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hoodie-buck · 2 years

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i know, i know…i said i was done posting fics for the year, and that i wasn’t going to get suckered into a new years fic…but a last minute pinch hitter was needed and i couldn’t resist 🙈

i hope you enjoy @nottheblogurlooking4 !! 💙🎆

Missing Piece

-summary-

Chris has big plans for New Year's, ones Eddie would like to avoid, kind of like his feelings for his best friend.

rated: g

read on ao3

Eddie waited for the other end to connect, pacing around his kitchen as he did so.

There wasn’t much time before he needed to leave to pick up Chris from his sleepover, and he’d already been putting this conversation on hold for too long.

As the all too familiar voicemail message rang out through his ears, Eddie sighed, though the ridiculous message made him smile every time.

This is Buck! If you’re hearing this, that means I’m busy being a badass firefighter or a badass uncle…or uh, hanging out with my favorite little buddy.

It was the last part that always got to Eddie, Buck not knowing how to refer to Christopher, even though they’d practically been co-parenting him for the last few years, Eddie officially making Buck Christopher’s legal guardian if anything ever happened to him; for all intents and purposes, they were a family—just not quite in the way Eddie yearned for.

Eddie clicked the end button before he could leave any words he might later regret, pocketing his phone and grabbing for his keys.

He kept his eyes focused on the road, though he continuously looked out of his peripherals, hoping the adorable picture of Buck and Chris eating pancakes would appear over his screen, signaling his best friend was calling; it didn’t.

Chris was all smiles as he greeted his dad, the two hugging each other tightly, Eddie thanking his classmates’ parents once more.

“Hey bud, you have fun?”

“Can we go tonight, please?”

Of course, the first thing out of his son’s mouth would be the thing that Eddie had been trying to avoid, especially since he hadn’t been able to get ahold of Buck.

“Um, let’s talk about it when we get home mijo.”

Chris sighed, though he got into his seat, Eddie making sure he was buckled before moving to the driver’s side and taking off.

He never wanted to disappointment his son, hated the way it made him feel, but Eddie wasn’t sure he was ready for this, not Christopher, but Eddie himself.

Looking in the rearview mirror, Eddie could see Chris’ arms were crossed, the boy looking out the window, clearly trying to avoid his dad’s gaze. Eddie sighed to himself, gearing to come up with some lame excuse when that all too familiar picture popped up on his screen, Chris instantly recognizing the ringtone.

As he clicked accept, Chris excitedly cheered aloud.

“Buck!”

Buck’s laughter filled the air, his voice warming Eddie wholly.

“Hey buddy, how was your sleepover?”

For the next several minutes, it was as if Eddie wasn’t even there, Buck and Chris talking all around the other; Eddie didn’t mind.

Focusing on the road and their cheery voices, Eddie almost forgot why he’d called Buck to begin with, almost.

“Uh Eds, you um, you called?”

He could’ve easily lied, said that it was a butt dial or something…. technology was always out to get him.

“Yea, I uh—”

Why was this so hard?

Oh right, because Eddie had left the 118 and they’d barely talked since, not to mention Eddie may or may not be repressing some old fears—he did not panic, ok?

“I just um….”

Before he could muster up the courage to get the rest of the words out, Christopher took over.

“Bucky! You should come with us tonight!”

Thankfully they were at a red light, because Eddie then whipped his head around, glaring at his son, his voice a harsh whisper.

“Chris! I said we would discuss that at home.”

Chris only shrugged, Eddie having no idea where to go from there; he only turned back around when he remembered they weren’t quite alone, Buck’s voice echoing throughout the truck.

“Uh, come with you where?”

If the light hadn’t turned green, Eddie would’ve slumped his head against the steering wheel, maybe even banged into it a few times for good measure.

“Chris, he um, he wants to go to that New Year’s Eve show, but uh, you probably already have plans and—”

“I’m free.”

Great.

Christopher squealed with delight, the sound making Eddie feel slightly less guilty.

“What time should I come over?”

Chris began to recite the times, much like any kid who committed their favorite commercials to memory; Eddie was only grateful he didn’t have to do much of the talking.

“Ok, I’ll see you about seven then.”

Chris and Buck said their goodbyes as Eddie pulled into the driveway, grateful to be home.

“Eds?

“…yea?”

There was a pause, Buck hesitating, though in the end he seemed to change his mind.

“See you soon.”

“Yea, see you when you get here.”

When they got inside, Chris beelined for his new Lego set, the one Buck had gotten him for Christmas, no doubt eager to show his Buck all the progress he’d made since the last time he’d shown him.

Eddie was once again left alone with his thoughts, wandering around the house aimlessly, cleaning things that didn’t need cleaning as he went.

The new year always brought a lot of thoughts, but especially this year; Eddie wasn’t sure if he could handle anymore change.

As the clock clicked closer to seven, Eddie busied himself with helping Chris get ready, moving to do the same for himself after.

Promptly at seven, there was a knock on the door, Eddie’s gut wrenching just a little; when had Buck stopped using his key?

Eddie rubbed his palms against his jeans before pulling the door open, Buck’s smile bright as ever, dimming slightly on the edges as their eyes met; yea, what could go wrong tonight?

They stood there awkwardly for a moment, neither of them knowing how to greet each other, Chris thankfully popping up behind Eddie to take over.

Buck offered to drive, but Eddie waved him off, insisting this was their treat, when in reality he needed the distraction, something to keep him focused.

And so, the three of them piled into the truck, Eddie trying not to think about the somewhat lengthy drive they had ahead of them, Buck sitting all too close, Christopher beaming brightly in the backseat.

Eddie turned up the radio, hoping to drown out some of the silence, grateful when Buck and Christopher quietly bean to hum along. He hadn’t realized how much his leg was bouncing up and down until Buck’s hand came to rest over it, Eddie stilling immediately; these rolls were usually reversed.

As their eyes met, Buck looked him over curiously, removing his hand shortly after; Eddie felt anxious all over again, though for a completely different reason this time.

When they finally pulled into the parking lot, Eddie couldn’t tell if he was ready to get out of his truck to avoid the tension inside, or stay in his truck to avoid his fears of what was to come. In the end, he got out, following closely behind his boys as they went, letting them guide the way.

There were vendors and people all around, music blasting through the air as they went. Everyone had on headbands or necklaces, all lined with 2022 or the words Happy New Year. It didn’t take long before Chris was begging for a set of his own, the three of them waiting in the long line to get their own 2022 attire.

After they were all decked out, they stopped to get some food, the three of them sharing a plate of nachos, followed by churros for all of them; at least there was one good thing about the night.

They wandered around after, eventually running into Hen and Karen, plus Denny and Nia; they really made such an adorable family.

“Hey boys, why don’t you join us?”

Hen smiled to them brightly, Karen patting the blanket they were currently spread out on.

Chris was quick to join them, Eddie lingering awkwardly, watching as Buck quickly got distracted with the kids, the four of them making funny faces; he was so in love with this man that it physically pained him sometimes.

Eddie finally settled after a bit—meaning he uncrossed his arms and plastered a smile over his face—the others playing some board games Hen and Karen had brought along.

With midnight fast approaching now, the kids were tuckering out, Eddie becoming all the more anxious.

Hen looked over to Eddie, then to Buck who was watching him intently; she needed to put them both out of their misery.

“Why don’t you guys go watch the show? Christopher can hang out with us.”

Chris seemed content to do just so, already comfortably sprawled on the blanket.

Eddie had no idea how to answer, wanting to flee the event altogether. It took Buck nudging him with his elbow to bring Eddie back to the present, Eddie offering him a half smile in turn. They both thanked Hen and Karen, each of them ruffling Chris’ curls before wandering off.

They walked side by side, shoulders and hands bumping every so often with their close proximity; it was Buck who finally broke the silence.

“So, are you going to tell me why you really invited me, because I know things have been uh, weird since you left, but this feels—different.”

Yes, it is different, because I announced I was leaving and we haven’t talked about it since.

“Technically Chris invited you.”

“Eddie.”

Eddie sighed, coming to a stop, Buck following suit.

