Malevolent Podcast Screamalong, Part 5??? Eps 15-17

Ooooh hints at traumatic backstory time!

I've got different theories on the back burner for Arthur's kid and/or wife. Would be interesting if Arthur's wife is the one who shoved John in the book and that's part of what changed him

The psuedopod named John can't quite separate from the whole colony huh

Arthur has a bit of trouble with victimization and priorities here

"I miss your method of emotional expression" "I don't."

John all "Maybe you wouldn't be so emotionally constipated if you just had a piano and could compose"

The meatsuit is taking some significant damage so far this ep

I hope you're up to date on your tetanus shots

John we talked about underestimating other eldritch entities

"Oh fuuuuck" "Yes"

Many problems, one solution. *flicks lighter*

Meatsuit really be going through it this time

"That was not a very well thought-out plan" No shit Sherlock

I've been through too many games where ANY resources are useful so watching them bypass loot is like "Noooooooo what are you doing"

BRING ANY WATER YOU HAVE Noooo

"Foolproof" ahahaha no

"What do we do" "Die horribly."

John all ". . . Uh how about not"

Lovely is exactly the right word for it. WORMS WORMS WORMS and that's totally what was on the desk in the boat because eyaaaagh

Arthur trying for the charisma roll!

That did . . . not really work

Each of you guys keep swinging wildly between kill everything-forgive things - and I can't really keep track of any logic behind it

Did y'all not remember your plot quest marker

"I wasn't enough." and John immediately up in arms like "who said that?!"

And you keep swinging between the "Do things / don't do things"

Always always going down

Arthur's turn to do the "Here's some existential terror"

"Can you give me more poems, please?"

Chirpy-thing had better not be evil *hard stare*

Or die horribly. We like chirpy salamander.

Seeing eye-demon is leaving out vital details

Plot points~~~

You guys really could have avoided a lot of that drama if you just threw dignity to the wind and flat-belly-squiggled to reach that

Aaaaand then things continue downward

At least when you're at the bottom there's nowhere to go but up???

It's one of your old friends, a chute!

Meat puppet is really taking a beating lately; you need another Wraith refresh

I would be bitching so bad about the "Quietly!" "You do this quietly!"

100% on Arthur's side of Read The Damn Book. Knowledge!

And that's how we're both going to die in Forbidden Fucked Up Fantasyland

"We're going to do this if it kills us" Mmmmmm not the best thing to say

Oh now you're on team Murder, you guys really do keep swapping

Many problems, one solution!

insert Jason Good Place Bortles gif

And then we get the traumatic backstory!

"I failed, that day" "You won't fail again"

Aw, John taking ownership/protectorship of this sad fucked up human

ohhhhh that doesn't sound good

Every time John does a "no that way" I imagine his left hand hauling Arthur to one side or the other

For once, upwards!

Arthur sorta waivers between low-key suicidal ideation and high key and with that poem reference. . . oof.

"Well you have me there" that was VERY fond <3

INFO

This is an RP blog for the DOL AU of my OC Lettie/Lettice the Heavensent! Run by @degrees-of-fuck the thing the myth the absentee.

Major canon character relationship under cut for useful info just in case, but any and all interactions are welcome!Not necessary reading, but it's here and might inspire some interactions idk

Content warnings for more mentions of bloodshed n violence than is in game, references to and implications of religious abuse and most likely a whole lot of stalking.

Basic concept since she's less of a traditional PC and self explanatory than my other guys: OC that I ported over to DoL that ended up being a magic sheep thing that got thrown at the temple as a baby for Magic Baby Malevolence crimes. Magic Powers + Divine Connotation = Become a local "divine" being and have to deal with that public image and not slipping and letting anyone think you might actually be a demon instead. Also = being a sacrificial lamb/bloodbag on the down low, but she doesn't tend to post about that outside of hinting. She's also very sickly on account of Psychic Side Effects, Just Being Chronically Ill and the constant bloodletting.

JORDAN: Jordan is one of the few people at the temple that Lettie actually uhhhhh... Likes. They are probably terminally unaware of The Horrors, after all. She admires their charisma and the effect they have on others - and probably saw a lot of them growing up. As a rule, she's hiding 1000000 things from them at any given moment, generally for reasons for Not Rocking The Boat.

HARPER: Lettie is a Sickly Thing and a Cute Little Doll that needs her doctor to take care of her <:) It's just a shame the temple refuses to let Harper Keep her... (I think of my OCs, she's the one Harper would be fixated on, though frustrated by her inaccessibility relative to less... Known people.) As for her own side, Lettie despises them. Just... Very quietly. She acts sweet and compliant with them as with anyone else, occasionally looking for opportunities to mess with them. Gaslighter Combat.

KYLAR: Another member of the Lettie Fixator Club. another falls victim to her horrendous aura of Obsession Magnetism... Lettie is nice to Kylar consistently (After all, in her case, showing kindness to people others don't won't effect her specific reputation poorly) - but is always very careful not to let them get uh... Too close. (Because that WOULD.) Kylar feels like the only one that actually Knows her, but I think what they have in their head is just another false image of her. Her big eyes and tiny stature make her look just like one of their figurines and maybe, they hope, she can use her powers to help their parents.

SYDNEY: I think it's COMPLICATED for Lettie. Sydney's existence makes her paranoid, since if a human did appear to out-purity her, that feels like a risk of being re-categorized as a demon in her head. Corrupt Sydney, she'd find much easier to get along with - but I'm not sure yet how I specifically picture it. Despite this, I think the two would know each other relatively well, even if mostly through their shared connection to Jordan. But yeah. Lettie mostly avoids Sydney unless she has a Reason to approach. Sometimes does make a bit of an effort to keep them from having an aneurysm and dying/generally reaches out to them for appearance's sake lol.

IVORY WRAITH: oughghghgh the wraith... I really need to think of this more, but I think of my guys, Lettie would be the most likely to get possessed by it on a regular basis. Plus. Their shared religious Sacrifice type trauma... For MANY reasons, I think the wraith is the only DoL character Lettie would actually be into lmao. I ship it.

GWYLAN: I think they know and like each other : ) Lettie sneaks off into the woods sometimes to forage and I think they vibe with each other now and then. Plus, Gwylan has a way of coming quick when she gets mauled by wolves. Which is uh. A lot. (damned lamb...)

Hi, I just graduated university recently and will likely be doing some remote part-time freelance proofreading and editing while I search for something more permanent. Because I believe I saw that you do similar work yourself, is there anything I should know that might help me prepare for early obstacles if I’ve never been paid for this work before? Any tips? I feel as though I’m a fairly talented writer and editor, I’m just wondering if there’s anything I should be looking out for outside of my own skills.

Hi! Congrats on your graduation. :)

Honestly, it depends on what kind of editing you're doing. Books? Resumes? Blog posts? Technical writing? Content mill-type articles from all the outlets that are putting things like "5 Reasons We Can't Wait to See the Next Marvel Movie (and 5 Reasons the MCU Should Die in a Fire, Actually)" on your Google feed?

Also, is this freelance editing like... you set up shop on your own site, you're on a platform like Fiverr, or doing contract work with a media company? They're all different animals, so I'll answer like you're applying for part-time contract editing work. (If it's one of the former, lmk.)

Overall tips...

You probably already know this, but have good samples both for things you've edited AND things you've written (and ideally, links to where they're published online). If you're applying to edit at a specific outlet, try to pick samples that are similar to their vibe. Don't stress if they're not a 100% match, but it certainly helps. (Do NOT send 5 million sample pieces unless the application asks for it. Just pick the best you have that's similar to what you'd be editing for the job.)

Don't stress about an interview. Chances are, they already feel you can do good work – they've already seen your samples. Now they just want to see how much of a fit you are for the people you'll be working with.

Generally, people who hire editors want to see 1) can you spot when a writer isn't following a style guide/other standards and correct them on it, 2) can you do this while meeting a certain productivity standard, 3) can you not constantly fuck up with any tech you need to use, and 4) can you be pleasant and communicative with anyone you're required to work with. If yes, you're in good shape. BUT...

...These are hard things to tell from an application and interview alone, so you'll probably have a probationary period to this end. There will probably be at least one other editor who looks over ALL your work during this period to see if you're meeting their standards. DO NOT DO THIS FOR FREE. Do not do anything "here, edit these 3 articles/these 5 pages as a trial" for free. Shitty companies and people do this to use applicants and trainees for free labor. If you're doing work while you're in training, they should be paying you.

Do some research on average pay rates for the kind of editing you're doing. If you can set your own rates, you'll know what to shoot for (adjust for your experience). If you can't and you're hunting on job boards, you'll have a better idea of which employers are trying to rip you off.

If you can, avoid working with people and companies who accept, encourage, or are interested in using AI in any part of their content generation or creation process. (The reasons why are a rant for a different day.) If you get to a job and your "editing" is to essentially fact-check and rewrite AI content to make it sound more human, fucking run.

Be prepared to check for AI-generated content if you're working in a circumstance where human writing is still valued.

Get very comfortable with giving and receiving feedback, if you're not already. Be kind, but don't stress too much about stroking egos. Most pro writers (well, outside the book publishing or screenplay world) won't fight you – they just want to get their pieces out there and get paid, especially if they work on a per-word basis.

Get REALLY comfortable with editing to strict word count standards. (My first book had +/- 3 words of wiggle room around certain sections' target word counts.) Yes, you will probably have to cut something that you love or reword it to something worse a few times. No, a publisher/printer/higher-up editor will not usually let you make an exception. Mourn these instances and move on.

Writers will sometimes get mad. Some of them will try to bully or steamroll editors they've never worked with before. Don't let them. Give them grace because you know what it's like to have to kill your darlings, but remember that you were hired to hold them to certain standards. It doesn't matter if they've been published in Forbes or the New York Times and you're a new face – if their current work isn't meeting the standards it needs to, hold them to it.

Try to develop a good rapport with any writers, editors, or others you work with, even if you're only doing this as a part-time, temporary thing. You never know what opportunities may come down the line if you cross paths with these people again.

Try not to do what I do on Tumblr, aka word-vomit all over everything every time I answer an ask. ^^^^^^^^

Best of luck!

Big question. I need your opinion on something. If Mipha was never saved, and Vah Ruta was never calmed, what effect would it have on Hyrule. We know that it will flood, however I doubt the Shiekah would have the ability to create water from nothing (like to gods) so I just assume they are teleporting so the ocean won't rise. With this in mind, none of the major settlements would really be affected. Gerudo Town is far enough out of the path that the river would take through lake Hylia, Riti Village is also out of the way, and not only does it have a natural moat (if you could call it that) but also a canyon in the way. Korok Forest has magic and a moat and is also out of the way, Goron City is also to high up and out of the way, Tarrey Town is really highup and out of tge way, Zoras domain has pretty good drainage and it will probably go through the several other exits to not cause that muc damage, Kakariko Village is safe in the mountains, Hateno Town is safe and out of the way, and Lurelin Village is also out of the way and won't be damaged unless the ocean floods.

WOO LET’S FLOOD A CIVILIZATION AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

**Zelda meter is the meter system of objmap.zeldamods.org, but in accordance with previous posts I'm gonna convert it later to "actual" meters that I think is more realistic. You’ll see why later.

ALRIGHTY, SO LET’S START WITH MEASURING TIME!

So, East Reservoir Lake is 545 zelda meters long (light blue) and 340 zelda meters wide (blue)

Or if we want to see it as more of a circle, it has a radius of 239 zelda meters

Rutala Dam itself is 30 zelda meters wide and 140 zelda meters across. (see purple)

Taking a picture and using an online ruler, I found that the damn is roughly 123 zelda meters tall. (1 cm equal to 17.5 zelda meters by using the 140zm measurement)

Technically speaking, the dam's depth is infinite in the game, so we'll just use this damn's height as the depth.

And before you tell me that I should count the height of the rocks that the damn sits on top of as part of the depth, I'm gonna say not because dams typically block preexisting waterfalls, and given the rounded erosion of the rocks here, I would say that is also the case. Therefore, this was a waterfall that fed into the Rutala River and is not counted for the reservoir's depth.

So, in summary:

Reservoir Length: 545zm

Reservoir Width: 340zm

LW Reservoir Surface Area: 185,300zm (That is only 0.1 zelda kilometer. For comparison, the 45th largest reservoir in the world, Capivera Dam [last place on Wikipedia list] is still 515 square kilometers. The largest ones being in the 60k areas. I’ll come back to this point later.)

Reservoir Radius: 239zm

(pi)r^2 Reservoir Surface Area: 179,451zm2 (179zkm2) [Just got these numbers of surface areas to demonstrate they're practically the same whether you see it as circular or rectangular. I think the circle will be more accurate so going forward I will be using it as my basis for calculations]

Dam Length: 140zm

Dam Height: 123zm

Dam Width: 30zm

The Total Water Rutala Dam Holds Back: 22,072,473zm3 [Instead of just using the sphere volume formula or the LWH formula, I used my more accurate surface area made with the the radius and multiplied by the dam height(is that the,,,cylinder formula? I think so)]

Rutala Dam is supposed to be the largest reservoir in Hyrule, shown very prominently on the map. The largest reservoir(by surface area) in our world is Lake Winnipeg, with a surface area of 24,514 km2, (but only has a depth of 12 meters.)

