Ardaline and Kud-Ei of the Bravil mages guild, for @ulenehlervu :) merry christmas! and thanks to scorchedcandy for organizing the secret santa exchange, this was fun

Kud-Ei from the Bravil Mages Guild

what's your favorite minor/one-off character from an elder scrolls game?

jokes aside and a character I've never seen talked about is Kud-ei, head of the Bravil mage's guild. gay coded, cares about her ladies, wlw mlm solidarity with Henantier, idk I jist really like her and find myself fond of the bravil mage's guild I'm general. see also: delphine jend, creator if the enemies explode spell

argonian women really are the backbone of the mages guild <3

Thots on Ardaline of the Bravil mages guild?

a sweetie. deserves the world. deserves better than that bastard vamori. i hope he left her alone. and that she keeps her staff under lock and key

i also really like the implied mother-daughter thing with kud-ei, i think that’s adorable. i love kud-ei,,

spur-of-the-moment headcanon is that she opens an alchemy shop in bravil at some point. and helps s’drassa with that potion to cure skooma addiction because i feel like bravil needs that sort of thing

anyway... I ship Kud-Ei and Henantier and if u disagree then sorry but ur wrong

OBLIVION CITIES RANKED BY HOW MUCH I LIKE THEM

Anvil: seaside and rainy! just like my home! Anvil has the bonus of having a chapel of Dibella AND a hot girl gang 😳😳😳

The Imperial City: classic, enchanting, nothing bad ever happens here- except for when it does

Bravil: this town is fucking garbo. I love it. the npcs are endearing, the night mother’s tomb is right there, and there’s a skooma den! talk about tourist attractions. deduction for having to retrieve kud-ei’s CRINGE wizard friend from a HELL MAZE

Bruma: what’s better than being borderline worshipped by the citizens of Cyrodiil? the answer is being borderline worshipped with a STATUE

Skingrad: wine. sweetrolls. unhinged conspiracy theorist. need I say more?

Leyawiin: generally unmemorable but still cozy and nice!

Kvatch: I bet it’d be really lovely if it wasn’t in complete ruins 😔

Chorrol and Cheydinhal: I’m sorry but these ones failed to catch my attention so they’re going last

I woke to find myself naked... again. What the hell? Why am I naked again? Did Kud-Ei undress me while I was asleep? What the hell, Kud-Ei??

I dove behind the screen and cried to be left alone while I scrambled to get my clothes back on. Amid my screaming and whining, I was vaguely aware of Henantier and Kud-Ei expressing their gratitude. I told them they could thank me by letting me get dressed in peace!

Henantier left me some scrolls. Some of them quite valuable, so I graciously accepted them. They’d fetch a pretty septim if I could find a buyer. Too bad none of them were a “Scroll of Restore Dignity”. I could really use that after waking up naked in front of two strangers. I swear, gentle reader, that I’m usually better at keeping my clothes on, I promise!

It was late, but the shops were still open, so I raced about to hock my homemade Restore Fatigue potions before the shops closed. It’s a bit curious, to me, as to why so many merchants are willing to buy home-brewed potions from some no-name lizard. I can’t for the life of me imagine why there’s so much demand for Restore Fatigue pots. Maybe, since they don’t have slaves in Cyrodiil, they actually do all of the work themselves around here and get really tired really easily. Whatever the case, it was late by the time I was done, so I retired to the Fighters Guild and called it a night.

The next morning, and I made the rounds, selling a few more of those pots. When that was done, I decided I wanted to pay a visit to Bravil Castle and play Tourist just for a bit, before returning to Skingrad.

In the courtyard, I found a few more sprigs of Nirnroot, and realized that, in total, I’d had the ten sprigs Sinderion asked me for. That, along with the Training Recommendation I’d received from Ardaline at the Bravil Mages Guild, I had plenty of incentive to return to Skingrad and speak to the nutty alchemist. Perhaps with Sinderion’s help, I could make myself a potion that could make me tough enough to go toe-to-toe with Baron von Zarov, and finally put that case to rest.

Also in the courtyard, I fond this fellow. I think I found the target consumer for my Restore Fatigue pots, because this guy looks dead on his feet. Or drunk. Or possibly both.

Into the castle’s main hall, I went. This has got to be the most rich, ornate, and clean place in all of Bravil. Jeez, this is opulence on a level that is just embarrassing. People are living in squalor out there, but the Count is living in finely marbled halls with lush carpeting. And probably a big, comfy bed with a plus teddy-bear waiting for him in his bedchambers.

I didn’t even want to speak to such a jerk. Instead, I looked around a bit, and found another one of those useful book. This one titled “Chronicles of Bravil.” An almanac of important information about the city, the most useful of which was about the local Skill Trainers. I’ll have to return to Bravil later when I’m a little more rich. I could definitely use the help of that Luciana Galena woman. Moving in Light Armor would help me duck attacks.

My business in Bravil finally concluded, I disembarked once more. It was late, close to noon, but I was still going to head out, and try to make back to Skingrad before dark. Wish me luck!

Bravil has no money

To even enter Bravil, there is this guard standing in front of this incredibly rickety looking bridge. Ewyn doubletook because like.. look... she just broke out of the Imperial prison, again. She cautiously got closer to the guard, but all he gave her was like this dumb look and “Evening.” She relaxed and just walked right past him to the town entrance.

Now Ewyn was so tired from walking around picking flowers and punching wolves in the mountains she felt her feet were basically bruised bananas or something else vaguely protuberant and mushy.

She was already looking for the nearest Inn which was literally a stone’s throw away from the entrance when this woman runs up to her and tugs on her shirt with both hands, like Okay lady! I get it!

But it was all like “My husband is missing” and some deal he had with a gambler enabler. With the debt he’d been running, Ewyn figured they didn’t have a lot of money, so she didn’t want to waste her time. But it sounds like he was mixed up with the debtor, too, in which case he sounded like a fat pig.

She took a break to take a dump and get her read on.

Then she approached Lonely Suitors looking for some information.

There were a handful of people drinking ale but none who knew anything. A curious woman named Ranaline was there who was a bit mysterious, saying she chose to live her life in a deep solitude. Something kindred about her it seemed.

Going upstairs she met Kurdan, the debtor, who made the offer for Aleron’s life.

