nothing ever good waiting for you in Kirkwall.

Also there’s these codex entries you look for about the Enigma of Kirkwall. It was when i started digging that up that i fell in love with the city and all. Combined with the History of Kirkwall and every codex entry for every place in and out of Kirkwall, I was pulling my hair out reading about the Enigma. I..i’m still not quite sure what happened. Did the magisters use blood of thousands upon thousands slaves to unbound a forgotten one? if so, is that corypheus? And around what time did that happen?? I get that part (or all?) of Kirkwall’s mysterious violent agency is owed to corypheus slumbering relatively close to the city, but is that all? or is there something more? In either case, the Band of Tree are my heroes.

4) The characters.

I’ll talk more about them later, but in general, i just love how they oppose each other, how complex they are, and there is just not pleasing everyone. They feel genuine. They are all deeply flawed. They all have a solid background that makes their beliefs and actions convincing. The friendship/rivalry points are shaky though, and sometimes really don’t fit the character, but i guess there must be someone hating/loving your bad choices for the sake of the game regardless of characterisation. But all in all, i really appreciated each and every character, and loved how their viewpoints challenged me.

First i want a disclaimer: i love each and every character in the game, whatever i say against them doesn’t diminish my liking of them. My issues really aren’t significant. Also, i might and probably will say smth wrong bc i’ve only played it once. I’m a baby.

let’s start with Family:

Mama Hawke:

i really loved mama hawke. after reading her codex entry and an excerpt of some book on this site, i really feel for her. I mean, imagine going back to your home city where you only remember being respected and wealthy only to find out everything you remember is gone, you are forced to live in poverty, your kids are doing dangerous jobs and you can’t stop them bc you do need that money, you write letters trying to get the old connections but keep failing (at least it was implied?), it’s really been hard for her. I get why she was so obsessed with her legacy. She wanted her childhood home back. She can’t feel like Kirkwall is her home until she is home.

Also loved her antagonism towards Hawke. It seems she can no longer treat him like a child, so she criticises him instead. and honestly, hawke is doing some crazy things so he defintiely deserves some criticism. And stopping Hawke from taking carver with him is just logical to me, idk. since she knows she can’t stop Hawke from going, she will at least attempt to prevent the last kid from going into mortal danger. I’d do the same. AND AFTER HAVING CARVER DYING IN DEEP ROADS I AGREE WITH HER

All in all, i don’t think she’s a perfect mom, but there is no perfect mom, and Leandra does care a lot for her kids. The All that remains killed me too :’(

Bethany

RIP :(

Her codex is not long, but i guess she wasn’t happy with her magic :(

CARVER

My favouritest bestest bro in the game. A secondary character with an inferiority complex towards his sibling, with no sense of humour, blaming everyone else for his inability to get a life? I see a lot of myself in him. He is sooo bitter, but doesn’t even realise (or at least doesn’t admit) that he’s his biggest obstacle. He feels like it’s Hawke’s fault for Carver not getting his place in the sun, but honestly, it’s Carver’s devotion to Hawke that keeps him from getting a life. He’s just tied with that responsibility and can’t break from it unless forced to.

His interactions with other characters are so funny. Either he’s bitter or he’s awkward, i die every time ;;__;;

Anyways, he became a templar in my game and i thought it fits better thematically (throughout the game the grey wardens felt more like a fanservice material since they really aren’t connected to the story), but after reading that meta about carver and seeing the striking difference between warden!carver and templar!carver i wanna reload and redo everything ;;__;;

i mean... carver isn’t exactly a templar material. The codex entry for templars says that the wanted characteristics of templars are strong faith and utmost obedience, none of which carver really has... . But that moment when he stands up against meredith was *chefs kiss* worth it. I’m just wondering what happens after, is he still a templar? is he with hawke? is he in Kirkwall or if not, where did he go?? so many questions ;A;

Uncle Gamlen

I feel bad for him. Mostly he’s mean but i like to think it’s bc he’s so ashamed that his sister sees what he’s become. And he’s bitter about his own life. I was so happy when i realised he has a personal mission ;__; I feel bad that he didn’t come to live in the hawke estate tho, especially since Hawke is also alone there :(

COMPANIONS!

Varric

There are no words that can properly convey the amount of love for this guy. He is simply flawless. He’s a charming godfather of the dwarven mafia. I wanna have a charming godfather of the dwarven mafia in my life... He already becomes interesting with the intro, and i gotta say, out of all ~storyteller~ types of characters, he is the best. he puts a disclaimer at the beginning with that game tutorial, and during the whole interrogation he’s like “well, how do you know i’m not lying? i could be.” Also, his voice is the second best voice in the game.

As for his personal missions, oh wow, that thing with his big bro really hurt. I also gave him the red lyrium... was that a mistake? will i regret it? ;__; I know the true friend would prevent him, but i also trust that varric knows how to handle dangerous stuff...

On a side note, since i’ve read the comics (no self control whatsoever), i loved the beginning of the Until We Sleep, where varric mentions it’s easier to imagine all the people he had to kill were evil than to face the fact that those were normal people just doing their job or trying to survive. Man, it hurts TAT

*garret hawke’s voice when he looks a certain way at the family crest in the hawke estate* ISABELA!

Ok ok, so, i love Carver bc i relate, i love Varric because he’s simply perfect. But I love Isabela because she’s the most intriguing.

She just crashed in Kirkwall and really didn’t sign up for all the trouble she got. She never likes to have deep conversations, she is always downgrading herself and you just wonder, what is it that happened in her life, and you know her past mistakes haunt her, and she’s doing her best to move on. Her arc was i think my favourite. I think the comic Those Who Speak really adds a lot to her arc in DA2 and makes some of her choices more understandable. Her whole story is about her internal conflict of whether to survive or do the right thing. Her story about freeing the slaves got her ship wrecked is great and all for making her be a pirate with a golden heart, but that story about her drowning all the slaves few years previous make this freeing of slaves a big character moment for her. She finally did the right thing. And she got for it was more trouble, because she’s a pirate which means she can’t afford to just do the right thing. And throughout the game, that same story is going back and forth. She runs off with the Relic bc she’s done the right thing before and it got her nowhere, so now she decided to put her own survival as a priority, but comes back bc she’s too kind to just leave Hawke standing like that. And again, with the slaver papers, it’s the same reasoning: it’s her or the higher cause. She needs that ship. She chooses herself. It’s her biggest flaw. But hey, between pros and antis in your party, it was really refreshing to have someone who, along with varric, just gives you a break with moral high-grounds.

I only wish we actually got to see her more as a captain in power in the game or that she showed me that amazing hat she saw in lowtown. It’s cool that it’s implied that her crew doesn’t like her and she also lost most of them during the crash while the others probably left her after.

I love it when she says she goes sometimes to the docks just to watch the ships. That there is no feeling like sailing. I just want a spin-off with captain isabela’s terrible adventures (´A`)

Also, isabela’s VA is my fave, she really did an amazing job. she voices so smoothly, i wouldn’t know if i was playing a game or watching a movie. And has such a pretty way of talking...

Aveline

I’m really neutral towards Aveline. I like her personality and i like that she’s found herself a purpose and advanced in the guards, and she’s always looking out for everybody. I just wish her personal missions went in the vein of the one in act 1... i feel it would have been more interesting to see her having trouble in her position and that you can’t just waltz into Kirkwall and take command. It’s implied she’s being pressured, so i guess she’s just dealing with it herself, but i just... eh. She’s ok.

Merrill

Merrill actually has one of the if not the most tragic story-line that really challenges you both morally and emotionally.

Her cheerful and cute personality is dampened by her constant dark leitmotif of willingly practicing blood magic. And i think her story really showed well the indirect consequences of it.

Not in one instance was Merrill’s practice of blood magic an active culprit for all tragedy that surrounds her. First, it seems that blood magic is practiced in the clan, seeing there is no freeing Flemeth without it, but i’m guessing it’s seldom practiced and with great caution. So Merrill wasn’t in any danger of being prosecuted for her blood magic. It’s actually her wish to study it further with the help of the demon that makes her an outcast. That and the magic mirror that apparently is forgotten for a reason. Also, it’s made quite clear that Merrill would be welcomed back no questions asked if she at any point decided to ditch the demon and live without the study of magic mirror. She, on the other side, is driven by the higher cause, the idea that figuring out the forgotten purpose of some evil mirror might help her clan, and is willing to be an outcast if it means reaching her goal and helping her clan. Fast foward to act 3, the clan is still there when they should have moved away, and it’s only when you face the demon possessed Keeper, you realise why. She knew Merrill would sooner or later bargain with the demon again. And she sacrificed herself, trapping the demon within her, as to prevent it. And i think that is why the clan stayed so long there. She waited for Merrill because she wanted Merrill to kill her, and hopefully with her the demon. It didn’t go as planned, obviously, but i really think she had good intentions. When Merrill does manage to kill the Keeper she’s forced to face the clan and i chose the wrong option of telling the truth which resulted in a massacre. Merrill gets back and regrets everything. She, however resolves to help the alienage.

The thing is, there is no one to blame Everyone had the best intentions. Everyone is working for the safety of the clan. it’s a story of sacrifice and when sacrifice feels like the wrong choice (whether it truly is or isn’t depends on your worldview) and it’s really done well.

But here are my issues with Merrill. I love her as a character, but i don’t agree with her decisions. It’s a personal issue. Merrill is giving up everything as to help her clan by learning history of the evil mirror. And while this is a game where old things are important and significant, her mission is always explained as this duty of preserving history. And while i agree that preserving history is very important, there is a limit to it. you should never put history before the present. If your research endangers the present, you give up on that line. The other is that you need to make peace with the fact that many, many things are forgotten and will be forgotten. It’s sad, but you gotta make peace with the fact that some things are just gone.

And Merrill, who is a magic historian, fails to see that. So that kinda irks my historian moral codex. And in the end, as far as i know, Merrill doesn’t succeed in reviving the evil mirror and dedicates herself to help the alienage. It was a terrible way to learn that some things aren’t worth it.

The other, less personal issue, is that none of this had to happen. I mean, the keeper obviously didn’t think Merrill was experienced enough to actually deal with demons and therefore distrusted her and warned the clan about it. So, if Merrill was a little bit more patient she could have just studied normally under the keeper, and when she herself becomes the keeper, she could have fraternize with that demon however she wanted without much complications. So yeah... i guess youth is made of idealism.

But as i said, minor issues. Her story is really, really great.

Fenris

Fenris and Anders are my “i love you but i am soo annoyed by you but i still love you” characters. Half of the time they’re just there to make you feel guilty for being a neutral party. Which sometimes has me rolling my eyes. If Fenris and Anders actually got along with each other, slavery and mage oppression would have ended in 2 days. Which makes it all the more frustrating that they do not.

Fenris.. his voice. What a nice voice colour. So elegant, but kinda rough, sometimes he talks like he’s 80 years old, sometimes like he’s a teenager. I love it.

As for the rest, i mean, i don’t agree with his methods, but very often, the guy’s got a point. I get his experience with mages colours his view on them, so while i symphatise, it’s really hard to have him on my “free mages” missions when he’s my best tank and i want him to be on friendly terms with Hawke so this makes things... difficult. That aside, it’s interesting that fenris doesn’t see mages as evil per se, but rather victims who, in his experience, will always, always going to succumb to a demon. It’s an inevitable reality to him. And this makes me wonder if he ultimately, despite being his friend or lover, is just waiting for the day he will be forced to kill Hawke too :(

As for his missions, they were ok, it led up to culmination and i didn’t let him kill his sister bc Hawke has just lost his mom, don’t do smth you’ll regret ;__;

also, somewhere around the end of act 2 i decided to romance fenris bc i love to suffer, so i worked the whole act 3 trying to get more aproval points and also wondering why are there no romance options when i talk to him... turns out that one night stand with isabela romanced her and canceled fenris. But i never even finished the romance with her so i’m just ??? about it all.

I wish it was more explained about the tattoos fenris has? I just thought the tattoos would play a big role somewhere in the game and it just never happened. There was a banter with Merrill about how his tattoos are similar to valaslin, so i thought, hmm, interesting, maybe the two are connected. But nah they just glow in the dark and make you pass through walls. Whatevs.

also dude just goes and kills without a second thought, i’m just “mate, you gotta calm down”. But that’s his thing. He’s constantly bitter and is very bad at anger management. I can’t blame him, considering he lacks around 10- 20 years of experience due to amnesia.

He’s the only one who left me when Hawke sided with mages, and i was like, “ok i getcha, it’s been nice knowing you”, but then when i asked him to join me 5 minutes later he just went “ok changed my mind” which was so funny, like, where did all that integrity dissappear??? It would have been more impactful if the dialogue went in the line of “i want to stand by my principals but you’re a living breathing proof that not all mages are weak to succumb to demons so i’ll join you in the end” (and then side-eye “i told you so” when orsino turns into a demon)

And i wanna read the fenris comic now bc my question for every character here is what is their fate after kirkwall. I only know that isabela & varric are working for alistair and merrill wants to help the alienage. Aveline is i guess either dismissed from her job or got a pass after cullen took the command. But Carver?? Fenris?? Anders?? They never talked about long term plans...

Anders

ooh boy, here we go. there are many questions i have for him and am generally just hmmmm. First, as for his pro-mage rights - it’s like opposite fenris so i just have the same feelings: you mean well, i don’t agree with your methods, your experiences define your worldview so i let some things slide, but other things i will not agree with. Though, question: in how many circles has Anders been? He knows the kirkwall circle, he knows the fereldan circle. Seeing he has excaped 7 times, did they send him to a different circle each time or was the fereldan the last one? or the first one? Or maybe it was his boyfriend they transferred? did i miss something?

I’ll just whisper: awakening!Anders >>> da2!Anders. I just miss the old anders. Which says a lot bc during the awakening i was just “shut up anders”. I miss his bad jokes, his terrible attempts at flirting, his enjoyment of freedom, nagging all the time, and generally being more moderate in pro-mage rights. Like, in awakening, because it was not the only thing he talked about, it felt more personal and intense. Here mage-rights are the only thing he ever talks about + justice. I mean, please correct me if i’m wrong, this was just general impression. But to defend da2!Anders here, it makes sense that merging with mixed both of their personality, and i like that they did that. It’s also very sad.

