my ticket finally came!! 🩷

This may be an old article from 3 years ago, but these cultural aspects/observations still apply even today. And though this is strictly a Chinese perspective, a lot of these everyday life bits are observed in Overseas Chinese communities in countries such as The Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia, etc. as well as countries heavily influenced by Chinese culture like Taiwan, Japan, and Korea.

I've always liked learning about other cultures and making comparisons between how things are done East vs West. Which probably stems from growing up with two cultures and Mom raising me on American movies xD

So the irony is if you asked me how many Chinese, Taiwanese, or Hong Kong actors I know, chances are I know as much as you do xD Like Jackie Chan, Andy Lau, and that's about it. But if you asked me about Western (specifically American and British) actors, then I have a useless brain dump of movie trivia and who was with who in what movie xD

Hmmm, both Taiwan and the Philippines are two distinct cultures but both look up to a certain country and are fascinated by that. In Taiwan's case, Japan and the US for the Philippines. In both cases, this is due to being under the rule of those countries in their history. Taiwan being under Japan for 50 years, and the Philippines being under Spain for 300+ years, followed by periods of American and Japanese rule. To put it simply though:

Taiwan is "mini-Japan with a very Chinese culture".

The Philippines is "former colony of Spain with lots of American influences".

But unlike the author, I've never set foot in any Western country, so my understandings are strictly what I've observed in media, which while it can be accurate, doesn't compare to actually experiencing the culture.

Some further elaboration on most points:

#1 We quite literally use chopsticks for everything. We use it to pick rice, viands, vegetables, fruit, smaller desserts, almost all the food you can think of.

But where do you put your chopsticks when you're not using them? Just put them on top of your bowl or flat on your plate. But do not ever stick them vertically. It's taboo, since it looks like incense sticks, which we use to pray for those who have passed, like our ancestors or during funerary services.

#3 The majority of Asia is obsessed with fair/white skin. In my time at the Philippines, I grew up watching all these Dove Whitening commercials and my classmates often commented on how fair my skin was, how they envied it etc. In Taiwan, girls often say they don't want to 變黑 (biàn hēi) 'become dark'. Japan and Korea too are not innocent of this either (if their beauty/skin products weren't a dead giveaway).

People here at Taiwan often mistake me for being from Hong Kong or Japan (as long as I don't speak Mandarin with my heavy accent xD). A Taiwanese classmate of mine joked that she often gets mistaken for being from Southeast Asia due to having a darker complexion. And while I laughed it off with her at that time, looking back, I now realize she was lowkey being racist. xD

And believe me Filipinas have mentioned literally being told 'your skin is so dark' here in Taiwan, or being given backhanded compliments like 'you're pretty despite having dark skin' and...*facepalms*

My point is, beauty is not exclusive to skin color. People who still think that are assholes.

#5 Not to say we don't have salt and pepper, but yes soy sauce and vinegar are the classic condiments you see on the table, be it at home or at a restaurant.

And if I may add, Taiwanese love their pepper. xD If you ever get to eat at a night market or a smaller "Mom n' Pop-style" restaurant here, some dishes/soups tend to add quite an excessive amount of pepper. Not like anthills, but quite liberally and way more than average. Enough that you see traces of pepper at the bottom of the food paper bag or swirling in your soup. xD

#6 I know this all too well from personal experience. In my years of studying at Taiwan, I always had roommates. 3 in my first school (I graduated high school in the Philippines pre K-12 so I had to make up 2 years of Senior High), followed by 2 in college, with the exception of 1 in freshman year.

My college did offer single person dorms but at around 9000 NTD ($324) per month compared to around 6000 NTD ($216) per semester. Because I wanted to save, the choice was obvious for me xD. But ah, this doesn't mean I don't value personal space, in fact I love having the room to myself, and since both my roomies would go home to their families every weekend, weekends were bliss for me xD

And you don't have to be friends with your roommates (that's an added bonus however), you just have to get along with them. I was quite lucky to have really great roommates all throughout my schooling years.

#9 In the Philippines, we do. Owing mostly to American influences and maybe being predominantly Catholic? xD

#10 *sigh* Chinese parents and parents from similar Asian cultures tend to put too much emphasis on grades, so much that kids could get sent to cram school as early as elementary. This is because what school you get into could literally affect your future job opportunities, and while that's not exclusive to any particular country/culture, I feel it's especially pronounced here in Asia. I'm really lucky my own parents weren't that strict about it. However, if your parents don't point the mistakes out to you, chances are you'll do it yourself, if you're an Asian kid like me anyway. xD It just becomes a habit.

#11 My family is an exception to this. xD We do say 'I love you' directly, but complete with the 'ah eat well ok?', 'don't scrimp on food', 'sleep well' and similar indirect words/actions of affection. We were doing 'Conceal, Don't Feel' before it became popular. xD

#13 I'm kind of confused about this but this has sort have changed over the years in which eye-contact is now more encouraged. But don't stare, especially at elders and authority figures. Sometimes it's just shyness though. xD And I've observed this with my own Taiwanese friend, especially when I'm complaining or ranting to her about something. xD I'm a person who likes to express my opinions strongly, which tends to scare/alienate some of the locals here, as doing so is kind of frowned upon. Thankfully, she does listen and offers her take on things.

#14 Ah this. xD In the Philippines, this is a common greeting known as beso-beso, and I freaked out too when an auntie did that to me. xD Needless to say, Mom lectured me later on what that was. ^^"

#16 Along with #3 another crazy beauty standard. In my view, people always look better with a little meat on them and when they're not horribly thin. Asia still has a loonng way to go with accepting different types of bodies if you ask me. This combined with modern beauty standards has made the pressure for women especially to 'look beautiful' higher than ever.

I know many people love them but please, starving yourself or glorifying eating disorders is never OK just to get this kind of 'ideal' body. I'm not part of the Kpop fandom, but even I think when idols get bullied just for gaining the least bit of weight among other insensitive comments, that's really going too far.

#17 'If you want to make friends, go eat.' <- I couldn't agree more. In the Philippines we have a greeting: 'Kumain ka na ba?' (Have you eaten?) . Similarly in Taiwan, we have 吃飯了沒? (chī fàn le méi), both of these can mean that in the literal sense but are often used as greetings instead. By then which invitation to having lunch/dinner together may or may not follow. Food really is a way for us to socialize and to catch up with what's going on in each other's lives. Not to say we don't have regular outings like going out to the mall, going shopping, etc. but eating together is a huge part of our culture, be it with family or friends.

And while I'm at it, some memes that are way too accurate good to pass up xD

Parents, uncles, aunties alike will fight over the bill xD

Alternatively:

You just space out until your name is called xD

My parents are guilty of the last one. Logic how? xD

#18 True. xD I like giving compliments out to people but I have a hard time accepting them myself, though I've learnt how to accept them much more now than before. We're kind of raised to constantly downplay ourselves so we often say things like 'ah no no' or 'I'm really not that good'. The downside of this of course is that it can come off as somewhat fake. xD

Again from personal experience, that same classmate who made the lowkey racist remark, she was good, she was on the debate team, was a honor student, knew how to mingle with people, but she downplayed herself way too much, while praising me but I honestly thought that she never really meant it from how she treated me. She wanted to keep me around her yet make backhanded compliments at me and she didn't want me socializing with my other classmate who is now my friend. *sigh* It was only after discussing this with one of my roomies did I realize how this 'excessive downplaying' might come off to people like me who more or less grew up with a more 'Westernized' mindset. I'm not saying brag about your achievements but don't be overly humble about them either, which can also be a turn off.

#20 We do tend to be a lot more realistic on how we view things, neither entirely optimistic nor pessimistic. We try to think of things practically and often analyze things on pure logic. A downside of this however, is that Chinese people can be overly practical. Taiwanese for instance don't like to 'find inconveniences' and generally keep to themselves, meaning, they won't help you in your hour of need even when they do have the capabilities. Sounds really harsh I know, but in my 6 years of living in Taiwan, while this doesn't apply to all the people, a lot of them really do only find/talk to you when they need something.

So for some people saying Taiwanese are 'friendly', that's BS xD If you ask me, Filipinos are infinitely more friendly, and again while not all, generally make more of an effort to help you when you need it. I really felt more of a real sense of community during my years growing up in the Philippines compared to Taiwan.

#21 Children do tend to stay with their parents well into college and adulthood, since Chinese families are indeed very family-oriented, in a lot of cases, grandparents often live under the same roof as us as well! And it really does save a lot of money. I see there's a real stigma in the US when it comes to "living with your parents", but that's starting to change especially because of Covid and having more and more people move back in with their parents.

Housing unfortunately is pretty much hella expensive no matter where you go, and Taiwan is no exception. Steep housing prices and the very high cost of raising a child (schooling + buxiban fees, etc.) contribute to a very low birth rate and thus an aging population like Japan. It's not uncommon to see both parents working in Taiwan.

#23 I'm an overthinker myself, but I totally agree with the author that the best is to strike a good balance between these two. Which I guess is why I love drawing or any other related creative attempts, it helps me be more spontaneous or well, creative! I like to remain intellectually or artistically inspired.

#24 Is French high school really like that? xD My friend did watch SKAM France and more or less got a culture shock from what was depicted on the show. I can confirm however that most high schools both in the Philippines and Taiwan require students to wear a uniform, only in college is everybody free to wear casual/civilian clothes.

#26 Ah this is part of our Asian gift-giving etiquette xD We always open gifts later after the event/meeting and in private. Never open them in front of the person who gave it to you or in front of others. This is to prevent any 'shame/embarrassment' that may result both to yourself and to the gift giver. I know this may come off as something weird since some people may want a more honest response or immediate feedback when it comes to gift-giving, but that's just how it is in our culture. You're always free to ask us though (in private) if we liked the gift or not ^^"

#28 I want to say the same goes to drinking, partying, and drugs however xD Those are things which are still frowned upon in our culture. And to be honest, whenever I see those in movies, it does kind of turn me off xD It doesn't mean that we're "uncool" or "boring", we just think that there are much better or healthier ways of "having fun".

#31 Is this true in France?! Man I would kind of prefer that instead of people being on their phones all the time xD This kind of goes with #20 in that Chinese are overly practical or logical, and don't read fiction as much as nonfiction. My Taiwanese friend is an exception though, she's a bibliophile who loves the feel of paper books compared to e-books, and it's a trait of her that I like a lot. Both the Philippines and Taiwan however have a huge fanbase when it comes to manga and anime though.

I'm all for reading outside of "designated reading" at schools especially. Reading fiction improves your vocabulary too, and can be quite fun! It helps you imagine and really invest in a world/story, and if you ask me something that I feel Westerners are better at, they're more in touch with their emotions and creativity, and are thus much more able to write compelling or original stories. Believe me, I've seen a fair amount of Chinese movies that rip off Western movie plotlines xD

#33 Nothing much to add on here..except that since I'm a "weird" person, Mom often jokes that she got the wrong baby from the hospital. xD

#35 True. While I agree with the care and concern that your fellow community can give you, the downside of this is we tend to only hang out with our own people, e.g Chinese with Chinese, Taiwanese with Taiwanese, etc. I've seen too that it's especially hard to make friends in Japan and Korea as a foreigner. Not only is there the language barrier, but the differences in culture too. In a way, Asians can be pretty close-minded on getting to know other cultures or actually making friends with people from other countries. I know this all too well being half-Taiwanese/half-Filipino, being neither "Filipino" enough nor "Taiwanese" enough. xD It's more of people here being too used to what they're comfortable with.