“I just—I didn’t want to come here tonight, but I didn’t know how to tell Chris no, so I uh, I invited you.”

Buck furrowed his brows, not quite believing Eddie’s story.

“Why uh-why didn’t you want to come here tonight?”

There it was, the question Eddie had been avoiding all night, and pretty much since the moment Chris had asked him.

He shrugged his shoulders lamely, not looking up to meet those piercing blues.

A soft touch was pressed under his chin as Buck used his hand to lift Eddie’s head, their eyes meeting automatically.

“Eds talk to me. You know, you know you can tell me anything…right?”

Eddie read the unsaid words there—like about you leaving the team, me.

“I just—I thought I could handle it.”

“Handle what?”

Handle not having your back every day, handle shit on my own, handle the fact that you’ll never love me the way I love you.

“Eds, I’m sorry that we haven’t—talked, that I, that I haven’t really been around, but—”

Eddie put his hand out between them, motioning for Buck to stop.

“Buck it’s not—”

He couldn’t lie, because that was part of his problem, just not the current one.”

As the announcer came over the loudspeaker, announcing the show was just minutes away, Eddie’s heart began to race, the words he’d been holding onto finally spilling from his mouth.

“I’m afraid of the fireworks, ok?!”

Buck didn’t laugh, didn’t tell Eddie he was being irrational, just simply pulled Eddie into his arms, hugging him tightly.

“Eddie I—I wish you would’ve told me sooner.”

Yea, me too Buck, me too.

“We can leave now if you want. Just let me grab Chris and—”

Eddie shook his head, pulling away from Buck slightly.

“No, no I don’t—I just didn’t want to be here alone” without you.

Buck gave him a soft smile, reaching out to squeeze his forearm.

“Then you won’t be. I’ve got your back, remember?”

Eddie could only nod, not wanting to let his emotions overtake him.

They made their way toward where the fireworks show would be happening, neither of them needing to be too close with their height; sometimes it had its advantages.

While they stood and waited, Eddie couldn’t help but to shift closer to Buck, the man not seeming to mind in the slightest.

“I’m usually good about—”

“About hiding your feelings? Yea, I know.”

Alright, that was fair.

“Yea, I uh—after everything this year I just didn’t think I could handle fireworks, as lame as that sounds.”

Buck turned to fully meet him then, his voice sincere.

“Eddie, there’s nothing lame about your fears, especially with everything you’ve been through.”

Eddie pulled in his bottom lip, biting at it, nodding his head in agreement, even if he wasn’t quite on the same page as Buck yet.

“What can I do to help?”

After thinking about it for a minute, Eddie didn’t say anything, simply reached his hand out to link it with Bucks’. Buck didn’t say anything in turn, though he squeezed their fingers, instantly calming Eddie; you he thought, you’re all I need.

They stood hand in hand, Eddie trying not to wince as the announcer declared it was time. Midnight was only ten minutes away now, Eddie anxiously squeezing Buck’s hand.

When Buck tugged him closer, Eddie couldn’t help but to look over at his best friend, not taking his eyes off the man he loved, not even when the first boom erupted into the air.

Buck was looking straight ahead, all the beautiful colors reflected in his eyes, Eddie unable to look away, which is why Bucks’ voice startled him, Eddie smiling sheepishly.

“You know, I dunno why you invited me to watch the fireworks with you, when all you’re going to watch is me.”

“Nothing shines brighter than you.”

Buck snorted, though he ducked his head in a shy smile, Eddie letting his head fall against Bucks’ shoulder; God this man made him such a sap.

As Eddie lifted his head, Buck was staring right back, those blues glistening in the night light. The crowd around them began to count down from ten, neither of them looking away, blue holding brown.

With every number their heads drifted closer, their lips brushing together just as midnight rang out. It wasn’t like the fireworks erupting in the sky, or the loud cheers around them, but something more, almost as if the world around them ceased to exist.

Their kisses started slow, soft even, Bucks hands eventually moving to cup Eddie’s cheeks while Eddie moved his own to Bucks’ hips, pulling the man impossibly closer. When they finally pulled apart, they were still close enough to breathe each other’s air, Eddie already dizzy with want.

“Happy New Year Eds.”

“Happy New Year Ev.”

They came together for another searing kiss, the two of them smiling into it. Eddie reached his thumb up to brush over Buck’s lips, leaning to rest their heads together.

“C’mon, let’s take our son home.”

With their hands linked once more, they made their way through the crowd, oblivious to anyone around them. Hen and Karen only gave them warm smiles, the two giving their thanks before wrapping Chris in their arms, carrying the sleepy boy back to the truck.

Their hands met again as they took their seats, Eddie’s body calming once more. There was much to be discussed, but for now, they had each other, and that was enough. With Buck by his side, nothing could bring him down; they would always be there to lift each other up or bring them back down.

The new year always brought change, ones Eddie usually feared, though not this time; sometimes change was good. After all, change is what brought them together to begin with, Eddie never trusting anyone more to have his back; it was a new year indeed, one Eddie intended to make the most of.

#911giftexchange #buddie #buddie fic #eddie diaz #evan 'buck' buckley #911 fox #christoher diaz #hen and karen make an appearance <3 #new years fic #angst #fluff #first kiss #idiots in love #spoilers for season 5 #kel(s) writing

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thebuddiesystem · 3 years

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OMG BUT WHAT IF WE GET MORE “BEGINS” EPISODES.

Hear me out.

EDDIE BEGINS AGAIN

Post-trauma, recovery flashbacks, he gets ACTUAL THERAPY, since Hen is leaving(?) we’re down a paramedic and up one firefighter (Albert!!!). Paramedic in training Eddie? Dadbulance gang? Put the dads in charge of caregiving - literally. He is able to reflect on what he wants, not just solely caring for Chris’s needs. And Chris either is told or finds out about the guardianship and starts insisting Buck be included in even more family stuff. Like, it’s a shot of just the Diaz boys hanging out or going somewhere like a school function and Chris is miffed, Eddie asks him what’s wrong and Chris just goes “Buck should be with us, we’re supposed to bring our families”. And it’s like a lightbulb either goes off in his head (arguably it’s already turned on while he was BLEEDING OUT) or Eddie just softly smiles and goes “yeah...you’re right mijo”. I’d go feral if some kind of “mandatory family event/school function” happens and the Diaz boys are like ... incomplete without Buck. So they call him and OF COURSE HE COMES or drama ensues because if Buddie goes canon it will not come easy. Even though they’ve already done the Near-Death Feelings Realization (or a hint at it).

and now this one came to me after watching @peachbuck’s GUT WRENCHING and accurate and beautiful powerpoint.

You aren’t ready for -

EVAN BEGINS

Evan who is still so traumatized by people leaving, Evan who was left behind by everyone he loves. Evan who only hears his name when things go wrong until “Because, Evan. You think you’re expendable, but you’re wrong”. So we get the dissonace between Buck and Evan. Evan who is just learning to love himself and asking for the things he needs in a relationship (the clarification with Taylor in the finale). Evan who thought he’d be alone forever, who legally has a son (for all intents and purposes). And it’s not just fun!Buck hero!Buck, it’s broken!Evan realizing his place in his family is solid, and that those bonds are not going to break. It’s new dad!Evan who is trying to reconcile the feelings of “this kid’s life is in my hands legally” and “but he’s not really mine”. It’s son!Evan not knowing how to navigate the guardianship, his feelings of worth, and overcoming the trauma or almost watching his best friend/partner/co-parent turning to Bobby and Athena. It’s queer!Evan revealing repressed feelings or realizing the depth of his feelings for Eddie.

#evan buckley #GUYS BUT WHAT IF #prayer circle to manifest for season 5 #eddie diaz #additional thought: MADDIE BEGINS AGAIN #holy fuck but what if

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half-bakedboy · 3 years

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Where’s My Love? (read on ao3)

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rated: Teen Summary: Buck felt all of the air leave his lungs and his heart jumped into his throat because no one had ever told him he was allowed to be upset.