But here it is on a map of Canada:

To reiterate, Lake Winnipeg has an area of 24,514km, and with zelda meters, East Reservoir Lake has an area of 179.

“BUT KIP! MAYBE EAST RESEVOIR LAKE IS JUST REALLY REALLY SMALL, HYRULE IS PRETTY SMALL ISN’T IT?”

Ok, so comparing the reservoir to one of the the largest, if not THE largest, settlements in the game, Zora’s Domain, we can see that the reservoir is several times it’s size.

But you’ll also note that Zora’s Domain has a diameter of 234zm. That, the entire city, the entire DOMAIN of Zora. 234 zelda meters. Manhattan is 21,100 meters long. Manhattan, by the way, is a fifth fraction of the New York County, which is the smallest county in the United States of America.

234 zelda meters, that’s an area of 43,005zm2. Do you know what else is aobut 40k meters squared in real life? Your nearest Walmart. Just a bit bigger than your local Tesco. Supposedly the entire Zora population, that has been untouched by the 100 year apocalypse and arguably had room to GROW over this time, is living in a Trader Joes.

So I hope this illustrates why I’m converting the zelda meters used on the website to something that I think would be more realistic in the realm of Hyrule. You can find my very loud and kinda embarrassing but factual! and old post about the conversion here, same link as at the top, but essentially just trust me on the conversation that 1zm is equal to 30 real-life meters.

New Realistic Measurements:

Reservoir Length: 16,350m or 16.35km

Reservoir Width: 10,200m or 10.2km

LW Reservoir Surface Area: 166,770km2

Reservoir Radius: 7170m or 7.17km

(pi)r^2 Reservoir Surface Area: 5,383,530m2 or 5382.53km2

Dam Length: 4200m

Dam Height: 3690m

Dam Width: 900m

The Total Water Rutala Dam Holds Back: 19,865,225,700m3 or 19.8 million cubic kilometers of water AKA 19.8 billion kiloliters AKA 5.2 trillion gallons o’ agua

Now THAT sounds more like the biggest dam in all of Hyrule. In fact, it adds up with the stats of the largest dam in our world(by gallons held), that is, the Three Gorges Dam.

The Three Gorges Dam, located in China, ALSO holds back 5 trillion gallons of water/19 billion cubic meters. Although it is a lot shorter than Rutala’s measurements--I think the amount of water that it holds back will be a perfect guide to see the devastation that Rutala’s potential breakage could cause on Hyrule.

There actually is a simulation online about what would happen if the Three Gorges Dam collapsed but I’m not gonna link it cause it might be a bit too distressing, but just know that I based this on that simulation.

Firstly, the biggest sigh of relief comes from the Samasa Plain.

The plain is very very low and slopes down into the Lanayru Bay, so a lot of the water would empty into there. However, the plain would then be totally submerged, so RIP to the shrines and ruins around there. Areas in red as submerged and areas in green would become islands or marshes.

And with that, the water level of Lanayru Bay would rise drastically. Blue is the new water level, dark green are islands, and light green are potential wetlandish areas that would form as time passed.

But basically, Rutala river would have a new branch that spills directly into the Lanayru Bay.

So now you may be thinking,

“HEY KIP THAT’S NOT SO BAD! MOST OF IT SPILLS OUT INTO THE BAY SO IT’S NOT A LOT OS DESTRUCTION! YAY!”

And you’d be half right.

Yes, a lot of the water is going to spill out over Samasa Plain and yes, Lanayru Bay will house a lot of it. But here’s the kicker.

It’s a bay.

Not an ocean.

It would take 1.25zkm or 30km for the water to make it’s way to the ocean, and the water will be traveling SUPER fast--about 100 kilometers per hour.

And that water wants to move, it wants to flow, and Lanayru Bay cannot help all that water flower because:  It’s shallow as fuck.

This chest shows the deepest point in all of Lanayru Bay.

I dropped a windcleaver down in the water: and using a generous GENEROUS estimate of 2 feet per second given the conditions of the still water in the bay--It took 5 seconds for it to float to the bottom. 10 feet. 3 meters. That’s just barely deeper than the deep end of a backyard swimming pool.

But even being extra EXTRA generous and using a real world estimate: Bays would be around 14 feet deep, roughly 4 meter. And we can be even more generous and say the sounding mountains can accommodate 30 feet of height. 9 meters. 9 + 4 = 14 meter height times 30km by 10km(width) = That’s 4.2 cubic kilometers, or 4.2 billion kiloliters of the 19.8 billion kiloliters in total.

uh oh. wheres the other 15.6 billion kiloliters of water gonna go?

It’s like taking a firehose, and filling up a bathtub. Yeah, the tub’s gonna catch a lot of that water, but that firehose has way, way, way, more water than that tub can hold, and when the tub can have a leak or hole on it, but the rate that that hose is going is astronomically faster than the rate the tub can expel water, so it’s just gonna overflow and water will still spill everywhere

[And this isn’t even taking into the account that Rutala Dam is SIGNIFICANTLY higher that it’s surrounding landscape, and would pour into the river with such a force that it could cause a giant tidal wave and break through the rocky boundaries of the pre-existing Rutala River causing even more water to flow into the bay]

Lanayru Bay would be occupied with a lot of water, and since the other 15.6 billion kiloliters of water can’t immediately flow into it, it’s gonna take the scenic route through Rutala River. It’s high mountains on either side basically just make it a death funnel.

Here’s how that would look:

This is the new water level for the Lanayru Wetlands. MAn they weren’t lying, those lands do be wet.

so yeah everything is submerged in between 10 to 20 meters of water and you might be thinking

“WELL KIP, I THINK THAT’S NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL! AT LEAST NO MAJOR LANDMARKS WERE DESTROYED AND NO ONE WAS HURT!”

Well, bestie, here’s the thing. This length of land is 3 zelda kilometers long. AKA 90 kilometers long. And you might recall, I said, that this, 3000 meter tall  wall of water was traveler at 100km per hour. Well the good news is, my calculations are a lot easier for this as this large stretch of flat Lanayru Wetlands land lines up perfectly with the flat areas of Yichange, (which was actually traveling at twice the speed compared to Rutala because it didn’t have Lanayru Bay to open up into)  

But the bad news is, the video is five minutes long, and this is just the first 50 seconds. This water is destined to travel 400 kilometers. That’s about half of the country of Wales, by the way. The entire length of the state of Virginia.

Here’s the rough path of the total flooding that other 16 billion kiloliters from Rutala Dam

Oh, and what’s worse is that the rivers in central Hyrule? Yeah they’re like HALF the depth of Lanayru Bay so the flooding will be even WORSE :D

So here’s the new waterlevel map!

Overtime, a lot of the water is gonna spill onto the paths through Central Hyrule, new swamplands, creeks, etc. etc. The path to the Gerudo Desert will be fin initially, as the water as slowed to the point where it won’t put immediate damage since the bridge is so high. But that new water level plus the influx of water from the River of the Dead is definetly gonna erode that over time and maybe possibly will just collapse and prevent anyone from leaving or entering the desert.

Hyrule Castle will be even more of an island, as the two islands to the left and right of it will be moslty submerged. Also the entire path through Eldin is just fucking done. Everyone in Akkala and Eldin? You’re trapped there. It’s basically a new Lake Hylia but no bridge. Sorry Robbie.

Oh, and also these rapid waters are carrying the debris of it’s destruction, whether the corpses of travelers or giant rocks that it broke off from the side of mountains. So everything is a mess, and depending on the amount of debris, it could completly alter water paths to go even more in land. The rivers are shallow enough, so just pilling in more rocks and dam metal and dirt just makes things shallower

Lake Hylia will be fine, the mini islands are gone, but as a whole, the bridge and the height of the surrounding ridges will keep the water in there. Although a lot of Necluda is basically a goner, and the bridge on either end of Dueling Peaks is totally decimated.

So what did we learn?

All of Hyrule’s economy is fucked. Every major trading path--gone. It’s basically gonna breed even more ethnocentricism, and a bunch of wildlife and sources for food are gone. And not to mention the climate, that’s gonna be fucked too as years pass. Rito and Zora will probably be the most fine? Hylians are fucked though, we destroyed like five stables and basically every river setllement there is. Oh and that influx of water is gonna fuck with the fishes so Hateno and Lurelin aren’t totally out of it either!

Gerudo? Well good thing they’re all lesbians because they sure aren’t going out to woe anybody once those stone pillars holding the bridge give way to the new water levels. Gorons will actually not even know anything’s wrong if I’m being honest. Sheikah? Well that point by Eagus Bridge and Sarhasra slope is gonna connect into a river at some point so I guess they can be a fishing village now.

Oh an RAIN I didn’t even think about that, yeah people are totally gonna die. And if Ruta CONTINUES to pump water into Hyrule (because again, this is only from an INITIAL burst of the damn. Well...

Zora’s Domain will be gone within the year. Water levels will just continue to rise, probably take on Central Hyrule first, but then after that the Gerudo Canyon. Also if flooding in Zora’s Domain REALLY continue it would probably spill over and destroy Tarrey Town. So not good all around!

But I think the main takeaway that we can all settle with is that the Flower Lady and her garden are absolutely, positively, dead.

❄️Todoroki HC's🔥

Aged-up pro hero Shouto. NSFW under the cut. Minors do not interact.

- - -

General

Might as well be tied with Bakugou for the #1 pro hero spot; they seem to pass the crown back and forth every other year. Everyone knows about their intense frenemies uber-rivalry. Well. Everyone but Shouto.

He's asked to speak at a lot of charity events. If he has time to prepare (and hire a speech writer) he is capable of stirring crowds to standing ovations. But if caught unawares... he gets cornered into hilarious on-the-spot interviews. He's been memed. Mercilessly.

He's an OP character, but unfortunately he rolled -500 in fashion sense. Eventually he wises up and hires a stylist. When he finally cuts his hair a slightly different and even more flattering way, it's a national event. People faint in the street.

Does god-awful sleight-of-hand magic tricks when he meets young fans, even though nobody asked him to. The second-hand embarrassment is palpable. But he keeps doing it. God, why does he keep doing it?

Has hovering arm syndrome in every fan photo.

Super into pop music. Not a fan of any particular group or artist, couldn't tell you the name of a single song. But every time he turns up the volume on the radio it's like... really? THIS? Probably pumps that shit through his hero agency to keep up morale. Has no idea what you mean when you tell him his music taste doesn't match his personality.

Similarly, he enjoys brainless romantic comedies and old silent movies. Doesn't laugh at jokes but loses it over physical comedy. Thinks Buster Keaton and Harold Lloyd are the funniest people who ever walked the earth.

He's long and limber. Runs practically a hundred miles every day just to "relax." Doesn't even get sweaty doing it. A filthy yoga addict. He'll probably live to be 200 years old.

He can regulate his body temperature for quirk use but in everyday life he's always half a degree outside the Goldilocks zone. It drives him quietly insane; he has an epic love-hate relationship with his thermostat.

Has a therapy animal pet. Doesn't matter if it's a dog or a cat or a bird or an iguana or a teeny tiny rodent. It's the best-behaved animal in the country and speaks more languages than you. It has its own room and an instagram account with millions of followers.

Lives in a traditional Japanese estate that doubles as a national treasure. Probably has government-appointed snipers at the gate, and he's just like, "don't worry about it." You are afraid to touch anything. Fuck, don't even look at anything, just to be safe.

Has an outstanding personal chef who only gets to cook five things unless (thank fuck!!) company comes over. Impossibly picky eater. He rotates between a few "safe" foods and suspiciously side-eyes everything else. If you cook something unfamiliar for him it will be the most awkward meal of your life, because he'd never tell you he doesn't like it. But oh lord, just look at his face.

This clashes directly with his love of traveling. Frequently uses his hero earnings to visit exotic foreign locales over long weekends... but rarely tries the food.

- - -

Dating

A grey-ace demisexual disaster. You could count the number of people he's been attracted to on one hand. He falls madly in love every time and always gets his heart smashed to pieces when his crush can't magically intuit the meaning of his frigid longing glances and generically courteous romantic gestures.

Which is stupid, because he gets propositioned constantly. He can't walk out the door without being flirted with. People keep slipping him their phone numbers and he always directs them to his agency like a moron. It's a good thing he will never understand how attractive he is because that's the only thing keeping him from total world domination.

Conventional attractiveness does not compute. Shouto doesn't have a type, doesn't care that he's an eleven whilst you are merely mortal. He will fall for your personality above all else.

Probably falls head over heels because your schedules overlap in a completely ordinary way and he witnesses you doing something endearing or brave or most likely: utterly mundane.