“Aleron may not be coming home from his... ahhh, journey, for a very long time. Like permanently. Whenever yer ready, and it better be soon, I'll have a boat waitin' for you to get to Fort Grief Island.“

She stayed at the Lonely Suitors for the night. There, in the middle of the night, Ewyn was approached by a Bosmer with a letter - her admission to the thieves guild. Heh, idiots.

She rolled over and went back to sleep until about 9 oclock, when she awoke to what sounded like plates crashing and some arguing from downstairs. She scrambled into her clothes and lighted down the steps. Kurdan had his mace held high and was chasing after Ungarion the altmer merchant for some reason. The fight outside ensued in the early morning with guards getting involved. Ewyn ran between them and hissed, forcing them to lower their weapons. They seemed a bit frightened. Maybe it was her new countenance, she thought.

“I’m ready to go, by the way,” She told Kurdan. He froze for a second, then scratched his head.

“Okay then, the boat is ready.”

Ewyn went down by the docks and surprised, saw Ranaline’s crumbled body by the boat. How did this even happen, she thought. Poor thing. She took a break to ransack Ranaline’s house and sure enough she was Red Dawn.

Long story short she aced the Hunter’s Run by essentially knifing everything in the back. World’s Most Dangerous Game my ass.

Kurdan and Aleron both died, unfortunately, meaning the pay was probably less.

Back at Bravil, true to form, Ursanne was sobbing but gave her a copy of a book as payment... right.... The whole farce was worth 30 gold.

But around town she’d been hearing some rumors about Kud-Ei of the mages guild.

Then Ewyn got mixed up in a much more interesting story about a man, her colleague, who was trapped in his own dreams.

Wow, she thought. I’ve been having some weird ones too. This sounds a bit more special.

Kud-Ei brought her to his bedside in the attic of her house. A sleeping man constantly tossing and turning. Ewyn touched him and shook him and nothing would wake him.

The pair sat by the bed talking about the incident, Ewyn’s dagger glinting in the firelight. I hope this pays better, she thought.

"Sorry to interrupt you sir, but the courier said this was urgent; it's from the Palace."

"Thank you, there's no need to apologise," Mahmud said as he stood up from his morning exercises and took the envelope. It indeed bore the Imperial seal, though it looked rather hastily applied, and he frowned as he broke it open.

Esteemed Champion,

An emergency session of the Council has been called; Mages and Armsmen are in attendance. The subject shall not be committed to paper for fear of interception, but suffice to say it concerns your particular skills and experiences, and it is imperative that you travel to the Tower at once.

In Imperium,

High Chancellor Ocato

He'd received short-notice summons more than a few times in his five years as Champion of Cyrodiil, but never before had they requested his personal skills like that, and he was alarmed at what it could mean. He pocketed the letter as he ran to the door of his quarters.

"Prepare my horse and stand at the gatehouse, I must ride at once!" He bellowed out of the doorway, trusting that somebody would hear and take the orders to the courtyard, while he dashed back to the chest at the foot of his bed and retrieved his Imperial armour, donning his boots first and hastily strapping on the rest as he rushed through the castle, bounding down the stone staircase to the great wooden door to the courtyard, where his horse was waiting with a fresh saddle and men-at-arms stood ready to open the portcullis.

"I'm headed for the City, I don't know how long I'll be gone," he called to the guards as he climbed onto his horse, and as they raised the gate he rode as quickly as his horse could manage, the sound of hooves echoing like thunder through the Colovian hills.

As he made his way through the fields and forests toward the Imperial City he caught a glimpse of Niben Bay on the horizon, and what appeared to be an incredibly thick fog had descended on the water, and while Mahmud was no weather expert he'd seen enough of the world to know that that was highly unusual for such a bright and clear day, and he wondered if perhaps some magical experiment had gone wrong. Doubtless if it were serious it would be mentioned at the Council, and he thought little more of it as his journey continued.

Eventually he made his way to White Gold Tower, and he burst into the Council Chambers to find Chancellor Ocato, the Grand Marshal of the Imperial Legion and various robed figures he was unfamiliar with, presumably the rest of the Mages' Council, which he had never before been invited to.

"Excellent, you've arrived," said Ocato as he stood to greet Mahmud, "Mages, this is Mahmud Aka-Ra, Champion of Cyrodiil. Champion, allow me to introduce members of the Mages' Council: Archmage Traven of the Arcane University, Arch-Magister Carasir, formerly of the Crystal Tower, Archmage Sulanne of the College of Winterhold, and by special request Kud-Ei of the Bravil Mages' Guild; several other Mages have yet to arrive, as well as most of the Armsmen, but frankly we have enough of us here to begin session and none of us are inclined to wait." Mahmud took his usual seat to the left of the Emperor's empty throne and Ocato continued.

"This session has been called to discuss the object that has appeared in Niben Bay, and as Kud-Ei was the first to notice and examine it she may have the floor." He sat back down and gestured to Kud-Ei, who stood and cleared her throat, her proud stance not quite hiding a slight nervousness.

"I was out late at night on the shore of the Bay, working on a project of mine, when I noticed some kind of structure or object in the centre of the water that I'd never seen before, one minute the horizon was clear and the next this thing was there, and while my reckoning could be off I'm reasonably sure it was spot-on midnight when it appeared, and I'm sure even the non-Mages here can tell that's quite the coincidence. It seemed to have a strange glow in the centre and I swam out to investigate, and it appears a new island has spontaneously formed in the Bay, and it holds what I believe to be a portal. I of course didn't try to enter it, but the face-like carvings around the glowing centre are reminiscent of symbols used by the Daedric Prince Sheogorath, which made a kind of sense with what the structure reminded me of.

I returned to town and woke a few of my fellow Mages, and we went out there to investigate more thoroughly, and while we still don't know for certain what is is, we felt confident enough to draw a mist around it to prevent a panic and I wrote to the Council as soon as I got back to the Guildhall, because...well, there's no easy way to say this and I'm at a loss for an explanation, but I think it's a new Oblivion Gate."

Mahmud became stony-faced and stood without a word.

"But with Akatosh keeping the barrier after the Temple, I didn't think - Champion, do you have something to say?" said Archmage Traven, somewhat taken aback.

"You should've just told me outright, didn't need a whole Council session," Mahmud growled as he left the table and walked to the chamber doors.

