#killian jones fanfic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wannabespacesmuggler · 1 year

Text

Small Talk and Mediocre Coffee | Missing Person

Chapter Sixteen | Masterlist | Buy me a coffee

Summary: You recently moved to Storybrooke and began working the morning shift at Granny’s diner. Meanwhile, Killian Jones has been working the night shift on the docks of Storybrooke for years. When his routine gets turned upside down, he begins to understand the simple joy brought by an early cup of coffee, as long as you’re the one pouring it.

Pairing: Killian Jones x Reader

Warnings: mentions of death, PTSD

Word Count: 3K

Extras: Playlist – A playlist for two idiots in love: a gruff outcast who hates coffee but now drinks it every morning because the waitress at the diner keeps smiling at him as they pour it.

Author’s Note: So this chapter is about a month late (life really had other plans for me), but I think this one will be worth the wait. Let me know what you guys think. I’m excited for you all to read it.

“If you stare at that booth any harder, you might burn a hole into it.”

Your head snaps toward Ashley who just broke you out of your trance. You don’t know how long you were staring at the empty booth near the corner of the diner; however, it was long enough to garner a comment from Ashley. Attempting to shake off your thoughts, you roll your shoulders back and turn to face your colleague and friend.

“Sorry, Ashley. I’m just a little distracted this morning.”

Ashley nods at your words. She seems to hesitate for a moment, as if she’s deciding her next words very carefully. For a second, it seems as though Ashley isn’t going to say anything at all until she meets your gaze.

“I didn’t see Killian come in this morning. Is he working the night shift today?”

You knew this was coming at some point. Even though you tried to let it go, the fact that Killian Jones has been missing all morning has thrown you off. You like your routine -- in fact, you live for it -- waking up early, opening up the diner, pouring Killian a cup of coffee before his morning shift. It’s not even the fact that he didn’t show up that has you worried; there have been plenty of mornings since you met him when Killian didn’t come in for a cup of coffee, but in all of those instances he’s sent a message letting you know. You’ve spent all morning casting glances toward your phone on the counter and there is still no message from your pirate.

You shrug your shoulders at Ashley’s question which causes her to furrow her brow. Ashley doesn’t know Killian very well, but she knows you and she’s witnessed your budding relationship with Storybrooke’s resident bad boy firsthand. She knows he stopped coming into the diner for coffee ages ago -- she’s not even sure if the need for caffeine was ever the reason why Killian was in that booth every morning. So, the fact that he’s not here is odd and the fact that you seem confused by his actions is a bit troubling.

“Is something going on with you two?”

You let out a long sigh, dropping the towel you were holding onto the counter in front of you. Ashley crossed her arms, waiting for you to continue.

“I don’t know, Ash.”

Ashley takes a second to scan the diner, the two of you were already done with the morning breakfast rush so there are only a couple of morning stragglers left in the booths. The few patrons seem to be content for the time being, so Ashley takes your hand and drags you into the back of the diner away from the prying eyes and ears of Storybrooke’s curious residents.

“Okay, spill.”

You roll your eyes at Ashley's antics, but you can’t help the small smile that spreads across your face. After glancing over your shoulder, making sure that no one is watching, you explain the situation to Ashley. Her face lights up as you explain your ‘almost kiss’ from last night.

“I’m just afraid that I scared him off.”

Ashley shakes her head furiously.

“Absolutely not. Killian is so into you. Maybe he got switched to the night shift and forgot to send you a message?”

You know that Ashley is trying to comfort you and you wish that her words settled your nerves, but the entire situation is so unlike Killian. Ever since your conversation with him after your trip to the emergency room is been much better at communicating with you. You nod your head, but Ashley can tell that you’re still anxious.

“Have you talked to Emma or David this morning?”

You shake your head.

“Maybe you should stop by the station. Who knows, maybe he got caught up with David or something?”

Her words give you a little relief. Although you don’t know for sure, it is totally plausible that Killian met with David this morning and lost track of time.

“I can close by myself, if you want to head over there right now.”

“Are you sure?”

Ashley places her hands on her hips before answering.

“Of course. Go find loverboy.”

A small chuckle escapes your lips at the nickname that Ashley has decided on for Killian. You don't waste any time -- unwrapping the apron from around your waist and throwing Killian’s heavy hide jacket around your shoulders. You’re about to exit through the back door when Ashley’s voice stops you in your tracks.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Of course.”

“When you find Killian, just kiss him already.”

You flash her a bright smile before opening the door and heading out.

Lucky for you, it was a slow day at the station. When you arrive, David is sitting with his feet kicked up on his desk. The case file in his hands distracts him from your entrance. You call his name from the door, hoping not to startle the sheriff. David drops the case file in his lap and glances toward the door. When his eyes meet yours he smiles brightly.

“Hey, Emma has the day off if you’re looking for her.”

“Actually, I’m here to talk to you.”

David straightens himself, removing his feet from his desk and motioning to the chair a few feet away from him. You move further into the station and sit in the chair.

“What can I help you with?”

“It’s about Killian.”

David nods, but stays quiet, letting you continue.

“Have you seen him today?”

David lets out a soft sigh and his shoulders slump forward ever-so-slightly. His reaction causes your nerves to spike and begin to wring your hands together. David senses your nerves and reaches out to you. His hands grab yours and stop your anxious movements.

“He’s okay. Today just happens to be a really traumatic anniversary in his life and every year he just disappears for the day. I don’t know where he goes or what he does, but he always comes back the next day.”

This time, you nod at David’s words. There’s a part of you that desperately wants to ask him for details, but you know Killian Jones. He’s a guarded and cautious man. Although he’s slowly let you break down the walls he built up to protect his heart, you are not naïve enough to think that you know everything about the man. However, you do know that although Killian Jones is familiar with solitude, it is not his friend. Right now, you’re worried that he is drowning and without any help in sight, the waves of guilt and grief that he must be experiencing might swallow him whole.

“Do you think he should be alone right now?”

Although you’re aware of what you believe, you also know that David knows Killian better than anyone else in this town. If he believes that space is what is best for Killian right now, then you’ll leave it be. But, if David agrees with your line of thinking, then you’ll confidently spring into action.

“I think Killian believes that he has to go through this alone, but we both know he doesn’t.”

You nod at his words. That’s all you need to hear.

“I think I know where he is. Can I borrow your truck?”

David doesn’t even think about your question. He reaches into his pocket, grabs his keys, and tosses them to you. He looks at you, a passionate ferocity burning in your eyes for the man that he calls his best friend, and fondly smiles as he is overwhelmed by a feeling of relief. He’s watched Killian close himself off from others for years. Although he let David and his family into his life, there are still parts of him -- the parts of him that feel suffering and fear and loneliness -- that he conceals in order to protect the ones he loves. He’s managed to push almost everyone else away, but here you are -- prepared to move heaven and earth just to make sure that Killian isn’t alone tonight.

“Good luck.”

You give David a curt nod and head out of the station. Once you get into David’s truck, you take out your phone and punch in the coordinates you’re heading to. He may be able to disappear on David, but you know where Killian goes to escape Storybrooke. You know you’ll find him at the state line.

It takes you several hours to reach the state line, which gives you time to rethink your decision several times over. You almost turn the truck around multiple times. A part of you worries that Killian will be angry when you arrive -- maybe you’re overstepping one of the invisible boundaries you created over the past several months. However, when you spot Killian’s truck, your concern for Killian’s well-being outweighs the anxious pit growing in your stomach at the prospect of making him uncomfortable.

Killian is sitting on the tailgate of his truck. At the sound of another car approaching, his head turns. Reluctantly, he slides off the tailgate and begins walking toward David’s truck, which you parked several yards behind his own truck on the side of the road.

“Listen, David, I don’t know how you found me, but--”

The words get caught in Killian’s throat as you step out of David’s truck. He shouldn’t be surprised. If anyone was going to find him, it was you. But there is still a small part of him that doubts just how much you care about him. And that small part of him, made him believe that you wouldn’t notice if he went missing for a day. But here you are.

“You’re not David.”

A small smile spreads across your face at his words. As you approach Killian, you take a moment to look him over. He’s in his usual dark jeans, leather jacket, and black work boots. His obsidian hair is more disheveled than normal, most likely due to his nervous habit of running his hands through it. And his eyes are tired. You’re used to a hardened and weary Killian Jones, but today he just looks exhausted -- as if he didn't sleep at all last night.

“No, but I could go get him instead.”

You’re joking, he knows that, but he couldn’t help the panic that spiked in his chest. His mouth opened before his head could catch up.

“No, no, I want you.”

In that moment, Killian wants to take a shovel, dig a hole and fall into it. The panic in his chest begins rising to his throat as you just stare at him. He takes a moment to collect himself before speaking again.

“I mean, I want you here.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I want to be here.”

Killian can’t help the smile that spreads across his face as you repeat his words back to him. He remembers the day he picked you up from the emergency room and promised that he wouldn’t disappear on you again -- which is exactly what he did today. And with that thought, the panic that once filled his chest is replaced with guilt.

“I’m sorry. I should have at least sent you a text that I wouldn’t stop by the diner today.”

“Killian, I’m not mad. I’m just worried about you. David didn’t tell me anything, but if you want to talk about what’s going on in that head.”

Killian lets out a heavy sigh and leans against his truck. You don’t follow him, you let him have his space as he works through the thoughts running around in his head.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

Killian looks up at your words. His eyes are glossy and your heart aches as you realize that Killian is on the verge of tears.

“I was engaged. Years ago.”

Killian notices a look of confusion and curiosity flash across your face, but you stay silent, allowing him to continue if that’s what he wants to do. And he does. He wants to let you in.

“Milah. Her name was Milah.”

“What happened?”

Killian drew in a painful, shaky breath. It’s like he was back there all over again. He can feel the heavy rain against his skin. He can hear the sirens in the distance. Hell, he can practically see the steering wheel of his old Mustang. And then he could smell it, the blood. It’s all over his dashboard, and his clothes, and his hands. His hand…

“Killian?”

Your voice replaces the sirens. It washes over him, wraps around him and pulls him out of that night.

“I was in an accident -- before prison, before I started running with Liam. We were coming back from a dinner and I was driving. We were fighting and it was raining so hard. I didn’t see the other car in time. They blew a stop sign and…”

Killian’s voice trails off. He doesn’t have to finish -- you know.

“Killian…”

You want to comfort him, but you know that there isn’t anything you can say that can help him. There isn’t anything you can say that can bring Milah back. Killian shakes his head vigorously, as if he’s trying to physically rid himself of the thoughts inside his head.

“I blamed myself for years. Punished myself for not expecting the unexpected. I damn near drank myself to death because I couldn’t justify how the accident killed her, but I walked away with only this to show for it.”

He pushes his left sleeve up, exposing the scarred tissue that encompasses the skin of his entire hand and wrist.

“I didn’t even lose my hand. The doctors said it was a miracle. I thought I was cursed. Everything I touched, I ruined.”

Killian’s eyes close as he remembers the darkest period of his life. As he remembers everything he did -- everything that he’ll be atoning for, for the rest of his life. There was a time when he thought the guilt of who had become would eat him alive and swallow him whole. But that was before David, and Emma, and Henry, and you.

“I didn’t think I deserved to be happy for a long time. And then I met David and he gave me a second chance. He let me into his life and into his family. He let me live again.”

He lets out a shaky breath as he prepares himself for what he’s about to say next. He’s about to cross the invisible line that the two of you have created throughout the span of your friendship. And although that terrifies him to his very core, Killian Jones is sick and tired of being afraid to live.

“And I never thought I could allow myself to open my heart up and love someone again. That I was too bitter and bruised.”

For the first time since he brought up Milah, Killian fixes his gaze on you.

“Do you think you could let yourself love someone now?”

“Aye, I do.”

He doesn’t look away and neither do you. Your heartbeat is ringing in your ears as you ask him the question that could change everything.

“What made you change your mind?”

“You.”

You aren’t certain what gets your feet moving -- maybe the ferocity in his eyes or the sincerity in his voice. You don’t tell your legs to move, they just do, as if it is instinct that draws you closer to Killian. Throwing caution to the wind, you follow your heart instead of your head and take several long strides toward Killian until you’ve closed the distance that you created.

As you stand in front of him, close enough to feel the heat radiating off of his body. It draws you closer to him, into his orbit. You take a breath and study Killian’s features, looking for any sign of doubt. But, instead of doubt, all you find is adoration.

You take a leap of faith.

You reach up, wrapping both of your arms around Killian’s neck and pull him toward you. You stop just for a second once your nose brushes his, his lips just a breath away, giving him the chance to pull away. Killian notices your hesitation and backs away slightly so he can meet your gaze. His hands move to envelop your cheeks. His grip on either side of your face is gentle.

“If this isn’t what you want…”

The smile that graces your lips is sweet as honey -- just like when he first walked into the diner.

“Killian, just kiss me.”

You don’t have to ask him twice. He closes the gap between you and presses his lips against yours. The kiss is tender and sweet, until you let go of Killian’s neck and slide your hands down his chest. You grab onto either side of his leather jacket and pull him closer. Just like yesterday, when Herc called Killian, he lets out a low, guttural growl that reverberates in his chest. He moves his hands down your body until he’s got a tight grip on your waist. The kiss turns into something desperate and needy.

Eventually, you both have to break away and take a breath. Killian presses his forehead against yours as the two of you attempt to control your breathing and settle your nerves. You move a hand up to cup Killian’s cheek. His eyes close and he leans into your touch. He lets out a tired sigh as he just enjoys the sensation of your skin against his. His eyes flutter open and he presses a soft kiss into your palm.

“Stay with me. Please. I don’t want to be alone.”

“I’m not going anywhere. You’ve got me.”

Your words begin to stitch up an old wound, deep inside of him that he’d long forgotten. He steals another kiss from your lips, leaving you breathless, before wrapping both of his arms around your waist and pulling you in for a tight embrace. His head burrows into your neck as you wrap both your arms around his shoulders. In the comfort of your arms, Killian’s lips twist into a small smile. When he woke up this morning, he was prepared for yet another painful day of remembering all that he’s lost. Ready to drown his sorrows with a bottle of rum. But right now, with you in his arms, Killian Jones finally feels alive again.

Taglist: @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @alexa-fangirl-forever @mossnomori @captainamericasinnocence @fictionalhoomanofnowhere @ceruleanrainblues @lily-d247 @victoria-a567 @drinkfantasy @thisismelayla @its-not-too-late-for-coffee @rinymichelle321 @aesteticthotiere @popcrone818 @helplesslydevoted @limelightliterature @unlikelyandrogynousghost @theslytherinwriter @no-soup4u @scaraza

272 notes · View notes

happy-emmdings · 11 months

Text

Bleeding Out

on AO3

Tags: major character death, character insight, inner monologue in canon scene, hurt/no comfort

Summary: When Milah is murdered in front of him, Killian watches his entire world crushed and carried away on the salt-scened wind. He barely reacts to the severe pain and bleeding of his own body.

Word count: 1 084

He has been a fool for thinking a heart twice shattered had a chance to hold together while still being made of flesh. He should have turned it into solid rock. He should have cast it in steel. He should have thrown it into the ocean deep and leave it to fossilize. Because now its shards are piercing his lungs and he cannot breathe without a stabbing pain.

The softest touch of fingertips brushes against his jaw and he can feel the life fading out of them. Once again, he is powerless to stop it. Once again, he watches the one he loves most turn into a cold, unresponsive, empty body right in his arms. One moment a person, full of life and love and with so many horizons to see, the next a lifeless cadaver. A beating heart is nothing but sand in the wind.

He caresses her cheek one last time, unable to turn away just yet. This is the work of a coward. A coward who wouldn't even put up a fight for her, who has never deserved her beautiful, bold, courageous heart. A coward that hadn't passed his test years ago aboard this ship. Only a coward could hide behind dark magic and dare to claim the life of a woman for not wanting him. He wouldn't fight for her but he would dare seal her fate? How dare he? How dare he!

Does he have any idea what he has just done? What kind of monster is he to destroy the most precious soul in the entire world? What kind of monster is he to take a life worth a thousand times his? Can't he see that he has blocked out the sun? That the sea runs red with blood and the air is turning to smoke? Can't he see that without her there is no point? That all gold has lost its glimmer and all songs have turned to hoarse, empty gasps and all wine has turned bitter and bleak and there will never be joy in this world ever again?

Can't he see, that empty arms, that still feel the remains of a dying loved one's last warmth are a curse most horrid and that he will never ever be able to shake it off? And how dare he let him live with the remains of her last breath clinging to him like frost to a tongue? Once again, he is left behind. Once again, he is forced to watch someone leave and he's condemned to survival. As blood spills on the deck and his clothes, as it runs thick and warm between his fingers as he clutches his wrist, his whole body should be writhing in pain, but he might as well be already fossilizing. He can only feel the hazy edges of it but he knows there is more. It is hanging over his head like a wave stopped mid-motion, lurking, waiting for the cue to crush down on him and overwhelm his senses with the worst agony he has yet to taste. But not yet. It is held at bay by a pain greater still. And a new-born purpose.

A hook is a weapon as good as any other. Anything that has a sharp point can pierce, anything that has a purpose can have another. He couldn't kill the poison that took his brother, but he sure as hell can and will destroy the poison that took his love. His fate is decided the moment when he fails to fulfill that new oath on the spot. And he sees that this is why he is still alive, why he has to be alive even as everyone who deserved to live longer becomes nothing but bones in the ocean and another scar. He was a fool to think happiness was in the cards for the likes of him. No, he has not survived to find a happy ending. He is here to fulfill a different destiny. He must be an emissary of death. He must be the agent of wrath for those that cannot feel it anymore. And he has enough wrath for all of them, more than his wretched heart can hold. He can feel it pouring out through the cracks. And he lets it flood him. He lets it drown out the hopeless, lost despair. And he dons vengeance like a thick, grief-proof coat. What else is there left for him to do but destroy what has destroyed those that made life worth living? A thirst like he has never felt before takes over him. A thirst for crocodile blood.

