i really think humans need a focus. a symbol of peace. a manifesto. a new religion.

whatever keeps our species from destroying itself and the planet.

i think hope/solarpunk is like that.

to all the people in denial of alastor’s sexuality, i swear, just google it. it’s not that hard to open the wiki. and even if you don’t trust the wiki i can guarantee you will find some other sources that confirms that he’s aroace

throughout the whole episode I was like “why is dee being so nice to mac and calling him a genius” and then it turned out to be dennis’s literal fantasy

sometimes i make a really long list of things i wanna get done that i wonder if i will just overwhelm myself again, causing future me to give up entirely. but i'm realizing that i shouldn't just accept defeat. i should push myself to get out of my comfort zone and try to get as much done as i can when i can (i.e. when i have the energy, attention, and time). maybe i'll surprise myself, maybe i won't. either way, it will be okay because i'll have learned something.

we often use logan's language and speech patterns regardless of the space we're in or headmates who's fronting, and it's hard to unlearn. but I hope we do.

I really fucking love The Bear, actually. I loved seeing Ritchie peel mushrooms with the head chef of a 3-star Michelin restaurant. Ritchie driving and singing along to love story. Him staging. Actually his whole character arc. Sydney joining work at the beef because Carmy made her the best meal of her life (and he doesn’t even know it). Carmy leaving the best restaurant in the world to work at this rundown one because his brother left him that. Carmy finding out that Michael wanted to franchise the restaurant with him and wanted to keep it a surprise and that’s why he was keeping Carmy at an arm’s distance. Nat joining the restaurant because she loves her brothers. Nat telling Carmy first about her pregnancy and telling him that no one else knows. Carmy, Nat & Syd actually turning it into a franchise. Them sending their cooks to culinary school and Marcus especially to Copenhagen. Syd wanting Tina as her sous and trusting her the most. Carmy not being able to see Syd in distress and building a non-verbal form of communication with her, despite being raised in an uncommunicative and abusive household, growing up feeling unloved. Nat deciding to be a mother and have a baby despite having a mother like Donna (& still choosing to believe in her). Carmy hugging Syd after the fire inspection and getting her a custom monogrammed chef’s coat. Everybody telling Ritchie he looks good after he starts wearing suits and no one making fun of him. Carmy thinking of Syd during his nervous breakdown and that calming him down. Ritchie apologising to Nat and her accepting. Carmy screaming to get Syd when he gets stuck in the refrigerator because he trusts her the most. Ritchie calming down Syd when everything goes haywire at the restaurant and helping her shoulder responsibilities to a smooth run. I am not okay.

Kinda tempted to go back to identifying as aromantic but from the perspective of "I have chosen to love everyone that I have dated. I can choose to stop." but I don't know how well that would go over.

ahhhhhh, i missed that you answered my ask😭

ok, so essentially there's one really really popular mcyt ship that's called dnf right? and that's two out of three people of the dream team (best friends for like 10 and 7 years one of them moved across the world to live with the other two they all love each other so much, it's very epic) and *some people* are like dnf-solo truthers (aka dnfolos) and take it very serious and are convinced that they are dating and that saying they aren't and/or shipping one of them with someone else (or all three of the dteam together) is disrespectful to them and that saying you think the one who said he's straight (once a while ago, in a bit of a high pressure situation, also got called "the straightest person there" a bit ago and didn't say anything against it but also didn't disagree when he got called gay and a bottom so who knows) is homophobic, which... already a bit of a weird take? but a lot of them also tend to push them into very heteronormative and fetishised roles within the shipping of one being the big man top and the other a girly tiny hourglass figure bottom which are not really roles that they tend to represent in their content,,,like at all?

and now, one of them and the other person of their group (their ship is called snf) were on a stream the other day where they talked about how little having privacy from eachother matters to them and they joked about showering together and then went to shower (separate) but synced up their music and every time one of them has a moment like that on stream with someone else some dnfolos tend to have some.....very interesting takes on how this is somehow about dnf or why that other person is somehow in the wrong for what happened and the double standard is just fascinating....and essentially i just wanted to make a joke about that and how bad some of their takes are, which isn't actually bad but they are kinda infamous to be v pro death threats and there's definitely been some moments where it escalated into a mob mentality against specific people (be that other fans or content creators) and i just decided that maybe i don't even want to make a silly little joke about those people....

anyway i hope that made a little bit of sense and helped your need for drama! basically just infighting in a sub-fandom that's already hated by a big part of the main fandom lol

I'll be honest I love learning about random fandom (hey that rhymes!!) drama it's usually sososo silly. People like that are insane. There's having fun with theories or private speculation, then there's That. There's a similar thing in the Taylor Swift fandom where people (Gaylors) INSIST she's actually gay and closeted and all men she dates are all beard contracts and saying otherwise is really homophobic. I don't get why they get so hung up on what is fantasy. Not complaining too much tho because I'm not that involved in either situation, so I just get to sit around and watch the drama unfold

First week of school go okay? If yes, YAY!!!! If no, Im sorry my guy and I hope it gets better!!