"Champion, where are you going? We still need you to discuss this," Ocato called in dismay.

"I'm closing it," Mahmud barked back as he heaved open the towering doors to the Council chamber.

"Wait! We don't know what we're dealing with, it won't be like the others you've faced!' Ocato pleaded, embarrassed at the lack of decorum he was driven to.

"MARTIN DIDN'T DIE FOR THIS!" Mahmud roared, a cold fury on his face as he turned and shot one last fiery glare to the Council.

The guards gingerly closed the chamber doors as Mahmud stormed out of the Palace.

What's your favorite Mages Guildhall in Oblivion? I like the Bruma one because Volanaro seems cool. :)

anvil is my favourite, everyone seems so chill and capable, there's a pet imp!!!, and it was traven's old guildhall so

(anvil is also my favourite city in general so i might be biased)

i retain a soft spot for bravil as the first one i visited though. kud-ei is the mages' guild's collective grandmother

Before we left the city, for what was sure to be a long exodus, I decided to pay one more visit to Mercator at “A Fighting Chance”, to see if he’d made any progress with Mephala’s blade. To my surprise, he’d made quite a bit, actually, producing a number of replicas of amazing quality, in an assortment of dagger, one-handed, and great-sword variants. ...all of which were WAY too expensive for me to actually buy. By the Nine, the great swords were all over twelve-thousand Septims, each! I could buy a house for that kind of dosh! ...but they’re kataaaaanaaaas! I waaaaaaaant theeeeeeem! So I guess I have a new goal in life; to afford one of these magnificent swords. I’ll be sure to add it to the ever-growing list of things I need to do, including the Mobius Strip of; “Fight vampires, get legendary sword, use it to fight vampires.” And hey, since Mercator was done with the sword, he said I could take it back. So... I now once again own this thrice-cursed blade as a reminder of all the innocent blood spilled due to Mephala’s conspiracies. ...yay? That done, Ruin and I vamoosed as quickly as we could. I told Ruin that I had ‘convinced’ Soris to part with the staff with a lot of smooth talk and a little coin, and he seemed to buy it. The trip back was just as unremarkable as the trip there, and after a few hours, we were back in Bravil! First up, was delivering the package we’d picked up, and as fate would have it, I was to deliver it to Aryaire at the Bravil Mages Guild. Perfect, since once I was done, I could turn right around and talk to Kud-Ei about that Recommendation.

Kud-Ei: “You’re back. And you have the staff? Excellent!” Trials: “I hope Ardaline appreciates what I went through for this; having to deal with both a creepy stalker and a crazy hermit.” Kud-Ei: “Your efforts will not go unrewarded. You’ll be granted a glowing recommendation from me, and I’ll even teach you a new spell to sweeten the pot.” Trials: “Oh, sweet, free magic lessons. Lookit me, Ruin, I’m turning into a real mage and stuff.” Ruin: Gave a thoughtful smile and turned to Kud-Ei. “We thank you, madam. May we ask, what is the word around town?” Kud-EI: She paused to ponder that a moment. “Well, have you heard the story of the Loches? Particularly, Aleron Loche, who has gone missing. Poor Ursanne has been beside herself since he disappeared, but hasn’t been able to find anyone willing to help.” Trials: “So that makes at least two people in this town who’re missing that the guards aren’t doing anything about.” I rolled my eyes. “Well, looks like it falls to the Forged-Through-Trials Detective Agency to do the guards’ job for them, again!” Kud-Ei: “With you on the case, I’m sure Aleron is as good as found. “You’ll likely find Ursanne at the chapel. She’s spent most of every day there praying for her husband’s safe return.”

With that tip-off, we made for the chapel. We got a few dirty looks after delivering that package the other day, but I just ignored them and looked for Ursanne Loche, whom we found weeping and praying, as was predicted. Ursanne: “You... I’ve seen you popping in and out of the Fighters and Mages guilds. I’m sorry to impose--” Trials: “Oh, it’s no imposition at all. I’ve heard around town that your husband was in trouble, and helping people is what I do!” Ursanne: “R-really? I’m... not wealthy, you know. I’m not sure I could afford to pay for your help.” Trials: “Hmm... payment is nice, but listening to your story, at least, is something I can offer for free.” Ursanne: “...oh, thank you!” She leaned over, and draped her arms around me, squeezing me dearly in her gratitude. Trials: “Aww, don’t thank me until I actually agree to take the job. So, what’s the whole story?” Ursanne: She drew back and wiped her eyes. “My husband has, well, a gambling problem, you see.” Trials: “Hey, it’s only a problem when you’re losing.” Ursanne: “Oh, he lost, and lost big. Big enough that he started barrowing money from a usurer to cover his losses and place new bets. “Well, doubling down didn’t quite pan out for us, and he ended up owing up to five-hundred gold to a ‘Kurdan gro-Dragol’. Kurdan breathed down our necks about the money for a while, until recently, when he sent for Aleron to meet him at the Lonely Suitor Lodge. My husband hasn’t returned since, and I’m sure Kurdan has something to do with that.” I furrowed my brow pensively at that. Back in Morrowind, I’d know a few slaves who’d gotten themselves into the life due to debts they owed. It was a viscous catch-twenty-two situation; they were in bondage from debt, but as slaves, could never earn the money needed to buy their freedom. For that reason, I had a healthy distrust of loan-sharks. I don’t know if Kurdan had sold Aleron into slavery or not, but that story got my hackles raised. Enough so that I decided right there and then, that even if Ursanne couldn’t pay, I’d take the case. Ursanne: She was visibly shaking. “I fear for my husband’s life. Kurdan isn’t known for his patience. I’m not wealthy, but I’ll find some way to repay your help, just please save my husband.” Trials: I crossed my arms, and gave a nod. “I’ll take the case, Ma’am. I‘ll have your husband back to you in a day or two!”

Ursanne gave us our first lead; the Lonely Suitor Lodge. It was just at the south end of town, so we made there, and asked around within to find Kurdan.