No, he doesn't need gold to glimmer or songs to sound pleasing and merry or wine to be velvety and sweet. He doesn't need the sun to shine and the ocean to glint in its light. He needs to break what has broken him. He needs the satisfaction of annihilation. He needs to rid the world of this dastardly, abominable demon.

He has loved people whom he would have followed to the end of the earth and beyond. But now they have both fallen off the edge and he is once more left to roam the seas aimlessly like a ship without a crew. Like a wind torn sail without a purpose. The time of love is over. Now there is only one course in the stars for him. The age of hatred has begun. And he will follow it to the blue unknown. He knows what his dying breath will be. A proclamation of triumph when he will have slayed the demon.

The world sways around him as its single focal point becomes the glint of the hook he is holding. And it is then that the wave of unmatched suffering crushes down in full force. His knees buckle and his head spins in haze. And he can't see anything but red, red, red and dark spots and oh, he never knew he could hurt like this.

"Captain!" somebody calls out.

Feet pound on the wood and rush toward him. He is fading. Like Milah's heart. Like Liam's smile. Like a lantern's flame in the draft. But this darkness isn't death, it is merely slumber before he is reborn from the ashes, with a heart of stone this time. He cannot die, for he isn't truly alive anymore. His is an eternal death. A death he will live out to the last weary day. The hunt for revenge has only just begun.

#ouat fanfic #killian jones fanfic #character insight #ouat 2x04 #milah ouat #milah’s death #killian pain #mutilation #millian #it's angsty timeee

24 notes · View notes

cosette141 · 2 years

Text

A Snowball's Chance (OUAT fanfic) | Oneshot

Fandom: Once Upon A Time Pairing: Captain Swan Author: cosette141 Words: 3k Summary: After Emma rescues Killian from Hades in the Underworld, David and Snow tend to some of Killian's physical wounds, and end up healing emotional ones. (aka, Snow and David acting as parental figures for Killian) hurt/comfort oneshot

AO3

a/n: This was initially a deleted scene from my Underworld divergence "Hell to Pay". However, it can be read as a standalone moment where David and Snow tend to Killian after Emma rescues Killian from Hades in the Underworld. In that story (Hell to Pay), I'd written it where Emma's magic is weaker in the Underworld, meaning she had to heal his injuries one by one and it took a lot out of her. It also took her a lot longer to get Killian back to safety, for h/c reasons lol. So, right now they're safe in the Underworld version of the loft, Emma is passed out asleep from saving him and Killian is still quite banged up. So, if you haven't read Hell to Pay, then just know that, and you'll be caught up. If you have read Hell to Pay, then this could have taken place right after Chapter 14.

Killian woke to pain.

His torso was a pit of fire.

He couldn't remember what rendered him lying on his chest. The only thing his muddled, pain-ridden mind could put together was that lying on broken ribs hurt, and it was an agony he couldn't take.

He tried to push himself up, get the pressure off his ribs, but the moment he moved, a horrible pain shot through his chest. An unhinged sound escaped his throat, making him fall the inch back down, which did not help the broken ribs.

Hands were suddenly on him, a voice speaking from somewhere beyond the haze of agony. Whoever grabbed him was trying to lift him up, the same way Hades' guards had dragged him up from the floor of his cell countless times for another beating.

Killian panicked.

He lashed out with his hook.

But the moment he did, something in his left shoulder tore with a searing pain.

Killian groaned, feeling his forearm grabbed before it could make contact. Despite the pain, he fought.

He couldn't be taken again.

He couldn't bloody handle any more pain.

"HOOK!"

Killian's eyes snapped open.

David was breathing hard, one hand still holding his left forearm.

Killian blinked in utter confusion.

The prince was on his feet, looking incredibly relieved to have Killian's attention, as if he'd been trying to get it for some time. David slowly released him. "Hook," he said, a little breathless. "It's okay. You're safe," he added, in a sort of gentle voice that Killian had only ever heard directed at the members of his immediate family.

Another stab of pain from his ribs made Killian screw his eyes shut. He tried again to push himself up, but his muscles couldn't handle the strain.

"I'll help," said David, reaching for him again. "Don't try to take my head off, okay?"

In too much pain to reply, Killian just shut his eyes, and tried his best to help as David helped him to his back. He couldn't swallow the pained sounds that escaped his clenched teeth as David moved him, and by the time he was on his back, against what felt like pillows, he was panting. "Thank you," whispered Killian, out of breath.

David sank to the edge of the coffee table. With a shaky smile, David said, "I'm just glad you didn't have your hook."

Killian opened his eyes, giving him a halfhearted wince. "Sorry, mate," he said with difficulty, every breath still feeling like a knife sliding through his ribs.

Killian shut his eyes. His phantom heart was still pounding, just beginning to slow with the relief that he wasn't in that godforsaken prison of Hades'. That realization suddenly dawned the memories from the river to the caves to the woodland and the twisted Underworld version of Storybrooke. He and Emma were safe.

Killian's phantom heart stopped.

His eyes snapped open.

Emma.

"Emma—" he breathed, and without thinking, he jerked upright, only for pain to ignite everywhere, making him catch a cry in his throat. Despite it, he still tried to get up, only for David to push down on his uninjured shoulder, though carefully enough not to press into the broken bones.

"—is just fine," said David with a flick of a touched smile. Before Killian could ask, David nodded his head to his right, and Killian looked.

Asleep in the armchair beside the couch was Emma.

She was curled into a ball, and it would have been adorable if it wasn't because she was utterly exhausted. But Killian could see her breathe, see her chest rise and fall. She was okay.

She was safe.

Killian felt relief settle into his broken bones like cool water.

"She fell asleep about an hour ago," said David, watching his daughter with a glint in his eye like he could watch her forever. He looked back at Killian. He sighed, wincing a little. "This might be a dumb question, but... how are you feeling?"

Bloody horrible.

His torso was the worst of the pain. His ribs were still a fire that hasn't calmed down, and his shoulder was a new pain, searing and feeling like claws were ripping it open all over again. There were more broken bones in his torso than his ribs—Emma had healed most of his ribs, his beautiful lass—and he guessed the damn creature's claws were the culprit of that. His head pounded, and it made the room blur and spin. He felt weak and slightly sick. Above it all, he felt exhaustion so heavy it was determined to pull him back under.

But he suddenly, blissfully, he realized his back was nearly free of the agony it once was, thanks to his time at the mercy (or lack thereof) of Hades' lash. Killian nearly smiled with relief; that pain had quite likely been the worst of it all. But his relief faltered a moment later when he realized his jacket was missing and why the pain was gone.

Bloody hell.

Emma must have healed him.

That was something he didn't want her to see.

"Hook?"

Killian blinked his eyes back open, not realizing he closed them. He blinked, then answered David's question. "About as good as I… appear," he said raggedly, "I suppose."

David grimaced. "I'm sorry we couldn't find you… sooner," he said quietly. "You shouldn't have had to go through this."

Guilt gnawed at Killian, hurting worse than the injuries, thinking about the last time he saw Emma's father. "After…" rasped Killian, wincing sharply through physical and emotional pain. "After all I've… done," he managed, forcing himself to meet David's eyes, "I deserved it," he whispered.

Something shifted in David's eyes. "Hook—"

Killian looked away before he could see what that change was.

Before he could see his own hatred reflected in the other man's eyes.

Because bloody hell he knew he couldn't take any more physical pain, but he couldn't take that pain even more.

"I need…" Killian lost his breath, grimacing as he breathed through fire. "I need to apologize," he said shallowly. David opened his mouth to respond, but Killian didn't let him. "Please," he whispered. "I…" His eyes burned. "I am so bloody sorry for everything… everything I did to your family," he choked out. "If I could take it back, I would in an instant."

"Hook—" said David again, but Killian didn't let him finish; couldn't hear David say what he had been telling himself ever since he bloody died.

"I never deserved your daughter," said Killian heavily, the words scraped out and broken. "I never deserved to play any part in your family. And after what I did…" He shut his eyes. "You were right to hate me those years ago. I—"

"Killian."

Killian opened his eyes, his words dying in his throat.

David hasn't called him by his name since he had to, back when Henry didn't have his memory.

And only stunning Killian more, David didn't have the contempt in his eyes that Killian expected to see.

David sighed. "Do you really think, after everything you just went through here, after sacrificing yourself to save us all, that I could possibly hate you? That any of us could?" Killian blinked, stunned into silence. "We get it, Hook. You fought the darkness your whole life; I can't imagine how hard it was to have to fight it all over again. I…" He hesitated, looking at his daughter's sleeping form. "I'm glad Emma saved your life back in Camelot, because believe it or not… you've… grown on me." He looked back at Killian, saying the words with a slight roll of his eyes, but his eyes couldn't hide the fact that he meant it. Killian listened with utter disbelief. David sobered a little, adding, "But I'm sorry that saving your life had to come to that. I wish neither of you had to suffer that curse. But, you fought it and you were a hero. Are a hero." he corrected. With a heavy, almost exasperated sigh, he said, "Did you really think we'd all come down here to save you if we didn't think that?"

Killian couldn't speak.

Shocked into absolute silence.

"And for the record," said David, rolling his eyes again for effect, "I never hated you. It was more like… a strong dislike for the infuriating pirate who wouldn't stop hitting on my daughter." A glare. "And my wife."

Killian found himself smiling a little, lifting a brow to say, "I would have hit on you if you only asked, mate."

That time, Killian knew the eye roll was real.

But Killian sobered too, guilt stinging more than the wounds, saying quietly, "Apologies for my past behavior as well. I'm… I'm not proud of the man I used to be."

David gave him a meaningful look. "Don't think I forgot about Neverland, Hook. Without you saving my sorry ass, I wouldn't be with my family right now." David lifted a brow. "Back then, you said you did it for Emma, but you and I both know you did it because you're a good, if sometimes misguided, man." Killian opened his mouth to reply, but David beat him to it. "We all made mistakes in the past. Regardless of them, you should be proud of the man you are today." That soft look that Killian would never get used to being directed at him was in David's eyes again. "You've deserved Emma for a long time, now, Killian."

Killian blinked.

Never in his life would he have expected getting such… such approval from David, in more ways than one.

He wasn't sure he exactly agreed with him—forgiving himself wouldn't be that easy, if it were even possible—but he smiled nonetheless, because he had the prince's forgiveness and he honestly had worried he'd never even get close to it.

Killian shifted, in an attempt to alleviate the horrible pain in his shoulder. He grimaced, his hand grasping at his shoulder.

David's brows kneaded, seeing the way Killian was clutching at his ribs. David winced a little in sympathy. "Regina and the others should be back in a few hours. I'm sure she can heal the rest of your injuries." Giving Emma a worried look, David said, "Emma seems pretty drained."

"Emma has done enough," whispered Killian, looking at Emma himself, knowing how far she pushed herself to help him. To save him. "I can wait for Her Majesty," said Killian quietly. As much as he hurt, he was incapable of watching Emma heal him at her expense anymore.

Footsteps on the staircase announced Snow, who walked down to the first level with a pile of blankets in her arms. "I found some blankets in the closet that weren't covered in dust—" She stopped, seeing Killian awake. "Killian! You're awake," she said with a smile.

"Aye," he said, giving her a strained smile back, even when it pulled at the split in his lip.

Snow laid one of the blankets over Emma, gently tucking it in around her. Killian watched with a grin playing at his lips. When she was done, she picked up another and turned to him. "I have one for you, too," she said with another smile.

"I don't—" began Killian, but she ignored his weak protest.

"You're shaking like a leaf," she commented with a crease in her brows, draping it over him.

Killian didn't have the heart (literally or figuratively) to tell her that his trembling had nothing to do with being cold.

His shoulder stung sharply again, and Killian sucked in a breath, quickly removing his hand. Fresh blood smeared over the palm of his hand. Killian shut his eyes in irritation, tired of being so bloody broken.

"You're bleeding," said Snow suddenly.

Killian opened his eyes, giving her a strained smile. "I'll—" His words froze, having the word live on the tip of his tongue. And from the way both Emma's parents stiffened a little, he knew they heard it too. "...be all right," he finished softly.

Snow looked carefully at his shoulder. He heard her gasp a little.

Killian blinked his eyes open, seeing an unreadable expression on her face. She looked at him, looking like it took her a moment to find her voice. "Killian… is this…" She swallowed before asking, "Did… did Cerberus do this to you?"

"If that's… the name of the bloody… hell beast," he whispered, "then… unfortunately… aye," he managed.

Snow's face fell in a mix of shock and horror. "Oh, Killian…" she whispered.

"Holy—" breathed David, eyes widening.

Handing David one of the other blankets she'd brought down, Snow said to her husband, "David, rip this into some strips. We can stop the bleeding at the very least." Snow reached for Killian's shirt.

"It doesn't matter," said Killian through a wince. "I'm… in no danger," he said, so quietly he didn't even know if she heard him.

Can't bloody die twice.

Snow's hand paused, hearing what he was saying. She turned a gaze onto him with eyes that held a million sad emotions. "Of course it matters," she whispered, looking heartbroken that he felt it didn't.

David handed her a few strips of the blanket. Snow took them, turning back to Killian.

Something inside him made him try again. "You really don't have to," he whispered.

"I want to." said Snow without hesitation. She smiled, a little wince in her face. "Besides, losing this much blood is going to make you pass out again, and the air can't be helping the pain."

Killian blinked.

He stared at her, like she was an enigma.

He was dead.

Bleeding out wasn't a concern—if it were, he would have bled out ages ago. The only thing bandages would solve would be suffering.

He still, after these past few years, couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he—Captain Hook—had managed to gain the care of people who would bother to stop the bleeding of a dead man.

To think that he would gain even the care of anyone after all he's done in his life, it was like a snowball's chance in, well, this bloody place.

Yet…

That concern in Snow's eyes was for him and him alone. And no matter how much he tried, he didn't know what to do with it. His whole life, he'd looked after himself, patched up his own wounds—even cauterizing his own arm after losing his bloody hand. From a young age, he had to look after himself, wanting to show Liam he could be better, that he wasn't the little brother Liam always referred to him as. Milah had shown him kindness and care but he never really accepted it, always hid his pain from her as much as she could because women were too precious to bear any of his burdens. Emma had been the first person he'd shown his cracks to, his weakness, but he never wanted to. One look at her crumpled in that exhausted form on the armchair made his chest hurt because no one should have to bother with his pain.

Snow's kindness reminded him of something he never had.

Something he hadn't even thought about in decades.

A parent.

He knew Emma didn't grow up with Snow and David, but Killian has watched them attempt to make up for lost time. Seen David's reaction when Emma had been freezing to death in Elsa's ice cavern. Feeling like it was a lifetime ago, he remembered meeting Emma in the Enchanted Forest. Snow had protected her with her life and more.

His own parents were long dead. His father hadn't even loved him. His mother never even knew him.

Something deep inside Killian, a pain that had been buried so far down he thought it no longer existed, hurt.

And right there, in Snow's eyes, was the closest look toward that kind of care Killian knew he would ever see.

So, he let her wrap his shoulder in bandages, holding in a groan when it stung.

Once in place, Killian tiredly opened his eyes, no longer feeling the steady stream of blood dripping down his chest and side, and feeling the fog in his head wane.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Of course," she said just as softly.

"For… everything," said Killian, and in the way Snow's eyes changed, he knew that she knew the extent he was thanking her for.

He shut his eyes.

He had no idea what he did to deserve a second chance at a family.

And he had even less of an idea why they gave it to him.

All he knew was that he didn't have to wait for Regina to heal his pain after all.

tag list: @justanother-unluckysoul @elise-the-writer @kmomof4 @klynn-stormz @stahlop @ilovemesomekillianjones @hookmecaptain @tiganasummertree @jadehowlettthewolf @jonesfandomfanatic @anmylica @pirateprincessofpizza @stahlop @snowbellewells @eddisfargo @motherkatereloyshipper @confessionsofthemword @killianwhump

91 notes · View notes

kazoosandfannypacks · 2 years

Text

A CaptainCobra (platonic, obviously) fic, featuring grilled cheese, a dash of CaptainSwan, and a heaping helping of father-son bonding.

This is the first OUaT fic I've posted, so I hope you guys enjoy it! if you'd like to be added to my taglist, let me know! @accidental-spice @kanerallels @frankensteins-mt-dew @silver-the-phoenix I know a couple of you have already read this, but I didn't want you to miss the official drop! anyways, without further ado!

Operation Lunchbreak

Henry leafed through the pages of the storybook the way most people would read their family scrapbooks- because that's really what this book was. In these pages, he read tales of adventures, of magic, of quests for glory- of princes and princesses and shepherds and bandits and queens and wizards- of his own family. Today though, he was thankful that they didn't need to be any of those things. There were no unredeemed villains unchecked in the town, no menacing curses looming on the horizon. Today, Henry could just be a normal kid- well, as normal as you can get in Storybrooke. One of his moms was hard at work at the mayor's office, the other hard at work at the Sheriff's station with grandpa, grandma was spending her day off from school tending to her baby, and Killian was… well, he was most likely doing something useful.

Whenever there was danger in town, he'd be right on the front lines, or else in the library helping with the research aspect of their crisis of the week, or just giving mom the moral support she needed to save the day. Henry smiled when he thought about how happy his mom was when Killian was around. He brought so much light and joy into her life, and it made Henry happy to see his family happy. Besides, Henry enjoyed being around Killian too. They spent many Saturdays sailing together, and in the times when he needed help with things that moms just couldn't help him with, he'd turned to Killian for advice. As Henry re-read again the epic adventure of "Prince Charles" and "Princess Leia," he heard a metal knocking at his door. "Come in!" Henry said, looking up from his book a little and seeing Killian enter. When he saw that the pirate held a spatula, he sat up, immediately concerned. "Oh no." Henry said. "Don't tell me you're gonna try cooking again." "Granny's has been closed for repairs for three days." Killian said. "Emma's had to spend half her lunch break making her lunch each day. So I want to learn how to do it for her." Henry raised an eyebrow at him. "Didn't mom ban you from the stove after the spaghetti incident?" "Considering I've barely looked at a kitchen in two hundred years, let alone a kitchen with all these newfangled gadgets and thingamabobs and rubber spatulas in it, you should be applauding me for how little damage I caused. Besides, I'm not the one cooking." Killian threw the spatula to Henry. "Me?" "Regina said you're quite skilled at cooking, so I figured I could learn from an expert." "I'm not that good," Henry said, but he closed his book, and stood up, spatula in hand, "but I think we can make this work." "I'm ever in your debt." Killian said, holding the door open for him. "After you." And with that, Henry and Killian embarked on a new quest together- Operation Lunchbreak.

