Soooo

I spent the last five days in bed. Literally. I don’t even think I ate during that time. Not one soul checked on me besides my Maranda. So that’s suckish.

My raccoon passed away suddenly yesterday. She was one of the main contributing factors in me being able to leave the house. And no she never “turned mean.” I think that’s because we have had her since she was only days old. She didn’t even have her mask, rings on her tail, or her eyes open yet. She was so sweet from day 1. She truly loved us and looked at us like we were her parents. Loved climbing and water. Don’t let me forget marshmallows although we scarcely gave them to her due to raccoons becoming obese so easily. I could tell you everything there is to know about raccoons. I’ve done so much damn research. I won’t bore you with it all. Just know that the raccoon below was severely loved.

This was her only a week before she died. She was honestly a good girl and she’s gonna be missed severely. Ella Mae aka yellers or wellers. She was more than a pet she was family.

Ough as the end draws near I’m seeing more and more comments that are making me nervous that the ending won’t live up to all the hype & expectations aaaa aa

I love the same folks that cry over fictional lesbians being “toxic” and “abusive” buddy up with real life people that send actual homophobic hate. We see y’all laughing and having fun with the same losers that have been jumping on queer peoples posts saying we’re ruining Star Wars. You’re welcome to play the purity police and pretend to be the holiest & friendliest bunch on the internet, but we see you.

Me: stop making new Fantasy Life saves, you never get farther than the first story quest (other than the Prologue), you’ve practically memorized it and you get sick of it, just play a save you already have

Also me: I’mma make a new character to play as!

it’s time to go.

where do people even live like, what’s out there

I think the potential hilarity of Durge/Karlach is not capitalized on enough, cause imagine being Gortash, the subordinate you sold to the devil ten years ago is back foiling your methodically laid out plans and out to kill you in vengeance for what you did, and then just to add insult to injury she stole your murder-girlfriend as well. L’s up on L’s for this man.

Nick: (Pacing around the office, recounting several stories about reckless and stupid things Jasmine has done recently)

Ellie Perkins: (Drinking some coffee, nodding along while thinking that the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree in this case)

Nick: “That’s not even the end of it! I warned that girl about going into the Milton Parking Garage because of the loose whack job who turned the place into a death trap but the more I talked about it the more she seemed to want to go in to catch this guy!”

Ellie Perkins: “Ya don’t say?” (Under her breath to herself) “Sounds pretty familiar….”

Nick: (Holds up a finger) “I turn my back for one second to talk with Preston and the next thing ya know X6 is behind me saying that my kid has just done the one thing I told her not to do and had decide to walk into the deathtrap because she wanted to “investigate” this so called maze!”

Ellie Perkins: (Overly dramatic gasp) “No- really?! Even though it was obviously a trap that had been set up and would most likely lead to her untimely death?!?”

Nick: (Doesn’t catch the biting sarcasm) “Yes! It was a trap laid out clear as day and the kid just moseyed on in there like she owned the place!”

Ellie Perkins: “Mhhhhhmmm!!! Is that so???” (Aggressively sips her coffee)

Nick: (Pinches the bridge of his nose) “I had to kick down the front door and drag Jazzy out by the heels because she wouldn’t come back! And the kid had the audacity to try and wave it off like she didn’t just give us all a heart attack in fear for her life!”

Ellie Perkins: “MHHHHHHMMMNNNN!” (Sips her coffee even more aggressively, almost breaking the handle with her grip)

Nick: (Shakes his head in exasperation) “The kid ain’t invincible and easily mendable no matter how big she talks herself up. One of these days her reckless behavior is gonna catch up to her- and that won’t be a pretty sight!”

Ellie Perkins: (Finally has her big moment after years of built up) “You feel like saying, “You keep laughing in deaths face, one day it’s going to laugh back,” to her to try and knock some sense into her stubborn little head?”

Nick: “YES! Exactly what I-!” (Realizes what she means by referring to that certain phrase and freezes)

Ellie Perkins: (Keeps going to drive in the point) “And it just annoys you to a deeper level whenever she does that confident little smirk juuuuust before she’s about to do something so stupidly reckless-…”

Nick: (Holds up a hand) “Alright, I see your point there, Ellie. I suppose I’m not the one who should be talking here….”

