adding another grogu-lying-on-the-floor.jpg to my art folder

i got icons that i commissioned from someone a while back and i wonder if i should use'em fmsdlkmgkdslm

TOP FIVE SUFJAN SONGS ?? 🐝

my man, my man i LOVE this ask! 🐝 saw it earlier but i waited to be at home and at my computer because i want to make a lil speech. sufjan is my so mother, he is probably my goat in music. i worship him and everything he shares with the world. that being said, it's so so difficult to choose 5 of his songs. but for you, nai, i'm gonna try

1. should have known better: this song is important to me in a very personal degree. i hope you don't mind me for over sharing a little bit. i have a lot of problems with my mom. she has a particular mental disorder that almost destroys mine (i have two). we barely interact because we are toxic and harmful towards each other. i do love her, she is my mom, but still it's always better to be away. sufjan's mother had the same disorder my mom has and, unfortunately, things didn't end well to her. he then wrote this song (and tons of others, the entire "carrie & lowell" tbh) to deal with his grief. when he sings "my brother had a daughter, the beauty that she brings, illumination" reminds me of the time my youngest nephew were born and we were able to have a small period of peace <3

also the "i should have known better nothing can be changed. the past is still the past, the bridge to nowhere" always speaks directly to my soul.

2. to be alone with you - this song is important to me because i used it for a fic i wrote years ago for a particular ship of mine. i actually associate it with them to this day 😭 (to give a hint, they're on my header) and it's always on my playlists, a huge part of my personality as well as the ship itself. massive brainrot if you ask me. also, i adore the instrumentality of this song, it is so... warm and comforting despite of its controversial lyrics.

3. john my beloved - is it gay or about jesus? who knows, maybe not even sufjan since he refuses to give us an answer. this song gives me the feeling that i'm "interrupting something"? it is like sufjan wrote it but didn't mean to share. it is so intimate and the whispering sound of his voice in this... stawp! perfection. was jesus in love with john? was judas a third wheel? why did jesus treat john different from the others to the point of calling him the "beloved disciple"?

4. reach out - "all the light came in to fulminate my mind" this is straight up poetry and something that i would wrote for sure. this man has the ability of sing what i would like to say.

5. city roses - "i used to be young and bold but now i'm afraid, i'm getting so old" couldn't describe me better. the entirety of these lyrics is so familiar to me. sufjan get outta my brain!

bonus: the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! - this is the song to introduce me to sufjan's art. and i'm so grateful for it <3

I LOVED TO TALK ABOUT IT. i loved this ask nai, thank you so much! and i'm sorry for this giant answer but i couldn't resist. ily <3

tag game

rules: pick a song for every letter of your url & tag that many people

Thank you for the tags @bobgasm @sorchathered @floydsglasses!!

[S] Sundown by Gordon Lightfoot

[A] Almost (Sweet Music) by Hozier

[I] Innocent and Beautiful by Tide Lines

[L] Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac

[O] Orpheus by Vincent Lima

[R] Rich Girl by Daryl Hall & John Oates

[A] Anchor by Novo Amor

[V] Various Storms & Saints by Florence + The Machine

[I] I Think We're Alone Now by Tiffany

[A] Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths

[T] Toes by Glass Animals

[O] Ophelia by the Lumineers

[R] Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac

no pressure tags: @mamachasesmayhem @goldenseresinretriever @sailor-aviator @nouis-bum @pinkdaisies9285 @bobfloydsbabe @bobfloydssunnies

Tis the Season.... to say fuck it!