Read more on AO3!

#once upon a time #killian jones #henry mills #captain cobra #captain swan #once upon a time fanfic #killian jones fanfic #ouat fic #ouat #once upon a time season 6

21 notes · View notes

theodoresgirl · 7 months

Note

hi ml! how r ya?

can i request a killian jones x cheshire!reader? basically where reader represents cheshire cat and when killian meets her he’s completely in love with her strange and creepy behavior appearance!

Odd Cat // Killian Jones x Reader

Killian Jones x Fem!reader

Killian Jones x Cheshire Cat!Reader

Part 2

————

A/n: hi<33 I’m doing good!! I love this idea, But yet had none flowing through my head. This is short and I apologise, I can make a part two with them meeting again under different circumstances like in storybook or the enchanted forest, LMK<333

————

Killian had found himself in wonderland once again, He was walking down a yellow path that looked like it was just the same trees over and over again. Killian started to get annoyed with the never-ending forest.

“This path will go forever” a voice spoke from the branches above. “Hm- Who is there?” Killian stopped in his tracks looking around. “Cheshire cat~ Y/n l/n” she swung down, hanging upside down from a tree branch. “And your captain hook. Welcome back.” She grins. “To wonderland~”

“Oh? My name is known?” Killian smirks. “Known? Nothing is known here. Here known is nothing” She swings up to lie on the branch giving Killian a better view of herself. She had long magenta and pink hair, Her eyes were teal with cat-like pupils. Her grin turns into a creepy smile. “Are you lost, captain?”

Killian squinted his eyes looking at her, “Are you sure you're a cat love?” She blinks, losing her creepy smile, stunned for a second. “Your right, Or is it your wrong? I am the Cheshire cat” She hesitates before grinning and swinging back, Hanging upside down now with cat ears and a tail that matches her hair. Killian blinks and rubs his face, “How-” “How who?” She giggles swaying her tail. “You are odd, Love” He puts his hook under her chin. “And pretty”

She grins, “Is it true curiosity killed the cat?” He asks. “Curiosity? Curiosity is dangerous here, There's too many scary paths” she swings so she's sitting on the branch. “Where would the scary paths be?” He asked, Curiously. “Over there” She points in the direction opposite of her using her tail. “Over where?” He looks around, “over what?” She tilts her head. “The scary path” He says confused but assumed oddly. “There's many scary paths here.” She grins creeply again. “Your mad love” He chuckles softly looking up at her. “I’m mad, You're mad. We’re all mad here Captain.” “I’m not mad, love.” He grabs her ankle. “Of course you are Captain, Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

Killian bites his lip and scuffs, “you're an odd cat y/n.” She smiles and nods, “Your learning already, Now remember follow the yellow road” She grins before disappearing into ribbons leaving her grin there for a few moments before disappearing into sparkly dust. Killian backs up looking around, “whoa-“ He smirks and continues down the yellow path, that ended up leading to more yellow paths…

#fanfic #killian x reader #killian jones x reader #killian jones #killian jones x yn #killian x yn #disney x reader #ouat #ouat x yn #once upon a time #chesire cat #x reader #x yn

293 notes · View notes

riordanness · 4 months

Text

better than revenge — [k.jones]

wordcount: 2.1K

warnings: none???

requested: no

“C’mon lass, you get what you want, and I get what I want.”

I raise my eyebrows at this. “Oh?” I question, sipping from my goblet, keeping my eyes on him.

“What do I get out of this?” I ask, my voice hard and my gaze resolute. If I knew one thing, it was to never let down my guard, never show weakness.

The man laughs, tips his head back and gulps the rest of his alcohol down. He looks me in the eye. “I’ll let you live, lass… and I’ll even throw in a few pieces of gold for your trouble.”

I stare at him for the count of four.

“Deal.”

Hours later, under cover of nightfall, I tiptoe down the docks. My leather boots are soft and worn from use, and I have perfected the art of silent footsteps.

My fingers curl around the hilt of my sword, ready to pull it from its sheath the moment I perceive a threat of any kind.

I silently go through my mission once again, knowing full well a single mistake will result in my death. If the pirates aboard this ship don’t get me, the man who sent me on this mission surely will.

I have a simple goal: sneak aboard the Jolly Roger, find a magical compass, and get out alive.

My eyes rest on the ship itself, its name painted in cursive letters right on the waterline, so as the ship moves slightly on the waves, the words appear to dance.

I slip forward, seeing no one on deck. With one swift, fluid movement, I place my right hand on the starboard railing, then I use the momentum from a scissor kick to propel myself from the dock to the deck, dropping without a sound onto my feet.

I quickly shift my body to the shadows, crouching down and moving fast, getting to the doors leading to the lower deck.

Opening it, I slip inside, shutting it quietly behind me. I hadn’t spent the greatest amount of time on boats in my short life, and I haven’t the faintest idea of where to search for a compass of all things.

Luckily for me, I have a locator. I pull it from my pocket now, a shiny white stone, glowing faintly. Apparently, the closer to the compass I get, the brighter the light will shine.

I turn in a slow circle, and when I face the corridor to my left, the brightness of the stone becomes more obvious, in a way I can’t describe. It didn’t become literally brighter, exactly, but it was suddenly very clear which direction I should take.

I follow the stone’s magical light, until it leads me to a small desk inside what I think is the captain’s chambers. Luckily for me, no one is at home. I’m daft. the entire ship is empty. The crew must be out for a night at the pub, and good for me too.

I yank at the top drawer of the desk, its hinges crusty and rough. When the drawer finally slides open, my eyes come to rest on the only object inside.

A golden compass.

I smile, and reach towards the compass. The metal is cool to my touch, and my fingertips glide over it as smoothly as if it was polished merely moments earlier.

I lift it up out of the drawer, dangling it in the air in front of me. I stare in awe, watching as the compass catches the light, glittering and flashing. Rainbows dance across the chamber’s walls, filling the room with colour.

I am just about to drop the compass into my dress pocket, when a voice behind me scares the daylight out of me.

“And what exactly do you think you’re doing?”

I whirl around, shoving the compass into the deep pocket of my skirts. It was safest there; the pocket easily missed due to the many folds of my skirts. I draw my sword, and stare at the dark figure lurking in the doorway.

Shadows dance across his face, distorting his features. He’s tall, and I can tell his sword is also drawn, the blade catching the light of the only lamp in the room. My eyes drop to the lamp on the desk beside me. Without thinking, I blow out the flame.

It’s completely dark. I use this to my advantage, running fast at the doorway, crashing into the figure. We both land hard on the floor, and I scramble to my feet, ready to run.

But then, hands grab at my waist, hold me fast, and my hopes of escape crumble.

“You aren’t getting away that easily, love,” an accented voice whispers in my ear, before something hits my head, and I remember nothing else.

•••

My head pounds, and I dread opening my eyes. When I do, I immediately cringe in pain as light seemingly floods my vision, increasing my headache by tenfold.

I push myself up to a sitting position, taking in my surroundings. I’m in a bed, a simple woven blanket over me. I’m still in my normal clothes, which means no one changed me, thank goodness.

With a slight gasp, I hastily check my pocket. Of course, no compass. I shouldn’t have even dared to hope it remained in my possession. Of course that pirate would have taken it back.

Speaking of that pirate, I frown. Turning over all the events of last night (or what I assume was the last night; I’m not sure how much time has passed since I was knocked out; or even what time of day it is. Whoever’s cabin this is, they clearly hate windows), I shiver slightly. The memory of that voice in my ear, whispering seductively…

I shake myself, and climb out of the bed. I must find that compass, even if I am now a prisoner on this bloody pirate ship.

I leave the cabin, finding my way down the corridor, trying to find the familiar door that leads to the upper deck. When I finally find it, I can hear voices from outside. Pirates laughing and shouting and jeering at each other. At least half of the voices are obviously drunk.

My choice is a simple one, but I still hesitate. Remain a prisoner on this ship? Or risk dying in the battle across the deck?

My father always used to call me his little daredevil, before he died, so I decide to live up to his nickname for me, and push open the door.

The moment I step onto the deck, into the harsh sunlight, the chatter all around me stops. A dozen pairs of pirate eyes gape at me in curiosity. I wonder how often a woman has been on this ship.

Suddenly, someone drops down in front of me, swinging off a top with one hand, and landing on his feet. Startled, I take a step backwards, almost losing my balance.

The man straightens, and locks eyes with me. He smiles, but it’s not a nice smile. I mean, it’s nice. He’s fairly attractive, but his smile leaks devilishness.

“I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced, love,” the man says, and I would recognise that voice anywhere. He’s the man from last night, the man who knocked me out.

“I’m Killian Jones,” he continues. “Or as I’m not commonly known as, Captain Hook. To whom do I owe the honour?”

My eyes narrow suspiciously. I am a girl who has tried to steal from him, and yet he seems unaffected by this fact. My guard is instantly up, and I prepare for a fight.

“You are going to let me go,” I say stubbornly, wishing badly that I had my sword. I hadn’t noticed it right away when I’d awoken, but they’d taken it from me. “And I require your golden compass as well as my freedom.”

Killian Jones stares at me for a moment, then throws his head back and laughs.

His crew joins in the laughter, some pointing their fingers at me, some jeering and making stupid noises and gestures.

I roll my eyes at them. I have no time for men who aren’t my father. They’re a troublesome species that require a great deal too much effort for my own personal liking.

The captain gains his composure, and stares at me, rather dumbfounded.

“Love, there’s no way in hell I am giving you this compass, just like that.”

I narrow my eyes. “Then fight me for it. A duel. Winner gets the compass.”

Killian Jones raises an eyebrow at me apprehensively. “I don’t fight women. At least not with a sword.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Then this’ll be an easy win.” I step quickly towards one of the crew members, elbow him in the chest and pull at his sword at the same time, yanking it from its sheath as he stumbles backwards.

I launch an attack on Killian, my sword coming down on his head. In a flash, he brings his arm up to stop my blade.

My sword clangs against metal, and I stare in shock at what should be Killian’s hand… but isn’t. Replacing his hand is a shiny hook, which has caught my blade mid-air.

I blink in surprise. “You…”

“Yes, I know,” Killian sighs. “Captain Hook isn’t just a catchy nickname.” With his other hand, he gently pries my fingers off the hilt of the borrowed sword.

“Now, love, you’re going to stop attacking me, and do what I say. Or else you’re not going to get a very happy ending.”

I stand, deflated, and watch as he tells a crew mate to tie my hands together, and lash me to the main mast. I slump to the ground, a heavy feeling of defeat clouding over me. I watch in silence as Killian and his crew go back to their loud, joyful drinking. I seem to be forgotten, just like that.

I grit my teeth in frustration, but am suddenly aware of how loosely my bonds have been tied. Clearly, the crew member Killian Jones elected to tie me up was more than a little bit drunk. I smirk to myself as I wriggle my fingers, working at the poorly made knots.

Once my hands are free, I still, watching carefully, planning my escape. Most of the crew have wandered below decks now, and only Killian Jones and another man with a red beanie over his messy hair (who I guess is first mate), stand against the ship’s railing across the other end of the Jolly Roger.

Killian seems to bore of the first mate, and dismisses him, waving his hand at the man. The man disappears into one of the doorways at the back of the ship.

I wait, silent, hoping Hook will follow his mate. He doesn’t seem to have any plans of doing this. For a while, I just sit and watch him as he leans his back against the railing, picking at his metal hook, running his forefinger up and down it, tracing the sharp edges.

“You alright there, love?”

The break in silence startles me so much I barely hear the question. “I–what?”

Kilian looks up, meets my eyes, and smirks slowly, his chin tilting up a little as he does so. His tongue traces his upper teeth, his eyes studying me hard.

“I can’t let you go, you know,” he says.

“Why?” I refuse to believe him. There has to be a way for me to get out of this. Silently, I curse that random, awful man in the tavern for getting me into this mess. Even for a bit of gold and my life, I doubt this is worth it. A whole lot of hassle for not much gain, it was starting to seem.

“Because,” Hook replies, apparently not wanting to elaborate.

I roll my eyes. I am done with this rubbish. I stand quickly, my ropes dropping to the deck.

Killian’s eyes narrow, but he doesn’t seem especially surprised at my escape. “What exactly are you going to do now?” he asks me, a glint in his eyes. Whether it’s from amusement or pure evil, I don’t exactly know.

“Get out of here and kill you,” I say, eyes narrowed.

He laughs. “Okay, love. You do that.” For a moment, he does nothing but play with the hilt of his sword. Then he looks up at me. “You know, you could always join my crew.”

I frown immediately. “What do you mean? Why on earth would I do that?”

He smirks. “Because… I want you to.”

I stare at him, unsure if he’s serious or joking. Then, I make a dumb decision and decide, “Why not.”

#killian jones #ouat #ouat fanfic #fanfiction #killian jones x reader #once upon a time #ouat x reader #captain hook #hook x reader

91 notes · View notes

donteattheappleshook · 3 months

Text

(not so) young, drunk and alone 1/1

“Swan, it’s me. ‘M so sorry I ‘avnent called for… September, October, Nov… three months. Shit that’s too many months. ‘M sorry but I need your help. The sherrffeff won’t let me leave. He says you have to pick me up - well not you but ‘ynow someone. I don’t know anyone else. Oh! It’s Killian by the way. Killian Jones. I don’t know how many Killians you know but I’m that one. The dickhead who ghosted you. ‘Nway, if you could call me back that would be just - awesome. Yur prolly not gonna call me back. I wouldn’t call me back. ‘Nway… yeah. It’s Killian. Thanks.”

(We'll give this a light M)

Oh hey, it's me, neglecting all the WIPs for something new.

This fic is a little birthday present to myself. It's completely ferral and I had very little control over it but I listened to Dial Drunk on repeat for 3 days and then this happened. This fic is unbetaed but thank you @the-darkdragonfly for answering all my texts and rambling calls while I was writing it!

A Silver hook story because apparently everything I write is now...

Read it on Ao3 (where my italics work)

******

(not so) young, drunk and alone

She shouldn’t be allowed to look at him like that. Not with a smirk caught between her teeth in a way that makes his throat dry and his pulse race. Not with the barely restrained promise of a laugh he’s sure would come out in different company that makes his face burn and and his eyes unable to meet hers. He can’t look at her when she looks like that, and she’s looking at him like that, and he looks - he assumes not great.

So he focuses on the floor instead. The floor is safe. The floor doesn’t stir up conflicting and confusing feelings he’s managed to ignore for the better part of a year. The floor doesn’t make him question every terrible decision he’s made in his life that led him to this exact moment. The floor is… moving. It’s not supposed to do that. Although that’s likely the booze, he rationalizes. But the floor isn’t interested in being rational so Killian lets his forehead fall against the bars he’s already holding onto in an attempt to stay upright. The bars are nice, they’re cool and solid and it slows the spinning in his head a fraction.

“Big night?”

He takes a full ten seconds, counted slowly, and a few deep breaths before raising his head again and facing that smirk. It doesn’t help. The absolute delight in her eyes delivers the same gut-punch it always does - even if it’s at his expense - and the soft blonde curls that have fallen from her probably hastily pulled up bun make him ache to reach out and brush them away from her face just so he can feel the strands between his fingers.

He shouldn’t have called her. He knew it was a mistake when he did it. He should have just let the sheriff keep him in this bloody cell. It’s not as if he hadn’t slept it off a night or two in another cell in another town throughout his youth. But he’s not so youthful now and the sight of the cold, hard bench, the thought of his aching back and the copious amounts of rum still coursing through his blood had been enough to send him over the edge into madness apparently. So he’d pressed the blurry little “absolutely not” in his contacts and called the only person he knew in this whole bloody city.

“Swaann.” He attempts a smile but it turns into a wince as he manages to slur the single word. When he works up to meeting her eyes again - so green, like the sea glass he used to collect on the beach when he was a boy and that takes his breath away every time - there’s a bit of pity mixed in with the amusement.

He feels pretty pitiful. Forty-five and so stumbling drunk that he’d been tossed out of the pub and into a police car, only to be forced to face the one person he’d hoped the rum would chase from his mind. He’s too old to be acting like this. Even with his wits sloshing around in the drink he’d tried to drown them with he knows he’s too old to be acting like this. When you’re young, it’s funny, an anecdote for another time - spending the night in the drunk tank. When you’re his age, it’s just pathetic.

“Alright, let’s get you out of here.” Her voice is sweet, with a laugh still hiding somewhere behind it, and it’s the first sound since he was brought here that hasn’t made his head feel like it was being scratched at from the inside.

“You shouldn’t’ve come here. S’the middle of the night,” he tells her. She doesn’t belong in this sad little room in this sad little jail with the lightbulb that keeps flickering in and out. Still, he can’t stop the stupid smile that finds residence on his face whenever she’s near - because she is here. She came to get him.

Emma raises a brow in a way he thinks she may have picked up from him. “You called me three times.”

He blinks. Fuck. He doesn’t remember that. He looks at the sheriff waiting a little ways back who nods in confirmation, giving Killian his own pitying wince like he tried to stop him. Killian sighs. “‘Mm usually much more charming.”

She rolls her eyes but smirks again as the sheriff slides a key into the ancient looking lock. “Yeah, I know. Come on, Graham’s going to let you off with a warning -”

He nearly falls flat on his face when the door he’d been leaning against swings open.