Pick a favorite, because you're his favorite coworker, or his favorite barista, or his favorite random bystander in line at the grocery store. You made him smile once; then he spent the next three months daydreaming about your future together before you accidentally stomped on his foot, initiating your first real conversation.

He's big on healthy communication. HUGE. He goes to therapy and it shows. Will talk through literally everything to the point of delirium. Sometimes his dedication to resolving every issue right away can get overwhelming; sometimes you just need some frickin time alone. But it pays off, because the two of you have practically never have a "real fight." There's just no way for bad vibes to fester.

STILL, his family wasn't exactly... erm... verbally or emotionally supportive, shall we say. For that reason, he might not give you all the compliments you deserve, because it simply doesn't occur to him to do so. He assumes you know how he feels. If you're self-conscious or insecure in the relationship, it might take him a while to notice. But when he figures it out (or even better, when you tell him directly) he will make it up to you with enthusiasm.

Will take you on lavish dates. Spoils you rotten without actually intending to. He's clueless about money. If you wanted a sugar daddy, you just hit the fucking jackpot. But if the word valet makes you uncomfortable, perhaps suggest some romantic picnics instead. He can still go all out with the food and five-star location without making you see cartoon dollar signs.

Chronic Insomniac. Stays up too late watching YouTube every night. His viewing history is an incomprehensible blur of k-pop music videos, serial killer icebergs, and super girly crafty ASMR channels. When he's watching a video, he is unreachable. Please call back later and try again.

He's disgustingly cute when he sleeps. Doesn't snore, but drools. Sometimes the drool freezes and leaves frost trails on his face in the morning. Still sleeps with the giant stuffed cat pillow that his mother gave him when he was like, zero. He'll inadvertently suffocate you with it, and you will welcome death with open arms because awwwwww!!!!!

The first time he tells you he loves you will be after your traditional Japanese shinto wedding. You won't hear it again until you start a family. Honestly, it's a good thing he doesn't say it often and is always holding you when it happens. It's a knee-buckler.

- - -

Icy-Hot

I don't even need to say it. Shouto is as old-fashioned as they come. You will never open another door or pull out another chair for yourself as long as you live. He will ask before he holds your hand. He will ask before he kisses you. He will stop and check in if you so much as breathe funny during sex.

If you don't orgasm at exactly the same time while staring into one another's eyes, he'll consider himself a failed lover. God forbid you want him to pound you into the futon... cause you are going to have to present that scenario to him in writing first.

Physical intimacy rarely leads to sex. He loves cuddling, craves physical affection. He'll sprawl all over you and turn into goo while you hold him close. He's an amazing, astounding, phenomenally good kisser. And that's... nice and all... but sometimes you have to grab his face and say, "Shouto, I'm horny," before he's like so that's why you're currently dry-humping me?

Even if he isn't technically a virgin the first time (or the millionth time) you sleep together, you won't know the difference. He's a blushing violet. Every. Fucking. Time. This doesn't mean he's a bad lay, oh no. But there's always ten minutes of confused bumbling before he hits his stride and remembers oh yeah, I DO know how to fuck good.

Absolutely silent during sex. Focused. Intense. Sometimes you have to push him a little to make any kind of noise at all, just so you know you're pleasing him (oh don't worry, you are).

His cock is Just Right. Not to big or too small. Perfectly proportioned and symmetrical. Somehow pretty. Like a fucking factory prototype. It truly is not fair.

Gets handsy and restless at night, even if you both have work the next day. Seems to crave sex at three in the morning. You've given him more than one exhausted handjob.

Gets offended if you don't cum. Will go down on you for hours. Of course he uses his quirk to tease you. He doesn't typically use it during actual intercourse, but he's all about foreplay, and he'll use every tool in his arsenal.

His sex drive is completely fucking unpredictable. Sometimes he's all over you, other times he's an icy slab. His line of work leaves him busy and stressed on a near-constant basis, so you can't entirely blame his personality for this one. Just give him some time and help him take care of his basic needs. He'll come back around soon enough.

For the sign au Aizawa has a clue connecting Oboro to Kurogiri but it will probably confuse him more than anything. Since Oboro is supposed to be dead??? He'll probably discuss this with Present Mic then try to investigate. Maybe he'll try capturing Kurogiri for answers though that'll be hard. Or maybe he'll search for info on Kurogiri, his history and such. He won't find much unless he manages to break into one of the Doctors labs, but those are hard to find. Or are they???

fear not, for i come bearing answers

this is a bit of a timeline hopping thing since the first part is after Shigaraki was captured and the second is after the Eri rescue!!

ko-fi link (✿◡‿◡)

He finds Hizashi on the roof. That’s the first surprise.  Shouta comes up here sometimes, because he has the destructive habit of picking at old wounds until they’re bleeding and raw again, but Hizashi has always been the opposite of that. It’s not that he ever tried to pretend Oboro hadn’t existed, but he did use to pretend his loss didn’t affect him nearly as much as it actually did. Hizashi was always pushing forward where Shouta lingered on the past. Maybe that makes him a healthier person.

Shouta clears his throat as he approaches, but Hizashi gives no indication of having heard him. He’s sitting at the edge of the roof, legs dangling and arms resting on the railing as he looks out over the UA campus. The view has changed so much since they were teenagers. Since Oboro was up here with them.

There’s about a million places Shouta would rather be at the moment, but this is a conversation that needs to happen. They haven’t talked since Shouta had All Might call up his detective friend and demanded he use his quirk on Hizashi so they could be assured he wasn’t the traitor. The vindication followed by pure hollowness of Hizashi’s gaze after Tsukauchi’s nod has been haunting Shouta for weeks now. There were no words that would have repaired the broken bridge between them, so Shouta decided to give it some time. That might have been a mistake, too. Them drifting apart has always been something that hurt both of them in the process. Hizashi would have likely much rather had a big yelling match and then hugged it out. But Shouta couldn’t do that. He’s been... punishing himself, staying away from his best friend. His ‘something’. His ‘maybe’.  Because it’s Shouta’s fault that he’s hurting in the first place. Shouta’s stupid lack of trust and paranoia. He should have never, ever doubted him, even for a second. There’s a ton of excuses there. How he was injured, how he’s traumatized, how he was always only trying to protect the students. How being cautious was the logical choice. The professional choice for a hero. But none of that actually matters, does it? Hizashi is Hizashi. That should have been enough.

Either way, that’s a problem for later. He has to prioritize right now. There’s something much more pressing, and that’s forcing him to speak with Hizashi even though he still doesn’t know how to even begin repairing their relationship. Shouta has always had this tendency of ducking away from personal conflict like this. It’s much along the same vein as leaving a cat behind in the rain. It’s the easier way, when he gets overwhelmed and doesn’t know what to do. He despises that cowardly part of himself. Usually, he can push it away alright nowadays. But that’s only because he has Hizashi and Nemuri right with him.

Nemuri has firmly taken Hizashi’s side this time, though it’s not like she’s showing Shouta the cold shoulder, either. She’s just fussing over Hizashi more. Which is fine. Shouta is the one who caused the hurt, and it’s not like he enjoys her fussing. It’s probably good that they’re not talking much right now, because Nemuri... that’s going to be another painful conversation.

Shouta sits at the edge of the roof beside Hizashi and gazes out over their school grounds. It still makes him feel nostalgic to be up here. He breathes.

“How was your talk with Shigaraki?” Hizashi speaks first. Of course he does. Even if his voice is carefully blank, void of the usual emotion.

Shouta grimaces and flexes his freshly healed arm. The burns weren’t deep, but they were still painful. “... enlightening.”

Hizashi glances at him over his sunglasses. “So you found out who the traitor is?”

That was one of the questions Shouta knows All Might and Tsukauchi asked and got no answer to. He shakes his head. “But I did find out where he learned my name.”

Hizashi says nothing, waits with a raised eyebrow.

Shouta has no fucking idea how to do this. It feels like there’s a lead weight stuck in his chest. He breathes. Almost wants a cigarette even though he hasn’t smoked in nearly a decade.

He looks over towards the dorms instead of facing Hizashi any longer. “He told me Kurogiri taught him. Apparently they’ve been together for a while.”

“Kurogiri?” Hizashi repeats, “But... then we’re back to square one, aren’t we? How does he know?”

It’s nice, to hear him say ‘we’, even though of course they’re still in this together, as heroes. As teachers at this school. But ‘we’ has always meant something different to them.

‘We’ used to be a team of three or, occasionally, four.

“Shigaraki went nonverbal because of the stress of the interrogation, I think.” Shouta has never been one to dance around the point, he’s more known for being brutally honest, but this might be his limit right here. It’s like stumbling through the dark and knowing there’s a fall coming up ahead. “So... he signed.” Hizashi says nothing, allowing him to sort out his thoughts, but Shouta can feel his eyes boring into the side of his head. Is Hizashi concerned because all this hesitating isn’t like him? He should be. That still would in no way be enough to prepare him for what Shouta’s about to say.

“He spelled it out for me first. Kurogiri. But then, when he wasn’t thinking about it, he used his sign name instead.” Shouta turns to face Hizashi, slowly moving his hands in front of him. He signs, very slowly and deliberately.

Hizashi stares for a second. Then he huffs out a laugh. “That’s ridiculous, Shouta.”

Shouta raises a brow. “Is it?”

The reaction was a predictable one, of course, but Shigaraki wasn’t lying. And how else would he have known?

“He’s dead,” Hizashi insists, shaking his head again, “There’s just... no way. His quirk wasn’t even close to Kurogiri’s!”

“Wasn’t it, though?” Shouta asks quietly, tiredly. “Clouds, mist, it’s all humidity.”

“Teleportation isn’t.” Hizashi takes off his sunglasses, rubs at his eyes. “Are you hearing yourself talk? You seriously believe this?”

Shouta knows that he’s bringing his walls up because denying the possibility hurts less. It’s an old pain brought back up that they both only just started to heal from. But they need to be facing this together. If they’re still afforded that.

“Noumu are creatures created by combining multiple quirks inside a dead body and reviving them.” At least those are the bare bones of the process that Shouta understands. A lot of it is confidential. Need to know basis only. He doesn’t want the details... except now, maybe he does.

“They can’t speak or think!” Hizashi throws up his hands. “And they don’t look like that.”

Shouta’s jaw works for a moment. He looks back out over UA. “Who knows what Kurogiri looks like underneath all that mist?”

Hizashi has no answer for that, apparently, because he just pushes himself to his feet. “This is... I... I need to go. Somewhere else. Work. I have patrol. Yeah, that.”

He’s shaken enough that Shouta knows he’s not completely rejecting the possibility anymore. It’s about as much as he could have hoped for.

Shouta leans his chin on the railing and closes his eyes. “Be careful out there.” He pauses. “... and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ever doubted you.”

Hizashi laughs, and it’s a bit bitter, but not as biting as it could have been. “At this rate, me being a traitor would have been a better outcome.”

___

Their conversation bears heavily on Shouta’s mind, even two weeks later when he’s doing his usual patrol across the rooftops. It’s dangerous to let himself get distracted like this. Not his style at all.

Shirakumo does that to him.

And Hizashi, too.

He has no idea if things will get better now or not. It would be... helpful to have Hizashi at his side for this. And he knows that, as a hero, he won’t abandon Shouta when it comes to capturing a villain. But as a friend? As... someone Shouta has hurt, deeply and recently? Maybe not.

To be fair though, Shouta was always the one pushing him away before. If this is what his own medicine tastes like, then he’s surprised Hizashi stuck around this long.

“Eraserhead.” 

His capture cloth is hovering around his head even before the voice speaks up, his body tense and his mind... not as clear as he’d like it to be. But he knows the sound of these portals by now. He knows.

With one quick movement, he’s up from his perch on the corner of the roof and facing the shadowy figure that wasn’t there a moment earlier.

‘Oboro?’ he signs.

Kurogiri’s eyes flicker and narrow. “I didn’t come here for conversation.” He’s not signing, one of his hands behind his back.

Shouta doesn’t blink. He didn’t deny it, did he? Does he know? Shigaraki didn’t. Is Kurogiri able to keep secrets from him? “... but I need to talk to you.”

Against the backdrop of the night sky, it’s difficult to tell where Kurogiri starts and stops. It’s like he’s a part of the night itself.

Oboro liked the stars well enough, but he always preferred lazy afternoons in the sun. Shouta was the nocturnal one.

It’s all wrong.

There’s something that’s not even entirely human in the way Kurogiri tilts his head... if he even has a physical one underneath the mist. “There’s more pressing matters than the... tragedy of Shirakumo Oboro.” There’s a shudder going through him when he says the name, and part of Shouta wants to pounce on that.

If he’s still reacting to the name... then he must remember. And if he does... then he must be forced to help Shigaraki in some way. They already suspected something like that from his demeanor, but without being able to pin Kurogiri down for an interrogation, no one could be sure.

Shouta is, though. The most heroic boy he ever knew would never willingly become a villain.

He opens his mouth, but then Kurogiri is stepping aside, and revealing, behind him... Shouta freezes.