Ah the holidays are here.  Time to dust off the asshole attitude.  Make it all fresh for my in-laws and their condescending abusive bullshit.  Always trying to make every conversation about politics with my Fox News obsessed FIL grump assing about the “GOD DAMN LIBERALS” among his racial and LGBTQ slurs, the controlling MIL and SIL trying to make a big deal about the kitchen and acting like they’re Michelin chefs creating a five star masterpiece when it all was ordered from Honey Baked Ham’s complete warm and serve Thanksgiving dinner.  Then the drunkles as my daughter refers to them spend the whole day screaming at the football games on TV and finding ways to get under my skin (which they’re professionals at).  My daughter begged us to come to their place instead and have a peaceful small gathering, but not enough travel time.  Better yet we’re planning on a trip to Bermuda next year so fuck all those asshats.  The bright and shining part of it all is they know better than to ask us to host anymore since five years ago when I lost my shit and ran everybody out of my house and told them all to “GO FUCK YOURSELVES”!!!  That did the trick.  My wife always looks at me and whispers “and now ya know why I’m fucking crazy af””.  I always whisper back  “and I thought it’s because you’re Irish”!  Yeah good fucking times!  This year will be different now that my SISIL divorced, bought a house here in town, and we don’t have to drive 2-1/2 hours one way to her old house..... YAY!  My daughter and new son in law have opted out and will not be there to endure everyone asking when there will be some babies in the house.  I don’t blame them and if we had any sense at all we’d join them, but NOooooo.  I will say I have a secret weapon for the whole dysfunctional crowd this year........ 30mg gummies!  

Let the holiday fuckery begin!!!!

These Wild ARMs polls are completely nonsensical n the brackets are nearly always one-sided but they give me an excuse to talk about WA and when does that ever happen

I know you guys won't believe it but I have another furb on the way an I've gone over my only ten furby limit so <3 more introduction posts and names are in the process

I have no idea what TMA is about but I’m here to shove some ocs your way! I offer you Ellis and Fabian!

sorry if I’m just barging in🧍‍♀️

No no you're not barging in! I haven't seen Fab yet so this was an interesting read! Hmm... for him, I actually wanna peg him as an avatar of

The Slaughter

The Slaughter is the manifestation of fear of pure, unpredictable, unmotivated violence. The fear of pain coming at sudden, random moments. While I can't say Fab would be an avatar outright, He'd certainly be marked by it, with such a backstory as his. This fear may take a particular interest in him, in a way singling him out as a consistent target, with the lingering memory of his past haunting him and motivating his actions.

For Ellis, they say 'Curiosity killed the cat', but in her case, it makes her a prime avatar for

The Eye

The Fear itself is of being watched/exposed or having secrets revealed. For Her, her curiosity would play into The Eye's other aspect: the all-consuming drive for knowledge even at a potentially self-destructive cost. But now the question is: How much is Ellis willing to pay to learn all there is about Twisted Wonderland?

Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: Eddie just really got on your nerves today.

Warnings: smut, light spanking. A little mocking. Hope I didn't forget anything.

A/n: Not proofread

18+ minors dni

"You know you're really fucking annoying sometimes" you bit your lip, trying to hold back a moan.

You were so frustrated with him today. You didn't want to give him the satisfaction that his cock was making you feel as good as it was right now. It was difficult to hold it back. You won't lie. You just wanted to scream and call out his name. You wanted to moan so loud your neighbors heard you again.

"Oh yeah, baby? What else?" Eddie cooed and started to laugh slightly. He kept thrusting his cock harder in your pussy. He gave a powerful thrust that toppled you over. "Tell me how much I annoy you while your cunt is making a mess all over me."

Your bodies were making the most pornographic noises. It was all skin slapping against skin as his cock glided in and out of your pussy. You heard him groan low and mutter under his breath about how tight you are.

"You're such an asshole." You complained more while he laughed louder behind you. his grip on your hips tightening the more you talked shit to him. "You're always picking with me."

"Oooh! you suck my cock with that filthy little mouth?" He taunted as he rolled his hips just right causing your breath to hitch. Eddie didn't care about that last part, you said to him.

You were right he does pick, but it's always in good light-hearted fun. It's not his fault you were in a bitchy attitude today. He had the urge to ask if you would be starting your period soon, but he decided he enjoyed living too much. He kept that dangerous thought to himself. He wasn't stupid. Annoying sometimes, yes, but not stupid.