#36 Oh this is something I feel that Chinese students and other students from similar cultures should really improve on. xD How will people respect you if you don't speak your mind?

I felt bad especially for my Spanish teacher in college, granted it was an introductory course (Spanish I and II) but the amount of times that our teacher had to prompt a student to recite/speak even with clear hints already made her (and me too) extremely frustrated. The thing is, these are college students, I personally feel they don't have any reason to be so shy of speaking and technically by not doing so they're slowing the pace of the class too much and a lot of time is wasted.

Unfortunately you can't always be very vocal with your thoughts and opinions in most Asian cultures. I would say strive for that, but at the same time, play your cards well, especially if you're in a workplace setting.

If you made it to the end, thank you for reading and here's a cookie! 🍪 I'm not perfect and there's bound to be something I missed so please let me know if you spotted anything wrong. Feedback/questions are very much welcome and please feel free to share about your country/culture's differences or similarities!

What I think about COVID-19 this morning - Malia Jones, PhD, MPH

What I think about COVID-19 this morning

March 5, 2020

 Maybe I'm the closest thing you personally know to an infectious disease epidemiologist. Maybe not--I'm not an expert on this virus by any stretch, but I have general knowledge and training from studying epidemics that is applicable, so here are my thoughts. 

 First and foremost: we are going to see a tremendous increase in the number of US cases of COVID-19 in the next week. This is not because of some new pattern in the spread of the disease, but rather due to a major change in the requirements to be tested. Until yesterday, if you had flulike illness but had not recently traveled to China, Italy, South Korea, or Iran, you could not be tested. This is just the way healthcare works, you get tested if you meet the case definition and the case definition included travel.

 As of yesterday, you can be tested if you are sick and have a doctor's order to be tested. So expect things to feel a lot more panicky all of a sudden. We will see hundreds or thousands of new cases as a result of testing increases.

 Second: is that panic legitimate? Sort of. This is not the zombie apocalypse. The death rate of 30 deaths per 1000 cases is probably a wild overestimate. (The denominator is almost certainly wrong because it is confirmed cases--and we only confirm cases when we test for them). That said, even at 3 per 1000 cases, this would be a big deal. A very big deal. By way of comparison, the death rate for influenza is between 1 and 2 in 1000 cases. So, yeah. Roughly 0x to 30x worse than a huge global flu pandemic? That's a problem.

 Unlike flu, COVID-19 is not *particularly* dangerous for children, so that’s some happy news. It is dangerous for older adults and those with lung conditions, so we need to be extra careful to protect those populations from exposure. 

Also, for millions of Americans, getting any serious illness requiring a hospitalization is a major problem because they can't pay for it. And our health care system is probably going to struggle to keep up with it all. And with China basically closed, our global economy is going to take a huge hit and we'll feel the shockwaves for years. Those are real concerns.

 What can we do? Our focus should be on *slowing down the spread* of this disease so that we have time to get caught up. Here is my advice:

 1. Wash. Your. Hands. Wash them so much.

The current best guess is that coronavirus is transmitted via close contact and surface contamination. A very small study came out yesterday suggesting that the virus causing COVID-19 is *mostly* transmitted via contact with contaminated surfaces.

I have started washing my hands each time I enter a new building and after being in shared spaces (classrooms especially), in addition to the standard practice of washing after using the bathroom and before eating. Soap and water. Hand sanitizer also kills this virus, as does rubbing alcohol (the main ingredient in hand sanitizer).

 There is no need to be obsessive about this. Just wash your hands. A little bit more effort here goes a long way. 

 2. Don’t pick your nose. Or put your fingers in your mouth, on your lips, or in your eyes. Surface contact works like this: you touch something dirty. Maybe it's an elevator button. Virus sticks to your hands. Then you rub your eye. Then you touch your sandwich, and put the sandwich in your mouth. Now there is virus in your eyes and mouth. See?

 You may be thinking, but I don’t pick my nose because I am an adult! An observational study found that people sitting at a desk working touched their eyes, nose, or lips between 3 and 50 times per hour. Perfectly normal grown-ups, not lowlifes like my friends.

 2a. There was one note that came out suggesting that face masks actually promote surface contamination because you're always adjusting them--i.e., touching your face. I don’t know if that’s true. But face masks should not be worn by the public right now, unless you are the person who is sick and you're on your way to or actually at the doctor's office. The mask’s function is to prevent spit from flying out of your mouth and landing on things when you cough or sneeze. It flies out of your mouth and is caught in the mask instead. If you are the person who is sick and not on the way to the doctor, go home. Let the people who really need them have the masks. Like doctors.

 [ETA on 3/6/2020 honestly people I am getting so much push back on the mask recommendation!! The world is running low on masks. If everyone wants a mask so they can feel ok about keeping their Daytona Beach Spring Break plans and then hospitals in India can't buy them anymore, shame on us.]

 Coronavirus does not appear to be airborne in the sense that doesn't remain floating around freely in the air for a long time, like measles does. You are probably not going to breathe it in, unless someone is coughing in front of you. If someone is coughing in your face, feel free to tell them to get their ass home and move 6 feet away from them. (Yeah I know, if you have a toddler, you're screwed.)

 3. Sanitize the objects you and lots of other people touch, especially people outside your family--like door handles, shared keyboards at schools (brrr), salad bar tongs, etc. Best guesses are that the virus can live on surfaces for 2-48 hours, maybe even longer, depending on the surface, temperature, and humidity.

 Many common household cleaning products will kill this virus. However, white vinegar solution does not. You can make your own inexpensive antimicrobial spray by mixing 1 part household bleach to 99 parts cold tap water. Spray this on surfaces and leave for 10-30 minutes. Note: this is bleach. It will ruin your sofa.

 4. "Social distancing." You're going to get so sick of this phrase. This means keeping people apart from one another (preferably 6 feet apart, and sanitizing shared objects). This public health strategy is our next line of defense, and its implementation is what will lead to flights and events cancelled, borders closed, and schools closed.

 For now, you could limit face-to-face meetings, especially large ones. Zoom is an excellent videoconferencing option. If you spend time in shared spaces, see #1. Ask your child's school about their hygiene plan, if they haven't already told you what it is. If I were in charge of a school setting, I'd be hand sanitizing the s*** out of the kids' hands, including in and out of each space, and taking temperatures at the door. I am planning to email our school nurse right after this to ask if they need my volunteer help cleaning surfaces.

 If you can telecommute, do that a little more. If you are someone's boss and they could do their job remotely, encourage them to do that. 

 Avoid large gatherings of people if at all possible, especially if they are in an area with cases OR places that lots of people travel to. If you attend group events and start to feel even a little bit sick within 2 to 14 days, you need to self isolate immediately. Like for a tiny tickle in your throat.

 5. All your travel plans are about to get screwed up. If you are considering booking flights right now, get refundable tickets. ETA: most trip insurance will not cover cancellations due to a pandemic. Look for "cancel for any reason" trip insurance. 

 Considerations for risks related to that trip you’re planning: how bad would it be if you got stuck where you are going for 3 to 6 weeks? How bad would it be to be isolated at home for 2-3 weeks upon your return? Do you have direct contact with people who are over 70 and/or have lung conditions? If those seem really bad to you, rethink your trip, especially if it is to a location where there are confirmed cases. 

 6. If you are sick, stay home. Please! For the love of all that is holy. Stay at home. Your contributions to the world are really just not that important.

 7. There is a good chance some communities will see school cancelled and asked to limit non-essential movement. If someone in your family gets sick your family will almost certainly be isolated for 2-3 weeks (asked to stay at home). You could start stocking up with essentials for that scenario, but don't run out and buy a years' worth of toilet paper. Again, not the apocalypse. 2 weeks' worth of essential items. Refill any prescriptions, check your supply of coffee, kitty litter, and jigsaw puzzles.

 8. I do want to remind everyone that when public health works, the result is the least newsworthy thing ever: nothing happens. If this all fizzles out and you start feeling like ‘Wah, all that fuss for nothing??’ Then send a thank-you note to your local department of public health for a job well done. Fingers crossed for that outcome.

 9. Look, I think there are some positives here. All this handwashing could stop flu season in its tracks! We have an opportunity to reduce our global carbon footprint by telecommuting more, flying less, and understanding where our stuff comes from. We can use this to think about the problems with our healthcare system. We can use this to reflect on our positions of privilege and implicit biases. We can start greeting each other using jazz hands. I'm genuinely excited about those opportunities.

 There is a lot we don't yet know about this virus. It didn't even exist 90 days ago. So stay tuned, it is an evolving situation. The WHO website has a decent FAQ. Free to email or text with questions, and you can forward this to others if you think it's useful.

 May the force be with you. 

 Malia Jones, PhD, MPH

 I’m an Assistant Scientist in Health Geography at the Applied Population Laboratory at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. I study social contact of humans, and spatial patterns of infectious disease, among other things. 

   P.S. The number one question I am getting is, did you really write this? Yes. I wrote this. 

 I didn't write it for professional purposes, so I didn't put my work email on it. It was really just meant to be an email to my friends and family in advance of what I expect to be an escalation in the panic level. But it was apparently welcome information and went viral on FB. I've decided not to edit out the swears, even though I wrote this with a much smaller audience in mind. 

 Thanks for checking your facts! Go science! 

𝖕𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖙𝖊𝖑𝖑 𝖒𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖞... & i’ll tell you mine.  →  michelle ahn & park duri. brooklyn the burger joint; gangam, seoul / 11:01pm.

honestly speaking, this restaurant is one of the first places she’s been in korea that truly reminds her of back home. the classic diner-style food, the atmosphere, & the “vibe,” in general, lend themselves to american culture fairly well. that, & well, she’s able to indulge in one of her favorite guilty pleasure meals: a giant cheeseburger, a side of french fries, & a milkshake to sweeten things up. would bc entertainment threaten to destroy her if they knew what she’s currently putting into her body? absolutely—but she doesn’t really care much. lately, when she looks in the mirror, she’s not incredibly pleased with how thin she’s become. ever since she agreed to follow the eating plan provided by the company’s dietitian, she’s felt hungry, even undernourished, but now that she’s at a/n ( underweight ) size that the executives approve of, michelle figures that she can “cheat” a little bit here & there; mostly to keep her delicately curvaceous figure mostly intact. she realizes that the standards of beauty are hugely different in the east than what they are in the west, & given that she works in asia, she’s contractually obligated to maintain her appearance to “fit the mold” there, so to speak—especially since she was cast based on her visuals alone—but that doesn’t mean that she personally enjoys it.

what she fails to realize is that she’s not the only one put under a microscope & told to look flawless at all times, & by choosing to ignore her meal plans, she’s essentially raising a middle finger up to all the other idols who are in the same predicament. if they all have to suffer, then she should have to, too, right? she has some pretty strong opinions on that subject in general, but for tonight, she hopes to just disconnect from those troublesome thoughts & focus in on the man seated before her—one that she felt a magnetic pull towards upon first meeting him. it’s not as though she’s interested in him romantically—not at all—but there’s a sense of warmth she feels from park duri that’s comforting to her; one that she thinks she needs in order to be better adjusted to the ever-changing tides of being a public figure. as he’s had more experience than she has, & has mostly remained free of any “damage” to his career, she hopes picking his brain will lead to some peace of mind.

reaching forward, she grabs onto one of her fries & eats it; smiling at him as she chews. “so, i don’t think i can thank you enough for agreeing to meet up with me tonight.” she hums, taking a moment to peek around at how shockingly vacant the late-night eatery is. “i guess i was just feeling a little lost in everything & i don’t know—you seemed like the perfect person to talk to. i hope it’s okay of me to pull you away from whatever plans you may have had…” it’s not like he owes her anything. michelle just has a feeling that he’s a sweet guy, & that’s why he’s present tonight. “i would hate it if i was interrupting something for you or whatever…”

Seeing people on TikTok telling an Indian American he's pronouncing his ethnic name wrong and he's "saying it white". He made a very interesting video explained that when he's talking in an English accent the phonetics present in English do not allow for the exact "correct" Pronunciation of his Indian Name. He said he doesn't think its inherently racist if someone's accent and ability to pick up different phonetics that don't exist in your mother tongue but if people don't even make an attempt or still manage to get the "angolised" version wrong then he says they clearly just don't care.