Ellie Perkins: (Grins smugly at him, folding her arms)

Nick: (Heavy sigh) “Yeah, yeah- get it all out of your system why doncha.” (Kicks his feet up on his desk, bracing for impact as he lights a cigarette)

Ellie Perkins: (Slams her hands down on the desk, almost quivering with anticipation) “I’ve been waiting a long damn time for this day to come, Valentine….”

(R.I.P Nicholas Valentine. He’s never hearing the end of this one from Ellie and he’s in for a long lecture)

Poppies Mean Death and Remembrance

For no particular reason, I decided to revisit the thing I wrote with the flower meanings thing. It originally came from thinking about them making flower crowns for each other during a date (on Hermitcraft), and then I wove in meanings and made it more painful. After some time, Scar stopped giving bouquets to Grian and instead just wove some into his hair.

—————

Grian trails after Scar, heart hurting. They really had to do this, didn’t they? He didn’t want to, but with the ghosts shouting in their ears, they don’t have much a choice.

He’s startled out of his thoughts as they cross through a field of flowers. While many were there, two specific flowers catches his attention. “Lilacs and poppies,” he murmurs.

Scar looks over his shoulder, turning slightly, just silently giving him a sad smile. Grian’s pain being mirrored in it.

Grian reaches up and touches the stem of the poppy still in his hair. Scar had woven one of each into his hair before the final battle started. After all the fighting and his respawn, they’re in a terrible state, but still hold strong.

Poppies mean death

The irony isn’t lost on him. He starts walking again, he can’t afford thinking on this more, it will make this all the more harder. Scar seems to agree as he continues walking as well.*

~

Grian looks down at the perilous drop down the cliff. Everything hurt, both physically and emotional. His tears haven’t stopped coming, but he’s no longer violently sobbing like before.

He reaches up and touches the poppy again, he wants to take it out to look at it, but he can’t bear to undo what Scar did. Not anymore.

“Poppies represent death,” he murmurs. He glances back at Scar’s body, unable to resist, “and remembrance.”

The irony cuts through his grief, maybe it was spelled out from the start.

Grian steps off the cliff before he can think on it too hard. The ground comes up fast and hard, but hurting a lot less then killing Scar did.

Poppies means remembrance.

~[Scar POV]~

Scar isn’t aware of the path his feet take him on, too lost in thought, until he sees the flowers. He unintentionally led them to where he collected the poppies and lilacs that he gifted to Grian.

“Lilacs and poppies,” Grian murmurs, realizing.

Scar turns around to give him a sad smile, realizing he never show Grian this place before. It hurts for Grian to see it now.

Grian reaches up and touches one of the steams in his hair, a sad look on his face. The flowers themselves are slightly wilted and missing a few petals. They still look beautiful, Grian still looks beautiful.

After a moment, Grian start walking again, Scar following a moment later. There isn’t anything for them to say. Not anymore. Not anything that won’t cause them more pain.

~

“Gri,” Scar chokes out, hovering next to Grian as he stands on a cliff. He knows what his lover is planning to do and he can’t stop it. Tears are still flowing down his guilt and grief stricken face.

Grian touches the poppy again, before murmuring, “poppies represent death.”

Scar winces at the irony, he never thought about their meaning before.

“And remembrance,” he murmurs, glancing over his shoulder.

An emotion flashes across his face, but before Scar can read it, Grian steps off the cliff. Scar reaches out, as if he can catch Grian, but misses and is forced to watch him fall to his death.

should’ve just made a FAQ page for everyone’s questions about my baby/birth because it’s getting stressful answering the same questions and people throwing so many advice and unnecessary comments 🥲