Eddie knew he was getting on your nerves today, but he just kept poking at you and poking at you. He wouldn't leave you alone. He loved that scowl and cute little pout on your fact too much to stop. until you finally snapped. his attempts at humor and overall not taking anything you say seriously really got under your skin.

now he has you on your hands and knees in your bedroom plunging his cock deeper and deeper inside you. your walls hugging around him so tight. Your back arched, and your ass went up higher, allowing him to hit all the right spots on your sensitive walls. He's watching the way your body reacted to him. Despite your obvious annoyances. That was enough to make him cum on the spot. He loved it.

You, on the other hand, just couldn't shut your mouth. You kept giving him a piece of your mind. You couldn't really pinpoint what he did exactly that pissed you off. He is just on your nerves today.

Eddie knew it, too. He loved it when you got a little annoyed with him or angry. He would let you get all your frustrations out while he fucked the attitude right out you. That was his goal for today, but he just couldn't resist teasing you a little bit more.

"Awe, is that it, though? I'm just an asshole?" He mocked while pumping his cock in your pussy relentlessly. your sensitive walls clenching around him, forcing him to grunt. His skin is coated in a thin sheen of sweat.

"A dick a really big dick." You kept fussing at him, but when he started hitting that spot on your walls, your mind went blank for a moment. You pressed your forehead to the bed, whimpering.

"Yea, yea, I know my dick is big now what else?." Eddie rolled his eyes. His tone is riddled with sarcasm. Every time you threw an insult at him his cock just went in rougher. He was continuously taunting you. "Keep'em comin, sweetheart."

"n-no....you're just a really bi--" you gasp as his hand came down to deliver a good harsh slap to your ass, shutting you up instantly.

"I'm just a what baby? what was that?" Eddie chuckled and slapped your ass hard again. your silence was enough to earn you a cocky chuckle from him.

"thought so." He mumbled, and his pace increased to the point that you couldn't even remember what you mad at him for now.

"Don't mock me!" You pouted and pushed your hips back against him. You didn't remember what you were mad about. that wasn't going to stop you from trying to fuss at him.

"Can't handle it?" Eddie bit his lip and shook his head. He's waiting for you to look back at him so he can see that bottom lip wobble.

You won't give him that satisfaction of that. Not yet, at least. He wants to have you begging and crying by the end of this. He wants to hear you begging and pleading to let you cum. He craves to see crying on his cock while filling you up with all of his cum.

He sighed, and his tone was more stern than playful. "So ya gonna bitch some more or you gonna shut up and take my cock like a good girl?"

All you could was groan in annoyance and let a quiet little whimper. His stern voice gives you goosebumps all over your body.

Instead of you talking back you focused on how his cock was making you feel so full. The way it rubbed on your g-spot with every thrust. Or how it felt when he first split you open. the way he struggled a little to make it all fit. He always knew how to shut you up when you got in one of these little moods. Yet you could never deny having his cock. No matter how much he got on your last nerve.

Eddies pace became more frantic. Your pussy was dripping all over his balls. He groans so loud when you push back on him again. his hips slamming against your ass hard, it caused a ripple effect. your complaints now were replaced with moans. You're fisting and clawing at the sheets. whatever you were mad at him for has long been forgotten now. Whatever it was he did wasn't even important at this very moment anymore.

hi hi hi i'm sorry i've been off for a few days. you write so good. are you kidding me? about more requests, how about a reverse grumpy x sunshine because our boy James is the literal definition of sunshine. like reader is this no-nonsense type badass and he's just a sweet, yet protective but just overall a cutie pie?

eeee! I just finished writing this and i love it! Though, I don't know if this "grumpy", i lost that half way through writing. i hope you like it too! Seriously i love all requests, keep'em coming, honey <3

If James was a comforting, warm fire during the cold winter nights that brought everyone together, then you were the bracing, ice-cold wind that swept them all away.

The party atmosphere is wild, fun, and lively, with James dancing and drinking with some of your friends as the party rages on. It's a little odd to see you sitting alone at a table, casually nodding as Sirius drunkenly whispers in your ear.