“You sure you’re gonna be okay with him, Em?”

Oh great, they know each other. He’d be more annoyed at her cozy relationship with the unreasonably attractive sheriff if he wasn’t a little bit grateful to the man who caught him and is still holding him up now. If he can just get his legs to go back under him where they belong…

“I’ll be fine. Thanks.”

Killian feels himself being passed from the man who smells strikingly of the forest, to the woman with the irreplicable scent of honey and drugstore soap that overwhelms him with the memory of every time he’s had his mouth or his hand on her skin. The fingers of his one remaining hand burn with the urge to feel her under them again so he balls them into a fist as she drapes his arm over her shoulders. “What about you?” It takes him a moment to realize that he’s who the question is directed at. “You going to be okay to walk out of here?”

Sheer determination not to make an even greater fool of himself than he already has in front of Emma Swan is the only thing he can attribute to both not falling right over with the nod of his head, and the steadiness of his first step as she leads him out the door.

He stumbles three times between the building and her car. She catches him every time with a hand on his chest, her head turning so that her hair brushes his cheek and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t do it on purpose after the first time - though he can’t really trust his own thoughts at this point since they have to be yelled at him through an ocean of rum.

“It’s your bug!” he beams at the old, yellow car. “I love your bug.”

“You hate my bug.”

Oh, right. He does hate the car that broke down every other time they drove to his hotel in the middle of the night, the one that had broken down the night they met. ‘I swear I’m not trying to stand you up. It’s just my car is literally on the side of the road right now and the tow won’t come for another hour at least and there’s… smoke.’

It had been an interesting night, getting an Uber in a strange city to go pick up a stranded woman from a dating app who'd been on her way to his hotel for anonymous sex - a woman he found out had lied about her age when she pointed out that the 1993 beetle was older than she was. ‘I didn’t think you’d swipe right if you knew there was a whole high school senior between us.’ ‘Anything else I should know about?’ he’d teased when they were back at his hotel room where she’d managed to get him out of his shirt with impressive speed. ‘Is Anna even your real name?’ ‘Uhhh, about that…’

She leans him up against the aggressive yellow of the door as she fishes in her pockets for her key. Her cheeks have gone red from the cold and it reminds him of the flush that would sometimes come over her skin if he found the right words or the right touch.

“You’re so lovely.” His thumb is tracing over her cheek though he doesn’t remember raising his hand or reaching for her.

She snorts. “Yeah, okay, Jones. So not gonna happen tonight, but nice try.” This time her smirk is wicked and if he had any real control over his body or his brain he would kiss it right off her smug mouth.

“I wasn’t trying to do anything!” he swears, prosthetic on his heart as she unlocks the passenger side door. “I’m just grateful you came all the way out here to rescue me. My knight in awful yellow armour.” He gasps. She rescued him from a dungeon. “Bloody hell, Swan -” He speaks slowly, managing to get almost every word out coherently. “I’m the princess.”

He’s waiting for her to come to the same mind-blowing realization as he has, but she just shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “Get in the car, your highness.”

It takes an impressive amount of self-control for him to sit still and keep his hand to himself despite his racing heart and thoughts as she leans over to help him secure his seatbelt. Because he’s not supposed to have those thoughts. And his idiot heart can keep its cruel reminders to itself. He shouldn’t have called her. He hasn’t called her - not in months. Not since he realized his mistake and knew this thing between them had to come to an end.

He’s missed her so bloody much.

“Killian.” She’s beside him now in the driver’s seat and saying his name like it’s not the first time she’s asked him this question. “Where are you staying?”

“Oh, I…” Shit. He knows this. He’s got this. Think. There was a hotel. A big hotel with really good room service. Maybe they could go there and he could buy her room service. She always liked that. ‘Listen, I know I came over here for sex and that was great and everything, but there’s a freaking lobster grilled cheese on this menu so do you think I could be here for sex and room service tonight?’ She’d looked at him with that same wicked, eager smile and he was already reaching across her for the phone. ‘I feel like I should be concerned that you seem more turned on by this sandwich than you did by anything else tonight.’ ‘Well, it’ll probably take them a little while to deliver it if you want another go at out-seducing bread and cheese.’

“A hotel,” he tells her finally.

“Yeah, I kind of figured. Which one?”

“Which what?”

“Which hotel, Killian? Which hotel am I driving you to?”

“Oh.” He knows this one! “Mine.”

She sighs, forehead falling against the steering wheel for a long moment. He waits, not sure what he did wrong but positive that he did something. “Okay,” she says, sitting up and starting the car. “It’s late. You can sleep it off on my couch for tonight and I’ll drive you back in the morning when you’re less… wasted.”

She sounds frustrated and he thinks it might be his fault. He looks at her carefully as she turns out of the parking lot, really looks at her for the first time since she walked back into his life a moment ago. Holding his breath against the eyes and hair and skin that always try to steal it away, he takes note of her messy hair, the lack of any makeup, the grey sweats he knows she likes to sleep in. He looks at the clock next, the late - or rather early - hour shining angry, bright and orange. He can figure this out.

“I’m sorry.” He’s an idiot. She glances at him before turning back to the dark highway ahead of them.” “I shouldn’t have called you.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.” He hangs his head, hoping he looks sincere and not just as pathetically pissed as he is. “I woke you up.”

“Really, Killian, it’s fine. I was just going to bed.” He looks at the clock again and he envies her youth not for the first time since meeting her. He supposes he’s up this late as well, but that wasn’t by choice. That was the rum’s decision. The rum always makes bad decisions.

“But it’s cold.” She must be cold. She’s always cold and he made her go outside. She hates outside. She probably hates him now. ‘Listen, I’m all for this whole hooking up when you’re in town no strings thing.’ She waved a hand in his general direction. ‘Big fan of everything you’ve got going on here. But it’s cold as balls outside, so from now on you can come to mine and I can stay inside where it’s warm, or I’ll see you in the spring.’

The smirking curl of her mouth tugs at her cheek but he doesn’t reach for it again. “Yeah, it’s November.”

November. The last time he saw her it had been the dead of summer, both of them hot and sticky and barely dressed, stretched out in front of the single standing fan by the bed in her little apartment with no bloody air conditioning.

He misses that apartment. Misses being there with her and letting her make him boxed mac and cheese while he complained about her eating habits. Misses the ridiculous sheets with little Millennium Falcons on them that she’d found when he was running late to meet her that one time. He’d made her wash them before putting them on her bed - ‘fine, mom’ - and then listened to her make Star Wars puns from between her thighs until they tightened so hard against his ears he couldn’t hear anything at all.

And he misses the way she would smile at him when she opened the door, just before she dragged him inside, asking about his flight between heated kisses and frustrated hands. ‘I hate your stupid ties’.

He’s a bloody idiot and he should have never stopped calling. Or he should have stopped calling a long time ago, before there was anything to miss. They had a good thing going, an understanding, no strings. He’d reach out when he was in town for work and they would meet for one or however many nights he was staying. No expectations or dates or sleepovers, none of the complicated stuff. And he’d screwed it up.

His feet slip dangerously against the icy ground - at least he’s pretty sure there’s ice, or the ground isn’t staying still again - as Emma practically hoists him out of the car. “You remember the stairs right?” she asks, ducking under his arm again to steady him. She fits well there with her arm wrapped around his waist.

He hadn’t remembered the stairs. Though he should have, he’d complained about them enough times. ‘What’s so wrong with an apartment with an elevator?’ ‘Aw, can your old knees not handle it?’ He’d caught her as she bolted up the last few flights at his glare, laughing the whole way, and he’d spent enough time on his ‘old knees’ to make her take it back. This time, he’s not so sure he can handle it as he looks up at the rotating stairs that seem unable to settle on a height.

“It’s either that or you’re sleeping in the lobby, Jones.”

He considers it. “Is that David guy still your landlord?” The one who was particularly hostile to the man in his forties coming over at random hours of the night to visit his twenty-eight year old tenant. ‘Give him a break, he still thinks I’m the sixteen year old kid he illegally rented to when I first moved here.’

In fairness, Killian would probably judge himself too if he were in the landlord's shoes. He has judged himself many times for becoming a stereotype of Dicaprio-sized proportions. But the alternative would have been resisting Emma Swan, something he’s incapable of doing - or at least had been until that morning he ruined everything.

“Okay.” The stairs are still moving.

“Hold on.” She takes out her phones - there’s definitely two of them - and holds them in front of his face. “I just want to get you on camera saying that I’m not liable if you fall down these stairs and break your neck.”

“Is that really necessary?” He got that whole sentence out in one try.

“I know you have a lawyer.” ‘You have a what? Wow, I knew you were older but I didn’t know you were like, old old.’ ‘I don’t think it counts if you’ve stolen from parent’s liquor cabinet.’

“Fine. Don’t sue Emma if I die. She’s very nice and doesn’t have any money anyway.”

“Thank you.”

“It’ll never hold up in court.”

“That would be way more convincing if you could pronounce all your consonants.”

The climb takes twice as long as it should and he’s forced to stop once when he makes the mistake of looking down and his stomach rolls violently. ‘I swear to god if you puke in my hallway I’ll leave you here to sleep in it.’

“I don’t remember there being this many floors.”

“It’s four floors. You’ve done two.”

He might die.

He doesn’t die, but just barely, and when Emma leads him through the door and into the studio, she practically drops him onto the old couch. It’s not her fault; he’d made himself very droppable in the last few minutes. At least he landed on the couch and not the collection of wooden crates she’s glued together next to it. ‘That’s not a coffee table, Swan.’ ‘Oh, I’m sorry, is that or is that not your coffee cup on it right now?’

He doesn’t see her for a few minutes, his head too heavy to lift, but he can hear her moving around the apartment and he can picture her, walking through the kitchen on her toes. ‘It’s not weird, shut up.’ ‘I just thought you’d like to know that most people use their whole foot.’

When she finally comes back, he forces his eyes open, unsure who exactly glued them shut or how they did it without him noticing. Fuck she’s beautiful. Even through the boozy marinade he’s made of his head he can see that, and he wants to tell her. He could. He could blame it on the rum. But that would be a bad idea. Complicating things between them would be a bad idea. They’d already gotten complicated enough. God, he’s such a fuck up. Things were good, they could have stayed good. He just had to go and ruin a good thing with his stupid, greedy heart.

“Here.” Two little pills and a frighteningly large bottle of water are set down in front of him. He’s not sure what the pills are but he’s also pretty sure she wouldn’t try to poison him even if he is an asshole who called her in the middle of the night after ghosting her for months. Pretty sure. The water sounds like a good idea.

“Have you eaten anything or did you have rum for dinner?”

“There were peanuts at the bar,” he tells her after guzzling down enough water to drown himself with. She shakes her head and walks out of his line of sight again. This time she comes back with a bag of crisps and he thinks maybe she doesn’t hate him as much as he thought because they’re the kind he likes most.

“Eat that, drink that, and take those,” she orders, pointing to each with a stern look. “And then lie down on your side so I know you won’t choke to death in the night, and get some sleep.”

“Yes ‘mam,” he salutes.

“Don’t get cute with me.” He wasn’t trying to be cute. But it makes him unreasonably happy that she thinks he is. She rolls her eyes at his probably once again dumb smile and repeats, “eat,” before disappearing where he can’t see her again.

When she comes back this time her hair is down, falling over the shoulders of her oversized Jonas Brothers t-shirt she’s apparently had since she was twelve, and he wants to whine or cry at how desperately he wishes he could reach for her and what an idiot he is for being the reason he can’t. She’s carrying an empty garbage can, a blanket draped over one arm.

“Do not puke on my rug. It’s the only new thing in this whole apartment and I love it more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life.”

Killian leans over from where he’s stretched out on the couch that’s too small for him, running his fingers over the blue and white pattern and nods. “It’s lovely, very soft.”

She’s silent for long enough that he looks up again, only to find her with her lips pressed so hard together against a laugh that he can see her chest lurch with the force of containing it. He frowns, looking from her to the rug and back again before realizing that he’s been stroking the rug with his prosthetic hand.

“Emma… I might be drunker than I thought.”

The laugh that bursts out of her is loud and horrible and obnoxious and it’s the best sound he’s heard in a long time. He’s missed that sound, the one that had shocked him so completely the first time he heard it that they’d both ended up on the floor, stomachs hurting and eyes tearing, neither able to remember what had set her off in the first place and unable to stop giggling like teenagers.

“Aw, babe,” Emma crouches down in front of him with a pitying look before beginning to work the straps of his false hand loose. Her hand settles soft against his cheek once it’s free, smirk still lingering on the corner of her lips. “I don’t think anyone’s ever been as drunk as you are right now.”

Her face is so close to his that his heart forgets how it’s meant to work, stopping and racing of its own accord. He wishes she would close the distance, that he could feel her mouth against his for the first time in months, or that she’d simply stay here with him for the rest of the night because the distance and the silence between them has been more than he can take. He doesn't know how he ever convinced himself that staying away would eventually make the ache for her fade.

She smiles at him again, giving his cheek an affectionate pat before draping the blanket over him, the soft one he knows had been her prized possession before the rug. “Get some sleep, Killian. I don’t think anyone’s ever been as hungover as you’re going to be tomorrow either.”

He’s not sure whether or not the way his fingers close around hers before she can pull away was his idea or the rum’s, but she’s looking at him, waiting for him to say something and he doesn’t know what he was going to say or what he was thinking. He just knows that he missed her and he screwed it up - and then he screwed it up again, possibly beyond repair the second time.

Being in this city that he managed to avoid for months in the hopes that he could forget about her has been one of the worst decisions he’s ever made. To think he really believed that he could live here, that he could take the job that was offered and not be haunted by her every waking moment, not dread and hope to see her around every corner.

Being naive enough to think he could ignore the draw of her is how he ended up in that bar tonight. He’d tried to figure out how many shots of rum it would take to make him forget that he loves Emma Swan, but it seems there isn’t enough rum in the world for that - or at least not enough in that bar.

She’s still looking at him and he wishes she wasn’t watching him with a hesitation and a carefulness that hadn’t been there before. It had always been so easy between them; he’d never felt less self-conscious with another person in his life and now it’s all consuming. She’s lost the carefree warmth he used to see in her eyes, like he took it with him when he left that morning and didn’t come back.

“I’m sorry.”

He can’t tell if it’s relief or disappointment in her sigh. “I already told you, it’s fine.”

He shakes his head. “Not for calling you tonight. For not calling you. Every other night. I’ve been an ass and I’ve been a coward. You didn’t deserve that.” By the grace of whatever gods might be listening to his poor apology, he doesn’t slur a single word.

Her pause is long enough that he worries he said the wrong thing, and he can’t read her expression through the haze of booze and exhaustion swimming around in his head. He should let go of her hand, but he’s painfully aware that this could be the last time he gets to touch her and she’s not pulling away.

She sighs again. “Why don’t we talk about this when you’re feeling better?”

He lets go. “Aye, Swan, whatever you want.”

She walks away. Beyond repair then.

***

Killian jumps, heart pounding. He feels like he’s woken from a coma, body so heavy with sleep that parts of it aren't responding to him and never having been more confused than he is in these first few moments. It’s daytime, but it’s not morning, the light is too dim, and he’s asleep but not in his bed or in his hotel room, on a couch he recognizes but can’t really place. He has a vague recollection of things that may or may not have happened while he lay here; the sound of someone moving around the room, someone saying his name, a door shutting, an angry car somewhere far off and the bark of a dog somewhere close, the sound of keys and the strange sensation someone poking him in the face - hard.

All of it feels like a fever dream now as he looks towards the tinny sound of the belligerent man’s voice coming from the phone in her hand.Oh no. Oh god what the hell had he done last night? He recognizes the room, the soft blanket he’s under, the long legs clad in grey sweatpants perched on the table in front of him. He doesn’t think he can bring himself to look at her.

“Oh! It’s Killian by the way. Killian Jones. I don’t know how many Killians you know but I’m that one. The dickhead who ghosted you. ‘Nway, if you could call me back that would be just - awesome. Yur prolly not gonna call me back. I wouldn’t call me back. ‘Nway… yeah. It’s Killian. Thanks.”

If you’d like to save this message, press - there's a loud beep before another message begins to play. Bloody hell. He remembers the pub, and the cop - sort of - and he remembers that little line on his phone screen. ‘Absolutely not’. From the looks of it, he absolutely did.

“Heey, isme again. I don’t think I told you where I am. Is’not great, Swan. They put me in the jail.”

He winces, sitting up carefully, head still light and disoriented. “Did I…”

“Mhm.”

Another wince. “Are they all-”

“Oh yeah.”

“‘M not even that drunk. The sherfs just got a commpelex or something.”

“Swan, we really don’t have to -”

“Shh, this is my favourite part.”

Killian hangs his head. “I - Oy, I’m on the phone, sherirff! Don’ they teach you manners at cop school? The cops in your city are rude, Swan. Hey! No - iss my phone. I can call whoever I want.” There’s a shuffling sound that stirs up a faint memory of trying to back deeper into the cell, then a small shout and he remembers why his ass hurts and that he’s probably got a bruise on his hip the size of the one on his ego. Emma has her lip caught between her teeth again, flashing him the same look she had when she arrived at the station.

“Hello? Swan? Oh, right. Yur prolly asleep. You should be asleep, that’s good. I jus’ called ‘cus I…” For a blissful minute he thinks he might have had the sense to hang up, the silence on the other end dragging on and he almost breathes a sigh of relief. But then the message rings out again. “I can't remember why I called you. I think somethin’ made me think of you.” His voice gets softer and so does her expression for just a moment.

“That happens a lot. I been thinking ‘bout you a lot, all the time, really. And not just in a sexy way and not just yer face.” Killian hangs his head. “Even though I’m a fan of your face. And all your other parts too.”

He wishes he could just perish right here and now, wishes the dull ache in his head would become an aneurysm and take him out without a fuss.