The thing is, when i’m thinking about anders, i love his story and character. Just as it’s terrible that Fenris, having no memory from before being Fenris, Anders can never go back to being just Anders. And this, people, is why you don’t fraternize with spirits. He’s obviously afraid of how justice is affecting him and there are some bare traces of his old personality and i guess he wouldn’t be as radical if he didn’t have justice personality that can’t stand the injustice. And in combination with anders quite selfish personality (form awakening, and i say that lovingly), it makes him do things that justice wouldn’t condone. Anders is literally a walking bomb.

Again, same problem as with fenris, i really thought that the justice glow would have a incredibly significant culmination, and it didn’t, it was just to show that anders and justice are very bitter. Eh, ok.

Also, i let anders join after he blew up the chantry, bc he started it, so might as well follow it through.

Some minor characters that i remember

Senechal Bran for the next Viscount! He hated hawke so much but still put up with him.

Feynriel is the coolest mage in Kirkwall. I think his missions were my favourite. Dude goes from “oh no i’m a mage” to “i will just dreamwalk to tevinter and learn control the reality” to “i dream-killed bad people from thousands of miles away”. Does he appear in the next game? I want him on my side. He’s so cool.

I think the Maker is sending Cullen signs to quit being a templar. First job: evil mages that tortured you. Instead of “this job will kill you” h took it as a “never trusting mages again, got it”. Second job: your boss is evil possessed paranoid maniac. Man, talk about bad luck.

What is the story of the Lady Elegant?

Flemeth had that big great talk at the beginning of the game and i thought by the end of the game i’d realise what it meant, but nope, still no clue.

Ok so I defeated Corypheus, but there was this looong shot of Larius walking away. Corypheus possessed larius, didn’t he? He’s out there. In a madman’s body. I know he appears in inquisition.

Many thoughts

I gotta say, in Kirkwall, at least, it didn’t feel like much of a challenge to pick a side. Like, there was no mage who said “hey i actually really like it here in the circle, the templars aren’t so bad”, and having templars actually smuggling mages from the circle says a lot to say the least. Every time a mage talks to you, unless you go with “oh they’re 100% lying”, their stories invoke sympathy and of course you want to help them. And then in 99% cases they turn to blood magic bc there was no other way. Except that dude who always hanged out with the wrong people, he only did blood magic to save Carver. But yeah, that turning to blood magic was like having Fenris side-eye me with an unspoken “i told you so” bc every mage, whether in desperation or hunger for power, will turn sooner or later into a demon. Regardless, blood magic was always in the act of desperation and self-defense. The only times where magic was actually evil was the slavers and the serial killer, who is a madman.

When i was reading the Enigma of Kirkwall, there was a part that talks of a blood-mage conspiracy and i was all, oh shit, there is a reason why templars are mean to mages! maybe the conspirators are framing innocent mages on blood magic crimes that they actually commit, maybe Meredith is actually on trail of the conspirators, maybe there is a reason for animosity on both sides. After all, Kirkwall was known for having a bigger number of apostates, a bigger number of blood magic cases and far more ruthless templars. It added up.Thinking back now, i never even got any specific reason why meredith was so intensely anti-mage, other than going mad.

But yeah, no conspirators. Just sad mages and mean templars, and good templars that get screwed by desperate and mean mages.

While in Kirkwall it’s easy to be a pro-mage, i was thinking a lot about mage-rights in general so let me indulge myself: there are circles, but the mages aren’t oppressed. Rather, the circles would be educational centres and society in every larger city where one learns how to properly handle magic bc magic is dangerous. You can leave when you pass the final exam and also come back anytime to hang out with mages who decide to live there since the institution would support mages.

Also, when one gets possessed, i’d invest more into “walk into their head and free them of demons” specialists. It’d be cool if you could have a dreamer who does that bc no lyrium spent. Honestly, why don’t they ever do that? How did the keeper do that rite for Feynriel? Was it blood magic?

I guess, you’d still have to answer for your crimes, tho no death punishment and degradation allowed. Blood magic wouldn’t be punishable by death, but rather have specialists who study it, but practice with extreme caution and use of another person’s blood is strictly prohibited.

Templars would still exist but completely reformed. No more “mages are all potential disasters”, but i’d rather make it that mages can too be templars, since they both have abilities that prevents the others from casting magic. This way the control system would be much like the dalish: if the keeper(mage) is possessed, the clan (which means the non-mages and the first(mage)) need to kill them. You could argue that you don’t need templars as non-mages, since mages can do it too, but seeing that in general people fear magic and feel inferior to it (since there’s a collective memory of the great tevinter imperium), having non-magic specialists would make them feel like on equal ground. The extra-reformed templars would be under Circle, not under direct command of the chantry, and circle, depending of whether chantry is reformed, might or might not be under chantry.

(a side note, i was thinking about templars recently and i can’t recall an instance where it says who had the clever idea to chew lyrium first? i just wanna know)

I know that DA2 wasn’t about grey wardens and therefore not about darkspawn, but seeing as in legacy we get corypheus being... an evil version of the Architect(??), i was only wondering do we get more answers about the darkspawn? is there hope for them? is the Architect still alive?

And oh, to turn to the Anders question:

Is he a terrorist, or was that just activism? I mean, i don’t see why those two can’t go together. blasting a building with a symbolic significance killing and harming many innocent people to get a message of your radical activism across belongs into a schoolbook of terrorism. Does he have a good cause? He sure believes so, and i, too, agree that mages should not be oppressed for just being mages. But does that mean this is the right way to do it? Personally, i do not condone any act of violence in service of a political or religious cause. I know it’s sometimes inevitable, but i like to believe there are more diplomatic ways, or at least not including an attack on civilians.

That aside, the moment where anders goes in front and just announces that the church was gonna blow up in a minute was the best anders moment for me. Until that point i more or less just viewed his activism as a hobby since he just did it in his free time, but now he put his money where his mouth is and freaking went all out. Cool character moment. And incredibly heartwrenching. He was aware of how many innocents he killed, but just didn’t see other way to get the point across.

I still don’t agree with his idea of blowing up the church tho. Maybe if he told Hawke, they could have done something to empty the church previously and further people away from it and then blow it up?

But still, blowing up religious buildings isn’t the answer. If i was the radical mage activist, i would have gone for the open assassination. Seeing it worked in WW1, i don’t see why it couldn’t start a fantasy war.

Some random things i liked:

uniportant but lovable interractions in the house: it starts innocently with gamlen’s house, to see how you’re doing, and becomes really fun during act 2 when you see your friends have been here and left you things. In act 3, however, it feels melancholic. no more family to come back to, just ghosts of friends that have visited, Bodahn and Sandal being there for you, Orana still not getting some sunlight and your dog at the fireplace. The Hawke Family Suite is playing, and you feel older than you are, lonlier than you should be. just... ouch. I hope Bodahn adopted Orana and took her out of Kirkwall :(

t i named the dog “Maker” which is very funny to me bc every time i summon the dog i just imagine Hawke yelling “Maker help us”. Carver hates the name bc he needs to chase the dog often in the streets. Mama Hawke never ever calls the dog Maker, but she never has to call the dog anything: he’s super obedient towards her.

Fighting wasn’t as hard as in origins, i like that.

The haunted house mission was so cool.

When random people greet aveline in Hightown.

And that’s i think about it. There are probably plenty more things i loved, but i think this is already enough. if somebody told me i’d be playing so much this year, i’d laugh, but I already want to play the next game ;;___;;

#don't klick keep reading if you aren't ready to scroll endlessly #a very long post #in which i:#love everything #stan carver #cry over fictional characters #need a romance manual #form political opinions in a fictional game #give a random fic rec that is so worth your time #if you've read this you're a hero and i'm sorry #da2 #spoilers for those who plan to play #it took me a week to write this god

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paradise-creator · 3 years

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OwO when u have time,, can I have a haven box for BNHA?? But just when you’re free and not working on prior works!! >:( I’m watching u bish

You can use my name in the result if you want to lol I already know it anyway!!

She/her, Taurus, INTJ, slytherin (pretty freakin’ queer but I usually lean towards boys/enbies more)

Personality: the first thing people notice about me is that I am less of a feeler and more of a thinker. I do have an IQ of 125, but my emotional intelligence is quite low, so I have trouble sympathizing with others. But I learned through experience, so I don’t SEEM emotionless. I can (and will) help my friends through tough times if they need me. I’m pragmatic, so I always go for the facts instead of the feelings during decision making or tough situations. I hold a lot of perfectionist traits that make it really hard for me to be satisfied with my results if they aren’t higher than the norm. I also have a slight issue with saying no, so sometimes I’ll offer my help or enrol myself in long-term projects while knowing I legit do not have time for more stuff on my schedule. Being a bit smarter than average, I sometimes feel like I’m obligated to help others so that they can do good too (however, I do like helping people with their hw to a certain extent). I’m working on those issues though!! I’m also an introvert, and I can get rlly tired if I have to be interacting for more than four hours straight with people, especially if their persona isn’t rlly compatible with mine.

However, when I’m surrounded by friends (or generally people who aren’t my superiors), I’m very energetic, loud, silly and I have a sharp tongue. I’m also insanely competitive, like someone please stop me?? My sense of humour goes from absolute nonsense to almost mean spirited sarcasm, but it all depends on who I’m talking to. I’m a MAJOR memer, I have a bunch of files filled with them, and I couldn’t bear be with people who didn’t understand my meme references. When I start liking something, I can get easily obsessed. I’m stubborn, therefore very passionate about the things I care about. I also have a slight case of the Endorphin Junkie, meaning that I really, really like the high you get after sports so I do crossfit training like five to six times a week. I’m unapologetically myself, and I will not ever change who I am to fit within the norm. I’m sometimes told that (that I’m odd, I mean), but I usually thank the people who tell me. I have a really, really big love for music and I have a tendency to break into song sometimes when people say a line from a song I know. I also cry sometimes when music gets really good ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whoops

Appearance: I’m around 5’6”, with hazel eyes and brown hair that goes around to my shoulders. It gets curly out of nowhere. I can either wake up with straight hair or wake up with a freakin perm, it’s funny. My body isn’t exactly the lean type, I’m somewhere around the buff area of the scale instead, but as long as I seem visibly strong, I’m satisfied. When I’m not going anywhere significant, I usually just wear sport shirts and sweats, but I have a penchant for Dark Academia so I like /looking/ like I’m smart sometimes. And I have glasses bc apparently my eyes are assholes and they work too hard and it hurts my brain all the time

Likes: music (DavidBowieDavidBowieDavidBow-); I have a really wide range of music that goes from early 2000’s pop to 1700’s requiems(my faves are Bowie, Queen and Pink Floyd). I enjoy studying theoretical fields, reading, and I like talking about Absurd Theories About Reality That Make Little To No Sense. I like sports, and I love joking around with friends in the most exaggerated ways. I also love the colour green and I’m more of a cat person

Dislikes: dogs (they’re cute but keep them away pls), ignorant people, irresponsible people, spiders, things I’m not good at from the beginning, having to deal with strangers being upset, crying (me. I don’t like crying; I mean me, I’m fine if my friends cry)

Other fun facts!!

- my goals for the future are all over the place; I want to work for Disney, I want to get a musical composition degree, I want a biomedical engineering bachelors degree, I want an astrophysics doctorate, I want to study languages, I want to be a foreign English teacher... I can’t ever decide.

- I have a long history with getting crushes on guys who turned out to be gay. It happens so often and I HATE IT, it makes me feel terrible.

- I!!love!!70’s!!music!!so!!much!! I was raised on that stuff, my dad wouldn’t let us listen to anything else

- Lol my favourite playlist name is Drugs Playlist But I Don’t Even Do Drugs it’s just a bunch of Pink Floyd and David Bowie songs

- My favourite movies are 80’s or 90’s comedy classics!! Like Wayne’s World, or Airplane!, or Night at the Roxbury. I keep quoting Wayne’s World and no one understands :(

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Hello and Welcome my Starlight!

The Haven box includes:

- Match up

- Sun drop

- Flashes of memory

- Truth or dare gone wrong

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

I'd match you up with

Sero Hanata, Cellophane

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Sun drops

The reasons I paired you

- It me awhile to think about who to match you up with

- I was thinking of either Bakugou or Denki

- BUT THEN I REMEMBERED SERO

- Sero is such an underrated character smh

- BUT THIS DYNAMIC IS WHAT I LIVE FOR

-At first, you might be annoyed at his lack of knowledge but you over past that

- His EQ can help you grow as a person as well

- You have the IQ he has the EQ, BALANCE!

- You two would often have laughing sessions at class

- No cap tho, you two would be the most interesting couple

- You guys would have a matching necklace or a Keychain (IDK why but I feel like it-)

- You get along well with Denki, (IT TOOK A LONG TIME)

- But you would rather hang out with Bakugou (He tolerates you more than the others).

- BRO, please give him love. He craves your attention

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Flashes of memories

Sero: Hello there hot stuff!

Eve: Hello there Soy sauce

Sero: NOT YOU TOO

Eve: Just kidding, Hello babe

Sero: ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?

Eve: Yes, killing you with love

Sero: Dang that's smooth

-------------------------

Sero: He-

Eve: I didn't take your Pocky, Denki did

Sero: How-

Eve: You've been yelling about it for the past few minutes

Sero: Oh-

-------------------------

Sero: Can you help me with studying?

Eve: Struggling again?

Sero: Yes...

Eve: Why did I date you again?

Sero: Please?

Eve: ...