The child can’t be older than six, maybe seven years old. She’s wearing an adult size sweater that reaches past her knees, and her feet are bare. She’s trembling, her eyes big and red and filled with unshed tears that shine in the faint lights of the city below.

“This is Eri,” Kurogiri says.

Shouta knows. He’s been told about her, after all. He was part of an entire rescue operation that culminated in finding Chisaki near bleeding out in a room locked from the inside, and a missing girl. Now that part at least makes sense.

She was an asset. Did the League...? Would they? They’re not above kidnapping teenagers, but small children?

“We did not hurt her,” Kurogiri assures, and somehow he sounds almost affronted at the accusation that Shouta is sure doesn’t even show through the goggles hiding his eyes. “Chisaki took one of our own, so we decided it was time for his downfall. When I saw Eri...”

“You couldn’t just leave her behind,” Shouta concludes the thought. His chest hurts. If there needed to be any more proof, there it is.

Kurogiri makes a noise of affirmation. “I am a caretaker. I am not the kind of person who can leave someone in need.”

“An odd trait for a villain,” Shouta manages, then shakes himself out of it. Because he’s a hero and there’s a scared child.

Kurogiri pats Eri on the head gently and she seems to calm a bit.

Shouta takes a slow step closer, then crouches down, reaching out a hand. “Hello, Eri. My name is Eraserhead. I’m a pro hero.”

Eri looks up at Kurogiri. “... what does that mean?”

“It means -” Kurogiri’s voice is so, so gentle with her. “- that he’s going to help you and keep you safe. We’re unable to provide that kind of safety.”

“Oh.” Eri looks to the ground. “ ‘cause of what I did to the man with the burns.”

Kurogiri crouches now, too. “No. No, that was not your fault. I want you to remember that. And I do believe he will be fine, once he has calmed down a little. You did not hurt him. If anything... you may have healed him.”

Eri raises her gaze, eyes wide. “I... did? I didn’t hurt him?”

Kurogiri shakes his head. “He will be fine,” he repeats, “But your quirk is very powerful and we only managed to break the connection by using my portals in time, to create physical distance.” He stops himself, as if remembering he’s talking to a child. “... what that means is, you need to learn how to control your quirk, and with how powerful it is, Eraserhead is the only one I would trust with that.”

Ah.

Shouta feels a little dazed. This is nothing like what he experienced from Kurogiri so far, but to be fair, he only ever experienced him on a battlefield beside Shigaraki. Is Shigaraki behind this, too? Is Shigaraki giving up on such a powerful asset out of... kindness? Human decency? Or does he simply not know how deep Eri’s powers supposedly go?

“I can stop your quirk if you ever feel like it’s getting out of control,” he promises, then looks to Kurogiri. A silent question, signed slowly in the dark of night.

Kurogiri signs back after a moment. ‘No repayment needed. This is for her.’

He hesitates. ‘Children like T-O-M-U-R-A should be safe.”

Shouta takes in Eri again. Big, red eyes. Blueish white hair. A powerful quirk. Was Shigaraki to All for One what Eri was to Chisaki? It’s possible. Even if Shigaraki doesn’t seem to see it that way.

‘Understood,’ Shouta signs, ‘I’ll protect her.’

Kurogiri nods and gives Eri a little nudge. “I suppose this is goodbye, then, little bunny.”

Eri swallows and bows her head politely. “I... will you tell them all thank you?” she asks very quietly.

Kurogiri seems to smile, in a way that’s more felt than seen. “I will. Perhaps you will see us again eventually.”

Not if Shouta has anything to say about it. But Eri nods and bravely closes the distance between her and him. Shouta pushes his goggles up so she can see his eyes, and smiles at her.

Eri clutches at her sweater and does not meet his eyes. He didn’t expect her to.

Another portal appears, and Shouta lifts his head. “... Kurogiri.” The villain pauses. “Contact me if you need to talk. It... can be on neutral grounds. Just a conversation.” It aches, to allow him to leave, but he has Eri to think of right now. And somehow, it would feel wrong to try to arrest him after all of this. After seeing him so gentle and caring with this traumatized child. Oboro always was good with children.

Kurogiri watches him for a long moment. Then he nods. “Take care, Shouta.” And he’s gone.

Shouta exhaled forcefully, feeling the tension seep from his body. “... come on, Eri. Let’s get you out of this cold.”

Dream in a Dream (One shot)

pairing : jeno x reader

reason: because it's jeno's birthday 🥺💚

warnings: please forgive me for any errors that you might meet along the way. i did not proofread this and just wrote this because it's jeno's birthday ㅠㅠ don't get mad at me for my lack of vocabulary or my grammar mistakes ㅠㅠ

✩｡:*•.───── ❁ ❁ ─────.•*:｡✩

"Are you going to the coffeeshop again?" Your bestfriend asked whilst you were checking your reflection in her vanity mirror.

"Yeri, stop saying "again", it's not like i always go there." You reapplied your lipstick to finish your light make-up look.

"Yn, you basically go there every fucking day just to check out the barista for the last 2 months, who are you even kidding?" Yeri rolled his eyes at the embarrassment that is her bestfriend, yes, you.

"Geez, chill down, Susan. It's not like i have nothing else to do. I mean, it's not my fault that my body needs caffeine every single day." Of course that's just your shitty reasoning which Yeri catches without blinking.

"Bitch, don't even give me that same lame excuse. Just say you're a simp and go." Yeri is tired of you simping around this barista for the last two months without doing anything about it.

"I AM NOT SIMPING OVER HIM! I'm just admiring art." You sighed dreamily as you remember the handsome barista who takes your order and makes them with those beautiful hands.

"Yn, you're not admiring art, you're a creep! I told you to say hi and introduce yourself and not just order coffee and sit on the farthest corner oogling at the poor guy." You rolled your eyes at the stupid suggestion of your bestfriend. How could she even think of you introducing yourself to that beautiful boy? You can't even function well when he give you that beautiful smile that makes his eyes formed the shape of a crescent moon.

"Just do it. It's been two months, Yn. Two months of me listening to your simp words of how beautiful his smile is, or how his eyes would go minute when he smiles, or how he looks like that meme of a smiling dog, or how his arms looks so wonderful in his uniform as he "skillfully" make your order with those "beautiful hands"--", your bestfriend's flow of words was put on a halt as you covered her mouth as she protested.

"STOP. I know, okay? I'm pathetic. I can't help it. He's beautiful, like really beautiful. I'm pretty sure Ten only hired him because he will make his cafe famous. I mean, he's not wrong. Ever since he started working in there, Dream in a Dream got more customers, teenage customers." That's basically the reason why you were not able to find confidence in properly introducing yourself, not when there are tons of pretty girls gawking over him on a daily basis.

"Yn, you are fucking beautiful, plus your personality is fucking wonderful. If he doesn't like you by now after the countless times you sashayed your ass in there, he's dumb and he's not worth your attention." Yeri put and emphasis on the words she has spoken just so it can be etched in your mind.

"Damn, hype woman, chill. But thanks Yeri, I mean I have developed this huge ass crush and I'm scared that when I make a move the illusion will break and he's nothing like I imagined him to be." Of course that's just part of your worries, because the main one is still related to how you're not confident enough.

"Are you boo boo the fool, Yn? Of course you wouldn't know about that if you won't talk to him. You'll just end up putting more and more illusion in your head if you continue on lurking around instead of speaking to him. The worst case scenario is he will decline you because he has a girlfriend, though it will suck more if he declines your invite and yet he's single, like bitch, he just plainly doesn't like you."

"See this is why I'm not sure if you're my bestfriend! You hype me and then you bring me down!" You sat beside your bestfriend on her bed as the other just continued lying down.

"I'm just giving your the possible scenarios that would happen if you ask him out or just talk to him after his shift. Or maybe just ask him if he's single, so you can stop simping and wasting your time."

"He's worth my time." You heard Yeri fake-gagged at your response.

"Simp culture." You smacked her ass playfully before you stood up and walked towards the door to signal your departure. But before you left you looked back at your bestfriend and she's looking at you warily.

"Fine, maybe I'll say something more to him later, aside from my order."

"You better be, or I'm revoking your bestfriend benefits."

--

The walk towards Dream in a Dream was stressful since you kept on weighing Yeri's advice. Can you really dare to speak to the beautiful barista?

Even before arriving to the counter, you already saw him looking like some shining, shimmering, splendid prince who got sent by the King to work in a cafe for his humility training or something.

And like some coming age movie, he slowly looked up from the cash register and your eyes locked and he smiled at you, fucking smiled at you. Can i have that smile forever? You can only dream.

"Hi Yn, how are you?"

"Hi Jeno, I'm fine, I guess. Thanks for asking. How are you?" You felt your stomach did a some tumbling stunt as you heard your name rolled down his tongue perfectly.

"Better now that my favorite customer is here." Damn, those beautiful eye blinding smile again. You've seen it countless of times and you still can't get over it. Why are you like this?

"Liar." You smiled shyly at the boy you are obviously fucking whipped for.

"Can you two stop flirting in front of my salad?" The little moment was now gone, fucking Ten and his single ass being all bitter. He's basically just seating on his owner's table not so far away from the counter, yet he still noticed.

"Damn Boss, stop interrupting. You're making me miss my shot." Jeno just smiled at you apologetically but you on the other side is obviously on some trance. What the hell?? What does he mean by missing his shot? Jeno, shoot your shot! I'll be yours way before you could ask me out! You're obviously being delusional again, but who cares? A girl can dream.

"I don't care if you flirt all you want. Just not in front of my salad, and not when you're working. We have customers, Jeno." Ten's obviously just playing around, not that you and Jeno will notice. The owner obviously noticed your admiration for his 2 month old barista, you've been a constant customer since then, never missing a day and always visits on Jeno's shift.

"Got it boss. Sorry about that, Yn. My boss and his boyfriend had some fight, so he's being too sensitive." Jeno said to you in a fake whisper. He's too close, you thought.

"That's fine, Jeno. You don't have to excuse his annoying ass. Anyways, I'll take the same order." You smiled and gave your card to the boy to pay. But Jeno waved his hand instead.

"Don't pay. This is my treat." He again smiled sheepishly, he should really stop doing that. You've already have this huge crush on him, no need to get it bigger.

"Ten will kill you. Let me pay please."

"What he doesn't know won't kill him." He winked at you like his eyes is not already small from his smile.

"Are you sure? Because it's really fine, Jeno. You don't owe me anything."

"Believe me, I do. So just say yes, please?" Damn, Jeno, if this was him asking your hand in marriage you would say yes without stuttering. But you thought, a coffee would be a good start. And what does he mean by he believes he owes you something?

"Fine, Jeno. But just this time." You brought back your card back to your sling bag and Jeno mayhaps that said something like "yippee" or "yeheey", you really don't know, he was too cute for you to stay sane.

--

You were mindlessly sipping your drink whilst looking at the people outside outside Dream when Jeno started walking towards your seat, you did not notice him though, at least not until he spoke.

"Yn?" Your daydreaming was put to an end when you heard Jeno's voice calling your name.

"Oh, hey, Jeno." You smiled ever so shyly, just like you always do when he's the one you're talking.

"Oh, hey... so I was wondering... my shift will be over in like 30 mins. Do you mind, uh, going out with me? Like just walk around the park and maybe have some dinner?" The boy scratched his ear just like he does when he's feeling shy and/or awkward.

You look at him like he just said some foreign language you haven't had the honour to learn. What did he just say? Go out? Park? Dinner?

"Earth to Yn?" Jeno spoke softly like he's talking to something small and fragile, which obviously at this point, are the words best to describe you.

"What did you just say?" You replied in almost like a whisper; but Jeno is looking at you closely so he was still able to hear what you said and that's when Ten walked by.

"He's asking you out on a date, idiot. Isn't that what you wanted?" Ten laughed as he made his way back to his table.

You swore to the heavens, that you will be snitching Ten to his father about all his shenanigans. He's like the worst cousin in the world, i mean not really, but he sort of is, right now.

"I swear to God, he's like the worst cousin." You sighed, exasperated.

"He loves you though, he always talk good things about you behind your back."

"Oh, does he now?" You raised your eyebrow for emphasis and Jeno smiled shyly in return.

"Yes, he does. I may have indulge him because I like hearing things about you."

"Oh." That was the lamest reply you have given ever since your birth. STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF, YN!

"Before my confidence ran out, what do you think about my invitation?"

"Oh... Yeah, s-sure. As long as you don't bite." Maybe at least now now.

"I won't. Unless you asked me too." He winked, fucking cassanova knows what he's doing. You can feel the heat creeping up your cheeks.

"I'll see you in 30 mins then?"

"Yeah, sure, Jen." Jen? Who gave you permission to give him nicknames? Get a grip of yourself, yn!

--

30 minutes later, Jeno came back. Now with his casual clothes, still looking some dashing model from a magazine.

"Ready to go?"

"You bet."

Whilst you were both about to go out the door, Ten shouted something that made you winced.

