#just in case. i am trying to be vague
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Just watched the mid-season 2 two-parter of the Orville and it literally gave me an anxiety attack I am still recovering from
I am. So upset
#without spoilers this heavily involved 2 of my 3 favorite characters#going through and doing some serious shit#and there were some really REALLY intense space battles that made me dizzy and a bit nauseated#but like. i wanted to yarf from the emotions alone#no spoilers for anything past this point please i am still catching up#right now... need a little break#need to hug an eevee plush and watch something chill#the orville#orville#orville spoilers#just in case. i am trying to be vague
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He stands in front of the illegal installation in Lift 14 that keeps not getting cleared despite it not being regulation.
The lift doors have long since closed behind him.
He should remove it.
It’s probably a fire hazard.
He doesn’t move.
He should order maintenance to remove it.
He doesn’t activate his comm.
The doors open behind him, the voices of several of his men spilling into the lift. They cut off when the lift reveals him. He hears the faint sound of plastoid rubbing against fabric, then the doors close again and he’s once again left alone.
He should have Waxer and Boil dismantle it. They built it, after all.
He never should have allowed it in the first place. Patron Sith, really, what were they thinking, what were they. Why. Why did he.
Cody stares at the ridiculous, stupid little altar, sitting on the floor surrounded by painted bits of plastoid, pretty rocks, flimsi folded into shapes and other pathetic, desperate, hopefilled little offerings the crew of the venator have left here, the stupid, useless kriffing altar and the stupid, useless listening bug he’s reasoned with and pleaded with and threatened, and.
His lungs stutter, and the mic can probably pick up how wet his breath sounds, how shaky, how like a sob he’s trying to choke down and that’s choking him right back, but it doesn’t matter; no one is listening to that recording anymore anyway, he’s gone, he’s gone, gone, gone, and Cody. He just.
"I just want my friend back.”
He adds oblations of his own in the shape of drops of salt water.
Nothing happens. The galaxy, or the Force, or whatever, doesn’t care, and the man who did isn’t listening anymore.
Cody is alone.
#not!fic#look at me clearly not thinking up random scenes for this fic idea i am not writing#...maybe i should make like a vague outline at least#just in case#what if i get attached to certain scenes and when i try to connect them to the plot#(you know the plot i am *not* thinking about because i can *not* write this fic) they won't fit?#anyway it's long past my bedtime so i'm turning in now and i'll try very hard to not lie awake and fantasize fake sith obi-wan au what-ifs#fake sith obi wan
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vent post
#lonely dog speaks#vent/#THIS WAS GOING TO BE A vague jokey post but i did end up typing a bunch. sorrey ->#:•\#not feeling great#i feel like every day i am missing something#but i'm too afraid to actually connect to what that missing thing is#and i realize my anxiety is back n bad#which i'm not really sure if it ever left#i was going to make a joke about being unmedicated but that's noteven true but if i feel this bad then that is probably Not good#and my general fear prevents me from feeling like i can DO Things. like. i can't just Do A Thing#i have to putz around all day to maybe do it a bit. but i can't commit to it in case i get interupted#but the thing is that i also /do/ do things i want to do through the day. but it's nott a lot of things#specifically i want to be drawing. but actually getting to the drawing part is so hard and i end up not drawing#but i think about drawing all day!!#but stepping back. on a much wider scale i realize icant even think about the idea of doing someting like move out or get job#because if i decide to commit to it what if something bad happens and i never get to do it#and everything feels wasted..........#why dont i sit on my phone and try to have fun instead and not think about that >_>#OH GIRL. I should get a therapy#isnt it so annoying how being aware that your brain is irrational doesn't just make you Think Rationally