“I been thinking about those ridic’lus tiktoks you used to send me and when I was in meetings ‘n I jus’ wanted to be with you. I don’t know anything about Taylor Swift anymore, Swan - I don’t know how to find those myself.” There’s another pause but he knows better than to hope this is over, much of this coming back to him now in mortifying waves.

“I’ve too many shirts in my closet now - It’s so many shirts. I always brought extra ‘cause I knew you’d steal ‘em an’ then you’d walk ‘round your kitchen in ‘em with no pants like yur a sexy Winnie the Pooh or somethn’ and I had to watch you climb yur counters while I had a heartattack ‘cuz you wouldn’ jus’ let me get things off the top shelf for you. Bloody stubborn.” There’s a sigh over the machine. “I don’t want this many shirts, Swan…

‘Anyway I - What? Who does? Sorry, Swan the sherf is being rude again. He wants to know if yur picking me up. Are you picking me up?” There’s so much hope in his past self’s voice that he almost feels bad for him. But he also knows what a bloody idiot that man is and it’s hard to feel anything but the overwhelming urge to disappear into this couch and not have to listen to any more of his drunken rambling. “That would be nice. But it’s okay if you don’t want to. I’d understand. Gnight, love.”

To delete this message press - She hits a button. Message saved.

Killian braces himself for the next one. Gods, how many of them are there? But this time it’s not his voice that comes out over the speakerphone, it’s another man, Irish and vaguely familiar through the sleep and the unfortunately returning memories.

“Hey, Emma, it’s Graham.” Killian’s heart drops into his stomach at the sound of another man calling her in the middle of the night. Of course she wouldn’t have sat around pining like he did, not for a man who treated her as carelessly as he had. Of course - “Listen, I don’t know who this guy is but he says he knows you. I thought maybe he was one of your clients but when I asked him how he knows you he just asked me if I’ve ever been in love...”

The brow Emma raises at him is equal parts question, challenge and amusement and he feels the blood rush from his face. Fuck. He wonders whether four floors would be high enough for him to end this misery if he just went out the window.

“Anyway, just let me know if this is another Walsh situation and I’ll make sure he stays in here, alright? Goodnight, love.” Killian can’t even begrudge the man or the endearment he adds to the end of his message when he’s only looking out for her. Probably a good thing she has someone to keep old, drunk dickheads away from her.

He hears another beep of her mailbox and braces himself for whatever’s coming next. “Hi, love, ‘m sorry for calling so much. I know I made too many ms’takes to be ‘loud to say this, but… I miss you, Swan… And I’d jus’ really like to see you again.”

End of messages. To -

Emma shuts the phone off, setting it down next to her on the coffee table. She tilts her head to see his face which he’s currently trying to bury in his hands. “Sounds like you had quite the night.”

“I thought I’d be more hungover.” His head hurts and he’s tired and his mouth is dry but he expected to be near death after the way he threw them back last night.

“It’s four in the afternoon.” Oh. He does the math of how long she’d let him sleep in her apartment after everything he’s done - after she picked him up.

“At one point I had to make sure you were alive. But I figured if you were able to leave such eloquent voicemails last night that you probably weren’t in danger of alcohol poisoning.”

“Swan, I…” He’s fully aware that he deserves her mocking but he’s too humiliated to even begin to try and explain his behaviour last night. How can he without explaining everything right down to that morning in July where he messed up the best thing in his life.

She takes pity on him, giving a small shrug. “Forget about it. Everyone says stupid stuff when they’re hammered. Everyone calls people they know they shouldn’t.”

“No, Emma -” He finally lifts his head to look at her. “That wasn’t…” He needs her to know that wasn’t what this was, she wasn’t just some drunk dial in the middle of the night. He thinks of how many times in the last three three months he’s looked at that contact in his phone, her name replaced with a reminder that he should not and absolutely could not go there. She mistakes his hesitation.

“You okay?”

“No.” He needs to talk to her, to apologize and beg her forgiveness. But he can’t find the words in his tired, muddled head to tell her without telling her everything. “I’m a bloody idiot.”

Emma smirks. “Yeah, we established that last night - a bunch of times.”

“I mean it. It wasn’t -” He rubs at his eyes, trying to clear the sleep and avoid looking at her. “I didn’t just call you because I was drunk. I’ve wanted to call you. For months. Last night just gave me an excuse.”

“You needed an excuse to call me?”

He sighs. “I was coward enough to convince myself I did.”

When he finally forces himself to face her, he finds her watching her phone, fingers wrung in her lap and lips pressed together tightly the way they always are before she asks something that’s answer matters to her.

“How much of last night do you actually remember?”

“Most of it, I think.” It’s been coming back to him in increasingly horrifying details since she played that first voicemail.

“You said a lot of stupid stuff.”

“I know.”

“How much of all of that was true?”

“All of it.”

She raises a brow. “All of it?”

“Aye.”

“Sexy Winnie the Pooh?”

A smirk tugs at his mouth. “I stand by what I said.”

He wonders which parts of what he said she’s focusing on as her silence stretches between them, heartbroken when he sees a little wall go up. This is why he stopped calling. He knew this would happen.

“It’s fine. It’s not like you owed me anything. We weren’t -”

“Don’t do that.” His hand reaches out for her, fingers playing carefully with the fabric of her too-big sweatpants. “We may not have been in a relationship but we weren’t nothing.” He won’t let her excuse his behaviour, not after they spent over a year in each others’ lives only for him to disappear from hers. “I shouldn’t have acted like we were.”

“So then why did you stop calling?” It’s the most vulnerable he’s ever heard her sound even though she hides it well and he can’t bring himself to look at her. “I liked what we had going. I liked spending time with you.”

“Aye, so did I.” Too much.

“I guess I thought - I guess I thought we were friends at least.”

“We were.” His fingers dance along her calf through the fabric he can’t stop fiddling with and he feels the muscle tense but she doesn’t pull away from him.

“So then what gives?” The anger in her voice makes his gaze snap up to hers. Finally. He’s been waiting for her to be angry with him, she deserves to be angry and he deserves it too. It gives him that small flicker of hope he’d been unable to find until now, a hope that if she’s angry, it’s because she cared enough to be hurt. “Why did you just…” She gestures vaguely with her hands. Disappear.

“Because I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“Do what? Hook up? Jesus, Killian, I’m a big girl. You didn’t have to run away because you were over the benefits part of this friendship.”

“I wasn’t. I left because I broke our rules.”

“What rules?”

The ones they’d so carefully established when they decided to continue this arrangement beyond the first and second time he saw her. The ones that were meant to keep either of them from getting hurt like they both were now.

“The last time I was here, we fell asleep and woke up in the morning still in your bed and I…”

“That’s why you freaked out? Because you accidentally slept over? That’s a bit dramatic don’t you think?” He can hear the disbelief in her voice and also the relief but he’s not done. “It wasn’t like a hard and fast rule -”

His fingers curl around the back of her knee, squeezing as he draws her attention. “That’s not why.” He traces his thumb over the fabric covering her shin and he knows he has to tell her because he can’t do this anymore without telling her and he can’t go back to how things were.

And he thinks that just maybe, she’ll want to hear it. Because as small and insignificant as it may seem, those aren’t her sweatpants, they’re his, lent - stolen - after a rather frantic afternoon in his hotel room six months ago where he may have torn her skirt in his haste to get it off. ‘You need better quality clothes, love.’ ‘Is this you finally offering to be my sugar daddy?’ They have his bloody initials on them - a strange gift from his lawyer friend. And she hasn’t gotten rid of them, didn’t toss them away when he did the same to her. She still sleeps in them.

“I freaked out because I liked waking up with you, and I started thinking that I’d like to wake up with you every morning.” He’d been hot and sweaty and sore from sleeping on her old mattress but he’d looked down at the woman wrapped around him despite the stifling heat, her cheek pressed to his chest and her hair in his mouth and he knew that he wanted this, wanted her, maybe forever. He hears her small intake of breath, his thumb still stroking her skin though the fabric as though it’ll give him the strength he needs. “And I hadn’t felt that way about anyone since…” He can’t finish and so she does for him.

“Milah?”

“Aye.” His reason for never wanting anything more, love lost in the same instant that cost him a piece of himself. He’d told Emma about her, one night when they’d lingered a little too long entangled in the aftermath. He didn’t know the details of her reason, only that she’d been far too young and that he’d hurt her deeply enough to make her wary of anyone who claimed love or devotion.

“I hoped that if I stayed away for a little while that it would fade away and that we could go back to how things were because I knew that if I told you I would lose you. But the longer I stayed away, the more I missed you and the more I wanted you and I realized it wasn’t going to go away - because I loved you.”

Killian watches her for a reaction as he tells her the truth he’d been hiding from her for months and from himself for far longer, but she remains unreadable, fingers still wringing nervously in her lap, breathing a little shaky. But there’s no abject terror in her gaze as she waits for him to finish.

“And by then I’d avoided you for too long and it was too late to tell you or try to go back to how things were and I lost you anyway. Then I managed to convince myself that it was for the best because this wasn’t what you wanted and you deserved better anyway.” Better than an old widower with a used up heart who’d run the moment things became real. “But I thought you had the right to know that I didn’t leave because I didn’t care about you. I left because I cared too much.”

Fabric slips from his hand as she stands, circling the coffee table and leaving him feeling untethered without her and with a barrier set between them. He focuses on the rug, her reaction expected but no less painful, as she paces the length of her glued together crates a few times.

“Okay two things.” Her tone snaps his gaze up to where she moves anxiously and restlessly in the small space. “First of all, that’s the last time you make a decision for me.” He hadn’t expected this reaction. “I don’t need anyone to decide what I do or don’t deserve or what I can or can’t handle. If you want to know what I want, you ask me. You talk to me like the grownup you keep pretending that you are.” That one hurts but he nods. It’s all rightly earned.

“You’re right.”

“Good.” She stops, shoulders squared as she faces him from across the table. “Second.” He waits, the anger from before no longer sustaining her as he sees the wall she hides behind slip just a little. “You said you loved me.”

He’s not sure what answer she wants, but he gives her the truth. “I love you, Swan.” Try as hard as he did not to, he knows it’s not going away. And he’s not willing to attempt another eight shots of rum a second time to make sure.

She nods. He waits, or she waits, he’s not sure who’s supposed to speak here only that he needs to know how she feels and he’ll wait as long as he needs to.

“Well? Are you going to ask me what I want?”

“What do you want?” He’d give her whatever she asked for at this point as he watches her bite her lip and definitely doesn’t wish he was the one biting it.

“I don’t know.”

“Okay.” Fair enough.

“Look, I get running away from feelings - I’m very familiar with the concept. But the way you did it was really shitty and -” Her voice goes quiet, arms wrapping around herself in a move so full of self-preservation that it breaks his heart a little. “It hurt, okay?”

Her words, thick with betrayal and rejection, pierce sharp through his chest, painful and deserved as she avoids his gaze as determinantly as he’d avoided hers. God, he’s an ass. He’d pieced together enough about her past from the small glimpses she’d given him late on those nights where they were still tangled naked in her sheets and the dark lent them the boldness to be vulnerable to know that she’d been left before.

He joins her on her side of the table, reaching to touch the soft, golden waves that he’s spent months wishing he could tangle his fingers in again. “I’m sorry.” He pushes them behind her ear, thumb stroking over her cheek like her skin could break beneath his touch.

When she looks up at him her eyes are red and wet he pulls her to him without thinking. “I’m sorry,” he breathes, Emma feeling fragile in his arms for the first time since he met her. She’s a force, his Swan, a tempest that could devour a thousand ships and it hurts to see her storms wane.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, quieter, pressing a kiss to her temple as he brings a hand to stroke the hair at the base of her neck, feels her lean into him. “I’m sorry,” he speaks against her brow. “I’m so sorry, love.” His lips brush over the crown of her head and he feels her arms slip around his waist, holding tight to the back of his shirt. He holds her just as tightly, nose settling in the crook of her neck where he presses another kiss and whispers a thousand more apologies. “I’m an ass.”

“Yeah, you are.” Her voice comes muffled from where her face is pressed against his collarbone and he laughs in relief to hear her tease him. He pulls back enough that she can lift her head to face him, eyes still red as he wipes at the dampness left on her cheeks. All he wants is to kiss her and spend the night and the next day and every day after that making this up to her, but he knows better than to push her.

Her hands slide from his back to his chest as she meets his gaze and takes a steadying breath. “I still don’t know what I want. You’re not the only one who’s bad at dealing with feelings and you just put some pretty big ones out there.”

“I know.” He doesn’t expect to hear the words back, not after three months of silence. But if she gives him the chance to stay and try to win her heart then he’ll spend forever earning back her trust.

“But maybe, if you’re still in town for a bit, you could stay for dinner.”

It takes everything he has to contain the ecstatic smile that wells up from his chest, afraid he’ll scare her off. “I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me.” He’s not leaving her again. Not unless she sends him away.

***

“When do you go back?” she asks when they’re sat at the kitchen island. ‘What, exactly, do you have against real furniture? Especially tables. They seem particularly discriminated against.’ ‘Do you see any room in here for a twelve-piece dining set?’ He swallows the bite of the boxed mac and cheese she’d made him cook ‘Because I’m still pissed at you and I’m going to enjoy watching you suffer through this.’ ‘Sadist. Can I at least add -’ ‘No.’

Killian looks at his watch. “My flight was an hour ago.”

“What? You should have said -”

“And miss all the delicacies that Maine has to offer?” he asks, lifting his mismatched bowl. “It’s fine, Swan,” he adds when she looks genuinely concerned. “I’d rather be here.” He can get another flight at the last minute before he’s due back in New York on Monday. Getting his things back from the hotel, however, may be a tad more difficult.

“That’s sweet and all but I think you’d also rather be employed.”

“Aye, well, I may not be employed there much longer anyhow.”

Her eyes widen. “Oh god, don’t tell me you left them voicemails too.”

Killian snorts. “No, I’ve just… had another offer.”

His heart pounds frantically as she asks, “where?” terrified that he’ll scare her off.

“Here.”

“Here?”

He nods. “I wasn’t going to take it, not after realizing how much I’d miss you if I was here. But, well, that was before I drank a full bar. And this town does have its benefits.”

She gapes at him and he can see the thoughts racing behind her eyes. “You’re not moving for me, right? You want the job? Because I told you I don’t know what I want or if I can even do… whatever this maybe is and I -”

He reaches for her hand, calming the rambling that had started. “I do want the job, but of course I’m moving for you, Swan. And I know you’re not ready to decide anything, and I’m not asking you to. But whether you do or don’t decide that what you want is me, I’m going to be right here while you figure it out. I’m not going to leave you twice, Emma. I don’t want to miss you like that again.”

Emma just stares at him, mouth opening and then shutting with questions that don’t find voice and he sits, stewing in the worry that he said too much, asked for too much. He swallows as she jumps out of her seat, his turn to ramble now as she rounds the island.

“I mean, I will have to go home and get my things and resign but I -”

“Shut up,” she tells him, hands sliding into his hair and mouth colliding with his.

He’s more than happy to do exactly that, wasting no time in gathering her up in his arms and pulling her close, returning the kiss he’d missed so damn much all these months, missed the feel of her soft and warm against him like this, for the little sound she makes when his own hand tangles in her hair just hard enough that he can keep he there a little longer.

“Wait,” he breathes and her hands pause where they’d been working the buttons of his shirt free. “Maybe we should slow down.” There’s a part of him screaming at his stupid mouth right now for the words falling out of it. “You said you don’t know if this is what you want. So maybe we shouldn’t rush things.”

She barks out a small laugh. “You’re moving to another city for a ‘maybe’ and you don’t want to rush things?” He doesn’t really have an answer for that.

Her brow and mouth quirk up in one devastatingly attractive motion that has him ready to go back on everything he just said. “This was never our problem,” she reminds him, fingers tugging the buckle of his belt loose. “We’re good at this part. Everything else is where we get messy.” She works the button of his jeans open next. “So just try not to make any more big confessions while you’re inside me…” She runs her teeth over the skin below his ear as she slides her hand into his jeans and he nearly chokes. “And we should be fine.”

“Bloody hell.” His rational self may judge him later, but his current self has Emma Swan with her hand around his cock trying to get him out of his clothes and he’s already established that he’s not a very smart man. “I promise.”

***

It’s a strange feeling to be laying here, wrapped up in an old duvet and Star Wars sheets with Emma’s head on his shoulder and her fingers drawing patterns over his chest. They’ve never done this part, never lingered beyond the time it took them both to catch their breaths before untangling themselves from one another and going about their day - or tangling themselves again. He likes it, but it’s strange, new, something he hasn’t done in a long time. Not with anyone.

“This is kind of weird right?” she asks, breath warm against his neck.

Killian laughs. Bloody mind reader.

“Aye, a bit. I think I’m out of practice.”

“I never practised in the first place.”

He presses a kiss to her hair. “But, it’s not bad, right?” She can probably hear his stupid heart racing as he waits for her answer.

“No,” she shakes her head, sliding her arm around his waist and fitting herself more snugly against his side. “It’s not bad.” He can feel her smile against his skin, glad she can’t see the absolutely ridiculous one stretched across his own. They lay there a little longer, the room darkening with the earlier and earlier nights as he begins to dread the fast approaching hour where he’ll have to leave, until Emma shifts. “My neck hurts.”

“My arm’s asleep.”

She sits up and his arm is flooded with the sudden relief of no longer being squished, but he misses the warmth and the closeness of her immediately. He has two arms. Who really needs both? He’s done fine with one hand. “Where are you going?” he asks when she rises from the bed, reaching for his shirt that she tossed on the floor and he made himself leave there. ‘Do not fold your clothes while we’re in the middle of having sex or I swear I’ll put mine back on you fucking weirdo.’

“Thirsty,” she says as she finishes buttoning it. “You?”

“Aye, thanks.”

“Water? Or would you prefer rum?”