You've noticed that from across the room, he keeps an unwavering gaze on you, his attention unwavering. When you turn to meet his gaze this time, you smirk and send him a teasing wink, as Sirius drunkenly rambles in your ear.

You turn back to Sirius, giving him your full attention, as it suddenly hits you that he may be high as well, not just drunk. When you turn to motion for your boyfriend to come over, he's gone. Your eyes search for him, and suddenly there's someone forcingly kissing your cheek as James appears with an enthusiastic grin on his face. "Gotcha," he proclaims triumphantly.

Sirius, next to you, slurs his words as he does a flossing gesture, "I mean it, Genius! Gets everything, y'know!" You can't help but humor him by nodding along, humoring his drunken antics. Then, James takes your hand, placing his warm fingers in between yours, linking them together tightly.

"What are you doing all alone?" James asks as he takes the drink from Sirius' hand. "I'm not alone, Sirius is here to tell me all about his newfound admiration for.. muggle floss. Now if you really want to impress me then you'd take your friend up to his dorm. " you say, your face splitting into a mischievous grin. James raised his brow in amusement.

"Wish they'd make a chocolate flavor, though."

They both faced the younger Black patriarch in confusion.

"What's a floss?" James' brows furrow, the confusion written all over his face. Even when you bite your lip to hide your grin, your eyes give you away, but before he has a chance to figure out what you're about to do, you turn to Sirius and exclaim, "Sirius, James doesn't know what floss is!" The black-haired boy turns to his friend in shock, mouth hanging open, his eyes wide with surprise. "Prongsie, no!" Sirius throws himself over your lap to reach James

"Okay, I get it. I'll get him to bed." James says with a heavy sigh, getting up from his seat. "Great! Cause I need to go take a shower." You say as you blow him a kiss. He faces Sirius with an exaggeratedly miserable demeanor, rolling his eyes at the black-haired boy. "Mate, I need you to tell me all about this floss thing," he says, his tone dripping with sarcasm. Sirius looks up at him with a confused expression on his face before breaking into a grin. "You'll love it! It's like a small thread and you put it in between your teeth!"

"What?"

When you return, a little over an hour has passed, and the party has died down significantly. The atmosphere is quieter now, with only a few small groups of people still clustered together in the corner of the room. Piles of passed out 7th-year students can be seen scattered across the floor as well. It's a bit somber compared to before, with most of the partygoers having either gone to bed or passed out from too much drink.

It's not long before you spot James sitting alone in the arm chair, his glasses placed neatly on a stand table nearby. He seems deep in thought, staring off into space as he relaxes in the quiet atmosphere of the now-empty party. You approach James, a small smirk on your face as you take a seat on his lap. "What are you still doing up?" you ask, your voice low and teasing. He looks up at you, his eyes filled with surprise, and before you can respond, he straightens up immediately, his voice firm and confident. "I have a girlfriend," he says, his mouth set in a determined line.

You tease him, saying "I don't see her," Without his glasses James can only make out colors. He looks up at you, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Well, what I said was enough, and I would like to get off, please," he says, a hint of annoyance in his voice. You grin at his response and get off his lap, only to sit on the arm of the chair. "Okay, would you tell me about her? Your girlfriend, that is," you say, a hint of curiosity in your voice.

"Oh, where do I start? She's smart, kind, and beautiful. We've only been together for a short while, but I can already talk about her all day. She's the perfect person for me, in every way." He sighs happily as he throws his head back. "Oh, she's feisty. Like a dragon, you know? Adorable and dangerous at the same time. You always have to be on your toes with her. But I love her for that. She's strong, confident. I feel like she can take on the world and I just want to be by her side to support her. She's my everything... I'm a lucky man to have her in my life."

You blush and sniffle as you reach over to grab his glasses from the table, a small smirk on your face. "I don't know about you, but it sounds like you're in love with me, James," you say with a mischievous glint in your eye.

He looks up at you, taken aback by your sudden comment and the teasing tone in your voice.