Maddie had always asked him to give their parents a break, to cut them some slack and be grateful the siblings at least had each other. But no one in his life - his sister or other distant relatives, his guidance counselors or teachers, his friend’s parents, all of whom saw how he was impacted - had ever told him it was okay to feel angry or that it was okay to expect more from the people who raised him.

Or a Season 4 Episode 4 coda where Eddie helps Buck get through the dinner with his parents without even knowing it.

With his parents back in town and his mind racing with thoughts of being forced to socialize with them after so many relatively peaceful years, Buck’s anxiety was the highest it had ever been. That was saying a lot considering he had survived an earthquake, a firetruck bombing and subsequent embolism, and even a fucking tsunami all within the last two years. It made him laugh - almost as much as it made him want to throw up - that a surprise visit from the people that raised him was triggering more of a trauma response than any of those other events.

He took a deep breath as he wandered the streets of L.A. and considered his options. He was set to have dinner one more time with Maddie, Chim, and his parents, and he honestly wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through and keep his mouth shut like he had promised his sister. She asked Buck to understand where they were coming from, to realize that they tried their hardest and that things could have been a lot worse, but Buck couldn’t imagine how that was fair.

It wasn’t fair that it was always his job to push aside their parenting failures because he was an adult and had turned out ‘just fine’ as Maddie had always put it. It wasn’t fair that their small jabs at Maddie tore open the scars Doug had left on her or that their obvious misguidances of Buck in every way caused shame and hurt to flood through every inch of his body when they spoke. It didn’t matter that Maddie was pregnant from a man that truly loved her and treated her right and had a job that she really kicked ass at. If that didn’t matter, then it certainly wouldn’t that Buck had worked harder to become a firefighter than he ever had in his life and that for once, he was truly happy when he looked toward the future.

No, none of that seemed to matter, because Evan and Maddie had to be on their best behavior and pretend that their parents did the best that they could given the circumstances, of which Buck wasn’t aware enough to fully understand. He would get through one more dinner for Maddie and Chimney’s sake and his parents would go back to wherever they decided to venture to next and Buck could repress all of the negative emotions that welled up inside of him once again.

Before he knew it, he was in front of Eddie’s door. He let out a small chuckle at the fact that even when he was lost in his own mind, his body found its way to Eddie. Buck relied on him so much more in the last few years, more than he ever expected to rely on anyone let alone the one person he had despised on sight. He figured it made sense for his subconscious to bring him there, though. Eddie was a father, first and foremost, and he had made that clear since joining the 118 that being a father was the most important thing to him even above his career. Buck knew how much being a firefighter meant to him, so he could only imagine the kind of love Eddie must have for Christopher to put anything above that.

He knocked on the door without a second thought and placed his hands in his pockets nervously as he waited for an answer. When he saw Christopher’s face as the door opened, his heart soared and he held out his arms for an inevitable hug. He loved how Christopher’s hugs were always full-bodied and suffocating because that was just how Buck needed them to be, especially then.

“Buck! Dad didn’t tell me you were coming over!” Christopher said excitedly and Buck was grateful that at least one of the duo was happy to see him. Even though he figured Eddie would be completely fine with the unexpected visit, his mind was too hazed with anxiety to accept that.

“That’s because he didn’t know, Bud. Where is he?” Buck asked, taking a few steps inside just as Eddie rounded the corner. Eddie’s face showed surprise and then immediate concern, and even once Buck smiled at him, the worry in his features seemed to only marginally lessen as he smiled back.

“Just in time to tuck Christopher into bed for the night!” Eddie yelled with a mock joy that did nothing to convince Christopher that bedtime was as exciting as Buck’s surprise arrival.

“But dad,” Christopher drawled out, “Buck just got here!” For a moment, Buck’s guilt must have been obvious, but Eddie scooped his son up in his arms with an easy explanation.

“And Buck can visit anytime he likes. That doesn’t mean you need to be awake for it. Go brush your teeth while I talk with him and we’ll both come say goodnight in a few minutes, okay?” Christopher sighed heavily as Eddie put him back on the ground, but peered around to Buck who nodded to confirm that he wasn’t going anywhere. If he had the opportunity to put his favorite kid to bed, he wouldn’t - and couldn’t when Christopher looked at him with such wide, pleading eyes - say no.

When Christopher was safely out of earshot, Eddie rested a hand on Buck’s shoulder and stated, “You barely ever come here without texting me first.” Buck huffed out a laugh.

“What? I’m not just allowed to come by ‘anytime I like’?” Buck quoted back at Eddie who looked very unimpressed having his words used against him. The ‘you know that’s not what I meant’ was clear in the way his eyebrows furrowed and his arms crossed over his chest. “I just needed a friend. I needed-- well, I needed you,” Buck admitted simply, and fortunately, that appeared to be enough.

“I’ve got a few beers in the fridge leftover from the game on Sunday and I think some juice and Gatorade? Take your pick,” Eddie offered from where he continued finishing up the dirty dishes from dinner. Buck needed to keep his hands busy or his nerves would get the best of him so he stood next to Eddie, holding his hands out for the next rinsed off dish. Eddie apparently decided to take the help and handed Buck the cleaned saucepot without a word.

Their bodies were aligned perfectly with arms pressed together snugly and Bucks’ socked foot nudging against Eddie’s slippered one with each pivot toward the dishwasher. It was comfortable in every sense of the word and just what Buck needed for his mind to finally start to simmer down. For a few minutes, all he focused on was the warmth radiating from Eddie’s body and the repetitive motions of putting the dishes away the exact way he knew Eddie wanted them. He started the dishwasher and all of the stress associated with his parent’s disappointment was washed away from him as if he put himself in the rinse cycle.

“Buck! Dad!” Christopher called from what sounded like his bedroom. As they walked together, Eddie’s hand never left the middle of Buck’s back as if he somehow knew exactly what Buck had needed from the moment he arrived.

“Ouch,” Eddie began and they entered Christopher’s room, “pushed to second place when his Buck is around. Really stings, kid.” Christopher grinned at them unaffected, his smile brighter than anything Buck had ever seen, and he patted his dad on the cheek.

“I like when both of you put me to bed,” Christopher stated and Buck’s heart exploded once more. He couldn’t resist leaning down and wrapping his arms around the kid as tight as he could, pressing an overexaggerated kiss to his temple and rubbing his cheek on Christopher’s out of control hair. Christopher didn’t seem to worry about the affection and held Buck back just as tight, and when Buck pulled away, Christopher held Buck’s face in his hands and leaned up enough to kiss his forehead firmly.

“You’re a good kid, Chris. You know that?” Buck asked, brushing his curly hair back from his forehead only for it to spring forward anyway.

“Yeah, I know. You’re my best friend. You and my daddy,” Christopher said simply as if those words weren’t everything Buck had ever hoped to hear. He couldn’t imagine ever saying those words about his own father, let alone to his own father and something about Chris admitting them so freely had his breath catching in his throat. He was rendered speechless and Buck was grateful when Eddie leaned into their space and kissed Christopher’s other temple gently before pulling the sheets over his chest.

“Love you, Christopher. Thank you for being such a good boy today and every day,” Eddie said as he stood.

“Love you more and I love you, Buck,” Christopher said easily as his eyes closed - as if it was the last thing he needed to make sure his dad and Buck knew before he fell into sleep.

“I love you, too, Chris, so much,” Buck answered as Eddie pulled him from the bedroom.

He felt like he could cry. He wasn’t sure if the tears that welled in his eyes were from Christopher’s words or from the impending doom that would be his own family’s gathering or even from exhaustion brought on by literally every single thing in his life. All he knew was that Eddie pulled him down the hallway and into the living room and when he was drawn into his best friend’s warm embrace, the dam inside of him cracked more than he wanted it to.

“Buck, what’s going on, man? I haven’t seen you like this since--” Buck was glad Eddie didn’t finish. There’d been way too many times that he had broken down in front of Eddie since they had met and he didn’t need a reminder of how weak he was, especially when he was sure he would get one from his parents soon enough. “Talk to me. You came here for a reason so you have to let me in, okay?” Eddie’s voice was on the edge of panic as he urged Buck to sit on the couch.