“Hilarious.” His stomach rolls, not finding her so funny. She certainly seems to think she is, smirking as she fetches two water bottles from the fridge. “You know you’re going to have to give me my shirt back this time. It’s the only one I’ve got.” At least until he finds out if the hotel hung onto his suitcase when he missed his checkout. “Unless you have the others squirrelled away here somewhere.”

“I thought you had ‘too many shirts, Swan,’” she reminds him in a poor imitation of his accent and he rolls his eyes. She hops back onto the bed, climbing into his lap to sit astride his hips. His hand and wrist settle on her waist, the shirt in question riding up and making him groan at the feel of her pressed against him.

“Aye well I’ve only got the one to wear out of here tonight and while you look infinitely better in it than I do -”

“Like a sexy Winnie the Pooh, would you say?”

He sighs. “I’m never living that one down am I?”

“You want to show me your hundred acre wood?” Killian lets his head fall back against the headboard as she laughs herself silly. “I have another solution,” she tells him, hands wringing nervously in the sleeves of his shirt. “I was thinking, maybe, since you’ve already missed your flight, and you probably don’t have a hotel room anymore, that you could stay here tonight. And maybe we could give that whole waking up together thing a shot.”

Her cheeks are flushed, freckles bright against the soft pink as she looks up from her hands to catch his eye. He kisses her hard enough that she’d have fallen right off his lap were it not for his arms holding her steady and close to him.

“That a yes?” she asks, mouth curling against his and he catches that smirking bottom lip between his teeth like he’s wanted to since she showed up at the station.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

She nods and it’s him smiling against her mouth now. “For tonight at least. But I think there’s still a lot of grovelling in your future before it becomes a regular thing.”

He kisses her again, rolls her onto her back beneath him. “Then I’d better get started right away,” he says, lips finding the length of her neck as he begins to work free the buttons of his stolen shirt.

“Well, you did promise you would write poetry about my boobs.”

“I what?” He looks up only to see her wearing the same confused frown as himself before her eyes widen with laughter and she covers her mouth with her hands.

“Oh my god. You haven’t seen your texts have you?”

Fuck.

*******

Tagging the usual people but let me know if you want to be removed or added!

@kmomof4 @elizabeethan @the-darkdragonfly @undercaffinatednightmare @jennjenn615 @dramioneswan @gingerchangeling @gingerpolyglot @kazoo5480 @lfh1226-linda @csalltheway @xsajx @xarandomdreamx @onceratheart18 @ownedbycaptainswan @teamhook @pirateprincessofpizza @lostintheskyfaraway @zaharadessert @thejollyroger-writer @ultraluckycatnd @justanother-unluckysoul @spartanguard @jonesfandomfanatic @deckerstarblanche @jrob64 @klynn-stormz @wefoundloveunderthelight @sailtoafarawayland @tiganasummertree @winterbaby89 @hollyethecurious @stahlop @superchocovian @snowbellewells @xellewoods @sals86 @karlyfr13s @ouatpost @skairipakomtrikru @lonelyspectator12 @anmylica @alexa-fangirl-forever @inspiredbystardust @marcella2727 @paradiselady19 @koryandr @killiansprincss @goforlaunchcee @motherkatereloyshipper

#captain swan #cs fanfic #captain swan fanfic #cs ff #cs angst #but also just a lot of funny drunk Killian #killian jones #captain hook #emma swan #this thing is ferral guys #I don't even know what this is but I hope you like it #silver hook #silver killian

68 notes · View notes

laianely · 5 months

Text

This is the idea that I've been putting off for so long. And this is some kind of trailer for my fanfic - "Hooked Swan"! Finally made it!

#captain swan #killian jones #emma swan #captain hook #ouat #once upon a time #captain swan fanfic #cs fanfic #laianely's edits #laianely’s fanfics

58 notes · View notes

searchingwardrobes · 3 months

Text

I'm back!!! After months and months of creative exhaustion and writer's block, this story came to me one night when I couldn't sleep. It's just a little one shot of pillow talk in Camelot that's a little fluffy, a tiny bit angsty, and a whole lot of tenderness. I hope you all enjoy it!

Rated T

Killian wished for the first time for those garish artificial lights of Storybrooke. As Emma said, he was becoming a 21st century man, and he had come to enjoy the ability to see his beloved in all her glory, even after the sun went down. Here in Camelot, however, he had to rely on his sense of touch alone to map the marks on Emma he had come to know so well.

“You and I, we understand each other,” Emma had said once, and the longer they were together, the more they saw it to be true. Though many a woman had warmed his bed, he still felt self-conscious the first time Emma saw the scars that riddled his body, yet she had smiled in that knowing way she had, and had cheekily said, “let me show you mine.”

His thumb now grazed the puckered one on her shoulder, a form of punishment by a foster father using the tip of his cigar. He nudged her hair aside with his nose, then lightly brushed his lips across the faint white line behind her right ear, caused by a broken beer bottle.

“I thought I ducked in time,” Emma had chuckled when she told him the story, “until I felt the trickle of blood dripping down my neck.”

He knew what it was to make light of a person’s past, as if childhood slavery was just one of those things that happens sometimes. There was nothing normal about it, however, just as there was nothing normal about Emma living in an alleyway at the age of ten ducking from beer brawls.

Emma shifted in his arms with a contented sigh. He wished she could sleep, but since the darkness wouldn’t allow herself that reprieve, at least she could find solace in his embrace. “You silence the voices in my head,” she had told him, pressing her nose to his collarbone. If that was the case, he would not leave her side, though the sleeping arrangements hadn’t made her father very happy at first.

Killian’s fingers danced along the jagged scars along her upper back, the newest ones, from when a skip she was chasing pushed her into a plate glass window. That story elicited a shrug and bragging rights that she only missed a few days of work. Bravado – he understood that defense mechanism as well.

They really did understand one another.

Emma reached around for his arm and pulled his hand down to lace his fingers with hers. She pressed their joined hands to her chest, and he noticed the slightest change in her bearing. An almost imperceptible stiffening, and did her pulse just kick up a notch? She shifted again, this time as if she were uncomfortable.

“Are you alright, love?”

Emma released his hand, and using her magic, she lit the candles in the room. Then she rolled over to face him, her hands fluttering, as if she didn’t know whether to touch him or not. She finally balled them up in the sheet that covered her, pulling it up to her chin.

“Do you know the song ‘Brandy’?”

Killian chuckled. “You know my only knowledge of this realm’s music is you and Henry. Right now your lad is educating me on something called punk? Apparently, it was a favorite of his father’s.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, Neal loved that stuff. I prefer the classics.”

“Like those beetle people?”

“The Beatles, Killian, and yes. Also Motown, Elvis, Creedence Clearwater Revival. I don’t know why, I just always liked the old stuff.”

“And this song? ‘Brandy’? Is by one of these singing groups?”

“Uh, no, but it's kind of the same genre, I guess. I don’t know even know who sings it, actually. I thought maybe you’d heard it at Granny’s or something. It’s about this girl and a sailor, so . . . “

“Ah.” He nodded, encouraging her to go on. He was glad she’d lit the candles, though he still couldn’t see her well. Well enough, however, to see the furrow of her brow and the way her lips turned down. This was obviously about more than a song. “Most sailors I know prefer rum, though. Brandy is a little high brow for our modest tastes.”

Emma rolled her eyes, which was precisely what he’d been going for. “Brandy is a woman. She lives by the sea and serves drinks to sailors. In a tavern, I guess.”

“Aptly named.”

Emma adjusted her pillow beneath her head and rolled over. She continued the story gazing up at the ceiling instead of looking at him.

“The song tells the story about her and the man she falls in love with. He’s a sailor, and he loves her, but always leaves her.”

Killian is beginning to see where this is going. He shifts closer to her, propping his head up on his blunted arm so he can look down at her as she speaks. With his hand, he strokes her arm gently.

“The chorus,” Emma continues, “is what the man always says to her: Brandy, you’re a fine girl. What a good wife you would be, but my life, my love, my lady is the sea.”

There are many things Killian could say. The first thought that comes to his mind is that the man in the song is either an idiot or a complete cad who most likely has a girl in every port. He’s known the type. People probably assume he’s the type, but he was always careful that his one-night stands had the same expectations he did. He actively avoided women who would be a “good wife.” Not every sailor had good form, however. He could explain all of that to Emma; tell her that the song is unfortunately a common tale, but it’s never been his.

He knows, however, that none of those things are what Emma needs right now. So he waits, without moving, his hand still caressing her arm. Emma releases a puff of angry breath before speaking again.

“I’ve always hated that song.”

“Emma, love,” Killian says gently, shifting onto his back and reaching for her, “come here.”

She comes to him a bit shyly, and he smiles at her gently as he cups her face with his hand. In her gaze, he can see hesitation. Fear. He doesn’t know if it’s the darkness whispering doubts, or if it’s her same old insecurities, but this is one battle he knows how to help her fight.

“My life,” he says, kissing her cheek, “my love,” he kisses her nose, “my lady,” he kisses her forehead, then pulls back so he can gaze into her eyes, “is you, Emma.”

Her eyes well up with tears, and a hesitant smile teases the corners of her mouth. “The Jolly Roger was your home for so long. You had nothing holding you back. Nothing tying you down.”

Killian shakes his head. “Emma, you said once that you and I understand one another. You, like me, were an orphan. What is the one thing all orphans want more than anything else?”

“A home,” Emma breathes without hesitation.

Killian nods, then kisses her fiercely, pulling her to himself, his hand tangling in her hair, pouring into his kiss all his hopes and dreams for their future. When they part, breathless, Emma presses her forehead to his, her smile finally full and joyous.

“So I didn’t freak you out when I mentioned that white picket fence?”

Killian tucks her against him, wrapping his arms fully around her. As he kisses the top of her head, he thinks of the real estate ads he and Henry have been looking at, one house in particular that looks fit for a princess, with a view of the sea.

“Not at all, love. I want that too.”

Emma snuggles further into his embrace, her hand splayed on his chest, right over his heart.

“Good,” she says, with that edge of smugness he’s always found so endearing.

He tries to stay awake, for her sake, but the warm, flickering light of the candles, combined with the softness of her in his arms, lulls him more than the ocean waves. Just as sleep pulls him under, he murmurs against her hair.

“You’re my home now, Emma. My life, my love, my lady.”

Tagging: @snowbellewells @jrob64 @teamhook @kmomof4 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @spartanguard @xhookswenchx-reads-blog @thislassishooked @thisonesatellite @xarandomdreamx @zaharadessert @huntressandlioness1 @jamif @undercaffinatednightmare @onceratheart18 @sparlecorn93 @sals86 @pirateherokillian @jonesfandomfanatic @linda8084

I don't even know who is around anymore, so let me know if you want to be added or removed from my tag list!!

#captain swan #killian jones #emma swan #once upon a time #captain swan fanfic #captain swan ff #captain swan fanfiction #fluff #sweetness #intimacy #pillow talk #canon compliant

46 notes · View notes

takemetothemoon-fics · 11 months

Text

helpless pt1

Title: helpless pt1

Pairing: Killian Jones x reader

Word count: 984

Warnings: blood, swearing

Tags: angst, hurt-comfort

Synopsis: when reader gets really hurt, she has no choice but to go someone who is not really her friend....

A/N: I'm back!! I think this will be a multiple part story, I wanted to test something new. so the idea was that y/n arrives at his door beaten up and weak, and he has to kind of take care of her, but she's cold and doesn't wanna open up to him. enjoy :)

MASTERLIST

They got you good. Your face is bloody, and you're covered in bruises. You're a long way from home, and won't make it back in one piece, so you have only one choice.

You new his house wasn't far from where you were, so you gathered yourself and went.

You stand in his doorway, bloody and beaten up. Your knees are weak and you're on the verge of collapsing right then and there

"I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go" You say, weakly.

His eyes instantly show concern. While you are definitely not his friend, he's not a complete monster.

"Come inside"

You try to get over to a chair, but your legs are unstable and it causes you to stumble. He lifts you to the chair as gently as possible, and leans you back. He takes a moment to study the bruises.

"You are beaten pretty badly. Who did this to you?"

Your breathing is heavy. Blood drips out of your mouth on the floor. there's a huge cut on your face, and blood leaks from it. You exhale, not giving him a response. You don't want to open up.

He gives you a stern, but concerned look, waiting for you to speak. It's breaking his heart to see you so roughed up. If this were any of his men in this state, he would be furious.

"You got any antiseptic?" I say, with a cold tone in my voice, breaking the silence.

He gets to work quickly, cleaning the injuries and getting the necessary supplies for stitching it up. He takes a deep breath and asks the dreaded question

"Who did this to you, y/n?"

You wince in pain as he touches the cloth to your open wound "It's none of your concern."

He shakes his head. "Your pride is going to get you killed. I have never seen an enemy left in such a state. You can hardly walk. Tell me. Who did this."

You lean your head against the wall, closing your eyes. You let out a groan, feeling discomfort because of your wounds.

"No offence y/n, but you truly are stubborn. I'll ask again. Who did this to you?"

"Let it go Killian."

"No. This could be vital information. The person who nearly killed you could attack you again, or attack me and my men. Or we could have some common ground on this matter. Please just tell me who it was."

"It's nothing!" you yell in frustration as you stand up with trouble. "Thank you for the care. I'm going now." You stand up, regretting your decision of coming here in the first place.

He stands in front of the door and sighs, shaking his head "I can't let you leave in this condition, y/n. You are practically helpless."

"Let me leave." You try to push him aside, but you have no strength left, and it causes you to have to take a step sideways, leaning into the wall with your hands.

"You cannot leave. You are in no condition to move. If whoever attacked you finds you leaving this state, for all I know they would just finish you off. Do not be so stubborn."

"Why are you acting like this? As if you care about what happens to me."

"You may not believe me y/n, but I do care. You have caused me a great deal of grief and rage, but seeing the state you are in right now fills me with empathy. So I'm not asking you again. Who did this to you?"

"It's nothing of your concern Killian"

"I am telling you, it is my concern." He takes a deep breath "Whoever did this to you, they are not good. I am willing to set our little rivalry aside to make sure this person doesn't cause any further trouble. I am only telling you this once, y/n. Who did this to you?"

"shut up." you say, softly.

He rolls his eyes. "What a surprise, the proud, stubborn woman finally breaks." he steps closer and towers over you, looking you dead in the eyes "Who. Did. This. To. You!"

"SHUT. UP!" You yell at him, your voice shaking. Your eyes tear up a little bit. You take a deep breath and put your hands at the wall, holding yourself up.

He notices how much this is obviously hurting you. You are on the verge of tears and it takes all your strength to keep from collapsing. It secretly pains him to see you in such a state. He sighs and looks at you. He takes a step closer and places a hand on your shoulder. He speaks in a softer tone

"I know this may be a shock to you y/n. But I'm willing to put a hold on his hate for you to help you. We can put our rivalry away temporarily and focus on this matter at hand. All I ask is for you to tell me who did this to you, so that I may ensure this does not happen to you or anyone I may care for again."

"Fine. It was Sunamo and his men." You say softly, having your eyes closed.

His eyes show shock and his jaw drops at such a name. Sunamo is a sadistic monster who knows no mercy. He lets out a slow exhale. For the first time in all his time knowing her, you are showing slight trust in him. This is certainly a breakthrough.

"What did they do to you?"

You look at your shoes with a puzzled look on your face, looking for words.

"Take your time. I am not going anywhere until I get the whole story. This Sunamo is someone I have had my eye on for a while. You are not the first to suffer at his hands. What did he do?"

#fanfic #ff #imagine #killian jones #killian jones fanfic #killian jones fanfiction #killian #jones #drama #killian jones angst #ouat #once upon a time #once #killian jones x reader

173 notes · View notes

wannabespacesmuggler · 1 year

Text

Small Talk and Mediocre Coffee | Strike Out

Chapter Fifteen | Masterlist | Buy me a coffee

Pairing: Killian Jones x Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.5K

Extras: Playlist – A playlist for two idiots in love: a gruff outcast who hates coffee but now drinks it every morning because the waitress at the diner keeps smiling at him as they pour it.

Author’s Note: Decided to use my day off to work on a little holiday update for Small Talk and Mediocre Coffee. I'm actually really happy with how this one came out. Happy Holidays friends, I hope this brings you a little bit of joy! Also, I know some of my tags have been acting funky so let me know if they worked this time. Idk if it's just tumblr being weird or something on my end, but I'll try to fix it as best I can.

“You made it!”

You let out a laugh as you’re tackled by a hug from Henry. You’re glad the game hasn’t started yet. After finishing your shift, you moved as quickly as you could to the school in hopes of catching Henry before the game began.

“Of course I did!”

Henry pulls away and moves back to Regina’s side, who he was talking to before you arrived. You’ve met Regina before. She’s not quite a regular at the diner like Killian, Emma, and David, but she has come in a few times with Henry to grab dinner.

“Thank you for coming. Henry was so excited when you said you’d be here. He couldn’t stop talking about it all week.”

Henry’s face flushes as Regina speaks. He immediately crosses his arms over his chest, defiantly.

“I did not!”

Luckily, he’s saved from further embarrassment as his coach calls him over to his team’s bench leaving you and Regina in awkward silence. Every time you’ve interacted with the mayor, Henry has been there to facilitate conversation. You shift on your feet and Regina seems to notice immediately.

“Emma, David, and Mary are already in the stands.”

She motions behind her and you give her a thankful nod before moving in that direction. It seems like the whole town has come out to watch the game today. The stands are packed with familiar faces from the diner who smile at you as you pass by. Eventually, you spot Emma in the crowd. She smiles at you as you make your way over and nudges Killian with her shoulder who is sitting beside her on the edge of the bleachers.

Killian’s dark locks are covered by a light blue baseball cap that perfectly matches the t-shirt he’s wearing. You recognize the logo on both immediately as it’s the mascot for Henry’s team -- the Storybrooke Knights. It’s a stark contrast from his usual dark attire, but you have to admit that it’s undeniably cute how much he supports Henry.

After receiving hugs from David and Mary, Emma slides toward her parents and lets you take a seat between Killian and herself.