You smile as you slip James' glasses back onto his face, making his eyes widen in surprise as he realizes it's you. He laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. "You tricked me!" he exclaims, a smile spreading across his face.

You tutted, "I thought you were really in love with me, for a moment there."

"Maybe...but only a little,"

You blush and gasp as James pulls you onto his lap, your heart fluttering with excitement. You wrap your arms around his neck, your face close to his, your body pressed against his. He smiles down at you, his eyes warm and tender, and you feel as if you can see straight into him.

You pull back slightly, looking up into his eyes. "Only a little, huh?" you say, a small smirk playing at the corners of your mouth.

"Yeah," he says, his voice soft and low. "I can't help it, I guess. You're just so... I don't know... you're just you."

You laugh, feeling like you're on cloud nine. "Aw, how sweet," you say, your voice laced with sarcasm. "I don't know about you, but I'm not complaining. This feels pretty nice."

He chuckles, his hand reaching up to brush a strand of your hair behind your ear. "It does, doesn't it? Think we'll work out?"

You grin, your heart thrumming with happiness. "Well, I'm a sucker for a good time. And you, James Potter, are definitely providing that right now."

He leans in, his lips brushing against yours, and you feel the sparks flying as your mouths meet in a passionate kiss.

hi!! i was wondering if you could write a fem!reader x james potter where it’s date night or something and they cover themselves in paint and have sex on a canvas 🫣

this post is 18+, minors dni.

"James-" You warn, as his curls tickle your face and his lips trail from your jaw towards your throat, "James, no!"

You'd slung your arms around his back but you retract one to grab his face, barely remembering in time that it's covered in paint. You nudge him away from your neck with your nose instead, hearing his frustrated grunt when you push him away.

"You'll eat paint," You pant, trying to keep your breathing steady as he pumps his cock into you, "I don't want- nngh! I don't want you to get sick!"

"Shouldn't have covered your tits in the stuff," He grumbles, latching onto your jaw instead, "Dunno why I thought I'd keep'em outta my mouth."

"Kiss me," You beg, "James- kiss me!"

He groans against your cheek, huffing as he smashes his lips to yours. He slows the rhythm of his hips and you try desperately clinging to him, latching onto his waist like a leech. He grunts against your lips, 'Jus' movin, love', and he rolls onto his side, his toned arm taking you with him around your middle.

He flips you so that you're on top, and you're more than eager to ride him as you lick into his mouth. There's paint everywhere, and you're going to have to take a long shower after this, but the sex is worth it.

James's hand comes up to squeeze your tits, the other placed firm against the canvas to hold him up. You groan as he squeezes your boob and your tongue licks up his own, your breathing erratic as most of it is stolen by James.

His hand leaves a purple stain on your skin, his handprint clear against your chest. It's possessive in a way, a marking of territory, and you feel the way it makes his dick twitch in your sloppy cunt as he breaks away to admire it.

"C'mere," He groans, hand stamped across your throat now. It leaves the same mark, and he yanks you closer by the neck to jam his own tongue into your mouth.

"James don't- don't mix the orange and the purple," You grimace, feeling his hand on your hip.

He lets out a sound that's chillingly close to a growl, nails digging into your skin as he only grips you tighter, "Don't give a fuck if it's pretty, darling. I'll touch you wherever I want."

Pls im so desperate for the amnesia fic angst 🙏🙏🙏😫

Oh, amnesia fic! Genuinely, I'm still in love with that idea. I'm just a little freak of a writer who has so much in her head that things do tend to fall by the wayside. It will hopefully come out sometime between one of my a/b/o fic arcs. I desperately need to get through England arc first before I even allow myself to write for a different fic.

The whole fic would explore the soulmatism of Clegan as Bucky would be so different from the show there and Buck would be losing his mind trying to keep hold of his John. There'd be switched POVs so we could see how neither of them are doing well.

I'm partial to the Bucky shows up with no memory idea rather than he loses it after his arrival that I laid out in my original post. I have part of the train scene written that genuinely still makes me giddy because I just love the dynamics present in the scene that supposedly only has Bucky. I'll put it below because I really do adore it.

