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bndair · 13 days

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musical and/or existential!

nine types of intelligence meme. // accepting

musical ⸺ the capacity to discern pitch, rhythm, timbre, and tone. recognizing, creating, reproducing, and reflecting on music, hearing sounds others may miss.

honestly , the boy probably sits at about 40-50% on a sliding scale of innate musical intelligence. he has some , but he has to work at it. he loves music and is a good dancer ( when he wants to be ) , but the instruments he can play are exclusively of air nomad origin. understandably many air nomad instruments are woodwinds and most have been lost to time. he's only been able to find two air nomad instruments : an airbender's flute ( aka pan flute. found by air acolytes ) and a dungchen ( found in a fire nation trap laid to catch/kill air nomads ). luckily , the flute was always his best instrument and the dungchen is primarily a ceremonial instrument rather than something you'd pick up for an entertaining tune.

the only songs he knows are things he was taught. he has a pretty good memory so he can recall other tunes , but it takes a lot of trial and error for aang to figure out how to play them on the flute. he's practically the opposite of those people who can play a song after hearing it once or make one up on the spot. he knows the mechanics of playing certain instruments , but music theory generally escapes him. the monks tried to teach him , but ... well , aang was never a very studious pupil and it just never clicked for him. to be fair , gyatso always spiriting him away for fun and games didn't help either.

he has good hearing and he has rhythm but those come from being an airbender and the years of training he's had more than any true musical intelligence. he can hear the intricacies of a song and appreciate the complexity. he can bob his head along or dance to the beat well enough to help others keep tempo. he couldn't go much deeper then that on the technical / music theory side of it though. anything he plays that hasn't been formally taught is something that just come from his soul , ya know ? there's no planning , no composing , just feelings turned to sound. sometimes it's good. sometimes it's not.

aang is also not a singer. he can chant like no ones business , but true singing ? it's not a particularly pleasant experience for the listeners. he's not the worst , but his singing is usually best described as enthusiastic , loud , and pitchy. ( does he get better with time ? i don't know. we'll have to see. could go either way )

his own perceived lack of innate musical intelligence leads to a very deep appreciation and admiration for those that do possess such skills. it doesn't take much to impress him tbh. can you play the simplest of tunes ? he's all ears. singing too ? enamored. he knows how difficult music can be and anyone who makes it ( and makes it look easy ? ) has him with hearts in his eyes. he's a sucker for a musical performance of any kind and will make time to attend those events if at all possible. he'll often say that these appearances are due to his obligations as the avatar , but that's only about 30% of the reason.

music is something that reminds him of the past , of traveling to the different nations for festivals , of parties with friends , of air nomad celebrations and ceremonies. he has so many memories tied to music that certain songs have evoked very emotional reactions for aang. it's bittersweet , but he wouldn't trade it for the world. he sees these songs ( and music as a whole ) as a bridge through time , something that can and will live on to connect generations of people. and that's beautiful.

p.s. i'm gonna do the existential one too. i have another ask in my inbox for that one so it's coming. soon.

#𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙖 : the past can be a great teacher #𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙪𝙚 : my cabbages!

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beyondthepage · 1 year

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The Importance of Live Music

Experiencing music live is a wonderful thing. When you witness music live, you get to witness what I believe to be the closest thing humans can come to creating real magic. The speakers boom with guitar riffs and drum lines, the lights reflect off the walls, and vocals echo through the venue. However, while it sounds like a party of their life for some people, will it still be worth it when threats such as bombings and gunshots are happening in the area? Thus, despite there being fundamental flaws in live concerts, it leaves an extraordinary impression not only on the musicians’ hearts, but also the fans' hearts.

One of the most important advantages of having music live for both performers and audience would be being able to escape reality. On the internet, both may receive hate, disgusting and disrespectful comments - performers received backlash while some audiences experienced cyberbullying. Both performers and audience may sometimes feel like they are under a microscope or being treated like an object, which causes them to live in fear as a small mistake can escalate into a massive wave of hate. However, while receiving such threats can cause mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, meeting supporters or idols face-to-face during concerts can provide a sense of validation and joy. Performing live can be a rejuvenating experience for artists as they fully engage with their supporters in the moment. Additionally, live music has a strong emotional impact that allows audiences to connect with the music on a deeper level and experience cathartic release. Not even recording technology is capable of providing the same thrilling sensation as in the concert. When compared to recorded versions, the experience of listening to live music can evoke a distinct set of emotions in individuals, providing a sense of comfort and solace during difficult times. Therefore, having music live offers both performers and audience a chance to step away from their problems or disconnect from their daily routines and focus on the present moment, where they can experience the energy and excitement of the live performance in a direct contemporary time.

Another great advantage of having a live concert is being able to feel the feeling of success. Performers have trained for their whole life and sacrificed more than you think. Due to the long and hard training and exercise to sharpen their singing and dancing skills since they were so young, some of the performers like the Korean singers Minzy and CL from 2NE1 tend to have a different childhood from ordinary children, even some admit to losing theirs. Performers often find the adrenaline rush of being on stage and receiving feedback from the audience to be a form of validation that instills pride in their hard work and dedication. Sharing their talents and connecting with fans can also be an immensely gratifying experience as they get to share something they are passionate about. Likewise, for fans, watching their favourite artists perform live can be extremely thrilling and rewarding, especially after saving up money to afford the extravagant tickets. The ability to enjoy a special experience that they have worked hard for can be empowering as the energy and excitement of the crowd, coupled with the grandeur of the performance, creates an unparalleled feeling of elation and happiness that is difficult to replicate elsewhere. Just like the saying goes, dreams do come true.

However, even with all the above-mentioned advantages, there is one thing that provokes both performers and audience during live concerts, which is the lack of safety. Despite having tight security breaches in the area, some can snuck in unauthorised items inside the venue, endangering thousands of lives, including theirs. Let the bombing incident of Ariana Grande’s 2018 Manchester Concert be an example for this, where many innocent lives were lost that day. To add, the 2004 Lampung concert of Sheila on 7, an Indonesian pop-rock band from Yogyakarta, had four young women killed and dozens fainted due to thousands of fans trying to enter the overcrowded venue. Because of this reason, both the performers and audience’s lives are at risk and experiencing such horrible moments may lead to trauma.

Furthermore, the concert may surprisingly be not what both performers and audience imagined. Both sides have worked so hard to get where they are, but sometimes results aren’t that satisfactory. For performers, they have worked so hard to make the concert possible, but if the audience is not active or only a few came to watch, they will feel awkward. Girl’s Generation, for example, first experienced a “black ocean” back in 2008 at the annual Dream Concert, only a year into their debut. A "black ocean" is an organized protest wherein the audience turns off their lightsticks as a way to show their lack of support or displeasure at a particular artist, leaving the venue in darkness. As a result, they may not have the same cheerful feeling or vibe when carrying out the next few songs due to questioning upon their careers, skills and popularity. For the audience, they paid a substantial amount to see the musician’s performance live, but if their vocals are unstable and have unhygienic surroundings like a muddy floor, they will feel unsatisfactory. As a result, performers and audience will feel like their efforts have gone to waste even if both sides get to meet each other.

In conclusion, even though they are more exposed to dangerous crime situations, musicians will halt the performances for the sake of the audience’s comfort. On the day of performances in Jakarta on November 4 2021, the 2016 best male rookie group in Korea, NCT 127, had to stop its concert midway due to a group of fans pushing and fainting. Since the pressure of the crowd was too great, the Korean idols and staff reacted quickly by giving the fainted ones water to hydrate themselves and instructing fans to not shove one another. Moreover, unlike hearing recorded music, which are often carefully crafted and edited, live performances offer a sense of spontaneity that can create a unique and memorable experience for both the performers and the audience. Stage performances give performers the opportunity to showcase their talents and to see firsthand how their music or art is affecting their fans. This can be incredibly rewarding to witness the emotional impact of their work on an individual level, and to see how their art is resonating with people in a meaningful way, which adds fuel to an artist's passion and drive. Additionally, the live setting can make the performance feel more personal and authentic for the audience, as they can witness the performer's artistry in real time, and can create a shared sense of excitement and enthusiasm among the audience from feeling the energy of the live performance. Therefore, it is important to have a live music experience for both performers and audience.

#essay #irene

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pikahlua · 3 years

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[PREDICTION] The Egg Will Explode: Deku’s gonna be possessed

Since we’re coming up on an OFA vestige conversation in the manga, I feel like I gotta throw this out there while I can. I’m gonna unify all the pieces I have collected about...let’s call it a sneaking suspicion about how something probably bad is gonna happen to our good boy Deku.

I think Deku’s the egg in the microwave, yo.

Season 5 and beyond (recent manga) spoilers below the cut.

I went back and looked at the Joint Training Arc to get hyped for season 5, and I noticed Lariat evoking some pretty interesting imagery in his description of One For All.

That’s an egg. He’s describing a fetus.

One For All is alive.

I mean, if you say, “Duh, we already know Deku’s possessed, he’s got all those vestiges inside him. We know OFA is alive. It’s a mixture of all their quirk factors being passed on,” I’d respond, “Well, yes, BUT NO.”

I think it goes further.

"You’re gonna be the one to complete One For All.”

COMPLETE.

OFA has some sort of ending zenith, a goal, a doomsday singularity point, if you will.

And we know OFA is storing something more than just “quirks.” We’ve been operating under the vague assumption that OFA stores up “the combined abilities and strength of everyone who ever used it.” But what does Monoma say about storage quirks?

OFA is stockpiling some resource to be used as energy. In theory, each OFA user should be USING UP that resource, like how Eri does. If All Might had some of that leftover stockpile after passing on OFA, that would explain why he could still use it after passing OFA on. So what is OFA accumulating at such a rate that none of its users could use it faster than it stockpiled?

Emotions.

OFA is stockpiling its users’ emotions.

That’s why Lariat says his quirk will be strongest with anger, and also why he says it’s so important that Deku maintains control of his heart.

What would happen if Deku loses control of his heart?

He’ll lose himself.

A deku is a wooden doll or puppet, often with no arms or legs. It’s colloquially an insult for a useless person. It sounds a little like the word dekiru which means “to be able to do,” which is a similar meaning to ganbaru or “to do one’s best.”

We’ve focused on the last two meanings of deku in the story until this point. The most the wooden doll concept has been referenced is ironic, because Deku has a tendency to destroy his arms and legs.

But people always focus on the “doll” part of that description, and never the “puppet” part. Dekus are used in kugutsu puppetry, and its practitioners were said to have used magic to control their puppets to perform.

What could be more useful than a puppet?

I really wonder what it is All Might and Bakugo respectively think they know about the fourth user. Because if One For All is a danger to its user, then the Danger Sense quirk could have picked up on that. It could have been going haywire over this imminent threat, and that’s why #4 died and/or passed on OFA to another.

I think the completion of One For All will result in the birth of some new consciousness that possesses Deku and uses him as a puppet to carry out its will. Whether or not Deku and this entity will side together remains to be seen. He and the entity may come to some understanding that allows them to work together. Personally, I think Deku will need to be saved from it at some point, whether it’s before or after they come to that understanding, I don’t know. But something like this could threaten Deku’s sense of self, could threaten to swallow him whole. Depending on how much he knows or just suspects, that could be why it freaks Bakugo out, and why he was so concerned about Deku’s lack of self-preservation, how “deep down, he doesn’t take himself into account,” (a shockingly apt choice of words, in this case).

So what the hell is this entity?

Well, there are two obvious options.

It could be AFO’s younger brother, the original OFA user. That seems like a really good guess, honestly, because it brings the centuries-long war fought by two undying ghost-parasites full-circle. Maybe it was even intentional on AFO’s part, because he seems really obsessed with his little brother, like he always wanted him to join his side. Hell, that’d finally give AFO some sympathetic character backstory, as deranged as it may be.

The other option? Well...

Is AFO’s little brother really the first OFA user?

Maybe it’s no accident these two are depicted on this page side-by-side like this, in this particular moment.

Maybe it’s no accident this is the next page...

AFO implanted OFA the quirk into his brother in an attempt to get him to join his cause, right?

If OFA the quirk is stockpiling emotions, maybe AFO implanted his brother with his own emotions, like a seed, an egg, hoping it would hatch someday and infect his brother with his own will and emotions, kind of like what he’s done with Tomura. Maybe Deku is bugged by AFO like this. Maybe Deku is unknowingly passing information along to AFO, making him the UA “traitor” without knowing it.

Maybe it’s even more insidious than that! If it’s just his emotions, maybe it’s more like an inception-scenario, designed to influence his brother to become evil like him. If that’s the case...

Deku’s got a demon sleeping inside him.

#anime only friendly #izuku midoriya #all for one #all might #katsuki bakugou #tomura shigaraki #daigorou banjou #meta #theory #uh oh deku's in danger #UA traitor #the egg in the microwave #protect my son #i am so worried about him #why does he have a quirk that could function as puppet strings even if he were to fall unconscious #yeah that's right i've read manga before i can tell where this is going #superpowered evil side #whump probably

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jamespotterthefirst · 4 years

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Enchant Me

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Lilac Allende) Word count: 2.5K (sorry!) Warning: None Author’s Note: AU where Ethan is the one asking MC questions for the fMRI scan (book 1, ch 6).

Catch up here.

_____________

Green eyes meet his briefly before hurriedly glancing away, the movement so fleeting that he could have attributed it to his imagination. Except, the way his stomach flutters as a result is very real and very annoying to Ethan. When at last he forces his treasonous mind to the task at hand, he determines she is nervous, the tense energy radiating from her almost palpable in the bright imaging lab.

Guilt takes root in his stomach as he begins to regret asking this of her. The flimsy request for her help, blurted out after he reluctantly turned down her party invitation, seems downright embarrassing now. What the hell had he been thinking?

He pauses to consider that therein lies the problem: He hadn't been thinking. What a dangerous and inane side effect of being in her presence. What a humbling yet disconcerting notion that all it takes to disarm an intelligent, highly educated man is a pair of clever, emerald eyes, a lovely dusting of freckles, and a pretty smile.

Ethan opens his mouth to offer himself up as the subject instead, but Lilac gives him a brave, determined half smile. Her cheeks flush and he can see the visible effort she spends in getting the words out. “There is no dignified way of saying this, so please don't fire me,” she begins, not looking at him.

“I won't fire you for changing your mind, Rookie.”

Lilac shakes her head. “It's not that. It's just that I'll need an injection of the magnetic contrast media…” Her eyes swivel to meet his pointedly, as though expecting him to catch her meaning from it.

Ethan is not following and that much must be evident in his face because she sighs.

“I can't have any metal on me,” she continues, face growing bright pink to the root of her dark hair. “So I'll have to remove my bra.”

Silence.

“I… Erm... That's…” Ethan's ears flare with heat, his throat feeling suddenly dry. “That's true. I'll leave the room.”

“No need,” she assures him, already peeling off her coat. Before Ethan can even react, she reaches behind her back and under her blouse.

He is momentarily frozen, eyes watching her expertly work the clasps, before hastily turning his back on her and busying himself with the gadolinium. The way his heart clamors wildly at his ears is guarantee enough of the sinful thoughts his mind will torture him with later, thoughts of Lilac undressing in many different ways for him.

Get it together, Ramsey.

“I'm ready,” she announces to his sheer relief.

That relief is short-lived, however, when his eyes catch a glimpse of the lacy, bright red garment on the floor, unsuccessfully concealed by her discarded lab coat. Every inch of his traitorous body reacts on sight, reducing him to just another weak-willed man, uninhibited by the mere sight of a bra.

Lilac, meanwhile, watches him from where she lays on the table, decent enough in her loose fitting blouse. That lopsided smirk of hers makes a reappearance and it only makes his thoughts sputter further.

“Stay still,” he manages to instruct, his voice quiet and gentle.

When his fingers palpate the veins in her arms, Ethan struggles to think of much else but the feel of her soft skin against his, incinerating his fingertips. He makes the mistake of meeting her eyes, finding that all traces of humor are long gone as she watches him, lips slightly parted. A white hot current of tension crackles between them, dangerous and capable of consuming him whole. With a surge of recklessness, he finds that he wants it to. The blazing look she fixes him with makes Ethan wonder if she wants it too.