“You guys are making me feel left out here!”

You complain to Emma while motioning toward her shirt which has the same suit of armor depicted on Killian’s. Emma lets out a laugh before placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it, Henry’s just excited you’re able to make it.”

Wordlessly, Killian takes off the baseball cap he was wearing and places it gently on your head. You pull your attention away from Emma and look at him. He’s already looking at you and you attempt to hide the way your face flushes due to the tenderness in Killian’s actions.

“Can’t have anybody thinking you’re rooting for the other team.”

You playfully roll your eyes at the man and bump his shoulder with yours, earning a hearty laugh from Killian in response.

Henry’s team ends up winning by a landslide in their first game of the season and the town is loud with their celebration. Emma invites you and Killian to ice cream, but you both decline, deciding that it’s more of a family affair. She gives you a hug before heading toward Henry and her parents, leaving just you and Killian together. Before you can ask him what he wants to do with the rest of the day, he slugs an arm around your shoulders and pulls you toward the direction of your bench by the docks. You smile and wrap an arm around his waist

You’re both mesmerized by the movement of the crashing waves. Usually, you find yourself at this bench with Killian late in the evening after the sun had already set. You haven’t had a chance to simply bask in the beauty of the ocean, as you’ve been so distracted by the night sky.

The silence between you and Killian is comfortable. You could spend hours just sitting here with him. However, a single thought has been bothering you incessantly over the last couple of days and you know you need to talk to Killian about it before you think yourself to death.

“Killian?”

He hums in response next to you, not even bothering to turn his head. You’ve placed the baseball cap back on his head. A few strands of midnight black locks poke out from the hat, making him look younger than usual. Typically, Killian Jones exudes a gruff and weathered demeanor, but right now, bathed in sunset hues, he seems almost youthful in appearance.

“Can I ask you something?”

Killian turns his head toward you. His features are flooded with concern: brow furrowed and jaw tight. Before speaking, his eyes roam over your face briefly, trying to get a read on you.

“Anything, love.”

“Are you happy?”

Killian’s expression quickly shifts into confusion.

“What?”

You simply repeat your question, ignoring that you can practically hear your heart pounding in your chest. Killian leans back further into the bench as he takes a minute to genuinely think about your question. If Dr. Hopper asked him, Killian already has a bullshit answer ready. He’s good at that -- knowing exactly what to say to appease those around him. It’s a skill he picked up during those years running with Liam and his gang. But he’s not talking to Dr. Hopper or Liam.

No, he’s talking to you. And he won’t bullshit you.

Killian supposes he should be happy. He’s got it pretty good here in Storybrooke -- a paying job and a decent place to call home. There have been times that he’s certainly had it far worse. He still refuses to think back to those lonely nights he spent locked up, wondering if he’d even have a life when he finally got out of there. He knows he should just be thankful for everything he’s been given and earned after his release, even if it isn’t the life he dreamed of when he was a younger man. Still, there is this thought in the back of his head that continues to gnaw at him: is this it? The thought terrifies him to his core; however, if there is one thing that does make him content with the life he’s created, it’s the people who he cares for -- David, Emma, Mary, Henry, little Neal, Herc, you.

So, to answer your question, Killian simply shrugs his shoulders.

“I guess. Nothing to complain about, I suppose.”

You nod at his words. He’s not sure if that’s the answer you wanted, but it’s as truthful as he can be.

“Why do you ask?”

The ghost of a smile pulls at your lips as you think back to the conversation you had with Henry. You decide to take a page out of Henry’s book and be brazen.

“It’s just something Henry said earlier this week. He said that you’ve seemed happier since you met me.”

A smile spreads across Killian’s face as you speak. The boy certainly takes after his grandfather in one way: he can read Killian like a goddamn picture book. Henry may be young, but his intuition is far beyond his years.

“Well, love, the young lad isn’t wrong.”

Your grin widens as a flush creeps up your face. You reach out and place your hand on Killian’s -- your silent way of telling him that you’re happier because of him too. Before you have a chance to pull your hand back, Killian flips his over and laces his fingers with yours. Your face flushes entirely as you look at your intertwined hands. Eventually, you shift your gaze to Killian’s face and find that he is already looking at you. Your breath catches in your throat. No one has ever looked at you with such adoration before. You watch as Killian’s gaze moves from your eyes to your lips. Deciding to continue your sudden boldness, you lean in first. Killian happily takes your lead. You close your eyes in anticipation, but, before Killian can get any closer, his phone begins ringing.

You swear you hear Killian growl as he pulls away from your orbit and pulls his phone out of his pocket. As Killian answers the call, you let out the breath you were holding. You know he’s frustrated -- his tone is short and his jaw is clenched. Without thinking, you intertwine your fingers with his again. His posture immediately relaxes at the sudden physical contact. He turns and gives you an apologetic look. You simply squeeze his hand in response, before letting go as he hangs up. Killian lets out a long sigh before speaking.

“That was Herc. We’re getting a big shipment tonight and they need an extra man at the docks to help out.”

You nod, trying to hide your disappointment; however, it is written all over your face. Killian frowns at the sight.

“I’m sorry I have to go, princess.”

“It’s okay. Herc needs you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And with that, just as quick as it began, the moment was gone.

Tags: @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @alexa-fangirl-forever @mossnomori @captainamericasinnocence @fictionalhoomanofnowhere @ceruleanrainblues @lily-d247 @victoria-a567 @drinkfantasy @thisismelayla @its-not-too-late-for-coffee @rinymichelle321 @aesteticthotiere @popcrone818 @helplesslydevoted @limelightliterature @unlikelyandrogynousghost @theslytherinwriter

154 notes · View notes

piinfeathers · 3 months

Text

the scars we bare

it's a mid-january miracle, i actually wrote something. after threatening to finally start writing captain swan fics, i actually did it. thank you to all my beautiful friends on discord who encouraged me and to @dykelilypage i'm so glad you liked your gift <333 this is chapter 1 of 2, second one should be up tomorrow probably maybe who knows? :)))

summary: emma swan came to the underworld with one purpose; to rescue the man she loved from hades' grip. and she would do anything, sacrifice everything in order to that happen. when hades offers her a deal, a test of their true love, she takes it. in the end though, the bargain might just take more for them than they have to give. S5B canon divergence

tw: minor moments of gore and torture, also pregnancy and child birth

✨ ao3 link ✨

***

Emma had made plenty of bad decisions in her life. Big, catastrophic decisions, she could admit that. If she were to rank them though, willingly letting herself fall under a sleeping curse to rescue the man she loved from hell, probably would have ended up pretty high on the list.

She stared at him, across the wide airy field of middlemist flowers that wasn’t actually there, but felt nearly as real as she remembered, and wondered if he would feel the same.

“Swan.” Her name sounded like a prayer, rasped from his too-dry throat.

She was running then, or maybe she had started running before, she wasn’t sure. Her arms circled him when they met, his own grip nearly crushing as he lifted her off her feet. Frantic kisses and searching hands probed each other as incomplete pleas stuttered out of each of them.

“You alright?”

“-m fine. You can’t be here-”

“-made a deal. Hades, he had a deal.”

“-have to go back. Please, you have to go back.”

“I can’t.”

The last two words dropped like a stone between them and Killian jerked back. His face was the same as it had been when she’d last seen him alive. It was no longer the swollen mess of throbbing bruises Hades had left it in, when he’d shown Emma her lover’s broken body that was being torn and burnt and flayed apart until she had screamed to make it stop. Killian’s hand, the fingers still intact and no longer snapped and broken, cupped her face. He was trembling. Or maybe that was her. It was hard to tell at this point.

“Emma,” her name came out as a whisper. “Emma, where are we?”

She smiled as something huge and terrifying in her chest threatened to burst open.

“Somewhere... Somewhere in my mind. I think? Maybe,” she glanced around again, trying to focus. “A memory. He kept saying something about memories. Our memories.”

“Love, you aren’t making any sense.”

She laughed and it sounded like a watery hiccup. “Hades. Hades and I made a deal.”

The hand on her face tensed as she watched his expression grow brittle. “Emma-” his throat bobbed. “Emma. What kind of deal? What did you promise him?”

She held up her right hand, her index finger raised. A small droplet of blood welled up in the sensitive pad of flesh at the tip where she had pricked it only moments earlier.

“Sleeping curse,” she tried to keep her voice calm as she risked another glance at him. His face was ghost white, completely drained of colour. “I think he thought he was being funny. Something about “the old Charming family tradition.””

Killian’s head was shaking, his eyes darting away from her as he scanned the edges of the tree line behind them, looking for a way out. “We have to wake you up. Emma you don’t understand, Hades he-”

She watched his gaze go unfocused, the nerve in his jaw popping.

“Hey,” she said quickly, her hand curling around his neck, pulling him back to her. “He can’t get you, not here. Not unless he feels like breaking our deal.”

His eyes were still nervy, and she could feel his pulse jumping beneath her palm, but he focused on her again. God she had missed him. Missed the way he smelled, the way his scruffed jaw felt when she held it. It suddenly seemed so hysterically unfair that they’d only had a few months together. They deserved a lifetime.

“This deal,” he rasped after a moment. “Tell me exactly what he asked of you.”

“He wanted…” she trailed off, trying to remember what he had said. “He said he wanted to test us. To see if what we shared was true love or not. That we needed to really see every part of each other before we made our decision.”

Killian was holding very, very still, his expression unreadable. “And for us to do this test, you needed to be cursed, is that right? Am I cursed as well? Is that how I’m standing here with you?” His voice sounded calm, almost reasonable, as if they were discussing the rules to a complicated board game. But Emma could still feel his panic, could see it starting to edge into the corners of his eyes, turning them glassy. Another one of her huge, catastrophically bad decisions alright.

“No. No you aren’t under a sleeping curse,” she tried to make her voice comforting, but doubted it had much effect. “He said that souls without a living body don’t need curses to be moved to the dream realm, as long as they’re tethered to someone alive they just sort of- “hitch a ride,” or something.”

A smile started to spread across his face, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “So I’m tethered to you then?”

“Seems that way,” she said, her heart feeling like a dead weight in her chest. “I’m not exactly sure about the next parts, he was talking about memory magic, about old wounds needing to be opened up. He said the dream realm made the magic more…” she waved her hand. “Potent or something. Made it easier to find old memories.”

Killian’s hand dropped to her shoulder, his hook resting against her hip. “Why does he want us to explore old memories? Which memories? What does he gain from that?”

“I have no idea, I’m pretty sure he was just talking to hear himself speak at some point.”

“I don’t like this. Hades wouldn’t make a deal unless it was to punish or to trap you here. Emma, please,” his tone was growing frantic and it was making her own nerves start to fray. “Try and remember exactly what he said. Every word. If he’s trapped you here-”

“I don’t remember all the specifics! I was a little distracted watching you get tortured. Hades didn’t exactly have my undivided attention.”

Killian’s eyes shuttered and Emma could feel the slight tremor in his hand as it fell from her shoulder. She wished she hadn’t mentioned the torture. The second she had, she’d seen his face go blank. When this was over, she would kill Hades. She wasn’t sure how exactly, but she would get creative. Somehow she would figure out a way to make the god of death hurt in the same way he had made Killian hurt.

“Look,” she said, her voice thick. “All you need to know is that he can’t hurt us. I made him swear it. He can’t touch you here, and he can’t kill me. Everything that happens now is up to us.”

He looked up, staring at something far away from them, like he was remembering something he’d rather forget. “And if we fail? What then? Does he get both of us to torture for eternity?”

“We won’t fail,” she told him. They wouldn’t. She couldn’t let that happen. Even if it killed her, she would never let Hades touch Killian Jones again. “I got down here didn’t I? And I found you. The hard part’s already done.”

He huffed out a laugh that sounded wrong to her ears. “Your confidence is admirable, Swan. But you don’t know what Hades is capable of. What he does to you once he has you.”

She could feel him slipping from her, could feel the despair coming off him in waves, and it killed her. “There’s a fail safe,” she told him quickly. “I can call off the deal at any time.”

He jerked his attention back to her, suddenly alert.

“But Killian, if I call it off, if I choose to end this, you go right back where I found you. Back to Hades,” she said, a world of meaning in her words.

“But you’ll be safe?”

She looked at him. She should tell him. Tell him the entire truth. Tell him exactly what she had promised to keep him safe, to bring him back home. What she had signed away. But if she told him, if he knew everything, he would never agree to it. He would refuse and send her back and all this would be for nothing. He would go back to the endless, screaming pain that Hades had cleaved into him until there was nothing of him left. She couldn’t let that happen.

“Yes,” she said. “I’ll be fine. But you won’t. Please Killian. Please just let us try this first. We have to.”

He blew a breath out of his nose, looking down when she grabbed his hand in both of hers and squeezed. “Alright,” he said. “Alright, we'll try.”

She grinned as she wrapped her arms around him, kissing him, holding him. His hand moved up to her hair, cradling her head, his forehead coming to rest against hers.

“So. How exactly does this trial work? What do we have to do?”

There was a quick burst of magic to the left of them, and a door twisted into existence a few feet away. The carved wood groaned slightly as it seemed to sway towards them, rocking on its frame, before coming to a stop. They both stared at it.

“Well. Guess that answers that,” she said.

“Indeed,” he sighed, turning back to look at her. She saw a question, huge and all consuming in his stare that went unasked. Right, this was her deal. Her curse. He would follow her lead. Like he always did. Whatever happened, no matter how much it took from her, she would do whatever it took to make sure he got out of this.

“C’mon,” she nodded towards the door. “Let’s get this over with.”

He grimaced as they walked towards it, reaching down to grip the brass handle and opening it for her. “Any idea what’s awaiting us on the other side?”

She squeezed his hand, raising her brows. “Nope.”

They walked through. And the ground beneath their feet vanished.

***

She was falling. Her hair was whipping around her head while the wind rushed up and made her eyes water. Images and noise strobed past like flickering television screens as she plummeted down towards a huge, white nothingness. If she focused she thought she could make out faces, blurred and half formed, but they streaked past her, faster than her eyes could follow. She tried to reach out, tried to find something to grab a hold of, something to slow her fall, but it was like falling through light and sound and a great vast emptiness eager to swallow her whole.

Was this it? Was this what Hades had planned all along? No harm to her physical body sure, but trapping them in some fucked liminal space for eternity? Well. That was a different story.

She tried to look up, or whatever passed for up in this space and suddenly felt something grab her arm. Killian, his grip tight on her, was falling beside her. His mouth was open, mouthing something she couldn’t hear over the roar of noise and wind and her own frantic heartbeat. She tried to reach for him, her fingers outstretched-

When everything slammed to a sudden stop.

Her mind lurched, feeling like the contents of a car with its brakes hit too hard. The tunnel of noise, whatever it had been, was gone, and a blindingly blue sky stretched out in front of her. She tried to blink and turn her head, but her body was locked in place, no longer listening to her.

Only…only it wasn’t her body.

She heard someone call for her, but it wasn’t her name she heard, it was Killian’s. She twisted and when her mouth opened it wasn’t her voice that boomed forth, but a man’s, low and accented, and oh-so familiar to her.

She’d dealt with memory magic before, had stayed up long, magic-drunk nights as the dark one weaving dream catchers together in order to snare memories. She’d been expecting something closer to that, where memories played like snippets of old tv reruns. This was something completely different. She wasn’t just watching Killian's memories, she was living them. In his head.

“What news do you bring me then?” he called.

He sounded happy, and Emma could feel it then, he was excited about something. Somehow, inside his head, she could feel thoughts, could almost reach out and touch them.

He stood on the top deck, near the massive helm. Below him, near the rigging of the sails, a woman with dark hair and seafoam eyes grinned at him. Even before Emma felt the sudden rush of love and recognition, she knew exactly who she was looking at. Milah.

“No news that can safely be shared among mixed company, captain ,” Milah called with a wink. She had Henry’s smile, Emma realized distantly.

The crew around Milah laughed uproariously, and her wide grin was a twin to the one stretching across Killian’s as he swung round the deck to go meet her.

Just as Emma was greedily drinking in the image of the image of the woman who had her son’s grin and Killian's heart, the world suddenly melted and shifted around her. It was as if the memory smeared, all the unimportant bits forgotten and discarded. She moved through short, foggy glimpses of old points in time. Moments alone with Milah, the sound of her laugh, the feeling of her eyes watching him, her laugh lines fanning out from the corners. At the core of it, his love for her was like a warm, even glow in his chest. Emma was suddenly sad that she would never get to meet this woman. This woman with the sharp wit and an easy laugh. She thought she would have liked her.

She kept floating through memories until they solidified all at once into sharp focus. Killian was back on the deck. Only he couldn’t move, something tight twisted around his chest and pinned him down. In front of him, Milah was on her knees. A man stood before her. His hand was buried into her chest.

Emma recognized Rumpelstiltskin as blind, frantic panic tore through Killian, choking her. Killian had never told her explicitly how Milah had died, only that Gold had killed her. But she knew this moment. She knew what happened next.

Rumpelstiltskin's hand tore free, Milah’s beating heart in his grip. He stared at it almost hungrily. Emma heard Killian shout, felt him pull himself free from the ropes binding him and dive for Milah as she slumped back. He caught her, begging, pleading words stumbling from his lips. She felt so light in his arms, a hollow empty shell. They shared a look, Milah’s gaze full of an unspoken farewell.

She heard, rather than saw the crunch of the heart as Rumpelstiltskin crushed it. Milah gasped, dead even before the ashes crumbled and fell to the deck.

Rage built in Killian, blinding and useless. It pushed him to his feet, surged him forward. He cursed Rumpelstiltskin, his hands in fists, desperate to drive them into the scaled skin and rotting teeth of the man who took his love. Rumpelstiltskin's grin was sharp. A blade flashed. Men shouted. A horrible, exquisite pain erupted from Killian’s left wrist and drove him to his knees. Emma wanted to scream.