Help the boys onto the train, John. Keep'em calm, keep'em alive. A voice deeper than his own, with a twang Bucky can't place, seems to float through his head. It's comforting, yet he doesn't know why.

The boys trust you, John. Use that. Bucky swallows and reaches down to help drag the next man up. He goes until every man is on board, and he's left facing a yard full of Germans. A one man wall.

The boys all shuffle around, scared and unsure. Most of them turn to him when the doors close, whispers start to spread that he's a major as the train moves on. He thinks that means he's the highest ranked here. He thinks that means he's supposed to know what to do. He puts on a brave face and faces them head on.

They don't trust me like I trust you. Bucky says to the voice in his head. The voice says nothing in return.

this one goes out to YOU, ofmdlovelyletters!!! 💌💌💌 thank you for this incredibly sweet idea! what a wonderful way of spreading kindness and love! i hope many people in the fandom will surprise their friends and will send some thoughtful messages with your help. you're a rockstar for doing this! ❤️

Thank you so much, this is so kind of you to say! Everyone had seemed rather down lately, so we wanted to do something to boost the general vibe around here. The easiest way to do that seemed to be to remind everyone that there are still so many of us around who have such love both for the show and for each other.

And thank you for giving us the opportunity to say we've been THRILLED by the response! We already have about a week's worth of lovely letters queued up. The hardest part truly has been waiting to post them and seeing the reactions to all the love. Running this account has really soothed away a lot of our sadness about the cancellation and has been incredibly rewarding.

(Also one final housekeeping note while we're here — we have been prioritizing posting letters for people who haven't received one yet. If you've sent a letter to someone who's already gotten one, it will absolutely be posted! Just want to make sure some others get a chance for some love first. Thank you for your patience.)

Keep'em coming, crew! We're not stopping. 💌

Thinking about Alastor and aroace loneliness

was chatting with @creepysora about the feelings of aroace loneliness that occur when one can't fulfill the requirements of relationship structures and connections that are demanded in an amatonormative and allosexual environment -- friendships that end because of being unable to "commit" to more, or because they faded out of ones life in favour of a monogamous romantic relationship, difficulties in finding a shared language through which to form connections in the first place, discomfort with spaces and people that cross sexual boundaries, etc. -- how does one find A Place and A People without entrance into this language and these desires?

this whether or not someone might be along aplatonic and/or loveless, and/or repulsed lines or not

so imagining Alastor (alive and dead) from this perspective, if he did ever feel that, and how he'd have muddled through it in his own particular kind of way (power, control, murder, mayhem, etc)

breaking down his relationships:

mimzy: seems to be quite cold-hearted about their relationship, that is, she turns up when she needs something and alastor has enough of a soft spot that until he was at the hotel/had something "more" to fight for potentially, he let her set those terms. that could indicate some desire for closeness that couldn't otherwise be met, until the hotel? it also suggests there is some fondness for the life he had while alive, although mimzy appears so far to be the only person in hell that has carried through. as for what they were doing while alive outside of drinking and dancing, well, that's still a little mystery. if the hotel gang have become closer to him than mimzy was, then maybe he's starting to feel like he can be involved with people without it simply being about being used. speaking of the gang...

niffty and husk seem to be -- more or less -- on friendly or (in husk's case) at least open terms with him, but he's forcing them into that relationship, so on his side is that "just" power or also a way to keep them with him, to control how and when they stay and leave, to remove the danger of trust. similarly to mimzy, it's not a healthy way to form relationships, but perhaps it's the only way he can be sure to do so on his terms?