Swallowing hard, Ethan forces himself to glance away.

After a brief pause, she teases, “You do know how to perform an intravenous injection, don't you?”

“Ha. Ha,” he returns sarcastically. Her own genuine laughter rings around the imaging lab.

Ethan injects her with ease and presses the button to slide the table inside the magnet enclosure, hiding that infuriatingly distracting smile from view. Soon after, he sits at the workstation, checking on Lilac through the glass and powering up the magnet.

“How's it looking up there, Doc?”

“Like a brain,” he says dryly.

“So...average?”

“Very average.”

“Ouch.”

Ethan allows a resigned grin, shaking his head and feeling a wide lightness spread in his chest. Silence ensues after their banter and he realizes she waits for his question.

A thrill shoots through his core at the ocean of possibilities before him. At last, he can catch a true glimpse of the mystery she has proven to be. Isn't that what he longs to know the most ? Isn't the enigma that is Lilac Allende the true allure for him? Isn't that the reason he can't stop thinking about her?

He can ask anything, and finally know the answer.

“Do you prefer cats or dogs?”

There is an anticlimactic pause and Ethan wants to slam his head against the console.

Really, Ethan? Cats or dogs?

Lilac is silent, so silent Ethan wonders if the speaker system is working.

“That's the type of question you have for me?”

Ethan rolls his eyes. “Just answer it, Rookie.”

The image shows activity in the temporal lobe at the use of the nickname.

“I like them both,” she answers before Ethan can interpret the previous reading. “Though dogs tend to love me almost instantly.”

An uninvited mental image of Jenner, paws on her chest, tail wagging at blurring speed upon meeting her, crosses his mind. Ethan dismisses it as an impossibility, unable to think of a scenario where both creatures would meet.

“We have a family dog back in LA named Lobo,” she continues.

“Wolf?”

“The third,” she adds cheerfully. “My parents name all of our dogs Lobo or Oso.”

The memory elicits notable activity in the hippocampus. Ethan is unable to see her face but he finds the reminiscent lull of her voice utterly endearing. Catching his own reaction with a flare of annoyance, he dismisses it, clears his throat, and moves on to the next question.

“What inspired you to become a doctor?”

The longest pause yet befalls them. Already there is activity in the right temporal cortex, peaking his own curiosity. Every second that she doesn't answer is agony.

Finally, she says, “Pass.”

“Excuse me?”

“I pass on this question. I plead the fifth.”

“Overruled.”

“You can't do that,” she protests, though he can hear the laughter in her voice.

“Just answer the question, Rookie.”

There is a loaded, tense silence that slowly tapers to a boiling point, then—

“You.”

Ethan blinks, speechless.

“Don't you remember?” she says, an edge of embarrassment dripping from her voice. “You signed Landry's book for me.”

“Who?” he blurts out. Not waiting for an answer, he asks, “Wait, so you didn't keep that book, Rookie? I am offended.”

“No, my copy is much more worn, annotated, and well-loved,” she explains with a chuckle.

A small whirlwind of emotions takes root in Ethan, who is still at a loss for words.

“In a literal sense, your research inspired me to go to med school,” she continues, interpreting his silence as encouragement to go on. “I read your book from cover to cover as an undergrad and was so inspired, for once in my life I knew where I had to go. I wanted to be here, at Edenbrook, working alongside the best.”

Ethan's throat is tight as he listens, the activity in the scan completely forgotten.

“The more sentimental reason I was inspired to be a doctor is, of course, my parents.” Lilac pauses and clears her throat as a pretense. “They– They came to this country in pursuit of a better life, leaving their family and everyone they loved behind. All to be in a brand new place, not knowing the language or the culture, often taking up backbreaking jobs for miserable pay...to be looked down by many as inferior. All that sacrifice, for us.” Her voice cracks at the last few words. It takes her a moment to recover. “That sacrifice drove me through my worst days in medical school. It's what drives me today.”

She says this with a renewed, fierce pride that evokes a surge of admiration from him. It tears through his chest unlike anything he has ever experienced before, but then again, she is unlike anything he had ever seen before. Wildly, he wishes they were sharing something so precious face to face. His hand flexes reflexively as his mind imagines sweeping a thumb across the ridge of her cheekbone.

“If not a doctor, what career would you have chosen?” He is surprised by the gentleness of his own voice, the sound foreign to his ears.

When she speaks, she sounds almost like her usual, cheeky self. “A beauty guru.”

“A what?”

“It's people online filming their makeup routines.”

Ethan has never heard of anything so pointless in his life. “Be serious.”

“I am! There might still be some videos online of my failed attempts,” she says, laughing. “But in terms of a realistic career, I would've probably chosen to be a homicide detective or a forensic pathologist.”

He raises his eyebrows at this, stunned for a moment at their shared interest in detective work. “Why?”

Lilac mulls over her answer in a characteristic silence. “Obviously, there is the allure of gathering evidence and solving a mystery.” A deliberate pause, then—“But I always thought that was a bit selfish.”

“Selfish?”

Ethan can't help the outburst. After all, connecting the pieces of an unknown puzzle is precisely why he once considered that career.

“Yes, some doctors want to deliver the perfect diagnosis in a self-congratulatory way. To help the patient, yes, but to walk away with the gratification of having conquered a mystery.”

His itch to argue is quelled by his curiosity and so he says nothing.

“I wanted to be a detective to solve the mystery as a way to fight for the voiceless.” Her voice drops to almost a whisper as she admits this. With a rush of satisfaction, Ethan realizes he is probably the first one hearing this reasoning. “There is something sick about being able to name notorious serial killers without a problem, but we can't do the same for their victims. They are the ones whose stories should be told, whose memories should be celebrated. They are the ones who deserve the accolades and the justice of finally solving that mystery.”

Ethan has no rebuttal for the first time in his life.

As his brain struggles to reconcile the young doctor's words with the inexplicable thundering of his pulse, Lilac laughs.

“No offense, Dr. Ramsey, but I was expecting a different line of questioning here.”

Ethan forces himself to recover. “How so?”

“If I were asking you questions, I'd be a lot noisier,” she says, unabashed.

Ethan allows a chuckle. “That's not surprising,” he comments. “What type of questions would you be asking?”

“I don't know…” She trails off pensively. “Maybe your type?”

Ethan's mouth goes slack. He recovers enough to say something, though he is not sure what. Luckily, he doesn't have to know because she continues, “I'd definitely ask about relationships, past and current.”

By this point, his heartbeat is an uproar in his hearing. The brash comments should be concerning coming from a subordinate but he feels like a fraud when he considers chastising her. Though he would never admit it out loud, the answers to those questions intrigue him to the point of restlessness.

“Fine,” he allows quietly. “Answer those.”

A surprised little laugh comes through the speakers. “Really?”

“Yes, let the record show this was your idea, Rookie,” he says in what he hopes is a casual tone. “What was the first one you mentioned? Ah, yes—What's your type?”

The image of her brain activity, which Ethan had forgotten to glance at until that moment, lights up at the amygdala. An emotional response.

He can sense the reluctance in her silence.

“Tall. Definitely taller than me,” she begins at long last, her voice dignified, as though she is forcing herself to push past any bashfulness. “Dark hair.”

The answer is exasperatingly vague. The descriptors easily fit the surgical intern he saw her kiss all those weeks ago and the muscular paramedic who glances at her with besotted eyes every chance he gets.

“Intelligent,” she continues.

The diagnostician in him almost discounts Lahela on the sole basis of being a surgical intern.

Lilac clears her throat so subtly, he almost attributes it to static in the speakers. “Someone with a dry sense of humor and sarcastic to a fault,” she says, a lot softer now. “Someone who can keep me on my toes.”

The scan displays activity in the frontal lobe, similar to what he saw when he called her “Rookie”. The small media room, despite having the air conditioner at full blast, feels suddenly sweltering.

“What did I say next for my questions?” she asks, saving his mind from traveling a dangerous path.

“Relationships.”

“Right,” she says with an exhale.

Ethan says nothing, afraid even the slightest sound will discourage her.

“Past relationships are… complicated and mercifully ancient history.” On his screen, he sees the most activity yet. A visible reaction in the right hippocampus, the amygdala, both sides of the prefrontal cortex, and the insular cortex— undeniable anger.

Lilac, however, does not elaborate any further. Instead, she hurries on, “Current relationships are also complicated, frustrating, and nonexistent.”

The words hang between them, like a pendulum. He is convinced they carry more meaning but Ethan's own brain feels abuzz with activity, too tumultuous to formulate follow up questions. When his eyes fall on the clock, he notes they have been at this for almost an hour.

“I think we're done here,” he says.

He leaves the media room, deliberately pausing outside the imaging lab to give Lilac enough time to put all of her clothes back on. By the time he enters the room, she is throwing on her coat, hands raking through her shiny hair.

“Everything working okay?”

“Like a charm,” he responds, mind still spinning.

An incessant stab of dread begins to pierce through him as they prepare to go back to work. His mind wanders to Naveen, weak and alone in his room, and icy twines of fear take root deep in Ethan’s stomach once again.

“Thank you… for the assistance.”

Lilac flashes him an easy smile. “Any time.”

Ethan manages an awkward nod turning to leave. Something powerful holds him back before he can take another step. As full fledged panic about facing Naveen's new symptoms grips him, he wants nothing more than to confide in her.

He stops and turns to face her.

Lilac tilts her head to one side, watching him curiously.

The magnitude of what he is about to do hits him like a train and his newfound courage vanishes at once. With a grimace, he waves the idea off and exits the room.

______

Author’s Note: A HUGE thank you to everyone who sent me questions Ethan could ask. I tried my best to include them here.

“Do you prefer cats or dogs?”-- @drethanramslay

“What inspired you to become a doctor?” -- Anon and @scorpiochick8

“If not a doctor, what career would you have chosen?” @scorpiochick8

The not so subtle questions about her love life-- @eramsey28

Answering the career question wit banter, then with a serious answer. -- @whippedforethanramsey

Ethan’s slightly jealous thoughts about Bryce and Raf-- @schnitzelbutterfingers

Sorry if I didn’t include all requests! This would have been 20 pages long if I hadn’t trimmed some of it lol.

I swapped some of the dialogue from the original. Also, I’m so sorry to @takeharryandgo for the horrible brain science here. Forgive me, Doc.

What Lilac said about her parents is exactly how I feel about mine. So I just had to include that here.

Finally, I intend to continue these from Ethan’s POV. However, for personal reasons, I will keep my next few projects under wraps.

______

@dulceghernandez | @lion-ess24 | @emotionalswift2 | @the-soot-sprite |

#open heart #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #playchoices #My writing

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iwriteaboutkpopsometimes · 3 years

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Hyunjin "Play With Fire (Feat. Yacht Money)" (원곡 : Sam Tinnesz) | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER] ~A Love Letter~

I talk about why I love this video so much and deliver an excruciatingly detailed play by play of it, but why read a two thousand word, five page essay on a three minute video when you can just go watch the aforementioned three minute video? Forget me spending hours writing this, why are you here, seriously, it would take you significantly less time to watch the actual video. Regardless, enjoy my attempt to refrain from saying the same three things, “he's so cool”, “I love him”, and “this is so good”, in exchange for a more, hopefully, academically professional sound.

Watching him perform never fails to put me in a trance, it’s incredibly captivating how precise and sharp while simultaneously lively and energy-filled his movements are. This video feels reminiscent of enjoying a movie I’ve seen countless times, memorized every line of dialogue from, and genuinely think of every part as the best it has to offer. I greatly missed seeing him dance and having this as his grand welcome back into the spotlight is nothing less of a gift. Every second leaves my heart pounding and as excited as the last, as he continuously tops himself the longer I watch. I feel that revisiting the video is the least I can do, for giving it only one view doesn’t feel morally acceptable if I intend to truly appreciate it for that art that it is. Dramatic of me? Perhaps, but I can’t help but perceive it as more than just this one video that was uploaded onto their YouTube channel. It isn’t just about all of the work he and others put into the making of this particular video, his choreography for the song was a result of years upon years of practice and learning different techniques. A performance this good doesn’t only involve technical skill though, but also skill in regards to one’s inner mind. To have confidence in one’s self, to hit every move powerfully, to know what you’re doing and be unapologetic about it, that is skill. Sure, the performer is at the focus of any performance, but don’t forget that it’s also about the audience, it is after all for the enjoyment of the viewer. If the audience senses your doubt and insecurity and uncertainty, it will make your stage that much less enjoyable. Whatever you feel, they can feel too. When I watch him, I don’t feel any of that. In fact, I feel the exact opposite, I feel inspired, motivated, confident, excited to advance in my own endeavors. The emotion that this video evokes from me goes beyond anything Stray Kids or K-Pop or even dance itself, it makes me want to be a better person, be kinder to myself and work harder. That might sound like a lot for one video to do for someone, but it’s the truth. All of the details, even down to the individual frames, it all works together to create the most gratifying viewing experience. At the time of writing this, the video has just hit five million views and has over one million likes, only a mere three days after its initial upload.

The first shot of his footsteps alone, as he goes to stand in front of the mirror, I already feel this sense of importance coming from him, delicate, yet powerful. The setting, cold and empty, yet inviting, it makes room for him and gives him just enough light to be seen, for he doesn’t need all that much help to surely shine. The credits that pop up use a dark shade of pink-red for it’s background color and white text that acknowledges the same deep red imagery and text associated with the material of the original work. His outfit is neat and pristine with some sparkle, resembling one a prince would seem fit. He stares at his reflection, holding a sheer white ribbon in his mouth, gathers a section of hair behind his head and proceeds to tie it with said ribbon. The music starts as he finishes tying and lets his arms fall down at his sides. The over the shoulder shot looking into the mirror, shows that his expression is neutral, almost calm. This can most certainly be described as “the calm before the storm”, except the storm itself is antonymous to a tragedy, because when the singing starts, it’s as if his performance persona was turned on by a switch, a charismatic possession that took place in a matter of seconds that sends chills down your spine in the best way. His previously neutral, calm-like expression and gently resting arms are quickly replaced by the sudden placement of his right hand around his neck and a look that resembles more of a vengeful, hesitant, and somehow playful one. Similar to what I’d imagine a villain would look like right before being bested during an epic fight sequence at the climax of a film. It’s satisfying to see him popping to the beat’s rhythm, his arms, wrists, and head smoothly illustrating the flow of the words, his focus and the secure angles he’s able to form before even fully utilizing his lower body. On the line “Got secrets I can’t tell”, he delicately places his pointer finger in between his teeth, as he turns back to meet the camera with his eyes, the shot now semi-closely focusing on both Hyunjin and his reflection as opposed to just one or the other. He extends his right arm, his hand forming a fist, and the camera movement making it as if I’ve been punched and sent flying. He stumbles to the middle of the room, does an opening gesture with his arms, like a proud baker showing off their completed wedding cake, along with a dramatic spin incorporating his thin, white, flowy cape. Reaching the pre-chorus, we get to see the room more clearly, like the stone pillars and the contrast of the small, warm lights on the walls to the grand grayness radiating from the large window that makes him appear as a near silhouette. There’s a certain holiness about him spending a count with his head down and arms out, much like the Crucifixion of Christ, before showcasing more of a demonic energy when he faces the window with his body, but bends backward and looks to the camera upside down. He rips off the cape, tosses it behind him, to his right. This could symbolize a transformation, an abandonment of a particularly purer image of oneself, a liberation. The music picks up, and the manner in which he dances is like a visual representation of one’s inner turmoil combined with an agenda to seduce those watching, wanting to dance for himself while taking us along for the ride. Now that the first minute of the video is out of the way, let’s continue.