Deposit what I thought was a very level headed take on this issue the comments were full of people calling him a race traitor and "too white". Like firstly imagine having the audacity to tell someone they're saying their own name wrong, it's his name, can say it however he wants.

But secondly it got me thinking.... this isn't exclusive to English or White People. I'd have to alter my name (especially my surname) in Korea slightly, the Pronunciation wouldn't be what it is here in Scotland just because phonetically it would be difficult for native Koreans who don't speak English (or if they do they still have a thick accent) to pronounce the hard R sound at the start of my surname. Doesn't mean they're racist towards me, they've never had to make that sound in their life, the muscles in their mouth make it difficult for them to easily be able to put their tongue where it needs to be to naturally make that sound. Same with Japan, they'd have a similar issue with my name. There are plenty of English words that other Europeans will pronounce slightly differently, which is why many European names have Anglonised versions and likewise some Anglo Names got adopted and changed to fit some central European languages.

Another one I see a lot is English is inherently racist because it changes the names of countries when in English so like Deutschland becomes Germany.... but like America in Korean is 미국 (miguk), The UK is 영국 (yongguk) so is Korean as a language inherently racist? No cause that's a fucking dumb thing to say about any language cause they all do this to some degree.

I mean even within the same language accents will make words sound slightly different. My name is said slightly differently by Americans (like standard American accent) compared to Scots but most Americans won't hear the difference but I do. But I don't care, sure they don't absolutely mispronounce my name the way many ethnic names do (although just gonna say a black person with an American accent isn't gonna find it any easier saying some of these ethnic names than a white person with an American accent will) but as long as they seem to be making an effort and they aren't rude about it I don't see the problem.

Also if you think difficult to pronounce names for English speakers is limited only to "ethnic" (which in these situations is code for non white names) then you've never seen Eastern and Northern Europe like honestly I'm better at East Asian Names than I am Polish or Russian or Finnish names. Not even kidding.

APH College AU: China

Oh hey look I’m doing the Asians now? Perhaps! AU intro here, highly suggested you read for context of why China is out of college.

Also, I know chefs aren’t supposed to be a waiter/see customers and cook at the same time, but too bad. He likes interacting with people personally and is good at knowing when to go back into the kitchens to make sure the food doesn’t burn.

- Owner and head chef of a small Chinese restaurant called Upside Down Luck (*any suggestions for other names are cool!*). He’s thinking about expanding pretty soon, since business is good and very consistent and a second restaurant would probably be as successful as the first. - 50% of business is college students, so he knows most of them. Most have come to his place at least once, and some, such as America, are regulars. - He's really good at memorizing faces and names, and can usually recognize people from the college. They get treated with either “Welcome back! How’s school? I heard there was a small fire in the labs!” or “You, again? *sigh* Same as last time?” - Also relating to that, he never lets students get more than two bottles of alcohol, especially late at night, and has never fell for a fake ID (partly thanks to his siblings telling him who’s a sophomore, freshman, etc). A true mom. - Knows all the school gossip also because his siblings, especially Taiwan and Japan, but South Korea also lets things slip because he forgets China doesn’t know; at dinner or something he’ll be like “Remember how ___?” And China whips around, very surprised and says “What??” with a raised eyebrow and a look that says s p i l l   t h e   t e a   s i s - He always complains about making his food too “Americanized” (?) but honestly it’s more Authentic Chinese style than most people - DESPISES Panda Express and their orange chicken. CHN: “Why is this sweet????” HK: “Chill, that’s just American Chinese food. Anyways, it’s okay tasty.” “No.” “What do you mean, ‘no’?”

- A whiz at budgeting and bargaining; always stays on top of his finances and sometimes manages his siblings’ finances as well when he’s really pissed at them for being lazy/not responsible with their money. A lot of the restaurant’s success is due to his cunning and money managing. - When he’s cooking or frustrated or hot, his ponytail goes up into a sort of bun. He’s not too happy with how it looks on him, but it’s just more convenient that way, either because regulations/sanitary purposes or to get his neck cooler. - He gives his siblings 20-30% off on restaurant stuff most of the time, but it varies a little with mood. Most other students have been jealous at some point or another, but the other side of the deal is that they can’t call Yao “mother” or “grandma” or “grandpa” in any form. They still do it though, and then he’s like “No privileges for you!1!2!1!!” - Also, the restaurant layout is super fengshui, because Yao is superstitious as heck, but also because it’s actually useful for interior design. Like it’s all perfectly aligned, windows face north-south (to get fresh air and sunlight), the door doesn’t have clutter around it, etc. It honestly looks a bit minimalist but also traditional at the same time. During the Lunar New Year he puts up menshen (门神) on the door and couplets on the sides of it, and he always has a small Metteyya (弥勒佛) statue/idol/thingy in the back of the restaurant for money and luck. - Laughs internally at people failing at using chopsticks. (He provides knives and forks and spoons of course, but there are always the handful who keep trying chopsticks). I think he’s the type to just... casually watch you struggle in vain and won’t do anything to help. Of course, if you’re a friend, then he’ll definitely try to teach you, but he doesn’t mind having a laugh at most of his customers. I think South Korea, Hong Kong, and perhaps Vietnam (Japan, Taiwan and Macau would be too kind to laugh and chopsticks aren’t widely used in other Asian countries) would stand and watch as well, taking out their phones and recording any particularly hilarious attempts. - He doesn’t live right above the restaurant, but has an apartment 3 blocks over. It’s not small, but not too big either, so when his siblings come over it gets kinda crowded. South Korea and Hong Kong are always telling him to move out and get a larger place, but China just kinda refuses out of sentimentality. “I like this place too much to leave it!” - Wakes up at 7 AM every morning and walks around the neighborhood and sometimes goes to the college to visit India. He likes routine, and considers it a really refreshing part of his morning. - I haven’t decided a lot of the other ancient’s lives yet, but China and the others would definitely get together for chats once in a while. All of them just happened to stick around close by after college and they’d talk about work and college gossip. College gossip is provided by China and India, but they all know a bit since their siblings are still there. - He majored in business and took a whole lot of outside culinary arts classes in college, and also happened to take a bunch of other random classes just for the heck of it. So now he’s educated on things like human behavior and what people would do in a zombie apocalypse + why they react that way, garbage and sustainability, and medieval studies + folklore through Game of Thrones. He considered taking a tree climbing course but didn’t, just because he didn’t want to waste time relearning how to climb trees with ropes. - Corollary to that, he probably has the weirdest fun facts because of all this miscellaneous info he’s collected. “Did you know there’s immortal cancer cells?” “I don’t want to know, Yao.” (Above fact is true but the story of the cells is really sad (and twisted and makes me kinda angry). They’re called HeLa, after Henrietta Lacks.) - His dorm room was probably on the neater side. However, it wasn’t too meticulously organized, and sorta like a thrown together hodgepodge of themes/aesthetics. Not that pretty to look at but it did its job well for him; he never really lost things in his room. - Loved math assignments (even though he grumbled) and bs-ed English, didn’t do too well in it. I think he’d honestly be ok with a B+, and his grades would’ve ranged from 87s to As depending on subject, with possibly one C+ where he just didn’t really apply himself. But he still applies the Asian Parent Standard to his siblings (but isn’t too strict about it most times. Just when he feels they’re really consistently not doing their best when they could be aceing a class). - He loved history though, and took a lot of courses about it that he didn’t need to graduate. This is also how he met India. - I feel like Yao would have a lot of lifehacks, both for managing college work, job lifehacks and things he uses in the restaurant daily, and tricks for outdoor work ex. farm work. Like if you put him outdoors in a rural area and told him to grow crops and raise chickens, he’d totally be okay with it, and would probably be able to do it well. This is in contrast to his siblings, who are more of city (?) kids. - Of course, he’s proficient with tech stuff and office work, but isn’t as good at it as Japan or HK. - Has a 3/4 heat tolerance and a 5/10 cold tolerance. He warms up by cooking (hot stove) or drinking warm water or tea. - Proud, a bit overly critical of people and nagging. He often gets tiny bursts of anger/intense annoyance at small things, and it makes him scary sometimes. (I hc it’s like this; someone does something slightly off/wrong and he kinda has a mini explosion, but it doesn’t affect his overall mood and he’ll still be pretty cheery to you after the incident is corrected.) - Again, his anger isn’t really full blown anger, but more a bunch of small annoyed explosions. It’s rare he gets mad, but if so, it’s usually a long tirade and lecture with lots of hand motions and shouting. It’s sorta scary since he doesn’t often get like that, so it’s serious when he does. - Relationships with some of his siblings are strained a little. They’re like a sorta mismatched family with lots of squabbles and petty disagreements, especially about who can order the others around. - Honestly a people person, he could ramble on and on for days about his life. Some people find him tiring, but he’s a good mixer with strangers. Casual friends with a lot of people, especially those who appreciate sarcasm and can snark right back at him.

Thanks for reading! I didn’t want to include too much about China’s college days but ended up writing more than I intended. Also, the “random college courses” I mentioned are all real classes, obviously not from the same university, but they exist (pretty cool!!) Next up will probably be SK or HK (I have more ideas for them than some of the others). Feedback is welcome and appreciated!