"Jeno, you can take a day off tomorrow. Sorry for making you work on your birthday, bud." Ten smiled apologetically but Jeno just smiled like the good boy that he is.

"No worries, boss. Thanks for the day off! We'll get going now. Let's go, Yn."

"Oh, yeah. Just give me a minute. I'll catch up to you. I remember I have to say something to Ten, a message from my Mom." Jeno eyed you curiously but he let it passed and told you he'll just wait outside.

You walked back to the counter and saw your cousin with sitting casually with his feet up on his table.

"Hey, Ten. Can you give me that cupcake? And maybe some candle."

Ten gave out a laugh before standing up amd getting what you ordered.

"You're fucking whipped, Cous. Be fast though, you're not the only customer eyeing him."

"Shut up. I'm trying, okay? Yeri is already on my back. Stop yourself from hopping in."

"Well, you always need a very hard push. Don't pay me for now." Ten put the cupcake in a small box with Dream in a Dream logo. You put the box carefully in your sling bag and borrowed Ten's lighter with a promise of returning it tomorrow.

When you walked out of Dream in a Dream, you saw Jeno casually leaning on his motorcycle. He has a motorcycle? Damn, he looks hotter. What the hell, yn?

"Hey, right here." Jeno waved his hand as if you'll never catch him in a sea of people. But you always do, he has that presence, at least that's the case in your eyes.

"Are we riding that?" Jeno laughed at your expression.

"Yes we will be riding this. Don't worry yn, I'm not a reckless driver." He winked. STOP WINKING, JENO.

"I still have a lot of dreams, so that's good to hear. Let's go?" Jeno nodded and gave you a helmet before putting his. Does this mean I can hug him? You felt your cheeks grow hot again with that thought.

You indeed end up hugging him during the ride to the park; since he also advised for you to hold tight. It was not a hard instruction, and definitely not against your own judgment.

--

Jeno found an empty bench near the children's playground and you both sat in there silent for a few minutes before you heard him clear his throat.

"Thank you for coming with me, Yn. It means a lot to me. I'm almost technically a stranger, but you still came with me." You looked at him and maybe it's the light playing tricks on his handsome face but you could've sworn his cheeks is a little red.

"No worries, Jeno. You're not really that of a stranger. Ten knows you. I've known you for like 2 months. So that's hardly a stranger." You gave him a genuine smile, happy that Jeno invited you, or it would've been you embarrassing yourself to invite him.

"2 months, 3 days, 15 hrs, and 2 minutes."

"Huh?"

"That's the exact time I've gotten to know you." Jeno looked down, embarrassed at how he remembers clearly the time you first entered Dream in a Dream, like you're some fantasy brought to his reality.

"Oh... wow, that's quite precise." Your eyes where everywhere but on him.

"Yeah, you could say that. I almost messed up your order and would've been fired if Renjun wasn't there to help me out." Jeno smiled remembering his friend who now take an early shift.

You find your courage to be honest now that Jeno is being honest. What could go wrong, right?

"Don't worry, Jen. I messed up too. I ended up ordering Matcha Latte when I hate that drink with all my heart."

"You do? So that's why you never ordered that drink again. I remember extending my shift that day to practice how to make it perfectly though."

"You did? You're so silly." You laughed at Jeno not because he's being silly, but because he is looking like some cute puppy doing something silly, you still find yourself liking him even more.

"Yeah, people do crazy things when they're in love." It slipped Jeno's mouth before he could stop it. It felt like it was the most natural thing to say. But after looking at your shocked expression he almost feel his heart sinking. But then you smiled and hope trampled the fear as fast as it could even crawl further.

"I guess they do. So you love me, then?"

Jeno hummed before answering.

"I guess you could say that."

You raised your eyebrow.

"So you're not sure?"

Jeno sighed before looking at you straight in the eyes, with the most serious look you have seen on him.

"I love you, Yn. I'm not just sure if it's the first thing I should say after mustering up to talk to you the first time."

"Jeno, can you close your eyes?"

"What?"

"Can you close your eyes? Please?"

Jeno felt weird by the sudden request. The boy thought what if you'd run away after his sudden confession? He thought he can't blame you if you do that, he was being stupid for confessing on day 1.

"I won't run away." You said as if being able to read Jeno's thoughts. He sighed but proceeded on closing his eyes.

You immediately took out the box you've carefully arranged in your bag and lit the candle using your stupid (yet somehow still helpful) cousin's lighter.

"Jeno, you can open your eyes now." You felt the excitement in your voice, it was weird being able to hear it. But you didn't care, who cares if you're going too fast? You can get to know about each other after today.

Jeno saw your smile first before his eyes dropped on the red velvet cupcake you are holding with a candle on top of it. He find himself smiling, not just because of the effort you've exerted, but because of how beautiful you look.

"Happy birthday, Jeno. Before you make a wish, I have a fun fact for you... Did you know that I have been going to Dream in a Dream every single day for the past 2 months, 3 days, 15 hrs, and 20 mins now because I fell in love with the newly hired barista?"

Jeno laughed hard, like that kind of laugh a boy gives out which sound anything but soft. He has head thrown backwards due to laughing and you just stared at him, dumbfounded yet still in love.

"So to simplify that fun fact, you love me?"

"You could say that. Now make a wish before the wind blows your candle out."

Jeno moved closer and closed his eyes.

He doesn't have a wish anymore, he's got one already answered. He's got you. But he still finds himself wishing, because humans are after all selfish creatures.

Please, please, make this work. I love her, please make her love me more in the future.

Then Jeno opened his eyes and blow his candle. You smiled at each other like some giddy teenagers even if Jeno just turned 20, which means he's a young adult now.

"Do you mind saying it again?"

"Saying what, Jen?"

"I love that nickname by the way. Tell me how you feel about this barista."

"Demanding but fine, since it's your birthday. I love you, Lee Jeno."

"Damn, that feels good to hear. I might be asking you to say those 8 letters in the next coming minutes. But for now, let me tell you that I love you too, Yn."

He gave you a kiss on the forehead and a tight hug. It was perfect.

Two months ago a dream was born in Dream in a Dream. Two month later on the day Jeno was born, it became a reality. Now you'll find yourself celebrating two special events every April 23rd; Jeno's birthday and the birthday you now both share, hopefully for a long time.

- end -

✩｡:*•.───── ❁ ❁ ─────.•*:｡✩

an: that's all. it's short i guess but i really wanted to write some one shot, so thank God it's jeno's birthday and i have an excuse. hope you enjoy it! - 고양이 🐈

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LEE JENO! EVEN IF YOU ARE NOW A 20 YEAR OLD ADULT, YOU ARE STILL A BABY TO ME 💚 (i'm same age with the nct pig liners 😉) love you, baby!

Jac & Jesse

Jac: [some gossip about him that could either be a bit true or totally hilariously not] Jac: when were you gonna tell me, like? Jesse: 👎 Jac: That's what you would say now you've been found out Jac: I 👀 Jesse: not to you Jac: Hmm Jac: I look forward to getting the actual info to spread about then Jesse: you'll have a long wait, dickhead Jesse: be gone by then Jac: Where are you going? Jesse: be quicker to ✔ off where I ain't Jesse: fully booked, me Jac: No one likes a show-off 🙄😏 Jac: how busy are you now? Jesse: busy with a ☕ Jesse: you alright? Jac: Yeah, I'm good Jac: I'm just getting ready for when I go on my own one-stop tour Jac: so when you've got a minute between ☕s maybe we can talk Jesse: go on Jac: You sure? Jac: not trying to be that customer that can't take a hint Jesse: you heard Jesse: don't need to be the customer pissing about when I'm trying to close up Jesse: you're fine to crack on Jac: alright, understood Jac: I won't nurse my ☕ and order a 2nd with five minutes to go Jac: I don't know how to start what I wanna say, helpful, I know Jesse: I ain't put a ⏲ on Jesse: take a bit if you need Jac: I mean, you put me on the 🕔 a bit but I'll just ignore you when you put up the chairs around me 💁 Jac: There's a lot of stuff I don't wanna leave left unsaid Jac: well, a lot of me does wanna leave it and I know a lot of you probably ain't gonna thank me for it either but I don't think I SHOULD leave some of it, the way it has been Jesse: alright Jac: fuck's sake Jac: okay, do you want the apology, the thanks, or the reasons Jac: because I can do them all but you know, pick your fave or least so we can get it out of the way, I don't know Jesse: can you even have a sorry or thanks without the why bit? Jesse: if I dunno what you're sorry for or saying tah for, not getting very far, like Jac: since you've not actually got me a drink, you've got some idea Jac: but okay, I hear reasons loud and clear, no need to be so coy Jac: you know why I need to say thank you Jac: that's more apparent, and easier Jac: and I didn't just pick you because I had no one else, I still could've made mum do it all with me or nan Jac: I wouldn't have picked anyone else, anyway, which sucks for you but yeah, you stepped up and I wasn't appropriately grateful at the time, or close, so I'll say it now Jac: thanks Jesse: you weren't ready to tell her, I get that, that's why I did Jesse: and it weren't like I did it for a tah Jac: no, I know Jac: but I should still say it now, I wanna Jac: it was still shit, and is always gonna be a shit thing that happened to me but you took a bit of it on, and that counts Jesse: you can have one back, tah for not dying, that worried me for a bit there Jac: I still don't feel like I was ever that reckless, like, I know how that sounds, and obviously the baby was a wake-up call that it had gone TOO far, even for my standards Jac: but under normal circumstances, I would've protected you from that, cared to and I didn't, so that's a sorry too Jesse: it was shit scary, the baby bit especially, but that's why I weren't gonna just leave you to it Jac: I thought I had a handle on the rest, but yeah, I should probably let that idea go since what does that matter given what happened Jac: you could've, and I wanted you to, so sorry/thanks again Jac: that's the least eloquent way I can put it Jesse: if it makes it less of a headfuck for you, reckoning that you had it sorted, you can have it Jesse: I don't mind Jesse: but you ain't ever getting me turning my back however much you want it Jac: I don't know, I was doing reckless, destructive things, but I never thought I was going to die Jac: accidents happen though, so, maybe I can accept now that I was tempting shit back then Jac: I don't want it now, and I did want that less as the year went on Jac: but I'm aware it's shit I ever did, that that must've been, well Jesse: what happened to Is was proper raw for all of us back then, probably put me on edge about you more than it would've done Jac: Yeah Jac: it was so right after, I know that's what mum and dad thought Jesse: we've all thought all kinds of shit Jesse: Jude's said loads of it to me before now, like I can give her an answer ✔ or ❌ Jac: and I deserve to live with the consequences of just letting you all speculate Jac: I really know that, and I'm gonna talk to everyone and you can all say or not say whatever you want to me, it's all fair Jesse: we've all lived Jac: that don't mean it's alright Jac: or I ever reckoned it was Jac: I knew it weren't Jac: and again, that makes it less okay Jesse: you weren't alright, none of us were big enough dickheads not to work that out, even her Jac: Obviously Jac: but the point is, you can hold me accountable now and it won't be a waste of time, you know Jesse: you've been a prick, me an' all loads of times, we both will be again in a bit Jac: it's a bit more than that Jac: come on, don't insult me like you reckon I was like that before Jesse: yeah Jesse: but I ain't gonna bother to hold it against you til you actually do 💀 Jac: that's weird Jac: leave your grudges 'til the grave Jesse: I mean I ain't bothering with any grudges Jac: Alright, hippie Jac: are you graciously accepting my apology and gratitude then or what? Jesse: I'll take it Jac: okay Jac: anything you wanna say? Jac: not last words or anything but if you can before you 💀 I'd appreciate it Jesse: you gonna say why then or what? Jac: It isn't as if it's just the one thing Jac: and now that I have to say, there's the fear that you're all gonna say it wasn't a good enough excuse and that's why I didn't say anything in the first place so Jac: let me work up to it Jesse: just call me a massive twat Jac: No, like, it was a lot Jac: and for what Jac: but it was logical at the time, and what I felt I had to do, whether that seems warranted or nah Jesse: I ain't gonna say you weren't 💔 enough for what you did Jesse: nowt to do with me Jac: You might not Jac: you might think it Jac: but I'm not gonna concoct some lie that makes it all seem worthwhile, can't be that bitch Jac: fake sob story Jesse: unless you're a 🧠📖 that don't matter Jac: I'm not used to gossip rags lying or chatting shit on me Jac: I don't wanna imagine that you think the worst of me, tah Jesse: you already have done Jesse: it weren't just us imagining all sorts, come on Jac: I really, on the whole, wasn't thinking about anyone else Jac: not to brag about it Jac: none of you anyway, it wasn't like I HAD to do that, but it also wasn't a choice, being that cunt, shutting you all out Jac: my 🧠 wouldn't Jesse: not offering you a 🏆 or owt Jesse: you've sorted your head out a bit now, if you wanna tell us Jac: I don't but like, I don't want you all thinking the worse now, when that doesn't need to be a thing Jac: We can't have mum and dad thinking I'm gonna go live some trainspotting fantasies in Edinburgh Jac: 'cos I can't have them making trips over all the time, obviously Jac: also, don't wanna bore you with every in and out, so hold on whilst I storyboard my fucking drama here Jesse: would be a pisstake Jac: It all started when Amelia stopped being friends with us Jac: I don't know if she told you fuck all, as you're such pals these days, but it wasn't just like, a natural drifting apart Jesse: it was 'cause she was in love with you Jesse: dunno if you knew that an' all Jac: yeah Jac: that was it Jac: there was a relatively big declaration and like, I wasn't a dick about it, I don't think Jac: but I didn't feel the same like that so that was enough Jesse: it would be, yeah Jac: so like, she was gone but obviously not I still saw her all the fucking time 'cos there's no escaping anyone in this town, and that was just awkward at first Jesse: obviously Jac: and it did kind of piss me off, that she seriously couldn't be my friend still Jac: but it wasn't all about that, there was the Savannah element of it for us both Jesse: 'course Jac: She was jealous of her, didn't like her, all that Jac: and I cared less, because I did have her Jac: and then the Isabelle thing happened Jac: and it all really got fucked up Jesse: she was proper gone Jac: who was? Jesse: Savannah Jac: Right Jac: but before that Jac: the guy Jac: with Isabelle Jac: we didn't know Jac: but we knew he was like, well we thought he was gross, a bit cringe Jac: so me and Sav set her up Jac: people weren't wrong blaming us, even though they got the situation wrong and they didn't know that, it was just between us Jac: that's why we ran away, and a big part of why she HAD to leave, even if her dad wasn't the most controlling person ever Jesse: what did you reckon would happen? with this lad and Is? Jac: just that...I don't even know now Jac: that she'd make out with him and we could take the piss out of her for it Jac: or he'd try it on and that would be funny because he was so gross Jac: not that he wouldn't take no for an answer, that was never what either of us had imagined Jac: but we still aided that situation, even if unknowingly Jesse: no shit you didn't imagine that Jac: fact was and is, if we weren't such shit friends to her Jac: he was still at the party, still could've Jac: but it might not have been her Jesse: I could have a go at you about how you should've been a more decent mate but it's nowt you don't already know Jac: Yeah Jac: feel free to but obviously that's a huge part of what I've been thinking on these past two years so, you don't have to, like Jac: and then, like you said, Sav left Jac: and I couldn't be friends with Isabelle and I couldn't be friends with Amelia and that was that Jesse: you could've said something to me Jac: I've only just been able to Jac: for ages, it was easier to keep blaming her, or say it would've happened anyway Jac: it was raw Jac: everyone was in shock, and I didn't wanna give a basis for the shit people were saying Jac: god knows how it would've been Jesse: alright Jesse: it was fucking bad enough, I remember Jesse: the bollocks people were saying Jac: not that I had to come out and make an announcement, but even if I'd tried to explain to Is, to apologize, she'd tell her new friends and then everyone would know and I'd be as bad as him Jac: worse for the betrayal Jac: I didn't wanna hack that on my own Jesse: or she'd tell her ma and that'd be Jesse: fucking hell Jac: right Jac: she'd probably call the police or something like they can lock me up Jac: and she knew I was a bad friend, Is, I mean Jac: she'd known we all were to her for a while Jac: but I am gonna talk to her, before I go Jesse: 💡🥇 Jac: I know I'm not dying but it's the first fresh start I've had Jac: any of us, even if someone doesn't wanna forgive me, at least they know the score, if nothing else Jac: and I know I've said what I should Jesse: I'm chuffed for you, mate Jesse: don't reckon I could be 💔 and get into a top uni Jac: you could write a top hit though Jesse: don't sound like me Jesse: but I'd probably give it a go if I were Jac: that's all it's about ain't it ❤ & 💔 Jesse: depends Jac: I've never heard a top 40 about... Jac: idk, mowing the grass Jac: doing your taxes Jac: it ain't the mundane Jesse: I'll write one for you if you're gonna be 💔 about it Jac: I think I'll survive, tah Jac: rather not read the speculation about who broke your heart 🤢 Jesse: 🍻 Jesse: you gonna have a word with Sav an' all? Jac: She's arguably one of the only people I didn't really screw over Jac: she got to go to a better school and get a new, rich pretty boyfriend and not deal with that whole backlash Jac: though I'm sure she feels her guilt for it too Jesse: but there's shit you wanna say that you didn't get to Jesse: half arsed fresh start if you don't Jac: I did say it Jac: well, did Jac: she knows Jac: I don't think there's anything to be gained for her or for me from that one Jesse: 👍 Jac: Not got an actual checklist of people to get through but you know Jac: close enough Jesse: make dad a ☕ all it takes to get in his good books Jac: good books is a stretch but not being on his must-constantly-check-in-on list myself will do for now so yeah, fair shout Jesse: yeah if you're well enough to put the kettle on and make a brew you're well enough to do owt Jac: parenting 101 Jac: ✅ Jesse: 🥇🏆 Jac: not serving it to him in a 🏆 Jac: laying it on a bit thick, I reckon Jesse: 🤏 Jac: Well, we're good then? Jac: not to 🕔 or anything Jesse: yeah Jac: yeah yeah or yeah, I guess Jesse: we're good Jac: Good Jac: if I'm not on my repentance tour, might see you when you get home then Jesse: might do Jac: yes very 😎 Jesse: 🤠

