#life sucked last week | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

randomstudyblr · 1 year

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15.04.23

I'm in the north coast for a race. I have a deadline tonight. I've been finding it hard to breathe for the past week (: everything will be fine.

#mine #hi I'm alive #life sucked last week #also i posted this on my main accidentally lol

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skunkes · 8 days

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experiencing some real "nothing good comes easy" shit rn *fucked up scrub daddy reaction pic jpeg*

#talkys #got some info did some thinking bravely discussed it with my dad who was surprisingly supportive #have to worry about breaking the news to my mom bc i know she's going to explode but idk how severely #was planning on making the appointment tomorrow. only to learn that the staff is extremely hostile #and answers calls rudely if they answer at all. tons of reviews abt this ranging from last week to 3 yrs ago.#tbf this is how most reviews are for every doctor in my city. either the doctor or the staff sucks but COME ONNNNNN.#thsi is already so difficult and scary to go through with and take charge of my life why are there more obstacles #kinda wanna go in person but idk if i cld make the drive alone or what i would tell my mom if she asked where i/we (if my dad takes me)#are going!!!

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herd-reject-arts · 6 months

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I recently moved (away from my abusive ass mother! Huzzah!), and it's been really bittersweet because me and my dog lost our bestest bud in October. So, like, out of a bad situation, but I don't even get to enjoy it with the coolest dog ever. But the dog I still have (10, half-blind) has been super upset. Like, I'll be gone 2 minutes to check the mail and I can hear her anxiously screaming all the way from the boxes. And I don't have it in me to get another dog, because it feels like replacing the chilliest, sweetest beast that ever lived. So I'm like ok, what about a cat? Old doggo is great with kitties. Apartment doesn't care.

So I went and got this the other day

And my dog's anxiety has gone down so much, just by having another living thing around the house while I'm away.

Her name is Juniper. She's slowly becoming friends with my dog, Clio. I've had her a little less than a week, and she's been a great cat so far. Only thing I could possibly complain about is that she's so lovey that I keep having whatever I'm holding knocked out of my hands by a cat eager for attention.

But the most important thing is she's helping ease the anxiety of an elderly dog who only has her right eye, and that's super slay of her. I don't exactly like introducing new friends into a situation like what I have going on, but it's working out so well and I have the means to take care of her. She's adjusted amazingly, and I'm hoping I'll have many good years with her, and a bunch more with my old doggo.

#life updates #not vc sorry #cat #kitten #domestic longhair #juniper #she's currently cracking out on her cat tree downstairs as if it isn't almost one in the morning #sorry to whoever lives below me. I'll put a rug under the tree the next day i have off i swear!#though i asked the people below me and they said I'm a hell of a lot quieter than whoever was here last so that's a win #still. hate being loud above someone else's home.#also: unpacking sucks nuts #been here over 2 weeks and i still have so many boxes to unpack...

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derpinette · 5 months

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when i exchange a message whether i receive or send one i have to immediately shut off my device & walk some laps for a few minutes to shake off the adrenaline rush

#i try to forget that ever happened so i can relax because otherwise i get heart palpitations & headrush my uterus drops ETC #so i have to stay off of whatever site i just used for like an hour but now i have messages sent+received on every app #i can only escape to yourube & it sucks #also even anonymously i exit out of the thread/tab & ignore that tab for as long as it takes me to forget #& then i check back on the replies hours later or days even despite not ever posting bait i just get nervous #( but not always... خلّي أيامك أحلى )#currently hamster walking everywhere in my house & it took me a day to reply back ( was too busy agonizing )#could have been a month like last time. or year like the other two times before. IDK why i even bothered #WHEW #that one screencap i already posted before with the courage the cowardly dog picrel Shockingly not posted by me #but i might as well have i do the exact same thing & when people are nice to me i ride that high for a week if not more #the high i got from crushing it at scribbl with randoms in 2020 i rode for like two years & then the *** livestream in 2022 #i am still riding today & ALWAYS WILL best days of my internet life for Serious look forwards to it annually cured me completely #from suicidal ideation. THANK YOU WOMEN. ^_^

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spielzeugkaiser · 1 year

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kaiser, I've been low-key worried about you as you crawl your way out of the Covid Hole. How are you doing? Hopefully recovering some energy? Sending you good healing vibes from afar!