Hi there is something I want to address in the roleplay community but before I do that, I would like to give my background. I am a Korean woman who’s grown up in Korea with Korean experiences raised with post Japanese Imperialism effects, who moved at a very young age to America. I have seen and heard that many of the writing content here is euro-centric or for a lack of better words, ‘white’. Anyways, [1/12]

( cont’d ) there is this roleplay that I came across which I was initially very excited about but at a second glance I noticed very alarming issues that were not brought to the forefront until recently. Prior to this admin’s announcements, there were no instances of drawing upon Korean Mythology, Korean culture or Korean culture research. It was denoted from my first glance that it would be heavily coded in specifically Chinese and Japanese history and inspiration. The admin’s roleplay previously was also using Im Jinah (임진아) a korean woman who is put in this japanese-chinese inspired verse without being appropriately aware of Korea. While the admin did attempt to amend she classified the situation as a “historical situation” which completely offends and upsets me. The society that exists in South Korea after all that has happened from Japanese Imperialism is not just a “situation” its lingering effects still exist. There are comfort woman who experienced brutal r*pe, people’s family members who were murdered and irreversible health and body damage. Family heirlooms and property were stolen or destroyed. Innocent people were used as animals as experiments. This is not just a “historical situation.” I followed up with my own anonymous message in hopes that this admin would readily apologize and acknowledge that she needs to learn more but from her response she states she is just “human and not perfect” when this is not about her. This is about saying you are wrong and you are sorry and that you will do better. But that did not happen. What upsets me further is seeing other people / anons being dismissive of her pulling “asian inspiration” and that she’s not “copy and pasting” countries histories. Well I hate to break it to all you white people (yes all of you who have invalided me, for making fun of my eyes, for eating smelly kimchi, for making fun of the fact that I have an accent when I speak) but inspiration or not, there is always historical context and awareness when you “pull from history.” I am beyond disappointed and upset at the Western hemisphere for its lack of awareness and willingness to see things from a NON AMERICAN point of view. Anyways as a korean woman with very real korean experiences, I do not think any of this is acceptable and I do not think any of those people who think this is a “big deal and waste of time” or “nit picky and ridiculous standard” is any excuse to address very real issues. To say that this is also “just fantasy, it’s not historical” and “it is fantasy, get over it.” It is impossible to say fantasy and history does not go hand in hand (Game of Thrones utilizes War of Roses, Harry Potter talks about World War II and H*tler). Does my life and my culture and heritage sound like a joke for you to use how you please? With no respect and awareness for my people and my existence? For saying all this you are ignorant and have no right to be portraying any aspect of the Asian experience. I want people to be held accountable for their wrongdoings and I apologize if my english is not perfect, it’s my second language. I send this to you because I heard your platform is a safe space for POC muns. I do not trust the admin to credibly and honestly answer all of this without trying to victimize herself first. @scarletsaints and @unholyempire. Thank you.

+ another anon : 

Hi G, I am absolutely appalled to witness racism in the roleplay community in 2020. I attempted to use my voice on a recent rolelplay @unholyempire speaking from my own Japanese experience growing up LGBTQ+ in Hawaii. However I am highly disturbed this admin has not apologized for her actions and I quote "has made you others uncomfortable I am happy to adapt" rather than acknowledge that she was wrong and that she sincerely apologies. To continue further, I am FURIOUS that people are commending her behavior and deny GLARINGLY racist viewpoints and shutting down POC voices as “rude and bullies.” How dare you all praise this admin for hardly even doing the bare minimum. How dare you dismiss voices of color and tell us WE’RE the ones overreacting when it is our culture and our history. This IS NOT OK! DO NOT PROMOTE RACISM. DO NOT STAND BY RACISTS

to both of you , thank you so much for speaking up and sharing your experiences with me . i know it’s really really hard to do especially when others are ‘ commending ‘ the person who has hurt you and your community , as respectively , a japanese and korean person . you’ve both spoken up and for that i really do appreciate and commend you . it’s such a hard thing to do . i don’t have anything to really say because you both said it perfectly and i think it’s extremely important to bring up and talk about . your experiences matter . the way this is dealt with matters . i hope we can get you some acknowledgement and proper apologies for how this was dealt with because it’s simply not okay . i stand with you both , i support you . 

as always , i’d like to invite @unholyempire into this conversation to properly , finally address this and offer an apology to both of these anons , and to the asian community who you have hurt with your roleplay and methods . please listen to muns of colour in the rpc . again , a general reminder : please don’t send any hate to anybody . this is an open space , for an open conversation , with genuine feelings and things that need to be addressed . 

(1/2) Hello ☺️ So this is gonna be two part bc I’m too nervous (absolutely adore you’re content tho) to send it off anon and tumblr has a stupid word count and I couldn’t fit it all in one lol but anyway my best friend and I are planning a trip to Seoul in May (circumstances willing) and I thought I remembered seeing posts that you had been to/lived in South Korea at some point and I was wondering if you’d mind me asking a question about it?

(2/2) I was looking up things to know and ran across dress code and it said if you wore jeans/tshirt in Seoul you’d stick out which high key terrified me bc that’s basically my entire wardrobe but my social anxiety already makes new environments with a lot of people hard enough so I want to blend in as much as possible. What would you recommend? Thanks ahead🌻

okay so it’s not that like- you wearing jeans and a teeshirt is gonna stick out, cuz you can dress that way, and people do. But there is a certain emphasis on like- dressing in clean new clothes- clothes that don’t look worn you know? or purposefully warn. like in America we have the whole retro movement and second-hand thrifting which has been gentrified. but that's still undesirable in Seoul. idk its probably changed cuz it’s been a year and a half since ive been there. 

this was just my experience there, and having a lot of Korean friends and talking with them but-  a lot of the young people in Seoul don’t have a lot of money but they don’t want any outward appearance of poverty. not like here where some people who make 6 figures still go thrifting. they’d rather have a good life, eat yummy food, and have luxuries rather than try saving up for a house or something. A lot of people don’t see the point in like having a car or a good apartment- they’d rather outwardly look nice. which is not how America works and that's okay- it’s just different. 

also- don't know if you’re a girl or not- but if you’re a chesty girl try not to show your shoulders or cleavage. looking back on my time in Korea thinking that i wouldn’t be offensive by dressing how I would in America was one of my biggest regrets. I didn’t really think about it at all- I just kinda dressed how I would normally but that made me stick out in a bad way. 

if you’re thick and loving it- they’re gonna judge you a little for not covering it up and this is kinda to do with their beautify standards. a skinny girl showing skin is okay- but if you’re chubby or curvy its a big no no (im rolling my eyes, but yeah- this is how i felt as a semi-plus sized girl living in Seoul. but for everyone's information- im actually the average height, weight, and cup size of the American woman so average here = plus-sized over there) 

it’s not going to make anyone your age offended- but you will get a lot of weird looks and comments from the elderly. it’s not so much about like- wanting to make your own choices. But they have this opinion that all foreigners are just there to like- be sexually free and it kinda feeds into their stereotype of all American women being pornstars? or at least all blonde American woman. many of my friends got turned away at hotels because they thought they were there to bring in clients.  I delt with everything from old men leering to an old lady trying to shove her phone in my face to get a picture of my boobs and like- just no- try if you feel comfortable enough to restrict yourself in this way, but if you don't and you think you can put up with possible harassment- then go for it. 

there is also a time and place for everything, during fashion week I walked around in a lace bodysuit and no one thought it was Week, and at night- when younger people are generally outside and out and about then you’ll get less weird looks- especially in places like Gangnam which is a weird mix of older wealthy people and young models and young rich people- the clothing standards are a little weird. 

if you really want to fit in- I’d say model what you want to wear off of k-pop style like- literally just try to emulate that because everyone else will. That and look on places like Instagram to get some style inspiration to see if you can tailor your wardrobe to your experience in Seoul. but honestly- I wouldn't worry about it too much- you will always stick out because you’re a foreigner, but in my experience, it’s not nearly as overt or uncomfortable as places like china where everyone just fucking stares- or places like France and Thailand where you’re really treated with derision if you don’t know the customs- 

But for god sakes DO. NOT. TALK. ON. THE. TRAIN. SOMEONE WILL YELL AT YOU AT ONE POINT. UNLESS YOU’RE GONNA WHISPER- AND EVEN THEN THEY WILL CONSIDER IT RUDE. TRAIN ETIQUIT IS REALLY IMPORTANT IN SEOUL. 

hope this helps <3

What NCT 2018 Would Call You (all members!)

I think the members would likely use terms of endearment from whatever language you predominantly spoke with each other, or really any of the languages they speak.  I included some Korean terms because I can speak Korean and feel comfortable using it lol.

Taeil: Darling/Dear - Taeil seems kind of classic to me, and for some reason can remind me of an old soul LOL.  I think these terms would be perfect for him because they aren’t over the top, and embody both an element of being sweet, but also have an old-fashioned vibe.  I don’t think Taeil would use terms of endearment too often for fear of them losing their effect.  He would probably use these when you were just relaxing together.

“Darling, would you mind passing me the remote?”

Johnny: Babe/Love/Sugarplum -  I’m all over the place with Johnny boy.  The term of endearment he would use would really depend on how he wanted to make you feel.  Babe shows a more flirty, American bro-y side.  Love would typically be reserved for special, sentimental moments like if you were dancing or when he was saying goodnight over the phone from another country.  Sugarplum is so funny to me and would probably be used when he wants to joke around and tease you with his cheesiness.

“Are you busy tomorrow babe?”

“Sweet dreams love.”

“What’s crack-a-lackin’ sugarplum?”

Taeyong: 자기야/여보 (Jagiya/Yeobo) - I think Taeyong is a very sweet, affectionate person.  I also see him as being a very typical Korean (in terms of style, culture, thinking etc.) So I think these very adorable Korean terms of endearment would be perfect (they’re similar to saying “honey”).  They’re very commonly used amongst couples in Korea, and would immediately become his go to.  He would love using them to refer to you so you’re always reminded that you’re his.

“What should I make for dinner tonight yeobo?”

Yuta: Sweet cheeks - He 100% seems like he would use this type of name lol.  I just picture the type of guy who would say this as being a cocky mf very self-assured haha.  You would have to be to use something so cringe,.  He would use it mostly when he was feeling a bit frisky or extra confident, like right when he would come off stage.  If he wanted to be more sweet, I think he would still use this name (it’s his fave!!) but he would say it more softly, almost whispering it.

“So how much did you love watching me perform this time sweet cheeks?” 

Kun: Princess - Honestly I think Kun is one of the sweetest, most kind, gentle humans lol.  Like he is so soft and cute omg.  I think he would literally treat his gf like they hung the moon, and would want to give her the world.  So oc he would treat her like royalty, which is why a name like princess is so fitting.  Princess can sort of be demeaning at times but the way Kun would deliver it (like how he looks at you when he says it omg) would 110% be from a place of love.

“How was your day princess?”

Doyoung: 바보 (Babo) - GUYS.  I’m sure many of you know “babo” means “idiot/stupid”and I die because Doyoung would definitely have the type of relationship where you guys are both super witty and smart and always trying to one-up each other.  You would insult each other but sort of affectionately?  He would say this with the biggest smile and then do something cute like ruffle your hair or throw his arm around your shoulders and give you a little squeeze. At times, he would also use it to pretend he was offended or hurt to get a reaction out of you, and would probably dramatically place his hand over his heart and would pretend to gasp in shock lol.  

“Hey babo, why didn’t you reply to my text this morning?!”

Ten: Sexy/Bae - Ten’s nothing if not confident lol.  But unlike Yuta, I don’t think Ten is super sexual.  He just doesn’t have any qualms about expressing how attracted to you he is, whether it be physically or personality-wise.  He also seems like he’s very proud of his English, especially when he knows slang or stuff you may not learn in school so he’d be into using those types of pet-names for you.  They’re silly and fun, but also a little possessive.

“Can you make it to my dance practice tomorrow sexy?”