It's Tendou and his s/o's first Christmas that they're going to spend together at his parent's place and Tendou is super nervous because his whole family is just straight up fucking WILD and he's more afraid that his s/o won't like his family more than he's afraid that his family won't like his s/o, because who's he kidding, she's an absolute gem. Just a cute little scenario for the holidays :) I'm so glad you're back my patron saint

Hi my alias is Bee and after being gone for nearly half a year I’m back and swinging with a 5,000 word Tendou fic yes’m (Also there are a bunch of family head-canons in here for example- Tendou has two sisters and one of them is gay because why not right it’s 2017)

Also Merry Christmas Eve to all you nerds who celebrate it!

Satori stood at his bathroom vanity with his head in his hands. The sink had been running for a while now, unused, because he was far too lost in thought to even realize it was still running. His hair gel was open on the counter, and his toothbrush sat prepared right next to it. He had to get ready, he knew he did, but he was unable to do anything besides stare at himself in the mirror, his vision blurry and skewed from not blinking since he had spaced out.

He must’ve been standing there for a while, minutes, even. The background noise that the running water provided threw him further off loop, and it wasn’t until the bathroom door opened and slammed into his back did he realize that __ had been knocking. When the door knob collided with his spine, he yelped, his hands flying from his hair to the vanity in front of him. It took him a moment to process what had happened before he could compose himself. In the mirror he saw his girlfriend’s face, pale and terrified, but washing over with relief when he made eye contact with her through it and smiled sheepishly.

“Satori, I was knocking forever.” She sighed, stumbling into the bathroom and hugging him from behind. “You worry me sometimes, you idiot.”

“I know, I know.” He had somehow managed to push out a fictitious laugh, and stood up straight. Now that Satori could finally look at himself properly, he noticed that his eye bags were a lot darker than usual.

“That was a really fake laugh, hun. Are you sure you’re okay? If you’re tired or anything I have no problem just pulling up a map to your parents place and driving, if that’s what you’d like.” Hearing the mentioning of his parents place made Satori’s heart stop all over again. That’s what had started his panicking in the first place– The Holidays.

It had been established for months that this was going to be the first Christmas that Satori and __ were going to spend together. In years past they had either parted their ways to visit their respective families, or had just spent it together in the comforts of their own apartment. Although, this year, __ had insisted that they visit Satori’s family. He had met hers before, on countless occasions, actually, but she had never gotten an opportunity to meet his. It wasn’t that Satori had any problem with his family meeting __, she was incredible, he knew without a doubt that they would love her. It was quite the opposite, really. It was a miracle that she put up with him on a day to day basis, but there was no way that she could ever tolerate the likes of his family.

Satori placed his hands on  __’s and gently pushed them away. She shuffled up next to him and sighed, taking his face in her hands instead.

“You look worried.”

“I am worried.”

“Oh?” She smiled, kissing him gently on his lower lip. “Am I really that terrible? Is your family gonna hate me or something?”

“Yeah, absolutely filthy. I can picture their disgust as we speak.” He joked, rolling his eyes and kissing her back. She let out an amused huff.

“Really, Satori, tell me whats wrong. You know you can’t keep shit from me.”

“Unfortunately.” He released himself from her again and grabbed the gel off the counter. He figured if he was just going to stand around, he might as well get ready. There was no escaping this situation, now.

“__, if I’m being honest with you, my family’s a mess.” He sighed, running his gelled hands through his hair. “If we had a sitcom, it would be called, “Terminate The Tendous” ‘cause we need to be stopped.”

“Please.” She hummed, “I doubt you lot are that bad. You’ve met my family before, there’s no way you can get worse than that.”

“Please, you.” Satori finished gelling back his hair and ran his hands under the water, scooting past __ to dry them. “Compared to mine, they’re nothing.”

“Care to tell me what’s so bad about your family? Are they like, serial killer bad or, Aunt Mina has a pinterest addiction bad?” She asked, moving out of Satori’s way as he positioned himself in front of the mirror again.

“Both, but not really both at the same time?” Satori shrugged. “Ah, listen, I’ve dreaded the day that I’d have to tell you this, but I think it’s about time that I’ve told you about them.” He said, in the most pretentious storytelling voice he could muster. She laughed at this, smiling up at him through the mirror.

“Dude, finally. What have we been dating for, five years now? We have our own house plants together but I don’t even know your mom.”

“House plants don’t talk back.” He muttered, barley loud enough for her to hear.

Satori took his time brushing his teeth, __ sitting on the covered toilet seat waiting for him to finish. She looked adorable, he thought. She was wearing a dark green velvet dress that flattered her eyes, her hair in soft curls around her shoulders, bangs being held back with a black hair bow. She was the image of pureness that his family devoured.

“So, I have two sisters, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, the oldest follows me on Instagram, I think.”

“Gre-eat. That would be Hana. She’s five years older than us, and three years older than my other sister, so she’s pretty much always thought she was the absolute shit.” Tendou sighed, trying to talk and adjust his dark green tie, to compliment __’s dress, at the same time. “That, and she happens to be the tallest in the family.”

“Taller than you?” __ gaped, looking up at him from the toilet seat. “How? And why? Can a sister lend me some?” Tendou smiled at this, although it was bitter.

“Never tell her that, please. She’s 6’5, and if you’ve ever seen any of her pictures, she looks pretty normal, but that’s only ‘cause she’s standing next to her husband, who’s 6’11. By the time I was in first grade, she was in fifth, and we barely crossed paths unless she was outside for lunch, and I was at the playground, or something. She had reached 5’2 by then and since I was me, a disgusting little mushroom boy–”

“You were not a disgusting little mushroom boy.” __ interrupted.

“I was a disgusting little mushroom boy. Anyway, she would always scope the playground to see if kids were bullying me and would throw them into the wood chips if they were. You would think people would stop messing with me since I had fucking Goliath following me around, but nah, being protected by my older sister made me even more susceptible to bullying, I guess. But yeah, to this day she still thinks she’s my actual Lord and Savior, so expect for her to examine you until your ears bleed, I’m sorry.”

“She sounds awesome, hun. I think her and I are gonna get along just fine.” She laughed, and Satori grimaced.

“Ye-eah, I’m sure you will.”

“What about your other sister? Is she as bad too?” __ added, sarcastically.

“Worse.”

“Worse? Oh no, don’t tell me, she works at an animal shelter, right? Donates to the church? Helps starving children in third world countries?”

“Harhar, very funny.”

“Thanks!”

“My sister, Aya, is her name, was a wrestler in high school. She went to a different high school than me and Hana, at birth she had somehow dodged the Tendou family gene of creepy ass eyes and permanent scrawniness, so I think she kept her distance from us ‘cause she didn’t want to be known as related to us, y’know.”

“I doubt it, Satori. And could you stop being self deprecating?”

“Never. But, she was, and still is, this really pretty girl, y’know, always looks really well put together, but the moment she opens her mouth– it’s hard to tell the difference between her and some fifty year old guy at a bar on Friday night.”

“Quite the analogy.” __ added.

“I’m not joking. She’s horrible. You think I don’t have a filter?  She’s been kicked out of public places more times than I can count on my two hands. She was always a gem though. Despite being kind’ve an ass and pretty immature until her twenty first birthday, she knew how to beat people up, and got like, a million trophies for it, so my parents never really said anything about it.”

“Y’know, Satori, you’re making me think one of your sisters is gonna have me in a choke-hold while the other asks me for my social security number.” __ laughed, finally standing up and helping Satori fix his tie. He hadn’t even noticed that he completely unknotted the thing.

“I won’t be surprised. I’m so nervous, __, I’m so sorry. Is it too late to cancel and just go visit your parents instead?”