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got this weird thing always where im always wondering if im a gay man or a bi dude-kinda or a bi girl-a-little-bit or a gay man-also-woman-a-bit, and its like. whenever im like "OKAYY I DONT CAREEEEE MAYBE I DO LIKE GIRLS" .... IMMEDIATELY my thoughts about liking women are gone like. when im trying to appease that. and then im like "hmm maybe i DONT like girls??" the thoughts about liking girls comes back
#and GENUINELY... COSMICALLY... if i really want to date a woman i would love to just allow this for myself. and am trying to#and whenever i try to its like ''yeah nevermind man it wasnt even anything''#so when i do go ''oh okay i guess it was nothing'' the desire to like women comes back#and maybe its a case of ''putting it off the table makes me want it more'' .. but its like.. when i say ''ok im bi'' its gone.#its like hey. come back. what happened i said i liked it. gone. until i accept that its gone. and then its back. chameleon type shit#permanently grass-is-greener type of living... please..#ALSO.... this happens with ''being a little bit of a girl'' because then im like ''ok cool man im a girl now. yup''#but when i put this into action i HATE IT and VEHEMENTLY need to go back immediately#and then when i go back im like ''but what if i WASNT just a guy..... hmmm...''#and its like that bit from courage the cowardly dog where baby muriel wants her mac and cheese 500 different ways#and is never happy when you give it to her#when i MOST think about ''being a girl who is bi'' is when i feel THE MOST like a gay man#& when i think about and put into practice ''being a gay man'' i CANNOT enjoy it due to the ''what ifs''#its like i have to do a schrodinger's sexuality on myself#genuinely really dont mind what my sexuality and gender is as long as im happy and YET.... its like chasing my own tail with myself#its funny because what i do know is that i love masculine terms i love being he/him'd i love being called a man i love my body on t#but... ''what to call this other than blanketly 'transmasc'.. if anything'' and ''who do i wanna fuck about it'' are like going in circles#and NOT to say people need anything more specific than just being transmasc or just saying ''im gay'' or being blanketly queer or anything#and maybe i need to take a page from that if its giving me grief. but ... *gestures vaguely*
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I think... in many ways, I really just want to feel loved, but I'm scared of accepting it, and scared of feelings I feel like I "can't control" so I end up taking an overly analytical approach and overjustifying things like natural curiosity to myself by calling things "just scientific fascination" and "morbid curiosity" (because in my mind, things I feel I am not "allowed to" experience, be curious about, or consider, seem like they're taboo, hence 'morbid'). I can't really fault others for thinking that's messed up. I've definitely ruined chances at receiving any sort of care and/or love in the past by not only pushing people away in delusional self-sabotage states, but also by treating people like equations or research projects. I sort of hate admitting to myself that I DON'T know or understand everything, and that doing so is impossible no matter how much I like knowing things, especially since my inability to just trust and take what people tell me at face value is in juxtaposition with that desire for knowledge and thorough understanding. It is actually me and my own doubt of people that drives me into over-questioning everything I DO know.
I also am terrible at paying attention to others. I know this. I forget that other people are, well, people, and that they won't know how much I care about them unless I express it and KEEP expressing it. Not just verbally but with things like asking people how they are doing- assuming they'll just tell me if they want me to know is something I do, but I know very well how easy it is to feel like a burden and close your troubles away from others in fear of being "too much" to deal with. I've reflected on this, and my unhealthy manner of expressing fondness and trust for others being that I'm far too quick to traumadump and talk about myself, in the past, but I've not been making nearly enough progress on it.
I think, I seek and crave for too much clarity without offering any myself, that has driven people away from me in the past, and it's purely my own flaws causing it.
Maybe with another year or two of reflecting, I will be able to handle something like a qppr without it falling apart because of my aloofness and inability to pay enough attention to others. Perhaps in half a decade, I could consider a romantic relationship, if I've made any progress with all that + trauma work, by then.