We found the man in his room on the second floor. Trials: “Ho, orc!” Kurdan: “Piss off, lizard!” Trials: “...okay, rude! Jeez, we just wanted to ask you about an ‘Aleron Loche’.” Kurdan: “I don’t know nuffin’, and even I did, I wouldn’t tell you!” Kurdan was evasive, and not too interested in talking, but I readied the spells Kud-Ei had taught me, and with a cast of the two of them, he finally opened up... somewhat. Kurdan: “Alright, maybe I know where Aleron is, and maybe I don’t. Maybe, if you’re willing to do me a little favor, it might loosen my tongue.” Trials: I sighed and grumbled. “Where to, and how many?” Kurdan: “One of my stupid relatives lost a prized family heirloom, the ‘Axe of Dragol’. But I’ve tracked it to Fort Grief, which is on an island in Niben Bay. I want you to go get it back. Do that for me, and I ‘might remember’ what happened to Aleron.” Ruin: “This sounds very suspect. What would happen were we to refuse this request?” Kurdan: “Then Aleron may not be coming home from his... uh, journey, for a very long time. Like, permanently!” Trials: “Yeah, yeah, we get it. So, how’re we getting to Fort Grief?” Kurdan: “I just so happen to have a boat you can take. It’s docked in the water behind A Warlock’s Luck. Now get moving, meat!”

Ruin and I agreed, this request seemed sketchy as all heck. But we were out of options, so we agreed to do Kurdan’s favor. We found the boat just where the orc promised it would be, and after an hour’s ride, we’d arrived at Grief Island. Embarking from the doc, we followed the short trail to the gate that led into the Fort. A nearby leaver opened the gate, and we embarked inside... finding a smear of blood upon the wall that led deeper into the Fort. Oh boy is that a bad omen. I feel like a month ago, I probably would have just turned tail and left without a second thought... but I’d made a promise to Ursanne Loche that I would find her husband and bring him home. Danger or no, we were going in!

Well, that was fast. There’s the man himself, standing right here, as if waiting for us. Aleron: “It appears as though Kurdan has tricked another pair of poor souls with his ‘axe’ story.” Ruin: “...I knew that story was suspect.” Aleron: “That’s right. There is no ‘Axe of Dragol’. It was just a ruse to lure you out here. I fell for the same trick. In my case, he told me if I retrieved the axe, he’d erase my debts. I was such an idiot to believe him.” Trials: “So why has he lured us out here? I’m guessing he’s not going to jump out from behind that pillar with sweetrolls and wine.” Aleron: “You might say that we’re here to play ‘the most dangerous game’.” Trials: “Is that the one where you lay your hand on a table and poke a dagger between your fingers and see how fast you can go?” Aleron: “...” He shook his head. “Uh, no, this is the one where wealthy psychos pay Kurdan to kidnap people so they can be hunted for sport.” Ruin: “...ah, yes, I know this game. Back in Black Mash, we used to call it; ‘Tirdas’, and whoever one got a prize!” Trials: “...by the Nine, Ruin, your old home society sucked.” Ruin: “Why do you think I left?” Trials: “Anyway, Aleron, we have a boat. We can just skip out on this sick game and bounce back to Bravil.” Aleron: “Don’t bother. The door to this place is now locked. The only way to get out is by descending into the Hunter’s Run--the dungeons under Fort Grief--and killing the hunters. One of them will have the key to the door. That’s Kurdan’s rules, and the only way we can ‘win.’“ Trials: I sighed and shrugged. “Can’t we go anywhere without having to leave a trail of bodies??” Aleron: “I wish I could help, but I can’t fight. I’ve never held a weapon before in my life.” Trials: “I’d never held a weapon before until a little over a month ago. Mastery comes surprisingly fast once you understand that the pointy end of the sword goes into the other guy.” Aleron: “...” He turned to Ruin. “You’ll save me, won’t you, Male Argonian?” Ruin: He shrugged and grunted.

Such was our job; to descent into the dungeon, and kill the sickos who came here to kill us for the fun of it. A dark and bloody task, but it’s them or us... and given the choice, I’d rather it be them. Dying hurts, Gentle Reader, and I plan to do as little of it as I possibly can! This was also my first real opportunity to try out the Night-Eye spell I’d worked so hard to master. With a wave of my hand, my eyes tingled, and began to glow in the gloom of this dungeon. And as you can see from the pictographs, the image was nice, bright, sharp, and clear! Now I can actually show off what I get up to in these dives! And can watch me kick some tail in bright, crisp color!

To the left of the entrance was a locked gate. Just beyond, I could see a lever, much like the one that let me into Fort Grief in the first place. The lock was too complex to pick, even with my best tools, so it seemed indeed that my only option was to win the Hunter Run. Just me and Ruin, versus a group of highly practiced loonies. Wish us luck! We’re going to need it.

Turns out the Spire was due West, near Skingrad, whereas we were headed East, to Bravil. As the Spire Job was out of our way, I put a pin in it for now, and continued on to Bravil. We had a package to deliver, and nothing would keep this Argonian from her appointed cover-story! The trip from the Archeology Guild Castle to Bravil was mostly uneventful. We arrived just as the shops were closing, so we had just enough time to check them out and try to unload some of the loot we’d pinched off of bandits between here and the IC.

The shopping trip took us to “A Warlock’s Luck”, run by the High Elf “Ungarion.” It was while browsing his wares that I noticed this book: “An Expanded Excerpt from Vampires of Tamriel, Vol. II.” Given my still-open vampire cases, the book caught my eyes immediately, and I bought it, cracking it open immediately. The gist of the excerpt concerned a legendary blade of myth and lore, dubbed “The Light of Dawn.” A glowing sword that burst with sunlight every time it struck a vampire. Trials: “This sounds like exactly what I need! A blade of legend, tailor-made for slaying vampires.” Ruin: “And currently under control of a clan of vampires. I’m not sure pursuing this blade would be the wisest of decisions.” Trials: “...” I fumed, and stomped a foot. “Nanny-Ruin kills my buzz again. Damn, so I need to get strong enough to fight vampires, to get the legendary sword that might make me strong enough to fight vampires? What is this, some kind of Tang Mo riddle?” Ruin: He furrowed his brow thoughtfully, steepling his hands. “I know that you are eager to go after Seridur and Baron von Zarov. Perhaps... assuming we were to find Nornalhorst, the lair of the vampires holding the blade, we can at least check it out.” Trials: I grinned, hands on hips. “Oh, yes. Just a peak wouldn’t hurt...”