Jaehyun: Angel/Sunshine - These terms to me are used when someone is just completely in love and in awe of who they are with.  And let’s be honest, Jaehyun is an angel/sunshine personified?  I think for Jae to date someone, he would have to truly believe in his feelings.  He would look at you like you were too perfect to be from earth, aka you’re an angel from the heavens.  He would just look you dead in the eyes and say something super sweet and you would be putty in his hands because you felt exactly the same about him.

“You look cold angel.  Do you want my hoodie?”

Winwin: Sweetie/Sweetheart - Winwin is so cute, and I think he would want to give you a nickname that reflects what a special role you have in his life.  You are sweet, caring and bring a light to his life which probably isn’t always rosy because of his lifestyle!  I can see him using sweethart pretty often, basically finishing all his thoughts with it.  He would use it so often he might even forget your actual name.

“We have to get ice cream after our dinner date sweetheart!”

Jungwoo: Kitten - Jungwoo to me sort of shows duality - sometimes he’s super soft and cute, but sometimes he’s a bit more flirty and confident (but not over the top).  I think this nickname is perfect because it’s adorable and fluffy, but also doesn’t seem to deep like “darling.”  Ultimately Jungwoo is a shy boy so I think he would reserve any pet-names for when it was just the two of you.  Just imagine him calling you kitten in his soft voice omg.

“Kitten, did I do a good job in our performance last night?“

Lucas: Gorgeous/Beautiful/Hottie - This guy though.  He would be his gf’s ULTIMATE hype man.  I think someone like Lucas is confident enough to know he could score the most attractive girls, but would care more about someone’s personality.  He is super sweet and would want his girlfriend to feel beautiful, confident, reassured and loved regardless of how she compared to society’s beauty standards.  He would definitely YELL these names in his typical Lucas voice to embarrassingly hype you up regardless of who was around, or he would just use them when he was feeling particularly cutesy or felt like you needed a boost.

“DAMN HOTTIE, YOU LOOK SO FINE!”

“I love you beautiful.  I’m so happy I got to see you today.”

Mark: Babe/Baby - Mark is kind of swaggy and for some reason these just seem like something a cool dude would call his girl (even though they sort of make me cringe lol).  They’re also very commonly used in North America.  I think he would mostly just use your name around the other members, but I can see him shyly using these terms when it was just you guys, especially in more sentimental moments.

“It’s so good to finally see you.  I’ve missed you so much baby.”

Renjun: Cutie - I think Renjun would want to call you this because amongst NCT, he’s always sort of portrayed as cute and quiet (even though we know he has a very witty side) so he would like to project that and have you be the cute one in  your relationship!  He wouldn’t use it too often, but it would probably come out when he was saying hi, really missing you, or when you actually did/said something he thought was cute and he wanted to call you out for it!

*you trip when you’re walking together*  “You’re so clumsy, cutie!”

Jeno: Honey - I think honey is just the right amount of mushy to be cute, but not cheesy.  When I think of someone using it, I picture a guy who is gentlemanly and kind, but has a clear role in the relationship as a strong, masculine person.  That to me is Jeno!  I think he would try out a bunch of different nicknames for you, but ultimately settle on this one when he realizes it makes you blush the most.  He would definitely use it regardless of who was around!

“Honey, come join us all for a movie at the dorm!”

Haechan: Girlfriend/Wifey - These can either be cute names, or very possessive names.  And I think Haechan would use it more as the latter.  He is just SO happy that you are his and he wants everyone to know.  Like he will literally yell “HEY GIRLFRIEND!” at you from down the hallway at SM just so everyone around knows you’re together.  And he doesn’t just use it when speaking to you; he will literally refer to you in conversations with other people as girlfriend or wifey.

*to his hyungs* “See you guys later!  Wifey and I have a date tonight!”

Jaemin: Baby Girl/Doll - We all know Jaemin is the ult flirt, and to me, these are VERY flirty nicknames.  I feel like someone who uses these terms is very sure in his masculinity.  Kind of like he wants to be the dominant one but not in the sense that he wants power over his girl.  It’s more like he wants to provide for and protect her.  His tone would really really determine whether his intention was to come across as more manly or suggestive.

slings his arm around her shoulders* “Happy to see me baby girl?”

Chenle: Pumpkin - Similar to Johnny using sugarplum, I feel like Chenle would use a term of endearment that is super playful and teasing.  It’s so silly and you would clap back by pretending like you hated it, but really, he knew you loved it. I don’t see him using it all the time, but I think he would pull it out when you were feeling a bit down, or maybe when he was trying to annoy you until you’d do what he wanted.  He would also use it when he was in a really good mood!

“So pumpkin… Since I got lunch, you’re treating me to coffee later, right?” 

Jisung: Y/N - LOL.  To be honest, I just see Jisung as super shy with girls (which might change with age!!).  Even if he wanted to, I don’t think he would feel comfortable using something other than your name until you had been together for a while and were very sure of each other and the relationship.  Occasionally, a term of endearment might slip out but he would probably get flustered and try to act like it didn’t happen.  He wouldn’t want you to think he was weird or cheesy or something.

“So sweetie I MEAN Y/N OMG… ANYWAYS WHICH MOVIE DID YOU WANT TO SEE AGAIN?”

Excuse me while I go cry because when will any guy call me one of these names, let alone a member of NCT haha.  But real talk, I had so much fun writing this and I really hope you guys enjoyed it!!  Ngl, it wasn’t easy coming up with 18 different terms of endearment that fit to each of the members, but I’m happy with how it turned out!  Feel free to leave me feedback or requests.  I love getting messages from you guys!

What about got7 made you like them so much

Oh, dear. This is a heavy question to wake up to and I will not be able to go about my day unless I do justice to this, so here you go lovely anon. GOT7 was not the reason I got into K-Pop, GOT7 was the reason I stayed and if any of this makes it sound like I’m bashing other groups, take my apology now. These are purely my personal opinions and I love EVERY single one of the groups I mention here.

(Please stop reading if you don’t want to read a long, lengthy rant about my love for GOT7 and shit.)

Here we go. Five Reasons I Love GOT7

1. Around 2016, I was at a point where everything in K-Pop was starting to seem rather boring and manufactured. The same practiced answers to the same questions, the same stupid games on every variety show, the same mildly problematic attitude towards sex, skin tone and everything else; this is something which you wouldn’t notice if you stick with a single group but when you’re multi-fandom and you watch so many groups go through the same routine… damn if it doesn’t feel staged after a while. If somebody handed me a mic, I think I could do a standard stage greeting, explain my title song and my ideal type just as well as any idol could. 

Honestly, at that point, Jackson was like a breath of fresh air. Every word that came out of his mouth was so different and I love the casual way in which he questions things the Korean industry takes for granted. If you haven’t seen Hitmaker yet, you must. Jackson tore Doni and Coni a new one, and I had a newfound respect for him. Yes, Jackson Wang is the reason I initially started following GOT7. Most foreign members of rookie groups keep their mouths carefully shut during early debut years because they’re scared of messing up but Jackson’s foray into the Korean industry as a foreigner felt so relatable because the moment something would happen to make me think… well, what was that? Jackson’s loose tongue would be asking the same question in a funnier way than I could have. 

This might sound odd because so many I-fans consider Jackson problematic, but damn, if I don’t think he is the most unproblematic thing as far as K-Pop goes. (More on this later)

2. Damn, if they’re not funny. Yes, a lot of groups are funny and have their moments, I’m pretty sure you could find any idol group saying hilarious things at some point or the other. But GOT7 are the most consistent with their humor. I’ll say it here; I’ve NEVER found a GOT7 video boring. (Let’s not count V-lives. Those drone on forever and are often awkward) These guys were made to entertain. They really were. 

Their interviews are also amazing to watch. Nobody gets MCs flustered like GOT7 does. (One of my favorites is this episode of Idol Battle Likes because the MC, Eunwoo, was a rookie idol and you can see the horror in his face as he tries to salvage the interview yet also the admiration because damn, these guys just do whatever the hell they want to). And this isn’t just Jackson anymore because there are interviews where Jackson isn’t around and they still manage to be hilariously funny. (Case in point: this episode of Global Request Show where Jackson is absent and Jaebum’s unprompted opening line is - “If we lose, Bambam is going to get hit in the forehead by all the members and the MCs” to a flustered baby Bam (who probably did something to piss JB off earlier) and also the classic JJP recreation. 

Not that there aren’t other idols who are also funny. The best example is BtoB, those guys are constantly on crack but their humor is a little different from that of GOT7s, lmao, it consists mostly of me crying at the screen - no, why are you doing that with your pretty face? GOT7, on the other hand, is extremely witty and I am constantly entertained. They couldn’t make us laugh more if their jokes were scripted. 

3. I feel like their relationship with each other is extremely honest. And by that, I don’t mean it’s perfect. I mean it’s honest. Listen, I don’t want to sound like an old veteran or something since I’ve only been into K-Pop for like 3 years or so, but groups are not as close as they seem. (Please don’t take this as me bashing other groups, I love all these guys, but I’m just pointing out examples). Did anyone forsee all the EXO members who left? No, because they all acted really close and tight and loyal until the last moment but now they pretend as if those members never existed. (Yes, I know SM is a snake and is probably making them do that. It still bothers me.) I’ve honestly never heard EXO talk about major fights they had. Infinite, who was my first and for a long time, my ultimate group? I did not see Hoya leaving. When I heard the rumors that a member wasn’t resigning, I was positive it was Sungyeol to go take on an acting career. Hoya doesn’t even seem to talk to the other members much anymore. I was wrong about their friendship, and that shows that there are so many things these idols hide so well from their fans. 

I think GOT7 is relatively one of the most honest groups, and that’s why Jackson keeps saying it. I firmly hope and believe that GOT7 will never spring something as horrifying as a member leaving without a proper explanation. (Not saying that nobody will ever leave. They might choose to take a different path. But I hope and believe it’ll be done the right way, not with radio silence and deflections of awkward questions. Like how Sistar disbanded in such a cool way, writing handwritten letters to the fans explaining their decisions and having an amazing last stage). 

I have also never heard a group talk so freely about the fights they had. I mean, dude. Mark breaking the AC and throwing a laptop at Bam? Jackson and Jaebum fighting over the chicken? I know this sounds funny right now but those were probably extremely serious fights at the time they happened and it’s a testament to their relationship that GOT7 are constantly telling stories about their past fights. I don’t see other groups that tell stories about real fights so often. I really don’t. (Except for totally veteran groups that have been around for like a decade, but guys… I think Seungri and Heechul make up half the stuff they say for entertainment, lmao). 

4. They deal with so much unnecessary hate. Raise your hands if you’re never heard the phrase GOT7 is problematic. Like, wow. There are idols out there who’ve gotten caught doing illegal drugs, have DUIs to their name, participated in financial scandals and harassing fans but GOT7 who have literally never hurt a soul or broken the law are the problematic ones, okay. Sure. 

God, I just hate when people think they’re racist. Guys, open your eyes. GOT7 are the most inclusive group out there. They might be a little stupid at times but they have their hearts in the right places. (HAS NOBODY SEEN THIS VIDEO OF WHEN THAT ASSHOLE HYUNMOO SAID NAMJOON SPEAKS BLACK ENGLISH AND JACKSON SHUT HIM DOWN IN 0.5 SECS?) Don’t get me wrong, Namjoon is my bias in BTS, but I never heard anyone bash him for how problematic he was in his early days. He apologized and people are okay with it but somehow GOT7 still gets pulled up for the dumbest shit. 