Also Eve: Fine

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Truth or dare gone wrong

The class 1-A were all gathered in their common room, even Bakugou was present. The class was having a truth or dare session, it seemed interesting. “Sero, my man! Truth or dare?” Denki asked as he looked at Sero. “Truth! I choose truth,” Sero said. “Who have you been talking on the phone to this past weeks? The one I keep hearing is my pumpkin?” Denki asked. Sero’s face then turned a light shade of pink. “O-Oh- ummm,” He started as he looked away. “Does our Cellophane have a girlfriend?” Mina teased as she poked Sero. “Y-Yeah,” He stuttered. “OI THAT’S NOT FAIR?!? WHY CAN YOU HAVE A GIRL BUT I CAN’T,” Denki sulked as he placed his head on the table. “If you weren’t such a perv then maybe you can get one!” Hakagure responded.

“Don’t be shy. Tell us more,” Mina said. Sero’s blush darkened and he looked away. “We are playing truth or dare! It’s my turn to ask,” Sero then said. “Actually, I am quite curious as well. We can always continue later,” Momo said as she smiled. Everyone agreed and they then looked at the nervous male. “C’mon now guys, this is unfair,” Sero said as he looked at everyone. “But you have a girl and we want tea,” Mina then said as she sat in front of him. “I- um, you guys really want to know about her, huh?” Sero said as he chuckled. Everyone nodded and stared at Sero intently. “Just tell us already, Soy sauce,” Bakugou growled as he glared at Sero. “Don’t listen to him, bro. He is just jealous,” Kirishima said. “WHAT-“ Bakugou was about to counter but was silenced. “Fine! Fine! You got me in a corner,” Sero then said as he chuckled. “She should be coming here,” He added as he looked at the door. “Three, two, one,” He then said as he pointed to the door.

“Hello, is Sero Hanta here?”A feminine voice said. “ARE YOU A PSYCHIC?” Denki said as he looked surprised. “I’m right here pumpkin!” Sero then said as he smirked. His nervousness melted away as he saw the 5’6ft girl. It was his girlfriend, Eve, and he was overjoyed. “Hey there babe!” She then said as she smiled. “DANG YOU GOT A FINE LADY!” Denki then yelled as he checked her out. “Keep your eyes above for I’ll gorge them out,” Eve then said as she glared at Denki. Soon enough, Mineta tried to touch her as well but his efforts were at vain. Sero used his tape as to stop Mineta from getting closer. And Eve kicked him away, far away from her. “Get your filthy hands away from her,” Sero said as he stood up. He then wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. “Woah, that was so manly!” Kirishima said as he smiled.

“GIRLS! GET HER-“ Mina said as she tackled the girl. They didn’t fall down but Mina was laughing and hugging her. “Girl! How long have you been together?” Mina asked as she pulled away. Eve was a bit uncomfortable but she merely had a stoic face. “A few weeks,” She responded bluntly. And soon enough, the truth or dare session was forgotten. It was replace with the class 1-A trying to pry out the tea from the couple. Did they succeed? No, not really. Though the class seemed to love Eve and her antics. The class even tried to make them forget about the date they have planned. But either way, Sero and Eve got manage to get away to have their small movie date at his room.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Author's note

Hai bb! I'm sorry it took so long. But thanks for requesting again~

#☁️matchup #fanfic #fiction #anime #bnha imagines #bnha matchup #bnha sero #hanta sero #mha sero #mha

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trensu · 4 years

Text

Episode 21: The One where the Siblings Know Things

So you know how when you grow up with siblings, they get to know you in really annoying and inconvenient ways? Like, they can just look at you and Know Something is Up when really you want them to mind their own business

Apparently this is a thing even for cultivators in Ancient Fantasy China

It’s pretty great!!!

(for us, not for the siblings in the show)

(they probably just want their siblings to shut up about it already)

BUT WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT IT INSTEAD LOL

The yunmeng sibs are reunited it’s all teary and happy and kind of hurt-y

Jyl: we’re all together again. Together forever, the three of us!!

*HYSTERICAL SOBBING*

IT’S A LIIIIIEEE

And NHS interrupts bc ofc he does and he gives us a little hint of wangxian

He reaches out to pat wwx’s shoulder in welcome, but wwx pulls back from it so hard there’s an awkward silence for a minute there

But wwx and nhs are bros so nhs just rolls with it

Nhs: oh, we were all so worried, everyone’s been looking everywhere for you especially jc and LWJ~!

And here jc drags him out bc god forbid anybody mention him having feelings to anybody yeesh

Wwx ends up alone in the room after that and suddenly ~THEIR SONG~ starts playing at a very slow, melancholic tempo

Wwx grabs his flute and gets lost in his head for a bit

And as he’s lost in thought, lwj walks by and sees him sitting all alone in that room

AND HE JUST STANDS THERE

observing him for a bit

lwj why are you just standing there??

LWJ DO SOMETHING

And we get the return of the Bichen Death Grip

You know the one

He does it every time he’s experiencing Emotions over Wei Ying.

STOP DOING THE DEATH GRIP OF GAY YEARNING AND GO TALK TO YOUR SOULMATE ALREADY GOD DAMN IT

(spoiler alert: he doesn’t)

(nobody in this show ever listens to me, what the heck)

Then we cut to the evil wen lair

Boring Plot Stuff happens.

Now we’re back at Qinghe and everyone’s at a dinner party!

NMJ is doing a whole toast to like, honor wwx’s return or smth

And wwx doesn’t even notice bc JK NOT EVERYBODY IS THERE

GUESS WHO’S MISSING

LWJ. LWJ IS THE ONE NOT AT THE PARTY

Yeah, so wwx is getting honored by a sect leader and everybody’s faced towards him to like, take a shot in his name

And wwx is totally oblivious

wwx is ignoring the opportunity to take a shot of alcohol

wwx is ignoring ALCOHOL bc he’s too busy STARING AT THE EMPTY TABLE BEHIND HIM

THE EMPTY TABLE THAT SHOULD HAVE LWJ

LITERALLY EVERYONE JUST CHEERED FOR HIM AND HE WAS TOO FOCUSED ON THE LACK OF LWJ TO NOTICE!!!

Eventually jc gets his attention and they finish the toast and we have nmj interrogating wwx about the lack of suibian

This Becomes a Thing

Ppl are like super offended he doesn’t have his sword

We meet Sect Leader Yao here (and we immediately hate him bc he is the most obnoxious person ever) who starts to gossip about this with everyone else

SHUT UP YAO NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU

And jin zixun chimes in

SHUT UP JIN ZIXUN NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU EITHER

GOD THEY’RE BOTH THE WORST

Anyway, the only reason any of this is mentioned is bc ppl are already turning against wwx and it causes a Moral Quandary later on for lwj

Moving on bc we don’t want to spend more time on those jerks than absolutely necessary…

We cut to lwj!! He’s alone in his designated room playing the guqin

He’s so focused on playing it well

His concentrated expression is pretty~

I think he’s playing the song of clarity or whatever it’s called (idk, it’s some kind of Magic Music)

Which would explain why he’s so intent on playing it right

BC HE WANTS TO PLAY IT FOR WWX SO WWX CAN GET BETTER

We cut back to the dinner party where everyone’s still gossiping like high school kids, ugh, but we’re tolerating it because jyl starts to give us some wangxian pie

Jyl: where’s lwj? Haven’t you two been getting along well?

JYL KNOWS WHATS UP

Wwx: is that so? (he says bitterly)

(wwx, this is your own fault. If you hadn’t been so mean to him before, he’d probs be there rn)

Eventually wwx gets fed up with the gossiping, snags a wine jar and leaves (yao is super insulted and it’s great)

Now wwx is wandering alone, drinking wine (he’s kind of a drunkard, if you hadn’t noticed yet) and HE SEES LWJ’S SILHOUETTE

Lwj is still alone in his rooms playing the guqin (~BEAUTIFULLY~)

And wwx pauses briefly to watch him

He starts walking away but stops himself a small distance later and makes himself comfortable leaning against some fence nearby AND STAYS THERE LISTENING TO LWJ PLAY

As he’s listening to lwj play, he flashes back to LWJ telling him that his wicked tricks will hurt him

EVERYBODY IS HURTING RIGHT NOW

LWJ IS ALL ALONE PLAYING HIS GUQIN

WWX IS ALL ALONE DRINKING HIS WINE

AND WE’RE ALL ALONE WATCHING THIS GO DOWN

AND THEY’RE BOTH HURTING BC THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT THINGS

AND WE’RE HURTING BC THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT THINGS

Now JC shows up to demonstrate that thing siblings do where they pick up on each other’s moods and get obnoxious about it

Jc: why do you look so gloomy? Is it bc of lwj?

JC KNOWS WHATS UP

Jc: he’s been avoiding you since we split up

Jc: why did you come here to be disliked by him?

WHY DID YOU COME HERE, HE SAYS, WHY DID YOU COME HERE OUTSIDE HIS ROOMS AND THEN JUST LOITER LIKE SOME CREEPY STALKER

Wwx: maybe i’m just bored

(his smile here is NOT his sunshine smile, it’s a very SAD smile. it gave me Depression™ )

Other stuff happens that are plotty and unimportant

There’s a scary bit where jyl get attacked by wwx’s flute but she handles it with grace bc she’s awesome

She’s like, ah, so i guess it recognizes you as its owner, you better name it then

And now wwx’s demon flute has a name. Chenqing

After that, wwx is looking at chenqing thoughtfully as ~THEIR SONG~ starts playing

And we cut to LWJ who grabs bichen and also starts looking thoughtfully at it

LWJ THEN STARTS A FLASHBACK TO WHEN THEY WERE IN SCHOOL TOGETHER AND WWX TALKED ABOUT HARNESSING RESENTFUL ENERGY

LWJ LOOKS SO UNHAPPY HERE

We cut to the evil wen lair for some bizarre reason bc obvs we’re not here for evil wens, we’re here for wangxiantics

After THAT nonsense is done, we cut back to wwx and get to see him fail at meditation. After this he disappears for a bit.

We know this bc there’s a strategy meeting and jin zixun throws a hissy fit bc wwx isn’t there

Lwj is there and is stoically silent throughout it.

Nothing else of importance happens here

We find out wwx is out and about and sort of loses control of the resentful energy when he sees defenseless wens (the good ones!) getting bullied and whipped

It’s scary

Wwx plays his demon flute but doesn’t seem to be doing it by conscious choice

THIS IS BAD NEWS GUYS

IT WILL LEAD TO SAD TIMES FOR OUR BOYS

But for now we cut back to the strategy meeting where nothing happens but we do get some shots of lwj’s face so it’s not TOTAL waste of time

AND THEN WWX MAKES HIS ENTRANCE

DOORS SLAM OPEN WITH A STRONG BURST OF WIND

ROBES BILLOWING AROUND HIM AND HIS HAIR FLOWING MAJESTICALLY

I LOVE MY CHAOTIC BI

LOOK AT HIM

Wwx: yeah, don’t worry about the Plot Device,bros, i got this

Lxc: what are you planning to do?

Wwx: you’ll see in a month~!

After the meeting the lan bros have a scene

We haven’t had lan bro time in a while, and this lan bro time is definitely worth the wait

Lxc: why is wwx so confident he’ll be able to handle the Plot Device?

LXC JUST ASSUMES LWJ WILL KNOW THIS

BC HE KNOWS HOW CLOSE THEY ARE

BC SIBLINGS JUST KNOW THINGS

Lwj: I don’t know

AND IT KILLS HIM THAT WWX WON’T LET HIM CLOSE ENOUGH, WON’T LET HIM IN

Lxc: the deaths at yiling, were they related to the Plot Device?

Lwj: No, lxc. He’s not like that.

HE’S NOT LIKE THAT

DID YOU HEAR HIM?

HE HAS FAITH IN HIS SOULMATE

EVEN AS OTHERS ARE STARTING TO DOUBT HIM

And now our lan bro time gets INTENSE

Lwj: lxc, are there rules already set for everything in the world?

Lxc tells him no, there are no set rules in the world, right and wrong are not always clear

Lwj: if people can’t be judged simply this way, then how do we evaluate a person?

Lxc: what makes us human can’t be judged simply as right or wrong. As we evaluate others, we shall not label them black or white but know their intentions deep inside

SUCH AN INTENSE CONVERSATION

SO VERY IMPORTANT

IT WILL SHAPE BASICALLY EVERYTHING LWJ DOES FROM NOW AND FOREVER

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO WWX

(who are we kidding, this whole convo was obviously about wwx from start to finish, lxc knows this)

Oh, and now the yunmeng bros show up. They’re walking along the same path as the lan bros and they pause when they see them

More specifically, there’s an awkward pause as lwj and wwx notice each other

AND IT’S SO FUNNY BC JC LOOKS AT WWX AS SOON AS LWJ COMES INTO VIEW

AND LXC LOOKS AT LWJ AS SOON AS LWJ NOTICES WWX

BC JC AND LXC KNOW WHATS UP

THEY BOTH KNOW THEIR BROTHERS ARE HELPLESS FOR ONE ANOTHER

IT’S LIKE THEY’RE WAITING TO SEE WHAT THEIR BROTHERS WILL DO

The awkward pause ends and the two pairs of brothers reach each other and do the formal greeting bow

Once they’re that close to each other, wwx’s attention immediately goes to lwj and lwj’s attention goes to wwx bc ofc it does

BUT THEY SAY NOTHING

NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING TO ANYONE

WHAT THE HECK

COMMUNICATION, EVER HEARD OF IT BROS??

Then wwx drops his gaze and looks away

And then he proceeds to WALK AWAY WITHOUT A WORD????

Lol jc gets kind of flustered here.

He watches wwx walk away and is like ‘?!?!?’

He looks awkwardly at the lan bros, dithers for half a second, and then follows wwx

Now we’re alone with the lan bros again, And lxc is still trying so hard to wingman his bro!! Bc lxc knows whats up

Lxc: lwj, if you’re worried about wwx…

Lwj: not a bit.

And then he walks off! Just walks out on his brother again!!

LWJ I THOUGHT WE WERE PAST THIS ALREADY

THE WHOLE ‘NO OFC I DON’T CARE ABOUT WWX’ AND STORMING OFF

WHAT HAPPENED LWJ

STOP REGRESSING

THAT’S NOT GONNA HELP

Now we’re with the Yunmeng bros

Jc: be honest with me, you and lwj decided to cut ties just like that?