With that course of action decided on, we made for the Mages Guild. There, we had to wait until Kud-Ei had finished dinner, but after that, I was finally able to get in a little training in the arts of Illusion. Useful, both for my work as a thief, and for you, Gentle Reader. Next time I go diving into some dark cave, you might actually be able to see something! Kud-Ei: “I guess I do owe you for helping out with Henantier. Okay, what do you already know about Illusion?” Trials: “I can do--WHAT’S THAT OVER THERE?” Kud-Ei: She blinked, then turned her head. “What?” Trials: I proceed to pick her pocket. “Oh, nothing. It was just a cliff-racer. By the way, here’s the gold for the lessons!” After a few lessons with Kud-Ei, I was proficient enough now to finally be able to cast my Night-Eye spell. Surely to be useful the next time I go Dungeon Diving. After the training, Kud-Ei asked if I was interested in a recommendation from the guild-hall. Admittedly, I’m more interested in progress with the Thieves Guild, but knowing a little magic probably couldn’t hurt, so I agreed. Kud-Ei: “I’m afraid I haven’t had time to prepare anything conventional, I’m very preoccupied with this situation with Ardaline.” Trials: “...why’d you ask me if I wanted a recommendation if you didn’t have a task ready for me?” Kud-Ei: “Because I’m not-so-subtly asking you for another favor. I need you to talk to ‘Varon Vamori.’” Trials: “Who d’at?” Kud-Ei: “You’ve heard the expression; ‘the Town Horse’? Well, he’s the opposite. The ‘Town Mudcrab’; a hideous, aggressive creature who spends most of every day mired in his own filth and lashing out at anyone who gets too close.” Trials: Sardonically. “You make him sound like such a charmer.” Kud-Ei: “Surprisingly, Ardaline doesn’t care much for him, despite him bothering her every day. It finally came to a head when he stole her Mage’s Staff. I need you to get it back.” She gave me a few Beguile scrolls to help in that matter. Normally, these things are one-use only, but with the insight I gleamed from Kud-Ei’s lessons, I was skilled enough in Illusion to decipher the enchantment and add the Spell to my Spellbook. It’s not free, of course; it’ll pull from my internal reserves of Magicka, but now that I’m an Apprentice at Illusion, I should be able to handle that.

It was pretty late, so rather than go after Varon Vamori immediately Ruin and I called it a night. Afterward, we still had that package to deliver, so we headed for the castle... and right back out again, as we were told our mark was visiting the chapel for the day. Trials: “Hey, I got a package here, for a ‘Hans Black-Nail’!” Several people ceased praying and raised their heads to give me dirty looks. As if yelling loudly in a chapel was frowned upon, or something? Hans: He stood up and approached me. “I’ll sign for it.” He scribbled on my clipboard and accepted the package. Trials: “Ugh, glad to be rid of it. What’d you order? Because it weighed a ton!” Hans: “Just some... ‘reading material’.” He gave me some shifty eyes. “Hail Dagon.” Trials: “...what?” Hans: “Uh, I said ‘mail Raymond’. I need to mail one of these to my friend, Raymond! Dawn is Breaking! Greet the new day!” Trials: “...” I slowly began to step away from him. “OoooooKAY! I’m just gonna take my money and go.” I grab Ruin’s arm. “Let’s beat it!”

Once our job in town was finished, we tracked down Vamori, at long last. Ruin and I confronted him right away. Trials: “Ho, Dark Elf. We were wondering if we might talk to you about Ardeline?” Vamori: He wrinkled his nose and scowled. “Oh? What about that stuck-up Stacy?” Trials: “...” I frowned at him. “Look, we just want her Mage’s Staff back.” Vamori: “I don’t have it! And even if I did, I wouldn’t tell a Lizbian!” Trials: “...a what??” Vamori: “Quit mogging me and get out of my house! And take Chad-Scale here with you.” Trials: “...” Ruin: “...” Vamori: “What do they call him, anyway? Jaw-Like-Lantern? Wrists-Like-Tree-Trunks? Steals-Your-Girlfriend? Ruin: “...I don’t like any of those nicknames.” Ugh, Gentle Reader, after just two minutes alone with this yutz and I wanted to throttle him. But I was good, and I kept my cool, using the Beguile spell Kud-Ei taught me to get to calm down and open up. Vamori: Openly sobbing. “It’s my chin! She doesn’t like me because my chin is too pointy! That’s it, isn’t it!?” I quickly regretted getting him to open up. Ruin: “Just because Ardaline is not interested, does not mean no one is interested in you. You just need to accept that, and find a woman who will appreciate you?” Vamori: He wiped his eyes and whimpered. “Wh-what about her?” Trials: “...ffffffFUDGE NO!” Vamori: “...Friend-Zoned again!” He immediately began waling and buried his face in his hands. Ruin: “...” He sighed and turned to me. “While I understand your reaction, I think you should have been just a little bit more tactful.” Trials: “He’s a creep with the people-skills of a blighted scrib, and he can go eat a bag of nails. How’s that for ‘tactful’?” Ruin: “...I appreciate that, but we do need him to tell us what he did with the Mage’s Staff.” Vamori: “I’ll tell you if you’ll just get that Alphagonian out of my face! “I took it, okay? I just wanted Ardaline to like me, that’s all! I don’t do things like this, normally. I’m a nice guy, honest!” Trials: “...yeah, that hasn’t really borne out, like, at all!” Vamori: “I was a little ashamed afterwards, but I didn’t know how to apologize or give it back.” Trials: “It’s actually really easy. You say; ‘I’m sorry’, and you give it back!” Ruin: “That would require him to take responsibility. Something he’s proven to not be very adept at.” Vamori: “...besides, I’m afraid I don’t have it anymore. You see, I... I sold it. To a friend of mine, Soris Arenim.” Trials: “...uuuuuugh! You mean we sat through an hour of your Red-Potion B.S. and the staff isn’t even here??” Vamori: “No, it’s with Soris. He lives int the Talos Plaza District of the Imperial City.” Trial: I slammed me head against the nearby wall. “We just came from there! By the Nine!”