Like fuck, guys, half the people who bashed Yugyeom have probably consumed alcohol underage too. Bambam is a little stupid at times, but he’s not racist. Give Mark a break, he’s been in Korea for years, when do you think the last time he hung out with his American friends was? People change, give him the benefit of the doubt. I’m not responsible for the shit my childhood friends get up to. Jaebum was joking with his fans. You can’t say that an idol is so cool for being savage with his members and then suddenly backtrack when he gets savage with you, lmao. Just be savage back to him. It’s banter and I love it. It’s much better than hearing meaningless ‘oh you all mean so much to me’ only to find out the idol fucking leaves the group without a word 2 months later. 

So yeah, I have a protective instinct over GOT7. If one of them actually ever does something problematic then they’re getting called out for it, but come on. Let’s not just make them victims all the time. We know how that feels. I was going through a bad time when GOT7 was getting hate and I connected with them personally. 

5. Finally, GOT7 are the underdogs and I always root for them. To me, they’re that group that has amazing potential and while they’re not completely underrated, there’s this feeling that they’ve gone up to a certain point and now it’s hard to go further. It’s pretty clear from the way the members talk, especially Jackson, Jaebum and Jinyoung, that they’re worried they’ve hit their peak. (Have you guys heard of the 5-year jinx?) I think it’s extremely admirable how they’re putting in all their efforts towards making sure that doesn’t happen because listen. They have money, they have comfortable lives and they can sort of relax and do that thing idol groups do where they half-heartedly put out an album every 12-18 months just for the heck of proving they haven’t disbanded yet. But they’re not, they’re still doing multiple comebacks this year because they want recognition and that is something that resounds with me. 

It’s one thing to be stuck at dirt bottom and give up. It makes me cry to see all those idol groups from underrated companies that die out and never make it, who end up quitting and looking for other options in life. The ones who struggle despite not even making a lot of money. That’s terrible. 

But you know what else is terrible? That feeling that you haven’t lost completely. No, you’re not at the bottom, you did pretty well for yourself but you’re not there yet. You can’t turn back and quit completely, but you also have that last mile left to go and that honestly, that last mile is the hardest. I personally relate to that feeling. It’s the feeling that you’re somewhere up there but you’re not at the top and it’s not hard work or determination or talent that matters anymore, it’s just fucking luck. 

I hope and pray that GOT7 cross that last mile to reach the top in their careers and when they do, I want to be there with them so they can inspire me to cross my own barriers. 

░▒▓█►─═𝕋𝔸𝕊𝕂 𝟘𝟘𝟙:𝕀ℕ𝕋ℝ𝕆𝔻𝕌ℂ𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ 𝕍𝕀𝔻𝔼𝕆

@z6ne-rp

State your name, age and where you’re from

Hey, i’m Dean. I’m 25 years young and I’m from South Career  Korea.

Explain why you chose Z6NE Entertainment.

Well, for one Z6NE is kind of a staple in today’s generation? Like the stuff they’ve done and the artists they have? They can’t be beat. I chose Z6NE because I came and told them what I am and they didn’t try and change me. Now, especially in today’s society many record labels want to shape and mold their artists into what they want them to be. Z6NE wasn’t and didn’t want to change me at all. That was honestly what sold me, apart from also having creative freedom over my work.

Tell us what inspired you to pick the career you have.

Hmm...well for one I lowkey could always sing since I was a little boy. My parents told me that I had a great talent and I shouldn’t let it go to waste. I think once I hit around 14 I became really interested in music production. When i got my first desktop computer I found the first beat making app I could find off the janky ass internet and began playin’ around with it. Now I get to blend being a singer and a producer all together. 

Tell us what you like to do in your spare time.

In my spare time I love to just hang in the studio and mess around with beats. Besides that? Uh..I love talking to my friends back home and also going out and getting drunk. When you are drinking around friends, things can turn crazy real fast. What can I say, I love fun.

Tell us your biggest pet peeve.

My biggest pet peeve would have to be when I’m working with an artists and producing one of their songs and they have NO idea what they even want. They give generic terms like “oh I want a chill song” like...there are man chill songs but what kind of chill? I’m a very detailed person and if someone doesn’t give me all the details as to what they like or want in their song it pisses me off to no end. It’s basically a dead end that I have to work on all by myself.

Tell us your inspiration. Explain why.

My inspiration would have to be my grandmother. My grandmother got pregnant by my bum ass grandad around the time of the war. He got her pregnant with my moms and then ended up leaving my grandma for some younger woman he had found when he was a troop. So he is trash. Anyways, my grandmother had three jobs, trying to make ends meet for her and my mother. And back then, if a woman got pregnant out of wedlock in Korea it was heavily looked down upon. Immediate poverty status, so I looked up to her for getting out of that and saying F the system.

Tell us what you would like people to remember you for.

I’d simply like people to remember me for my talent. Like I’m not bragging but I’m a pretty talented dude. When I die, my music will remain. I want people to listen to my stuff and go “Oh yeah this is different” or “Oh this is good.”. Like just making sure my legacy lives on is all that matters. 

One message you want to give to your fans.

Yall trolls be patient! I’m releasing my album soon but it’s not perfect enough for my standards so I’m tweaking some things. You guys will get some stuff here and there, some collabs with American and Korean artists are in the works so please relax. You guys just gotta be patient with ya boy. 

Tell your fans what they can expect from you in 2019.

They can expect a new album later on in the year but also know that I’m still writing and producing songs for other artists as well so I’m not solely just working on my album. They can expect the same chill ass dude, just more carefree.

A really really long reflection 2/3

The second part in my long, reflective essay. If you haven’t read part 1 (it’s a snooze admittedly), lemme summarize: racism within American society is long and runs deep, it will not be erased overnight; in pop culture and entertainment, Asians/Asian-Americans have never been taken seriously in post-WWII America; the rise in popularity of anime and jpop and the Internet eventually leading to the globalization of kpop. We are currently at 2016.

We last left off in 2016, where BTS was gaining some major traction worldwide. During this time, other kpop groups were making their moves in the States. GOT7 had their FLY Tour shows in the United States July 1-11th 2016 and were doing tons of press interviews to promote the concert. The kpop convention + concert (KCON) had steadily been growing in popularity since its first con in 2012 with a 2016 lineup that featured Seventeen, BTOB, Ailee, Crush, Dynamic Duo, BTS, Day6, Mamamoo, and Eric Nam at the New York convention and  Amber, SHINee, Block B, Dean, GFriend, IOI, Girls Generation TTS, BTS, Eric Nam, Twice, Monsta X, and Astro in at the LA convention. EXO had their EXO’lu’Xion Concerts in the States from February 10-21st, 2016. 

All in all, it became very clear that kpop had an audience in the United States and it wasn’t listened to by just Asian-Americans anymore. The audience became diverse, with people of all ages finding groups that appealed most to them. 2016 saw the year of the announcement of One Direction’s indefinite hiatus, which meant there were teenagers and young adults who were looking for new things to listen to, causing a small shift in fandom culture. I say small because kpop fans and Directioners famously had a lot of conflict, particularly on Twitter, and many Directioners would be xenophobic and racist towards kpop fans and their favorite groups with comments such as “You listen to ching chong music,” “You can’t even understand what they’re saying,” and so on, so I think the overlap between Directioners and kpop fans was very minimal. 5 Seconds of Summer, another popular band in the West, had announced a hiatus around 2016/17 and I believe this was where a lot of new fans came from. 5SOS had an audience of relatively “emo” and “edgy” teens who look for something different and tend to be more open minded, against the “mainstream” groups like One Direction. A lot of 5SOS fans shifted into kpop during the band’s hiatus, from what I’ve seen on Twitter.

However, racism is not just an American problem, it’s global. And within kpop and South Korean culture, racism and colorism run almost just as deep. This was no secret to many Asian-American/non-Korean Asian fans or to black fans. Many groups have incidents of blackface, saying colorist comments, allegations of cultural appropriation, and saying n*gga. A common defense fans would come up with when confronted with the scandal would say “they didn’t know any better,” “they don’t have black people in Korea,” “get over it, it isn’t hurting you,” and many more excuses. As a result, this tends to cause a divide between black kpop fans and non black kpop fans. The discussions of racism within kpop tend to go one-sided, with black kpop fans feeling as though they are silenced and ignored by other fans, idols, and companies. Pop culture in America often takes things from African American culture and acts like they are “new” and “fresh” and “trendy” which leads to kpop idols adopting these things as well to seem cooler. 

Back on BTS, they were no strangers to racist scandals. Leader RM debuted with a fro-hawk-like style, did a rather poor imitation of Stevie Wonder while wearing dreads and sunglasses, and said that he was surprised with how dark fellow members were when he first met them. No formal apology directly stating what he had done was ever issued, so it can be assumed that Bighit Entertainment, the company in charge of BTS, brushed it off. Despite this, the fandom would continue to grow on their main platform of Twitter. 

Twitter is the most immediate way to find people who have common interests as you and to keep up with your favorite celebrities and BTS established early on that they were good at keeping up. Posting little videos of day to day life, interacting with fans often, and posting selcas almost daily, ARMYs were able to feel close to BTS through these interactions. ARMYs would also find other ARMYs and they built a community full of fandom jokes, fanart, fanfiction, and so on. The momentum continued into 2017 with the release of WINGS and its repackage You Never Walk Alone. The MVs for Blood, Sweat, and Tears and Not Today broke Youtube records at the time and they were to go on to another world tour for WINGS. 

2017 is also when some major issues within the fandom began being discussed. Stan culture within itself wasn’t new and while it provided positives such as giving people a community online, it was unforgiving to those who were not within the fandom. ARMYs had a history of fanwars against the other biggest fandom, EXO-Ls and both have done terrible things to each other. In late 2017, African-American rapper CupcakKe had tweeted stating that she would like to have sex with member Jungkook. Subsequently, ARMYs harassed her and said everything in regards to her size, to her being black, and slutshaming her. The abuse was so bad that she deleted her Twitter for some time.* RM and African-American rapper Wale collaborated on a track and some ARMYs accused Wale of just using RM/BTS for clout. Around the same time, however, BTS themselves were making progress within the United States. They had been invited to the Billboard Music Awards to accept an award for Top Social Artist and that same year performed DNA at the American Music Awards, both firsts for a South Korean group. 

*I’m ending this part here because as I was checking the dates for the CupcakKe incident, I watched a video which talked about when CupcakKe returned to Twitter to call out the double standards of how fans can tweet things like “I want Taehyung to cum on my face for 365 days” without a blink but when she says “I want to jungkook to fuck me,” she gets harassed. I made the crackhead choice of checking the comments and I was honestly disgusted. Here’s some screencaps of what I read: 

Now I obviously am trying to remain completely unbiased in this history rundown and will hopefully give my full opinion in the final reflection, but this shit is what disgusts me. CupcakKe is a grown ass woman and uses her social media however she damn well pleases. Literally her whole brand is about a big, beautiful black woman being openly sexual and clearly these commenters and those who upvoted don’t understand that. They do not understand the actual trauma black people have to deal with when they are called dehumanizing things, especially as a public figure on social media. “Oh she’s just looking for attention,” “Ignore this and vote for Mama!” It literally has my blood boiling as I’m typing this. THIS is why black women feel unsafe talking about their experiences with racism, slut shamed, double standards, etc. Because NO MATTER WHAT, people will try to silence them. And yes, I know it’s a small fraction of the fandom but the fact that there’s even HUNDREDS of people who think similarly really is telling. And I looked at the replies too and not many people were actually defending her AT ALL and those who were weren’t getting much love.