#I previously swore off all kinds of romantic/qplatonic relationships because I felt that I just#''wasn't made for them''#but I think in truth NOBODY is made for them- people just have to grow and improve to be able to maintain them#healthy ones at least#and there's no point in desiring for dysfunctional ones no matter how desperate one is#I know this well thanks to DF.#so what I am saying is... my previous attitude was selfish and petty#to just decide that I am ''hopeless'' and ''unfit'' for something was a sort of refusal to accept fault in myself#nobody is 'hopeless' with things like healthy romantic/qpp relationships unless they choose to be#and making that choice... to rather be hopeless but eternally envying others is very childish#childish and something that only someone in deep denial about their own flaws would do#I can offer myself some understanding since I believe that I needed to reach this point#where I would realize this myself and accept it#and I'm glad I didn't cause anyone any hurt (as far as I'm aware) during this time it took me to realize that#because I could see people making a declaration like that but then allowing mixed signals and vague situationships to take place#solely because of the very human loneliness of wanting closeness but also childishly refusing to actually work on oneself#much like my refusal was. but in my case#I did fully cut everything like that out- I haven't allowed people to get any closer than ordinary friendship#and I've not been crushing on people myself (in general that's just because I'm demi most likely)#(but I have not been crushing and trying to justify to myself sending mixed or vague signals to anyone)#(that's what I mainly mean in that I haven't been crushing. that I haven't allowed myself to act selfishly because of emotion)#so in that sense I do feel a little proud that me saying that I'm not going to even think about things like romance or qpps#wasn't just me 'saying it' while still technically wanting it and craving for it#I truly did take that literally and took a lot of time to just... process things and explore my issues#and I think that's what allowed me to come to this realization naturally myself- that I am NOT hopeless#and that I was just throwing a childish tantrum because processing emotions that felt out of control felt 'too difficult' to even try#it's like a child refusing to even try to learn tying their shoelaces just because they don't quite 'get' how to make a knot yet#mm... I'm glad I've made that progress. it's not that it magically fixes everything that was wrong to begin with about me#and my attitude towards emotions and feelings like attraction and affection and even love#but it does to me at least show that I've overcome one obstacle of many and AM making progress even if it's not immediately visible
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I wanna rant abt aro shit again buttttttt it involves getting all philosophical abt the concept of love and I don't wanna touch that with a ten foot pole my mental health can't take it rn lol
#rat rambles#I just think. it barely means anything. besides what it is to individuals. which is important but not world defining. ok dont yell at me#also god damn am I struggling to find info on the history of the concept of love thats not just extremely christian#and also every attempt to define it seems to define it less so like. if someone doesnt connect with the word and idea of love who cares#well evidently a lot of ppl but like thatll always be the case unfortunately#I just rly dont like love as a moral standard because its definition can therefor be argued to exclude whoever you want#I just think. hear me out. we shouldnt be trying to prove for or against ppl being human with a extremely vaguely defined emotion#or any emotion for that matter#I just think that maybe. possibly. someone being a literal actual human. might be enough to prove that theyre human. idk just a thought#and that all humans deserve basic human rights. wild concept right /s#and like its great if love is the meaning of life to you. but maybe. just maybe. we shouldnt be demonising ppl who dont feel that way abt#themselves. and like. idk. maybe some ppl might have good reason to feel disconected by the concept of love as it exists. idk.#like who knows maybe the way we discuss love makes it an ample weapon both for and against minorities and that can be kinda scary#and as a neurodivergent mentally ill agender acearo lesbian person I mean rly scary.#just. pls be kind to loveless aros and other aspec ppl or just ppl who dont center their worlds around love pls. thanks#again if love is important to you and your life thats genuinely wonderful for you and Im glad. just. dont be shitty to ppl abt it pls.#ok I accidentially did rant a bit but I am holding back so like. idk consider this the polite short version fkfnfjfnf#rat rants
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I know it's only my problem and it's not fair to others but it sucks to like;; care about people instantly and without reason. To be like 'Ah yes, I actively care about this person just because they're a person who I know, and I will go out of my way for their health and happiness' but it seems like most people aren't keen on doing even mildly inconvenient things for your peace of mind or health back.
