girls in their rooms

Pedro Pascal + hugging

if god is real why do i feel like this

Okay so I’m actually really I interested in what people think about the post-bodyswap convo because whilst we know that they were both extremely effected by experiencing how each others sides treated the other, we don’t know how much the other knows about how the event effected them (if that makes sense- the words aren’t wording).

Like, we know that Crowley knows at least some of Aziraphale’s experience in hell but we dont know how much. Does Crowley know that Aziraphale fears for what might have happened every time Crowley disappeared for decades on end? Does he know about how his fellow demon cheered for his demise? The thirst for blood on their tongues? Does he know that only a few minutes down in his main office broke the heart of his (more than) best friend- that realizing the group that Crowley, the Fallen, who never really did anything wrong, Crowley, who only ever asked questions, who gave humanity their ability to question, the starmaker whose kindness knows no bounds broke some part of Aziraphale and made him realize that maybe the system had gone to shit? Does he? No, I doubt he does.

But what does Aziraphale know about Crowley’s time in heaven? I don’t think we ever see Crowley talk about it to Aziraphale. Because Crowley didn’t learn anything new about his old employers- he’d always known their injustice and cruelty. However maybe he was simply reminded. Maybe he let himself believe that there was something wrong about his actions- some way to justify his fall. But, as wrong as his actions may or may not have been, he knew that Aziraphale had never did any wrong. So when the Supreme Archangel, a being who was meant to represent light and truth and everything Aziraphale believed heaven stood for, told the only being who had ever truly shown Crowley love and kindness, who had convinced Crowley that there still might be good in the system to “shut his mouth and die”, any respect Crowley had of the above must have dissipated. And when they got back to each other, alive, happy, how could Crowley tell Aziraphale how easily the side he had spent 6000 years defending, working for, believing in would throw him away just like that? Like a worthless piece of rubbish? As if he was well- as if he were like Crowley? How could Crowley tell the being that he loved that the thing he’d spent his entire existence loving something that would discard him without batting an eye?? He couldn’t. And some small part of me wonders “what if?” What if he had? Would Aziraphale have still left? Or would his resolve to fix the system remain? I think that his experience in hell definitely showed him that the system needs fixing but what if he realised that heaven was just the same? Maybe even worse???

Who knows. Maybe this is all bullshit and Aziraphale knows about what happened in heaven (but Crowley’s convo with Jim in s2 suggests that he prob doesn’t know most of the story).

Everytime I read a book, it feels like I lose a part of myself. Like, I come back to reality, chipped and carved, as though a part of me is trapped forever in those worlds, worlds I can never truly be part of

I am just so scared to post anything here. My english is far from perfect and everytime I try to write something, every word I wrote goes right to Google translator. But here I am. I don’t know why now, why today but I must let my fears go because of all the ideas about everybody I’m shipping *cough* Steddie *cough* and.. idk, just cause I want to. So this is my first post that didn’t went throught translator. Let’s start this shitz.

haha i just finished writing the main storyline for The Scarred among the Mundane i feel like screaming into the void aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Might start posting on here again. Feels like every app is dead or just has some bs algorithm. I’m tired and broke and just wanna go back to making content but I’m too tired and broke :/

Okay, I guess I'm still an emotional mess today and will continue to be in the days ahead, so I'm going to apologize to my followers in advance for having to put up with my venting, but this is the only place I really have to do it.

I've gotta go to work in about an hour, so I'm going to try and write because I know that will make me feel better. I have no idea when I'll have time to just be me in the coming week...

been there done that messed around i’m havin fun don’t hold me down

everytime i remember that my future depends on me:

My Latin textbook is teaching me how to say the very important and useful phrases ‘the evil monk cannot live in the monastery’ and ‘the monstrous Christians kill the holy beasts’ - finally some language lessons I can get behind!

also in case nobody noticed- all my jegulus microfic prompted daily microfics are scheduled for 8am the day of (the day after i write them)

so if you just see a microfic- i'm likely not actually awake yet lol

Just a reminder,

Cowboys are inherently homoerotic in a homophobic way

Pirates are inherently homoerotic in a very proud way

Nothing important just one of Mammon's many many crows

Ugh. I don’t know why I keep being a nice person cause I keep getting mistreated or ghosted by folks who don’t like me or want something.

And people wonder why everyone keeps getting ruder and meaner, cause there tired of getting mistreated and getting hurt.