The music fades into the background and the video takes on a sudden widescreen and grayscale appearance as he falls back on his right hand, flings his left hand over to his right shoulder, as though he’s been shot, and is being supported by his knees. He leans forward, places his right hand on the ground in front of him, uses his left hand to push his right knee over to achieve ideal balance, setting up his body roll. He extends his right leg back, getting close to the ground, and there’s something quite feral, yet intimate about the way he traces the length of his arm with his face and left hand. It looks like he’s taking out his frustrations through his moves while never sacrificing the detailed quality of the performance as a whole. It reminds me of how it’s more than common for artists to use their pain in their art, whether it be a point of well-intentioned expression with a specific purpose or simply an outlet for them to channel into. Hyunjin is the definition of aggressive elegance. The fullscreen, colorful display and music entirely return when he spins and lands on the ground in a Spider- Man esc pose, the room a lot warmer than even before the stylistic grayscale section. There’s hints of red, acting as a match that’s set to illuminate and ignite the puddle of gasoline that is him and his performance, that replaces the once colder, icy blue that previously enveloped his silhouette. He bounces to the beat showing off his proud, devilish smile that, instead of striking fear, makes me feel proud, as I’m essentially rooting for the villain in the movie. If the transition to the grayscale widescreen was him getting shot, then the transition back to fullscreen color is him emerging from his grave, an awakening. His shirt is no longer neatly tucked into his pants, but rather, hanging very loosely and mostly unbuttoned. He covers his face with his left hand, pulling it down for just a second before revealing his expression that has swiftly reverted to a roughly indifferent one. The inner conflict has greatly subsided, and focuses on the hesitant-free embracing of his newly discovered self, one of immense confidence and sex-appeal. Although, something about the flow of how he averts his gaze, looking to the left and not the lense, while pointing and doing body rolls at the camera, covers his eyes with crossed arms, and then allows for his hair to cover his eyes as well, makes me feel like he doesn’t want the viewer to know he is still at least a little bit shy. He quickly makes you forget though, because the next and final minute exaggerates everything he’s shown us up until this point, taking it to a whole new, spectacular level.

The bridge of the song creates a slower, softer atmosphere, which is beautifully interpreted with how Hyunjin carries himself during this part. Bigger gestures that blend into each other seamlessly, centering on really taking up the space he’s in. He gently and precisely lowers his body to the floor, collecting a white rose between his teeth. As soon as he returns to his upright stature, the setting changes dramatically. His hair now completely down, he’s under a spotlight in an otherwise pitch black and foggy room. There’s blue and red light reflecting off of his white top and his skin as he dances. This part feels more humane compared to the rest, with more of an obvious balance between sharp, impactful moves and tender, compassionate ones. He draws attention to his shoulders, brings his hands and feet close to his body, and showcases his red lit back. I particularly enjoy when he flicks his wrists and twists his ankles to the right in unison on the second syllable of “unstoppable”. For the “legendary animal” part of that line, his arms create a cage-like structure by doing a climbing motion and carrying it over all the way to the left. A cage in which he destroys the walls and breaks out of, shown by him punching downward on beat. From holding the rose in his mouth to holding it in his hand, he brings it over his head to his left shoulder, and raises his heels. He carries the rose down and around his left arm, his left arm momentarily resting at his waist, his right arm extended downward, he raises his heels again. His whole body lowers as a rigid wave starts at his up flicked wrists and subsequently elbows and shoulders. This collection of gestures results in petals falling off of the rose. He then inevitably throws it into the void, out of the reach of the lovely spotlight. I see this spotlight dance as a danse macabre, or dance of death. The white ribbon, white shirt, and white rose all coming together to illustrate this innocent and pure quality to him, that through this dance, he finalizes the renouncement of. He is more than ready to embrace a new and different side of him, but especially to get rid of the older and repetitive side that felt restrictive more than anything. The spotlight dance ends with Hyunjin looking directly into the camera, tracing his right hand down his chest and to his side, and the camera backing away. The last chorus of the song brings us back to the oh so familiar main room, Hyunjin’s hair back to being tied up, the lighting is the same, but there’s something that stands out. His shirt is on the verge of being completely unbuttoned and that allows for something alluringly shiny to be fully in view compared to before. The video comes full circle with Hyunjin’s hand around his neck, he stands in the hallway, and walks away a new man as the screen fades to black.

As I wrap up this essay on Hyunjin’s “Play With Fire (Feat. Yacht Money)”, original song by Sam Tinnesz, Stray Kids: SKZ-PLAYER, the video has reached six million views, a million more than when I first started writing this, and I feel proud to have spent a day simply pouring my heart and mind out on this wordy display of my appreciation. Don’t be fooled though, for my necessary research, I guess you could call it, for this project may no longer be so necessary, I shall continue to watch and applaud the masterpiece and experience that is this video for my own personal enjoyment, much like how this whole piece was written for my own personal enjoyment. It was an interesting challenge to properly voice not only the contents of the video but also my thoughts and feelings on it. Hyunjin is a highly valued dancer, member of Stray Kids, and person and five pages isn’t ever going to be enough to fully explain the respect and admiration I feel for him and his various projects. I think he’s really cool, I experience all sorts of fiery euphoria watching him dance, his rap and singing alike are addictive as hell, and he’s pretty, haha. I missed him a lot while he was inactive, and I’m so happy to have him back and doing great things as per usual. I’m excited to see what he and the rest of the group have left to show us this year. I advise you to watch the video if you haven’t, but somehow ended up reading an essay on it first, and if you’ve already seen it, watch it again, yeah. I’ll leave you with lovely thoughts and lovely vibes and I hope you too can appreciate the work he’s put into the video, as well as my work on this essay. Thank you for taking the time to read my love letter, essentially, and bye for now ^ ^

#straykids #stay #hyunjin #skzplayer #lovestay #kpop

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retroateez · 3 years

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Prophecy - Chapter Thirteen

so,,,, hello!!!

firstly i apologise for how long this took me,,, university has been a nightmare and a blessing all in one and my sleep pattern is still getting worse that being said,, here (finally) is chapter thirteen! to those of you who have been waiting eagerly and showing your support, i thank you so much for giving me the motivation to keep this series going, lots of love - hades x

Prophecy Masterlist wc;2825

The next morning, Hongjoong called you, Yeosang and Wooyoung into his office to discuss your temporary residence. He had stood before you, like a teacher lecturing his naughty students and informed you that under no circumstances were any of you to perform magic.

Easy for you, you thought. You didn't even know how to use it.

"Witch hunters will be able to trace you if they detect any magical source coming from the kingdom," The king explained. "If there is rumour of any magic beings within my court, the other kingdoms will pick up on it immediately, and it will result in bloodshed."

The way Hongjoong had looked at the three of you as he instructed you was terrifying. It was bordering on begging, and deeper behind his golden eyes he looked frightened. And you supposed you would be too, if you had to go to war for such a ridiculous reason.

You could barely comprehend the thought of Yeosang and Wooyoung being killed just because they were non-human. It made it worse how they insisted it was okay because they were 'used to it', as if that justified anything.

Still, they complied to the king's request and agreed to not use any magic within the kingdom, especially in the castle and the grounds.

"We've managed to cover up your appearance here yesterday, so you don't need to be concerned about that. However, I am half tempted to charge you for causing emotional damage to my kingsguard. You gave him quite the fright."

You stifled a laugh at hearing the extent of Seonghwa's reaction to your intrusion, the scary kingsguard perhaps being much softer in demeanour than you had initially thought.

After the briefing, Hongjoong had dismissed you to once again talk over the prophecy with Yeosang and Wooyoung.

The astrologer had informed you that they were making steady progress, they had deciphered some of the constellation meanings and were working on how to avoid the outcomes of their predictions.

"It's very easy to avoid a war," Wooyoung had scoffed that morning whilst tying up his boot laces. "We needn't worry about the Ara constellation because we simply just do not engage in a war."

"But what if somebody goes to war with us?" You asked timidly, staring nervously at the floor.

Wooyoung paced over to you and gently raised your chin with the tip of his finger.

"We won't go to war, Iris. Nobody has any reason to go to war with us. Besides, you'd probably be more worried about the Ball than fighting in a battle."

He had ruffled your hair and swiftly left the room, leaving you gazing at the ceiling with a feeling in your chest you couldn't quite understand. Something had changed with you and Wooyoung recently; he'd been standing closer to you than usual, smiling at you more, being kinder than he used to and truthfully you had no idea what to make of it.

You thought that maybe he felt more comfortable in your presence considering you had to share a room with him.

But that didn't excuse the way your heart raced and stomach fluttered whenever he would flash his killer smile at you or whined like a puppy when you refused to share any of the cook's baked treats with him.

Your current course of action was to completely ignore every single one of those feelings. Either that or take a visit to Yunho and get him to perform a medical examination on you, because you were absolutely convinced you were dying slowly from the inside out. Had some kind of magical parasite burrowed into your skin while you slept and had gradually been sucking the life out of you without you noticing? Or maybe some evil witch had snuck into the kitchens, managed to figure out which delicious looking apple you had been eyeing up the previous afternoon, poison it and cackle mysteriously as she watched you take a giant bite of the apple through the window?

Or perhaps you had been reading too many fairytales and storybooks.

That was probably it.

Yet, you couldn't help yourself. Not when Hongjoong's castle had such a beautiful library, full to the brim with all ranges of books. Even though there was such an extensive selection, immediately you were drawn to the wonderfully illustrated tales of woeful princesses stuck in their towers, powerful dragons aiming to conquer worlds and daring wizards yearning for adventure.

You had yet to find a book about an angry king and his weak-hearted kingsguard, but you didn't really need to read a fictional account to experience that.

It wasn't like you had much to do either; the ball was still a few weeks away and you still weren't allowed to help Yeosang and Wooyoung with the prophecy under Hongjoong's guidance. You saw less and less of Mingi as his lute practice was being upped due to the fast-approaching ball. So you spent most of your days holed up in the corner of the typically empty library.

In fact, that was exactly what you planned on spending the whole day doing.

You raced down the intricately decorated hallways of the castle, brushing your fingertips against the crimson velvet sashes that hung from ceiling to floor. Sunlight filtered in gently through the stained-glass windows, leaving rainbow shards on the plush rugs underneath your boots. In time, you're outside the familiar library door, a much cooler shade of oak than the other doors in this hallway, you notice. It's smoother to the touch too, like whoever designed this room centuries ago took special care in it's creation.

Pushing the door open, you enter the library. The scent is slightly dusty, with a lingering smell of untouched parchment and slowly decaying leather. The room itself is huge, bookshelves line the walls from top to bottom, almost encaging you in with towers of tales and stories hidden within leather-bound shells. The wall to your right is bare of shelves, in its space is a large bay window, with a cushioned area for somebody to sit and read. Coincedentally, your favourite place to lounge and waste the day away getting lost in foreign, mystical worlds.

Unfortunately, your seat appears to be occupied.

"Excuse me," you call politely, making your way over to the lounging figure who has their nose buried in a book. "You're sitting in my spot."

His attention snaps to yours lightening fast. So fast that you're shocked he didn't give himself whiplash or any other injury.

His gaze, much like his face and eyes, are narrow. Slender cheekbones and an unimpressed scowl are directed your way and the feeling of regret settles deep in your core.

"Your spot?" He repeats with a scoff. "And who are you to claim this seat?"

He sets his book down onto the soft window-seat, and swings his long legs round so he can stand up. Even from a distance, you can tell he's got a considerable amount of height on him. Everything about him is slim; his nose, jaw, torso. He takes a couple of steps towards you, and you notice he makes little to no sound. Agile, you think. He reminds you of a cat, his attentive gaze unwavering from your puzzled face, the way he moves concise and utterly silent. Unruly, raven black hair swept atop his head and glittering golden eyes evoke memories of the black cats from home. Slinking quietly through the market stalls, stalking mice or keeping an eye out for danger.

"Iris, right?" he asks.

You nod. "Ye-"

"Wrong." He interrupts you before you finish speaking, and he's standing right before you. So close that if you look up you can see every fleck of fire in his eyes.

"W-what? What do you mean?"

"Your name isn't Iris at all, is it?"

How does he know that?

He smirks at you, thinking he's figured out your deepest darkest secret.

"No, it isn't. How did you know? Did Yeosang tell you?"

"I've been keeping an eye on you, because I don't trust you. Hongjoong may have let you and your friends into the castle without batting an eyelid, but I'm not as easily fooled as him."

"I don't know what you think I'm planning," you glare at him, astounded that he's actually accusing you of plotting something. "But you're greatly mistaken."

He remains silent for a few moments as he eyes you up and down, taking in your hand-me-down clothes (a mixture of Wooyoung and Yeosang's) and untidy, unkempt hair.

"When our name is called," he begins to explain. "We have a physical reaction. Our eyes light up, our ears perk up, our head swivels round as we try to identify who is calling for us."

"Your point?" Somehow you find it in you to challenge him, despite the fact his glare is weighing down on you so heavily you think your knees might actually buckle with pressure.

"You do none of these things when your name is called."

"Okay. So you know that Iris isn't my real name. Yeosang knows that too. Now what?"

"I think if you're going to be living in this castle, free of charge, without doing any work to earn your keep, the least you can do is give me your real name."

In any other circumstance, you would've told him to stick it. Probably with a punch, too. But there's something so intimidating about him, something so covertly dangerous that you can't decipher.

"And why should I tell you that when I don't even know your name?" you bite back, and you see the spark of realisation on his face that he is also a complete stranger to you.

"San." he replies simply.

"Haneul." you answer.

"Haneul?" San echoes. "You don't seem like a Haneul."

"People used to call me Hana."

"Hana? Like the number one?"

You nod.

"Yeosang just gave me the name Iris when I met him, by the way." A part of you felt compelled to explain why you were going by a different alias. Not that you owed San anything anyway. After all, he had been incredibly rude to you despite having met literally five minutes ago.

"And you didn't think to correct him?"

"Evidently not."

San rolls his eyes at your curt response, shaking his head a little and pushing his cheek from the inside with his tongue, the same way that Wooyoung does when he gets annoyed with you. You think that they'd probably get on quite well.

"So, do you actually do anything around here?" You throw the questions back in San's direction, feeling quite fed up of being interrogated for one day. "Or do you make a habit of ambushing young women in libraries and demanding their life stories?"

He gives you another unimpressed look before he goes back over to his book at the window-seat.

"I'm the Ateez court jester," he answers you calmly. "I entertain company with jokes, stories, songs, you name it."

"A jester? I thought you wore silly costumes and hats with bells on?"

San scowls at you from across the room. Does he actually know how to smile?

"You read too much." He deadpans. "I'm not a character in a storybook. I'm a person who has a job like everyone else here. I wear ordinary clothes, I don't wear a hat, and I do more than just tell jokes."

San crosses the room with an air of anger, yet he still manages to walk gracefully without making a sound. He places his book back on the shelf, then approaches you at the door.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a ball to prepare material for."

You side-step out of the way, and San slips past you and you listen as the soft pattering of his footsteps gradually fade, and then disappear altogether.

What the f-

"Oh, there you are!"

Wooyoung's lanky frame comes barreling into you, the slight panic laced in his voice making you worry.

"Here I am," you confirm. "What's wrong?"

"Hongjoong wants to see you." He breathes. "About the prophecy."

-----

"I've already told you! I don't know anything more than you do!"

Hongjoong had summoned you into his office, and the atmosphere in the room told you everything you needed to know. You could cut through it with a knife. A strong knife though, as the tension was so thick a regular butter knife wouldn't dent it one little bit. And the way Hongjoong was leaning against his desk with his arms fully stretched out, head hanging down and exhaling out of his nose like a furious cattle ready to charge.

You assumed that perhaps their work wasn't going swimmingly.

"The deadline to solve this is approaching fast, thief. Do you understand that? My people will die if we don't crack this soon."

"What exactly do you want me to do about it?" You angrily retort. "If you've forgotten, you've kept me in the dark for weeks!"

"Because you were of no use." Hongjoong replies simply. He wanders around the side of his desk and meanders his way to stand in front of you, his arms loosely behind his back.

"However, seeing as it was you who intially offered to help with the prophecy, I thought that perhaps reverting to our roots would prove more fruitful." He lowers himself slightly and stares at you directly with his dangerous, poisonous gaze.