i think people being upset at the pushback of taylor being person of the year are very out of touch. it really should not take that much brain power to understand what a joke that magazine is and how taylor didn’t deserve to be on that cover. maybe we have different opinions on “influential”, but she has barely lifted a finger regarding political issues. she has failed to use her mammoth of a platform to speak up about the injustice going on, in her home country especially. people conveniently forget miss americana to shift any sort of social responsibility away from her. she gave herself the duty to use her voice for good; for the things she cares about. her activism has been waning. to be honest, there wasn’t much in the first place regarding (white) feminism. i respect her art, i admire her art, and i can acknowledge that her art has brought a lot of people together and touched the hearts of many but i can also criticise her lacklustre efforts of activism for things i used to think she really felt passionate about. don’t even get me started on the “feminist” quote from the magazine that was basically saying it was okay for capitalism to exist and i don’t even know what else, it made zero sense. this isn’t about misogyny or tearing down a powerful woman for most people (if it is, then they suck), it’s about acknowledging the unfair praise about someone’s achievements in the political sphere. it’s just gross that she is on the cover when she has made millions of dollars this year, has shown her eras tour film in “israel”, stayed silent on the genocide of palestinians, failed to speak up about don’t say gay laws or bans on drag queens or the numerous trans people murdered in america this year. so many other musical artists have put their work and their career on the line to raise awareness yet arguably the most powerful one can’t utter a word. meanwhile, she is chosen by that absolute garbage magazine to be person of the year.

you are a hypocrite if you say that she has no obligation to speak about these things or that someone shouldn’t be looking to celebrities for “how to be an activist” or whatever the fuck. i have seen countless times those same people praise her for supporting the lgbtq+ community and other marginalised groups…why are you silent now? do you see how that makes no sense? you admire and praise her for one thing and when people get upset she isn’t keeping up with it, you turn into vultures and say “it’s not her problem”. i guess it checks out that her fans are selective in their activism too.

i wish time had given that title to a palestinian journalist. one of many who are reporting live every single day while their home is bombed ruthlessly. they’ve lost loved ones and see horrors every single day because of the israeli occupation. they are literally living through a genocide, with the whole world watching and turning their cheek. why did zelensky get to be on the cover for his resistance but not them? maybe its a good thing. i mean, they did have trump as person of the year once. those journalists deserve better than that.

You have to think things will get better, otherwise what is the point!!! You have to hold out hope that things will get better and then maybe one day things will feel safe and be cool and everything will be fine (at least as fine as it can be)

anyways if going “i think i’m annoying. i should simply stop thinking i’m annoying” isn’t working out for you, consider going “i think i’m annoying. i can use this for comedy”. if mentally removing the properties from yourself isn’t something you’re capable of, shifting your perception of the properties can be helpful. maybe it’s funny to be a little annoying. people love when cats are a little annoying. everyone who’s ever had a sibling knows that being a bit of a dick can be extremely funny. and beyond that, surrounding yourself with people tolerant of flaws as small as “occasionally acts in a way that i personally find superficially unpleasant”, who will instead celebrate those aspects of you, will be helpful in the long run for your mental health. what’s really so bad about being a little annoying? it means you willing to put yourself out there and have people around you who, more often than not, enjoy you being at 200%. something something “strengths and weaknesses are just based on perception”. are you annoying, or are you earnest? are you rude, or are you direct? are you strong-willed and independent, or are you incapable of asking for help and self-destructive? are you sweet and friendly, or are you conflict-avoidant? the truth is, you’re always both, depending completely on the situation. so be a littleb bit annoying. it’ll be fun.

Might be a hot take but a major character’s death is really only as good as the weight and the treatment that the narrative gives it. Sure, any author has the ability to write death as they see fit. But whether the consumer (of any given form of media) is actually able to emotionally connect and resonate with the departure of someone who has occupied a good chunk of narrative space very heavily depends on how it’s treated within the story. If it’s a major character, the narrative needs enough built-in breathing space. As in, the consumer doesn’t have to fill in the blanks as to how the death impacted the plot or the remaining characters. Let the narrative do that for them, and that would actually allow the consumer to better react and relate to that major death (sadness, anger, joy, etc). Allow the rest of the characters (who were impacted by the deceased) to react to their parting. Let them engage with the death in a manner that helps justify the character’s inclusion in the narrative to begin with. Make it clear how the character’s life and (especially) their death relate to the larger themes of the story. Because most consumers aren’t stupid. We don’t want our hands held at every waking moment, but we also don’t want our investment in a story to be insulted just for the sake of a cheap shock. Give us time to breathe and grieve. And respect that we have put in a lot of emotional investment in a story and its characters, and we deserve to have that acknowledged.

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it took me four straight hours but I have FINISHED the draft for the phonological grammar for dathomiri and boy HOWDY do I want to keel over and die