Anyway, part three will be coming probably tomorrow. I’m drained.

Part Three

Jane Re.

“I am content with who I am and how my past experiences have shaped me. What is important is that I know that both of those sides–Korean and white–are a part of who I am.”

How do you identify ethnically?

I am half-Korean, half-white. In Korea they call it honhyol.

How do you feel like you belong to each ethnic identity?

Honestly, I feel like I still don’t quite belong to either. Koreans will still look at me strangely, notice my honhyol-ness, and white people will still view me as Asian. I’ve learned to embrace my Korean side as I’ve learned more about my family. I don’t know if I would call it “belonging,” but maybe a deeper understanding, respect, and appreciation for it. I do think I now feel more secure in the title “Korean-American.” I can still be Korean, practice certain values (read: nunchi) and view the world a certain way, but also find community and connection among white people. Some of my dearest friends today are white; and while it’s been a difficult (if awkward) journey of mutual understanding on both sides, I think that we’ve reached a point where I can feel truly comfortable being with them, not like a stranger or foreigner.

Was there one side of your heritage that you identified with more as a child? Do you feel like you belong to one identity over the other now?

I can say that when I was little, my uncle made being white sound shameful. Growing up, everyone in my neighborhood looked at me differently because I didn’t quite look like them. People (especially my uncle) treated me a certain way because I was honhyol, not fully Korean like them. Whatever “bad” qualities I had, they were attributed to my father–my “whiteness.” So as much as I wanted to be seen as Korean, it felt as if social circumstances and my own upbringing wouldn’t allow me to. I used to despise being this in-between. But as I’ve said before, since then I’ve come to learn that my whiteness isn’t a curse, and can in fact be an advantage: I have access and immersion in not one, but two divergent cultures. And I can either let them cripple my sense of self-worth and identity (like it used to), or let them reflect their positive impact in me. Even if I do subconsciously gravitate towards one identity over another, it doesn’t matter to me. I am content with who I am and how my past experiences have shaped me. What is important is that I know that both of those sides–Korean and white–are a part of who I am.

How has movement influenced your feeling of belonging to your identity?

I’ve definitely had my fair share of moving. And now that I think about it, with each move I practically forced myself to belong. When I was an au-pair at the Mazer-Farleys, I followed Beth’s rules and sat through hours of talks with her. I met my first white friend Nina, who encouraged me to dress more provocatively as they did in the clubs in the city. But at the time there was something in me that didn’t feel right about the situation in which I had placed myself (in no small part due to my affair with Ed), and I felt the sudden but strong impulse to leave altogether.

There was an article I read once in The New York Times, about South Korean adoptees returning to their country of birth. There was one sentence in particular that stood out to me: “How can a person exiled as a child, without a choice, possibly fathom how she would have ‘turned out’ had she stayed in Korea?” I thought of my grandfather, and how he had sent me away to live in America because he foresaw a future in Korea where I’d be judged for my mere appearance. So when I moved to Korea, I think I equated belonging with becoming just like them, at the cost of losing myself. I became so immersed in a different culture and lifestyle, that I felt the only way to belong was to conform to it. I changed my appearance and clothing, acted differently, and almost lost Nina. It took me a little while to realize I was doing it all wrong. The measures I was taking were making me feel more Korean, at least according to the standards of this modern society I was thrown into. It was becoming a norm for me–could’ve even been a “home”–but it was definitely not one I was comfortable in. It was much like how the South Korean adoptees felt; as much as they tried to conform by spending time in the country, Korea would never be home for them. I was actively trying to find a place to belong, that I didn’t realize that the change began within me, as cheesy as it sounds. I make the most of the place I am in. I am the one who can determine where I belong or who I belong with. My parents did that, and they were happy, so why couldn’t I? So I moved back to the United States, where I could be among the people with whom I wanted to be and live a life on my own terms. And from there I became happy.

Recount the scene in Food where Beth and Sang meet for the first time. That seemed to be a distinct clash of white and Korean culture–describe how you felt in that moment. Have there been any other instances in your life in which parts of your identity do not align/clash with each other?

That was probably the most significant (and awkward) clash of cultures I’d ever seen. It was bound to happen, since neither side had really had such close contact with the other. It’s weird to describe it that way–like they’re completely different species or something. But that’s what it felt like in that moment; Beth’s lack of nunchi was made all the more obvious in this little world that was dominated by it, while Sang couldn’t pick up on Beth’s own culturally-influenced behaviors. This woman who always seemed to have control of the situation and had the answer to everything suddenly didn’t, and she could feel it. Honestly, I probably watched it with such sick fascination because it was like a physical manifestation of my own identities clashing with each other.  At that point in my life, I felt like they could only exist separately, and that episode at Food only seemed to further prove this point.

Reflect on this passage from The Night Counter (“Like I was saying, I look at myself in the mirror a lot. I see sickly and pimply, but I don’t see Arab, or Chinese, or Black. I do see someone who could definitely pass for Latino but not a hot one like Shakira or Jennifer Lopez…I used to think I would look weird ice fishing, but once someone thought I was eskimo, so I guess I could go ice fishing one day if Brenda would want to do anything fun.”) How do other people’s perception of your identity affect your own perception of your identity?

I actually read this book. Nina recommended it to me, saying it reminded her of me. I guess because I always used to talk about how I’d look in the mirror and see neither a Korean or a white person. I’d just see me, a honhyol. And I thought that was a bad thing unlike this Decimal character, who didn’t seem to really care what she looked like, especially to other people. It’s odd, actually–in the United States, I was condemned by my family for looking too white. But in Korea, I was praised for my honhyol-ness. I had a friend who said she envied my “white skin, big eyes, big nose and small chin.” I’d never considered them as admirable features, more like things that set me apart from everyone else. There’s this article I found once called “Whatever Happened to the Kayumanggi?” It basically talks about how Filipino Malay people admire the fair skin of white people at the cost of acknowledging the beauty of their own golden-brown tone, called “kayumanggi” in Tagalog. This fascination had its roots in historical circumstances, like how the Spaniards converted the Filipino natives into worshipping white-skinned religious figures, or how the Americans brought along with them a vision of the Hollywood ideal. What I learned from this article, and my time in Korea, is that sometimes skin color can be associated with a specific value. It can truly affect how people think of themselves and others–which is probably why Monica always had a bitter undertone whenever she commented on my appearance or position as a half-Korean, half-white woman. The ads on the trains in Korea, my aunt’s fascination with cosmetics, it’s all a part of this attempt to attain what history and society has defined as a beauty standard. And while I let it get to my head a little bit, I think I’ve reached a place where I don’t care as much how people perceive me–because I am happy with the person I’ve become.

Reflection

Jones, Maggie. “Why a Generation of Adoptees Is Returning to South Korea.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 14 Jan. 2015.

Although Jane is not adopted from South Korea, she was similarly removed from the country due to the decision of others, and seemingly for her own benefit. This New York Times article essentially explores the impact this displacement (to the United States, no less) has on the adoptees, and how this impact is felt once they return to South Korea. There are various individuals interviewed who all come from different environmental circumstances and upbringings, which wound up affecting how they adjusted to the country of their origin: some were able to adjust and move their permanently, while others had a difficult time viewing it as another home for themselves. Jane falls into the latter group, raised in her own version of Korea and utterly unprepared for the world she threw herself into. The article captures a relevant angle on the concept of belonging and its relationship with movement: and in Jane’s case, how physically journeying to a part of your ethnic identity is not always a return home.

Pedero, Dero. “Whatever Happened To The Kayumanggi?” Philstar.com, The Philippine Star, 6 July 2003.

Pedero dissects Filipino society’s favoring of whiter, fairer skin and their disregard for “kayumanggi,” or the golden brown skin color that is characteristic of most Filipinos. This article, although focused on a specific nation, can be applied to several others who attempt to emulate the white American/European ideal. Striving to model oneself after this type of person, or even having such a mentality subconsciously ingrained into one’s way of thinking, can have damaging effects for self-perception and racial identity. Jane was raised in an environment that belittled and shamed the white side of her, in terms of both appearance and negatively stereotyped values. When she goes to South Korea, though, her whiteness is praised as an enviable trait. The extreme dichotomy Jane experiences between these two reactions ultimately gives her the perspective she needs. Skin color is not always a direct reflection of one’s ethnic identity, but it is certainly not a determinant of one’s value.

51 serious k-pop questions

Pt 3

31. Do you think k-pop has become over-saturated with groups?

Yes, to a certain extent. I feel like quantity over quality nowadays has become the norm. 😣

32. Do you have a group you can’t stand, no matter how hard you tried?

Not really. There are some that aren’t my style, but I don’t hate them. For some reason, girl groups lately haven’t been my cup of tea. I miss the era of SNSD, Wonder Girls, f(x), Kara, Brown Eyed Girls etc.

33. What kind of group would you like to see that you haven’t yet?

Maybe an all girl hip hop group? There could be one out there I just haven’t heard about.

34. Cutesy concept or sexy concept?

I’ll take both please. 👍🏻

35. Rap songs or Vocal only songs?

I do love my ballads.

36. Do you support idols dating each other?

Most definitely.

37. Would you support them if they came out, gay or bi?

Yes, of course. As long as they are healthy and happy, they can be whatever they want to be. 🌈

38. Would you stay a fan if they dated someone that you don’t like?

I would be concerned, but at the end of the day, it’s not up to me to dictate how somebody should love or who they should love.

39. Do you think it’s okay to ship?

Yes, as long as you recognize that is all fiction unless that person comes out and says the relationship is real (which is tricky because Korea is very conservative with relationships, especially homosexual relationships)

40. If so, do you ship and who?

I am a Jin shipper, especially Taejin, but I don’t define their relationship. I don’t care whether it’s romantic or not, I just love their dynamics when they are together. 💜

41. What is a Koreaboo to you and do you think it’s okay to be one?

Being a Korean/Korean-American, I’ve had my fair share of people trying to speak Korean to me ( I don’t mind it). What I do mind is being fetishized. I’m going to be honest, hearing someone use the term oopa 오빠 in a sexual way is gross. Hearing them try to use a Korean word in everyday conversations among non-Koreans is weird. For example, oppa promised to meet my chingus. I really saranghae oppa a lot. Chincha chincha sarang him. 😰NO.

42. Do you think it’s okay to buy non-official merchandise, i.e. from Wish/ AliExpress/random seller on eBay or Amazon? Why or why not?

On one hand, no, because the money spent on official merchandise goes toward your group and it’s company. However, if you can’t afford the official merchandise, I guess in a way, you’re still getting the band’s name out there, so......idk?