(jc still knows whats up)

Wwx: he’s the one who cut ties, not me!

MAYBE IF YOU HADN’T BEEN SO MEAN TO HIM BEFORE WWX, HE WOULDN’T BE AVOIDING YOU

We cut to lwj who’s walking alone now. Some time must’ve passed but it’s unclear how much tbh

Lwj walks towards a door

wwx’s door to be exact

And he almost knocks on the door

but he chickens out

HE WAS SO CLOSE!! SO!! CLOSE!!!

HIS FIST WAS RAISED AND JUST A COUPLE INCHES FROM THE DOOR

AND HE STOPS HIMSELF???

He just stared at the door and then didn’t knock on it

I’M SO FRUSTRATED WITH YOU LWJ

AND HE JUST TURNS TO WALK AWAY LIKE NOTHING???

Thank god jyl shows up and stops him bc jyl still knows whats up

Jyl: are you here for wwx?

Instead of answering, lwj bows politely at her and turns to walk away AGAIN

(which, rude, don’t leave your future sister-in-law hanging like that)

Jyl: wait, i have a question for you

We cut to wwx who is walking to his room and he overhears lwj and jyl talking about how wicked tricks hurt the mind/body

wwx interrupts and he’s very cold about it

Wwx: lan zhan, what are you telling jyl?

Lwj: wei ying

Wwx: i remember telling you to stay out of our business

GUYS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW ICY HIS TONE IS HERE

HE’S COMPLETELY FREEZING OUT LWJ, HIS SOULMATE

Lwj’s eyes flicker down for a second bc

THAT

SHIT

HURTED

Then he just turns on his heel and walks away

He walks away quickly

He was fleeing the scene bc it hurt so damn much

Jyl comes to lwj’s defense and tells wwx that lwj was only answering questions she had asked him.

Wwx asks her if lwj mentioned anything about what went down in Yiling, and she tells him that lwj didn’t say anything about that.

We cut to a courtyard or smth and we see wwx chasing down lwj

Wwx: lan zhan, lan zhan!

IT’S SUCH A RELIEF

HE ALMOST SOUNDS NORMAL HERE

And then lwj ruins it by attacking him with bichen

Wwx blocks him with his demon flute (and that works??? for Magic Reasons, i guess??? Pretty sure the flute should’ve been sliced to pieces but whatev)

After a brief scuffle, lwj manages to get bichen at wwx’s throat

Wwx freezes, eyes closed, and waits for the hit to land

Like he really thought lwj would cut his throat open just like that??? WHY DO YOU THINK HE’D EVER HURT YOU?? WHY?? HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH

Lwj obviously doesn’t let the hit land

But the tip of his blade stops only a hair’s width away from wwx’s throat

(it’s kinda hot, and i couldn’t even tell you why…)

(actually it’s probably bc of all that exposed neck wwx is showing)

(so open…and vulnerable…)

(…uh, moving along now)

Once wwx realizes he’s not getting beheaded today, he gets all playful. PLAYFUL!! WE HAVEN’T SEEN THIS SINCE BEFORE LOTUS PIER’S FALL!! it’s beautiful, i’ve missed it so much

Wwx: all these months, and you’ve only improved!

Lwj: it’s you who hasn’t improved at all! Where is suibian?”

And for a change of pace, we get to see wwx doing a Death Grip on Chenqing

That’s the end of the episode

SO INTENSE

SO MANY FEELINGS

SO MANY KNOWING SIBLINGS WHO KNOW THINGS ABOUT THEIR BROTHERS AND THEIR GENERAL INEPTITUDE WITH FEELINGS!!

20/10 stars for Siblings manning the Wangxian Ship.

Return to Masterpost

#WangXiantics #wangxian #the untamed #cql

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heartxshaped-bruises · 4 years

Text

✗ Muse vs Mun! @vitrexanima said: ❛❛ 三 [ Joe! And if I can do multiple, Emry and Davey :D ] ❜❜

Joe vs. Mun

★ 3 things in common: (( this is really hard with him x_x ))

The closest I ever got to ‘stalking’ someone - and I’m only using that term bc it’s one of Joe’s themes and I’m not out of my mind to actually do that to someone - was when I was 17 and totally crushed at first sight on a Kurt Cobain clone from my village. The funny thing was that I had no idea who he actually was, what’s very uncommon for where I grew up. Everyone knew everybody. And while I had to walk past his house every day on my way to the train I became very determined to find out who he is and I did. I even wrote him a postcard from my holiday that summer.

If I had the option I’d totally hide my face behind various types of masks like he does -- some of them are badass. It’s probably less suspicious in 2020 ( I swear I hate this year so much), but I can’t do that for obvious reasons. Not being recognized would be so nice, though. I totally understand why Joe likes it.

We both aren’t fans of new technology and how quick everything gets overhauled. We’re like mechanical things that will work for sure and despise a lot of digital devices. They’re not reliable and suck in many ways.

★ 3 things different:

Joe’s a generally positive and light character while I’m dwelling on my pessimism. He’s content with the tiniest things and events and is also blessed with a huge amount of patience.

Compared to me he’s very good at just winging it or having at least 3-4 back-up plans if something backfires, and if that happens he doesn’t panic like me. He takes set-backs remarkably better than I do and doesn’t lose confidence in himself.

Anything he does is genuine. He can be very sneaky but it’s safe to say that most of the time, he’s very honest with his intentions. If he’s planning on hurting you he will inform you without making a big fuss about it, if he wants to help you and is concerned he really means it. He won’t make anything up in order to get what he wants. I make shit up so I don’t have to attend a night out with my friends, so...

Emry vs. Mun

★ 3 things in common:

We both are total pop-punk kids and used to hang out a lot in the local skater park with all the other pop-punk kids from home, listening to music all day long and doing stupid shit.

We share a tricky relationship with our dads and have a special bond with our moms. Many conflicting feelings involved that don’t make encounters easy.

We’re kinda chaotic at organizing our private rooms. Like, we’re not dirty and clean up but we tend to hoard a lot of stuff and constantly buy new things (that we don’t need) and it just looks like a bomb exploded.

★ 3 things different:

Despite the way he acts and what comes out of his mouth, Emry’s actually smart but doesn’t come off like he is. Personally, I like to show off my knowledge and intelligence so people know, well, that I know shit xD

Emry founded a band and plays guitar and bass - I was never allowed to learn an instrument but always wanted to be in a band and now, I sadly don’t have time to put that fantasy into action.

Emry’s that kind of guy I utterly despised back in High School and still do in a way. He’s loud, he wants to be seen and heard, totally confident, a big attention whore, always voices what he thinks, no matter how stupid he sounds and you wonder if he even hears himself talking. He’s genuinely interested in getting to know (new) people himself while I hardly have the desire to do that. Most of the times I can’t bring up enough interest to bother while he’s always hyped about new acquaintances (I just wanna go home and be alone tbh).

Davey vs. Mun

★ 3 things in common:

We both love autumn. It doesn’t have anything to do with him having died during that time of the year, by the way. Just like me he loves the whole aesthetic about it. October’s our favorite month.

Math isn’t our forte. I’m a little bit better at it (and that speaks volumes o_O) but we share the deathly frustration since we were told that we’re stupid if we can’t handle it - and, frankly, doomed just as everyone who has trouble with math.

Davey has it worse but we both got bullied in High School - for different reasons, though. He tries to belong and fit in while I got shit for avoiding people who weren’t a part of my friend group.

★ 3 things different:

Davey loves to be outside. Not even rain or cold nights can keep him inside, he just loves to roam around and spend his time in nature. I also like it occasionally but I prefer to stay inside.

God, he sucks at smalltalk and general social interaction bc at first he holds back bc he’s shy and then, WOOSH! he can be quite pushy and overly excited. I am the exact opposite.

My little october ghost falls in love so easily, it’s embarrassing. Me, on the other hand? Not a chance. That just doesn’t happen.

#[ answered ]#★ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʜᴇᴀᴅꜱᴛᴏɴᴇꜱ: ᴊᴏᴇ #★ ɪɴꜱᴘɪʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: ᴇᴍʀʏ ʟɪʟʟɪꜱ #★ ɪɴꜱᴘɪʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: ᴅᴀᴠᴇʏ ᴅᴇᴛᴛᴇɴ #[ thank you love!! this was so much fun ]#[ honestly -- I had to thing very long before I could fill out joe's part ]#[ we're so not alike I swear ]

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krolock-in-the-snowlock · 4 years

Text

Part 2 - Broadway’s Dance of the Vampires Commentary

Act 2

• And here we are again, after taking a week or two to recover from act 1

• I have no idea what’s going to happen but I’m gonna finish what I started, no matter what it takes

• Ok the video is ready, I don’t think I am but here we go

• Ok well the opening music was more like titanic than tanz

• Ooh ok we have lots of vague figures on stairs, probably vampires but it’s hard to tell with the 480p video quality

• Hmmm are we having a reprise of totale finsternis?

• That staircase is looking

• Glad to see the audience is cracking up again at the use of total eclipse of the heart

• Those couple guys are having a great time

• They’re like

• haHAAA

• Good for them

• Glad someone’s enjoying this

• I would be annoyed that this whole thing is seen as funny when the original scene is really cool but hey this whole thing is just one big old parody so what could I expect

• Distancing myself from it by calling it a parody is the only thing getting me through thiis

• I don’t think they’re using all the same lyrics as total eclipse so at least there’s that

• But the lyrics are too romancey and soppy ugh

• Michael your singing is actually quite nice aside from the hint of giovannui at the edges of your words

• ARE THEY NOT DOING THE HARMONIES

• NO

• The harmonies are the best part of the song noooo

• And I think his voice would probably harmonise quite well

• And he ISN’T SINGING TURN AROUND WITH THE BACKING SINGERS

• wHY

• there was no dramatic krolock walking down the staircase slowly

• but then again I don’t think giovanni could do that

• he’d probably trip on the second step, crash down the stairs and be like I’m a-fine! Hee hee!

• Oh

• Oh no

• I think they are doing harmonies but they’re just

• Wrong

• So wrong

• Or maybe good ol’ giovanni has just forgotten the key he’s supposed to be singing in

• Entirely possible

• I don’t think giovanni would particularly care about the rules of music

• Oh giovanni is literally just like come to the gates of hell with me and sarah seems chill with iy

• She’s singing along

• She’a having a good time

• NOOO they harmonised poorly during the verse where there should be no harmonies but they sTILL WON’T HARMONISE IN THE CHORUS

• I HATE IT

• -22/10 would not listen again

• But then that sums up the whole musical tbh

• The phrase ‘hold me tight’ should not be in this song

• Wrong vibes my friends

• This fails the vibe check

• Oh no they’re attempting a couple of the original harmonies

• 2 lines in and it’s not going well

• ???????

• Wait

• They’re both singing harmonies for sarah’s line but NOBODY IS SINGING SARAH’S LINE

• Sarah sing your own part

• What r u doing

• Sarah

• This is horrible pls stop

• Once again the staging is mostly just the two pigeons again

• Except the squawking is more evenly split between the two

• Back and forth

• Wait

• Hmm

• There appears to be either a cult or aa group of monks (is there a name for that? A flock of pigeons, a murder of crows, a prayer of monks?) gathering in the backgroubd

• Did nobody tell them yhis room was taken

• Or maybe sarah and giovanni didn’t book the room

• Maybe it’s just turned midnight and their hour is up

• Someone check the dramatic staircase room booking sheet pls

• Ok ok but there’s nothing you can do, a total eclipse of the heart??

• The whole point is that sarah is trying to choose to be free and make her own choices

• If there’s nothing she can do then that sort of defeats the purpose

• Oh wait yeah this sarah wasn’t locked up

• Never mind

• None of this makes sense anyway

• Really missing krolock’s cape rn

• Nothing looks as good without it

• If giovanni had a cape he might even make it from a -13/10 to nearly a 1/10

• Oh the cult is following giovanni

• Maybe he invited them..?

• Having that many candles on the stairs cab’t be practical

• And tbh is frankly quite dangerous if u ask me

• …and once again we end with some undeservinf applause

Round 4: the boys are back in town

• Ah here comes alfred with his self-narration

• Did he just lightly crack the fourth wall..?

• Oh god and the vampire hunting squad is joined by giovanni ‘buonasera’ von krolock

• Ew did he just say scrumptious? That word should be spoken by grannies and posh mothers alone

• I love how he’s just sat in a throne in the middle of nowhere

• Is this outside his castle? Inside? Somewhere else entirely? We may never know

• Oh sorry I stand corrected it appears I have been incorrectly naming giovanni this whole time

• His full name appears to be count giovanni coppolini travancoli von krolock (or something along those lines) of the sicilian side of the family

• Albus percival wulfric brian dumbledore anyone?

• I just.

• Why is he italian

• Krolock does not sound remotely italian

• Do vampires have a connection to italy?

• If so I am not aware

• Once again, I must ask: why is 75% of the staging of this musical just people stood at opposite ends of the stage facing each other

• Those bats look like family? I guess they would

• Oh my god why is alfred threatening giovanni

• I guess nobody’s gonna be pretending not to know what the others are

• Which gets straight to the point I suppose

• While not necessarily good at self-preservation, alfred sure is efficient

• But maybe too efficient because we still have an hour left to go

• This version of alfred is like a chihuahua with small dog sydrome yapping at a bigger dog, excpet giovanni is only slightly bigger than him and is probably a flea-infested chinese crested dog dressed in a halloween costume from wish.com

• …piccolo alfredo.

• This scene is really bringing out the offensively fake italian in giovanni

• WHY. IS. HE. OFFERING. ALFRED. A. SPONGE. SHAPED. LIKE. A. PENIS

• WHY IS HE MAKING IT GO FLACCID EWWWW NOOO

• I NEED EYE AND BRAIN BLEACH

• Are they saying… erbert..?

• Oh yay he’s french

• Quick tip, directors: the french would not pronounce the t either unless you added an e at the end (I think)

• Also e is more like air rather than er from what I remember

• So really it would be airbair??