Ahh, I hope you don't mind that I answer this one publicly. First of all, aww, that is very sweet, thank you 🥺💖 I'm not gonna lie, I still struggle quite a bit with breathing and concentration, but I'm getting there! (That I'm exhausted all the time is a given, but it's always been like thay.) I'm currently working out to get my lungs back to where they should be, but I'm also currently teaching and studying and working and moving and traveling for work and- *deflates*

I miss drawing a lot and I feel really restless since I stopped. Hopefully I'll come back to it by next month - once S3 is here I'm definitely back in my clown makeup 🙈🤡

#covid really got to me #but moving is also really exhausting #and I'm teaching some uh.. I guess college classes (?) soon that I have yet to prepare for #and a paper to write #I should also hop over to the netherlands by the start of next month for a congress - I did send an abstract in for that one #and another one in six weeks #have I mentioned aaaaaa yet #also moving really sucks the life out of me #very exhausting and much to carry and build and so many ikea trips #but I still have a head like a sieve sadly so it's all a bit unorganized - which is normally not how I handle things #and I'm really :( about not drawing - it always makes me antsy because I feel the longer I stop the harder it is to start again #and I don't want to loose all my drive and just. stop one day #that has happened before and lasted for years ._______.

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ra-vio · 2 months

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semester is almost over. im dying

#my oc #rune #mori #i have a project due tomorrow and its finally scared me back into drawing #even though i should be working on this project but im SO SO SO TIRED #i went on an outing like 2 weeks ago the same week that i walked everywhere cause i was desperately #trying to get my taxes done but thats a different story but the point is i was walking a lot and i went on an outing where i stood all day #and then i had to go to class the very next day thinking i was fine but i wasnt.#and that same day after i walked across the city because i absolutely had to pick a thing up. i think the same week i met up with my mom #a couple of times but i was walking the whole way there. my point is that for 2 weeks straight i have been rigorously walking everywhere #and on my feet all the time with little breaks in between and my feet fucking hurt man #i need this semester to be OVER i need to sleep for a MONTH #but i cant because i have to scrape together SOME of this project and finals are next week #this class this project is for fucking sucks. all semester ive been teetering the line between pass and fail #and its not even my fucking fault. im so burnt out so i dont want to do this project. but i might fail if i dont #i need to at least demo it but i have like. one thing done and i dunno what to tell my TA about i #how do i tell my TA and prof that everything is too much for me so i absolutely could work on this project #my laptop is broken so im afraid to use it. the server kept going down last month so i was afraid to use that #so many stupid little things keep piling up and i'd sound really weird trying to explain why i cant do my work #because my desk is on the floor and it makes me really sad so no i cant do my hw. my fave candy has red40 in it so i had to stop eating it #but now i cant do my work because i was using it to help me focus on my hw. LIFE SUCKS BRO #anyway whatever happens. i cant wait to play video games again

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camelspit · 9 months

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me n the girls really do be doing anything except drawing

#lmao i have a maruca wip thats made almost negative progress the last 2 days #and that is. about it.#whenever i have free time i simply choose to read or sleep.#school has been sucking the life out of me #most week days my schedule is school. watch old episodes of bb australia. sleep.#does not help that school ends at 4 and i usually get home at 5 #like girl that is the entire day gone what happened to elementary school when i was getting out at like. 2.#do u think i can draw in these circumstances #wait actually! i have technically been doing art.#making a kids book for a childs lit class rn <3 its a remake of a book i made in 5th grade about a turtle named bob #putting my lifeblood into that project

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whumpacabra · 1 month

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The Target

Angst, back from the dead, memory loss, amnesia, guilt, implied past abandonment, referenced past captivity and torture, referenced past illness, therapy mention

[Directly follows Tea]

The set up was cliche for a reason: it worked. No fancy equipment, as few moving parts as possible, and complete deniability. Jackson had taken the target to a small tea shop in the heart of the city. Crowded but not too busy. Bribing the waiter to sit the pair behind her table was easy.

The hard part was resisting the urge to turn around and look at him -

(She needed to be patient. Even if it was her Wolf back from the dead, she wasn’t sure her presence would be soothing.)

(…)

(If it was her Wolf, if Ghost had left him for dead, if he had survived all these years - would he hate her? Would he forgive Ghost?)

“You’re looking well, East.”

“Thanks. Helps to not be half dead and sick as a dog.”

The voice was…wrong. Too gravelly, too low - the accent though, the cadence of his words…oh, how desperately she wanted to believe it was him. A waiter brought her the tea she had ordered, creamy and warm and sweet. She didn’t have the stomach for it, thinking about the target behind her.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately. I know it must have been a…rough adjustment.”

The man behind Liza scoffed.

“It’s been…an adjustment, to be sure.” He sighed, voice softening. “But I’m…doing better. Thanks to you - ”

“Oh, don’t you dare give me credit. That’s all you. And Nate, of course. I just dropped you at the door and left.”

“You didn’t have to. Help me, I mean.” East clearly meant to elaborate, but a waiter came by to take their order. Liza forced herself to swallow a few sips of her drink. She told herself she didn’t shiver at his coffee order - it didn’t mean anything, anyone could enjoy black coffee and four sugar cubes without milk.