43. Have you ever tried to emulate your idol’s style or behavior, whether on purpose or instinctively?

I used to wear a lot of uncomfortable clothes (all in the name of fashion) but now Jin has inspired me to wear comfy clothes more often. 👟

44. Do you like aegyo?

It all depends on who is doing it, and what kind. I hate aegyo where they aren’t being funny or self aware about it.

45. Do you think someone who isn’t Asian or part Asian will make it in the k-pop industry?

Yeeeeeesssshhhhh, this is a loaded question. Honestly, without wanting to offend everyone, not really. Unless that someone grew up in Korea, can speak Korean pretty well, understands cultural/societal rules and norms, and trains hard for years just like every other k-pop trainee, no. Even with all of that, Koreans can be really harsh when it comes to beauty standards (even racist sometimes), so that person will have to work ten times harder than everyone else to be successful (which isn’t right, but it is what it is right now).

46. Do you think your bias would ever marry/date someone that isn’t Korean or East Asian (be honest)?

Yikes! Ummmmm Jin seems to appreciate all of his fans, Korean or globally, but I think that he will probably end up choosing someone Korean.

47. If you and your bias were friends, would you get along all of the time or fight all of the time?

Most of the time we would get along, but we have very similar personalities, so it could lead to some fights. 🥊

48. If you and your bias were dating, would you have a push-pull relationship, or be lovey-dovey?

I think we would have more of a friendship based relationship, rather than either of those.

49. Although you support your bias, if you could change one thing about them, what would it be?

Not one thing.

50. What is the first feeling that comes to mind when you think of your bias?

Joy, he brings me joy. ☺️

51. What are your thoughts/wishes/prayers for your bias now and in the future?

I hope that whatever he pursues in the future, who ever he ends up loving, that he is happy and healthy. I want people to look at his legacy, his character, his talents and say that he is one of a kind and special. Love you Jinnie bby 💕

Am I Behind?

what i’m listening to: ATWA by System of a Down

the passage of time is a really fucked up thing if you think about it. most days i have no concept of time especially when at work. it could be 20 minutes and it feels like 2 hours has passed for me. maybe it could be i'm on medication or it could be from being busy, who knows.

it's been two years since i've graduated high school and i'm only 20, however, i can't help but feel as i've missed out on something compared to my peers. people i have gone to school with are engaged, having children. finishing college and so much more. yet, here i am typing away on my laptop late at night - not in school, working a part time job, and living at home. i really have no accomplishments under my belt despite the surprising amount of things i've done, but even then they were all from when i was in high school.

maybe i peaked then, not physically but when it comes to doing things. i feel as though i've stagnated sometimes. when i was younger i had this great big idea that after high school i would travel around europe via backpacking before going to college and getting my degree at the university of my dreams.

that never happened and sometimes i can't help to think that it never will. i have these weird expectations for myself and what i should do and how i should be. i'm not too sure if this is from consuming so much media as a child to where i had this idealised version of how my life would be and how it would progress as i got older, but in all honesty i think that's done nothing but add on to my mental illness as i don't meet these standards or milestones.

i'm coming to terms with it though, but it still hurts when i don't meet this picture perfect life out of some movie. i never was picture perfect or a shining beacon for movie material. i was a poor mixed mexican/korean kid with divorced parents a penchant for moving around a lot (thanks mom.) though that background did make me the social chameleon that i am today, but it's given me some sort of weird relationship with myself and society.

i've had this ongoing war with myself and how i'll never truly fit in. i'm not mexican enough, not indigenous enough, not korean enough, and so much more. as i get older i'm accepting that i am enough and shouldn't attempt to stick myself into some boxes so i can fit in. i also am slowly growing to accept that i will also never fit into society's beauty standards.

i hate myself a lot when it comes to my physical looks (well i hate myself a lot in general but i digress...) BUT when i was at my emo's (aunt) home she had explained to me that i have a good face. the way my mouth is means i'll have wealth, my nose is lucky (which i have the worst relationship with that little sucker) and i will also be wealthy because of my ears. i'm not too sure how those korean beliefs work, but it did boost my confidence somewhat.

if anyone would like to explain why these things are good i would be more than happy to listen as my connection with korean culture and things can be severed sometimes as my halmoni and emo want to be very american and talking to them about korea can be like pulling teeth sometimes. i dont blame them though, they were born into a harsh and poor korea as the korean war was a big factor in their lives.

i think, however, i will end this here as i just realised my great-grandfather was either forced into labour by the japanese or forced to fight for them and i honestly do NOT know how to feel about this. I think i will now have a conversation with my grandmother about this in the morning.

if you've made it this far i want you to know i love you and hope you stay hydrated.

what i’m doing: talking to my sister while typing away at my silly little computer

what i’m drinking: water

what i’m eating: nothing currently

where i’m at: my house at the kitchen table once again

what i’m wearing: basketball shorts and a vans cut off tee

date and time: 10 November 2021 - 00:23

I want to talk about feeling distanced from a part of yourself, or rather separating a toxic part of yourself and convincing yourself it’s not really you.

I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to play the victim here at all. I was faced with a challenge and i failed it. I was weak where i very easily could have been strong. I was put into a very uncomfortable work situation where I was the most depressed i have ever been in my life. I had to sit in the kitchen at work because i would just be crying uncontrollably at the office. It was everything from minor sexual assault to not having a bed for 3 months. I was being emotionally abused for 3 months straight by the person who basically controlled my job, my housing, and the opinions of everyone around me.  This then continued for many months after that.

Because of my depression, the new people I was working with treated me in all different ways.  Some were over the top supportive and asking me how i was doing every day tears or no tears, and some were the opposite.

By the end of the summer I had lost 20lbs and was trying to figure out how to see a therapist with no american medical insurance. I had to ask my abuser if the company would cover my therapy and his response was ‘you need to make more friends.’ I never got treatment. 

I came back to Korea with my depression for 6 more months, with the treatment by the new coworkers getting even worse, which in turn made me treat them poorly too. That’s when the toxicity of my personality became clear. Luckily I had my best friend and my boyfriend with me in Korea so I wasnt facing it alone, but my depression was turning into something much more dangerous. This was the first time in my life I had met people that unapologetically made me feel horrible and openly ignored or belittled me and my defense mechanism was to try to do the exact same back which, doesn’t work. During this time I also had an infection that almost cost me my kidney, they’re both permanently scarred. I didn’t go to the hospital early on because I didn’t want to miss work and give my abuser an excuse to scold me. Later I needed surgery.

The coworkers were taken out of my life without much closure, but the anger in my heart was still there. It was like a bad break up where I check up on their instagrams not knowing what I’m looking for. Do I want them to be unhappy? Do I want them to be happy? I dont know and its unhealthy.

My depression significantly lifted nearly simultaneously with me not having to deal to those people and after I started YouTube I was so happy! My best friend had just moved away so I was suddenly missing a huge piece of my life. YouTube was something that was motivating me to leave my house and the comment section was where I had most of my human interaction. 

Looking back on it now, I was much lonelier than I would ever admit to myself. As for my boyfriend, youtube was like my own little world so we never talked about it and it felt very private and very mine. He is always a shining light for me, but only recently did i let him into this part of my life.

Though I thought my depression had left me alone, something happened that proved I was wrong.

I had done something that was misunderstood, and it was the first feeling of being attacked that I’ve had since the time I was depressed. This misunderstanding caused someone to do something so small and so petty that it shouldnt have bothered me, and writing it here seems so stupid, but it really hurt me.  My best friend had left, i had started this new fun creative adventure and every time i logged in i would be met with a small gesture of hate. To them it probably felt like nothing, and looking back on it I should definitely have been able to handle it, but at the time it felt like i had made these special paintings and every day i’d find someone poured a bucket of red paint over each and every one of them. It really sounds so dramatic but I was (or maybe still am) emotionally weak from basically 2 years of emotional abuse and it got deep under my skin.

Everything about this situation was so petty that I didnt want to talk to anyone about it, so I buried it. Then I gave up. It was like someone kept picking on my scab i was trying to ignore and i took the bait. I got angry and acted out, but it was worse because i had the internet and i could be anonymous. And my actions hurt people. I hurt people. And i can never undo what i did or excuse why i did it.

The scariest thing about this was, i was able to completely separate the me that was mean in this one space online, from who i was “in real life.” That person i was being was the opposite of the morals and standards i hold myself to “in real life” even though so much of what i consider my “real life” is online. This is where im going to get confusing because to be honest im still confused.

There was a part of me that felt satisfaction seeing people agree with some mean thing I wrote online at the same time i’d feel totally ashamed and guilty and i couldnt sleep because of what i did.

I know i seem really positive and happy and like a supportive friend and i am, but there was a small part of me that wasn’t or still isnt, i guess,  because i know even though im suppressing it, its still there. What was most unhealthy is that i was so sure it was just an internet persona that i didnt consider it to be a part of myself. The person you see on youtube or tumblr or instagram is honestly who i am, its not a fake personality i put on, thats genuinely how i am if you were to meet me on the street. But i refused to accept that that isnt completely me. There’s that 1% of me that is a person i loathe, that im ashamed of, that i wanted to stop being, but part of it felt like such a release to play that role.

I was so ashamed of myself that i couldnt tell anyone. Even my friends that i really trust, it was such a private thing that it almost felt like it was part of another world. Not the reality i lived in. again, confusing but thats just how i felt and honestly still feel a little bit. I didnt want to tell people about it because i didnt want them to think that was who i am, but really it was just i didnt want to admit that that was who i am.

Then one day, it really hit me how badly i had behaved. I felt ashamed and i knew i needed help.

Luckily i have a friend who is understanding. I had lied to her face many times when it came to this dark side of mine. I knew she needed to know and i trusted she would have the best advice and wouldnt sugar coat things for me. And luckily i was right. She listened, and she held me accountable. Now that i finally let someone in and that someone was able to tell me point blank ‘what you’re doing is wrong and unhealthy’ i felt the ability to come forward to the person I hurt. Whether or not they believe me or accept my apology is out of my hands, but now that I know I told the truth, I can begin to move forward. 

Now I’m working on figuring out what it was that made me act like that. Why was my reaction to such minor harassment so cowardly? What is it that affected me so strongly? How i behaved makes me feel actually nauseous and I know I will never do that again. I hurt people because i could and thats unacceptable.

With online behavior nowadays especially here on tumblr or youtube, its so easy to be someone you arent.  But as you act out that persona long enough you have to accept that its not some persona, its you. Its me. I took those thoughts and words from my own mind and put them out there by my own choice. That rude person is a part of me and i need to deal with it. I think having a great support system around you is important and i lost that now that i have such infrequent contact with my friends.

So if you’re reading all the way through, perhaps its because you’ve felt something like this to? Maybe not taking advantage of online anonymity but maybe you have a small part of your personality that you’re not proud of, that you separate from your true self.  I hope you can accept that that is also you and that we all need to work on that if we ever want to grow.

I’m sorry if this is coming out of seemingly nowhere because this is so not my personality, but it is. Its something i am going to deal with and i hope that this inspires anyone else to reflect on some part of themselves they’re ashamed of or distanced from. To accept it as part of you and to grow from it. You cant fix something if you pretend it isnt really there.

Im sorry this was vague and i will feel uncomfortable talking about this with anyone that isnt someone that knows the situation so im not going to answer any comments about this but please see this is as my first step in acknowledging and moving forward. Thank you for listening if you’re still here.