His demand renders you silent. You stand frozen in his office, the worried glances of Yeosang and Wooyoung piercing into the back of your skull. You will your mouth to open and scream internally at yourself to speak, to say absolutely anything you can conjure to get out of the situation but nothing comes. Finally, the web of lies you've been spinning since day one is about to unravel itself.

And you can do nothing except for watch.

Is this where you get caught out? After so long? You were beginning to like it here too; the beautiful garden, getting closer to Wooyoung, making friends with Mingi. You had even planned to ask him to teach you how to play the lute. Hell, even making enemies with San was something you were looking forward to. And you hadn't tried the cook's famous apple pie that Mingi raved about. No. No, instead Hongjoong was going to catch out your lies, the stories you had told him and he was going to lock you up in the prison under the castle for the rest of your life. You were going to die, ancient, magicless, friendless, alone, all because you couldn't just tell the damn truth. What were you doi-

"What if it isn't a man?" your tongue expertly blurts out the first thing your racing brain can pluck out of thin air to try and save your back, and you have to stop yourself from squeaking out in shock.

"What do you mean?" Hongjoong asks, with genuine curiousity written across his features.

"Well, the prophecy says Man, doesn't it? But you've been taking it literally. As in, A Man. But what if it means anyone from the human race?"

Hongjoong stands stunned before you for a few seconds, as if he physically cannot comprehend what you have suggested.

"Are you suggesting that a woman will destroy my kingdom?"

"I-, well, no-"

"I think what Iris is trying to say," Yeosang pushes himself off the wall he was leaning against and approaches you and Hongjoong. "Is that we should broaden our horizons a little bit. You know, branch out from searching monstrously powerful men. Look into witches, sirens, even dragons and the like."

"None of those are human, mage." Hongjoong sneers.

Yeosang merely shrugs in response.

"Just a suggestion. Besides, Iris is right. It doesn't state a singular man. The gods haven't always made sense, have they? Perhaps expanding our criteria would be a good thing."

"It could also be somebody disguised as a human," Wooyoung pipes up. "Like a shape-shifter or even a halfling."

"Halfling?" you echo, confused.

"Somebody that is half human and half something else." Yeosang explains. "So a half human half elf would be called a halfling, as would a half human half giant and so on."

"So you really think that we might have something worse than a human on our hands?" Hongjoong asks. He nibbles his bottom lip in a way that makes you concerned for him. It's that moment you remember that he is an exceedingly young king, and that at times he's probably way out of his depth.

He pulls his tawny fur coat tighter over his shoulders and straightens up his posture. It reminds you of a wild fox, and his mannerisms in themselves remind you of a fox cub too. He moves quietly (a running theme of the key figures in this castle, you've noticed), and when he's calm he appears very serene.

You, Wooyoung and Yeosang all nod, and Hongjoong takes that as a sign to proceed.

"Very well. I will have orders out to search and interrogate anyone, and anything that seems suspicious. Let's hope we're right."

Yeah, you exhale. Let's hope I'm right.

#retroateez #medieval au #medieval!ateez #hongjoong #seonghwa #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #yunho #jongho #ateez

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kirliancamera1 · 3 years

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Rede Vamp Brazil (https://redevampirica.com) interviews Elena Alice Fossi of Kirlian Camera (English text attached hereunder) 🔥🔥🔥

Question 1: Be very welcome to AcessoRedeVamp, it's a true honor to realize this interview with you Elena Alice! You are a great singer and more every time we see you on stage your performance transmits great emotion and this electrifies all of us! You tell a real story with your performance and this is amazing and rare these days! At the same time, we perceive an expressive revolt against an old world and its stagnant postures. How have you handled 2020?

*** EAF – First of all, I wanna thank you for your words. Being able to communicate with the people who follow us is the most important thing to me. Singing becomes ephemeral if doesn't convey a message. Also for this reason I consider that the stage is the base of a musician, so you can imagine how I miss it. In this sense, it can be said that the category we belong to is very unlucky, not only because it's forced not to work, but rather 'cause concerts are pure lifeblood for a musician's soul. In any case, both Angelo and I can't stand self-pity people, so we immediately jumped into new musical projects, putting top concentration on composition. At any rate, we couldn't be simple observers of an event on this scale, so right from the beginning we tried to dig deep, looking for, and comparing news, data, statistics, whether they came from mainstream channels or from alternative sources. In Italy, for example, the economy has been torn to pieces and furthermore, the same politicians who mourn the dead on TV... cut so many funds for health facilities for a long time, so they may be considered taking part in such a mess. This situation has created a real drama, especially for families who have lost their loved ones without even having a chance to say goodbye one last time. But, it's also true that the worldwide exploitation of this pandemic has given us, we citizens, an opportunity to wake up. No need to use words such as anarchy or rebellion to understand that the old world is showing all kinds of holes. "Divide et impera" is the motto of several governments, so we citizens must not fall into the trap of making war on each other, each nonsense comes up! This is the time to show ourselves united. And, most of all, it’s time not to turn ourselves into servile dogs of a “Power” becoming more and more antidemocratic.

Question 2: Do you feel that the marks left by the year 2020 will bring some effective changes to this "abstraction" called humanity? Will there be a "new normal" or will we just return to an average 2019 when this whole pandemic passes?

*** EAF - If I’d been told about what we have experienced for almost one year, I’d have thought it was a joke, bullshit. But unluckily this is not the case. Such an event has brought much grief and is ruining the economic system of many nations, as already said. But in addition to the injury, here it comes the insult from the absurd and chaotic dictates imposed on us. I'll give you some examples of what's happening here in Italy. “Don't go out after 10 pm”. While people keep on getting sick or even dying, here comes the policeman with a ticket 'cause you left home for a goddam moment. I have this picture on my mind, of a person in pajamas, carrying the garbage bag full of stinking mussel shells at less than one hundred meters from home in a totally deserted night. At that point a flash on him. It’s the police who writes a ticket to that dangerous criminal. And then, for everyone's sake, the Christmas mass was moved from the usual midnight to 8 pm. How the hell can you think it's not a mockery? And... the last “gag”! Before Christmas, our Minister of technological innovation made an appeal to telephone companies so that video calls were free on Christmas days... But what year does she live in? But... is she not able to understand that in Italy almost everyone has either unlimited gigas or wifi? Nothing changes if the telephone companies for a couple of days give us video calls because we already use free services such as Whatsapp, Skype, Zoom, Telegram, and so on and so forth... Ok, in a vain attempt to avoid death, they are putting us in an induced coma! Seriously, all this offends our intelligence! And, when you realize you are inside a joke, you don't like to discover you're the main character, do you?! So, to answer your question, I couldn't foresee how a post-covid society will be reshaped, but the severe weakening that now is burdening us will have some major impact, no doubt. Currently, most folks are obsessed with fear, so are unable to reflect on the consequences of unconstitutional actions such as those foolishly propagated by many States. Furthermore, the pharma companies, the giants of the online shopping industry and many other powerful satanic puppet masters who are used to appear as philanthropists are ready to get their hands on everything, well pleased with the next “big reset”. So, after the pandemic, things will change a lot! For sure, from a human point of view, the feelings will be devitalized.

Question 3: Hologram Moon is a great name! Evokes conspirations like what really is the moon and this strangeness opens a vast creative field to find answers or even new questions... please tell us a bit more about this album, his name, songs...

*** EAF - "Fake is your face" is one of the phrases that most resonate in me when I sing "Holograms", or when in “Lost Islands” the old world said “Goodbye”! It's as if you had to face a new reset, as if you discovered everything you've always believed is swept away in an instant. There's the awareness that in the face of a new and suffocating truth, when the sky collapses, only true love can resist and guide you. In this sense, the final track of the album, “Travellers’ Testament” is a real stone on my heart, as it describes a fantastic journey to a planet. The astronaut is now impatient to fulfill his dream, but he will never arrive on that planet. The landing will take place on a space station. The moon landing's been questioned over and over again and certain evidence of the fact's inconsistency eventually seems credible. But we cannot say what reality is in any scientific way, especially when we're already prepared to believe a reassuring source. This is a simple starting point to embark on our history. More than finding answers, our sacred duty is to open the door to new questions, ask doubts, not take anything for granted. “Hologram Moon” is a purely poetic vision, but also a way to question everything. The mind can atrophy very easily. Habit, for example, can be complicit in this and the so-called comfort zone can be just complicit as well. The hypnosis that we suffer every day without realizing it, also grinding so many and bad TV shows, and so on... So, let's remain thinking and dreaming! This is a message from us.

Question 4: How was the experience of working with Covenant's Eskil Simonsson on the beautiful "Sky Collapse"?

*** EAF - We had come across Covenant several times before doing this collaboration; on festival occasions, in the dressing rooms... But it was a chaotic situation, so... we gave each other a fleeting smile, a kind greeting, but nothing more. Then, when Angelo and I wrote “Sky Collapse”, we immediately thought that a deep and sincere voice like Eskil's would add something precious to the song. Even before recording the two-voice song, we met at a charity festival. We had called him as a guest just to sing this song together, which was yet unreleased. He made himself available immediately. It was a nice gift for us and when the moment came, I think that on stage you could feel my strong emotion all the way down the hall!

Question 5: Well, I think now we will have our fan moment! Let's talk about some Kirlian Camera songs that our DJs and the audience of the REDE VAMP love it? Do I speak the name and may you tell a little about the meanings, influences, or a curious story?

*** EAF ***

>>> NIGHTGLORY. It refers to the triumph of the night, perhaps as a momentary spiritual retreat. I'm talking about that precious moment that regenerates your very existence into yourself. The music of this song was born in a symphonic form, very different from how Nightglory was then arranged. This is a song and an album that has been appreciated by many people only after some time, partly because of a promotion that described the album as the most commercial in our history, which is absolutely harmful and misleading. Invisible Front and Eclipse were even more listenable, for example... Sometimes words spoil your work. It would be better to listen to music only, ignoring its promotional presentation. Fortunately, Nightglory has recovered over time till becoming one of the most requested live songs of ours.

>>> BLACK AUGUST. In this song there are various hints coming out from a dark moment in my life, I mean a period that risked devouring me. Wounds that take time to heal. Sky Collapse can be considered the final act of that period, even if the music of the two songs sounds very different, as you know. Black August blends various stylistic dimensions in a single “body of music”, so many didn't know how to label it at the time, as it effectively goes running free, out of the box. A very atypical song that has gained some actual success despite its distinction, which has also brought us closer to fans of dark metal and so-called electronica.

>>> HELLFIRE. I chose this piece to add an echo to the dark period I was talking about above, in order to exorcise all that negativity, so we went to deal with a theme showing gospel traits but containing some demonic references in the lyrics. Then I didn't know THE 8th PRESIDENT was waiting for us at the SCARLET GATE OF TOXIC DAYBREAK, with his COLD PILLS! A wordplay whoever is following us will understand!

>>> K-PAX. I wrote this piece in a night when everything seemed dreamy and I almost didn't realize where I was anymore. No, I wasn't under the influence of drugs or alcohol, but all my memories were mixing in tremendous chaos that needed to reinvent itself and turn into an immaterial fog, in a light but lost dream. Angelo literally translated the music and melodies I had written on the staff, giving both them and my voice the perfect terms to guide the journey. In fact, it's not a complete and static text, but a sequence of dreamy and painful phrases at the same time. I felt that Angelo listened to me attentively since he knew how to translate my notes so perfectly into written sentences as if he were sending me back into my music. It was magical and at K-Pax Angelo and I discovered the other life of ourselves, bringing to light so many breathtaking emotions and it was just the departure, after the suffocating mists of Still Air, an album we love, and the crepuscular decadence of Stalingrad Valkyrie.

Question 6: There is a cover of Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd from Kirlian Camera that is a true work of art. The Mad World cover performed by Spectra Paris is fascinating. Are there more covers from other bands that you would like to record?

*** EAF - Well yes, there are ideas, but we prefer to evaluate which are the best. Meanwhile, I tried to produce a version of a Johnny Cash song and I made Angelo interpret it: I really like the result. It may be used by Stalingrad Valkyrie.

Question 7: I love your lyrics! What can't Elena be missing when creating new lyrics or musical arrangements? Are there any poetry, films, books, comic books, or other influences?

*** EAF - Mostly everything happens unconsciously. You don't know how many times I realize why I wrote a certain phrase only after a song was released! But I can say that my imagination works mostly by processing images. So, the movies are very helpful in this. Similarly, Angelo and I tap into imagery that could be part of the quantum physics new era, where multiverse and multidimensionality are both playing an important role. This world appears like a really tiny thing when compared to everything else.

Question 8: Elena, I read in an older interview about a "Young Ladies Homicide Club" I found an undeniable reference to the films Noir and the figure of the characters called "Vamp" and all the charm and spectral magnetism ... but I was a little curious. .. what is this "Young Ladies Homicide Club"?

*** EAF - Let's say I imagined an unreal club created by apparently dead or so to say "disappeared" models in order to get rid of fashion people who were acting a bit too naughty! The work to clean up that world wouldn't be lacking, as, after all, it happens in all professional areas. As for myself goes, I gladly opted in a flash and without second thoughts for singing and making music, leaving everything behind, buying a couple of synths and a decent microphone, which I then enriched with various electronic devilry, kicking away possible easy money, foolish nights, cocaine, heroin, stereotyped relationships, and absurdly worshipped wines! Every so often I like to play with the ridiculous and grotesque ghosts of some fashion designers, photographers, and evil spirits, then going to recreate noir stories in which everything happens. I also drew some digital comics with a noir-glam flavor, a few years ago... It was a fun pastime, while with Kirlian Camera I'd been exploring deeper and more fundamental universes.

Question 9: Is there more news on the way for the incredible Spectra Paris and also for Stalingrad Valkyrie? May you talk a bit more about them?

*** EAF - Stalingrad Valkyrie is a project I am very fond of, in a special way. So I insisted on getting it back to life after a period of hibernation which lasted too much in my opinion. "Martyrium Europae", the most recent album, proved me right, even if it’s not a commercial project. Well, it seems our listeners have appreciated the attempt to combine different musical sources in a unique style, certainly linked to the more symphonic and dramatic Kirlian Camera pages, but also quite free to express itself on his own, trying to avoid the most standard patterns of neofolk, progressive and industrial, without on the other hand completely ignoring their now distant origins. So, in its small way, the new album turned out to be a success and I'd really like this project to keep on living with further fresh ideas. We're currently working on a new chapter that will be released on vinyl and some digitals, which contains previously unreleased songs and versions.

Question 10: Elena, our Rede Vamp is a platform about Cultural Vamp and Vampires production ... and there is a question that our interviewees never escape. Is there a character or perhaps a vampire story that you never forgot?

*** EAF - Needless to say the vampire who most impressed me over time can't be anyone other than... Angelo Bergamini!!! Not many know that Angelo was the leading actor in a short film entitled "Himre Bakai", shot in the late nineties or so, directed by Antonio Bocchi, the later owner of the dark-electronic project Lux Anodyca and author of detective books. I don't think the film is regularly available or downloadable at the moment, but I know it was also screened at the time in various festivals and reviews, also getting some good feedback! Angelo (Himre) and Antonio told me that one day the film "will see the light ”, but at the moment... he lies in the dark, by the book, of course!!!

Question 11: Elena, thank you so much for your time and generosity! You and Kirlian Camera have many fans on our events and radio shows, please leave a special message for our audience! Are there plans for a new gig in Brazil after all this pandemic?

*** EAF - While it's true that we've never been able to play in Brazil so far, I'm sure your Land is actually right for us, 'cause I can feel that's full of feeling and passion, so we'd love to perform for you very much, 'cause in spite of the fact it's so far away, I feel a deep affinity and a certain familiarity with your world. And while we wait, confident that sooner or later we'll succeed in our aim, I wanna greet all those who had the kindness to listen to me, with a quote from the American scientist and politician Benjamin Franklin: "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

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hysteriium · 5 years

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The Irony of Fate [1]

Gif not mine folks!