“Is it hard to be a parent?” Buck asked hastily. Eddie seemed to consider his question for a moment, but Buck didn’t like the way it sounded and backtracked, “Wait, that’s not--”

“You mean, why was it so hard for your parents to be good parents?” Eddie responded and Buck’s jaw dropped. Before he could ask how Eddie knew what he meant, he shrugged and explained, “You’ve been off since Maddie told you your parents were going to visit and she gave me the heads up that there’s history there I might not know.”

“Dammit, Maddie,” Buck cursed under his breath. Eddie let out a small laugh and rested a hand on Buck’s thigh, the small touch immediately sending a sense of calmness through Buck he couldn’t try to solve.

“She cares about you. I care about you. So will you let me answer your first question?” Buck nodded and Eddie took a preparing breath. “Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m a veteran and a firefighter. But it’s also the easiest thing I’ve ever done because my life wouldn’t be the same without Christopher. It wouldn’t be nearly as exciting or worth living without him and I think you’d agree with me.”

“He’s the best kid I’ve ever met,” Buck said without thought because it was true. “He’s so easy to take care of and he listens more often than not and he’s got a sense of humor that won’t quit. He’s--”

“He’s a nine year old with Cerebral Palsy, a dead mother, and a single father that works 24-hour shifts on a weekly basis. He’s an incredible kid, don’t get me wrong, but he’s got more problems than you ever did.” Buck winced, but he couldn’t argue with that. Buck had it easy as a child and he shouldn’t be complaining just because his parents neglected his emotional needs a little.

“Yeah, I know I’m just overreacting--”

“Hey, no. Stop that,” Eddie said as Buck made to stand. Eddie pulled him back down and angled his head as if making sure Buck couldn’t look away from his eyes. “Buck, you’re not overreacting. Whatever you feel, whatever you went through as a kid, those emotions and-- and anger that you obviously feel toward your parents is extremely valid.” Buck felt all of the air leave his lungs and his heart jumped into his throat because no one had ever told him he was allowed to be upset.

Maddie had always asked him to give their parents a break, to cut them some slack and be grateful the siblings at least had each other. He tried his hardest to do just that, but there were only so many times his parents could miss his football games or ignore his obvious attempts at scrounging for attention before the resentment for them rose into too much for any kid to handle.

But no one in his life - his sister or other distant relatives, his guidance counselors or teachers, his friend’s parents, all of whom saw how he was impacted - had ever told him it was okay to feel angry or that it was okay to expect more from the people who raised him.

“My parents, they--” Buck choked on tears that he tried so hard to hold back. The only calmness around him came from Eddie’s hand rubbing soothing circles on his back and his other resting gently on Buck’s thigh. He didn’t have time to be embarrassed by the intimacy of the touches or to think too much about what they might have meant as he continued, “They never saw me. It was like I didn’t even exist to them. Like-- Like I was just some sort of accident they couldn’t rewind time to fix. I was so alone in the world besides Maddie, but even then, she found Doug and left me as soon as she could. It was like every person I met didn’t care if I disappeared and everyone else disappeared even though I cared.”

Eddie hummed in what sounded like understanding before asking, “Have your parents ever offered you an explanation?”

“Yeah, right,” Buck said sharply. He softened his tone when he realized Eddie’s hand had stopped moving on his back and glanced back up at his friend with a sad smile on his face. “It was always my fault. I was too reckless, too wild, too hard to handle, too exhausting . It made me easy to give up on.” Eddie opened his mouth as if to apologize or argue against Buck’s words but Buck shook his head and rested his hand on top of Eddie’s where his fingertips started to dig into his thigh.

“You don’t give up on your kids,” Eddie said simply. His eyebrows furrowed, his nose flared and he pressed his lips together so tightly, the skin around them started to pale. Buck could see the frustration rising in him and tried to smile to lighten the mood but it wasn’t enough. “No, you-- Kids are so hard to raise, but a parent has to be there for them before they decide to give up, and even then! I would never give up on Christopher and you have no idea many people have told me I have or even should .”

“Excuse me?” Buck interrupted, his own anger bubbling inside at the insinuation that Christopher wasn’t worth the entire world.

“That shouldn’t be surprising, Buck. Like I said, he’s got a disability that inhibits his quality of life - even if he or either of us doesn’t see it that way - and he’s gone through more trauma than any kid should ever have to handle at his age. It would make sense for me to send him off to a boarding school for kids with special needs or to live with his grandparents who are way more equipped to handle him than I am,” Eddie explained. Buck had a hard time processing what he was hearing because Eddie would never do that to Christopher, there was no way.

“Have you thought about that?” Buck asked, his eyes searching Eddie’s for the truth.

Eddie sighed and nodded. “Yeah, of course I have,” he admitted with shame resonating in his voice. “There are nights where I just want to-- I don’t know, lock myself in my room and forget that I have this responsibility or days where I just wish I could catch a freaking break.”

For the first time since Buck had known Eddie, he felt anger towards his best friend. He thought of Christopher; who told Buck he was his best friend, who reminded him that everything was going to be okay, and told him he was good, and couldn’t possibly imagine ever wanting that to disappear. He thought that if Christopher was his kid, he would have never considered those alternatives.

Then he looked back at the last few years he had known the family and realized there had been plenty of opportunities for Eddie to do even more than consider. He could have sent Christopher to one of the schools Carla had found during their search that required boarding or even let Christopher go home with his grandparents when they begged Eddie to move back to Texas. Eddie could have ‘made his life easier’ if that’s what he wanted, but he chose not to.

“So,” Buck began, gripping Eddie’s hand tight in his as if grasping onto comfort and hoping it never went away, “what did you do instead?”

“I loved him anyway. Through everything - the hard times, the fun times, the times where I wanted to pull my hair out or put him in timeout and never let him out - I just… love him anyway.”

_____________

The dinner was going about half as bad as Buck had figured it would be. He had to resist the urge to check the watch on his wrist every few minutes, knowing that if he stayed too late, he might not be able to find himself over at Eddie’s again when he needed it. He had texted Eddie as he paced outside his sister’s house and asked that Eddie message him at exactly eight on the dot so he could have an excuse to leave. He realized pretty quickly after the dinner had begun that he was going to need his best friend. First, it was the comment about his ‘dangerous’ career and then Buck was reminded of the number of hospital stays he endured without his parents sending so much as a card.

Then they brought out the box of memories of Maddie that they kept for her entire childhood only to be eerily silent when his was nowhere to be found. Chimney tried to ease the tension that hazed the room, but there was nothing that could be done. Buck stared down at his still full plate - he had lost his appetite almost immediately - to try and ignore the conversation around him but he couldn’t.

Not when it became increasingly clear that his parents had every opportunity to choose to love him and they just… didn’t.

It was one snipe at Maddie or Chim and then back to Buck after another and he couldn’t find it in himself to sit there a second longer keeping his mouth shut as he had been forced to the entirety of his young life. When his mother made yet another comment about Doug full well knowing how uncomfortable Maddie - and subsequently, Chim - were at the topic, Buck couldn’t stay calm anymore.

“You never gave up hope?” Buck asked, the venom on his tongue paralyzing everyone around the table. Maddie begged him to stop, the plea clear in her voice and her eyes because she just wanted the night to go smoothly, but Buck refused. “United front, remember?”

Buck barely registered the excuses that spilled from his parent’s mouths; that they never gave up hope for Maddie or that they didn’t know Doug was hurting her. Buck reminded them that while, in their twisted minds, they never gave up hope, they gave up on Maddie. They didn’t help her when she was being beaten to a pulp almost every single night or bother to prove they were there for her, for either of them. Buck was so focused on Maddie, he forgot that they had neglected him, too.

“Actually, you know what? Maybe it does track, because you barely knew what was going on with your own kids when we were under the same roof. Maybe you never gave up hope,” Buck took a deep breath to try and push back the shakiness in his voice so his words might stick, “but you sure as hell gave up on her. You gave up on both of us.”

Buck pushed out of his chair, ignoring the pained eyes of his parents and the sympathetic gazes from Chimney and Maddie. He knew he should just leave, get out of there before he said something he was really going to regret, but his therapist had warned him again continuing to avoid confrontation with the people he cared about so he carried on, holding his arms up and out as if they were shields and turned back toward his parents.