rosie -- I think rosie (from what we've seen so far) appears to be the most "uncomplicated" of his relationships, that is, it's not unequal, there's no force, no subterfuge, they don't appear to be "using" each other, they seem to be pretty emotionally honest, and she's possibly the only person who knows he's (aro?)ace (which he doesn't of course, but point is she's seen through some of his barriers and she doesn't judge or try to push, while still clearly enjoying his company). they're colleagues, but they're also on friendly terms, and don't judge each other for how they live their lives (queer metaphor there). is there a teensy edge to it along the lines of overlords generally having an air of "as long as you still have power we're equals, but only as long as you still have power," to them? this a musing, i think carmilla and zestial would be on each others sides through thick and thin from the sounds of things -- would alastor and rosie trust each other to do the same?

the other overlords -- probably not close, but he wants them to acknowledge him/pay attention to him/not forget him

vox. well. vox.

charlie. complicated. joined on as a hotelier, definitely more than a little subterfuge and manipulation involved, and of course now she's made a deal with him. yes, all of this is Plot, but it's also very... alastor-as-person. keep'em guessing, don't let them get close, always have the upper hand, even with someone like charlie, who would probably have been in his corner simply because she (terror of terrors) likes him!

angel, vaggie, sir pentious: aka "the rest of the hotel gang." I think that alastor stiiiiill hasn't integrated entirely into the hotel-as-found-family-concept, although with the reactions to his arrival (save for lucifer and husk) it seems that he's gone from standing on the sidelines (emotionally) to potentially...? accepting that he has a real place there, that he is (scary word used again) liked. which, maybe not quite right putting those three characters in one section, because he had a different dynamic with all of them, but crucially none of them were close with him in s1. they ran the gamut from creeped out (pentious) to creeped out but would still tap that (angel) to open dislike/distrust (and i assume some of that distrust on vaggie's part might still be there, considering the deal, but she does seem relieved that he's Not Dead, so progress). he calls the the hotel gang as a whole friends -- that is, in a way that strongly implies he's still not accepting it/keeping the idea at arm's length "alastor altruist died for his friends" as something almost mocking, but perhaps with a grain of truth...? potentially in s2 he'll be fighting the wish to be sincerely close with these people (minus pentious in heaven), because his instinct is that it's dangerous to be vulnerable, because they could hurt you by taking your soul by turning away when something better comes along or demanding something that you can't give

gen questions: outside of mimzy what did his living existence look like? was he looking for closeness? it does seem like he may have been, considering he does look for that in death/has quite a social circle, considering. business acquaintances that were reading the word "partner" differently, girl friends who "fell in love," boy friends who "fell in love" (less likely considering how he feels about men but still), friends who disappeared when they entered into monogamous romantic relationships, a consistent potential nagging feeling of being left behind, but not knowing how to solve that and so becoming more distant…

and then of course, there's the murders which we still don't know the contexts of and so can project all kinds of things onto -- distaste with how people cross into his or others' boundaries potentially by abusing power they have, betrayal at feeling abandoned, a way to simply keep people close on his terms, (or something completely different. I also like the idea that he murdered racists, which is a different impulse than the vaguer above ideas, but may fit into people who abuse their power/cross peoples' boundaries)

I do think there's something about being Seen (or in alastor's case "Heard" if taken more literally) and controlling the narrative that is about drawing people in in a way he can control, that does feel like it mitigates the dangers that exist in relationships, in a very particular way if you're aroace. either he controls the fabric of the relationship so that they literally cannot leave (husk, niffty, potentially charlie) or he controls the closeness of the relationship so that the terms and conditions are clearly set and shouldn't be overstepped/if they are overstepped he can easily opt out, and/or if they leave, he can't get hurt (the hotel gang, rosie and vox to an extent in that they were/are colleagues which is a very particular Type of relationship, potentially mimzy)

so he is never without people around him, and needs to know they See him/Hear him, and if they don't there's a… twitchiness there. a sense of being forgotten perhaps? of being obsolete? of having nothing more to offer? if you're not pursuing the correct kinds of connections (the only kinds of connections that apparently really matter) then how do you make sure that people don't forget you? that you don't simply disappear?

romance and (to an extent) sex are powerful forces, but in alastor's case they're forces for bad that he's trying to crowbar some kind of place for himself in, no matter how disjointed and strange and even at times cruel his way of doing so may look from the outside