(A/N): HEY okay so I know this is kind of taboo considering the whole controversy surrounding this film and while I don’t agree with the labelling, I don’t wanna get political on my blog. I think Joaquin is an amazing actor, he’s a lovely person and I’ve completely fallen head over heels for his portrayal. I’ve loved the Joker ever since I was a kid (guess I’ve had coulrophillia for as long as I can remember lol), I’ve watched him evolve on screen, and in the comics, for as long as I can remember and I guess, as dumb as it sounds, it’s a character that’s been part of a large chunk of my life. So, in sum of my very long, convoluted message, I hope the people who may have a problem with me writing a fic/series on Arthur Fleck/Joker, are able to respect my position as I am with theirs; everyone’s entitled to hold their individual positions, and I won’t fight that, what you believe is totally okay and I’m not here to shoot it down. Thank you :) - Kat

M A J O R S P O I L E R W A R N I N G S!!! (IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT ALREADY PLEASE DO NOT READ).

Summary: Arthur hated his life. That was no secret. He could pull out a list of the reasons why if someone had to ask. Perhaps he had pissed off fate really badly, a time he couldn't seem to recall. Or perhaps, not that he believed in it, in a past life he had behaved so reprehensively that he was cursed for the entirety of his reincarnated existence. At this point, anything would make more sense than his continual bad luck - make more sense than his life. Was he doomed to be miserable for the rest of his time on earth? Or would the woman he spotted from his window instigate a rapid spiral of change?

Word count: 2134

Warnings: none; let me know if you think there should be any.

It was cold.

The meandering, tickle of wind brushed against Arthur’s half-bare form, caressing the soft skin of his chest, while weary arms wrapped around his fragile body, riddled with goosebumps. The front of his neck, which was exposed as it rested against the top of his sofa had his head dangling off the rear of it. He ignored the chill that spread across his body, a shiver that travelled as swift as a racing river; icy and immersive. Encapsulating.

It was the only thing he had felt in days.

Perhaps weeks.

His hair was long and untamed, the fluffy strands which occasionally brushed up against the structure of his cheek, due to the wind, acted like a concerned friend.

Or at least that was what he thought.

In all honesty, he wasn’t certain what friends felt like.

The flashing of the tv screen before him was disregarded, as well as the noise it discharged; with its aim nothing more than to provide background noise to Arthur, he lost himself in the static it transmitted. Though the thought spirals, which occurred day after day, were far harsher, and unlike the little device in front of him, couldn’t be switched off.

As he eyed the ceiling, he became conscious of the paint chipping away at the corners of the roof as well as the water damage caused by small leaks from the apartments above him. It had led to the discovery of discoloured small sections in the ceiling; sunken, and dark were the bubbles that formed. Most worrying of all, was the mould which peeked out from the fragmented paint, festering and collated. It strangely didn’t bother him, however, he couldn’t bring himself to care as his blue eyes raked across the surface of the cream, shabby ceiling. Vacant and void of emotion. Cold and uncaring.

Another breeze crammed itself through the window, dancing its way to him.

The cycle repeated.

Shivers.

Goosebumps.

Thought spiral.

Wind.

Everything was the same.

That was, until he heard something.

Something new.

It was melodic, yet stifled as his thoughts suffocated him. It trickled inside from the alleys of Gotham, crossing his open, dilapidated window.

Singing.

And it wasn’t the type of singing you heard every day - no it was touching; unique. And it came from deep within. From the heart. It was something rare, something Arthur had only heard a few times in his life. While he was often surrounded by music - his mother's influence - he rarely connected with any.

This though...this was different.

The tune wrapped around his form like a firm lead of rope, binding around his chest with a great, complex knot, one impossible to escape, and further, one impossible to unravel. The spell had been cast, and he had been enchanted.

He lifted his head from its lazy hanging position, abruptly sitting upright, supporting his back against the couch while his fingers fiddled in his lap. Instantly, he found himself drawn to the window, hypnotised like a man in love as he stumbled towards it, scurrying.

Another gust of wind.

His hands were shaking. Whether it was from the sudden feeling of liveliness or nervousness he couldn’t distinguish, though they gripped the window frame tightly and he thrust his head out, first hitting the top of his head against the extendable part of the frame, before shaking the pain away and righting his position. Wild eyes darted across the filthy, littered Gotham streets, the busy, gloomy city sinking into his now sparkling, curious eyes, searching for a source.

It took a few moments before he finally found it - a woman - just across the road from his apartment, meters away. She stood in front of a store, an acoustic guitar in her grasp, one hand sliding up and down the neck to find the perfect notes, while the other strummed. Her guitar case was fixed below her, open as bills, pennies and dimes were scattered inside it, tossed in by those absently walking by. In a way, the thought of those strolling past, who had yet to stop and appreciate her sheer talent, made the bushy brows at the top of his head crease into a frown. His blood boiled. No one appreciated art these days.

She wore a red dress, elegant and fitting, extremely well dressed for the streets of Gotham. Almost strangely formal. She was beautiful though, graceful even, as her form swayed with the music, completely invested in the lyrical masterpiece that passed her lips.

Arthur had to pinch herself to make sure she was real.

To him, she was otherworldly. Angelic.

He was frozen and rendered speechless as his breathing caught in his throat. Even though he was observing her from his dingy window like a common creep, he felt compelled to talk to her, to get to know her, to know every little detail about her. Was she kind? Was she as sweet as she looked? What was her favourite colour? Did she like comedy?

As he continued to mentally question her from above, he felt reality slipping from him. It was escaping from his grasp, melting like candle wax, or perhaps like putty in his hands, the goop raining down from the gaps of his fingers. He could feel the daydream occurring, the blurring of his vision as he zoned out on her form - and only her form.

The only important thing illuminating the dull, insignificant seconds that plagued his life like a cancer.

He’d walk up to her, a hand nervously fixing his hair, tugging at the strands if he encountered a knot. First, he’d wait for her to finish the rest of her song, standing nearby with an encouraging smile, one she’d promptly return. She’d continue the sway of her hips, a move he’d find hard to restrain his eyes from drinking in. Somehow he’d manage.

He’d practically be bursting with excitement when she finally reached the climax of her song, clapping frantically. She’d bow, a large grin plastered on her face as she does so.

“What’s your name?” She’d say.

“A-Arthur. M-my-my name is Arthur.” He’d stutter out, the fidgeting of his fingers while noticeable, he’s thankful she ignores.

“Nice to meet you, Arthur!”

He’d perform a little dip of his head, an idiosyncrasy he couldn’t help as he laughed nervously, replying with a soft, “you too.”

Next, he’d compliment her - on her singing. He’d be honest too, trying his best to articulate the feelings they evoked within him. It was a difficult task. Arthur learnt that the hard way as they carried on talking for a while.

It remained this way, soft, sweet and casual - until he made her laugh.

It was the most beautiful, infectious sound he’d ever heard. It was something to add to his ever-growing list of likes. He was well and truly hooked, an addiction he wasn’t willing to shake off.

Like a curse, something he could never stray too far from, he’d think about the dreaded, intrusive laughter that tended to emerge at the worst times. He’d obsess over its emergence, wondering just when exactly it would spontaneously occur. Would she accept the card he’d force into her hand? A simplistic explanation of his condition? Would she understand? Would she think him a freak?

Even in his mind, he couldn’t escape ridicule.

The negative thought threw him off track. No longer was he able to picture her smiling eyes boring into his own, the large stretch of her grin, and the teeth that briefly bit into the bottom of her lip as she laughed, a small involuntary action. No longer was he able to picture himself smiling back, his lips pursed into his lips, the soft crinkle of his eyes and the subtle rise of his brows. It faded away like a fog, the happiness that bubbled in his stomach popping along with it as he snapped back to reality. Harsh and brutal. The upturn of his mouth deflated like a tire, slow and agonising once he was confronted with the truth.

He hadn’t actually gone up to her. He was still centred at the window in his mother’s grossly, illegally defective apartment; trapped in a home he firmly believed had never met the standards, even in its inception. Along with the new outbreak of ‘super rats’, a phenomenon he was well acquainted with, things were only set to go further downhill.

Because of this, he’d have to settle for the next best thing.

He disappeared from the window, retreating into one of the other rooms. Hands gripped the wood of the chair - one precisely chosen for its comfort; a chair pleasant enough to sit down on without his backside turning numb. After he dragged it to the window, the continual, ear-piercing groan of wood against wood was a sound that had piqued his mother’s interest from the other room, an attraction Arthur quickly and almost desperately shot down. Once he found himself semi-relaxed in the chair, he rested his head against the window frame. The air which blew against his face, filtered through the lifeless room, lifting the curtains beside him.

He didn’t know how long he sat by his window, absorbing the stunning tune which serenaded his ears. The setting sun had coloured Gotham by then, and the beautiful girl before him. Its orange glow sunk into her skin, somehow making her more dazzling in his eyes. All he knew was that he couldn’t peel himself away, nor his eyes, or attention. He was well and truly charmed.

All good things must come to an end though, a concept Arthur hated. When she finished her last song, his heart leapt out of his chest, and his gut churned with dread. Was he ever going to see her again?

This thought was promptly put aside when she finally looked up at him, their eyes locking. Although she was some distance away, he could still see the slow smile forming on her face and the small wave she gave him.

He quickly, and rather nervously returned the acknowledgement, the mini-debate in his head promptly cut short as his mind blanked and he darted for the door. Turning the doorknob with extreme force, he threw the door open and slammed it behind him, running for the stairs. The elevator in his building had a bad track record, and had done nothing in the past but inconvenience him. He was sure to miss her if he took it - hell, he wasn’t even sure he’d catch her taking the stairs.

Nevertheless, he persisted, shoving the thought away.

His feet moved on their own accord, his hurried descent echoing throughout the empty stairwell. It was multiple, exhausting flights before he got to the bottom. His heart was racing and his breathing was ragged as sweat formed on his forehead; not only due to the strenuous workout he had endured but also because of the fear of her departure. In a burst of confidence only then had he decided to talk to her, a confidence that seemed to completely leave his disappointed form once he reached outside, slamming into the fire escape exit and into the littered streets. She had left, and he had been too slow.

He sighed.

Off Arthur went, performing the walk of shame back to his apartment after searching for her red dress for the 100th time. He ascended the stairs, hair hanging low, along with his head fixed towards the ground.

Oh, the irony of fate.

-----

It was a few days later when he saw her again. She popped up into his mind a lot, more than he’d like to admit. Her beauty, which was not something to sneeze at was often the first thing he thought of, followed by the songs she sang. It was this he remembered most and he often found himself replaying them, a calming mantra as he relished in her delivery. He found he did this when he was having an especially bad time.

The effect she had on him was yet to dissipate.

Considering the imprint she had left in his life, despite Arthur observing the woman for what had probably only been a few hours, he could recognise her voice anywhere.

So, it was quite a shock to Arthur when he heard her voice on the television. At first, he hadn’t been able to pinpoint it, believing she was outside again. The thought had the blood rushing to his cheeks and the sweat glands in his palms working into overdrive. It took a few more seconds for Arthur to realise that the beautiful, unique voice that had once, for a short period, softly soothed his woes was in fact, right in front of him on the cubic form of entertainment.

On the Murray Franklin show.

#arthur fleck x reader #joker x reader #dc x reader #batman villains x reader #kind worried for this fic ngl #clowns #clown x reader #slow burn #i think #pls no hate #not trying to start shit #joaquin phoenix joker #joker 2019

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daesungfmd · 3 years

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playlist 1.

seven songs describing different stages of daesung’s life so far.

lights, up we go / 2008 ― 2012.

here, in a familiar place. we got our heads down and we pretend it’s ‘cause the night is dark and running out of space for us to run around, but it’s a dead end and money’s tight. it’s been a long time of this ― something has got to give. everyone here is ready to go, it’s been a hard year with nothing to show. from down this road, it’s only on we go. everyone here is ready to go, it’s been a hard year and i only know from down this low, it’s only up we go.

2008 is the earliest year of daesung’s life that he vividly remembers. before 2008, his life definitely had downsides, but he didn’t have much that he could rightfully complain about; at the end of even the hardest day, things were still… good. but 2008 brought more hardships than daesung was equipped to handle & saw his relationship with his mother deteriorating. they were both struggling, but instead of coming together to support each other, they frequently lashed out and simply made things worse. in the three years that followed, daesung became better at supporting his mother, but he rarely felt supported in return ― internally bitter with the idea that he was having to act as a parent, but in reality, she was so caught up in keeping their family afloat that she often fell short on the emotional side. they were also beginning to struggle financially (which only got worse and worse over the months, with his mom falling far enough behind that it didn’t seem like she’d ever catch up), which added a feeling of helplessness to the loneliness that daesung was (poorly) dealing with. generally a bad time all around, but they both continued to pretend that they weren’t struggling so no one around them would pity them, even though they definitely could’ve used some assistance. this was around the time that daesung became extremely ambitious (surprisingly). set high goals in his personal life, his school life & for his future career because……. life can not suck like this forever!!! it’s gotta be up from here, right?

john the ghost, red house / 2008 — present.

if you’re not everything, you’re nothing ‘til you try to be. nobody needs saving, just a little bit of empathy. you can’t save the ones you love, but who would really want to? who would really want to?

i touched on daesung’s relationship with his mom in the explanation for the previous track, but it goes a lot deeper than a few sentences could ever explain. before 2008, she was outwardly happy and very, very loving — after 2008, she hardly seemed like the same woman. she and daesung endured the same pain, but neither of them coped healthily. neither got counseling, either, so they often took their sadness and pain out on each other in the form of harsh words and accusations. more often than not, they were fighting. the only time they got along was when they were in daesung’s mom’s salon, and even then, they still argued quite a lot, just with softer voices. after the first year, they started to build back the relationship they’d had prior to 2008, but it was a slow process and often involved daesung taking blame for things that (usually) weren’t his fault & having to calm his mom down when she got too angry or sad. things never did fully go back to how they once were and even now, twelve years later, daesung’s still bitter over how things turned out. how he so often had to take on responsibility that he was too young to deserve and how she failed to emotionally support him like he supported her. he realizes that having to provide financial support took almost all of her energy, but still — it doesn’t change the fact that he felt like he was lacking parental love at that time and even feels like he’s still lacking it now. if you get them alone, a fight is almost always sure to occur, even if it’s a passive one that only ends with secretly hurt feelings rather than outwardly hurt ones. they both acknowledge the other’s suffering, but they’re both too clumsy and ashamed to apologize for the past twelve years or even give reminders that they love each other. most of their meetings are confined to her salon; a semi-public place where they can be semi-vulnerable without necessarily viewing it as a bad thing. they spend a lot of time together there, but rarely have conversations of substance and, as a result, they’ve both begun to feel a lot like strangers rather than family.

jimmy eat world, 555 / 2012 — 2014.

i keep my focus on the simple things, trying to find some peace along the way. i wish i knew how long i’m supposed to wait. holding on, but just barely. got the feeling i’ve been talking to a dead, dead line. there’s always a reason to let it change. is there anyone there listening while you cry, cry, cry? there’s always a reason for the pain. i’m doing the things that i’m told every day, every day, every day. then why does it feel like i’m moving in place?

training, in daesung’s opinion, simply sucked. he went into training completely blind, considering he didn’t even fully realize what he was auditioning for — just that it may or may not lead to him being a musician. the competitiveness was what hit him the hardest. he’s not a particularly competitive person, so he was more interested in making friends and having a good time (😔), but he didn’t encounter a whole lot of people who were as nonchalant as he was. he struggled to adjust to the trainee life and harsh criticism from trainers/supervisors hit him hard, being some of the first real criticism he’d ever received. he spent his two years as a trainee feeling really lonely, but he didn’t have anyone outside of the company that he could reasonably turn to — his lack of time meant that most of his friendships had vanished and he cut off all contact with his mom during this time, as well, so he couldn’t turn to her. he tried very hard to stay focused and optimistic, but his strength was wavering. especially because he frequently got scolded for doing things that he didn’t even realize he wasn’t supposed to do. felt like he was getting pushed around by life & the people around him, even though half of that was undoubtedly just self-pity amplified by his loneliness.

blackbear, i feel bad / 2014 — 2016.

you’re so good at making me feel bad, at making me feel terrible about myself, good. you’re so good at making others hurt with only just your words, with only just your words and i feel bad. i don’t feel good.