“Oh, and, uh, and you wanna know why I'm really in therapy? It is because I have spent my entire life feeling like a constant disappointment. And you wanna talk about our jobs? You think my job is dangerous?” A ghost of a laugh settled somewhere in his chest. “I have walked through fire every single day of my life because of you!” Buck spat, his throat burning with emotion, his voice like gravel with anger and resentment. “ That is why I am in therapy. Because nothing I ever did was good enough!”

“We tried, but you always…” His dad began and there it was again; that blame that Buck held onto ever since he was a kid and that he carried with him into adulthood.

“You never made it easy on us!” His mom interrupted with tears falling down her cheeks. Because somehow, even after everything he had said, everything was still Buck’s fault. He was never going to get through to them that maybe - just maybe - they were what was wrong. “Either one of you.”

“We were supposed to? We were kids,” Maddie chimed in, her voice breaking with every word. Buck wanted to comfort her but when he glanced over, he realized Chimney had his arm wrapped around her, protecting her from the arguing and the emotion that fogged over them. He was momentarily grateful because for once, he didn’t have to worry about anyone besides himself. Something tugged inside of Buck because there was no one to protect him because the people who were supposed to do just that were looking up at him like they never wanted to see him again.

“Evan, I don't know what you expected us to do!” His mother cried and Eddie’s voice was so clear in his mind.

‘What did you do instead?’ ‘I loved him anyway.’

Buck relented. He was done with the fighting, finished with the way his heart constricted in his chest like the rope his parents tied around it when he was a child was about to slice it in two. He didn't want to feel alone anymore and he was reminded that he was far from it when his phone went off in his pocket. The small vibration that only he could feel resonated through his entire body and soul because with one glance at the clock, he knew the message would belong to Eddie. Even when he felt like he was all alone, Eddie reminded him that wasn’t the case and, without even knowing, pushed Buck into saying exactly what his parents needed to hear.

“Love me anyway.”

#buddie #buddie fic #911 on fox #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #coda fic #4x4 coda #love me anyway #has that line just been on repeat in anyone elses head???#no???#just me??#lak;sdjflkasjfl;as #my writing

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mayhembunnywrites · 3 years

Text

Chapter 4: Unpleasant Truths

It was with shock and growing hope that Su-Ryeon was forced to head back to Hera Palace, the knowledge that her husband would eventually look for her hanging over her head like the most ominous shadow.

“Min Seol-Ah, Anna Lee…” she whispers to herself on the way back, daring to hope that Seol-Ah would be available to speak with in the near future. She had spoken with her own daughter in passing, never realizing who she truly was...

She did not know, then, that the opportunity would never arrive.

The beautiful gown that Su-Ryeon had picked out would do nicely, she decided. It was a costume that she would wear like armor, beautiful and ethereal. She could only hope it was enough to distract her husband.

Stepping into the familiar elevator that would take her to the venue for the party, Su-Ryeon prepares herself for a moment, the quiet a welcome friend in place of the recent chaos. The fireworks distract her, beautiful in their many colors and taking her breath away as she watches them for a second until--

She watches in horror as the form of a girl is flung from a balcony, a scream involuntarily wrenching itself from Su-Ryeon’s throat before she realizes that she knows that face, would know it in her dreams and only then, because her daughter, Min Seol-Ah, was the one flung from that balcony.

The image of her daughter covered in blood, stretching out a hand to Su-Ryeon, would stick with her for the rest of her life. It would haunt her nightmares and appear behind her eyelids -- and the image of her daughter amidst broken glass and in the arms of Hera herself, the both of them covered in blood.

The shock overwhelms Su-Ryeon as she watches her daughter fall, and her breathing grows faster as she scratches frantically at the glass and then the door, trying her best to save her daughter despite hope.

It is with that hope that she collapses, the stress from all of what had happened over the past week catching up to her and causing her to faint.

-----

Su-Ryeon wakes up to a woman standing over her, the familiar face of the caretaker Dan-Tae had hired, not comforting in the least. The sensation of an IV drip wasn’t necessarily unfamiliar to Su-Ryeon, but it was unusual to wake up attached to one. It is then that she remembers what had happened--

The sight of her daughter -- Min Seol-Ah -- falling to her death, the girl obviously flung from the balcony. The memory nearly brings her to tears, but she represses them in favor of her concern.

‘You never know,’ she thinks desperately, ‘she could, after all, survive that fall...right?’ Su-Ryeon rushes past the woman, ignoring her obviously false pretenses and heading straight to the elevator after ripping out the line of the IV.

She knows that something has happened only after stepping out of the elevator and looking up at the glass ceiling to see if it was still there -- and it was obviously missing. It was the only thing she really noticed, and the party was obviously still in full swing for the Hera Palace residents.

The ‘concern’ shown for Su-Ryeon was obviously fake to her, the reassurances from her husband and him urging her to go back to bed. The love that was shown from him before no longer seems pure in intention, but more pure manipulation.

Soon enough, Su-Ryeon watches and applauds as her husband takes his place as the MC of the event, only...The statue she had seen earlier which was covered in blood was now spotless.

‘I’m certain she fell onto the fountain,’ Su-Ryeon thinks to herself contemplatively. Had it been a nightmare, she wondered? A terrible vision after her fainting? ‘Was it a dream,’ she asks herself.

Conversation seems to flow around Su-Ryeon, she notices absently as people toast to Hera and her husband interacts with various politicians. Her eyes wander around the room as if searching for some sign, any sign, of her daughter.

It is only then that she looks at her husband, pushing down the ever-growing ball of hatred she feels towards him, and notices the blood on his shirt. She does not dare comment, for Su-Ryeon is not a stupid woman by any means and she does not want to risk her life or the lives of her children over a simple comment.

She smiles politely, even as she recognizes the congressman from the photos with Seol-Ah. She mentally notes down his name for later as the man compliments her beauty, and she quickly is dismissed after that in favor of the congressman speaking with Dan-Tae.

She looks around the room carefully, as to not draw attention to herself, and it is then that she notices even more blood on the Hera Palace members. Blood on Yoon-Chul’s knuckle, behind Gyu-Jin’s ear. Su-Ryeon snaps out of her observations when the congressman points out a shoe that is ever familiar to Shim Su-Ryeon -- the shoe of her daughter, Min Seol-Ah.

“I think our kids were playing around,” says Dan-Tae to the congressman, laughing it off without hesitation.

‘I didn’t see it wrong,’ she thinks with horror, ‘I’m certain it was Seol-Ah.’ It is only when the Hera Club members start placing blame on the children -- her twins -- that she snaps out of it to approach the group of curious teens who all seem to have varied expressions, from politely confused smiles to carefully controlled masks of neutrality.

Su-Ryeon takes a breath before smiling brightly at the group of teens, her eyes resting on Seok-Kyung and Seok-Hoon for a moment as she checks them over, only relaxing completely once she confirms that they’re alright.

Seok-Hoon approaches his mother first, Seok-Kyung following behind him as they approach her. She takes them in, just for a moment, and opens her mouth to speak and ask them if they wanted to go home yet, but ---

“There was a fire in Bosuk Village?” the abrasive voice of the congressman says, catching Su-Ryeon’s attention with its volume. “Well, an orphan lived there alone, what can I do? Am I a firefighter or what?”

Su-Ryeon quickly grasps her children by the arms and leads them to the elevator with a smile and a nod to the crowd watching, ignoring all of them as she tries to stop the tears from falling. She stops in front of the elevator and looks Seok-Hoon in the eyes, the image of her nearly-grown son bringing her more comfort than ever imaginable.

“You and your sister should head to bed, Seok-Hoon,” Su-Ryeon says, a smile that would fool neither twin making its way onto her face, “I’ll be joining you soon enough, so just rest tonight, alright?” She waits and watches as her children quickly agree, the twins clearly realizing that something was wrong.

It is only then that Su-Ryeon leaves the lobby, ignoring the eyes that follow her out of the door and into the car. She drives to Bosuk Village with a heavy heart, already knowing what awaits her despite not having arrived.