• Which is stupid

• Tl;dr: do not make him french and still call him herbert

• Oh and herbert wearing bright blue? No thx I prefer his purple sparkles and black

• His hair and wig aren’t even done well *sigh* herbert would hate this

• See giovanni made a joke and the audience clearly liked it but I could not catch a word of what he said

• Oh god this herbert is wrong

• Herbert never actually speaks to krolock in tanz

• Which tbh is a shame but i prefer it over… whatever this is…

• Huh so it is set in transylvania, giovanni and airbear are just italian and french bc y not

• Neat

• Cool cool cool

• Wait so they were in the library the whole time???????

• I’m so confused rn

• Why does his library have a coffee bar..? you know what, never mind

• Ah ambronsius is clearly about to sing his book song

• …or maybe not? Giovanni is apparently trying to seduce him too..?

• The staging is a bit like vor dem schloss

• It’s the right time for it but who knows

• And one of the first decent harmonies of the musical is a line between giovanni and ambronsius singing about books bc apparently this is a book club now

• Oh no is koukol called boris

• If it isn’t boris johnson I’m gonna be disappointed (or relieved)

• Apparently the throne just glides backwards

• Like a magic carpet exceot it doesn’t leave the ground so i suppose actually more like a chair with wheels, which is much less exciting

• That didn’t deserve a clap

• I can’t figure out if they’re being open about their intentions or not because they seem to change their minds every 10 seconds

• There’s suddenly a bed?

• Oh god ok let’s see if they mess up carpe noctem

• Well the music is for an entirely different song so this will be interesting

• Hmm ok it is that completly different song

• Is that airbear..?

• Or alfred #2?

• Bc it should be krolock singing that song but idek

• At least we get a cape and mostly good singing

• Ah here we go

• Carpe noctem looking its usual weird self

• oH GOD NOT ITS USUAL SELF

• I do not remember winged demons dancing on the bed in the original

• But hey there’s more capes

• Something to be grateful for

• I’m really not sure what’s going on here

• Oh ok I can finally see the dream krolock

• He’s doing all those jumps in a suit rather than shirtless with leggings so he looks a little less cool sorry to him

• But yh i still have no idea who is singing the main vocals

• And it’s over

• Ha alfred lowkey looks like brian david gilbert in that one bit

• Sorry alfred your i’m scared but i’m gonna do this for sarah song isn’t quite as sweet when you’re super confident

• One thing i never understood was how ambronsius slept through alfred’s singing

• Ah it appears he did not

• He’s hugging ambronsius..?

• Does he do that in the original?

• Ha ha very funny professor sibilance and homovampiricus

• Oh and alfred happily just whacks chagal on the head nice nice totally in character

• The coffins are empty???

• Why is chagal in a nice coffin

• Where does giovanni sleep

• I guess in his floating mansion of a coffin

• If anything herbert would have that

• WHY IS MRS CHAGAL HERE

• WHY IS ALFRED EAGER TO KILL CHAGAL

• Oh he’s finally turning magda

• ..and his wife?

• Apparently

• Are they in a polyamorous relationship now

• They will not all fit in that one coffin I’m sorry

• And here’s herbert

• Ew herbert is so cheap

• Like he was flirty in the original but this is ridiculous

• Ugh too many cheap gay jokes

• airbear is sO much worse than I could have imagined

• Huh maybe alfred is confirmed a little bi here

• Ok yeah alfred is definitely having his bi awakening here

• And at least the whole thing is a little more consensual here

• Oh yeah alfred’s bi as hell, he’s singing harmonies with airbear

• But he’s still trying to escape?

• I guess he is a bit confused

• Wait so airbear ended that thinking alfred wanted him? Different but more accurate to the events

• 40 minutes to go

• Mrs krolock is apparently a disguise he uses around sarah too? Ok

• Well the vampires are about to wake so this is where things really should start getting good but I’m sure they won’t

• I don’t like that one of them laughed

• I don’t think they’re even harmonising

• Lazy

• Ah ok here we go harmonies

• These are nice actually

• The lower part is louder than usual, which actually works quite nicely

• The vampires aren’t as jolty and creepy though

• Ew the guitar is bad

• What was that horrible whining between notes

• Oooh this should be sie irren professor

• Oh no, I guess giovanni has decided to bypass the threatening and has gone straight to physical assault

• There’s a prophecy? Alright then. Bit abrupt

• Dammit so they’re going straight into die unstillbare gier without sie irren professor

• Maybe it’s for the best… giovanni was never going to sound that threatening anyway

• Half an hour to go

• I can do this

• Let’s see how he massacres one of the best songs in the musical

• Also he’s starting the song at the front of the stage not the top, and it’s just weird

• When giovanni has been so comedic and dumb the whole time this song just won’t work

• …and the firsg two lines don’t rhyme… great start

• He has a cape though

• Pls I just want 1 cape swish

• Oh but the cape is pathetic

• Oh

• This song could have been good

• But the lyrics aren’t as good in places and he’s still got hints of giovanni’s stupid accent

• What a tragedy

• Well they’re giving a little more detail about his previous victims which is interesting at the very least

• The lyrics don’t have enough syllables

• And ugh they’re not very good either

• There are a few nice ones but most of them…

• I use my body just like a bandage, I use my body just like a wound

• And the prize for worst lyric yet goes to…

• And what makes it worse is that those replaced ich will frei und freier werden und werde meine ketten nicht los

• One of my favourite parts of the song

• And I just want to add that he’s barely moving too

• He doesn’t climb to the top and run down to collapse on the floor

• He just. Stands there.

• Like a badly dressed rock.

• Oh but the stage tilts now to form a straight wall

• So it’s not even like they couldn’t have the stage rise as he runs down

• They just left it raised for him to do nothing on and then got rid of it completely

• They replaced doch die with buuuuuut which does NOT work at all

• You need two syllables to separate the two notes

• This is awful

• They changed the tune a tiny bit which is fine I guess, not as satisfying though

• I just

• *sigh*

• His voice is good. With good lyrics and the original character, he could have done it really well

• I hate that potential was wasted

• Which, again, goes for the whole trainwreck of a musical

• I can’t make out all of the lyrics and I’m not sure if that’s a mild annoyance or a blessing

• Like, i have no idea what he said in the last little bit

• But hey that’s that

Part 3 - The Ball and Beyond

#tanz der vampire #dance of the vampires #ready for the final part?

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theartoflivingalways · 4 years

Text

i’ve been awake for over 24 hours

I haven’t been on tumblr in years. i stopped using it after high school, but I don’t know why. but now I’m back tonight, because I needed someone to talk to, but I have no one to listen. i have friends, i have family, i have a boyfriend. i have a therapist. but no matter what: i feel so unheard, so unseen, and so ignored by everyone in my life that i literally feel like i have no one to truly turn to. for anything. so, here i am. hope i get a warm welcome!!!

here’s the thing: i’m NOT a depressed person. i’m not sad, i don’t have any major mental health issues apart from anxiety and some adhd. and before you take that the wrong way, please don’t. i just got my master’s degree in social work and i’ll be starting my new job as a therapist in a couple of weeks.

but, i’m also NOT a happy person. tbh, i can’t really describe my overall ~mood~ or whatever you wanna call it. i kinda just wake up and survive the day, every day. i take it one day at a time ... kinda like what AA says to do; but no, before you ask or the thought crosses your mind, i’m not an addict. at least not a alcohol/other drugs addict ??? sorry

maybe this is why there’s no one to listen when i need them to. i fucking ramble about literally nothing before getting to the point.

it’s weird that i’m writing right now (ok, typing???). i haven’t done this since i was little. it feels good to do this, to have some sort of outlet when you feel so fucking unseen and unheard by every. single. person. around you.

so i haven’t slept in over 24 hours. it’s my own fault for sure and i have adderall to thank for that (yes i’m prescribed). i decided to start a blog again because i’m sitting here, still wide awake in my apartment, alone, while my boyfriend is sound asleep in my bedroom.

so what’s my fucking problem??? why do i want someone to talk to?? i don’t know honestly. i just feel like lately all i do is listen to others, help others, give myself completely to others. and in return, i get nothing. nothing even close to what i give, or to what i’m capable of giving. which is sad. not for me particularly (maybe?), but for others, yes, i think so.

i’m not saying that i expect anything in return for helping others, because i don’t. i didn’t enter the field of social work for the fucking money. and i know a lot of fucked up shit is going on in the world right now, and in no way do i want to minimize ANY of that. i’m just feeling a little lost and lonely, so i’m hoping this is a new outlet for me to sort out those feelings.

the last couple of hours, i’ve had a LONG string of thoughts. if you read through, you’ll eventually found out how they started. but one of the things i’ve been wrestling with in my mind is the type of person i am.

you see, it’s difficult to be “that” person for others your whole life, especially all the fucking time. if you’re anything like me, you know what i mean by that. and if you aren’t anything like me, well, first of all congrats!!!!, and secondly, i’ll explain what i mean.

when you’re “that” person for others, like myself, it’s easy for other people to walk all over you. take advantage of you, take you for granted, expect you to ALWAYS be there no matter the cost. and of course, why wouldn’t they? you’re always there to help. you’re ALWAYS there to offer support, guidance, and advice. you’re nurturing. you listen. you’re a fucking irreplaceable, loyal to death friend. if you’re VERY much like me, you’re also the one person in your family who isn’t a total fuck up (at least not publicly?)

you’re also nonjudgmental, and you were blessed with the curse of being empathic towards others at all times. empathy of course is beautiful and a very good thing to have in this life, but do you know how hard it is to feel for every single person around you.. and not have anyone feel for you???? damn

also, you never let anyone down!! ever. you’re reliable, dependable, trustworthy to the point where it’s almost sketchy because like??? who can be that way to everyone else at all times? you guessed it- people like me and people like u!! (if this is even semi-relatable, i’m sorry)

but people like us, like you, like me, tend to do this thing where we keep the same shitty fucking toxic people around that have hurt us, continue to hurt us both indirectly and directly, and who have let us down time and time again, because we continue clinging on to the fucking useless hope that “someday they’ll change”. someday, they’ll realize how fucking important you are to them and how shitty their lives are, and would be, without you in it.

you- we - also live by honesty and truthfulness, and assume others just live by this as well. but then you’re proved wrong over and over and over again, yet you never fucking learn your lesson because you are STILL hopeful that somewhere, somehow, deep down, other people DO stand by the morals you try so hard to stand by in life. most of the time, though, you’re completely avoiding the reality of other people and their experiences and who they really are, only to try to fit your own narrative of how you see things and how you think things should be.

if this sounds anything like you... i’m sorry. i know it all too well.

i grew up as the “golden child” in my family. not just my immediate family. my entire fucking family. the pressure to be perfect has lead me to develop debilitating anxiety in my 20′s, and it is what it is, but like, why the fuck couldn’t i have anxiety in high school like a normal teenager? why now?

so yeah my anxiety’s pretty bad. it’s pretty bad tonight, which is why i turned here. to tumblr. to try to write out my thoughts. which, by the way, i’m sorry, because this is an absolute fucking mess and makes no sense. if you are reading this, though, thank you. thank you for listening when no one else seems to.

anyway. growing up with the pressure of being *perfect* has a cost. at least for me it did: 1) anxiety of course, and 2) perfectionist tendencies. these have literally- LITERALLY - ruined my entire college and graduate school experience. perfectionism combined with anxiety is a recipe for fucking disaster, and i’ve been cooking it for years.

i am deliberately writing this without proper punctuation/grammer/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit, not capitalizing my letters etc., because i want to not have to be so perfect all the time on here, if this is something i’m going to stick to. i know that sounds silly but it’s actually been very difficult for me to write in all lower-caps and i’m very worried that no one will even read this and HEAR ME because of my literacy negligence (i have no idea if that’s even a real thing or if it even has meaning but it sounded right)

do u want to know why i decided to write this though, truly? what lead to me feeling like i’m “spiraling” - apart from no sleep in over 24 hours now? well, get ready to laugh, because i truly think i’m pathetic and going crazy.

i went to dinner tonight with my boyfriend and his fam. our waitress was a girl i used to know years ago in high school. my boyfriend knew her too. in fact, he knew her VeRY well. for the sake of my anxious overthinking, i don’t feel like going too much into the details of *that* situation, so thanks in advance for understanding.

anyway. this corny bitch made a joke about the current political environment. i won’t say what exactly, because i’d really like to keep my identity as concealed as absolutely possible on here. but long story short, no one really laughed - every one just kinda smiled awkwardly. but you know who did laugh? my boyfriend :)

TO ME, it seemed intentional. she wasn’t fucking funny, for one. she made a bad - no, a very bad- joke. like one of those corny dad jokes. not even a dad joke actually. a step-dad joke, except your step-dad is a loser that you hate, who treats ur mom/dad bad, has no sense of humor or a horrible sense of humor and idk, just fucking sucks you know ???

sorry that got kinda dark and it was unnecessary but do u know what i mean??? and no, that was literally not relevant to me or my family system/structure in any way. just kinda came to me, ya know? ...writing works in mysterious ways man

alright so if you don’t agree, that’s fine. i already told you to get ready to laugh, because i am well aware of how insane i fucking sound. but you know what makes anxiety & perfectionism 100x harder to cope with? insecurities. and i’m FULL of them.

so anyway. we left dinner. him & i were driving home. i will admit that i did have some wine at dinner, and i wasn’t drunk but i definitely was feeling cocky enough to stir the pot with him. so, i casually said, “hey... didn’t you date _____?” *insert annoying waitress’s name who i knew once upon a time*

i said it very calmly. very coooool. v collected and nice. he said “no? i’ve never even talked to or hungout with that girl”.

i wish u could see my face as i’m writing this right now bc i cannnot. like i gave u a choice.... the opportunity. tHE SIMPLE opportunity - a chance - to be fucking honest................................

this dude. straight up. lied to my face. about this fucking girl. ???????