daesung has a heart made of glass & his tendency to take things personal was a whole lot stronger when he was seventeen. sure, he was supposed to be the ~funny guy~, but constantly being the subject of jokes took a huge toll on his mental health in the beginning. he felt like no one acknowledged the fact that he’s an actual human being with actual feelings and, consequentially, felt like he wasn’t good for much aside from evoking laughter, even at his own expense. it didn’t help that inpulses hadn’t gotten the chance to know him on a more substantial level yet, so they, too, chose to make him into a joke. most comments or interactions at fansigns were ~playful teasing~ but enough ~playful teasing~ loses its humor, as he learned firsthand. eventually, he mastered the art of either initiating the jokes about himself so that they didn’t catch him off guard or swiftly changing the subject to something equally funny but not confidence-crushing. by 2016, he’d matured enough that he realized that’s just variety, baby! sometimes you gotta suck it up and get made fun of a little. learned to laugh at himself & fire back — nowadays, it’s virtually impossible to hurt his feelings with a joke and fans know him well enough to know that he’s more than just a jester.

glass animals, dreamland / 2015 — present.

you’ve had too much of the digital love, you want everything live, you want things you can touch. make it feel like a movie you saw in your youth, make it feel like that song that just unopened you.

less than a year after debuting, daesung had already become bored of idol life. of course, it’s not like the industry itself is boring — it’s an eventful life with seemingly never-ending work hours, but all in all, it lacks the enthusiasm, color and realism that daesung has always, always craved. as a child and teenager, he already knew how big the world was beyond his own day to day life. half the reason he wanted to be a rockstar wasn’t because of his passion for rock music itself, but because of how rock ‘n’ roll is portrayed in the media. you can think whatever you want, but to daesung, their lively and borderline reckless lives appealed to him like nothing else ever had. to live like that — throwing caution to the wind, living for yourself and having fun was something he couldn’t fathom, but he wanted to experience it so bad. skip a few years in the future and he is a musician, but not the kind he wants to be. and nowhere near as free as he’d dreamt of being. his first complaint was backtracks on music shows; thoughts of how rock musicians would be called posers if they dared to perform without… well, actually performing. his second complaint was how strict the rules were. he learned to accept that there are extreme differences between idols and “real musicians” (as daesung himself would put it), but he still isn’t happy about it. you could say that he feels like his life is lacking something and possibly always will be lacking that something, but he tries to live as freely as he can while still avoiding ~controversies~.

grayscale, diamond / 2016 ― 2018.

i know it took some time, but i got my footing right. feeling, i’m feeling so good tonight. can’t stop me from dancing, can’t keep me from blooming. welcome to my, welcome to my — this world is my diamond.

as a public figure, it took some time before daesung was able to earn widespread approval. it’s not like he’s ever done anything controversial, it’s just that the rumors of him bring arrogant from next: origin story stuck around for a hot minute & his loud, impossible to ignore persona after debuting rubbed some folks the wrong way. by 2016, he’d managed to escape the negative opinions almost entirely and was able to ignore any lingering hate comments with ease. although he’s always had a happy and energetic demeanor publicly, any long-term fans could confirm in a heartbeat that he was the happiest from 2016 to 2018. during these two years, daesung felt like he was conquering the world — in retrospect, maybe this is really just the time when fame had him feeling the most invincible. but by 2019, there were other things factoring into his overall outlook, including his strong desire to break into acting versus gold star’s refusal to let him do so. he’s still pretty happy and grateful for where he’s at in life, but the elevated sense of self was left in 2018.

waterparks, lowkey as hell / 2016 ― present.

if you need me now, i’ll be there somehow. i’ll pick you up, we can ride. i’ll fly away like i bought my own airline, i’ll take you with me, we can ride. i’m highkey and lowkey as hell your diva, just wanna see ya. i’m highkey and lowkey as hell your sweetheart, don’t wanna be apart.

as a result from reading far too many hate comments about himself from next: origin story and promoting with songs that really, really embarrassed daesung, it took him a hot minute to fully adjust to idol life. he wasn’t sure what people thought of him (and as much as he tries to come off like he doesn’t care what people think, he definitely does), so he tried to shrink his presence as much as he possibly could. if for no other reason, then to at least get rid of the general public’s idea that he was arrogant. but by 2016, impulse had started making music that only slightly embarrassed daesung & he became more comfortable with the amount of attention that was on him. moreover, he become more comfortable with the love that his fans so readily gave him. he wanted to give them just as much of himself, even though the expected distance between idols and their fans made it hard to do so. since 2016, he’s been walking along a thin line more often than not, trying to get as close to his fans as he possibly can without ~breaking the illusion~ as his managers have so elegantly put it, even though daesung will argue that he’s not a magic trick and there shouldn’t be an illusion to begin with. he loves inpulses very, very dearly and constantly dishes out reminders in any way he can. he wants to be his best self for them ― not because that’s part of his job, but because he genuinely cares about who they are beyond a view count and nameless comments. their love and support is what keeps his spirits up and he wants to give them the same strength, no matter what. (aka daesung will never understand why he has to play a character instead of jus bein able to ACTUALLY be there for his fans)

#𝐃𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆. playlist.#2000+ words of pure nonsense tbh #i honestly don't rec reading this BUT #the songs are fire so i do rec listening to those

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honeymoonjin · 4 years

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day 8

GWoo boy! The tension was nearly insurmountable going into this chapter. I’ll admit that my anticipation was laced with some trepidation. I was curious as to how the atmosphere would shift once someone was sent home; how being focused on the endgame now would shift the dynamics with each of the members as well as with our lady. Then to have PD-nim start the whole process by asking each of the members to vindicate their place in the show felt like a twist of the knife. It was a very sucky albeit effective tool to bring to the forefront of the audiences’ mind that they all have something to bring to the table and deserved to stay. It inadvertently justifies for us what you are about to have the show’s staff announce right before our lady reveals who was about to be sent packing.

To say I was surprised by the twist would be an understatement. And yet, I still found myself uneasy (after all, just because there wasn’t going to be an elimination for the first week, it didn’t mean that no one was going to go home in the second week; we had only delayed the inevitable). But it seemed as though my worries were all for naught because you seemed to have found a way to side step the emotional turmoil all together in a rather clever way. The reason I would argue this solution works for this verse is because by eliminating the potential emotional turmoil sending someone home would bring about (thus clouding our lady’s objective judgement of each member’s sexual performance) it turned the potentially messy and awkward situation into one where the stakes were equally as high but without the emotional shamble. Oof! I have no idea if any of this is making sense; I wish I was able to articulate how just happy I felt that no one was going home but that there was also a good - nay, beneficial reason for this amendment to the elimination process! Needless to say, this certainly changes things for the better because it feels as if you had just cranked the tension up to 100 now! I can’t wait to see how this aspect will play out! 😏

And speaking of things playing out, Namjoon was anything but playing with his first time. I loved how intimate and so very fitting his scene was! I really appreciate the decision to have his first time be something that was solely for him. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy because it’s exactly as our lady says: he deserves it. I love that it started with him stuck in his head (quite possibly hearing Hobi’s voice coaching him through his first time; lols!) and then, with our lady’s help, morphed into a scene about truly feeling himself and that just feels like Namjoon at his core. The entire scene had just the right amount of sweetness - even subtly romantic - filled with passionate kisses and an eagerness to please. It made for an unforgettable scene that left me both swooning and breathless in the very best of ways. I do love that ease that settles between him and our lady afterwards, even at the dining table. It feels like unspoken promises. (oh… was that just me? *shrugs* no matter, a girl can still hope)

How great then was it that the following scene comes with promises of more moments of bonding between the group?! I was cackling at Jin and Hobi and Tae! *content sighs* Every little detail from Jungkook playing with his party hat to Yoongi using his as a makeshift container to put his snacks in made my heart do cartwheels! The familiarity and ease of the scene makes for another special meal time with the added bonus of celebrating Joon over cake! Warm fuzzies overload! 🥰

But perhaps what was the real icing on the cake *😉* are those sext messages between our lady, Hobi, and JK! Oh the promises of dominance to come was such a tantalizing tease! And yet, as wonderfully hot as that entire scene was (like, I may or may not have had to physically walk away from just how hot that scene was getting) not having our lady climax the entire chapter and thoroughly put in her place did something to me. I couldn’t put a finger on what it was but I felt complete for some reason…

And then Hobi spelled it out for me. And I was floored.

As our lady chased her high at the very end of this entry, I too found a sense of calm and satisfaction I did not think I deserved prior to Hobi’s scene as my choice to vote Hobi off also weighed heavily on my heart. You were able to convey both understanding and a way for me to let go of the guilt in the most tantalizing way. Like… WOW! It was impeccably devised from a writer’s standpoint and I feel as though only the word “genius” could best sum up the emotional satisfaction that you were able to subconsciously evoke in me. How? How did you know? As the kids say: I am shooketh. Wow… just, wow.

Magic Weaver, your work this week was truly spellbinding! I can say with certainty that there has never been a story that affected me on that level and I will forever be in awe of your amazing writing! What an honor to experienced with each new entry (knowing the caliber of talent that would be present) and still be taken by surprise each time. Thank you once again for sharing this very special entry with us and for your constant hard work. I cannot wait to see what you have in store for us next! 💜 Jan

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no lie tho me writing the elimination scene i was like “....but will jan like this?” fsjdkf

ahh it’s such a relief to finally have this big secret out in the open,, phew ! now it’s time for us to get to the fun stuff without worrying about losing numbers woo !

im so glad you appreciated yn’s journey in this chapter and how hoseok knows how to make her feel better. i, for one, felt awful having to write yn thinking of sending hoseok home, so it felt right that you readers would probably feel bad too. allowing that but also giving a resolution at the end felt really necessary to me so that we could move on guilt-free !

i’m too weak for serious angst BUT that doesn’t mean that our twist won’t lead to more emotional turmoil,,,,, what happens, my darling readers, if yn develops feelings for a member that’s been eliminated and they’re no longer allowed to touch? what happens when a member gets upset that they were voted out but they’re still around yn every day? so many new possibilities now that our villa is staying full !

thank you for your support on every chapter. it means so much and i always think about what you’d think about something or how you’ll react. but be sure to buckle your seatbelt because week 2 is going to be very intense now that we’ve revved our engines in week 1!

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battlekidx2 · 4 years

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Infinity Train Book 2 Thought/Review

I wasn’t sure what to think when I saw Infinity Train will return at the end of the first season. I felt that it was a really good self contained story that didn’t really need a continuation to feel satisfying to me and I was nervous that they would try and churn out more and more episodes and seasons and maybe lose what I initially loved so much about the show, but I have never been so happy to be wrong. Infinity train book 2 managed to, in my opinion, be even better than the first season. Lake’s journey was one of the most real, emotional, and heartfelt I’ve seen in the past year. They took what worked with the first season and expanded on it. They took the heart and willingness to explore real and painful emotions as well as expand on the world of the infinity train.

Lake was such a strong character that I haven’t been able to get her out of my head since watching the season. The way the show portrayed her journey and existential dread over not being her own person just a reflection was phenomenal. The last few episodes of the season where she is left to struggle to find her own way out and growing despair were the strongest of the season. They were, in essence, a character study. My personal favorite episode was “The Tape Car”. The scene where Lake fails to get her own number and grabs onto the robot begging it to look at her, that she is a real person, and then breaks the robots in the midst of a breakdown was so full of raw emotion and desperation. I couldn’t help but feel sad for her situation and want her to escape the train just as badly as she did. The whole scene felt like an emotional gut punch and I had to rewatch the scene quite a few times afterwards because I couldn’t get how it made me feel out of my head. And that’s what I like the most about shows, having a character, episode, plot point, or scene that blows me away and sticks with me after the show is over. I like it when a show is able to evoke strong emotions from me and make me look back on it positively and this season managed to do that with Lake. Her question about whether she needs a story like the dead lizard struck me because she has suffered and struggled and grown. Her struggle has been real and just because the robots couldn’t see it and she doesn’t have a number doesn’t make it any less true. She’s had to fight to experience even the simple things that people take for granted and yet she wasn’t allowed a number or a way off despite working to grow unlike many others on the train like the people on the mall car. When she is finally free after all her struggling and finally able to look at her reflection without fear it felt validating in a way. She is finally free of the constant fear for her life and freedom and she can finally embrace her initial identity as a reflection and make it her own.

Lake’s relationship to Jesse was another strong part of the show’s season. I really liked the dynamic that they had with each other and how it made them grow as people. Lake made Jesse stop giving into peer pressure and do what he wants and what he thinks is right despite the fact that other people may not like it. This is a characteristic that Lake starts out with, alibi a bit to the extreme, and she is able to teach Jesse this lesson because of it. Jesse is more open to people and get Lake to first open up to him and the possibility that she doesn’t have to be alone, that connections are another part of life that she has the right to experience. They both had to find a way to define themselves outside of the expectations and pressures of others. It’s hard not to be devastated when they get separated and be happy when they finally both get off the train together.

This season just seemed to hit more emotional beats for me than the first. And that’s saying something because I thought the first season was really good at addressing the problems that it dealt with and conveying the frustration and denial that Tulip was going through. This season spoke more to me personally. Both Jesse’s struggle to not give into peer pressure and be who he wants to be not who others will like and Lake’s struggle to find validation in her identity and carve out a path of her own outside of expectations that were forced upon her.

This season was also darker than the first, especially when it comes to Lake’s story. Lake has the mirror feds chasing her and actively trying to kill her, she experiences existential dread over being her own person, and goes through what could be considered psychological torture at times. A show doesn’t have to be dark to be great, but this show handled these dark themes well and made them compelling by attaching them to a strong main character like Lake. Jesse is a strong supporting character/part main character. He does take a backseat to Lake in the latter half of the series and Lake is introduced as our perspective character. I really liked this choice because it keeps the initial concept of the infinity train while attaching it to deeper themes like what it means to be “human”/ be your own person.

I also want to give props to everyone who worked on the show. From the fantastic performances of Ashley Johnson and Robbie Daymond to the writers of the show like Owen Dennis and Alex Horab to the animation which seems to improve with each episode of the show.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this show since the finale. I really hope it gets a third season and gets to explore more of the train and the deeper themes it likes to tackle. The setting is rife for potential and the showrunners clearly like to push boundaries. They constantly push the envelope on what they can show and cover in a cartoon that is aired with a rating of TV-PG. I’m really glad that shows like infinity train exist that are willing to try and one up itself and keep growing and expanding instead of playing it safe.