The crowd surrounding the apartment complex easily gives way to the clearly distressed woman in the formal gown and coat, and although they give her strange looks, she ignores them in favor of approaching the cautionary tape that the police had placed.

Su-Ryeon only notices the body bag when she actually arrives at the front of the crowd, and it is to her heart-wrenching sadness that she notices her daughter, the daughter who had been practically under her the entire time, being zipped into a body bag.

‘Seol-Ah died?’ she thinks to herself, nearly unbelieving despite the now definite proof of Seol-Ah’s death. She is quickly taken out of her stupor by the detectives discussing the will they had found on the rooftop, the claims that her daughter had committed suicide only proven wrong to her with her knowledge of the situation.

She stands as her daughter’s body is taken away, and she watches it happen without chasing the ambulance. Rage mixes with overwhelming grief as she stands, and she stays standing until she is alone in front of the apartment. She leaves after everyone else has, even the police, and she climbs into her car and drives home, leaving broken pieces of her heart and soul behind her as she goes.

-----

The last time she sees her daughter is at her autopsy, the one she had bribed the medical examiner to perform on her behalf. ‘She is beautiful, even in death,’ Su-Ryeon thinks as a tear falls and she places her hand into Seol-Ah’s hand.

She listens attentively as the medical examiner speaks about the cause of death, “The cause of death is damage to her brain and cervical spine due to the fall,” the man says softly, as if concerned for the crying woman in front of him.

Su-Ryeon tries to hold back the tears for the sake of the medical examiner, the poor man obviously just wanting to get this over with and to get back to dealing with the dead instead of the living.

“There’s something unusual, though. I found this inside her body.” He holds out a plastic bag containing a USB stick, and confusion lights upon Su-Ryeon’s face.

“What is this?” she asks, taking the bag with caution as if it was a precious treasure unlike any other.

The man only pauses a moment before answering her question, “I think she swallowed it before she died.”

Su-Ryeon thanks the man politely, bowing to him despite her tears as he leaves the room. She waits to see the door close before turning to the cold, dead body of Seol-Ah and letting tears fall freely, putting the plastic bag in her pocket before taking Seol-Ah’s hand back into hers.

“Seol-Ah, I’m so sorry,” she whispers, “for coming too late and not recognizing you. I’m so sorry for leaving you all alone. Everything is my fault, I was too foolish,” Su-Ryeon continues, stroking her daughter’s hair with caution. “Seol-Ah, who did this to you?” she asks helplessly, “I’ll find out who did this to you and tear that person into tiny pieces,” she says before breaking completely, falling to her knees next to the person who she wished, desperately, could respond.

The room remains quiet.

-----

Returning home to find her husband drinking alone wasn’t all that unusual to Su-Ryeon, but to find him drinking with Cheon Seo-Jin in front of the glass windows that overlook the city was shocking.

‘Really, Dan-Tae?’ Su-Ryeon thinks to herself even as tears fill her eyes, knowing that she had ignored the signs of his affair desperately, and now she was confronted with the truth of the matter.

Her husband was clearly interested in Seo-Jin, a married woman. It was a fact that she wishes she could ignore as she watches the pair kiss passionately before they move to the couch, the pair laying down and completely oblivious to her presence. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before turning around, clenching the handles of her purse in her fists as she leaves the apartment with as little sound as possible.

Hot tears run down her cheeks as she gets into the main elevator of Hera Palace, alone for a rare moment.

Shim Su-Ryeon leaves unnoticed and no one chases after her.

‘At least for today,’ she thinks once she is in her car, tears running down her cheeks and stinging her eyes, ‘I can be alone for once.’

The silence that surrounds her hurts almost as much as the grief itself.

#the penthouse #the penthouse: war in life #fix it fics

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logancreatesworlds · 5 years

Text

Paradise - (Angel!Spencer Reid x black!reader)

Author’s Note: AUs are my thing. Do I even have to explain? I swear God keeps sending me ideas. 🤣💡❤

Warning: Strong religious references.

Disclaimer: None of the images are mine.

Luke 23:43

And He said to him, "Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise."

It was in the year 2035 that the world had officially gone to shit.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t because of global warming or war caused by greedy politicians, but rather by the very God that many claimed to love.

Lucifer always said that God loved humans more than him. Yet, the world had ended not in a ball of fire, but by flaming rays of light.

The Almighty God had finally had enough of his own creation.

First, it started in France, England and Western Europe with the water turning to blood and getting most of the people deathly ill with HIV.

The presidents and dictators could not stop it.

Then, it spread to Russia and eastern Europe, where frogs and lice invaded everything and destroyed the livestock and crops.

The farmers could not prevent it.

After that, it came to lower and southeast Asia, and the livestock either got attacked by their own livestock or were murdered by its diseased meat.

The people could not counteract it.

Next, it hit Australia and Oceania, covering the entire place in darkness and raising swarms of locusts to attack the people - conveniently murdering the first sons of all the families first before moving onto the rest and leaving them with venomous boils.

Nobody could repress it.

And finally, it attacked the Americas, plummeting and freezing the South in snow and hail and then torching the North in heat and fire.

Nothing could avert it.

The only place spared from God’s seven-day wrath was Africa, the Motherland.

Perhaps all those stories your mother told you about being a part of God’s chosen people was true after all.

Or more likely, you were just lucky - for now.

You were packing your bags, planning to return back to Houston, Texas after your vacation.

A graduation present from your uncle.

The next thing you know, you’re watching monks in Myanmar get rammed by raging bulls and French people scratch their heads so hard that they destroy their scalps on the news.

You had been in Cairo at the time.

The last words your mother had said to you over the phone were ones of warning.

“We are living in our last days. Stay there for just a few more weeks and then come home to me when it’s safe.”

But it wasn’t safe.

Houston was one of the first places to burn.

No amount of firefighters could put the flames out and everyone who tried to flee - quite literally, combusted.

Your mom was gone.

The scientists who were lucky enough to live estimated the the “Plagues” had killed off about sixty-five percent of the population.

Most of the other thirty-five percent were hunted down and shot to bits in blinding light by beings with golden wings.

They called them The Seraphim, the Burning Ones.

They were not friendly, nor were they gentle, and they chopped off the heads of every human they saw until God himself started assigning them people to spare.

One morning you had woken up with a G burned into your right arm.

After the angels had broken into the army barracks you had fled to for safety and cleansed the place of its human inhabitants, you figured out that that G stood for Genesis - the first book of the Bible.

Soon you were herded along with the other ‘G’s into a strange settlement.

The buildings were perfectly made of hard stone and sanded white.

The gravel streets were quiet and desolate. The gravel streets were quiet and desolate.

The golden sun shined over all of it.

“Forward!” An angel commanded, pushing you towards it all.

The angels then backed up, and a large wall magically blocked them from view.

You and the others looked around confused as you all wandered further into the strange land.

No one was there. No one.

What was going on?

The only thing that provided explanation to the question was a stone plaque in the middle of the town’s main square.

As the all of you got closer to it, golden letters burned into its hard surface.

To the people of Paradise, heed these commandments.

1. Thou shall not try to leave.

2. Thou shall not steal.

3. Thou shall not eat any of the blessed foods.

4. Thou shall not create or dabble in new invention.

5. Thou shall not marry another unless granted permission by the Holy Union.

6. Thou shall give The Burning Ones tribute on the first of every spring.

7. Thou shall worship God and only God.

The rules were simple. Still, people found it in themselves to be naturally disobedient. But they didn’t last long.

"That’s it!” An angry older man huffed, “I’m going!”

“Mister Coleman you can do that-”

“Enough!” Coleman snapped, “I’m a professor, and I say that this had got to be a prank. You all can stay if you want, but I’m getting out of here.”

Professor Lawrence Coleman then walked up to the wall and started to climb.

Then...

THWOOP!

A loud scream ripped from you and a the others as a shining gold arrow ripped through Coleman’s trachea. His body began to glow and then...ash.

Looking up, you saw the thing that had ended him.

A Seraphim floated above with emotionless air, his wings flapping as he spoke with authority.