YEARS AGO, they most certainly did talk. a lot. in fact, my crAZy ass searched their names on facebook to find their old little love notes to each other that they posted on each others’ walls. which were very cringey but nothing that made me feel jealous or insecure (for once). after all, they were from years ago- i’m talking 5+ - so likeeee.... why would he lie (:

oh and they definitely did hang out because.... i remember clearly.... a PICTURE OF THE two of them *together* *hangin* (prob bangin too) (sorry) years ago in this now-waitress’s bedroom. i believe it was a ~webcam photo~ that they took on the new mac computer her parents prob bought her. so this photo is now NO WHERE to be found. and believe me, i looked. no, i LURKED. i went to the beginnnning of her instagram posts and deep into her uploaded facebook pictures. ok, not ‘deep’, i literally got to the first pic she ever posted on FB just to try to find this damn picture. and it took me for. fucking. ever. because this bitch has prolly posted a million pictures in the last 5+ years like who does that???

but i swear to fucking whatever the fuck that this picture exists. i have fucking seen it. i’d describe it in perfect detail right now as if i saw it today, but, once again, i’m concealin my identity, yo, so i can’t do all that. v sorry

anywho. this dude - who i call my boyfriend (and yes i love him very very much and our past is absolutely fucked but that’s a whole other story for a very different time) - had the nerve, the audacity, to tell me to my face, that he “definitely doesn’t have a picture with her” because “they’ve never hung out or talked before” ... ?!??????

obv i sent him screenshots of the dirt i dug up on facebook from 5+ years ago (i.e., the old posts between them in case ya forgot during my rambling) bc like, caught ya in a lie sir. red handed.

i might be late on mentioning this part, but here’s the fucking kicker (and i’ve never used that phrase and i don’t know why i said that but ok?): TODAY, for the first time in MONTHS, literally!!!, bc of the virus and the quarantine and all that, i got ready today for dinner with his family. like actually got ready. i spent HOURS doing my make up. i don’t even remember the last time i did my make up, ok. i dressed in a really cute outfit. i felt fucking very good about myself. i thought for sure when he’d come pick me up to go to dinner he’d at least say something. at least acknowledge it. he has literally only seen me in raw form for too many days now. like, complete bare face and sweat pants basically every day since march.

but. did he even look at me twice?!!? no. did he mention anything about how i looked? how it was drastically different from my everyday attire the last couple months? did he take 2 seconds out of his day to say something corny or flirty to me? even just, “you look beautiful”??? honestly i would’ve even appreciated, “you look beautiful, for once” ???

did u guess the correct answer? well if u didn’t, it’s N O.

but u know who he did look at twice.

our waitress at dinner.

i think i wrote enough for one night. if u think this is my anxiety/perfectionism/insecurities combination spiraling out of control after being tamed incessantly for 20+ years, PLZ TELL ME.

but also, if you have a fucking brain, you’d know that:

1) this is definitely NOT the first time i’ve responded to something like this the way i did, and

2) i really just needed to ramble on and vent about all the shit that’s been going through my mind the last 2 1/2 hours, so there’s that.

have a good night get some sleep!!! thank u for ur time.

#why #me #cantsleep #upfor24hours #adderall #waitress #insecure #perfect #anxiety #sorry #helpme #help #needsleep #dontwanttotho #goodnight #getsomerest #ily #thanku

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janiedean · 5 years

Note

I was just wondering what do you think about posts that excuse Cersei's behaviour because she's mentally ill, or that if you critique its because your ableist and hate mentally ill people? Or some variation/combination of the two? Like it just bugs me in general when people automatically excuse and even justify horrible, violent and abusive behaviour just because someone's mentally ill, particularly as someone whose been on the receiving end of that behaviour from mentally ill people.

... I think I’ve made my opinion clear, but very briefly and hoping that I don’t unleash the kraken:

c.’s issues could have been solved if someone had sent her to a child psychologist before the age of then in modern au. period. because someone who grows up not having a shred of regret over having thrown a supposed friend in a well when they were twelve over a menial thing either should have had a completely different upbringing or should have gotten therapy. which doesn’t exist in westeros, but anyway, when discussing c’s issues that’s the crux of the matter;

c’s issues also hurt other people and I’m not talking about j., I’m talking about everyone around her or mostly, and the point is that the moment someone’s issues also mean hurting others... your freedom ends where others’s starts. assuming that her MH issues mean that she’s justified in behaving the way she does means that having MH issues is a free out of jail card for hurting others, which... it’s not;

spoilers: all three lannister siblings have mental health issues. same as like, 90% of the characters in these books. I’m 99% sure that the only two POV characters who doesn’t have issues that would require immediate therapy are davos (and he’s lost four kids, he has his problems) and asha, probably, and asha is just... very functional but it’s a miracle she came out like that considering her background. everyone else has issues over issues to different degrees, so... at this point disliking anyone in these books with this reasoning would mean hating mentally illy people while at the same time 85% of the characters you like most likely also have mental health issues and I’m talking just that, because I mean... if someone likes bran and not doran or viceversa I’m not going to assume that they’re ableist since both characters are disabled and both can’t walk, but most likely it’s just a personality preference, so saying that if you don’t like c. it’s because you hate mentally ill people or are ableist to me is ridiculous because like... I don’t like c. and my top five has three pov characters who have obviously mental health issues up the wazoo and one who most likely had plenty (and two out of those five also have become physically disabled as well during the series), I have gone to therapy for a damned long time myself and I hate mentally ill people now just because I don’t like a character who has MH issues? sorry but that’s like... ridiculous. you’re allowed to not like some characters because their personality is not your thing regardless of the issues they have;

also: again, c.’s issues hurt other people. those other people have no obligation to stick by if they feel like it’s detrimental to their health, same as no one has an obligation to stick by someone who is detrimental to their MH or well-being and also has no intention of changing/is aware of that. like, I can get behind wanting to support someone you love whose behavior hurts you who has realized it and is getting help/is actively trying to get better, but if that person doesn’t care or isn’t aware then no one has an obligation to stick by if it hurts them, so assuming that people who don’t like c. or whoever else or that characters in the books should stick by c. because of her issues if it hurts them is imvho not a thing people should even bring up because it implies that people have an obligation to excuse actions that are hurtful when the person who commits them has no interest in getting better, so... nah;

also there’s critique and critique and disliking a disabled character doesn’t automatically make you ableist same as disliking a woman doesn’t make you a misogynist, but like, going outside cersei: people can dislike tyrion just because they don’t gaf about him or because they don’t like the character or because they don’t find his personality that charming, but the moment the criticism turns into calling him a monster or joking about his height or basically sounding like tywin when he talks about tyrion then it’s definitely ableism and to be quite honest when it comes to tumblr there’s a lot more ableist critique thrown at tyrion than at cersei, because the ten of us who dislike her openly do it because she’s terrible while recognizing that she has issues which explain why she’s like that but don’t justify what she does at pretty much almost any point ever, the army of people who meta about tyrion as if he’s these books’s ultimate villain when 90% it’s because he could be in the way of their ship or say that he has male privilege over c. who therefore couldn’t have abused him (YES I had to read that with mine own eyes) and the likes most likely should check their priorities because that’s not hating him bc he’s a character you don’t like, that reeks of ableism 101 and of having skimmed his chapters (also tyrion has MH issues up the wazoo too but I don’t see people on here mentioning it). same way, one thing is disliking cat because she’s not your type of character, another is the fact that this entire fandom seems to have decided that blaming catelyn for every horrid thing that happened in these books that would not have happened had she just stayed home with the kids which imvho shows exactly the level of not-so-hidden misogyny rampant around here/directed at her specifically. but I don’t think that everyone who hates cat is misogynist or does it because of misogyny, I just think that a lot of fandom bias against her is... very misogynistic;

to sum up the above thing, considering that c. is also straight up written as a negative character and grrm has said time and time again that it’s her point in the narrative, assuming that someone would dislike her just because she’s MH is pretty much fried air as we say here because given what she’s pulled up until now, I think that she has enough of a CV that people have more than enough reasons to dislike her without bringing her mental health into account. because her issues might explain why she’s like that, but they don’t justify for shit anything she does, and if that’s valid for knowing why theon was the way he was in wf but doesn’t justify him killing the miller’s kids, knowing why jaime pushed bran but doesn’t justify it, knowing why sandor doesn’t disobey ethically horrid orders but doesn’t mean he hasn’t done pretty fucked up shit etc., then it’s also valid for c. and I really would like for characters to be judged evenly, thanks.

also: everyone has their limits when it comes to understanding/explaining where a person committing wrong actions comes from. if people can relate to c. and/or see themselves in her issues and have compassion for her, that’s their prerogative and I won’t go bitch at them for it same as I appreciate if people don’t bitch at me for having compassion for theon or sandor or jaime or whoever else. but at the same time assuming that everyone has your standards is ridiculous. for me c. was irredeemable after she basically went and laughed about the red wedding/thought she was so much better than cat because cat went insane after seeing robb die because to me people finding the red wedding funny or hilarious or well-deserved is the ultimate thing that will make me stop caring about them. if for someone jaime having pushed bran out of the window is irredeemable as long as they don’t come to me complaining about why I don’t think it is, it’s their prerogative.

but assuming that all of us need to find c. redeemable or understandable or relatable because people who like her do is ridiculous because you can’t expect anyone to relate to your favorites just because you do, and calling out the social justice card is ridiculous because fictional preferences are what they are and you can’t force yourself to like someone you despise just because they belong to X category - I wouldn’t tell people they have to like jaime because he has ptsd nor I’d expect them to be automatically ableist if they don’t gaf about jaime either way and don’t make jokes about him losing his guts with his hand or about how he’s the stupidest lannister, I’d expect people wouldn’t tell me I have to like c. because she has MH issues or whatnot. because there’s plenty of reasons to dislike c. and none of them have to do with her MH and most of her have to do with her abusive behavior.

also, last thing: the one time I actually met someone who was a self-proclaimed ‘I empathize with cersei on a personal level’ person, after three days in which they were an asshole to everyone in the group we were, the moment I called her out on it after she had been even more of an asshole when someone else tried to discuss it reasonably, I got backhanded in the face twice for it. now, I handled it and tbqh I didn’t mind it half as much as I could have because I didn’t gaf about this person and barely knew them. I also know that this person had issues (and later went to therapy so good for them), but as much as I could sympathize with her issues, forgive me if I don’t really think I want to see again someone who barely knew me and saw fit to hit me in the face twice. now, am I ableist for that? I really don’t think so. it’s the exact same principle. someone else might have had another reaction to it, but I’m not obliged to give them a second chance since they hurt me first and no one would say I’m ableist for it. it’s the exact same argument just brought to fictional level. one thing is disliking a character because of their issues only (ie theon and the castration jokes), another is disliking them because you think they’re boring and/or they’re not your kind of character.

and people need to realize that their favorite character can’t be everyone’s favorite character statistically. like. none of our faves are automatically everyone’s faves and that’s fine because that’s how the world works. *shrug*

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #mental health cw #anti-cersei #anti-cersei lannister #janie rants #*shrug*#Anonymous #ask post

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fba-art · 5 years

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Just out of curiosity, why don’t you like young justice??

aight, so i knew i was gonna wait to respond to this ‘til i had some time to explain.

and i want to start out by saying that i don’t think Young Justice, as a property, is a bad show. in fact, i think it’s a show that had GREAT potential. i watched every new episode via livestream every saturday lol. and now, i’ll be honest when i say it’s been some time since i’ve rewatched it, and i’m always open to changing opinions. a few years back, i wanted to give it another, fresher perspective and dove in for a rewatch, but ultimately didn’t finish. i don’t remember my reasoning exactly, but i recall being disappointed.and it’s funny i received this ask this week, b/c my friend and i were planning on giving it another rewatch for shits and giggle after finals ( sober or not is tbd ).

but so, here’s where i stand on the show.

i started watching YJ when it was abt 5 episodes into s1. and i binged those first five and stick to my guns that holy SHIT 1-3 are bomb as FUCK. super strong start! Independence Day will never not get me SO HYPE and remind me why i fell in love with DC’s teenage heroes in the first place. it’s so… youthful. a fun conversation for another time.

and now, when i started watching YJ, it was like four months into my making my TT!Kid Flash rp blog, and two months after i’d gotten into reading comics; when i found out Wally was like a biG DC CHARACTER, NOT JUST AN OLD CARTOON ONE-SHOT, i went EVERYWHERE to get my hands on more about Wally West. ironically, the first purchase i ever made from a comic store was a silver age Teen Titans tale, issue #2 of TTY1, and two issues of the old Young Justice comics ( still some of my favorite comics to this day; more on that later ).TL;DRi saw a commercial for YJ, ft. my fave DC char and my fave comic title and went “HOSHIT”.

as the episodes pushed the show’s plot along, it was fun and explorative of a more intense side to the idea of a group of superteens in the DCU. and again, very TEENAGER-Y, which i say in the BEST of ways, considering that was the target audience as well. but, as part of that audience at the time, one of the things that had started to bother me was the character relationships. yeah, i was loving on most of the main cast at the time, but for the first half of the season, the team’s supposedly-close friendships were pushed to the backburner ( EXCEPT for KF and Rob’s, which was one of the only things that got me through the season ). the first season WAS about straining relationships. the social drama was palpable. you NEED conflict in your plots, and char-v-char is especially fun. but i remember feeling like there was little bonding. they were a group of acquaintances, learning to co-habitate the same space- not to say that they didn’t seem like friends, but there was a lack of balance between “teens being professionals in their field” and “teens being immature teens”. both were squeezed in, but both consistently felt forced.

which brings me to the next point: forcing relationships without developing them!i wasn’t sure why i was supposed to care about Roy, like. At all. the team always bringing up that they trained alongside him, grew with the guy, and then??? nada, except when the plot needed edgy tantrumy angst.then there was spitfire. i ship spitfire now, but the ENTIRETY of s1 i was SO FRUSTRATED, because all those two did was bicker. wally was pretty foul to artemis, who was also just plain mean to wally. and i say this with the two of them as my TOP FAVE CHARS.and don’t get me STARTED on the best char on the entire team, KALDUR’AHM!!!! who was shit on by EVERYONE– fandom and plot, alike. actually, i do recall in my last rewatch starting two tallies of everytime kaldur was DISRESPECTED and TREATED LIKE GARBAGE BY TEEN AND ADULT CHARS, versus everytime he was treated respectfully. this boy was BRUTALIZED through s1.m’gann and conner, too– a cute concept, but borderline cringey, even creepy, at times. i was rooting for supermartian. i was. but it was like the writers didn’t know how to write a slowburn. the idea was honestly better on paper than in execution.