#infinity train #infinity train book 2 #infinity train season 2 #book 2 #season 2 #lake #jesse #i loved this season #props to infinity train #ashley johnson #robbie daymond #owen dennis #alex horab

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singingaboutwishingx · 4 years

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the band’s visit songs ranked by how much they make me feel

itz:quick note before i start: @lesbianstress has actually done something very similar already, so go check out her post here.

overture: look, i get emotional when i hear this in everyday life, but when i saw the show live, i almost started bawling the second the overture started. 7/10

waiting: ugh the HARMONIES!!!!!!!! the part at the end where they branch into the different parts and then come back together!!!! the symbolism!! i love this song so much. do i sometimes listen to it when i want to cry? yes. 10/10

welcome to nowhere: this song is my JAM. if i’m dancing around my room with no music playing, you can bet that welcome to nowhere is stuck in my head. also katrina’s very low-pitched “behold, where there was once only desert: the town of bet hatikva” is a) hilarious and b) pretty woman w sultry voice is HOT. 7/10

it is what it is: it doesn’t make me cry per se, but it makes me feel so empty inside and that’s a goddamn accomplishment. 7/10

the beat of your heart: I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. it’s so sweet and it just makes me so happy. andrew polk, you make me cry. 9/10

soraya: i don’t really have any huge attachments to the interludes. i think they’re gorgeous, they start playing in my head all the time, and i’m always happy to hear them, but they just don’t really do it for me (yikes). again, i must reiterate that i really do love them and getting to see the musicians onstage was WONDERFUL, but these interludes just really aren’t what make me feel things during this show. 3/10

omar sharif: this song, man. this is the first song i ever heard from the show. it was during the tonys and i watched the performance and started bawling on my couch. i wish i could listen to this song for the first time again because, my god, the raw emotion that this song evokes in me is phenomenal. 10,000,000/10

huj-butrus: see soraya. 3/10

papi hears the ocean: really related this one lol. not knowing how to talk to people bc you’re a romantic disaster? if that ain’t me... anyway, this song just provides a much-needed dose of levity after the three minutes of crying over omar sharif. it doesn’t make me feel quite so deeply, but it doesn’t mean that i don’t love it with my entire heart. 5/10

haled’s song about love: the improvised instrumental jazz in the middle is everything. the end with both haled and papi singing makes me cry. the way the improv/abstract nature of jazz and the abstract depictions of love sync up so well is EXCELLENT. 8/10

the park: OOF. it’s just... stirring. it’s a thing of beauty and complicated feelings and yearning. it hit me like a goddamn truck. 10/10

itgara’a: both tony shalhoub and sasson gabay sing this with such simple honesty and passion. it is beautiful. and the fact that it’s a capella and the only thing you hear is his voice, singing in a language you don’t understand (if you don’t speak arabic, which i do not haha) just does something to your soul. listen w headphones in if you haven’t. it’s almost a religious experience. 11/10

something different: david. my dude. you really did not have to go off this hard. you did not have to make me feel all of these emotions. can you feel beauty? not like “i feel beautiful,” but like something is so beautiful that it evokes not only the emotions it’s trying to convey, but the emotion of feeling how beautiful it is. anyway, i feel the beauty of this song so deeply. when they sing together!!!!! “maybe i’m the one who’s wishing” UGH. i cried so much when i saw this live. i also listen to this song when i want to cry. 10,000,000/10

itzik’s lullaby: yes. just...yes. the part where there’s no words, only vocalizing. the harmony. the love itzik has for his child. 9/10

something different (reprise): FUCK. it hurts real bad. the cello(?) at the end picking up the melody. the raw emotion in katrina lenk’s voice. the specific thing that her voice does with “then HONey in your ear, spice in your mouth.” also the key change from the original!!!!!!!!!!! honestly that change is really what made it hurt so much more than the original. as a lonely person, i relate to this song a whole fucking lot and i think that’s part of the reason why it hurts so much. 1,000,000/10

answer me: adam kantor sing at my wedding and my funeral and every event in all of human history challenge. “if i try, maybe i can see your shadow/in the sodium light that masquerades as moon” is one of the most beautiful lyrics of all time. the climax where they all sing “with the world around me” and then it dissolves into ahhhhhs as adam sings “when the sun and moon and stars are gone, what’s left is only you” is E V E R Y T H I N G. 10,000,000/10

the concert: kind of the same thing as papi hears the ocean where it’s just a reprieve from the sobbing. i love it. it made me so happy and excited to be able to witness these incredible musicians getting to show off front and center. this song really slaps so hard. 6/10

#the band's visit #tbv #katrina lenk #dina the band’s visit #tony shalhoub #sasson gabay #tewfiq the band's visit #ari’el stachel #haled the band's visit #etai benson #papi the band's visit #john cariani #itzik the band's visit

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strekkingur · 4 years

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music hcs

Since music is such a huge part of my character, it’s about time I do this. (Also bc I’ve been stuck watching violin youtubers for the last few days.) A disclaimer: mun has no musical education whatsoever, everything you read here is based on years of research. I’ve held a violin exactly once in my life. :’D

For starters: Eiríkur is a classically trained violinist (and pianist).

He also plays the piano though in the modern day he prefers the violin by large. He’s more ambitious about bettering his skills on the violin while with the piano he’s kinda comfortable where he is.

In the modern day he mostly plays the piano for fun whereas, with the violin, he has a rigorous training schedule, around 2-3 hours every day, spliced into 30-60 minutes sessions throughout the day.

He also sings and has a nice, clear and melodic tenor voice but he can be a bit shy about performing in front of an audience. He does vocal training every other day as well. You can often hear him singing or humming something under his breath when he thinks no-one is around to hear.

He most likely started his music hobby with a harpsichord in the 1600s before moving to what we now know as pianos and started violin sometime during the 18th century. And I say 18th century because this is when his health became very poor. He could no longer do the active, outdoorsy things he had enjoyed before but he could practice music indoors, and the violin could even be brought to his bed when he was too weak to get up.

The original hc is that Norway taught him to play instruments (because back in the day the whole fandom had a crush on Alexander Rybak... myself included) but this depends on the hcs of the Norways I rp with. It’s just as likely that Eiríkur had human music tutors. I wouldn’t be surprised if he also took lessons from Austria at some point but this far I haven’t hc’d stuff like that with any Austria rp-er. (Also relating to this hc there’s the hc that Eiríkur quit playing the violin between 1814-1905... it simply became too painful after Nor left. He started the violin again when Norway gained independence and he thus knew Nor wasn’t coming back for him... it provides him with a connection to his estranged sibling.)

In the modern day he owns a grand piano and two violins... probably has an acoustic guitar somewhere, too. I would assume he has tried viola, cello and flute at some point as well but always comes back to the violin. All of his instruments and sheet music are stored in the music room, down the hall in the second story of his house.

His violins have names: Braga and Listalín! Although Eiríkur never really calls them by the names aloud, you might sometimes catch him referring to his violins with feminine pronouns (the word fiðla (violin) is feminine and in Icelandic, the word “it” (það) is only used for words that are neutral gender whereas masculine and feminine words use hann and hún respectively - same words you use for personal pronouns he and she yeah it gets confusing sometimes as a language learner).

Braga (the feminine form of the male name Bragi, the Old Norse god of poetry) is the older of the two violins, most like made in Tyrol in the 18th century. She is a semi-modern violin, crafted during the transitional period so she has some baroque features. She is Eiríkur’s most priced possession. Listalín (list = art, lín = flax/linen in Icelandic, the name can be understood as “woven art”) is a modern violin crafted in Saxony or Bohemia sometime in the 19th or 20th century. Listalín is the violin he usually travels with when he knows he’s going to stay away from home for more than a week. (He doesn’t like being separated from instruments and being without practice for long periods of time.)

Oh, but don’t talk to him about electric violins (or really any electric versions of classical instruments) unless you want to hear a rant. Wood is the only right way to go for him as far as string instruments are considered. Keyboards are fine though. Not his favourite instrument but he can understand that moving a grand or upright piano is a pain in the ass. So at least he’s not mad at the existence of electric keyboards.

Eiríkur has the perfect pitch. Basically, this gives him the annoying and quite enviable talent of hearing music and being able to play it near perfectly right after and correctly naming the note being played on an instrument or the pitch in everyday sounds on his first try. (He can also imitate random sounds like bird calls on his violin for fun and is scarily good at it.) It is not something he was born with but a result of spending centuries playing music... it would be rather strange if he hadn’t developed any slightly superhuman skills in it yet I think. (He also says it helps that most modern pop music only repeats the same four chords thorough the song so it’s not hard to memorise and copy it.)

Does he compose? Sometimes, I’d say. He likes improvisation (the perfect pitch makes that extra easy for him) but rarely writes any of his music down. And by the next time he plays it, he’s likely going to tweak some part of it. It depends a lot on his mood: sometimes he plays it faster, sometimes slower, sometimes he changes the whole key of the piece, sometimes he adds new bars that just popped in his head, or mixes and matches his own music with a few bars from existing pieces. What I’m trying to say is that it’s rarely the same twice.

Eiríkur likes classical and instrumental music but that isn’t to say he hates pop. He listens to a lot of pop music these days though his music taste can be a bit strange (I often refer to his favourite band as ‘space music’). He likes music that evokes emotions and also music where they do something new and interesting or use some cool trick or melody pattern. He’s a bit of a music hipster, he can try almost any genre but tends to somewhat dislike mainstream pop and rap (he doesn’t get rap at all). His favourite genres are experimental, indie, ambient, postrock, chamber pop, dream pop, shoegaze... you get the drift. Lofi and chillwave would be right up his alley as well. In case you were ever wondering what he listens to when he wears earphones 24/7.

Overall, music is one of the most important things to him in the world. He discovered it during the darkest times of his life and it helped keep his spirits up while he clawed his way back from nearly dying. Especially in modern day, when the past weighs heavily inside him and he often struggles to express himself, music can speak his emotions where words fail him. (I seriously wouldn’t put it past him to reply a question of “how are you?” by linking or showing a song to the asker.) Music is a comfort, it’s an escape, it’s peace and calm when his head and heart are in turmoil. It’s a connection to his estranged family (if we go with the Norway taught him hc), it’s something he loves and is extremely passionate about.

And the last one... I’ll put multiple small hcs here: Eiríkur has a highly visible (because his skin is so pale) violin hickey on the left side of his neck. He knows some Italian from musical terms. Oh, and he has yet to forgive Austria for burning a piano on Eurovision a few years back. Yes, it was a fake piano but all instruments should be treated with respect!

#many are difficult to see through (headcanons)#major headcanons #//also I'm extra sensitive about these hcs being stolen so like... don't do it #they've been stolen before which is why I've kinda hesitated writing them out again #like these are literally my oldest hcs and the very basis of my portrayal on Eiki

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bookishtickles · 4 years

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Ranking all of the movies and books of Harry Potter. I genuinely enjoy all of these I just enjoy some more than others

1) Deathly Hallows book

I can't praise this book more than I already have. This book shows what masterful storytelling the whole series had, and, the best part imo, it shows us why Harry had these random little out of character moments throughout the other books where he had the feeling he "lost control" or got "taken over", it's in this book I realized why Harry had such a big and beautiful patronus (Ron literally says Harry had the most beautiful patronus he's ever seen), and, the best even in the best, we learn why Dumbledore has a "flicker of triumph" in goblet of fire after he learns Voldemort took Harry's blood. And "Forest Again" is the best chapter in any book I have ever read. Harry's walk is unlike anything I have ever read and it evokes emotion in me that nothing else in fiction ever has (in any medium, no movie, no tv show, no book, no video game). Battle of Hogwarts is amazing as well, and it gave me actually anxiety. Actually this whole book achieved that tbh. It's just absolutely amazing

2) Goblet of Fire book

When I hear people talk about Harry Potter, this is the first book I think of. It's the first truly dark book in the series, and I adore it. It's such a perfect mix of fun, and the magic, and darkness, and it all leads up to the moment Harry gets kidnapped by Voldemort, and he is forced to watch Voldemort ride back to power. That entire chapter gave me actually anxiety after I read it. First chapter in the series to do that. And the way the book is written too where you know something is going in and don't know what and you can't help the feeling Harry is in trouble (which obviously turned out to be true) even though everything bad happening has nothing to do with him. This book also has 2 of my favorite scenes in the whole series, which is Mr Crouch acting like a madman in the woods because he's been tortured by Voldemort to the brink of insanity, and the hospital scene where we see unlikely allies and Mrs Weasley hugs Harry

3) Order of the Phoenix movie

With all the criticisms I have for the movies, no one is more surprised than me that a movie is in my top 3, and above the book at that. But the reason the movie is so high is entirely because of Daniel Radcliffe and the lady that plays Umbridge. This movie would have either failed or thrived based in their performance and it thrives. Umbridge is perfect, and she truly is the character in the books so much so that I see her reading the book, which I can't say for any of the other actors. I would be able to say the same for Daniel had they kept his stuff as it is in the book like in this movie because he radiates book Harry energy in this movie in every single scene. He plays the trauma exactly, he plays the shy perfectly where in the other movies it's just awkward rather than cute like in the books but here he is adorable, the kindness and gentleness (Daniel has such a soft voice, it's perfect), and he plays the part so well you can tell when it is Harry and when it is not. When he attempts Crucio on Bellatrix, it was clever to have him hear Voldemort in his head because obviously they can not say Harry "lost control" *wink wink* in the movie, and in a way hearing the horcrux trying to get him to do it is more effective. And I also love how he had that little head thing to show Voldemort is inside him. Also, Daniel's scream when Sirius dies was so raw, so real, so distressing, so horrible that it made the entire cast cry, the crew cry, jk Rowling cry, but they cut it so they did not traumatize kids. If it was that upsetting, Daniel did a fucking good job. The movies only missteps are cutting the scene where the trio see Neville in the hospital with his parents, and cutting out the first half of Harry in Dumbledore's office when he has a breakdown, screams at Dumbledore and breaks some of his things. The second half of it where Harry is calm again but still horrified and upset are extremely well done I just wish they kept the first too, especially because Daniel probably would have absolutely nailed it. And last thing, thank fuck that they kept it that it is still Harry's pure heart and having too much love for Voldemort to bear be the reason Voldemort flees from his body and didn't do some Movie Harry bullshit (oh don't worry, you'll know what I mean by the end)

4) Prisoner of Azkaban book

Very good. The dementors and the patronus charm are good. The reveals are all good. Quidditch is amazing in this book. The time travel was a bit.... long to read. All in all, very good though

5) Order of the Phoenix book

I don't really have to say anything I didn't say for the movie in some way, but the deep dive in Harry's trauma from goblet of fire is chilling and seeing him cope with it is so sad as he wonders why everyone is cutting him out, than purposely isolates himself, than comes back around just to have Hogwarts be controlled by Umbitch

6) Prisoner of Azkaban movie

This would be a perfect adaptation if they included quidditch and didn't have Harry want to give Pettigrew to the dementors. Who thought that was a good idea, I have no idea. The start of what I like to call, "Movie Harry" because movie Harry is Harry but with an edge. But you can't judge a whole movie from a 2 second line so it's still high

7) Philosophers stone book

This book is so cute and such a good intro to the world and the characters that it just makes me smile

8) Half blood prince book

This was originally my least favorite book, but I think I was too hard on it. Harry's lack of trauma is a problem, but the rest of the book is great so I guess I can ignore it and Harry's trauma is back at the end of the book, I just don't understand why Harry, save for like, 4 scenes, is just normal again and not traumatized

9) sorcerers stone movie

It bothers me that this is called sorcerers stone, yeah I'm American so we say sorcerer but this takes place in England so Americans should get over it, but it's a very good adaptation. Nothing was drastically changed, the kid actors are cute and do a good job, and it's solid, except that Movie Harry kills Quirrell. Not what happens in the book

10) chamber of secrets book

Still good, it's just not my favorite 🤷‍♀️ I don't have any big criticisms, just that it's not as good as the others

11) chamber of secrets movie

Just like the book, I have no big criticisms. Just like the book, very good, only criticism is that it has pretty uninspired cinematography, it kinda makes it feel like a stage show

12) deathly hallows 1

Nothing wrong with this adaptation on a surface level, but things aren't as developed as they could be because they got neglected in other movies, like Dobby. Also another appearance of "Movie Harry" because Harry is somehow a badass who rlly tries to fight Nagini the snake, when in the book he freezes in fear and than gets attacked

13) deathly hallows 2

Battle of Hogwarts -> underwhelming

Gringotts break in -> underwhelming

Harry's walk -> underwhelming and comes no where near the book (especially that forced scene where Harry talks to Ron and Hermione that doesn't happen in the book)

Final battle between Harry and Voldemort -> can't be anything really cause it doesn't happen in the book. It's All "Movie Harry". The book is just Harry trying to make Voldemort understand what he's done wrong and trying to get him to feel remorse and than Voldemort tried to kill him and Harry disarms him, and the killing curse bounces back on Voldemort cause the wand he's using sees Harry as it's master cause reasons, read the books. The movie they have this long and weird duel where Harry is suddenly an action hero? That's why we call him Movie Harry. It's really weird and they don't even mention the protective spell his sacrifice cast or the fact voldenort has a chance of redemption cause he took Harry's blood, or have Harry try to save him. Do it turns out that Harry's pure heart and the amount of love Harry has ISNT really his "power the Dark Lord knows not", in the movies it's.... disarming people? I don't know though but by taking out the fact Harry tried to save Voldemort and his sacrifice didn't trigger the protective charm (which can only be cast by true and untainted love), it certainly isn't love like in the books which is very disappointing cause it's what made and makes Harry such a special character