“Yes, its too late! We already promised that we’d spend the holidays with your parents, and spring break with mine. Besides, they live six hours away from here, we’re not prepared for that.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry-y.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry! I have a thick skin, you know! I’m not gonna die. Watch–”

Satori had zoned out from what __ had said next. He watched her as she fixed his tie, glancing up at him every so often and smiling wider. He felt his heart squeeze again. He hated to be overdramatic, he really did, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was throwing his beautiful, little beacon of light into a gladiator stadium, and his sisters were just the opening act.

“Satori, are you really that embarrassed of your family? If they’re anything like you, I’m sure they’re incredible.” __’s words snapped him out of his daze again. He shook his head, and kissed her forehead after she tightened his tie up.

“Honestly, I’m kinda being dramatic.” He shrugged, pushing __ out of the tight enclosure of the bathroom and proceeding to follow her out. “But they don’t know when to stop. I’m sure you’ll find Aya hysterical, her and her girlfriend both– but I know she’s gonna ask you all those weird-ass questions like-”

“Are you a virgin?”

“Exactly.”

“Please, I’ve been preparing myself for these questions since we first started dating.” __ scoffed, slipping on ballet flats over stocking clad feet at the doorstep. Satori sighed, leaning against the frame of the door. He watched her pick up the two carry-on bags, to which Satori hurriedly grabbed from her. She smiled up at him wordlessly for a moment, then shook her head.

“I’m gonna be fine, Satori. Oh! And I’m driving. I don’t want your nervous ass to crash before I ever get to meet your gem of a family.”

She threw a heavy pea-coat over her shoulders before shuffling out of the door, Satori close to follow. As she started the car up, he tossed the luggage into the trunk, then filing into the passenger seat. She already had the music going, one hand on the steering wheel with the other creeping towards his thigh. She winked at him, and for the first time today, he genuinely laughed. __ smiled, for that was her plan all along, and gave his thigh a squeeze.

“I can’t believe we’re going to meet your family and you’re the nervous one.”

“Okay, okay, I’m not as nervous anymore.” Satori interrupted, placing his hand over __’s. “Ju-ust slightly perturbed. How about that?”

“Better, I guess. You still have two hours to worry your little heart out.”

Tendou sighed, fluttering his eyes shut and leaning back on the car seat. A song he didn’t know the name of droned in the background, just loud enough for him to hear, but not loud enough for him to focus on. To keep himself awake, he drew lazy circles into the palm of __’s hand, to which he heard her giggle about. He could feel his pulse in his neck, despite still being two blocks away from his own apartment. He had a feeling that this week was going to be a long one.

Satori promised himself that he would stay awake, but somehow he dozed off. __ said he was out cold twenty minutes after they left, which wasn’t odd, she said, many people crash due to stress. Satori had a hard time believing that, though. If anything, he expected himself to be puking out the window once they hit the highway. They were ten minutes away from his parents, now, and Satori was fixing his hair in the small overhead mirror of __’s car.

“Sorry I wasn’t awake to bother you.” He said, out of the blue. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw __ shake her head.

“It’s fine, it gave me time to lip-sync along to the Arctic Monkeys without being made fun of.”

Satori would’ve responded to her comment much faster, if it weren’t for the fact that __ was taking the exit straight towards the small town he grew up in. A nervous, agitated groan left him the moment she started down the road that lead towards his neighborhood.

“Does being here regurgitate bad childhood memories or something? Or do you really just hate your family?”

“Both.”

“You’re gonna have to take me to Shiratorizawa while we’re here, or at least drive me by the campus. That and like, Wakatoshi’s old house. Maybe even Tooru’s, too.”

“Oh, it’s that a little creepy, __ dearest?”

“No! I’m just saying, I’ve never been around here before, I wanna know how you and all our friends grew up, that’s all.”

“It’s literally nothing special, it’s farm, more farm, small convenience store, high school, farm, farm, bigger high school, convenience store. It’s like this for about ten miles.” __ laughed. She grew up further up the coast, and when they first met, she told him that she had “never seen a pig in person.” Satori made note to take her to see one of those while they were out here, too.

Ten minutes had passed quicker than Satori preferred. Before he knew it, they were pulling into his neighborhood, and with each turn __ took, the more and more anxious he got. He didn’t mind vocalizing his anxiety, either, sighing melodramatically each time the GPS blurted out another demand.

“Y’know Satori, this would be a lot easier if you could just tell me which way to turn to get to your house.” She added, lowering the volume without even looking at her device.

“I know, but I don’t wanna.”

“Whelp, seems like you don’t have to anymore.” She laughed, stopping almost abruptly and taking a sharp turn into a driveway, his driveway. He whined, sinking lower into his seat and covering his face with his hands.

“__, please don’t do this to me, my beautiful little angel baby, you’ll get torn apart in there.”

__ said nothing in reply, kicking her car door open and kissing Satori on his forehead, the softness of her lip balm leaving an imprint.

“C’mon, ya big baby. I’m sure your parents are waiting.”

Satori nodded, unbuckling himself and hesitantly exiting the car.  __ was waiting for him, so he took her hand in his own, and walked her up the pavement towards his doorstep.

Before either one of them could even reach the door, however, it had already been slammed open, incoherent, excitable female voices ripping through the house. A brunette woman popped her head out and gasped, then all but screamed as she darted out the door into the snow in sock clad feet and straight for __. __ almost yelped as she was suddenly picked up by the woman, who was taller than her by a foot, at least. She couldn’t quite tell what the woman was rambling on about, but out of the corner of her eye she saw Satori blushing profusely into the palm of his hand, shaking his head and waiting for whoever this woman may be to put her down. All __ could do in that moment was hug the woman back, despite not even knowing her. She had to be one of Satori’s sisters, or at least she assumed so. At first glance, __ saw that she was a tall woman, not as tall as Satori, but she was up there. She had tumbling brown hair that fell down towards her waist, and when __ placed her hands on the woman’s back, she realized she had quite the muscular build. She figured it had to be Aya, she fit Satori’s description quite well.

When she was finally set down by the woman, __ noticed her eyes. Like Satori said, they weren’t as wide, or tired as his, they were almond shaped and beautiful. They were light green and complemented the freckles on her cheeks.

“Oh my god, you’re so adorable.” Aya was beaming, her hands traveling from __’s back to her shoulders, then eagerly grasped __’s hands. “I’m Aya, Satori’s older sister, it’s so nice to meet you, sweetheart.”

__ giggled and shot a glance up at Satori, who was shifting his weight from leg to leg awkwardly in the corner. It shocked him to see her smile, genuinely, and not out of sheer nerves.

“I’m __, it’s really nice to get to meet you after all this time, Aya.”

“Oh, this little idiots been talking about you for years.” Aya rasped, shuffling over the snow to pull her brother into a choke-hold momentarily. “You wouldn’t believe the things that came out of this kid’s mouth before y’all were even dating.” She laughed, ruffling with Satori’s hair before pushing him away, then pulled __ into another hug. She heard Satori sigh, then mutter something about getting the bags from the trunk. Aya paid no mind to it, and lead __ into the house, never losing her grip on the former’s hand.

The moment __ stepped foot into Satori’s house, she couldn’t help but smile. It was very his taste, she thought, from the murals of mountains of the walls to the several misplaced christmas lights hanging across the staircase, it wouldn’t be very hard for her to classify this place as ‘Tendou’.

Aya had lead her into the kitchen, next, exclaiming at the top of her lungs to, “Look at Satori’s girlfriend!” __ felt her cheeks warm up slightly, the exposure not necessarily agitating her, but definitely embarrassing her. A woman with short brown hair examined her next. She had the same, sleepy ruddy eyes as Satori had. __ noticed her eyebrow quirking upwards in the same way Satori’s did when he was examining something, and she found it hard not to call it cute. __ also noticed that nobody else in the house was red-headed like Tendou was. The middle aged man and woman standing by the stove, presumably Satori’s parents, we’re both brunettes, as well as both the sisters, despite who __ thought was Hana, whose hair was a bit lighter than the rest. Despite that one key factor, they all definitely had a familiar resemblance. __ couldn’t help but smile.

“Hi, uhm, I’m sorry. Satori’s still outside ‘cause I was kinda mauled.” __ stammered, and Aya laughed, her free hand slapping her on the back. “I’m __, it’s really nice to get to meet you guys, finally.”

Everybody had gotten up on their feet, and came over to the place where __ stood. Satori had come back with the luggage, and shuffled over to __’s side. He protectively nudged Aya out of the way and replaced her hand with his own. __ looked up at him for a moment, a smile toying on her face.

“They’re great.” She mouthed, before his mother pulled her into a hug.

Satori watched as his mother started talking her ear off, and he started blushing again. He knew tonight was going to be too long– full of repressed memories and everyone taking a stab at him to see how embarrassed he could get, and how fast.

Meanwhile __ found herself being crushed in another grasp, and wondered how everyone in this family had such strong forearms.

“Satori’s so in love with you…” His mother muttered into her ear, and for some reason, despite knowing this for years, __ felt herself get fuzzy. She merely hummed, not knowing how to reply.

“You really make him so happy… when he talks about you I swear I’ve never seen him happier, except for maybe volleyball in highschool, but that’s a different story.”

__ laughed, breaking the hug with his mother and giving him a look. He was talking with Hana, now, who really was as tall as Tendou said she was. Although, she noticed he kept sending her nervous glances every so often, as if monitoring the conversation she was having.

“It really is a pleasure to finally get to meet you, Mrs. Tendou. I really wanted to meet you before, but Satori was more nervous about me meeting you lot than I actually was.”

“Oh of course he was, that little stinker.” His mother shook her head and smiled fondly, first at __, then at Satori. “And please, don’t call me Mrs. Tendou, call me Mom.”

Satori was deep in conversation with Hana, at this point. She was asking him how school was going, how paying rent was going, and everything in between about being an adult. She hadn’t asked any questions about __, yet, but he supposed she was saving those for later. There was a moment of brief pause in their conversation, and that’s when Satori heard it, the mom comment. Suddenly his heart stopped, and Hana must’ve picked it up too, because she laughed under her breath and nudged him in the ribs.

“Oh… my go-od…” Satori muttered, slinking up to __’s slide and throwing an arm over her shoulder.

“Hi Mama.” Satori butted in, throwing his other arm around his mom and kissing her chastely on the cheek.

“Hi honey! I was just talking to your angel of a girlfriend over here.”

“I know.” He muttered through clenched teeth. She shot him a knowing, motherly look, then patted him on the back.

“We’re having dinner in ten minutes, why don’t you two go throw your things up in Satori’s old bedroom? Just so it’s out of the way for later.” His mother suggested.

“On it.” Satori nodded at __ to follow him towards the front door and the stairs, but he noticed that Hana had stretched a leg out to block the hall.

“Need any help?” She said, just sarcastically enough for it to pass as a nice gesture. “Y’know, at least one of you looks like you’d need help.”

Satori knew exactly what Hana was going at, and he hated it. He shot her a look, then glanced over at __, who had picked up on her all but selfless gesture as well. Instead of shooting a witty response back or defending herself like she always had with Satori, he was surprised to watch her cover her mouth, then laugh. This must’ve caught Hana off guard, too, because she stood up straight in the doorway and silently went to pick up a bag from the mudroom.

“That wasn’t all that funny.” He said, nudging __ in the hip once Hana was up the stairs.

“I know, it wasn’t, but that’s such a you thing to say?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I dunno. You. Your sense of humor, your way of speaking. I absolutely love it.”

The ten minutes had come and gone. The bags were placed in Satori’s old bedroom– not without being relentlessly teased about the anime posters hanging above his bed, though. Hana thought it would be funny to show __ just how many figures he had stock piled in his closet, to which __ didn’t really mind. Hana was doing it to tease her, really. Asking her questions about the weird habits Satori has, and how she deals with it. Poking fun at his appearance just to see what __ would do. (In that point in time, she just dismissed all the nerdy things she teased him about and shook her head obviously when Hana mocked his appearance.) It really amused Satori, how Hana could be so protective about him when it came to other people teasing him, but absolutely ruthless when it came to her teasing him herself.

Sitting at the dinner table, Satori found it harder to eat than usual. __ was doing just fine, though. She was having an offhand conversation with Aya in between bites of a roll, covering her mouth with her hand politely as she spoke. If it weren’t for the drastic physical differences between __ and the rest of his family, a stranger would’ve thought that this was __’s family, and Satori was the awkward boyfriend.

The rest of the conversations at the table fell quiet, everybody focused on their own thing to actually slip a conversation through. Well, that’s what Satori had thought, until Aya cleared her throat and, slowly but surely shouted, “Satori? When are you gonna pop the question already?”

Satori stiffened in his seat. If he didn’t have an appetite before, he definitely didn’t have one now. He noticed __ tense up too, covering her mouth with her hand and averting her eyes from the table to her lap. Yes, this was what he had been afraid of.

Aya’s girlfriend hit her on the arm. “You can’t just ask that at the dinner table!” She hissed, only for Aya to shrug

“I do what I want. The kids a keeper. I mean, just look at her.