It feels nice to be useful, but hurts so bad to be just convenient or tolerated.
#this is about many people in my life#if you follow me dw this doesn't apply to anyone who follows me#unless you *are* just tolerating me in which case I'd rather you just not follow me#I don't want people pretending to be nice and only following because they feel too awkward to unfollow#this is your permission to be rid of me#vent#I'd prefer this not get reblogged unless you can relate to the sentiment; not much point to do so#and again#I know I shouldn't expect my peers to love me the way I love them#but I've always been way too freely trusting and willing to be friendly and that's why I only have like 3 friends#been burned plenty and I don't like saying 'friend' first and nowadays even after that I am cautious because plenty of people#I thought were 'friends' were either vaguely nice sometimes or actually actively hostile to me in secret#plenty of times as a kid I only got attention because of something I *had*#even though we didn't have much compared to the rich kids#so weird to be 'friends' with someone one day hanging out and doing things and trying to be a good host#and then the next they're talking shit about you for things *they* also did??#like yeah maybe I'm still collecting mlp as a 8-yr-old 'girl' but you got no reason to talk you're the one that wanted to play with them??#anyway public school is hell and it's funny the little things from it you suddenly realize are deep emotional scars#things I learned in public school: education 0#how to be paralyzed in fear over rejection and potential lies: 1000000%#delete later
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being an aa4 fan is genuinely very challenging
#love that game soooo so so much but you basically only have the one game to work with#and also i do feel like it got hit HARD with that Fandom Personalityificaiton beam which is very sad#of course its also easier for me because i am a diehard trilogy fan i am always thinking about the aa trilogy she is everything to me#i can always fall back to her <3 so. it doesnt sting as much. but playing aa4 and going GOD this is SO fucking good#and having nothing to really follow up on with it is so </3 sigh </3#i feel like you get some of that in the investigations games but i do have mixed feelings about them#i need to replay those probably. every time i think of the 2nd game specifically im like oh yeah thats one of the best games#but when i try to remember why i just remember the entire last case and i get so angry i have to lie down#i do think that the solution to that games overarching story was bad enough it made the whole game worse to me actually#it is the best game for some of the same reasons its the worst. its. wiggling hands around vaguely. video game
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Yeah I should not have engaged with that person. geez
#que sorpresa#yes you can give me suggestions no you can't give me orders#you're not paying me...#even if you WERE paying me there are still things I would not write#and I would simply refuse your commission in that case#(don't pay for fanfic btw. that's not allowed)#if somebody having boundaries makes you upset then. that is a huge red flag#I still don't know what their idea is by the way but at this point I think I'm good with not knowing#part of me wants to give a kind explanation but I think I should just disengage before they say something really mean#I should also add that this person has never reviewed or favorited or engaged with any of my other stories#I literally have NO IDEA if they even like the stuff I already write and yet they are trying to get me to do some vague request 'their way'#ended up blocking them because I am too stressed and I write for fun and happiness and personal fulfillment not... this#my original post
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Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt.3
[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.4][Pt.5][Pt.6][Pt.7]
“Aquaman.” Batman swept into the room, beelining straight for the suddenly apprehensive Atlantean king.
“Batman. What can I do for you?”
“Phantom. Does he pay taxes?”
“Pardon?”
Batman makes a low noise that had Aquaman’s danger senses buzzing.
“Does Phantom have to pay taxes. Towards Atlantis.”
“No…? Why?”
“He wanted money, in exchange for… information, of a delicate sort,” Batman said, diplomatically avoiding the topic of Phantom bargaining for the identities of corpses in exchange for a measly $100 dollars per identity. Like a flea market dealer, that one was.
“You encountered Phantom again?” Aquaman perked up.
“Yes. Gotham’s bay is… polluted.” Batman paused. “With victims. Of murder.”
The entire area quieted as heads turned towards the Dark Knight.