We reported back in to Kud-Ei, as I thought to get her two-cents on the matter. Kud-Ei: “He sold it, eh? This just keeps getting worse!” Trials: “You weren’t there to hear a Dibella-dry sob for hours about his wrists, or about how ‘FeMages’ are ‘all wenches.’ Trust me, this is already about as bad as it can get.” Kud-Ei: “And now you see why I asked you to do this favor for me. He creeps me out something fierce! “Anyway, here’re some more scrolls. Track down the staff and get it back. And, of course, keep this just between us.” So, it looks like we’re headed back to the Imperial City. Well, since we’re going that way anyway, I picked up another package to deliver back there. Nothing says I can’t get paid while I try to get the staff back!

The trip back to the Imperial City was uneventful enough. You could say Ruin and I cleared the way when we headed down to Bravil the first time ‘round. Once back in the city, we started off by delivering the package in question, to a ‘Damian Magius’ at the Imperial Trading Company warehouse, in the Waterfront District. Now it was time to track down Soris Arenim.

We found his house quickly enough, it being in the northwest corner of the Talos Plaza District. The door was open, so Ruin and I let ourselves in, whereupon we spoke to the man of the house. Soris: Deadpan. “...oh, sure, just let yourself in. It’s not like I mind uninvited guests or anything.” Trials: “You might wanna try locking your door if you have a problem, pal.” Soris: Sardonically. “But then how would I ever meet such interesting characters like yourselves?” Ruin: “...by going outside?” Soris: He recoiled and hissed at the notion. Trials: I sighed and rubbed my temple. “We’ll be outta your hair in a moment. We’d just like to ask about a staff you recently purchased?” Soris: “Yes, I have the staff Varon sold me.” Trials: “Any chance you’d be willing to part with it?” Soris: “Absolutely not! I paid good money for it, after all. A deal’s a deal!” Trials: “But it’s stolen, and we’re only trying to return it to its rightful owner--and WOW it feels weird to be saying that.” Ruin: He furrowed his brow curiously at me. “...why would it feel weird?” Trials: I sweated audibly. “No reason!” Soris: “Besides, I paid for the staff, so the ‘rightful owner’ is me, right now. Sorry, friend, but I’m just not willing to part with it. It’s nothing personal, kid.” Ruin: “Hmmm...” He cupped his chin curiously. “‘Nothing personal, kid’. I’m going to remember that for the next time we get into a fight!” Trials: “If that really sounds cool and new to you, your old society was a dull place.” Well, that was a dead-end... for now, at least. Ruin and I retreated for the time being, whereupon I picked up another package, this time back to Bravil. Then we retired to the Merchant’s Inn to spent the night...

...then, while Ruin was still asleep, I woke up in the dead of night, and slipped off back to the Talos Plaza District. Just as I’d planned, Soris and his wife were asleep when I broke in. Though that meant their bedroom was off limits. I don’t want to risk sneaking around in there while they’re sleeping. Since there was no immediate sign of the staff in their foyer, and that left one last alternative... the basement. That lock was just as easy to breach as the front door, so I was in, and slinking about in their basement in short order. Again, there was no immediate sign of the staff, but there was a chest of drawers down there that looked about the right size...

...jackpot! I now had the staff! Soris was not going to be happy when he woke up to find his new purchase missing, and since he knew I was interested in the staff, chances were that Ruin and I would probably have to leave the city and lie low for a while. But that can wait until tomorrow. I’m beat. Tomorrow, we return to Bravil!

I needed to decide what to do with Mephala’s Ebony Blade. Though powerful and sharp, I didn’t really want to use it. She was right when she said it was a gross reminder of what she’d done... what she’d tricked me into doing. A community was destroyed because of her, and I wanted nothing to do with that! Then, I remembered Mercator Saccus over at “A Fighting Chance.” He was looking for rare weapons of myth and lore, and this sword fit the bill. Given his knowledge of, and interest in, such weapons, I surmised that he might know what he was doing and had all the proper precautions in place, so I left the Ebony Blade in his care, for now. Hopefully he can take this wicked sword and do some good with it.

That done, I retired to my room at the Merchant’s Inn, where I had a lot of thinking drinking to do. Ah, cheap beer, you chase away the bad feelings I get from thinking about my part in ruining an innocent community. That was the rest of my day, and might have been the rest of week if Ruin hadn’t intervened. He insisted that I needed to get out there and get some work done. Seridur and Baron von Zarov were still at large, and I was the only one who knew or cared about their crimes. The guards wouldn’t do anything about them; both were too powerful to touch. It was up to me to prove they were vampires and guilty of preying on the innocent. So I put the bottle away for now, and we packed up. I needed to get out of the Imperial City for now. Hitting the road wasn’t as much fun as hitting the bottle, but would have a similar effect on clearing my head and improving my mood.

We took one last look around the city on the way out, and admittedly I did get to appreciate the more positive effects of my efforts. In Talos Plaza, we were privy to the sight of the Akatosh fountain flowing once again. It was refreshing to see that at least some of the things I do are a net-positive to people. I might prefer booze, but clean, sweet, non-corpsie water is a boon to everyone in the Imperial City.

Here we are, in the Imperial City, and there is where we’re going; Bravil. While Bravil is not the prettiest city in the Empire, I could use the training Kud-Ei could provide. I’m sure you, Gentle-Reader, would appreciate my gaining a mastery of Illusion the next time I go diving into a dark cave. So, back on the road again. We crossed the bridge toward Weye, and there moved south. It was south of the city, practically across Lake Rumare from the Waterfront District, we found...

...an Alyeid Well. These can be used to recharge magical items, so I asked Ruin if I could borrow his sword, and dipped it into the well to recharge it, before handing it back to him. I then stood between him and the well, and struck a pose. Trials: “Hey, Ruin, you know who really built these things?” Ruin: “’Who really,’ you say?”

Ruin: “...I don’t get it.” Trials: “...curses! C’mon, then, let’s go find someone who will get my hilarious and totally topical humor. There has to be someone in this province who will!”