“The commandments are clear and true,” the being spoke, “You are now servants of the Lord himself. Disobey his word? You die just as this wretch did.”

Even after Coleman’s deaths, people still tried to escape.

After about fifteen of them tried and failed, people started rebelling in other ways.

Some ate sugar, meat and spices, others tried to craft weapons to kill The Burning Ones...

Many died.

Soon, only thirty of you remained.

March 20th

Year 11

You sighed softly as you collected water from the well before carrying it through the courtyard.

This was your life now.

Slowly, people settled into their new lives in Paradise. Some became bakers, other farmers. You? You were ordained to be a nun in the convent.

Rape was illegal so you did not have to worry about covering your woolly hair, and the only people you saw on the regular were the other nuns and the children.

Your role was to teach them the word of God, and you knew what would happen to you if you did not play your role.

“Boker Tov Miss (Y/N),” little Alice greeted with a toothless grin as you came into the dining room.

“Boker Tov Alice,” you replied, placing the water on the table, “Ready for breakfast?”

“Mhmm,” she replied.

“Glad you could finally make it,” Miss Winifred - the oldest, said as placed hot bread and fresh milk onto the table, “We were starving. Come along ladies, let us get alone with prayer.”

It was the rule that everyone in Paradise had to say eight prayers a day: one in the morning, two before and after breakfast, lunch and dinner respectively and one at night.

This was the second prayer.

Later that morning, you sighed softly as you plucked fresh raspberries off their trellises and placed them in a basket.

Thank the Lord the rains had been frequent, lest your tribute would have been rendered inadequate and you obsolete.

Today was The Day of Babel.

Every March 20th the people of Paradise were commanded to bring gifts to the Main Church to please the Seraphim who watched over and protected them.

Tribute...

Each person was assigned one Seraphim per year and the cycle rotated.

This year, you were assigned to give a gift to the Seraphim called Spencer.

“You think he’ll like it?” Constance, your only friend, asked as she held the basket for you.

“He shall have to,” you replied seriously before dumping two handfuls of berries in, “Or else I shall be raptured.”

The people of Paradise knew what that term meant, raptured.

To you, it was foolish to pretend the friends you had watched be burned before your eyes were somewhere in heaven with God, but you decided to be sympathetic and go along with the delusion.

Sometimes it is better to believe a happy lie than to acknowledge the painful truth.

“Come,” you said, “We mustn't be late.”

After about a thirty minute walk, you made it to the square. Everyone else was walking to the church silently.

It was always easy for you to pick out the newer people, the younger ones who were not used to wrathful Gods and fiery angels.

The most scared-looking ones were always the children.

Soon, everyone was inside.

On the main stage stood several golden plates. Each plates stood for one Seraphim that was to come.

One by one, an angel appeared - their wings shining and their eyes glowing.

Then, your moment of truth arrived.

A blinding ray of light shined down on the last plate.

When it disappeared, there he was.

“Praised be to the Burning Ones,” you greeted with a bow, the other behind you following suit, “We humbly receive thine greatness.”

The Seraphim stepped off the golden plate and stood in front of you.

“Thank you. Now, let us see what have brought me.”

Steadying your hand, you held out the small basket of raspberries.

Spencer gave a pleased smile, “Berries, my favorite. Thank you.”

Everyone followed behind you, presenting their gifts.

With interest, you took notice of how Spencer accepted each gift with grace and kindness, giving a thank you to each person.

Then, it was little Alice’s turn.

“Hello,” Spencer greeted, getting down on one knee and looking her in the eyes.

Alice did as you both had rehearsed.

“Praised be unto you,” Alice replied with a little bow.

“And unto you, little one. What have you brought for me?”

“W-well, it’s not perfect but I...I drew you a picture.”

With two little hands, she handed it to him.

You held your breath.

If he didn’t like it...

“This is the best gift I have ever received,” Spencer said, “Thank you Alice.”

You breathed out a small sigh of relief. You would all make it another year.

That night, you couldn’t sleep and decided to step out to get some fresh air to help you relax.

The wind blew slightly through your fro as you clenched your robe tighter around you to keep warm.

The streets were desolate, silent. The only light out besides the lanterns on the doors was the moon.

This wasn’t the only night you had left the convent.

After more than ten years in Paradise, you...were getting sick of Paradise.

It was always the same routine: get up, pray, eat, pray some more...

What was the meaning of life now?

To obey, you huffed to yourself, It’s always to obey.

Soon, you made it to to the forest and as routine dictated, to the small clearing half a mile out.

You were so tired of it all - the praying, the obeying...

Still, what could you do about it? Nothing.

“Meaningless,” you muttered to yourself.

“Nature is never meaningless.”

You whipped around at the voice.

“Relax,” the familiar figure soothed, gliding out of the darkness, “It is only I.”

“Spencer,” you greeted, bowing, “What a lovely surprise.”

“Do not lie, (Y/N),” Spencer replied, his wings gently flapping as he floated, “I know you do not welcome my presence. No one here does. Not truly.”

“Then why are you here?”

The angel landed and shrugged.

“You interest me,” he replied, “Even if you hold everyone together, yet you yourself are falling apart.”

“I am not falling apart,” you growled, “I will never break.”

Spencer smirked, “Wrath is a deadly sin.”

“So is arrogance and yet that did not stop you.”

Spencer laughed, “You are something (Y/N), something indeed. On the outside, there is this smooth cocoa brown shell of humility and penitence. But on the inside, there is a blazing fire waiting to burn.”

“Then it is probably best to ignite me-”

Your retort was stopped short when Spencer pulled you to him, smashing your lips towards his in an illicit kiss.

Once you snapped out the trance his lips had put you under, you did the only thing a self-respecting woman would do.

SLAP!

Spencer held his cheek, his eyes wide with pleasant shock as you stood there fuming.

“You...you slapped me.”

“Yes, I did. Were you expecting a different reaction?”

“From you? No. But I could rapture you for that.”

“You won’t.”

“You are right. I won’t. You are different from the other humans. You are real.”

“You consider me real for slapping you?”

“I consider you real for standing up for yourself. You are fierce, strong, and you stand firm in what you wish to achieve. I like that.”

You stood there puzzled.

“Listen,” he spoke, “I agree with you. This life is meaningless. Paradise is lost. The honey is hardened and the milk is sour. This...holy project is a farce.”

“And what makes you think I dislike Paradise?”

“Your body language. You walk around with your arms crossed and your eyes blazing. You want to be free.”

“So what if if I did?”

“I want to be free with you. A bunch of us do.”

“Us?”

“Seraphim, some close friends of mine. We used to live for guiding humans to Christ, not burning them for straying form the path we set. Sure you humans failed many times but there was always brave souls like you who got it right. Paradise is dead.”

“Well...what do you propose we do about it?”

“Escape.”

“Escape? That’s your brilliant plan, oh great Seraphim? Even you must know that there is no escape from Paradise.”

“Then we shall make one.”

“And say your colleagues catch you, what then? I will be raptured and you will be sent to Hell.”

“God only watches this place periodically. I have a contact who guards his throne. She tells me so. If we time everything right, we can leave for good.”

You sighed.

You weren’t really going to-

“I’m in,” you answered.

God no.

“Excellent.”

You seriously were partnering with your designated angel to break God’s rules.

Great.

December 24th

Year 11

“And you are sure this sword is gonna get us out?” You asked.

“You have been asking that for months,” Spencer replied, wrapping his lithe arms around your waist and kissing the back of your head, “Yes I’m sure.”

“Sorry,” you mocked, “Just checking.”

“Don’t worry,” Spencer soothed, speaking into your hair, “We shall all be free soon.”

This intimacy between the two of you had become commonplace ever since October. Apparently devising a plan to be free from God’s tyranny is a good foundation for a relationship.

“I will defy God for freedom, but I would die for you,” Spencer had said once.

Just like the other angels, Spencer had an arrogant and prideful side to him. But he was also kind, clever and - to your surprise, very intelligent.

A Seraphim and human in love? Go figure.

“Where will we go?”

“Anywhere,” Spencer replied, “The plagues are gone so we can head towards Europe. Or we can go to America. I will carry you all the way there if need be.”