“Yes, I am… distantly aware of Gotham’s waters.” By that, Aquaman gets green around the gills whenever he turns his awareness in that direction. There’s a reason he doesn’t enter Gotham, and the Dark Knight’s ban is only half of that reason. “Ah, but you’re correct. For what purpose would Phantom need mortal currency?”
“Hn.”
“Maybe he needs some stuff?” Flash zipped to a stop next to Batman, feet tapping as he dug into the pile of snacks cradled in his arms. “Us mortals are always coming up with new things, maybe he wants to try some games or something?”
Batman tilted his head down, seriously considering Flash’s suggestion. “It’s plausible.”
“Barry, Barry, Barry. He’s old as hell, right? He probably wants to try the new booze!”
“Hal, my man!” Flash fist bumped Green Lantern, who came up. “You’re back! What happened to John?”
“Dunno. He got called somewhere that way,” Green Lantern waved a vague hand towards the left. “Had to deal with a politician or something from that area.” He shrugged, swinging an arm over Barry’s shoulders to put him in a headlock and stealing a chip.
“Huh. Anyways, would our mortal alcohol even work on a demi-god or something?”
“We should ask!” Hal turned towards Batman. “You should ask if he wants to go for a drink, spooky!”
“He’s a child.”
“He’s been around for more than a millennia, Bats.”
“Informational gathering, right, Hal?” Flashgot out of the headlock, quickly munching on his snacks to stop Green Lantern from stealing them.
“Totally. Yup.”
“…Fine.”
“Wait, are we just gonna ignore that Gotham’s waters are full of bodies?”
“Yes.”
——
“What?” Danny asked, mind half on the bags he’s dragging out of the water and the other half on the essay he has to submit in about four hours.
“Green Lantern wanted to invite you out for a drink.”
Danny turned to the stoic Gotham knight, who had his wrist computer out to log the bodies’ info the moment Danny gave him the information. Some of them even told Danny who murdered them, so Batman could start building cases with solid leads.
Danny’s only twenty. He’s not legal yet but he doesn’t want to give any clues to who he is. How is he supposed to…
Ah!
“Can’t.” Danny shrugged. “I’m not legal. I died when I was fourteen so…” Danny trailed off, speechless at the drowned puppy face Batman was giving him. What the fuck.
“Anyways, fork over my payment.”
Batman wordlessly hands him a wad of hundreds.
“What do you need cash for?” Batman suddenly asked.
“Huh? Isn’t it obvious?” Danny tucked it in. “Material things, obviously. I need a blanket,” because holy shit, Gotham is damn cold this time of year. “Anyways, see you same time next week, litterer.”
“I don’t litter.”
“Tell that to the batarangs I found under the water,” Danny grumbled. “But I’ll stop calling you that if you get a signature from Poison Ivy. I have a friend who loves her.”
“An alive friend?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy?”
Danny snickered and disappeared. He’s gotta cram that essay.
——
“There’s a possibility Phantom might be homeless.”
“Batman, I mean this in the nicest way, but for the love of Atlantis, please stop giving me headaches. It’s time like these I wish I stayed a lighthouse keeper.”
#batman#danny phantom#bruce wayne#dc x dp#bamf danny phantom#dpxdc#dcxdp#hal jordan#green lantern#the flash#Barry allen#mentions of Sam mason#phantom doesn’t pay taxes#but Danny Fenton absolutely pays taxes#his parents taught him how to file taxes#tax season is coming up soon tall I’m stressed#arthur curry#Aquaman#Aquaman and being interrogated on Atlantean history#Batman’s nickname is the litterer#you can’t tell me that batarangs don’t go everywhere#sea cryptic! danny au
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@misassumed | " here I am, not sure if you should take a chance " ( for 4 ambrosius from ballister @ misassumed 👀👀👀 )
✧˚ · . so much (for) stardust - fall out boy
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It's the past that defines the future.