14) half blood prince movie

I can't explain it, this movie just has such a weird energy. Daniels acting is so awkward and bizarre, and coming off of order, it's really disappointing. And no only that, but the fact they cut 99% of the Voldemort backstory is terrible. They also slaughtered Harry and Ginny. And took out one of Harry's best lines in the whole series when Snape gets irritated at Harry and corrects Harry by repeating his sentence and saying "sir" at the end and Harry says "there's no need to call me sir professor". Daniel, throughout the movies, was so good at Harry's deadpan snark lines that's bizarre they cut it. And yet another appearance of Movie Harry when they have Harry be brave during the horcrux Hunt when in reality Harry wanted to leave as soon as possible. That's the thing these movies do that's really weird, Harry is either uncharacteristically badass with an edge or unbearingly awkward. They also cut out one of Ron's best lines when Snape asks Harry to explain the difference between a soul and Inferi and Harry doesn't know the answer and awakardly says "Ghosts are transparent" and Snape says "inferi is a body controlled by dark magic and a ghost is the mark of a departed soul, and as Potter so wisely tells us, are transparent" and embarrassed Harry in front of the whole class and Ron, being the protective friend he is, says "well that's helpful! See a ghost we're gonna notice it's transparent, we're not gonna say "excuse me, are you the mark of a departed soul?" Two gold lines they cut for some reason. And of course, I'll never forgive hem for cutting "I'm not worried, Harry. I'm with you," THEY EVEN FILMED IT AND JUST CHOSE NOT TO INCLUDE IT WHAT WHY WTF, that for not including Hermione telling Harry "you said there would come a time where whether Ron and I could go back if we wanted (from order of the Phoenix), well, we've had time, haven't we" and Ron says "we're with you, whatever happens". The two lines that show how much Harry is loved and they cut them

15) goblet of fire movie

This movie is an insult to anyone who has read the book. And of course, Movie Harry does it again when he, like a true badass, saves himself by ascending from the water during the second task. And Movie Harry suddenly becomes an extrovert just got one scene where he loves the attention he gets from the crowd after the first task. When has Harry ever been an extrovert? When has Harry ever liked all that attention? All the character development got cut, all the quiet moments got cut, Dumbledore screams "HARRY DIDJA PUT YA NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAH", and Voldemort's return/Harry's kidnap is mediocre at best. Remember the book when Voldemort hit Harry with Crucio while he was tied up? Well here he just touches his scar. Remember the book where Harry sees Dobby in the kitchens when Hermione brings him down there and Dobby frequently visits Harry cause he never forgot how Harry saved him from the Malfoys? Well Dobby ain't in the movie. Remember Hagrid being a half giant? Glossed over a lot. Remember Crouch being mad and the hospital scene, aka two of the best scenes in the whole series, they're not here either. And this movie has a weird habit of making things up, like when they say a kid went in the department of mysteries and than never came out. They made that up

So yee

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edgeofisolation · 4 years

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Slice an Dice: An Acedemic Review of Men, Women and Chainsaws: Gender in the Modern Horror Film by Carol Clover

Since its induction, horror films are one of the most evocative genres of film of all time. Horror has the power to evoke virtually any emotion out of its viewers. The genre has the power to make its audience feel fear, it can make them feel happiness, it can make them feel empowered, and it can even make them cry. But what is most interesting about the genre, perhaps, is the hidden codes and allegories contained within the film that have a lot to say about the socio-political climate of society at both micro and macro levels, Despite this, prior to the time of the release of Men, Women and Chainsaws: Gender in the Modern Horror Film, horror had been a grossly understudied subject and when it was studied it had been largely subject to the kinds of scrutiny felt by no other genre of film. In her seminal study of gender in horror films (particularly those taking place from the mid-1970s to the late 1980s), Clover provides a detailed and enlightening analysis of the underlying codes allegories contained in modern horror films as it pertains particularly to gender. She largely does this through the analysis of three subgenres in horror that have a (seemingly) central focus on female characters: the slasher film, the rape-revenge film, and the occult film.

At the heart of the book lies Clover’s central argument. Herein, Clover argues for the reasons why it is that young men – the majority audience of these particular genres – are able to identify with female protagonists in these films despite – and perhaps because of – traditional sentiments around cinema spectatorship of the time largely through the theoretical framework of psychoanalysis. Though the majority of the book roughly revolves around this argument, Clover does make interesting arguments on gender in horror as a whole, the role it places in spectatorship, and the notably frequent amount of times the genre makes use of dual gaze of the assaultive and reactive gaze where the subject of the gaze (at least temporarily) shifts between men and women. Despite the dominant discourse on horror films at the time which frame the genre as a wholly exploitative and ridiculous display of the worst misogyny has to offer, Clover provides a detailed, convincing argument to the ways in which horror (particularly subgenres covered) both reinforces and disrupts traditional notions of Western cinema spectatorship. Though she does not completely refute arguments made by film theorists and critics alike, Clover does provide at the very least an interesting analysis on the ways gender performs in horror movies and the implications it has on not just its spectators, but society as whole – something that had been scarcely covered prior to the time of its release. Succinctly, Clover is arguing that horror has a lot more to say than its gory exploitative exterior might imply. Through the analysis of multiple prominent (and infamous) films in each subgenre covered and framing it predominantly around a psychoanalytic framework, Clover provides an incredibly insightful – if not noticeably limited by its very theoretical framework – analysis on both women in horror and the men who watch and create them.

The book begins with an introduction that largely serves to form the base of the rest of the book and details not only Clover’s central arguments, but what the book as a whole will seek to uncover. This introduction begins with an analysis of the occult film Carrie. What is interesting about this beyond its analysis is the way in which the framing of this analysis broadly ties in the rest of the book. By giving her own understanding of the film and juxtaposing its seemingly feminist undertones to Stephen King’s (the author of the book version of the film) argument that Carrie herself is meant to be an embodiment of adolescent male anxieties, Clover is able provide a surprisingly apt summary of the entire book that becomes increasingly clearer as the book concludes: young men are able to identify with female protagonists (coined victim-heroes) not despite of their differing genders but because of it – something distinctively rooted in one-sex theory.

The following chapter begins her first subgenre analysis, the slasher film. The chapter opens up with a description and explanation of what a slasher film is, including all its tropes and narrative devices. What is immediately interesting is that Clover uses slasher films that are not incredibly critically acclaimed and are largely dismissed for their brutality and vulgarity (with the exceptions of Halloween and A Nightmare on Elm Street) that on the base seem superficial and generic on their exteriors (such as her detailed analysis of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2), yet, for better or worse, say a lot interiorly. As the chapter progresses what was insightful is her analysis of the Killer and the Final Girl (a term she coined herself). Herein we have Clover describing the Final Girl as the (almost exclusively female) lone survivor of the Killer’s rampage, and the only one able to thwart and defeat the (male) killer (35). Though more prominent in the 1980s than mid-1970s, the Final Girl does so almost entirely on her own where male help is almost useless and entirely disposable – a stark subversion of the traditional cinematic apparatus situating the female as solely a victim and the male as solely heroic (37). More interesting – and a running theme throughout the book – is Clover’s analysis of the gender-swop that takes place here. As the movie progresses, Clover notes the feminization of the Killer (such as a stunted childhood) and the masculinization of the Final Girl (such as her usage of phallocentric tools). Together with the gaze swop from the Killer in the beginning to the Final Girl in the end, genders are swopped psychosexually and where gender now is not contingent on sex and the story becomes explicitly hers (49). The young male viewer is then able to swop identification with the male killer and distinctly towards the female victim-hero (i.e. the audience becomes both victim in the beginning and hero by the end). The story might be hers but it is still expressively male-centred (59).

The second chapter centres on occult films. Beginning much the same as the previous chapter, Clover describes the occult film in detail. On a literal level, Clover describes the Occult film as white science’s battle and submission to black magic. However, as this is distinctly coded through gender, occult films become yet another seemingly subversive narrative account on gender. Here, white science is coded as masculine whereas black magic is coded as feminine (with the exception of priests and children). What stands out as most interesting is then its subtle expression of gender swopping and Clover’s argument that though occult films have women at its core, is still decidedly male-centred – a story about a man in crisis (90). The woman serves as the body and site of black magic due to her femininity being more openness to the penetration of the black magic force (a vessel/accessory), the man serves as the psyche whose story the film is ultimately about. In such, the male, in order to save the female body, must renounce his white science conceptions of rationality (coded as masculine) and become open (coded as feminine) to the ideas and happenings and existence of black magic (99). Through openness the male is able to adopt a ‘good’ masculinity and fully renounce his old cold, distant and closed off ‘bad’ masculinity – if not he is likely to die or lose the woman. For Clover, the nature of the occult film and its psychosexual underpinning leave seemingly feminist readings of the film on hold because it implicitly implies that the creation of the new ‘good’ masculinity comes at expense the female and is still largely male-centric – for the male to more emotionally open, the female must become hysterical (113).

The third chapter introduces the rape-revenge film whereby the story centres on a woman who is brutally raped by one or more men and the similarly brutal revenge she enacts on the men/man involved (and sometimes even those complicit in rape). In a procaqtive study of I Spit on Your Grave and its influencer Deliverance, Clover details the socio-political underpinnings of the rape-revenge that veer away from just gender and incorporate class in its analysis (the only chapter to integrate satisfactory intersectionality). Many rape-revenge films in horror, Clover notes, often occupy on the double axis of male/female and country/city. Succinctly, this entails that these films have an intrinsically class nature to them that is intertwined with its gender-bending. In the rape-revenge film country is coded as masculine and is depicted with the male antagonists where these male country folk are more often than not depicted as poor, highly patriarchal, borderline uncivilised, and live beyond the norms of social law and order; whilst the city is coded as feminine depicted by a (mostly) affluent female protagonist who serves as the films victim-hero and represents civility and capitalist wealth (and exploitation) (144). In such, country men are ideologically positioned as wrong and their act of raping our city female victim-hero is depicted as an inevitable, making the revenge half of the film all the more justifiable. Much like the Final Girl in slasher films, the victim-hero and male antagonists have a gender swap where the men are metaphorically (and sometimes physically) castrated and penetrated by the now masculinized woman (representing psychosexual male anxieties on castration) (159). Rape becomes the problem of the woman to solve on her own and through her masculinization, the story once again appeals to male identification with the female victim-hero where the woman’s brutality is labelled as sweetly justifiable despite his own psychosexual desires/fears on castration and penetration (164).

The final chapter is perhaps the densest in the book that has three distinct but interlinking parts: a critique on film theory and its depiction of horror as solely sadist (i.e. assaultive), an analysis of horror as being both sadist and masochistic (i.e. assaultive and reactive), and the reiteration and settlement of Clover’s central argument. Beginning with an analysis of Peeping Tom, Clover highlights ways in which the film (argued to itself be a critique on cinema) occupies at a level of sadism (Mark Lewis’ murder of the women in front of his camera) and at a level of masochism (Lewis’ own experiences as a child study in front of his Father’s camera and his own eventual suicide) (179). By doing this, Clover argues for the inconsistencies of film theory to wholly regard horror as purely sadistic on the grounds of an assaultive gaze (coded as masculine) and dismissive as one of the vilest forms of modern cinema in its treatment of women. Here, film theory argues that modern cinema looks at women largely through the male gaze where the man serves as the subject, objectifying women by occupying at a level of voyeuristic sadism (the assaultive gaze) with horror being one of the extreme examples of this (206). However, Clover makes an interesting argument that what film theorists ignore, “in the name of feminism,” is that by positioning of horror movie occupying a purely assaultive gaze is to ignore a glaring blind-spot in their argument. Once again bringing forth the subgenre’s described (particularly the rape-revenge film), Clover notes that viewer identification with the victim being one of the tantamount features of the modern horror films, a fact that is heavily exploited by its filmmakers (210). Being that horror’s intention is to cause fear and pain onto its spectators, Clover argues that it is the filmmakers who largely occupy the assaultive gaze whilst the spectators occupy the reactive gaze (but there is an element of the assaultive gaze) which prove its tendency to occupy not simply in the realm of sadism, but of masochism as well despite what common criticism imply (212). Thus in terms of psychosexual fear and desire, the modern horror film, through its exploitation of Freudian notion of ‘feminine masochism’ and the tendency of repetition compulsion in its viewers, is able to locate the (young male) spectator in the reactive gaze (with secondary influences of the assaultive gaze) by aligning his identification with that of the (female) victim(hero) and locating his psychosexual experiences almost firmly is masochism and not simply in sadism as implied by film theorists (222). And it is because of this tendency of feminine masochism that Clover argues answers her overall argument as to why young male spectators would “choose to ‘feel’ fear and pain through the figure of a female – a female, in fact, whose very bodily femaleness is at centre stage” (226).

Clover’s argument, here, is entirely plausible. By positioning horror in the discursive framework of psychoanalysis, Clover is able to sufficiently argue the various ways in which gender plays out in Horror whilst still securely situating it in her initial argument. Though some of her claims would have been dismissible, her extensive use of actual film examples provides a detailed understanding on what Clover is actually trying to say, making the employment of her ‘evidence’ wholly convincing – especially highlighted in her critique of film theory. Lastly, it is interesting the way she positions women in horror. Though there could arguably be a number of feminist undertones in the subgenres described and it is impressive the extent of their subversive natures, they still comes across as heavily male-centric as Clover makes it seem that despite what may seem the story still revolves almost entirely around the experience of it majority audience – young white men.

However, her analysis is not without its faults. Perhaps what strikes as her most glaring problem is her over-usage of her theoretical framework. Though positioning gender psychoanalytically provides at the very least an interesting analysis and heavily influences her argument, Clover’s sole usage of psychoanalysis leaves a few things to be desired. Instead of situating gender in horror under the realms of their social and cultural contexts, Clover misses out a few interesting argument that would add further nuance to her argument(s). For example, in her study of slasher films in the 1980s, by extending her framework to incorporate socio-cultural backgrounds of the time, Trencansky (2001) is able to highlight the many potential allegories within the slasher film (such teenage transgression of neoliberal suburban values marked by the ‘transgressors’ in the film and the ascent to adult agency marked by the Final Girl triumphantly defeating her oppressor) and the analysis of the killer as being an allegory of rebellion gone wrong that is ‘othered’ by society (Trencansky, S., 2001: 68-70)

It should also be mentioned that her use of psychoanalysis itself holds some problems. In essentially trying to identify why it is that young white men are so invested in horror, Clover runs the risk of reducing her audience to a set of more or less fixed characteristics that further homogenizes her study (Tudor, A., 1997: 445). Instead of situation horror in a variety of different fields, and especially by little attention the socio-political climates and context of the period in which these films were made, Clover places a heavy influence on the inner workings of gender and spectatorship whilst largely ignoring any external factors that arguably have just as much impact(Tudor, A., 1997: 452). In the same vein that Clover critiques film theorists through imposing essentialist binaries on horror cinema, Clover runs the risk of reducing a very heterogeneous group to largely homogeneous characteristics. What then becomes interesting is the ways in horror and cinema spectatorship play out when one is to consider not only psychosocial factors that influence the genre and those who watch it, but the socio-political contexts they were made in as well.

As it stands, Clover’s seminal study of gender in horror movie stands as one of the most influential and cited works of the study of horror and spectatorship. Though not without its faults, the book is still able to convincingly argue the interplay and intersections of gender in horror and the broader implications it has on cinema spectatorship. Far from just another critique of horror gratuity, Clover’s book presents itself as an essential read for anyone even vaguely interested by the genre and especially those who study it.

References:

Clover, C., 1992. Men, Women and Chainsaws: Gender in the Modern Horror Film. United States of America: Princeton University Press.

Trencansky, S. 2001. Final Girls and Terrible Youth: Transgression in 1980s Slasher Horror. Journal of Popular Film and Television. 29(2): 63-73

Tudor, A. 1997. WHY HORROR? THE PECULIAR PLEASURES OF A POPULAR GENRE.

Cultural Studies

. 11(3): 443-463

#horror #gender #review #carol clover #final girls

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