“Speaking of, helping you, how’s Judy been?”

“Helpful.” The word was clipped and professional, but East worked some levity into his voice as he continued. “Starting to feel like a real person again.”

“I’m glad.” The warmth in Jackson’s voice almost took Liza off guard. So sickeningly tender and genuine. “You have no idea how relieved I am that you’re - ”

He cut himself off, their drinks served by an unwitting waiter. There was the clatter of tea cups and coffee mugs and sugar stirred with honey.

“Careful, it’s hot.”

“I know - it’s still good.”

“How can you tell with it burning your tastebuds off?” Jackson’s amused huff and East’s chuckling sigh only made the pang of nostalgia all the louder in Liza’s heart. Wolf (her Wolf) never waited for his coffee to cool; too impatient to wait - he always claimed it tasted worse once it cooled to a drinkable temperature.

“I’m glad you’re back, Jackson.” East’s voice was still warm, but there was a tension under his words. “How have you been? Is everything…alright?”

“Fine. I’m doing just fine - happy to be home, if I’m quite honest.” Jackson’s reply was immediate and open, but dreadfully vague. “Everything’s just fine.”

Liza couldn’t see East’s reaction behind her, but whatever it was compelled Jackson to continue. She could almost see him, in her mind’s eye: her Wolf…a decade younger, face pinched in worry - always worried - and eyes bright with determined preparation for every scenario.

“Things are dying down. Americans are keeping to themselves for once, and it’s looking like a cold case.” Jackson’s voice was almost too quiet to hear, but Liza could practically feel the tension bleed from the man behind her. “Almost out of the woods - just some finalized paperwork and seals of approval.”

“And what happens…after?”

Liza stared down at her tea, trying to picture it. The great and terrifying Ghost - who swore off apprentices after losing his first, his last - being told the man that was practically his son had survived. (Had been abandoned.) Wolf - who went through a hell at the hands of the enemy, who spent years abandoned and alone - survived and he could come home. (To a stranger in his room and the dog he loved long dead.)

(Her one regret in her life burned bright in her throat - oh, how he would have loved to meet Casey. How different things could have been if Wolf was around to protect her boy.)

“After…we get you home.”

“Which is?” East (Wolf?)’s whisper was hoarse, laced with a sad desperation that broke Liza’s heart. Jackson had told her he might have - she didn’t really think, she hoped -

(She was a fool, always blinded by hope and it’s empty promises.)

“I - I thought you said things were going well with Judy - ”

“Nevermind. Your tea’s getting cold.“ It was like a switch had flipped, words suddenly steady and strong. Whatever fledgling hope Liza had that this was her Wolf, that he could come home, died in her chest.

(Wolf hadn’t had a home to come back to in along time.)

“Hey, I just - East…it’s fine. We said it would probably take some time. We’re not in any rush - ”

“You seem to be.” There was a thin bite to the words, defensive but still smothered in that muted parody of nonchalance. “I don’t know. I don’t really want to. It sucks to think about. I thought maybe you…figured something out that I couldn’t.”

“East…love, I - ”

“It’s fine. I like my job. I like my friends. Think Al and I might get a flat together - rent’s too high to not have roommates in this economy.” East’s sigh was decisive, a harsh swallow before he continued. “I just - God, fuck - I like my life right now. And I don’t want to leave it all behind. But I know - I don’t know - what you need or, or want me to do in return for - ”

“Nothing. East, I’m not here to take you away I just - I didn’t know if you had somewhere else you’d rather be. But, if you’re happy here…I don’t see any reason for you to leave.”

“Really?”

(Why did the relief in his voice sound so much like a nail in the empty coffin they buried for him?)

Liza wanted to get sick; she stood up a bit too quickly, chair bumping into the man behind her. She pulled on the mask of a stranger, perfect and apologetic and calm, and looked a dead man in the eye.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry - ”

“No worries.”

Her heart dropped to her feet, his polite glance failing to betray recognition, even though she knew that face and those eyes so well, even a decade removed -

(He looked so much older than she remembered him. Tired. Contented. Scarred and worn by time and it’s ravages. Where was the soldier more boy than man she remembered? Where was his fiery eyes and burning passion? Where was his fight?)

(…)

(Was it better, she wondered, for him to live a life without that fight, that fire in his heart? God knew how it had burned her and everyone else who knew him when it was snuffed out.)

Liza took her leave, heart in her throat.

—

“Did you - ?”

“I don’t know him. This was a waste of my time.”

“I’m sorry - ”

“I’m sure you are.” Liza let her voice soften as she looked out at the rain hitting her hotel window. She sighed into the phone, speaking before she could regret it. “Agent Jackson?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t know this Wolf of yours, but it sounds like he’s having a pretty good life.” She almost paused, almost stopped to consider telling him the truth before deciding better of it. Liza was far more comfortable in a lie. “Don’t fuck it up looking for something he doesn’t need found.”