the YJ spinoff comics filled in a lot of these gaps, i’ll admit. it explored the chars, their relationships, and their behavior in ways the show seemingly didn’t have time to do, and i LOVE the spinoff series. but i also firmly believe that you shouldn’t need a second media to fix the first. it’s capitalistic and no fun.

through the duration of the show, there were also issues such as the hiatuses. i don’t recall them coming with much warning at a time, nor sticking to much of a schedule. i don’t actually remember what they were for, either. but, before and after each of (three?? was it three?) hiatuses, the showrunners would introduce a new character during a new arc, give said character some liners or plot fodder, and do away with them for the rest of the season ( i.e Rocket, Zatanna, Garth and Tula, etc. ).

i have some other, nitpickier issues– why was wally That Way, why was clark Like That, how come bruce was the ENABLER the entire time, etc– but many can be argued as whether they affected the show as a whole or not.my actual biggest problem was the direction.the director.Greg Weisman.bc idk what the hell he was doing half the time, and i don’t think he knew, either. the writing wasn’t GREAT, but at least it was consistent. Weisman truly had a marketable property, a fan favorite, and one of CN’s best running shows at the time. but between the hiatuses, the writing’s faults, the insufficient character development, and a HUGE ego thanks to his fanbase, Weisman was unable to uphold the integrity of his show. there was both fan-pandering, AS WELL AS consciously going AGAINST fans’ wishes. there was that whole “Ask Greg”-thing, too, where he would get back to a fan once every blue moon and answer background questions about the show’s universe, which became a scene of hot debate. Greg Weisman became the JK Rowling of DC, and lost a lot of my respect with his lack of damage control, and impulse control.

then, with the very inception of the show– and i don’t actually know if i can blame weisman for this or not, but i wanna know who pitched it, otherwise– the show’s CONCEPT. why was Young Justice made with this particular cast of characters, cherrypicked through DC history, aged down or revamped or just cut-and-pasted where they didn’t fit? why was its concept, “COVERT TEAM OF ADOLESCENTS WITH SUPERPOWERS WORKING TOGETHER WITH LACK OF SUPERVISION”? why was the show called “Young Justice” when what they wanted was the TT v3 comics? WHY DID WE NEED TO TURN SUPERMAN INTO THE UNAVAILABLE-FATHER TROPE????? questions that will forever remain unanswered. that’s a lie, i can answer most of them, myself.but all in all, a show with great potential that failed in execution.

season 2, i actually enjoyed more than season 1– it felt like there was more of a handle on the story and cast, alike. did i approve of season 2 and what went down? debatable. but that’s a very subjective view. objectively, season 2 flowed better than season 1, but still didn’t follow through on subplots, nor resolved relationships or even characterization ( m’gann, girl what the fuck?? ). very little team bonding, save for, once again, two chars out of the whole team. again, another season of SO much potential, but one that fell short.

its pros, however– i really enjoyed the darker themes, getting darker as time went on. there was a lot of tragedy in s2, and different perspectives and walks of life to watch through different lenses. a much more diverse cast, and very different conflicts to tackle. i was impressed. i don’t think all the controversies were resolved, but i also wasn’t quite as upset that they weren’t; open-ended conflict is frustrating, but is a great lead-in to another season.

————which, for better or for worse, we weren’t supposed to have.i personally would’ve rather the show ended there, not quite on a high note ( are u fucking kidding me fjaoisdfjoaifio waLLY, this was during the n52, too ), but with a concrete END. of course there was more to explore, the world they’d built was a big one, but we didn’t need to.

i was literally just yesterday chatting w my sis, bc after school lets out, we wanna watch season 3. i really do. i’m upset that there is one, but i do wanna know what happens to my faves. and, on top of that, i’ve been meaning to do one BIG rewatch, anyways, to get me set up for s3. as a student of film, it’s a huge philosophy of mine to rewatch EVERYTHING and go in with the intent of giving it a fresh start and a clean slate– both medias i love, and medias i hate. it’s important to analyze pop culture critically, and even things that aren’t good can still be enjoyable.

for me, Young Justice wasn’t a phenomenal show to begin with, from its technological side to its creative team to its politics, and i stopped enjoying it pretty early on. but, that isn’t to say it didn’t accomplish GREAT things, and isn’t UN-enjoyable; it has its moments. also i would DIE for most of the cast, i fucking love the characters.

i don’t think anyone is wrong for liking Young Justice. i try to stay in the loop about it, and form new opinions based on whatever information is out there until i can get ahold of the source material. and, i do like aspects of the show. but ultimately, it just isn’t my cup of tea.

#Anonymous #LONG post under read more #rambley. sorry about that it's 1 AM

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firebirdsdaughter · 5 years

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Hee hee hee...

... I found a Zi-O 14 raw...

I’m gonna watch it!

(I’m still tired though, so this’ll likely be a speed through and then I’ll do another post later, but anyway, more below!)

(So it turns out I lied. I got way to into the episode. Sorry.)

In no order:

YES! Geiz you softie, I knew it. Even if you’re gonna defend it by saying it’s bc you want to be the one to kill him or whatever, I knew you weren’t gonna leave it at that.

It’s making me think of something from the musical ep of Buffy (disclaimer: I have not actually watched Buffy I just have the music from that ep bc... I love show tunes. No. Really. That’s why.). Weird comparison, I know, but hear me out--Spike’s got this line that goes (w/ some less applicable parts removed) ‘I hope she fries ... I better help her out.’ Literally, I feel like that's what happened here. Geiz is like ‘I totally do not care at all that he is dead, absolutely not, not for any reason whatsoever, I’m going to leave now good-bye. ............ OkaymaybeI’mgonnagosavehim. But only bc I want to be the one to kill him. Not bc I care at all in any way even a little bit.’

RYUKI!

Yeah, yeah. I know it’s just Tsukasa, but, I mean... Ryuki.

Aw, he did the henshin kinda like how Takeru used to do it. ^^ God, Tsukasa, what are you doing giving me warm fuzzies?

THREE GHOST NO WAITING.

TSUKASA LOOK WHERE YOU’RE THROWING YOUR SHIT GO PICK THAT SWORD UP RIGHT NOW!

NO! MY BABY! WHY HAVE THE LAST THREE TAGS BEEN IN ALL CAPS?

Okay, yeah, but... We already know Takeru has one/it. So... Hm. Does Tsukasa know that? At this point I just never take anything this man says or does at face value, so...

Ooop. Yup. Guessing he dropped that on purpose. What is your plan here, Tsukasa?

SOUGO JUST LOADED TAKERU INTO THE TIME MAJIN. HE’S MAKING HIM DRIVE. I LOVE THESE TWO GOOFBALLS THEY ARE SO CUTE.

Wait. Is future¡nonRider¡Takeru gonna meet past¡Rider¡Takeru?

OH. Oh... Wow. Okay. Not the plan I was expecting to be implemented. A... Apparently Takeru’s new Force Push works on physical stuff, too. Alright then! Sure, I’ll take it!

WAIT IF GHOST SOUGO ISN’T THERE HOW IS TAKERU GONNA GET BACK???

Oh, hey Woz. I guess. He seems... A little frustrated about something?

Sougo, why are you making a face like you got caught talking in class? You don’t have to feel bad about this. You did a good. A... Side from semi-stranding Takeru in the past?

Wait... If the incident never occurred, then Another Ghost was never created, then Takeru never lost his memories, then he never got deRidered... But the Ghost Watch exists so he should still be deRidered.... Augh! I knew I didn’t have the brain for this time travel stuff! I’m gonna stop thinking about it.

And now Uhr (or whatever his name is) is gonna pout. Which is probably gonna be destructive.

But also... MAKOTO!!!

Though... Why is Makoto here? Though, I guess I’m not sure when exactly this would fall during Ghost, since we weren’t given any timeline indication for it. Seems to be after Takeru and Makoto made up, though... I guess he was in the area? And then saw Takeru getting attacked.

Yeah, okay, so he’s still Spectre, which means the Ghost timeline hasn't been erased yet.

Aw, and he doesn’t know it’s not the Takeru from his time. So... Are we gonna have two Takeru’s? I’m curious.

IT JUST APPEARED! NOW IF PAST¡TAKERU SHOWS UP WE WILL HAVE FIVE FOUR GHOSTS!!!

Unfortunately, we lost one bc Tsukasa is a dick.

I’m assuming Takeru’s memories are back, too.

Makoto is just staring at him (looking absolutely fantastic, might I add) like ‘dude wtf are you okay? What’s going on?’

THEY DID THE POSES THEY SAID THE THINGS

Uhr, why are you surprised? Did you not do your research or something? YOU PICKED A FIGHT W/ THE ACTUAL KAMEN RIDER GHOST.

I realise this is all gonna get erased by the end of this (come to think if you erase the Ghost Timeline... What happens to Makoto and Kanon? I mean, Takeru never dies... Do they never get sucked into Gamma? Bc the accident never occurs, or bc Gamma never exists? And if Gamma never exists... What about Alain? And his family? Oh Dear.) so this won’t happen, but it’s really funny think about Makoto mentioning this to the Takeru of the past later and having 2015¡Takeru be like ‘Makotonii-chan wth are you talking about?’ and Makoto is like ‘Wth do you mean wth? YOU WERE THERE!’

SWARTZ JUST SHOWS UP TO SCOLD HIM. I love this evil time manipulating family that hates each other.

Okay, but Uhr is gonna turn the brother into Another Ghost anyway... But now he’s not dead, so destroying the Another Ride Watch isn’t a moral dilemma anymore.

And there go Makoto and Takeru.

EXCEPT THAT’S TAKERU FROM THE FUTURE HOW IS HE GETTING BACK.

Wait... Is Geiz still in 2015? Maybe he can give him a hand.

Sougo, did you just realise that Woz does not actually have your best interests in mind? I’ve known that since nigh ten episodes ago.

I feel like Makoto was either just like ‘Takeru what the hell is going on?’, ‘What are you doing here?’ or, ‘Weren’t you wearing something else half nd hour ago?’ (okay, probably not that last one). And now Takeru is scrambling bc he can’t very well be like ‘yeah I’m actually Takeru from the future who forgot he was a Kamen Rider etc.’

Mika there w/ the accidental save. I’m sure a little sister looking for her brother is gonna hit a nerve w/ Makoto, too...

Poor Makoto. He’s getting Gaim Arc Tsukuyomi’d. It’s okay, honey, this’ll all have never have happened by the end of this episode.

He’s still, like, two dimensional, though. Physically, I mean. Like, Flat Stanley. He can fit through tight spaces if he turns sideways.

Takeru is such a terrible liar he has to look the opposite direction. It’d be really funny if the Takeru of 2015 came running up right after they leave. Poor Makoto would be so confused. Even more than he already is.

Poor guy, I’m so sorry. Don’t worry. Like I said, by the end of this, this’ll never have happened.

Aw, Geiz came back. I’m glad he’s alright.

Also... OH MY GOD I JUST NOTICED SOUGO MOPING IN THE CORNER.

It sounds like he’s complaining, but I don’t speak Japanese, so I’m not sure. I’m really confused as to why Takeru didn’t tell them, though... Like, did he think they wouldn’t believe him?

Oh, yeah... What’d they tell Junichiro? He doesn’t seem as worried as he’d presumably be if he knew Sougo was technically dead...

Tsukuyomi taking one for the team w/ this conversation. Geiz is just sitting there like ‘this is one of the most awkward moments of my life.’

Oh my gosh, they just came in. Poor Takeru’s running around so much. His feet have gotta hurt by now.

Takeru don’t talk to Sougo when you know no one else can see him, for pity’s sake.

See what I mean? Everyone is looking at you like you’re nuts.

Oh for... SERIOUSLY? YOU’RE ONLY TELLING THEM NOW? You bloody little troll. It’s okay, I still love you.

I’m... Pretty sure they just mentioned Akari. Aw, that’s sweet. They couldn’t get her back, but they didn’t forget her.

I’m starting to wonder if the Ghost cast just have a group chat and Takeru’s actor was like ‘hey who’s free during this time period?’ and these are the folks who could make it.

Aw, Geiz is embarrassed. I saw you doing the awkward embarrassed thing. Poor Tsukuyomi just collapses in a chair.

Oh my gosh... Geiz is mad that that they made him embarrassed and have feelings, so he’s got both Sougo and Takeru by the shoulders like an angry big brother or something, and poor Takeru’s trying to explain, I love this episode. I also love how bad Geiz is at feelings.

Wait, though... Did they give Sougo his body back, or did they just temporarily revitalise his ghost? Bc I seem to remember that while Takeru was a ghost, he was capable of being corporeal at times.

I love how Sougo is just nodding along w/ what Takeru’s saying like ‘Sempai, save me!’

Geiz is like ‘You asshole... I GOT DOUBLE RIDER KICKED FOR YOU!’ He’s totally gonna try and kill him again for this...

This is totally like that moment in Dekaranger when Hoji got huffy about something and stalked out and the rest of the team just started giggling and someone literally said ‘He’s so bad at feelings!’ Bc Geiz is very bad at feelings. I love him, he’s so hopeless.

Yeah, it’s fine, Takeru was able to make it so he was no longer reanimated. And confused the hell out of poor Makoto in the process!

Geiz is also embarrassed about the Ghost Ride Watch getting destroyed. It’s okay, peaches, you got double Rider Kicked, remember? Anyway, Takeru’s got one. Well, I mean... Presumably it’s the same one. Just... It’s in a time loop. And it will be until we finish changing time. At least we know it’ll always come back, bc Puma Zi-O has to have it for Geiz to steal in the first place.

Aw, the Time Jacker sibs are working together! Guess Dad frustrated.

Robot fights? In my Kamen Rider? It’s more likely than you’d think!