As loathsome as that mentality may be in given contexts, so long as it reigns over literally the entire world, no amount of active fighting against it will make the world suddenly spin in the other direction. Fix your own mentality and still watch society around you collapse on the heaps of corpses it itself had put there, while all you can do is stand beside it and watch all the signs that had hinted to this outcome be trampled on like the voices of the innocent in a never-ending stampede.
Ambrosius is stuck in the very middle of it.
He's got voices of upbringing, his own name muttered in awe in his ears until they ring and threaten to bleed, his own face smiling so very self-assured, a beam of light, of hope, splattered on any campaign that will hold him.
He's more face than he is himself, he's more a slogan than he is a voice, he's more a symbol than he is a man, and he's all of those things willingly, he's all of those things because too long has he been told that it was and always will be the right thing to do.
He is what he is.
But according to that logic... he never should have fallen in love with Ballister, should he?
Even now while his fists clench and unclench, skin and familiar plates clanking against his bones so uncomfortably as though he'd finally woken up and realized he'd stolen the Ambrosious of this world and stuffed an impostor into it, whatever he is without any of the glitz and glamour and obedience, Ambrosius wonders...
If he is what he is... then Ballister is what he is, too.
Then Ballister should be all that they've been told him to be for all their lives.
But he's not, he's so much more, he's the only fruit tree to have grown on these soils that don't look chromatic, painted over by Alice from white to red, the only rose to have naturally grown in such a desirable colour.
He wishes he could answer easily.
He wishes there were an easy answer.
He wishes he could reach for it if there were. He wonders, could he, if he saw it?
Is the 'right choice' easier to take than he'd assumed?
And if so, which one is it?
"Bal," a breath of a name, a thousand confessions and a million implorations in a single syllable. His hand lifts, reaches out, more hesitant than half-hearted, unsure of how big the distance between them has grown at this point.
"I've always been on your side. You know that. That doesn't have... If... If you just came back and..."
#misassumed#the hopeful;ambrosius#EVERYBODY MAKE WAY IT'S THE DISASTER GAYS#OKAY OH GOODNESS i'm still trying to figure otu what i want to do with him BUT I THINK THIS WORKS?#AS IN FOR ME DFKG LET ME KNOW IF IT WORKS FOR YOU AS WELL~#I KEPT IT A LIL VAGUE OR I TRIED TO just in case you have any preference in terms of verse ;3#for modern verse i'll try to actually yeet something plot-related atcha via discord but i AM thinking#keeping the golden boy the NEPO BABY ATTITUDE#maybe Gloreth is his grandmother actually and holds some high-ranking position and his whole family just--#BUT ANYWAYS i'll be chirping about this another time >:3 CARE U LOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 LUB U!!!!!!!!!!#;queue#;answered
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Trying 2 determine what all abt my life currently I feel comfortable actually talking about on tumblr these days n the answer is like. Well I think of updates 2 post n then I'm like well I thought that already, articulated the thought to the self no need 2 post now n I might regret it later. And now no one online knows anything about me maybe. I'm tipsy for what is not the first time in a while but I drink socially standardly these days n due to social burnout + did I do not rly cognisize those moments while alone. So I'm tipsy while mostly alone for the first time in a while specifically and I try to refrain from posting personal shit moreso when I'm not sober. A problem I realize here recent I have been having w posting to socials as in the past like year and a half or so I've re unmasked my eidetic flashbacks again is that I seem to have a booming social life and I script future tumblr posts while hanging out w ppl and now that I know that at all times it's like. Oh I already said all this shit just in conversation w a group of ppl like a month ago so its cringe genuinely to post it online now. Tumblr is for faggots w no friends once more, a demographic of which I am not in