Everything started moving too fast. The memory grew blurry again, every part of it dulled by the all consuming pain and rage boiling in Killian. He was screaming, driving a hook into Rumpelstiltskin's chest, mocking laughter meeting his ears. Then hands were grabbing him, pulling him back. Pain. Oh god there was just so much pain. Emma felt herself being dragged down with it, Killian’s vision growing black. But even in the darkness she felt the agony, unable to escape it. All alone in his head, she ached.

The memories came and went. Bright flashes of faces crowding into his vision, frantic voices and bloody rags. Blood. There was so much blood. She could smell it, the sharp, copper tang of it. It felt like it coated his tongue, filled his nostrils and tried to drown him. He was being moved, every bump and bounce he felt sending jolts of pain through his system and forcing him back into blank unconsciousness.

Then heat. It was so sudden and sharp it brought him back to bleeding, screaming life. The world around him was thrown into abrupt focus as molten heat was pressed against the agonizing, throbbing stump of his wrist. He looked at the white hot blade being forced against his skin, watched as it melted his flesh and made it bubble around the edges, cauterizing it. He was screaming. It filled his head, an endless bellow of animalistic pain that crashed into Emma like a blow.

When the darkness came for him again, Emma welcomed it with a sob.

She didn’t know how much time had passed when he started to wake again. She didn’t care. Every part of his body was one, long, endless agony. She couldn’t breathe from the force of it. Above him, it grew dark, then light, then dark again. Time moving on with or without him.

A noise woke him at some point. She blinked the grit from his burning eyes, trying to look at where Killian's hand had been severed. His wrist was an angry, mottled thing, the skin around it too pink, too tight. Thick blisters, fat and stretched taunt, seemed too shiny in the pale light below the deck of the ship where they had left him.

Her head lolled, their shared vision turning syrupy around the edges as the pain rose up again and smothered her in burning heat.

She could hear voices, pitched low, all whispering with a panicked edge.

“Fever.”

“ Infection…”

“The amount of blood he lost-”

“No one could survive that.”

Emma writhed inside the shell of the memory. Killian , she sobbed, unsure if he could hear her. Was he in here with her? Was he reliving this too and she just couldn’t feel him? Or had Hades taken him away from her again? It was so quiet now. Killian. Killian. She repeated it again and again, his fever touching her own mind, choking the air from her lungs. How could he bear this? How could anyone bear this?

Fresh pain shot from his wrist and Emma threw her head back and screamed. Tears rolled down her cheeks when it was Killian’s voice, Killian’s pain she heard echoing endlessly in her head as she was pitched sidewise into another memory.

He was vomiting, heat and misery burning him, leaving him feeling feverish and delirious. He was fading in and out of consciousness, through the days, maybe weeks, he could no longer tell. Food and water had to be forcibly shoved into his mouth until he swallowed it, all the while he cursed at them for daring to try and keep him alive in his grief.

Emma watched it all, helpless inside his head. Killian had been right. Hades had found a way to torture them after all. Because this? Watching Killian break apart, unable to help, was agony. She wanted to fight, wanted to scream at the unfairness of it. But she could do neither. She could only sit and witness it all.

More memories faded in and out. In his rare moments of lucidity, the image of Milah, her heart torn from her chest, burned across his brain. His heart felt empty, like a hollow burden, sinking his body down deeper. His love for her burned itself away, twisted and malformed from grief. In its place, only one thought remained. Revenge.

The word repeated itself, over and over, until it became a mantra. As his body healed, as the scar tissue on both his wrist and his heart thickened, he swore it to himself, again and again. He would have his revenge. No matter the cost.

Trapped inside his tortured mind, Emma mourned for him.

***

Killian woke in agony. Pain snaked around his spine and sank into his bones, leaving him too weary to move. For one, terrifying moment, he thought he was back in the underworld. That all this had been a ruse. Emma had never come for him, Hades had simply split open his head and planted the idea of her, giving him hope and then taking it. Yet again.

But this place didn’t feel like his hell. There were voices around him, low murmuring, distinctly human voices.

He tried to open his eyes, but they stayed stubbornly shut. Another wave of pain twisted inside him, washing over him as his back arched and a low, sobbing moan filled his head. Emma. That was Emma’s voice.

“You’re doing great Emma, just a little longer now,” a strange voice near his feet comforted.

He felt her then, Emma. She was scared and exhausted and so, so heartbreakingly sad that it nearly swallowed her.

He wasn’t here, he realized as her emotions buffeted him and surrounded him from all sides. This was Emma’s body. Her memory.

Her eyes opened and Killian looked across the room through tear blurred eyes. She was on her back, doctors and nurses standing around her, their faces hidden with masks and hair coverings. Blinding, overhead lights seemed to beat down on her, making her even more uncomfortable. She tried to move and Killian felt something tug on her wrist.

She let out a small sob of annoyance and pain, looking down at the silver cuff that chained her to the bed. They’d restrained her. She was in pain, she needed help, and they’d restrained her.

Fury raced through him, though he couldn’t tell if it was his or hers he felt, or a combination of the two. She felt so small in the bed, and so completely alone.

Another rush of pain, this one stronger than the first two, sent stars across their shared vision and Emma fell back.

“Okay Emma, you’re ready. It’s time to push, alright?”

She was shaking her head, and Killian felt her panic and his own bleed together. She was giving birth. He was about to witness her giving birth inside her own mind. For some reason the complete invasion of it flooded his brain, made him want to climb out of her head and simply hold her. This was her memory. Hers. He had no right to witness this and Hades certainly had no right to take that choice from her.

But he was here. There was no taking back what had been started. So he sat in the mind of the woman he loved and felt her body tear itself apart.

She was screaming, her body bearing down, the act of giving birth overwhelming her rational brain and simply taking over, trying to push. Sweat poured down her face as she strained, her pain now just a constant steady stream of misery. She wanted it to end. She needed it to end. She just wanted to lay back and sleep and never wake up. She’d fought so hard her whole life and now she had no fight left. She was done.

“You've got this Emma,” a nurse soothed from her left side, her gloved hand rubbing circles on her back. Emma liked her, Killian could feel it. This was a kind person, the only person who treated her like a patient and not a prisoner. A good person, a decent person. Someone who would make an amazing parent. Unlike her.

“Emma, I need you to work with us,” the doctor positioned between her legs called. “You need to keep pushing, your baby is ready to come out.”

Her baby. Killian felt a spark of something light inside her. Emma was too scared to give the feeling a name, but Killian recognized it instantly. Love.

Oh how she loved this little baby. She adored it. She sang it songs in her head and read to it in the bed of her prison cell when everyone else was asleep. She would give anything to her baby if it asked.

So she pushed. She pushed even as she felt like she was tearing in half, when the pain grew knife-sharp and carved her open. Voices blurred around her, all speaking over each other, telling her to take deep breaths, that she was almost there, that it was almost over. She gripped the sides of the bed, shoving forward and pushed until she thought her bones would crack and she would break apart until there was nothing of her left.

“Big push now Emma! Big push!”

She screamed and it was like the ozone in the room ignited, the lights in the room glowing white hot and shattering. Killian felt a punch of raw, primal magic explode from within her and then-

A baby’s cry, small but strong, broke through the silence. Henry. He was here. Killian wanted to look at him, wanted to see the boy's face, the feeling nearly overwhelming him. But Emma didn’t turn to look. She squeezed her eyes shut, and sank into the mattress.

“It’s a boy Emma,” the doctor said, a smile in his voice.

A boy. She had a son. A beautiful, perfect son. He cried out, and Killian felt it drive into Emma's heart like a knife. Every part of her wanted to turn, wanted to take him in her arms and hold him, to soothe his cries and protect him from every bad scary thing in this world like it was her only job in this life.

But…she couldn’t. She loved him more than anything. She would give him anything to make him happy, to keep him safe. And because of that she knew that meant he had to go away. As far away from her as possible. He deserved so much, he deserved the whole world. And she couldn’t afford to give it to him. All she had to give him was a chance. A chance at a better start. Without her. She couldn’t be a mother, couldn’t be his mother. She would ruin him. Taint him somehow. She wouldn’t do that to him.

Killian felt the decision form in her mind, felt her shake her head and grit her teeth, squeezing her eyes shut as tears spilled down her face. He heard the doctor tell her that she could change her mind, that it wasn’t too late. But he knew. He knew what happened next. He wanted to beg her to change her mind, to see that she already was a mother, he wanted to be there and tell her over and over until she believed it. But he couldn’t change the past. He could only watch it.

“No. I can't be a mother,” her voice was so small, it broke him.

He felt her heart tear itself in two. When the doctors carried her baby away from her, when Henry’s small, searching cries faded down the hall into silence, Killian felt as a piece of Emma’s heart went with him. Heartbreak didn’t come close to describing this feeling. It was as if a huge, yawning emptiness split open in her chest where her heart had once sat and consumed her.

***

Killian woke with a start, jerking up and dragging air desperately into his lungs. Beside him, Emma shot up, panting, eyes darting until she saw him. Her face was pale, her hair damp from sweat and sticking to her face. She opened her mouth, her eyes rapidly moving over his face, before flinching away from him and vomiting into the tall grass. He shot forward.

“Emma, breathe. It’s alright, it’s over. What did you-?”

“Probably a good idea to give her a minute,” a taunting voice called from behind them. “She had a hell of a ride in there.”

Killian’s head spun, white hot rage spilling into his blood. Behind them, Hades sat back in a plastic lawn chair, one ankle crossed over his knee, grinning.

“You bloody bastard,” Killian was on his feet, his hand clenched. The overwhelming urge to stomp the heel of his boot into Hades’ cold, dead smile, nearly blinded him.

“Ah, ah, ah!” Hades warned, a single finger raising in the air. “We wouldn’t want to do anything rash now, would we Emma?” He leaned over, calling to her. From her kneeling position, she shoved her middle finger over her shoulder without turning and spat in the grass.

“Hades if you’ve hurt her-”

“Me? Oh no, I didn’t do anything,” he said with mock innocence. “All I did was show her your memory.”

Killian felt his blood run cold. What memory could he have shown her for her to react like that? He knelt back down when Emma moaned, wiping the back of her hand against her mouth.

“Ignore him,” she rasped. “I’m alright. It was-it was just intense.”

“Emma love, call off the deal. I won’t have you in pain like this, I can’t-”

“No!” her eyes burned as she reached up to grip him. “Killian, no, I can handle it. Please. I promise.”

Killian blew a sharp breath from his nose, trying to keep his composure. “Emma,” he tried to make his voice gentle but it still carried an edge. “Love, what memory did he show you?”

Her eyes went distant for a moment, and Killian felt his stomach tighten. He had lived centuries, had done countless brutal things. Any of them were enough to have her react like this. The question was, which one had Hades chosen?

“It was Milah,” she said after a pause. “The moment Rumpelstiltskin killed her, and took your hand.”

Killian went still, staring at her. Hades had shown her that moment? Milah’s face, frozen in fear, floated in front of his eyes, there and gone in seconds. A phantom twinge of pain jolted from his wrist reflexively.

“How much-” he swallowed. “How much did he show you?”

“Oh, I showed her everything, don't worry!” Hades's cheery voice called. “No gory detail left out. Gave her the full surround sound experience, didn’t I Emma?”

Beside him, Emma's face turned pale, her tongue darting out to wet her dry lips. Killian remembered the pain he had felt trapped inside her memory of Henry’s birth, the agony she had gone through, and felt dread turn his skin cold. She had experienced him losing his hand. Even in his most lucid recollections of that day, Killian had never managed to remember that pain in anything other than hazy, blurred-over recollections. He had pushed it so far from his mind to protect himself from reliving that brutal torment.

And Hades had just made her experience it in full, merciless detail.

“You bastard Hades, there was no bloody need to show her-”

“Show her what? The moment you decided to dedicate your life to avenging your one true love?” Hades asked, his eyes growing wide with mock innocence. He turned to Emma and grinned. “No offense of course. No shame in being the runner up.”

Killian surged to his feet, blood pumping, hook raised. He would bloody end him. Here and now.

“Don’t let him get to you.” Emma said, pushing herself up on shaky legs, to grip his arm. “He's not worth it.”

Killian spared her a glance. “He doesn't have the bloody right. He doesn’t have the right to reach into our heads and pull out our pain just to torture us with it.”

“Oh I’m pretty sure I do though. After all,” Hades steepled his hands together, his gaze locking on Emma. “We made a deal.”

“The deal was to test our true love, not whatever twisted game you’re playing at Hades,” Killian snapped.

“And that’s exactly what I’m doing,” Hades said, his tone taking on an edge of false sincerity. “True love isn’t just some cheap card trick, it’s the most powerful magic that exists. To have it you need to love so fully and completely that it’s like second nature. And you can’t have love like that when you don’t really know a person, now can you?”

The god of death gestured with both hands, like a demented talk show host. “Seriously this is a once in a lifetime opportunity here! I really wouldn’t pass this up if I were you. You,” he pointed to Killian. “Get to finally see inside the head of the saviour, finally learn what makes her tick. And you,” his hand swung to Emma. “Get to learn what kind of man Killian Jones really is.”

His words felt ominous. A promise and a curse all at once.

“Ignore him,” Emma said. “I already tried to tell him earlier that this whole test was pointless.” She turned to look at him, her mouth turning up at the corners as a fire lit behind her eyes. “I already know exactly what type of man you are.”

“Mmmm, do ya though?” Hades asked with a hiss of breath, tilting his head to the side. “See, I'm not so sure about that. I mean you two have known each other, what, a few months at most? He’s got a whole three centuries worth of history before meeting you. Entire lifetimes lived before you were even born.”

His gaze sharpened, the edge of his smile growing pointed. “Are you really sure he’s even worth it?”

“Yes.”

Killian sucked in a sharp breath at her sudden certainty. She turned and looked at him, her eyes holding promise. “Yes, I know he’s worth it.”

“Touching,” Hades said dryly. “Really. And for your sake, I hope you’re right. We’ve got a hell of show left to get through.”

Killian could feel the magic starting again, could feel the rush of it start to build, and shook his head. He still didn’t trust this, any of this. He knew how Hades made deals, and he knew there was no way he would give either of them up so easily.

“Emma said you agreed on a fail safe, a way out for her if she needs it. How do we know you’ll honor that?” He asked, stopping the god from conjuring another door.

Hades turned to give them a bored look, as if the question was barely worth his time. “Emma isn’t dead, not yet anyway. I don’t have any way of keeping her bound in the underworld with me. She has the ability to leave whenever she wants.”

“Yeah sure…one small problem though,” Emma glanced between the two of them. “I can’t exactly get up and walk out while I’m stuck in a sleeping curse, can I?”

Hades’s smile turned wolffish, his eyes lighting as if she’d finally said something interesting. “Well now, how funny you bring that up. I was wondering when you would.”

When they both only stared at him, the god’s face fell.

“Hello? Sleeping curse?” he said, gesturing to Emma with a flicking hand. “True love’s kiss? Big flashy light show? Thought this was all sort of obvious? Gods you two really are slow. Here.” he jumped to his feet, hands tucking into the pockets of his pants, and stalked towards them.

“Let me break this down for you. You have two options, one; you see my test through to the end and test the strength of your love, or two;” he held up two fingers on his left hand. “If at any point you want the trial to end, all you have to do is kiss her. She goes back home, no hard feelings, thanks for playing, and you,” he turned to Killian, his grin predatory. “Stay here with me. And we go back to our fun little games.”

They were still for a moment, Emma hand in his squeezing tight. They could. They could just end this now. He could end this now, and save her. He turned to her, caught her tortured gaze. Her head gave one, barely noticeable shake, no.

“Unless, of course,” Hades continued, taking a step towards them. “You’re worried it won’t work?”

Killian blinked. An old, nearly buried dread rising in him like ocean water in a sinking ship. That old fear that Hades was right. That it wasn’t true love at all.

Oh he loved her of course. He had never loved anyone the way he loved Emma Swan. Even the way he had loved Milah had been different. Not any worse or any less but…different. Loving Emma Swan was like loving the sun. It came as natural to him as breathing.

But in his weakest, most torturous moments of doubt he wondered. He wondered if she ever felt the same. She loved him, of course, in her own quiet way. And he had taken that love and cherished it, held it closely to his heart and lived off it, satisfied with all she gave him.

But. True love? In the depths of her heart was it really true love? The uncertainty of it killed him. And he knew that Hades was perfectly aware of that fact. He had practically split Killian’s head open, torn out chunks of him. Every fear, every doubt, every agonizing thought that Killian had ever felt, Hades knew. And now he planned to torture both of them with it.

“We’ll keep going with the trial.” Emma said, breaking Killian’s thoughts apart and scattering them. “But we need real memories this time, not whatever sadistic thing you find in our pasts that you feel like torturing us with.”

“Ugh. Fine then, since you two want to be boring, we’ll do this your way! Let’s start at the beginning.” He flicked a hand through the air and another door appeared before them. “No more skipping to all the fun bits first. Off you go!”

They stared at it for a moment. It seemed to pulse with magic, threatening and inviting all at once. In his hand, her fingers were cold, the knuckles white where they gripped him tightly. He shifted, lifting his hook and brushing a lock of hair from her shoulder. Her eyes found his and locked on, a question in her eyes. He waited.

“What memory did he show you?” Emma asked finally, glancing up at him. “I’m guessing it was one of mine. Which one?”

Killian debated not telling her. Did she really need to know how Hades had stolen that moment from her? But her face was resolute, her gaze steady. There was no point withholding this from her.

“You were in the hospital,” he said, watching her face. “Giving birth to Henry.”

“Oh.” she said, so quietly he barely caught it. Pain flashed across her face, fast and sharp, before her walls went up again and her expression grew blank.

They both turned to look at the door as it swung open, the hinges squeaking slightly. He gripped her hand tighter, felt her hesitation before she squeezed back. Side by side, they walked through together.

#captain swan #killian jones #emma swan #there is probably a lot of spelling mistakes in this #i wrote all of this on my phone 💀 not a joke #steph writes #cs fics #cs fanfic #captain swan fanfic

53 notes · View notes