#how to be paralyzed in fear over rejection and potential lies: 1000000% | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marrow-bone · 2 years

Text

I know it's only my problem and it's not fair to others but it sucks to like;; care about people instantly and without reason. To be like 'Ah yes, I actively care about this person just because they're a person who I know, and I will go out of my way for their health and happiness' but it seems like most people aren't keen on doing even mildly inconvenient things for your peace of mind or health back.

It feels nice to be useful, but hurts so bad to be just convenient or tolerated.

#this is about many people in my life #if you follow me dw this doesn't apply to anyone who follows me #unless you *are* just tolerating me in which case I'd rather you just not follow me #I don't want people pretending to be nice and only following because they feel too awkward to unfollow #this is your permission to be rid of me #vent #I'd prefer this not get reblogged unless you can relate to the sentiment; not much point to do so #and again #I know I shouldn't expect my peers to love me the way I love them #but I've always been way too freely trusting and willing to be friendly and that's why I only have like 3 friends #been burned plenty and I don't like saying 'friend' first and nowadays even after that I am cautious because plenty of people #I thought were 'friends' were either vaguely nice sometimes or actually actively hostile to me in secret #plenty of times as a kid I only got attention because of something I *had*#even though we didn't have much compared to the rich kids #so weird to be 'friends' with someone one day hanging out and doing things and trying to be a good host #and then the next they're talking shit about you for things *they* also did??#like yeah maybe I'm still collecting mlp as a 8-yr-old 'girl' but you got no reason to talk you're the one that wanted to play with them??#anyway public school is hell and it's funny the little things from it you suddenly realize are deep emotional scars #things I learned in public school: education 0 #how to be paralyzed in fear over rejection and potential lies: 1000000%#delete later

4 notes · View notes