A little further down the road, we nearly stumbled over a dead Argonian. Something tells me he probably won’t get my joke, either. Searching him, we learned his name was “Jeel-Otah.” He bore a note on his person, as well as an old and rusted key. Examining the note revealed that it was addressed to “Raminus Polus” at the Arcane University. It concerned the search for a magical artifact called “Eleidon’s Ward,” and it’s possible location in an Alyeid Ruin infested with trolls. It is being held by a conjurer, called “Crassus”. Ruin: “What is the story with these Conjurers? Why do they seem at odds with the Mages Guild?” Trials: “Oh, that was explained to me at the guild hall back in Anvil. “See, they’re exiles from the Mages Guild, and greater society at large, due to their trafficking with Daedra. While most conjuration spells that summon Daedra only last a limited time, and keep the Daedra on a short leash, they’ve conspired to cast more complicated and long lasting spells that grant the Daedra more autonomy. These spells require the sacrifice of innocent lives to maintain, so they’ve, obviously, been forced out of the Guild, and out into the wilds where they will attack anyone on sight to use them in their dark rituals.” Ruin: “I see. So they are no better than bandits, and prey upon the innocent. Then like bandits, we should show them no quarter. “This would also mean that ‘Eleidon’s Ward’ is ours for the taking, provided we can find Crassus and defeat him. There may be some reward for recovering it.” Trials: Septim Signs appeared in my eyes. “Ka-ching!” Ruin: He stared at me, brow furrowed in worry and confusion. “...you should really get your eyes checked. That isn’t normal.” Trials: “Yeah, they’ve been doing that ever since my first unsuccessful attempt to cast Night-Eye on myself.” The Septim Signs roll over to be replaced by Frowning Emojis.

Almost directly south of the Imperial City, we found an old, ruined castle. It piqued my curiosity, so while Ruin cautioned about getting involved in things without properly assessing all angles, I was just too intrigued to resist, and approached. The sign on the door, read: “The Archeology Guild”. Huh, I’d not heard of them. They don’t have any halls in any of the major cities. Could this be their only headquarters?

We barged on in, and were welcomed by an Argonian in fine robes. Teav: “Welcome to the Archeology Guild. My name is ‘Teav’, and I’m the resident gemologist.” Trials: “Oh, so you study Rooms of Nakeness?” Teav: “That’s a gymologist.” Trials: “Then you study fruit paste?” Teav: “That’s a jamologist.” Trials: “Alright, you study moving pictographs, then?” Teav: “That’s a GIFologist!” Ruin: “Eww, you both pronounce it as ‘jeef’?” Trials: “...” I scowled at him. “Tread lightly, Ruin. That’s a hill I’m prepared to die on!” Teav explained the purpose of the Archeology Guild; they are a peaceful institution dedicated to unearthing the ancient mysteries of Tamriel. He did mention that he was in charge of hiring new recruits, and that they were currently looking for new members. Teav: “Are you perhaps interested in joining?” Trials: “Sure! I’ll take any paying gig, and collecting shiny things from the ancient past sounds right up my alley!” Teav: “Now, we have certain requirements for membership. We’re looking for specialists. To that end, would you happen to be experienced with ancient Elven history?” Trials: “...uh, well I know they all used to work for a fat guy in a red robe.” Teav: “...” He shook his head, and sighed. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’. “How about ancient languages?” Trials: “I can speak Pig-Imperial.” Teav: “...strike two. How about, do you know anything about cartography, geology, or gemology?” Trials: “I’m still not even sure what that is. It’s when you study old fairy tales, right?” Teav: “...that’s a Grimmologist! “Listen, you’re a nice enough lass, but we need professionals. We don’t have a position here for a complete greenhorn.” Trials: “Hey! I’m no greenhorn! I’m in the Fighters Guild, and made it to the lofty rank of Apprenti--iiii--wow, that sounded better in my head than it did out loud.” Teav: “Hmm...” He cupped his chin and hummed in thought. “Still, it’s nice to know you’re not a novice at muscle-work, and... well, much as I’m loathed to admit it, we’re all a bunch of nerds here, and could use someone big and stronk to keep the monsters, bandits, and jocks away from our dig-sites.” Trials: “...” I sweated softly as I grinned. “Oh, yes, yes, I’m big and stronk, and totally not a loser who gets my tail kicked on the regular.” Teav: “...” He raised a brow at me, suspiciously. “Well, let’s see how you do on this first job. First, I want you to meet the rest of the guild. Introduce yourself, and see how they react to the idea of having some brawn on their side. Afterward, I’ll have a proper job ready for you.”

The snow was white and cold when I got out of Bruma following my last chat with Jorundr. In all honestly, the location Jorundr marked for me wasn’t that far from the gate, and I suspect that the City Watch’s notorious laziness is the only reason they hadn’t found it yet. Oh well, their loss. That gold will be mine! As I trudged through the snow to find the chest in question...

...and as I rounded a rock, a figure approached me. I recognized them right away, even out of his uniform; it was Horse’s Ass Tyrellius Logellus. But what could he have been doing here? Tyrellius: “I’m here for Jorundr’s gold.” Trials: I stomp a foot. “...oh for Hist’s sake! How did you even hear about it??” Tyrellius: “You really should be more careful when you talk in the dungeons... the sound tends to carry. Jorundr’s such an idiot!” Trials: “Preachin’ to the choir, there, pal. I wanted to talk in code but oh, no, he was all like: ‘Don’t call me stupid, lizard. *Punch!*’“ Tyrellius: “I’ve taken care of Arnora. She won’t be around to point the finger.” Trials: “You bastard! Surely she put up a struggle!” Tyrellius: “Yeah, and it tickled.” Trials: “...I never said she’d put up a good struggle.” Tyrellius: “And that leaves only you as the last loose end...” He drew on me, and I drew my own sword as well. Without Ruin to back me up for this one, the two of us danced back and forth through the snow, our sword clashing, sparks streaming every time our blades met, and his breath drawing steam in the air as we traded swings. Then I caught him in a slip, and knocked his blade away, before using the extra reach of my longer sword to catch him in the neck. He gurgled as his throat filled with blood, dropping his sword, clutching his throat, before crashing into the snow, dead.

Pausing to catch a few hot breaths of my own, I was free now to retrieve the treasure. Not a terrible haul, nearly five-hundred gold coins, a few gems, some rare books and a few pieces of jewelry. I’d prefer if I could’ve gotten this haul without so much bloodshed, but here we are.