__ didn’t look so great in the moment, though. Her eyes were blown wide, darting everywhere besides the faces of his family members.

“Aw, she doesn’t look too great.” Hana chuckled. “Does that mean that she doesn’t want to get married?”

Satori didn’t know whether to tell off Aya, Hana, or get his mom involved. He would’ve gone with his mother, but she looked amused, almost as if she was going to throw in a comment of her own. His dad couldn’t care less– this was the type of situation he’d call, “Lady Talk.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to get married to Satori.” __ added, uncovering her mouth. “It’s just that you guys rea-ally have a knack for saying embarrassing things at embarrassing times. Jeez!”

“You sure that’s all?” Hana teased.

“Yes, that’s all. I get that you guys are all real protective of him, with his past and him being the youngest and everything, but I can assure you that I’d never do anything to purposefully hurt him.” __ shrugged, leaning over in her seat to peck Satori on the cheek. “And for the record, we happen to get along ‘cause I’m a nerd too, so your plan to embarrass him kinda failed. There isn’t much that we haven’t shared with each other… ah… I hope that answers some of your other questions, too.” She winked at Hana, who’s smirk had faded into a dumbfound frown.

It was Satori’s turn to flush red now, he couldn’t bring himself to look over at his girlfriend, and only focused of Hana’s face. He was expecting another insult, or possibly a curse, but all she did was hold her hand up slowly, and high-fived __ from across the table.

“Atta girl, that’s what I like to hear.” Hana shouted, slapping __’s hand just a little too hard for both __’s and Satori’s liking.

“Great, great. I mean no disrespect or anything towards you, by the way. I really respect that are aren’t careless about your brother decisions.”

“Really? Thank you! Aya’s right, pop the question!” Hana shot a glance at Satori, who had buried his head in his hands at this point. Satori should’ve known all along that he shouldn’t be worried about his family embarrassing __. He should’ve known that the tables would’ve turned right back on him.

Below are the Top 10 executive orders Joe Biden could sign, benefiting all Americans… even without help from the intellectually impoverished crocodiles.

The American Prospect has published numerous articles on these possible executive actions. I’m not going to focus on whether Biden will do these things (he won’t), but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt (he won’t do them) since he hasn’t even settled into the office yet (he totally won’t do any of this) and no one can know for sure what he’ll choose to do (not a chance). Maybe he’ll be awesome! (Nope.)

1. Joe Biden could start by protecting all immigrants.

Immigrants are some of the people struggling the most during this pandemic. There’s a provision in our laws called Temporary Protected Status, which allows an immigrant to stay here without fear of deportation, and considering how they’ve been treated over the past four years, I think they could use a break. Can we please give them a second to catch their breath before the next round of good ol’ American xenophobic bigoted hatred towards people who are even slightly different? (Hell, if you just have a different haircut we might put you in a cage and give your kids away to a group of Guatemalan paramilitary drug runners.)

As Marcia Brown writes “[Temporary Protected Status] is a blanket protection offered to a country’s nationals who have experienced a natural disaster such as hurricane or earthquake, civil war, or other extraordinary circumstances.”

Hmmm, a natural disaster you say? Oh, they mean like a fucking pandemic. Between the pandemic, U.S. bombing overseas, U.S. economic sanctions, climate change, and auto-tune —pretty much every country in the world right now is experiencing some kind of disaster. …Except Finland. (But they weren’t immigrating here anyway. You don’t hear a lot of Finnish people saying, “Is there a place I can move to where I could pay tens of thousands of dollars for healthcare, pay way more for education, and if I have a baby, be forced to strap it to my chest while I continue to load Chicken McNugget goo into the meat squirter because there’s no maternity leave? There IS such a magical land?!”)

Point is – Joe Biden could give Temporary Protected Status to every immigrant in the country immediately without congressional approval.

2. Next up, Biden could end the War on Terror.

That’s right. Congress gave up its war powers long ago. So Biden, all by himself, could end the War on Terror. Afterall, this “war” (against an emotion) made no sense from the beginning, and it has killed millions, made America less secure by making us despised worldwide, and has always been unconstitutional.

So, the most law-abiding, sweet, kindly, heroic thing Mr. Biden could do is end this evil, villainous, dastardly, dark, depraved, morally repulsive, vulgar, nefarious, malignant, malicious, poisonous, and poopy ENDLESS WAR! …Not that I have an opinion either way. Just an idea.

3. Next – the new president could give us tuition-free college without Congress.

As the American Prospect covered, “Michael Dannenberg, a former senior aide to the late Senator Ted Kennedy, asserts that Biden can use existing statutory authority to forgive loans equal to average public-college tuition on a rolling basis for two- and four-year public colleges, effectively making college free.”

And guess what — having more educated citizens without debt means a better society in general. If your neighborhood isn’t educated, the people often can’t make a good living, and then the neighborhood goes into disrepair — which is when the crooks and the head-bangers and the con-men and the witch whisperers show up. And before you know it your little girl has lost her mind virginity to a charlatan ridin’ around in a crank mobile! (We’ve all seen it happen.)

But rather than attacking student debt, it seems Biden and his allies are slowly decreasing the amount of student debt they say they plan to erase. First they said everything under $50,000, then $25,000, and now it’s $10,000 and under. Pretty soon Biden will proudly unveil his plan to erase $13 of student debt for every American and send us each a free coupon for Hamburger Helper.

So with just three executive orders, Biden could end war, save all the immigrants, and end student debt — not bad for before breakfast. On the other hand, my executive orders usually just stipulate that my cat can’t eat my sandwiches anymore, and they hold very little power.

Let’s move on to ending poverty. Poverty is of course raging out of the control right now, with millions facing eviction and Americans waiting hours at food banks. So, what could Joe Biden do without Congress to get more people the assistance they need?

Change the definition of poverty.

I’m not kidding. People who are below the poverty line qualify for a lot of benefits like food stamps, health care, and affordable housing. Trump was trying to alter the poverty measure so fewer people would be considered truly poor and he could then announce, “Look, I got rid of poverty!” It would be like a hospital saying they got rid of broken legs, and then we find out they simply re-designated broken legs as “surprise moments of bone realignment.”

4. So if Joe Biden wanted to, he could do the reverse and give millions of poor people the benefits they need.

“The Official Poverty Measure (OPM), based on an outdated calculation designed 60 years ago, is absurdly low. …Today, the federal poverty threshold for a family of three is $20,578. …on day one, the incoming Biden administration can drop the OPM entirely and alter poverty measurement so that it better reflects need…” This would make loads of benefits (and perhaps even shit loads) available for people who are struggling.

Anyway, in the interest of avoiding making this column as long as the stimulus bill, here are several more actions Biden could take without Congress.

5. He could stop massive corporations from using tax loopholes to avoid paying taxes.

6. He could close Guantanamo Bay. (Remember that?!)

7. He could give a $15 minimum wage to all federal contract employees.

8. He could end federal prosecutions for marijuana.

9. He could make us all much safer from nuclear weapons.

And finally, here’s the icing on the cake. The recent fight to force a vote on Medicare For All has captured the interest and energy of many progressives.

10. Well, it turns out Joe Biden could himself give everyone Medicare For All right now.

According to David Dayen, he could do it using “…Section 1881A of the Social Security Act. The language of the statute refers to any individuals subject to an ‘environmental exposure,’…” and it says that the Department of Health and Human Services can stipulate that such people get a single-payer Medicare For All type system.

Has this ever happened in the U.S.? Has a whole area simply been given Medicare For All by proclamation from the gilded towers of our federal government? I’m glad you asked! Libby, Montana: Population 2,628 has already — wait, sorry, just refreshed the page — Population 2,627. (A kid ate a Matchbox car.)

Libby, Montana, has Medicare For All because the entire community has been exposed to airborne asbestos thanks to mining in the area. Therefore, Health and Human Services secured them Medicare For All. Shall we now take a moment to ponder whether there are other Americans who have been exposed to hazardous chemicals or diseases recently?

Allow me to think for a moment — wait for it — Oh, that’s right, everyone!

We’re in a fucking pandemic — we’ve all been exposed. Biden could give everyone healthcare, allowing us to join the rest of the developed world. And even without the pandemic, Biden could still give most Americans healthcare for other exposures — Los Angeles’ smog, the cancerous Roundup herbicide sprayed all over New York City (which lawmakers recently voted to ban), cities near fracking wells or coal mines or oil spills or how about the 2,000 cities across the U.S. that have excessive lead levels, or everybody exposed to auto-tune. Biden could give all of us healthcare right now — No excuses, no dickin’ around, no tomfoolery, no malarkey, and no funny stuff.

Give – Every – American – Free – Healthcare – Now.

So those are the Top 10 actions Biden could take without getting anywhere near the dumb-dumb crocodile swamp known as Congress. …But he won’t.

Unless he fears that the people will stand up and fight back.

So, after thinking about the way things have unfolded over the last couple of weeks I have established what my life work would be. Am I going to change the world... am I the second coming... am I a world famous gay pornstar.... ya know these are all things that i have never said to anyone but yet others believe that is my intent! My goal with all of this is to establish the groundwork so that no one and I mean NO ONE ever has to go through the things I have while the entire world sits there and watches.... funding the madness. I've mentioned before maybe not here and maybe nowhere public before but this world will chew you up and spit you out...! Now after partially digested im supposed to function on the same level as everyone else. Hmmm well I guess i get hints and clues about who's going to help and who's just setting me up... one of the main arguments of the opposing side is that i was just after their money so i made up this giant lie to get them in trouble and make them cough it up! No body ever got in trouble they just used an isolated incident i was justified in filing as the excuse to start this manipulative famous people money grab!!

When working on a hempfarm about 1.5 years ago I was approached with 2 questions... the first was if I would sell my soul for 10's of thousands of dollars... my response was only tens of thousands...??? Obviously my answer was no never no matter the amount!! On a different occasion I was not really presented with a question but more of an insult saying what do you think your special...?? And thinking about that initially I though no im not I should have to work for any and everything I want and need in life. Then over the last year and a half with countless opportunities continually passing me by i sat there and contemplated what the fuck is wrong with me!! I know what your thinking... you have to be queer!! Right?! I know I was thinking the same thing! Or maybe I am fucking special!!?? I didnt reach the level I am at today by not being special... right?! Why tune in then right?? If I'm just like everyone else then why tune in?? I really dont understand what the attraction is. Making this unknowing the reason I initially wrote this post the day I said fuck everyone!! Why i was stopped or told not to i still can't figure out. But it obviously wasn't by someone who wanted to help. I say that because the people that want to help gave no idea what i write before its posted... so then why... i was even told a few times today that I should stop! Thats all that was said... STOP!! you know how many times i have asked them to stop!! Over and over again and then some more!! And more!! But to no avail i never get anything i want!! A guy I used to rent from told me one time why don't you enjoy your life... and i though about that?? Like I guess i do get a lot of opportunities then I came to the conclusion of ya know the sad thing is when you might be too fucked up to enjoy what's laid out in front of you. Not only that but whats expected in order to obtain said opportunities just isn't how your wired... not that you weren't at one point but that you just aren't anymore... so that obviously means I'm a queer. So be it!! Its not like you honestly thought any different before meeting me... so why the sudden change of ❤ now?? It really doesn't matter to me tbh I have a feeling no one will ever think out of the box enough to get my attention so I'll just keep gawking as you walk by. "Making the same mistakes hoping that you'll understand..." is it frustrating for me knowing I lack in areas where everyone else has no difficulty or just has everything handed to them... (money, power, prestige...) watch God's Not Dead and then tell me why you think that is... or at least how its described in that movie makes a lot of sense to me.

Its been 4 years since this claim to fame began. Im tired exhausted and won't mind being alone on a deserted island the rest of my life. I remember when I first started posting I mentioned I really never wanted to tell the story and make myself a victim of circumstance. It just finally got to the point where it was apparent this was never going to get better unless I stood up for myself and fought back. Now at this point all I have are my words while I'm sure you see and experience on a daily basis the different types of abuse I experience mentally and physically and yet im being told to stop posting my thoughts and life events that have happened to me??!! Why is that??!! Ill let you be the judge. Hence the reason why I don't act on any clues or hints from either side good or bad... because if something were real it would be in my hands. The funny thing is that when I have gone to psych wards and they diagnose me with their schizo active or undefined schizophrenia all the interference goes away! There's no more seas of colors or horn honking or anything resembling what we are seeing today. So is everything just a facade to make me stress out and worry that im letting people down that are trying to help me...??? Id say so! Thats why your efforts are rendered useless and I try not to let those things affect me. Besides you know what the primary symptom of schizophrenia is???? Deriving meaning out of normal everyday occurrenxes that would not have any meaning to anyone else. So by operating under these premises your just aiding in the psychological warfare... so call me an idiot all you want. Or just stop and let me deal with this bullshit the only way I know how... to forget it! If you want to help then fucking help!! Thats really all I have for tonight heres the post I promised!!