Yeah actually! I’ve had 2 classes so far, first one was just setting up and going around an introducing ourselves which as a kid I would have loved to brag about how cool I was and as an adult made me be like hi I like metal music and I’m watching Saw movies don’t talk to me and then I literally had a hot guy come up to me after class and walk with me to my car talking to me, and then after that I a girl in my class saw me and started talking to me, and then last class was “okay group work! I’m putting you guys in group to meet each other” which made me want to gouge my eyes out because if there’s one thing that makes me feel good about myself it’s being in a class full of idiots and realizing I’m literally one of the coolest people in the room because I’m either smarter then everyone else or if I’m not I’m not super fucking dorky about it. Like. There’s a guy in my class that won’t stop talking about the ACTs. Like okay dude. Chill. Go smoke some weed or something. And then there’s the kids in my class who are just Not Getting It and I’m like wow! I’m so fucking glad I am Not That Stupid! And then there’s the girl in my class who is like timidly raising her hand and I just want to take her and be like girl don’t raise your hand women have been waiting their turn for centuries speak your thoughts. Meanwhile home girl is literally an ICU nurse like girl you are telling me you watch people cut open people for a living and you literally keep people alive but you’re too shy to say anything without raising your hand first and getting acknowledgment from the teacher. But like man she was so cool to talk to as well. So like my plan of being antisocial isn’t working at all because I keep meeting really cool people. There’s literally a guy in my class in a metal band who is a tattoo artist. Like damn dude can we hang. Next class I gotta drop in online though because I’m gonna be on vacation. I want to talk to the guy who was talking to me on the way to my car more but after class last time he was taking to ACT dude about- wait for it- the ACTs and I heard him be like “hey can I get your number” like wait hey I want YOUR number you’re hot and you like Pierce The Veil… anyway yeah.

@nommers4ever you sent me a really sweet ask a bit ago wishing me well and offering solidarity in these dark days, and I can’t find it now. I’m sorry I took so long to reply, but thank you for the kind words, my friend. It does genuinely brighten my heart to know I got peeps all over who are thinking of me and wishing better things for me.

they didn’t send me an ask, but this also goes to you too, @anti-workshop. You’ve left some very kind comments on my personal posts, and I just want to say thank you.

and of course cheers to @disgruntled-detectives who has always had my back.

and thank you to everyone else who reaches out, comments on my stuff, or even likes my personal posts as a way of saying “hey, same. but you’re not alone.”

It really does mean so much to me that this silly little hellsite exists and that we can be here offering each other the bits of love and support that we can manage.

Really do love y’all.

bad news kids think ive finally outchanced my luck; my roommate has covid

💯

thinking about it now i'm pretty sure garnet was my plural awakening. like i found out what plurality was at the same time i found out what kin was, but we were forcing ourself into many different boxes at the time (”am i kin? am i multiple? no we can't be multiple. but i have memories? clearly i'm faking” etc) which resulted in a lot of miscommunication and set us back quite a bit, especially considering this was 2015-16 right before plurality was reeallllyy “known” and there were barely any people talking about it... and that was also right when steven universe was just starting to get really popular and i think seeing garnet portrayed as plural and happy about it was so lifechanging for me. i thought being plural meant i was doomed forever to some Terrible Awful Fate. but garnet was made of two different people? and she could function as one unit and ENJOY it? and not want to be different bodies? and you could say that she wasnt intended to represent plurality and youre probably right but the connection is still there. and seeing that garnet could exist in some way --even if nothing more than just an unintended representation of plurality-- really helped us come to terms with being an "us". i am made of love and i love us and what we are and i refuse to hate our system. thats all

mhmmm. That didn't take long

" just because your parents didnt break all the generational traumas, DOESNT MEAN THEY BROKE NONE!"

i don’t know how to explain that since march 2020 with each new horrible thing happening in the world i shrink further and further into myself and away from connection and hope