#k im drinking yhr last beer in the fridge see what that does to me. pussyboys life is good and i am burnt out and its just that irl i think.#shit im a normal adult in my mid 20s and its overwhelming the moment im posting to tumblr#i think a big part of it is that in the past like handful of years at least theres been like a lot of life i have lived which i have rarely#acknowledged outright online and now im working through gaslighting trauma and unrepressing so much of it and its like. i will be#disbelieved about half this shit on the basis i just havent been talking about it in an upfront manner for yrs now and then when thats a#risk potentially detrimental to my gaslighting trauma its easier to just know its the case and not talk about it at all#then the times i want to talk about it and its still That One i think it fosters further dissociative amnesia automatically so. its just#vague nonsense i continue trying to post abt life n hoping i dont misconstrue the meaning later on#did log
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really wish my life wasnt so unnecessarily hard all the time
#i dont like to talk about it. bc too many people take joy in my suffering#and in a lot of cases i cant talk about it for reasons#but yeah#just kinda like. all i wanted in life was to be loved for who i was...? and thats apparently the tallest ask in the world....#so now i kinda resent everyone bc in spite of my efforts people just like. never wanna see my value or see how or when im good#they just wanna laugh at me like... what am i even doing wrong..#and i sit here begging people to fuckin tell me and they just dont. they just use me as funny fuel#its like why should i try for anyone ever when they dont even tell me how im Not Good Enough#and just want to remind me that i am vaguely bad#theres nothing i can say or do that will ever make me good enough for them its just never enough no matter what#its why its just me. alone. validating myself. trying to love myself. trying to let myself feel like i matter for once.#and everyone else constantly trying to tear me down#and it just feels like theres no one who cares to ever actually build me up#im so tired of trying to guess what peoples issue is
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vague thought but I feel like we and I mean like. Everyone of us needs to learn to like. Idk self reflect and learn not to be voyeurs... Like this is abt myself as well. Specifically in cases of real life tragedy, like, when do we go from learning abt something to using it to feed a sort of entertainment (in a similar way to a horror movie)? How do we learn to identify when something is excessive? Sure, details can be important, but when do they stop teaching and start just being fuel for a morbid fascination?
#Ask to tag#Not abt oceangate surprisingly#In this case I'm thinking abt animal attacks and cults bc it's like. Ok reverse order but I have an interest in cults and am trying to#Specifically focus on stuff made by survivors and such and I found a p good podcast (tho it has Other Issues for sure) that's really helped#Me re evaluate my feelings on a lot of things and I think is genuinely teaching me ways to better my instinctive thought processes (even if#It isn't the exact things the hosts suggest) and I'm interested in a specific incident regarding animal attacks but it does come down to#Like. Do I want to learn or Consume (in the way one would consume media). Esp bc these are p much Offshoots of true crime media. Which is#Complicated because there's probably something to learn from discussion of cases esp ones that aren't necessarily as famous But. Y'know.#That isn't really how it works right? You only hear about the famous ones. And it can also fuel biases just bc of how cases are presented#(idk exact like numbers but like. Missing White Woman Syndrome stuff). And that's just looking at What Is There To Learn From This? Rather#Than the other side of. Is this just for something... Idk. Entertaining isn't quite the right word. It's vague but I would say it's looking#For something stronger. You can remind yourself horror is fiction. But true crime is. True crime. So it's that level of titillating and#Distressing that horror isnt. Idk I just think this is something that could be good to talk abt in general#Last thought on The People Who Romanticize Serial Killers And Shit: I'm about to commit a new True Crime if you don't cut that shit OUT
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So I dunno if anyone following me would remember but a couple years back I was having ideas for a Zelda crossover comic thing, but then I didn’t really make anything I was confident in showing and eventually just lost steam due to other life events.
Now that I’ve been playing Tears Of The Kingdom, those ideas I had for a comic have been reinvigorated! I had some concepts I wanted to play around with but wasn’t sure how to tie into pre-established lore, and despite how many twists and turns I was experiencing while playing TotK and trying to piece together it’s place on the timeline, somehow it actually helps ground and solidify some of those concepts.