“…Thank you, Liza.”

She snapped the phone closed, and closed her eyes, remembering the face she knew on a man who didn’t know her.

It wasn’t worth unburying that empty casket. It wasn’t worth uprooting a good, clean civilian life. It wasn’t worth opening old wounds. Wolf was dead, as he had been for a decade. Liza needed to make sure he stayed dead, and that East stayed alive and well and untainted by the world he left behind.

[Before Smoke Break]

(Part of my Freelancers: Changing Tides series)

Taglist: @stargeode @sacredwrath @genuineformality

#whump #angst #back from the dead #memory loss #amnesia #guilt #abandonment #past torture #past captivity #past illness #therapy mention #freelancers #*squeezing Liza like a squeaky toy* her track record for deciding she knows what’s best for people in her life sucks so bad #but she keeps doing it because she cares too much to let anything be anyone’s fault but hers.#and east…oh east. this is just a random Tuesday for him. it’s the last time she’ll see the face of her friend and he doesn’t even know it.#I am unwell abt my own ocs. *autism creature stare* I just think they’re neat.#in other news it’s [redacted] today so. worst case scenario I’ll explain whatever the fuck keeps me away from the internet #whenever I can get back. best case scenario nothing happens and life goes on as usual for my blog schedule here. o7 #regardless just gotta get through the week and I’ll have a better bead on the risk level we’re looking at.#personal rambling done. mwah I love you people who read my goofy tags.

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33max · 7 months

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me when I remember that I suck and people hate my entire existence

#honestly like if you ever think ‘I’m gonna send this person all the reason I don’t like them’ on anonymous #maybe just take 0.2 seconds to consider how long it might affect them for #like in the last 4 weeks I’ve cried like every day #had to go on new meds #and isolated myself from like most people #so like idk maybe just consider if anonymous hate is worth it #but like I guess people that send anon hate want to hurt you deeply #but like idk man it’s just fucked #didn’t mean to write an essay in the tags #just think it’s absolutely fucked up that I now don’t have a safe space on the internet #and I will remember what those messages said for the rest of my life probs so ouch #rsd sucks ass btw

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skoulsons · 11 months

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im suffering in joel emotions ok listen

I cant get over his nervousness in the birthday flashback. The last birthday he experienced, his own or someone’s else’s, was his. And, in under less than three hours after it technically ended, the apocalypse hit their town and Sarah died

There are no good memories associated with his birthday, but I also think birthdays in general. I believe the idea at all has left a sour taste in his mouth. And especially after twenty years in the apocalypse with no one and no reason to celebrate a birthday, why would he even care?

But then there’s Ellie. His second chance. She turned 15 either on the road depending on how long we think she was 14 for when they met, or she turned 15 not too long into Jackson, before they were comfortably settled.

So her 16th is the “big” one. And despite this man who, to me, had gained a hatred and general disinterest in birthdays or celebrations in general, puts one together for Ellie. He says “Maria. She, uh… she told me about it. Figured It’d be right up your alley” but I really think he outright asked her about the surrounding area and anything regarding dinosaurs and/or space that he could use for her birthday :’)

But he puts a little trip together. A few days—ride out, there, and then ride back. He clears out the whole building to make sure it’s safe. Ellie’s notebook says “Joel said he‘a taking me on a camping trip next week for my birthday. He found something he said I’ll love. He’s acting very proud of himself. Smug old fogey.”

Again, I think he’s become very disinterested in the whole idea of birthdays and celebrating. But then, lo and behold, he and Ellie are now together and they have a safe life in Jackson and he gets to spoil her.

And he does. Clears the building out. Finds an old space launch tape for her Walkman and writes “HAPPY BIRTHDAY. love, Joel” (im telling you right now when I found this out I sobbed for hours im not kidding I SOBBED). He makes it as perfect and special as he possibly can.

But then in the space shuttle. He’s nervous. Just… something about him screams that he’s nervous to me. The little hitched breath after telling her “it’ll be worth it” if she closes her eyes to listen (which?? did he steal her walkman briefly to listen to it to make sure it worked?? maybe that’s a dumb thought). the way he has tears in his eyes like the whole scene? “I do okay?” Because he doubts himself and is scared that, somehow, it wasn’t a good trip. And her “are you fucking kidding me?” Is enough for Joel for an answer because he knows what means in Ellie-speak

but for a man who had his last birthday ruined in unimaginable ways, it was repaired in the way he went all out to make Ellie’s 16th as good and memorable as he possibly could. for her birthday, maybe the first proper one she ever got, to be as special as he could manage. to make it something good for her