“Will it be worth it? Is there anything out there for us?”

Spencer shrugged, “Who knows? But at least it will be up to us to discover. I am done being God’s puppet. From now on, we shall have the freedom to live as we please.”

That was the goal. Freedom.

December 24th

11:50 PM

You waited anxiously in the daisy fields.

Constance, Alice and Miss Winifred had each split up and talked to the others, to see if they wanted to leave.

You had wanted to ask them sooner, but Spencer assured you it was too dangerous and that another Seraphim would surely catch you.

Everything had to be perfectly timed.

“Psst.”

You looked over to see Constance, Alice and Miss Winifred.

“You made it.”

“Yes,” Constance said, “We did.”

“And the others?”

Miss Winifred shook her head disappointingly, “They were too afraid.”

You sighed.

Can’t save everybody.

Quickly, you shook it off.

“It’s fine,” you replied, “Let’s go.”

Swiftly, you led your three companions to a hard spot in the dirt and cleaned the spot off as quickly as possible.

“What is that?”

“A seal,” you replied, “It’s the only other way out of this place. The Seraphim use it to enter and leave Paradise.”

Gently, you took the blade of the sword and stuck it into the seal’s one small hole. Magically, the sword’s handle glowed and the seal opened, revealing a dark tunnel.

“Let’s go,” you said.

Soon, you were in the tunnel.

“I thought you said he was coming too,” Constance said petulantly.

“I am.”

The four of you squeal when a lantern flickered on in the darkness, revealing Spencer’s face.

“You have got to stop doing that,” you mumbled as Spencer kissed your cheek.

“Sorry Ahuvati,” He replied.

“Wait you two are...together?”

Spencer nodded, “Since October.”

“Have you fucked yet?” Miss Winifred asked.

“Jesus Wini,” You huffed, “Alice is right here, and no - we have not.”

“There shall be plenty of time to discuss our relationship later,” Spencer said, taking his sword from you, “Right now we’ve gotta move.”

Unsure of what was outside, you followed him.

Who knows? Maybe there was nothing out there. Maybe there was an opportunity to start over.

Either way, the choice would be yours and no one else’s.

Goodbye Paradise.

Author’s Note: Aaaaand that’s all folks! I know this one was bit different but I really worked hard on it. Comment and let me know what you think!

@shinyanchorface @tenaciousarcadeexpert @naturally-bri @suz-123 @dontshootmespence @cynbx @girl-x-wonder-x-reid @lovepeacehappinessalluneed @princesswagger15 @confused-and-really-hungry @lyricsstories @dreatine @siriuslycollins @darkfaethedestroyer @jackiethedreamer243 @hekaates @yourfavoritefavorite @storage-space-running-out @blackwatershipper @fandom-rpblog @witchiewinchester

#spencer reid x black!reader #spencer reid x reader #Angel!Spencer Reid x black!reader #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds au #i know this was a weird one #but Spencer would make a great angel and no one can convince me otherwise #angel 😇

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cosmicdvst · 6 years

Text

It’s a realization that takes a while to load, dragging with that desperate wait similar to the reboot of Red’s systems in the middle of a firefight. Only this time, once the words register and connect like the flares of his consoles, his trademark adrenaline is zapped with a shaking breath; you’re my...

She stands before him, a now striking carbon copy, stiff and pleading with eyes he can’t place—not mine. Colorless lips move and she’s talking, but he’s deaf with the white noise of disbelief.

His mother. This was his mother—Mom. Those three letters the very apparitions locked within the cold walls of foster homes. Kids cried for the worst of them, bargained with God for the best of them, and he’d...he’d worshiped the stars for a glimpse. And now here she is; nebulas delivering in the wake of burned debris and a universe aching for reprieve.

Her arms wrap around him, tight as she pulls him in close with a sob; “Keith...” She can barely manage it straight, tone thick in her tears.

He doesn’t move.

He’d wanted this, dreamed of this. The heart of his being had sought, subconscious, for the warmth of her love, the reassurance in her presence. The questions he had, the trivial things he’d wanted to share...and yet, before the reality of his wishes, he’s so perfectly frozen, system locked in the complexities of his emotions.

The curse of any living soul; complex, beating organisms at every stroke of time.

There’s a kaleidoscope of feelings; disbelief that free falls into shaking relief, the soothe of which dissolves into a bubbly excitement, before the final crash landing into the thorny undergrowth of resentment curdled in hurt.

There’s no anger, though—for the first time in his life, there’s no raging anger. Just echoes of that hurt, liquid emotion as it cuts down his cheeks.

His chest tightens and he can barely breathe. Tears flow shameless, the first spark of rain to break a dry spell spanning months and years. His shoulders shake and she pulls him in tighter, “son,” she says, and it’s the strike to midnight: he can’t.

He pushes her aside in a movement lacking the bite of rejection, just needing space. Bangs curl over violet, and he breathes; in, out, shaking, in, shaking, out. It feels like too much, the freight train of a childhood on the inevitable rails bound towards the future responsibility of a galactic soldier, finally finding what had carved its cargo so hauntingly hollow. He wants to embrace her, wants to hold her, be held by her, he wants to shout; mom, mom, mom.

But all he can fathom— “what the hell?” A hand swipes up to clear at the dripping mist of his gaze, and he turns away, conditioned to mask weakness. His voice rivals her thickness, rough in years of repression; “you just—THIS is where you’ve been a-all this time? You’re…you’re a-alive and this is where—” They’re at the cracked edge of some forsaken solar system, stripped of resource and beauty; it could have been the core of a black hole, so barren.

She steps back, expression pulled taunt in concern, hand lifted and clenched in a shaking fist; that’s all they are now, shaking puzzle pieces…but not malformed, not yet, and she clings to that.

“Keith, please, I—I’m not going to ask you to forgive me; I know what I did was wrong—”

He turns, instantly, all red faced and glassy eyed, chest trembling beneath its darkened armor.

“Wrong?” And it seems so unfair, to use such a black and white term for the history tied bitter to his name. “I needed you! I needed dad! I needed you both!” The words trudge up like some bile his body tries to expel, having cursed the glory of his soul for decades, and it bleeds in his tone, in the pin of his gaze on her. “Why the hell was it so hard for you to stay—at least for a bit?!” He stands slighter than her, smaller, but his voice resonates with the height of betrayed emotion; tears roll like waves down his cheeks and he doesn’t care anymore—he’s the epitome of a an ocean storm. “Or—to just explain something!” He’s choking on sobs, a disgusting mess of fleshy, tender, things. “That’s all you had to do! Just say s-something, what—did you think I wouldn’t notice? How different I was? I almost—argh,” It’s exhausting, he’s breathless, but the water writhes with the currents of buried memory.

“I needed—you, but you were gone, you left…a-and I…I thought it was because of me.”

It’s all he can repeat as he feels the weight of his body give way, and once more, he’s locked in her arms.

He cries, knife tossed to the floor, armor dead on his limbs.

“My baby boy,” she whispers, drawing him in with protective intent, and as he resides there against her chest, she feels his pulse with the weight of everything she’d lost from life. She swallows back her own sobs, though, and stays strong. Strong, like she resolved to be 19 years ago.

“It was for you—I had to leave you behind, to give you some kind of future…I’m a member of the Blade, Keith, you know our code…I couldn’t take you back and risk losing you because of it.” Her hand soothes down his back, caressing gentle, like she had when he’d first been born; precious to her and her alone. “Earth was the only option—but Stars,” she pauses, clutching on tighter, her tone breathless in a raw sort of sincerity conceived by the soul. “How I loved you, Keith...the second I had you in my arms, that’s all I could do; love you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

He leans into the touch, trembling with the line of her words, and finally, like that reboot wait of defense systems coming online, he draws his arms up and around her. He pulls her close, nuzzles in, and cries with no pretense; “I’ve missed you so much.”

There’s still no anger.

#( yALL THIS FUCKED ME UP )#( this had me fucked up since friday i'm a mes s )#( ★ :: ► drabbles; ❝a traveler of all time & space.❞ ◄ :: ★ )

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