I rushed back to Bruma to check on Arnora. Surely enough, as Tyrellius promised, he had ‘silenced’ her. There was nothing I could do, as she was already long dead by the time I arrived. A sorry end. Thief or no, snitch or no, she didn’t deserve this. And this puts me in an awkward position, too. If anyone saw me visiting Arnora over the last two days, the guards may start asking me some uncomfortable questions. I quickly retrieved Ruin, who, understandably, had  lot of uncomfortable questions of his own. Ruin: “Trials, it’s been almost two days! Where have you been?” Trials: “I’ll explain on the road. Right now, no talkie, more walkie! Grab your things.” Ruin: “Why are we leaving town in such a rush?” Trials: “Because I may have been involved in a scheme that resulted in two deaths.” Ruin: “..." Trials: “...self-defense, I swear!” Ruin: “I believe you, I just...” He sighed, and took a swig of mead. “But I really can’t leave you alone for even a minute, can I?”

Before we left Bruma, I took another job from the Gold Horse Courier notice board, this one taking us back to the Imperial City. That way, if anyone asked why was leaving Bruma in such a hurry, I could say it was because I had a delivery to make. And so we rushed out of Bruma, even though it was already late, and raced down the road back toward the IC.

Along the way, we observed another one of those Doom Stones. Ruin was awed by it, and suggested I give it a try... I’d already tried one, and wasn’t eager for another case of Brain-Freeze... but the Stone promised gifts befitting a thief... and so I took the plunge. Doom Stone: “Marked by a special fate, you rule your desti--” Trials: “SHUT UP AND KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE ICICLE-BRAIN!” Ruin: “...who are you speaking to?” Trials: “THE STUPID, GLOWING ROCK!” Doom Stone: “...well now I ain’t doin’ it.” Trials: “OH FOR FREEZIN’ OUT COLD!” After suffering quite a bit of ice-brain, I finally convinced the stone to grant me it’s blessing. I then kicked it so hard I think I broke a toe, and snow proceeded to fall off of the stone and bury me. After Ruin dug me out, we continued, further down the road. With the Imperial island in sight, we were waylaid by a Marauder, seeking to rob us both... until we kicked his butt so hard that he gave up.

Rather than die, he surrendered and asked for parley, where upon I proceeded to rob him for everything he carried. How the Turn Tables! Hey, I figure, if he’s got nothing to rob people with, he gets to keep on living and he’ll be less of a threat to other travelers on the road. Win-win for everyone all around! It was almost dark before we reached the Imperial City, but still bright enough that the shops were open. I managed to hit up Shady Sam once more, and picked up a better set of lock picks. Then Ruin and I managed to get to the Market District to sell off the loot from that Marauder we robbed.

After that, I took us to the Gold Horse Courier office to deliver that package and pick up another one. I decided our next stop ought to be Bravil, as I remembered that Kud-Ei was an expert in Illusion, and a little more knowledge of that school of magic could really help my work with the Thieves Guild.

Before we had a chance to leave the, we were stopped by a Mage’s Apprentice. She simply said that she was ordered to play courier and deliver a note to me, and once it was delivered, she accepted her fee--which I knew from personal experience was a pittance--and she was on her way.

Cracking open the note, I found it to be a note from a “Bothiel”. It concerned a stolen shipment of Dwemer artifacts from Morrowind. The items in question were necessary to repair the Imperial Orrey. The note listed that the last known location of the bandits who’d stolen the items in question was “Camp Ales” which was... considerably out of my way. I resolved to stow this information away for now, and Ruin and I may go after the job later when we’re in the area.

Private Harvil here told me a bit about the town. I was particularly interested in where the guilds were, which he answered smartly, but he added another little tidbit:

Private Harvil: “You hear any word about Kud-Ei’s friend?

Trials: “Uh, no, I just got here.”

Private Harvil: “Well, he’s missing, and she’s offering a generous reward, so hopefully someone will show up and lend a hand.”

Trials: I cocked an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t that supposed to be your job.”

Private Harvil: “If I left my post to go tracking down every missing person in town, who would guard the bridge, watch the road, or harass the skooma addicts for committing a victimless crime?”

Trials: “Ugh! All guards are useless.” After that conversation, I crossed the bridge toward the main gate--

--and found the view truly a charming sight. I tell you, there is always something to “like” about every city in Cyrodiil isn’t there?

They say that true beauty is on the inside. This did not hold true for Bravil, which looked just as much of a rat-hole inside as it did from the outside. On first glance, there wasn’t much to really see, so I made a quick beeline for the local Fighters Guild hall to stow my spoils and see about my business in town.

While I was there, going about my business, I overheard two of my guildmates speaking about local rumors. There is apparently a haunting near town somewhere, out on the Niben.

Great, first vampires, and now ghosts. I feel like I’m in children’s mystery novel!

While curious about the ghost, that might have to wait. Who knows how long I have before Baron von Zarov’s trail goes cold? I’ve got to get tougher, and I’ve got to do it fast!

I decided to stow the leather armor and switch back to the Fighters Guild chainmail for now. I look stylish in the leather, but with all the threats in this province I decided I’d need a little more protecting between me and the harsh, harsh wilderness.

Weather in Cyrodiil is quite strange. It was sunny when I first arrived in town, and yet raining after the mere hour I spent rearranging my gear and setting up for my meeting with Andragil. Still, I do like the rain, so I took this as a good omen. My meeting with Andragil was sure to go well!

I found Andragil in her home, and passed along the recommendation I received from Ambroise Canne. She was impressed enough to accept me... under one condition.

Andragil: “So here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to find out whether or not you can hold up in combat. You put up your shield, and I hit you.” Trials: “...” I cock an eyebrow at her. “Uh, exactly how long do I have to do this?” Andragil: “Until either you fall down, or I do.” Trials: I visibly pale. “I dunno, this sounds really dangerous.” Andragil: She grinned. “Oh don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

That said, she proceeded to come at me with a huge warhammer, all while I struggled to keep my shield up and avoid anymore broken bones! Trials: “Not in the face! Not in the face!” Andragil: “No, ALL in the FACE!”

Ugh, I think she nearly broke my arm! How is such a skinny elf so strong with that hammer? Somehow, someway, I withstood the beating she gave my shield until she was finally exhausted. Though breathless, she panted out that I had passed her test, and I could train with her. ...unfortunately, I only had enough gold for one lesson. So I retreated for the time being, opting to look around town for some work. Or at least hock my Restore Fatigue potions to the locals in town for some quick gold.