Now the question is if I’ll actually be able to draw and piece things together for any of that. Also wether or not I want to actually draw some of my gameplay experiences, seeing as I wouldn’t want to spoil people too much but also I’m still pretty early in the game? I dunno, I just have a lot of thoughts about characters and everything right now!
#Putting this in the art sideblog just in case cuz it is relating to art stuff technically#still no idea what to call the comic idea but I really should try again anyway#not sure I’m gonna tag this any appropriate fandom tags this time cuz I am just rambling really#When playing a new game I tend to have this temptation to draw out moments from my gaming experiences cuz it’d be funny#like I was joking around with people how the game made a ‘clever decision’ to not give me a paraglider this time and how I got too use to i#and then I started the impa questline before progression and had the nerve to say ‘you can just glide down with your paraglider’#I literally just ended up jumping off and reloading my save to get the nearby shrine first#Sorry for the small spoilers in the tags there but I am trying to be vague just in case
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tee and hee-ing 🦐
#gilver's retconned canonicity is very amusing to me so i think i will sprinkle a gilver jumpscare into gioia's story too#during gioia's fun little coma i think the krill try to get back to her many times but fail because two Very Dedicated devil hunters are#standing vigil over her + think the krill are after her soul for revenge or power etc etc. but case in point they are like a sad and#pathetic cat whose stuck outside a door while gioia's ⚰️. when she finally comes to‚ merle shakes her down about the whole situation and#asks about vergil when he comes up etc etc. gioia is understandably sad that vergil hasn't showed up and the krill are like 😈 because#Finally. They Have an In. so i think they have a goofy cartoon montage where they nab someone's coat/boots/etc. that people have left out +#a bunch of bandages from a shipment for eileen. i think they have a few gag shots where they try to voltron into a Human Form#and are like goddamn this sucks‼️‼️ 😭😭 because they are used to acting like one. but being bound up in a vaguely human form and forced to#be so close quarters with each other.. it is Unnatural!!! :( but they hobble their way to eileen's clinic in The Fit + the elected#Speaker of the Krill is like. hello it is i vergil *cough* im looking for a devil hunter yay high.. yadda yadda.. i am a human demon and#not a demon demon we.. i‼️‼️ prommie 👁️👁️🤞🏻#and merle is like 👁️👁️.... 🤨..🧐... 😐; because all she knows about Vergil is that he's kind of ominous. part demon.. he wears a coat..#and you know the bandages are really suspicious BUT considering the state gioia was in when their paths crossed‚ maybe this vergil guy got#really fucked up in the collapse of the labyrinth too?.. but if he's all bandaged up he shouldn't be moving around right? ah but he's part#demon so maybe he heals differently?.. well even if not‚ its pretty sweet he'd go searching for gioia in this state and ouuuwagh Merle is a#Sucker for Romance so. babygirl she falls for it she FALLS for the 500 Krill in a Trenchcoat trick. she comes into the room like ms. gioia#there's someone here to see you‼️😳🤭☺️ and lets verkrill in + gives them space because wauuw lovers united.. just like her and eileen!!#when the door shuts Gioia is like 😐... 😐... 👁️—👁️.. what the fuck is this. because it is CLEARLY not Vergil yo?? and as soon as she#asks‚ the krill explode from the bandages (and thank god because they couldn't stand that a moment longer!!) all like WAHHHH BOSSS WE#MISSED YOU WE THOUGHT YOU DIED WAHWAHWAH 😭😭😭💦💦💦‼️‼️‼️and gioia is a little disappointed it Wasn't Actually Vergil but she lets it#slide because she thought the krill would disappear with the labyrinth and disperse on the winds! so she's very touched they returned to#her even after the grounds of their contract are fulfilled. and that's the dumb goofy gilver jumpscare moment:] gioia needed more#funnystupid moments in her narrative and this is a little too on-the-nose silly for me to abandon 😆😆#sriracha.txt#nero prime#live krill reaction
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