Aw, look at that. They just got their gamers on.

Oh, nope, now we’re Build and Cross-z.

God, you boys REALLY SUCK at not being in sync. Are you sure you weren’t meant to work together?

Woz here, trying manipulate Tsukasa. Please. You don’t play a player.

Still excited for the day Geiz uses Sougo’s name.

Geiz here, sharing the powers again.

Tsukasa is sitting in this construction equipment like one of your french girls.

I think Tsukasa just asked Woz who he was talking to, and Woz was like ‘Uhhh... I dunno?’

I just realised... Sougo’s Decade Armour has a barcode on it?

YES! THANK YOU! I knew I could count on you, Tsukasa. He just yelled at Woz to either stop or be quiet, I’m pretty sure, snatched the book and closed it. Bringing back Masahiro was a great choice, I love this. So long as he can keep it up. I hope he’s not overdoing it between this and Jinga.

Either that or he said ‘too long,’ which is also true.

Oooooooo. He can use two Riders at once on the sword.

Woz, are you just realising Tsukasa is doing what he wants, not what you want? Seriously?

Like I said, I do trust Tsukasa to at least have noble intentions/goals, even if his methods are rather... Questionable at times. I do believe he does take his post as a Kamen Rider seriously. Even if he’s... Tsukasa.

The Decade Armour is chanting ‘HEI-SEI HEI-SEI HEI-SEI etc. etc.’ and I’m afraid I must admit I love it.

Aw, Tsukuyomi and Takeru waited for him to wake up. Geiz isn’t there bc he’s embarrassed.

Junichiro is scared of Tsukasa, and you know what, valid.

Also Geiz is gonna kill something and for once it might not be Sougo. It’s okay, dude. Like I said, at the end of the day, he is a Kamen Rider, the goddamn leggy bastard.

HE’S JUST EATING THE FOOD OH MY GOD THIS MAN IS UNSTOPPABLE.

I love how he apparently takes the camera off to eat.

And Tsukasa is still himself, even though the Decade Ride Watch exists... Hmm... So either the thing about there being two Koutas was true, or... There’s something else going one w/ leg asshole here that allowed him to keep his memories when even Fruit Jesus lost them.

That’s... Actually an okay photo? Tsukasa, have you improved?

Geiz is gonna try and kill him again. Sorry, sweetie, he’s just like This. I wouldn’t advise picking a fight right now, he’s been around the block multiple times. He’d just trash you again.

Is Woz... In the scene? Or is he... Not? Is he trying to predict Tsukasa? Oh, this’ll be interesting. Tsukasa vs Woz.

Geiz is still glaring, Tsukuyomi looks a little like a frightened rabbit. Zi-Ot3 isn’t sure what to make of the leggy bastard just yet.

So, the preview...: Is Puma Zi-O planning to beat his past self into submission? That’s... Dark. What’s the relationship between Woz and this Kisshan fellow? Did Puma Zi-O feel like Woz was screwing up, so he sent Kisshan back, or was this the plan from the start? Does Woz even actually work for Puma Zi-O? Is he just playing a part and biding his time for something else? Looks like, as a comment I saw put it quite well, Puma Zi-O is entering the chat next week. Kisshan is gonna throw Geiz and Tsukuyomi around, much to Sougo’s horror, it appears. And Tsukasa... Not sure what Tsukasa is up to yet. Not that I expected to know.

Oh, yeah, and wasn’t there a recent scan leak of Geiz’s Time Majin using a Diend Ride Watch? So... Are we actually gonna be seeing Kaito, or... What? Bc Kaito and Geiz, that’d be a pair. Kaito would probably tease him, and Geiz would fall for it every single time. We’ll see. I have no expectations as far as returns go bc I know they’re limited by availability and willingness, so let’s just go with the flow!

Alright. I’m sorry this was so long. Virtual toffees for anyone who read all that. I still love Geiz, he’s bad at emotions and embarrassed by feelings, I love it. Presuming we’re gonna have a ‘Puma Zi-O is my enemy, Tokiwa Sougo is my friend’ moment at some point (kinda like Ryuuga had over Katsuragi and Sento respectively). Poor Tsukuyomi is trying to wrangle these idiots, but I wish they’d give her a little bit more to do. Tsukasa remains Tsukasa, not surprisingly. Hope to see more of the bitter Time fam that hates each other in the future. Who knows, since Sougo is going to 2068 next week, maybe we’ll even get to meet Goggles.

Also, for anyone wondering why it says ‘Puma Zi-O’ all over this... Well, my computer kept correcting ‘Ouma’ to ‘Puma’ and I eventually decided that ‘Puma’ was funnier. That’s all.

Here’s a shot of Makoto looking attractive despite poor quality to finish off:

#Kamen Rider Zi-O #Zi-O Spoilers #i loved this episode #though poor Takeru ran his little feet off the sweetie #Geiz was embarrassed by feelings #and Makoto had the most confusing day of his entire life #which was then erased from time #if i spelled anything wrong i'm sorry #it's late and i shouldn't be up #i'm too tired to check anything #also too tired to tag so #have I mentioned I love Geiz?#I also love Makoto and Takeru too #and the Zi-Ot3 #onward to the next!#^^#Timey Wimey Rider

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baseballiscruel-blog · 6 years

Text

For World Mental Health Day

I wanted to write this out because, for one, I have a difficult time openly talking about it, and two, because I feel the need to be honest about my experiences so that anyone who comes across this may better understand me as a person. A lot has happened in my life since I last wrote one of these. I just wanna say - this is a very personal letter and there’s negative connotations that go along with what I’m about to talk about so please try to keep an open mind and respect that I’m being honest and up front about my journey with mental illness.

I’ve always dealt with darkness; it’s been a part of me since as long as I can remember. Sometimes I’ll sit in a group and make what I think is a funny comment, and the response will be, “damn, girl, that’s dark.” I’ve never really seen things that way. And part of my fear in openly discussing this is that people often are unwilling to confront the darkness - so when someone tries to be open about what’s real to them, it’s often dismissed as morbid or “too real”. And when that happens, no matter the context, it causes you to feel like an outsider. Because when you live with that darkness, coexisting in the same space for your entire life, it’s a piece of you. And people aren’t always able - or willing - to understand that.

I got a lot of different diagnoses growing up - useless details that I’m not going to get into. A lot of bullshit therapy that made me give up on therapy altogether (for awhile). To get to the main point, my moods were never... normal. Like, everything hurt my feelings or I was so numb it scared the people around me. Numbness is a constant in my life - I either feel things completely or I don’t feel them at all. I never really understood it, and growing up, it was always the same thing; “You’re so sensitive, you’re so overdramatic”. I honestly never understood it. I was reacting with what I felt and I couldn’t understand why every time I reacted to anything it was, in some way, an “abnormal reaction”. Doctors said a lot of different shit - and there was a day, must have been in 7th grade, where one of my close friends and I were hanging out. We got back to my house and my mom walked outside and made a comment about the shoes I was wearing. It was hateful, but nothing serious enough to justify a fit. But I started crying; I completely lost it. I felt so worthless. I couldn’t understand how one simple comment could rip me apart like that. I saw my friend again a few days later (which, yes, was horribly mortifying if you were wondering) and she said to me, “Rach, I think this is a lot more complicated than you’re able to see right now.” I brushed it off; who the fuck wants to think their abnormal in 7th grade? I had headgear in middle school, like I was already NOT doing well in the normal department, adding an extra bit of crazy to the mix was not at all what I was willing to accept.

In high school, my moods got worse. I was always angry, sad, or numb. And the important thing to note here is that, when it comes to what I feel, I can rarely understand the meaning behind it. Imagine this: you wake up, every day for a week, so angry you can’t see straight. But you don’t know why, or who you’re angry at, or why the rage is so overwhelming you can feel it in every inch of your skin. That’s what all of the moods are like. My friends would say one thing wrong, or they’d give me advice which I deemed as “not good enough”, and I’d treat them like absolute garbage. There was a never a middle ground for me; someone was either the greatest thing in the world, or the worst person I’d ever met. And I could think those things about someone in the span of an hour. Yeah, I know, it’s fucking exhausting. And what’s most exhausting about it is the not knowing “why”. My best friend, who still to this day stands by me and is the absolute rock in my life, got it the worst from me. She tells me now, “it was like walking on eggshells. I never knew which rachael I was gonna get or what was gonna set you off.” I‘ll forever be sorry for that. No mental illness excuses meanness or cruelty; it may explain your behavior, help people to understand why you do the things you do, but it is not an excuse and you should never use it as one.

When I was 19, during a family christmas, my sister came up to me and said, “look, Rae, I think you have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I think you should go see a specialist.” And I remember my response so clearly: I was infuriated, so I glared at her and said, “You can go fuck yourself because I’m not crazy”. I really truly refused to look inwardly at the situation. But my sister was there my entire life; she saw every reaction, every detail. And as I got older, the sadness got worse, the moods themselves got more unstable. I want to paint a picture because this is difficult to explain to someone who does not directly experience it - and I have difficulty opening up about this topic because when someone doesn’t understand you or what you go through on a day to day basis, it can be isolating. So, imagine your experience with heartbreak: That heavy weight on your chest, where every movement genuinely fucking feels impossible and every inch of you hurts. I feel a degree of that almost every day. Stay with that feeling - remember it. Now picture yourself in a bar with your friends, talking, casually having fun. And someone looks at you, and innocently says, “oh, you look like “so and so” celebrity!” But you don’t like that celebrity - and that celebrity isn’t necessarily what you would define as attractive. So in half a second you’ve taken that comment to mean that you’re unattractive and that you’re worthless. And that feeling - that heavy ache in your chest - fills you. That’s what it’s like for me. It only takes that much. And I’m an extremely logical and rational person - Even while it’s happening I can step outside of myself and say, “dude chill out - you know that didn’t mean anything. You’re fine. You know that didn’t mean anything.” But the connection between my thoughts and my feelings has always been weak, to say the least. Because my moods control everything - my ability to rationalize the situation does nothing to change how much pain a single comment can cause me, or how numb I can become.

So, my senior year of college comes around and a lot happened that year; I had my first heartbreak, I was trying to figure out what the fuck I wanted to do after I graduated, (I felt hopeless bc, like, wtf am I gonna do when I graduate???) I dated someone else... it was just a mess. I was all over the place. And then March of 2018 came around, and my sister told me that my aunt was diagnosed with BPD in her 20s and something, idk what, in me snapped. You can be genetically predisposed to BPD. Why I never knew my aunt had it is another question entirely, but in that moment I genuinely said, “fuck it - I give up on everything else, nothing is working” and I went to see a specialist in nyc. There’s a checklist, a list of requirements, you have to meet to be diagnosed with BPD. I’m just gonna say... I passed with fllyyyiiing colors. And no, because I absolutely know what you’re thinking, this is NOT the same as being Bipolar. Not the same. Separate the two. The name “BPD” is misleading; it refers to, in the easiest of terms, unstable moods and behaviors. It’s defined as a personality disorder because the way I feel and experience the world is, in fact, a part of my personality; I can’t ever change it. What I can do is learn how to cope and manage my feelings in a world that wasn’t necessarily built for someone like me. Marsha Linehan once said, “People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.”

I didn’t really process this diagnosis well, if I’m being honest. It’s one thing to have a doctor tell you that you have depression or anxiety (not to in any way minimize those things) because we have, in society, been working to normalize those forms of mental illness. When you think of a disorder, for example, like being Bipolar - do positive images come into your head? Probably not. Because there are extremely harmful and negative connotations that go with any form of mental illness outside of what society has deemed as being somewhat “normal“. So, confronting this was difficult for me. On the one hand, for the first time in my life things made sense; why I always felt like my reactions were wrong, why everything I feel is so unbelievably heavy, why I never seem to understand the meaning behind my moods or their constant fluctuation. But, on the other hand, it was devastating. For a long time it felt like everyone was going to dismiss me, abandon me, that I was never going to be able to be happy. Because, for those of you who have BPD and truly know what every day is like, looking at your future and saying, “holy shit I’m gonna feel what I feel for the rest of my life??” is a terrifying thing to confront. Because who wants to be in pain all of the time? Who wants to be angry for no reason? Who wants to push everybody away because they’re afraid they’re going to get abandonded? How is that life? How is that living?

People still ask me why I decided to leave NYC. Yeah, a big part of it was that I have student loans and I wanted to save up and become a functioning and independent adult before moving back to the East Coast. But, the biggest reason was because of my diagnosis. There is no place like NYC; and it was always my intention to move back (which I am doing, by the way). But if you don’t know who you are every second of the day, that city will rip you apart. And I could barely talk to anyone outside of my circle about what I was dealing with. So I moved back to Chicago. I got a good job, I’m working on getting my shit together to become an independent ”real” adult. But, the most important thing was for me to get my head on straight. And there are very bad days - there will always be very bad days. But I’m learning how to cope with my shit in ways that are far less destructive than what they used to be. And, sadly, sometimes that means deleting my twitter for 6 hours, or doing a bunch of other confusing shit that probably doesn’t make sense to any of my followers. And I’m sorry for that. And I’m always going to be sorry to all the people in my life that this negatively impacts. This is not in any way an easy thing to deal with - trust me, I deal with it every day. And to the people in my life who have stuck by me, I can’t ever explain to you what and how much that means to me. I’ll forever be sorry for the bad days: I’m sorry to all the people I project my pain on, and I’m sorry that it’s still so hard for me to open up emotionally, in a real setting, about this.

But one day I will - and every day I work on myself I gain a little bit more insight, a little bit more hope. To the people who care about me, have faith in me on the days I don’t. I know this is confusing. I barely understand it, too.

And lastly, to the people who will write me off because of this, or the people who judge anyone with a mental illness that they don’t know about or understand - try to be more open. We’re all human, we all face different struggles. And the more open and real we get about mental health - the better we’ll all be for it.

Thank you for listening to my TED Talk. I hope that this, in some way, helps you to understand me better. Mental Health awareness matters because, newsflash, most of the people you’re going to meet in this life are just as fucked up as I am.

Lots of love,

Ræ

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